1 00:00:13,627 --> 00:00:16,824 It's something a Kentucky farmer says she's never seen before... 2 00:00:16,863 --> 00:00:19,855 a hen taking newborn puppies under her wing. 3 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:23,461 So guess who canceled lunch with me again? 4 00:00:23,503 --> 00:00:25,562 - Susie Greene. - Really? 5 00:00:25,605 --> 00:00:29,735 Yeah, and this time the excuse was she had to go to the dentist. 6 00:00:29,776 --> 00:00:32,244 - Maybe she had to go to the dentist. - Okay, that's bullshit. 7 00:00:32,279 --> 00:00:36,079 That's the adult equivalent of "The dog ate my homework." 8 00:00:36,116 --> 00:00:38,949 I'm not making anymore dates with her. She's done it to me before. 9 00:00:38,985 --> 00:00:41,510 If she doesn't want to go to lunch, why doesn't she say, 10 00:00:41,555 --> 00:00:44,251 "You know what? I'd rather not go to lunch with you"? 11 00:00:44,291 --> 00:00:46,657 Maybe she was telling the truth. 12 00:00:46,693 --> 00:00:50,185 I don't think so. 13 00:00:50,230 --> 00:00:52,721 Listen, are you going to your office tomorrow? 14 00:00:52,766 --> 00:00:54,529 Can you do me a favor? 15 00:00:54,568 --> 00:00:56,126 Maybe. 16 00:00:56,169 --> 00:00:58,729 - Can't you just say yes? - No. 17 00:00:58,772 --> 00:01:00,797 What kind of favor am I gonna ask you wouldn't say yes to? 18 00:01:00,841 --> 00:01:04,607 - What do you want? - I saw the osteopath about my cough 19 00:01:04,644 --> 00:01:07,807 and he told me I should get some colon cleanse. 20 00:01:07,848 --> 00:01:10,373 It's actually called "colon cleanse." 21 00:01:10,417 --> 00:01:14,444 It helps the whole system. He said it will flush... 22 00:01:14,488 --> 00:01:18,083 What does that have to do with a cough? I don't understand that. 23 00:01:18,125 --> 00:01:21,822 He says it'll knock it out like that. 24 00:01:21,862 --> 00:01:23,625 So please will you do that for me? 25 00:01:23,663 --> 00:01:25,130 All right. 26 00:01:25,165 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaking of good eating, here's Andy Portico 27 00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:29,562 with this week's restaurant review. Andy? 28 00:01:29,603 --> 00:01:32,197 Oh, Andy Portico's reviewing a new restaurant. 29 00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:34,503 Today I'll be talking about "Stuffing Your Face" again. 30 00:01:34,541 --> 00:01:36,509 I don't think I've eaten as badly since I was in the army. 31 00:01:36,543 --> 00:01:38,602 - At least then I had my youth. - Asshole. 32 00:01:38,645 --> 00:01:40,840 These people could've learned something from Army food. 33 00:01:40,881 --> 00:01:44,112 - Oh my God. This guy is so brutal. - I'd rather eat C-rations... 34 00:01:44,151 --> 00:01:45,982 than the swill they serve in this place. 35 00:01:46,019 --> 00:01:49,750 It's a criminal enterprise, not a restaurant, and these people... 36 00:01:49,790 --> 00:01:53,157 - This place is gonna close in two days. - All because of this. 37 00:01:53,193 --> 00:01:54,854 He's coming to the opening next week. 38 00:01:54,895 --> 00:01:56,522 - Really? - Yeah. 39 00:01:56,563 --> 00:01:59,293 - But you repaired... - All the digging, yeah. Shh, quiet. 40 00:01:59,332 --> 00:02:01,300 I'm gonna have to give it 41 00:02:01,334 --> 00:02:03,632 a big two thumbs down. 42 00:02:03,670 --> 00:02:07,106 - What a surprise! - I'm Andy Portico, thanks for watching. 43 00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:08,767 - Isn't that clever? - Yeah. 44 00:02:08,809 --> 00:02:10,970 The thumbs down. 45 00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:13,206 It's real original, the thumbs down. 46 00:02:15,081 --> 00:02:16,844 It's really awful that this guy's... 47 00:02:16,883 --> 00:02:19,511 he's controlling the fate of our restaurant practically. 48 00:02:19,553 --> 00:02:21,783 I know, it's so subjective, isn't it? 49 00:02:21,822 --> 00:02:23,847 - It's terrible. - How does he decide? 50 00:02:23,890 --> 00:02:26,120 Guy couldn't get dates. 51 00:02:26,159 --> 00:02:29,492 He takes it out on the rest of the world. 52 00:02:29,529 --> 00:02:31,656 I couldn't get dates. You don't see me taking it out on anybody. 53 00:02:31,698 --> 00:02:33,359 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 54 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,459 I don't know about that. 55 00:02:35,502 --> 00:02:37,163 But don't you know somebody who knows him, 56 00:02:37,204 --> 00:02:39,229 could put in a good word? 57 00:02:39,272 --> 00:02:41,706 Jeff's daughter goes to the same school as his son. 58 00:02:41,741 --> 00:02:43,800 That's a start, right? 59 00:02:43,844 --> 00:02:45,004 Jeff's not gonna say anything. 60 00:02:48,648 --> 00:02:50,513 Good night. 61 00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:53,110 What the hell are you kissing me good night for with that cough? 62 00:02:53,153 --> 00:02:55,314 Can you get the lights, please? 63 00:02:57,624 --> 00:02:59,353 You know how bookstores make you feel stupid? 64 00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:02,657 Health food stores make me feel unhealthy. 65 00:03:03,964 --> 00:03:06,489 What's this bullshit, Susie making up this story 66 00:03:06,533 --> 00:03:08,467 about going to the dentist? 67 00:03:08,502 --> 00:03:10,732 She had a dentist appointment. 