1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:06,356 --> 00:00:08,756 Hello? What? 2 00:00:10,296 --> 00:00:11,865 I can't understand you. 3 00:00:11,866 --> 00:00:12,987 Who is it? 4 00:00:12,988 --> 00:00:15,830 I don't know. Some woman crying. 5 00:00:15,839 --> 00:00:18,240 Hold on. Charlie? 6 00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:20,930 -What? -Phone for you. 7 00:00:21,990 --> 00:00:24,861 -Who is it? -A hysterical woman. 8 00:00:25,835 --> 00:00:29,262 Are you insane? I don't take calls from hysterical women. 9 00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,663 Here he is. 10 00:00:32,627 --> 00:00:35,027 You are very insensitive. 11 00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,958 Hello? Oh, hey. How are you? 12 00:00:39,515 --> 00:00:41,916 She's crying. Duh. 13 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:45,435 Okay, calm down. I can't understand you. 14 00:00:47,140 --> 00:00:49,630 Omelet? What is "omelet"? 15 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:53,385 Oh, I'm late. 16 00:00:54,316 --> 00:00:56,726 What are you late for, hon? 17 00:00:58,673 --> 00:01:01,491 -Get him out of here. -Jake, go watch TV. 18 00:01:01,492 --> 00:01:05,851 What's the big deal? I don't cry when I'm late. 19 00:01:07,932 --> 00:01:10,697 Okay, are you sure? Don't yell. 20 00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:13,555 How did this... Scratch that. 21 00:01:14,212 --> 00:01:17,350 Okay. Just stay calm, I'm here for you. 22 00:01:17,351 --> 00:01:19,992 We'll deal with this together. 23 00:01:20,811 --> 00:01:24,872 You didn't happen to catch her name, did you? 24 00:01:30,775 --> 00:01:33,721 Okay, the instructions sound pretty clear. 25 00:01:33,722 --> 00:01:36,123 You pee on the stick, 26 00:01:36,637 --> 00:01:40,776 and if it turns blue it means you're pregnant. 27 00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:43,331 The stick turns blue. 28 00:01:45,992 --> 00:01:49,833 Yes, sweetheart, first go into the bathroom. 29 00:01:49,869 --> 00:01:51,887 Not exactly a rocket scientist. 30 00:01:51,888 --> 00:01:56,980 As opposed to the Nobel Prize winners you usually bring home. 31 00:01:56,981 --> 00:02:00,380 I'm still here. Go ahead, let her rip. 32 00:02:02,908 --> 00:02:05,366 What do you mean you can't? 33 00:02:06,048 --> 00:02:08,449 Hold on. 34 00:02:13,577 --> 00:02:15,977 How's that? 35 00:02:16,652 --> 00:02:20,560 Yeah, I'm a genius. Now we wait 30 seconds. 36 00:02:21,747 --> 00:02:24,213 Please, God. Please, God, please. 37 00:02:24,213 --> 00:02:26,262 Isn't it a little late for prayer, Charlie? 38 00:02:26,263 --> 00:02:28,664 Hey, don't mock my faith. 39 00:02:29,339 --> 00:02:32,613 Yeah, I'm here. Did it change colors? 40 00:02:32,991 --> 00:02:35,449 No? That's good, right? 41 00:02:36,836 --> 00:02:41,637 Sure, in a strange way I'm a little disappointed, too. 42 00:02:42,026 --> 00:02:44,427 Hold on a sec. Yes! 43 00:02:52,246 --> 00:02:54,264 So, what else is new? 44 00:02:54,265 --> 00:02:57,827 Hey, congratulations. When's the wedding? 45 00:02:59,871 --> 00:03:01,504 Isn't that nice? 46 00:03:01,505 --> 00:03:03,906 Best of luck. Bye-bye. 47 00:03:05,670 --> 00:03:08,744 Boy, don't you just hate when that happens? 48 00:03:08,745 --> 00:03:12,461 Wait, so this is a common occurrence? Don't you take precautions? 49 00:03:12,462 --> 00:03:14,127 Of course. 50 00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:19,797 But, come on, you've never found yourself in a slow elevator without a condom? 51 00:03:19,798 --> 00:03:22,199 Look who I'm asking. 52 00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:26,461 Okay, so we need soap, 53 00:03:26,462 --> 00:03:29,335 razor blades, cotton balls. 54 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:32,772 -Cotton balls, that reminds me. -Reminds you of what? 55 00:03:32,773 --> 00:03:35,174 Ribbed, for her pleasure. 