1 00:00:22,367 --> 00:00:24,000 DAVID: Stitch-up. 2 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,767 It was a stitch-up. 3 00:00:26,634 --> 00:00:30,367 They filmed hours of material, 4 00:00:30,434 --> 00:00:35,100 and most of it is a good bloke doing a good job at work 5 00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:39,868 and the one time I accidentally head-butt an interviewee 6 00:00:39,934 --> 00:00:43,167 makes it to the programme, you're gonna look a prat. 7 00:00:43,234 --> 00:00:47,200 You're gonna... You head-butt a girl on telly, you're labelled a prat, 8 00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:49,133 and that's the game. 9 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,334 And the BBC must have taken what, about eight hours footage a day, 10 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,033 and I got it back and most of it was like, you know, 11 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:57,367 "Oh, look. Here's a good guy, he's getting on". 12 00:00:57,434 --> 00:00:59,367 "He's their friend as well as their boss, 13 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:03,601 "He's a motivator, an entertainer. There's lots of good stuff. 14 00:01:03,667 --> 00:01:05,434 "Oh, he's made one mistake, 15 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,500 "like any human would, should we just cut that out?" "No, what? 16 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,734 "Put that bit in, cut the other stuff out. 17 00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:11,634 "We want a scapegoat, we want to dumb down. 18 00:01:11,701 --> 00:01:16,000 "We wanna give them the biggest plonker of the year". 19 00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:19,000 You know... 20 00:01:22,234 --> 00:01:23,834 I'm not a plonker. 21 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,601 (PHONE RINGS) 22 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,667 (KNOCKS) 23 00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:15,300 -Yes. -Gareth, this is the stuff from Nelsons. 24 00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,701 You remember I'm going early tonight, eh? 25 00:02:16,767 --> 00:02:17,834 GARETH: Hmm? 26 00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:19,901 I'm going early. 27 00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:23,934 -I said that was all right? -Yes, you did, Gareth, yeah. 28 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,300 Yep, there it is. 29 00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:26,701 Good. I'm so pleased. 30 00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:29,868 Gareth, are these the keys to your office? 31 00:02:29,934 --> 00:02:31,367 (GARETH SHOUTS) 32 00:02:33,634 --> 00:02:35,234 Oliver! 33 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,567 He's locked me in again. Oliver! 34 00:02:39,968 --> 00:02:41,400 (PHONE RINGS) 35 00:02:42,801 --> 00:02:44,868 Hello? 36 00:02:44,934 --> 00:02:46,767 GARETH: Unlock it now. It's not funny. What if there was a fire? 37 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,934 Sorry, who is this? 38 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,400 Who do you think it is? Father Christmas? Open the door. 39 00:02:50,467 --> 00:02:52,500 I don't believe in you. 40 00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:54,534 -Mel, if Gareth rings... -(PHONE RINGS) 41 00:02:54,601 --> 00:02:56,100 That'll be Gareth. Don't pick it up, don't pick it up, 'cause he wants... 42 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:57,667 Hello? 43 00:02:57,734 --> 00:02:59,500 -MEL: Yeah. -(WHISPERING) Say no. 44 00:02:59,567 --> 00:03:03,100 What did he say? Listen. Can I just say though... 45 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,467 Can I have those keys because he wants me to let him out? 46 00:03:05,534 --> 00:03:07,934 Yeah, I know, but I just locked him in and it's gonna be a bit of fun. 47 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,234 But he's asked me and I just... 48 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:11,500 -There's no problem. Okay. -I'll just open it. 49 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,701 There's not really a problem. 50 00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:18,000 (DOOR UNLOCKS) 51 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:25,300 Here we are. Caught me in me...Me local fruit and veg emporium. 52 00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:26,934 WOMAN: You come in here a lot, do you? 53 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,834 Big time. Need to stay healthy when you're on the road. 54 00:03:28,901 --> 00:03:31,033 Can't take chances. 55 00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:33,267 Although the only fruit I actually like is the bananas, isn't it, Paul? 56 00:03:33,334 --> 00:03:36,300 Yeah. And we all know what you do with them when you get them home, aye? 57 00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:39,834 Shove 'em up me... Gay! No, I'm not. He knows I'm not. He's just... 58 00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:42,667 Although, you know, Paul, fruit is very versatile, isn't it? 59 00:03:44,868 --> 00:03:46,234 You feeling cold, David? 60 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,400 (CHUCKLES) Feeling cold. Mine's shrivelled! 61 00:03:49,467 --> 00:03:51,167 Look, he thinks we're mad! 62 00:03:51,234 --> 00:03:53,667 DAVID: (LAUGHS) You all right? 63 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,033 Do I know you? 64 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,234 Yeah. We're doing a follow-up. 65 00:03:57,300 --> 00:04:00,100 -To what? -To the documentary that went out on telly, just doing a... 66 00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:02,267 -What, you were in a documentary? -Yeah. Yeah. 67 00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:04,567 -What was it? -Come on. 68 00:04:04,634 --> 00:04:06,100 Are you that fat one from Airport? 69 00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:07,968 Obviously not. 70 00:04:08,033 --> 00:04:09,400 Wernham Hogg. 71 00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:11,267 -Wernham Hogg. Yeah. -What was it about? 72 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,701 -About me. Following me around at work. -Not at the airport? 73 00:04:13,767 --> 00:04:15,901 -No. Forget the Airport. -No. I don't recognise you. 74 00:04:15,968 --> 00:04:19,634 You do recognise me. You're on the right lines. You just can't... 75 00:04:19,701 --> 00:04:20,834 Are you famous? 76 00:04:20,901 --> 00:04:22,067 (CHUCKLES) Penny's dropped! 77 00:04:22,133 --> 00:04:23,234 -Well, can I have your autograph? -Yeah. 78 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,534 -You got a pen? -I've got a pen. 79 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,033 -What's your name? -David. 80 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,133 Oh! From one David to another! 81 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,467 -Is your name David? -Oh, for...Yes! 82 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,367 He knows who I am. 83 00:04:40,434 --> 00:04:42,400 WOMAN: Does that sort of a thing happen a lot? 84 00:04:42,467 --> 00:04:43,868 Getting recognised? Yeah. 85 00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,067 I mean, usually they know specifically who I am. 86 00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:48,968 He recognised me. He'll kick himself later. 87 00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:50,400 WOMAN: Is it ever a problem? 88 00:04:50,467 --> 00:04:52,968 Um, I mean, you always get the odd person 89 00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:57,367 who doesn't appreciate what you're doing, shouts silly things, but... 90 00:04:57,434 --> 00:04:59,834 WOMAN: What sort of things? 91 00:04:59,901 --> 00:05:02,267 "You beardy twat". "Pug-nose gimp". 92 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:05,300 "Lard boy". 93 00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:08,868 And I go, "Yeah. What you have you ever done on telly? Nothing! So don't..." 94 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,701 "Absolutely Flabulous". 95 00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:17,634 (ANNE SIGHS) 96 00:05:23,567 --> 00:05:24,400 Ooh. 97 00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:27,067 (SIGHS) 98 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,534 (SIGHS) 99 00:05:32,601 --> 00:05:33,667 (SNIFFLES) 100 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,000 (SIGHS) 101 00:05:44,901 --> 00:05:46,033 Hello. 102 00:05:46,734 --> 00:05:48,367 Um... 103 00:05:48,434 --> 00:05:52,667 Right, I've got a meeting with Ray Howles, 104 00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:56,567 who's the building manager here at the Park Conference Centre. 105 00:05:56,634 --> 00:05:58,100 WOMAN: Are you a door-to-door salesman? 106 00:05:58,167 --> 00:05:59,434 No! 107 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:02,367 I don't go cold calling, 108 00:06:02,434 --> 00:06:06,801 trying to sell people clothes pegs and dusters. 