68 00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:13,705 - Cheryl doesn't believe a word of it. - I was with her. 69 00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:15,435 She keeps breaking appointments with Cheryl. 70 00:03:15,475 --> 00:03:18,000 I was with her. What do you want? 71 00:03:18,044 --> 00:03:20,604 - I can't find this colon cleanser. - Ask somebody. 72 00:03:20,647 --> 00:03:23,810 - We've been up and down 10 times. - Ask somebody, that's why. 73 00:03:23,850 --> 00:03:26,011 - Excuse me. - Yeah? 74 00:03:26,052 --> 00:03:27,952 I'm looking for a colon cleanser. 75 00:03:27,988 --> 00:03:30,582 Adam, where's the colon cleanse? 76 00:03:30,624 --> 00:03:32,717 - The what? - The colon cleanse. 77 00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:36,456 Colon cleanse is aisle G, right behind you. 78 00:03:36,496 --> 00:03:39,590 Okay. It's around the corner, right there. 79 00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:42,067 It's for my wife. It's for my wife. 80 00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:54,277 - Who's that guy? - I don't know. 81 00:03:54,314 --> 00:03:56,509 Boy, does he look familiar. 82 00:03:58,118 --> 00:04:00,951 Does he not look familiar to you? 83 00:04:00,987 --> 00:04:03,649 Who is that? I know that... 84 00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:08,985 - That's our chef. - Our chef's bald. 85 00:04:09,996 --> 00:04:12,089 That's the chef. 86 00:04:15,268 --> 00:04:17,133 Hey! 87 00:04:19,139 --> 00:04:21,107 Hey, Larry. 88 00:04:21,141 --> 00:04:24,372 - Phil, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 89 00:04:26,646 --> 00:04:28,671 What's with the...? 90 00:04:30,483 --> 00:04:32,508 - I thought you said you didn't want... - Well, yeah, I did. 91 00:04:32,552 --> 00:04:34,884 - Came into the interview? - Yes. 92 00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:38,288 I just assumed... and I was right... 93 00:04:38,325 --> 00:04:40,293 that you were one of those people 94 00:04:40,327 --> 00:04:42,557 who find that men who enhance their appearance 95 00:04:42,596 --> 00:04:46,123 are wrong and stupid so I took my toupee off. 96 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:49,067 You came in bald just to get the job? 97 00:04:51,037 --> 00:04:53,403 I'm sorry I deceived you. 98 00:04:54,841 --> 00:04:57,002 I hope this doesn't, you know, affect, you know... 99 00:04:57,043 --> 00:04:59,136 Well, I'm sorry, but it will. 100 00:04:59,179 --> 00:05:01,647 You got hired under false pretenses. 101 00:05:01,681 --> 00:05:03,649 But it had nothing to do with my food. 102 00:05:03,683 --> 00:05:06,243 - I know, but I don't trust you. - What are you talking about? 103 00:05:06,286 --> 00:05:08,447 No, I'm sorry. 104 00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:11,218 You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Let's go. 105 00:05:16,429 --> 00:05:19,193 I mean, what was he thinking? 106 00:05:19,232 --> 00:05:20,859 For the next five years was he gonna come in 107 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,868 every day and leave the toupee at home? 108 00:05:22,902 --> 00:05:25,268 Yeah, right. Or just wear it on weekends? 109 00:05:25,305 --> 00:05:27,466 Live a double life. 110 00:05:27,507 --> 00:05:29,634 - Unbelievable. - He had no plan. 111 00:05:29,676 --> 00:05:32,702 He had a good plan. He knew how to get hired. 112 00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:35,078 Oh, like you wouldn't hire a fat guy, huh? 113 00:05:35,115 --> 00:05:37,276 You don't have a proclivity for fat people? 114 00:05:37,317 --> 00:05:39,945 I think you got a strong proclivity for fat people. 115 00:05:39,986 --> 00:05:42,250 If a fat guy came in, you wouldn't want to hire him? 116 00:05:42,288 --> 00:05:44,722 You would've been all over that fat guy. 117 00:05:44,758 --> 00:05:46,658 You would've loved that fat guy, don't tell me. 118 00:05:46,693 --> 00:05:49,059 All things being equal, I'd hire the fat guy. 119 00:05:49,095 --> 00:05:51,222 That's right. By the way, it's not like I don't hire 120 00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:53,129 other people who aren't bald, okay? 121 00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:56,192 I don't have a bald manager. I don't have a bald lawyer. 122 00:05:56,236 --> 00:05:58,067 You have a bald accountant, 123 00:05:58,104 --> 00:06:01,767 a bald urologist, a bald travel agent. 124 00:06:01,808 --> 00:06:05,039 You have far more bald professionals than the average person. 125 00:06:05,078 --> 00:06:08,411 - Okay, so I do, so what? - I just want you to notice. 126 00:06:08,448 --> 00:06:10,507 Okay, I notice. It's duly noted. 127 00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:12,415 I knew you'd say "duly noted," too. 128 00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:14,079 - Oh, did you? You're so smart. - I knew. 129 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,088 You know everything I say before I say it? 130 00:06:16,122 --> 00:06:18,590 - Before you say it. - What a genius you are. 131 00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:21,025 - "What a genius you are." - You knew I was gonna say that, too? 132 00:06:21,061 --> 00:06:23,052 I knew you were gonna say that. 133 00:06:23,096 --> 00:06:27,829 Aw, Jeez. Listen, I got to go... 134 00:06:27,867 --> 00:06:29,926 We are in so much trouble here, oh my God. 135 00:06:29,969 --> 00:06:31,698 I got to tell these investors now... 136 00:06:31,738 --> 00:06:35,174 what just happened, we have no chef. This just stinks. 