56 00:03:36,106 --> 00:03:38,506 Ultra thin, for mine. 57 00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:42,212 Fiesta colors for, I suppose, fiestas. 58 00:03:42,993 --> 00:03:47,650 And extra-strength, double latex, for coyote Tuesdays. 59 00:03:49,785 --> 00:03:52,188 Boy, if women knew the trouble we go to. 60 00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:54,526 Why don't you just get snipped? 61 00:03:54,527 --> 00:03:56,256 -You mean a vasectomy? -Yeah. 62 00:03:56,257 --> 00:03:58,755 Then say "vasectomy." Don't say "snipped." 63 00:03:58,756 --> 00:04:01,158 -What's wrong with "snipped"? -It's demeaning. 64 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:04,297 Snipped is what you get for $12 at Supercuts. 65 00:04:04,298 --> 00:04:06,701 Fine. Why don't you get a vasectomy? 66 00:04:06,702 --> 00:04:08,174 I've considered it. 67 00:04:08,175 --> 00:04:12,467 In fact, a couple of years ago I believe there was a petition circulating. 68 00:04:12,468 --> 00:04:14,325 So, what's holding you back? 69 00:04:14,326 --> 00:04:16,632 I don't know, it's kind of a permanent move. 70 00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:19,227 What happens if one day I finally meet the right woman 71 00:04:19,228 --> 00:04:22,425 and decide I want to raise a family? 72 00:04:23,072 --> 00:04:25,473 Don't cry. Look. 73 00:04:26,917 --> 00:04:30,120 You want to see Daddy dance? You like to see Daddy dance. 74 00:04:30,121 --> 00:04:32,521 Look at Daddy dance. 75 00:04:33,292 --> 00:04:35,693 Who am I kidding? 76 00:04:37,489 --> 00:04:39,955 Sweetheart, I have to go. I've a patient. 77 00:04:39,956 --> 00:04:43,736 No, you just stay off your feet. Remember, you're very pregnant. 78 00:04:43,737 --> 00:04:44,857 Huge. 79 00:04:44,858 --> 00:04:46,811 Yeah, I love you, too. 80 00:04:46,812 --> 00:04:49,981 I know. We're going to have a baby. 81 00:04:50,176 --> 00:04:53,726 Yes, we are. Okay, sweetie, bye-bye. 82 00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:56,679 So, Mr. Harper, you want a vasectomy? 83 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,921 Yes. You do that, right? 84 00:04:58,922 --> 00:05:03,503 Of course we do. In the exam room next door. Snip, snip. 85 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:06,514 Great. I just have a couple of pre-snip questions. 86 00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,366 Shoot. Which, by the way, you'll still do post-snip, 87 00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:11,768 if that was one of your questions. 88 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,050 Good. 89 00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:16,542 Of course, if I've done my job right, you'll be shooting blanks. Yeah? 90 00:05:16,543 --> 00:05:18,943 Yeah, I got that. 91 00:05:19,042 --> 00:05:21,860 What I was wondering is if there's any permanent effects. 92 00:05:21,861 --> 00:05:23,847 You mean like sexual impairment? 93 00:05:23,848 --> 00:05:26,248 No. Wait a minute. 94 00:05:27,051 --> 00:05:29,357 There can be sexual impairment? 95 00:05:29,358 --> 00:05:32,112 No, I just wanted to see the look on your face. 96 00:05:32,113 --> 00:05:35,316 No, actually, you'll be able to perform exactly as you did before. 97 00:05:35,317 --> 00:05:36,950 Great. 98 00:05:36,951 --> 00:05:39,621 But what about like creativity? 99 00:05:39,931 --> 00:05:44,639 See, I write music for a living. Will I still be able to do that? 100 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,511 Do you write with your testicles? 101 00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:51,335 No. 102 00:05:51,336 --> 00:05:54,731 Then it shouldn't be a problem. Now, let me ask you a question. 