1
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,700
Oh, God, we're calling. He's going to be
a few minutes late. Well, yeah, when

2
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:25,780
you see him, tell him I said... Hey!

3
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:28,880
How come you didn't say hi to me?

4
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:30,460
Hey, man, I went like that.

5
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,820
You turned away before I came back up.

6
00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:36,220
Wait for me.

7
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,120
What time you at?

8
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:03,960
Right now, right now?

9
00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:07,820
Let's go!

10
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,600
Okay, you guys all know the drill.

11
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,860
Today's my birthday, but it's nothing
special.

12
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,240
It's just a Wednesday, just like any
other Wednesday.

13
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,780
Oh, come on, Dad. You're no fun. You
never let us buy you birthday presents.

14
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,540
What are we celebrating, anyway?

15
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,680
You're another year closer to death.

16
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:28,600
Congratulations. Here's the tie.

17
00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:35,600
George, before you say no, I have a
little something for you. Angie, no.

18
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:39,120
Relax. It's just something I made on the
computer.

19
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,200
This certificate entitles you to win one
fight.

20
00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:50,160
Even though you are clearly losing
because you are obviously wrong.

21
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,080
Offer not valid in public.

22
00:01:58,480 --> 00:01:59,720
Come on, Mom. That's not what he wants.

23
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,320
Crappy birthday, Dad.

24
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:02,760
Thank you.

25
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,340
Okay, so much for Mr. Sunshine.

26
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:11,600
Max, you're the big 1 -0 next week. How
about this year we have your first

27
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,540
really big birthday party?

28
00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:15,400
What are we celebrating anyway?

29
00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:17,520
I'm just another year closer to death.

30
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,020
Okay, but double digits is a pretty big
deal. Don't you want to do something

31
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,200
special? Nope.

32
00:02:28,140 --> 00:02:29,140
I don't either.

33
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,040
That one we're raising right.

34
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:39,500
What kind of kid doesn't want to have a
big birthday party?

35
00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:41,620
That is the saddest thing I've ever
seen.

36
00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:43,760
When was the last time you saw my mom in
a swimsuit?

37
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,600
Well, you know he's only saying that
because he wants to be like his dad.

38
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:51,900
What's wrong with that?

39
00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:53,460
All kids want to be like their dad.

40
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,580
I'm a good driver like my dad.

41
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,400
Difference is, when I leave for work in
the morning, I don't keep going for 35

42
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,400
years.

43
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,840
But with your promotion, we can afford
to do something really special this

44
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,660
We could get a magician and a bouncy
house.

45
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,680
Angie, come on. We've always had small
parties for the kids.

46
00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:13,500
Just because I'm making a little money
now doesn't mean we should start

47
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:17,000
them. But you see how he lights up when
he goes to parties and they've got games

48
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,200
and trampolines and cartoon characters?

49
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,060
But do kids need all that stuff?

50
00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:22,700
Angie, think about it.

51
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:27,100
When I was 10, there wasn't trampolines
and cartoon characters. I never went to

52
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,100
Chuck E. Cheese.

53
00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:30,700
My mom said, you want to see a mouse?
Pull the refrigerator out.

54
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,580
There's about five Chuckies running
around back there.

55
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,940
Okay, how about we have a party, but we
keep it simple.

56
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,880
12 friends, Spider -Man, a few presents,
chocolate cake. No.

57
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,460
Three friends, no entertainment, one
present, and a baked potato.

58
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:52,690
I'm starting low.

59
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,450
What's up?

60
00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:06,630
Hey, George, George, wait a second.
Stand right there. Right there, right

61
00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:22,800
My wish is that we all don't die in a
blazing inferno.

62
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:26,060
George, it doesn't come true if you say
it out loud.

63
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,500
Come on, Ernie, we've been friends a
long time, man. You know how I feel

64
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,239
my birthday?

