1 00:00:05,734 --> 00:00:07,300 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 2 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,300 (PHONE RINGING) 3 00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:43,534 Yep. Um, Obviously what we're doing in the moment is just... 4 00:00:43,601 --> 00:00:45,734 No! 5 00:00:45,801 --> 00:00:49,334 Sorting the ladies that the agency have sent me into yes and no piles. 6 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,567 These are the matches, they've come up with. 7 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,567 Um, quite a lot of choice, which is good. 8 00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:58,901 Um, and I get three free introductions for the money I've already paid. 9 00:00:58,968 --> 00:01:00,634 Um, I've already chosen one. 10 00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,534 Actually, I'm taking her to lunch a little bit later today. 11 00:01:02,601 --> 00:01:04,400 So, just got to choose two more. 12 00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:06,734 And I just hook up with them, see how it goes. 13 00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:07,868 What's the worst that could happen? 14 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:09,033 You could get one pregnant. 15 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:10,868 I'm not gonna get one pregnant, am I? 16 00:01:10,934 --> 00:01:13,701 -Do you mind black ones? -No. All equal. 17 00:01:13,767 --> 00:01:15,701 'Cause they've sent you three of them. 18 00:01:15,767 --> 00:01:18,100 That is a lot, innit. 19 00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:21,667 Uh, shall put them all on the Yes pile or just one to show you're not prejudiced? 20 00:01:21,734 --> 00:01:22,634 Well, which one then? 21 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,234 That one's smiling. 22 00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:26,234 Friendliest. 23 00:01:29,434 --> 00:01:31,667 Look at that, 41. 24 00:01:31,734 --> 00:01:33,467 Looks 30. Look at those! 25 00:01:33,534 --> 00:01:35,734 -Yes pile? -Yeah, if she's got a good personality. 26 00:01:35,801 --> 00:01:37,968 Mind you though, it says it's a recent photo, 27 00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:40,601 how can you be sure though? That could've been taken when she was 30. 28 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:43,801 I think they should have to have their picture taken with a copy of today's newspaper. 29 00:01:43,868 --> 00:01:44,901 -(KNOCK AT DOOR) -So... 30 00:01:44,968 --> 00:01:46,601 -NEIL: All right? -Hiya. 31 00:01:46,667 --> 00:01:48,000 -Everything okay? -DAVID: Yep. 32 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,267 -Busy? -DAVID: Yep. 33 00:01:50,334 --> 00:01:51,434 Uh, Gareth, I'll be back at three. 34 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,267 I need to have a chat with you, okay? 35 00:01:53,334 --> 00:01:54,534 GARETH: Okay. 36 00:01:54,601 --> 00:01:56,434 Uh, see you at the Christmas party, David. 37 00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,701 -DAVID: See you then. -You still need the two tickets, do you? 38 00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:01,000 You still bringing a lady friend to the party? 39 00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:03,167 -Yep. -NEIL: Good. 40 00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:04,534 Look forward to meeting her. 41 00:02:11,634 --> 00:02:13,000 No. Come on, we better... 42 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:15,300 No. 43 00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:27,100 (WHISTLES FEEBLY) 44 00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:29,434 Everybody, if I can have your attention, please. 45 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:30,834 Short announcement. 46 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,467 Okay. 47 00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:36,500 Uh, for those of you who care or liked her, 48 00:02:36,567 --> 00:02:39,300 Dawn Tinsley will be coming in this afternoon. 49 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,767 If you've never heard of her before, uh, 50 00:02:40,834 --> 00:02:43,334 she was just a receptionist, worked here for some years. 51 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,901 Um, her and her fiance, Lee, went to Florida. 52 00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:49,601 Yes, Tim, that's "fiance," 53 00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:51,767 if you know what that word means, um... 54 00:02:53,634 --> 00:02:55,601 Um, maybe you want to keep your thoughts to yourself this time. 55 00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:56,601 (CHUCKLES) 56 00:02:57,601 --> 00:03:00,133 All right, back to it, then. 57 00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:01,834 Please. 58 00:03:10,868 --> 00:03:13,968 Hey. I know what it's like. 59 00:03:14,033 --> 00:03:15,801 I've worked in a lot of places over the years. 60 00:03:15,868 --> 00:03:18,601 And the number of infatuations blokes have had over me... 61 00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:19,834 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 62 00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:21,701 Oh, God. 63 00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:23,500 I mean, they know they can't have me, but that don't stop 'em. 64 00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,200 Hmm. 65 00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:26,801 I don't know what it is about me they like so much. 66 00:03:26,868 --> 00:03:27,801 (SCOFFS) Yeah. 67 00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:30,267 I'm racking my brains. 68 00:03:31,801 --> 00:03:32,767 Hmm. 69 00:03:41,901 --> 00:03:43,000 Thanks very much. 70 00:03:47,234 --> 00:03:48,400 -This is nice, isn't it. -Yeah. 71 00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,100 -See what's on offer. -(CHUCKLES) 72 00:03:57,701 --> 00:03:58,701 Nice. 73 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:01,634 No! Your necklace! I wasn't... 74 00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:03,000 Oh! 75 00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:04,334 (BOTH GIGGLE) 76 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,868 I don't think so! 77 00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:10,033 Although, funny enough, the reason women wear necklaces 78 00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,434 is to draw attention to the breasts. 79 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,267 -I don't. -No, I mean subconsciously. 80 00:04:15,334 --> 00:04:16,934 -It sort of... -No, I don't. 81 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,000 I wear it because my mother gave it to me before she died. 82 00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:22,400 Yeah, well, I mean she probably wore it to draw attention to hers. 83 00:04:22,467 --> 00:04:24,100 Sorry, could we not talk about my dead mother's breasts? 84 00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:25,100 Yeah. 85 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:27,834 (SIGHS) 86 00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:32,868 Uh... Duck pate. 87 00:04:42,334 --> 00:04:44,300 -I wasn't being lewd. About... -I know. 88 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:47,167 -No, I'm just interested in... -Breasts. (CHUCKLES) 89 00:04:47,234 --> 00:04:49,400 No. Anthropology. 90 00:04:49,467 --> 00:04:52,601 That sort of thing. What signals we give off. 91 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,901 I'm not giving off any signals. 92 00:04:53,968 --> 00:04:55,567 No, I know. We all are. 93 00:04:55,634 --> 00:04:58,234 I saw a programme on the Discovery Channel. 94 00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,767 Interesting, it was, uh... 95 00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:03,667 You know the reason why men are attracted to cleavage? 96 00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:06,601 It's because it reminds us of women's buttocks. 97 00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:09,200 Because I suppose presumably, when we were cavemen, 98 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,934 we used to sort of do you from behind. 99 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,434 So we like the... 100 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,968 And then we evolved and probably to enjoy, 101 00:05:15,033 --> 00:05:16,934 when language came in, to either chat 102 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,667 or just to look at the breasts that reminded us of the buttocks, 103 00:05:20,734 --> 00:05:22,834 in the first place. 104 00:05:22,901 --> 00:05:24,434 Can we not talk about breasts full stop? 105 00:05:27,634 --> 00:05:28,834 Want a starter? 106 00:05:28,901 --> 00:05:30,400 No, let's go straight to the main course. 107 00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:57,133 DAWN: I'm actually nervous about seeing everyone again. 108 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,200 I mean, I am conscious that I'm gonna have to answer 109 00:05:59,267 --> 00:06:01,167 the same question about 30 times. 110 00:06:01,234 --> 00:06:03,133 'Cause you know, I'm the one that's been away for a couple of years. 111 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,767 And, um, and I just want to go in and go, 112 00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:08,234 "Right, we're back. It's been lovely weather out there, 113 00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:11,300 "and been doing lots of sunbathing, not going to be an illustrator 114 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:12,801 "and they haven't made me mayor yet." You know? 115 00:06:12,868 --> 00:06:14,934 "So, where are you tonight? Let's get drunk." 116 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,400 Um... Oh, hang on, sorry. It's here on the left. 117 00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:20,734 Left, thank you. 118 00:06:20,801 --> 00:06:22,567 INTERVIEWER: Why are you not going to be an illustrator any more? 119 00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:24,868 Um, just circumstance, really. 