1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from NaijaPrey.TV 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 3 00:00:49,739 --> 00:00:52,604 Butler Art Restoration. This is Lori, how may I help you? 4 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:59,197 Sallie from... Yeah. Hi. Hi. 5 00:00:59,369 --> 00:01:00,612 Yeah. Long, long time. 6 00:01:00,784 --> 00:01:03,580 Yes. What's up? 7 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,274 Okay. What kind of work? 8 00:01:11,278 --> 00:01:14,212 Yes, I can't do right now... 9 00:01:14,384 --> 00:01:16,317 but I could do this afternoon. 10 00:01:17,422 --> 00:01:19,665 Yeah, there's a pub near where I live. 11 00:01:19,838 --> 00:01:20,908 Shall I send you the address? 12 00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:23,186 Okay. All right. 13 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,405 - I'm so sorry. - That's all right. 14 00:01:36,579 --> 00:01:38,132 - How may I help you? - Yes. 15 00:01:38,305 --> 00:01:40,548 Can I have Red Lantern's noodles, please? 16 00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:42,067 Yep. Red Lantern noodles. 17 00:01:42,688 --> 00:01:45,519 Look, it's eight unfinished canvases. 18 00:01:45,691 --> 00:01:47,348 - Would've been nine. - Fuck off, Barnaby. 19 00:01:47,521 --> 00:01:48,763 Should have been nine. 20 00:01:48,936 --> 00:01:50,075 Ask her why there aren't nine. 21 00:01:50,248 --> 00:01:51,697 Seriously, Barney, fuck you. 22 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:53,561 She tried to do one herself. 23 00:01:53,734 --> 00:01:55,632 - Whatever. - She nicked one. Hang on. 24 00:01:55,805 --> 00:01:57,393 It's actually why we're not allowed around there. 25 00:01:57,565 --> 00:01:58,739 - I took a photo. - Barnaby. 26 00:01:58,842 --> 00:02:01,673 Whatever, it's on here. 3 million pound dump she took. 27 00:02:01,845 --> 00:02:03,399 They weren't worth fuck all. 28 00:02:03,571 --> 00:02:04,676 Yet. 29 00:02:04,779 --> 00:02:06,712 Look, there were a series of barely finished canvases... 30 00:02:06,885 --> 00:02:10,164 with Polaroids stuck on. They were nothing. 31 00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:12,546 Of which "nothings," we have eight... 32 00:02:12,718 --> 00:02:16,239 from Dad's only remaining good period, which he abandoned. 33 00:02:16,412 --> 00:02:18,310 And these are the third series of Christophers? 34 00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:20,588 The point is, he's not going to be here much longer... 35 00:02:20,761 --> 00:02:22,038 and if when he passes... 36 00:02:22,211 --> 00:02:23,488 they go through his third floor storage... 37 00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:25,352 which he doesn't open and never will... 38 00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:28,458 and they happen to find that he's finished... 39 00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:31,496 a previously undiscovered series... 40 00:02:31,668 --> 00:02:34,809 All the original brushes. All the original paints. 41 00:02:34,982 --> 00:02:37,950 On original canvases, that literally, if someone checked... 42 00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:40,746 contain molecular traces of his DNA. 43 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:41,678 They can actually do that. 44 00:02:42,576 --> 00:02:43,473 I'm aware. 45 00:02:45,061 --> 00:02:46,235 So? 46 00:02:47,477 --> 00:02:49,928 You said this was a restoration job. 47 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,586 - It is. - It's a forgery job. 48 00:02:52,758 --> 00:02:54,829 - What? No. No, no. God no, no. - No! 49 00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:58,488 All we we're trying to get you to do is merely complete them. 50 00:02:58,661 --> 00:02:59,593 By forging them. 51 00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:02,251 By forging through them until they're completed. 52 00:03:02,423 --> 00:03:06,255 Look, really, Lori though, does it even matter? 53 00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:10,673 What are you talking about? Of course it matters. 54 00:03:10,845 --> 00:03:13,158 Yeah, does it though? Actually? 55 00:03:13,365 --> 00:03:16,782 I mean, Dad has his assistants complete his paintings all the time. 56 00:03:16,955 --> 00:03:18,991 Yes, but these he's hardly even started. 57 00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:20,027 How do you know he didn't already have them... 58 00:03:20,130 --> 00:03:21,891 all mapped out in his head, Lori? 59 00:03:22,063 --> 00:03:24,169 Two months ago, a piece from Dad's first set... 60 00:03:24,342 --> 00:03:25,584 of Christophers sold at a Russian auction... 61 00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:29,830 for 3 million plus. A piece from the second set, 3.5 in China. 62 00:03:30,313 --> 00:03:33,247 His style, as I'm sure you found out... 63 00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:37,389 is unique and quite hard to replicate. 64 00:03:37,872 --> 00:03:40,737 - You can though. - I don't know about that. 65 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,397 Central Saint Martins. Week one, our very first assignment. 66 00:03:45,570 --> 00:03:48,400 Come up with a series of works in the style of the artist... 67 00:03:48,573 --> 00:03:50,126 who inspired you the most. 68 00:03:50,540 --> 00:03:52,784 I saw it, Lori, with my own eyes. 69 00:03:52,956 --> 00:03:55,959 Ah, yes. That was a very long time ago though. 70 00:03:56,546 --> 00:03:58,307 And since then, well, you know... 71 00:03:58,479 --> 00:04:01,724 you've seen what I've said about him. 72 00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:04,105 Didn't you guys meet once? 73 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:07,316 Am I remembering that rightly back when we were at college? 74 00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:10,319 We know why you hate him is the point. 75 00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:13,736 Think of this as a way to get revenge. 76 00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:14,771 Just do the numbers, Lori. 77 00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:17,360 Everybody knows what one original Julian Sklar... 78 00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:18,948 from that period is worth. 79 00:05:31,296 --> 00:05:32,746 Other door. 80 00:05:48,762 --> 00:05:49,590 Hello? 81 00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:01,947 Fragile and timeless. 82 00:06:04,122 --> 00:06:06,745 Let's go with soft lights. 83 00:06:13,718 --> 00:06:17,066 A bamboo chute, which has pierced... 84 00:06:17,307 --> 00:06:20,483 Adrian's naval and has... 85 00:06:20,656 --> 00:06:25,108 Oh God, I don't know, sprung a rose, at which you then... 86 00:06:25,281 --> 00:06:29,527 stare, transfixed, and so I say... 87 00:06:30,251 --> 00:06:32,219 happy anniversary. 88 00:06:32,944 --> 00:06:36,430 35 years is too long to sustain a relationship... 89 00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:38,743 as we're all designed to be dead by then... 90 00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:42,505 evolutionarily speaking, so kudos... 91 00:06:42,678 --> 00:06:45,715 to modern science for making generations... 92 00:06:45,888 --> 00:06:50,962 feel like failures at love, except, apparently, you... 93 00:06:51,134 --> 00:06:53,792 Adrian and Linda... 94 00:06:53,965 --> 00:06:56,933 and for that I congratulate you both. 95 00:06:57,175 --> 00:07:01,524 Julian Sklar, signing off. 96 00:07:05,355 --> 00:07:07,979 Hello? 97 00:07:08,911 --> 00:07:10,982 I'm here for the four o'clock? 98 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,674 It's up one more. 99 00:07:14,364 --> 00:07:17,920 Antanas. Is that a name? 100 00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:22,234 And does it even matter as it's unpronounceable... 101 00:07:22,407 --> 00:07:23,546 and does violence to the ear. 102 00:07:23,719 --> 00:07:26,307 So I shall call you Tony. 103 00:07:26,756 --> 00:07:29,621 And for your birthday, Tony... 104 00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:31,934 imagine me drawing you a tiger... 105 00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:36,559 upon which you are gallantly perched... 106 00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:40,080 in your sleeveless Tottenham Hotspur shirt. 107 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:43,946 Which at 48 you are far too old to be wearing. 108 00:07:44,118 --> 00:07:45,706 And I am Julian Sklar. 109 00:07:45,879 --> 00:07:50,021 And here I am signing off. 110 00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:53,231 Tea, coffee, water? 111 00:07:56,027 --> 00:07:58,926 Oh, thank you. 112 00:07:59,099 --> 00:08:00,928 Water would be great actually, yes. 113 00:08:01,101 --> 00:08:04,967 Well, be a dear, and grab me one as well. Just by the front door. 114 00:08:06,865 --> 00:08:09,281 Jeremy. 115 00:08:09,627 --> 00:08:12,388 Jeremy, you again? 116 00:08:28,438 --> 00:08:32,028 Alisa, Julian Sklar here. 117 00:08:32,822 --> 00:08:36,446 Your mother would like me to tell you not to quit art school. 118 00:08:36,619 --> 00:08:40,036 Seriously though, do. 119 00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:42,660 Those clowns at Camberwell will poison you... 120 00:08:42,832 --> 00:08:45,455 with their Sainsbury's aisles and ideas... 121 00:08:45,628 --> 00:08:48,355 processed, packed in plastic. 122 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,772 The stalest up front so that you buy into those first. 123 00:08:51,945 --> 00:08:55,845 Grow your own, I say. Go organic! 124 00:08:56,466 --> 00:08:58,814 Although I hear that's all rubbish too. 125 00:08:58,986 --> 00:09:01,817 Do you know how much plastic we eat in a week? 126 00:09:02,714 --> 00:09:04,336 A credit card's worth. 127 00:09:04,509 --> 00:09:07,477 It's in the water now. It's hopeless. 128 00:09:07,926 --> 00:09:11,792 So happy birthday, stay in school, blah, blah. 129 00:09:11,965 --> 00:09:15,520 I'm Julian Sklar and here I am as I always am... 130 00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:17,591 signing off. 131 00:09:22,527 --> 00:09:24,633 149 pounds. 132 00:09:28,188 --> 00:09:29,845 249 if I sign. 133 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,470 - Oh water? - Yeah. 134 00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:37,853 Thank you. Never get old. 135 00:09:38,819 --> 00:09:40,165 Oh, I'm sorry. 136 00:09:41,442 --> 00:09:44,273 Oh, Lori Butler. 137 00:09:44,445 --> 00:09:46,827 Never get old, Lori Butler. 138 00:09:47,517 --> 00:09:49,347 Yes, would you sit? 139 00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:57,113 It's been a while since I interviewed an assistant. 140 00:09:57,562 --> 00:09:59,875 So, tell me about yourself. 141 00:10:00,047 --> 00:10:02,774 However, if you are a painter... 142 00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,501 I don't want to know about it. 143 00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:07,192 And do dispense with the... 144 00:10:07,296 --> 00:10:11,438 "big fan, you were with me through" whatever drudgery... 