65
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:36,200
Well, yeah, but you're manager now, and
everybody's going to do something for

66
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,140
you, and I didn't want to be the only
one not sucking up.

67
00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:44,780
On a totally different subject, you
smell fantastic.

68
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:47,640
Shut up.

69
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,620
All right, everybody.

70
00:04:54,390 --> 00:04:57,430
cupcakes. If you really want to do
something for my birthday, you'll help

71
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,430
a new safety record.

72
00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:03,310
If we make it two more days, I'll be the
first manager to deliver a full month

73
00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:05,730
without injuries in the history of the
company.

74
00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:12,590
On a related note, drug testing will
resume next Monday.

75
00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:15,710
Hi, everybody.

76
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:17,770
Good to be back.

77
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,350
Hey, everybody, look.

78
00:05:19,730 --> 00:05:20,870
It's accident Amy.

79
00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:27,970
arm you got from the drifter.

80
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:33,610
Oh, you guys, my arm got crushed, not
torn off. See, everything is okay.

81
00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:40,310
Listen, Amy, while you're still
recuperated, why don't you spend the

82
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,570
days working in my office where it's
nice and safe?

83
00:05:42,790 --> 00:05:45,130
I thought I was going to go back onto my
machine, you know, get back on the

84
00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:48,850
horse. Like they say, you crush my arm
once, shame on you, crush it twice.

85
00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,090
You're like a moth, aren't you, Amy?

86
00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:55,970
Don't worry, it'll still be there in
three days.

87
00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:57,510
Good to have you back, Amy.

88
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:58,750
Hi.

89
00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:00,110
These are from the gang.

90
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:02,790
We tipped in $25 for them.

91
00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:05,690
Well, I accidentally counted you. Oh.
But, you know, you can pay me whenever.

92
00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:06,830
Okay. Okay.

93
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:33,800
Okay, I got Danny Boy on line one and
some guy from your credit card company

94
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,800
line two.

95
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,000
Give me Danny Boy.

96
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,360
bucks on party catering.

97
00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:09,680
No, I didn't use my card for that
either.

98
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,040
How much for decorations?

99
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,840
Oh man, I see what's going on here.

100
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:16,719
It's Angie.

101
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,940
She's throwing a big party for Max and
we agreed not to.

102
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,160
Oh, your wife too?

103
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,420
I know, it's awful.

104
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,620
That's right, she's gonna spoil him.

105
00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,920
No, I wouldn't call my wife a lying
tramp.

106
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,680
I don't care if your wife is selfish in
bed.

107
00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,090
worried your boss might be monitoring
this call?

108
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:42,990
Oh, hi, Phil.

109
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,690
Thanks for the ride, Mom. See you
tomorrow. Bye.

110
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:52,990
I'm not going anywhere.

111
00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:54,370
You're going to fight with Angie.

112
00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:59,510
I'm not even going to go out for a smoke
because I don't want to miss the

113
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:00,510
beginning of the fight.

114
00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:03,450
Come on, Patch. Do your thing.

115
00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:09,620
There it is. Yes, the love I never got.

116
00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:18,800
Uh -oh, your father's home. Go hide
these bags in your room.

117
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,660
Mom, why are you throwing Dad a surprise
birthday party anyway?

118
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,520
I mean, why don't you put Moulin Rouge
on and dance around for him like you did

119
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:26,520
on your anniversary?

120
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,640
How'd you know about that?

121
00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:32,520
Oh, hey, don't worry about it. You're a
good example for me. I mean, you're a

122
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,399
loving couple.

123
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,500
My friends thought so, too.

124
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:37,620
No more sleepovers.

125
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,960
Showing your father a surprise birthday
party because he never had one as a kid.

126
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,020
He's going to love it.

127
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,660
Hey, George.

128
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,240
Benny. Showtime.

129
00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:54,260
Everything okay?

130
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,920
Let's talk in the yard. My mom wants to
smoke.

131
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:13,160
Angie, do I look like a stupid man?