137 00:06:35,208 --> 00:06:38,041 Yeah, wow, you got to tell them. I'll be there with you, 138 00:06:38,078 --> 00:06:40,376 but you got to tell them. We open in four days, 139 00:06:40,413 --> 00:06:42,506 no chef, and you're gonna tell them 140 00:06:42,549 --> 00:06:44,710 you just fired our chef because he wears a toupee. 141 00:06:44,751 --> 00:06:46,275 Listen, I got to go to Sammy's school, 142 00:06:46,319 --> 00:06:48,446 drop off her lunch, and then I'll take you to your office. 143 00:06:56,863 --> 00:06:58,956 I don't understand. Your daughter goes here? I see older kids. 144 00:06:58,998 --> 00:07:01,364 It's K-12, the whole thing. 145 00:07:01,401 --> 00:07:04,837 Oh, oh dear, aw, look at that. 146 00:07:04,871 --> 00:07:07,431 Poor kid lost his hair, he's getting chemo. 147 00:07:07,474 --> 00:07:09,567 No, he's not going through chemotherapy. 148 00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:12,544 Another kid in class is, and a lot of the boys 149 00:07:12,579 --> 00:07:15,446 in the senior class as a show of solidarity shaved their heads. 150 00:07:15,482 --> 00:07:17,507 - Really? - Yeah. 151 00:07:20,754 --> 00:07:23,917 That's really something. You know what? 152 00:07:23,957 --> 00:07:26,323 Maybe one day I'll get a chance 153 00:07:26,359 --> 00:07:28,384 to do something good for somebody like that. 154 00:07:28,428 --> 00:07:30,396 That's really touching. 155 00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:32,728 You've already got kind of a head start, actually. 156 00:07:35,869 --> 00:07:37,860 Funny. 157 00:07:39,906 --> 00:07:41,897 What's all this? 158 00:07:41,941 --> 00:07:44,501 The parents and the kids, they play dodge ball. 159 00:07:44,544 --> 00:07:47,069 - Oh, yeah? Wow. - Yeah. 160 00:07:47,113 --> 00:07:50,412 - You know? - Huh. 161 00:07:50,450 --> 00:07:52,042 - Hey, is that...? - Andy Portico. 162 00:07:52,085 --> 00:07:54,212 - That's Portico? - Come on! 163 00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:57,655 Boy, is he into it. Have you ever talked to him about the restaurant? 164 00:07:57,690 --> 00:07:59,555 I wouldn't dare. 165 00:08:01,294 --> 00:08:03,262 I used to love playing dodge ball. You like dodge ball? 166 00:08:03,296 --> 00:08:05,662 - Oh, yeah. - Why don't you get in the game? 167 00:08:05,698 --> 00:08:07,996 Aw, they got a whole thing going here. 168 00:08:08,034 --> 00:08:10,468 - They can add... it's a fun game. - I'm not gonna ask them. 169 00:08:10,503 --> 00:08:13,666 Come on. Sandra? Can my friend play? 170 00:08:13,706 --> 00:08:15,401 Sure! 171 00:08:15,441 --> 00:08:18,035 Go ahead. I'm gonna go take the lunchbox to Sammy. 172 00:08:18,077 --> 00:08:19,874 - I'll see you in a few. - I'm gonna play some dodge ball. 173 00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:22,438 Have a good time. 174 00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:24,746 Okay, let's get going here. 175 00:08:24,784 --> 00:08:28,117 All right, Larry David. I'm coming to your restaurant next week. 176 00:08:28,154 --> 00:08:30,714 - Oh, okay. - I'm gonna review it. 177 00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:39,692 Come on, Larry, ha, ha, ha, ha. 178 00:08:44,537 --> 00:08:47,199 Aw-ww! 179 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,135 You're out! 180 00:08:55,915 --> 00:08:57,849 - All right, you're out. - It hit the ground. 181 00:08:57,884 --> 00:08:59,852 - Bullshit! - Hit the ground! 182 00:08:59,886 --> 00:09:01,615 - Get out of there! - Hit the ground, Portico. 183 00:09:01,654 --> 00:09:04,122 You're out! 184 00:09:09,963 --> 00:09:12,056 Ow, fuck! 185 00:09:12,098 --> 00:09:14,589 What have you done? 186 00:09:16,970 --> 00:09:18,801 What the fuck? 187 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,209 Sorry. 188 00:09:24,444 --> 00:09:27,277 How could this possibly happen? 189 00:09:27,313 --> 00:09:28,940 What were you doing playing dodge ball with Andy Portico? 190 00:09:28,982 --> 00:09:32,884 Adults were playing, okay? It was a parents/kids game. 191 00:09:32,919 --> 00:09:36,116 W-what are you swinging so hard for? You're injuring him. 192 00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:38,248 - What are you doing? - I got involved in the game. 193 00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:40,384 He was acting like a bit of an asshole, too, by the way. 194 00:09:40,426 --> 00:09:43,327 - It wasn't all my fault. - What about the cook? 195 00:09:43,363 --> 00:09:46,355 We open in three days, we don't have a chef. 196 00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:48,060 Well, the guy was full of shit. 197 00:09:48,101 --> 00:09:50,535 He tried to pass himself off as bald and he wasn't bald. 198 00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:52,333 - What do you want me to do? - So big deal. 199 00:09:52,372 --> 00:09:54,499 He wears a toupee when he's not here. Who cares? 200 00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,735 He's liar. The guy's a bald-faced... 