109 00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:11,601 I do sell dusters, but that's about 5% of what, you know, we do. 110 00:06:12,801 --> 00:06:16,701 Dustbins, floors, worktops, glass. 111 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,167 Best till last, okay. 112 00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:20,934 Take one of these little fellas. 113 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,868 I'm just gonna dip it in there, like that. 114 00:06:22,934 --> 00:06:24,868 Oh! It's nearly dry, okay. 115 00:06:24,934 --> 00:06:28,534 All I'm gonna do, just a circular motion like that on the wall. 116 00:06:28,601 --> 00:06:30,400 And because of the texture and quality of the chammy, 117 00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:32,901 that's coming off with tap water, okay. 118 00:06:32,968 --> 00:06:35,868 No solvents. Usually you run the risk of discolouring the paint. 119 00:06:35,934 --> 00:06:39,934 With this, I'm removing the stain job, not the paint job, okay. 120 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,834 That's done. That's dry again. You can use that again. 121 00:06:43,901 --> 00:06:46,601 Fine. Seems fine. Can I take a dozen or so to start with? 122 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,467 Sold to that man. Okay, yeah, sure. 123 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:53,167 Start off like that and then let's see. 124 00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:56,033 Can I ask you something? Who does your tampons? 125 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,500 Back again. 126 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,267 A new Dawn. 127 00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:17,100 She looks a bit... A younger model, there. 128 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,567 I'm not a model. 129 00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,567 Not as bright as Dawn. 130 00:07:22,634 --> 00:07:23,500 Hiya. 131 00:07:24,234 --> 00:07:25,868 -Hey, David. -Hiya. 132 00:07:25,934 --> 00:07:29,534 Tim! Timboo! Timboo! 133 00:07:29,601 --> 00:07:30,868 What's the craic? What's going down? 134 00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:32,300 Just same old stuff, you know. 135 00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:33,500 Cromwell still on your case? 136 00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:34,868 Oh, yeah, yeah. That's still going on. 137 00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:36,400 -Remember what I said about Trevor? -Uh-huh. 138 00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:39,100 You can tell when he's lying. His lips move! 139 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,834 See you later, man. 140 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,734 DAVID: Keenan in? 141 00:07:43,801 --> 00:07:45,267 -Huh? -(DOOR OPENS) 142 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,801 Well, I bought that from Halfords. 143 00:07:49,868 --> 00:07:51,868 Oh! Here he is! 144 00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:54,300 (CHUCKLES) The fella who nicked me job! 145 00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,167 -Didn't nick it. -Nah. Didn't want it any more. 146 00:07:56,234 --> 00:07:59,100 -He begged for it back. -I didn't. Shut up! What are you talking about? 147 00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:01,934 He's here more often now that he doesn't work here than he was when he did work here. 148 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,167 -Exaggerating! -Always nice to see you. 149 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,334 Well, it's nice for them to see me, that's why I pop in so... 150 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,567 -Bit disruptive. -Not disruptive. 151 00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:10,767 It's good for them, so it's good for the company, so it should be good for you. 152 00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:13,334 -Learn that! It's always nice for them to see me. -Always nice to see you. 153 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,167 He's here an awful lot now, though. 154 00:08:15,234 --> 00:08:16,601 I am here an awful lot but I never outstay my welcome, so... 155 00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:17,834 Perhaps you should call ahead. 156 00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:19,334 I'm not gonna call ahead. You're not a doctor! 157 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,000 When you're a doctor, I'll make an appointment. 158 00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:24,300 I'm hardly likely to be a doctor. 159 00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:28,667 I don't think you are. No. Six years medical training. He's got one O level. 160 00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:30,701 Always welcome, but maybe you should call ahead. 161 00:08:30,767 --> 00:08:32,534 Not gonna call ahead. No point. 162 00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:35,968 -Then I'll lock the door! -Yeah? I'll still get in! Let's see. 163 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,367 -Oh! -Should... 164 00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:41,267 -Should phone ahead. -I'm not gonna call ahead. 165 00:08:43,601 --> 00:08:45,601 All right. I can only give you 10 minutes, David. 166 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:48,000 -Ten minutes. What do you mean? -Uh, busy. 167 00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,033 I'm busy. I did 60 hours last week. 168 00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:53,400 I know how many hours you do a week. He seems to forget that! 169 00:08:56,534 --> 00:09:00,100 -You should phone ahead. -I'm not gonna call ahead. 170 00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:04,334 I did learn a lot from David. I learnt from his mistakes. 171 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,500 Okay. We're very different people. 172 00:09:07,567 --> 00:09:10,868 He used humour where I use discipline. 173 00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:13,901 And I learnt that nobody respected him. 174 00:09:13,968 --> 00:09:15,934 And in a war situation, 175 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,901 if you want your platoon to go over the top with you to certain death, 176 00:09:17,968 --> 00:09:22,968 it's no good saying to them, "Please come with me, lads. I'll tell you a joke". 177 00:09:23,033 --> 00:09:25,133 It's a direct order, "Come with me". 178 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,901 And they'll go, "Yes, he's got good leadership skills, 179 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,701 "let's all go with him to our certain death". 180 00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:34,868 And if... Also if you're laughing in the jungle, 181 00:09:34,934 --> 00:09:37,567 you're gonna give away your position to the enemy. 182 00:09:39,033 --> 00:09:40,534 (PHONE RINGING) 183 00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:45,100 You want me to send that? 184 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,500 -Oh, please, yeah. -Okay. 185 00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:50,434 Want me to send it out as it is? Got your signature on it. 186 00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,100 Yeah. 187 00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:53,968 You're happy with it? 188 00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:55,167 Seems fine. 189 00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:57,133 Yeah? Fine. You're right. 190 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,267 'Cause it is 2002. 191 00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,467 Oh, it's the wrong date. I'll change it. 192 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,701 No. Don't worry. I'll do it. 193 00:10:05,467 --> 00:10:07,367 Are you sure you wouldn't be happier over there 194 00:10:07,434 --> 00:10:09,667 with the rest of the finance department? 195 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,767 No. Oh, God, I spent a week over there. Whingy lot. 196 00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:15,868 -Right. -And that big Keith, he's grotesque, isn't he? 197 00:10:15,934 --> 00:10:18,701 No, I didn't like it over there. I couldn't breathe. 198 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:20,801 No, I mean, I had to get out. I couldn't stand it. 199 00:10:20,868 --> 00:10:24,801 It's so confined, do you know what I mean? And I needed the space. 200 00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:28,400 -(BABY COOING) -Is that more comfy? Is that more comfy now? 201 00:10:28,467 --> 00:10:31,400 Oh, you're so good. 202 00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:35,000 -(BABY HICCUPS) -Oh, bless you! Bless you. 203 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,734 Oh, that's so clever. 