1
00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:06,679
{\an8}- [booming]
- [quavering]

2
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:07,960
{\an8}Something's up.

3
00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:10,040
Something big?

4
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,199
The Archangel Gabriel has vanished.

5
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,439
Argh! Gabriel!

6
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,159
Gabriel...

7
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,999
[sputtering]

8
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:18,879
He's in trouble.

9
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,559
Who am I?

10
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:22,559
We need to keep him here and hide him.

11
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,159
Hooray!
Let the book selling commence.

12
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,399
You been together long?

13
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:27,839
- Who?
- You and your partner.

14
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,159
Oh, no, no, it's not like that.

15
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,239
I am an angel.
You are a demon.

16
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,799
We're hereditary enemies.

17
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,079
Get thee behind me, fowl fiend.

18
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:37,599
After you.

19
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,839
'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.
What's all this then?

20
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,399
- Who's this now?
- Inspector Constable.

21
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,839
- That's my name.
- Of course it is.

22
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,239
Crowley's got Gabriel, hasn't he?

23
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,679
We storm the bookshop, killing anything

24
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:51,880
that stands in our way.

25
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,920
I haven't done this since the great war.

26
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,719
You blew up your halo!

27
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,240
[laughing]

28
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,959
I think we need to have
a bit of a chinwag.

29
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,039
He asked who I thought
should take over in heaven.

30
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,159
There's only one candidate,
and that's you.

31
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,439
- Tell me you said "no."
- I can make a difference.

32
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,599
I mean, if Gabriel and Beelzebub
can go off together,

33
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,600
then it could have been us.

34
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:25,799
[gasps]

35
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,639
I forgive you.

36
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,119
Don't bother.

37
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,799
[Metatron] The next step
in the great plan.

38
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,279
Can I know what it is?

39
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,320
We call it "The Second Coming."

40
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,320
[Crowley] Makes you wonder
what God's really planning.

41
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,120
[stirring music]

42
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:23,879
I can't believe it's over.

43
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,399
And over in a glorious victory,
Aziraphale.

44
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,359
Quite outstanding.

45
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,559
Yes, I suppose so.

46
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,999
At a cost, of course.

47
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,239
How many did we lose
in the last offensive?

48
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,119
About a hundred, I'm afraid.

49
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:39,719
They took us by surprise.

50
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,039
The whole thing was ghastly.

51
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:46,759
Aziraphale was inspiring
and a remarkable strategist.

52
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,839
Just doing my job.

53
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,159
The battle fought here,

54
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,279
at the centre of all creation,

55
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,599
turned the tide.

56
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,799
They tried to gain control
of the Eternal Flame,

57
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,439
and they lost!

58
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,080
Better tell the troops
the good news, eh?

59
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,880
[dramatic music]

60
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,039
If you shout out or do anything
to attract attention,

61
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,079
you will be a dead angel.
Do you understand?

62
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,720
Give me the sword.

63
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,559
So you didn't actually
have a weapon, then,

64
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,079
- when you were threatening me?
- No.

65
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,719
I lost it in the last battle.

66
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,639
Hello. I'm...

67
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,679
General Aziraphale,
I know who you are.

68
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,799
I saw you on the battlefield.

69
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,079
I have a lot of questions,

70
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,679
and nobody ever has the answers.

71
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,800
- [groaning]
- What's wrong?

72
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,679
It may hurt, but...

73
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,959
it'll help to staunch
the wound a little.

74
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:18,079
- [groaning]
- You know, I've spent the war

75
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,919
smiting Rebel Angels.

76
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,640
I've never done this before.

77
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,800
Should I say thank you?

78
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,120
Better not.

79
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:33,320
[sword scraping]

80
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,920
Thank you for the bandage.

81
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:52,119
Probably best if you don't, er...

82
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,920
don't tell anyone
how you got it.

83
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,320
Good luck.

84
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,000
{\an8}[whimsical music]

85
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,520
[whimsical music continues]

86
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,000
[whimsical music]

87
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,080
[rat squeaking]

88
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,280
[rat squeaking]

89
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,920
- [glass clinks]
- [snoring]

90
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,319
And well done, everyone,
on planned Second Coming.

91
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,599
[applause]

92
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,359
And, in addition,

93
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,679
I'd like to congratulate
Michael and the team

94
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,039
on solving the logistics
of materialising

95
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,639
a full-size plane carrying
a human passenger

96
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,119
in mid-flight.

97
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,079
[applause]

98
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,959
And I'm glad to see
you are all as excited as I am.

99
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,959
- Any updates?
- [clearing throat]

100
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,959
Ah, yes, Muriel.

101
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,599
You wanted me to tell you
when he was awake.

102
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:17,799
And incarnate.

103
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,119
And, well, he is. Both.

104
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,239
Wonderful.
And how did he take it?

105
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,119
Um, pretty well.

106
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,599
He's a bit...

107
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,879
"Whoa, I've got a body,

108
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,919
what's this about, then?"
And I'm all,

109
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,199
"Not really my job,"
and he's all,

110
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,519
"I have absolutely no idea
what's happening,"

111
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,879
- and I'm all--
- Everything is set.

112
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,719
We have the quite long...

113
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,399
checklist you gave us, Aziraphale.

114
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,239
- Nothing will go wrong.
- Ahh.

115
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,519
The car will meet the plane
on the tarmac.

116
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,359
The Archangel Sandalphon,
good fellow,

117
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:55,559
will drive the Risen Christ
directly to the United Nations,

118
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:59,239
where Uriel and Michael
will meet him.

119
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,879
Perhaps with a cup of tea.

120
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,399
Then Jesus will
make his speech

121
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,399
to all the nations of the world,

122
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,919
in all the tongues of the world,

123
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,279
and then joy unbounded,

124
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,959
peace on earth,

125
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,439
and all that good stuff.

126
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,119
Peace on Earth?

127
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,399
Right, any questions?
No, good.

128
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,839
Right. Let's kick off
the Second Coming.

129
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:24,279
[tense music]

130
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:25,959
Oh, hello!

131
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,399
Um... so I'm pretty sure

132
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,359
I am Joshua,
er, Son of Joseph.

133
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,199
Now, my memory's
a bit funny,

134
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,879
but the last thing I remember,
I was being crucified.

135
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,119
You transcended the flesh.

136
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,639
But now you're back.
New flesh.

137
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,719
And we're sending you
back to Earth

138
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,159
to bring about
universal happiness.

139
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,999
- [soft growl]
- Are you sure you've got

140
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,519
- the right person?
- Oh, absolutely certain.

141
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,519
You've spent the last couple
of thousand years

142
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,359
as part
of the triune godhead,

143
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,679
but now you've got
a mortal body again,

144
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,319
so you can talk
to humanity, you know,

145
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,359
- mortal to mortal.
- And tell them

146
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,519
it's the End Times.

147
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,839
Well, not quite.

148
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,639
Not quite?

149
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,239
Yeah, no, that whole apoc... um,

150
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,599
well, it's a bit
old-fashioned. You know,

151
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,639
times have changed,
Um, I was thinking

152
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,999
we might try something
a little more upbeat.

153
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,799
"Oh, look out, here comes
universal happiness."

154
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,799
No, End Times.

155
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,239
Or... not!

156
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,439
Happiness? Universal.

157
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,599
Joy unbounded, et cetera.

158
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,479
- Has this been signed off?
- Yes, by me.

159
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,119
- I'm in charge.
- For now.

160
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,679
- Sorry?
- Nothing.

161
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,199
Where are the scars?

162
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,799
I had good carpenter's hands.

163
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,639
Whole new miraculous physical body.

164
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,479
You've got to have a body,

165
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,319
otherwise they're all,
"Who said that?"

166
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,479
You just need
to give a speech.

167
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,239
Aziraphale has
prepared it for you.

168
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,799
You will be
on every television,

169
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,319
every phone
and each person on Earth will

170
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,799
- hear you talking to them...
- [chiming]

171
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,199
...in their own language.

172
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,799
[sing-song]
Miracle!

173
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,479
I'm sure it will be very... motivational.

174
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,799
I think we need to revisit
the "End Times" element.

175
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,559
- No, we don't.
- And all the smiting

176
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,439
- we have to do.
- I'm not really following

177
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,039
any of this, um,

178
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,319
are any of my friends here?

179
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,399
Uh... Simon?

180
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,919
Or Thomas? I'd--
I'd quite like to talk to them.

181
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,479
It's been a long time.

182
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,879
My--My mum?

183
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,759
Thousands of years.

184
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,399
All the humans...

185
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,599
you once knew are, um...

186
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,239
- dead.
- Really?

187
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:38,199
Well, what about the angel

188
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,919
who visited
to give me strength

189
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,279
the night
before all the, um...

190
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,319
the nailing business?
Um, Gabriel, I think he said?

191
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,839
- Oh, did he?
- Yes.

192
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,479
He wasn't a lot of help,
to be honest,

193
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,519
I mean, he mainly spoke
about himself, but--

194
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:54,199
Also, um, not
in the picture any longer.

195
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,319
But there must--
wait, the red-haired one,

196
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,879
with the, um--
with the funny eyes.

197
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,799
Oh, he showed me
all the cities of the world.

198
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,479
Oh, he was one of your lot,
too, wasn't he?

199
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,439
Um... not human?

200
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,919
Yeah, oh, is he still around?

201
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,679
Not up here or in Hell.

202
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,319
He's down on Earth these days.

203
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,639
Not really our kind of person.

204
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,919
Oh, but--no,
but he seemed nice.

205
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:19,719
He has, er... qualities.

206
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,799
Okay, well, I mean, if I've got
to go to Earth anyway--

207
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,319
That won't be appropriate,
I'm afraid.

208
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,919
Sandalphon here will be
looking after you.

209
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,599
Fine fellow.

210
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,999
[soft growling]

211
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,759
[whimsical choir singing]

212
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,639
- Oi, Mrs Sandwich!
- [sighing]

213
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,719
I'm not giving you
anything, Crowley.

214
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,719
Oh, come on,
Mrs. Sandwich.

215
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,039
Come on, 150 quid.

216
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,919
Tonight I will finally
get it back.

217
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,839
Brian won't give up anything
he won fair and square, love.

218
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,399
This time will be different.

219
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,839
[sighing]

220
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,599
Thank you very much.

221
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,599
Oh!

222
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:55,999
Freshly watered.

223
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,520
I'll be back.

224
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:04,319
- We have a winner, Mr. Crowley.
- It's just numbers and odds.

225
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:05,839
When you've designed
star systems,

226
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,279
blackjack's a doddle.

227
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,799
[snorting, laughing]

228
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:13,679
- Another win.
- Boom. [laughing]

229
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,600
Come to daddy.

230
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,839
Oh, hello, Misty!

231
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,239
Ah!

232
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,799
It's no fun being drunk
on your own.

233
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,319
Come on.

234
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,399
Tell us a funny story about Gorillas.

235
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,279
Or Dolphins. Go on.

236
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,719
How much have I won tonight?

237
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,359
About hundred grand.

238
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:37,999
Whooo!

239
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,839
Hundred thousand smackeroonies!

240
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,999
[imitates explosion]
...that's got to be enough

241
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,799
to get Brian
out of the backroom!

242
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,039
You know it never ends well.

243
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,199
Take it from me, son.

244
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,639
Take the win.

245
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,119
- Ahh.
- Crowley.

246
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,799
It's the big B.C.

247
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,959
A hundred thousand quid,
come on.

248
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,359
That's more
than it's ever worth.

249
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,639
I won it.
Car's mine.

250
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,799
I'll toss you for it,
double or nothing.

251
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,519
You heard what he said.

252
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:07,719
Customer's always right.

253
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,199
I'll tell you what I'll do...

254
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,879
er, Max, come here, son.

255
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,879
Yeah, who's this?

256
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,759
Right, now...

257
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:19,599
you find the lady,
and the Bentley's yours.

258
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,680
[whimsical music]

259
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,960
[whimsical music]

260
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:39,880
That's a shame.

261
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:44,639
Bentley's still mine.

262
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,679
I've lost worst things than that.

263
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,519
[sputtering]

264
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,879
You're a loser, Crowley.

265
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,839
You only ever come here to lose.

266
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,080
You could've walked out of here
a very rich man.

267
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,520
- Oh!
- You're a mug.

268
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,760
Were you good?

269
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,679
What do you think
of the speech?

270
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,639
I think it's a bit on the nose.

271
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,999
I, um...

272
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,319
I like telling stories.

273
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,039
Er, like parables, if you will,

274
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,879
which, um,
which draw people in.

275
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,679
Aziraphale wrote it.

276
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,239
It's been market-tested

277
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,520
on him.

278
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,319
- [thudding]
- [voice] <i>Metatron level.</i>

279
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,560
[dinging]

280
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,400
What?

281
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,719
What are you doing there?

282
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,719
You know you are
not allowed up here!

283
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,679
And what are you doing with that?

284
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,559
Give it to me! I...

285
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,159
am the only entity

286
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,719
authorised to...

287
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,360
I...

288
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,840
- [siren blaring]
- Stay here.

289
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,160
[siren continues blaring]

290
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,639
Somebody sounded the alarm?

291
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,719
That would have been me.
Something's wrong.

292
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,559
The Metatron's vanished.

293
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,119
Vanished?

294
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,959
Well, could he have gone for a walk?

295
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,159
He's not in the universe.

296
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,759
That's ridiculous.

297
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,359
- I mean...
- [voice] <i>Alarm off.</i>

298
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:47,759
...the only way
the Metatron would be gone

299
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,239
from the universe is if...

300
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,399
there wasn't a Metatron any longer.

301
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,199
If he was dead, you mean?

302
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,039
Of course the Metatron's not dead.

303
00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:01,679
Sandalphon... where's Jesus?

304
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,680
[gentle whimsical choir]

305
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,959
- [choral "ding"]
- [voice] <i>Earth.</i>

306
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:14,879
[whirring]

307
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,959
[ding]

308
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:25,519
- [distant voices]
- [distant construction noises]

309
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:26,839
Oh...

310
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,279
[jackhammer rattling]

311
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,599
[whooshing]

312
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,680
[horn honking]

313
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,919
Oh, hello, excuse me.

