1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,907
(Applause, cheers, shouts)
(applause, cheering, whooping)
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,810
(Jazz song ends)
(jazz song ends)
3
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,747
Where the hell is Clara? Ray?
Where the hell is Clara? Ray?
4
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,716
Ray, where the hell is Clara? She's next!
Ray, where the hell is Clara? She's up next!
5
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:18,419
No one has seen her, boss. I don't... Oh, God.
Nobody's seen her, boss. I-I don't... Oh, God.
6
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,155
You. I'm desperate. Can you cover tonight?
You. I'm desperate here. Can you fill in tonight?
7
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,956
Oh, me? In the spotlight?
Oh, me? In the spotlight?
8
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,725
I don't know. very good. What about you?
I don't know. Fine. How about you?
9
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,427
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh. It's my turn.
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. My turn.
10
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,162
Sorry, Sally.
Sorry, Sally.
11
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,331
Announcer: Next up are Clara Brown and the Uptown Girls!
ANNOUNCER: Up next, Clara Brown and the Uptown Gals!
12
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,633
(applause)
(applause)
13
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,635
Good evening, Harlem.
Good evening, Harlem.
14
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,571
Unfortunately, Clara couldn't come. Um.
Unfortunately, Clara couldn't make it. Huh.
15
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,773
My name is Alberta Haynes,
But I'm Alberta Haynes,
16
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,842
I'll take care of you tonight
and I'll be taking care of y'all tonight.
17
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:46,880
♬I once lived the life of a millionaire
♪ Once I lived a life of a millionaire ♪
18
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:52,019
♬Spend my money, I don’t care
♪ Spending my money, I didn't care ♪
19
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:57,891
♬Took my friends out and had a great time
♪ Carried my friends out for a good time ♪
20
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,194
♬Buy moonshine, ha!♪
♪ Buying bootleg liquor, ha! ♪
21
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:03,664
♬Champagne and wine…♪
♪ Champagne and wine... ♪
22
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:06,467
Damn it! This wide pipe!
Damn! The pipes on this broad!
23
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,702
♬So low* (applause and cheers)
♪ So low * (applause and cheering)
24
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:13,141
♬I have no friends and no place to go
♪ I didn't have a friend, and no place to go ♪
25
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:18,646
but if i could get another dollar
♪ But if I ever get my hands on a dollar again ♪
26
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:24,852
♬I'm gonna catch it till the eagle grins. ♪
♪ I'm gonna hold on to it till them eagles grin. ♪
27
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,625
Man:Later that day,
MAN: Later that day,
28
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,026
Lauren walked into her apartment.
Lauren entered her apartment.
29
00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,429
Meanwhile, her sister's body lay on the ground
Meanwhile, her sister's dead body was lying
30
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,830
In the next room.
in the adjacent room.
31
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,699
It's her husband, right? He must be the murderer.
It's the husband, right? He's got to be the killer.
32
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,134
Pete thinks it was his husband.
Pete thinks it was the husband.
33
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:41,269
Impossible.
No way.
34
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:42,370
said the husband.
Says the husband.
35
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,671
Hey, what's shaking?
Hey, what's shaking?
36
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,506
We're listening to podcasts.
We're listening to a podcast.
37
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,341
Oh. What is a podcast?
Ooh. What's a podcast?
38
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,809
Podcasts are like…
A podcast is like a...
39
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,544
Just like the TV show, but without the pictures.
like a TV show but without the pictures.
40
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,180
Baby, that's called broadcasting.
Baby, that's called radio.
41
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,947
What you are describing is radio.
What you're describing is radio.
42
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:56,284
It's about the murder of a woman named Hayley,
This delves into the murder of a woman named Hailey,
43
00:01:56,384 --> 00:02:00,288
What's especially sad is that all Haileys are so sexy.
which is especially sad because all Haileys are crazy hot.
44
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:01,789
Pete:Sam,
PETE: Sam,
45
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,457
You should do a podcast about the Alberta murders.
you should do a podcast about Alberta's murder.
46
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,293
Pete, that's a great idea.
Pete, that's a great idea.
47
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:06,794
Always thinking of you.
Always thinking of you.
48
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,362
I mean, not always. I also have other interests.
I mean, not always. I have other interests, too.
49
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,632
It's not that I'm interested in you. Can someone else please speak?
Not that you're an interest. Would someone else please talk?
50
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,501
The ghosts think I should start a podcast
The ghosts think that I should start a podcast
51
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,835
About the Alberta Murders.
about Alberta's murder.
52
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:17,471
a murder pod you can enter
A murder pod where you have access
53
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,407
To the real victims?
to the actual victim?
54
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,175
I like it. Yes!
I love it. Yes!
55
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,143
In addition, it can promote B and B.
Plus, it could be drum up publicity for the B and B.
56
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,879
You know what? I could vote it to the Ulster County Review.
You know what? I could pitch it to the Ulster County Review.
57
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,114
They do podcasts.
They do podcasts.
58
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,582
Speaking of podcasts, can we finish?
Oh, speaking of podcasts, can we finish
59
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,518
Listen to this song? Good to continue.
listening to this one? Nice segue.
