1 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:06,120 Congratulations, Hudson High Class of 2004. 2 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,120 There she is. Fiona! 3 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,440 Bye. 4 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:29,960 - Hey. - Hey! 5 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,080 - Hey, you. 6 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,600 - Congratulations, graduate. - Thanks, baby. 7 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,480 And congratulations to you, Cooper. 8 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,280 Aww. Thanks, baby! 9 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,320 - Nice try. - All right. 10 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,120 - See you at Wade's party tonight? - See you then. 11 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,280 So, it's just you and me for the entire summer. 12 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,960 Next year you graduate, join me at college. Just like we planned. 13 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:59,480 - Scott, we need to talk. - Yeah? About what? 14 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,800 About me dumping you. 15 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:03,120 Huh? 16 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,480 There he is! 17 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:08,280 The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend. OK? 18 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:11,000 Smile, you two! 19 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,160 - Action! - Dad, Mom, Grandma... 20 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,080 Uncle Moke... uh... 21 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,480 I'm gonna need a minute here, OK? 22 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,520 What do you mean, you're dumping me? 23 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,200 I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore. 24 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:27,560 What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you. 25 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,680 I know. That's what makes this so hard. 26 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,600 You're looking good, you guys. 27 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:36,080 Scotty, it's not you. It's me. 28 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,480 There I go, lying again. No, it was you. 29 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,560 You're just so... 30 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,960 ...predictable. - Smile! 31 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,880 So, that's it. 32 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,760 Here's your letter jacket back. 33 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,320 Goodbye. 34 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,200 This isn't mine. 35 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,280 She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow. 36 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,480 Oh, my God. 37 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,160 Fiona! 38 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,680 Let's see that again. 39 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,240 Fiona! 40 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,800 - This is just so brutal. 41 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,200 And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on. 42 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,400 - Fiona! - Bert, get out of here. 43 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,600 OK.See you. 44 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,520 All right. Stay black, Bert. 45 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,600 "Fiona!" 46 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,600 Mail, motherfucker! 47 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,480 Hey, I got one from Mieke. 48 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,760 "Happy Herzlichen." 49 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,120 Still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class. 50 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,280 Yeah at first, but we're actually becoming good friends. 51 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,400 He's a really cool guy. 52 00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:01,840 "Dear Mieke, greetings from your American pen pal." 53 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,480 Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. 54 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,680 Listen to yourself, all right? 55 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:12,040 You met a "cool guy" on the "internet." This is how these sexual predators work. 56 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,080 Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" 57 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,280 where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, 58 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,120 and make a wind chime out of your genitals. 59 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,720 Come on, let's go to Wade's. 60 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,240 All right. Screw it. Let's go. 61 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,960 I'm not gonna let Fiona ruin my graduation night. 62 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,000 Auf wiedersehen, Mieke. 63 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,360 - What's up, losers? - What's up, Jenny? 64 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,880 What's up, dude? 65 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,000 Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore. 66 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,880 That's very sweet of you. Thanks. 67 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,320 Enough Fiona talk. Look around. There's gotta be 100 drunk girls. 68 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,880 We should try to have sex with every one of 'em. 69 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,880 Hello? Mixed company? 70 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,360 What? 71 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,120 - I'm a girl! - No, you're not. 72 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:07,120 - You're just a cool guy with long hair. - So, where's your evil twin brother? 73 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,120 Jenny! 74 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,640 There he is. 75 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,120 Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see. 76 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,400 Why'd you get me gin and tonic? 77 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,080 - I hate gin. - You do? 78 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,000 You guys are the worst twins ever! 79 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,480 Chug! Chug! 80 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,960 - When are you guys taking off? - Tomorrow morning. 81 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,760 Hey, Wade! Great party, buddy. 82 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,280 Man, I am so excited! 83 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,840 A whole summer, backpacking around Europe. 84 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,760 You should've come with us instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty! 85 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,240 It's gonna be so awesome! 86 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:53,520 Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun! 87 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,640 You brought a guidebook to a party? 88 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,880 - Do you wanna see my itinerary? - Do you wanna see my balls? 89 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,320 You guys decide where you're gonna go first? 90 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,080 Paris! I can't wait. 91 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,840 Two years ago Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met a wealthy French guy, 92 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,920 and spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. 93 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,960 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 94 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:19,680 Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay. 95 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,000 It's not gay. I'm a girl. 96 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:24,840 - Kinda gay. - A little gay. 97 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,960 I gotta piss like a pregnant woman. 98 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,760 Hey, listen up, everybody. 99 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,280 Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. 100 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,800 Going to play a little song for you 101 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,200 about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know... 102 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,080 Fiona. 103 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,040 This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. 104 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,120 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me 105 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,680 " Do it in my van every Sunday 106 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,600 " She tells him she's in church But she doesn't go 107 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,600 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know 108 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,760 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know 109 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,720 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know 110 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,040 " Scotty doesn't know " 111 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,080 I hope we're just as popular in college as we were in high school. 112 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,160 - We will be. - I know. 113 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,200 Who needs more Chablis? 114 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,360 - Candy, wanna come with? - No, I'll stay here. 115 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,800 Well, there's your R-rating right there. 116 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,040 - Whoops! 117 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,120 Holy cow! 118 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,840 Oh, this isn't where I parked my car! 119 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:53,080 " I can't believe He's so trusting 120 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,840 " While I'm right behind you thrusting 121 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,560 " 'Cause Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 122 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,360 Cooper Harris, you're a pig! 123 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,680 Uh... Candy, you should clean that off before you go. 124 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,480 Clean what off? 125 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,360 You got a little something on you. 126 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,240 - Where? - Right there. 127 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,200 It's like a smudge, or something. 128 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:22,840 Where? 129 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,560 It's like dirt, or something. Just go like this. 130 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,000 Is it off? 131 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,880 No, keep rubbing it. 132 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:42,600 " I did it with her on his birthday 133 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:45,240 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 134 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,480 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 135 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,040 " Don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 136 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:56,320 Mmm-hmm... mmm-hmm... 137 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,120 No, it's just not coming off. 138 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,720 What is it? 139 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,080 Maybe tree sap or something. Try pinching it. 140 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,800 No, it's just not coming off. I'll tell you what. 141 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,200 Lick your fingers, get some saliva going. 142 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,600 Like this? 143 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,120 Yeah. 144 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,800 Again, not enough saliva. 145 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,120 - Is it off yet? - Fine, I'll do it. 146 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,600 Come here. 147 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,400 Oh, my God! Candy! 148 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,080 Cooper! 