314
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,279
I'm out of cash, mate, sorry.

315
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,879
No, no, something smells good.

316
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:47,999
I haven't eaten in a long time.

317
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,679
Here.

318
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,159
Toasted cheese sarnie.

319
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,920
You need it more than I do.

320
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,599
Mmm!

321
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,119
This is really kind of you.

322
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,919
You know, there was
a man who had three sons...

323
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,239
Sorry, mate, food I can do,

324
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,680
but I'm not really up to stories.

325
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,319
Oh, actually,

326
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,159
I'm looking for, um...

327
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,719
he has...

328
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,319
he has red hair and yellow eyes.

329
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,879
He knows a lot of things.

330
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,640
I think he's an angel?

331
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,120
Down there.

332
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,040
Thank you.

333
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,959
- Excuse me.
- [snoring]

334
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,319
Excuse me.

335
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,039
- I'm sorry to wake you.
- I'm not asleep.

336
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,559
I'm out cold.

337
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:39,759
Oh. Er, would you like
some of my cheese sarnie?

338
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:41,839
[groaning]
Leave me alone.

339
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,639
Ooh.

340
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:47,239
Heartbroken. World broken.

341
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,479
What's the point of anything?

342
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,159
I wanted to ask you,

343
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,999
you showed me all those cities.

344
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,159
What should I do now?

345
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,799
Thing is...

346
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,119
the thing is, isn't it--
what was I saying?

347
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,519
You were saying "the thing is..."

348
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:04,359
That thing of the three cards. Isn't it?

349
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,439
- [popping]
- Always,

350
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,639
find the lady.
If you learn that, you're set.

351
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,679
Find the lady.
Last time, I bring the baby,

352
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,519
and it's... shuffle shuffle,
shuffle shuffle shuffle.

353
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,519
Shuffle shuffle shuffle,
oh,

354
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,719
everyone was looking
in the wrong place, isn't it?

355
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,359
[thudding]

356
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:23,919
That thing
with the three cards...

357
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,559
find the lady.

358
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,639
And if I learn to find the lady

359
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,119
with the three cards,

360
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,839
that will help me
understand my purpose here?

361
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,119
You... are...

362
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:39,279
taking up my valuable
passing out drunk time.

363
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,279
Begone.
All right.

364
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,359
Bye-bye.

365
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,920
Night-night, night-night.

366
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,319
[Aziraphale]
Obviously Jesus won't be

367
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,799
in the Earth Observation Files.

368
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,439
The Antichrist wasn't.

369
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:55,399
But the Book of Life is
something else entirely.

370
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,759
So, where is it?

371
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,719
Well, it should be...

372
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,599
on that lectern.

373
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,279
Where it's been
since the dawn of time.

374
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:05,919
It can't just walk away.

375
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,519
We need to report this.

376
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,559
Well, there's not currently
anyone to report to.

377
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,479
The Metatron's done
a bunk, remember.

378
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,199
Indeed.
No Metatron.

379
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,159
As the former Archangel
Sandalphon says.

380
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,719
"Former" Archangel?

381
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,999
Yes, unfortunate demotion,

382
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,399
because of losing the Messiah!

383
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,359
- But you can't--
- We can't lose Jesus

384
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,759
and the Book of Life
at the same time.

385
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,919
- Two things!
- No, we've also lost

386
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,559
the Metatron, three things!

387
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,279
Oh, for...

388
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,080
[sighing] Oh, dear.

389
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,119
Lot on your plate.

390
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,360
Balls being dropped.

391
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:43,999
Look, why don't I try
to locate the Book of Life?

392
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,519
With, um, with...

393
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,360
Muriel as my Investigating Angel.

394
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,639
And then I can focus
on finding Jesus, yes, yes.

395
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,800
- Yes, excellent plan.
- Go.

396
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,919
The Demotion.
He didn't mean it, did he?

397
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:01,759
I'm afraid he did,

398
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:04,439
Junior Recording Angel Sandalphon.

399
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,840
[grunt]

400
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,239
Oh...

401
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,639
[voice] Sober him up!

402
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:16,999
Ha!

403
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,279
{\an8}[ding]

404
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,319
Do you think he's dangerous?

405
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,319
Not anymore.

406
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,959
Well, somebody prod him.

407
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,480
He's pretending he's asleep.

408
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,759
Ha!

409
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,759
I quit, Dagon.

410
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,160
Didn't you get the memo?

411
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,679
[mumbling]

412
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,999
[clattering]

413
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,959
You didn't send a memo.

414
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,079
That's because I quit.

415
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,799
[sighing]

416
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,400
I'm un-quitting you, forthwith.

417
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:52,840
Upstairs has begun
Operation Second Coming.

418
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:56,279
Oh, I see.

419
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,359
Mm-hmm.

420
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,599
So the End Times have begun.

421
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:01,799
Again.

422
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,159
Oh, well, there you go.

423
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,999
No, I don't go.

424
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,799
They've lost him.

425
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,239
[laughing]

426
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:11,319
Who?

427
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,919
You know.

428
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,760
The one who starts it all off.

429
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,279
- Nailed-up boy.
- Jesus?

430
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:18,799
[quavering echo]

431
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,199
Jesus.

432
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,119
[quavering echo]

433
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,160
And I'm here because...

434
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,520
We need you to find him, Crowley,
before they do.

435
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,079
Right.

436
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,759
You can't even say his name.

437
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,959
What'll you do if you do find him?

438
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,999
A hostage.

439
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,280
With...

440
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,359
Jesus.

441
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,559
...in our hands,

442
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,999
we can attack Heaven!

443
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,039
And the war of all wars

444
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,159
will raineth down!

445
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,159
[laughing]
We'll be living upstairs!

446
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,320
- [laughing]
- And they'll be down here!

447
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:58,719
You understand humans, Crowley.

448
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,960
So find him, help us, we'll help you.

449
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,040
No.

450
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,839
- No?
- Oh, no.

451
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,120
- No?
- No.

452
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,760
Well, you'll regret this.

453
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,440
I'll add it to the list.

454
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,560
Well, get him out of here.

455
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:26,999
Are, are you okay?

456
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,879
Er, yes, of course.

457
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,759
I just, um...

458
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,279
Well, I... I need to, er...

459
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,599
sort this out.

460
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,479
Now, where to start?

461
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,359
Why don't you ask your...

462
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:45,080
"friend" friend to help?

463
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:47,800
My...

464
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,399
oh, no-no-no--
no, I can't.

465
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,119
That's out of the question.

466
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:57,119
He might like
to see you anyway.

467
00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:59,399
Last time I saw him,
he wasn't in the best way,

468
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:00,360
to be honest.

469
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,040
He seemed a bit... lost.

470
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,600
[gentle melancholic music]

471
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,480
[rat squeaking]

472
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:29,360
[rat squeaking]

473
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,720
Ah, I never thought
I'd see your face here again.

474
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,079
I, um... um...

475
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,919
Oh, everyone's gone.

476
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,280
Or been bought out.

477
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,039
Not me.

478
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,239
I stick it out here in Soho

479
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,040
like a...
barnacle to a rock.

480
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,399
I, um...

481
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,280
hello.

482
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:10,239
Look, um, my friend, Crowley,

483
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,279
have you--
have you seen him?

484
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:15,479
You wouldn't be looking for him
unless you needed something,

485
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,799
'cause you're
a taker, you are.

486
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,079
You never cared for him.

487
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,439
Or Whickber Street.

488
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,999
I... I love Whickber Street.

489
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:26,400
Yeah? Well, where were you
when it got bad?

490
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,959
You know, I never thought...

491
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,200
you'd be back to gloat.

492
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:36,360
To gloat?

493
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,560
He's down there.

494
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:08,960
Crowley?

495
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:12,840
I've, um...

496
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:15,320
please get up.

497
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,480
I'm fine down here, thanks.

498
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:23,919
Look, I know you're upset with me.

499
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,159
Yep.

500
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,240
But I'm willing to overlook that.

501
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,720
Because... well,
we have a lot to discuss.

502
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:33,840
I have nothing to say to you.

503
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,039
If you're expecting me to do
the "I was wrong" dance,

504
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,799
then I'm afraid you'll be
waiting rather a long time.

505
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,680
Oh, we're way beyond
little dances, angel.

506
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,920
Close the door on your way out.

507
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,440
But you... you don't have a door.

508
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:02,119
[melancholic music]

509
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,200
[whimsical music]

510
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,800
[keys jingling]

511
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,119
[electricity sizzling]

512
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:45,839
Breaks your heart.

513
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,080
Crowley?

514
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,480
You had a bookshop for centuries.

515
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,640
You loved your bookshop.

516
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,079
And then you just walked away.

517
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,399
- What happened here?
- Well, you tell me.

518
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,599
Muriel was meant
to take over the place.

519
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,999
They were here for,
what, a few weeks,

520
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,599
and then closed
the door, and--

521
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,079
I needed Muriel.

522
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,119
I needed someone to work
with me in Heaven

523
00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,760
who was... nice.

524
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,560
- Ah.
- But that's not what I meant.

525
00:27:20,120 --> 00:27:22,200
What I meant was, what happened here?

526
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,199
I've been gone for years.

527
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,719
And... the place is a bit dusty, yes,

528
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,719
but...

529
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,119
no windows broken.

530
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:33,839
Nothing's been taken.

531
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,480
No rodent problem.

532
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,959
You'd expect rats, wouldn't you?

533
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:40,440
You weren't here.

534
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,480
I wasn't gonna lose
this place as well.

535
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:49,440
Oh.

536
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,040
Obviously not.

537
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:55,599
I...

538
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,800
I suppose
I should say thank you.

539
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:01,679
Better not.

540
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:02,760
Do you...

541
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,560
Do you want an apology from me?

542
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,480
Mm.

543
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,639
I was trying to do the right thing.

544
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,999
Well, you know what they say
about the road to Hell?

545
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,479
What?

546
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,320
Needs repaving.

547
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:20,959
Look, Crowley,

548
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,359
I've come to help you.

549
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:24,439
- Have you?
- Yes.

550
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,079
No, you haven't!
This is about Jesus!

551
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,679
You were bringing him back,
and now you've lost him!

552
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,359
How do you know that?

553
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:33,399
Live in an alleyway,
people tell you things.

554
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,839
Well...

555
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,119
yes... I mean...

556
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:41,040
there is that.
I need...

557
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,199
we found the Antichrist
together, you and me.

558
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,039
- Ancient history.
- Jesus remembers you, you know.

559
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,800
Mm-hm, he was asking after you.

560
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,239
He seemed...

561
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,200
well, very nice.

562
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,040
And now he's out there.

563
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,679
On his own.

564
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,519
Poor thing.

565
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,319
I only hope
they don't nail him up again.

566
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,399
Well, they wouldn't
do that again, surely?

567
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,719
Well, they haven't
changed much, have they?

568
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,359
Heaven is looking for him,
Hell will be too.

569
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,039
No one can find him.

570
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,479
Crowley, this is bigger
than you and me.

571
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,679
- Well, I can't help you.
- Why not?

572
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,199
- I don't have a car.
- Well, then, by all means,

573
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:23,440
get your car-- where is it?

574
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:27,159
- You've lost it?
- Yes.

575
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,439
How?

576
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,239
[mumbling] I lost it
in a game of skill and chance.

577
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,679
I'm sorry,
I didn't quite get that--

578
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,159
I lost it
in a game of skill and chance.

579
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,679
- To whom?
- Brian Cameron.

580
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,359
Bri...

581
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,519
I've never heard of him.
He sounds like an accountant.

582
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,399
How on earth could
you lose your Bentley

583
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,079
to a man named Brian Cameron?

584
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:46,320
He's a gangster!

585
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,080
[Crowley]
<i>I was still sleeping in my car...</i>

586
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,519
Always wanted a classic Bentley.

587
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,759
I thought,
a man who owns a car like that

588
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,919
must definitely be up
for a little wager.

589
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,759
A little game
of skill and chance.

590
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,479
I'm not gonna do that.
This is my house.

591
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,679
Of course I can't, you know,
force you to play.

592
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,199
But what I could do is...

593
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,719
set fire to that little bookshop

594
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,279
and burn it down to the ground

595
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:15,320
right now.

596
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,159
No, it's 'cause I see you
sleeping outside here,

597
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,799
and I often see you inside.

598
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,359
Keeping a cheeky little eye.

599
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:25,999
Ah--take the car.

600
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,239
I am a businessman, son,
not a common thief.

601
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,399
I'm merely suggesting we have...

602
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:32,839
a little gentleman's game.

603
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:34,359
I've had enough of this.

604
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,759
[snapping fingers]

605
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,399
[voice] <i>Your miracle account
is no longer active.</i>

606
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:40,679
<i>Please go away.</i>

607
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,399
Ah... [groaning]

608
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,479
My legal department drew this up.

609
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,239
Now, we'll just have a little game.

610
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,879
And you win,

611
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,879
I walk away,
and nothing catches fire.

612
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,679
You lose,

613
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,199
and I get the Bentley.

614
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,479
I'm... not...

615
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:58,879
No "oomph."

616
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,479
Just sign there now.

617
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,679
So, what's the game?

618
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,279
It's my favourite
board game, actually.

619
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,319
Right, what you got to do is
you got to own everything.

620
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,799
And you leave everyone else

621
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,679
penniless, crushed, and miserable.

622
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,519
Sounds like a game
only a human could invent.

623
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,399
You can be the shoe.

624
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,200
[dramatic music]

625
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,080
[popping]

626
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:38,399
[little engine rattling]

627
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,640
[whooshes, pops]

628
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,959
[dice rattling]

629
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,639
Oh, dear.

630
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:53,359
You already mortgaged
all your properties,

631
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,319
so kind of, like, wipes you out,

632
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,479
doesn't it really?
Though it's still--it's a--

633
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,399
it's a bloody good game, eh?

634
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,399
Penniless... crushed...
and miserable.

635
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:05,959
[Aziraphale] Well,
how on earth did you let him

636
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,519
get away with it?
I mean, a contract's a contract--

637
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,359
What could I do?
Hell had cut me off.