60
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,152
Hailey has no idea
Little did Hailey know
61
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:35,356
That would be her last trip to a Pilates studio.
that would be her last trip to the Pilates studio.
62
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,090
Haley doing Pilates.
TREVOR: A Hailey who did Pilates.
63
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:39,960
The story gets even sadder.
This story just got even more tragic.
64
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,699
Alberta: Now, it's important to mention that I'm a famous singer.
ALBERTA: Now, be sure to mention I was a famous singer.
65
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:49,036
Yes, obviously, Alberta. It's all part of the ballpark.
Yes, obviously, Alberta. That's all part of the pitch.
66
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,471
oh i can't believe it
Ooh, I can't believe
67
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,839
I’m going on a podcast!
I'm gonna be on a podcast!
68
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,040
Whatever that is. Okay, bye.
Whatever that is. Okay, bye.
69
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,608
Heidi:Excuse me.
HETTY: Excuse me.
70
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,077
But how many times do I have to lift the washer?
But how many times must I bring up the washing machine?
71
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,514
It continued to make noise and ruined my sleep.
It continues to make a racket that has ruined my slumber.
72
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,915
Yes. I know. It's broken.
Yeah. I know. It's broken.
73
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,451
Jay said he called this morning.
Jay said he called about it this morning.
74
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,753
Jay Chou is lying. He's been playing video games all morning.
Jay lying. He play video games all morning.
75
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,120
There are small red
The one with the red little
76
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,590
Italian man and his green Italian penis.
Italy man and his green little Italy brother.
77
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,024
Is it serious?
Seriously?
78
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,493
Thor! Don't be naughty.
Thor! Don't be a rat.
79
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,195
There is nothing worse than this in my world.
In the world I come from, there was nothing worse.
80
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:18,165
Yes, we did some shady things, but we had rules.
Yeah, we did some shady stuff, but we had a code.
81
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,133
A code you didn't break.
A code you did not break.
82
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,936
That's what inspired my hit song "Don't Be a Rat"
It's what inspired my hit song "Don't Be a Rat."
83
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:27,841
♬Hey, they'd betray you like that
♪ Hey, they'll flip on you just like that ♪
84
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,644
♬There's nothing worse than a mean rat... ♪
♪ There's nothin' worse than a low-down rat... ♪
85
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:34,415
No! Last time you sang, the song got stuck
No! Last time you sing, song got stuck
86
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,149
Spent months inside Thorfinn's head!
in Thorfinn's head for many moons!
87
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:39,253
Alberta: Well, whatever you want. The point is, there's nothing
ALBERTA: Okay, whatever. The point is, there's nothing
88
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,654
Lower than a mouse.
lower than a rat.
89
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,024
Are gophers walking on it? Yes!
What about ground rat walk on? Yes!
90
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:45,959
Thor wins the battle of minds.
Thor win mind fight.
91
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,030
Samantha: So, what do you think?
SAMANTHA: So, what do you think?
92
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,800
I mean, murder, gangsters, jazz.
Well, I mean, murder, mobsters, jazz.
93
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,368
You have it all.
You got everything.
94
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,069
This Alberta, she seems to have a lot of personality.
And this Alberta-- she seems like a big personality.
95
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,405
Oh, yes. (laughing)
Oh, yeah. (laughs)
96
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,206
She can be a lot.
She can be a lot.
97
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:02,109
Okay...this is what I found out from my research.
Could... be a lot, is what I've uncovered from my research.
98
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,211
Did she die in the house you live in now?
And she died in the house that you're currently living in?
99
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,546
I mean, it's a hook!
I mean, that's a hook!
100
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,648
Right? I think it would be great.
Right? I think it could be great.
101
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,683
Have you found an expert?
So, do you have an expert lined up?
102
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,486
I’m something of an expert on Alberta myself.
Well, I'm sort of an Alberta expert myself.
103
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,488
No, no, no. You need an expert.
No, no, no, no. You need an expert.
104
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,923
You are a reporter. you need a partner
You're the journalist. You need a cohost
105
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,758
You can talk about this topic.
you can talk to about the subject.
106
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,493
Oh. What about this?
Ooh. How about this guy?
107
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,663
Todd?
Todd?
108
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,465
This is Alberta's toenail.
It's Alberta's toenail.
109
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,767
Why? Maybe one day I can
Why? Maybe I could one day
110
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,770
Use a small piece of nail to make an Alberta.
make an Alberta from just a little bit of nail.
111
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,172
What's wrong with you, Todd?
What is wrong with you, Todd?
112
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,074
Todd Pearlman, Curator
"Todd Pearlman, curator
113
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,410
The Alberta Haynes Museum in Altoona, Pennsylvania. "
of the Alberta Haynes Museum in Altoona, Pennsylvania."
114
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:40,080
Yes. The thing is, I actually met him.
Yeah. Uh, the thing is, I've actually met him.
115
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,149
Wow, you know him? That’s awesome.
Wow, you know him? That's fantastic.
116
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,951
OMG. He has over 100,000 followers.
Oh, my God. He has over 100,000 followers.
117
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,354
This is a built-in audience. (laughing)
That's a built-in audience right there. (laughs)
118
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,121
Yeah, but what should I say?
Yeah, but how do I put this?
119
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,524
There's something...off about him.