201 00:09:56,776 --> 00:09:59,506 literally... a bald-faced liar. 202 00:09:59,545 --> 00:10:03,845 We've got more problems than that. We have lost investors. 203 00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:06,351 - Ted's gone. - Ted Danson is gone. 204 00:10:06,386 --> 00:10:08,854 But I made up that money, so what...? 205 00:10:08,888 --> 00:10:11,288 We are trying to open a restaurant. 206 00:10:11,324 --> 00:10:15,761 You've got to pull us out of this mire that we are wallowing in. 207 00:10:15,795 --> 00:10:18,229 What about the muck, are we in any muck? 208 00:10:18,264 --> 00:10:21,097 We are in a big muck. We don't have a chef. 209 00:10:21,134 --> 00:10:23,068 If we're in mire, I would assume that we're also in muck. 210 00:10:23,102 --> 00:10:26,868 Usually one is in muck and mire. He said I was in a mire. 211 00:10:26,906 --> 00:10:29,932 I was trying to ascertain whether or not muck was involved as well. 212 00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:31,807 - You were trying to ascertain? - Yes. 213 00:10:31,844 --> 00:10:35,940 - Let's not change the subject because... - "Ascertain." 214 00:10:35,982 --> 00:10:37,347 You know, all of this is moot 215 00:10:37,383 --> 00:10:39,317 because after what he did to Portico 216 00:10:39,352 --> 00:10:41,843 he's gonna slaughter us, okay? 217 00:10:41,888 --> 00:10:44,254 He's gonna put his thumbs through the table. 218 00:10:44,290 --> 00:10:46,520 Apologize to Portico. 219 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:48,993 I'll apologize. It's not gonna... 220 00:10:49,028 --> 00:10:50,996 Apologize to Portico, that's it. 221 00:10:51,030 --> 00:10:52,998 What's the big deal, Larry? 222 00:10:53,032 --> 00:10:55,000 "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 223 00:10:55,034 --> 00:10:57,059 All right, I'll go apologize. 224 00:10:57,103 --> 00:10:59,367 Let's talk about a new chef. Everybody's got... 225 00:10:59,405 --> 00:11:01,805 You know, Ted knew another guy... never mind. 226 00:11:11,317 --> 00:11:13,478 - Oh, Larry. - Andy. 227 00:11:13,519 --> 00:11:15,749 Yeah, you know, I'd get up and shake your hand 228 00:11:15,788 --> 00:11:19,224 except I don't really have any hands to shake, you know? 229 00:11:19,258 --> 00:11:21,226 Oh my gosh. 230 00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:23,353 This is what happens when you break your thumbs. 231 00:11:23,396 --> 00:11:25,864 Oh, God Almighty. 232 00:11:25,898 --> 00:11:28,628 - Like a fucking Muppet. - I'm so sorry, Andy. 233 00:11:28,668 --> 00:11:31,000 I'm sorry, too. 234 00:11:31,037 --> 00:11:33,028 We were playing a game and we were into it... 235 00:11:33,072 --> 00:11:36,803 And you threw the thing like it was a fucking hydrogen bomb. 236 00:11:36,843 --> 00:11:39,539 I just... I hadn't played in a long time and I was having fun and... 237 00:11:39,579 --> 00:11:44,414 Well, I won't be able to review the restaurant, of course. 238 00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:46,543 Why not? 239 00:11:46,586 --> 00:11:48,554 Because I can't do "thumbs up, thumbs down." 240 00:11:48,588 --> 00:11:50,556 That's my whole gimmick. 241 00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:53,115 I can't do the show for two months, what am I gonna do? 242 00:11:53,159 --> 00:11:56,128 - I can't do this... - Because you can't... 243 00:11:56,162 --> 00:11:58,130 I can't do my shtick. 244 00:11:58,164 --> 00:12:02,794 - Oh, what a shame. - Yeah, well. 245 00:12:02,835 --> 00:12:05,395 - You can't do... - "Thumbs up, thumbs down." 246 00:12:05,438 --> 00:12:07,099 - You can't go like this? - I can't go like this. 247 00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,903 From a stupid dodge ball game? 248 00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:11,637 From a stupid dodge ball game. 249 00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:13,474 Well, in any event, it's a shame 250 00:12:13,513 --> 00:12:15,845 that you're gonna miss the opening of the restaurant. 251 00:12:15,882 --> 00:12:17,873 You're not gonna be able to review it. 252 00:12:17,917 --> 00:12:19,817 What am I talking about, opening? 253 00:12:19,852 --> 00:12:21,683 There's no opening anyway because we don't have a chef. 254 00:12:21,721 --> 00:12:24,189 - You lost your chef? - Lost the chef, yeah. 255 00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:26,885 Well, that's crucial. 256 00:12:26,926 --> 00:12:29,895 Yeah, I'd say. 257 00:12:31,764 --> 00:12:33,732 You know, as it happens, 258 00:12:33,766 --> 00:12:36,291 I know a great chef 259 00:12:36,335 --> 00:12:38,860 who just left Martine's. You know Martine's? 260 00:12:38,905 --> 00:12:40,896 Of course I know Martine's in New York. 261 00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:43,465 As a matter of fact, he's out here now. He's weighing offers. 262 00:12:43,509 --> 00:12:45,704 I got to get this guy's name. 263 00:12:45,745 --> 00:12:47,872 Guy Bernier is his name. 264 00:12:47,914 --> 00:12:49,939 - Guy Bernier? - Guy Bernier. 265 00:12:49,982 --> 00:12:52,473 I could put in a word for you. 266 00:12:52,518 --> 00:12:54,816 - Would you? - I have a lot credibility with him. 267 00:12:54,854 --> 00:12:57,618 This is... I don't even know what to say. 268 00:12:57,657 --> 00:13:01,218 Hey, look, I'm happy to do it. No hard feelings, honestly. 