120 00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:28,000 Um, and if someone, you know, said to me, uh, 121 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:30,968 "Bang, you can be overnight successful illustrator" that'd be great. 122 00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:35,367 And... 'Cause it was my ambition, but it's not going to happen. 123 00:06:35,434 --> 00:06:38,968 So, you know, because of priorities and time, 124 00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:41,701 and... (MUMBLES) You know. 125 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:43,634 All of that really. 126 00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:46,167 Um, thank you. 127 00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:56,033 TIM: Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing her again, of course. 128 00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:58,567 She's my friend and she's a good friend, you know. 129 00:06:58,634 --> 00:07:01,834 And, no, I don't know exactly how I'll feel. 130 00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:04,500 I'll feel like a friend feels. Whatever that is, you know. 131 00:07:04,567 --> 00:07:07,767 But as I said, I'm not gonna ask her again. Come on! 132 00:07:11,968 --> 00:07:13,567 I might ask her again. 133 00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,234 No, I won't. No, I won't. 134 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,100 I know I won't. I know I won't. 135 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:20,901 She would have to do the asking. 136 00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:37,500 EMMA: Oh, my God! Hello! 137 00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:39,067 Hi. (CHUCKLES) 138 00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:40,167 How are you? 139 00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:41,467 (ALL LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) 140 00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:44,100 EMMA: You're looking well. DAWN: Thank you. 141 00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:45,400 (KISSES) 142 00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:46,767 Thanks. 143 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,133 -TRUDY: Hello, how're you doing? -Ooh! 144 00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:49,868 No Lee? 145 00:07:49,934 --> 00:07:52,167 Um, no, he's at his mum's. 146 00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:54,634 -GLYNN: Hey. -Hey! 147 00:07:54,701 --> 00:07:57,234 -GLYNN: You're looking very brown. -Oh, okay! 148 00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:58,934 TRUDY: So, what have you been up to? 149 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,567 DAWN: Uh, not much actually. 150 00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:02,834 RALPH: Enjoying life? 151 00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:04,000 Trying to. 152 00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:07,133 This is all the same. 153 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,601 -RALPH: Never changes. -(CHUCKLES) 154 00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,133 Can I get you a cup of tea? 155 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,067 I would love one. Thank you. Lovely. 156 00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:14,434 RALPH: It's really good to see you. 157 00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:21,267 Oh, um, actually I think, Gareth might want to see you. 158 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,367 So, shall we go and see the new boss? 159 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:25,300 Nice to see you. 160 00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:26,834 All right. 161 00:08:31,734 --> 00:08:33,534 -Shall we do it? Are you ready for this? -Yes. 162 00:08:33,601 --> 00:08:34,400 He's the boss! 163 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:37,634 Argh! 164 00:08:38,734 --> 00:08:41,067 Dawn Tinsley, as I live and breathe. 165 00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:42,167 (CHUCKLES) 166 00:08:42,234 --> 00:08:43,968 -Don't bloody believe this. -Oh! 167 00:08:44,033 --> 00:08:45,567 -Hi. -Come here. 168 00:08:45,634 --> 00:08:46,901 -Oh. -(GRUNTS) 169 00:08:46,968 --> 00:08:48,100 How are you, babes? 170 00:08:48,167 --> 00:08:50,234 (STAMMERING) Fine, darling. 171 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:52,367 What you doing in America? Let's sit down. 172 00:08:52,434 --> 00:08:53,701 Uh, what did you mean, sorry? 173 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,267 What you doing in America, work-wise? 174 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,367 Oh, okay. Well, it's complicated. 175 00:08:57,434 --> 00:08:59,234 'Cause you have to have a work permit. 176 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:01,234 Sure, sure. 177 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:04,334 Just gonna say, if you are struggling, you're always welcome back here. 178 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,934 Things have changed a little bit around here, he'll tell you. 179 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,067 I'm quite a powerful man. 180 00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:12,534 If you did come back, you wouldn't necessary be working behind reception. 181 00:09:12,601 --> 00:09:14,534 I always did think you were a hard worker, 182 00:09:14,601 --> 00:09:16,767 if a little bit... But... 183 00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:19,000 You still trying to be an artist? 184 00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,133 -No. -Good. 185 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,834 Good. Waste of time, practically thinking. 186 00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:26,634 Moving on, that's good. Because you're no spring chicken. 187 00:09:26,701 --> 00:09:28,634 -Um... -No. 188 00:09:31,133 --> 00:09:32,434 (DIALLING) 189 00:09:33,701 --> 00:09:34,500 (PHONE RINGS) 190 00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:39,934 -WOMAN: Hello? -Is that, Gillian? 191 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,567 Yeah. Who's this? 192 00:09:41,634 --> 00:09:44,067 Um, you're one of my introductions from the agency. 193 00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:46,968 -Oh, yeah, yeah, hi. -Hi. 194 00:09:47,033 --> 00:09:48,634 -You all right? -Yeah. 195 00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:52,801 Um, how do you usually do these things? 196 00:09:52,868 --> 00:09:57,100 Um, well, depends really. Just have a chat on the phone, 197 00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:59,000 sometimes meet up. 198 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:01,868 Uh, you know, you wear a carnation, carry a newspaper. 199 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,868 -(CHUCKLES ) So... -Oh! 200 00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:05,834 To help recognise me! 201 00:10:05,901 --> 00:10:08,334 You probably won't need that. You probably will recognise me. 202 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,801 -Will I? Why is that? -Yeah. 203 00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:15,567 Did you see, um, a documentary on BBC Two called The Office? 204 00:10:15,634 --> 00:10:18,968 Yeah. God, you're not that awful boss are you? 205 00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:21,000 No, not the... No. 206 00:10:21,067 --> 00:10:22,334 -What's your name? -Huh? 207 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,601 What's your... What's your name? 208 00:10:24,801 --> 00:10:26,601 What's my name or what's his name? 209 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,434 I don't know why you want his name... (GIGGLES) 210 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,934 Can I... Oh, no. Just... Can I... 211 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,400 Can I call you back, Gillian? 212 00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:34,167 I've got a... Uh, see you. 213 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,234 -(SWITCHES OFF PHONE) -Oh. 214 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:38,667 (STAMMERING) 215 00:10:38,734 --> 00:10:41,267 Oh, "Who are you? What's your name?" 216 00:10:41,334 --> 00:10:42,534 Too many questions. 217 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:46,200 God, chill out. GBH the ears! No, no, no. 218 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,934 Not for me, thank you. 219 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,634 Back to the drawing board. 220 00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:56,801 We're having the toilets done in January. 221 00:10:56,868 --> 00:10:58,367 Did he tell you? 222 00:10:58,434 --> 00:11:00,167 Tim, you didn't tell me about the toilets! 223 00:11:00,234 --> 00:11:02,367 Sorry, I had other things on my mind. 224 00:11:02,434 --> 00:11:06,267 -Like, Gareth, are you still in the TAs? -Yeah. 225 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,400 -What rank are you? -Lieutenant. 226 00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:11,667 Are you? Because I was thinking, 227 00:11:11,734 --> 00:11:14,334 if you ever take an enemy soldier prisoner, right, 228 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,133 would you have to search him? 229 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,634 Yeah, it's possible, yeah. 230 00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:19,234 TIM: Right, so let's just say, you've got a prisoner 231 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:20,667 you're doing a full body search, 232 00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:22,500 you find something hard, you can feel it. 233 00:11:22,567 --> 00:11:24,634 You know what it is, do you just say to him, 234 00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:26,467 "I know you've got a big weapon, give it to me now." 235 00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:27,767 -Or... -(CHUCKLES) 236 00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:29,667 I not gonna ask him. 237 00:11:29,734 --> 00:11:31,567 I'd most likely just get it out myself. 238 00:11:31,634 --> 00:11:32,734 TIM: Right. 