1 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:52,520 Butler Art Restoration. This is Lori, how may I help you? 2 00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:59,192 Sallie from... Yeah. Hi. Hi. 3 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,628 Yeah. Long, long time. 4 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,497 Yes. What's up? 5 00:01:04,966 --> 00:01:07,200 Okay. What kind of work? 6 00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:14,174 Yes, I can't do right now... 7 00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,243 but I could do this afternoon. 8 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,714 Yeah, there's a pub near where I live. 9 00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:21,049 Shall I send you the address? 10 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,116 Okay. All right. 11 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,329 -I'm so sorry. -That's all right. 12 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,165 -How may I help you? -Yes. 13 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,602 Can I have Red Lantern's noodles, please? 14 00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:42,102 Yep. Red Lantern noodles. 15 00:01:42,604 --> 00:01:45,506 Look, it's eight unfinished canvases. 16 00:01:45,607 --> 00:01:47,307 - Would've been nine. - Fuck off, Barnaby. 17 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,776 Should have been nine. 18 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,044 Ask her why there aren't nine. 19 00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:51,713 Seriously, Barney, fuck you. 20 00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:53,548 She tried to do one herself. 21 00:01:53,648 --> 00:01:55,617 -Whatever. -She nicked one. Hang on. 22 00:01:55,717 --> 00:01:57,417 It's actually why we're not allowed around there. 23 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,653 -I took a photo. -Barnaby. 24 00:01:58,753 --> 00:02:01,689 Whatever, it's on here. 3 million pound dump she took. 25 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,423 They weren't worth fuck all. 26 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:04,592 Yet. 27 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,661 Look, there were a series of barely finished canvases... 28 00:02:06,761 --> 00:02:10,163 with Polaroids stuck on. They were nothing. 29 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:12,533 Of which "nothings," we have eight... 30 00:02:12,634 --> 00:02:16,269 from Dad's only remaining good period, which he abandoned. 31 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,305 And these are the third series of Christophers? 32 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,642 The point is, he's not going to be here much longer... 33 00:02:20,742 --> 00:02:22,010 and if when he passes... 34 00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:23,511 they go through his third floor storage... 35 00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:25,345 which he doesn't open and never will... 36 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,448 and they happen to find that he's finished... 37 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,485 a previously undiscovered series... 38 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:34,756 All the original brushes. All the original paints. 39 00:02:34,856 --> 00:02:37,959 On original canvases, that literally, if someone checked... 40 00:02:38,059 --> 00:02:40,762 contain molecular traces of his DNA. 41 00:02:40,862 --> 00:02:41,596 They can actually do that. 42 00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,397 I'm aware. 43 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,166 So? 44 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,937 You said this was a restoration job. 45 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,573 - It is. - It's a forgery job. 46 00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:54,776 -What? No. No, no. God no, no. -No! 47 00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:58,513 All we we're trying to get you to do is merely complete them. 48 00:02:58,613 --> 00:02:59,547 By forging them. 49 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,215 By forging through them until they're completed. 50 00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:06,186 Look, really, Lori though, does it even matter? 51 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,658 What are you talking about? Of course it matters. 52 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:13,094 Yeah, does it though? Actually? 53 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,597 I mean, Dad has his assistants complete his paintings all the time. 54 00:03:16,698 --> 00:03:18,733 Yes, but these he's hardly even started. 55 00:03:18,833 --> 00:03:20,001 How do you know he didn't already have them... 56 00:03:20,101 --> 00:03:21,869 all mapped out in his head, Lori? 57 00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,172 Two months ago, a piece from Dad's first set... 58 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,506 of Christophers sold at a Russian auction... 59 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:29,877 for 3 million plus. A piece from the second set, 3.5 in China. 60 00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:33,280 His style, as I'm sure you found out... 61 00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:37,451 is unique and quite hard to replicate. 62 00:03:37,852 --> 00:03:40,722 -You can though. -I don't know about that. 63 00:03:41,122 --> 00:03:45,193 Central Saint Martins. Week one. Our very first assignment. 64 00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:48,395 "Come up with a series of works in the style of the artist... 65 00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:50,363 who inspired you the most." 66 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,734 I saw it, Lori, with my own eyes. 67 00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:55,970 Ah, yes. That was a very long time ago though. 68 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,305 And since then, well, you know... 69 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,743 you've seen what I've said about him. 70 00:04:02,143 --> 00:04:04,078 Didn't you guys meet once? 71 00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:07,314 Am I remembering that rightly back when we were at college? 72 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,250 We know why you hate him is the point. 73 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,554 Think of this as a way to get revenge. 74 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:14,655 Just do the numbers, Lori. 75 00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:17,357 Everybody knows what one original Julian Sklar... 76 00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,860 from that period is worth. 77 00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,667 Other door. 78 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:49,517 Hello? 79 00:05:59,994 --> 00:06:01,863 Fragile and timeless. 80 00:06:04,065 --> 00:06:06,667 Let's go with soft lights. 81 00:06:13,608 --> 00:06:17,111 A bamboo shoot, which has pierced... 82 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:20,514 Adrian's navel and has... 83 00:06:20,615 --> 00:06:25,119 Oh God, I don't know, sprung a rose, at which you then... 84 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:29,456 stare, transfixed, and so I say... 85 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,293 happy anniversary. 86 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:36,429 35 years is too long to sustain a relationship... 87 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,733 as we're all designed to be dead by then... 88 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:42,503 evolutionarily speaking, so kudos... 89 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,673 to modern science for making generations... 90 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:51,012 feel like failures at love, except, apparently, you... 91 00:06:51,112 --> 00:06:53,781 Adrian and Linda... 92 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,984 and for that I congratulate you both. 93 00:06:57,084 --> 00:07:01,454 Julian Sklar, signing off. 94 00:07:05,293 --> 00:07:07,895 Hello? 95 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,998 I'm here for the four o'clock? 96 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,601 It's up one more. 97 00:07:14,302 --> 00:07:17,939 Antanas. Is that a name? 98 00:07:18,039 --> 00:07:22,243 And does it even matter as it's unpronounceable... 99 00:07:22,343 --> 00:07:23,511 and does violence to the ear. 100 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:26,280 So I shall call you Tony. 101 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,617 And for your birthday, Tony... 102 00:07:29,984 --> 00:07:31,852 imagine me drawing you a tiger... 103 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,557 upon which you are gallantly perched... 104 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:40,027 in your sleeveless Tottenham Hotspur shirt. 105 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,965 Which at 48 you are far too old to be wearing. 106 00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:45,700 And I am Julian Sklar. 107 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:50,071 And here I am signing off. 108 00:07:50,171 --> 00:07:53,140 Tea, coffee, water? 109 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,913 Oh, thank you. 110 00:07:59,013 --> 00:08:00,948 Water would be great actually, yes. 111 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:04,885 Well, be a dear, and grab me one as well. Just by the front door. 112 00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,457 Jeremy. 113 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,426 Jeremy, you again? 114 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:32,146 Alisa, Julian Sklar here. 115 00:08:32,747 --> 00:08:36,450 Your mother would like me to tell you not to quit art school. 116 00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:40,054 Seriously though, do. 117 00:08:40,154 --> 00:08:42,656 Those clowns at Camberwell will poison you... 118 00:08:42,757 --> 00:08:45,459 with their Sainsbury's aisles and ideas... 119 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,329 processed, packed in plastic. 120 00:08:48,429 --> 00:08:51,766 The stalest up front so that you buy into those first. 121 00:08:51,866 --> 00:08:55,703 Grow your own, I say. Go organic! 122 00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:58,806 Although I hear that's all rubbish too. 123 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,742 Do you know how much plastic we eat in a week? 124 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,345 A credit card's worth. 125 00:09:04,445 --> 00:09:07,448 It's in the water now. It's hopeless. 126 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:11,819 So happy birthday, stay in school, blah, blah. 127 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:15,524 I'm Julian Sklar and here I am as I always am... 128 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,324 signing off. 129 00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:24,565 149 pounds. 