145 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,440 your life's journey has taken you. 146 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:17,893 Heartbreak, blah, blah, grieving. Because we both know... 147 00:10:18,065 --> 00:10:21,931 that's a lie as I've done nothing but shit in 30 years. 148 00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:23,933 Nothing at all in 20. 149 00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:27,903 "You made me want to be an artist." No, my dear. 150 00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:30,146 Your fucked-up childhood made you want to be an artist. 151 00:10:30,319 --> 00:10:34,185 I'm just what you tripped over as you scurried to freedom. 152 00:10:39,086 --> 00:10:40,432 Lori is it? 153 00:10:42,262 --> 00:10:45,886 If you claim to be a fan of that hideous reality show... 154 00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:49,890 Art Fight, you may show yourself out now. 155 00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:55,206 Even the creators of that pandering pig slop weren't fans. 156 00:10:55,689 --> 00:11:00,176 And I realize this makes it challenging to find a compliment... 157 00:11:00,349 --> 00:11:02,351 that doesn't read like obsequiousness. 158 00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,629 And for that to have my sympathies. 159 00:11:05,043 --> 00:11:07,425 Because don't get me wrong, I like my flattery. 160 00:11:07,597 --> 00:11:09,461 I just need to believe it. 161 00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:13,983 So for now, I'll take, "I am a woman, and I don't hate you, Julian." 162 00:11:14,363 --> 00:11:17,262 They hate me, the women, even more than the men. 163 00:11:18,091 --> 00:11:20,265 I was bisexual, Lori... 164 00:11:20,438 --> 00:11:23,752 when it actually cost something to say so. 165 00:11:24,062 --> 00:11:27,031 Are you any good with humidifiers? 166 00:11:28,791 --> 00:11:30,379 I'm sorry. 167 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:34,210 Well, I'm told that I would benefit from the use of a humidifier... 168 00:11:34,866 --> 00:11:36,868 and the infographics... 169 00:11:37,904 --> 00:11:40,354 they burn a shadow on the retina... 170 00:11:41,908 --> 00:11:45,256 arrows into screw holes, into arrows... 171 00:11:46,913 --> 00:11:48,777 into whatever shapes those are. 172 00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:52,056 Would you like some help in assembling your humidifier? 173 00:11:52,573 --> 00:11:55,335 Well, though I hesitate to take you up on your very kind offer... 174 00:11:57,475 --> 00:11:59,477 begrudgingly, thank you. 175 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:06,553 So, we've established you are not an artist... 176 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:11,627 and you're not a fan and you may or may not be bisexual. 177 00:12:12,076 --> 00:12:13,905 Oh, which reminds me... 178 00:12:14,078 --> 00:12:17,495 there are recent editions on the Wikipedia... 179 00:12:17,909 --> 00:12:21,050 quotes taken out of context and one in context... 180 00:12:21,223 --> 00:12:25,261 but spoken while inebriated and thus I can't be held accountable. 181 00:12:27,263 --> 00:12:29,472 Ah, but what I said was true... 182 00:12:30,025 --> 00:12:34,339 over 75% of enrollment in the art schools is women. 183 00:12:34,512 --> 00:12:36,341 And my question was simply a question... 184 00:12:36,514 --> 00:12:41,277 why then are women not in 75% percent of museums, Lori? 185 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,005 You did say it was Lori? 186 00:12:46,835 --> 00:12:49,044 On the subject of Lori... 187 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,910 what did they tell you about this job? 188 00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:56,810 - They? - Yes, my offspring. 189 00:12:56,983 --> 00:13:00,641 The dud Barnaby and the harridan Sallie. 190 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:04,714 Yeah, they said you were hiring an assistant... 191 00:13:04,887 --> 00:13:08,684 to help catalog some of your things so they can be valued... 192 00:13:08,857 --> 00:13:11,273 by the HMRC or something like that. 193 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,897 And they recommended you highly... 194 00:13:15,070 --> 00:13:18,452 which is frankly why I'm a tad suspicious. 195 00:13:18,901 --> 00:13:21,662 I must be reminded not to carry things. 196 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:22,802 Oh! 197 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:25,597 That's according to my osteo... 198 00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:27,737 a smallish man named Cyril. 199 00:13:27,910 --> 00:13:29,532 Interesting tidbit about Cyril... 200 00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:31,396 he smells of radishes. 201 00:13:32,466 --> 00:13:33,916 Why? 202 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:39,025 This isn't about the unfinished Christophers, is it? 203 00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:43,684 If so, you must tell me because I won't paint them. 204 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,825 I can't paint them. And please don't ask. 205 00:13:45,997 --> 00:13:48,206 Please don't even speak of them. 206 00:13:48,379 --> 00:13:50,105 Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't what you're talking about. 207 00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:51,244 Well, my children are obsessed with them... 208 00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:53,073 and I wouldn't have put it past them if this... 209 00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:55,696 had been somehow about that. 210 00:13:56,352 --> 00:13:59,873 Oh, they're not even clever. Those two, they're wrecks. 211 00:14:00,218 --> 00:14:03,083 She, a train wreck, utterly off the rails... 212 00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:07,743 and he a shipwreck sunken and waterlogged. 213 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:10,642 Blame their mothers, not me. I had nothing to do with them. 214 00:14:13,162 --> 00:14:14,681 I would not be surprised, Lori... 215 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,857 if this was not so that HMRC may, quote... 216 00:14:18,029 --> 00:14:20,066 "assess the value of my estate..." 217 00:14:20,238 --> 00:14:23,966 but so that my children could get intel on whether... 218 00:14:24,139 --> 00:14:26,382 I was truly leaving them nothing. 219 00:14:26,555 --> 00:14:29,144 Ah, she has risen! 220 00:14:29,972 --> 00:14:33,182 My masseuse Esme, who is a gift from the heavens. 221 00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:34,459 - Hi. - Hi. 222 00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:36,565 Where I apparently have been mistaken for someone else. 223 00:14:36,737 --> 00:14:39,913 She's here at the insistence of Cyril the radish... 224 00:14:40,086 --> 00:14:42,088 who says I must be kinder to my joints. 225 00:14:44,021 --> 00:14:47,334 It's all a faff, you know, HMRC adore me. 226 00:14:47,507 --> 00:14:49,302 I haven't paid taxes in a decade... 227 00:14:49,474 --> 00:14:52,201 but they've still got one of my Garbage Twelves... 228 00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:54,686 in their lobby in Parliament Street. 229 00:14:55,273 --> 00:14:58,276 And, alas, here it is. 230 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:03,799 A life to be summed up. Itemised. 231 00:15:04,075 --> 00:15:06,215 Julian Sklar: The Spreadsheet. 232 00:15:06,388 --> 00:15:10,081 I don't even know what's up there in the room above us. 233 00:15:10,288 --> 00:15:12,152 And the door's been locked for decades. 234 00:15:12,325 --> 00:15:14,258 So, I shan't know even going forward... 235 00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:16,639 should there be any forward left. 236 00:15:17,606 --> 00:15:22,335 Yes. To the great displeasure of the buzzard Barnaby... 237 00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:25,303 and the hyena Sallie... 238 00:15:25,476 --> 00:15:28,617 I have outlived the actuarial prediction of... 239 00:15:28,789 --> 00:15:32,586 even the direst of those foolish enough to insure me. 240 00:15:34,623 --> 00:15:37,143 At one point that had been the goal to live forever. 241 00:15:37,315 --> 00:15:39,697 And I should have liked to have bequeathed... 242 00:15:39,869 --> 00:15:42,251 that task to my art, but... 243 00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:45,668 sadly my art, not unlike my talent... 244 00:15:46,497 --> 00:15:49,707 departed this life long ago when, apparently... 245 00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:51,502 I was not paying attention. 246 00:15:52,572 --> 00:15:53,711 Excellent interview. 247 00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:57,163 I like you, Lori Butler. 248 00:15:57,335 --> 00:16:00,131 What about tomorrow at the crack of noon? 249 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,547 Yeah, great. 250 00:16:25,087 --> 00:16:26,192 What's up? 251 00:16:27,641 --> 00:16:29,678 Yes, 12:00 p.m. tomorrow. 252 00:16:31,404 --> 00:16:34,165 Well, I have no idea. I don't know what it's like up there. 253 00:16:34,338 --> 00:16:35,753 I don't know if they're even there. 254 00:16:38,894 --> 00:16:41,310 Well, I would need the keys for it first, wouldn't I? 255 00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:45,556 When I know. 256 00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:49,732 Sallie, I will call you when I know... 257 00:16:49,905 --> 00:16:51,700 if he even has the paintings. 258 00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:53,460 Jesus. 259 00:17:19,452 --> 00:17:21,143 - You all right? - Hi. 260 00:17:53,002 --> 00:17:57,697 Perhaps it's simply "The Reason My Therapist Chose... 261 00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:01,666 "Early Retirement Number Seven." 262 00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:05,498 And next time, my dear, you have the urge to express yourself... 263 00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:08,328 why don't you nip down to Boots... 264 00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:11,883 and get yourself a pencil and a notebook. 265 00:18:12,056 --> 00:18:14,403 It's a lot cheaper. 266 00:18:19,201 --> 00:18:21,169 What I can't stand about painting... 267 00:18:21,341 --> 00:18:23,930 is you paint from the heart, from the soul... 268 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,277 you give yourself to everything you can. 269 00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:28,279 You pour it onto the canvas... 270 00:18:28,452 --> 00:18:32,214 and then some bloody agent comes along and takes 45%. 271 00:18:32,387 --> 00:18:34,251 Well no more. 272 00:18:34,803 --> 00:18:35,700 Well, they're quite a bargain. 