1 00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:08,510 Meet the gang cause the boys are here, the boys to entertain you. 2 00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:14,150 With music and laughter to help you on your way to raising the rafters with a 3 00:00:14,150 --> 00:00:20,170 hey, hey, hey. With song and sketching and jokes old and new. With us about you 4 00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:25,650 and Bill Blue. So meet the gang cause the boys are here, the boys to entertain 5 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:26,650 you. 6 00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:32,009 3 -0 -3 -0 -Y -S, boys to entertain you. 7 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:52,660 Oh, blimey, you're here at a very special time. 8 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:59,400 Concert party is giving one very special, top -hold, funny show for 9 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:03,080 Barapua. But we British are knowing one secret. 10 00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:06,280 One concert party is having its funny turn. 11 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:11,380 one of Maharaja Sahib's most loving sons is going to be very naughty and shoot 12 00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:12,359 his daddy. 13 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,360 Never mind. 14 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:19,340 There is no need to be worried because gunner, lofty, sudden Sahib, that is the 15 00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:25,260 one with the very high voice and the very low head, has been volunteered by 16 00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:30,600 Sergeant Major Sahib to throw himself upon the body of Maharaja Sahib to 17 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,600 him from the nasty bullets. 18 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,160 Oh! 19 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:40,700 If Gunnar Laughty Saab does not throw himself quickly enough, Sergeant Major 20 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:45,020 Saab is going to help him most kindly with his foot. 21 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:51,080 Do you mind? 22 00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:53,160 I'm doing my mascara in. 23 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,900 Sorry, sorry, old chap. It can't be a tick just dabbing on the touch of the 24 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:57,900 blue cream. 25 00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:01,060 I thought you'd have done better with a duster and a dabberonic. 26 00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:03,760 That's not funny, old man. 27 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,020 Joe! 28 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,360 All right, pay attention. 29 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,539 Gather round. 30 00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:09,259 The commanding officer is about to address you. 31 00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:13,060 Pay attention, chaps. Can you all hear me? Oh, yes, thank you, Colonel Stubb, 32 00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:14,520 beautifully. Shut up and get out. 33 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,440 Don't send him away. We need him. 34 00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:23,160 Now, we believe that the maximum time of danger for the Maharaja will be while 35 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,560 you're actually doing your concert. Because at that time, no one will notice 36 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,080 assassin because they'll all be concentrating on you. 37 00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,340 Oh, that's true. 38 00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:34,150 Lots of people have told me that when I'm out in front of an audience, I'm 39 00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:37,070 magnetic. All eyes are riveted on me. 40 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:41,190 Oh, that is right, sir. Especially when your drawers fall down round your knees. 41 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:43,750 Shut up. 42 00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:47,410 Yes, do settle down. Now, because of this, I tell the Maharaja the show can 43 00:02:47,410 --> 00:02:48,349 last ten minutes. 44 00:02:48,350 --> 00:02:49,309 Ten minutes? 45 00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:50,970 But we never do less than an hour. 46 00:02:51,190 --> 00:02:53,110 I'm sorry, to do any longer would be absolute murder. 47 00:02:53,350 --> 00:02:54,350 I couldn't agree more, sir. 48 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:58,070 Ten minutes. How can I score in ten minutes? 49 00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,720 I did once. 50 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,760 Hackintosh! 51 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,520 Wash your mouth out, boy. 52 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:08,100 Ten minutes. And the cowboy thing alone runs ten minutes. 53 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:09,680 Could we do just that? 54 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,580 Without a build -up. 55 00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:13,420 What does the cowboy scene consist of? 56 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,540 We're all cowboys. Well, some of us. 57 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,680 I see myself at the border. 