269 00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:03,820 It's like this could've happened to anyone. 270 00:13:03,863 --> 00:13:07,458 I brought you your lunch. Excuse me. 271 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:11,527 It's spaghetti with marinara sauce and some cheese. 272 00:13:11,571 --> 00:13:13,698 Okay, you fucking idiot, you fucking moron. 273 00:13:13,739 --> 00:13:16,970 How am I supposed to eat that? Suck it up my ass? 274 00:13:17,009 --> 00:13:18,874 Didn't I ask you to get me a protein shake 275 00:13:18,911 --> 00:13:21,277 or something I could eat, you know, like through a straw? 276 00:13:21,314 --> 00:13:24,442 I'm fucking hungry, so order me something. I don't care what it is. 277 00:13:24,484 --> 00:13:28,181 - Get me something I can fucking eat! - I'll order something else. 278 00:13:28,221 --> 00:13:31,486 - Jesus. It's not like... - Fucking idiot, you know? 279 00:13:31,524 --> 00:13:34,857 Hey, you know what? Don't worry about it, I'll help you out here. 280 00:13:34,894 --> 00:13:38,022 Let's make this happen. Okay? Come on. 281 00:13:38,064 --> 00:13:39,725 No, come on now, really, honestly. 282 00:13:39,765 --> 00:13:42,563 Listen, don't... Andy, will you stop it? 283 00:13:42,602 --> 00:13:45,127 - Please, now really. - No, no, you please. 284 00:13:45,171 --> 00:13:47,833 No, I... no, come on. 285 00:13:47,874 --> 00:13:49,899 Good, good, good. 286 00:13:49,942 --> 00:13:52,706 It's good, isn't it? 287 00:13:54,347 --> 00:13:57,214 Oh, Andy! Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. 288 00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,411 What the fuck are you doing? 289 00:13:59,452 --> 00:14:01,181 Here you go. 290 00:14:06,592 --> 00:14:10,688 I think I should mention that I have one problem. 291 00:14:10,730 --> 00:14:13,392 And that problem is with salmon. 292 00:14:13,432 --> 00:14:16,959 I won't buy it, I won't broil it I won't bake it. 293 00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:20,530 Oh. You got a problem with salmon, huh? 294 00:14:20,573 --> 00:14:22,632 - A big problem. - Big problem? 295 00:14:22,675 --> 00:14:26,543 - Well, we won't have salmon, right? - No, absolutely. 296 00:14:26,579 --> 00:14:28,479 - Salmon's out. - Plenty of fish in the sea. 297 00:14:28,514 --> 00:14:32,041 - Who needs it? - And also... caper. 298 00:14:32,084 --> 00:14:35,110 I can't stand capers either. I don't like them. 299 00:14:35,154 --> 00:14:37,384 If I see one caper in the kitchen, 300 00:14:37,423 --> 00:14:39,084 there's going to be big problem. 301 00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:42,322 Uh-huh, okay. All right, no capers. 302 00:14:42,361 --> 00:14:44,522 - No capers. - All right. 303 00:14:44,564 --> 00:14:47,533 - Okay? - Yes. 304 00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:49,762 Oh, this is great. 305 00:14:49,802 --> 00:14:51,895 Do you remember Martine's in New York? 306 00:14:51,938 --> 00:14:54,406 Sure, I've been there about three or four times. 307 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,931 - This is the guy. - I know. 308 00:14:58,945 --> 00:15:01,106 Et voila. 309 00:15:02,281 --> 00:15:05,182 - Okay. - Thank you very much. 310 00:15:05,218 --> 00:15:08,745 - Thank you. - Is my pleasure. Is fantastic spot. 311 00:15:08,788 --> 00:15:10,722 - We're thrilled to have you. - I am thrilled too. 312 00:15:10,756 --> 00:15:12,986 Okay, well, now I have appointment. I have to go. 313 00:15:13,025 --> 00:15:16,961 - So, okay, bye. - See you tomorrow. 314 00:15:16,996 --> 00:15:18,759 - This is... I can't... - Well, Larry... 315 00:15:18,798 --> 00:15:20,698 Nice job. 316 00:15:20,733 --> 00:15:23,099 Shit, shitface fuck, shit, cocksucker. 317 00:15:23,135 --> 00:15:25,069 I bet he got a ticket. 318 00:15:25,104 --> 00:15:27,538 He's got some 'tude, this guy, huh? 319 00:15:27,573 --> 00:15:30,167 Some champagne? Shall we break out the champagne? 320 00:15:30,209 --> 00:15:33,144 Yeah, let's crack open a bottle of the good stuff. 321 00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:38,806 Look at your car. Why is your car always so filthy? 322 00:15:40,886 --> 00:15:43,548 Are you kidding me? 323 00:15:43,589 --> 00:15:45,557 Ugh, it's dirty. All of it. 324 00:15:45,591 --> 00:15:47,718 - Inside, outside... - Sit down. 325 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,421 - Am I gonna get dirty? - Huh? 326 00:15:49,462 --> 00:15:51,396 You need to wash this, seriously. 327 00:15:51,430 --> 00:15:53,125 Okay, fine, I'll wash it right now. 328 00:15:53,165 --> 00:15:54,894 Not now. 329 00:15:54,934 --> 00:15:57,869 You can't do it now. I'm meeting Susie for lunch. 330 00:15:57,903 --> 00:16:00,371 It's right on the way, don't worry about it. 331 00:16:00,406 --> 00:16:02,806 This is our make-up lunch I don't want to be late for it. 332 00:16:02,842 --> 00:16:05,003 It takes two minutes. 333 00:16:06,445 --> 00:16:08,936 I just don't want another falling-out with her. 334 00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,929 Listen to how low my voice is today. 335 00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:35,066 Oh, hey... down, down, down-nn. 336 00:16:35,107 --> 00:16:37,473 I'm starting to get stomach cramps... 