239 00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:34,200 And what happens, 240 00:11:34,267 --> 00:11:35,901 you're going into battle situation, right, 241 00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,834 are you up the front with your men, 242 00:11:37,901 --> 00:11:40,200 or are you coming up the rear? 243 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,767 Well, depends. 244 00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:43,567 It's possible you'd come up the rear. 245 00:11:44,267 --> 00:11:45,267 Possible, yeah. 246 00:11:45,334 --> 00:11:46,634 That's all we wanted to know. 247 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,200 GARETH: What? 248 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:58,434 Well, yeah, it's like actual sort of... He's got those clunky shoes thing on 249 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,367 and with the silver... No, with the silver link buckle across. 250 00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:03,000 -(LAUGHING) That's a progress. -He's like that. 251 00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,000 He still looks like a golf club. 252 00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:06,534 Dawn. Ann, yeah? 253 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,167 Oh, hi. It's nice to meet you. 254 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,567 (GROANS) 255 00:12:11,634 --> 00:12:14,000 Oh, must tell you this. He had a laugh the other day. Well, the other week. 256 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,601 You know Paul Wallis? 257 00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,500 From Harpers? 258 00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:19,667 No, no, no. Not any more, he's up at Silver Leaf now. 259 00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:22,300 Anyway, he's talking to Mel on reception, and he's chatting away, 260 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:26,133 and I'm listening to him and he's talking to her about 10 minutes or so, isn't he? 261 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:30,467 And then he says, "Dawn, have you changed your hair?" 262 00:12:30,534 --> 00:12:33,267 He thought she was you. He didn't realise you'd left. 263 00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:35,267 I laughed! I shouted out, 264 00:12:35,467 --> 00:12:37,000 I said, "Paul, do you think that's Dawn?" 265 00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:38,467 He thought it was you. 266 00:12:38,534 --> 00:12:40,000 (LAUGHS) 267 00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,167 -Extraordinary. -ANN: Hmm. 268 00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:43,767 How's your husband? Is he here? 269 00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:46,334 Oh, no. He's not my husband yet. So... 270 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,534 You gonna have children? 271 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,200 Not that I'm aware of. 272 00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:52,167 -Word of advice. -Hmm. 273 00:12:52,234 --> 00:12:53,801 Have them sooner, rather than later, 274 00:12:53,868 --> 00:12:55,601 'cause there's nothing worse than an old mum. 275 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:02,634 I'm gonna shoot off. 276 00:13:02,701 --> 00:13:05,500 -Do you want another cup, or... -No, I'm fine. Thank you. 277 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,567 Really good to see you. Thanks for coming in. 278 00:13:08,901 --> 00:13:10,067 Well... 279 00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:12,100 -Dawn... -How you doing? 280 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,334 You coming to the Christmas party? 281 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:18,834 Uh, yes. Although we've got to leave early 'cause got to get back the next day. 282 00:13:18,901 --> 00:13:19,968 -Have you? -Hmm. 283 00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,500 We'll have a good old chat then. 284 00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:26,000 Okay, see you, everybody. 285 00:13:26,067 --> 00:13:27,167 -See you. -Really nice... 286 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:29,968 Well, I'll see you soon. 287 00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:34,500 (CLEARING THROAT) 288 00:13:36,934 --> 00:13:37,901 Hmm. 289 00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:48,500 -What's that? -A sketch of me. 290 00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:50,968 Dawn's a bit of an artist. 291 00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:53,300 That's not very accurate. Your nose is much bigger than that. 292 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,968 Yeah, spoke to her on the phone. She seemed quite nice, so, uh... 293 00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:11,434 Feel a bit sick really, not nerves. 294 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,500 Excitement, really. Not sexual, you know. 295 00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:17,701 Um, she says she'll be wearing a white chiffon scarf to help me spot her. 296 00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:18,801 So, um... 297 00:14:18,868 --> 00:14:21,000 Oh, for fuck's sake. 298 00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:22,834 -David? -Huh? 299 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,200 Yep. Hiya. 300 00:14:25,267 --> 00:14:27,133 -Susan. -Yeah, yeah. 301 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,033 -Can I get you a drink? -No, I'll get one. Have you got one? 302 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,734 -I've got one. -You go and sit down. I'll get one. 303 00:14:33,934 --> 00:14:35,167 You know... 304 00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:39,767 (INDISTINCT) 305 00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:04,467 It said on your form you like classical music. 306 00:15:04,534 --> 00:15:08,634 -Yeah, yeah. You? -Yes. 307 00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:11,133 -Who do you like? -All the big ones. All the big names. 308 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,267 -I love Grieg. -Oh, he's good, yeah. 309 00:15:13,334 --> 00:15:14,834 Not as good as Beethoven, though. 310 00:15:14,901 --> 00:15:17,467 I think he's generally considered to the best by ever. 311 00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:19,467 -Which Beethoven do you like? -All his main hits. 312 00:15:19,534 --> 00:15:21,267 All the big ones, yeah. Yeah. 313 00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:22,901 Totally deaf. 314 00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:24,868 Isn't he? 315 00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:27,801 Well, I'm a musician myself. 316 00:15:27,868 --> 00:15:29,901 All those stuff he came up with. 317 00:15:29,968 --> 00:15:32,901 I don't think he could have done better if he'd heard what he was playing. 318 00:15:32,968 --> 00:15:34,033 In my opinion. 319 00:15:41,701 --> 00:15:42,667 (SMACKS LIPS) 320 00:15:44,167 --> 00:15:47,734 Oh, what else is, um... 321 00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:50,267 What else do you like? Don't have to just talk about classical music. 322 00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:51,968 Talk about anything. I'll talk. 323 00:15:52,033 --> 00:15:53,734 So, uh, what I'm famous for, we can talk about anything. 324 00:15:53,801 --> 00:15:56,000 Any subject. You name a subject and I'll... 325 00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:58,100 You name... You name something 326 00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:00,100 and I'll tell you an interesting fact about it. Sort of trivia, somewhat. 327 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,434 -What sort of thing? -Anything. 328 00:16:02,767 --> 00:16:04,567 You can get this, huh? 329 00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:07,400 -Cows. -Cows. Cows have got four stomachs. 330 00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,834 Right. 331 00:16:12,033 --> 00:16:14,334 Don't look at me like that. You said cows. Choose anything. 332 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,567 I said, choose anything. 333 00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,267 -Lemons. -Lemons? 334 00:16:19,334 --> 00:16:21,067 -Well, I can choose something else. -No, you said lemons. 335 00:16:21,133 --> 00:16:23,801 Wait, on that, let's do, uh... 336 00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:29,033 Pound for pound, there's more sugar in a lemon than a strawberry. 337 00:16:30,434 --> 00:16:32,567 I wouldn't know if that was true, you know. 338 00:16:32,634 --> 00:16:35,234 Well, you would, 'cause I just told you it is, and I'm not a liar. 339 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:38,801 No, no. Look it up when you get home. 340 00:16:38,868 --> 00:16:40,601 Is that your party trick? 341 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:44,500 No, a trick isn't knowledge. Education. You know? 342 00:16:50,534 --> 00:16:52,300 INTERVIEWER: So how do you feel about it, then? 343 00:16:52,367 --> 00:16:56,567 Um, well, not bowled over, to be honest. 344 00:16:56,634 --> 00:16:59,167 In fact, I'm seriously thinking of asking for money back 345 00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:00,534 under the trades descriptions act. 346 00:17:00,601 --> 00:17:03,767 Because, this is the recent photo she sent in. 347 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,834 I'd have been up for that. 348 00:17:08,901 --> 00:17:11,567 And what really annoys me is when I first saw her, I thought, "Oh God." 349 00:17:11,634 --> 00:17:13,133 And then I thought, "Well, you know, 350 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,033 "maybe she's got a good personality." She hasn't. 351 00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,601 Do you know what I mean? I thought she was one of them 352 00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:20,033 sort of happy, bubbly ones, 'cause we were eating. 353 00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:22,267 She's bleurgh! Nothing. 354 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,067 Do you know what I mean... 355 00:17:24,133 --> 00:17:26,234 -Not talking about me, are you? -No! 356 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,200 You couldn't hear that anyway, could you? No. 357 00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:30,133 Right. 