1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,342
[laughter]

2
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,420
[laughter continues]

3
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,517
- OH, THAT WAS
A GREAT NIGHT OF LAUGHS.

4
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,355
- YOU SAID IT, MAN.
AMAZING.

5
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:27,201
- SO FUNNY.
- EH.

6
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,128
- WHAT?
- I SAID, "EH."

7
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,433
- DICKEY, YOU DIDN'T THINK

8
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,404
THOSE MOVIES AND SHOWS
WE WATCHED WERE FUNNY?

9
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,303
- NO.
- WHY NOT?

10
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,735
- I DON'T THINK WOMEN
ARE FUNNY.

11
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,409
I BELIEVE COMEDY
SHOULD BE A BOYS' CLUB

12
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,708
AND ONLY MEN CAN BE FUNNY.

13
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,269
I FEEL HOW I FEEL,
AND THAT'S THAT.

14
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,608
AAH!

15
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,342
- NOBODY TALKS
ABOUT WOMEN LIKE THAT

16
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,147
IN FRONT OF US
AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.

17
00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,849
THAT'S ANTIQUATED
THINKING, PAL.

18
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,420
WOMEN ARE DOING GREAT THINGS
IN COMEDY,

19
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,150
AND YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT.

20
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:54,215
- I DIDN'T REALIZE.
- YOU DIDN'T REALIZE, HUH?

21
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,325
YOU SHOULD, BECAUSE BARRIERS
AND GLASS CEILINGS LIKE THAT

22
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,158
ARE DESTINED TO FALL, BUDDY,

23
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,403
AND IN THE TRADITION
OF SUSAN B. ANTHONY,

24
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:04,299
MAYA ANGELOU,
GLORIA STEINEM,

25
00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:05,572
AND SO MANY OTHERS,

26
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,299
THESE WOMEN IN COMEDY
WILL NOT BE IGNORED.

27
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:11,136
- WOW. YOU'RE RIGHT, OKAY?
I APOLOGIZE.

28
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,312
I WAS IN THE WRONG.
- WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE...

29
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,681
- [screaming]

30
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,379
HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT?

31
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,882
- YOU'RE KILLING HIM!

32
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,723
- YOU'RE A FOOL!
- NO, MITCH, NO!

33
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,690
[all shouting]

34
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,327
- WE KILLED HIM!

35
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,430
WE ALL KILLED HIM AS ONE!

36
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,606
- HEY, FOLKS, JEFF HERE.

37
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,354
WOMEN'S ISSUES, WHETHER IT BE
WOMEN IN ENTERTAINMENT

38
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,151
OR WOMEN IN THE BOARDROOM,

39
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,223
AN IMPORTANT SHIFT
IS WELL UNDER WAY.

40
00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:00,351
NOW, AS A MAN, I GOT TO SAY
I THINK MY OPINION

41
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,458
CARRIES A LOT OF WEIGHT
IN THIS ISSUE,

42
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,930
BUT, UH...BOY.

43
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,698
I THINK I JUST WALKED
INTO A MINEFIELD.

44
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,707
I NEVER GOT TO FINISH
MY MONOLOGUE!

45
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,647
- OH, NO, NO, NO!

46
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,379
DICKEY IS DEAD!
WE ARE SCREWED HERE, MAN!

47
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:29,546
- WHY'D YOU DO IT, MITCH?

48
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,293
- ME?
WHY ME?

49
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:32,949
- BECAUSE YOU MURDERED A MAN
WITH YOUR BARE HANDS.

50
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,916
- HE SAID WOMEN AREN'T FUNNY.
YOU HEARD HIM.

51
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,555
WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO,
NOT KILL HIM?

52
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,660
IT'S NOT LIKE
YOU'RE ALL INNOCENT.

53
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,231
YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED ME.

54
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,490
- WE WERE YELLING,
"NO, MITCH, NO"

55
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,828
AND TRYING TO TEAR YOU OFF.

56
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,762
- WELL, I GUESS THAT WASN'T
ENOUGH, WAS IT?

57
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,397
AND GUESS WHAT.
YOU'RE ALL ACCOMPLICES.

58
00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,374
WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER.

59
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,572
- HE'S RIGHT, BUT THAT'S ALL
IN THE PAST NOW, ALL RIGHT?