He's... a little off.
120
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:53,394
He has a large tattoo of Alberta's face on his back.
He's got, like, a-a giant tattoo of Alberta's face on his back.
121
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,195
This guy is a stalker.
The guy's kind of a stalker.
122
00:04:55,295 --> 00:05:00,233
Sam, people who follow dead people are called historians.
Sam, someone who stalks a dead person is called a historian.
123
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:01,869
He's weird, Louis.
He's weird, Lewis.
124
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,472
I don't know what else to say. He is very strange.
I don't know how else to say this. He's very weird.
125
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:08,108
Look, at the end of the day, this podcast is your baby.
Look, at the end of the day, this podcast is your baby.
126
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,344
But if you want to do it on the Ulster County Review,
But if you want to do it at the Ulster County Review,
127
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,179
Then I'll leave this to you.
then I will leave you with this.
128
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,916
Without Todd, there would be no pod.
No Todd, no pod.
129
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,652
(sigh)
(sighs)
130
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,654
(loudly)
(loud rattling)
131
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:24,124
Shut up! Shut up!
You shut up! You shut up right now!
132
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:25,593
Hey, Heidi.
Oh, hey, Hetty.
133
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,328
You yell at the washing machine? That's cool.
You yelling at the washing machine? That's cool.
134
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,231
This annoying device prevents me from napping.
This vile contraption will not let me nap.
135
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,900
How is it going?
How is this progress?
136
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,068
When I was young, washing machines never made a sound.
In my day, the washer never made a peep.
137
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:38,105
In fact, I'm not sure I ever heard Helen say anything.
In fact, I'm not sure I ever heard Helen say anything at all.
138
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,873
(panting)
(gasps)
139
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,210
(Gasps) Oh, thank God!
(gasps) Oh, thank God!
140
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,713
Jay, I know you can't hear me,
Oh, Jay, I know you can't hear me,
141
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,080
But thank you very much.
but thank you very much indeed.
142
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,650
-(Sends resume)-No, Jay!
-(rattling resumes) - No, Jay!
143
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,084
No!
No!
144
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,621
Come back and press the button.
Come back and push the button.
145
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,790
You know, there are benefits to that.
You know, there is an upside
146
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,659
to a broken washing machine.
to a broken washing machine.
147
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,794
what could be good
What could possibly be good
148
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,696
About this deafening monster?
about this deafening monstrosity?
149
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,565
Sit on it.
Sit on it.
150
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,834
Sit on it? Yes.
Sit on it? Yes.
151
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,702
Why would I do something like that?
Why would I ever do something like that?
152
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,203
Trust me.
Just trust me.
153
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:12,139
Okay, I'll indulge you
Fine, I will indulge you
154
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,141
If for no other reason than for closure
if for no other reason than to end
155
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,844
this conversation.
this conversation.
156
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:24,752
Oh my.
Oh, my.
157
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:28,355
I won't disturb you two anymore.
I'll leave you two alone.
158
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:31,492
(singsongy): Oh...
(singsongy): Oh...
159
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,827
Ah…
Ah...
160
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,898
Oh...
Oh...
161
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:39,633
Oh.
Oh.
162
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,435
So…
So...
163
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,870
How did the meeting go?
how'd the meeting go?
164
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,805
He really liked the idea.
Well, he really liked the idea.
165
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,540
That’s unbelievable! Yes!
That's incredible! Yes!
166
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,308
He did have an idea, though.
He did have one thought, though.
167
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,578
He suggested that I find a co-host.
He suggested that I have a cohost.
168
00:06:50,678 --> 00:06:52,079
More specifically…
And more specifically...
169
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:55,282
With Todd Perlman
that that cohost be Todd Pearlman.
170
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:56,950
What?!
What?!
171
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,452
You mean Horrible Todd?
You mean Creepy Todd?
172
00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,920
My perverted stalker?
My psychopath stalker?
173
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,222
The freak who collects alberta toenails.
Oh, the freak that collects Alberta's toenails.
174
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,190
He was a little emphatic.
He was sort of emphatic.
175
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,292
"Without Todd, there would be no pod," he said.
He said, "No Todd, no pod."
176
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,861
You said "no pods," right, Sam?
And you said, "No pod," right, Sam?
177
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,497
Look at me.
Look at me.
178
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:10,764
Tell me you said "no pods"
Tell me you said, "No pod."
179
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,166
Why doesn't she look at me?
Why won't she make eye contact with me?
180
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,003
Okay, I... (the doorbell rang)
Well, I... (doorbell rings)
181
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,271
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
182
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,374
I came over as fast as I could.
I got here as fast as I could.
183
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:25,012
Oh, Sam, what have you done?
Oh, Sam, what did you do?
184
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,621
I brought you a small gift to show your respect.
I brought you a little gift in honor
185
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,155
Official opening of B and B
of the official opening of the B and B.
186
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,624
So thoughtful.
That is sweet.
187
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:39,192
Sweet? Probably one of my baby teeth.
Sweet? It's probably one of my baby teeth.
188
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,829
Oh yeah, this guy.
Oh, yay, this guy.
189
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,664
Here you go.
Here you go.
190
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,365
Oh.
Oh.