58 00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:20,700 Yes, and I'm a senorita. 59 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,800 A picture in old Spanish lay. 60 00:03:23,310 --> 00:03:26,550 Oh, that is true, sir, for it is siesta, and he is so gay. 61 00:03:28,170 --> 00:03:29,350 Sounds absolutely first class. 62 00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:33,390 Now, during the turn, it's absolutely vital that you are going to... Suck 63 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:37,210 sir. Suck them, yes. Stay as close as possible to the Maharaja. And you, 64 00:03:37,270 --> 00:03:38,950 Sergeant Major, better stick right beside him. 65 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,750 Or you better wear some sort of costume or other, so you look part of the show. 66 00:03:42,270 --> 00:03:45,570 Excuse me, sir, but that is not the sort of thing I is impartial to. 67 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,210 I'm sorry, Sergeant Major, but this is an emergency. 68 00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:50,150 He'll ruin it. 69 00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:51,550 He'll completely ruin it. 70 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,560 I will not ruin it, can I, Beaumont? 71 00:03:55,220 --> 00:03:56,540 No, of course you won't, not completely. 72 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:03,460 Agatha, hadn't we better be armed, sir? No, no, no, that would only arouse 73 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:07,740 suspicion. I shall have a revolver concealed in my pocket, and Captain 74 00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:09,780 will have something concealed in his trousers as well. 75 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,570 Excuse me, sir, if... If we're all here, who's watching the wretched Maharaja? 76 00:04:17,709 --> 00:04:19,230 Who's watching the wretched Maharaja? You. 77 00:04:20,130 --> 00:04:22,710 Mr. Lardy, our gunner, Graham, is no concern of yours. Sorry, sir. 78 00:04:22,970 --> 00:04:25,430 As a matter of fact, Captain Ashwood is keeping an eye on the Maharaja at this 79 00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:28,710 very moment, so we've hardly anything to worry about, have we, Sergeant Ritter? 80 00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:30,410 Hardly anything, sir. 81 00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:33,550 Oh, Vera. Let's out. 82 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:38,020 Yes, we should be seated as close as possible to the Maharaja, and we would 83 00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,640 you to stand behind us where you can get a good view. 84 00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,020 Oh, thank you, Colonel Staff. 85 00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:43,940 But I have already seen the show. No, no, no. I don't mean a good view of the 86 00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:46,780 show. I mean a good view of the Maharaja and the audience. 87 00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:51,780 Now, if anybody makes a move, I shall give a signal with my hanky, and then 88 00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:55,220 will leap into action, Gunner... Yes, that's right. 89 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,040 Now, your job is to get between the assailant and the Maharaja. 90 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,260 It's very unlikely he'll fire with you in the way. 91 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,680 Well, fairly unlikely. 92 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:07,520 Sir, how is I going to tackle this ass -assailant without a gun? 93 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,180 Well, Captain Ashford will draw his revolver out of his trousers and throw 94 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,060 you, and I will back you up. Is that quite clear? Sir. 95 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:17,120 Is that quite clear? Yes, sir. I'll leap as soon as you wag your hanky. Or as 96 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,860 soon as Ranji wags his hanky. Oh, stop. I am only poor Bear, and I do not have 97 00:05:21,860 --> 00:05:23,920 hanky. Well, you'll just have to wag something else, won't you? 98 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,420 What's that? He can wag his doughty sides. Yes, well, of course. That's a 99 00:05:28,420 --> 00:05:29,520 idea. You can wag your doughty. 100 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:35,480 All right, 101 00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:38,920 the rest of you, get ready for the concert. 102 00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,500 Move yourselves. 103 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,600 And we'd better find the sergeant major a suitable disguise. 104 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,540 What a pity we're not doing the donkey's serenade. 105 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,260 Ah, 106 00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:53,740 good. 107 00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,960 Well, we seem very well placed here. 108 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:59,460 If anyone makes a move from the front, then that little fellow... 109 00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:01,580 Thugdom. Thugdom, yes. 110 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,180 He throws himself in front of the Maharaja, you pull your thing out of the 111 00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:07,240 trousers and throw it to the thugdom. 