337 00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,375 - Down, down-nn... ...from that colon cleanse. 338 00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,710 Hear that note? Down-nn. 339 00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,874 Outstanding. 340 00:16:43,916 --> 00:16:46,612 And they are miles down-nn... 341 00:16:46,652 --> 00:16:49,712 How long do you think this is gonna last? 342 00:16:49,755 --> 00:16:52,656 I think I have to find a bathroom pretty soon. 343 00:16:52,692 --> 00:16:54,956 It's really, like... 344 00:16:54,994 --> 00:16:57,485 What's the deal here? Are we even moving? 345 00:16:57,530 --> 00:17:00,124 Are we moving? 346 00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:02,532 How long is this thing supposed to take? Do you know? 347 00:17:02,568 --> 00:17:05,901 I got news for you. We're not even moving. 348 00:17:05,938 --> 00:17:08,839 - Are we stuck in this thing? - We're not moving. 349 00:17:08,874 --> 00:17:11,775 - Hey! - Hello?! 350 00:17:13,913 --> 00:17:15,676 Hey! 351 00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:20,916 - Larry, seriously... - Hey... bang on your window. 352 00:17:20,953 --> 00:17:24,787 - Hey! - Oh my God. 353 00:17:24,824 --> 00:17:27,292 Seriously, I'm seriously starting to... 354 00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:29,556 it's getting to the point of an emergency. 355 00:17:29,595 --> 00:17:31,995 I can't be in this car for much longer. 356 00:17:32,031 --> 00:17:34,727 Hey! 357 00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:37,133 Hey! 358 00:17:37,169 --> 00:17:39,399 - Wait a second. - Oh my God. 359 00:17:39,438 --> 00:17:41,838 - Let me call Information. - Seriously. 360 00:17:41,874 --> 00:17:44,069 - I'll get them on the phone. - I'm getting sweaty. 361 00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:47,739 - I got to go, I really got to go. - Just hold on a second. 362 00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:51,614 Hello, yes, I'd like the number of Glen-Rock... 363 00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:55,746 Glen... Glen-Rock! 364 00:17:55,788 --> 00:17:58,723 Glen-Rock! 365 00:17:58,758 --> 00:18:02,990 R-o-c-k, Los Angeles! 366 00:18:03,028 --> 00:18:05,019 Yes, connect! 367 00:18:09,402 --> 00:18:11,927 Glen-Rock Car Wash. 368 00:18:11,971 --> 00:18:15,737 Hello, I'm stuck in your car wash! 369 00:18:15,775 --> 00:18:18,335 What? 370 00:18:18,377 --> 00:18:20,572 I said I'm stuck in your car wash! 371 00:18:20,613 --> 00:18:23,081 - Tell them it's an emergency. - It's an emer... 372 00:18:23,115 --> 00:18:26,209 - They need to turn it off or something. - Turn off your car wash! 373 00:18:26,252 --> 00:18:28,914 I can't hear a word you're saying. 374 00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:30,819 Turn off your car wash! 375 00:18:30,856 --> 00:18:33,450 - What are they saying? - Call back later. 376 00:18:34,627 --> 00:18:37,892 Oh God, Larry, I can't wait. I got to go. 377 00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:41,093 I got to go. I got to go! I got to go! 378 00:18:55,448 --> 00:18:57,814 I'm just saying Susie's crazed, man. 379 00:18:57,850 --> 00:18:59,818 She hung up on Cheryl. 380 00:18:59,852 --> 00:19:02,548 A car wash? Who gets stuck in a car wash? 381 00:19:02,588 --> 00:19:05,250 It's the truth. We were stuck in a car wash. 382 00:19:05,291 --> 00:19:07,122 You weren't stuck in a car wash. 383 00:19:07,159 --> 00:19:10,458 The car got stuck in one spot and she got out and she was soaking wet. 384 00:19:10,496 --> 00:19:13,090 - That's why she canceled. - You're telling me the truth? 385 00:19:13,132 --> 00:19:15,191 - I'm telling you the truth. - I believe you, 386 00:19:15,234 --> 00:19:17,759 - but Susie's never gonna believe this. - Well, whatever, you know. 387 00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:20,636 So let me ask you, 388 00:19:20,673 --> 00:19:22,698 are you thinking about anything 389 00:19:22,741 --> 00:19:24,709 that you want to put on the table 390 00:19:24,743 --> 00:19:28,338 before people come in when they first sit down? 391 00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:31,975 Do you want to have bread or something, or breadsticks? 392 00:19:32,017 --> 00:19:34,212 - Olives. - Like a pickle. 393 00:19:34,253 --> 00:19:36,949 Olives? No, I'm sorry for interruption, 394 00:19:36,989 --> 00:19:39,457 but they are really ridiculous, olives. 395 00:19:39,492 --> 00:19:42,052 What do you do with pit? Ever, never, 396 00:19:42,094 --> 00:19:44,028 you can do nothing with pit. It's ridiculous. 397 00:19:44,063 --> 00:19:46,031 No olives. I'm sorry... 398 00:19:46,065 --> 00:19:48,226 Put in a pit plate or an ashtray or something. 399 00:19:48,267 --> 00:19:51,964 A pit plate? Why don't you call it a garbage plate? 400 00:19:52,004 --> 00:19:55,462 - Okay. - Yeah, he's right. 401 00:19:55,508 --> 00:19:57,032 The personality on this guy, huh? 402 00:19:57,076 --> 00:19:59,510 He's a piece of work. 403 00:20:01,180 --> 00:20:04,013 - What else? - Carrot sticks, celery. 404 00:20:04,049 --> 00:20:06,779 What about lemon in the water? 405 00:20:06,819 --> 00:20:09,219 Motherfucking cocksucker asshole! 406 00:20:19,398 --> 00:20:22,026 I'm starting to think that that's involuntary. 