204 00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:39,868 Good lord. Good lord. 205 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,367 Ooh. 206 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:45,067 MAN: So are you actually living here now? 207 00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:49,534 Oh, it's sort of complicated because I know this is a bit naughty and... 208 00:10:49,601 --> 00:10:51,701 This won't go out over here, will it? 209 00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:56,300 Okay, we're being naughty because you are sort of meant to go home after 90 days 210 00:10:56,367 --> 00:11:01,334 and so we're sort of bending the rules a bit and having sort of an extended holiday. 211 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,167 MAN: What are you doing for money? 212 00:11:03,234 --> 00:11:05,467 Um, odds and ends, really. 213 00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:09,267 Just sort of cash in hand stuff for friends of Lee's sister. 214 00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:12,901 And he's doing gardening and things. Ooh. 215 00:11:12,968 --> 00:11:17,167 And I'm unofficial babysitter. This is Ryan. Say hello, Ryan. 216 00:11:17,234 --> 00:11:19,300 This is Jackie's baby. 217 00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:20,901 MAN: And Jackie is I assume... 218 00:11:20,968 --> 00:11:24,267 Oh, Jackie is Lee's sister. And Gary is Jackie's husband. 219 00:11:24,334 --> 00:11:26,267 This is their place. 220 00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,100 And we've been living here for how long? 221 00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:30,334 It's rent free. 222 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,167 Rent's the biggest expenditure normally. 223 00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:33,834 -We're not paying any rent. -(RYAN CRIES) 224 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,868 Not paying rent, so... 225 00:11:35,934 --> 00:11:39,033 Cost of living out here's so cheap. You can live on a pittance. 226 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:42,834 In fact, our situation here is almost as good as it was in Slough, innit? 227 00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:46,067 Definitely. Definitely. 228 00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:48,434 -(RYAN WHIMPERS) -Oh! Oh! 229 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,133 TIM: I had feelings for Dawn, obviously. 230 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,234 And I realise now that... 231 00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:56,734 Well, we were really good friends, 232 00:11:56,801 --> 00:12:03,200 and I misinterpreted that friendship for something. 233 00:12:03,267 --> 00:12:05,701 And that wasn't how she was feeling, 234 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:09,200 and it got a bit out of proportion in my mind, I guess. 235 00:12:10,634 --> 00:12:13,934 And I really wish I hadn't done what I did. 236 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,000 But I did. 237 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:20,834 But, you know, she's cool. Lee's fine. 238 00:12:21,834 --> 00:12:24,167 She said no to me so... 239 00:12:24,234 --> 00:12:26,934 And they're fine, you know. So, there's no harm done or anything, it's all cool. 240 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,734 And from what I hear, they're loving it out there apparently. 241 00:12:31,934 --> 00:12:32,968 Hmm. 242 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,534 It's a little bit different now, though, 243 00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:41,968 because Gareth is not General Manager as such like I was when I was here. 244 00:12:42,033 --> 00:12:43,567 I was sort of omnipotent. 245 00:12:43,634 --> 00:12:46,734 And he's doing a much more watered down version. 246 00:12:46,801 --> 00:12:48,868 That was just 'cause of your redundancy thing. 247 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:52,200 They couldn't call the job the same thing. And he sued them. 248 00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:54,767 -WOMAN: Did you win? -Oh, yes. 249 00:12:54,834 --> 00:12:56,701 They had to paid you off, didn't they? 250 00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,868 Yeah. Out-of-court settlement. So, quite a lot of money. Ka-ching! 251 00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:00,934 -Wasted most of it, though. -I didn't waste it. 252 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,968 Tell her what you spent it on. 253 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,267 I released my own single, so if that's a waste of money... 254 00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:08,901 Well, it is a waste of money 'cause you didn't even get in the top 100. 255 00:13:08,968 --> 00:13:11,834 Good! Didn't want it to! Next. 256 00:13:11,901 --> 00:13:13,868 WOMAN: How much did that cost, putting out a single? 257 00:13:13,934 --> 00:13:17,200 "Costs" is a bit misleading because I was paying for everything. 258 00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:19,567 I paid for the studio time, PR costs all myself. 259 00:13:19,634 --> 00:13:21,033 Roughly, how much did you think you spent? 260 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,868 Roughly, £42,000. 261 00:13:22,934 --> 00:13:24,601 (GARETH CHUCKLES) 262 00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,667 You know, that's all outgoings, though. 263 00:13:26,734 --> 00:13:32,033 That's not taking into account the money I made from the singles sold, so... 264 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,834 WOMAN: How much did you make? 265 00:13:33,901 --> 00:13:37,200 Well, 'cause I had my own record label, Juxtaposition Records, 266 00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:38,934 I was taking the lion's share, 267 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,200 so I was making a clear £1 profit for every single sold. 268 00:13:42,267 --> 00:13:43,901 How many records did you sell? 269 00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:47,567 (CLEARS THROAT) Fifty, something like that, over all. 270 00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:49,234 Sorry? 150. 271 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,033 (CHUCKLES) It was mainly to friends and family. 272 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,434 -No, it wasn't. -And people we knew. 273 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,000 And they were only buying them out of sympathy. 274 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:56,133 -Definitely not. -I bought five out of sympathy. 275 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,200 No. You bought 'em for your mates. 276 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,968 They're still in the garage. 277 00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:02,200 Why... 278 00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:08,767 279 00:14:10,334 --> 00:14:14,534 280 00:14:15,267 --> 00:14:18,000 281 00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:21,901 282 00:14:24,033 --> 00:14:26,067 283 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000 284 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,701 285 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,534 286 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,400 287 00:14:42,767 --> 00:14:44,801 288 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,601 289 00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:52,467 290 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,834 291 00:14:57,901 --> 00:15:01,601 292 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:05,200 293 00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:09,234 294 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:11,634 295 00:15:11,701 --> 00:15:15,734 296 00:15:16,734 --> 00:15:17,868 297 00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:20,434 298 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:24,200 299 00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:26,801 300 00:15:26,868 --> 00:15:31,100 301 00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:33,133 302 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,634 303 00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,534 -Any calls, Melanie? -No. 304 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:45,767 -No? Jeremy hasn't called? -No. 305 00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:48,534 You see all these white middle-class fuddy-duddies going, 306 00:15:48,601 --> 00:15:50,000 "Oh, we've got to find the new equivalent". 307 00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,767 They're looking Oxford and Cambridge. No. 308 00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:56,400 Dr Dre, yeah. Ice T. They're the equivalent of Wordsworth. 309 00:15:56,467 --> 00:15:58,767 -David. Yep. -Hiya. All right? 310 00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,667 -You doing all right? -Yeah. (SNIGGERS) 311 00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:03,467 I think I'm doing all right. Ask these. They know what I'm doing. 312 00:16:03,534 --> 00:16:06,000 I'm repping in the day. You know how bloody much I like that. 313 00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:09,234 And at night, I was just explaining to him, I do me celebrity appearances 314 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:11,534 500 quid a time, so, yeah, I'm doing okay. 315 00:16:11,601 --> 00:16:14,634 -Is that enough jobs for you? -That's great. 