191
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,801
This is your self-published book
It's your self-published book
192
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,504
in alberta. I really enjoy doing this.
on Alberta. I really enjoyed doing it.
193
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,439
I'm thinking of writing something else.
I'm thinking about writing other things.
194
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,341
Manifesto, ransom note.
Manifestos, ransom notes.
195
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,209
I took something from the museum
I actually have a bunch of stuff from the museum
196
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,978
In my car. Isaac: That's right.
out in my car. ISAAC: Right.
197
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,380
The museum he opened out of his mother's garage.
The museum he runs from his mother's garage.
198
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,983
Research, documents, artifacts.
Research, files, artifacts.
199
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,385
I find them useful for podcasts.
I thought they would be useful for the podcast.
200
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,287
Thanks, without pods, there would be no Todd.
Mm-mm, thank you, no pod, no Todd.
201
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,456
We're not doing the podcast anymore, Sam.
We're not doing no podcast no more, Sam.
202
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,091
Great. Jay and I will help you bring it in.
Great. Jay and I will help you bring it in.
203
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:14,127
Thanks, I have to make a bunch of space in the garage anyway,
Thanks, I had to clear a bunch of space in the garage anyway,
204
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,196
Because my mom's boyfriend Kyle needs it
because my mom's boyfriend Kyle needed
205
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,532
A place to store his bowling supplies.
a place to store his bowling stuff.
206
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:21,068
It seems like each word is sadder than the last.
It's like each word is sadder than the last.
207
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,536
(door closed)
(door closes)
208
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,238
I can't believe it. Weird Todd appeared in my life again.
I can't believe this. Creepy Todd back in my life.
209
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,640
Alberta?
Alberta?
210
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,509
Bertie, honey, you need to relax.
Bertie, sweetie, you've just got to relax.
211
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:31,612
Forgive me? Everything is fine.
Excuse me? It's all good.
212
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,480
Isaac: Heidi, are you sick?
ISAAC: Hetty, are you ill?
213
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,948
Will we get sick?
Can we, can we get ill?
214
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,685
If you're referring to my relaxed demeanor,
Well, if you're referring to my relaxed demeanor,
215
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,720
This may have something to do with this
it may have something to do
216
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,622
My latest magical encounter
with a magical encounter I had recently
217
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,557
Use a washing machine.
with the washing machine.
218
00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,092
What happened to the washing machine?
What happened with the washing machine?
219
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,327
No one knows, Peter, it's simple
No one knows, Peter, it's simply
220
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,329
One of the amazing mysteries of the universe.
one of the magical mysteries of the universe.
221
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,398
Wait.
Wait.
222
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,133
Heidi, you really don't know
Hetty, do you really not know
223
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,068
What happened to the washing machine?
what was happening on the washing machine?
224
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:58,906
No clue at all. It makes you excited.
Not a clue. It was making you aroused.
225
00:08:59,006 --> 00:08:59,940
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
226
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,108
sex. What?!
Sexually. What?!
227
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,110
Uh-huh. Oh...
Mm-hmm. Oh...
228
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,345
Well…
Well...
229
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,247
Of course I will...
I will certainly...
230
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,282
Don't do that again.
not be doing that again.
231
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,785
Please, please don't look.
Please, please look away.
232
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,421
What is this old piece of furniture?
What's this old piece of furniture?
233
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:16,657
Oh, be careful. my friend,
Oh, be careful. That, my friend,
234
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,425
Does the coffee table belong to you?
is an end table that belongs
235
00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:20,460
To Alberta herself. oh.
to Alberta herself. Oh.
236
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,662
Samantha:Wow, is this a painting?
SAMANTHA: Wow, is this a picture
237
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,363
When she was a little girl?
of Alberta when she was a little girl?
238
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,132
This is actually something I do online
Oh, that's actually a thing I did online
239
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,401
I put a picture of her and me together and it showed
where I put her and my pictures together and it shows
240
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,003
What our children will look like.
what our kid would look like.
241
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,439
(Groans) Sam, I beg you, stop asking questions.
(groans) Sam, I beg you, stop asking questions.
242
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,441
Very cute.
Pretty cute.
243
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:35,676
Oh my God, that's my desk.
Holy crap, that's my table.
244
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,845
The bottom is fake.
There's a false bottom.
245
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,847
Sam, tell him to stop moving.
Sam, you tell him to stop messing with that right now.
246
00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,448
Maybe we shouldn't mess around.
Maybe we shouldn't mess with that.
247
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,450
You know, because it's antique.
You know, just 'cause it's an antique.
248
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,186
What's that? Jay: Some kind of old book.
What is that? JAY: Some kind of old book.
249
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:48,155
What is this. Don't look at that!
That's nothing. Don't look at that!
250
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,422
OMG!
Oh, my God!
251
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,358
This is Alberta's diary.
It's Alberta's diary.
252
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,961
Wow. Plot twist.
Whoa. Twist of plot.
253
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,395
Diaries are private;
Diaries are personal,
254
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:56,864
So keep your dirty hands away.
so keep your looky-loo hands off it.
255
00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:00,267
Maybe we should respect Alberta's privacy.
Maybe we should just respect Alberta's privacy.
256
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,669
Are you kidding me?
Are you joking?