273 00:18:35,804 --> 00:18:37,185 I do believe someone has walked away with... 274 00:18:37,357 --> 00:18:38,565 a potentially 2 million pound... 275 00:18:38,669 --> 00:18:40,947 painting for 1,100 pounds. How do you feel about that? 276 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,190 It would be a bargain at 2 million... 277 00:18:42,293 --> 00:18:45,193 but whatever they pay, I'm happy with. Thank you. 278 00:18:45,365 --> 00:18:46,746 Well, they are all stunning. 279 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:47,816 Thank you very much. 280 00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,473 Of course the question on everyone's lips is... 281 00:18:49,645 --> 00:18:51,199 will the Christophers be making... 282 00:18:51,371 --> 00:18:52,648 an appearance on the pavement today? 283 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,513 The Christophers... 284 00:18:58,516 --> 00:19:00,173 No, they're indoors somewhere. 285 00:19:00,346 --> 00:19:03,142 They're private matters. Private affairs. 286 00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:18,295 Other door. 287 00:19:31,273 --> 00:19:32,447 Hello? 288 00:19:35,070 --> 00:19:36,313 Hello? 289 00:19:39,074 --> 00:19:40,248 Hello. 290 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,354 Oh, coming! 291 00:19:44,113 --> 00:19:46,599 Come in. 292 00:19:48,325 --> 00:19:50,810 Do you mind me in my dressing grown? 293 00:19:52,812 --> 00:19:54,607 Actually, I do. 294 00:19:58,611 --> 00:19:59,543 Okay. 295 00:20:03,754 --> 00:20:08,345 Weinstein has ruined the robe for the rest of us. 296 00:20:11,382 --> 00:20:12,349 You needn't have worried. 297 00:20:12,452 --> 00:20:15,455 I can't bear the sight of it open myself. 298 00:20:17,112 --> 00:20:18,700 Even when alone. 299 00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:26,811 Studio. This way. 300 00:20:29,573 --> 00:20:31,091 The locksmith should-- 301 00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:32,955 We shall take the scenic route. 302 00:20:33,162 --> 00:20:36,959 Yep, if he can't find a key for what's up there... 303 00:20:37,132 --> 00:20:39,583 he'll have to change out the whole third floor door lock. 304 00:20:41,343 --> 00:20:44,312 I'll get him to make you a copy as well. 305 00:20:45,727 --> 00:20:47,867 But no copies for the kids. 306 00:20:48,868 --> 00:20:50,835 However hard they beg. 307 00:20:51,008 --> 00:20:55,737 Oh, now that was once an entire dinosaur. 308 00:20:55,909 --> 00:20:58,912 Only had room inside for three, as it happened. 309 00:20:59,568 --> 00:21:04,711 A fact that Ringo found out the hard way. 310 00:21:05,643 --> 00:21:10,027 And oh, not the Ringo you are thinking about. 311 00:21:10,476 --> 00:21:14,928 - No, this one was French. - Right. 312 00:21:17,931 --> 00:21:21,038 So, what is other Lori? 313 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:25,387 Am I allowed to ask if she has a boyfriend? 314 00:21:26,423 --> 00:21:28,528 I mean, no. 315 00:21:29,046 --> 00:21:30,772 No she doesn't? 316 00:21:30,944 --> 00:21:32,532 No, you're not allowed. 317 00:21:34,016 --> 00:21:34,983 Noted. 318 00:21:38,435 --> 00:21:39,919 Why not though? 319 00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:43,336 Well, firstly, we're at work. 320 00:21:43,716 --> 00:21:47,651 Nonsense. It's not like we cease to be ourselves... 321 00:21:47,823 --> 00:21:50,516 simply by crossing some conceptual boundary. 322 00:21:50,688 --> 00:21:53,829 Here I am at work and here I'm at home. Ask away. 323 00:21:54,002 --> 00:21:55,624 At work. Oh don't you dare. 324 00:21:56,142 --> 00:21:57,316 All yours. 325 00:21:58,558 --> 00:22:01,043 You can't ask me in either place... 326 00:22:01,216 --> 00:22:05,876 because you are my employer, which means you hold the power. 327 00:22:06,048 --> 00:22:09,673 And I should use it to ask if you have a partner. 328 00:22:10,536 --> 00:22:13,021 If you'll explain its relevance. 329 00:22:13,228 --> 00:22:15,644 The relevance is that I'm curious. 330 00:22:17,232 --> 00:22:20,511 And who wouldn't want to bring their life into their work? 331 00:22:20,684 --> 00:22:24,515 Unless, well, right. 332 00:22:24,688 --> 00:22:27,104 Yes, well, never mind. You said that you weren't an artist. 333 00:22:27,276 --> 00:22:28,450 Actually you said that. 334 00:22:28,554 --> 00:22:31,177 Well, I swear that we had that conversation yesterday. 335 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,765 Well, you know there was speaking if that's what you mean. 336 00:22:33,731 --> 00:22:36,078 Well, did I not ask questions? 337 00:22:37,632 --> 00:22:39,772 My children say that I don't ask questions. 338 00:22:40,842 --> 00:22:42,602 And actually by definition... 339 00:22:42,775 --> 00:22:44,846 did I not ask questions is a question. 340 00:22:45,018 --> 00:22:46,123 My children are idiots. 341 00:22:46,468 --> 00:22:49,160 I've no problem with questions, Lori. 342 00:22:49,471 --> 00:22:51,715 It's the answers that I can't be bothered with. 343 00:22:53,302 --> 00:22:57,583 Now you remember that I told you that you were never... 344 00:22:57,755 --> 00:23:00,102 - to speak of the Christophers. - Mm-hmm. 345 00:23:00,275 --> 00:23:03,312 Well, apparently I lied. You are to speak of them once... 346 00:23:03,485 --> 00:23:06,108 when you tell me that they are no more. 347 00:23:07,455 --> 00:23:09,180 No more? 348 00:23:09,353 --> 00:23:12,529 The canvases are buried deep in the back of the third floor... 349 00:23:12,701 --> 00:23:16,464 and you are to bring them down here and shred them to bits. 350 00:23:18,293 --> 00:23:21,192 I'm to shred the Christophers? 351 00:23:21,365 --> 00:23:23,505 What? Oh, they're not Christophers. 352 00:23:24,126 --> 00:23:26,784 They are musings on ideas that could have been Christophers. 353 00:23:26,957 --> 00:23:30,236 And you are to obliterate them and destroy the stretchers. 354 00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:31,237 And then bring me the evidence... 355 00:23:31,340 --> 00:23:34,205 because I shan't go near them myself. 356 00:23:34,378 --> 00:23:36,069 Okay. 357 00:23:36,242 --> 00:23:38,347 Would you like me to leave them here when they're shredded? 358 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,488 Yes. 359 00:23:40,936 --> 00:23:43,076 It's not that I don't trust you, Lori. 360 00:23:44,595 --> 00:23:47,909 The box cutter. 361 00:23:48,219 --> 00:23:49,876 It's just that I don't trust you. 362 00:23:52,016 --> 00:23:55,157 Ah, that'll be the locksmith and the facialist... 363 00:23:55,330 --> 00:23:58,954 whom I find to be nothing more than a 90 minute endurance test. 364 00:23:59,127 --> 00:24:02,648 However, Esme demands that I'm kinder to my skin. 365 00:24:02,820 --> 00:24:06,928 So I shall brace myself and go. 366 00:24:19,181 --> 00:24:20,907 Lockbox is sorted. 367 00:24:21,390 --> 00:24:23,427 Spare front door key... 368 00:24:24,152 --> 00:24:26,879 and third floor set to go with the new door lock. 369 00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:48,018 Oh! 370 00:30:48,122 --> 00:30:51,228 I've changed my mind. They shall not be shredded. 371 00:30:52,436 --> 00:30:54,093 Okay. Okay. 372 00:30:54,473 --> 00:30:56,026 They shall be burned. 373 00:30:57,407 --> 00:31:00,686 All right? Yeah, sure. I will sort it. 374 00:31:00,997 --> 00:31:02,826 It is sorted. 375 00:31:03,689 --> 00:31:07,762 We shall do it together. Which is to say you shall do it... 376 00:31:07,935 --> 00:31:09,868 and I shall watch. 377 00:31:12,111 --> 00:31:14,079 It's a bit early for you though, isn't it? 378 00:31:14,251 --> 00:31:16,322 Well, I have been up all night. 379 00:31:17,013 --> 00:31:21,362 And I shan't sleep until they are smoldering ash. 380 00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:27,816 Yes? 381 00:31:28,334 --> 00:31:30,785 I'm curious, what kept you awake? 382 00:31:31,199 --> 00:31:34,962 Cascading memories of wrongs done to me since my childhood. 383 00:31:35,238 --> 00:31:37,896 They came as if from a kinetoscope. 384 00:31:38,482 --> 00:31:39,380 Hmm. 385 00:31:40,070 --> 00:31:41,727 Look it up, it's with a K. 386 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:46,559 Now to the fire pit. Follow me or I shall burn them myself. 387 00:31:47,008 --> 00:31:50,149 Have you ever been betrayed, Lori? 388 00:31:50,322 --> 00:31:54,464 Oh, I mean hasn't everybody? 389 00:31:55,810 --> 00:31:58,399 Can be quite painful. Can it not? 390 00:31:59,089 --> 00:32:01,712 No matter what the relationship with the betrayer. 391 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,925 And how were you betrayed, Lori? 392 00:32:09,272 --> 00:32:13,138 I once had a partner who left me. 393 00:32:13,310 --> 00:32:18,143 Oh my God. Your generation does whine about everything. 394 00:32:20,973 --> 00:32:23,079 Left me for my other partner. 395 00:32:23,251 --> 00:32:25,598 Oh, be still my beating heart. 396 00:32:27,807 --> 00:32:29,671 Was this a throuple? 397 00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:33,917 It was a consensual relationship between three adults. Yeah. 398 00:32:34,090 --> 00:32:36,575 Oh my, oh my, oh my. 399 00:32:37,852 --> 00:32:40,061 You know, I was once in a throuple... 400 00:32:41,097 --> 00:32:44,410 back when it was merely called infidelity. 401 00:32:44,583 --> 00:32:47,379 No, that-- Nevermind. 402 00:32:53,523 --> 00:32:57,009 Right, you toss them on. 403 00:32:58,597 --> 00:33:00,564 Oh, you seem hesitant. 404 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,913 Yeah, I mean they're Julian Sklars. 405 00:33:05,086 --> 00:33:06,605 Oh, please. 406 00:33:08,676 --> 00:33:10,471 May I ask what's going on? 407 00:33:10,643 --> 00:33:14,302 Oh, the great, "What's going on?" Yes. What's going on? 408 00:33:14,475 --> 00:33:16,995 That is the question of the day, isn't it? 409 00:33:17,754 --> 00:33:21,516 In the fire pit now, please. 410 00:33:38,292 --> 00:33:41,640 Right. And now we need the turpentine and matches. 411 00:33:41,812 --> 00:33:43,159 So crack on, Lori. 412 00:33:44,229 --> 00:33:46,403 First we have a little chat. 413 00:33:48,060 --> 00:33:51,098 Sit. If you would. 414 00:33:59,796 --> 00:34:03,248 And on the subject of what is going on... 415 00:34:05,491 --> 00:34:10,393 Perhaps you would like to tell me exactly why you are here. 416 00:34:12,567 --> 00:34:17,020 I mean... To pay my rent. 417 00:34:17,296 --> 00:34:20,058 And why did you seek and then take this job? 418 00:34:24,476 --> 00:34:29,308 You did tell me not to mention if I was an artist... 419 00:34:29,481 --> 00:34:34,037 or a fan, but I thought maybe I'd learn something... 420 00:34:34,210 --> 00:34:36,108 by being in your vicinity. 421 00:34:36,557 --> 00:34:37,696 Really? 422 00:34:39,215 --> 00:34:41,493 Learn what exactly? 423 00:34:44,116 --> 00:34:46,912 Perhaps "how a man... 424 00:34:47,568 --> 00:34:50,881 "once a paradigm of progressive politics... 425 00:34:51,227 --> 00:34:54,022 "could morph into the apotheosis of everything... 426 00:34:54,195 --> 00:34:55,714 "that is currently wrong... 427 00:34:55,886 --> 00:35:00,374 "with everything artistically and economically?" 428 00:35:00,546 --> 00:35:05,586 Or how a "bloated ego in yesterday's beret..." 