316 00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:16,534 -How are you doing? All right? -Good, thanks, yeah. 317 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,067 Good. 318 00:16:18,133 --> 00:16:19,934 Hope you're not keeping them from their work. 319 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,100 No, I think a little morale boost helps them work, doesn't it? 320 00:16:22,167 --> 00:16:25,767 I think they're loving it. Look at their faces when I'm around, so... 321 00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:27,334 NEIL: Yes, I can see that. 322 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,234 Just don't overexcite them. 323 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,133 I'll try not to. 324 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,734 -I'll see you later. -See you later. 325 00:16:34,801 --> 00:16:39,400 Oh, dear. "How's it going?" I think he bloody knows full well how well it's going. 326 00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:41,167 (GIGGLES) I'm lucky. 327 00:16:48,901 --> 00:16:50,567 WOMAN: Do you resent Neil? 328 00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,734 -The man or the boss? -Either. 329 00:16:52,801 --> 00:16:54,901 Neither. Next. 330 00:16:54,968 --> 00:16:58,067 Do you miss being in the office environment? 331 00:16:58,133 --> 00:17:00,334 Um, I am in the office environment. 332 00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,634 If you've got a mobile phone, 333 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,968 you're in the office. 334 00:17:07,033 --> 00:17:09,534 I can be in my office, yeah? 335 00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:16,000 Bombing along at 70 miles an hour plus. 70 miles an hour tops. Yeah? 336 00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,868 And I can pull over safely. 337 00:17:17,934 --> 00:17:21,167 I can make a phone call, "Hi, Paula. It's David. 338 00:17:21,234 --> 00:17:25,167 "Can you fax me over those important facts and figures, please, ASAP?" 339 00:17:25,234 --> 00:17:27,767 You've got a fax machine in the car? 340 00:17:27,834 --> 00:17:31,367 Nah. Not in the car. But get to somewhere that has, call her again, 341 00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:34,334 go, "Hi. I'm here now. Can you fax it now? 342 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,200 "I'm in the Ramada Inn, Reading. Look it up". 343 00:17:38,701 --> 00:17:40,634 That's... So... 344 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,400 Okay, thank you for coming. 345 00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:55,467 Uh, 3:00 on the 14th. Fortnightly management meeting chaired by myself, G Keenan. 346 00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:56,868 All heads of division present. You've got your agendas. 347 00:17:56,934 --> 00:17:58,267 -TIM: Gareth? -What? 348 00:17:58,334 --> 00:17:59,968 Can I add just something to the agenda, please? 349 00:18:00,033 --> 00:18:02,734 No, you know full well you cannot submit something 350 00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:04,934 to be discussed during the meeting. 351 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,267 BOTH: It has to be submitted before 2:00 so it can be typed up onto the agenda. 352 00:18:08,334 --> 00:18:09,601 This is the agenda. Has been typed up. 353 00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:11,834 Right. But I got this information after 2:00. 354 00:18:11,901 --> 00:18:14,167 There's no way I could have possibly got it in before. 355 00:18:14,234 --> 00:18:16,834 -Have to wait till next time. -Or how about I just tell you the information now? 356 00:18:16,901 --> 00:18:19,133 It won't go on the agenda. 357 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,834 What if I just start telling you that Mike thinks the quotes he's given us 358 00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,000 -(SCATTING) -don't include VAT, so that... 359 00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:26,601 I did not officially hear that, all right? You know the rules. 360 00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:30,033 Right. Fine. Okay. So I cannot possibly get this on the agenda? 361 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,434 -No. -There's no way I can get this on the agenda? 362 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,667 -No. -So, what's point number seven on the agenda? 363 00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:37,467 -"Any Other Business". -Can I bring it up then? 364 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,300 -Yes. -I'll wait till then. 365 00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:43,534 Right. Enough of this tomfoolery. 366 00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:45,434 Ooh. 367 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,934 MAN: Were you embarrassed when Tim asked you out? 368 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,434 -Which time? -Shut up. 369 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:54,367 Um, I didn't... To be honest, I didn't know what to say, really, so... 370 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,300 Well, you did, you said no. 371 00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:58,434 No, I mean, um... 372 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,367 I was kind of mortified for Tim more than me. 373 00:19:01,434 --> 00:19:05,367 And anyway, for God's sake he's like a million miles away now. 374 00:19:05,434 --> 00:19:06,567 MAN: And you didn't feel... 375 00:19:06,634 --> 00:19:09,167 Okay, can we not not talk about it? 376 00:19:09,234 --> 00:19:13,167 I don't wanna hurt Tim's feelings. 377 00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:17,234 Well, look, everyone saw it, right, so I'm... I'm bang to rights. 378 00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:20,100 I told Dawn how I felt and she, you know... 379 00:19:21,601 --> 00:19:24,167 People are afraid, all right, to show their emotions 380 00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:27,367 because they don't want their mates to take the piss out of them, whatever. 381 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:30,934 But luckily I have no mates. (CHUCKLES) 382 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,100 So, um... Actually, when that bit went out on telly, 383 00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:38,834 I was watching it with my family and I was mortified obviously. 384 00:19:38,901 --> 00:19:40,968 And my grandmother said, 385 00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:43,167 "I'm not surprised she chose the other fella. I wouldn't kick him out of bed". 386 00:19:43,234 --> 00:19:46,133 (HUFFS) So, Lee, 387 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,367 if you're watching and you ever get bored of being 388 00:19:49,434 --> 00:19:51,601 with someone with her own teeth, 389 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:53,100 Nana's up for it! 390 00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,567 -Is he in? -(MEN LAUGHING) 391 00:19:54,634 --> 00:19:56,801 Oh! Hey! 392 00:19:56,868 --> 00:19:58,167 Never mind all that. 393 00:19:58,234 --> 00:20:00,234 Eh, the Brent master. 394 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,701 How you doing, boy? Oh! (SIGHS) 395 00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:04,834 -All right, David? -Yeah. Not too bad. Not too bad. 396 00:20:04,901 --> 00:20:06,868 So how's life on the road? 397 00:20:06,934 --> 00:20:10,334 Pretty good, pretty good. Well, you should know, you know. Few perks. 398 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,267 Really? What sort of perks? 399 00:20:13,334 --> 00:20:16,767 Use your imagination. Young, free and single. (SQUAWKS) Motels. 400 00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:19,100 -What, girls? -Well, don't be blatant about it. 401 00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:21,334 Is that not what you meant? 402 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,701 Well, don't try and work out if I'm getting any or not. It's an innuendo, you know. 403 00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:26,567 So, you should know. You know what I mean? 404 00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:28,200 You don't, you're still behind a desk. 405 00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:31,000 -Well, I wouldn't if I could, now, anyway. -Why not? 406 00:20:31,067 --> 00:20:32,400 I'm getting married. 407 00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:35,100 Oh, yeah, congratulations. 408 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,234 -Who to? -Her name's Rebecca. 409 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:39,868 I've been going out about six years. Just doing the honourable thing now. 410 00:20:41,734 --> 00:20:44,634 -When's the wedding? -Not till next year. 411 00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,634 I'll be bloody married by then! 412 00:20:46,701 --> 00:20:48,767 -Who to? -Well, I'm saying a year's a long time! 413 00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:51,334 -You dating anyone at the moment? -Dating! Granddad! 