257
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,203
What exactly are we doing this podcast for?
What are we even doing this podcast
258
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,038
Because, if it is not used
for, if not to take advantage
259
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,539
Something like this?
of something like this?
260
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,909
What a find!
What a find!
261
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,144
Sam, you gotta get it back.
Sam, you have to get that back.
262
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,380
There's something in there that can't get out.
There's something in there that can't get out.
263
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,884
Alberta said there was something inside that couldn't get out.
Alberta says there's something in there that can't get out.
264
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,052
Come on, what's the big deal? She's always bragging
Come on, what could be that bad? She's always bragging
265
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,421
About hiding bodies and smuggling.
about hiding bodies and bootlegging.
266
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,891
Those things are nothing compared to this.
All that stuff's nothing compared to this.
267
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,893
So what is it? What's in the diary?
So what is it? What's in the diary?
268
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,762
Trust me, you won't want to know.
Trust me, you don't want to know.
269
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,497
I mean, now I really want to know.
I mean, now I definitely want to know.
270
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,499
Yes.
Yeah.
271
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,769
Come on Heidi, you can do it.
Come on, Hetty, you can do this.
272
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,771
Clean thoughts, clean thoughts.
Clean thoughts, clean thoughts.
273
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,741
Clean, clean, clean...clothes,
Clean, clean, clean... laundry,
274
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,711
washing machine. Damn it.
washing machine. Damn it.
275
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,480
Did he get to the fun part?
Has he gotten to the juicy part yet?
276
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,150
No. Todd reads a little slowly.
No. Todd's kind of a slow reader.
277
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,419
Todd, we finished this page two minutes ago.
We finished this page two minutes ago, Todd.
278
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,487
Let's go.
Let's go.
279
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,089
Wait.
Wait.
280
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,158
Should we feel a little morally confused?
Should we be feeling a slight moral quandary
281
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,427
Delving deeper into Alberta’s personal work?
about delving into Alberta's personal writings?
282
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,763
I mean, a diary should be...
I mean, diaries are supposed to be...
283
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,164
Private.
private.
284
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,198
(phenomenon)
(sputters)
285
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,100
On the other hand,...right?
On the other hand... Yes?
286
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,769
Todd will find out.
Todd is going to find out
287
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,338
Whatever the secret is she doesn't want us to know.
whatever secret it is she doesn't want us to know.
288
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,741
Alberta will undoubtedly need our support when the time comes.
At which point Alberta will no doubt need our support.
289
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,675
So in a way it would be better
So in a way it'll be better
290
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,377
We're up to speed.
that we're up to speed.
291
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,346
So we should keep snooping.
So we should keep snooping.
292
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,648
alberta.
For Alberta.
293
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,486
God, I think he's going to turn the page. Yes, yes, yes!
Oh, my God, I think he's turning the page. Yes, yes, yes!
294
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,155
Oh, thank God. Quick, quick, quick!
Oh, thank God. Do it, do it, do it!
295
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:31,859
No! Damn it, Todd!
No! Damn it, Todd!
296
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,426
Come on! Come on, man, come on!
Come on! Come on, man, come on!
297
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,562
You wrote a book, so read it! Please!
You wrote a book, read one! Please!
298
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,800
Alberta is sad about the diary, Jay.
Alberta's really torn up about this whole diary thing, Jay.
299
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,802
Look, I can try to take it from him,
Look, I can try to take it from him,
300
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,804
But I don't think the Hulk can pry it away from Todd.
but I don't think the Hulk could pry it from Todd's hands.
301
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,906
It was like his Ark of the Covenant.
It's, like, his Ark of the Covenant.
302
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,708
His what? BOTH: "Raiders of the Lost Ark"!
His what? BOTH: Raiders of the Lost Ark!
303
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,911
Will you die so we can be best friends?
Would you just die already so we can be best friends?
304
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,679
I'm sorry for what happened.
Look, I'm sorry for what happened.
305
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,147
But let’s be honest, we all would know.
But, honestly, we're all gonna find out.
306
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,017
Maybe you should tell us in your own words.
So maybe you should just tell us in your own words.
307
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,819
Oh, good.
Oh, fine.
308
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,221
Remember the story of how I became successful?
Remember the story of how I got my big break?
309
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,757
A true underdog story. I like underdogs.
A real underdog story. I love underdogs.
310
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,793
I'm not saying I love you.
Not that I'm saying I love you.
311
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:08,095
Can anyone else say anything?
W-Would someone else talk, please?
312
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,729
The protagonist Clara Brown did not come;
The headliner Clara Brown didn't show,
313
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,899
So they asked me to perform in her place.
so they asked me to perform in her place.
314
00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:15,302
What I didn't tell you is the real reason
What I never told y'all was the real reason
315
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,304
Clara didn't show up that night.
Clara was a no-show that night.
316
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,507
Because she was arrested and spent a night in jail.
It was 'cause she got arrested and spent a night in jail.
317
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,542
and the reason for her arrest.
And the reason she was arrested
318
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,377
It's because...
was because...
319
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,079
I betrayed her.
I ratted her out.
320
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,714
(panting)
(gasps)
321
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,682
Do you want to tell me what you mean by gasping for breath or wait until later?