103 00:05:54,732 --> 00:05:56,749 -Do you have children already? -No. 104 00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:59,505 Then you might want to think about freezing some sperm 105 00:05:59,506 --> 00:06:01,074 in case you ever change your mind. 106 00:06:01,075 --> 00:06:03,669 -Frozen sperm? I don't know. -Why not? 107 00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:08,122 You know, you freeze shrimp, it's never as good as fresh. 108 00:06:08,123 --> 00:06:10,333 That's really not the same thing. 109 00:06:10,334 --> 00:06:15,043 So you know for a fact that frozen kids are just the same as the regulars? 110 00:06:15,044 --> 00:06:16,676 Yeah, pretty much. 111 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:21,642 Of course, when they grow up they do tend to migrate to the Sunbelt. 112 00:06:21,643 --> 00:06:26,146 Nothing? Wow. That one kills at urology conventions. 113 00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:28,689 Excuse me. Yes? 114 00:06:28,852 --> 00:06:30,934 Put her on. It's my wife. 115 00:06:30,935 --> 00:06:32,503 Hi, honey. 116 00:06:32,504 --> 00:06:35,354 No kidding, she's really kicking up a storm, huh? 117 00:06:35,355 --> 00:06:37,181 Yeah, we know it's a girl. 118 00:06:37,181 --> 00:06:39,038 -Good. -Hang on. 119 00:06:39,039 --> 00:06:41,634 Do you like Brittany or Allison for a name? 120 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,908 -They're both nice. -Yeah. 121 00:06:43,909 --> 00:06:47,913 Okay, honey, let me get this guy out of here and I'll call you back. 122 00:06:47,914 --> 00:06:49,611 Okay, Mommy. 123 00:06:49,612 --> 00:06:51,758 Yeah, you're going to be a mommy. 124 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,159 Yes, you are. 125 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:57,331 So, frozen sperm. 126 00:06:57,942 --> 00:07:01,336 I'm just not really sure I want to go into some little room 127 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,843 with a bunch of magazines and you know... 128 00:07:02,844 --> 00:07:06,142 Actually, we have videos now. Kind of hot. 129 00:07:06,143 --> 00:07:09,025 You don't have to do it here. We'll give you a container, 130 00:07:09,026 --> 00:07:11,172 you can go home, make yourself comfortable, 131 00:07:11,173 --> 00:07:13,639 dim the lights, put on a little sweet soul music... 132 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,177 I know the procedure. 133 00:07:15,178 --> 00:07:18,990 Then just bring it back here while the little fellas are still swimming, 134 00:07:18,991 --> 00:07:20,880 and we'll turn them into Popsicles. 135 00:07:20,881 --> 00:07:22,161 Popsicles? 136 00:07:22,162 --> 00:07:25,910 You know, in case someday you want to be a pop. 137 00:07:25,911 --> 00:07:28,762 Yeah. Very clever. 138 00:07:28,858 --> 00:07:33,823 You deal with prostates and penises all day, you better have a sense of humor. 139 00:07:33,824 --> 00:07:35,104 And warm hands. 140 00:07:35,105 --> 00:07:37,027 That's good, I'll use that. 141 00:07:37,028 --> 00:07:39,668 Warm hands. That's good. Yeah. 142 00:07:42,666 --> 00:07:45,708 I'm done. Can I go play in my room? 143 00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:49,201 Jake, Grandma came all the way over here to spend some time with you. 144 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:53,215 Alan, don't use guilt as a control mechanism. 145 00:07:53,302 --> 00:07:57,719 He should only spend time with me if he wants to. 146 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,482 So I can go, right? 147 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,454 Run. 148 00:08:09,642 --> 00:08:10,762 Good morning. 149 00:08:10,763 --> 00:08:13,165 -Good morning, darling. -Morning, Charlie. 150 00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:16,671 Charlie, what's wrong with your pee-pee? 151 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:19,477 What? 152 00:08:19,478 --> 00:08:22,873 A little birdie told me you were in a urologist's office yesterday. 