149 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,040 Hey... 150 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,120 This isn't where I parked my car. 151 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,640 " Scotty doesn't know 152 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,200 Hey. 153 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:05,600 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 154 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,600 This band rocks! 155 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,640 - Yeah! 156 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,360 Mail, motherfucker! 157 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,120 Hey, Mieke. 158 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,600 "Dear Scott, 159 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:50,240 "I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. 160 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,040 "Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America 161 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,560 "and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... 162 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,680 "zussamen." 163 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,840 What the fuck is "zussamen"? 164 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,240 "Arrange a meeting." 165 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,200 No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. 166 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,320 This guy wants to have sex with me. 167 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,040 "Listen, Mieke... 168 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,800 "I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, 169 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,600 "you sick, German freak. 170 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,920 "So please keep your hands off my genitals, 171 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:34,520 "and never write to me again, and don't come to America." 172 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,480 "Goodbye." 173 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:42,920 Oww. 174 00:13:55,680 --> 00:14:00,160 I'm never drinking again. Oh, that's nice. 175 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,440 Bert, what are you doing? 176 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,120 Reading your email. 177 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,200 Don't do that. 178 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,760 Why are you wearing my bathrobe? 179 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,920 Oh, I'm sorry... 180 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,320 but somebody pissed all over mine last night. 181 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:24,520 Wow. I can't believe this German chick wants to come here and hook up with you. 182 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,080 I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy. 183 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,160 No, it says right here, "trauriges madchen." 184 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,840 "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona." 185 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,280 Fuckin' A, Scott. 186 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:38,280 I'm taking "Intro to German," and even I know that. 187 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,680 Come here. 188 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,760 He sent me a picture, retardo. 189 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,600 See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan. 190 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,400 No, retardo. 191 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:51,320 That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not "Mike," 192 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,240 it's "Mieke," a common German girl's name, 193 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,160 similar to our Michelle. 194 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,800 I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit. 195 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,400 You didn't? 196 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,760 You thought she was a guy! 197 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,920 I'm getting the video camera! Ha! 198 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,800 What an asshole! 199 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,400 No. 200 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:14,680 No. 201 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,920 No!! 202 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,200 "Address blocked"? "Email not delivered." 203 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,400 No... come on! 204 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,720 Hey, Mom made waffles. 205 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,240 - What's going on? - I'm in love with my penpal. 206 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,240 I'm in love with Mieke. 207 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,240 OK... OK. 208 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,400 You know what? I was actually expecting this. 209 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:15,480 Frankly, I'm flattered you picked me to come out to first. 210 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,480 And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause... 211 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,720 - I think they already know. - No, you idiot. Mike is a girl. 212 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,240 No, no, I get it. Yeah. 213 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:27,960 He's the girl, and you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. 214 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,760 Right? 215 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,200 Right? That's hot. 216 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,760 But whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it. 217 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,760 Will you stop? Look, come here. Look at this picture. 218 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,840 Wow. Who's the hot chick? 219 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,040 That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke. 220 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,120 That's who you've been writing to all this time? 221 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,480 Until last night, when I took your advice 222 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,120 and told her to keep her "hands off my genitals." 223 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:58,160 Given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want. 224 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,400 This is a total disaster. 225 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,520 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 226 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,120 Though she is really hot. 227 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,520 You're not listening. I don't even care what she looks like. 228 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,880 Mieke and I had this incredible bond. 229 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,520 I told her things I couldn't even tell you. 230 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,040 Like what? 231 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,080 - Nothing. It's a figure of speech. - No, seriously. What? 232 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,920 - Nothing. The point... - You like me better, right? 233 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,920 This girl is not only smart and funny, and stunningly beautiful, 234 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,480 but until I screwed up, she wanted to come all the way to America, 235 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,760 just to be with me. 236 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,920 - So do something about it. - What can I do? 237 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,160 She blocked her email account, her phone number's not listed. 238 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,520 The only thing I know is she lives in Berlin. 239 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,040 So go to Berlin. 240 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,960 I can't just go to Berlin, Coop. 241 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,000 - Why not? - Because... 242 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,800 I just can't, OK? I'm supposed to work for my dad this summer. 243 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,280 It looks good on my med school application. 244 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,160 Oh, Jesus, Scotty! 245 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,280 Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable. 246 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,240 - I'm going to Germany. - No... 247 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,680 we're going to Germany. 248 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,320 How are we going to get to Germany? 249 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,880 Don't worry. I've got it covered. 250 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:32,400 - We're going to be couriers? - Best way to get a cheap flight. 251 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,240 We just have to carry their packages, then drop them off when we get there. 252 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,280 - My cousin did it going to India. - Yeah? 253 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,840 Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi 254 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,360 and they had to cut off his leg. You know... 255 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,320 but he got there cheap, is what I'm saying. 256 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,600 OK, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. 257 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,840 But I can get you both to London today for $118. 258 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:57,920 Anything else? 259 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:02,800 Europe is the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there. 260 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,400 - Cooper, England's an island. - OK, swim. Whatever. 261 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,520 We'll take it. 262 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,760 Hey. Thanks for coming with me. 263 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,800 I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer. 264 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,280 Well, forget about the law firm. 265 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,760 And don't thank me. I should be thanking you. 266 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,440 This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 267 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,080 for me to broaden my sexual horizons. 268 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,680 What are you talking about? 269 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,000 I'm talking about crazy European sex. 270 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,560 Ah. 271 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,640 You know America was founded by prudes. 272 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,200 Prudes who left Europe, because they hated 273 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:57,480 all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. 274 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,000 And now I, Cooper Harris, 275 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,240 will return to the land of my perverted forefathers 276 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,280 and claim my birthright, which is a series 277 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,640 of erotic and sexually challenging adventures. 278 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,680 You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you? 279 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,480 It's my passion. 280 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,080 Come on, come on! 281 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:41,680 - The adventure begins. - Welcome to jolly old England. 282 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,320 Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. 283 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,320 - Oh. - What is that? 284 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,120 It's the phone they gave me at the law firm. 285 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,800 Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? 286 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,480 - Works anywhere. - Yeah? 287 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,200 Excuse me. 288 00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,160 Cooper here. 289 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,160 Hello, Mr. Walters. 290 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,280 Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. 291 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,200 Um, hang on one second. 292 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,600 No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. 293 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,240 Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. 294 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,200 I don't rest until I find it. 295 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,920 Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country? 296 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,120 They would've stopped paying me. It seemed easier. 