638
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,999
Miracles, not an option.
You were elsewhere.

639
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,919
Yes, very well then.

640
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,559
We shall go
and get our Bentley back--

641
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,440
- My Bentley.
- Of course, and then...

642
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,240
...and then
you'll help me find Jesus.

643
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:30,999
I'll do it myself.

644
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,359
- [groaning]
- Crowley...

645
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,879
Crowley... Crowley.

646
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,959
I am so disappointed in you.

647
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:40,279
Trying to steal my car?

648
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:41,959
I'd like my Bentley back.

649
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,679
Yeah, well, I'd like
to play for the Arsenal,

650
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,679
but that ain't gonna happen
either, is it, mate?

651
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,439
I just need my car!

652
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,599
You need teaching a lesson,
is what you need.

653
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,479
And I am...

654
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,120
so gonna enjoy that.

655
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,359
Who are you?

656
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:59,519
- I'm a retired bookseller.
- [groaning]

657
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,599
I've come to get my friend back.

658
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,479
And our c--his car.

659
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,039
- You're a friend of his?
- No, he's not.

660
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:07,359
I rather think I am.

661
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:08,919
I'm rescuing you.

662
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,679
And liberating our Bentley.

663
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,239
Yeah, well, bollocks you are,
it's my car,

664
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,119
I won it fair and square
so you can just, you know,

665
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,039
- like, goodbye.
- Rather excited

666
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,639
to meet you, actually,
Mr. Brian Cameron.

667
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,639
From what I hear,
you're the second best player

668
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:23,799
of games of skill and chance

669
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,119
in all of London, well done.

670
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:27,999
Second, you say?

671
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,120
Well, of course. After me.

672
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,080
Perfect.

673
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,559
Misty, my love.

674
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,720
- Break out the board games.
- I'm afraid not.

675
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,479
According
to your very own rules,

676
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,159
as the challenger,
I get to choose.

677
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:47,959
You what?

678
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,559
Competitive crossword solving.

679
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,199
That's not even a game, is it?

680
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,959
First one to finish correctly

681
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,759
gets the Bentley.

682
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,599
- Dad, be careful here--
- Yeah, listen,

683
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,200
I can fill in a crossword, alright?

684
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,119
But I can, e...
ask people for help

685
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,119
I can call them for help
if I need it,

686
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:06,479
right? I can collaborate?

687
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:07,999
Oh, seek as much assistance

688
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,359
as you require.

689
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,119
Game on.

690
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,039
One Across, nine letters,

691
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,919
the measured tread of the saints

692
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,359
around the dome of St. Peter's,
how appropriate.

693
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:18,999
- [grumbling]
- [Crowley] What does that mean?

694
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,319
Well, it's a clue, in this case,

695
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:21,759
the word "round"
tells you to look for

696
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,479
one word inside another,

697
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:25,359
giving us the opening word

698
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:26,999
"Pedometer."

699
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,639
Billy?
Billy, yes, mate, yes,

700
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,719
I need the solution
for today's Cryptic Crossword,

701
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:32,760
and I need it right now.

702
00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:35,719
Well, it's got to be
on the web somewhere, do, like--

703
00:34:35,720 --> 00:34:37,160
do, like, a search or something.

704
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,079
Yeah, well then find the bloke
that wrote the crossword

705
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,079
and threaten him.
Tell him we're going to...

706
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,519
kill his husband or his dog,
or worse, something like that.

707
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,920
Finished.

708
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:49,800
What?

709
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:56,679
No, no, no, no, you could have
written anything down.

710
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:57,880
What's 10 down?

711
00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:01,719
"Miss Desmond levitates

712
00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:04,039
for David's spacey song,"

713
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,119
it refers to Norma Desmond
from <i>Sunset Boulevard</i>

714
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:09,399
and can be rephrased
as "Norma Flies,"

715
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,039
which is an anagram
of the David Bowie song

716
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,199
"Life on Mars"!

717
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,839
- Gah.
- How do you know that?

718
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,439
I'll take the car and my friend.

719
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:22,000
[grunting]

720
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,559
- Ain't gonna happen, mate.
- Brian, Brian.

721
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:26,959
I did give you a chance.

722
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,440
You really mustn't get angry, you know.

723
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,239
[zapping]

724
00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:32,879
[gasping]

725
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,799
- Shark?
- Right.

726
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,799
We need to get a wiggle on.

727
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,199
Dad, are you alright?

728
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,039
- Shark.
- Dad, Dad, sit down.

729
00:35:40,040 --> 00:35:41,559
- Sit down, sit down.
- I'm having a heart--

730
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:42,959
shark! Ow!

731
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,239
- Call an ambulance!
- Ow, ow, ow...

732
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:47,399
[car horn honking]

733
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,480
[rock and roll music playing]

734
00:35:57,240 --> 00:35:58,799
I suppose you're feeling
quite pleased with yourself

735
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,080
- right now, are you?
- Not at all.

736
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:03,839
But a deal's a deal.

737
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,319
[tyres screeching]

738
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:06,879
Right, let's get this over with.

739
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:08,319
So, where is Jesus?

740
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:09,680
I don't know.

741
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,159
- You don't know?
- Well, no.

742
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:14,999
Otherwise I wouldn't need
to find him, would I?

743
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,319
- And I wouldn't need you--
- Wouldn't need me, right.

744
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,400
Nice, gotcha.

745
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,600
But seriously, no idea?

746
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,519
The Earth's quite big, you know?

747
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:26,999
- Yes, I'm aware of that.
- What are we going to do?

748
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,679
Ring a bell?
Leave out snacks?

749
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,119
Hang signs on lamp posts saying

750
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:33,039
"Missing Messiah, can offer Small Reward."

751
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:34,880
No, I--look, I don't know.

752
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,879
So...

753
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,519
do you have any idea

754
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,240
where the Book of Life might be?

755
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:49,439
Nope.

756
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:50,959
'fraid not.

757
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,159
Sorry.

758
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,680
Of course I don't.

759
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:55,840
That's a shame.

760
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:57,640
Or, then,

761
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,719
any idea how it can have got

762
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:03,479
to wherever it is,
that we don't know

763
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,040
where that even is?

764
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,680
Excellent question though.

765
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:21,599
I need to find the lady?

766
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,639
Oh.

767
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,239
Well, once upon a time,

768
00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:28,119
my love, I could've
seen you well sorted.

769
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,040
But it's all on bloomin'
internet now, isn't it?

770
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,280
Um, just sit anywhere.

771
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:43,519
Who are you?

772
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:44,879
Jehoshua.

773
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,080
- Bless you.
- Bless you.

774
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,480
Harry Frisch, mate.

775
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,919
Or Harry the Fish, as was,

776
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,119
back when me name
meant anything.

777
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:57,760
Then I will call you
Harry the Fish.

778
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,280
You were a fisher of?

779
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:04,919
What do you do with those cards?

780
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,079
For I've been told to find the lady.

781
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,719
Find the lady, ooh, ah,

782
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,199
I did used to work
the Monte, sure.

783
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,559
With a team of guys.

784
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:15,800
I miss them.

785
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:19,440
I had friends.

786
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,239
A team.

787
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:23,919
Twelve friends.

788
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,319
I'm solo now.

789
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,159
No more Monte, just me.

790
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,679
You've got an honest face.

791
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,360
Thank you.
You have a beautiful face, Harry.

792
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,399
But one filled with pain.

793
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,480
So, how do I find the lady?

794
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,519
Ahh.

795
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,199
Find the lady.

796
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,759
Well, find the lady,
find the gravy.

797
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,720
Here she is, there she goes,
where she ends up, nobody knows.

798
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:55,799
[chuckling]

799
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,200
Will--Will you teach me?

800
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:00,800
[tyres screeching]

801
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,319
How about some music?

802
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,799
Um, maybe a little, um,

803
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:09,880
tom tom Garage?

804
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,239
Or some rip-rap?
Or go-go?

805
00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:16,239
You have absolutely no idea
what any of that means.

806
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,439
Yes, I do.
They're all...

807
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,919
types of bebop--
stop flustering me,

808
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,159
I can't--
I can't think straight.

809
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,759
Things have been really
very complicated for me

810
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,759
- at the moment, you know?
- I know, you've lost Jesus,

811
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:28,279
and bollocksed up
the Second Coming--

812
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:29,839
It doesn't get much more
complicated than that.

813
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:31,280
And we may have lost
The Book of Life.

814
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,199
- You've lost it?
- Well, it does seem to be

815
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,279
evading us rather successfully
for the moment.

816
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:40,839
Unbelievable.

817
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,559
Oh, you leave me
to go back to sort out Heaven,

818
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:45,319
you've made it into more
of a mess than it was already.

819
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:46,799
Look, I had a chance
to make a real difference.

820
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,639
Oh, you still
don't get it, do you?

821
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:50,999
You can't change anything!

822
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,359
It's all rigged!
The entire universe--

823
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,840
But I had to try at least,
can't you see that?

824
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:00,599
I don't want an awful,
judgy Second Coming

825
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:04,039
with those scary horses
and half the world being smited.

826
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:05,839
- If I'm the boss--
- But you're not!

827
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,919
And you never will be,
there's always someone

828
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,359
- above you stacking the deck.
- Well, not now there isn't.

829
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:12,240
The Metatron's disappeared too.

830
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,839
Oh, superb.

831
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,199
Mr. Big Giant Floaty Head

832
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:18,519
"I bought you
a lovely coffee" himself

833
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,480
has done a runner.
[chuckling]

834
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:23,760
You could have avoided all this.

835
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:26,479
We could have done
a runner ourselves.

836
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,359
I asked you to come with me.

837
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,119
We could be drinking cocktails
on Alpha Centauri,

838
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:31,519
this could be
someone else's problem.

839
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,079
How could we have been
happy there,

840
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,279
knowing that we were leaving
all these people

841
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,919
to goodness knows
what awfulness?

842
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:40,439
Second Coming,
apocalypse,

843
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:44,439
the end of everything on Earth
as it is, on Alpha Centauri!

844
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,279
I could stop all that--
I just wanted

845
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:47,959
to save everything,

846
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,159
and--and--so that everybody
could have a chance,

847
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,600
including us.

848
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,399
And how's that working out?

849
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:57,840
Hmm?

850
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,439
- Don't look 'round.
- What?

851
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,679
Keep walking.
We're just coincidentally walking

852
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,199
in the same direction.

853
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:09,759
Okay.

854
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:11,799
- I may know something.
- What?

855
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,399
Face forward!
If I tell you,

856
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:15,679
I want to be reinstated
as an archangel.

857
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,959
- I don't have that power.
- Not yet, you don't.

858
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:19,959
Meet me in the corridor
in the Space Between.

859
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,600
They won't be looking there.

860
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:26,680
[ominous music]

861
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,199
[distant thudding]

862
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,160
Hello?

863
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:40,160
Muriel?

864
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:42,360
Hello?

865
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,120
Muriel? Is that you?

866
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:49,480
[whooshing]

867
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,959
- [Uriel] Muriel?
- [gasping]

868
00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:00,999
What are you doing here?

869
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,879
This area has been closed off.

870
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:06,239
I was here to meet Sandalphon?

871
00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:07,800
[sighs] Muriel.

872
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,680
[sighs]

873
00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:25,359
[sizzling]

874
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,559
[engine rumbling]

875
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:29,999
Why are you stopping?

876
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,719
Oh, no-no, no,
we can't park here.

877
00:42:31,720 --> 00:42:33,599
They'll be looking
for the Bentley.

878
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,559
They don't have to see it, do they?

879
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:38,680
Oh.

880
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,839
Really?

881
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,479
Well, we know Jesus is on Earth,

882
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,639
but it's a big place,
he--he could be anywhere.

883
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,239
Well, he likes deserts.
Or he used to.

884
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:51,879
Spent 40 days in one
back when I knew him.

885
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,160
- [phone ringing]
- Um...

886
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,199
But he can't be...

887
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,199
Oh, obviously...

888
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:03,759
no...

889
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,679
no.

890
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,079
I understand.
That was Saraqael.

891
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,279
It appears
that Sandalphon has...

892
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:13,759
Also vanished?

893
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,279
Saraqael thinks he's been murdered.

894
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:18,479
I need to get back to Heaven.
You'll just have to begin

895
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:19,879
the hunt for Jesus
here yourself.

896
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:21,319
Oh, no, no,
I'm coming with you.

897
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,119
To Heaven?
You most certainly are not.

898
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,400
You clearly can't do this
on your own, come on.

899
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:31,199
Uriel?

900
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,479
What are you doing in here?

901
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,480
I've prepared a report
on Sandalphon's murder.

902
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:39,840
What's he doing here?

903
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,519
Er, well, he's-- he's backup.

904
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,199
Two heads are better than one.

905
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:45,799
He's--He's a demon.

906
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,719
Former!
Former demon.

907
00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:50,080
Now just a private individual.

908
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:54,159
So... Sandalphon vanishes.

909
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,239
He said he had things to tell me.

910
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,239
I think it was about the Metatron

911
00:43:58,240 --> 00:44:00,960
- and the Book of Life.
- You think?

912
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:03,720
So no actual information, then?

913
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:05,439
Well, perhaps you need some help.

914
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:09,319
Uriel... Muriel is perfect for the job.

915
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,599
Your assistance is not required.

916
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,279
Your infinite holiness,

917
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,759
I would like to register a complaint.

918
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:20,919
This person should not be
allowed in Heaven.

919
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,200
Complaint duly noted
and registered.

920
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:27,319
Will it make a difference?

921
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:28,920
Oh, no.

922
00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:32,639
So, The Book of Life,

923
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:34,759
wouldn't the Archive Monitor
show who took it?

924
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:38,960
Of course I thought
to check the archive, look.

925
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:41,919
One moment, it's here,

926
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:43,799
where it's been
since the dawn of time.

927
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,880
The next, it's not.

928
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:50,159
So the moment of theft
has been edited out?

929
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,439
Not edited.
It just goes.

930
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:53,959
I looked for fingerprints,

931
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,639
through a magnifying glass,
and footprints.

932
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,680
So, if the archive wasn't edited...