414 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,868 -FINCH: Of course he's not. -'Course I am! 415 00:20:52,934 --> 00:20:55,300 I'm out all the time. I'm not just tied to one woman... 416 00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:56,901 -Here's a picture of her. -Yeah. It's good. 417 00:20:56,968 --> 00:20:59,534 -Stunner, isn't she, eh? -"Stunner"? Sexist. 418 00:20:59,601 --> 00:21:01,267 Yeah. 419 00:21:01,334 --> 00:21:04,033 I prefer someone a little bit more intellectual, but... 420 00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:05,734 -Well, she's a doctor. -I see. 421 00:21:05,801 --> 00:21:07,467 You never seen a girl like that before, have you? 422 00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,601 Well, not without a staple through her stomach. 423 00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:10,968 (SQUELCHES) 424 00:21:14,133 --> 00:21:16,167 Degrading to a GP. 425 00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:17,701 So...Well done. Congratulations. 426 00:21:17,767 --> 00:21:19,901 Thank you. 427 00:21:19,968 --> 00:21:21,567 So, are you gonna be bringing one of your dates to the Christmas party? 428 00:21:21,634 --> 00:21:23,901 -Huh? -Bring one of your chicks to the party? 429 00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:25,033 -Yeah. -Yeah? 430 00:21:25,234 --> 00:21:26,868 So you'll need two tickets, then? 431 00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:30,601 Yeah. Put me down for two. Yeah, buy two, get one free. 432 00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:33,434 One for me, one for definitely a woman with me, yeah. 433 00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:35,534 -Yeah. -Great. 434 00:21:35,601 --> 00:21:37,734 See you there. With a lady. 435 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:42,000 Yeah, I have girlfriends. 436 00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:44,067 On and off. They come and go. 437 00:21:45,133 --> 00:21:47,267 In, out, shake it all about. 438 00:21:47,334 --> 00:21:50,968 WOMAN: When was the last time you had an actual girlfriend? 439 00:21:51,033 --> 00:21:55,567 I don't look at it as when. I look at it as who and why, yeah. 440 00:21:55,634 --> 00:21:59,167 Because it's sort of like, a relationship's a heavy gig, so I've got to go... 441 00:21:59,234 --> 00:22:02,100 You know, if I'm going out with a girl... "Who? Why?" 442 00:22:02,167 --> 00:22:05,534 Yeah, I see it that if I'm having fun with a girlfriend 443 00:22:05,601 --> 00:22:08,000 or a girl, stroke, friend, whatever you wanna label 'em, 444 00:22:08,067 --> 00:22:11,334 it's got to be, "Oh, that was fun. Good. 445 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,534 "Can we do it again tomorrow, David?" 446 00:22:12,601 --> 00:22:14,601 "Can't tomorrow. Doing something else". 447 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,601 "What you doing?" "Back off. Yeah?" 448 00:22:17,667 --> 00:22:19,834 "Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies". 449 00:22:19,901 --> 00:22:21,901 So, you're not looking for a relationship? 450 00:22:21,968 --> 00:22:25,067 I'm not shopping for a relationship. 451 00:22:25,133 --> 00:22:28,734 Browsing. If I see a bargain, I've got the money. 452 00:22:28,801 --> 00:22:32,534 So, that's very much a... That's a metaphor. I'd never pay for it. 453 00:22:43,868 --> 00:22:45,734 Yeah. Mumbo Jumbo's. 454 00:22:45,801 --> 00:22:48,500 Oh! Smell the stale beer. 455 00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:50,701 Here we go. Mumbo Jumbo's. 456 00:22:50,767 --> 00:22:54,367 Oh! "Surprise TV Personality". (CHUCKLES) 457 00:22:54,434 --> 00:22:56,467 They haven't put it's me playing here, 458 00:22:56,534 --> 00:22:58,300 which is annoying, so my fan base won't know. 459 00:22:58,367 --> 00:23:00,033 I'm on. Oh! Here he is. 460 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:03,801 I'd like to complain about this poster, please. (CHUCKLES) 461 00:23:03,868 --> 00:23:06,834 Peter, my agent. He runs the agency that's taken me on, 462 00:23:06,901 --> 00:23:09,500 doing all the PAs and stuff, it's nice. 463 00:23:09,567 --> 00:23:11,868 WOMAN: What sort of agency is it? 464 00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:15,033 A bit of everything really. 465 00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:17,868 Um...um... 466 00:23:17,934 --> 00:23:20,968 Tell her what sort of stuff you do. All the things... 467 00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:23,033 Well, we have celebrities. 468 00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:25,334 Like... Like David. 469 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,033 -Uh, bands. -Tribute acts. 470 00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:32,367 -Tribute acts. Tribute bands. -Brilliant. Just like the real thing. 471 00:23:32,434 --> 00:23:35,868 -And lookie-likies. -Yeah. 472 00:23:35,934 --> 00:23:37,334 Got some good... Tell 'em what lookie-likies you've got. 473 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,767 He's got all stars. 474 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,133 -I got Kirk Douglas. -Michael Douglas. 475 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,133 Michael Douglas. His son. 476 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,601 -Yeah. looks like him. -Yeah. He does. 477 00:23:44,667 --> 00:23:46,734 He does. He looks just like him. 478 00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:48,100 WOMAN: What does he do? 479 00:23:48,901 --> 00:23:50,968 Uh, well, he... Yeah. 480 00:23:51,033 --> 00:23:52,667 He just turns up at a party. 481 00:23:52,734 --> 00:23:54,767 You hire him. 482 00:23:54,834 --> 00:23:59,934 Yeah, and he'll just wander around looking like Michael Douglas. 483 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,734 Actually, I'm thinking of, um... 484 00:24:03,801 --> 00:24:06,267 At the moment, I'm thinking of getting a Catherine Zeta-Jones. 485 00:24:06,334 --> 00:24:08,801 -Good idea. -Really, 'cause, uh... 486 00:24:08,868 --> 00:24:10,901 'Cause a lot of people don't realise who he is. 487 00:24:10,968 --> 00:24:14,667 They just think he's some old bloke at the party. 488 00:24:14,734 --> 00:24:16,968 (SIGHS) Have you got any look-alikes of me 489 00:24:17,033 --> 00:24:18,968 so I don't have to turn up to these things? (CHUCKLES) 490 00:24:19,033 --> 00:24:20,767 No, you're nowhere near famous enough to have a look-alike. 491 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,067 No, I'm joking. 492 00:24:23,133 --> 00:24:25,334 You're meant to big me up. Sort of. 493 00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:32,400 I have been given an opportunity that would literally be a sin to waste. 494 00:24:32,467 --> 00:24:34,434 So build on it. Yeah? 495 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,234 They took a normal guy and they said, 496 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:37,901 "Let's see what the nation thinks of him". 497 00:24:37,968 --> 00:24:41,901 And the nation seems to be saying, "Yeah. What else you got?" 498 00:24:41,968 --> 00:24:45,634 So, duty calls, you know. 499 00:24:45,701 --> 00:24:48,934 I seem to be able to give pleasure. 500 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,000 It's two minutes to 1:00 a.m.! 501 00:24:51,067 --> 00:24:52,934 (CROWD CHEERING) 502 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,367 That's right, folks. She's in the house. 503 00:24:54,434 --> 00:24:56,934 Sarah Whatmore is in the house! 504 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,234 -(CHEERING) -(WHISTLING) 505 00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:02,000 One of the Popstars rejects, she's got a new single coming out soon, 506 00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:04,334 gonna perform that live in about 20 minutes. 507 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,701 And let me tell you, lads, she is looking hot! 508 00:25:06,767 --> 00:25:08,801 -(CHEERING) -(MUSIC PLAYING) 509 00:25:10,567 --> 00:25:12,434 510 00:25:14,634 --> 00:25:16,567 511 00:25:16,634 --> 00:25:18,534 All right, before that, we've got a special treat. 512 00:25:18,601 --> 00:25:22,200 You might recognise this guy from the BBC Two documentary, The Office. 513 00:25:22,267 --> 00:25:24,567 Some of you might even have bought his single recently, 514 00:25:24,634 --> 00:25:26,701 though probably not, 'cause it got to about number 400. 515 00:25:26,767 --> 00:25:30,667 But let's give him a big Mumbo Jumbo's welcome, it's David Brent! 516 00:25:30,734 --> 00:25:32,334 (SCATTERED APPLAUSE) 517 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,200 -Good to see you. -Got to 113. 518 00:25:35,267 --> 00:25:38,067 Nice to see you. What you up to at the moment, David? 519 00:25:38,133 --> 00:25:40,200 Just doing this at the moment. 520 00:25:40,267 --> 00:25:42,133 No. Not just now. Generally. You've got loads going on, don't you? 521 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,334 Yeah, yeah, yeah, doing more of these. Doing my walks for Mencap. 522 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,100 Which is important to me. 523 00:25:47,167 --> 00:25:50,100 And also, you know, I've got lots of stuff in the pipeline. 