60
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,405
DICKEY IS DEAD,
AND WOMEN ARE FUNNY.

61
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:57,382
THAT'S OUR REALITY NOW.

62
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,681
- SO WHAT DO WE DO?

63
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,783
- WE GOT TO CHOP HIM UP.

64
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,686
- [gagging]
- [whistling]

65
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,489
- THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD.

66
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,221
- THIS GUY'S
REALLY COMING APART.

67
00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:11,828
AW, DICKEY.
- [gags]

68
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,495
- WHY?

69
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,673
WHY DO WOMEN
HAVE TO BE SO FUNNY?

70
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:38,345
[engine revs]

71
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,556
- COME ON, YEAH!
- YOU GOT IT, MAN!

72
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,429
- YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BRO!
- NO ONE BEATS TIM, YOU BASTARD!

73
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,788
- HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO,
HERE WE GO.

74
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,456
- BE AS SAFE AS YOU CAN
AND KICK HIS BUTT, TIM.

75
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,556
- YEAH!
- COME ON, TIM!

76
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:54,738
[tires squeal]

77
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,738
- YOU BLEW THAT UP, TIM!
YEAH!

78
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,340
- WATCH IT, TIM!
YOU'RE LOSING CONTROL!

79
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,873
- YOU'RE GONNA GO
RIGHT OFF THE ROAD, TIM!

80
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,708
[tires squealing, crash]
- OH! WHOA!

81
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,683
[horn blaring]

82
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,322
- TIM, ARE YOU OKAY?

83
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,418
- MY DICK!
- GET HIM UP, GET HIM UP.

84
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,890
- DOCTOR, HOW IS HE?

85
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,762
- HE'S GONNA BE OKAY.

86
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,531
TIM IS FINE, AND HE SHOULD BE
BACK TO NORMAL IN NO TIME.

87
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,701
HIS DICK, ON THE OTHER HAND...

88
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,530
IT'S PRETTY BANGED UP.

89
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:25,865
- THAT'S TERRIBLE.

90
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,939
- HEY, GUYS.

91
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,538
- TIM, YOU LOOK GREAT.
HOW ARE YA?

92
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,510
- I'M OKAY, BUT...

93
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,638
- IT'S PRETTY SHAKEN UP.
- YEAH.

94
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,507
- I IMAGINE.

95
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,676
- WELL, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM,
DOC, THE BEST WE KNOW HOW.

96
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,454
- COME ON, YOU TWO.
THANKS SO MUCH.

97
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,593
- ALL RIGHT.
- AS SLOW AS YOU GOT TO GO.

98
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,688
- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- [chuckles]

99
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,420
- HEY, LOOK WHO IT IS.

100
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,927
- SIX WEEKS,
AND I'M GOOD AS NEW.

101
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,629
CHECK THIS OUT.
- CAREFUL, TIM,

102
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,402
YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF
EXPERIENCE ON THOSE THINGS

103
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,501
[crash]
- OH!

104
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,803
- [moans]

105
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,074
- OH, HE'S HURT.
- YEAH, JUST PUT HIM BACK ON ME.

106
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,913
- WE GOT STAIRS.
WE GOT TO SET HIM DOWN.

107
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,908
- JEFF, MIKE, DAVE.
COME ON IN.

108
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,681
HOW'S IT GOING?
- PRETTY GOOD.

109
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,011
BOY, YOU'RE REALLY LAID UP.
- ACTUALLY, I FEEL FINE.

110
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,116
- OH, I WAS TALKING
ABOUT YOUR...

111
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,818
- OH, YEAH,
THAT'S LAID UP PRETTY BAD.

112
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,791
- [whispering] I THINK
WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW

113
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,760
IS REST AND RELAXATION.

114
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,889
- [whispering]
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

115
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:31,726
- GENTLY, GENTLY.
DON'T COME DOWN TOO HARD.

116
00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,741
- I'M IN.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

117
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,707
- OH, TIM, HAVE YOU BEEN
IN THE SUN ALL DAY?

118
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,613
- YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT.

119
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,405
I PUT SUNSCREEN ALL OVER.

120
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,547
WELL, YOU KNOW, EVERYWHERE
EXCEPT FOR ONE SPOT.

121
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,753
AAH!