132
00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:16,740
What? Do I look like an idiot? Do I look
like a moron?

133
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,300
Do I look like a buffoon?

134
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,920
Hey, no one's forcing you to go to
Supercut.

135
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:26,420
I just got a call from a credit card
company.

136
00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:29,140
$500 worth of party stuff?

137
00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:30,380
Oh, no. Oh, yes.

138
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,300
George knows.

139
00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:35,580
George is smart.

140
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,080
Wait!

141
00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:40,380
George is talking.

142
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:45,980
Hey,

143
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:51,640
what happened to communication and trust
and all that crap that was in our

144
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,640
marriage vows?

145
00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:57,260
Why don't you say anything?

146
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:00,400
Does this mean I won?

147
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:06,820
The $500 worth of party stuff was all
for you.

148
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,440
I just wanted to give you the birthday
party that you never had as a kid, you

149
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,480
big stupid jerk!

150
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:44,760
Like a freeway off -ramp.

151
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,080
I was going to get you some oranges, but
I couldn't do a U -turn.

152
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,840
Come on, Angie. I thought I was wrong.

153
00:10:53,340 --> 00:10:55,480
George, you always do this. You jump to
conclusions.

154
00:10:56,140 --> 00:10:58,660
Remember the time I came home late and
you thought I was cheating on you?

155
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:01,360
I was insecure back then.

156
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,700
I couldn't believe a woman as beautiful
as you would be with a guy like me.

157
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,280
I thought you had to stay with me a
month to win a bet.

158
00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,800
And every month since then has been
double or nothing.

159
00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:24,630
put you up to this?

160
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:27,190
No. Lie and you go to hell.

161
00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:32,830
It's already hell here with all the
yelling and everything.

162
00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:37,870
Couple of notes.

163
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:44,110
You came in a little early and I didn't
believe you at the end.

164
00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:46,710
But nice try.

165
00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:54,890
I was trying to do something. special
for you and you ruined it why are you

166
00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:58,530
doing it you know i don't like birthdays
because for once in your life you

167
00:11:58,530 --> 00:12:03,150
should do your birthday up right then
max can copy normal behavior hey what's

168
00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:07,130
not normal about my behavior you're all
screwed up about birthdays no i'm not

169
00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:13,710
okay what's your best birthday memory
this one

170
00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:17,470
it's been an enormous amount of fun

171
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,620
ruined birthdays for you, and now you're
ruining them for your son.

172
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,860
Hey, my mom may have been wrong about a
lot of things, but in this case, she's

173
00:12:26,860 --> 00:12:27,739
right on the money.

174
00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:31,560
She didn't spoil me. I'm not spoiling
Max, and you know what? I'm not spoiling

175
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,560
you either.

176
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,600
No makeup sex.

177
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:39,840
Unless you want it.

178
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,060
Lighting is responsible for 50 % of the
accidents in the workplace. Did you know

179
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:20,060
that in 1992?

180
00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:22,700
I see it. I see it.

181
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:29,580
In 1992, there was a study that... Are
you okay?

182
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,580
Yeah, yeah. My leg broke my fall.

183
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,480
Damn, Amy, how old are you?

184
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:36,720
30.

185
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:38,700
How?

186
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:44,560
George, if you need my truck to move
your stuff out of your house, you know

187
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,560
can.

188
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:47,990
What are you talking about?

189
00:13:48,050 --> 00:13:50,770
Well, your mom's telling everybody on
the floor that you're getting a divorce.

190
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:55,510
No, I just had a fight with Angie last
night, that's all.

191
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:56,930
Oh, okay.

192
00:13:57,650 --> 00:14:00,070
Well, you know, you can still stay over
at my place for a while.

193
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:03,250
Yeah, it'll be great, man. I got chips,
beer, a satellite dish.

194
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:07,230
And my mom goes to bed about 9 o 'clock,
so we can watch whatever we want.