153 00:08:22,874 --> 00:08:24,954 Thanks a lot, Tweety. 154 00:08:24,955 --> 00:08:26,461 I didn't say anything. 155 00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:30,529 Coincidentally, your doctor has a suite in the same building as Dr. Shankman. 156 00:08:30,530 --> 00:08:34,085 The man responsible for one out of three tight tushies in Beverly Hills. 157 00:08:34,086 --> 00:08:36,616 So, Dr. Shankman saw me and told you? 158 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,051 No, you left your appointment card on the table here. 159 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:45,380 I just brought up Dr. Shankman because no one has noticed my new tushie. 160 00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:47,510 Very nice, Mom. 161 00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:49,921 Of course. It's a Shankman. 162 00:08:52,187 --> 00:08:55,183 So, Charles, back to your pee-pee. 163 00:08:55,359 --> 00:08:58,241 I'm done. Can I go play in my room? 164 00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:03,047 There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just getting a vasectomy. 165 00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:05,448 You must really hate me. 166 00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:08,686 Are we changing the subject? 167 00:09:08,687 --> 00:09:11,857 How can you have a vasectomy without consulting me? 168 00:09:11,858 --> 00:09:14,741 You're selfishly robbing me of grandchildren. 169 00:09:14,742 --> 00:09:18,861 -You've got grandchildren. -Oh, big whoop, one. 170 00:09:19,804 --> 00:09:23,103 If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to do the freezing thing. 171 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,737 Really? 172 00:09:24,738 --> 00:09:27,940 I suppose that's better than nothing. 173 00:09:27,941 --> 00:09:31,113 You know, I'm doing a freezing thing, too. 174 00:09:31,114 --> 00:09:32,650 -What? -Excuse me? 175 00:09:32,651 --> 00:09:36,078 At death, I plan to have my head removed and frozen until such time 176 00:09:36,079 --> 00:09:40,265 as it can be revived and put on a monkey body. 177 00:09:42,358 --> 00:09:44,758 What? Everybody's doing it. 178 00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:56,967 Charlie, you got somebody in there? 179 00:09:56,968 --> 00:09:58,985 No. 180 00:09:58,986 --> 00:10:01,387 I need to get your towels. 181 00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,662 I really wish you wouldn't. 182 00:10:03,663 --> 00:10:08,692 Come on, I'm doing laundry. I want to finish a load before I go. 183 00:10:08,693 --> 00:10:11,094 Yeah. Well, me, too. 184 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:15,325 -What? -Never mind, just go away. 185 00:10:16,286 --> 00:10:20,194 All right. If it helps, you can think of me. 186 00:10:25,898 --> 00:10:27,338 Charlie, wait a second. 187 00:10:27,339 --> 00:10:29,581 I don't have to pick up Jake till after dinner. 188 00:10:29,582 --> 00:10:31,022 You want to catch an early movie? 189 00:10:31,023 --> 00:10:35,315 Maybe. But I gotta make one stop first. Come on. 190 00:10:38,968 --> 00:10:41,369 So, what's in the bag? 191 00:10:41,372 --> 00:10:43,895 -Sperm. -No, really. 192 00:10:44,575 --> 00:10:46,975 Sperm. 193 00:10:49,477 --> 00:10:54,029 -Whose sperm? -Seabiscuit's. Who do you think? Mine. 194 00:10:55,051 --> 00:10:57,806 I thought we were going to a movie. 195 00:10:57,807 --> 00:11:03,702 Yeah, but first I'm having my sperm frozen and getting a vasectomy. 196 00:11:04,406 --> 00:11:07,065 I could've met you at the theater, you know. 197 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:09,466 Just hold the bag. 198 00:11:12,191 --> 00:11:16,035 There is another container inside this bag, right? 199 00:11:16,036 --> 00:11:19,239 Of course. You just gotta keep it out of the sunlight. 200 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:22,210 Why? Is it vampire sperm? 