122
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,594
- IT WAS A PRETTY BAD SCORCH,

123
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,720
SO HE'S GONNA NEED TO USE
A TOPICAL CREAM

124
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,855
AND THEN, AT ALL COSTS,
HE CAN'T GET IT WET.

125
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,030
- RIGHT, DON'T GET IT WET.
CAN HE GO SWIMMING?

126
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,759
- HE CAN.
HE JUST NEEDS TO PUT,

127
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,704
LIKE, A LITTLE, TINY,
LITTLE ZIPLOC BAGGIE OVER IT.

128
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,601
- OKAY.
- WE'LL PUT THAT ON.

129
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:09,403
- DON'T GO OUT TOO DEEP, TIM.
- KEEP THAT LITTLE BAG ON, TIM.

130
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,467
- CAREFUL, TIM, YOU GOT
A SHARK SWIMMING BY YA.

131
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,735
- LITTLE CLOSE
TO THAT GREAT WHITE.

132
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,843
- TIM!
[chomp]

133
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,484
all: OH!

134
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,049
- AND TWO AND THREE...

135
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,848
AND FOUR.

136
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:24,181
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
THERE'S A DOCTOR IN SWEDEN

137
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,457
THAT SPECIALIZES
IN THIS KIND OF TREATMENT.

138
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,158
[airplane engine whirs]

139
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:37,501
[crash]

140
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,571
[all sobbing]

141
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,641
[bagpipe music playing]

142
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:51,511
*

143
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,005
- SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, TIM.
- OH, THANKS, BUDDY.

144
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,777
UH, MIKE, YOU KNOW
MY GIRLFRIEND, GLORIA.

145
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:59,746
- YES. HI, GLORIA.
- HELLO.

146
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,857
- [whispering indistinctly]

147
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,790
- SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.

148
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,955
- ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,
WE'RE GOING TO GET STARTED.

149
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,725
MY LITTLE PECKER
WAS A GREAT PENIS.

150
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,604
HE LIVED A FULL LIFE,

151
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,873
AND HE LEAVES BEHIND
TWO BEAUTIFUL BALLS...

152
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,543
AND ABOUT
A HALF A MILLION SPERM.

153
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:22,812
MY HEART GOES OUT TO HIS WIFE,
MY GIRLFRIEND'S VAGINA.

154
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,583
BUT LET US NOT WALLOW
IN SADNESS,

155
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,083
FOR HE IS
IN A BETTER PLACE NOW.

156
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,515
[tapping]

157
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,751
DO YOU GUYS HEAR
A LITTLE TAPPING SOUND?

158
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:37,556
[tapping]

159
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,691
- THAT MAN'S JOHNSON
IS BACK ALIVE!

160
00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:43,658
[cheers and applause]

161
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,111
- AH, THE PIN-UP GIRLS
OF WORLD WAR II.

162
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,840
ADORNING THE NOSE
OF EVERY FIGHTER PLANE

163
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,175
AND AT LEAST ONE BOAT,
THESE CURVY CARTOONS

164
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,050
REMINDED THE MEN WHAT
THEY WERE FIGHTING FOR.

165
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,250
MEANWHILE, ON THE HOME FRONT,

166
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,981
WOMEN TOOK TO MILLS,
FARMS, AND HOSPITALS

167
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,646
TO HELP THE WAR EFFORT.

168
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:08,585
BUT DID YOU KNOW
THEY HAD PIN-UPS OF THEIR OWN?

169
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:11,862
PIN-UP BOYS, LIKE HUNKY HARRY
AND RUGGED ROGER,

170
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,032
REALLY SEEMED TO STRIKE A CHORD
WITH THE LONELY LADIES

171
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,601
WHILE THE REAL MEN WERE OFF
FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT.

172
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,871
THESE HAND-DRAWN HUNKS

173
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,230
WERE THE HEART
OF THE HOME FRONT,

174
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:24,938
ALL THANKS TO ONE NAME,
BARBARA O'SHAUGHNESSY.

175
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,712
BORN IN QUINCY, MASSACHUSETTS,

176
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:30,610
BARBARA WAS AN ART STUDENT
WITH A PASSION FOR THE PECULIAR.

177
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,854
- OH, I LOVED
ALL MY PIN-UP BOYS--

178
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:38,250
CHUBBY, KNOBBY, PASTY,
THE PASTIER THE BETTER.