130 00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:29,770 249 if I sign. 131 00:09:32,473 --> 00:09:34,509 -Oh water? -Yeah. 132 00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,778 Thank you. Never get old. 133 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,081 Oh, I'm sorry. 134 00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:44,285 Oh, Lori Butler. 135 00:09:44,385 --> 00:09:46,754 Never get old, Lori Butler. 136 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,256 Yes, would you sit? 137 00:09:53,928 --> 00:09:57,364 It's been a while since I interviewed an assistant. 138 00:09:57,465 --> 00:09:59,834 So, tell me about yourself. 139 00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:02,703 However, if you are a painter... 140 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,507 I don't want to know about it. 141 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,141 And do dispense with the... 142 00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:11,412 "big fan, you were with me through" whatever drudgery... 143 00:10:11,513 --> 00:10:13,447 your life's journey has taken you. 144 00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:17,885 Heartbreak, blah, blah, grieving. Because we both know... 145 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,956 that's a lie as I've done nothing but shit in 30 years. 146 00:10:22,323 --> 00:10:23,858 Nothing at all in 20. 147 00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,895 "You made me want to be an artist." No, my dear. 148 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,097 Your fucked-up childhood made you want to be an artist. 149 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:34,101 I'm just what you tripped over as you scurried to freedom. 150 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,341 Lori is it? 151 00:10:42,143 --> 00:10:45,880 If you claim to be a fan of that hideous reality show... 152 00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:49,817 Art Fight, you may show yourself out now. 153 00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:55,189 Even the creators of that pandering pig slop weren't fans. 154 00:10:55,590 --> 00:11:00,161 And I realize this makes it challenging to find a compliment... 155 00:11:00,261 --> 00:11:02,129 that doesn't read like obsequiousness. 156 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,832 And for that you have my sympathies. 157 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,434 Because don't get me wrong, I like my flattery. 158 00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:09,436 I just need to believe it. 159 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:14,175 So for now, I'll take, "I am a woman, and I don't hate you, Julian." 160 00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:17,178 They hate me, the women, even more than the men. 161 00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,247 I was bisexual, Lori... 162 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,884 when it actually cost something to say so. 163 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:26,954 Are you any good with humidifiers? 164 00:11:28,657 --> 00:11:30,291 I'm sorry. 165 00:11:30,391 --> 00:11:34,228 Well, I'm told that I would benefit from the use of a humidifier... 166 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,797 and the infographics... 167 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,267 they burn a shadow on the retina... 168 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:45,172 arrows into screw holes, into arrows... 169 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:48,909 into whatever shapes those are. 170 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:52,046 Would you like some help in assembling your humidifier? 171 00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:55,249 Well, though I hesitate to take you up on your very kind offer... 172 00:11:57,351 --> 00:11:59,386 begrudgingly, thank you. 173 00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:06,528 So, we've established you are not an artist... 174 00:12:06,628 --> 00:12:11,633 and you're not a fan and you may or may not be bisexual. 175 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,901 Oh, which reminds me... 176 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:17,738 there are recent editions on the Wikipedia... 177 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:21,008 quotes taken out of context and one in context... 178 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:25,179 but spoken while inebriated and thus I can't be held accountable. 179 00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,517 Ah, but what I said was true... 180 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:34,288 over 75% of enrollment in the art schools is women. 181 00:12:34,388 --> 00:12:36,323 And my question was simply a question... 182 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:41,195 why then are women not in 75% percent of museums, Lori? 183 00:12:42,664 --> 00:12:44,932 You did say it was Lori? 184 00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:49,103 On the subject of Lori... 185 00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:52,840 what did they tell you about this job? 186 00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:56,777 -They? -Yes, my offspring. 187 00:12:56,877 --> 00:13:00,447 The dud Barnaby and the harridan Sallie. 188 00:13:00,548 --> 00:13:04,653 Yeah, they said you were hiring an assistant... 189 00:13:04,753 --> 00:13:08,690 to help catalog some of your things so they can be valued... 190 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,191 by the HMRC or something like that. 191 00:13:12,694 --> 00:13:14,895 And they recommended you highly... 192 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:18,465 which is frankly why I'm a tad suspicious. 193 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:21,636 I must be reminded not to carry things. 194 00:13:21,736 --> 00:13:22,671 Oh! 195 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,573 That's according to my osteo... 196 00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:27,742 a smallish man named Cyril. 197 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,577 Interesting tidbit about Cyril... 198 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,312 he smells of radishes. 199 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,847 Why? 200 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:39,119 This isn't about the unfinished Christophers, is it? 201 00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:43,692 If so, you must tell me because I won't paint them. 202 00:13:43,792 --> 00:13:45,794 I can't paint them. And please don't ask. 203 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,195 Please don't even speak of them. 204 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,064 Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't what you're talking about. 205 00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:51,131 Well, my children are obsessed with them... 206 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,067 and I wouldn't have put it past them if this... 207 00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:55,737 had been somehow about that. 208 00:13:56,270 --> 00:14:00,040 Oh, they're not even clever. Those two, they're wrecks. 209 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,077 She, a train wreck, utterly off the rails... 210 00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:07,716 and he a shipwreck sunken and waterlogged. 211 00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:10,552 - Blame their mothers, not me. - I had nothing to do with them. 212 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,488 I would not be surprised, Lori... 213 00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:17,858 if this was not so that HMRC may, quote... 214 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,060 "assess the value of my estate..." 215 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,964 but so that my children could get intel on whether... 216 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,333 I was truly leaving them nothing. 217 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,002 Ah, she has risen! 218 00:14:29,671 --> 00:14:33,207 My masseuse Esme, who is a gift from the heavens. 219 00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:34,341 -Hi. -Hi. 220 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:36,544 Where I apparently have been mistaken for someone else. 221 00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:39,947 She's here at the insistence of Cyril the radish... 222 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,015 who says I must be kinder to my joints. 223 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:47,321 It's all a faff, you know, HMRC adore me. 224 00:14:47,421 --> 00:14:49,289 I haven't paid taxes in a decade... 225 00:14:49,390 --> 00:14:52,192 but they've still got one of my Garbage Twelves... 226 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,729 in their lobby in Parliament Street. 227 00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,198 And, alas, here it is. 228 00:14:59,834 --> 00:15:03,872 A life to be summed up. Itemised. 229 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,206 Julian Sklar: The Spreadsheet. 230 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:10,043 I don't even know what's up there in the room above us. 231 00:15:10,144 --> 00:15:12,146 And the door's been locked for decades. 232 00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:14,248 So, I shan't know even going forward... 233 00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,718 should there be any forward left. 234 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:22,322 Yes. To the great displeasure of the buzzard Barnaby... 235 00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:25,292 and the hyena Sallie... 236 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,630 I have outlived the actuarial prediction of... 237 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:32,499 even the direst of those foolish enough to insure me. 238 00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:37,104 At one point that had been the goal to live forever. 239 00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:39,674 And I should have liked to have bequeathed... 240 00:15:39,774 --> 00:15:42,276 that task to my art, but... 241 00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,747 sadly my art, not unlike my talent... 242 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,684 departed this life long ago when, apparently... 243 00:15:49,784 --> 00:15:51,418 I was not paying attention. 244 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,621 Excellent interview. 245 00:15:54,656 --> 00:15:57,157 I like you, Lori Butler. 246 00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,060 What about tomorrow at the crack of noon? 247 00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:02,463 Yeah, great. 248 00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,119 What's up? 249 00:16:27,589 --> 00:16:29,591 Yes, 12:00 p.m. tomorrow. 250 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,194 Well, I have no idea. I don't know what it's like up there. 