112 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,360 I must say, it's truly uncomfortable having this gun hidden in my trousers. 113 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,360 as bad for me, isn't it? 114 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,560 Now, if anyone comes from the rear, one of us will have to throw ourselves in 115 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:18,940 the way and protect the Maharaja. 116 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,540 I seem to be the nearest. 117 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,040 So do I. 118 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,120 Would you like to change places? 119 00:06:26,780 --> 00:06:31,080 No, not at all. Oh, good, sir. I shan't forget this, um... Ashwood. That's 120 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,080 right. 121 00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:34,100 Do you have something to eat, Colonel? 122 00:06:34,420 --> 00:06:35,420 Oh, thanks awfully. 123 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,240 What do you suppose it is? 124 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:42,000 Oh, sir, it is a very great delicacy. It is peacock heart stuffed with saffron 125 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,000 balls. 126 00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:45,460 Oh, yes. 127 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,720 They must use up an awful lot of peacocks. 128 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,860 I think they got through a tidy number of saffronies as well. 129 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,220 Oh, thank you, bearer, peak eye. 130 00:06:58,260 --> 00:07:02,100 What do you suppose this is? Very special drink, sir. Made from fermented 131 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:03,100 camel's milk. 132 00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:03,939 Is it? 133 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:07,020 Do you suppose they ferment the camels or the milk? 134 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,360 Silly, I should have the milk, of course. Cheers. 135 00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:15,700 On second thoughts, maybe they ferment the camels. 136 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,340 I find it rather moorish. Can I come again? 137 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,360 Oh, be most careful, sir. This is like the camels. It gives very nasty bite. 138 00:07:26,039 --> 00:07:28,160 Right. Now, let's start the building. 139 00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:30,680 So, uh, stand by, fellas. 140 00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:31,980 Shall I get on to the piano? 141 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,640 Oh, yes. Oh, look, look. As we're not doing an opening number, you'd better go 142 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,640 and make an announcement. 143 00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,639 What, me? 144 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:38,980 Oh, you can do it. 145 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:40,760 Oh, all right. I'll have a go. 146 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:42,540 Right. We're starting, Lofty. 147 00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,060 Oh, my God. 148 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,340 Oh, good, they're starting. 149 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,180 Uncle! Uncle! 150 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:48,640 Uncle! 151 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,580 Do be quiet, Vera. They haven't done anything yet. 152 00:07:58,289 --> 00:08:03,130 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our show. 153 00:08:05,230 --> 00:08:06,650 Oh, ho, ho, ho. 154 00:08:08,490 --> 00:08:09,490 Tonight. 155 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:14,450 If you think it will be all right. 156 00:08:16,350 --> 00:08:17,350 Tonight. 157 00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:36,530 do an introduction. 158 00:08:43,669 --> 00:08:49,470 I'm an old cowman from the Rio Grande 159 00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:56,330 and I learned to ride before I learned 160 00:08:56,330 --> 00:08:57,330 to stand. 161 00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:03,870 I'm a cowboy who's never seen a cow. 162 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:07,240 I've never rocked a... Because I don't know. 163 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,480 Get nearer, isn't it? 164 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,420 How careless! 165 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,060 You have no spices! 166 00:11:27,630 --> 00:11:32,230 You see, he's meant to be my father, and he's furious at him, who's my 167 00:11:32,230 --> 00:11:37,130 boyfriend, because he's ogling me. But he overacted because he's an amateur and 168 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,130 not very good. 169 00:11:38,870 --> 00:11:40,890 I'm so sorry, Your Excellency. May we continue? 170 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,710 Yes, con we may tin you. 171 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:49,690 Yes, you may carry on. But first, may I give my son some little childish 172 00:11:49,690 --> 00:11:53,190 presents? It's a family custom. We do it every birthday. 