179
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,545
- LEFT WITH FEW OPTIONS,
BARBARA O'S ROSTER

180
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,618
CONSISTED OF MEN
THE STATE DEEMED UNDRAFTABLE.

181
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:43,886
- STATE YOUR NAME.

182
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,694
- DALE STEVENS
FROM WILLIAMSBURG.

183
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,896
- WHAT KEPT YOU
OUT OF THE WAR, DALE?

184
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,659
- SLOW REFLEXES.

185
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,798
- MARK BELOTTI,
BORN WITH FLAT FEET.

186
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,173
- KEITH STANTON,
TOO SCARED.

187
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,571
- PATCH MCGILLIS,
I GOT NO FEET.

188
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,044
- THESE BOYS WERE
THE LEFTOVERS, ALL RIGHT,

189
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,711
BUT NOT IN BARBARA'S EYES.

190
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,010
- I SAW SOMETHING IN THEM--

191
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:05,051
A CERTAIN RAW MASCULINITY
AND SEXUALITY.

192
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,878
OH, THAT'S GOOD STUFF.

193
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,624
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
RIGHT THERE, THAT'S PERFECT.

194
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,119
THAT EXPRESSION RIGHT THERE,
THAT'S PERFECT.

195
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,650
THERE'S A CURVE,
IT'S THE SCOLIOSIS OF THE SPINE.

196
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,916
CHIN UP A LITTLE BIT, CHIN UP.
PERFECT RIGHT THERE.

197
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,615
- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

198
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,687
THERE'S A ROLL THAT I WANT
TO GRAB. DON'T MOVE.

199
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,756
IT'S A SHAPE I'VE NEVER
QUITE SEEN BEFORE.

200
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,134
IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A MAN.
IT'S SOME SORT OF A PEAR.

201
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,973
IT'S A PEAR I'VE NEVER
SEEN BEFORE EITHER.

202
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,868
AND YET IT'S A PEAR I KIND OF
WANT TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF.

203
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,670
THAT'S IT.

204
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,872
ONE HAD A HEAD THAT
WAS ALMOST A PERFECT SQUARE,

205
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,705
AND, BOY, WAS IT SEXY.

206
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,042
BOY, WAS IT EVER.

207
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,906
OH, THOSE ARE LARGE NIPPLES.
OH, YEAH.

208
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,717
- THE POPULARITY
OF THE PIN-UP BOYS

209
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,649
MAY SEEM BAFFLING
BY TODAY'S STANDARDS,

210
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,224
BUT IT DIDN'T LAST LONG.

211
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,662
IN 1945, THE WAR WAS OVER,
AND THE WOMEN REJOICED,

212
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,989
ENDING AN ODD ERA
FOR THE YOUNG UNITED STATES.

213
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:56,226
NO ONE'S QUITE SURE WHAT
HAPPENED TO THE PIN-UP BOYS.

214
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,073
LEGEND HAS IT ALL SEVEN MOVED
INTO AN ABANDONED MANSION

215
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,969
ON THE TOP OF THE HILL.

216
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,241
IT'S SAID THAT ON A QUIET NIGHT
YOU CAN STILL HEAR THEM...

217
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,711
[smooching]

218
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:08,009
PRACTICING KISSING.

219
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,962
- MALE CAUCASIAN,
22 YEARS OLD,

220
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,719
WENT MISSING ABOUT 18 HOURS AGO.

221
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,657
NEIGHBOR FOUND HIS BODY
IN A DUFFEL BAG

222
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,834
WITH A NOTE ON IT THAT SAID,
"DO NOT OPEN."

223
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,732
NOT MUCH TO GO ON,

224
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,774
BUT WE DO KNOW HE'S A FAN
OF BOYS' CLUB MEDY.

225
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,001
HIS NAME IS RICHARD,
RICHARD DICKEY.

226
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,106
WE'RE GONNA STOP BY HIS FRIEND'S
HOUSE RIGHT NOW

227
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,768
FOR A LITTLE QUESTIONING.

228
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:43,007
GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR.
I'M OFFICER GORMAN.

229
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,853
I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU
A FEW QUESTIONS

230
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,818
ABOUT YOUR FRIEND IF I COULD.
- NO!

231
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:51,078
UGH!

232
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,818
- UH, ALL RIGHT, WELL, UH...

233
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,285
I GUESS I'LL JUST CUFF HIM.