195
00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:10,510
It wasn't that big a fight, Ernie.

196
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:11,770
Oh.

197
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,530
Well, you think she'll let you sleep
over anyway?

198
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,280
Stop telling everybody Angie and I are
getting a divorce.

199
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,300
She wanted to throw me a party, and I
didn't want one. That's all.

200
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,220
Why does she want to throw you a party?

201
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,240
Mom, do you have any idea what yesterday
was?

202
00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:28,540
Yeah, Wednesday.

203
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:31,140
And I know who the president is, too.

204
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,400
You're not putting me in a home yet.

205
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,620
Oh, Mom, think back.

206
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,620
Think back 36 years ago from yesterday.

207
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,960
Think back to how you got the name Mom.

208
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,200
No, it was your birthday?

209
00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:49,020
Why does Angie want to ruin it with a
big party?

210
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,060
Once those Cubans get off the island,
they want to celebrate everything.

211
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,340
No, Angie's got this hang -up about
birthdays. Like, they got to be this big

212
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:01,480
deal. I told her, hey, I wasn't raised
that way.

213
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,460
You damn right you weren't.

214
00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:06,560
You give a kid a big birthday party, you
know what comes next?

215
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,020
High expectations.

216
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:09,800
You got that right, Mom.

217
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,200
You think life is going to give you
everything you want.

218
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:17,030
You know, first it's the bouncy house
and the clowns. then that's not enough.

219
00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:22,470
No. Then you expect to go to high school
and graduate and get a job.

220
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:26,870
It does not stop there because now
you're spoiled. Now you want somebody to

221
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:29,370
marry you and love you for the rest of
your life.

222
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:34,070
All because your mommy threw you a
birthday party.

223
00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:36,850
Wait a second.

224
00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:40,690
Is that why you never threw me a
birthday party so I wouldn't expect to

225
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,690
happy?

226
00:15:41,930 --> 00:15:46,910
George, if you expect a dog to bite you,
You'll be happy if all he does is poop

227
00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:47,910
on your shoes.

228
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,170
Mom. Huh?

229
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,670
You are one twisted old vieja.

230
00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:59,230
I gotta go throw my kid a party.

231
00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:02,930
Oh.

232
00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,070
There's your phone call.

233
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,710
I answered the fan.

234
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,110
Damn, we were so close to the record.

235
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,040
It is 5 o 'clock.

236
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,560
You only turned ten once, so we went all
out.

237
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:57,920
Hey, Mr.

238
00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:01,940
Birthday Man!

239
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,240
It's me!

240
00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:07,540
Dos Equis, the clown!

241
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,780
Hey, look at his funny nose and his
giant ears!

242
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:12,920
Hey, these are my regular ears.

243
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,599
Oh, now look, it's Dos Equis, the sad
clown.

244
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:21,839
I think I'll open my gift and go back to
bed. Wait, wait, wait. Before you open

245
00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:23,319
that, you've got a choice to make.

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00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:27,690
You can have that present or what's
behind the blinds.

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00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,180
I don't need a cake or a bouncy house.

248
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,260
I just want to be surrounded by my
family.

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In a brand new car.

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00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,540
Deal. Right after a big screen TV flies
out of my butt.

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00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,340
Hey, come on, Dumbo. I need your ears
for shade.

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00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:30,440
Does no one notice the nose?

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Look how happy Max is.

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00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,440
I'm glad we did this.

255
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:39,700
Me too.

256
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,360
Sorry I blew up at you.

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00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:47,370
You know, there are still some surprises
left.

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00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:51,170
Yeah? Well, you know, I was going to
have that party for you, and I thought

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00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:53,730
would be great if I could get one of
your childhood idols.

260
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:54,809
You're kidding.

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00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:55,850
You got Eric Estrada?

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00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,010
Even better.

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00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,430
Oh, my God.

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00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,880
This is just his very first birthday
party. I wish he was drunk.