407 00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:25,127 Et voila. Everything is finished now. 408 00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:28,071 It's perfect, it's fantastic, okay? I just want to say one thing. 409 00:20:28,107 --> 00:20:30,769 I am so humbled to be working 410 00:20:30,809 --> 00:20:32,777 in such a restaurant of quality, huh? 411 00:20:32,811 --> 00:20:34,870 - It's fantastic. - Oh, it's an honor. 412 00:20:34,914 --> 00:20:37,747 Bye bye. I see you tomorrow, yes? 413 00:20:37,783 --> 00:20:39,614 See you tomorrow. 414 00:20:41,453 --> 00:20:44,820 - What do they call that, Tourette's? - Tourette's Syndrome. 415 00:20:44,857 --> 00:20:47,587 Wow. He's got Tourette's Syndrome. 416 00:20:47,626 --> 00:20:49,253 Portico. 417 00:20:50,362 --> 00:20:53,126 Portico. 418 00:20:53,165 --> 00:20:55,429 Sure. He was recommended... 419 00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:58,265 - Portico. - Fucking Portico! 420 00:20:58,304 --> 00:21:00,272 That prick, I don't believe it. 421 00:21:00,306 --> 00:21:03,867 He's laughing right now. That motherfucker. 422 00:21:03,909 --> 00:21:06,377 You believe that guy would do something like that on purpose? 423 00:21:06,412 --> 00:21:08,312 Of course he would. 424 00:21:08,347 --> 00:21:10,474 The joke's on us 'cause we need to find another chef. 425 00:21:10,516 --> 00:21:12,746 Yeah, we got to let him go. 426 00:21:12,785 --> 00:21:14,753 What? We're opening tomorrow. You want to let him go? 427 00:21:14,787 --> 00:21:18,723 It would be different if the kitchen didn't look out onto the dining room. 428 00:21:18,757 --> 00:21:21,385 He's practically on stage over there. 429 00:21:21,427 --> 00:21:23,554 - It's the design of this room. - It's like a floor show. 430 00:21:23,596 --> 00:21:25,564 We're gonna be known as "the restaurant 431 00:21:25,598 --> 00:21:27,691 with the chef that swears." 432 00:21:27,733 --> 00:21:30,759 This is a nightmare. This'll ruin us. 433 00:21:30,803 --> 00:21:33,067 We're gonna be a laughingstock if we allow this to happen. 434 00:21:33,105 --> 00:21:34,572 Are you kidding me? We have to get rid of him. 435 00:21:34,607 --> 00:21:36,700 - No. - What do you mean no? 436 00:21:36,742 --> 00:21:38,937 - We can't fire him. - Why? 437 00:21:38,978 --> 00:21:42,004 He's a survivor. 438 00:21:45,284 --> 00:21:47,445 Then I called Martine's... 439 00:21:47,486 --> 00:21:49,681 that's the restaurant where he used to work in New York. 440 00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:51,121 Okay. 441 00:21:51,156 --> 00:21:54,557 They told me that their kitchen was in the back... 442 00:21:56,362 --> 00:21:59,195 so the cursing didn't bother anybody. There was too much noise. 443 00:21:59,231 --> 00:22:01,495 The only people who could hear him worked in the kitchen. 444 00:22:01,533 --> 00:22:03,933 But our kitchen's right in the front. 445 00:22:03,969 --> 00:22:06,403 He's gonna be right there, cursing up a storm. 446 00:22:06,438 --> 00:22:09,305 People could be eating their dinner. 447 00:22:09,341 --> 00:22:12,469 - Oh my God. - Of course you couldn't fire him. 448 00:22:12,511 --> 00:22:14,741 Yeah, I'm not gonna fire a survivor. 449 00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:16,873 No, you couldn't do that. 450 00:22:16,915 --> 00:22:19,884 Whoa, wow! Look at you! 451 00:22:19,918 --> 00:22:21,943 Is it too "Knots Landing"? 452 00:22:21,987 --> 00:22:23,955 I know it's a TV show, 453 00:22:23,989 --> 00:22:26,321 but I don't get the reference at all. 454 00:22:26,358 --> 00:22:29,521 - Anyway, but you like it? - Yeah, it looks great. 455 00:22:29,561 --> 00:22:32,029 - It's not too dressy? - No, I like it. 456 00:22:32,064 --> 00:22:35,158 Well, maybe he won't curse tonight. 457 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,634 He can't control it. Nothing he can control. 458 00:22:37,670 --> 00:22:40,195 I've seen him twice and he's cursed both times. 459 00:22:40,239 --> 00:22:42,673 The only thing I don't get 460 00:22:42,708 --> 00:22:44,972 is why he doesn't curse in French. 461 00:22:46,578 --> 00:22:48,773 Why is he cursing in English? "Mutherfuck-erre." 462 00:22:48,814 --> 00:22:50,213 - Where did he get that from? - I don't know. 463 00:22:50,249 --> 00:22:52,080 "Cocksuck-erre." 464 00:22:52,117 --> 00:22:54,108 - Stop it, he does not say... - He does. 465 00:22:54,153 --> 00:22:56,121 All in English, I don't understand. 466 00:22:56,155 --> 00:22:58,851 Aren't there obscenities in French there that he could say? 467 00:22:58,891 --> 00:23:01,951 Listen, can I just tell you, before we even get there, 468 00:23:01,994 --> 00:23:05,760 I am not looking forward to running into Susie Greene? 469 00:23:05,798 --> 00:23:07,789 Susie Greene, yeah. 470 00:23:07,833 --> 00:23:11,963 She hates me. She really hates me now. She won't even talk to me. 471 00:23:12,004 --> 00:23:15,303 You know? I mean, what am I gonna do? 472 00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:18,400 I wouldn't even go if I were you. It's too awkward. 473 00:23:18,444 --> 00:23:21,470 You're probably right. 