234
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:03,998
THESE THINGS NEVER
SEEM TO WORK FOR ME.

235
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,031
OH, THERE THEY GO.

236
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,005
- WELL, KEN, TAD,
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

237
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,911
- OF COURSE, BUT, HEY, YOU'RE
ALMOST DONE, THOUGH, RIGHT?

238
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,453
- WELL, ANY DAY NOW.
ANY DAY NOW.

239
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,708
BUT I SHOULD GET
OUT OF YOUR HAIR.

240
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:23,478
- OKAY, HEY, AND IF YOU NEED
ANYTHING, WE'RE HERE.

241
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,486
- OH, GOD BLESS YA.
- ANYTHING AT ALL.

242
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,088
- HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.
- BYE, KAREN.

243
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,121
- OH, THAT'S NICE.
HEY, TAD, WHAT DO YOU SAY

244
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,787
WE GET ONE OF THOSE PIZZAS
YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT?

245
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,896
- YEAH, YEAH, CIRCLE OF DOUGH,
CUT UP TRIANGLES,

246
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:39,098
PUT SOME CHEESE ON IT.
UM, SURE.

247
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,772
- IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
WHAT'S WRONG?

248
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,812
- AH, IT'S JUST...KAREN.

249
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,868
THERE'S SOMETHING
REALLY WEIRD GOING ON THERE.

250
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:50,507
IS THIS CRAZY,
OR IS KAREN'S PREGNANT STOMACH

251
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,783
JUST A BASKETBALL
TUCKED INTO HER DRESS?

252
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:56,824
- YES, I WAS THINKING
THE SAME EXACT THING!

253
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,190
THAT'S CRAZY!
- WHO IS SHE TRYING TO FOOL?

254
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,019
- I HAVE NO IDEA. PLUS, I THINK
SHE WEARS A WIG, MAN.

255
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,764
- YEAH.

256
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,520
- AND SHE'GOT THAT LUMP
IN THE FRONT OF HER NECK.

257
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,327
HEY, I'M JUST GONNA
COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT.

258
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:10,029
I THINK THAT KAREN
IS A MAN IN A WIG.

259
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,503
- YOU KNOW, I THINK
YOU'RE RIGHT.

260
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,801
I MEAN, IT ALL MAKES SENSE.
THE BASKETBALL...

261
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,865
SHE TALKS ABOUT A HUSBAND WHO,
OH, YEAH, WE'VE NEVER MET.

262
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,205
- PLEASE.
- AND THOSE BREASTS

263
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,169
THAT WOULD BE MORE AT HOME
NOT IN A BRA, NO,

264
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,878
BUT A TISSUE BOX FOR SURE.

265
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,951
- NEXT TIME I HAVE TO SNEEZE,
I'M REACHING FOR HER BREASTS.

266
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:31,180
- GUYS, I THINK
I'M HAVING THIS BABY!

267
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:34,548
- OKAY, KAREN, WHY DON'T I CALL
AN NBA REFEREE

268
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,557
AND WE'LL GET
THIS THING DELIVERED?

269
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,029
- YEAH, WE'RE SICK
OF THE LIES, DUDE.

270
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:42,129
[all screaming]

271
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,874
[siren wailing]

272
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,040
- WHOA, KEN!
THIS IS CRAZY, MAN!

273
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,312
- TAD, I LOVE YA, BUT YOU WERE
WRONG ABOUT THIS ONE, PAL!

274
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,942
- WHAT ARE YOU TWO
TALKING ABOUT?

275
00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,907
- OH, KAREN,
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE A MAN,

276
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,848
AND WE WERE WRONG, MAN!

277
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:07,094
- YEAH, WE ARE OFTEN RIGHT,
BUT TODAY WE WERE WRONG-O!

278
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,890
- IT'S CRAZY, MAN!

279
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:11,592
[all screaming]

280
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,194
- OKAY, ALMOST THERE.

281
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,356
YOU GOT TO GIVE ME
ONE MORE BIG PUSH, YEAH?

282
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,200
- WHAT IS THAT?

283
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,935
- MRS. FREEDMAN, SAY HELLO
TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY BALL.

284
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,083
[both laughing]

285
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,538
- WOW, WOW, WOW!

286
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,247
- WHICH ONE OF YOU TWO
IS THE FATHER?