524 00:25:50,167 --> 00:25:51,734 What sort of stuff in the pipeline? 525 00:25:51,801 --> 00:25:53,500 Oh! Even more of these. 526 00:25:53,567 --> 00:25:57,000 Um, opportunities, really. 527 00:25:57,067 --> 00:25:59,701 Great. Great, great. And what are you doing for us this evening? 528 00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,434 -Huh? -What you got planned? 529 00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,801 No, he just said come out, say hello. 530 00:26:04,868 --> 00:26:06,634 -That's it, is it? -Yeah. 531 00:26:06,701 --> 00:26:08,434 Let's give him a big hand. David Brent! 532 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:10,467 533 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,300 534 00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:18,500 535 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,334 Someone, who shall remain nameless, 536 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,534 has persuaded yours truly to... 537 00:26:34,601 --> 00:26:36,033 It's a bit of a laugh really. 538 00:26:36,100 --> 00:26:37,868 Dating service. Online dating. 539 00:26:37,934 --> 00:26:40,567 I'm going along with it. But, you know... 540 00:26:40,634 --> 00:26:43,300 Try anything once. Variety is the spice of life. 541 00:26:43,367 --> 00:26:45,567 And all that. Living la vida loca. 542 00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:47,968 La dolce vita. 543 00:26:48,033 --> 00:26:50,167 Voulez-vous couchez avec moi? 544 00:26:50,234 --> 00:26:53,100 -Know what that means? "Will you go to bed with me?" -Yeah. 545 00:26:53,167 --> 00:26:54,400 I hope no French women apply now. 546 00:26:54,467 --> 00:26:55,901 Hope they do. I love French girls. 547 00:26:55,968 --> 00:26:57,300 Yeah. So do I. I'm joking. 548 00:26:57,367 --> 00:27:01,267 I'd do most nationalities. 549 00:27:01,334 --> 00:27:03,500 -Okay. Your personal details. -Liberal. 550 00:27:03,567 --> 00:27:08,267 Your physique. Would you say you are you slim, average, well-built, heavily built? 551 00:27:08,334 --> 00:27:10,067 -Should I put heavily built? -Well-built. 552 00:27:10,133 --> 00:27:12,367 Yeah? 553 00:27:12,434 --> 00:27:14,767 Yeah. Most of it's muscle, innit? 554 00:27:14,834 --> 00:27:16,367 -Yeah. Okay. -Innit? 555 00:27:19,701 --> 00:27:21,667 Has Neil got a 556 00:27:21,734 --> 00:27:23,100 date for the wedding or is he just... 557 00:27:23,167 --> 00:27:25,567 -This September? -September? 558 00:27:25,634 --> 00:27:28,067 Could be good. Might rain. 559 00:27:29,467 --> 00:27:31,968 Could be a wash-out. I hope not. I hope not. 560 00:27:32,033 --> 00:27:33,367 How would you describe your looks? 561 00:27:33,434 --> 00:27:36,901 Very attractive, attractive, average? 562 00:27:36,968 --> 00:27:40,534 You can't put very attractive. It looks like arrogance, don't it? 563 00:27:40,601 --> 00:27:42,167 Put attractive. 564 00:27:42,234 --> 00:27:43,734 She'll see me. 565 00:27:43,801 --> 00:27:45,467 Okay. Occupation... 566 00:27:45,534 --> 00:27:48,434 And it's just me and my little boy and, you know, sort of Andrew. 567 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,434 That's it. That's it. That's all I care about. 568 00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:54,334 Nothing can get in the way. An mind you, I usually get in me own way. 569 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,067 Did I tell you this? 570 00:27:56,133 --> 00:27:58,500 We went to that Euro Disney in, um... 571 00:27:59,601 --> 00:28:01,534 -In Paris. -In Paris. 572 00:28:01,601 --> 00:28:04,934 And there's a ride my son wanted to go on, the Space Mountain. 573 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:09,133 And it's a 40-minute wait for the ride, to go on the ride. 574 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,901 So, I said to my husband, um... 575 00:28:14,634 --> 00:28:16,734 Andrew. 576 00:28:16,801 --> 00:28:23,133 I said, "Andrew, there is no way I am waiting for 40 minutes to go on, um..." 577 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,934 -Space Mountain. -"Space Mountain". 578 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,434 "There is no way I'm queuing for 40 minutes to go on a ride". 579 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:33,167 So I went up to the bloke who's supervising, you know, this French bloke. 580 00:28:33,234 --> 00:28:34,767 -Full of 'em. -And I said to him... 581 00:28:34,834 --> 00:28:36,267 He spoke perfect English. 582 00:28:36,334 --> 00:28:39,300 And I said to him... I said, "Listen". 583 00:28:39,367 --> 00:28:42,133 I said, "I'm with a young lad and he is sick". 584 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,901 Didn't have to say anything else. 585 00:28:45,968 --> 00:28:47,934 He read between the lines. 586 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,968 He thought he was terminally ill? 587 00:28:50,033 --> 00:28:53,834 I didn't say that, but we went right in the front of the queue. 588 00:28:53,901 --> 00:28:55,701 Brilliant. Well done. 589 00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:57,300 Good thing about that, of course, is there probably were 590 00:28:57,367 --> 00:28:59,467 sick kids in the queue and you went straight past them. 591 00:28:59,534 --> 00:29:03,167 Well, I don't know. There's no way I'm waiting for 40 minutes to go on a ride. 592 00:29:03,234 --> 00:29:04,667 Why should you? Why should you? 593 00:29:04,734 --> 00:29:05,901 Yeah. I'll tell you what, though. 594 00:29:06,801 --> 00:29:09,334 Your interests. Pubs? 595 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:10,901 -Guilty! -Yes. 596 00:29:10,968 --> 00:29:12,667 -Sports. -Yeah. 597 00:29:12,734 --> 00:29:14,067 -What sports do you play? -(IN AMERICAN ACCENT) Squash. 598 00:29:14,133 --> 00:29:15,767 I played you squash, you're rubbish. 599 00:29:15,834 --> 00:29:18,434 Well, I'm not much of a player, am I? Just... Just put it. 600 00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:20,200 -Cooking. You like cooking. -Don't put that though. 601 00:29:20,267 --> 00:29:22,267 -Why? -Start off on the wrong foot. Under the thumb. 602 00:29:22,334 --> 00:29:23,534 Cooking all me life. 603 00:29:24,901 --> 00:29:26,033 -Watching TV. -Yeah. 604 00:29:26,100 --> 00:29:27,234 Put documentaries. 605 00:29:27,300 --> 00:29:29,234 -You can't specify. -Type it in. 606 00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:32,000 -Mixing with friends. -Yeah, loads, put loads. 607 00:29:32,067 --> 00:29:34,033 -Travelling. -Yeah. 608 00:29:34,100 --> 00:29:36,234 -When was the last time you went travelling? -I travel, boy, I travel. 609 00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:37,701 -Where have you been to? -Hull. 610 00:29:37,767 --> 00:29:39,367 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Hull is hardly travelling. 611 00:29:39,434 --> 00:29:41,300 Oh, innit? How did I get there then? 612 00:29:41,367 --> 00:29:44,934 Did it come to me? Oh, here comes Hull down the motorway in a car. 613 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:46,467 So arrogant now. 614 00:29:46,534 --> 00:29:48,367 -I'm just speaking my mind these days. -Lippy. 615 00:29:48,434 --> 00:29:52,500 -I'm an executive now. -Yeah. Will you jump on my grave so quickly? 616 00:29:53,801 --> 00:29:55,601 Come on. 617 00:29:55,667 --> 00:29:57,734 (SLURPING) 618 00:30:00,868 --> 00:30:03,400 -(SIGHS) -(CLEARS THROAT) 619 00:30:03,467 --> 00:30:06,868 And you know, you get bored with each other 620 00:30:06,934 --> 00:30:08,968 -if you're not careful. -Sure. 621 00:30:09,033 --> 00:30:14,067 And so Andrew's mum bought us the Kama Sutra and a sort of massage pack. 622 00:30:14,133 --> 00:30:17,801 -Sort of. -And I think the one 623 00:30:17,868 --> 00:30:21,567 we conceived with is the one where, right, 624 00:30:21,634 --> 00:30:25,100 Andrew's laid out and I squat over him. 625 00:30:25,167 --> 00:30:29,234 I lower down and he enters me, and I put my full weight on it and... 626 00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:30,567 Do you know what I mean? 627 00:30:30,634 --> 00:30:32,868 We're like that. 628 00:30:32,934 --> 00:30:37,334 And he's right up inside me because of the weight, and I simply rock on him. 629 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,567 Which enables deeper penetration, which stimulates him and me. 630 00:30:40,634 --> 00:30:45,100 And I can do a lot when I'm there. I can get really, really low, you know. 631 00:30:45,167 --> 00:30:48,300 And I've got the strength in my legs and I can feel the support. 632 00:30:48,367 --> 00:30:50,500 And he's hittin', you know. Hittin' it right there. 633 00:30:50,567 --> 00:30:53,234 And that's it, bingo! And we're away. 634 00:30:53,300 --> 00:30:55,200 -(RYAN CRYING) -(HUSHING) 635 00:31:04,234 --> 00:31:06,234 -(CRYING CONTINUES) -(HUSHING) 636 00:31:06,300 --> 00:31:07,901 Do us a favour. Shut it up, will you? 637 00:31:07,968 --> 00:31:09,901 How am I supposed to do that? 638 00:31:10,868 --> 00:31:12,267 (CRYING CONTINUES) 639 00:31:12,334 --> 00:31:14,300 MAN: Will you get a chance to get back to Slough yet 640 00:31:14,367 --> 00:31:15,968 to see your friends and your workmates? 