201 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,331 Jeez. He's gonna want to look in the bag. 202 00:11:29,332 --> 00:11:31,285 God. 203 00:11:31,286 --> 00:11:33,686 No! 204 00:11:33,849 --> 00:11:39,408 -What the hell did you do that for? -I don't know, I panicked. 205 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:48,260 -Hey, Charlie! -What? 206 00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:50,956 Are you nuts? You can't put that in the freezer. 207 00:11:50,957 --> 00:11:53,357 It's ice cream. 208 00:11:54,065 --> 00:11:56,734 Store-bought, not hand-cranked. 209 00:11:57,301 --> 00:11:59,701 Yeah, you're hilarious. 210 00:11:59,863 --> 00:12:01,497 You're lucky I'm still talking to you 211 00:12:01,497 --> 00:12:04,700 after tossing my swimmers on the Coast Highway. 212 00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:06,206 -What? -It's nothing. 213 00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:09,346 Thanks to you, I got to reschedule the whole deal for this afternoon. 214 00:12:09,347 --> 00:12:11,268 -What whole deal? -It's not important, Jake. 215 00:12:11,269 --> 00:12:12,774 Why shouldn't he know? 216 00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:15,770 Okay, go ahead. Explain it to him. 217 00:12:16,523 --> 00:12:18,924 Well, Jake, 218 00:12:19,726 --> 00:12:23,336 your uncle Charlie is getting a vasectomy. 219 00:12:25,269 --> 00:12:28,745 What's wrong with the car you have now? 220 00:12:32,061 --> 00:12:34,462 Well done. 221 00:12:36,034 --> 00:12:38,521 All right, let me try again. 222 00:12:39,205 --> 00:12:41,479 A vasectomy is a very simple operation. 223 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,196 -Are you sick? -No. I'm perfectly healthy. 224 00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:49,136 It's a procedure so that I don't have babies by accident. 225 00:12:49,137 --> 00:12:52,258 Yeah, like we had to do with Scout. 226 00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:53,685 Scout? 227 00:12:53,686 --> 00:12:57,370 The dog we had. Couldn't keep it in his fur. 228 00:12:57,370 --> 00:13:00,088 Keep going, you're doing great. 229 00:13:00,190 --> 00:13:03,009 Jake, it's not exactly the same with people as with dogs. 230 00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:05,410 I know. 231 00:13:08,712 --> 00:13:11,602 Why don't you just use a condom? 232 00:13:19,829 --> 00:13:23,228 I guess he knows more than he lets on. 233 00:13:25,115 --> 00:13:28,313 -You do, don't you? -I hear things. 234 00:13:30,338 --> 00:13:31,970 Thanks for babysitting, Rose. 235 00:13:31,971 --> 00:13:34,501 My pleasure. Is Charlie gonna be okay? 236 00:13:34,502 --> 00:13:36,872 Yeah. He's just having a little procedure done, 237 00:13:36,873 --> 00:13:38,890 and I need to be there to drive him home. 238 00:13:38,891 --> 00:13:41,998 -What kind of procedure? -It's personal. 239 00:13:41,999 --> 00:13:44,399 I understand. Where is he? 240 00:13:44,594 --> 00:13:49,399 Upstairs, getting ready. Throwing a few things in a bag. 241 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,597 -I'll tell Jake you're here. -Okay. 242 00:14:04,041 --> 00:14:06,911 -Charlie? -Rose, for God's sake! 243 00:14:07,116 --> 00:14:10,469 -You need a hand? -No, get out. 244 00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:17,943 -Charlie? -What? 245 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:22,350 -What's the little cup for? -Go away, Rose. 246 00:14:22,431 --> 00:14:23,775 Don't be embarrassed. 247 00:14:23,776 --> 00:14:26,754 That's a perfectly natural way to relieve stress. 248 00:14:26,755 --> 00:14:29,606 You know what I do? Jumping jacks. 249 00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,464 Rose, please. 