287
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,949
- HA HA HA HA.
- NO, NO.

288
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,952
- BACHELORS FOR LIFE.
- THAT WOULD BE ME.

289
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:41,145
- OH!

290
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,258
- THANKS FOR TAKING CARE
OF KAREN, FELLAS.

291
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,360
I OWE YOU A ROUND OF BEERS.

292
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,092
- OKAY.

293
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:50,557
- ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT.

294
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,267
- SAME SHAPE AND EVERYTHING.

295
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,999
- THIS HAS BEEN FUN,
BUT WE HAVE GOT TO GO.

296
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,065
- JUST LIKE HIS DADDY.

297
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,514
- GOOD LUCK.

298
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,584
- THE FUTURE,
THIS IS WHERE MY SON,

299
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,651
TOM O'CONNELL,
WILL LEAD THE RESISTANCE

300
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,649
AGAINST THE MACHINES.

301
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,621
NOW, A ROBOTIC TERMINATION
DEVICE, OR RTD,

302
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,352
IS ON A MISSION THROUGH TIME

303
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,157
TO DESTROY TOM WHEN
HE'S AT HIS MOST VULNERABLE...

304
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,627
INSIDE MY WOMB.

305
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,634
THE RTD CAME FROM THE FUTURE...

306
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,239
FIVE YEARS IN THE FUTURE.

307
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,278
[whirring]

308
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,434
- WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON
WITH THIS THING?

309
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,302
- HEY.
IT'S OFF.

310
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,072
I'M GONNA RESTART IT.

311
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,141
[computer chimes]
GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.

312
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,239
- RIGHT.

313
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,532
[grunting]

314
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,227
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS THING?
- BLOW IN IT.

315
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:36,200
- WHERE?
- I DON'T KNOW. IN ITS NECK?

316
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,529
- OH.

317
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,304
[exhales deeply]

318
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,203
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED.

319
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,466
- OH, BOY.

320
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,774
- LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
GO, GO, GO, GO.

321
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,387
GO, GO, GO, GO.

322
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,333
- HELLO?

323
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,158
- ARE YOU LINDA O'CONNELL?

324
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,234
- WHAT?

325
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,162
- ARE YOU LINDA O'CONNELL?

326
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,598
- NO.

327
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,203
- I MUST DESTROY
LINDA O'CONNELL.

328
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,167
- OH...

329
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,407
OKAY.

330
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,513
- I MUST DESTROY
LINDA--LINDA--LINDA O'CONNELL.

331
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,546
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS THING?
- THAT'S OUR FAULT.

332
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,252
- WAIT.
WE CAN END THIS NOW.

333
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,815
THE RTD...

334
00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:38,594
IT'S NOT POWERFUL.
LIKE, AT ALL.

335
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,655
IT CAN WALK KIND OF,
BUT NOT REALLY.

336
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:44,363
DEFINITELY NOT ON STAIRS.
LET'S DESTROY IT...

337
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,497
AND YOU NO LONGER
HAVE TO LIVE AS SLAVES.

338
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,573
- OKAY.
- NEVER--OH, OKAY. OKAY.

339
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:57,606
- THAT NIGHT WE DISCOVERED
THE ROBOT'S WEAKNESS.

340
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:11,785
[camera shutter clicking]

341
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,234
- I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE.

342
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,201
- SO YOU DIDN'T...

343
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,829
KILL HIM.
- NUH-UH. I DIDN'T.

344
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,574
I MEAN, WHY WOULD
I EVEN DO THAT?

345
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,370
- FAIR ENOUGH.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

346
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:27,143
WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS
ON WOMEN IN COMEDY?

347
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,514
- WHAT?
- POOR DICKEY HERE--

348
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,612
HE DIDN'T LIKE IT TOO MUCH.

349
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,684
NOW, YOU WOULDN'T, SAY,
KILL HIM

350
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,383
OVER SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
WOULD YA?

351
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,416
- WHAT?
NO WAY.

352
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,891
I-I AGREE WITH HIM.

353
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,389
I DON'T THINK WOMEN
ARE FUNNY EITHER.

354
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,691
[chuckles]

355
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,362
- ALL RIGHT,
BUT HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

356
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,532
I'M DONE HERE.

357
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,559
IN FACT, I'M GONNA TURN YOU

358
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,825
OVER TO OFFICER VICKERS...