933
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,439
what if reality was?

934
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,040
Well, that's perfectly impossible...

935
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:08,279
By The Book of Life itself, you mean?

936
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:09,959
- That's brilliant.
- Seemed to have removed

937
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,679
the moment the Book was taken
from the Book itself,

938
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,799
reality adjusts to conform.

939
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,239
You can't just remove things
from reality.

940
00:45:16,240 --> 00:45:18,039
Well, they hang around
for a while, sure,

941
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,399
while reality catches up, but then...

942
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,600
poof.

943
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:24,879
I'll bet you that's
what's happened to the Metatron.

944
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,559
Soon enough,
you'll forget all about them.

945
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:28,999
Right, back to work.

946
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,599
Chop-chop.

947
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:31,600
Don't dilly-dally!

948
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:37,159
- Oh! Thank you--
- No need.

949
00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:39,560
You're doing an excellent job.

950
00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:46,639
What if Hell is actually behind this?

951
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:48,479
Someone must've had
a motive for the theft.

952
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,199
A motive for the murder.

953
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,439
It wasn't you,
and we know it wasn't me.

954
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,559
- And angels aren't killers.
- Sorry, are we talking

955
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:56,679
- about the same angels?
- I think you should

956
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,279
return to Hell and find out
everything you can.

957
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,679
They know me,
I'm not going back.

958
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:03,199
They know you.

959
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,799
But they don't know me...

960
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,280
I could ask around, take a look.

961
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,799
You are not a demon.

962
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,279
If they found
an undocumented angel

963
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:14,439
wandering around Hell,
they'd... well,

964
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:16,119
they'd kill you just for starters.

965
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:19,119
You forget, I am a Master of Disguise.

966
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:20,559
No, you're not--

967
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:22,600
Oh, that's actually rather good.

968
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:27,159
[Aziraphale] Are you sure
they won't recognise me?

969
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:28,599
[crow-like]
Ehh?

970
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,200
Pretty sure.

971
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:35,359
Yes?

972
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,399
My Lord,
Archduke Slorch the Vile,

973
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:41,079
Master of the Secret Torments,

974
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:44,319
is here to see Lord Dagon.

975
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,079
Hmm...

976
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:47,959
I don't have anything in the calendar.

977
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:50,999
He has come directly from Downstairs.

978
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:52,879
We are Downstairs.

979
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:57,120
[gravelly]
All the way Downstairs!

980
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,239
[ringing]

981
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:07,199
- Ugh...
- An emissary,

982
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,279
from All the way Downstairs is here.

983
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:14,519
From Downstairs?
What, now?

984
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:16,839
They're meant to let us know.

985
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:19,119
I don't believe Lord Satan is

986
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,559
under any obligation
to do anything

987
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:25,560
to make things easier
for you, Dagon.

988
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:29,279
Right.

989
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:31,759
Yes. Sorry.

990
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:32,920
No.

991
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:37,560
Have we met?

992
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,239
I--I don't do
a lot of mingling.

993
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:45,399
No, no, Lord Satan
keeps me very busy

994
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,519
with all the, you know...

995
00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,599
secret torments and that.

996
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,239
Yes, of course.

997
00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:53,919
We're here...

998
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:57,720
because of the turmoil upstairs.

999
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:04,080
Your reports on the matter have been...

1000
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,039
disappointing.

1001
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:10,039
- [whimpering]
- So I came...

1002
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,480
to investigate personally.

1003
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:17,320
The... the Second Coming?

1004
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:20,999
They lost him, didn't they?

1005
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,639
Yes.

1006
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,200
But I'm sure
they'll find him soon enough.

1007
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:27,280
Unless...

1008
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:30,520
we know where he is?

1009
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:34,360
Nothing yet.

1010
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:36,719
No, no, no,

1011
00:48:36,720 --> 00:48:40,839
but I'm here...
on the other matter.

1012
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:42,039
Other matter?

1013
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:45,520
Upstairs... a murder.

1014
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,879
A disappearance.

1015
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:52,200
The Book of Life, missing.

1016
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,359
Don't say you haven't heard anything.

1017
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,119
We just know
what we put in the report.

1018
00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:00,239
The Metatron
and a couple of Archangels

1019
00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:02,079
removed from The Book of Life,

1020
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:05,640
thus, "vanisho."
That's all we know.

1021
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:10,199
If someone is holding out...

1022
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:14,840
from the Even Further Downstairs...

1023
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:17,639
We didn't even know
the Book was missing.

1024
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:19,599
Our secret source
on the top floor

1025
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,760
just let it slip.

1026
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,839
Well, I will let
his Infernal Darkness know

1027
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,840
how helpful you've both been.

1028
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,039
That's...
That's good, isn't it?

1029
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:38,600
Is it?

1030
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,039
Let's hope so.

1031
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:47,799
[hissing]

1032
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:52,759
[whimsical music]

1033
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:54,439
[Harry the Fish]
It's a dance, Josh.

1034
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:55,960
Find the rhythm.

1035
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:03,679
See, the trick is never
to think of it as a trick.

1036
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:07,239
The cards want
to be manipulated.

1037
00:50:07,240 --> 00:50:09,199
Bit like people, really.

1038
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:11,919
Even me.

1039
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:13,879
Wait a minute,
I remember this.

1040
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:15,279
Remember what?

1041
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,599
Somebody's all at a loss,

1042
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:20,079
and then I say
something that helps.

1043
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:21,759
Go on then.

1044
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,639
Well...

1045
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,559
well, for I say to you this,

1046
00:50:25,560 --> 00:50:27,279
if a man has a boat,

1047
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:29,239
then he has the ability to fish,

1048
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:31,039
- for just as--
- Has he got a net?

1049
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:32,759
- What?
- The bloke with the boat.

1050
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,439
He'd need a net or a rod.

1051
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:36,839
I mean, the boat doesn't
catch the fish, does it?

1052
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:38,360
No, I may be a bit rusty.

1053
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:41,279
I mean, it's been a few centuries.

1054
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:42,999
Wait, okay,

1055
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,279
there was a widow
who had three sons,

1056
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:49,239
and the first son was
a fisherman, and the...

1057
00:50:49,240 --> 00:50:51,999
Are all these stories
about fishing?

1058
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,560
No. Harry...

1059
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:04,439
Find the lady.

1060
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,520
[whimsical music]

1061
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,520
Oh! I didn't see a thing.

1062
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:24,479
You know,
maybe the cards' life isn't

1063
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:25,999
something you wanna be involved in.

1064
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,759
No.

1065
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:30,159
It's the right thing to do.

1066
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:32,039
It's a way
to reach out to people.

1067
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:34,399
I'm pretty sure
that's what the lady is.

1068
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:37,719
It's people finding
peace and love

1069
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:40,079
- and happiness.
- Happiness?

1070
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:44,159
Let me tell you something,
Josh, life, this life,

1071
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,719
blinds you
to what matters, right?

1072
00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:49,399
I had kids, you know?

1073
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:51,519
Missed 'em growing up,
didn't I, cos I was

1074
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:53,720
too bloody busy
working the cards.

1075
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:03,079
[gentle music]

1076
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:04,959
Let's give it a go, shall we?

1077
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:08,279
I've ordered enormous amounts
of dim sum for you.

1078
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,919
That's a bottle
of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, a 1988.

1079
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:13,439
You know,
I'm not going to eat.

1080
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:15,959
I'm not that angel any longer.

1081
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:17,879
No, it's my job to set an example

1082
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,760
for all the other angels by...

1083
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,959
making choices.

1084
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,799
Good, upstanding choices.

1085
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,479
Right.

1086
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:30,120
Does that include choosing
Heaven instead of me?

1087
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:34,480
I chose Heaven because of you.

1088
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,319
You showed me
what it meant to be brave

1089
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:39,839
and to make a difference.

1090
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:41,439
To stand up
for what I believed in.

1091
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:43,439
- Did I?
- Yes.

1092
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:47,639
You told me that Heaven
wasn't on anybody's side.

1093
00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:50,199
And I realised I could change that.

1094
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:52,639
I could make it on everybody's side.

1095
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:54,239
In what way?

1096
00:52:54,240 --> 00:52:56,839
Well, for a start,

1097
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,199
Jesus was meant
to be sent here

1098
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:01,039
to end it all,
you know, to end everything.

1099
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:02,959
- Obviously.
- And, um, well,

1100
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:05,559
I did eventually persuade
Upstairs that, uh,

1101
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:08,719
the Second Coming
didn't have to be Armageddon.

1102
00:53:08,720 --> 00:53:11,159
It could be a second chance
to get things right.

1103
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,119
You know,
to make things better.

1104
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:14,639
To inspire the humans,

1105
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,559
to be...
you know, nicer.

1106
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:19,759
And what did God say to that?

1107
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:21,280
Well, she didn't tell me to stop.

1108
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:27,480
Oh... oh...

1109
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:31,999
he, um, he genuinely did
speak fondly of you, you know?

1110
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,439
Jesus.
He even remembered

1111
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:36,639
your "Kingdoms of the World" routine.

1112
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:38,800
Mm, did he? That's nice.

1113
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,839
- Oh.
- What?

1114
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:45,319
Oh...

1115
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,439
- he was here.
- Who?

1116
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:49,279
Light of the World,

1117
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:51,839
Mary's bloody Boy Child,
he was here!

1118
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:54,039
In Soho! Aah!

1119
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,679
- That was him, I talked to him.
- Under our noses?

1120
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:57,799
This whole time?
And you didn't recognise him?

1121
00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,279
Now, before you get all judgey,
in my defense,

1122
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,759
I was astonishingly drunk.

1123
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:05,279
Well, that's hardly an actual--
no, no, I won't do that.

1124
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:07,839
No, this is good news.
Means he can't be far.

1125
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:09,839
Yeah, it certainly narrows down
the scope of the search.

1126
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:11,919
Way fewer temples.

1127
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:13,519
Deserts.

1128
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:15,239
What about Hell, any clues?

1129
00:54:15,240 --> 00:54:16,799
I don't think they had
a clue about anything,

1130
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:19,080
to be honest.
In fact...

1131
00:54:19,720 --> 00:54:21,679
I'm even realising that...

1132
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:23,800
some of their information was off.

1133
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:26,119
- How so?
- Well, their sources told them

1134
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,679
that the Metatron and two Archangels
had been murdered,

1135
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:32,840
- using The Book of Life.
- And?

1136
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:34,919
Well, only one Archangel
has been murdered.

1137
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:36,559
Sandalphon.

1138
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:38,280
So what they were told is wrong.

1139
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,959
Unless...

1140
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:45,399
what they heard was not
what had already happened

1141
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:47,120
but a plan.

1142
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:49,759
Why would anybody tell them their plan?

1143
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:52,719
Because they're a bit deranged.

1144
00:54:52,720 --> 00:54:54,639
In the wrong hands,
The Book of Life has the power

1145
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:56,719
to drive anyone mad.

1146
00:54:56,720 --> 00:54:59,599
We're not built to cope
with pasts, presents,

1147
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:01,919
and futures that don't match up.

1148
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:04,599
Time...
it stops meaning anything.

1149
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,719
Constantly un-happening
bits of reality...

1150
00:55:07,720 --> 00:55:10,039
could make someone lose track

1151
00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:13,719
- of what will be true...
- But isn't true yet. [gasps]

1152
00:55:13,720 --> 00:55:16,279
Exactly.

1153
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:19,679
And if it's not someone
from Hell who has the plan,

1154
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:22,520
- then...
- Then...

1155
00:55:23,240 --> 00:55:24,040
Oh, no.

1156
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:31,479
[voice] <i>Earth.</i>

1157
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:35,239
[whirring]

1158
00:55:35,240 --> 00:55:37,719
- I really have missed food.
- Hmm.

1159
00:55:37,720 --> 00:55:40,119
So, I think the next step--

1160
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:42,119
The next step is
you sitting back down.

1161
00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:44,159
Hullo, Misty.

1162
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:45,639
Everything okay?

1163
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:47,879
My dad's in intensive care.

1164
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:50,079
You know, toughest bloke
in all of London,

1165
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,159
and you two
good as killed him.

1166
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:53,759
I don't think we did.

1167
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:55,679
He won your car fair and square.

1168
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:57,559
Just as my friend won it
fair and square back from him.

1169
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,519
- You said they stole it.
- Yeah.

1170
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,919
Not at all,
we signed a contract,

1171
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:03,639
and then I beat him
in a cryptic crossword.

1172
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:05,759
Oh, that is a tough one.

1173
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:07,359
Misty, your dad is in the hospital

1174
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:08,719
because of anger management issues

1175
00:56:08,720 --> 00:56:10,560
- and a dodgy heart valve.
- Shut it!

1176
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:14,239
You're coming with us
to your shithole bookshop,

1177
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:16,999
and you're gonna
watch us burn it down.

1178
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:18,840
I think I solved it.

1179
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:20,999
What are you supposed to be?

1180
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:22,879
The case.
Michael chose me

1181
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,759
to investigate
the Book's disappearance,

1182
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,799
and I've been investigating,

1183
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:28,559
- and then I thought...
- What is this?

1184
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,239
...I'm really enthusiastic,

1185
00:56:30,240 --> 00:56:32,839
and I've read
a lot of human detective books.

1186
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:34,279
And I'm nice.

1187
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:36,119
Kinda in the middle
of something here.

1188
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,919
But I'm only "the perfect person
for the job"

1189
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,199
if you don't want the real answer.

1190
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:43,159
I'm the useful idiot.

1191
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,719
And then I thought,
Oh, my heavens,

1192
00:56:45,720 --> 00:56:48,519
I know who did it!
I made a deduction.

1193
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,159
- A proper one.
- You worked out that

1194
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:51,599
Michael's the one
that's been doing this.

1195
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:53,919
Yes, um,
I worked out that

1196
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:56,759
Mi... oh, you knew?

1197
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:58,639
- Yeah.
- Look, can we please focus

1198
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,039
on the threats
of extreme violence?

1199
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:01,999
We worked it out over dim sum.

1200
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:03,439
Hell knew what was happening

1201
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:05,279
or about to happen before we did.