251 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,663 I don't know if they're even there. 252 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,235 Well, I would need the keys for it first, wouldn't I? 253 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,472 When I know. 254 00:16:47,575 --> 00:16:49,777 Sallie, I will call you when I know... 255 00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:51,613 if he even has the paintings. 256 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,380 Jesus. 257 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,074 -You all right? -Hi. 258 00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:57,712 Perhaps it's simply "The Reason My Therapist Chose... 259 00:17:57,812 --> 00:18:01,649 "Early Retirement Number Seven." 260 00:18:02,016 --> 00:18:05,520 And next time, my dear, you have the urge to express yourself... 261 00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,322 why don't you nip down to Boots... 262 00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:11,893 and get yourself a pencil and a notebook. 263 00:18:11,993 --> 00:18:14,328 It's a lot cheaper. 264 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,201 What I can't stand about painting... 265 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,938 is you paint from the heart, from the soul... 266 00:18:24,038 --> 00:18:26,273 you give yourself to everything you can. 267 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,275 You pour it onto the canvas... 268 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:32,245 and then some bloody agent comes along and takes 45%. 269 00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:34,281 Well no more. 270 00:18:34,716 --> 00:18:35,617 Well, they're quite a bargain. 271 00:18:35,717 --> 00:18:37,184 I do believe someone has walked away with... 272 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,452 a potentially 2 million pound... 273 00:18:38,553 --> 00:18:40,955 painting for 1,100 pounds. How do you feel about that? 274 00:18:41,055 --> 00:18:42,122 It would be a bargain at 2 million... 275 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,225 but whatever they pay, I'm happy with. Thank you. 276 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,761 Well, they are all stunning. 277 00:18:46,861 --> 00:18:47,695 Thank you very much. 278 00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,463 Of course the question on everyone's lips is... 279 00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:51,198 will the Christophers be making... 280 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,567 an appearance on the pavement today? 281 00:18:54,035 --> 00:18:55,435 The Christophers... 282 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,207 No, they're indoors somewhere. 283 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,877 They're private matters. Private affairs. 284 00:19:15,757 --> 00:19:18,225 Other door. 285 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,372 Hello? 286 00:19:34,976 --> 00:19:36,243 Hello? 287 00:19:39,013 --> 00:19:40,180 Hello. 288 00:19:41,082 --> 00:19:43,283 Oh, coming! 289 00:19:44,018 --> 00:19:46,521 Come in. 290 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:50,725 Do you mind me in my dressing grown? 291 00:19:52,727 --> 00:19:54,529 Actually, I do. 292 00:19:58,533 --> 00:19:59,466 Okay. 293 00:20:03,638 --> 00:20:08,275 Weinstein has ruined the robe for the rest of us. 294 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:12,279 You needn't have worried. 295 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,382 I can't bear the sight of it open myself. 296 00:20:17,018 --> 00:20:18,619 Even when alone. 297 00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:26,728 Studio. This way. 298 00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,065 The locksmith should-- 299 00:20:31,165 --> 00:20:32,934 We shall take the scenic route. 300 00:20:33,034 --> 00:20:36,938 Yep, if he can't find a key for what's up there... 301 00:20:37,038 --> 00:20:39,507 he'll have to change out the whole third floor door lock. 302 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,244 I'll get him to make you a copy as well. 303 00:20:45,613 --> 00:20:47,782 But no copies for the kids. 304 00:20:48,549 --> 00:20:50,818 However hard they beg. 305 00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:55,690 Oh, now that was once an entire dinosaur. 306 00:20:55,790 --> 00:20:58,960 Only had room inside for three, as it happened. 307 00:20:59,493 --> 00:21:04,799 A fact that Ringo found out the hard way. 308 00:21:05,533 --> 00:21:10,270 And oh, not the Ringo you are thinking about. 309 00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:14,842 -No, this one was French. -Right. 310 00:21:17,879 --> 00:21:20,948 So, what is other Lori? 311 00:21:22,016 --> 00:21:25,318 Am I allowed to ask if she has a boyfriend? 312 00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:28,455 I mean, no. 313 00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,792 No she doesn't? 314 00:21:30,892 --> 00:21:32,459 No, you're not allowed. 315 00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:34,896 Noted. 316 00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:39,934 Why not though? 317 00:21:40,034 --> 00:21:43,504 Well, firstly, we're at work. 318 00:21:43,604 --> 00:21:47,608 Nonsense. It's not like we cease to be ourselves... 319 00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:50,545 simply by crossing some conceptual boundary. 320 00:21:50,645 --> 00:21:53,648 Here I am at work and here I'm at home. Ask away. 321 00:21:53,748 --> 00:21:55,550 At work. Oh, don't you dare. 322 00:21:56,017 --> 00:21:57,051 All yours. 323 00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:01,022 You can't ask me in either place... 324 00:22:01,122 --> 00:22:05,860 because you are my employer, which means you hold the power. 325 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,597 And I should use it to ask if you have a partner. 326 00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:12,834 If you'll explain its relevance. 327 00:22:12,934 --> 00:22:15,570 The relevance is that I'm curious. 328 00:22:17,104 --> 00:22:20,508 And who wouldn't want to bring their life into their work? 329 00:22:20,608 --> 00:22:24,512 Unless, well, right. 330 00:22:24,612 --> 00:22:27,114 Yes, well, never mind. You said that you weren't an artist. 331 00:22:27,215 --> 00:22:28,381 Actually you said that. 332 00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:31,152 Well, I swear that we had that conversation yesterday. 333 00:22:31,252 --> 00:22:32,687 Well, you know there was speaking if that's what you mean. 334 00:22:33,654 --> 00:22:35,990 Well, did I not ask questions? 335 00:22:37,525 --> 00:22:39,694 My children say that I don't ask questions. 336 00:22:40,695 --> 00:22:42,597 And actually by definition... 337 00:22:42,697 --> 00:22:44,866 "did I not ask questions" is a question. 338 00:22:44,966 --> 00:22:46,300 My children are idiots. 339 00:22:46,399 --> 00:22:49,070 I've no problem with questions, Lori. 340 00:22:49,170 --> 00:22:51,639 It's the answers that I can't be bothered with. 341 00:22:53,174 --> 00:22:57,578 Now you remember that I told you that you were never... 342 00:22:57,678 --> 00:23:00,081 -to speak of the Christophers. -Mm-hmm. 343 00:23:00,181 --> 00:23:03,317 Well, apparently I lied. You are to speak of them once... 344 00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:06,020 when you tell me that they are no more. 345 00:23:07,355 --> 00:23:09,156 No more? 346 00:23:09,257 --> 00:23:12,560 The canvases are buried deep in the back of the third floor... 347 00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:16,396 and you are to bring them down here and shred them to bits. 348 00:23:18,165 --> 00:23:21,202 I'm to shred the Christophers? 349 00:23:21,302 --> 00:23:23,537 What? Oh, they're not Christophers. 350 00:23:24,038 --> 00:23:26,741 They are musings on ideas that could have been Christophers. 351 00:23:26,841 --> 00:23:30,244 And you are to obliterate them and destroy the stretchers. 352 00:23:30,344 --> 00:23:31,145 And then bring me the evidence... 353 00:23:31,245 --> 00:23:34,215 because I shan't go near them myself. 354 00:23:34,315 --> 00:23:36,017 Okay. 355 00:23:36,117 --> 00:23:38,352 Would you like me to leave them here when they're shredded? 356 00:23:38,451 --> 00:23:40,521 Yes. 357 00:23:40,888 --> 00:23:42,990 It's not that I don't trust you, Lori. 358 00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:48,095 The box cutter. 359 00:23:48,195 --> 00:23:50,064 It's just that I don't trust you. 360 00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:55,169 Ah, that'll be the locksmith and the facialist... 361 00:23:55,269 --> 00:23:58,973 whom I find to be nothing more than a 90 minute endurance test. 362 00:23:59,073 --> 00:24:02,643 However, Esme demands that I'm kinder to my skin. 363 00:24:02,743 --> 00:24:06,847 So I shall brace myself and go. 364 00:24:19,093 --> 00:24:20,962 Lockbox is sorted. 365 00:24:21,329 --> 00:24:23,496 Spare front door key... 366 00:24:24,065 --> 00:24:26,801 and third floor set to go with the new door lock. 367 00:30:46,715 --> 00:30:47,881 Oh! 368 00:30:47,981 --> 00:30:51,151 I've changed my mind. They shall not be shredded. 369 00:30:52,386 --> 00:30:54,088 Okay. Okay. 370 00:30:54,188 --> 00:30:55,956 They shall be burned. 371 00:30:57,291 --> 00:31:00,829 All right? Yeah, sure. I will sort it. 372 00:31:00,928 --> 00:31:02,930 It is sorted. 373 00:31:03,631 --> 00:31:07,769 We shall do it together. Which is to say you shall do it... 374 00:31:07,868 --> 00:31:09,604 and I shall watch. 375 00:31:12,005 --> 00:31:14,074 It's a bit early for you though, isn't it? 376 00:31:14,174 --> 00:31:16,377 Well, I have been up all night. 377 00:31:16,910 --> 00:31:21,281 And I shan't sleep until they are smoldering ash. 378 00:31:26,420 --> 00:31:27,822 Yes? 379 00:31:28,288 --> 00:31:31,024 I'm curious, what kept you awake? 380 00:31:31,125 --> 00:31:35,028 Cascading memories of wrongs done to me since my childhood. 381 00:31:35,129 --> 00:31:37,632 They came as if from a kinetoscope. 382 00:31:38,365 --> 00:31:39,299 Hmm. 383 00:31:39,967 --> 00:31:41,703 Look it up, it's with a K. 384 00:31:41,803 --> 00:31:46,541 Now to the fire pit. Follow me or I shall burn them myself. 385 00:31:46,907 --> 00:31:50,110 Have you ever been betrayed, Lori? 386 00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:54,381 Oh, I mean hasn't everybody? 387 00:31:55,517 --> 00:31:58,485 Can be quite painful. Can it not? 388 00:31:59,052 --> 00:32:01,623 No matter what the relationship with the betrayer. 389 00:32:03,390 --> 00:32:06,661 And how were you betrayed, Lori? 390 00:32:09,196 --> 00:32:13,133 I once had a partner who left me. 391 00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:18,071 Oh my God. Your generation does whine about everything. 392 00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:23,110 Left me for my other partner. 393 00:32:23,210 --> 00:32:25,513 Oh, be still my beating heart. 394 00:32:27,682 --> 00:32:29,751 Was this a throuple? 395 00:32:30,384 --> 00:32:33,987 It was a consensual relationship between three adults. Yeah. 396 00:32:34,087 --> 00:32:36,490 Oh my, oh my, oh my. 397 00:32:37,559 --> 00:32:39,993 You know, I was once in a throuple... 