358 00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:34,601 So... 359 00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:36,701 Would you want to do this again? 360 00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:37,834 -With you? -Yes. 361 00:17:37,901 --> 00:17:40,334 Wouldn't have thought so. Or am I... 362 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,367 -Shall we just... -Yeah. See you later. Cheers. 363 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,834 INTERVIEWER: What did you think of him? 364 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:51,500 Well, he wasn't quite what I expected. 365 00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:53,267 Can I show you the photo he sent in? 366 00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:00,968 Here you go, Alex. 367 00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:02,167 Don't tell anyone. Keep it under your hat. 368 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,934 Oh, right okay. 369 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,167 -Secret Santa. -Uh, Secret Santa. Jane, do you want to take one? 370 00:18:07,234 --> 00:18:08,868 Tell them about the Secret Santa. 371 00:18:08,934 --> 00:18:11,133 All right, okay, um... This is Secret Santa, 372 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,667 basically everybody gets a piece of paper, writes their name on it, 373 00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:15,133 puts it in the box, 374 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,767 and we jiggle it around, and then somebody 375 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,734 takes a piece of paper out with a name on it. 376 00:18:18,801 --> 00:18:21,801 And they have to buy that person a present worth about £10. 377 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,434 But you keep a secret. 378 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,234 You're not allowed to know who bought you the gift. 379 00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,634 Yeah, I said that. 380 00:18:26,701 --> 00:18:27,801 Let's have a go. 381 00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,267 No way. I'm not getting him one. 382 00:18:31,334 --> 00:18:33,133 Is that me? 383 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,634 -I can't say. -Is it me, though? 384 00:18:34,701 --> 00:18:35,634 You want to swap? 385 00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:37,901 Yes, please. 386 00:18:37,968 --> 00:18:39,667 -Is it me, Glynn? -I can't say. 387 00:18:39,734 --> 00:18:42,067 If it's me don't get me some stupid novelty gift. 388 00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:45,534 All right? Just get a voucher or £10 in an envelope, 389 00:18:45,601 --> 00:18:46,834 I'll get something I really want. 390 00:18:46,901 --> 00:18:48,567 Put a tenner in the envelope, if that's me. 391 00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:51,500 Ah, the spirit of Christmas, a tenner in an envelope. 392 00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:53,234 (CHUCKLES) 393 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:55,734 (PHONE RINGING) 394 00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:57,434 (KEITH SIGHS) 395 00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:01,701 (YAWNING) 396 00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:04,000 So what are you doing? Just thinking about Dawn? 397 00:19:04,067 --> 00:19:05,801 (CHUCKLES) 398 00:19:05,868 --> 00:19:09,834 No, I'm not thinking about Dawn, actually. Just... 399 00:19:09,901 --> 00:19:13,534 -I'm not thinking about Dawn, okay, Keith? -Okay, Okay. 400 00:19:13,601 --> 00:19:17,167 It's just that I hope you don't embarrass yourself again with her. 401 00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:20,767 Well, I'm not planning to, Keith. All right? 402 00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:24,734 I mean that would be the third time you've asked her out around the woman's said no. 403 00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:26,601 Okay, well I don't... I'm not gonna do anything like that... 404 00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:29,000 That, as far as I'm concerned, is ancient history. 405 00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,534 All right. All right. 406 00:19:34,767 --> 00:19:35,901 Who's gonna be there? 407 00:19:36,767 --> 00:19:38,334 Yeah, sweet. 408 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,868 Yeah, that'll be good. 409 00:19:39,934 --> 00:19:41,400 Yeah. All right, whereabouts? 410 00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:45,167 (SCOFFS) I love shopping for presents. 411 00:19:45,234 --> 00:19:47,901 I love Christmas, I love birthdays. 412 00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:50,067 I... Do you know... 413 00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:53,100 I get more excited watching people open their presents than they do. 414 00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,567 INTERVIEWER: You don't seem to have bought much, Lee. 415 00:19:54,634 --> 00:19:57,901 Nah, I don't buy into them. It's a con, isn't it? 416 00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,901 I usually say to her is, 417 00:19:59,968 --> 00:20:02,300 work out what she's spent on me and take it out of my wallet. 418 00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:06,868 Thinking of wrapping it this year. 419 00:20:06,934 --> 00:20:07,934 What? 420 00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:15,834 (KEITH SIGHS) 421 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,133 Word of warning, though. 422 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,100 If you are planning to try and nail Dawn 423 00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,200 for a third time while she's back, then, 424 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:29,767 you heard what she said. 425 00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:32,934 She's going back the day after the party, so, 426 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,367 you've not got long if you want to try and... 427 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,000 Yes, thank you. Thank you. 428 00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:37,801 Thank you. 429 00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:39,868 Yeah, that's quite... 430 00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,801 What do I owe you for this session? 431 00:20:41,868 --> 00:20:44,500 Obviously, you're an expert with the ladies. 432 00:20:44,567 --> 00:20:45,834 (SIGHS) 433 00:20:45,901 --> 00:20:47,500 -Yeah? -Yeah. 434 00:20:47,567 --> 00:20:50,267 So, why is that? What is your secret? I've been meaning to ask. 435 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:53,934 -Well, men get turned on by what they see. -Uh-huh. 436 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:58,400 -But, women get turned on by what they hear. -Right. 437 00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:02,234 I always make sure the woman hears the right thing. 438 00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,500 Yeah? So, what do you do when you're wooing? 439 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:07,133 -You sing to them, or... -No. 440 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,567 I very tenderly explain to them 441 00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:12,934 that I will guarantee them at least one orgasm. 442 00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:17,601 (MUNCHING) 443 00:21:19,734 --> 00:21:22,300 (ALL COOING) 444 00:21:22,367 --> 00:21:24,734 -INTERVIEWER: What's his name? -Nelson. 445 00:21:24,801 --> 00:21:26,701 Where's his eye patch? 446 00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:30,000 No, not after Horatio Nelson after Nelson Mandela, the great leader, 447 00:21:30,067 --> 00:21:33,133 who they locked up just 'cause he was black. 448 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,567 Well, no they locked him for sabotage and conspiracy to overthrow the government. 449 00:21:36,634 --> 00:21:37,500 Ooh, racist. 450 00:21:37,567 --> 00:21:39,234 No, no, no, it's not racist. 451 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:40,634 He was commander in chief of the militia wing of the ANC. 452 00:21:40,701 --> 00:21:42,634 Yeah, we don't talk about that. then. 453 00:21:42,701 --> 00:21:44,367 And they actually advocated guerrilla attacks on the public property. 454 00:21:44,434 --> 00:21:45,767 Is someone gonna shut him up? 455 00:21:45,834 --> 00:21:47,868 You gonna... I thought... Can't believe... 456 00:21:47,934 --> 00:21:49,634 He's a great man, Mandela. 457 00:21:49,701 --> 00:21:51,934 So, great man, great dog. That's all we're talking... 458 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,267 So, good company as well. 459 00:21:54,334 --> 00:21:57,567 Um, my work takes me down the country. So, good to come back to... 460 00:21:57,634 --> 00:22:01,267 That's why I try not to be away for more than one or two nights at the most. 461 00:22:01,334 --> 00:22:04,167 It's not fair leaving him locked up for too long. 462 00:22:04,234 --> 00:22:05,901 -Unlike the real Nelson. -(CHUCKLES) 463 00:22:05,968 --> 00:22:08,133 Oh, what? Come off it. 464 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,500 -NEIL: David... -Why is that funny? 465 00:22:10,567 --> 00:22:12,234 -Hi. -Hi, can I have a word, please? 466 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:13,267 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 467 00:22:15,434 --> 00:22:16,868 Alone. 468 00:22:16,934 --> 00:22:18,767 He can't understand you. 469 00:22:18,834 --> 00:22:21,133 -No, I meant... People. -Oh, the people, yeah, yeah, yeah. 470 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,400 Come on, Nelson. 471 00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:28,334 What's your reason for being here, David? 472 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,701 Oh, I don't know. Is friendship a reason? 473 00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,634 No, not really, and I've just seen you spend 10 minutes 474 00:22:32,701 --> 00:22:34,567 introducing people to your dog. 475 00:22:34,634 --> 00:22:36,367 Oh, all right, so he's not allowed to come in and chat to people now? 476 00:22:36,434 --> 00:22:38,500 Well, I don't know what he's chatting about... 