You want to tell me what that gasp means or wait till later?
322
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,151
Later. All right.
Later. Okay.
323
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,786
Then let’s catch up.
Catch up then.
324
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:36,289
Oh! I'm a mouse!
Oh! I'm a rat, y'all!
325
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,690
A mouse!
A rat!
326
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,960
Nothing could be worse than this
♪ Nothin' worse ♪
327
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:43,330
Than a mean rat. ♪
♪ Than a low-down rat. ♪
328
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,932
Sorry.
Sorry.
329
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:51,972
Why is it so messy?
What's all the commotion?
330
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,240
Did I miss a breather?
Did I miss a gasp?
331
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,242
It's ironic that Alberta is a rat.
Alberta is rat, which is ironic
332
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,644
Because she caused trouble for Thor before and said she was a rat.
because she gave Thor trouble about being rat earlier.
333
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,881
Ironically, the car is still a landing craft.
Irony he gets, yet cars are still landships.
334
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,449
This is all your fault, Sam.
This is all your fault, Sam.
335
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,651
If you don't bring Todd back, no one will find out
If you hadn't brought Todd back, no one would have found
336
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:07,354
The diary and none of this is going to happen.
the diary and none of this would be happening.
337
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,056
Well, no, I have a part in that too.
Okay, no, I-I played a role in it.
338
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,624
But let’s be honest, wasn’t the podcast Pete’s idea?
But, honestly, wasn't the podcast, like, Pete's idea?
339
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,560
It's all his fault. Sam, what are you doing?
It's kind of all his fault. What are you doing, Sam?
340
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,528
You know, Pete agrees with me...
And just so you know, Pete agrees with me...
341
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,496
girl!
Girl!
342
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,365
I forgot you could see him.
I forgot you could see him.
343
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:21,101
Now the whole world will find out I'm a liar.
Now the whole world's gonna find out I'm a fraud.
344
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,535
All my fans.
All my fans.
345
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,172
Disappointing their one true God.
Let down by their one true god.
346
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,674
Even in despair, she maintains a healthy self.
Even in despair, she retains a healthy ego.
347
00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:30,743
Alberta, you look at this through the eyes of your time.
Alberta, you're looking at this through the lens of your era.
348
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,946
I don't think people are bothered by it
I don't think people will be as bothered
349
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,547
Just like you feared.
by this as you worry they are.
350
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,683
So don’t you think my fans will look down on me?
So you don't think my fans will think less of me?
351
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:38,585
Your fans love you.
Your fans love you.
352
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,988
One small accident won't change anything.
One little incident's not gonna change anything.
353
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:43,290
OMG!
Oh, my God!
354
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,192
This won't help much.
This is not gonna be super helpful.
355
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,027
Alberta is a mouse.
Alberta was a rat.
356
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,695
Samantha: Todd, I mean,
(gasps) SAMANTHA: I mean, Todd,
357
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,964
Although I still don't quite understand what you're talking about
not that I am familiar yet with what you're talking about,
358
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,300
But honestly, I believe it's not a big deal.
but, honestly, I'm sure it wasn't, like, a big deal.
359
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,868
No big deal? (Today)
No big deal? (stammers)
360
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,837
She violated all the rules she lived by.
She went against the entire code that she lived by.
361
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,340
I dedicated my entire adult life to
I've dedicated my entire adult life
362
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,642
Learning and appreciation for this woman.
to the study and appreciation of this woman.
363
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:04,244
But now...
But now...
364
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,379
I don't even know who she is.
I'm not even sure I know who she is.
365
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,847
Alberta: Oh, my gosh.
ALBERTA: Oh, my God.
366
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:10,350
I lost Todd.
I've lost Todd.
367
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,886
Uh, Flower?
HETTY: Uh, Flower?
368
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,088
i have something
I have something
369
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,557
i feel ashamed
that I am ashamed
370
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,927
Admit it, but I feel like I have to admit it.
to admit, but I feel I must.
371
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,896
Not long ago, I gave in
A short time ago, I succeeded
372
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,432
Facing my demons, I sit
to my demons and I sat
373
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,334
On the washing machine again.
on the washing machine again.
374
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,970
Heidi,...it's okay.
Hetty, it's... it's okay.
375
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,838
No, it can't be done.
No, it's not okay.
376
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:33,406
This is weak and immoral.
It's weak, it's immoral.
377
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:35,108
This is your body, isn't it?
It's your body, isn't it?
378
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,643
I mean, you're the supervisor, right?
I mean, you're in charge of it, right?
379
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,745
You mean after my husband died?
What do you mean since my husband passed away?
380
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:39,779
No!
No!
381
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,682
All the time, man!
Since always, man!
382
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:46,019
Look, shame on women for their pleasure
Look, being ashamed of female pleasure
383
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:48,455
Is it just men’s nonsense?
was just some BS thing that men
384
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,390
Used to control women.
thought up to control women.
385
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,792
nothing wrong
There is nothing wrong
386
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,427
That feels good, Heidi.
with feeling good, Hetty.
387
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,930
You don’t need a man’s permission.
And you don't need a man's permission.
388
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,001
But we still need men
But we still need men
389
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,971
Design and manufacture washing machines.
to design and manufacture the washing machines.