297 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,160 - So, where to? - I don't know. 298 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:31,040 First bus to Berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow. What do you wanna do? 299 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:34,680 Got the Tower of London... there's Buckingham Palace. 300 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,760 - Uh... - There's no drinking age. 301 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,680 - There you go! - Come on. 302 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,840 - Hey!"The Fiesty Goat." 303 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,240 All right! 304 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,120 What do you wanna... 305 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,960 Soccer hooligans. 306 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,000 Hey, this isn't where I parked my car! 307 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,360 Oy! 308 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,560 Who the bloody hell are you? 309 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:21,000 This is a private members bar, exclusively for the supporters 310 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:24,040 of the greatest football team in the world... 311 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:26,640 Manchester United. 312 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,880 Now please, enlighten me. 313 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,480 Who the fuck are you?! 314 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,520 That is a good question, and... Scotty? 315 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,120 Huh? 316 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,640 We're the Manchester United fan club... 317 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,520 from Ohio. 318 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,240 If you're Manchester United supporters... 319 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,040 sing the Manchester United song. 320 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,560 Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer... 321 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,520 - Sing!! - " My baby takes 322 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,640 " The morning train 323 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:05,000 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 324 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,800 " He takes another home again 325 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,200 " To find me... 326 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,560 " watching the Manchester United football team! " 327 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,120 Eh? 328 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:22,680 The best freakin' team in all the land! Whoo-hoo! 329 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:30,720 Pretty good. 330 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,040 - Pretty dang good, lads! - Yeah! 331 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,960 " My baby takes the morning train 332 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,080 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 333 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,840 " He takes another home again 334 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,720 " To find me waiting for him 335 00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:01,080 " He's always on that morning train " 336 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,040 I've unblocked your email address, 337 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:09,120 but this Scott is not responding. 338 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,360 He was the one. 339 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,600 I was going to give myself to him. 340 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,640 Perhaps you should give yourself to someone else... 341 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,800 fraulein. 342 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,120 I'm never drinking again. 343 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,720 Coop, wake up. 344 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,440 Oh, man, that was a wild night. 345 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:58,800 You think? 346 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,440 Scotty, where the hell are we going? 347 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,480 Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us. 348 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,680 Honey, where's Scotty? 349 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:20,600 - Cooper said they were going camping. - Oh, that's nice. 350 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,400 And where's Bert? 351 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,760 Fuck if I know. 352 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,480 Hey! How are you, you scalawag! 353 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,120 Look, given the current geopolitical climate, 354 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,240 all European countries should have a seat at the table. 355 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,800 - Right. - Except those fucking Ities. 356 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,120 I hate them Italian bastards. 357 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,160 - You know what I mean? - Excuse me. 358 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,560 Hello, boyo! 359 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:56,880 - What the hell happened last night? - You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. 360 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,720 Too much sauce, son. 361 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,040 Don't worry. 362 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:03,000 We come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip. 363 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,800 What trip? 364 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,160 - Where are we going? - What do you mean, where are we going? 365 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,280 We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. 366 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,320 Aren't we, boys? 367 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,040 Yeah! 368 00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:16,840 Why are you yelling at me? 369 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,320 So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it 370 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:22,360 before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance 371 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,800 and have her lick me yardballs! 372 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:31,600 Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here. 373 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,680 Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris. 374 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,280 I know. Cecil told me. 375 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:39,000 Mieke's in Berlin. We're not going to Berlin. 376 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,040 What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 377 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,840 See what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. 378 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:49,680 Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute. 379 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,360 That's why France and Germany have always been allies. 380 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,560 The twins. The twins are in Paris, right? 381 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,560 We can call them. They could help. Let me see your phone. 382 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,840 Okay, but I'm only supposed to use this for business calls. 383 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,720 Hey, don't... 384 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,080 You're on the wrong side of the road, 385 00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:27,960 you snail-eating puffs. 386 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:32,120 Fuck off! Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 387 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,360 Piss off! Get in here and say that, 388 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,760 you froggy Itie shities! 389 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:42,160 - Fucking beep! 390 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,280 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 391 00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:47,320 Get out of the way! Piss off! 392 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:56,640 Hey, lads! 393 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,320 That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! 394 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,840 Let's give this nancy a fucking good kicking! 395 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,320 Come on, lads, he's going off! 396 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,280 All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. 397 00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:23,280 Look at that! 398 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:25,280 There they are. Come on. Jenny! 399 00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:27,480 - Jamie! - Hey! 400 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:28,560 Come here! 401 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:29,720 No, no. No, no, no! 402 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,480 - Scott, bienvenu a Paris. - Thank you. 403 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,080 - Is that a new camera? - It isn't just a camera, 404 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,120 this is a Leica M7. 405 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,280 Uber-sensitive exposure settings, 406 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,120 legendary cloth shutter system. 407 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,840 - Let me see that thing. - No can do. 408 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,960 I spent four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it, 409 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,040 so nobody touches my camera but me. 410 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,400 - It's like your wiener. - No, it's not... 411 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,520 - Jenny... - Cooper, leave him alone. 412 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:58,040 Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl. 413 00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,800 Wait, not just any girl. 414 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,440 Show her the picture, Scotty. 415 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,320 She makes girls in our high school look like walruses. 416 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,560 I'm a girl from your high school. 417 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,120 No, I mean "girl" girls. 418 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,000 Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! 419 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,480 Let's go to the Louvre! 420 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,400 To the Louvre! 421 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:50,680 So, you guys wanna stay here, 422 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,640 or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower? 423 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:57,680 Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted syphilis two blocks from here. 424 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,040 - Should we go? - Can we please get out of here? 425 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,120 - This guy's really creeping me out. - Who, robot man? 426 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,160 He's just trying to feed his robot family. 427 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,400 - I really don't like him. - Why? 428 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,800 Because he's doing this? 429 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,640 OK, seriously, don't do that. 430 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,920 Cooper. Do not hate me. 431 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,960 I am familiar with over 600 dance moves 432 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,120 and I am programmed to get... 433 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,360 freaky. 434 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,680 You're just upset because people like me better. 435 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,720 It's okay. 436 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:11,480 Oh! 437 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,040 Fight! Fight! 438 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,800 Break the leg shot! 439 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:44,440 Ha! Ha! Ha! 440 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,560 Don't look in his eyes, Scotty. 441 00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,520 - Ohhh! - That was not cool. 442 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,400 - Oh! 443 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,400 Guys, let's go. Come on. 444 00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,800 Error! Error! Error! 445 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,640 How cool is this? 446 00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,400 It's a shame we only get to spend one day together. 