477 00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:40,734 Sarcasm. Lowest form of wit. 478 00:22:40,801 --> 00:22:44,133 -I don't know what he's chatting about... -And again. 479 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,100 If he is here to crack jokes then he should be doing it in his own time. 480 00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:49,634 This is a place of business. It's not a social club. 481 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,567 Typical, yeah, yeah. 482 00:22:51,634 --> 00:22:53,033 You don't like it because I'm popular. I was snatched away from it. 483 00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:54,801 You don't like me coming back 'cause it reminds them... 484 00:22:54,868 --> 00:22:56,467 No, I don't like the fact that you're interrupting a working day. 485 00:22:56,534 --> 00:22:59,067 And it's not just today. You seem to be here all the time. 486 00:22:59,133 --> 00:23:01,667 When you were working here, would you allow people just to breeze in? 487 00:23:01,734 --> 00:23:02,868 -Yeah. -Making chitchat? 488 00:23:02,934 --> 00:23:04,834 -Distracting people from their work? -Yes. 489 00:23:04,901 --> 00:23:06,868 -What do you mean "yes"? -Yes, if it was good for morale. 490 00:23:06,934 --> 00:23:08,133 And it is good for morale. 491 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,100 So, you should paying me to be here. 492 00:23:10,167 --> 00:23:13,267 Paying you? David, you don't work here. You have no reason to be here. 493 00:23:13,334 --> 00:23:15,901 Unless you've a genuine reason to be here during working hours, 494 00:23:15,968 --> 00:23:17,901 you can't keep strolling in unannounced. 495 00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:19,701 -Right. -Whenever you like. 496 00:23:19,767 --> 00:23:21,801 So I'm banned, 'cause the regime don't like it, man. 497 00:23:21,868 --> 00:23:23,367 You don't work here, David. 498 00:23:23,434 --> 00:23:25,367 You can't keep coming in for a natter. 499 00:23:25,434 --> 00:23:27,100 Oh, can I come in for a meeting then? 500 00:23:27,167 --> 00:23:29,200 Well, I don't know what sort of meetings you'd have here. 501 00:23:29,267 --> 00:23:30,901 Who knows? If I had an excuse for a meeting, could I come for meeting? 502 00:23:30,968 --> 00:23:32,701 -Well, yes, of course if it was a business... -Fine. 503 00:23:32,767 --> 00:23:34,701 -Okay. -What? 504 00:23:34,767 --> 00:23:36,868 -Fine. -I mean you can't keep popping in unannounced. 505 00:23:36,934 --> 00:23:39,934 -Come on, Nelson. He doesn't like you. -David... 506 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,567 Oh, let's see how they take... 507 00:23:41,634 --> 00:23:43,067 Oh, political news, everyone. 508 00:23:43,133 --> 00:23:45,167 Very interesting development. 509 00:23:45,234 --> 00:23:48,767 I've been barred from coming here to see you, friends, 510 00:23:48,834 --> 00:23:51,834 by the powers that be that deem it I undermine the regime. 511 00:23:51,901 --> 00:23:53,500 'Caused they are scared. 512 00:23:53,567 --> 00:23:55,701 So, can't stop me seeing you after work, though. 513 00:23:55,767 --> 00:23:57,734 Who wants to go for a drink tomorrow? To show... 514 00:23:59,167 --> 00:24:00,234 Yeah? 515 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,000 Anyone? 516 00:24:04,300 --> 00:24:06,701 Short notice. What about day after that? 517 00:24:06,767 --> 00:24:09,033 Have a beer, just... 518 00:24:11,133 --> 00:24:13,300 Thursday's good. For me, anyway. 519 00:24:15,801 --> 00:24:16,868 What's good for you? 520 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,367 I can still come for meetings. 521 00:24:21,434 --> 00:24:23,567 'Course, uh... Who wants a meeting? 522 00:24:23,634 --> 00:24:25,901 No one wants a meeting with you, no one wants a drink with you. 523 00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:27,968 You don't even work here. 524 00:24:28,033 --> 00:24:29,834 Yeah, I'll have a drink with you tomorrow, David. 525 00:24:29,901 --> 00:24:31,667 -Yeah. -Give us a call, after work, yeah? 526 00:24:31,734 --> 00:24:32,868 All right. 527 00:24:32,934 --> 00:24:34,801 -Oh, there he is. -David... 528 00:24:34,868 --> 00:24:36,734 Let's get you home, boy, before he bars you from the office. 529 00:24:36,801 --> 00:24:38,067 He is barred. 530 00:24:38,133 --> 00:24:40,100 Ooh, taking it out on animals. 531 00:24:40,167 --> 00:24:41,400 There's your evidence. 532 00:24:44,701 --> 00:24:45,834 Fight it. Don't... 533 00:24:48,601 --> 00:24:49,701 Come on, boy. 534 00:25:07,734 --> 00:25:08,868 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 535 00:25:21,234 --> 00:25:23,968 (INAUDIBLE) 536 00:25:29,634 --> 00:25:31,634 DAVID: I don't want to do these any more. 537 00:25:31,701 --> 00:25:33,367 -PETE: Oh, don't be silly. -I'm not being silly, Pete. 538 00:25:33,434 --> 00:25:36,400 It's just demeaning. It's a load of idiots. 539 00:25:36,467 --> 00:25:38,701 -They loved you. -They didn't love me, they didn't care. 540 00:25:38,767 --> 00:25:40,400 If they love me, why were they throwing stuff? 541 00:25:40,467 --> 00:25:44,801 Throwing water, plastic bottles, underpants. 542 00:25:44,868 --> 00:25:47,667 One bloke threw a pair of Y-fronts, hit me in the face, 543 00:25:47,734 --> 00:25:52,100 yeah, and I knew it was Nutella or Marmite he'd smudged on the gusset. 544 00:25:52,167 --> 00:25:56,000 But it was still him going, "That's what we think of you mate. You're shit." 545 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,801 Where'd he get marmite from? 546 00:25:58,868 --> 00:26:00,801 He must have prepared that at home 'cause he knew you were on. 547 00:26:02,801 --> 00:26:04,634 Well, that doesn't make me feel any better. Why say that? 548 00:26:04,701 --> 00:26:06,500 I'm not gonna do this any more. 549 00:26:06,567 --> 00:26:08,400 PETE: Look, let me tell you. 550 00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:11,834 I've heard this before. 551 00:26:11,901 --> 00:26:15,100 All right, I remember hearing this exact same thing before from Bruno Brookes. 552 00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:18,934 I remember he used to come off stage in tears, sometimes. I'll tell why? 553 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,334 'Cause you're perfectionists. 554 00:26:20,934 --> 00:26:22,567 Yes. I am. 555 00:26:22,634 --> 00:26:25,734 Because I've got stuff to say to the world. 556 00:26:25,801 --> 00:26:28,133 Not just wave. It's just waving! 557 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,300 Why is it waiving? 558 00:26:29,367 --> 00:26:30,901 Shall I say you want to do less waving? 559 00:26:30,968 --> 00:26:32,133 Not, the point. 560 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:33,767 They're not my audience. 561 00:26:33,834 --> 00:26:36,567 Get me some of the... You know, I'm an anecdotalist. 562 00:26:36,634 --> 00:26:38,200 Get me on... 563 00:26:38,267 --> 00:26:40,467 -I tell you who I'd hit it off with. -Who? 564 00:26:40,534 --> 00:26:41,601 Parkinson. 565 00:26:43,267 --> 00:26:46,033 Um, yeah, that could be tricky. The... 566 00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:48,934 The trouble with that, is that Parky tends to have people on his show 567 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,534 that have actually done something, you know. 568 00:26:51,601 --> 00:26:53,634 -People who have won an Oscar... -Not always. 569 00:26:53,701 --> 00:26:55,634 Not always, I saw one with that... 570 00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:58,534 Who was that bloke who was a hostage in Beirut, chained to a radiator? 571 00:26:58,601 --> 00:27:00,667 -Uh, John McCarthy. -Yeah, what's that? 572 00:27:00,734 --> 00:27:02,200 "Oh, so what did you do all day?" 573 00:27:02,267 --> 00:27:03,701 "Nothing. I was chained to a radiator." 574 00:27:03,767 --> 00:27:05,100 Boring. Next. 575 00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:06,767 And what's he done since? Nothing. 576 00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:08,901 I've got anecdotes. I've got stuff to say, 577 00:27:09,100 --> 00:27:11,100 if people would listen, but they won't. 578 00:27:12,300 --> 00:27:14,367 Well, I'll see what I can do. 579 00:27:14,434 --> 00:27:16,167 But, in the meantime, you're down at Malibu's in Bracknell, Wednesday week. 580 00:27:18,033 --> 00:27:20,100 (SIGHS) 581 00:27:20,167 --> 00:27:22,067 Call, definitely call Parky. Do you know anyone? 582 00:27:22,133 --> 00:27:24,767 -Do you know anyone? -Yeah, I'll sort it out, don't worry. 583 00:27:25,601 --> 00:27:27,133 I know a bloke, 584 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,133 um, used to work on the show, I think, in the '70s. 585 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,167 Um, he's retired now, but he's... 586 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,000 He still knows Parky, I think. 587 00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:46,100 DAVID: When I'm on the road and I'm staying away, 588 00:27:46,167 --> 00:27:49,400 it's good to get back to your room after one of those and just... 589 00:27:49,467 --> 00:27:52,634 You know, this is fairly typical for me. 590 00:27:52,701 --> 00:27:56,434 You know, I like to... It just helps me relax. 591 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:59,067 Some people like a hot bath. 592 00:27:59,133 --> 00:28:00,767 That's my Radox. (CHUCKLES) 593 00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:03,167 Uh... 594 00:28:08,868 --> 00:28:10,534 But, you know... 595 00:28:10,601 --> 00:28:15,400 Neil will make one too many mistakes. 596 00:28:15,467 --> 00:28:17,300 Head office will see what I always knew, 597 00:28:17,367 --> 00:28:19,200 and they'll go in there, they'll march in there, 598 00:28:19,267 --> 00:28:21,234 and they'll go, "Yeah, Dave was right, 599 00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:23,868 "you've pissed off here, you've pissed off him, 600 00:28:23,934 --> 00:28:27,400 "you're not the manager you think you are. 601 00:28:27,467 --> 00:28:28,734 "Okay? 602 00:28:28,801 --> 00:28:31,267 "So, get out. We made the mistake." 603 00:28:31,334 --> 00:28:32,834 And they'll drag him out by his hair. 604 00:28:32,901 --> 00:28:34,300 And that's when the begging starts. 