173 00:11:57,770 --> 00:12:04,070 Carry on, Sardimena. Then I sighed and I whispered manana Never 174 00:12:04,070 --> 00:12:09,570 dreaming that we were parting And I lied as I whispered manana 175 00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:30,210 never could resist a sweetie. 176 00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:38,310 Right, now, whoever it is who's trying to kill the Maharaja didn't show his 177 00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:39,249 at the party. 178 00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:43,630 Now, all the sons are going home tomorrow morning, so whichever one of 179 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,170 going to do it will have to do it tonight. 180 00:12:45,870 --> 00:12:50,790 Now, all the windows in the Maharaja's bedroom have steel shutters, so there's 181 00:12:50,790 --> 00:12:55,130 only one way in which anyone can get inside that roof, and that is through 182 00:12:55,130 --> 00:12:56,610 chimney door. 183 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:58,710 Now, 184 00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:02,590 I want an armed guard placed outside that room all night. And on no account 185 00:13:02,590 --> 00:13:04,550 anyone to go in or out. Is that quite clear? Sir. 186 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:11,110 Sir, the poet in the Maharaja wants to, um... There 187 00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,770 is one in there. 188 00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:18,170 Pull yourself together, Ashwood. 189 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:19,830 You're making an exhibition of yourself. 190 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,049 I'm awfully sorry, sir. 191 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:24,210 Now, the rest of us will sleep in here, so as to be near at hand. 192 00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:27,550 I know it's not very comfortable, but we're all in the same boat, and we'll 193 00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:28,550 jolly well have to rough it. 194 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,240 Oh, 195 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,400 thank you very much. 196 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,760 We can't drink it in front of the men, sir. It'll make them jealous. 197 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,000 No, they won't be jealous. They never have champagne. 198 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,300 In any case, you're not going to have any. You've had plenty already. 199 00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:51,900 Colonel, sir, here is the plan of the old palace of the Maharaja that you 200 00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:52,900 requested. 201 00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:58,970 That's it, girls. Now we see that my lad is now preparing to retire for the 202 00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:01,130 night. We'd better post them sentries, sir. 203 00:14:01,570 --> 00:14:02,570 That'll be all, my man. 204 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:03,930 Go on, push off. 205 00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:05,870 I can't take post. 206 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:07,850 Sir, give me the moonlight. 207 00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:10,090 Give me the girl. 208 00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:42,880 What do you mean, waking me up in the centre of the night? 209 00:14:45,820 --> 00:14:50,580 Cleverly, Ramzan overheard two of Maharaja's sons talking at the passage. 210 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:54,320 Oh, 211 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,280 holy Krishna. 212 00:14:58,540 --> 00:14:59,880 I must wake Sajeev Mehta Saab. 213 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,760 Sajeev Mehta Saab. Sajeev Mehta Saab. 214 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:11,140 What on earth is going on, Sajeev Mehta? Oh, Karan Saab. Most terrible news. 215 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:11,700 He 216 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:20,160 said 217 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:27,140 he heard two of the Maharaja's sons talking and they were going to store 218 00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:30,500 one bucket of dynamite in the old snake pit. 219 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:31,840 Dynamite? Good heavens. 220 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,540 Have you got that map of the palace? 221 00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:34,940 Yeah, you'll be asked, sir. 222 00:15:41,260 --> 00:15:42,620 Yes, well, I can't make head and tail of that. 223 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,100 Excuse me, sir, I think you've got it upside down. 224 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,239 Yes, yes. 225 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,980 Yes, it should go from left to right. 226 00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:52,120 I thought all maps in India went from right to left. 227 00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:54,440 I think you're thinking of China, sir. 228 00:15:55,040 --> 00:16:00,380 All right, well, you deal with it. Well, we are here, sir, and the Maharaja's 229 00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:01,380 bedroom is here. 230 00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:03,019 Let me see. 231 00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:07,320 The snake pit is here, right underneath the Maharaja's bedroom. 