1202
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:06,839
Michael's the one
that talks to Hell, it's the way

1203
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:08,879
it's always been,
back channels, so, yeah.

1204
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,839
But your deduction really was excellent.

1205
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,959
What aren't you getting?
Bookshop. Burn.

1206
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:16,719
Burn the bookshop!

1207
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:18,839
Hell is not mocked!

1208
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:20,839
- How about some gentle ribbing?
- Oh, for fu--

1209
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:22,159
who the hell are you?

1210
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:23,839
You are not Lord Slorch.

1211
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:26,679
His Vileness was elsewhere,
inventing new torments.

1212
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:28,239
Your presence was a violation

1213
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,079
of Preternatural Diplomacy.
This means War.

1214
00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:33,439
Doesn't everything?

1215
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:36,679
- Hello again.
- Oh, hello.

1216
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:38,599
You're almost certainly
in trouble, too.

1217
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:41,239
Quiet!

1218
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:42,999
What are you standing around for?

1219
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:44,919
Break something--
lots of things!

1220
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,599
To be fair, Misty,
Brian's Cardiologist

1221
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,159
was always suggesting
Yoga and Mindfulness,

1222
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:52,559
change of diet, getting away
from thinking about work.

1223
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:55,239
Shut up and start
hurting people.

1224
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:56,959
Never really solves
anything, though,

1225
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:59,999
- doing that, does it?
- No, and, you know,

1226
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:03,639
you can love your father
without having to be like him.

1227
00:58:03,640 --> 00:58:05,599
You know, perhaps
there'll be a miracle,

1228
00:58:05,600 --> 00:58:08,240
and--and he'll pull through,
not that he deserves it.

1229
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:11,919
You should be at his side.

1230
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:14,800
[quaver, high tone]

1231
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:16,839
I've no idea who that lady was,

1232
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:18,599
but she's right.

1233
00:58:18,600 --> 00:58:21,399
There must be
hurting and burning!

1234
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:23,640
Hell is not mocked!

1235
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,399
- [doorbell dinging]
- Missing Messiah's one thing,

1236
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,159
Book of Life in the wrong hands
is quite another.

1237
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:30,639
Yes, potentially
the end of everything.

1238
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:32,160
Finding Michael it is, then.

1239
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,040
[doorbell dinging]

1240
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:42,599
[Michael]
Hello, Uriel.

1241
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,279
You looking for me?

1242
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:45,999
I need to speak to Aziraphale.

1243
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,839
Oh, if you mean
the Supreme Archangel,

1244
00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:52,999
you can talk to me.
Aziraphale has, um, other plans.

1245
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:55,279
Wait, Supreme--
you're not in charge--

1246
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:58,439
Strictly speaking,
I have other plans for him,

1247
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,559
but you know, potato potarto.

1248
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:03,999
I have a plan for everything.

1249
00:59:04,000 --> 00:59:06,719
Well, it's more of a checklist.

1250
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:09,079
Quite long, but...

1251
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:12,120
just the one item for Aziraphale.

1252
00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:14,880
"Not existing anymore."

1253
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:18,919
The Metatron.

1254
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:20,319
Sandalphon.

1255
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:23,080
I undid them all.

1256
00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:28,640
- Why?
- Oh... I dunno.

1257
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,519
Maybe the literal infinity

1258
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:35,239
of grinding slog...

1259
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,599
carrying out
the idiotic plans of archangels

1260
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:41,159
too vain or too nice
to get the job done?

1261
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:46,919
I cannot let
Aziraphale botch this.

1262
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,959
The Second Coming
must be done properly,

1263
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:51,599
as it was foretold.

1264
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:53,359
- But that means--
- Yeah!

1265
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:55,919
It means destruction!

1266
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,479
It's my go this time,

1267
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:00,359
and it's gonna be
a clean slate.

1268
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:03,560
Very, very clean.

1269
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:09,480
[energy thrumming]

1270
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:17,919
Would you like to know
how I did it?

1271
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:19,640
Would you?

1272
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:22,480
It's remarkably easy.

1273
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,200
I did it like...

1274
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:29,880
- this.
- [gasping]

1275
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,079
Do you know what's gonna happen
to you now, Uriel?

1276
01:00:35,080 --> 01:00:37,439
- No, I...
- Nothing.

1277
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:40,439
Nothing's gonna happen to you.

1278
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:43,080
All the nothing in the world.

1279
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:48,120
[mocking gasp]
Oh, look--look.

1280
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:50,320
It's happening right now.

1281
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:53,839
[whooshing]

1282
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:57,240
[dramatic music]

1283
01:01:13,080 --> 01:01:15,159
- Uriel's gone.
- Gone? Gone where?

1284
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:17,119
Gone gone,
murdered, I expect.

1285
01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:18,999
There's your
second death, bingo.

1286
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:21,639
- We worked out who did it.
- Yes, Michael.

1287
01:01:21,640 --> 01:01:23,279
How did you know?

1288
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:25,079
Because you're too dim,

1289
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,439
he's too nice,
and I'm confident

1290
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:30,799
that I didn't go on a fit
of homicidal insanity.

1291
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:32,359
Meanwhile,

1292
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:35,039
things are just disappearing.

1293
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,280
Pop, pop, pop.

1294
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:41,439
And Canada.

1295
01:01:41,440 --> 01:01:42,879
We've just lost Canada.

1296
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:44,919
Michael's destroying
The Book of Life.

1297
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:46,999
No, no, no...
It's, it's impossible.

1298
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:48,319
It wouldn't let you destroy it.

1299
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:49,759
A few pages
here and there, fine,

1300
01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:51,759
but no, no, no, no,
it's too well-made.

1301
01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:53,559
Where is Michael now?

1302
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,079
Not on Earth, not in Heaven.

1303
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,479
Your guess is as good as mine.

1304
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:01,039
If The Book of Life can't
be destroyed here,

1305
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:02,439
where can it be destroyed?

1306
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:04,959
There isn't anywhere.

1307
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:06,679
Yes, there is.

1308
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:08,439
We all fought for control of it
during the great war.

1309
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:10,479
- My side lost.
- The Eternal Flame?

1310
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:13,919
- Yeah.
- That would do it.

1311
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:15,719
Michael must have used
the Book itself

1312
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:17,759
to travel to the Centre
of the Universe.

1313
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:19,559
That's the only way
of getting there.

1314
01:02:19,560 --> 01:02:21,879
That is where
you are very wrong.

1315
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:24,559
Angel, time to go.
You two, keep it all together.

1316
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,559
- Earth, do everything you can.
- Yes, please do!

1317
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:29,799
Er, you've always been
so good at that!

1318
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:33,200
Um, worked so hard!
Thank you!

1319
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:40,439
[whooshing]

1320
01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:42,839
Australia...

1321
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:44,959
what good's
an Australia, anyway?

1322
01:02:44,960 --> 01:02:47,559
It's just...
It's just stuff,

1323
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:50,279
people, boomerangs,

1324
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:53,280
big bouncing rats.

1325
01:02:56,720 --> 01:03:01,559
[dramatic music]

1326
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:03,239
- Wasn't that--
- Found him!

1327
01:03:03,240 --> 01:03:04,519
And I found the lady.

1328
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:06,319
And I've found my mission, too.

1329
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:07,959
- We really should be going.
- It's to reach out to people.

1330
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:09,519
And do that,
with the reaching out,

1331
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:12,519
and the--and make them
feel... well, until--

1332
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:15,999
until the very end,
which hopefully won't happen.

1333
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:19,559
[car clunking while transformed]

1334
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:22,120
Come on, lad, let's get started.

1335
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:26,159
How fast did you say this goes?

1336
01:03:26,160 --> 01:03:28,119
On Earth, about 150, out there,

1337
01:03:28,120 --> 01:03:30,040
a whole lot faster than light!

1338
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:34,079
[♪ Queen: "Don't Stop Me Now"]

1339
01:03:34,080 --> 01:03:38,679
<i>♪ Like a tiger, defying
the laws of gravity ♪</i>

1340
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:43,279
<i>♪ I'm a racing car,
passing by like Lady Godiva ♪</i>

1341
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:45,999
<i>♪ I'm gonna go-go-go,
there's no stopping me ♪</i>

1342
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:48,079
[both screaming]

1343
01:03:48,080 --> 01:03:50,879
[fading]
<i>♪ I'm burning through the... ♪</i>

1344
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:54,239
Oi, oi, step right up,
and no mistake,

1345
01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:56,159
easiest money
you'll ever make.

1346
01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:57,519
Come on, gather 'round.

1347
01:03:57,520 --> 01:03:59,039
You've gotta say
something as well,

1348
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:00,519
you know, a bit of patter.

1349
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:04,519
Er, come to me,
all of you who are weary,

1350
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:06,959
and I will give you rest.

1351
01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:11,159
Come to me if you are hurt or lonely.

1352
01:04:11,160 --> 01:04:13,200
Bit dark, maybe?

1353
01:04:14,320 --> 01:04:16,039
Looking back, I have a feeling that

1354
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:17,719
this is precisely
the sort of thing

1355
01:04:17,720 --> 01:04:19,639
that got me in trouble
the last time.

1356
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:21,959
I'm with you this time,
don't worry.

1357
01:04:21,960 --> 01:04:23,520
Speak to 'em.

1358
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:28,359
Oh, I've always wanted to put
my foot all the way down!

1359
01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:30,439
[both screaming]

1360
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:32,239
<i>♪ ...I'm travelin' at the speed of light ♪</i>

1361
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:34,639
<i>♪ I wanna make a supersonic man... ♪</i>

1362
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:37,639
[both screaming]

1363
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:43,159
[both grunting, groaning]

1364
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:45,480
[Aziraphale screaming]

1365
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,879
[Crowley]
Ah, there goes Alpha Centauri.

1366
01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:51,400
No cocktails there, then.

1367
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:55,799
Hang on, Angel!

1368
01:04:55,800 --> 01:04:57,559
<i>♪ Like an atom bomb ♪</i>

1369
01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:02,079
<i>♪ About to oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, explode ♪</i>

1370
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:05,359
<i>♪ I'm burning through the sky, yeah ♪</i>

1371
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:07,799
<i>♪ 200 degrees,
that's why they call me... ♪</i>

1372
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:09,999
- Woi...
- You're gonna hit that nebula!

1373
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:11,119
[both grunting, screaming]

1374
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:12,799
[Crowley] Relax!

1375
01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:16,399
<i>♪ I wanna make
a supersonic woman of you ♪</i>

1376
01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:18,559
Come to me, all Ye.

1377
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,279
- I have a gift for you.
- Did he just say "all Ye"?

1378
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:23,679
Have some elaborate
bread and cheese.

1379
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:26,599
[chuckling]
Thank you.

1380
01:05:26,600 --> 01:05:28,400
Is there any more of that?

1381
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:32,999
You know, Mutt,
it was an accident.

1382
01:05:33,000 --> 01:05:35,599
He mixed up the pill bottles.

1383
01:05:35,600 --> 01:05:38,479
I always wondered.

1384
01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:40,479
I loved him so much.

1385
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:42,239
I'll have a slice, love.

1386
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:43,319
[quavering echo]

1387
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:45,079
Your sister in Bridlington...

1388
01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:46,399
Hang on, how?

1389
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:47,919
...she wants you
to come home.

1390
01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:49,559
Yeah?

1391
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:51,559
Well, she said I brought shame
on't family, so...

1392
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,919
Well, she's too proud
to apologise,

1393
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:55,600
and your mum's ill.

1394
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:01,479
Blessed are
the lonely and the hungry.

1395
01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:04,679
Come to me,
those who are lost.

1396
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:07,280
For you shall find
your way home.

1397
01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:10,479
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

1398
01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:11,719
Please take a piece,

1399
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,879
there's plenty for all.

1400
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:15,719
And blessed are you,

1401
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:18,359
above all men,

1402
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:20,439
Harry the Fish,

1403
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:24,119
for you've taught me
the way of the three cards.

1404
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:27,199
You're like
the son I never had, Josh.

1405
01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:29,759
I mean, I did have a son,
and he doesn't speak to me,

1406
01:06:29,760 --> 01:06:32,719
but if he did,
I couldn't be more chuffed.

1407
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:34,399
[thunder rumbling]

1408
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:36,599
Not only have
they lost nail-boy,

1409
01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:40,839
they've broke Divine Law
spying down here!

1410
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,559
No, no, no, no, no, no!

1411
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:45,919
Now that Heaven has lost
its stupid Second Coming,

1412
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:49,239
it's all gone
loony feral bonkers!

1413
01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:51,639
[sobbing]

1414
01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:53,519
Ah, they're the bad guys now.

1415
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:57,759
Now, now it's our time!
[sobbing]

1416
01:06:57,760 --> 01:07:00,839
Isn't this pretty much
what you said last time?

1417
01:07:00,840 --> 01:07:04,719
But now it will finally be me

1418
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:06,839
at the front of our army,

1419
01:07:06,840 --> 01:07:10,760
marching into Heaven itself!

1420
01:07:14,720 --> 01:07:17,319
[whooshing]

1421
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:18,960
Armageddon...

1422
01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:23,320
[whooshing]

1423
01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:27,760
[gasping]

1424
01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:31,520
Er...

1425
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:38,040
[voice] <i>Your soul is important
to us, please hold.</i>

1426
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:45,919
You know,
you weren't completely dim.

1427
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:49,479
Oh... I was.

1428
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:52,000
[cacophonous crescendo]

1429
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:56,479
[dramatic music]

1430
01:07:56,480 --> 01:07:59,119
This doesn't feel
like universal happiness.

1431
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:00,639
Does anybody know
what's happening?

1432
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:03,600
My phone's dead.
Where is everyone?

1433
01:08:06,920 --> 01:08:08,640
Where did he go?

1434
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:13,400
But I were going back
to Bridlington.

1435
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:17,079
You are a joy bringer, Josh.

1436
01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:19,560
And I wanted
to tell you that I...

1437
01:08:24,800 --> 01:08:26,559
Well...

1438
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:28,520
this is it, I suppose.

1439
01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:33,800
Into your hands,
I commit my spirit!