605 00:28:34,367 --> 00:28:35,734 And then they'll come to me. 606 00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:37,367 And they'll go, "Oh, David, we've got rid of him, 607 00:28:37,434 --> 00:28:38,500 "You were right all along, could you come back? 608 00:28:38,567 --> 00:28:40,167 "You're the man for this job. 609 00:28:40,234 --> 00:28:42,067 "You're the best man for this job. Will you come back? 610 00:28:42,133 --> 00:28:45,567 "Oh, yeah, sure. How much money have you got? 'Cause this is gonna cost ya. 611 00:28:47,868 --> 00:28:49,234 "This is gonna cost ya." 612 00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:56,734 (SNORING) 613 00:29:03,801 --> 00:29:05,601 Yeah, I make that 93. 614 00:29:07,767 --> 00:29:09,300 Is it? (CLEARS THROAT) 615 00:29:30,667 --> 00:29:34,601 "Something you find this week gets the juices flowing." 616 00:29:34,667 --> 00:29:39,901 617 00:29:39,968 --> 00:29:41,133 Shamon! 618 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:42,968 619 00:29:43,033 --> 00:29:44,767 Hope not! (CHUCKLES) 620 00:29:44,834 --> 00:29:45,901 I'm in the Pink! 621 00:29:45,968 --> 00:29:46,934 (LAUGHS) 622 00:29:48,801 --> 00:29:50,734 -I'm in the Pink. Do you want to see it? -Yeah, I get it. 623 00:29:50,801 --> 00:29:52,567 Yeah, Pink. She's good. She's wicked. 624 00:29:52,634 --> 00:29:54,234 -Oh... -Coming to the party? 625 00:29:54,300 --> 00:29:56,567 Big time. What time's the meal beforehand? 626 00:29:56,634 --> 00:29:57,767 I think I'd better line my stomach. 627 00:29:57,834 --> 00:29:59,167 I need to speak to you about that. 628 00:29:59,234 --> 00:30:00,834 Management have had a discussion. 629 00:30:00,901 --> 00:30:03,000 Operated on this above my head. 630 00:30:03,067 --> 00:30:05,467 But, uh, decided only present employees of the company can come to the meal. 631 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,834 So... 632 00:30:08,901 --> 00:30:11,701 Yeah, I'm not worried about that. I don't want to come to the meal. 633 00:30:11,767 --> 00:30:13,234 -I'm just... -Good. 634 00:30:13,300 --> 00:30:14,934 'Cause you won't be allowed if you did turn up, so... 635 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,868 I don't want to. Listen to me. 636 00:30:17,934 --> 00:30:19,367 Who's idea was that? Neil's? 637 00:30:19,434 --> 00:30:23,200 -Might have been Neil's, yeah. -Oh, there's a surprise. 638 00:30:23,267 --> 00:30:24,334 No one else is invited who doesn't work here? 639 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,067 Dawn's not invited to the meal or anything? 640 00:30:26,133 --> 00:30:28,367 -No. -Fine. 641 00:30:28,434 --> 00:30:30,801 I know what he's doing. I know what he's up to. 642 00:30:30,868 --> 00:30:33,801 -I could probably have a word with Neil, if you want me to. -(SCOFFS) 643 00:30:33,868 --> 00:30:35,767 Nothing you can do. You're just a puppet. 644 00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:38,367 I take it I can still bring a woman to this party? 645 00:30:38,434 --> 00:30:39,801 Yeah, if you can find one. 646 00:30:39,868 --> 00:30:41,133 What do you mean, "If I find one"? 647 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,267 -I've found one. -Have you? Which one? 648 00:30:43,334 --> 00:30:44,634 What do you mean, "Which one?" 649 00:30:44,701 --> 00:30:46,467 Off the list. Which one of the list. 650 00:30:46,534 --> 00:30:48,634 She might not be on the list. I might have met her in the pub. 651 00:30:48,701 --> 00:30:50,334 -Did you? -No. 652 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,934 She's on the list, but don't assume, that's all. 653 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,367 -Never assume. It makes an ass... -BOTH: ...out of you and me. 654 00:30:55,434 --> 00:30:56,968 -I say that. -Yeah, I know you do, yeah. 655 00:30:57,033 --> 00:30:59,901 Nick my catchphrases don't you? Like that one. And others. 656 00:31:01,968 --> 00:31:03,200 What time's the meal finish? 657 00:31:03,267 --> 00:31:04,500 9:00, 9:30. 658 00:31:04,567 --> 00:31:07,267 9:30... What am I gonna do for three hours? 659 00:31:12,234 --> 00:31:13,434 -See you later. -See you later. 660 00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:15,701 See ya. 661 00:31:33,434 --> 00:31:34,200 (SIGHS) 662 00:31:42,934 --> 00:31:44,500 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 663 00:31:44,567 --> 00:31:45,934 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 664 00:31:57,234 --> 00:31:59,334 -Gents. -Thank you. Good man. 665 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,667 Shall we shoot off to a club and come back when this place livens up? 666 00:32:01,734 --> 00:32:04,100 Jesus Christ! That's not what I used to do in my day. 667 00:32:04,167 --> 00:32:05,734 -Isn't it? -Ah, but question is, 668 00:32:05,801 --> 00:32:08,601 what makes us two look like a pair of bollocks? 669 00:32:08,667 --> 00:32:10,601 -The prick in the middle. -(LAUGHS) 670 00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:12,767 That's more like it. Keep them coming, I might stick around. 671 00:32:12,834 --> 00:32:15,200 -There he is. -All right, gents. Finchy, Glynn. 672 00:32:15,267 --> 00:32:18,100 -David. Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas to you. 673 00:32:18,167 --> 00:32:19,634 So, David, where's your hot date? 674 00:32:19,701 --> 00:32:21,100 -On her way, so don't... -Yeah? 675 00:32:22,300 --> 00:32:24,601 So don't think... 676 00:32:24,667 --> 00:32:26,267 Fashionably late. Not even late, actually. 677 00:32:26,334 --> 00:32:28,701 Told her to come down about half nine, 10:00. 678 00:32:28,767 --> 00:32:31,334 -It's nearly 10:00 now. -Nearly 10:00 isn't 10:00, is it? 679 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,934 Nearly 10:00, isn't 10:00. God help you. 680 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,500 Don't run this place like that. Fascist. Chill out! (LAUGHS) 681 00:32:37,567 --> 00:32:40,968 -I'm just looking forward to meeting her. -We all are. We all are. 682 00:32:41,033 --> 00:32:42,834 Let's not... Bloody hell. 683 00:32:44,601 --> 00:32:46,901 -All right, mate. -Lee, nice to see you. 684 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:48,133 Yeah, good. Yeah. 685 00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:49,767 -Looking very well. -Cheers. 686 00:32:49,834 --> 00:32:50,834 -Hello. -Hi. 687 00:32:50,901 --> 00:32:53,300 -Doing all right? -Yeah. 688 00:32:53,367 --> 00:32:56,601 Ah. Look at this, the American couple. 689 00:32:56,667 --> 00:32:58,300 (CHUCKLES) 690 00:32:58,367 --> 00:33:00,968 Looking brown and white, with the teeth. 691 00:33:01,033 --> 00:33:02,167 (DAWN LAUGHS) 692 00:33:02,234 --> 00:33:04,234 -Good. -Yeah. It's good to be back. 693 00:33:04,300 --> 00:33:05,667 -You look very well. -Cheers. 694 00:33:05,734 --> 00:33:07,801 Happy Christmas. 695 00:33:07,868 --> 00:33:10,434 -Uh... Secret Santa? -Trudy. Thataway. 696 00:33:11,167 --> 00:33:12,500 Sorry, have you met... 697 00:33:12,567 --> 00:33:14,000 We're gonna take our coats off, come back. 698 00:33:14,067 --> 00:33:15,033 Yeah. Okay. 699 00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:18,367 Ah. 700 00:33:28,901 --> 00:33:30,734 I don't know what to expect, to be honest. 701 00:33:30,801 --> 00:33:32,300 I haven't been impressed so far. 702 00:33:32,367 --> 00:33:34,534 Um, I hope they're vetting them, 703 00:33:34,601 --> 00:33:37,767 because the computer seems to be throwing up any old rubbish. 704 00:33:37,834 --> 00:33:39,968 It's like, I don't know... 705 00:33:40,033 --> 00:33:41,968 They haven't put me in the right category or something, because, you know what... 706 00:33:42,033 --> 00:33:44,000 Oh, I don't believe it. Look at this. 707 00:33:49,801 --> 00:33:50,801 -Hello. -Hiya. 708 00:33:50,868 --> 00:33:51,834 -All right? -Yeah. 709 00:33:51,901 --> 00:33:53,701 -Is Monkey in there? -Oh, yeah. 710 00:33:53,767 --> 00:33:54,901 Yeah. (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) 711 00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:56,634 -You all right? -Yeah, I know. 712 00:33:56,701 --> 00:33:58,500 I'm expecting a blind date and I was worried you were it! 713 00:34:00,300 --> 00:34:02,734 No. Yeah. He's up there, yeah, sorry. 714 00:34:11,701 --> 00:34:13,100 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 715 00:34:16,968 --> 00:34:18,534 I was gonna say, do you, um... 716 00:34:18,601 --> 00:34:20,400 Do you hire a car in the States? 717 00:34:20,467 --> 00:34:21,901 -Yeah. -That's how you get around? 718 00:34:21,968 --> 00:34:23,601 -Yeah. -Cool, cool. 719 00:34:25,701 --> 00:34:28,067 (TIM SIGHS) 720 00:34:28,133 --> 00:34:31,267 Hey, Lee, have a word with this one about not doing the old illustrating any more. 721 00:34:31,334 --> 00:34:33,868 -I heard she's not drawing or... -No. 722 00:34:33,934 --> 00:34:35,467 Really? 723 00:34:35,534 --> 00:34:36,801 I would've thought you were in the perfect spot. 724 00:34:36,868 --> 00:34:39,334 Lovely picturesque for that whole watercolours... 725 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,300 No, we agreed, you know, making a living's got to come first. 726 00:34:42,367 --> 00:34:44,300 Well, she can do it in the evening, though. 727 00:34:44,367 --> 00:34:46,801 Yeah, but to make money out of it, you know, you got to be good. 728 00:34:47,434 --> 00:34:48,200 Right. 729 00:34:59,601 --> 00:35:00,500 (CAR PULLS UP) 730 00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:09,667 (INDISTINCT) 731 00:35:12,334 --> 00:35:14,434 -I brought you the long way round. That's Chris. -Hi. 732 00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:16,234 -Neil. This is Carol, my date... -Hi. 733 00:35:16,300 --> 00:35:17,767 -Hi, Carol. -Hi. 734 00:35:17,834 --> 00:35:19,767 ...for this evening. So... 735 00:35:19,834 --> 00:35:21,534 Yeah. Yeah. 736 00:35:21,601 --> 00:35:23,234 Let's get you some alcohol, shall we? What do you fancy? 737 00:35:23,434 --> 00:35:25,834 -We got wine, we got beer. -Oh, no. I'm watching the figure. 738 00:35:25,901 --> 00:35:28,234 -Oh, let me do that! -(CHUCKLES) Vodka. 739 00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:30,167 -Yeah, vodka's fine. -Pint of vodka. 740 00:35:30,234 --> 00:35:31,234 -Pint? -Joking. 741 00:35:31,300 --> 00:35:33,601 -Oh! -(GIGGLING) 742 00:35:33,667 --> 00:35:35,234 Thought they'd sent me an alky, then! 743 00:35:35,300 --> 00:35:37,734 Right, good. (MUMBLING) 744 00:35:43,801 --> 00:35:46,067 Did you see the documentary when it went out? 745 00:35:46,133 --> 00:35:49,567 -No, no. No, no, I didn't. I know you were in it, though. -Just a bit! 746 00:35:49,634 --> 00:35:51,033 Just a bit, yeah. 747 00:35:51,100 --> 00:35:54,000 -Was that weird? -"Weird" isn't the word 748 00:35:54,067 --> 00:35:57,467 -I used when I saw it go out. "Stitch-up" was, to be honest. -Why? 749 00:35:57,534 --> 00:35:59,434 Well, I don't know if you understand television, 750 00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:02,601 but it was the way it conveniently left out all the good bits I did every day 751 00:36:02,667 --> 00:36:04,801 -and put in the embarrassing bits. -Like what? 752 00:36:04,868 --> 00:36:07,968 -Well, like, the time I head-butted someone. -You head-butted someone? 