250 00:14:31,465 --> 00:14:35,596 The only downside is, when I exercise, I get all hot and sweaty, 251 00:14:35,597 --> 00:14:38,288 and my clothes start clinging to my body. 252 00:14:38,289 --> 00:14:43,339 So then I have to go and take a nice, hot, soapy shower. 253 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,841 Then what? 254 00:14:47,964 --> 00:14:50,365 Rose? 255 00:14:50,752 --> 00:14:53,152 Oh, damn. 256 00:14:54,308 --> 00:14:56,069 Look, I'm sorry I walked in on you. 257 00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:59,176 I thought you were finished with the video and everything. 258 00:14:59,177 --> 00:15:02,250 -Forget it, Alan. -I wish I could. 259 00:15:03,407 --> 00:15:06,000 Why didn't you hang a sock on the doorknob? 260 00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:07,250 It wouldn't have helped. 261 00:15:07,251 --> 00:15:09,685 Obviously, a power much greater than myself 262 00:15:09,686 --> 00:15:11,479 doesn't want me to freeze my sperm. 263 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,041 If you don't, and you go ahead with this vasectomy, 264 00:15:14,042 --> 00:15:15,900 you'll never be able to have children. 265 00:15:15,901 --> 00:15:19,776 What difference does it make? We both know I'm not daddy material. 266 00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:23,098 No, not now, or any time soon, 267 00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:27,530 but who knows, maybe in the distant monkey-body future. 268 00:15:27,531 --> 00:15:31,118 Look, this is my life. I know what's best for me. 269 00:15:31,119 --> 00:15:34,057 Okay, Mr. Harper. 270 00:15:34,163 --> 00:15:36,147 Why don't you jump up on the table, 271 00:15:36,148 --> 00:15:41,074 put your legs in the stirrups and we'll get you shaved. 272 00:15:42,364 --> 00:15:45,437 Damn, I didn't bring the camcorder. 273 00:15:46,657 --> 00:15:49,155 -Thanks, Alan. I'll see you later. -Yeah. Good luck. 274 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:56,136 Don't forget to put a cone around his head so he doesn't bite at the stitches. 275 00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:59,405 All right, 276 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,840 Iet's have a look. 277 00:16:02,772 --> 00:16:06,167 Okay, in my defense, it's a little cold in here. 278 00:16:06,168 --> 00:16:10,786 Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that. 279 00:16:26,447 --> 00:16:29,517 So, what's your name? 280 00:16:30,613 --> 00:16:32,117 Naomi. 281 00:16:32,118 --> 00:16:34,327 Let me ask you something, Naomi. 282 00:16:34,328 --> 00:16:38,205 Does doing this make you want to have dinner with me more or less? 283 00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:42,914 Just a reminder, Mr. Harper, I'm holding a razor to your genitals. 284 00:16:42,915 --> 00:16:46,113 I know, but how "meet cute" is this? 285 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:49,550 What a great story to tell our... 286 00:16:51,629 --> 00:16:53,998 Our what? 287 00:16:53,999 --> 00:16:56,370 Never mind. 288 00:16:56,371 --> 00:16:59,724 -Okay, all done. -That was quick. 289 00:16:59,799 --> 00:17:03,450 You got a little mirror so I can check out the back? 290 00:17:03,451 --> 00:17:05,852 Not that little. 291 00:17:06,815 --> 00:17:10,319 Come on, honey. I know. Breathe with me. 292 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,580 All right, that's good. 293 00:17:12,581 --> 00:17:15,689 I gotta do one quick snip and then I'll meet you at the hospital. 294 00:17:15,689 --> 00:17:17,835 -Excuse me, quick snip? -No, thanks, I'm fine. 295 00:17:17,835 --> 00:17:21,262 Yeah. I love you, too. Breathe, honey. Just breathe. 296 00:17:21,263 --> 00:17:24,845 Okay, bye-bye. It's getting exciting now. 297 00:17:25,524 --> 00:17:27,702 Okay, let's see what we're up against here. 298 00:17:27,703 --> 00:17:30,267 Woof. That's quite a haircut. 