398 00:32:40,994 --> 00:32:44,431 back when it was merely called infidelity. 399 00:32:44,532 --> 00:32:47,301 No, that-- Nevermind. 400 00:32:53,407 --> 00:32:56,744 Right, you toss them on. 401 00:32:58,546 --> 00:33:00,481 Oh, you seem hesitant. 402 00:33:01,482 --> 00:33:04,886 Yeah, I mean they're Julian Sklars. 403 00:33:04,985 --> 00:33:06,521 Oh, please. 404 00:33:08,623 --> 00:33:10,457 May I ask what's going on? 405 00:33:10,558 --> 00:33:14,294 Oh, the great, "What's going on?" Yes. What's going on? 406 00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:16,731 That is the question of the day, isn't it? 407 00:33:17,665 --> 00:33:21,703 In the fire pit now, please. 408 00:33:38,151 --> 00:33:41,623 Right. And now we need the turpentine and matches. 409 00:33:41,723 --> 00:33:43,090 So crack on, Lori. 410 00:33:44,124 --> 00:33:46,326 First we have a little chat. 411 00:33:47,962 --> 00:33:51,031 Sit. If you would. 412 00:33:59,674 --> 00:34:03,176 And on the subject of what is going on... 413 00:34:05,345 --> 00:34:10,317 Perhaps you would like to tell me exactly why you are here. 414 00:34:12,452 --> 00:34:17,090 I mean... To pay my rent. 415 00:34:17,190 --> 00:34:19,794 And why did you seek and then take this job? 416 00:34:24,364 --> 00:34:29,303 You did tell me not to mention if I was an artist... 417 00:34:29,403 --> 00:34:34,042 or a fan, but I thought maybe I'd learn something... 418 00:34:34,141 --> 00:34:35,843 by being in your vicinity. 419 00:34:36,476 --> 00:34:37,612 Really? 420 00:34:39,112 --> 00:34:41,415 Learn what exactly? 421 00:34:44,052 --> 00:34:46,921 Perhaps "how a man... 422 00:34:47,454 --> 00:34:50,858 "once a paradigm of progressive politics... 423 00:34:50,959 --> 00:34:54,028 "could morph into the apotheosis of everything... 424 00:34:54,127 --> 00:34:55,663 "that is currently wrong... 425 00:34:55,763 --> 00:35:00,367 "with everything artistically and economically?" 426 00:35:00,467 --> 00:35:05,607 Or how a "bloated ego in yesterday's beret..." 427 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,276 could "squat on property unaffordable... 428 00:35:09,376 --> 00:35:12,580 "and hence uninhabitable for generations to come..." 429 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,618 whose "only outrage at so-called 'cancel culture' came... 430 00:35:16,718 --> 00:35:19,921 "once he had been justifiably canceled himself." 431 00:35:20,454 --> 00:35:24,157 "Justifiably," says his future assistant... 432 00:35:26,159 --> 00:35:29,262 on January the 3rd, 2022. 433 00:35:32,265 --> 00:35:35,703 And she goes on. "Bloviating..." 434 00:35:35,803 --> 00:35:38,940 she says, "in the voice of the very thing, not just his work... 435 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:43,243 "but his entire being so vociferously railed against during... 436 00:35:43,343 --> 00:35:46,246 "his once impressive ascension..." 437 00:35:46,346 --> 00:35:48,482 which preceded the "artistic immolation..." 438 00:35:48,583 --> 00:35:50,417 "and subsequent "crash and burn..." 439 00:35:50,518 --> 00:35:53,955 into the "soulless junk heap of irrelevance..." 440 00:35:54,055 --> 00:35:58,126 reserved for those who have "exploded our culture... 441 00:35:58,225 --> 00:36:01,529 "and imploded their legacy." 442 00:36:03,230 --> 00:36:06,634 "And will his work even last? 443 00:36:07,068 --> 00:36:11,039 "Or will it go the way of the lava lamp and the leisure suit? 444 00:36:11,139 --> 00:36:14,642 "And if it doesn't, shouldn't it?" 445 00:36:18,746 --> 00:36:20,247 Not even "should it." 446 00:36:21,749 --> 00:36:23,751 "Shouldn't it." 447 00:36:32,927 --> 00:36:38,166 Never underestimate the internet prowess of a man... 448 00:36:38,265 --> 00:36:40,935 who has spent decades googling himself. 449 00:36:45,472 --> 00:36:47,842 So, why are you here? 450 00:36:52,113 --> 00:36:54,214 I was hired by Barnaby and Sallie... 451 00:36:54,314 --> 00:36:56,684 to complete the unfinished Christophers. 452 00:37:01,321 --> 00:37:03,290 -Really? -Yeah. 453 00:37:06,259 --> 00:37:08,261 Why? 454 00:37:08,863 --> 00:37:13,366 So they could have something from you. I guess, when you die. 455 00:37:16,204 --> 00:37:18,238 -You mean to sell? -Yeah. 456 00:37:18,338 --> 00:37:19,974 Just to sell? 457 00:37:21,943 --> 00:37:24,512 So the idea would be... 458 00:37:27,582 --> 00:37:31,318 I would return them to the third floor... 459 00:37:31,418 --> 00:37:33,020 where they would sit. 460 00:37:34,088 --> 00:37:36,323 -Until I died. -Yeah. 461 00:37:40,393 --> 00:37:42,029 And you know them how? 462 00:37:44,198 --> 00:37:48,035 Sallie and I met in art school. 463 00:37:48,736 --> 00:37:50,303 You know, she went by a different last name... 464 00:37:50,403 --> 00:37:52,405 but we all knew. 465 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:56,376 Well, the school knew. She would never have got in on her talent. 466 00:37:57,011 --> 00:38:00,915 She said that she and her brother had a job for me. 467 00:38:02,850 --> 00:38:07,522 Well, it is the smartest thing they thought of in decades. 468 00:38:07,622 --> 00:38:09,791 I'll give them that. And your cut? 469 00:38:12,292 --> 00:38:13,828 A third. 470 00:38:15,530 --> 00:38:18,566 And what makes you think that you could do it? 471 00:38:19,934 --> 00:38:22,503 Well, they said that you were never up there. 472 00:38:24,005 --> 00:38:25,573 No! 473 00:38:25,673 --> 00:38:28,609 What makes you think you could actually do it? Do it! 474 00:38:30,645 --> 00:38:33,915 Well, the original brushes are all up there. 475 00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:39,854 The paints, the palette knives, the linseed, the rags. 476 00:38:40,521 --> 00:38:43,456 Those Kendall Plushes have been deadstock for decades. 477 00:38:43,558 --> 00:38:46,294 The microfibres alone would vet huge. 478 00:38:46,393 --> 00:38:47,494 Well, you must know that your very premise... 479 00:38:47,595 --> 00:38:51,232 that it is the correct equipment which makes the work... 480 00:38:51,331 --> 00:38:53,100 the work, is bollocks. 481 00:38:55,770 --> 00:38:58,105 I guess that's where the art of it comes in. 482 00:38:59,372 --> 00:39:00,808 Art? 483 00:39:03,077 --> 00:39:07,982 That's the part I am most interested in, I guess. 484 00:39:08,082 --> 00:39:09,917 The art of what? 485 00:39:11,919 --> 00:39:13,888 Becoming someone else. 486 00:39:13,988 --> 00:39:16,356 Oh, poo. 487 00:39:18,125 --> 00:39:21,428 Get yourself your own mindset, Lori Butler. 488 00:39:21,529 --> 00:39:24,464 You inhabit that. You don't squat in mine. 489 00:39:25,333 --> 00:39:26,734 It takes guts. 490 00:39:27,434 --> 00:39:28,769 It takes blood. 491 00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:32,673 It took my blood, and don't you think you can bleed for me. 492 00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:36,177 Oh, and it seems that you are not the only person... 493 00:39:36,277 --> 00:39:40,548 in this room who wishes that you were someone else. 494 00:39:40,648 --> 00:39:42,250 I understand. I'm going to go. 495 00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:45,553 You are in my home. You have lied to me. 496 00:39:45,653 --> 00:39:46,954 You have betrayed me. 497 00:39:48,589 --> 00:39:50,024 And you are, at least for the time being... 498 00:39:50,124 --> 00:39:51,659 still in my employment. 499 00:39:51,759 --> 00:39:56,030 So do an old "bloviating bloated ego" a kindness... 500 00:39:56,130 --> 00:40:01,002 and grab a stretched blank canvas from upstairs. 501 00:40:01,102 --> 00:40:02,870 -What? -Any size. 502 00:40:02,970 --> 00:40:05,039 You've seen yourself, there are dozens. 503 00:40:06,841 --> 00:40:08,475 Why? 504 00:40:08,576 --> 00:40:10,111 Because I have one more question for you. 505 00:40:10,211 --> 00:40:12,346 And believe me, I shall pay... 506 00:40:12,445 --> 00:40:13,948 particular attention to your answer. 507 00:40:14,048 --> 00:40:17,551 And after that, by all means, you are free to leave. 508 00:40:35,536 --> 00:40:36,771 On there. 509 00:40:50,851 --> 00:40:52,119 My question. 510 00:40:54,388 --> 00:40:57,457 You say you can paint in my style. 511 00:41:01,162 --> 00:41:02,530 Do it then. 512 00:41:05,366 --> 00:41:06,834 That's not a question. 513 00:41:08,869 --> 00:41:11,238 Will you paint what you believe I would paint... 514 00:41:13,307 --> 00:41:15,710 were I whomever you think I was... 515 00:41:15,810 --> 00:41:20,114 whenever you think I was whatever you think I was? 516 00:41:24,919 --> 00:41:27,121 -No. -No. Because you can't. 517 00:41:33,728 --> 00:41:35,563 -Case closed. -I'm not going to do this. 518 00:41:35,930 --> 00:41:38,032 Thank you for the job. And I'm sorry. 519 00:41:38,666 --> 00:41:40,234 How would you know... 520 00:41:41,869 --> 00:41:46,073 how I would've painted them when even I don't know... 521 00:41:47,908 --> 00:41:49,777 how I would have painted them? 522 00:41:50,878 --> 00:41:54,382 I actually am truly sorry. 523 00:42:06,660 --> 00:42:09,964 The first Christopher series, 1994 and '95... 524 00:42:10,064 --> 00:42:13,367 have a very distinct trajectory in my mind. 525 00:42:13,467 --> 00:42:16,237 The marks on number one are tentative. 526 00:42:16,337 --> 00:42:20,441 There's a delicacy verging on a kind of inadvertent pointillism. 527 00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:22,143 At least in the undercoat. 528 00:42:22,243 --> 00:42:24,779 The colors warm with each successive layer. 529 00:42:24,879 --> 00:42:27,915 The bottoms are all Prussian blues, cherry reds... 530 00:42:28,015 --> 00:42:30,951 but as the layers rise, the reds get rustier. 531 00:42:31,052 --> 00:42:34,688 You even used ochre, a shade you told David Sylvester was... 532 00:42:34,789 --> 00:42:36,657 "sentimental slop." 533 00:42:36,757 --> 00:42:38,626 In the third and fourth the lac got denser... 534 00:42:38,726 --> 00:42:40,628 and the oils thickened. 535 00:42:40,728 --> 00:42:44,265 There was a liftedness, almost like you were dancing. 536 00:42:44,632 --> 00:42:47,168 The paint was literally coming off the canvas... 537 00:42:47,268 --> 00:42:49,203 and there was more light around his face... 538 00:42:49,303 --> 00:42:52,173 as his look moved more and more to the center. 539 00:42:52,273 --> 00:42:53,574 Towards his creator. 540 00:42:55,209 --> 00:42:56,811 What are you saying then? 541 00:42:57,578 --> 00:42:58,813 You were falling in love... 542 00:42:58,913 --> 00:43:01,482 and for the first time you were free. 543 00:43:01,882 --> 00:43:03,684 I believe you came out then. 544 00:43:03,784 --> 00:43:05,486 At least publicly. 545 00:43:06,187 --> 00:43:10,758 But in the second series, 1997, '98, it shifted. 546 00:43:10,858 --> 00:43:12,393 By the fifth in series two... 547 00:43:12,493 --> 00:43:14,595 you can see the hesitation in the line. 548 00:43:14,695 --> 00:43:17,098 The pressure becomes uneven. 549 00:43:17,198 --> 00:43:21,235 Heavy darks start to appear up top. Patches of blank. 550 00:43:21,335 --> 00:43:22,770 And Christopher's gaze... 551 00:43:22,870 --> 00:43:25,906 drifts further and further off the canvas again. 552 00:43:26,006 --> 00:43:27,641 And you started retouching. 553 00:43:27,741 --> 00:43:30,311 Sometimes eight layers, ten. 554 00:43:30,411 --> 00:43:33,380 Like you were trying to grasp an image that wasn't there. 555 00:43:33,814 --> 00:43:36,684 Number six looks like it was restarted 12, 13 times... 556 00:43:36,784 --> 00:43:38,819 and by eight there's a wooden quality. 