1440
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:37,039
Again!

1441
01:08:37,040 --> 01:08:39,200
I never really seem to get
much of a go.

1442
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:43,960
[sizzling]

1443
01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:51,079
Hello, Michael.

1444
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:53,239
Do you want to talk about this?

1445
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:55,399
I don't really feel like talking,

1446
01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:57,159
thank you very much.

1447
01:08:57,160 --> 01:09:00,119
I've got a lot to do,
I'm burning it all.

1448
01:09:00,120 --> 01:09:02,159
[whooshing]

1449
01:09:02,160 --> 01:09:04,199
Air Fryers.
I'm the only one

1450
01:09:04,200 --> 01:09:06,559
who knows
there ever were Air Fryers.

1451
01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:10,000
You poor thing, you--
you must be so tired.

1452
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:13,799
- Must I?
- Well, you've been

1453
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:17,000
doing everything, haven't you?
For so long.

1454
01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:20,399
And--And no one ever said
thank you, did they?

1455
01:09:20,400 --> 01:09:21,919
[chuckling]

1456
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:24,799
Not once, ever.

1457
01:09:24,800 --> 01:09:28,199
You must have got so tired
being overlooked.

1458
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:31,279
Not being appreciated.

1459
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:33,639
For thousands of years!

1460
01:09:33,640 --> 01:09:36,559
Somebody had
to make things work.

1461
01:09:36,560 --> 01:09:40,279
Oh, and--and you were
so good at that, so capable.

1462
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:44,959
I was, I was.
And they were so stupid.

1463
01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:47,399
- Mm.
- You were, Aziraphale,

1464
01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:50,799
and Gabriel,
and the Metatron--

1465
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:52,959
- do you remember the Metatron?
- [whooshing]

1466
01:09:52,960 --> 01:09:55,039
He's here somewhere,
I think.

1467
01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:57,359
Oh, yes, I'm here.

1468
01:09:57,360 --> 01:10:02,159
You still know...
I existed, Michael.

1469
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:03,959
Be quiet!

1470
01:10:03,960 --> 01:10:05,679
[echoing] Be quiet!

1471
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:07,399
Quiet, right.

1472
01:10:07,400 --> 01:10:09,839
We don't have to listen to you.

1473
01:10:09,840 --> 01:10:11,319
You killed us.

1474
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:13,879
No, but...

1475
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:17,799
I'm the only one who remembers.

1476
01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:19,519
I remember everything.

1477
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:20,679
All the strands,

1478
01:10:20,680 --> 01:10:23,599
all the possibilities,

1479
01:10:23,600 --> 01:10:26,079
everything that happened,

1480
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:28,439
everything that didn't,

1481
01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:31,239
I remember it all,
it's all in my head.

1482
01:10:31,240 --> 01:10:32,960
Ahh, it hurts.

1483
01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:35,600
That's it then.

1484
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:37,600
Ah.

1485
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:40,560
It's over.

1486
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:46,199
The Metatron did it first.

1487
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:47,360
He used to just...

1488
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,599
used to just fiddle
with things in the Book,

1489
01:10:50,600 --> 01:10:52,319
get them how he wanted them,
and I thought maybe

1490
01:10:52,320 --> 01:10:53,640
I could do that, maybe I...

1491
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:57,719
I... I'm the only angel

1492
01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:00,359
who can make
the original plan work.

1493
01:11:00,360 --> 01:11:02,039
The Great Plan.

1494
01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:03,760
I do understand.

1495
01:11:05,480 --> 01:11:08,439
- I just wanted to fix things.
- Yes.

1496
01:11:08,440 --> 01:11:11,839
- Yes, me too.
- [gasping]

1497
01:11:11,840 --> 01:11:14,119
But through love...

1498
01:11:14,120 --> 01:11:16,719
and hope...

1499
01:11:16,720 --> 01:11:18,199
- Michael.
- What?

1500
01:11:18,200 --> 01:11:21,239
There is only ever one way

1501
01:11:21,240 --> 01:11:22,680
to fix things.

1502
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:26,399
And I'm...

1503
01:11:26,400 --> 01:11:27,559
going to do that now.

1504
01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:28,999
What?

1505
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:31,439
What are you going to do?

1506
01:11:31,440 --> 01:11:33,280
I'm going to forgive you.

1507
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:38,240
You... You can forgive me.

1508
01:11:42,560 --> 01:11:44,000
I...

1509
01:11:46,160 --> 01:11:47,200
I can't.

1510
01:11:54,280 --> 01:11:55,479
Take my hand, quickly!

1511
01:11:55,480 --> 01:11:59,919
[dramatic music]

1512
01:11:59,920 --> 01:12:02,319
[rumbling]

1513
01:12:02,320 --> 01:12:04,560
[reversed popping]

1514
01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:10,800
[music stops]

1515
01:12:20,560 --> 01:12:21,880
[Crowley] Open?

1516
01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:25,320
Someone might want
to buy a book.

1517
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:29,199
As far as I can tell,

1518
01:12:29,200 --> 01:12:32,800
the entirety of creation is
us and this bookshop.

1519
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:37,440
I don't think
you're gonna get many customers.

1520
01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:40,759
Crowley...

1521
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:44,159
before anything else
happens, um...

1522
01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:45,959
there is one more thing
that needs fixing.

1523
01:12:45,960 --> 01:12:47,480
What?

1524
01:12:48,440 --> 01:12:50,639
I need you to forgive me.

1525
01:12:50,640 --> 01:12:52,079
Oh, come on, Angel.

1526
01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:53,479
I need to hear you say it.

1527
01:12:53,480 --> 01:12:55,599
Ah--ugh.

1528
01:12:55,600 --> 01:12:57,359
Please, Crowley.

1529
01:12:57,360 --> 01:12:59,000
Eeh...

1530
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:03,039
<i>♪ You were right, you were right... ♪</i>

1531
01:13:03,040 --> 01:13:04,959
No, don't do the dance.

1532
01:13:04,960 --> 01:13:06,160
Well?

1533
01:13:06,600 --> 01:13:08,479
Eh, I forgive you.

1534
01:13:08,480 --> 01:13:11,640
s-I didn't--
- I forgive you.

1535
01:13:12,520 --> 01:13:13,840
Thank you.

1536
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:20,200
Well, there's just us.

1537
01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:25,560
In the whole of everything.

1538
01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:28,680
It's a place for us.

1539
01:13:29,320 --> 01:13:31,400
We've got nothing.

1540
01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:34,599
Well, we've got each other.

1541
01:13:34,600 --> 01:13:36,680
And we've probably got some cocoa.

1542
01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:40,079
And we've got lots of books.

1543
01:13:40,080 --> 01:13:41,440
Have we?

1544
01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:46,719
Good luck reading these.

1545
01:13:46,720 --> 01:13:48,280
But that's...

1546
01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:55,319
Even the Dickens.

1547
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:57,119
[thud]

1548
01:13:57,120 --> 01:14:00,719
Well, if... if it's all
come down to this, then...

1549
01:14:00,720 --> 01:14:04,359
there must be some sort
of answer here, finally.

1550
01:14:04,360 --> 01:14:05,759
To everything.

1551
01:14:05,760 --> 01:14:08,079
Oh, yeah,
100,000 blank books

1552
01:14:08,080 --> 01:14:09,959
but one with all the answers in them.

1553
01:14:09,960 --> 01:14:11,799
It doesn't sound
very likely, does it?

1554
01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:13,920
[doorbell jingling]

1555
01:14:19,400 --> 01:14:22,439
[ominous music]

1556
01:14:22,440 --> 01:14:24,759
Can I...
Can I help you?

1557
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:27,919
I'm afraid all the books
appear to be blank.

1558
01:14:27,920 --> 01:14:30,759
Even the Dickens.

1559
01:14:30,760 --> 01:14:32,200
I know you.

1560
01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:35,639
You do, yes.

1561
01:14:35,640 --> 01:14:38,119
Oh, yes, there is...

1562
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:40,839
something familiar about you.

1563
01:14:40,840 --> 01:14:44,839
Last time you saw me,
I was a thousand feet high,

1564
01:14:44,840 --> 01:14:48,679
bright red, lots of horns
and fabulous teeth,

1565
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:50,239
arguing with my son.

1566
01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:51,599
Satan.

1567
01:14:51,600 --> 01:14:53,559
You're Satan.

1568
01:14:53,560 --> 01:14:56,239
That's really just a--
a job title.

1569
01:14:56,240 --> 01:14:57,800
It means the Adversary.

1570
01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:01,319
And I don't know if I still have a job,

1571
01:15:01,320 --> 01:15:02,600
but yes.

1572
01:15:03,800 --> 01:15:07,120
I was the Satan
for a very long time.

1573
01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:09,599
Hello, Crowley.

1574
01:15:09,600 --> 01:15:11,319
How are you still here?

1575
01:15:11,320 --> 01:15:13,999
Is that any way
to greet an old friend?

1576
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:16,399
Oh, we were never friends.

1577
01:15:16,400 --> 01:15:18,639
I want answers,
and I want them now.

1578
01:15:18,640 --> 01:15:20,919
I don't give answers.

1579
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:23,319
And God definitely doesn't.

1580
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:25,879
So, you're the Devil.

1581
01:15:25,880 --> 01:15:28,720
Hm. It can't have been
much fun for you.

1582
01:15:31,960 --> 01:15:32,760
Fun?

1583
01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:36,239
It's not about having fun.

1584
01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:38,519
It's about pride and honour.

1585
01:15:38,520 --> 01:15:41,359
It's about refusing
to acknowledge humans as superior.

1586
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:43,279
It's about challenging God.

1587
01:15:43,280 --> 01:15:46,319
Yeah, but you never
really did, did you?

1588
01:15:46,320 --> 01:15:47,959
Excuse me?

1589
01:15:47,960 --> 01:15:49,799
The great revolt--
the War in Heaven?

1590
01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:51,599
What was that then, eh?

1591
01:15:51,600 --> 01:15:53,879
A two week holiday in Marbella?

1592
01:15:53,880 --> 01:15:56,119
You knew what we didn't know,
didn't you?

1593
01:15:56,120 --> 01:15:58,199
You knew we couldn't win.

1594
01:15:58,200 --> 01:16:01,039
You were never going to win, were you?
That wasn't the plan!

1595
01:16:01,040 --> 01:16:03,559
I didn't know that,
I thought we had a chance.

1596
01:16:03,560 --> 01:16:05,079
And so did you.

1597
01:16:05,080 --> 01:16:06,919
That's why you joined up.

1598
01:16:06,920 --> 01:16:10,159
I don't remember
why I joined you, not anymore.

1599
01:16:10,160 --> 01:16:12,359
I was tired, and I was angry,

1600
01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:14,519
I wanted it all to make sense.

1601
01:16:14,520 --> 01:16:16,000
And you seemed to care.

1602
01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:18,919
I did care.

1603
01:16:18,920 --> 01:16:20,040
Nah.

1604
01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:22,600
You were just doing your job.

1605
01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:26,719
Do you have a pen?

1606
01:16:26,720 --> 01:16:28,480
Mm-hmm.

1607
01:16:33,120 --> 01:16:34,760
What kind of pen do you need?

1608
01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:41,479
Pass me a book.

1609
01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:43,399
Which book?

1610
01:16:43,400 --> 01:16:45,359
Well, it doesn't matter,
they're all blank.

1611
01:16:45,360 --> 01:16:48,159
Whichever one you give me
is the right one.

1612
01:16:48,160 --> 01:16:49,560
<i>Bleak House.</i>

1613
01:16:54,480 --> 01:16:56,759
But--But that isn't
The Book of Life.

1614
01:16:56,760 --> 01:16:58,760
It is if we say it is.

1615
01:17:00,840 --> 01:17:02,959
What are you two idiots doing now?

1616
01:17:02,960 --> 01:17:04,559
I want answers.

1617
01:17:04,560 --> 01:17:07,919
Oh--no, no,
you can't do that.

1618
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:09,920
Oh, yes, we can.

1619
01:17:12,120 --> 01:17:13,720
Do you want to write it?

1620
01:17:15,560 --> 01:17:16,960
Give me the pen.

1621
01:17:22,440 --> 01:17:25,959
"There were four of them
in that bookshop,

1622
01:17:25,960 --> 01:17:28,599
which was the whole world.

1623
01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:32,439
An angel, a former demon,

1624
01:17:32,440 --> 01:17:35,199
the Devil himself,

1625
01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:37,079
and one other,

1626
01:17:37,080 --> 01:17:39,039
one who was there,

1627
01:17:39,040 --> 01:17:42,039
because They were omnipresent.

1628
01:17:42,040 --> 01:17:44,439
They had always been there.

1629
01:17:44,440 --> 01:17:48,880
They would always be there..."

1630
01:17:53,440 --> 01:17:55,159
As you say, Aziraphale,

1631
01:17:55,160 --> 01:17:57,399
you do not really need
to summon me.

1632
01:17:57,400 --> 01:17:59,439
I was already here.

1633
01:17:59,440 --> 01:18:02,559
Yes, you can be everywhere, but...

1634
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:07,079
that doesn't mean...
you'll talk to us, Lord.

1635
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:09,679
So, Crowley,
what's your question?

1636
01:18:09,680 --> 01:18:11,639
I thought you didn't answer questions?

1637
01:18:11,640 --> 01:18:13,079
Time is done, Crowley.

1638
01:18:13,080 --> 01:18:16,239
I'll answer one question from you.

1639
01:18:16,240 --> 01:18:17,799
But it had better be a good one.

1640
01:18:17,800 --> 01:18:19,679
Oh, it's a good one.

1641
01:18:19,680 --> 01:18:21,599
Well...

1642
01:18:21,600 --> 01:18:23,279
it's the only one I've got.

1643
01:18:23,280 --> 01:18:26,079
[Satan] It's not the Problem of Evil,
is it?

1644
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:27,799
Because I can tell you,

1645
01:18:27,800 --> 01:18:29,759
I'm over being blamed
for that one.

1646
01:18:29,760 --> 01:18:31,719
No, no, not exactly that.

1647
01:18:31,720 --> 01:18:33,280
No, just...