447 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,120 - Why don't you come to Berlin? - Umm, no. 448 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,440 Jamie, come on. In a few months, we go to different colleges. 449 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:55,120 This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this. 450 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,080 Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? 451 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,240 This should be the trip of a lifetime. 452 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,560 There's no way we should split up. 453 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:05,080 All right, this table is now Europe, OK? 454 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,560 Excuse me. 455 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,960 We are right here, in Paris, 456 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,200 and I have got to get to Mieke, 457 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,600 who is over here, in Berlin. 458 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,640 If you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff 459 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,800 to see along the way. 460 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:24,040 - We can go to Denmark. - I love Denmark. 461 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,560 - We gotta hit Amsterdam. - Definitely. 462 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,440 And the cathedral at Cameret! 463 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,720 - Yeah... - Maybe. We'll see. 464 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,800 - Whatever. - If there's time. 465 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,120 Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke. 466 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:41,320 Fine. 467 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,120 - Excellent! - All right! 468 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,160 - A toast! - Yes! 469 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,320 - To Mieke! - To Europe! 470 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,800 To Europe! 471 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,560 Merci. 472 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,560 - Berlin, here we come! - All right. 473 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,200 Better let me hold on to those. 474 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,200 - What the hell is that? - It's a traveler's money belt. 475 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,520 Frommer's says if you have one of these, 476 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,360 no one can rob you of anything. 477 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:10,920 Except your dignity. 478 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,600 No, you just put that in your... 479 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,000 wait, what? 480 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,520 Come on, guidebook. Let's go. 481 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,560 Check it out. 482 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,160 European ass. 483 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:27,800 What's up? 484 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:34,040 Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some... 485 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,720 girl. Come on. Platform 4. 486 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,920 Thanks. 487 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:41,560 Damn! 488 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,400 I believe this is yours. 489 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,520 Pleased to meet you. My name is Christoph. 490 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,200 - Jenny, let's go! - Move it! 491 00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,240 Those are my friends. We're supposed to go to Berlin... 492 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,880 - Jenny! - I'm coming!! 493 00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,360 So, it was really nice to meet you. 494 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:08,400 The pleasure was all mine... 495 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:11,920 Jennifer. 496 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,480 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me " 497 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,520 " Do it in my van on Sundays " 498 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,000 " Tells him she's... " What? 499 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,440 You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune. 500 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,840 " Tells him she's in church But she doesn't go " 501 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:16,280 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 502 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,040 " Scotty doesn't know " 503 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,040 - " Scotty doesn't... " - Buongiorno. 504 00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,160 Buongiorno. 505 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:37,080 You know, there are a lot of other empty compartments. 506 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,640 Huh? 507 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:40,880 Ah! Si... 508 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:42,480 Si. 509 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,880 Pardon me. 510 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:18,080 Eh? 511 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,080 Ohhh... 512 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:22,640 Scusi. 513 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,680 Mi scusi. 514 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,480 Hi. 515 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,240 Buongiorno. 516 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,520 - What the hell are you doing? - Mi scusi, mi scusi. 517 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:09,920 No! No, no, no! 518 00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,080 - Uh-oh. - What? 519 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,160 Big tunnel. 520 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,400 Who's touching me? Scotty, is that you? 521 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,280 Who's touching me?! Scotty! 522 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,400 Oh! 523 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,320 Scusi. 524 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,080 Buongiorno. 525 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,360 Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here. 526 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,840 Well, we got a couple of hours to kill. 527 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:16,600 What's there to see in this town? 528 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,760 Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres. 529 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:23,080 It's a monument to all the local fishermen who were lost at sea. 530 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:26,280 Frommer's says it's supposed to be..."quite moving." 531 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,320 What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? 532 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,160 We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue. 533 00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:34,160 I'm taking a nap. 534 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:36,280 Wake me up when the train gets here. 535 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,520 Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach. 536 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,400 All right, we can't all just lie around all day. 537 00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,280 We gotta experience the culture firsthand. 538 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,520 Let's go exploring! 539 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,680 So, what's the etiquette on boners? 540 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,680 Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, 541 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,680 or is it cool to just let my flag fly? 542 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,200 Wait, wait. 543 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,920 Does "nude beach" mean we have to get naked, too? 544 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,640 Of course. 545 00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,240 Do you think you can go an hour 546 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,320 without your currency colostomy bag? 547 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,600 As long as this thing has our money and passports in it, 548 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:15,280 it's not coming off, and my trunks won't come off, either. 549 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:16,720 Come on. 550 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:18,920 You came all the way to Europe. 551 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:20,760 Can't wimp out now. 552 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,040 OK. 553 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:25,840 All right, on the count of three. 554 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:27,040 Here we go. 555 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,640 3,2,1... 556 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:31,520 Look at Jamie's penis! 557 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,440 Very funny. Very funny. 558 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:34,720 All right. 559 00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,400 Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin. 560 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:40,680 - Here we go. - Really? 561 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,000 - Yes. - Mm-hmm. 562 00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:48,680 - Hello, ladies! 563 00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,000 - Ladies? - Bitches? 564 00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:06,520 Eww! What a rip! There's no nude girls here, 565 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,720 Just guys like us looking for nude girls. 566 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,040 I don't understand. 567 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,360 "Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent. 568 00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:15,920 "However... 569 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,120 "during the summer, the European women 570 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,680 "are chased away by gawking male tourists, 571 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:27,600 "so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists head to the deserted beach 572 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:30,000 "next to the Monument des Poissonieres." 573 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,080 There's so many penises. 574 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,600 Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen. 575 00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:54,880 This is the biggest sausage fest on earth. 576 00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,480 It's the international house of sausage. 577 00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:58,920 Hey! 578 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,720 - Thanks for waiting. - You're not missing anything. 579 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:05,240 It's all guys. 580 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,240 At least the sun's out. 581 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,400 " Dreams come true " 582 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,120 " I made my dreams come true " 583 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,040 " My dreams come true " 584 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,480 Holy crap! 585 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,480 What? I thought this was a nude beach. 586 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,560 No!!! 587 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:48,920 - Huh? - No. 588 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,040 - What? What are you doing? - Jenny, you gotta cover up. 589 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:53,880 Girl? 590 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,080 Girl! 591 00:42:55,160 --> 00:43:00,040 Ooh, girl. Girl... girl. 592 00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,880 Girl... girl... 593 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,200 Run! 594 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,240 - I'm not gonna make it. 595 00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,840 - Go on without me. - All right. See ya. 596 00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,000 Chica! Chica! 597 00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,480 Chica! Chica! 598 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,440 Reading Mieke's old emails again? 599 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,040 Yeah. 600 00:43:45,720 --> 00:43:49,520 I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her. 601 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,040 You know, she said I might be the one? 602 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:55,720 That's huge. 603 00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:59,320 I've never been "the one" before. 604 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:03,120 Thought I was "the one" with Fiona, but turns out I was, what, 101? 