429 00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:09,314 could "squat on property unaffordable... 430 00:35:09,486 --> 00:35:12,627 "and hence uninhabitable for generations to come..." 431 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:16,631 whose "only outrage at so-called "canceled culture" came... 432 00:35:16,804 --> 00:35:19,841 "once he had been justifiably canceled himself." 433 00:35:20,566 --> 00:35:24,225 "Justifiably," says his future assistant... 434 00:35:26,296 --> 00:35:29,334 on January the 3rd, 2022. 435 00:35:32,337 --> 00:35:35,616 And she goes on. "Bloviating..." 436 00:35:35,892 --> 00:35:38,998 she says, "in the voice of the very thing, not just his work... 437 00:35:39,171 --> 00:35:43,244 "but his entire being so vociferously railed against joining... 438 00:35:43,417 --> 00:35:46,213 "his once impressive ascension..." 439 00:35:46,385 --> 00:35:48,491 which preceded the "artistic immolation..." 440 00:35:48,663 --> 00:35:50,424 "and subsequent "crash and burn..." 441 00:35:50,596 --> 00:35:54,152 into the "soulless junk heap of irrelevance..." 442 00:35:54,324 --> 00:35:58,156 reserved for those who have "exploded our culture... 443 00:35:58,328 --> 00:36:01,607 "and imploded their legacy." 444 00:36:03,333 --> 00:36:06,647 "And will his work even last? 445 00:36:07,199 --> 00:36:11,030 "Or will it go the way of the lava lamp and the leisure suit? 446 00:36:11,203 --> 00:36:14,724 "And if it doesn't, shouldn't it?" 447 00:36:18,797 --> 00:36:20,316 Not even "should it." 448 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,836 "Shouldn't it." 449 00:36:33,018 --> 00:36:37,919 Never underestimate the internet prowess of a man... 450 00:36:38,334 --> 00:36:41,199 who has spent decades googling himself. 451 00:36:45,548 --> 00:36:47,929 So, why are you here? 452 00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:54,246 I was hired by Barnaby and Sallie... 453 00:36:54,419 --> 00:36:56,766 to complete the unfinished Christophers. 454 00:37:01,391 --> 00:37:03,359 - Really? - Yeah. 455 00:37:06,500 --> 00:37:08,191 Why? 456 00:37:08,950 --> 00:37:13,438 So they could have something from you. I guess, when you die. 457 00:37:16,303 --> 00:37:18,201 - You mean to sell? - Yeah. 458 00:37:18,374 --> 00:37:20,238 Just to sell? 459 00:37:21,998 --> 00:37:24,587 So the idea would be... 460 00:37:27,693 --> 00:37:31,214 I would return them to the third floor... 461 00:37:31,525 --> 00:37:33,285 where they would sit. 462 00:37:34,182 --> 00:37:36,392 - Until I died. - Yeah. 463 00:37:40,534 --> 00:37:42,294 And you know them how? 464 00:37:44,331 --> 00:37:47,955 Sallie and I met in art school. 465 00:37:48,818 --> 00:37:50,337 You know, she went by a different last name... 466 00:37:50,509 --> 00:37:52,373 but we all knew. 467 00:37:52,891 --> 00:37:56,308 Well, the school knew. She would never have got in on her talent. 468 00:37:57,102 --> 00:38:01,002 She said that she and her brother had a job for me. 469 00:38:03,004 --> 00:38:07,526 Well, it is the smartest thing they thought of in decades. 470 00:38:07,699 --> 00:38:09,873 I'll give them that. And your cut? 471 00:38:12,393 --> 00:38:13,912 A third. 472 00:38:15,638 --> 00:38:18,641 And what makes you think that you could do it? 473 00:38:20,056 --> 00:38:22,576 Well, they said that you were never up there. 474 00:38:24,094 --> 00:38:25,579 No! 475 00:38:25,751 --> 00:38:28,685 What makes you think you could actually do it? Do it! 476 00:38:30,756 --> 00:38:33,828 Well, the original brushes are all up there. 477 00:38:34,588 --> 00:38:39,765 The paints, the palette knives, the linseed, the rags. 478 00:38:40,594 --> 00:38:43,493 Those Kendall Plushes have been deadstock for decades. 479 00:38:43,666 --> 00:38:46,289 The microfibres alone would vet huge. 480 00:38:46,462 --> 00:38:47,566 Well, you must know that your very premise... 481 00:38:47,670 --> 00:38:51,190 that it is the correct equipment which makes the work... 482 00:38:51,363 --> 00:38:53,365 the work, is bollocks. 483 00:38:55,885 --> 00:38:58,370 I guess that's where the art of it comes in. 484 00:38:59,647 --> 00:39:00,890 Art? 485 00:39:03,202 --> 00:39:08,000 That's the part I am most interested in, I guess. 486 00:39:08,173 --> 00:39:10,002 The art of what? 487 00:39:12,004 --> 00:39:13,730 Becoming someone else. 488 00:39:14,075 --> 00:39:16,423 Oh, poo. 489 00:39:18,425 --> 00:39:21,393 Get yourself your own mindset, Lori Butler. 490 00:39:21,566 --> 00:39:24,534 You inhabit that. You don't squat in mine. 491 00:39:25,397 --> 00:39:26,812 It takes guts. 492 00:39:27,503 --> 00:39:28,814 It takes blood. 493 00:39:28,918 --> 00:39:32,749 It took my blood, and don't you think you can bleed for me. 494 00:39:34,164 --> 00:39:36,374 Oh, and it seems that you are not the only person... 495 00:39:36,546 --> 00:39:40,550 in this room who wishes that you were someone else. 496 00:39:40,723 --> 00:39:42,276 I understand. I'm going to go. 497 00:39:42,449 --> 00:39:45,555 You are in my home. You have lied to me. 498 00:39:45,728 --> 00:39:47,039 You have betrayed me. 499 00:39:48,662 --> 00:39:50,008 And you are, at least for the time being... 500 00:39:50,180 --> 00:39:51,630 still in my employment. 501 00:39:51,803 --> 00:39:56,048 So do an old "bloviating bloated ego" a kindness... 502 00:39:56,221 --> 00:40:00,950 and grab a stretched blank canvas from upstairs. 503 00:40:01,122 --> 00:40:02,883 - What? - Any size. 504 00:40:03,055 --> 00:40:05,126 You've seen yourself, there are dozens. 505 00:40:06,921 --> 00:40:08,233 Why? 506 00:40:08,682 --> 00:40:10,131 Because I have one more question for you. 507 00:40:10,304 --> 00:40:12,340 And believe me, I shall pay... 508 00:40:12,513 --> 00:40:13,963 particular attention to your answer. 509 00:40:14,135 --> 00:40:17,449 And after that, by all means, you are free to leave. 510 00:40:35,812 --> 00:40:36,848 On there. 511 00:40:50,931 --> 00:40:52,208 My question. 512 00:40:54,486 --> 00:40:57,524 You say you can paint in my style. 513 00:41:01,286 --> 00:41:02,598 Do it then. 514 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,912 That's not a question. 515 00:41:09,018 --> 00:41:11,503 Will you paint what you believe I would paint... 516 00:41:13,401 --> 00:41:15,749 were I whomever you think I was... 517 00:41:15,921 --> 00:41:20,201 whenever you think I was whatever you think I was? 518 00:41:24,999 --> 00:41:27,208 - No. - No. Because you can't. 519 00:41:33,836 --> 00:41:35,562 - Case closed. - I'm not going to do this. 520 00:41:36,045 --> 00:41:38,116 Thank you for the job. And I'm sorry. 521 00:41:38,772 --> 00:41:40,498 How would you know... 522 00:41:41,982 --> 00:41:46,158 how I would've painted them when even I don't know... 523 00:41:47,988 --> 00:41:49,852 how I would have painted them? 524 00:41:51,163 --> 00:41:54,339 I actually am truly sorry. 525 00:42:06,765 --> 00:42:09,975 The first Christopher series, 1994 and '95... 526 00:42:10,148 --> 00:42:13,185 have a very distinct trajectory in my mind. 527 00:42:13,531 --> 00:42:16,257 The marks on number one are tentative. 528 00:42:16,430 --> 00:42:20,434 There's a delicacy verging on a kind of inadvertent pointillism. 529 00:42:20,607 --> 00:42:22,160 At least in the undercoat. 530 00:42:22,332 --> 00:42:24,611 The colors warm with each successive layer. 531 00:42:24,990 --> 00:42:27,924 The bottoms are all Prussian blues, cherry reds... 532 00:42:28,097 --> 00:42:30,858 but as the layers rise, the reds get rustier. 533 00:42:31,134 --> 00:42:34,655 You even used ochre, a shade you told David Sylvester was... 534 00:42:34,828 --> 00:42:36,450 "sentimental slop." 535 00:42:36,830 --> 00:42:38,659 In the third and fourth the lac got denser... 536 00:42:38,832 --> 00:42:40,627 and the oils thickened. 537 00:42:40,834 --> 00:42:44,285 There was a liftedness, almost like you were dancing. 538 00:42:44,734 --> 00:42:47,150 The paint was literally coming off the canvas... 539 00:42:47,323 --> 00:42:49,049 and there was more light around his face... 540 00:42:49,428 --> 00:42:52,121 as his look moved more and more to the center. 541 00:42:52,293 --> 00:42:53,640 Towards his creator. 542 00:42:55,331 --> 00:42:56,884 What are you saying then? 543 00:42:57,678 --> 00:42:58,817 You were falling in love... 544 00:42:58,990 --> 00:43:01,475 and for the first time you were free. 545 00:43:01,958 --> 00:43:03,684 I believe you came out then. 546 00:43:03,857 --> 00:43:05,375 At least publicly. 547 00:43:06,238 --> 00:43:10,726 But in the second series, 1997, '98, it shifted. 548 00:43:10,898 --> 00:43:12,348 By the fifth in series two... 549 00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:14,419 you can see the hesitation in the line. 550 00:43:14,799 --> 00:43:16,973 The pressure becomes uneven. 551 00:43:17,284 --> 00:43:21,219 Heavy darks start to appear up top. Patches of blank. 552 00:43:21,391 --> 00:43:22,807 And Christopher's gaze... 553 00:43:22,979 --> 00:43:25,913 drifts further and further off the canvas again. 554 00:43:26,086 --> 00:43:27,639 And you started retouching. 555 00:43:27,812 --> 00:43:30,331 Sometimes eight layers, ten. 556 00:43:30,504 --> 00:43:33,369 Like you were trying to grasp an image that wasn't there. 557 00:43:33,887 --> 00:43:36,648 Number six looks like it was restarted 12, 13 times... 558 00:43:36,821 --> 00:43:38,788 and by eight there's a wooden quality. 559 00:43:39,271 --> 00:43:42,447 Almost as if you were painting by rote. 560 00:43:42,723 --> 00:43:46,658 And the blanks spread like they were metastasizing. 561 00:43:46,831 --> 00:43:50,386 Thomas McEvilley said they had a joyful lightness... 562 00:43:50,558 --> 00:43:52,250 a spirited lyricism. 563 00:43:52,422 --> 00:43:55,356 McEvilley was wrong. Graham-Dixon was wrong. 564 00:43:55,529 --> 00:43:57,324 Marina Vaizey was wrong. 565 00:43:57,496 --> 00:44:01,190 The lightness was forced, and the joy was a lie. 566 00:44:01,708 --> 00:44:02,950 It was obvious in the seventh... 567 00:44:03,123 --> 00:44:04,883 and by the eighth it was glaring. 568 00:44:05,366 --> 00:44:06,747 It was over. 569 00:44:08,197 --> 00:44:10,026 It wasn't very good, that last one. 570 00:44:10,199 --> 00:44:11,234 No. It isn't. 571 00:44:11,338 --> 00:44:16,205 Some sap in Chicago paid two mil for it during Covid... 572 00:44:16,377 --> 00:44:17,965 - I heard. - Yeah. 573 00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:19,760 Well. 574 00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:23,384 - Hence? - Here we are. 575 00:44:25,179 --> 00:44:26,664 Here we are then. 576 00:44:28,493 --> 00:44:31,703 Grave robbers crawling through the mud to exhume... 577 00:44:31,876 --> 00:44:35,811 a trinket from some already rotted coffin. 578 00:44:38,848 --> 00:44:40,781 And this third series... 579 00:44:41,609 --> 00:44:46,580 Am I-- Sorry, "I," to have painted them recently or...? 580 00:44:46,753 --> 00:44:49,548 No, back then was the thought. 581 00:44:50,204 --> 00:44:52,448 Of course when they were actually worth something... 582 00:44:53,138 --> 00:44:57,004 and then "I'm" to have buried them upstairs. 