474 00:23:21,513 --> 00:23:24,846 Maybe I'll just sit in the car. How about that? 475 00:23:24,883 --> 00:23:27,181 Really, that's what you should do. 476 00:23:27,219 --> 00:23:28,914 All right, let's get out of here. 477 00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:44,101 - Oh, Jeez. - Whoo! 478 00:23:44,136 --> 00:23:46,127 Wow. 479 00:23:47,973 --> 00:23:50,771 Look at that. There's a room over there. 480 00:23:50,809 --> 00:23:52,800 - Yeah, this is pretty big. - Man! 481 00:23:52,845 --> 00:23:55,780 - Huh? - I am very impressed. 482 00:23:55,814 --> 00:23:57,839 - Huh? - Yeah. 483 00:23:57,883 --> 00:23:59,714 - Not bad. - Not bad. 484 00:23:59,752 --> 00:24:02,346 See the bell? Now watch this. 485 00:24:02,387 --> 00:24:05,754 - Wow. It works. - Yeah, it works. 486 00:24:05,791 --> 00:24:07,190 - Hey. - Hey. 487 00:24:07,226 --> 00:24:09,490 - Oh, hi. - Wow. 488 00:24:09,528 --> 00:24:12,292 - Uh-huh. It's happening, my friend. - Really cool. 489 00:24:12,331 --> 00:24:14,322 Hi, Jeff, good to see you. 490 00:24:14,366 --> 00:24:17,267 This is Cheryl. These are my investor friends. 491 00:24:17,302 --> 00:24:20,294 - Wow, hi. - Lou, Jim... 492 00:24:20,339 --> 00:24:22,773 - Michael, Theresa. - Nice to meet you. 493 00:24:22,808 --> 00:24:24,639 - Hi. Great. - What do you think? 494 00:24:24,676 --> 00:24:27,008 I am very impressed. 495 00:24:27,045 --> 00:24:29,275 - She's a little knocked out, I think. - I am. 496 00:24:29,314 --> 00:24:31,782 This is not what I expected. 497 00:24:31,817 --> 00:24:33,444 We couldn't have done it without the big guy here. 498 00:24:33,485 --> 00:24:35,715 - Is that right? - He stepped up, you know? 499 00:24:35,754 --> 00:24:37,722 He stepped up. 500 00:24:37,756 --> 00:24:40,657 It was a little rocky there for a while. 501 00:24:40,692 --> 00:24:42,250 That's an understatement. 502 00:24:42,294 --> 00:24:45,229 I think Jim's had a couple of champagnes. 503 00:24:45,264 --> 00:24:47,425 I think Jim's out of control. 504 00:24:47,466 --> 00:24:49,434 I'm a little nervous, but I think we're gonna make it. 505 00:24:49,468 --> 00:24:52,096 - It really looks great. - It does. 506 00:24:52,137 --> 00:24:55,072 Eat your heart out, Ted Danson. That's all I have to say. 507 00:24:55,107 --> 00:24:56,768 Cheers. 508 00:24:56,809 --> 00:24:59,801 "Cheers," yeah, you got it. 509 00:24:59,845 --> 00:25:01,642 Yeah, cheers. Where's your wife? 510 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,547 - She'll be here in a little while. - Uh-huh. 511 00:25:04,583 --> 00:25:07,484 And what's going on with Guy? 512 00:25:07,519 --> 00:25:10,147 - Any outbursts? - So far, so good. 513 00:25:10,189 --> 00:25:12,555 - I haven't heard anything. - Yeah, not a peep. 514 00:25:12,591 --> 00:25:15,890 Yeah. Oh, hey, look, there's your parents. 515 00:25:15,928 --> 00:25:18,590 Hey, there's my dad! Hello! 516 00:25:30,943 --> 00:25:33,844 Pilaf. It's delicious. 517 00:25:33,879 --> 00:25:36,871 - Bon soir. - Ah, bon soir, how are you, eh? 518 00:25:36,915 --> 00:25:39,543 Oh, tr�s bien, tr�s bien. 519 00:25:39,585 --> 00:25:41,610 The place is a big success for you. 520 00:25:41,653 --> 00:25:44,121 Oh, my gosh, can you believe what's going on here? 521 00:25:44,156 --> 00:25:47,455 - It's gigan-tique. - And you're feeling good? 522 00:25:47,492 --> 00:25:50,791 Actually, I'm quite upset. I'm very upset. 523 00:25:50,829 --> 00:25:54,697 - Really? - I lost the lottery by one number only. 524 00:25:54,733 --> 00:25:57,031 - One number? - Yes, one! 525 00:25:57,069 --> 00:25:59,037 Yes, look at that. 526 00:25:59,071 --> 00:26:02,472 I was one number off in the lottery. 527 00:26:02,507 --> 00:26:06,671 It ends with "7-1." Here I have "4-1." 528 00:26:06,712 --> 00:26:09,613 What's the point, huh? It's all rigged, anyway. 529 00:26:09,648 --> 00:26:13,106 I'm quite sure of that, huh? Hey, turn that down. 530 00:26:13,151 --> 00:26:15,312 What do you think you are doing, cooking a goat? 531 00:26:19,491 --> 00:26:21,686 - Hey... thank you. - Congratulations. 532 00:26:24,029 --> 00:26:26,520 Let's get that waiter. 533 00:26:47,252 --> 00:26:49,220 Fuckhead, shitface, cocksucker, 534 00:26:49,254 --> 00:26:51,654 asshole, son of a bitch! 535 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,568 Maybe one day, I'll get a chance 536 00:27:03,602 --> 00:27:06,696 to do something good for somebody like that. 537 00:27:08,173 --> 00:27:10,573 Scum-sucking, motherfucking whore! 538 00:27:13,078 --> 00:27:15,842 Cock! Cock, jism! 539 00:27:15,881 --> 00:27:18,315 Grandma, cock! 540 00:27:18,350 --> 00:27:22,411 Bum! Fuck, turd, fart. 541 00:27:22,454 --> 00:27:27,414 Cunt, piss, shit, bugger and balls! 542 00:27:27,459 --> 00:27:31,953 Damn it, hell... crap... 543 00:27:31,997 --> 00:27:35,933 ...shit! - You goddamn motherfucking bitch! 544 00:27:35,968 --> 00:27:38,903 Fuck you, you car wash cunt! 545 00:27:38,937 --> 00:27:41,872 I had a dental appointment! 546 00:27:41,907 --> 00:27:44,569 Fellatio, cunnilingus, French kissing! 547 00:27:46,044 --> 00:27:48,035 Rim job. 548 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,310 Right, piss. 549 00:27:50,349 --> 00:27:54,115 Fucking, fucking, fuck, fuck. 550 00:27:54,152 --> 00:27:56,712 Schmuck, putz, tuchuslecker! 551 00:27:56,755 --> 00:27:58,450 Pussy, pig fucker. 552 00:27:58,490 --> 00:28:00,651 Balls! 553 00:28:00,692 --> 00:28:03,855 Boy cock, girl cock, e-i-e-i-o. 554 00:28:08,734 --> 00:28:11,066 Fuck whore tits!