390
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:06,239
No, women can too.
No, women can do that, too.
391
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,275
God bless Betsy!
Heavens to Betsy!
392
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:09,309
(laughing)
(both laugh)
393
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,244
It’s great to be alive in this day and age.
Oh, what a time to be alive.
394
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:14,481
I mean, you know what I mean.
I mean, you know what I mean.
395
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:19,119
Alberta, we just wanted to come see you.
Hey, Alberta, we just, uh, wanted to come check on you.
396
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:23,156
Don't you understand, if Todd reacts like that?
Don't you see, if Todd reacted that way,
397
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,492
And then everyone who listens to podcasts
then everyone who listens to the podcast
398
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,361
Will betray me (sigh)
is gonna turn against me. (sighs)
399
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,797
They are right to do so. Wait, if betraying Clara is
And they'd be right to. Wait, if ratting out Clara was
400
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,532
So it goes against your beliefs,
so against everything you believed in,
401
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,734
Then why are you doing this?
then why'd you do it?
402
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:38,771
Life was not easy for a woman of my stature back then.
Things weren't easy for a woman my size back then.
403
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:41,374
Of course, we have Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith,
Sure, we had Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith,
404
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,110
But this does not mean
but that didn't mean that was
405
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,911
Something the club owners want.
what the club owners were looking for.
406
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,646
(outgoing call)
(exhales)
407
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,849
I'm tired of being ignored.
And I was tired of being overlooked.
408
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,653
♬No one knows when you are down
♪ Nobody knows you when you're down ♪
409
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:58,058
I mean, when you're broke. ♪
♪ And out, I mean, when you're down and out. ♪
410
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,227
Okay.
All right.
411
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,628
This position is yours.
The gig is yours.
412
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:05,265
Oh yes! The Age of Alberta has begun.
Oh, yes! The Alberta era has begun.
413
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,267
Not you. Hers.
Not you. Her.
414
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,036
Her?
Her?
415
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,004
Well, look at her.
Well, look at her.
416
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:12,705
She's a star, baby.
She's a star, baby.
417
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,475
I guess you just don't have what it takes for me, honey.
I guess you just don't have what I do, hon. (chuckles)
418
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,313
I agreed to stay and be Clara's backup singer,
I agreed to stay on as one of Clara's backup singers,
419
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,582
Hopefully one day my talents will win out.
hoping someday my talent would win out.
420
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,952
I watched it on stage for two years
For two years, I watched onstage
421
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:29,256
An unworthy man had my dream come true in front of me.
as someone less deserving lived my dream right in front of me.
422
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,923
That must be very hard.
That must have been so hard.
423
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,259
Alberta: Yes.
ALBERTA: It was.
424
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,194
One day I decided...
One day I decided...
425
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,862
I can't take it anymore.
I wasn't gonna take it no more.
426
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,864
I knew Clara dabbled in moonshine.
I knew Clara dabbled in bootlegging.
427
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:40,300
Mainly because I dabbled in moonshine.
Mostly 'cause I dabbled in bootlegging.
428
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,902
So I tipped her off.
And so I dropped a dime on her.
429
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,004
Turned into a mouse.
And became a rat.
430
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,307
Alberta, the situation you were in was unfair.
Alberta, you were in a really unfair situation.
431
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:50,510
Honestly, that chick named Clara sounds like shit.
And, honestly, that Clara chick kind of sounds like she sucks.
432
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,580
The self-righteous little slut can't even sing a high C.
Smug little floozie couldn't even hit a high C.
433
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,782
Oh, when I was in the barbershop quartet
Oh, from my barbershop quartet days
434
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,750
I know it's a burn.
I recognize that as quite the burn.
435
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,220
Samantha: You know the story
SAMANTHA: You know that that story
436
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,123
Then your behavior is completely understandable, right?
makes what you did completely understandable, right?
437
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,724
Why didn't you tell us before?
And why didn't you tell us before?
438
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,227
Because it's not easy for me...
'Cause it's not easy for me to be...
439
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,795
fragile.
vulnerable.
440
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:12,499
I mean, people see me as this super confident diva.
I mean, people see me as this super-confident diva.
441
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:15,502
But the truth is, that's my armor.
But the truth is, that's an armor I wear.
442
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,105
I struggle like everyone else.
I struggle like everyone else.
443
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,572
But I won't let it show.
But I don't let that show.
444
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,142
I want to be my loudest fan.
I need to be my loudest fan.
445
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:24,244
Because God knows there will always be a lot of people
'Cause God knows there's always been plenty of folks
446
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,946
Want to destroy me. Well, I didn't even think about it.
trying to tear me down. Okay, I didn't even think
447
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,516
It's possible, but it makes me love you more.
this was possible, but this makes me love you even more.
448
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,151
Agreed. Yes.
Agreed. Yep.
449
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,685
Is it serious?
Seriously?
450
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,354
I'm pretty sure your fans will think the same.
And I'm pretty sure your fans would think so, too.
451
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:37,490
I mean, a jazz legend who is just as insecure as me?
I mean, jazz legend who has insecurities just like me?
452
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,227
I agreed. The stars are just like us.
I'm on board. Stars-- they're just like us.
453
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,329
You mean it makes me more relatable?