583 00:44:57,867 --> 00:45:00,801 Didn't want them seen would be the story I guess. 584 00:45:02,285 --> 00:45:03,424 Too painful. 585 00:45:04,287 --> 00:45:05,392 Something like that. 586 00:45:05,599 --> 00:45:07,428 Yes. The breakup was hard. 587 00:45:08,153 --> 00:45:09,085 Hmm. 588 00:45:10,017 --> 00:45:11,501 It wasn't. I'd done with them. 589 00:45:11,674 --> 00:45:12,744 Sure. 590 00:45:13,641 --> 00:45:15,713 - I had. - Fine. 591 00:45:20,372 --> 00:45:22,927 I must say I found your prep impressive. 592 00:45:23,099 --> 00:45:24,722 I've got to give you that. 593 00:45:24,894 --> 00:45:26,102 There was no prep. 594 00:45:32,419 --> 00:45:34,870 That could be some bloody package I've forgotten... 595 00:45:35,042 --> 00:45:36,492 I've ordered. 596 00:45:36,664 --> 00:45:38,528 Oh, they're so impatient, Amazon. 597 00:45:39,219 --> 00:45:41,946 Oh, bollocks! 598 00:45:42,291 --> 00:45:43,671 It's Barnaby. 599 00:45:43,948 --> 00:45:47,848 Unless... Oh Christ. 600 00:45:48,021 --> 00:45:52,853 It's Sallie too. Oh, oh, fuck me, it's both of them. 601 00:45:53,647 --> 00:45:55,235 Hang on! 602 00:45:56,857 --> 00:45:58,790 Hang on! 603 00:45:59,377 --> 00:46:03,830 Buzzards on the buzzers. 604 00:46:04,037 --> 00:46:07,316 Hi, Dad, I know what you said, but may we come in please? 605 00:46:08,558 --> 00:46:09,663 Why? 606 00:46:09,767 --> 00:46:11,769 We need to speak to your assistant. 607 00:46:11,941 --> 00:46:13,805 Oh, I forgot what her name is. 608 00:46:13,978 --> 00:46:16,290 Do you know I can't recall it either? 609 00:46:18,914 --> 00:46:20,294 Barney, any ideas? 610 00:46:21,261 --> 00:46:25,161 - Lisa maybe. - Yes! Lisa Maybe. 611 00:46:26,369 --> 00:46:28,026 Why? 612 00:46:28,199 --> 00:46:29,027 We just got a form that she urgently needs to fill out. 613 00:46:31,409 --> 00:46:33,031 - Tax related. - Very. 614 00:46:33,756 --> 00:46:35,344 Very tax related. 615 00:46:36,448 --> 00:46:37,691 Yeah, we've been trying to call her... 616 00:46:37,864 --> 00:46:39,313 but she's not been picking up, so... 617 00:46:40,349 --> 00:46:41,833 So, is she here? 618 00:46:43,145 --> 00:46:46,286 Yes. Lisa Maybe is here. So do come in. 619 00:46:47,218 --> 00:46:50,531 As there's something I need to speak with you about as well. 620 00:46:51,912 --> 00:46:53,983 The Christophers. 621 00:46:55,502 --> 00:46:56,434 The...? 622 00:46:58,091 --> 00:46:59,540 Sorry, Dad. Which are those? 623 00:47:00,783 --> 00:47:02,233 Oh, have I got the name wrong? 624 00:47:02,405 --> 00:47:04,994 Oh gosh, Dad. I mean, you've painted so many. 625 00:47:05,167 --> 00:47:07,169 Christopher. Christopher. 626 00:47:07,341 --> 00:47:10,655 Why am I so fixated on that name then? 627 00:47:11,414 --> 00:47:14,383 Which was the one that I said, perhaps you can recall this. 628 00:47:14,555 --> 00:47:17,179 Which was the one that you took a whack at... 629 00:47:17,489 --> 00:47:20,182 at some point last year accidentally thinking... 630 00:47:20,354 --> 00:47:22,011 that it was not in fact an egregious... 631 00:47:22,184 --> 00:47:24,911 act of dishonesty and betrayal? 632 00:47:25,083 --> 00:47:27,327 Oh right. Yeah, those, those. 633 00:47:27,499 --> 00:47:28,397 Dad, what about them? 634 00:47:28,500 --> 00:47:31,365 Well, I have asked Lisa Maybe to destroy them. 635 00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:34,713 - What? - Wait, why? 636 00:47:34,886 --> 00:47:36,025 Well, she can't, Dad. 637 00:47:36,198 --> 00:47:37,958 Oh, I already have. 638 00:47:38,131 --> 00:47:40,892 - What the fuck, Lori? - Yes. That's her name. Lori! 639 00:47:41,065 --> 00:47:42,445 - And she has burned-- - Shredded. 640 00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:45,448 - She's shredded them. - Fuck off. 641 00:47:45,621 --> 00:47:47,899 Bullshit, even he knows you're bullshitting. 642 00:47:48,072 --> 00:47:49,625 - Yeah. Where are they then? - Hang on. 643 00:47:57,184 --> 00:47:59,014 Dad, you can't. 644 00:48:00,084 --> 00:48:02,327 Well, apparently I did. 645 00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:03,673 But they're not yours. 646 00:48:04,433 --> 00:48:08,782 Well, meaning that they are the world's. 647 00:48:08,955 --> 00:48:11,612 - The world of art. - But not, of course yours. 648 00:48:11,785 --> 00:48:12,682 No, no! 649 00:48:12,786 --> 00:48:14,546 The furthest thing from our minds. 650 00:48:15,168 --> 00:48:19,793 Well, you should get out and give them to the world. 651 00:48:20,276 --> 00:48:24,349 And to do that, you should get out now and get started. 652 00:48:24,522 --> 00:48:26,006 You stupid, stupid man. 653 00:48:26,179 --> 00:48:28,215 Get out of my house now. 654 00:48:29,665 --> 00:48:30,873 The two of you. 655 00:48:31,046 --> 00:48:33,255 Great. Now you've shredded each other. 656 00:48:33,427 --> 00:48:35,395 So I hope you feel very good about it. 657 00:48:35,774 --> 00:48:37,017 Shredded each other? 658 00:48:40,055 --> 00:48:41,401 What does that mean? 659 00:48:41,573 --> 00:48:43,023 Nothing. 660 00:48:44,197 --> 00:48:46,682 - Nothing? - Nothing. 661 00:48:48,891 --> 00:48:51,998 And these, what are these? 662 00:48:53,137 --> 00:48:57,451 These are fakes, which I shredded. 663 00:48:58,659 --> 00:49:00,006 The real ones... 664 00:49:00,282 --> 00:49:02,836 the ones you were about to incinerate... 665 00:49:03,009 --> 00:49:05,011 are outside in the fire pit. 666 00:49:06,874 --> 00:49:09,084 Right? 667 00:49:10,326 --> 00:49:11,293 So? 668 00:49:12,121 --> 00:49:14,365 So, let's go. 669 00:49:19,335 --> 00:49:23,063 As you are still, for the moment, my employee... 670 00:49:23,236 --> 00:49:27,309 I'm ordering you to come out to the fire pit and burn them. 671 00:49:27,481 --> 00:49:30,001 Well, as your employee has now quit... 672 00:49:30,346 --> 00:49:32,210 I wish you good luck with that. 673 00:49:33,177 --> 00:49:34,799 Well, I'll go and do it myself then. 674 00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:37,388 Oh, really? 675 00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:38,527 Really. 676 00:49:40,598 --> 00:49:41,702 "Crack on," then. 677 00:49:57,304 --> 00:49:59,548 How's the bonfire going? 678 00:50:02,654 --> 00:50:07,383 What did you mean, "I'd imploded my legacy"? 679 00:50:10,524 --> 00:50:15,115 If you were to ask my cousin who Julian Sklar is... 680 00:50:15,288 --> 00:50:17,566 he would say the guy that yelled at kids... 681 00:50:17,738 --> 00:50:21,811 and housewives on Art Fight. 682 00:50:23,261 --> 00:50:26,747 Yes. Well, they get off easy. Yes. 683 00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:29,509 I was the one being tortured. 684 00:50:29,681 --> 00:50:32,650 I was waterboarded by a deluge of kittens, Lori. 685 00:50:32,822 --> 00:50:36,516 Each one more hideously adorable than the next. 686 00:50:37,034 --> 00:50:40,244 Bopping at yarn. In acrylic. 687 00:50:41,072 --> 00:50:42,901 Watercolor. Watercolor, Lori. 688 00:50:43,074 --> 00:50:45,318 Peach tones, lavender, lavender. 689 00:50:46,802 --> 00:50:49,149 Well, no, I did them a favor. 690 00:50:51,048 --> 00:50:52,187 Did you? 691 00:50:53,326 --> 00:50:55,017 Yes. 692 00:50:55,362 --> 00:51:00,781 I saved them from a lifetime of heartache and rejection... 693 00:51:01,334 --> 00:51:04,923 and grasping at something that they would never achieve. 694 00:51:05,303 --> 00:51:07,719 And worse. Clawing back at something... 695 00:51:07,892 --> 00:51:09,928 that they would never recapture. 696 00:51:10,101 --> 00:51:14,692 Because success, Lori, is worse. 697 00:51:16,935 --> 00:51:19,386 Okay. Okay. 698 00:51:19,559 --> 00:51:22,838 Let's just stop this. Yeah? 699 00:51:25,012 --> 00:51:27,187 - What are you doing? - You're not going to burn these. 700 00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:29,879 What? I most certainly am. 701 00:51:30,535 --> 00:51:36,196 There is a reason you've kept them for 25 years. 702 00:51:36,990 --> 00:51:38,888 If you really didn't want them, you would've sold them... 703 00:51:39,061 --> 00:51:41,063 for shit at your stupid jumble sale. 704 00:51:41,305 --> 00:51:43,583 Oh my "sidewalk salon." 705 00:51:43,755 --> 00:51:46,724 Oh, that was a bugger off to an industry... 706 00:51:47,345 --> 00:51:48,553 who needed someone to say it to them. 707 00:51:48,657 --> 00:51:51,867 It was a move that gave you cover to pretend it was you... 708 00:51:52,039 --> 00:51:54,870 who was in control of his own downfall. 709 00:51:58,115 --> 00:52:01,152 No, but no, I'd done with them. Lori. 710 00:52:01,325 --> 00:52:02,326 Yeah, because they were done with you. 711 00:52:02,498 --> 00:52:04,811 It was a corrupt industry... 712 00:52:06,123 --> 00:52:07,434 in a corrupt world. 713 00:52:08,228 --> 00:52:11,369 Investments and tax shelters... 714 00:52:12,163 --> 00:52:15,718 and trophies for the Billionaire Boys' Club. 715 00:52:15,891 --> 00:52:18,342 So, I left. 716 00:52:19,136 --> 00:52:20,137 No, you mean you quit. 717 00:52:20,309 --> 00:52:21,690 - No, I left. - You gave in. 718 00:52:21,862 --> 00:52:24,175 I left. And on my own terms. 719 00:52:24,900 --> 00:52:27,696 And how do you know if it's even art now... 720 00:52:27,868 --> 00:52:30,354 anyhow, it's all online? 721 00:52:31,769 --> 00:52:32,666 Oh, you get nothing... 722 00:52:32,770 --> 00:52:36,808 when you stare at something through a screen. 723 00:52:39,949 --> 00:52:43,781 You know, I get yelled at now from passing cars. 724 00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,854 They call me a hack, a pig even. 725 00:52:48,026 --> 00:52:49,959 Offended somehow as if... 726 00:52:50,546 --> 00:52:53,273 we've got some sort of personal relationship. 727 00:52:53,653 --> 00:52:55,689 You don't think it's a personal relationship? 728 00:52:57,760 --> 00:52:58,692 Art? 729 00:52:59,555 --> 00:53:00,556 No. 730 00:53:01,488 --> 00:53:03,973 It's a man alone in his room. 731 00:53:04,802 --> 00:53:06,217 Me in this room. 732 00:53:08,115 --> 00:53:10,256 I have a relationship... 733 00:53:10,946 --> 00:53:12,775 with the canvas. 734 00:53:13,604 --> 00:53:16,779 And when I've said what I've got to say to it, then it goes. 735 00:53:16,952 --> 00:53:18,540 Where do you think it goes? 736 00:53:21,059 --> 00:53:22,129 Do what you want. 737 00:53:22,233 --> 00:53:24,062 You can take them out. You can burn them again. 738 00:53:24,235 --> 00:53:25,374 Don't leave me. 739 00:53:30,621 --> 00:53:31,725 Why... 740 00:53:32,968 --> 00:53:34,245 did you even care? 741 00:53:34,452 --> 00:53:38,318 And you were so livid with me... 742 00:53:39,457 --> 00:53:41,356 in those writings. 743 00:53:42,943 --> 00:53:43,979 Why? 744 00:53:49,812 --> 00:53:50,917 I was 12. 745 00:53:51,987 --> 00:53:53,644 It was pissing down rain. 746 00:53:53,885 --> 00:53:58,994 I ditched school and snuck into what happened to be a museum. 747 00:53:59,960 --> 00:54:00,892 Yes. 748 00:54:01,755 --> 00:54:03,067 Yes, what show? 749 00:54:03,619 --> 00:54:06,415 It was the one with the famous artist's... 750 00:54:06,588 --> 00:54:08,279 work from when they were kids. 751 00:54:09,211 --> 00:54:11,351 You saw "Enfant Terrible." 