232 00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:09,880 He's going to blow the Maharaja up, sir. 233 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,159 Good heavens. 234 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,620 That means the son with the gun is the blighter who's the dynamiter. 235 00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:20,000 Now, it's quite clear, sir, what we need is a volunteer to go into that snake 236 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,880 pit and bring out the dynamite. 237 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:26,300 Don't listen to me. 238 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,900 I'm hopeless at handling dynamite. 239 00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:32,780 Always have been. Never was any good at it, no matter how hard I tried. 240 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:33,859 Shut up. 241 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,240 But what about these snakes? 242 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,560 That's the point. Not to worry Colonel Tom. 243 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:42,040 In olden times, this pit was full of cobras, and Maharaja Sahib used to throw 244 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,340 their enemies down there. 245 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,160 But this was stopped by us British 100 years ago. 246 00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:51,540 Now, that's a relief. We don't have to worry about the snake, sir. No, sir. 247 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,080 Just the dynamite. 248 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:57,280 How did we get into that snake pit, sir? Well, there's a trap door at the top of 249 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:01,000 the pit here, sir, just outside the Maharaja's bedroom, and there's another 250 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,600 at the bottom of the pit down here. 251 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,240 I could go into the snake pit, sir, through the door at the bottom, and get 252 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,240 dynamite. 253 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:08,800 Did you hear that, sir? 254 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:11,920 Well done, son. Boy. 255 00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:15,520 But, uh, ooh, the colonel couldn't allow that. 256 00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:16,980 Oh, couldn't I? Oh, no, sir. 257 00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:20,859 Besides, uh, going down in that snake pit would play havoc with his dandruff. 258 00:17:22,579 --> 00:17:23,900 Right, Ashwood, come along. 259 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,079 We'll try the door at the bottom of the pit. You take your men and try and find 260 00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:30,820 the trap door at the top of the pit. Right, my lovely boy. 261 00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:36,180 Come on, come in. 262 00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:40,020 Damn fire, you should challenge them first. Oh, yeah, right. Of course. 263 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,460 Oh, who goes there? 264 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,020 Friend or foe? 265 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,400 Shut up. 266 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,500 In a muggy -tosh. Stop. Stop looking with that trapdoor. Far together, man. 267 00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:56,540 Up. 268 00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:57,939 There it is. 269 00:17:57,940 --> 00:17:59,160 Right. Open it up. 270 00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:03,100 Yeah! 271 00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:17,920 It's no good. The door at the bottom of the pit has two huge locks on it. Well, 272 00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:21,120 can't you shoot them off, sir? I don't risk it. One bullet in that dynamite and 273 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:22,160 we'll all be blown sky high. 274 00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:24,400 Couldn't someone go down on a rope, Sergeant Major? 275 00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:26,640 Well done, good boy, but not you. 276 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,960 I will send the punkawalla for his rope. 277 00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:36,680 Where the hell is he going to get a rope bearer? Pardon me, sir, whoever heard 278 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:37,920 of punkawalla without rope? 279 00:18:38,540 --> 00:18:39,540 It is his business. 280 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,600 We need some sort of a light. 281 00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,440 Oh, sir, I've got a candle. 282 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:48,660 Mohamed? Yes, sir. Oh, Mohamed, look, go to my prop basket and get my candle, 283 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,680 the one I use for the blowing out the candle joke. 284 00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:52,860 Oh, the blowing out of the candle joke? 285 00:18:53,180 --> 00:18:54,380 Very silly funny, sir. 286 00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:58,180 What is the blowing out the candle joke, Beaumont? 287 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:03,960 Well, it goes sort of... Oh, yes, awfully amusing. 