753 00:36:08,033 --> 00:36:10,167 -Yeah, yeah, but she was... -She? 754 00:36:10,234 --> 00:36:13,167 Yeah, but it was manipulated. That's what I'm saying. They're crafty as well, 755 00:36:13,234 --> 00:36:15,901 because, um... Example, 756 00:36:15,968 --> 00:36:18,734 once the guys found out I sing and play... 757 00:36:18,801 --> 00:36:20,000 -Do you? -Yeah, big time. 758 00:36:20,067 --> 00:36:21,901 -You good? -Yeah. Just a bit. 759 00:36:21,968 --> 00:36:25,133 -They always get me, "Come on, give us a song." -Yeah. 760 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,467 And I was doing an impromptu gig one afternoon, 761 00:36:27,534 --> 00:36:32,334 and they're filming it, and I did a beautiful version of No Woman, No Cry. 762 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,901 -Really? -By the late, great genius Bob Marley. 763 00:36:35,968 --> 00:36:37,767 -Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -Good. 764 00:36:37,834 --> 00:36:40,734 And all I say is this... 765 00:36:40,801 --> 00:36:44,767 Um, Oliver, who is the office black guy, thought it was brilliant. 766 00:36:44,834 --> 00:36:46,234 -So... -Did he? 767 00:36:46,300 --> 00:36:48,901 Yeah. He should know. So I take his word. 768 00:36:48,968 --> 00:36:49,868 They didn't put that bit in? 769 00:36:49,934 --> 00:36:52,067 No. No. And it's... 770 00:36:52,133 --> 00:36:54,100 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 771 00:36:57,901 --> 00:36:59,801 Jeff Lamp, you're barred. Get out. 772 00:37:00,868 --> 00:37:02,434 I'm joking. Gareth. 773 00:37:04,267 --> 00:37:06,400 -Did you drive down? -No, I came in a cab. 774 00:37:06,467 --> 00:37:08,601 -Great. -Yeah, we took a taxi. 775 00:37:08,667 --> 00:37:10,701 What were you saying... (INAUDIBLE) 776 00:37:13,701 --> 00:37:14,868 Monkey Alan! 777 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,367 (IMITATING MONKEY GIBBERING) 778 00:37:18,434 --> 00:37:19,868 -That sounds good. -It is. Yeah. 779 00:37:19,934 --> 00:37:22,267 -I like that. -What about you? 780 00:37:22,334 --> 00:37:24,400 -I'm repping at the moment... -Right. 781 00:37:24,467 --> 00:37:26,701 ...in the day. I'm getting into entertainment, though. 782 00:37:26,767 --> 00:37:28,667 -Are you? -It's very difficult, though. 783 00:37:28,734 --> 00:37:30,367 -I bet it is. -Yeah. 784 00:37:30,434 --> 00:37:31,934 Seems to be a series of shitty little PAs is the moment, 785 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,534 -due to the fact that my agent... Agent! -(CHUCKLES) 786 00:37:34,601 --> 00:37:37,100 Does not know his ass from his elbow. Excuse my French, but... 787 00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:40,801 You know, I go out, wave for 10 minutes. Embarrassing. 788 00:37:40,868 --> 00:37:43,434 They're all half me age, and I know they're taking the mick. 789 00:37:43,500 --> 00:37:46,367 Not really. You know, you are getting paid. 790 00:37:46,434 --> 00:37:49,000 You never see them again, what do you care? Yeah. 791 00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:52,367 Take the money and run! Spend it on something you do want to do. 792 00:37:53,634 --> 00:37:55,667 Yeah. 793 00:37:55,734 --> 00:37:58,934 Drives me mad. I mean, to spoil a child it is a kind of child abuse. 794 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,868 And, you know, you've got a responsibility as a parent. 795 00:38:01,934 --> 00:38:03,934 (BELCHES) 796 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,701 You can't do that to your children. 797 00:38:05,767 --> 00:38:07,467 You cannot do that to your children. 798 00:38:07,534 --> 00:38:09,200 I'll tell you what though, you're not gonna... (INDISTINCT) 799 00:38:09,267 --> 00:38:12,500 -Hello, mate. -You all right, Geezer. 800 00:38:12,567 --> 00:38:15,100 They let you back in the country then. (LAUGHS) 801 00:38:15,167 --> 00:38:17,434 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 802 00:38:19,434 --> 00:38:21,801 Excuse me! Do you mind not smoking near me? 803 00:38:21,868 --> 00:38:24,300 -Sorry? -Do you mind not smoking near me? 804 00:38:24,367 --> 00:38:26,300 Hello! I am pregnant. 805 00:38:26,367 --> 00:38:27,601 Yeah, and this is a party. (LAUGHS) 806 00:38:27,667 --> 00:38:29,534 I don't really care about the party, 807 00:38:29,601 --> 00:38:31,667 I care about my unborn child. 808 00:38:31,734 --> 00:38:34,634 Then maybe you should fuck off home, then, if you're pregnant, you dozy cow! 809 00:38:34,701 --> 00:38:35,767 (ALL LAUGHING) 810 00:38:35,834 --> 00:38:37,467 What did you say? 811 00:38:37,534 --> 00:38:40,100 You think we care as much about your baby as you do? 812 00:38:40,167 --> 00:38:43,100 Just 'cause you let some useless tosser blow his beans up your muff. 813 00:38:43,167 --> 00:38:44,534 Well done! (LAUGHS) 814 00:38:44,601 --> 00:38:46,067 Merry fucking Christmas! 815 00:38:50,067 --> 00:38:52,601 (HOLIDAY MUSIC PLAYING) 816 00:38:57,133 --> 00:38:58,367 Beans. 817 00:38:58,434 --> 00:39:00,500 "Oh, I don't even know what this means!" 818 00:39:01,467 --> 00:39:04,434 Muff was the bit for me! 819 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:06,868 -Beans and muff! -(DAWN LAUGHS) 820 00:39:06,934 --> 00:39:08,968 821 00:39:09,033 --> 00:39:12,868 822 00:39:12,934 --> 00:39:18,033 823 00:39:19,367 --> 00:39:23,434 824 00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:27,033 825 00:39:28,100 --> 00:39:31,400 826 00:39:31,467 --> 00:39:37,767 827 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,267 -(SCREAMS) -(LAUGHING) 828 00:39:41,334 --> 00:39:44,367 (SLOW POP MUSIC PLAYING) 829 00:39:53,534 --> 00:39:55,200 Otherwise, you found your way around 830 00:39:55,267 --> 00:39:56,434 -and everything all right? -Yeah. 831 00:39:56,500 --> 00:39:58,701 -Like, everything you needed to know. -Yes. 832 00:39:58,767 --> 00:40:00,400 Everyone was really nice to me. 833 00:40:00,467 --> 00:40:01,500 Cool. 834 00:40:02,067 --> 00:40:04,234 (INDISTINCT) 835 00:40:13,767 --> 00:40:15,167 (RINGS BELL) 836 00:40:15,234 --> 00:40:17,467 Dawn, have you done that important report 837 00:40:17,534 --> 00:40:19,467 that I asked you to do? I've been waiting two years. 838 00:40:19,534 --> 00:40:22,334 I would have done it, but, unfortunately, I've been extremely busy. 839 00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,200 -Sunbathing, filing my nails. -Sure, sure. 840 00:40:24,267 --> 00:40:27,133 Well, I am beginning to wonder if your heart is really in this job. 841 00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,901 Dawn, you shouldn't be behind there, you don't work here any more. 842 00:40:29,968 --> 00:40:32,901 Look at the boss. Look at him. Look at his little boss face. 843 00:40:32,968 --> 00:40:35,167 -Are you enjoying yourself, Gareth? -Yeah, yeah. It's all right. 844 00:40:35,234 --> 00:40:38,801 Gareth, I meant to ask you, following on from our discussion... 845 00:40:38,868 --> 00:40:41,934 -Um, you know when you're out on manoeuvres. -Mmm-hmm. 846 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,067 You have to stay over a barracks, right? 847 00:40:44,133 --> 00:40:46,067 With all those men in bunk beds. 848 00:40:46,133 --> 00:40:48,734 Now do you prefer to go on top? 849 00:40:48,801 --> 00:40:51,234 Yeah, because then, if you get up in the night you disturb them, 850 00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:52,868 but they can't disturb you. (CHUCKLES) 851 00:40:52,934 --> 00:40:55,200 So, it helps. 852 00:40:55,267 --> 00:40:57,834 TIM: I mean, they're trained, aren't they? Must be pretty fit, I guess. 853 00:40:57,901 --> 00:40:59,801 -Yup. -So, you just looking at the men and you're going, 854 00:40:59,868 --> 00:41:01,634 -"They're fit." -We all are. We have to be. 855 00:41:01,701 --> 00:41:03,167 And if you were, like, in a wood 856 00:41:03,234 --> 00:41:06,968 and an enemy soldier sort of jumps on one of your boys, 857 00:41:07,033 --> 00:41:09,734 are you gonna stand there and panic or would you pull him off? 858 00:41:09,801 --> 00:41:11,801 -Yeah, immediately. -You'd pull him off right away? 859 00:41:11,868 --> 00:41:14,400 -Of course. -They're winding you up, mate. 860 00:41:14,467 --> 00:41:16,000 It means wank you off. 861 00:41:17,167 --> 00:41:18,400 GARETH: Did you? 862 00:41:18,467 --> 00:41:20,968 Yeah, afraid I did. Sorry. Thanks, Lee. 863 00:41:22,901 --> 00:41:24,434 That's pathetic. 864 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,934 Right, shall we make a move? 865 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,400 Leave? (STAMMERING) We can give it a few minutes, can't we? 866 00:41:32,467 --> 00:41:34,334 I know what you're like, you'll have too much to drink tonight 867 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,000 and moan all day tomorrow. 868 00:41:36,067 --> 00:41:37,901 What about Secret Santa? 869 00:41:37,968 --> 00:41:41,167 Well, I'm sure you'll cope. I'll go and get the coats, all right? 870 00:41:41,234 --> 00:41:42,601 Right, mate. 871 00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:44,701 Oh, well. 872 00:41:47,934 --> 00:41:49,000 Ah... 873 00:41:51,567 --> 00:41:54,634 You can persuade him to stay for a little bit longer, can't you? 874 00:41:54,701 --> 00:41:59,434 Ooh, I... No. I mean, we have to go tomorrow. 875 00:41:59,500 --> 00:42:01,067 -No, understood. -Eight-hour flight. 876 00:42:01,133 --> 00:42:03,067 -Fair play. Is it eight hours? -It is. 877 00:42:03,133 --> 00:42:04,334 (WHISTLES) 878 00:42:07,667 --> 00:42:08,868 (CLEARS THROAT) 879 00:42:13,767 --> 00:42:14,701 (SIGHS) 880 00:42:16,734 --> 00:42:17,701 (COUGHING) 881 00:42:19,834 --> 00:42:21,067 So, this has been nice. 882 00:42:21,133 --> 00:42:22,634 -It has. -Good night, then? 883 00:42:22,701 --> 00:42:24,701 -(SLOW POP MUSIC PLAYING) -(CHUCKLES) 884 00:42:24,767 --> 00:42:26,267 Good seeing you again. 885 00:42:26,334 --> 00:42:29,167 -Look after yourself. Have a good life. -I will. 886 00:42:29,234 --> 00:42:31,133 -Keep in touch! -Yeah, I will. I might! 