641 00:31:16,033 --> 00:31:19,334 Uh, yeah. No. Definitely not. 642 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,534 MAN: Why is that? 643 00:31:21,601 --> 00:31:26,701 Um, well, for a start, costs three months' wages to go over there on what we earn. 644 00:31:26,767 --> 00:31:29,767 MAN: What if we were able to arrange for you to go back? 645 00:31:29,968 --> 00:31:32,334 There's a million reasons we can't go, so... 646 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,400 LEE: What do you mean, "Arrange it"? 647 00:31:34,467 --> 00:31:36,667 MAN: If we were able to take care of everything, would you want to go back? 648 00:31:36,734 --> 00:31:39,467 -Yeah, of course. -Let's talk about it first! 649 00:31:39,534 --> 00:31:41,500 Was that a genuine offer? 650 00:31:43,133 --> 00:31:44,734 GARETH: Right. "Her details". 651 00:31:44,801 --> 00:31:48,701 -"Her marital status. Single, divorced..." -Not divorced. 652 00:31:48,767 --> 00:31:52,500 No, husband might still be around. Might be a nutter. I'm not getting into all that. 653 00:31:52,567 --> 00:31:55,934 -Widowed? -I'd bloody love her to be widowed. 654 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:57,300 (SOFTLY) Okay. 655 00:31:57,367 --> 00:32:00,667 -Minimum age required? -Twenty-five. 656 00:32:00,734 --> 00:32:02,801 I don't think you should go out with a 25-year-old. 657 00:32:02,868 --> 00:32:04,834 -Why not? -Age difference too much. 658 00:32:04,901 --> 00:32:07,467 -It's not too much. It's... -Well, 20 years is too much. 659 00:32:07,534 --> 00:32:11,267 Twenty years? Ten, if any... I'm not 45, Gareth! 660 00:32:11,334 --> 00:32:14,467 -No? -No... Are you blind? 661 00:32:14,534 --> 00:32:17,500 I thought 'cause of the... Jowls, you know... 662 00:32:17,567 --> 00:32:21,167 Jowls? Look at... Look at pokey-nose boy. Pinocchio man. 663 00:32:21,234 --> 00:32:25,367 Have that... Someone's eye out with that, you... 664 00:32:25,434 --> 00:32:27,801 -I'll send that, shall I? -What age did you put? 665 00:32:27,868 --> 00:32:30,667 -Uh... It's already sent. -What age did you put? 666 00:32:30,734 --> 00:32:33,367 -Forty-five. -I can't believe it! Forty-five? 667 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:36,801 Well, think she's gonna be happy 668 00:32:36,868 --> 00:32:38,400 when she comes in and sees you looking like this? 669 00:32:38,467 --> 00:32:40,934 She's not gonna call if she's 25. 670 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,734 I don't think you ever had a chance with a 25-year-old. (CHUCKLES) 671 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,334 (PHONE RINGS) 672 00:32:53,334 --> 00:32:56,567 Okay, Christmas party ideas is what I'm looking for. 673 00:32:56,634 --> 00:32:59,500 -Um, shall we just blue-sky it? -Blue-sky it! 674 00:32:59,567 --> 00:33:02,200 Yeah, let's do that, Gareth. Yeah. Let's fly it up the flagpole 675 00:33:02,267 --> 00:33:04,067 and see if the cat sucks you off. 676 00:33:04,133 --> 00:33:08,400 Any ideas are welcome. Um... So, your party, what do you wanna see there? 677 00:33:08,467 --> 00:33:11,701 Brainstorm. Let's go. 678 00:33:11,767 --> 00:33:13,968 -Uh, buffet? -That sort of goes without saying. 679 00:33:14,033 --> 00:33:15,667 -Disco? -Okay, I like it. 680 00:33:17,100 --> 00:33:19,234 -Girls. -What do you mean? 681 00:33:20,467 --> 00:33:23,234 -Invite girls. -Girls will be coming. 682 00:33:23,300 --> 00:33:27,868 Not the girls that work here. Other girls. Pretty girls. 683 00:33:27,934 --> 00:33:29,968 Do you want some swing by prostitutes, Keith? 684 00:33:30,033 --> 00:33:31,534 It shouldn't cost you anything. 685 00:33:31,601 --> 00:33:32,934 (GARETH MUMBLES) 686 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,868 -He's putting that down? -Um... Anything else? 687 00:33:35,934 --> 00:33:37,901 -WOMAN 1: Secret Santa? -S.S. I like it. 688 00:33:37,968 --> 00:33:39,767 -WOMAN 2: Dancing competition. -Dance comp. 689 00:33:39,834 --> 00:33:42,200 WOMAN 3: What about something for the old people? 690 00:33:42,267 --> 00:33:44,634 Something for the old people. Of course. 691 00:33:44,701 --> 00:33:48,868 Well... What are you putting there? You can't just... You can't put "something". What? 692 00:33:48,934 --> 00:33:51,067 Oh, I dunno. That's... 693 00:33:51,133 --> 00:33:53,234 Yeah. But we have to de... We can't just put "something for old people". 694 00:33:53,300 --> 00:33:54,968 You know, like what? Werther's Originals? A phone call from your son? What? 695 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:57,100 -Anything else? -Wet T-shirt competition. 696 00:33:57,167 --> 00:33:59,234 Keith, we cannot have... 697 00:33:59,300 --> 00:34:01,133 He's writing that down as well! Is that something for the old people, Gareth? 698 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,734 No, definitely not. That's a good point, actually. No OAPs in wet T-shirts. 699 00:34:04,801 --> 00:34:08,500 -So... The wet T-shirt competition's going ahead? -Look, it's a democracy. 700 00:34:08,567 --> 00:34:11,300 All right? That's the point. Everyone can get their ideas on a piece of paper. 701 00:34:11,367 --> 00:34:13,534 Gareth, Gareth... We cannot have a wet T-shirt competition. 702 00:34:13,601 --> 00:34:17,234 You can. Just need a bucket and T-shirt. 703 00:34:18,167 --> 00:34:20,234 Thank you. 704 00:34:20,300 --> 00:34:24,067 Um, there is gonna be a couple of blasts from the past at this Christmas party. 705 00:34:24,133 --> 00:34:25,934 Pete Gibbons and his wife Cheryl will be here. 706 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:27,434 -WOMAN: Oh. -Gibbo. 707 00:34:27,500 --> 00:34:30,701 Nice to see them. Um... Jeff Lamp might be popping in. 708 00:34:30,767 --> 00:34:31,834 (SCOFFS) Oh, dear. 709 00:34:31,901 --> 00:34:33,834 Um, and also 710 00:34:33,901 --> 00:34:36,901 -Dawn Tinsley and Lee will be... -YOUNG WOMEN: Oh, are they? 711 00:34:36,968 --> 00:34:39,300 -...pop... Yeah. A flying visit. Um... -OLDER WOMAN: Is it? Great! 712 00:34:39,367 --> 00:34:41,601 GARETH: They'll be popping in. WOMAN 1: Yeah. 713 00:34:43,567 --> 00:34:46,467 Yeah, that was a bit of a shock, to be honest. 714 00:34:46,534 --> 00:34:48,300 Er... 715 00:34:48,367 --> 00:34:52,500 I suppose I'd thought, "Out of sight, out of mind" or whatever, 716 00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:55,367 and that I'd got her out of my system. 717 00:34:55,434 --> 00:34:59,467 But, yeah, when I heard she was coming back... 718 00:34:59,534 --> 00:35:03,834 Uh... I mean, what can I say? My stomach just sort of... (SQUELCHES) 719 00:35:03,901 --> 00:35:07,934 You know... (SMIRKS) At first, I thought it was embarrassment, 720 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:13,901 and then it's the thought of seeing her, or whatever, you know. 721 00:35:13,968 --> 00:35:17,934 So there's... There's obviously something still there. 722 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,534 Um... 723 00:35:19,601 --> 00:35:22,467 But I'm not gonna ask her again, obviously. 724 00:35:22,534 --> 00:35:26,701 You know. She'd have to ask me, you know. 725 00:35:26,767 --> 00:35:29,200 If she asked me... 726 00:35:29,267 --> 00:35:31,601 But that's... That's not gonna happen. 727 00:35:36,934 --> 00:35:39,901 I mean, we were torn about whether or not to go home for Christmas. 728 00:35:39,968 --> 00:35:43,267 Because, you know, it's gonna be 75 degrees in Florida. 729 00:35:43,334 --> 00:35:48,968 And then we found out that in Slough it's going to be drizzly! 730 00:35:49,033 --> 00:35:52,734 So you know... That swung it for us, didn't it? 731 00:35:52,801 --> 00:35:55,267 So, couldn't resist that! (SIGHS) 732 00:35:56,067 --> 00:35:57,300 (LAUGHS) 733 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:12,500 (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) 734 00:36:12,567 --> 00:36:15,167 ANNOUNCER: From Big Brother, it's Bubble! 735 00:36:15,934 --> 00:36:17,934 (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) 736 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:19,067 (INAUDIBLE) 737 00:36:19,133 --> 00:36:20,133 Yes! 738 00:36:22,367 --> 00:36:27,500 Okay, here we go. Are you ready for sexy bachelor Number Two? 739 00:36:27,567 --> 00:36:29,601 ALL: Yes! 740 00:36:29,667 --> 00:36:32,200 Well, he's the star of that BBC Two documentary series, The Office, 741 00:36:32,267 --> 00:36:34,267 he's the boss from hell, 742 00:36:34,334 --> 00:36:36,367 he's looking for love and a job, he's all the way from Slough, 743 00:36:36,434 --> 00:36:38,667 give it up, everybody, for David Brent! 744 00:36:38,734 --> 00:36:42,067 -(WEAK APPLAUSE) -Come on! (GIGGLES) 745 00:36:44,467 --> 00:36:47,634 -I'm not looking for a job! -(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 746 00:36:47,701 --> 00:36:49,133 -(SILENCE) -You'd just like to take a seat, David. 747 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,133 -Yeah. -Yeah, brilliant. We'll plug it in! 748 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,133 Right. Here we go. Are you ready for sexy bachelor Number Three? 749 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,400 ALL: Yes! 750 00:36:56,467 --> 00:36:59,334 You've seen him on the television. He's the star of the Halifax adverts. 751 00:36:59,534 --> 00:37:02,100 Give it up, yeah. It's Howard Brown! 752 00:37:02,167 --> 00:37:05,400 (ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE) 753 00:37:05,467 --> 00:37:06,734 -Hi, Howard. -Hi. How are you? 754 00:37:06,801 --> 00:37:08,968 -You all right? -I'm fine, thanks. 