1648
01:18:36,160 --> 01:18:37,560
Ask.

1649
01:18:44,640 --> 01:18:47,279
[clears throat]

1650
01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:49,639
Why make people

1651
01:18:49,640 --> 01:18:52,640
and then punish them
for behaving like people?

1652
01:18:54,360 --> 01:18:56,559
Humans are gonna human,
no matter what we do.

1653
01:18:56,560 --> 01:18:58,039
There's nothing
we can ever do about that.

1654
01:18:58,040 --> 01:18:59,639
Oh, it is the Problem of Evil.

1655
01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:01,839
Ha--told you.
So predictable.

1656
01:19:01,840 --> 01:19:03,679
No, no, no,
it's not the Problem of Evil.

1657
01:19:03,680 --> 01:19:05,959
It's the--It's the problem
of everything.

1658
01:19:05,960 --> 01:19:07,439
But let's talk about people.

1659
01:19:07,440 --> 01:19:10,359
They are born into a world

1660
01:19:10,360 --> 01:19:14,159
that is against them
in a thousand different ways,

1661
01:19:14,160 --> 01:19:15,759
and then devote
most of their energy

1662
01:19:15,760 --> 01:19:18,079
to making it worse.

1663
01:19:18,080 --> 01:19:20,599
Where you'll find the real grace

1664
01:19:20,600 --> 01:19:23,759
and the real heart-stopping evil

1665
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:25,999
is right inside the human mind.

1666
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:27,839
But a person isn't the worst thing

1667
01:19:27,840 --> 01:19:29,279
they've ever done,
any more than

1668
01:19:29,280 --> 01:19:30,599
they're the best thing
they've ever done.

1669
01:19:30,600 --> 01:19:32,439
Why make them that way?

1670
01:19:32,440 --> 01:19:34,239
- That's free will.
- Free will?

1671
01:19:34,240 --> 01:19:35,959
Nah, it's just
a card trick, isn't it?

1672
01:19:35,960 --> 01:19:38,319
The suckers think
they're playing for real.

1673
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:41,159
But the dealer knows.
Nobody finds the lady

1674
01:19:41,160 --> 01:19:43,159
unless she wants them to.

1675
01:19:43,160 --> 01:19:45,079
[God]
What about you, Aziraphale?

1676
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,799
- Er, me?
- You.

1677
01:19:47,800 --> 01:19:49,680
Do you have a burning question?

1678
01:19:55,720 --> 01:19:58,440
I just wish it'd been easier.

1679
01:19:59,400 --> 01:20:00,919
I just wanted to do the right thing.

1680
01:20:00,920 --> 01:20:02,440
You what?

1681
01:20:03,440 --> 01:20:05,879
You just wanted to be
left alone to read.

1682
01:20:05,880 --> 01:20:09,199
You wanted to consume
all the yummy human food.

1683
01:20:09,200 --> 01:20:11,559
- The lovely human music.
- You say all that

1684
01:20:11,560 --> 01:20:14,519
as if it negates me
wanting to do the right thing.

1685
01:20:14,520 --> 01:20:18,440
Aziraphale, you were
the first angel to lie to me.

1686
01:20:19,560 --> 01:20:21,239
You were lazy.

1687
01:20:21,240 --> 01:20:22,919
Gluttonous.

1688
01:20:22,920 --> 01:20:24,599
Prideful.

1689
01:20:24,600 --> 01:20:26,239
Quite true.

1690
01:20:26,240 --> 01:20:28,839
And I was also the second best
angel you ever had.

1691
01:20:28,840 --> 01:20:31,359
- You were what?
- The second best angel--

1692
01:20:31,360 --> 01:20:33,720
Who do you think
the best angel was?

1693
01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:38,119
This one.

1694
01:20:38,120 --> 01:20:39,799
I was a terrible angel.

1695
01:20:39,800 --> 01:20:41,839
No, no.

1696
01:20:41,840 --> 01:20:44,840
No, you were the best of us.

1697
01:20:45,200 --> 01:20:48,679
You cared so much about everything.

1698
01:20:48,680 --> 01:20:51,639
You were an artist.

1699
01:20:51,640 --> 01:20:55,079
You wanted to understand,
to make better art.

1700
01:20:55,080 --> 01:20:56,999
The rest of us,

1701
01:20:57,000 --> 01:21:00,799
we were just characters in her book.

1702
01:21:00,800 --> 01:21:02,440
We didn't ask questions.

1703
01:21:03,640 --> 01:21:06,199
You were the only one of us who...

1704
01:21:06,200 --> 01:21:08,759
genuinely believed
there had to be a...

1705
01:21:08,760 --> 01:21:10,799
a sensible purpose to it all.

1706
01:21:10,800 --> 01:21:14,839
Er--I'm nobody's character.

1707
01:21:14,840 --> 01:21:16,639
If I'm just a part of Her story,

1708
01:21:16,640 --> 01:21:20,520
then... what am I doing still here?

1709
01:21:22,200 --> 01:21:24,119
Do you want me to tell him,
or will you?

1710
01:21:24,120 --> 01:21:27,240
I'm interested
in what you have to say, angel.

1711
01:21:29,680 --> 01:21:33,160
Because it's a tidy way to finish.

1712
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:35,999
Two of you,

1713
01:21:36,000 --> 01:21:37,759
Deity and the Adversary,

1714
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:39,399
facing off.

1715
01:21:39,400 --> 01:21:41,439
And even shaking hands.

1716
01:21:41,440 --> 01:21:43,760
And then it all ends for good.

1717
01:21:45,080 --> 01:21:47,799
The cosmic game of chess...

1718
01:21:47,800 --> 01:21:49,600
is over.

1719
01:21:50,880 --> 01:21:52,719
When really
you've just been a stand-in

1720
01:21:52,720 --> 01:21:54,999
in a cosmic game of solitaire.

1721
01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:56,919
[scoffs]

1722
01:21:56,920 --> 01:22:00,080
[chuckling]
Ridiculous.

1723
01:22:01,280 --> 01:22:03,679
You know, Lord, I...

1724
01:22:03,680 --> 01:22:06,640
- I do have a question.
- Ask it then.

1725
01:22:08,640 --> 01:22:10,359
Why...

1726
01:22:10,360 --> 01:22:11,680
why give me Crowley?

1727
01:22:14,360 --> 01:22:17,439
Why make me complete...

1728
01:22:17,440 --> 01:22:18,960
and then take it away?

1729
01:22:20,640 --> 01:22:22,840
You know you won't get an answer.

1730
01:22:27,720 --> 01:22:28,840
Because...

1731
01:22:29,280 --> 01:22:30,719
you were able to value

1732
01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:35,200
what most people
never even know they have.

1733
01:22:36,560 --> 01:22:38,400
Your love for him...

1734
01:22:39,720 --> 01:22:41,599
was the messiest,

1735
01:22:41,600 --> 01:22:46,040
silliest, most predictable thing
in the universe.

1736
01:22:48,400 --> 01:22:50,840
And it always made me smile.

1737
01:22:53,600 --> 01:22:58,159
But that was then.
That universe is over.

1738
01:22:58,160 --> 01:22:59,999
As I think are both of you.

1739
01:23:00,000 --> 01:23:01,839
[rumbling]

1740
01:23:01,840 --> 01:23:04,079
No--whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!

1741
01:23:04,080 --> 01:23:06,239
You still haven't answered
the first question.

1742
01:23:06,240 --> 01:23:09,319
What I want to know is...

1743
01:23:09,320 --> 01:23:11,279
why did you think
it was a good idea,

1744
01:23:11,280 --> 01:23:14,399
even a sensible idea...

1745
01:23:14,400 --> 01:23:16,920
to make an infinite universe...

1746
01:23:17,960 --> 01:23:20,119
run it for 6,000 years,

1747
01:23:20,120 --> 01:23:23,240
and then just... tip the board over?

1748
01:23:24,240 --> 01:23:25,719
The whole thing is lunacy.

1749
01:23:25,720 --> 01:23:27,519
Everything ends.

1750
01:23:27,520 --> 01:23:29,279
A story doesn't have to go beyond

1751
01:23:29,280 --> 01:23:31,759
the last page of its book, Crowley,

1752
01:23:31,760 --> 01:23:33,239
and that story is over.

1753
01:23:33,240 --> 01:23:34,759
I don't accept that.

1754
01:23:34,760 --> 01:23:36,239
And I do not accept
that you're the one

1755
01:23:36,240 --> 01:23:37,639
that gets to make
all these decisions.

1756
01:23:37,640 --> 01:23:39,240
Why should that be?

1757
01:23:40,560 --> 01:23:42,879
Very well.

1758
01:23:42,880 --> 01:23:45,279
I'll let you choose.

1759
01:23:45,280 --> 01:23:49,519
This decision,
this one decision,

1760
01:23:49,520 --> 01:23:51,760
can be yours.
What do you want?

1761
01:23:53,520 --> 01:23:57,280
Do you want me to put
everything back the way it was?

1762
01:23:59,720 --> 01:24:01,079
Can we talk?

1763
01:24:01,080 --> 01:24:03,680
Very well.
I'll give you privacy.

1764
01:24:06,240 --> 01:24:08,159
[birds chirping]

1765
01:24:08,160 --> 01:24:11,240
[gentle music]

1766
01:24:18,440 --> 01:24:19,760
So...

1767
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:22,839
what do you want?

1768
01:24:22,840 --> 01:24:25,919
Me? Why me?

1769
01:24:25,920 --> 01:24:29,199
Because I only want one thing.

1770
01:24:29,200 --> 01:24:31,720
And that's not
what this is about anymore.

1771
01:24:32,840 --> 01:24:34,720
What do you want, Crowley?

1772
01:24:45,280 --> 01:24:46,840
You know what I want.

1773
01:24:51,080 --> 01:24:53,080
I want a real universe.

1774
01:24:57,040 --> 01:25:00,360
I want the people to have a chance.

1775
01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:04,680
I want Free Will to be a real thing.

1776
01:25:09,000 --> 01:25:12,079
People deserve the chance...

1777
01:25:12,080 --> 01:25:14,120
to live in the real world.

1778
01:25:21,600 --> 01:25:24,040
Even if there are no angels.

1779
01:25:28,040 --> 01:25:29,320
No demons.

1780
01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:34,320
No us.

1781
01:25:38,200 --> 01:25:39,600
Ever again.

1782
01:25:41,760 --> 01:25:43,680
[gentle music]

1783
01:25:51,360 --> 01:25:53,840
Did I say the wrong thing?

1784
01:25:54,800 --> 01:25:56,600
[laughing]

1785
01:26:06,200 --> 01:26:09,119
[laughing]

1786
01:26:09,120 --> 01:26:11,600
I believe we've come to a decision.

1787
01:26:15,480 --> 01:26:18,959
So, then he says,
"I've got a better idea,

1788
01:26:18,960 --> 01:26:22,879
let's not and say we did."

1789
01:26:22,880 --> 01:26:25,959
So, I thought,
well, there you go.

1790
01:26:25,960 --> 01:26:29,120
[laughter]

1791
01:26:30,280 --> 01:26:31,480
Yes?

1792
01:26:32,480 --> 01:26:34,240
Made your decision?

1793
01:26:37,200 --> 01:26:39,400
We want you to create
another universe.

1794
01:26:41,080 --> 01:26:43,960
One without angels.
Or demons.

1795
01:26:44,880 --> 01:26:48,720
No god.
No satan.

1796
01:26:50,880 --> 01:26:54,520
A universe without a Heaven
and without a Hell.

1797
01:26:54,680 --> 01:26:57,360
No great plan, nothing ineffable.

1798
01:26:58,640 --> 01:27:00,759
It just starts
with a Big Bang and ends

1799
01:27:00,760 --> 01:27:02,079
billions of years later,

1800
01:27:02,080 --> 01:27:04,359
with the Heat Death
of the Universe.

1801
01:27:04,360 --> 01:27:06,559
Or, you know,
however it stops.

1802
01:27:06,560 --> 01:27:07,799
Heat Death isn't a dealbreaker.

1803
01:27:07,800 --> 01:27:09,959
- No.
- You're asking God

1804
01:27:09,960 --> 01:27:12,320
to create a Godless universe?

1805
01:27:15,440 --> 01:27:18,119
Neither of you could ever exist
in such a universe,

1806
01:27:18,120 --> 01:27:19,999
you understand?

1807
01:27:20,000 --> 01:27:21,639
Wait.

1808
01:27:21,640 --> 01:27:23,039
You're not gonna indulge them

1809
01:27:23,040 --> 01:27:24,999
in this nonsense, are you?

1810
01:27:25,000 --> 01:27:26,719
Yes.

1811
01:27:26,720 --> 01:27:28,360
Yes, I think I am.

1812
01:27:30,640 --> 01:27:32,920
You two fully comprehend the cost?

1813
01:27:34,320 --> 01:27:36,240
We know what we're asking for.

1814
01:27:39,080 --> 01:27:40,080
Very well.

1815
01:27:44,280 --> 01:27:48,519
I'll make it.
I'll make the Universe your way.

1816
01:27:48,520 --> 01:27:50,759
I'll even let an Earth happen.

1817
01:27:50,760 --> 01:27:53,599
Eventually, there'll be humans and life,

1818
01:27:53,600 --> 01:27:56,279
in all of its mundane glory.

1819
01:27:56,280 --> 01:27:58,759
Something that both of you

1820
01:27:58,760 --> 01:28:02,000
will neither know
or experience, though.

1821
01:28:03,480 --> 01:28:05,560
That doesn't matter.

1822
01:28:07,040 --> 01:28:08,640
Say goodbye then.

1823
01:28:09,960 --> 01:28:11,960
[majestic music]

1824
01:28:31,120 --> 01:28:33,520
[low whooshing]

1825
01:28:44,640 --> 01:28:46,640
[music fades]

1826
01:28:50,680 --> 01:28:53,680
[booming]

1827
01:29:08,480 --> 01:29:13,879
[distant children's chatter]

1828
01:29:13,880 --> 01:29:15,919
[doorbell jingling]

1829
01:29:15,920 --> 01:29:18,159
- Uh, excuse me?
- Yes, can I help you?