288 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,760 What we need, sir, is somebody to go down the aisle on a rope. 289 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,950 And whoever it is must have to be... Light and small. 290 00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:16,490 Now, who has we got who is light and small? 291 00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:20,309 Can I rev on? 292 00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:21,310 Yes, Sergeant Major. 293 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:22,870 Can I boom on? 294 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:24,950 I'll be useless, Sergeant Major. 295 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,990 I'm no good at going down holes and ropes. 296 00:19:27,930 --> 00:19:28,930 Shut up. 297 00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,270 Now, who else has we got what is light and small? 298 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:41,880 Donna Sugden. 299 00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:43,420 Yes, Sergeant Major. 300 00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:45,420 Come, you lovely boy. 301 00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:50,000 Now, them is the three volunteers, sir. 302 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:51,240 Right. 303 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,820 Now, whoever it is that's going down there, I don't want it to be put off by 304 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:55,880 fact that it is a snake pit. 305 00:19:56,180 --> 00:19:59,440 It was a snake pit a hundred years ago. There are no snakes in it now. 306 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,100 That is, it's most unlikely there are any snakes in it now. Is that right? 307 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,800 Don't you think that's kind of dumb? Because the cobra cannot live for a 308 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:07,800 years. 309 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,200 Suppose they may have babies. 310 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:11,760 Shut up. 311 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:16,060 Now, the fairest thing to do, sir, is to toss up and a hodman goes down the 312 00:20:16,060 --> 00:20:16,919 hole. 313 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:17,960 Right? You ready? 314 00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:19,460 Off you go, sir. 315 00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,620 Heads. Heads. 316 00:20:24,060 --> 00:20:27,040 Oh, dear. 317 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,240 It's gone down the hole. 318 00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:30,200 How am I going to find out if it was heads or tails? 319 00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:32,200 Go down and have a look. 320 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,560 You might have won. 321 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,980 Look. I shall need two hands to cling on to the rope. 322 00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:43,470 I won't be able to handle the candle. Just a second, Sergeant Major. I've got 323 00:20:43,470 --> 00:20:44,470 idea. Lend us your hand. 324 00:20:51,110 --> 00:20:52,110 There we are. 325 00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:55,910 There is no doubt about it, Gunner Graham. 326 00:20:56,510 --> 00:21:03,290 When it comes to screwing candles in pith helmets, it's university education 327 00:21:03,290 --> 00:21:04,290 comes in handy. 328 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:10,200 birthday lofty. 329 00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:14,860 Happy birthday, lofty. Happy birthday, lofty. Happy birthday, lofty. 330 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:16,840 Happy birthday, lofty. 331 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,380 Happy birthday, lofty. Happy birthday, lofty. Happy birthday, lofty. Happy 332 00:21:18,380 --> 00:21:21,800 birthday, lofty. Happy birthday, lofty. 333 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,540 Happy birthday, 334 00:21:24,540 --> 00:21:38,256 lofty. 335 00:21:38,540 --> 00:21:40,200 Shut up and get on with it. Not just now. 336 00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:41,740 Lord, I'm waiting. 337 00:22:28,620 --> 00:22:29,980 It's too big and it's made of lead. 338 00:22:30,940 --> 00:22:34,020 Tell him to stuff the sticks of dynamite in his pockets. 339 00:22:35,180 --> 00:22:37,520 Stuff the sticks of dynamite in your pockets. 340 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:39,660 I haven't got enough pockets. 341 00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:42,340 Well, stuff them in your trousers then. 342 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:45,900 Now you made a sound, sis. Stuff it up your trousers. 343 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,720 Right. Stand by to pull him up, boys. 344 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,220 I wonder what this long piece of string's for. 345 00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:05,020 Right, Sergeant Major. Gently. 346 00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:08,220 That's it. 347 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:13,480 Keep 348 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:21,040 pulling. 349 00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:25,220 I can't, Sergeant Major. It must be caught on something. 