557 00:43:39,186 --> 00:43:42,323 Almost as if you were painting by rote. 558 00:43:42,423 --> 00:43:46,660 And the blanks spread like they were metastasizing. 559 00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:50,364 Thomas McEvilley said they had a joyful lightness... 560 00:43:50,464 --> 00:43:52,199 a spirited lyricism. 561 00:43:52,299 --> 00:43:55,369 McEvilley was wrong. Graham-Dixon was wrong. 562 00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:57,304 Marina Vaizey was wrong. 563 00:43:57,404 --> 00:44:01,208 The lightness was forced, and the joy was a lie. 564 00:44:01,642 --> 00:44:02,943 It was obvious in the seventh... 565 00:44:03,043 --> 00:44:04,812 and by the eighth it was glaring. 566 00:44:05,312 --> 00:44:06,680 It was over. 567 00:44:08,082 --> 00:44:10,017 It wasn't very good, that last one. 568 00:44:10,117 --> 00:44:11,118 No. It isn't. 569 00:44:11,218 --> 00:44:16,223 Some sap in Chicago paid two mil for it during Covid... 570 00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:17,892 -I heard. -Yeah. 571 00:44:18,593 --> 00:44:19,693 Well. 572 00:44:20,562 --> 00:44:23,297 -Hence? -Here we are. 573 00:44:24,899 --> 00:44:26,400 Here we are then. 574 00:44:28,402 --> 00:44:31,705 Grave robbers crawling through the mud to exhume... 575 00:44:31,805 --> 00:44:35,743 a trinket from some already rotted coffin. 576 00:44:38,779 --> 00:44:40,814 And this third series... 577 00:44:41,482 --> 00:44:46,588 Am I-- Sorry, "I," to have painted them recently or...? 578 00:44:46,687 --> 00:44:49,591 No, back then was the thought. 579 00:44:50,124 --> 00:44:52,493 Of course when they were actually worth something... 580 00:44:53,060 --> 00:44:57,097 and then "I'm" to have buried them upstairs. 581 00:44:57,798 --> 00:45:00,734 Didn't want them seen would be the story I guess. 582 00:45:02,236 --> 00:45:03,337 Too painful. 583 00:45:04,004 --> 00:45:05,439 Something like that. 584 00:45:05,540 --> 00:45:07,341 Yes. The breakup was hard. 585 00:45:08,108 --> 00:45:09,009 Hmm. 586 00:45:09,910 --> 00:45:11,513 It wasn't. I'd done with them. 587 00:45:11,613 --> 00:45:12,479 Sure. 588 00:45:13,548 --> 00:45:15,449 -I had. -Fine. 589 00:45:20,221 --> 00:45:22,957 I must say I found your prep impressive. 590 00:45:23,057 --> 00:45:24,725 I've got to give you that. 591 00:45:24,825 --> 00:45:26,026 There was no prep. 592 00:45:32,266 --> 00:45:34,835 That could be some bloody package I've forgotten... 593 00:45:34,935 --> 00:45:36,504 I've ordered. 594 00:45:36,605 --> 00:45:38,439 Oh, they're so impatient, Amazon. 595 00:45:39,173 --> 00:45:42,109 Oh, bollocks! 596 00:45:42,209 --> 00:45:43,744 It's Barnaby. 597 00:45:43,844 --> 00:45:47,881 Unless... Oh Christ. 598 00:45:47,982 --> 00:45:52,786 It's Sallie too. Oh, oh, fuck me, it's both of them. 599 00:45:53,555 --> 00:45:55,155 Hang on! 600 00:45:56,790 --> 00:45:58,792 Hang on! 601 00:45:59,260 --> 00:46:03,632 Buzzards on the buzzers. 602 00:46:03,732 --> 00:46:07,234 Hi, Dad, I know what you said, but may we come in please? 603 00:46:08,469 --> 00:46:09,370 Why? 604 00:46:09,470 --> 00:46:11,805 We need to speak to your assistant. 605 00:46:11,905 --> 00:46:13,774 Oh, I forgot what her name is. 606 00:46:13,874 --> 00:46:16,210 Do you know I can't recall it either? 607 00:46:18,812 --> 00:46:20,214 Barney, any ideas? 608 00:46:21,115 --> 00:46:25,085 -Lisa maybe. -Yes! Lisa Maybe. 609 00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,055 Why? 610 00:46:28,155 --> 00:46:30,991 We just got a form that she urgently needs to fill out. 611 00:46:31,091 --> 00:46:32,960 -Tax related. -Very. 612 00:46:33,662 --> 00:46:35,262 Very tax related. 613 00:46:36,297 --> 00:46:37,699 Yeah, we've been trying to call her... 614 00:46:37,798 --> 00:46:39,233 but she's not been picking up, so... 615 00:46:40,267 --> 00:46:41,569 So, is she here? 616 00:46:43,003 --> 00:46:46,373 Yes. Lisa Maybe is here. So do come in. 617 00:46:47,107 --> 00:46:50,444 As there's something I need to speak with you about as well. 618 00:46:51,845 --> 00:46:53,914 The Christophers. 619 00:46:55,416 --> 00:46:56,350 The...? 620 00:46:57,985 --> 00:46:59,453 Sorry, Dad. Which are those? 621 00:47:00,689 --> 00:47:02,222 Oh, have I got the name wrong? 622 00:47:02,323 --> 00:47:05,025 Oh gosh, Dad. I mean, you've painted so many. 623 00:47:05,125 --> 00:47:07,161 Christopher. Christopher. 624 00:47:07,261 --> 00:47:10,732 Why am I so fixated on that name then? 625 00:47:11,332 --> 00:47:14,368 Which was the one that I said, perhaps you can recall this. 626 00:47:14,468 --> 00:47:17,271 Which was the one that you took a whack at... 627 00:47:17,371 --> 00:47:20,207 at some point last year accidentally thinking... 628 00:47:20,307 --> 00:47:22,009 that it was not in fact an egregious... 629 00:47:22,109 --> 00:47:24,878 act of dishonesty and betrayal? 630 00:47:24,978 --> 00:47:27,348 Oh right. Yeah, those, those. 631 00:47:27,448 --> 00:47:28,315 Dad, what about them? 632 00:47:28,415 --> 00:47:31,285 Well, I have asked Lisa Maybe to destroy them. 633 00:47:33,087 --> 00:47:34,723 -What? -Wait, why? 634 00:47:34,823 --> 00:47:36,056 Well, she can't, Dad. 635 00:47:36,156 --> 00:47:37,991 Oh, I already have. 636 00:47:38,092 --> 00:47:40,928 -What the fuck, Lori? -Yes. That's her name. Lori! 637 00:47:41,028 --> 00:47:42,363 - And she has burned-- - Shredded. 638 00:47:43,798 --> 00:47:45,432 -She's shredded them. -Fuck off. 639 00:47:45,533 --> 00:47:47,935 Bullshit, even he knows you're bullshitting. 640 00:47:48,035 --> 00:47:49,537 -Yeah. Where are they then? -Hang on. 641 00:47:57,044 --> 00:47:58,946 Dad, you can't. 642 00:48:00,013 --> 00:48:02,349 Well, apparently I did. 643 00:48:02,449 --> 00:48:03,752 But they're not yours. 644 00:48:04,351 --> 00:48:08,790 Well, meaning that they are the world's. 645 00:48:08,889 --> 00:48:11,626 -The world of art. -But not, of course yours. 646 00:48:11,726 --> 00:48:12,627 No, no! 647 00:48:12,727 --> 00:48:14,596 The furthest thing from our minds. 648 00:48:15,095 --> 00:48:19,768 Well, you should get out and give them to the world. 649 00:48:20,167 --> 00:48:24,171 And to do that, you should get out now and get started. 650 00:48:24,271 --> 00:48:25,973 You stupid, stupid man. 651 00:48:26,073 --> 00:48:28,142 Get out of my house now. 652 00:48:29,577 --> 00:48:30,879 The two of you. 653 00:48:30,978 --> 00:48:33,247 Great. Now you've shredded each other. 654 00:48:33,347 --> 00:48:35,583 So I hope you feel very good about it. 655 00:48:35,683 --> 00:48:36,950 Shredded each other? 656 00:48:39,953 --> 00:48:41,422 What does that mean? 657 00:48:41,523 --> 00:48:42,956 Nothing. 658 00:48:44,091 --> 00:48:46,594 -Nothing? -Nothing. 659 00:48:48,797 --> 00:48:51,932 And these, what are these? 660 00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:57,371 These are fakes, which I shredded. 661 00:48:58,540 --> 00:49:00,073 The real ones... 662 00:49:00,174 --> 00:49:02,844 the ones you were about to incinerate... 663 00:49:02,943 --> 00:49:04,945 are outside in the fire pit. 664 00:49:06,815 --> 00:49:09,016 Right? 665 00:49:10,250 --> 00:49:11,218 So? 666 00:49:12,019 --> 00:49:14,288 So, let's go. 667 00:49:19,193 --> 00:49:23,096 As you are still, for the moment, my employee... 668 00:49:23,197 --> 00:49:27,301 I'm ordering you to come out to the fire pit and burn them. 669 00:49:27,401 --> 00:49:30,170 Well, as your employee has now quit... 670 00:49:30,270 --> 00:49:32,139 I wish you good luck with that. 671 00:49:33,073 --> 00:49:34,843 Well, I'll go and do it myself then. 672 00:49:34,943 --> 00:49:37,411 Oh, really? 673 00:49:37,512 --> 00:49:38,445 Really. 674 00:49:40,515 --> 00:49:41,616 "Crack on," then. 675 00:49:57,164 --> 00:49:59,466 How's the bonfire going? 676 00:50:02,537 --> 00:50:07,307 What did you mean, "I'd imploded my legacy"? 677 00:50:10,410 --> 00:50:15,115 If you were to ask my cousin who Julian Sklar is... 678 00:50:15,215 --> 00:50:17,552 he would say the guy that yelled at kids... 679 00:50:17,652 --> 00:50:21,723 and housewives on Art Fight. 680 00:50:23,190 --> 00:50:26,794 Yes. Well, they get off easy. Yes. 681 00:50:26,895 --> 00:50:29,531 I was the one being tortured. 682 00:50:29,631 --> 00:50:32,600 I was waterboarded by a deluge of kittens, Lori. 683 00:50:32,700 --> 00:50:36,538 Each one more hideously adorable than the next. 684 00:50:36,971 --> 00:50:40,173 Bopping at yarn. In acrylic. 685 00:50:40,975 --> 00:50:42,944 Watercolor. Watercolor, Lori. 686 00:50:43,043 --> 00:50:45,245 Peach tones, lavender, lavender. 687 00:50:46,514 --> 00:50:49,082 Well, no, I did them a favor. 688 00:50:50,952 --> 00:50:52,119 Did you? 689 00:50:53,086 --> 00:50:55,222 Yes. 690 00:50:55,322 --> 00:51:00,828 I saved them from a lifetime of heartache and rejection... 691 00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:05,065 and grasping at something that they would never achieve. 692 00:51:05,165 --> 00:51:07,702 And worse. Clawing back at something... 693 00:51:07,802 --> 00:51:09,904 that they would never recapture. 694 00:51:10,004 --> 00:51:14,609 Because success, Lori, is worse. 695 00:51:16,878 --> 00:51:19,379 Okay. Okay. 696 00:51:19,479 --> 00:51:22,750 Let's just stop this. Yeah? 697 00:51:24,886 --> 00:51:27,187 -What are you doing? -You're not going to burn these. 698 00:51:27,287 --> 00:51:29,924 What? I most certainly am. 699 00:51:30,490 --> 00:51:36,229 There is a reason you've kept them for 25 years. 700 00:51:36,864 --> 00:51:38,900 If you really didn't want them, you would've sold them... 701 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,134 for shit at your stupid jumble sale. 702 00:51:41,234 --> 00:51:43,571 Oh my "sidewalk salon." 703 00:51:43,671 --> 00:51:46,774 Oh, that was a bugger off to an industry... 704 00:51:47,274 --> 00:51:48,442 who needed someone to say it to them. 705 00:51:48,543 --> 00:51:51,646 It was a move that gave you cover to pretend it was you... 706 00:51:51,746 --> 00:51:54,782 who was in control of his own downfall. 707 00:51:58,019 --> 00:52:01,188 No, but no, I'd done with them. Lori. 708 00:52:01,288 --> 00:52:02,322 Yeah, because they were done with you. 709 00:52:02,422 --> 00:52:04,726 It was a corrupt industry... 710 00:52:06,027 --> 00:52:07,361 in a corrupt world. 711 00:52:08,161 --> 00:52:11,264 Investments and tax shelters... 712 00:52:11,866 --> 00:52:15,737 and trophies for the Billionaire Boys' Club. 713 00:52:15,837 --> 00:52:18,271 So, I left. 714 00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:20,173 No, you mean you quit. 715 00:52:20,273 --> 00:52:21,709 -No, I left. -You gave in. 716 00:52:21,809 --> 00:52:24,211 I left. And on my own terms. 717 00:52:24,779 --> 00:52:27,749 And how do you know if it's even art now... 718 00:52:27,849 --> 00:52:30,283 anyhow, it's all online? 719 00:52:31,451 --> 00:52:32,553 Oh, you get nothing... 720 00:52:32,654 --> 00:52:36,724 when you stare at something through a screen. 721 00:52:39,827 --> 00:52:43,698 You know, I get yelled at now from passing cars. 722 00:52:44,632 --> 00:52:47,835 They call me a hack, a pig even. 723 00:52:47,935 --> 00:52:49,971 Offended somehow as if... 724 00:52:50,437 --> 00:52:53,473 we've got some sort of personal relationship. 725 00:52:53,574 --> 00:52:55,610 You don't think it's a personal relationship? 726 00:52:57,712 --> 00:52:58,613 Art? 727 00:52:59,479 --> 00:53:00,480 No. 728 00:53:01,381 --> 00:53:03,885 It's a man alone in his room. 729 00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:05,953 Me in this room. 730 00:53:08,056 --> 00:53:10,158 I have a relationship... 