1830
01:29:18,160 --> 01:29:20,159
Uh, yeah, I was just passing,
and I saw the shop.

1831
01:29:20,160 --> 01:29:22,719
I was wondering, do you have
any books on Astrophysics?

1832
01:29:22,720 --> 01:29:25,039
Astrophysics, um,

1833
01:29:25,040 --> 01:29:27,799
Derek, do we have any books
on Astrophysics?

1834
01:29:27,800 --> 01:29:31,959
Er, ye--oh, it's in there,
beside Gardening,

1835
01:29:31,960 --> 01:29:34,759
opposite Philosophy.

1836
01:29:34,760 --> 01:29:36,279
I knew that.

1837
01:29:36,280 --> 01:29:37,680
Um... this way.

1838
01:29:41,200 --> 01:29:42,879
Er...

1839
01:29:42,880 --> 01:29:44,719
ah, here we are.

1840
01:29:44,720 --> 01:29:47,479
Um, <i>Astrophysics for Everyone:</i>

1841
01:29:47,480 --> 01:29:49,719
<i>From the Big Bang
to the Pillars of Creation.</i>

1842
01:29:49,720 --> 01:29:51,519
We've had this for years.

1843
01:29:51,520 --> 01:29:54,599
I think I could probably
give it to you for half price.

1844
01:29:54,600 --> 01:29:57,159
Hmm...

1845
01:29:57,160 --> 01:29:59,079
you have no idea
how much that hurts me.

1846
01:29:59,080 --> 01:30:02,079
Oh--well, did I say
something wrong?

1847
01:30:02,080 --> 01:30:03,519
No, I shouldn't have said
anything, sorry.

1848
01:30:03,520 --> 01:30:05,799
No, um...

1849
01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,480
I wrote it.

1850
01:30:09,560 --> 01:30:11,759
Oh--oh!

1851
01:30:11,760 --> 01:30:13,679
Well, right.

1852
01:30:13,680 --> 01:30:16,479
Yes, you--well, I mean,
you don't want your own book.

1853
01:30:16,480 --> 01:30:18,479
Probably already got a copy.

1854
01:30:18,480 --> 01:30:20,039
Two boxes in the garage.

1855
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:21,639
[laughing]

1856
01:30:21,640 --> 01:30:24,959
Um, well, how about this?

1857
01:30:24,960 --> 01:30:28,519
Yes, it's not exactly
cutting edge, but...

1858
01:30:28,520 --> 01:30:30,639
Oh, this is, um,

1859
01:30:30,640 --> 01:30:32,159
Arthur Eddington's book on Relativity.

1860
01:30:32,160 --> 01:30:33,599
Second edition, I'm afraid.

1861
01:30:33,600 --> 01:30:36,279
This--I've always wanted
a copy of this.

1862
01:30:36,280 --> 01:30:38,359
Oh, wonderful,
this is my lucky day.

1863
01:30:38,360 --> 01:30:40,919
Oh, good, mine too.

1864
01:30:40,920 --> 01:30:44,079
- How so?
- Because I, um...

1865
01:30:44,080 --> 01:30:45,760
have a book you want.

1866
01:30:46,960 --> 01:30:48,719
Fair enough.

1867
01:30:48,720 --> 01:30:51,440
Oh, 20 pounds,
wonderful, thank you.

1868
01:30:55,680 --> 01:30:57,599
Er...

1869
01:30:57,600 --> 01:31:01,279
did you see we've got
a couple of Brian Cox's?

1870
01:31:01,280 --> 01:31:05,239
And that big book
of "Astrophysics for Everyone."

1871
01:31:05,240 --> 01:31:07,159
No, no, he's--
he's the author, Derek.

1872
01:31:07,160 --> 01:31:08,559
Yes, he has two boxes

1873
01:31:08,560 --> 01:31:10,119
- in his garage.
- Oh.

1874
01:31:10,120 --> 01:31:11,519
I definitely shouldn't have
mentioned that.

1875
01:31:11,520 --> 01:31:13,080
There you are, enjoy.

1876
01:31:15,280 --> 01:31:16,720
Well, thank you.

1877
01:31:22,440 --> 01:31:26,400
So, that was
Professor Anthony Crowley.

1878
01:31:27,440 --> 01:31:28,719
How'd you know that?

1879
01:31:28,720 --> 01:31:30,399
Hmm?

1880
01:31:30,400 --> 01:31:32,639
Well, his name's in big letters

1881
01:31:32,640 --> 01:31:35,439
on the book you're still holding.

1882
01:31:35,440 --> 01:31:37,640
Well, aren't you going
to go after him?

1883
01:31:38,760 --> 01:31:40,359
Why would I possibly go after him?

1884
01:31:40,360 --> 01:31:43,279
Well, you liked him.

1885
01:31:43,280 --> 01:31:45,760
And it looked very much
like he liked you.

1886
01:31:55,600 --> 01:31:58,399
Oi--I mean,
excuse me, stop.

1887
01:31:58,400 --> 01:32:01,880
Oh, sorry, did I leave something?
Is everything okay?

1888
01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:04,679
Oh...

1889
01:32:04,680 --> 01:32:06,999
- I told you, two boxes--
- No, I know.

1890
01:32:07,000 --> 01:32:08,879
Um...

1891
01:32:08,880 --> 01:32:10,559
sorry, a bit puffed.

1892
01:32:10,560 --> 01:32:12,559
Um, no, I bought it.

1893
01:32:12,560 --> 01:32:15,080
Would you--
could you sign it for me?

1894
01:32:15,720 --> 01:32:17,559
Of course.

1895
01:32:17,560 --> 01:32:19,559
- What's your name?
- Fell, Asa Fell.

1896
01:32:19,560 --> 01:32:20,999
With an S.

1897
01:32:21,000 --> 01:32:23,479
- Um, do you have a...
- Oh! Yes, sorry.

1898
01:32:23,480 --> 01:32:25,000
Er, yes.

1899
01:32:28,960 --> 01:32:32,760
I need you to write
your number down too, for me.

1900
01:32:33,760 --> 01:32:35,320
So I can ask you to dinner.

1901
01:32:36,440 --> 01:32:39,159
And... you'll say no,

1902
01:32:39,160 --> 01:32:43,640
and, um... but at least
I'll have asked.

1903
01:32:46,560 --> 01:32:48,559
Um...

1904
01:32:48,560 --> 01:32:49,879
I'm not going to give you
my number.

1905
01:32:49,880 --> 01:32:52,119
No, no, no, no. Sorry.

1906
01:32:52,120 --> 01:32:54,399
I'll wait for you.

1907
01:32:54,400 --> 01:32:56,440
Where are we having dinner?

1908
01:33:01,760 --> 01:33:03,800
[♪ Cyndi Lauper:
"Time After Time"]

1909
01:33:10,120 --> 01:33:12,399
<i>♪ Lyin' in my bed ♪</i>

1910
01:33:12,400 --> 01:33:17,119
<i>♪ I hear the clock tick
and think of you ♪</i>

1911
01:33:17,120 --> 01:33:20,399
<i>♪ Caught up in circles ♪</i>

1912
01:33:20,400 --> 01:33:24,599
<i>♪ Confusion is nothing new ♪</i>

1913
01:33:24,600 --> 01:33:27,919
<i>♪ Flashback, warm nights ♪</i>

1914
01:33:27,920 --> 01:33:32,039
- Cheers.
<i>- ♪ Almost left behind ♪</i>

1915
01:33:32,040 --> 01:33:36,039
<i>- ♪ Suitcase of memories ♪</i>
- Thank you.

1916
01:33:36,040 --> 01:33:38,519
<i>- ♪ Time after ♪</i>
- Now...

1917
01:33:38,520 --> 01:33:42,439
- So, how was everything?
- Oh, it was scrumptious.

1918
01:33:42,440 --> 01:33:44,319
Absolutely scrumptious.

1919
01:33:44,320 --> 01:33:46,359
I've never heard anyone use that word

1920
01:33:46,360 --> 01:33:47,999
in real life before.

1921
01:33:48,000 --> 01:33:49,439
Ah, well, my mother used to say it.

1922
01:33:49,440 --> 01:33:50,999
Right.

1923
01:33:51,000 --> 01:33:53,079
Another one she used to say
was "Tickety-boo."

1924
01:33:53,080 --> 01:33:55,439
- Right.
- And... and "Squiffy."

1925
01:33:55,440 --> 01:33:57,399
- Squiffy, that's good.
- Hopelessly

1926
01:33:57,400 --> 01:34:00,280
- yet amusingly drunk.
- Yes, yes.

1927
01:34:01,440 --> 01:34:02,999
Um, so the bookshop?

1928
01:34:03,000 --> 01:34:05,999
Ah, well, Derek,

1929
01:34:06,000 --> 01:34:07,959
that's the owner, he...

1930
01:34:07,960 --> 01:34:09,919
<i>♪ Time after time ♪</i>

1931
01:34:09,920 --> 01:34:12,039
<i>♪ If you fall, I will catch you ♪</i>

1932
01:34:12,040 --> 01:34:14,759
<i>♪ I'll be waiting ♪</i>

1933
01:34:14,760 --> 01:34:17,399
<i>♪ Time after time ♪</i>

1934
01:34:17,400 --> 01:34:19,399
<i>♪ If you're lost, you can look ♪</i>

1935
01:34:19,400 --> 01:34:21,919
<i>♪ And you will find me ♪</i>

1936
01:34:21,920 --> 01:34:24,519
<i>♪ Time after time ♪</i>

1937
01:34:24,520 --> 01:34:28,439
<i>♪ If you fall, I will catch you... ♪</i>

1938
01:34:28,440 --> 01:34:32,559
- Cocoa delivery.
- Oh.

1939
01:34:32,560 --> 01:34:35,719
- Oh, it's scrumptious.
- Mmm.

1940
01:34:35,720 --> 01:34:37,879
There you go.

1941
01:34:37,880 --> 01:34:41,839
How are the celestial bodies tonight?
Behaving?

1942
01:34:41,840 --> 01:34:46,199
It's the Eta Aquarid
meteor shower.

1943
01:34:46,200 --> 01:34:47,519
We mightn't need a telescope.

1944
01:34:47,520 --> 01:34:48,679
We can see it
with the naked eye.

1945
01:34:48,680 --> 01:34:50,560
Ahh, well, maybe we should...

1946
01:34:52,040 --> 01:34:53,520
look at them together.

1947
01:34:58,200 --> 01:35:00,799
Oh, look.
A shooting star.

1948
01:35:00,800 --> 01:35:01,840
Oh.

1949
01:35:04,880 --> 01:35:07,159
Technically, it's--
it's meteorite debris

1950
01:35:07,160 --> 01:35:08,679
from Halley's comet.

1951
01:35:08,680 --> 01:35:10,839
Well, I--I know
it's not a real shooting star,

1952
01:35:10,840 --> 01:35:12,000
but I want to make a wish.

1953
01:35:14,640 --> 01:35:15,920
Oh, right.

1954
01:35:18,640 --> 01:35:19,999
There.

1955
01:35:20,000 --> 01:35:21,719
[bird chirping]

1956
01:35:21,720 --> 01:35:23,679
Do you hear that bird?

1957
01:35:23,680 --> 01:35:25,239
[bird chirping]

1958
01:35:25,240 --> 01:35:27,040
That's definitely a nightingale.

1959
01:35:27,880 --> 01:35:30,239
How can you tell?

1960
01:35:30,240 --> 01:35:32,199
Well, it's not an owl.

1961
01:35:32,200 --> 01:35:35,039
- And it's night.
- [chuckling]

1962
01:35:35,040 --> 01:35:36,479
You wouldn't know a nightingale

1963
01:35:36,480 --> 01:35:37,959
if it perched
on the end of your nose.

1964
01:35:37,960 --> 01:35:39,239
It's definitely, definitely a nightingale.

1965
01:35:39,240 --> 01:35:41,400
Do you ever wonder if there's...

1966
01:35:42,840 --> 01:35:44,280
anything more than this?

1967
01:35:47,120 --> 01:35:48,399
I don't need anything more than this.

1968
01:35:48,400 --> 01:35:50,479
I--I have the universe out there,

1969
01:35:50,480 --> 01:35:52,400
- and I have you.
- Oh.

1970
01:35:56,800 --> 01:35:59,199
I have everything I've ever wanted.

1971
01:35:59,200 --> 01:36:01,280
[majestic music]

1972
01:36:08,360 --> 01:36:12,679
[whooshing]

1973
01:36:12,680 --> 01:36:16,639
<i>♪ Ooh, you make me live ♪</i>

1974
01:36:16,640 --> 01:36:20,719
<i>♪ Whatever this world can give to me ♪</i>

1975
01:36:20,720 --> 01:36:24,759
<i>♪ It's you, you're all I see ♪</i>

1976
01:36:24,760 --> 01:36:27,199
<i>♪ Ooh, you make me ♪</i>

1977
01:36:27,200 --> 01:36:29,079
{\an8}<i>♪ Live now, honey ♪</i>

1978
01:36:29,080 --> 01:36:33,559
{\an8}<i>♪ Ooh, you make me live ♪</i>

1979
01:36:33,560 --> 01:36:36,679
<i>♪ Oh, you're the best friend ♪</i>

1980
01:36:36,680 --> 01:36:39,119
<i>♪ That I ever had ♪</i>

1981
01:36:39,120 --> 01:36:42,479
<i>♪ I've been with you such a long time ♪</i>

1982
01:36:42,480 --> 01:36:44,479
<i>♪ You're my sunshine ♪</i>

1983
01:36:44,480 --> 01:36:46,959
<i>♪ And I want you to know ♪</i>

1984
01:36:46,960 --> 01:36:49,159
<i>♪ That my feelings are true ♪</i>

1985
01:36:49,160 --> 01:36:52,039
<i>♪ I really love you ♪</i>

1986
01:36:52,040 --> 01:36:58,679
<i>- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ Oh, you're my best friend ♪</i>

1987
01:36:58,680 --> 01:37:01,760
[instrumental]

1988
01:37:23,160 --> 01:37:26,160
[instrumental fades]