You're saying this makes me relatable?
454
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,897
Oh, yes. As spread by Jason Momoa
Oh, yeah. Like that Jason Momoa spread
455
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,933
In the same magazine he bought his shoelaces from?
in that magazine where he's shopping for shoelaces?
456
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,102
Are you saying I'm a female Momoa?
You're saying I'm the female Momoa?
457
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:50,837
Oh, yes, we're talking.
Oh, yeah, we're saying it.
458
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:54,341
Oh, what's going on? Sam, you turn on the podcast.
Oh, what the hell? Sam, you fire up that podcast.
459
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,942
We want to inspire the public.
We got a public to inspire.
460
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:59,045
I'm coming for you, honest man.
I'm coming for you, regular joes.
461
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:02,882
Alberta will inject hope into your dreary life.
Alberta's gonna inject some hope into your dream lives.
462
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,752
Is she taking it too far? Let her eat it.
Is she going too far? Let her have it.
463
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,955
Your one true god now resonates.
Oh, your one true god is now relatable.
464
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:10,890
(said with a smile)
(laughing)
465
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,059
So, maybe,
SAMANATHA: So, perhaps,
466
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,296
Alberta's motives are more complex than they appear.
Alberta's motivations were more complicated than they seem.
467
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,465
If your theory is correct
If your theory is correct,
468
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,933
Alberta is more than just a genius.
Alberta wasn't just a tremendous talent.
469
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:24,204
She is also a fighter against unfair body standards,
She was also a crusader against unfair body standards,
470
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,538
To be honest,
which, honestly,
471
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,640
It only makes me more impressed with her.
only makes me more impressed by her.
472
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,676
Yes! I got Todd back!
Yes! I got Todd back!
473
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,611
Makes me want to clone her even more.
And makes my desire to clone her even greater.
474
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,780
What's wrong? Congratulations.
What? Congratulations.
475
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:34,914
(sigh)
(groans)
476
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:35,982
Todd, that's interesting.
You know, it's interesting, Todd.
477
00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:37,517
If alberta were here i think
If Alberta were here, I feel like
478
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,918
she might appreciate it
she'd probably be pretty grateful
479
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,354
The whole rat story comes to light.
this whole rat story came to light.
480
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,689
she might even
She might even
481
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,624
Just call me a hero when I invite you over.
call me a hero for inviting you over
482
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,159
Discover the diary.
and discovering the diary.
483
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,494
Okay, girl. Calm down.
Okay, girl. Calm down.
484
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:48,928
Look at Clara.
Look at Clara.
485
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,331
She does look a little mean, doesn't she?
She kind of does looks mean, doesn't she?
486
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:52,665
Gazox, I know that woman.
Gadzooks, I know that woman.
487
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,501
What are you talking about? Oh, yes.
What are you talking about? Oh, yeah.
488
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,036
She was there the night Alberta performed at the mansion.
She was here the night Alberta performed at the mansion.
489
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,605
The night I was murdered? Are you sure?
The night I was murdered? Are you sure?
490
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:02,008
Yes, she is wearing a big hat.
Yeah, she was wearing this really big hat.
491
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:03,376
Isaac: Oh, yes.
ISAAC: Oh, yes.
492
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,677
Do you know what this means?
Do you know what this means?
493
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:07,580
We found our first suspect.
We have our very first suspect.
494
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,915
(gasp)
(all gasping)
495
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:12,018
Everyone was breathing so well. Bravo.
Oh, great gasp, everyone. Bravo.
496
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,254
are you okay?
Are you okay?
497
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,457
I asked you a question and you zoned out.
I asked you a question, and you just spaced out.
498
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,726
You do this often.
You do that a lot.
499
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:27,133
You picked a good one.
Well, you picked a good one.
500
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,601
What is this? What happened?
What is this? What's happening?
501
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,203
Yes. I mean, the last one was loud.
Yeah. I mean, the last one made such a racket.
502
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,805
What's wrong? No. No. The last one was okay.
What? No. No. The last one was fine.
503
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,174
This bad boy is the quietest on the market.
Well, this bad boy's the quietest in the market.
504
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:39,178
No! Put it down! Put it down now!
No! Put it down! Put it down this instant!
505
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:43,716
Jay Chou! Why do you play God?
Jay! Who are you to play God?
506
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:49,722
Goodbye, old friend.
Goodbye, old friend.
507
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:53,493
I will always remember...your spin cycle.
I will always remember... your spin cycle.
508
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,895
You know, you don't need a washing machine
You know, you don't need a washing machine
509
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,630
Reach the feeling.
to achieve the feeling.
510
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,566
Don't you?
You don't?
511
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:02,034
There are lots of other things you can do.
There are so many other things you can do.
512
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,036
Hmm. Here it is.
Hmm. Here.
513
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,838
Follow me.
Walk with me.
514
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,742
(whispering dimly)
(whispering indistinctly)
515
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,011
(Gasps) Dear God.
(gasps) Dear Lord.
516
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,213
Oh, I wouldn’t!
Oh, I would never!
517
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,756
Subtitles sponsored by CBS
Captioning sponsored by CBS
518
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:28,295
Title from WGBH’s Media Access Group at access.wgbh.org
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org