605 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,720 - 200. - 200! 606 00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,160 Look, you got nothing to worry about. 607 00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:11,680 You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet. 608 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,040 Thanks. 609 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,520 Yeah. 610 00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,720 I will, won't I? 611 00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:30,400 I'm so sad and lonely. 612 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,000 I'm so sad and lonely. 613 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,400 I just wish someone would show up 614 00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,160 and sweep me off my German feet. 615 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,920 Mieke! I'm here. 616 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,600 Scotty! 617 00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:43,680 About that last email. I'm so sorry... 618 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,920 The past is the past. You're here now. 619 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,720 I've been saving myself for you. 620 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:54,320 Let us make love for one whole month. 621 00:44:57,360 --> 00:45:00,800 Touch me, Scotty. 622 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,480 OK. 623 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,520 Oh, Scott... 624 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,400 - Mi bello. 625 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,200 Mi bello. 626 00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,720 Mi bello. 627 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,720 Mi bello. 628 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,800 Mi bello. 629 00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:46,400 Mi scusi. 630 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,160 Mi scusi! 631 00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:56,360 " Hot stuff baby this evening " 632 00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:58,440 " Gotta have some hot stuff " 633 00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:01,440 " Gotta have some love tonight " 634 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,800 " Hot stuff " 635 00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,600 Guys, our train doesn't leave till morning. 636 00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,680 - Where will we sleep? - What do you mean, sleep? 637 00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:27,880 We can sleep on the train tomorrow. 638 00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:31,240 This is the best that could've happened. We're in Amsterdam! 639 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,400 This is the drug and sex capital of Europe! 640 00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:35,640 Take a look at this. 641 00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,240 "Club Vandersexxx." 642 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,280 "The red light district's hottest sex club." 643 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,040 We have to check it out. Who's with me? 644 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:48,520 I'll go. 645 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,480 Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, 646 00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,240 I'll just go myself. 647 00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:11,040 " I see " 648 00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,520 " You're waiting for me " 649 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:18,400 This is definitely where I parked my car. 650 00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,480 Hello there. 651 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,400 Welcome to Club Vandersexxx... 652 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,440 Amsterdam's most erotic club, 653 00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:32,840 where your every fantasy will be fulfilled. 654 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,720 Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer. 655 00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:40,240 He's American. 656 00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:45,440 How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes. 657 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:50,040 A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. 658 00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,800 A country where a man is forced to make sex 659 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,800 to only one woman at a time, 660 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,840 and one must learn the woman's name beforehand. 661 00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:01,320 - It was horrible. - I know. 662 00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,480 But you can come with me... 663 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,600 and let the Vandersexxx begin. 664 00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:14,840 " Marijuana in my soul " 665 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,840 " Your iguana in my hall " 666 00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,200 I can't believe we're doing this. 667 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:23,320 Don't worry. Hash brownies are totally legal here. 668 00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,360 You're gonna enjoy these, man. These are magical. 669 00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:30,960 " I like to smoke marijuana " 670 00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,680 - You wanna do this? - Yeah. 671 00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:40,520 - Hi. - Hi. 672 00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,560 I need a new battery for my camera, 673 00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,120 and while you're at it, it could use a cleaning. 674 00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:46,720 Wow. 675 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:49,840 Is that a Leica M6? 676 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:51,280 Actually, it's an M7. 677 00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:53,600 It's got the built-in light meter. 678 00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:55,840 It's so beautiful. 679 00:48:56,720 --> 00:48:59,320 So sleek, so powerful. 680 00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,400 How's the new lens system? 681 00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,440 Makes the Nikon look like a disposable. 682 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,000 You really know your cameras. 683 00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:10,960 And you're very cute. 684 00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:13,480 Me? Really? 685 00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:15,760 I'm going on break. 686 00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,720 I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. 687 00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,440 Would you like to join me? 688 00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,160 I don't smoke. 689 00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:32,640 Neither do I. 690 00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:34,240 Hold on, hold on. 691 00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:35,960 What is it? 692 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,520 This is great! 693 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,720 You're so innocent. 694 00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,720 Let's change that... shall we? 695 00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,080 What would you like me to do? 696 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:50,560 Well... I don't really know... 697 00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,800 I guess I really haven't done that much. 698 00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:56,480 I haven't really found the time, with all my extracurriculars, 699 00:49:56,560 --> 00:50:00,440 and model U.N., advanced placement classes, after-school tutor... 700 00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,200 ...ing! Ah! 701 00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:06,880 Gosh, you really like cameras! 702 00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:10,880 Sometimes, we find our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, 703 00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,680 that they sometimes scream out,"no," 704 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,600 when really they mean,"yes." 705 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,080 And this is why we have the safe word. 706 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,800 The "safe word"? 707 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:26,080 If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, 708 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,400 you just use the safe word. 709 00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:33,040 Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop. 710 00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:35,600 Yeah, right. Stop. All right. 711 00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:38,760 We're going to start slowly, 712 00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:43,360 teasing you with a little light erotic foreplay. 713 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,080 Whee! 714 00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:48,640 Oh, yes, ladies! 715 00:50:48,720 --> 00:50:51,280 On, on, vandersexxx! 716 00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:00,480 Hans! Gruber! 717 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:05,600 Hi. 718 00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:19,760 So, are the girls coming back? 719 00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:22,600 Administer the testicle clamps! 720 00:51:22,720 --> 00:51:24,520 - Huh? What? Hey! 721 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,920 Safe word! 722 00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:43,120 What is that?! That's not a word, it's a... 723 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,960 "Fluggen-kliggin-kien?" 724 00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,560 Fluggen!!! 725 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,200 - OK, mister, don't move. - Excuse me? 726 00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:00,160 Shut the hell up! 727 00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:02,160 Oh, brother! Please don't hurt me. 728 00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:05,120 Oh, no... you're fine. That's good. You're fine. 729 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,360 Give me cash? You got cash? 730 00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:09,560 Take it all, you dirty girl. 731 00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:10,960 What? 732 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,440 Your wallet! Focus! 733 00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:16,840 - Give it to me. - Oh! 734 00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:18,720 Oh, I love you! 735 00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,280 I love you! 736 00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:26,080 I love you! I looove you! 737 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,040 What's so funny? 738 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,560 I'm really hungry. I think I've got the munchies. 739 00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:54,360 - Excuse me. - Huh? 740 00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:58,080 It's hot in here. You hot? 'Cause I'm really hot. 741 00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:00,480 - So good. - OK, I can't breathe! God! 742 00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:04,200 I'm freaking out! I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. 743 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:06,360 I can't... I can't do this. 744 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:10,040 I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. 745 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:14,280 The girls never came. The girls never came! 746 00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:17,200 I am freaking out!! 747 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:21,000 - Everything all right with you? - No, nothing's all right. 748 00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,200 You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. 749 00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:25,240 You're a bad Rastafarian. 750 00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,880 These are not hash brownies. 751 00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:29,280 Hmm? 752 00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:34,280 - What was that? - We do not sell hash brownies. 753 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,480 We're a simple Dutch bakery! 754 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,160 Now put your clothes back on, white boy! 755 00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:47,200 Ow! Ow! Ow! 756 00:53:47,240 --> 00:53:49,000 "Fluggengegeholen!" 757 00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,160 Did you say fluggegecheimen? 758 00:53:53,240 --> 00:53:54,240 Yes! Yes! 759 00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:57,000 For the love of god, fluggengecheimen! 760 00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:58,720 Are you sure? 761 00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:00,040 Yes, please. 762 00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,160 As you wish. 763 00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,760 Bring on the fluggegecheimen! 