350 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:26,560 What do you want about Paul? 351 00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:28,460 It's that, Sergeant Major. 352 00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:30,500 Let him down. 353 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,900 He won't go down either, Sergeant Major. He's completely stuck. 354 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,219 Can you hear the snake? 355 00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:37,220 It's hissing. 356 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:44,400 No, Sergeant Major Carl. You see, he can hear the snake hissing, but it is not a 357 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,560 snake. No, Sergeant Major, it's not a snake. 358 00:23:46,860 --> 00:23:47,860 You'd better come down. 359 00:24:02,550 --> 00:24:06,210 I have to report that Gunner Sugden is dangling in mid -hair, caught fast, and 360 00:24:06,210 --> 00:24:10,430 that is in sound you can hear is the end of a fuse, which is attached to a 361 00:24:10,430 --> 00:24:14,770 detonator and a stick of dynamite in his trousers, along with several other 362 00:24:14,770 --> 00:24:16,170 sticks of dynamite of the same nature. 363 00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:19,010 Is it a fast or slow -burning fuse? 364 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,180 I think it's a slow -burning, sir. Yes, sir, it's definitely a slow -burning 365 00:24:25,180 --> 00:24:29,980 fuse. It's about four feet long, and it, uh, let me see, it should burn at, uh, 366 00:24:30,020 --> 00:24:32,640 a diathermic coefficient... Get on with it! Get on with it! 367 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,280 He's got about four minutes, 53 seconds, sir. 368 00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:38,360 Well, that'll be blown sky -high! 369 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,540 Pull yourself together, gunner thingy. We've got plenty of time to work things 370 00:24:42,540 --> 00:24:47,000 out. Sir, sir, could we, like, pour something over the fuse and distinguish 371 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,580 Charles, how much do you got in that hood? 372 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,100 Pull up, sir. I'll give it to you. Quick, quick, move yourself. 373 00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:54,880 That'll be five rupees, sir. Yes, sir. 374 00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:00,200 Left a bit, left a bit. 375 00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:02,160 No, no, no, no. Right a bit. 376 00:25:02,980 --> 00:25:04,400 Now, left a bit. 377 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:05,760 Oh, dear me. 378 00:25:11,580 --> 00:25:12,580 Is it out? 379 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,400 Still sizzling, sir. 380 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,960 Here, why don't we try swinging him? That might put it out. 381 00:25:18,220 --> 00:25:19,220 Watch yourself. 382 00:25:23,790 --> 00:25:26,270 Sizzling Sergeant Major, sir. Is this any use, Sergeant Major? 383 00:25:27,450 --> 00:25:30,170 Where did you get that from? It was hanging on the wall all the time. It was 384 00:25:30,170 --> 00:25:31,170 hanging on the wall all the time. 385 00:25:37,750 --> 00:25:39,750 The fuse is still sizzling, sir. 386 00:25:40,150 --> 00:25:43,630 We've got three minutes left, sir. Well, either someone goes down another rope 387 00:25:43,630 --> 00:25:45,830 and puts that fuse out, or we run for it. 388 00:25:46,710 --> 00:25:47,710 Let's run for it. 389 00:25:49,450 --> 00:25:50,670 Give me that other rope, Graham. 390 00:25:52,090 --> 00:25:54,130 Pardon me to stop you. I'm still totally brave. 391 00:25:54,430 --> 00:25:55,430 Shut up. 392 00:25:57,730 --> 00:26:03,070 I shan't forget this, Sergeant Major... Sergeant Major... Williams. 393 00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:16,050 Stand still! Stand 394 00:26:16,050 --> 00:26:17,050 still! 395 00:26:26,610 --> 00:26:31,430 Now, I am going to pull the fuse out of the dynamite. 396 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,880 Your Excellency, one of your sons is trying to kill you. But that's quite 397 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,820 absurd. My sons all love me. 398 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,160 But he stored dynamite under your bedroom, sir. He was going to blow you 399 00:27:18,580 --> 00:27:21,280 That dynamite was to make a swimming pool. 400 00:27:21,540 --> 00:27:22,980 The ground here is like iron. 401 00:27:23,340 --> 00:27:26,720 But we had a message from Delhi that one of your seven sons was trying to kill 402 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:27,720 you. Seven? 403 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,240 But I have only five. 404 00:27:29,740 --> 00:27:31,840 The Maharaja of Bharatpur has seven. 405 00:27:34,020 --> 00:27:35,020 Beg your pardon, sir. 406 00:27:35,460 --> 00:27:37,340 Is you not the Maharaja of Bharatpur? 407 00:27:37,940 --> 00:27:44,090 No. I'm the Maharaja of Chotapur. The Maharaja of Chotapur's palace is just 408 00:27:44,090 --> 00:27:45,350 there, just across the river. 409 00:27:45,710 --> 00:27:47,890 A most unpleasant fellow. 410 00:27:48,890 --> 00:27:50,810 You've brought us to the wrong palace, Ashwood. 411 00:27:53,230 --> 00:27:56,970 I say I'm most awfully sorry, sir. 412 00:27:58,130 --> 00:28:03,790 You know, there is an old Hindu proverb which say that if you have something 413 00:28:03,790 --> 00:28:05,630 hissing in your trousers... 414 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,500 This is not necessarily a snake. 415 00:28:49,419 --> 00:28:54,240 Thank you. Thank you.