731 00:53:10,858 --> 00:53:12,827 with the canvas. 732 00:53:13,493 --> 00:53:16,764 And when I've said what I've got to say to it, then it goes. 733 00:53:16,864 --> 00:53:18,465 Where do you think it goes? 734 00:53:20,968 --> 00:53:21,836 Do what you want. 735 00:53:21,936 --> 00:53:24,072 You can take them out. You can burn them again. 736 00:53:24,172 --> 00:53:25,305 Don't leave me. 737 00:53:30,545 --> 00:53:31,646 Why... 738 00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:34,247 did you even care? 739 00:53:34,347 --> 00:53:38,251 And you were so livid with me... 740 00:53:39,352 --> 00:53:41,288 in those writings. 741 00:53:42,857 --> 00:53:43,891 Why? 742 00:53:49,731 --> 00:53:50,832 I was 12. 743 00:53:51,933 --> 00:53:53,701 It was pissing down rain. 744 00:53:53,801 --> 00:53:58,906 I ditched school and snuck into what happened to be a museum. 745 00:53:59,874 --> 00:54:00,808 Yes. 746 00:54:01,475 --> 00:54:03,077 Yes, what show? 747 00:54:03,511 --> 00:54:06,413 It was the one with the famous artist's... 748 00:54:06,514 --> 00:54:08,015 work from when they were kids. 749 00:54:09,117 --> 00:54:11,418 You saw "Enfant Terrible." 750 00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:15,757 There was one you'd done my age that was the easiest to copy. 751 00:54:16,124 --> 00:54:18,425 By which you mean it was the one... 752 00:54:18,526 --> 00:54:20,628 that hit you most profoundly in your soul. 753 00:54:20,728 --> 00:54:22,496 By which I mean it was literally called... 754 00:54:22,597 --> 00:54:25,133 Anyone Can Do This and Call It Art. 755 00:54:25,233 --> 00:54:26,266 Yeah. 756 00:54:27,135 --> 00:54:28,502 Mrs. Hanley... 757 00:54:30,938 --> 00:54:32,540 she failed me for that one. 758 00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,309 "Oh, this is nothing but a spiral of words, Julian. 759 00:54:36,744 --> 00:54:39,914 "You have desecrated the canvas with everything... 760 00:54:40,014 --> 00:54:41,649 "that the assignment is not." 761 00:54:41,749 --> 00:54:44,018 But I said, "Yes! 762 00:54:45,052 --> 00:54:46,988 "Because it's more interesting." 763 00:54:49,857 --> 00:54:52,894 Yeah, and there was a second piece of yours. 764 00:54:54,595 --> 00:54:57,064 It was a drawing from when you were six. 765 00:54:57,165 --> 00:54:59,299 Boy Under Cloud. 766 00:54:59,399 --> 00:55:01,468 Boy Under Cloud. 767 00:55:01,569 --> 00:55:05,740 An oozing excretion of maudlin treacle, that title. 768 00:55:06,974 --> 00:55:08,075 You were six. 769 00:55:09,544 --> 00:55:12,880 And did you find that easy to copy as well? 770 00:55:15,116 --> 00:55:16,584 Not at 12. 771 00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:20,688 It was... 772 00:55:21,989 --> 00:55:22,890 impeccable. 773 00:55:24,625 --> 00:55:25,626 But? 774 00:55:28,663 --> 00:55:30,898 I quit, is that what you're saying? 775 00:55:33,768 --> 00:55:37,238 Please God, don't feel sorry for me. 776 00:55:37,939 --> 00:55:41,509 To be honest, I'd rather have your rage than your pity. 777 00:55:41,609 --> 00:55:43,744 And now, if you'll excuse me. 778 00:55:46,781 --> 00:55:49,416 I need to pay for tonight's meal. 779 00:55:51,853 --> 00:55:55,422 You are a quitter yourself, you know, Lori. 780 00:55:56,724 --> 00:56:00,360 No one goes to art school to become a restorer or a critic. 781 00:56:02,630 --> 00:56:04,532 I came in early this morning. 782 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:07,168 Really? 783 00:56:07,268 --> 00:56:11,072 Yeah. 4:00, 5:00 am. 784 00:56:14,008 --> 00:56:17,211 Well, I'm sorry if such industrious assistantism was... 785 00:56:17,311 --> 00:56:22,550 wasted on what turned out to be an errant if dramatic misfire. 786 00:56:23,450 --> 00:56:25,820 -What it tells me-- -Excuse me. 787 00:56:38,733 --> 00:56:41,903 Good morning, Mario. 788 00:56:42,603 --> 00:56:47,341 Now you told me that you want me to paint something... 789 00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:51,411 appropriately romantic for your fiance. 790 00:56:51,512 --> 00:56:55,683 And I presume by "appropriately..." 791 00:56:55,783 --> 00:56:59,287 that you want me to paint it in vanishing ink. 792 00:57:57,645 --> 00:58:00,114 - Lori. - Oh my God. What? 793 00:58:00,214 --> 00:58:02,482 I am not going back there. 794 00:58:02,583 --> 00:58:04,719 -But you have to. -Because? 795 00:58:04,819 --> 00:58:07,088 Because you need to start them from scratch. 796 00:58:07,188 --> 00:58:10,791 You've still got old canvases and paints and brushes up there. 797 00:58:11,926 --> 00:58:14,395 Yeah. That's not going to happen. 798 00:58:14,762 --> 00:58:16,931 Well, we think it is. 799 00:58:22,069 --> 00:58:24,605 Isidore Clemens. 1927. 800 00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:30,611 Sold for 25,000 in that Kent art house in 2017. 801 00:58:30,711 --> 00:58:32,546 Split between that corrupt gallerist... 802 00:58:32,646 --> 00:58:34,682 and the person opposite me. 803 00:58:35,249 --> 00:58:37,818 Maybe you shouldn't write angry notes to exes. 804 00:58:38,252 --> 00:58:40,287 Especially those who still speak to other... 805 00:58:40,388 --> 00:58:42,289 old college friends of yours. 806 00:58:42,390 --> 00:58:44,325 Sometimes people say things. 807 00:58:44,425 --> 00:58:47,428 I'm curious if the person who paid the 25k might be... 808 00:58:47,528 --> 00:58:49,163 interested in knowing it's a fake. 809 00:58:51,665 --> 00:58:54,802 Well, when you find out, let me know. 810 00:58:54,902 --> 00:58:56,570 I don't think you want to challenge this. 811 00:58:56,670 --> 00:58:59,673 Yeah, but you may need to because you know... 812 00:58:59,774 --> 00:59:03,210 and I know that no one benefits from that being exposed. 813 00:59:03,310 --> 00:59:04,845 Not the gallery, not the artist... 814 00:59:04,945 --> 00:59:07,314 and certainly not the person that bought it. 815 00:59:07,882 --> 00:59:09,917 Was that a confession we just heard? 816 00:59:10,017 --> 00:59:12,620 No, but this is. 817 00:59:13,721 --> 00:59:16,090 I forged that painting. 818 00:59:16,957 --> 00:59:19,460 And I forged Astley's In-Between. 819 00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:22,229 And I forged Panagatacos' Six Shapes in Red. 820 00:59:23,030 --> 00:59:26,133 All of that was a long time ago. 821 00:59:27,635 --> 00:59:29,837 So you'll do what we say then? 822 00:59:29,937 --> 00:59:31,472 No. 823 00:59:31,572 --> 00:59:34,875 Well then, perhaps we'll see you in court. 824 00:59:34,975 --> 00:59:39,346 Yeah, because perhaps, Lori, we've been recording this. 825 00:59:42,383 --> 00:59:47,354 And does that include your fraud bit before my confession... 826 00:59:47,455 --> 00:59:48,722 and your blackmail bit after? 827 00:59:48,823 --> 00:59:51,459 Because you'd need both for context. 828 00:59:51,560 --> 00:59:54,161 We'll give you 10,000 pounds in advance. 829 00:59:54,261 --> 00:59:56,497 -Wow. But no. -Fifteen. 830 00:59:56,597 --> 00:59:58,533 -No. -Oh, come on mate. 831 00:59:58,632 --> 01:00:00,768 20. 20 grand, okay? But that's it. 832 01:00:00,868 --> 01:00:01,836 We can't go higher than that. 833 01:00:02,803 --> 01:00:04,573 Do you even have this money? 834 01:00:04,672 --> 01:00:05,773 Yeah. 835 01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,075 -Really? -Yes. 836 01:00:09,176 --> 01:00:10,512 How? 837 01:00:10,611 --> 01:00:11,812 Because... 838 01:00:13,147 --> 01:00:14,048 It doesn't matter. 839 01:00:15,850 --> 01:00:17,051 Two hundred thousand. 840 01:00:18,553 --> 01:00:19,920 -Pounds? -Quid? 841 01:00:20,020 --> 01:00:21,655 You must be out of your bloody mind. 842 01:00:21,755 --> 01:00:23,290 We haven't got that sort of money. 843 01:00:23,390 --> 01:00:24,492 The number's 200. 844 01:00:24,593 --> 01:00:27,228 Look, I love you Lori, but this is piggish. 845 01:00:27,328 --> 01:00:28,295 Two hundred thousand. 846 01:00:28,395 --> 01:00:31,365 You are being a cunty pig-cunt. 847 01:00:31,465 --> 01:00:32,766 Two hundred thousand. 848 01:00:32,867 --> 01:00:35,669 21,400 pounds, right, please accept this. 849 01:00:35,769 --> 01:00:37,037 That's all the money we have. 850 01:00:37,138 --> 01:00:41,008 Please, please, Lori, please. It's really, really important. 851 01:00:44,178 --> 01:00:45,279 Oh my God. 852 01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:48,349 You've sold them already. 853 01:00:50,784 --> 01:00:52,119 -What? -No. 854 01:00:54,121 --> 01:00:55,189 This is... 855 01:00:55,890 --> 01:00:57,892 This is fabulous. 856 01:00:57,992 --> 01:01:01,630 The answer is no and definitely not for 21,000 quid. 857 01:01:01,729 --> 01:01:04,098 He's dying, Lori. 858 01:01:04,533 --> 01:01:06,535 It's called Aplastic Anaemia. 859 01:01:07,101 --> 01:01:09,837 Okay, he's been refusing treatment for years. 860 01:01:09,937 --> 01:01:11,705 Our time is running out. 861 01:01:12,206 --> 01:01:13,440 Everyone's is. 862 01:01:14,842 --> 01:01:18,879 The answer is even more no. 863 01:01:24,418 --> 01:01:26,854 -Did you forget something? -Can you close the door? 864 01:01:26,954 --> 01:01:29,658 I believe your dignity is just along there... 865 01:01:29,757 --> 01:01:32,493 and you'll find your pride upstairs somewhere. 866 01:01:32,594 --> 01:01:33,727 Close the door. 867 01:01:38,732 --> 01:01:43,204 I've just googled a rare blood disease called Aplastic Anaemia. 868 01:01:43,304 --> 01:01:45,272 Ah, yes. 869 01:01:47,208 --> 01:01:51,845 Well, much to the impending dismay of the Heirs Abhorrent... 870 01:01:51,946 --> 01:01:56,250 a genius in Stuttgart has reionized y stems cells... 871 01:01:56,685 --> 01:01:59,887 and thus, like everything else that used to be inside me... 872 01:02:00,788 --> 01:02:02,524 it has amounted to nothing. 873 01:02:02,957 --> 01:02:05,859 The only thing dying, I'm afraid... 874 01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:09,496 is the dream of Lord and Lady Vulture. 875 01:02:10,497 --> 01:02:12,099 Well, they've sold them already. 876 01:02:14,401 --> 01:02:16,737 -Sold? -The Christophers. 877 01:02:17,137 --> 01:02:20,207 They took a down payment of a million quid last year. 878 01:02:23,244 --> 01:02:27,281 That's why Sallie tried to do it herself. 879 01:02:28,849 --> 01:02:32,453 Oh, oh, what glorious idiocy. 880 01:02:34,154 --> 01:02:37,825 Well, for what it's worth of that... 881 01:02:37,925 --> 01:02:41,028 they only have 21,000 quid left. 882 01:02:41,128 --> 01:02:42,863 Well, I'm surprised they've got anything. 883 01:02:43,632 --> 01:02:45,299 How many paintings? 884 01:02:45,399 --> 01:02:47,835 All nine. Even Sallie's. 885 01:02:49,604 --> 01:02:50,771 To a fan? 886 01:02:51,673 --> 01:02:54,743 To a 28-year-old tech bro... 887 01:02:54,842 --> 01:02:56,977 who's going to donate them for the tax credit. 888 01:02:57,077 --> 01:02:59,213 Oh, to the Royal Academy? 889 01:02:59,313 --> 01:03:00,247 Well, at least? 890 01:03:01,716 --> 01:03:03,284 Maybe? 891 01:03:03,718 --> 01:03:05,786 To a place called Museum of the Desert... 892 01:03:05,886 --> 01:03:08,623 just outside of Las Vegas. 893 01:03:08,723 --> 01:03:10,592 Oh. 894 01:03:10,692 --> 01:03:14,928 And this tech bro, does he even know who I am? Or was? 895 01:03:15,029 --> 01:03:17,464 No. But I'm told after some googling. 896 01:03:17,565 --> 01:03:21,902 Yes. And I assume my children want you to resume... 897 01:03:22,002 --> 01:03:26,807 your task of faking these somehow? 898 01:03:27,875 --> 01:03:30,144 Same plan, new old canvases. 