764 00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,120 Wait... what? 765 00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,160 Uh-oh. 766 00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:16,480 No, no, no! I didn't say fluggegecheimen, 767 00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:17,680 I said, uh... 768 00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:39,400 What'd you do last night? 769 00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:43,720 I don't want to talk about it. 770 00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:45,200 What did you guys do? 771 00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,320 Don't want to talk about it. 772 00:54:49,720 --> 00:54:53,440 - What is that? - Free T-shirt. 773 00:54:57,920 --> 00:54:59,600 Hey, guys. 774 00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:02,480 What happened to you? 775 00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:04,200 I got robbed. 776 00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,440 It was awesome! 777 00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:12,560 Our money, passports, tickets... Everything, gone! 778 00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:15,720 How the hell could this happen? 779 00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:18,880 We all go to Amsterdam, and Jamie's the one who hooks up! 780 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:22,120 For shame! 781 00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:33,200 Oh, that's me. 782 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,000 Coop here. Sorry. 783 00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,920 Hello, Mr. Walters. 784 00:55:42,600 --> 00:55:44,600 You never got the Gutterman file? 785 00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:46,600 I told Humphrey to give it to you. 786 00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:50,840 That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday. 787 00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:54,040 I'll tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. 788 00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:56,120 Bye. 789 00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,560 - This job's killing me. 790 00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:13,680 - Uh... - Let me handle this. 791 00:56:13,720 --> 00:56:16,080 I speak bad German. 792 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:42,200 - What did he say? - He said he's driving. 793 00:56:42,240 --> 00:56:43,480 - Oh. - Something. 794 00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:45,320 Jah. 795 00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,120 Berlin? 796 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,760 - Berlin? - Berlin! 797 00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,360 - He's going to Berlin! - Awesome! 798 00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:14,800 - All right! Berlin! - Come on, let's go! 799 00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:25,440 Next stop, Berlin! 800 00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:50,800 Beautiful! We made it to Berlin. 801 00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,000 Jah. Berlin! 802 00:57:57,920 --> 00:57:59,680 - Bratislava? - Yeah. 803 00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:01,720 Bratislava! 804 00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:10,480 Dear sweet mother of God. 805 00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,680 We're in Eastern Europe. 806 00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:16,360 Eww! 807 00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:40,960 Excuse me. 808 00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:43,760 Do you speak any English? 809 00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:46,760 You are Americans? 810 00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:48,160 Yeah. 811 00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:50,160 I love America. 812 00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,640 We just get "Miami Vice" on television. 813 00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:57,800 "Miami Vice" is number one new show. 814 00:58:57,880 --> 00:58:59,280 Yeah. 815 00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:02,560 Listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. 816 00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,360 Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon? 817 00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:08,840 Oh, yes, very soon. They are building it now. 818 00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,200 Stop! Hammer time! 819 00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,520 Enjoy Bratislava! 820 00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,040 It's good you came in summer. 821 00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:23,560 In winter, it can get very depressing. 822 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:27,680 We gotta figure something out. How much money do we have? 823 00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:34,720 Frommer's travel tip. 824 00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:37,960 I don't have anything. 825 00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,240 What? I got noth... fine. 826 00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:49,520 $1.83 American. 827 00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,440 What are we gonna get with that? 828 00:59:57,280 --> 01:00:00,760 Gotta love that exchange rate! 829 01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:03,400 Ta. 830 01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:10,160 Hapi Djus. 831 01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:12,080 Teraz bez drenei. 832 01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:15,200 Hmm. Now with less pulp. 833 01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:18,200 Dinner is served. 834 01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:20,760 Would the masters care for anything else? 835 01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:22,600 Think we're good. Thanks. 836 01:00:24,120 --> 01:00:26,720 Ah! A nickel! 837 01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,040 You see this? 838 01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:34,480 - I quit! 839 01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:37,280 I open my own hotel! 840 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,440 So, we got 27 cents left. 841 01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,680 What is there to do in this town? 842 01:00:56,600 --> 01:00:59,520 - " My Scotty " - " Scotty, Scotty " 843 01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:03,160 " Scotty doesn't know " 844 01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:05,200 " Don't tell Scotty " 845 01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,200 - " Scotty doesn't know " 846 01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:11,320 This song sounds familiar. 847 01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:17,520 Jenny, lemme check your coat. 848 01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:23,920 - Hey! - Jenny! 849 01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:27,360 That outfit is horrible! Just take it off... now! 850 01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:32,160 No, but I will let you buy me a drink. 851 01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:33,560 Excuse me! 852 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:38,160 You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you? 853 01:01:38,240 --> 01:01:40,000 - My name is... - Christoph. 854 01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:41,680 Yes. 855 01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:43,400 What are you doing here? 856 01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:46,800 This is my place. My family owns many nightclubs in Europe. 857 01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:50,040 I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P.Room for a drink. 858 01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:51,920 Mmm-kay. 859 01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:55,640 Bye, Cooper. 860 01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:04,800 - What's that? - It's absinthe. 861 01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:07,160 Frommer's says it's illegal in the States 862 01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:09,840 because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy. 863 01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,120 They call it "the green fairy." 864 01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,800 My family has a yacht in the Aegean. 865 01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:25,200 Come with me, Jennifer. We will sail away together. 866 01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,240 Oh, my God! 867 01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:30,560 We will swim with dolphins, and sip champagne by moonlight. 868 01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,200 Oh, my God! 869 01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:36,280 We will spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine. 870 01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:38,720 My wife makes the best sangria. 871 01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:40,720 Wait... what? 872 01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,320 Sangria. 873 01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:44,120 You take a good Spanish Rioja, 874 01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,440 and you put in slices of orange, and... 875 01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:49,120 No, wait. You said you were married? 876 01:02:50,960 --> 01:02:54,040 You go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet? 877 01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,480 No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. 878 01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,480 I also sleep with men. 879 01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:05,160 I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything. 880 01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:06,680 Me neither. 881 01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:08,480 Sober as a judge. 882 01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:11,280 How 'bout you? 883 01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:13,360 I'm not feeling a goddamn thing. 884 01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:16,040 This absinthe is bullshit! 885 01:03:16,120 --> 01:03:17,720 I hear you, my brother. 886 01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:19,640 I'm outta here. 887 01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:21,240 Excuse me. 888 01:03:21,320 --> 01:03:24,520 - Hey, so where's Christoph? - Shut up. 889 01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:48,360 - Europe! - Europe! 890 01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:51,960 - Whoo! - Europe! 891 01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:07,520 So, tomorrow, Berlin. 892 01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:09,480 Tomorrow, Mieke! 893 01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:17,400 Check it out. 894 01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,880 No way! 895 01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:23,040 Jamie's hooking up with another girl? Goddamn it! 896 01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:26,200 It's just so unfair. I've been all over, 897 01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:29,840 looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up... 898 01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:31,960 - Oh, my God! 899 01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:39,080 That is some pretty fucked-up shit. 900 01:04:42,320 --> 01:04:45,600 Can you say, "What the fuck did I do last night?" 901 01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:03,200 They really are the worst twins ever. 902 01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:32,480 That was a pretty wild night, eh? 903 01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:36,360 Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild. 904 01:05:38,960 --> 01:05:40,920 I know I was out of control. 905 01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:42,600 How about you guys? Did you...? 906 01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:45,440 All right, look. We were really drunk, 907 01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:47,920 things got a little crazy, and Jamie... 908 01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:50,000 kissed me. 909 01:05:50,960 --> 01:05:52,800 Let's just forget about it, 'kay? 910 01:05:52,960 --> 01:05:55,360 - Consider it forgotten. - Never happened. 911 01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:56,960 Never happened. 912 01:05:57,080 --> 01:06:00,200 Fine. Let's just forget about it. 913 01:06:00,280 --> 01:06:01,960 It's not like you two had sex. 914 01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:05,760 - Have you had sex? - Shut up, Cooper! 915 01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:08,640 Jamie, relax. Cooper. Please? 916 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,040 OK, fine. I'll give it a rest. 917 01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:16,840 Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's? 918 01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:22,720 Oh, here it is. Bratislava. 919 01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:25,080 Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. 