299 00:17:30,330 --> 00:17:33,758 Looks like my grandma in a bathing cap. 300 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,889 Okay, Mr. Harper, 301 00:17:38,052 --> 00:17:40,005 I'm gonna give you a local anesthetic here 302 00:17:40,006 --> 00:17:41,735 so you're gonna feel a little sting. 303 00:17:41,736 --> 00:17:46,380 Just let me know when you're about to. Holy Mother of God! 304 00:17:46,381 --> 00:17:49,581 Okay, here it comes. Kidding. 305 00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,307 I got you. 306 00:17:52,308 --> 00:17:54,934 Now, we'll just give it a minute till we're nice and numb. 307 00:17:54,935 --> 00:17:58,074 You know, we're thinking Juliet now, or maybe Julianne. 308 00:17:58,075 --> 00:17:59,419 Both good names. 309 00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:03,360 Yeah, you want a name that fits a child, but also is appropriate for an adult. 310 00:18:03,361 --> 00:18:05,442 Can you feel my finger? 311 00:18:05,443 --> 00:18:08,005 What finger? Why? What are you doing? 312 00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:10,406 Okay, let's start snipping. 313 00:18:12,972 --> 00:18:15,891 Naomi, could you get that for me? 314 00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:21,524 Hello? Hi, honey. No, I can talk. 315 00:18:23,288 --> 00:18:26,908 What, you're kidding, already? Okay, don't panic, I'm on my way. 316 00:18:26,909 --> 00:18:29,471 Okay, this is a little embarrassing, but I have to go. 317 00:18:29,471 --> 00:18:32,546 Why don't you see to it that Mr. Harper has another appointment? 318 00:18:32,547 --> 00:18:35,333 And no charge for the haircut. Yeah. 319 00:18:35,334 --> 00:18:37,735 I'm gonna be a daddy. 320 00:18:42,191 --> 00:18:44,208 Man, he looks really happy. 321 00:18:44,209 --> 00:18:47,915 Yeah, they've been trying for a long time. 322 00:18:47,989 --> 00:18:50,755 You can put your legs down now. 323 00:18:51,033 --> 00:18:53,433 Yeah, that's one option. 324 00:19:01,028 --> 00:19:03,462 -Unbelievable. -Let it go, Alan. 325 00:19:03,463 --> 00:19:07,627 Who goes in for a vasectomy and comes out with a date? 326 00:19:07,628 --> 00:19:09,614 What? I'm a man, she's a woman. 327 00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,760 A woman who two minutes after you met her 328 00:19:11,761 --> 00:19:13,522 was shaving your scrotum. 329 00:19:13,523 --> 00:19:16,087 So we skipped ahead a little. 330 00:19:17,752 --> 00:19:20,731 -You feeling any calmer, Uncle Charlie? -What do you mean? 331 00:19:20,732 --> 00:19:23,967 When Scout had his operation, he got real calm. 332 00:19:23,968 --> 00:19:28,291 Then he got fat and only wanted to sleep behind the dryer. 333 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,694 Okay, first of all, it's not the same operation. 334 00:19:30,695 --> 00:19:32,648 And second of all, I didn't even have it. 335 00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:36,493 -So you're gonna have kids? -I don't know. Maybe some day. 336 00:19:36,494 --> 00:19:40,018 I hope so, because you'd be a cool dad. 337 00:19:40,691 --> 00:19:43,091 Really? 338 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,122 -Did you hear that? -Yeah. 339 00:19:48,123 --> 00:19:50,205 So, you're not gonna have the vasectomy? 340 00:19:50,206 --> 00:19:52,832 I tried my best, but it just wasn't meant to be. 341 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:54,274 What do you mean? 342 00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:57,830 Do you think it was a coincidence that my urologist was having a baby 343 00:19:57,831 --> 00:20:00,713 at the very moment I was about to get snipped? 344 00:20:00,714 --> 00:20:03,085 I mean, I'm not a particularly religious guy, 345 00:20:03,086 --> 00:20:06,609 but clearly a power much greater than myself 346 00:20:06,609 --> 00:20:10,114 wants me to knock somebody up some day. 347 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:13,943 You called?