887 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,133 -Oh! -No, I will. 888 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,534 Anyway... 889 00:42:35,601 --> 00:42:38,767 Yeah, listen... There's something... 890 00:42:38,834 --> 00:42:41,701 -It's really nice seeing you, Dawn. Good seeing you. -You, too. 891 00:42:41,767 --> 00:42:45,334 -Look after yourself. -Your Secret Santa. 892 00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,634 -See you mate. -See ya, Lee, you little... Good luck. 893 00:42:48,701 --> 00:42:49,667 Cheers. 894 00:42:52,100 --> 00:42:53,500 Oh, bye, every... 895 00:42:53,567 --> 00:42:55,667 Dawn's off, everyone! Bye. 896 00:42:55,734 --> 00:42:59,000 -See you later, mate. -TRUDY: Have a nice flight back. 897 00:42:59,067 --> 00:43:03,033 898 00:43:03,100 --> 00:43:05,300 899 00:43:05,367 --> 00:43:06,667 900 00:43:06,734 --> 00:43:07,934 901 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,634 902 00:43:10,701 --> 00:43:13,300 903 00:43:13,367 --> 00:43:15,000 904 00:43:15,067 --> 00:43:17,434 905 00:43:17,500 --> 00:43:19,734 906 00:43:19,801 --> 00:43:22,801 907 00:43:24,767 --> 00:43:26,167 Right, Amanda. 908 00:43:26,901 --> 00:43:28,601 And next up is Gareth. 909 00:43:28,667 --> 00:43:30,868 (ALL COOING) 910 00:43:30,934 --> 00:43:32,500 Very funny. Who got me that? 911 00:43:32,567 --> 00:43:35,367 No, don't tell him. Secret Santa, that's the point. 912 00:43:35,434 --> 00:43:39,701 Whoever it was, I specifically said I wanted vouchers. So... Annoying. 913 00:43:39,767 --> 00:43:43,567 -Right, ah... -TIM: The people you work with 914 00:43:43,634 --> 00:43:45,801 are people you were just thrown together with. 915 00:43:45,868 --> 00:43:48,534 You don't know them. I mean, it wasn't your choice, 916 00:43:48,601 --> 00:43:52,801 and yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. 917 00:43:52,868 --> 00:43:55,767 But probably all you've got in common is the fact that you 918 00:43:55,834 --> 00:43:58,901 walk around on the same bit carpet for eight hours a day. 919 00:44:00,968 --> 00:44:01,968 And so, 920 00:44:02,868 --> 00:44:05,334 obviously when someone 921 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,033 comes in who you have a connection with... 922 00:44:09,100 --> 00:44:12,100 Yeah! And Dawn was a ray of sunshine in my life. 923 00:44:12,167 --> 00:44:13,300 And it meant a lot. 924 00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:17,567 But... 925 00:44:17,634 --> 00:44:20,167 If I'm really being honest, I never really thought it would have a happy ending. 926 00:44:21,367 --> 00:44:22,667 (UNWRAPPING PAPER) 927 00:44:37,534 --> 00:44:40,667 I don't know what a happy ending is. 928 00:44:40,734 --> 00:44:43,801 Life isn't about endings, is it? It's a series of moments. 929 00:44:44,767 --> 00:44:47,334 And, um... 930 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,434 It's like, if you turn the camera off, it's not an ending, is it? 931 00:44:51,601 --> 00:44:53,901 I'm still here. My life's not over. 932 00:44:53,968 --> 00:44:56,334 Come back here in 10 years, 933 00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:59,334 see how I'm doing then. 934 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:01,834 'Cause I could be married with kids. You don't know. 935 00:45:05,367 --> 00:45:06,767 Life just goes on. 936 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,567 (HOLIDAY MUSIC PLAYING) 937 00:45:44,801 --> 00:45:47,934 DAVID: No, I wasn't holding a lot of hope for this evening, but... 938 00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,100 She is a brilliant woman. 939 00:45:51,133 --> 00:45:53,334 Smart, logical. 940 00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,100 And you hear people say, 941 00:45:55,167 --> 00:45:58,968 that you can't be a beautiful, sensual woman like Carol 942 00:45:59,033 --> 00:46:00,300 and still be logical. 943 00:46:00,367 --> 00:46:02,300 She's proved them wrong. 944 00:46:02,367 --> 00:46:03,734 So, you know, part of the attraction. 945 00:46:03,801 --> 00:46:06,901 In fact, for me to be attracted to a woman, 946 00:46:06,968 --> 00:46:10,400 she has to be as intelligent, or slightly less intelligent, than me. 947 00:46:10,467 --> 00:46:12,000 She is. 948 00:46:12,067 --> 00:46:14,267 You know, and never been impressed with these guys that go, 949 00:46:14,334 --> 00:46:16,434 "Oh, look at her, she's got a great pair of breasts," 950 00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:18,834 or, "She's got a cute little tush." 951 00:46:18,901 --> 00:46:22,167 I mean, Carol's got all those things, 952 00:46:22,234 --> 00:46:25,100 but she's got it going on upstairs as well as down. 953 00:46:25,801 --> 00:46:27,367 Perfect for me. 954 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:30,834 INTERVIEWER: How was that? 955 00:46:30,901 --> 00:46:33,601 Yeah, he's funny. 956 00:46:33,667 --> 00:46:36,968 Yeah, he wants to try my Thai food. That's okay. 957 00:46:38,367 --> 00:46:41,534 Yeah, I had a good chat with him. 958 00:46:41,601 --> 00:46:43,667 INTERVIEWER: Would you want to see him again? 959 00:46:44,934 --> 00:46:46,467 Yeah. Think so. 960 00:46:51,367 --> 00:46:53,601 -(INDISTINCT) -(LAUGHS) 961 00:46:54,734 --> 00:46:56,500 Thank you very much. 962 00:46:56,567 --> 00:46:57,834 Cheers. 963 00:46:57,901 --> 00:46:59,667 Oh. 964 00:46:59,734 --> 00:47:02,200 -Thank you very much. -It's all right. 965 00:47:11,667 --> 00:47:12,834 Definitely. 966 00:47:30,734 --> 00:47:32,734 For a beach holiday, I mean, it's perfect. 967 00:47:32,801 --> 00:47:34,801 -Long flight, but... -It was, what, two weeks? 968 00:47:34,868 --> 00:47:36,868 Two weeks, a grand each. 969 00:47:36,934 --> 00:47:39,567 I just said, "Go with it." 970 00:47:39,634 --> 00:47:41,534 Well done. I was gonna say to you. Leagues are doing well. 971 00:47:41,601 --> 00:47:44,701 -What? -Were they in the league? (STAMMERING) 972 00:47:44,767 --> 00:47:46,767 What are you talking about? You don't know about football! 973 00:47:46,834 --> 00:47:48,534 -Guilty! I support Reading! -You don't! 974 00:47:48,601 --> 00:47:50,200 You don't support... When did you last get one on us? 975 00:47:50,267 --> 00:47:52,267 I support football more than him. 976 00:47:52,334 --> 00:47:56,868 -Yeah, well, I'm more of a rugby man. -Admits it. Admits it. So... 977 00:47:56,934 --> 00:47:58,300 No, dog with you today, David? 978 00:47:58,367 --> 00:48:00,067 Did you not see her? She just left! 979 00:48:00,133 --> 00:48:01,400 (LAUGHING) 980 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,100 -Chris. -Yeah? 981 00:48:04,167 --> 00:48:06,300 Why don't you fuck off? 982 00:48:06,367 --> 00:48:08,367 (SLOW POP MUSIC PLAYING) 983 00:48:18,100 --> 00:48:19,801 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 984 00:48:27,901 --> 00:48:30,634 (TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 985 00:48:30,701 --> 00:48:33,801 All I'm saying is, Think about what I said, all right. 986 00:48:33,868 --> 00:48:36,067 -The doctor is... -I know this, the triplets. 987 00:48:36,133 --> 00:48:40,100 No, why would there be triplets? 988 00:48:40,167 --> 00:48:43,300 It's the bloke in the car, is his father. 989 00:48:43,367 --> 00:48:46,400 -Okay. -And the doctor really did say, 990 00:48:46,467 --> 00:48:49,567 I can't operate on that boy, he's my son. 991 00:48:49,634 --> 00:48:51,167 GARETH: The doctor's telling the truth as well? 992 00:48:51,234 --> 00:48:52,601 Is he a man... 993 00:48:58,434 --> 00:49:00,834 Careful, she's got a fiance. 994 00:49:00,901 --> 00:49:02,601 I haven't. Not any more. 995 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,968 996 00:49:11,167 --> 00:49:13,868 997 00:49:14,834 --> 00:49:17,901 998 00:49:18,801 --> 00:49:20,167 999 00:49:24,367 --> 00:49:26,901 1000 00:49:26,968 --> 00:49:29,267 1001 00:49:30,133 --> 00:49:33,200 1002 00:49:33,267 --> 00:49:35,701 1003 00:49:35,767 --> 00:49:39,000 1004 00:49:39,067 --> 00:49:41,434 1005 00:49:42,834 --> 00:49:46,000 1006 00:49:47,334 --> 00:49:50,133 1007 00:49:50,934 --> 00:49:53,734 1008 00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:56,367 1009 00:49:59,434 --> 00:50:04,300 DAVID: A philosopher once wrote, "You need three things to have a good life. 1010 00:50:04,367 --> 00:50:07,100 "One, a meaningful relationship. 1011 00:50:07,167 --> 00:50:09,634 "Two, a decent job of work. 1012 00:50:09,701 --> 00:50:12,300 (ALL LAUGHING) 1013 00:50:12,367 --> 00:50:15,234 "And three, to make a difference." 1014 00:50:16,767 --> 00:50:18,734 And it was always that third one that stressed me, 1015 00:50:18,801 --> 00:50:19,968 to make a difference. 1016 00:50:20,033 --> 00:50:23,200 And I realised that I do, every day, we all do. 1017 00:50:23,267 --> 00:50:27,400 It's how we interact with our fellow man. 1018 00:50:28,067 --> 00:50:29,634 Sorry, Neil... 1019 00:50:29,701 --> 00:50:31,234 Can I have just one with Neil out? 1020 00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:32,767 Just one with the old gang. Do you mind? 1021 00:50:32,834 --> 00:50:35,067 -Just one with the old gang. -Sure, come on. 1022 00:50:35,133 --> 00:50:36,300 -The real gang. -NEIL: Yeah, all right. 1023 00:50:37,100 --> 00:50:39,968 The glory years. 1024 00:50:40,033 --> 00:50:42,067 INTERVIEWER: How would you like to be remembered? 1025 00:50:43,868 --> 00:50:46,534 Simply as the man 1026 00:50:46,601 --> 00:50:49,901 who put a smile on the face of all who he met. 1027 00:50:51,367 --> 00:50:52,567 WOMAN: Say cheese. 1028 00:50:52,634 --> 00:50:53,801 ALL: Cheese! 1029 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:57,100 -Did that work? -ALL: No! 1030 00:50:57,167 --> 00:50:58,567 Okay, just give me a sec. 1031 00:50:58,634 --> 00:51:00,367 I'm having a bit of trouble here. 1032 00:51:00,434 --> 00:51:02,133 (AS FRANK SPENCER) Ooh, I'm having a bit of trouble meself! 1033 00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:04,234 (ALL CHUCKLING) 1034 00:51:04,300 --> 00:51:07,100 Betty, Jessica, the cat did a whoopsie in my beret! 1035 00:51:07,167 --> 00:51:08,267 (ALL LAUGH) 1036 00:51:11,901 --> 00:51:13,234 Do you know who that is? Frank Spencer. 1037 00:51:13,300 --> 00:51:14,734 Oh, do it again! 1038 00:51:14,801 --> 00:51:16,667 (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) 1039 00:51:21,567 --> 00:51:24,934 1040 00:51:27,434 --> 00:51:30,367 1041 00:51:32,334 --> 00:51:34,701 1042 00:51:34,767 --> 00:51:36,200 1043 00:51:36,267 --> 00:51:39,567 1044 00:51:39,634 --> 00:51:41,267 Have you got everything you need? 1045 00:51:42,133 --> 00:51:43,234 Cheers.