920 01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:27,320 Oh, here's a fun fact. 921 01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:30,680 You made out with your sister, man! 922 01:06:30,800 --> 01:06:33,760 - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! - Like two dogs in heat. 923 01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:40,040 My friends, where is the beef? 924 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,960 You go to Berlin? I'm your ride. 925 01:06:45,040 --> 01:06:46,480 Hop in. 926 01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:53,720 " "99 Red Balloons" 927 01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:16,000 This is Mieke's apartment building. 928 01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:18,440 Wish me all sorts of luck, guys. 929 01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:21,440 You'll do great, Scotty. 930 01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:25,320 Thanks. 931 01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:49,000 I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this. 932 01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:57,760 - Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run! - Stop. 933 01:08:09,840 --> 01:08:11,560 Hi, my name is Scott Thomas. 934 01:08:11,680 --> 01:08:14,000 I'm from America, and I'm here to see Mieke. 935 01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:16,400 I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here. 936 01:08:16,440 --> 01:08:17,920 Do you know where she is? 937 01:08:18,040 --> 01:08:20,000 She's gone for the summer. 938 01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:37,360 My daughter had intended to spend the summer in America, 939 01:08:37,440 --> 01:08:40,040 looking at colleges and visiting some friends. 940 01:08:40,120 --> 01:08:42,960 But several days ago, she suddenly changed her mind. 941 01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:44,960 She would not tell me why. 942 01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:48,080 I think I know why. 943 01:08:53,280 --> 01:08:56,800 This is Heinrich. He's Mieke's stepbrother. 944 01:08:56,840 --> 01:08:59,920 As I was saying, she packed up her bag and left. 945 01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:02,640 - It was all very sudden. - Do you know where she is now? 946 01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,080 She's always been very interested in the classics, 947 01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:10,200 Greek and Roman literature, history, and she's always enjoyed the ocean, 948 01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:13,400 so she found a program that combines all her interests. 949 01:09:13,480 --> 01:09:15,120 Do you know where she is? 950 01:09:15,240 --> 01:09:19,720 She enrolled in a summer at sea program, based in Rome. 951 01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:22,440 Rome. 952 01:09:22,520 --> 01:09:25,200 OK, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then. 953 01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:28,160 Unfortunately, Mieke's only in Rome for orientation. 954 01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:31,800 Tomorrow her group boards a boat and she'll be gone for the summer. 955 01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:34,640 She'll be quite unreachable. 956 01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:37,040 Unreachable. 957 01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:46,720 Mieke's tour group goes to the Vatican tomorrow, 958 01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:48,920 then she gets on that boat and she's gone. 959 01:09:49,040 --> 01:09:50,520 So, it's over? 960 01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:56,800 Thanks for sticking with me through this, guys, but... 961 01:09:56,840 --> 01:09:59,160 you should probably call your parents, 962 01:09:59,240 --> 01:10:02,240 have them wire you some money and go home. 963 01:10:02,400 --> 01:10:04,080 What are you gonna do? 964 01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:06,720 I'm going to Rome. 965 01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:10,080 I'll walk, I'll hitchhike, 966 01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:13,120 I'll swim if I have to, but I'll get to Mieke somehow. 967 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:19,440 Maybe that'll help. 968 01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:20,960 Where'd you get all that? 969 01:10:21,040 --> 01:10:23,880 Wait. Where's your Leica? 970 01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:25,800 Sold it. 971 01:10:25,880 --> 01:10:27,440 What? 972 01:10:29,040 --> 01:10:31,840 You sold your Leica? But you loved that thing. 973 01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:34,520 What about your Europe photo tour, the chateaus? 974 01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:37,240 Chateaus have been there for 300 years. 975 01:10:37,320 --> 01:10:39,080 Mieke's gone in 12 hours. 976 01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:46,520 Let's go! Frommer's says check in three hours before international flights. 977 01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:48,680 Come here, guidebook! 978 01:10:48,760 --> 01:10:51,640 Whoo! We're going to Rome. We're going to Rome! 979 01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:03,760 " Be my girl " 980 01:11:04,480 --> 01:11:07,000 " Be my girl " 981 01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:08,680 " Are you gonna be my " 982 01:11:08,760 --> 01:11:11,520 " Girl, yeah " 983 01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,440 " Be my girl " 984 01:11:13,520 --> 01:11:16,040 " Be my girl " 985 01:11:16,120 --> 01:11:19,200 " Are you gonna be my girl " 986 01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:25,840 All right, summer at sea group. 987 01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:28,000 Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. 988 01:11:28,080 --> 01:11:30,080 This way, please. 989 01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:40,000 There it is. 990 01:11:45,480 --> 01:11:48,960 This entrance is for private tour groups only. 991 01:11:50,800 --> 01:11:53,480 Oh... but we are a private tour group. 992 01:11:53,560 --> 01:11:55,640 We've come all the way from America. 993 01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:01,280 That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. 994 01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:10,800 Si, I can tell. How very, very sad. 995 01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:12,880 Yes, it is. 996 01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:15,280 But if you are a tour, where is your guide? 997 01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:17,400 We've got a fantastic tour guide. 998 01:12:17,480 --> 01:12:20,280 - Right here. - What? No... 999 01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:26,360 The Vatican has been used as a papal residence 1000 01:12:26,440 --> 01:12:28,760 ever since the time of Constantine the Great 1001 01:12:28,840 --> 01:12:30,440 of the 5th century A.D.! 1002 01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:34,320 - Oh. 1003 01:12:34,360 --> 01:12:38,200 OK... um... if you'll all follow me, please. 1004 01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:44,600 Have a very special day 1005 01:12:44,680 --> 01:12:49,120 for a very special little man. 1006 01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:50,800 OK. 1007 01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,320 I can't believe that guy let us in. 1008 01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:57,160 What a retard! 1009 01:12:57,240 --> 01:12:58,840 - Let's find Mieke. - Scusate. 1010 01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:03,480 One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. 1011 01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:06,600 Could you please take these peoples also? 1012 01:13:08,560 --> 01:13:12,520 - How big is Vatican City? -. 5 square kilometers. 1013 01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:16,520 - Who built the colonnades? - Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656. 1014 01:13:16,600 --> 01:13:19,000 - Where are the bathrooms? - Floors 2,6 and 7. 1015 01:13:19,080 --> 01:13:22,880 Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope. 1016 01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:26,120 When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. 1017 01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:29,480 - Here's a fun fact... - Mieke must be around here somewhere. 1018 01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:30,520 Let's go. 1019 01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:42,200 Behind me is the appartamento papale, 1020 01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:45,720 or "papal apartment." We're obviously not permitted. 1021 01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:49,720 Excuse me, miss. What is this? 1022 01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,480 That is the bell of San Marco. 1023 01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:53,960 When the pope dies, the Cardinal Vicar of Rome 1024 01:13:54,040 --> 01:13:56,440 rings this bell to notify the people of Rome. 1025 01:13:56,520 --> 01:14:00,240 Next we will view the Sistine Chapel. Follow me, please. 1026 01:14:01,800 --> 01:14:05,480 Come on. I think I hear them. 1027 01:14:05,520 --> 01:14:07,000 Which way did they go? 1028 01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:09,320 That way. I'd stake my reputation on it. 1029 01:14:09,400 --> 01:14:11,200 Good enough for me. 1030 01:14:11,280 --> 01:14:14,720 Hey, check it out! I wonder what this does. 1031 01:14:14,840 --> 01:14:18,800 It doesn't do anything, it's a rope. Come on, let's go. 1032 01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:20,920 They got a lot of old stuff here. 1033 01:14:28,520 --> 01:14:29,840 Dio mio! 1034 01:14:30,560 --> 01:14:32,840 The bell of San Marco! 1035 01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:36,520 The pope is dead! 1036 01:14:40,520 --> 01:14:41,680 Whoa. 1037 01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:46,080 She's not in here. 1038 01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:49,080 Let's go. We're definitely not supposed to be in here. 1039 01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:51,360 Hey, check this out! 1040 01:14:51,480 --> 01:14:53,760 - I'm the pope! - Cooper... 1041 01:14:53,840 --> 01:14:56,360 take off the pope hat. 1042 01:14:56,480 --> 01:15:00,720 - Oh, no. It's OK.I'm catholic. - Take it off, goddamnit! 1043 01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:03,720 Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain! 1044 01:15:03,800 --> 01:15:06,080 Only I can forgive you now, my son. 1045 01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:07,800 Take that fudging thing off! 1046 01:15:07,880 --> 01:15:09,960 The pope breaks an open-field tackle. 1047 01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:12,600 It's a Hail Mary, he catches at the 40... 1048 01:15:12,680 --> 01:15:14,920 the 30, the 20, the 10... 1049 01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:17,320 touchdown, Pope! 1050 01:15:18,440 --> 01:15:21,280 The pope makes a two-point conversion. 1051 01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:23,880 And oh, my Lord! It's the Pope, eight, 1052 01:15:23,960 --> 01:15:26,360 and the heathens, nothing! 1053 01:15:28,000 --> 01:15:30,560 How's you, sucka? 1054 01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:34,840 Cooper, the hat! The hat! 1055 01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:36,320 The hat is on fire! 1056 01:15:36,400 --> 01:15:38,480 " We don't need no water let the m... " 1057 01:15:38,560 --> 01:15:40,320 I'm not kidding! Look! 1058 01:15:40,960 --> 01:15:42,400 Oh, holy shit! 1059 01:15:43,600 --> 01:15:44,840 I don't want this! 1060 01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:47,080 Fireplace! Fireplace! Go, go! 1061 01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:50,640 Whoa! 1062 01:15:57,720 --> 01:15:59,960 White smoke! 1063 01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:03,240 They've elected the new pope! 1064 01:16:05,840 --> 01:16:07,960 I'm coming to you live from Vatican Square 1065 01:16:08,040 --> 01:16:10,600 where the College of Cardinals, in a surprise move, 1066 01:16:10,680 --> 01:16:15,280 has just elected a new pope. The crowd is very excited. 1067 01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:17,280 This is so strange. 1068 01:16:17,320 --> 01:16:21,000 Usually they wait 15 days to elect a new pope. 1069 01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:23,280 We could be seeing history in the making! 1070 01:16:23,360 --> 01:16:25,840 We could be seeing an arrest in the making. 1071 01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,200 There she is. Mieke! 1072 01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:40,560 Hey! Stupid curtain! 1073 01:16:41,760 --> 01:16:43,600 Let me out! 1074 01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:48,680 Mieke! 1075 01:16:48,760 --> 01:16:50,880 It's the new pope! 1076 01:17:17,040 --> 01:17:19,960 What the hell...? 1077 01:17:24,640 --> 01:17:26,240 Mieke! 1078 01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:30,520 Hold on! 1079 01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:38,760 This is one crazy pope. 1080 01:17:47,440 --> 01:17:49,280 You! 1081 01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:52,400 Ferma! Stop! You! 1082 01:17:53,800 --> 01:17:58,280 You... and your retarded friend, 1083 01:17:58,360 --> 01:18:00,080 you're in big, big trouble. 1084 01:18:00,160 --> 01:18:01,240 Oy! 1085 01:18:04,200 --> 01:18:06,680 Take your mitts off them boys! 1086 01:18:06,760 --> 01:18:08,920 They're with me! 1087 01:18:10,640 --> 01:18:13,960 I've just about had enough of you fuckin' ities! 1088 01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:16,240 But I am Swiss! 1089 01:18:17,680 --> 01:18:19,280 Them, too! 1090 01:18:25,160 --> 01:18:26,320 Now, bud... 1091 01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:29,320 you get in there, and you say what you got to say. 1092 01:18:30,800 --> 01:18:33,080 Mieke. I'm here. 1093 01:18:33,120 --> 01:18:34,520 I made it. 1094 01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:39,560 Who are you? 1095 01:18:43,680 --> 01:18:47,120 What a fucking loser! I'm gonna videotape this. 1096 01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:50,800 I'm Scott. 