752 00:54:12,214 --> 00:54:15,735 There was one you'd done my age that was the easiest to copy. 753 00:54:16,183 --> 00:54:18,427 By which you mean it was the one... 754 00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:20,636 that hit you most profoundly in your soul. 755 00:54:20,843 --> 00:54:22,500 By which I mean it was literally called... 756 00:54:22,673 --> 00:54:25,123 Anyone Can Do This and Call It Art. 757 00:54:25,296 --> 00:54:26,332 Yeah. 758 00:54:27,229 --> 00:54:28,575 Mrs. Hanley... 759 00:54:31,026 --> 00:54:32,545 she failed me for that one. 760 00:54:32,717 --> 00:54:36,273 "Oh, this is nothing but a spiral of words, Julian. 761 00:54:36,825 --> 00:54:39,862 "You have desecrated the canvas with everything... 762 00:54:40,035 --> 00:54:41,623 "that the assignment is not." 763 00:54:41,795 --> 00:54:44,281 But I said, "Yes! 764 00:54:45,178 --> 00:54:47,076 "Because it's more interesting." 765 00:54:49,976 --> 00:54:52,979 Yeah, and there was a second piece of yours. 766 00:54:54,705 --> 00:54:57,017 It was a drawing from when you were six. 767 00:54:57,190 --> 00:54:59,261 Boy Under Cloud. 768 00:54:59,434 --> 00:55:01,298 Boy Under Cloud. 769 00:55:01,677 --> 00:55:05,819 An oozing excretion of maudlin treacle, that title. 770 00:55:07,027 --> 00:55:08,339 You were six. 771 00:55:09,651 --> 00:55:12,964 And did you find that easy to copy as well? 772 00:55:15,208 --> 00:55:16,658 Not at 12. 773 00:55:19,799 --> 00:55:20,765 It was... 774 00:55:22,042 --> 00:55:22,974 impeccable. 775 00:55:24,700 --> 00:55:25,701 But? 776 00:55:28,773 --> 00:55:30,982 I quit, is that what you're saying? 777 00:55:33,882 --> 00:55:37,161 Please God, don't feel sorry for me. 778 00:55:38,058 --> 00:55:41,476 To be honest, I'd rather have your rage than your pity. 779 00:55:41,648 --> 00:55:43,823 And now, if you'll excuse me. 780 00:55:46,895 --> 00:55:49,484 I need to pay for tonight's meal. 781 00:55:52,003 --> 00:55:55,490 You are a quitter yourself, you know, Lori. 782 00:55:56,836 --> 00:56:00,426 No one goes to art school to become a restorer or a critic. 783 00:56:02,738 --> 00:56:04,602 I came in early this morning. 784 00:56:05,879 --> 00:56:06,984 Really? 785 00:56:07,364 --> 00:56:11,160 Yeah. 4:00, 5:00 am. 786 00:56:14,094 --> 00:56:17,235 Well, I'm sorry if such industrious assistantism was... 787 00:56:17,408 --> 00:56:22,620 wasted on what turned out to be an errant if dramatic misfire. 788 00:56:23,518 --> 00:56:25,899 - What it tells me-- - Excuse me. 789 00:56:38,843 --> 00:56:41,777 Good morning, Mario. 790 00:56:42,675 --> 00:56:47,300 Now you told me that you want me to paint something... 791 00:56:47,473 --> 00:56:51,408 appropriately romantic for your fiance. 792 00:56:51,580 --> 00:56:55,688 And I presume by "appropriately..." 793 00:56:55,860 --> 00:56:59,243 that you want me to paint it in vanishing ink. 794 00:57:57,715 --> 00:57:59,959 - Lori. - Oh my God. What? 795 00:58:00,269 --> 00:58:02,479 I am not going back there. 796 00:58:02,651 --> 00:58:04,722 - But you have to. - Because? 797 00:58:04,895 --> 00:58:07,138 Because you need to start them from scratch. 798 00:58:07,311 --> 00:58:10,866 You've still got old canvases and paints and brushes up there. 799 00:58:12,005 --> 00:58:14,387 Yeah. That's not going to happen. 800 00:58:14,836 --> 00:58:17,010 Well, we think it is. 801 00:58:22,153 --> 00:58:24,673 Isidore Clemens. 1927. 802 00:58:25,950 --> 00:58:30,610 Sold for 25,000 in that Kent art house in 2017. 803 00:58:30,783 --> 00:58:32,543 Split between that corrupt gallerist... 804 00:58:32,716 --> 00:58:34,614 and the person opposite me. 805 00:58:35,304 --> 00:58:37,962 Maybe you shouldn't write angry notes to exes. 806 00:58:38,549 --> 00:58:40,275 Especially those who still speak to other... 807 00:58:40,447 --> 00:58:42,104 old college friends of yours. 808 00:58:42,484 --> 00:58:44,521 Sometimes people say things. 809 00:58:44,693 --> 00:58:47,454 I'm curious if the person who paid the 25k might be... 810 00:58:47,627 --> 00:58:49,249 interested in knowing it's a fake. 811 00:58:51,769 --> 00:58:54,634 Well, when you find out, let me know. 812 00:58:55,014 --> 00:58:56,602 I don't think you want to challenge this. 813 00:58:56,774 --> 00:58:59,708 Yeah, but you may need to because you know... 814 00:58:59,881 --> 00:59:03,194 and I know that no one benefits from that being exposed. 815 00:59:03,367 --> 00:59:04,886 Not the gallery, not the artist... 816 00:59:05,058 --> 00:59:07,267 and certainly not the person that bought it. 817 00:59:07,958 --> 00:59:09,856 Was that a confession we just heard? 818 00:59:10,029 --> 00:59:12,687 No, but this is. 819 00:59:13,826 --> 00:59:16,173 I forged that painting. 820 00:59:17,070 --> 00:59:19,348 And I forged Astley's In-Between. 821 00:59:19,625 --> 00:59:22,317 And I forged Panagatacos' Six Shapes in Red. 822 00:59:23,318 --> 00:59:26,217 All of that was a long time ago. 823 00:59:27,736 --> 00:59:29,807 So you'll do what we say then? 824 00:59:29,980 --> 00:59:31,326 No. 825 00:59:31,637 --> 00:59:34,916 Well then, perhaps we'll see you in court. 826 00:59:35,088 --> 00:59:39,610 Yeah, because perhaps, Lori, we've been recording this. 827 00:59:42,544 --> 00:59:47,342 And does that include your fraud bit before my confession... 828 00:59:47,514 --> 00:59:48,757 and your blackmail bit after? 829 00:59:48,930 --> 00:59:51,484 Because you'd need both for context. 830 00:59:51,657 --> 00:59:54,142 We'll give you 10,000 pounds in advance. 831 00:59:54,314 --> 00:59:56,454 - Wow. But no. - Fifteen. 832 00:59:56,662 --> 00:59:58,525 - No. - Oh, come on mate. 833 00:59:58,698 --> 01:00:00,735 20. 20 grand, okay? But that's it. 834 01:00:00,907 --> 01:00:01,908 We can't go higher than that. 835 01:00:02,909 --> 01:00:04,497 Do you even have this money? 836 01:00:04,739 --> 01:00:05,843 Yeah. 837 01:00:06,533 --> 01:00:08,156 - Really? - Yes. 838 01:00:09,295 --> 01:00:10,296 How? 839 01:00:10,710 --> 01:00:11,884 Because... 840 01:00:13,230 --> 01:00:14,127 It doesn't matter. 841 01:00:15,922 --> 01:00:17,130 Two hundred thousand. 842 01:00:18,649 --> 01:00:19,926 - Pounds? - Quid? 843 01:00:20,099 --> 01:00:21,652 You must be out of your bloody mind. 844 01:00:21,825 --> 01:00:23,274 We haven't got that sort of money. 845 01:00:23,447 --> 01:00:24,551 The number's 200. 846 01:00:24,655 --> 01:00:27,175 Look, I love you Lori, but this is piggish. 847 01:00:27,347 --> 01:00:28,279 Two hundred thousand. 848 01:00:28,452 --> 01:00:31,317 You are being a cunty pig-cunt. 849 01:00:31,489 --> 01:00:32,767 Two hundred thousand. 850 01:00:32,939 --> 01:00:35,632 21,400 pounds, right, please accept this. 851 01:00:35,804 --> 01:00:37,081 That's all the money we have. 852 01:00:37,185 --> 01:00:41,085 Please, please, Lori, please. It's really, really important. 853 01:00:44,226 --> 01:00:45,365 Oh my God. 854 01:00:46,815 --> 01:00:48,437 You've sold them already. 855 01:00:50,888 --> 01:00:52,200 - What? - No. 856 01:00:54,202 --> 01:00:55,272 This is... 857 01:00:56,169 --> 01:00:57,654 This is fabulous. 858 01:00:58,068 --> 01:01:01,623 The answer is no and definitely not for 21,000 quid. 859 01:01:01,796 --> 01:01:04,039 He's dying, Lori. 860 01:01:04,557 --> 01:01:06,490 It's called Aplastic Anaemia. 861 01:01:07,215 --> 01:01:09,666 Okay, he's been refusing treatment for years. 862 01:01:10,011 --> 01:01:11,771 Our time is running out. 863 01:01:12,289 --> 01:01:13,704 Everyone's is. 864 01:01:14,947 --> 01:01:18,951 The answer is even more no. 865 01:01:24,508 --> 01:01:26,855 - Did you forget something? - Can you close the door? 866 01:01:27,028 --> 01:01:29,651 I believe your dignity is just along there... 867 01:01:29,824 --> 01:01:32,343 and you'll find your pride upstairs somewhere. 868 01:01:32,654 --> 01:01:33,793 Close the door. 869 01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:43,147 I've just googled a rare blood disease called Aplastic Anaemia. 870 01:01:43,389 --> 01:01:45,356 Ah, yes. 871 01:01:47,289 --> 01:01:51,846 Well, much to the impending dismay of the Heirs Abhorrent... 872 01:01:52,018 --> 01:01:56,436 a genius in Stuttgart has reionized y stems cells... 873 01:01:57,023 --> 01:01:59,957 and thus, like everything else that used to be inside me... 874 01:02:00,889 --> 01:02:02,477 it has amounted to nothing. 875 01:02:03,064 --> 01:02:06,032 The only thing dying, I'm afraid... 876 01:02:06,653 --> 01:02:09,760 is the dream of Lord and Lady Vulture. 877 01:02:10,623 --> 01:02:12,176 Well, they've sold them already. 878 01:02:14,489 --> 01:02:16,733 - Sold? - The Christophers. 879 01:02:17,216 --> 01:02:20,288 They took a down payment of a million quid last year. 880 01:02:23,394 --> 01:02:27,364 That's why Sallie tried to do it herself. 881 01:02:28,952 --> 01:02:32,541 Oh, oh, what glorious idiocy. 882 01:02:34,267 --> 01:02:37,754 Well, for what it's worth of that... 883 01:02:37,926 --> 01:02:41,033 they only have 21,000 quid left. 884 01:02:41,205 --> 01:02:42,931 Well, I'm surprised they've got anything. 885 01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,140 How many paintings? 886 01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:47,902 All nine. Even Sallie's. 887 01:02:49,696 --> 01:02:50,836 To a fan? 888 01:02:51,768 --> 01:02:54,736 To a 28-year-old tech bro... 889 01:02:54,909 --> 01:02:56,876 who's going to donate them for the tax credit. 890 01:02:57,187 --> 01:02:59,016 Oh, to the Royal Academy? 891 01:02:59,396 --> 01:03:00,328 Well, at least? 892 01:03:01,812 --> 01:03:03,262 Maybe? 893 01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:05,782 To a place called Museum of the Desert... 894 01:03:05,954 --> 01:03:08,612 just outside of Las Vegas. 895 01:03:08,785 --> 01:03:10,614 Oh. 896 01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:14,963 And this tech bro, does he even know who I am? Or was? 897 01:03:15,136 --> 01:03:17,483 No. But I'm told after some googling. 898 01:03:17,655 --> 01:03:21,901 Yes. And I assume my children want you to resume... 899 01:03:22,074 --> 01:03:26,872 your task of faking these somehow? 900 01:03:27,976 --> 01:03:30,220 Same plan, new old canvases. 901 01:03:36,122 --> 01:03:37,503 I think I should do it. 902 01:03:40,540 --> 01:03:41,921 You paint them? 903 01:03:44,303 --> 01:03:45,304 Yeah. 904 01:03:46,719 --> 01:03:50,309 Paint them, but very, very badly. 905 01:03:59,594 --> 01:04:01,699 Imagine the look on the tech bro's face... 906 01:04:01,872 --> 01:04:03,425 when he sees what he's bought. 907 01:04:04,910 --> 01:04:08,016 Oh, it's almost worth staying alive for. 908 01:04:09,155 --> 01:04:12,331 And I shall be alongside you... 909 01:04:12,503 --> 01:04:15,023 for the entire time as your assistant. 910 01:04:16,162 --> 01:04:17,957 You're going to be my assistant? 911 01:04:18,130 --> 01:04:19,959 Yes. And I'll be a very good one too. 912 01:04:20,132 --> 01:04:23,929 And now my first task is to assist you in getting paints. 913 01:04:24,101 --> 01:04:26,379 - And there's an art shop... - Yeah? 914 01:04:26,552 --> 01:04:29,382 ...on Bronton Street, which is quite dreadful. 915 01:04:29,555 --> 01:04:30,452 Perfect. 916 01:04:30,556 --> 01:04:31,695 Oh, but, oh, on this particular occasion... 