899 01:03:35,983 --> 01:03:37,418 I think I should do it. 900 01:03:40,454 --> 01:03:41,855 You paint them? 901 01:03:44,258 --> 01:03:45,225 Yeah. 902 01:03:46,427 --> 01:03:50,331 Paint them, but very, very badly. 903 01:03:59,473 --> 01:04:01,743 Imagine the look on the tech bro's face... 904 01:04:01,842 --> 01:04:03,344 when he sees what he's bought. 905 01:04:04,813 --> 01:04:07,948 Oh, it's almost worth staying alive for. 906 01:04:09,049 --> 01:04:12,319 And I shall be alongside you... 907 01:04:12,419 --> 01:04:14,955 for the entire time as your assistant. 908 01:04:16,056 --> 01:04:17,991 You're going to be my assistant? 909 01:04:18,092 --> 01:04:19,993 Yes. And I'll be a very good one too. 910 01:04:20,094 --> 01:04:23,931 And now my first task is to assist you in getting paints. 911 01:04:24,031 --> 01:04:26,367 -And there's an art shop... -Yeah? 912 01:04:26,467 --> 01:04:29,403 ...on Bronton Street, which is quite dreadful. 913 01:04:29,503 --> 01:04:30,371 Perfect. 914 01:04:30,471 --> 01:04:31,405 Oh, but, oh, on this particular occasion... 915 01:04:31,506 --> 01:04:35,042 I shan't be able to help you in person... 916 01:04:35,142 --> 01:04:36,778 as I'm not allowed in... 917 01:04:37,311 --> 01:04:39,413 due to a thin-skinned proprietor... 918 01:04:39,514 --> 01:04:43,585 and an overreaction to a simple statement of fact. 919 01:04:43,685 --> 01:04:46,053 Okay, I'll get this one then. 920 01:04:46,153 --> 01:04:48,690 All right! And while you are out... 921 01:04:48,790 --> 01:04:50,625 shall I rustle us up something... 922 01:04:50,725 --> 01:04:52,426 little omelet? 923 01:04:54,094 --> 01:04:56,964 You're going to make me an omelet? 924 01:04:57,064 --> 01:04:59,366 Yeah. Don't sound so surprised. 925 01:04:59,466 --> 01:05:00,769 All right then, I'll have a cheese omelet. 926 01:05:00,869 --> 01:05:02,269 Yeah. Cheese omelet. 927 01:05:03,705 --> 01:05:05,172 That's an omelet with cheese. 928 01:05:05,774 --> 01:05:07,742 Yeah. 929 01:05:07,842 --> 01:05:11,945 Actually, how do you introduce the cheese into the omelet? 930 01:05:13,113 --> 01:05:15,382 I'm just going to pick something up for us. Yeah? 931 01:05:15,949 --> 01:05:17,918 Excellent team work. 932 01:05:42,744 --> 01:05:45,713 -Hello. -Coming. Coming! 933 01:05:48,817 --> 01:05:54,254 I thought you might enjoy this as a kind of inspiration piece. 934 01:05:55,222 --> 01:05:58,258 -Is that Sallie's? -Yes. 935 01:05:58,358 --> 01:06:01,663 I keep it in her old room to ward off future visits. 936 01:06:01,763 --> 01:06:06,634 It's affixed to the wall along with garlic and a wooden cross. 937 01:06:06,734 --> 01:06:09,704 What's crazy is she's actually improved since art school. 938 01:06:11,171 --> 01:06:14,107 Well, that's another first. 939 01:06:14,208 --> 01:06:17,478 An instance of where a child of mine... 940 01:06:17,579 --> 01:06:20,147 has actually inspired me. 941 01:06:21,583 --> 01:06:25,385 Right. And this shall be your metric. 942 01:06:25,486 --> 01:06:26,955 Can you top it? 943 01:06:27,054 --> 01:06:29,757 By which of course, I mean, can you go under it? 944 01:06:29,858 --> 01:06:32,927 This is fun! Assisting. 945 01:06:33,026 --> 01:06:36,531 This is delicious, Lori. Mm! 946 01:06:40,869 --> 01:06:42,770 Consider me poor but happy. 947 01:06:42,871 --> 01:06:43,705 Okay. 948 01:06:44,906 --> 01:06:46,173 I'm going to start. 949 01:06:50,177 --> 01:06:51,613 This was to be his. 950 01:06:54,081 --> 01:06:57,351 Well, they were all to be his, as a matter of fact. 951 01:06:58,185 --> 01:07:00,287 His? Christopher's? 952 01:07:01,421 --> 01:07:04,692 Oh, was I blustering fool. 953 01:07:06,226 --> 01:07:08,362 Messages on the answering machine. 954 01:07:08,997 --> 01:07:11,298 Gifts, gifts, gifts. 955 01:07:12,399 --> 01:07:14,702 "Let me paint you one more time, Topher... 956 01:07:14,802 --> 01:07:16,804 "and all this should be yours." 957 01:07:16,905 --> 01:07:19,039 Nothing. 958 01:07:22,109 --> 01:07:25,279 Actually, let's start with a different one. 959 01:07:25,980 --> 01:07:28,816 I made him. I literally created him. 960 01:07:30,484 --> 01:07:32,620 He was the boy who did my stretchers. 961 01:07:33,387 --> 01:07:35,255 I gave him his life, his fame. 962 01:07:35,355 --> 01:07:36,758 Everyone knew who Christopher was. 963 01:07:36,858 --> 01:07:39,426 He was invited everywhere. And then one day... 964 01:07:46,233 --> 01:07:47,802 He never came back. 965 01:07:50,404 --> 01:07:53,641 I actually did want him to have them even after all of the mess. 966 01:07:53,741 --> 01:07:57,110 I should have liked to have lasted in his mind. 967 01:07:57,210 --> 01:07:59,514 You see, that's the thing, isn't it? 968 01:08:00,848 --> 01:08:03,651 To last in the mind of others. 969 01:08:12,225 --> 01:08:13,528 First instincts, Lori! 970 01:08:15,329 --> 01:08:18,098 I never joined the Royal Academy, you know. 971 01:08:18,533 --> 01:08:22,402 Oh, the R.A. I refused to play that game. 972 01:08:22,837 --> 01:08:24,606 The others were rabid about it. 973 01:08:24,706 --> 01:08:26,808 Every last one of them more competitive than the next. 974 01:08:26,908 --> 01:08:31,679 But not me, Lori. I was the least competitive of them all by far. 975 01:08:31,779 --> 01:08:33,413 Why are you staring at me? 976 01:08:33,514 --> 01:08:35,783 I don't think you want to do this. 977 01:08:38,519 --> 01:08:41,723 I am ordering you, Lori Butler... 978 01:08:41,823 --> 01:08:44,892 to desecrate that painting with that brush. 979 01:08:44,993 --> 01:08:48,663 Well, as my assistant, you don't get to call the shots. 980 01:08:48,763 --> 01:08:52,533 Oh, very well then. I resign as your assistant! 981 01:08:52,634 --> 01:08:54,936 Okay, okay, okay. You win, you win, you win. 982 01:08:55,036 --> 01:08:57,005 Look, I will do it. I'll do it. 983 01:08:57,437 --> 01:08:59,206 But let's pick a different one. 984 01:08:59,306 --> 01:09:01,408 That's right, pick a different one. 985 01:09:44,184 --> 01:09:47,522 It's already dreadful. 986 01:09:48,089 --> 01:09:52,694 Oh, well this is monumentally hideous... 987 01:09:52,794 --> 01:09:53,761 so... 988 01:09:55,228 --> 01:09:56,363 Glue. 989 01:09:57,632 --> 01:09:58,700 Yes. 990 01:10:04,505 --> 01:10:06,406 This glue and then feathers. 991 01:10:07,875 --> 01:10:12,747 No, no. We'll have the glitter first, and then feathers. 992 01:10:14,916 --> 01:10:16,283 And that. 993 01:10:17,417 --> 01:10:18,920 Oh take that! 994 01:10:20,088 --> 01:10:22,190 Feathers. 995 01:10:31,733 --> 01:10:36,838 You would think at 85 I would know you can't throw feathers. 996 01:10:37,572 --> 01:10:39,140 Have you called my children? 997 01:10:39,239 --> 01:10:40,942 Not yet. 998 01:10:41,042 --> 01:10:42,110 Oh, well you must, you must... 999 01:10:42,210 --> 01:10:46,914 because these Christopher Threes will hang in the pantheon... 1000 01:10:47,014 --> 01:10:50,651 of the worst art of all time... 1001 01:10:51,052 --> 01:10:53,554 along with Dogs Playing Poker... 1002 01:10:53,654 --> 01:10:56,389 Velvet Elvis, and all of Warhol. 1003 01:10:57,859 --> 01:11:01,261 Yes, yes. I'll have masking tape. 1004 01:11:12,607 --> 01:11:15,243 You see there should be a through line of awfulness. 1005 01:11:15,342 --> 01:11:17,512 Each one worse than the rest. 1006 01:11:18,146 --> 01:11:19,514 As if the... 1007 01:11:22,382 --> 01:11:26,654 As if the destruct was the construct. 1008 01:11:55,883 --> 01:11:59,319 I can't, oh, no, no, no. 1009 01:12:05,726 --> 01:12:06,794 Lori... 1010 01:12:08,495 --> 01:12:10,064 Something's happened. 1011 01:12:11,132 --> 01:12:12,667 Are you okay? 1012 01:12:14,202 --> 01:12:17,038 I'm struggling. I'm struggling to make the strokes run. 1013 01:12:19,740 --> 01:12:23,978 It's physically impossible to make it bad. 1014 01:12:27,982 --> 01:12:28,950 Look. 1015 01:12:41,128 --> 01:12:42,630 Yeah, you're right. 1016 01:12:44,665 --> 01:12:47,668 It is not uninteresting. 1017 01:12:48,769 --> 01:12:49,704 Wow. 1018 01:12:52,039 --> 01:12:53,541 So what do I do? 1019 01:12:56,376 --> 01:12:59,547 -Maybe keep going. -Hmm. 1020 01:13:01,616 --> 01:13:03,551 For who though? 1021 01:13:04,118 --> 01:13:07,355 Well, you seem like you were having a good time. 1022 01:13:07,454 --> 01:13:10,124 So why not just keep having a good time? 1023 01:13:10,224 --> 01:13:12,226 Because why? 1024 01:13:12,326 --> 01:13:16,697 Because it is fun for you, isn't it? 1025 01:13:18,431 --> 01:13:21,068 Because I'm fun for you? 1026 01:13:21,168 --> 01:13:22,069 Julian. 1027 01:13:22,169 --> 01:13:24,972 So here I am. Yes, I am the entertainment again. 1028 01:13:25,072 --> 01:13:27,708 This is what you wanted all along, isn't it? 1029 01:13:29,577 --> 01:13:31,078 To wind up the old fool... 1030 01:13:31,178 --> 01:13:34,315 and have him clutter about and bang his cymbals. 1031 01:13:34,414 --> 01:13:36,416 Oh, is it interesting being Jane Goodall... 1032 01:13:36,517 --> 01:13:40,888 to the old dancing monkey in his natural habitat? 1033 01:13:40,988 --> 01:13:44,525 And how am I faring as the anecdote you'll tell all your... 1034 01:13:44,625 --> 01:13:46,794 laughing friends about later. 1035 01:13:47,995 --> 01:13:52,333 This isn't what I meant when I talked about living... 1036 01:13:52,432 --> 01:13:55,870 in the minds of others. 1037 01:13:57,371 --> 01:13:59,640 Julian, where is this coming from? 1038 01:13:59,740 --> 01:14:00,975 No. Well, where are you coming from? 1039 01:14:01,075 --> 01:14:05,746 "Oh, it's not uninteresting." And how would you know that? 1040 01:14:07,248 --> 01:14:11,752 To judge art, you must possess the various skills... 1041 01:14:11,852 --> 01:14:13,854 it takes to make said art. 1042 01:14:13,955 --> 01:14:15,790 And do you really think you possess those skills? 1043 01:14:16,824 --> 01:14:19,760 Well, I don't. And why not? 1044 01:14:21,128 --> 01:14:24,865 Because of three words: Untitled. Number. Seven. 1045 01:14:24,966 --> 01:14:29,502 I saw it on your website and I didn't need to see it... 1046 01:14:29,603 --> 01:14:30,938 because I'd already seen it. 1047 01:14:31,038 --> 01:14:34,308 And when I say I'd already seen it, and I might as well have... 1048 01:14:34,675 --> 01:14:38,679 because it rang with the familiarity... 1049 01:14:38,779 --> 01:14:42,984 of all those other foul, existential... 1050 01:14:44,518 --> 01:14:49,623 impressionistic landscapes by all the other wannabe artists. 1051 01:14:50,291 --> 01:14:51,759 I think... 1052 01:14:53,527 --> 01:14:55,596 I think maybe, Lori... 1053 01:14:56,530 --> 01:14:59,266 it was a healthy thing that you quit. 1054 01:15:26,394 --> 01:15:28,029 Christopher. 1055 01:16:48,742 --> 01:16:52,179 I will take 21,000. You can keep the 400... 1056 01:16:52,279 --> 01:16:55,616 but I get 50% of the final sale, including the down payment. 1057 01:16:56,917 --> 01:16:59,320 - 25%. - 50. 1058 01:17:00,555 --> 01:17:02,389 -30? -50. 1059 01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:05,159 -35? -50. 1060 01:17:09,663 --> 01:17:11,832 Good. I'll call you with a plan. 1061 01:17:42,496 --> 01:17:43,898 I was right. 1062 01:17:45,099 --> 01:17:49,203 You can't judge art by looking at it online. 1063 01:17:51,272 --> 01:17:52,973 This is good. 1064 01:17:55,376 --> 01:17:57,845 Untitled Number Seven. 1065 01:17:57,945 --> 01:18:00,314 You know, there's a power to it that I missed... 1066 01:18:01,482 --> 01:18:03,450 on your website. 1067 01:18:03,817 --> 01:18:05,920 So you came here to tell me you were right. 1068 01:18:07,688 --> 01:18:11,025 Yes. About many things. 1069 01:18:11,892 --> 01:18:15,129 Including having seen that before. 