755 00:37:09,033 --> 00:37:12,968 -(SHOUTS) Who gives you extra? -ALL: Who? Who? Who? Who? 756 00:37:13,033 --> 00:37:14,200 Fantastic! I've got some fans here. 757 00:37:14,267 --> 00:37:15,500 Yeah, they love you, don't they? 758 00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:17,734 Yeah, you've got a few in tonight. Well, bro... 759 00:37:17,801 --> 00:37:22,234 DAVID: I'm not just chasing fame per se. People like to see famous people. 760 00:37:22,300 --> 00:37:25,467 And it annoys me when people have a go at celebrities. 761 00:37:25,534 --> 00:37:29,100 You know, like poor Noel Edmonds. 762 00:37:29,167 --> 00:37:32,868 People going, "Uh... Wha... What's he doing going round hospitals wards 763 00:37:32,934 --> 00:37:36,167 "at Christmas giving out presents to children?" You know? 764 00:37:36,234 --> 00:37:40,300 "Oh, he's doing it for himself, isn't he?" He's not doing it for himself! 765 00:37:40,367 --> 00:37:44,267 He's doing it for them. He's not doing it at all any more. 766 00:37:44,334 --> 00:37:46,133 He can't get on telly for love nor money. 767 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:49,100 But when he was doing it, he was doing it for them, you know. 768 00:37:49,167 --> 00:37:53,801 What's up with... You go to... Uh, People like to see famous people. 769 00:37:53,868 --> 00:37:57,133 You go to a little town in Wales, you turn up in Lampeter 770 00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,167 with Richard Blackwood on your arm 771 00:37:59,234 --> 00:38:02,801 and you go, "Oi, everybody! Little surprise for you. Richard Blackwood". 772 00:38:02,868 --> 00:38:06,467 They're gonna go, "What are you doing here?" 773 00:38:06,534 --> 00:38:08,200 And not in a racist way. 774 00:38:08,267 --> 00:38:11,734 They're happy to see him. He's welcome 'cause he's famous. 775 00:38:11,801 --> 00:38:13,534 Now it's time to meet our contestant. 776 00:38:13,601 --> 00:38:16,400 Remember she has no idea who our three lucky celebrities are. 777 00:38:16,467 --> 00:38:18,601 So please, whatever you do, don't spoil it, don't say anything. 778 00:38:18,667 --> 00:38:21,567 Just put your hands together, give a big round of applause for our Kim! 779 00:38:22,567 --> 00:38:24,267 (WOLF WHISTLES) 780 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,200 Ooh. 781 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:30,634 Good. 782 00:38:30,701 --> 00:38:33,133 They like you! Are you all right? 783 00:38:33,534 --> 00:38:35,067 Yeah! 784 00:38:35,133 --> 00:38:36,701 (CROWD CHEERING) 785 00:38:36,767 --> 00:38:38,400 (KIM WHOOPS) 786 00:38:38,467 --> 00:38:40,267 Got a right little raver here tonight! 787 00:38:40,334 --> 00:38:41,601 Okay what's question number one? 788 00:38:41,667 --> 00:38:42,500 What have you got and who's it to, Kim? 789 00:38:42,567 --> 00:38:45,701 Uh... This is for Number One. 790 00:38:45,767 --> 00:38:51,067 People who know me know that my passion in life is dancing! 791 00:38:53,267 --> 00:38:55,367 What is your passion? 792 00:38:55,434 --> 00:38:57,100 My passion in life is football. 793 00:38:57,167 --> 00:38:58,734 (MEN CHEERING) 794 00:38:58,801 --> 00:39:00,834 I'm a Chelsea fan. Any Chelsea boys here? 795 00:39:00,901 --> 00:39:03,100 (BOOING) 796 00:39:03,167 --> 00:39:06,267 Well, I hope you're a West Ham fan, love, 'cause after tonight 797 00:39:06,334 --> 00:39:08,667 you'll be forever blowing Bubble! 798 00:39:08,734 --> 00:39:10,868 (CROWD CHEERS) 799 00:39:10,934 --> 00:39:13,801 Doesn't work, doesn't work. 'Cause the song's Blowing Bubbles. 800 00:39:13,868 --> 00:39:17,300 At least... I know what you're doing. Blow jobs, but... 801 00:39:20,667 --> 00:39:21,834 Sexist! 802 00:39:22,801 --> 00:39:23,734 (INAUDIBLE) 803 00:39:25,234 --> 00:39:27,234 -Question two, Kim. Come on. -(CLEARS THROAT) 804 00:39:27,300 --> 00:39:29,701 Contestant Number Two. Everyone thinks... 805 00:39:29,767 --> 00:39:35,334 Shagadelic, baby. Groovy, oh, yeah. (GIGGLES) 806 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:39,834 -What was that shit? -Well, don't judge it. Don't slag... Come on. 807 00:39:39,901 --> 00:39:41,968 Let's just have the question. Come on, Kim. 808 00:39:42,033 --> 00:39:46,567 Uh, everyone thinks the character I most resemble is Pussy Galore. 809 00:39:46,634 --> 00:39:48,334 Which character do you resemble? 810 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,934 Austin Powers. That's what I was doing. 811 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,834 Before you...ruined it. 812 00:39:53,901 --> 00:39:55,100 (SILENCE) 813 00:39:55,701 --> 00:39:57,601 Austin Powers. 814 00:39:57,667 --> 00:39:58,934 (CLEARS THROAT) 815 00:40:00,100 --> 00:40:01,367 Kim, your final question... 816 00:40:03,334 --> 00:40:05,434 Okay, Kim, it's time to meet the two that you turned down. 817 00:40:05,500 --> 00:40:07,267 You turned down contestant Number One. 818 00:40:07,334 --> 00:40:09,734 From Big Brother, that is Bubble! 819 00:40:09,801 --> 00:40:12,033 (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) 820 00:40:12,100 --> 00:40:13,901 (TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 821 00:40:17,234 --> 00:40:19,167 Oh, my God! 822 00:40:19,234 --> 00:40:22,667 Hey, you've lost him. Did you like him? Did you like him? 823 00:40:22,734 --> 00:40:24,467 -Yeah! -Yeah, well, you've lost him I'm afraid. 824 00:40:24,534 --> 00:40:27,334 You also turned down Contestant Two from The Office. 825 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,934 That is of course, David Brent! 826 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,267 Hey! (CACKLES) 827 00:40:32,033 --> 00:40:33,500 (BOTH LAUGH) 828 00:40:34,834 --> 00:40:38,067 -Who the fuck's that? -Who are you? 829 00:40:38,133 --> 00:40:40,667 What have you been on before? Nothing. So don't... 830 00:40:40,734 --> 00:40:43,167 -MAN: Wanker! -You're the wanker, mate, if anyone is! 831 00:40:45,167 --> 00:40:46,300 God... 832 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,667 (SILENCE) 833 00:40:50,267 --> 00:40:51,734 (MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 834 00:40:51,801 --> 00:40:53,234 WOMAN: How do you think that went? 835 00:40:53,300 --> 00:40:55,000 From my point of view, yeah, brilliant. 836 00:40:55,067 --> 00:40:57,500 -Money... -(LAUGHING) 837 00:40:57,567 --> 00:40:59,400 Money for old rope, you know. 838 00:40:59,467 --> 00:41:01,567 But you saw how many idiots were out there, paying eight quid each. 839 00:41:01,634 --> 00:41:06,000 So call me a wanker! They're the wanker. I'm just taking the money. 840 00:41:06,067 --> 00:41:09,667 Uh... They haven't even been on the telly. Do you know what I mean? 841 00:41:09,734 --> 00:41:12,000 (KIM LAUGHS) 842 00:41:12,067 --> 00:41:13,534 Never work with ameurs. I learnt my lesson. Don't know what they're doing. 843 00:41:13,601 --> 00:41:15,467 -KIM: What? What you saying? -So uh... 844 00:41:15,534 --> 00:41:17,300 I'm saying that we knew the answers, 845 00:41:17,367 --> 00:41:19,934 so I'm reading out and I'm doing my bit. 846 00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:21,767 And then she starts going, 847 00:41:21,834 --> 00:41:23,334 (MIMICKING) "What was that shit? What was that shit?" 848 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,500 -What was your shit? -Come on. It's only a bit of fun. 849 00:41:25,567 --> 00:41:28,267 Yeah? If I want advice off you, mate, it'll be about mortgages. 850 00:41:28,334 --> 00:41:31,367 So uh... (GASPS) 851 00:41:31,434 --> 00:41:34,534 Right. Can I retaliate? I can't hit a woman, but I can certainly retaliate. 852 00:41:34,601 --> 00:41:36,567 So can I have some beer, please? 853 00:41:36,634 --> 00:41:40,167 Thank you very much. Do you like it? Oh... Should I put that on you. 854 00:41:40,234 --> 00:41:44,200 Brilliant. Twice. I was already wet, so the joke's on her. 855 00:41:47,767 --> 00:41:48,834 Prick! 856 00:41:48,901 --> 00:41:50,067 Tart! 857 00:41:50,133 --> 00:41:51,801 Oh, I could have... 858 00:42:00,567 --> 00:42:02,367 You should get that dry-cleaned before you take it back. 859 00:42:02,434 --> 00:42:04,434 Huh? 860 00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:06,434 You should get that dry-cleaned before you take it back 'cause they'll... 861 00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:08,234 -They'll take your deposit otherwise. -Do you reckon? 862 00:42:08,300 --> 00:42:10,167 Do you reckon they'll take my deposit if it's ripped? A little bit ripped? 863 00:42:10,234 --> 00:42:13,968 Do you reckon they'll take it if it's a little bit fucking ripped? 864 00:42:14,667 --> 00:42:16,000 You cretin! 865 00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:17,734 (HUFFS) 866 00:42:23,300 --> 00:42:25,167 Do you want another beer? 867 00:42:25,234 --> 00:42:28,267 -Was that my beer? Well... -Yeah. 868 00:42:28,334 --> 00:42:30,968 -Do you want me to get you another one? -Yes! 869 00:42:33,434 --> 00:42:37,500 -I've only got a 20. Have you got any change? -Take it out of that! 870 00:42:38,667 --> 00:42:39,701 (SIGHS) 871 00:42:43,334 --> 00:42:44,734 (DOOR CLOSES) 872 00:42:49,901 --> 00:42:51,167 (SIGHING) 873 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:08,067 874 00:43:10,334 --> 00:43:14,767 875 00:43:14,834 --> 00:43:17,200 876 00:43:17,267 --> 00:43:21,334