917 01:04:31,798 --> 01:04:35,009 I shan't be able to help you in person... 918 01:04:35,181 --> 01:04:36,700 as I'm not allowed in... 919 01:04:37,356 --> 01:04:39,427 due to a thin-skinned proprietor... 920 01:04:39,599 --> 01:04:43,396 and an overreaction to a simple statement of fact. 921 01:04:43,776 --> 01:04:46,089 Okay, I'll get this one then. 922 01:04:46,261 --> 01:04:48,677 All right! And while you are out... 923 01:04:48,850 --> 01:04:50,507 shall I rustle us up something... 924 01:04:50,783 --> 01:04:52,509 little omelet? 925 01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:56,962 You're going to make me an omelet? 926 01:04:57,203 --> 01:04:59,378 Yeah. Don't sound so surprised. 927 01:04:59,550 --> 01:05:00,758 All right then, I'll have a cheese omelet. 928 01:05:00,931 --> 01:05:02,346 Yeah. Cheese omelet. 929 01:05:03,796 --> 01:05:05,246 That's an omelet with cheese. 930 01:05:05,867 --> 01:05:07,524 Yeah. 931 01:05:07,938 --> 01:05:12,011 Actually, how do you introduce the cheese into the omelet? 932 01:05:13,185 --> 01:05:15,325 I'm just going to pick something up for us. Yeah? 933 01:05:16,050 --> 01:05:17,983 Excellent team work. 934 01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:45,976 - Hello. - Coming. Coming! 935 01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:54,329 I thought you might enjoy this as a kind of inspiration piece. 936 01:05:55,330 --> 01:05:58,230 - Is that Sallie's? - Yes. 937 01:05:58,402 --> 01:06:01,681 I keep it in her old room to ward off future visits. 938 01:06:01,854 --> 01:06:06,445 It's affixed to the wall along with garlic and a wooden cross. 939 01:06:06,790 --> 01:06:09,966 What's crazy is she's actually improved since art school. 940 01:06:11,277 --> 01:06:14,142 Well, that's another first. 941 01:06:14,315 --> 01:06:17,456 An instance of where a child of mine... 942 01:06:17,628 --> 01:06:20,217 has actually inspired me. 943 01:06:21,908 --> 01:06:25,222 Right. And this shall be your metric. 944 01:06:25,533 --> 01:06:26,948 Can you top it? 945 01:06:27,121 --> 01:06:29,744 By which of course, I mean, can you go under it? 946 01:06:29,916 --> 01:06:32,850 This is fun! Assisting. 947 01:06:33,092 --> 01:06:36,613 This is delicious, Lori. Mm! 948 01:06:40,962 --> 01:06:42,757 Consider me poor but happy. 949 01:06:42,929 --> 01:06:43,792 Okay. 950 01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:46,243 I'm going to start. 951 01:06:50,282 --> 01:06:51,697 This was to be his. 952 01:06:54,182 --> 01:06:57,427 Well, they were all to be his, as a matter of fact. 953 01:06:58,290 --> 01:07:00,361 His? Christopher's? 954 01:07:01,707 --> 01:07:04,779 Oh, was I blustering fool. 955 01:07:06,332 --> 01:07:08,438 Messages on the answering machine. 956 01:07:09,059 --> 01:07:11,372 Gifts, gifts, gifts. 957 01:07:12,511 --> 01:07:14,651 "Let me paint you one more time, Topher... 958 01:07:14,823 --> 01:07:16,791 "and all this should be yours." 959 01:07:16,963 --> 01:07:19,104 Nothing. 960 01:07:22,210 --> 01:07:25,179 Actually, let's start with a different one. 961 01:07:26,111 --> 01:07:29,079 I made him. I literally created him. 962 01:07:30,598 --> 01:07:32,703 He was the boy who did my stretchers. 963 01:07:33,497 --> 01:07:35,258 I gave him his life, his fame. 964 01:07:35,430 --> 01:07:36,983 Everyone knew who Christopher was. 965 01:07:37,156 --> 01:07:39,503 He was invited everywhere. And then one day... 966 01:07:46,338 --> 01:07:48,064 He never came back. 967 01:07:50,514 --> 01:07:53,655 I actually did want him to have them even after all of the mess. 968 01:07:53,828 --> 01:07:57,073 I should have liked to have lasted in his mind. 969 01:07:57,314 --> 01:07:59,592 You see, that's the thing, isn't it? 970 01:08:00,973 --> 01:08:03,734 To last in the mind of others. 971 01:08:12,260 --> 01:08:13,606 First instincts, Lori! 972 01:08:15,470 --> 01:08:18,094 I never joined the Royal Academy, you know. 973 01:08:18,646 --> 01:08:22,374 Oh, the R.A. I refused to play that game. 974 01:08:22,891 --> 01:08:24,617 The others were rabid about it. 975 01:08:24,790 --> 01:08:26,826 Every last one of them more competitive than the next. 976 01:08:26,999 --> 01:08:31,659 But not me, Lori. I was the least competitive of them all by far. 977 01:08:31,831 --> 01:08:33,247 Why are you staring at me? 978 01:08:33,626 --> 01:08:35,870 I don't think you want to do this. 979 01:08:38,631 --> 01:08:41,910 I am ordering you, Lori Butler... 980 01:08:42,083 --> 01:08:44,948 to desecrate that painting with that brush. 981 01:08:45,121 --> 01:08:48,676 Well, as my assistant, you don't get to call the shots. 982 01:08:48,848 --> 01:08:52,542 Oh, very well then. I resign as your assistant! 983 01:08:52,714 --> 01:08:54,923 Okay, okay, okay. You win, you win, you win. 984 01:08:55,096 --> 01:08:56,994 Look, I will do it. I'll do it. 985 01:08:57,512 --> 01:08:59,204 But let's pick a different one. 986 01:08:59,376 --> 01:09:01,482 That's right, pick a different one. 987 01:09:44,249 --> 01:09:47,459 It's already dreadful. 988 01:09:48,149 --> 01:09:52,671 Oh, well this is monumentally hideous... 989 01:09:52,878 --> 01:09:53,844 so... 990 01:09:55,501 --> 01:09:56,433 Glue. 991 01:09:57,710 --> 01:09:58,780 Yes. 992 01:10:04,614 --> 01:10:06,478 This glue and then feathers. 993 01:10:07,996 --> 01:10:12,829 No, no. We'll have the glitter first, and then feathers. 994 01:10:15,003 --> 01:10:16,350 And that. 995 01:10:17,696 --> 01:10:19,007 Oh take that! 996 01:10:20,181 --> 01:10:22,183 Feathers. 997 01:10:31,848 --> 01:10:36,922 You would think at 85 I would know you can't throw feathers. 998 01:10:37,647 --> 01:10:39,131 Have you call my children? 999 01:10:39,304 --> 01:10:40,960 Not yet. 1000 01:10:41,133 --> 01:10:42,410 Oh, well you must, you must... 1001 01:10:42,514 --> 01:10:46,897 because these Christopher Threes will hang in the pantheon... 1002 01:10:47,070 --> 01:10:50,660 of the worst art of all time... 1003 01:10:51,143 --> 01:10:53,559 along with Dogs Playing Poker... 1004 01:10:53,732 --> 01:10:56,459 Velvet Elvis, and all of Warhol. 1005 01:10:58,150 --> 01:11:01,326 Yes, yes. I'll have masking tape. 1006 01:11:12,682 --> 01:11:15,271 You see there should be a through line of awfulness. 1007 01:11:15,443 --> 01:11:17,583 Each one worse than the rest. 1008 01:11:18,274 --> 01:11:19,585 As if the... 1009 01:11:22,485 --> 01:11:26,730 As if the destruct was the construct. 1010 01:11:55,932 --> 01:11:59,487 I can't, oh, no, no, no. 1011 01:12:05,804 --> 01:12:06,874 Lori... 1012 01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:10,326 Something's happened. 1013 01:12:11,188 --> 01:12:12,742 Are you okay? 1014 01:12:14,502 --> 01:12:17,125 I'm struggling. I'm struggling to make the strokes run. 1015 01:12:19,818 --> 01:12:24,063 It's physically impossible to make it bad. 1016 01:12:28,067 --> 01:12:29,034 Look. 1017 01:12:41,218 --> 01:12:42,703 Yeah, you're right. 1018 01:12:44,946 --> 01:12:47,742 It is not uninteresting. 1019 01:12:48,812 --> 01:12:49,779 Wow. 1020 01:12:52,091 --> 01:12:53,610 So what do I do? 1021 01:12:56,475 --> 01:12:59,616 - Maybe keep going. - Hmm. 1022 01:13:01,894 --> 01:13:03,482 For who though? 1023 01:13:04,241 --> 01:13:07,348 Well, you seem like you were having a good time. 1024 01:13:07,521 --> 01:13:09,971 So why not just keep having a good time? 1025 01:13:10,282 --> 01:13:12,042 Because why? 1026 01:13:12,388 --> 01:13:16,771 Because it is fun for you, isn't it? 1027 01:13:18,566 --> 01:13:21,051 Because I'm fun for you? 1028 01:13:21,224 --> 01:13:22,156 Julian. 1029 01:13:22,259 --> 01:13:24,986 So here I am. Yes, I am the entertainment again. 1030 01:13:25,159 --> 01:13:27,782 This is what you wanted all along, isn't it? 1031 01:13:29,681 --> 01:13:31,061 To wind up the old fool... 1032 01:13:31,234 --> 01:13:34,133 and have him clutter about and bang his cymbals. 1033 01:13:34,479 --> 01:13:36,377 Oh, is it interesting being Jane Goodall... 1034 01:13:36,550 --> 01:13:40,899 to the old dancing monkey in his natural habitat? 1035 01:13:41,106 --> 01:13:44,558 And how am I faring as the anecdote you'll tell all your... 1036 01:13:44,730 --> 01:13:46,870 laughing friends about later. 1037 01:13:48,113 --> 01:13:52,324 This isn't what I meant when I talked about living... 1038 01:13:52,497 --> 01:13:55,948 in the minds of others. 1039 01:13:57,467 --> 01:13:59,642 Julian, where is this coming from? 1040 01:13:59,814 --> 01:14:01,057 No. Well, where are you coming from? 1041 01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:05,820 "Oh, it's not uninteresting." And how would you know that? 1042 01:14:07,339 --> 01:14:11,930 To judge art, you must possess the various skills... 1043 01:14:12,102 --> 01:14:13,828 it takes to make said art. 1044 01:14:14,001 --> 01:14:15,865 And do you really think you possess those skills? 1045 01:14:16,935 --> 01:14:19,834 Well, I don't. And why not? 1046 01:14:21,249 --> 01:14:24,874 Because of three words: Untitled. Number. Seven. 1047 01:14:25,046 --> 01:14:29,499 I saw it on your website and I didn't need to see it... 1048 01:14:29,672 --> 01:14:31,018 because I'd already seen it. 1049 01:14:31,121 --> 01:14:34,262 And when I say I'd already seen it, and I might as well have... 1050 01:14:34,746 --> 01:14:38,681 because it rang with the familiarity... 1051 01:14:38,853 --> 01:14:43,064 of all those other foul, existential... 1052 01:14:44,790 --> 01:14:49,692 impressionistic landscapes by all the other wannabe artists. 1053 01:14:50,382 --> 01:14:51,832 I think... 1054 01:14:53,661 --> 01:14:55,663 I think maybe, Lori... 1055 01:14:56,630 --> 01:14:59,529 it was a healthy thing that you quit. 1056 01:15:26,487 --> 01:15:28,109 Christopher. 1057 01:16:48,845 --> 01:16:52,193 I will take 21,000. You can keep the 400... 1058 01:16:52,366 --> 01:16:55,680 but I get 50% of the final sale, including the down payment. 1059 01:16:57,233 --> 01:16:59,407 - 25%. - 50. 1060 01:17:00,650 --> 01:17:02,652 - 30? - 50. 1061 01:17:03,757 --> 01:17:05,241 - 35? - 50. 1062 01:17:09,797 --> 01:17:11,903 Good. I'll call you with a plan. 1063 01:17:42,588 --> 01:17:43,969 I was right. 1064 01:17:45,212 --> 01:17:49,285 You can't judge art by looking at it online. 1065 01:17:51,390 --> 01:17:53,047 This is good. 1066 01:17:55,429 --> 01:17:57,638 Untitled Number Seven. 1067 01:17:58,052 --> 01:18:00,399 You know, there's a power to it that I missed... 1068 01:18:01,573 --> 01:18:03,437 on your website. 1069 01:18:03,920 --> 01:18:05,991 So you came here to tell me you were right. 1070 01:18:07,752 --> 01:18:11,100 Yes. About many things. 1071 01:18:11,997 --> 01:18:14,966 Including having seen that before. 1072 01:18:16,243 --> 01:18:21,075 Which explains Lori, why I thought that I'd seen it before. 1073 01:18:23,043 --> 01:18:27,979 I got a hunch when I looked at you just as you were leaving... 1074 01:18:28,358 --> 01:18:31,120 and that I'd seen that specific look before... 1075 01:18:31,292 --> 01:18:33,087 on your specific face. 1076 01:18:33,778 --> 01:18:36,021 And then I remembered you. 1077 01:18:37,678 --> 01:18:39,300 Art Fight. 