1070 01:18:16,096 --> 01:18:21,001 Which explains Lori, why I thought that I'd seen it before. 1071 01:18:22,736 --> 01:18:28,142 I got a hunch when I looked at you just as you were leaving... 1072 01:18:28,242 --> 01:18:30,911 and that I'd seen that specific look before... 1073 01:18:31,011 --> 01:18:33,013 on your specific face. 1074 01:18:33,682 --> 01:18:35,950 And then I remembered you. 1075 01:18:37,586 --> 01:18:39,119 Art Fight. 1076 01:18:39,486 --> 01:18:44,058 So I looked up season three, episode five... 1077 01:18:44,158 --> 01:18:45,926 and I was right. 1078 01:18:46,327 --> 01:18:47,461 You must have been what? 1079 01:18:47,995 --> 01:18:50,364 -21? -I was 19. 1080 01:18:50,464 --> 01:18:53,535 And the truth is, at the time... 1081 01:18:53,635 --> 01:18:57,137 I'd really only glanced at the painting. 1082 01:18:58,239 --> 01:19:01,342 I was merely thinking up my next joke... 1083 01:19:02,343 --> 01:19:05,379 while I was telling the last joke. 1084 01:19:09,618 --> 01:19:13,020 Did I cause you to quit? 1085 01:19:16,991 --> 01:19:18,627 I haven't quit. 1086 01:19:18,727 --> 01:19:20,261 I just quit showing. 1087 01:19:24,633 --> 01:19:26,967 I'm a broken man, Lori. 1088 01:19:33,173 --> 01:19:35,309 I believe I always have been. 1089 01:19:39,947 --> 01:19:43,117 And you know, it wasn't you that I was mad at earlier. 1090 01:19:43,217 --> 01:19:44,285 Yeah, I know. 1091 01:19:44,385 --> 01:19:45,352 It was... 1092 01:19:46,987 --> 01:19:50,190 What do you mean, "You know"? 1093 01:19:53,961 --> 01:19:55,095 Seriously? 1094 01:19:59,466 --> 01:20:01,435 Who am I kidding? 1095 01:20:03,705 --> 01:20:08,576 Oh the lies that I've been telling myself my whole life. 1096 01:20:12,813 --> 01:20:15,883 It's exhausting, and... 1097 01:20:18,919 --> 01:20:22,389 I didn't give Christopher his life. 1098 01:20:22,489 --> 01:20:24,258 I gave him mine. 1099 01:20:25,926 --> 01:20:27,828 I suspect I ruined his. 1100 01:20:27,928 --> 01:20:29,263 I know I ruined his. 1101 01:20:32,299 --> 01:20:34,268 When you think of me, Lori, I should like that... 1102 01:20:34,368 --> 01:20:38,172 you remember me as the person you thought I was... 1103 01:20:38,272 --> 01:20:40,174 who did that very first drawing... 1104 01:20:40,274 --> 01:20:42,843 who gave you the courage to start. 1105 01:20:44,579 --> 01:20:48,516 Not the man who you actually know me to be. 1106 01:20:48,616 --> 01:20:50,518 Why are you here, Julian? 1107 01:20:58,225 --> 01:21:00,327 Because I want to have an exhibition. 1108 01:21:03,364 --> 01:21:07,968 And if I do actually get a show, and... 1109 01:21:10,938 --> 01:21:13,407 Perhaps it could be called... 1110 01:21:22,617 --> 01:21:24,118 "Julian Sklar..." 1111 01:21:25,352 --> 01:21:28,956 I can't tell whether this says "revived" or "reviled." 1112 01:21:29,390 --> 01:21:30,391 Exactly. 1113 01:21:32,192 --> 01:21:34,094 Is this a retrospective? 1114 01:21:35,462 --> 01:21:37,030 Oh no, they'd be new. 1115 01:21:38,432 --> 01:21:41,135 And people can judge them however they judge them. 1116 01:21:43,203 --> 01:21:47,341 And I would be grateful, Lori if you'd be so kind as to... 1117 01:21:49,009 --> 01:21:52,647 perhaps just be there while I try. 1118 01:21:57,384 --> 01:21:59,086 Yeah. Yes. 1119 01:22:00,154 --> 01:22:01,955 Yes, of course. 1120 01:22:02,055 --> 01:22:05,325 -Yes. -The crack of noon? 1121 01:22:06,795 --> 01:22:08,295 Precisely. 1122 01:22:08,730 --> 01:22:12,933 Oh, except, oh, I should, no... 1123 01:22:13,033 --> 01:22:16,704 I've got Esme and she is pretty insistent that... 1124 01:22:16,805 --> 01:22:18,573 I don't cancel last minute. 1125 01:22:18,673 --> 01:22:22,510 -We could do 2:00 PM? -What if we did Monday? 1126 01:22:22,943 --> 01:22:24,311 Julian. 1127 01:22:24,411 --> 01:22:28,015 I'd like, I think I should like actually... 1128 01:22:28,115 --> 01:22:31,084 to just dream about these actually... 1129 01:22:33,120 --> 01:22:34,488 for a week, tops. 1130 01:22:36,591 --> 01:22:38,358 Yeah, all right. Fine. 1131 01:22:38,459 --> 01:22:40,994 Yes. Yes. 1132 01:22:42,664 --> 01:22:43,631 Okay. 1133 01:22:48,101 --> 01:22:49,269 Thank you. 1134 01:22:50,538 --> 01:22:52,540 Yeah. Yeah. 1135 01:22:57,612 --> 01:22:59,213 This is where you leave. 1136 01:22:59,948 --> 01:23:01,649 Oh yes. Yes, of course. 1137 01:23:03,651 --> 01:23:05,385 Yes, yes. Goodbye. 1138 01:23:24,739 --> 01:23:26,039 Whose is this? 1139 01:23:26,139 --> 01:23:27,742 It's mine, sir. 1140 01:23:27,842 --> 01:23:29,409 It's absolute shit. 1141 01:24:10,083 --> 01:24:11,285 Julian? 1142 01:24:29,604 --> 01:24:30,772 Thank you very much. 1143 01:24:30,872 --> 01:24:32,239 Thank you very much indeed. 1144 01:24:33,173 --> 01:24:35,475 Welcome back to Art Fight. 1145 01:24:35,577 --> 01:24:38,846 The show where everyone's a critic, particularly Julian. 1146 01:24:38,947 --> 01:24:40,080 We've got Lori Butler... 1147 01:24:40,180 --> 01:24:45,019 and she studies at Central Saint Martins, no less. 1148 01:24:45,118 --> 01:24:47,755 Another one. Lots of those. 1149 01:24:47,855 --> 01:24:49,456 And she is showing us today... 1150 01:24:49,557 --> 01:24:52,961 her painting Untitled Number Seven. 1151 01:24:53,061 --> 01:24:54,562 Julian, what do you think? 1152 01:24:57,565 --> 01:25:00,467 Untitled Number Seven? 1153 01:25:00,568 --> 01:25:02,904 Well, it's a fitting name given there are... 1154 01:25:03,004 --> 01:25:04,639 no actual words to describe... 1155 01:25:04,739 --> 01:25:07,508 what exactly it is I'm looking at. 1156 01:25:08,543 --> 01:25:11,144 And oh please. Oh God, don't tell me. 1157 01:25:11,244 --> 01:25:13,881 I'm going to have to look at the previous six... 1158 01:25:13,982 --> 01:25:16,584 in order to understand this one. 1159 01:25:18,318 --> 01:25:20,454 It's not a painting, Lori. 1160 01:25:20,555 --> 01:25:23,691 It's a cry for help from the paint itself. 1161 01:25:23,791 --> 01:25:26,728 "Why am I here?" it screams. 1162 01:25:26,828 --> 01:25:30,397 Perhaps there's a title, Lori, and perhaps it's simply... 1163 01:25:30,497 --> 01:25:34,334 The Reason My Therapist Chose Early Retirement... 1164 01:25:35,536 --> 01:25:36,571 Number Seven. 1165 01:26:54,247 --> 01:26:57,284 Hello, I'm calling for Owen Appleton, please. 1166 01:27:00,054 --> 01:27:01,354 Personal. 1167 01:27:03,758 --> 01:27:04,659 Okay. 1168 01:27:04,759 --> 01:27:07,128 Can you please tell him that I have something... 1169 01:27:07,260 --> 01:27:08,696 he may be very interested in? 1170 01:27:10,031 --> 01:27:11,431 Thank you. 1171 01:28:01,516 --> 01:28:05,620 Hi, I'm looking for Mr. Appleton. 1172 01:28:07,487 --> 01:28:09,857 I'm Owen. How can I help you? 1173 01:28:12,960 --> 01:28:14,729 I'm Lori Butler. 1174 01:28:20,101 --> 01:28:20,802 I told you on the telephone... 1175 01:28:20,902 --> 01:28:22,837 I don't want to talk about any of that. 1176 01:28:24,739 --> 01:28:28,576 I understand that and I respect that. 1177 01:28:28,976 --> 01:28:31,879 But I wouldn't have come all the way here if there... 1178 01:28:31,979 --> 01:28:32,713 weren't some things that... 1179 01:28:32,814 --> 01:28:35,283 I think you might want to hear me out on. 1180 01:28:47,261 --> 01:28:48,395 All right. 1181 01:28:51,232 --> 01:28:52,767 First, I have a question. 1182 01:28:53,734 --> 01:28:55,670 Why did he call you Christopher? 1183 01:29:07,281 --> 01:29:09,250 These are technically ours now. 1184 01:29:09,349 --> 01:29:11,052 Well, they're literally yours. 1185 01:29:12,086 --> 01:29:14,021 Everything in there, all yours. 1186 01:29:17,124 --> 01:29:22,096 Sort of weirdly feels like a Julian Sklar museum. 1187 01:29:23,764 --> 01:29:25,398 It's actually a good idea. 1188 01:29:29,871 --> 01:29:32,573 This whole floor could be the gift shop. 1189 01:29:45,452 --> 01:29:48,222 This stays exactly as it is. 1190 01:29:48,890 --> 01:29:52,492 Even this exactly as it is, you want to keep this? 1191 01:29:52,593 --> 01:29:54,061 Yeah, just keep this here? 1192 01:29:54,161 --> 01:29:57,531 Just maybe that could be the poster for the museum. 1193 01:29:57,932 --> 01:30:00,067 Blow it up on the side of the... No? 1194 01:30:12,680 --> 01:30:14,815 It's the bathroom at the back. 1195 01:30:23,391 --> 01:30:25,026 -Holy shit. -Oh my God. 1196 01:30:26,227 --> 01:30:27,460 Did you do these? 1197 01:30:27,561 --> 01:30:28,796 -Barney. -Tell me. Tell me now. 1198 01:30:28,896 --> 01:30:31,332 Honestly, Lori, if you did these, we will fucking fry you. 1199 01:30:31,431 --> 01:30:33,301 Barnaby, does it even matter? 1200 01:30:33,401 --> 01:30:34,402 Of course it matters. 1201 01:30:34,501 --> 01:30:36,737 If she did them, they're worth fuck all again. 1202 01:30:36,837 --> 01:30:41,642 And if I didn't, what would they be worth then? 1203 01:30:54,255 --> 01:30:58,092 "Schedule C1, I, Julian Sklar hereby confirm... 1204 01:30:58,192 --> 01:31:00,962 "that the eight artworks identified below... 1205 01:31:01,062 --> 01:31:02,129 "herein referred to... 1206 01:31:02,229 --> 01:31:04,899 "as the Christopher Series Three consisting of acrylic... 1207 01:31:04,999 --> 01:31:08,903 "watercolor, glitter, feathers, axle grease, masking tape... 1208 01:31:10,237 --> 01:31:14,942 "are all authentic artworks that I have created and gifted to... 1209 01:31:16,711 --> 01:31:19,847 "recipient, Owen Christopher Appleton." 1210 01:31:22,083 --> 01:31:25,219 Christopher was his middle name. Hmm. 1211 01:31:25,686 --> 01:31:28,556 Julian told him that Owen sounded like... 1212 01:31:28,656 --> 01:31:31,025 the pained bleat of a mooing cow. 1213 01:31:34,996 --> 01:31:36,931 You forged this, haven't you? 1214 01:31:37,665 --> 01:31:38,866 Why would I do that? 1215 01:31:38,966 --> 01:31:41,369 Well, let's think, you know, to maybe, I don't know... 1216 01:31:41,469 --> 01:31:43,704 stop us from having them. 1217 01:31:43,804 --> 01:31:45,906 Plus you called me before dad died... 1218 01:31:46,007 --> 01:31:47,842 and said that you would forge the eight Christophers... 1219 01:31:47,942 --> 01:31:50,244 as long as we shared 50% of the profits with you. 1220 01:31:52,646 --> 01:31:55,316 Okay, sorry. Let me just get this straight. 1221 01:31:55,416 --> 01:32:01,455 You are accusing me of forging a legal note from him... 1222 01:32:02,023 --> 01:32:06,560 which would give me 50% of nothing. 1223 01:32:08,896 --> 01:32:11,832 Now why on earth would I do that? 1224 01:33:37,952 --> 01:33:40,955 -Lori. -Hi, Sallie. Barney. 1225 01:33:41,489 --> 01:33:44,559 -Fine. You won. -Congratulations. 1226 01:33:44,658 --> 01:33:47,562 Dad is famous again. Yay. 1227 01:33:47,661 --> 01:33:49,263 But, look, you've got to tell us. 1228 01:33:49,997 --> 01:33:52,333 Who painted them? Really? 1229 01:33:52,433 --> 01:33:54,001 The truth. 1230 01:33:54,435 --> 01:33:57,071 Really? Does it even matter? 1231 01:34:47,788 --> 01:34:48,989 It's good. 1232 01:34:49,957 --> 01:34:51,825 Really captures his essence. 1233 01:34:53,528 --> 01:34:54,629 -Esme? -Hmm. 1234 01:34:54,728 --> 01:34:56,363 Hi. 1235 01:34:56,463 --> 01:34:57,865 I tried to get this to you at the memorial... 1236 01:34:57,965 --> 01:34:59,200 but you left so quickly. 1237 01:35:00,635 --> 01:35:01,835 When I found him, I also found this. 1238 01:35:01,936 --> 01:35:02,803 It belongs to you. 1239 01:35:02,903 --> 01:35:05,372 -No, no, this isn't mine. -It is. 1240 01:35:06,073 --> 01:35:09,143 I took it because I didn't want you know who to see it. 1241 01:35:11,178 --> 01:35:13,447 Okay, thank you. 1242 01:35:14,715 --> 01:35:15,950 Good luck, Lori. 1243 01:35:16,651 --> 01:35:17,818 Thank you.