1097 01:18:50,840 --> 01:18:52,320 From Ohio? 1098 01:18:52,400 --> 01:18:56,000 Scott? Scott Thomas? 1099 01:18:56,080 --> 01:18:59,680 - Yes. - From Ohio? 1100 01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:02,760 - What are you doing in Rome? - I came here to be with you. 1101 01:19:02,840 --> 01:19:05,520 Listen, I just traveled all the way across Europe. 1102 01:19:05,600 --> 01:19:08,000 I got chased by naked men. 1103 01:19:08,080 --> 01:19:11,640 I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them. 1104 01:19:12,160 --> 01:19:15,720 I watched a brother and sister make out. 1105 01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:19,880 I kicked a robot in the balls, but I did it all so that... 1106 01:19:20,000 --> 01:19:22,120 so I could tell you one thing. 1107 01:19:24,920 --> 01:19:26,840 I love you, Mieke. 1108 01:19:26,920 --> 01:19:29,400 Aww... 1109 01:19:29,440 --> 01:19:32,200 We're perfect for each other. What do you think? 1110 01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:35,200 I think... 1111 01:19:50,920 --> 01:19:53,760 Oh, Mike... Mieke! 1112 01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:09,200 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 1113 01:20:09,280 --> 01:20:10,800 I have cheated on my husband. 1114 01:20:10,880 --> 01:20:13,640 Do you think God will ever forgive me? 1115 01:20:13,720 --> 01:20:15,600 Oh, yes! 1116 01:20:15,680 --> 01:20:18,200 - Father? 1117 01:20:28,360 --> 01:20:30,160 This sucks. 1118 01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:33,920 I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here. 1119 01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:36,840 Europe is officially the worst country on Earth. 1120 01:20:36,920 --> 01:20:38,400 I know. 1121 01:20:38,480 --> 01:20:42,040 I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex. 1122 01:20:45,720 --> 01:20:47,000 What? 1123 01:20:55,960 --> 01:20:58,080 - Scott, I have to go. - OK. 1124 01:20:58,920 --> 01:21:01,560 My boat is leaving. 1125 01:21:01,640 --> 01:21:04,000 I still can't believe you came all the way here, 1126 01:21:04,080 --> 01:21:05,560 just for me. 1127 01:21:05,680 --> 01:21:09,040 What can I say? I'm very unpredictable. 1128 01:21:09,080 --> 01:21:11,800 Keep writing to me, Scott, OK? 1129 01:21:11,880 --> 01:21:13,400 Yeah, I will. 1130 01:21:22,640 --> 01:21:24,640 - Go. - Bye. 1131 01:21:32,120 --> 01:21:34,520 Yes! Yes! Yes! 1132 01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:37,560 Whoo-hoo! 1133 01:21:37,640 --> 01:21:41,080 Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got to take this trip together. 1134 01:21:41,160 --> 01:21:43,560 This was the best time of my life. 1135 01:21:47,280 --> 01:21:49,080 Excuse me. 1136 01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:52,640 You're the young man who gave me that tour of the Vatican, aren't you? 1137 01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:58,080 - Listen, I'm very sorry... - I just wanted to thank you. 1138 01:21:58,160 --> 01:22:01,520 You were the most knowledgeable, albeit idiosyncratic, 1139 01:22:01,560 --> 01:22:03,440 tour guide I've ever had. 1140 01:22:03,560 --> 01:22:05,200 Thanks. 1141 01:22:05,320 --> 01:22:07,480 But I'm not actually a tour guide. 1142 01:22:07,600 --> 01:22:10,440 I've just read Frommer's enough to have it memorized. 1143 01:22:10,520 --> 01:22:13,360 Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about. 1144 01:22:13,440 --> 01:22:15,240 How would you like to add them? 1145 01:22:15,320 --> 01:22:16,720 Excuse me? 1146 01:22:16,800 --> 01:22:19,800 That's my guidebook. 1147 01:22:25,080 --> 01:22:26,760 I'm Arthur Frommer. 1148 01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:30,320 It's amazing! 1149 01:22:30,400 --> 01:22:34,680 Frommer's is going to pay me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe. 1150 01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:38,080 - That sounds so exciting... 1151 01:22:38,200 --> 01:22:41,000 for you. 1152 01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:43,360 I figured, since you're going to be staying, 1153 01:22:43,400 --> 01:22:45,800 you might need this. 1154 01:22:45,840 --> 01:22:48,640 - A disposable camera. - That's right. 1155 01:22:48,720 --> 01:22:49,920 Thanks, Scotty. 1156 01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:51,560 That's from both of us. 1157 01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:01,320 Hello, Mr. Walters. 1158 01:23:01,400 --> 01:23:03,080 I see. 1159 01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:05,760 Fired? Well, I... 1160 01:23:05,840 --> 01:23:09,760 Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... 1161 01:23:09,880 --> 01:23:12,600 goodbye, sir. 1162 01:23:12,720 --> 01:23:14,360 They had to catch you eventually, right? 1163 01:23:14,480 --> 01:23:16,640 - No, they fired Humphrey. - Shut up! 1164 01:23:16,720 --> 01:23:18,080 I got his office and a raise. 1165 01:23:18,160 --> 01:23:19,640 - No! 1166 01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:23,320 Flight 341 from Rome to Cleveland... 1167 01:23:23,400 --> 01:23:24,600 That's you guys. 1168 01:23:24,680 --> 01:23:27,120 - Have a good flight, everybody. - Come here. 1169 01:23:29,920 --> 01:23:31,400 Be good. 1170 01:23:31,480 --> 01:23:34,920 - Oh! OK... 1171 01:23:34,960 --> 01:23:37,720 - Cooper, have a good flight. - Be good. 1172 01:23:37,800 --> 01:23:38,880 Thanks. 1173 01:24:12,360 --> 01:24:13,840 I'm on it. 1174 01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:25,360 This still counts as Europe, right? 1175 01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:36,240 "Dear Mieke, 1176 01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:39,120 "Greece sounds incredible. 1177 01:24:39,200 --> 01:24:41,120 "I just moved into my dorm room today, 1178 01:24:41,200 --> 01:24:43,920 "but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break. 1179 01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:46,800 "This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct." 1180 01:24:53,640 --> 01:24:56,040 - Hello? - Hey, buddy, how's college? 1181 01:24:56,120 --> 01:24:59,040 I just got here. My roommate hasn't even showed up yet. 1182 01:24:59,120 --> 01:25:01,480 Do they room all you pre-med geeks together? 1183 01:25:01,560 --> 01:25:03,120 I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. 1184 01:25:03,200 --> 01:25:05,160 I'm thinking about majoring in German. 1185 01:25:05,240 --> 01:25:07,320 German? I've got a better idea. 1186 01:25:07,400 --> 01:25:09,800 Why don't you major in not being such a woman? 1187 01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:11,400 So, how's Jenny? 1188 01:25:11,480 --> 01:25:13,280 Jenny... Jenny who? 1189 01:25:13,360 --> 01:25:16,120 I know a lot of ladies named Jenny, they're all... 1190 01:25:16,200 --> 01:25:17,520 Ow! 1191 01:25:19,200 --> 01:25:20,840 Hey, Scotty, what's up? 1192 01:25:20,920 --> 01:25:22,120 Hi, Jenny! 1193 01:25:22,240 --> 01:25:24,280 How's Jamie doing with Frommer? 1194 01:25:24,360 --> 01:25:25,560 Oh, no. 1195 01:25:29,840 --> 01:25:31,800 Hold on. 1196 01:25:31,880 --> 01:25:33,800 Come here, robot! 1197 01:25:33,840 --> 01:25:35,880 Cooper, not again! 1198 01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:39,760 Hold on, this could be my new roommate. 1199 01:25:45,400 --> 01:25:47,520 What's the freak look like? 1200 01:25:47,600 --> 01:25:51,040 Is he a dork or is he cool? Better not be cooler than me. 1201 01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:53,200 Is he bigger than me? 1202 01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:56,120 I just got your last email. What are you doing here? 1203 01:25:56,160 --> 01:25:58,280 Going to college. 1204 01:25:58,400 --> 01:26:00,760 You're going to college here? 1205 01:26:02,280 --> 01:26:04,080 - What dorm? - This one. 1206 01:26:04,160 --> 01:26:06,560 Room 214. 1207 01:26:09,800 --> 01:26:11,600 How is this possible? 1208 01:26:11,680 --> 01:26:14,960 I guess they thought I was a guy. 1209 01:26:15,040 --> 01:26:18,920 Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that? 1210 01:26:27,560 --> 01:26:29,720 Do I hear kissing? 1211 01:26:29,840 --> 01:26:32,920 Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty? 1212 01:26:35,920 --> 01:26:37,400 Scotty? 1213 01:26:37,440 --> 01:26:40,200 Scotty? Scotty! 1214 01:26:40,240 --> 01:26:42,920 " Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me " 1215 01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:45,200 This happy ending is bullshit. 1216 01:26:45,240 --> 01:26:48,800 When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here. 1217 01:26:48,880 --> 01:26:51,240 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 1218 01:26:51,960 --> 01:26:55,920 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know " 1219 01:26:55,960 --> 01:26:58,360 - Catchy tune. - Fuckin'-a, man. 1220 01:27:02,640 --> 01:27:05,960 " Fiona says she's out shopping " 1221 01:27:07,520 --> 01:27:12,240 " But she's under me And I'm not stopping " 1222 01:27:12,320 --> 01:27:16,400 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1223 01:27:16,480 --> 01:27:17,640 Scotty doesn't know! 1224 01:27:17,720 --> 01:27:19,800 Hello, and welcome to 1225 01:27:19,880 --> 01:27:23,680 Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. 1226 01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:25,240 Sounds great. 1227 01:27:25,320 --> 01:27:27,600 There is no bathroom, nor is there one nearby. 1228 01:27:27,680 --> 01:27:31,280 " I can't believe He's so trusting " 1229 01:27:31,320 --> 01:27:34,640 Sorry. 1230 01:27:34,720 --> 01:27:38,080 " While I'm right behind you thrusting " 1231 01:27:38,160 --> 01:27:40,160 - Get it? - She got it. 1232 01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:43,600 If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, 1233 01:27:43,640 --> 01:27:47,400 I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. 1234 01:27:47,440 --> 01:27:51,040 You can also try hiding your valuables... 1235 01:27:51,120 --> 01:27:52,760 in your anus. 1236 01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:54,320 Drink? 1237 01:27:54,400 --> 01:27:56,520 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1238 01:27:56,600 --> 01:27:59,840 " Scotty doesn't know Don't tell Scotty " 1239 01:27:59,920 --> 01:28:02,480 I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, OK? 1240 01:28:02,560 --> 01:28:04,640 - Ready? Quit. Shut up. 1241 01:28:04,720 --> 01:28:07,320 Sorry. I know I fucked it up. 1242 01:28:07,400 --> 01:28:09,200 Yes! You take her hair... 1243 01:28:09,280 --> 01:28:13,160 and one strand at a time, pull it out! 1244 01:28:13,240 --> 01:28:15,880 Use her like a humping post! 1245 01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:17,960 Jenny, this is Europe. 1246 01:28:18,040 --> 01:28:20,440 They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos. 1247 01:28:22,040 --> 01:28:25,400 "Happy juice." 1248 01:28:25,480 --> 01:28:27,440 Show them something they haven't seen. 1249 01:28:29,040 --> 01:28:31,640 " Fiona's got him on the phone " 1250 01:28:31,720 --> 01:28:34,720 " And she's trying not to moan " 1251 01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:38,520 " It's a three-way call And he knows nothing " 1252 01:28:38,600 --> 01:28:40,560 " Nothing, Scotty doesn't know " 1253 01:28:40,600 --> 01:28:43,400 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1254 01:28:43,520 --> 01:28:46,960 Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, 1255 01:28:47,080 --> 01:28:51,560 or the fireworks factory upstairs, you will be incinerated, 1256 01:28:51,680 --> 01:28:55,200 along with the valuables you have hidden in your anus. 1257 01:28:55,280 --> 01:28:57,640 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 1258 01:28:57,680 --> 01:28:59,200 " Really want to go " 1259 01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:02,000 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1260 01:29:02,080 --> 01:29:05,360 " Scotty doesn't know " 1261 01:29:06,160 --> 01:29:09,880 " The parking lot, why not? " 1262 01:29:09,920 --> 01:29:12,480 " It's so cool when you're on top " 1263 01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:17,520 " Life is so hard 'Cause Scotty doesn't know " 1264 01:29:17,640 --> 01:29:19,720 " Scotty doesn't know " 1265 01:29:19,840 --> 01:29:22,480 Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! 1266 01:29:22,600 --> 01:29:26,280 Go on, you gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 1267 01:29:26,360 --> 01:29:28,600 Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! 1268 01:29:28,680 --> 01:29:31,080 Come on! Fucking come and have it! 1269 01:29:31,160 --> 01:29:32,880 You fucking beep?! 1270 01:29:32,960 --> 01:29:35,960 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 1271 01:29:36,040 --> 01:29:37,200 Fuck off! 1272 01:29:37,280 --> 01:29:39,200 Go on, you French bastards! 1273 01:29:39,280 --> 01:29:42,000 Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! 1274 01:29:42,080 --> 01:29:43,720 Go on out of it! 1275 01:29:43,800 --> 01:29:45,200 Fuck off! 1276 01:29:45,280 --> 01:29:47,000 I'm nackered. 1277 01:29:47,080 --> 01:29:49,120 - League supporters. 1278 01:29:49,160 --> 01:29:51,840 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1279 01:29:51,960 --> 01:29:54,520 - No, wait... 1280 01:30:00,040 --> 01:30:03,560 Hey! Check these out! I'm 18 years old. 1281 01:30:03,680 --> 01:30:05,800 " Gonna tell Scotty Gonna tell myself " 1282 01:30:05,880 --> 01:30:10,360 " Scotty has to know Scotty has to know " 1283 01:30:10,440 --> 01:30:12,520 " Scotty has to Scotty has to go " 1284 01:30:12,600 --> 01:30:15,280 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1285 01:30:15,360 --> 01:30:17,520 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1286 01:30:17,600 --> 01:30:20,840 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1287 01:30:20,920 --> 01:30:25,680 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1288 01:30:25,800 --> 01:30:28,680 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1289 01:30:28,760 --> 01:30:32,120 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1290 01:30:32,200 --> 01:30:36,920 - Scotty doesn't know! 1291 01:30:37,000 --> 01:30:38,880 Scotty's gotta go! 1292 01:30:38,960 --> 01:30:43,680 " "Get Loose" plays " 1293 01:31:39,320 --> 01:31:41,520 Is it off yet? 1294 01:31:41,600 --> 01:31:43,440 No, keep rubbing it.