1078 01:18:39,749 --> 01:18:43,857 So I looked up season three, episode five... 1079 01:18:44,202 --> 01:18:45,859 and I was right. 1080 01:18:46,342 --> 01:18:47,723 You must have been what? 1081 01:18:48,275 --> 01:18:50,380 - 21? - I was 19. 1082 01:18:50,553 --> 01:18:53,521 And the truth is, at the time... 1083 01:18:53,694 --> 01:18:57,215 I'd really only glanced at the painting. 1084 01:18:58,388 --> 01:19:01,426 I was merely thinking up my next joke... 1085 01:19:02,634 --> 01:19:05,464 while I was telling the last joke. 1086 01:19:09,675 --> 01:19:13,093 Did I cause you to quit? 1087 01:19:17,269 --> 01:19:18,408 I haven't quit. 1088 01:19:18,754 --> 01:19:20,341 I just quit showing. 1089 01:19:24,690 --> 01:19:27,038 I'm a broken man, Lori. 1090 01:19:33,251 --> 01:19:35,391 I believe I always have been. 1091 01:19:40,051 --> 01:19:43,088 And you know, it wasn't you that I was mad at earlier. 1092 01:19:43,261 --> 01:19:44,158 Yeah, I know. 1093 01:19:44,434 --> 01:19:45,435 It was... 1094 01:19:47,092 --> 01:19:50,268 What do you mean, "You know"? 1095 01:19:54,203 --> 01:19:55,169 Seriously? 1096 01:19:59,553 --> 01:20:01,520 Who am I kidding? 1097 01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:08,838 Oh the lies that I've been telling myself my whole life. 1098 01:20:12,877 --> 01:20:15,949 It's exhausting, and... 1099 01:20:19,021 --> 01:20:22,265 I didn't give Christopher his life. 1100 01:20:22,541 --> 01:20:24,336 I gave him mine. 1101 01:20:25,993 --> 01:20:27,788 I suspect I ruined his. 1102 01:20:27,961 --> 01:20:29,341 I know I ruined his. 1103 01:20:32,413 --> 01:20:34,312 When you think of me, Lori, I should like that... 1104 01:20:34,484 --> 01:20:38,178 you remember me as the person you thought I was... 1105 01:20:38,350 --> 01:20:40,180 who did that very first drawing... 1106 01:20:40,352 --> 01:20:42,907 who gave you the courage to start. 1107 01:20:44,874 --> 01:20:48,326 Not the man who you actually know me to be. 1108 01:20:48,705 --> 01:20:50,604 Why are you here, Julian? 1109 01:20:58,336 --> 01:21:00,407 Because I want to have an exhibition. 1110 01:21:03,513 --> 01:21:08,035 And if I do actually get a show, and... 1111 01:21:11,038 --> 01:21:13,489 Perhaps it could be called... 1112 01:21:22,705 --> 01:21:24,189 "Julian Sklar..." 1113 01:21:25,466 --> 01:21:29,022 I can't tell whether this says "revived" or "reviled." 1114 01:21:29,470 --> 01:21:30,471 Exactly. 1115 01:21:32,508 --> 01:21:34,165 Is this a retrospective? 1116 01:21:35,511 --> 01:21:37,099 Oh no, they'd be new. 1117 01:21:38,548 --> 01:21:41,206 And people can judge them however they judge them. 1118 01:21:43,312 --> 01:21:47,419 And I would be grateful, Lori if you'd be so kind as to... 1119 01:21:49,111 --> 01:21:52,908 perhaps just be there while I try. 1120 01:21:57,498 --> 01:21:59,155 Yeah. Yes. 1121 01:22:00,432 --> 01:22:01,986 Yes, of course. 1122 01:22:02,158 --> 01:22:05,403 - Yes. - The crack of noon? 1123 01:22:06,887 --> 01:22:08,268 Precisely. 1124 01:22:08,820 --> 01:22:12,928 Oh, except, oh, I should, no... 1125 01:22:13,100 --> 01:22:16,690 I've got Esme and she is pretty insistent that... 1126 01:22:16,862 --> 01:22:18,588 I don't cancel last minute. 1127 01:22:18,761 --> 01:22:22,592 - We could do 2:00 PM? - What if we did Monday? 1128 01:22:23,041 --> 01:22:24,318 Julian. 1129 01:22:24,491 --> 01:22:27,977 I'd like, I think I should like actually... 1130 01:22:28,150 --> 01:22:31,153 to just dream about these actually... 1131 01:22:33,224 --> 01:22:34,570 for a week, tops. 1132 01:22:36,710 --> 01:22:38,367 Yeah, all right. Fine. 1133 01:22:38,539 --> 01:22:41,059 Yes. Yes. 1134 01:22:42,750 --> 01:22:43,717 Okay. 1135 01:22:48,377 --> 01:22:49,343 Thank you. 1136 01:22:50,586 --> 01:22:52,622 Yeah. Yeah. 1137 01:22:57,731 --> 01:22:59,284 This is where you leave. 1138 01:23:00,044 --> 01:23:01,735 Oh yes. Yes, of course. 1139 01:23:03,737 --> 01:23:05,463 Yes, yes. Goodbye. 1140 01:23:24,827 --> 01:23:26,035 Whose is this? 1141 01:23:26,208 --> 01:23:27,726 It's mine, sir. 1142 01:23:27,899 --> 01:23:29,487 It's absolute shit. 1143 01:24:10,183 --> 01:24:11,356 Julian? 1144 01:24:29,685 --> 01:24:30,755 Thank you very much. 1145 01:24:30,927 --> 01:24:32,308 Thank you very much indeed. 1146 01:24:33,275 --> 01:24:35,449 Welcome back to Art Fight. 1147 01:24:35,622 --> 01:24:38,797 The show where everyone's a critic, particularly Julian. 1148 01:24:38,970 --> 01:24:40,109 We've got Lori Butler... 1149 01:24:40,213 --> 01:24:45,045 and she studies at Central Saint Martins, no less. 1150 01:24:45,218 --> 01:24:47,737 Another one. Lots of those. 1151 01:24:47,910 --> 01:24:49,463 And she is showing us today... 1152 01:24:49,636 --> 01:24:52,949 her painting Untitled Number Seven. 1153 01:24:53,122 --> 01:24:54,641 Julian, what do you think? 1154 01:24:57,885 --> 01:25:00,233 Untitled Number Seven? 1155 01:25:00,681 --> 01:25:02,890 Well, it's a fitting name given there are... 1156 01:25:03,063 --> 01:25:04,651 no actual words to describe... 1157 01:25:04,823 --> 01:25:07,585 what exactly it is I'm looking at. 1158 01:25:08,655 --> 01:25:11,175 And oh please. Oh God, don't tell me. 1159 01:25:11,347 --> 01:25:13,867 I'm going to have to look at the previous six... 1160 01:25:14,039 --> 01:25:16,525 in order to understand this one. 1161 01:25:18,389 --> 01:25:20,356 It's not a painting, Lori. 1162 01:25:20,632 --> 01:25:23,670 It's a cry for help from the paint itself. 1163 01:25:23,842 --> 01:25:26,638 "Why am I here?" it screams. 1164 01:25:26,949 --> 01:25:30,366 Perhaps there's a title, Lori, and perhaps it's simply... 1165 01:25:30,539 --> 01:25:34,405 The Reason My Therapist Chose Early Retirement... 1166 01:25:35,647 --> 01:25:36,648 Number Seven. 1167 01:26:54,347 --> 01:26:57,350 Hello, I'm calling for Owen Appleton, please. 1168 01:27:00,145 --> 01:27:01,423 Personal. 1169 01:27:03,804 --> 01:27:04,771 Okay. 1170 01:27:04,874 --> 01:27:07,118 Can you please tell him that I have something... 1171 01:27:07,291 --> 01:27:08,775 he may be very interested in? 1172 01:27:10,121 --> 01:27:11,398 Thank you. 1173 01:28:01,621 --> 01:28:05,694 Hi, I'm looking for Mr. Appleton. 1174 01:28:07,592 --> 01:28:09,939 I'm Owen. How can I help you? 1175 01:28:13,046 --> 01:28:14,806 I'm Lori Butler. 1176 01:28:20,191 --> 01:28:20,916 I told you on the telephone... 1177 01:28:21,019 --> 01:28:22,918 I don't want to talk about any of that. 1178 01:28:24,816 --> 01:28:28,544 I understand that and I respect that. 1179 01:28:29,096 --> 01:28:31,858 But I wouldn't have come all the way here if there... 1180 01:28:32,030 --> 01:28:32,824 weren't some things that... 1181 01:28:32,928 --> 01:28:35,240 I think you might want to hear me out on. 1182 01:28:47,322 --> 01:28:48,461 All right. 1183 01:28:51,326 --> 01:28:52,844 First, I have a question. 1184 01:28:53,811 --> 01:28:55,744 Why did he call you Christopher? 1185 01:29:07,411 --> 01:29:09,205 These are technically ours now. 1186 01:29:09,378 --> 01:29:11,138 Well, they're literally yours. 1187 01:29:12,139 --> 01:29:14,107 Everything in there, all yours. 1188 01:29:17,213 --> 01:29:22,357 Sort of weirdly feels like a Julian Sklar museum. 1189 01:29:24,048 --> 01:29:25,463 It's actually a good idea. 1190 01:29:30,019 --> 01:29:32,643 This whole floor could be the gift shop. 1191 01:29:45,552 --> 01:29:48,106 This stays exactly as it is. 1192 01:29:48,969 --> 01:29:52,490 Even this exactly as it is, you want to keep this? 1193 01:29:52,663 --> 01:29:54,078 Yeah, just keep this here? 1194 01:29:54,250 --> 01:29:57,530 Just maybe that could be the poster for the museum. 1195 01:29:58,013 --> 01:30:00,153 Blow it up on the side of the... No? 1196 01:30:12,786 --> 01:30:14,892 It's the bathroom at the back. 1197 01:30:23,487 --> 01:30:25,109 - Holy shit. - Oh my God. 1198 01:30:26,317 --> 01:30:27,422 Did you do these? 1199 01:30:27,594 --> 01:30:28,871 - Barney. - Tell me. Tell me now. 1200 01:30:28,975 --> 01:30:31,322 Honestly, Lori, if you did these, we will fucking fry you. 1201 01:30:31,495 --> 01:30:33,255 Barnaby, does it even matter? 1202 01:30:33,428 --> 01:30:34,429 Of course it matters. 1203 01:30:34,532 --> 01:30:36,776 If she did them, they're worth fuck all again. 1204 01:30:36,948 --> 01:30:41,712 And if I didn't, what would they be worth then? 1205 01:30:54,587 --> 01:30:58,280 "Schedule C1, I, Julian Sklar hereby confirm... 1206 01:30:58,453 --> 01:31:00,903 "that the eight artworks identified below... 1207 01:31:01,076 --> 01:31:02,180 "herein referred to... 1208 01:31:02,284 --> 01:31:04,907 "as the Christopher Series Three consisting of acrylic... 1209 01:31:05,080 --> 01:31:08,877 "watercolor, glitter, feathers, axle grease, masking tape... 1210 01:31:10,326 --> 01:31:15,021 "are all authentic artworks that I have created and gifted to... 1211 01:31:16,816 --> 01:31:19,922 "recipient, Owen Christopher Appleton." 1212 01:31:22,373 --> 01:31:25,169 Christopher was his middle name. Hmm. 1213 01:31:25,756 --> 01:31:28,552 Julian told him that Owen sounded like... 1214 01:31:28,724 --> 01:31:31,106 the pained bleat of a mooing cow. 1215 01:31:35,248 --> 01:31:37,008 You forged this, haven't you? 1216 01:31:37,768 --> 01:31:38,976 Why would I do that? 1217 01:31:39,079 --> 01:31:41,357 Well, let's think, you know, to maybe, I don't know... 1218 01:31:41,530 --> 01:31:43,670 stop us from having them. 1219 01:31:43,843 --> 01:31:45,914 Plus you called me before dad died... 1220 01:31:46,086 --> 01:31:47,881 and said that you would forge the eight Christophers... 1221 01:31:48,054 --> 01:31:50,505 as long as we shared 50% of the profits with you. 1222 01:31:52,748 --> 01:31:55,510 Okay, sorry. Let me just get this straight. 1223 01:31:55,682 --> 01:32:01,412 You are accusing me of forging a legal note from him... 1224 01:32:02,137 --> 01:32:06,624 which would give me 50% of nothing. 1225 01:32:09,006 --> 01:32:11,905 Now why on earth would I do that? 1226 01:33:38,060 --> 01:33:40,891 - Lori. - Hi, Sallie. Barney. 1227 01:33:41,546 --> 01:33:44,549 - Fine. You won. - Congratulations. 1228 01:33:44,791 --> 01:33:47,449 Dad is famous again. Yay. 1229 01:33:47,725 --> 01:33:49,347 But, look, you've got to tell us. 1230 01:33:50,279 --> 01:33:52,281 Who painted them? Really? 1231 01:33:52,523 --> 01:33:53,973 The truth. 1232 01:33:54,525 --> 01:33:57,148 Really? Does it even matter? 1233 01:34:48,096 --> 01:34:49,062 It's good. 1234 01:34:50,063 --> 01:34:51,893 Really captures his essence. 1235 01:34:53,618 --> 01:34:54,792 - Esme? - Hmm. 1236 01:34:54,965 --> 01:34:56,345 Hi. 1237 01:34:56,725 --> 01:34:57,830 I tried to get this to you at the memorial... 1238 01:34:58,002 --> 01:34:59,279 but you left so quickly. 1239 01:35:00,729 --> 01:35:01,834 When I found him, I also found this. 1240 01:35:02,006 --> 01:35:02,869 It belongs to you. 1241 01:35:02,973 --> 01:35:05,285 - No, no, this isn't mine. - It is. 1242 01:35:06,183 --> 01:35:09,220 I took it because I didn't want you know who to see it. 1243 01:35:11,257 --> 01:35:13,708 Okay, thank you. 1244 01:35:14,847 --> 01:35:16,020 Good luck, Lori. 1245 01:35:16,711 --> 01:35:17,884 Thank you.