359
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:55,574
OFFICER JILL VICKERS.
ENJOY.

360
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,513
- HI, THERE.
OFFICER VICKERS.

361
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:07,253
SORRY YOU HAD TO BE STUCK
IN HERE WITH MY COLLEAGUE.

362
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,650
DID HE GIVE YOU THE OLD...

363
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,821
"ANSWER THE QUESTION
AND DON'T PLAY ANY GAMES"?

364
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,490
- [laughs]
- THIS IS HIM, HE'S ALL LIKE,

365
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,390
"I GOT SUSPENDERS ON
SO MY PANTS DON'T FALL DOWN.

366
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:16,622
"ANSWER THE QUESTION!

367
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,256
I GOT A BIG-ASS BUTT."
FART.

368
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,962
[imitates fart]
FART.

369
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,504
YOU FIND SOMETHING FUNNY?

370
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,202
- COME ON.
- N-NO.

371
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,544
- YOU'RE FINDING
SOMETHING FUNNY.

372
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,338
- NO!

373
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,540
- THEN MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T MIND
A LITTLE MUSIC. WHAT?

374
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,713
* OFFICER GORMAN'S
GOT A BIG OLD BUTT *

375
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:40,953
* OFFICER GORMAN FARTS A LOT
- [groaning]

376
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,580
- I THINK I'VE SEEN
ALL I NEED TO SEE HERE.

377
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:48,516
BUT I'M GONNA TAKE
ONE MORE LOOK.

378
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,385
- [laughing wheezily]

379
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:54,394
- YOU'RE SICK.

380
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,397
- [laughing]

381
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,569
- GOOD SHOW.

382
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,709
- WE GOT HIM.

383
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,641
- YOU EVER DO STAND-UP?
- NO.

384
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,247
- I THINK YOU COULD DO IT.
- YEAH?

385
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:21,585
[dramatic choral music]

386
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:26,291
*

387
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:31,496
- WOMEN ARE FUNNY.

388
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,571
*

389
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:38,541
[electricity crackling]

390
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:46,751
*

391
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,429
- HI.
I'M ELLIE KEMPER,

392
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,431
AND I'M NOT GOING
TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE.

393
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,063
- IN LIGHT OF THE EVENTS
OF THE PAST 48 HOURS,

394
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,997
WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE
ON BEHALF OF ALL WOMEN.

395
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,304
- WE'RE NOT GOING
TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE.

396
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,667
- WE'RE NOT GOING
TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE.

397
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,444
- WE'RE NOT GOING
TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE.

398
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,413
- LOOK AT THE CONSEQUENCES.
- WE JUST CAN'T PARTICIPATE

399
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,542
IN SOMETHING THAT'S GOING
TO LEAD TO MORE DEATH.

400
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:21,447
- BEING FUNNY WAS...
REALLY GREAT.

401
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,451
- BUT I GUESS WE WERE
JUST TOO FUNNY.

402
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,053
- TOO FUNNY.
- TOO FUNNY.

403
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:28,524
- I ENCOURAGE WOMEN
TO CONTINUE TO EXCEL

404
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:30,355
IN OTHER FIELDS.

405
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,060
- JUST...
- DON'T BE FUNNY.

406
00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:34,361
- FOR GOD'S SAKE,
DON'T BE FUNNY.

407
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:35,734
both:
WE'RE GARFUNKEL AND OATES,

408
00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:37,432
AND WE'RE NOT GOING
TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE.

409
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:40,574
- WE'RE JUST GONNA BE SERIOUS.
- LIKE THIS.

410
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,370
- I'M NICOLE BYER,

411
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,502
AND I'M NOT GOING
TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE.

412
00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,707
- SANDRA BERNHARD,
NOT GONNA BE FUNNY.

413
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,509
- CASEY WILSON HERE.

414
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:50,111
I'M NO LONGER
GOING TO BE FUNNY.

415
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,612
- THIS IS LENNON PARHAM,

416
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,754
AND I'M NOT GONNA
BE FUNNY ANYMORE.

417
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:58,420
NOT A QUIP, NOT A JIBE.
NOT EVEN A BON MOT.

418
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:12,828
[twangy guitar music plays
on television]

419
00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:17,435
- OH!
I KEEP HURTING MY NARDS!

420
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,340
- [laughing]