1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,284 --> 00:00:04,074 Okay, how about this? If you let me have Jake this Easter, 2 00:00:04,075 --> 00:00:06,480 you can have him the Fourth of July and Labor Day. 3 00:00:06,481 --> 00:00:08,244 No. That doesn't work for me at all. 4 00:00:08,245 --> 00:00:10,330 How about I give you all the Jewish holidays? 5 00:00:10,331 --> 00:00:12,671 When did we become Jewish, Alan? 6 00:00:12,672 --> 00:00:15,075 It's still holidays. 7 00:00:20,179 --> 00:00:22,582 Your brother's a schmuck. 8 00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:26,338 What are they arguing about now? 9 00:00:26,339 --> 00:00:27,877 It's actually kind of ironic. 10 00:00:27,878 --> 00:00:30,476 They're arguing about who gets you on what days. 11 00:00:30,477 --> 00:00:32,881 That is ironic. 12 00:00:32,947 --> 00:00:34,967 You know what "ironic" means? 13 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,372 No, but I trust you. 14 00:00:38,657 --> 00:00:42,666 What's ironic is while they're arguing about who gets you, I get you. 15 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:46,705 And you know what? It's not such a big deal. 16 00:00:47,769 --> 00:00:50,398 No offense, but let's face it, you're 10. 17 00:00:50,399 --> 00:00:52,804 I can't take you to Vegas, we can't double-date. 18 00:00:52,805 --> 00:00:56,493 And when was the last time you picked up a check, you mooch? 19 00:00:56,494 --> 00:00:58,897 I'm almost 1 1. 20 00:00:59,702 --> 00:01:01,177 Okay, I think we've got it. 21 00:01:01,178 --> 00:01:03,519 I get him Thanksgiving, you get him Halloween. 22 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,925 You get him Christmas Eve, I get him Christmas Day. 23 00:01:05,926 --> 00:01:09,614 -I get him Yom Kippur. -And I get Hanukkah. 24 00:01:09,615 --> 00:01:12,338 Hey, guys, I just found out. 25 00:01:12,598 --> 00:01:15,800 Jake's birthday is, like, in a week. 26 00:01:16,704 --> 00:01:19,108 Shouldn't we make plans? 27 00:01:19,817 --> 00:01:21,933 You're right, he's a schmuck. 28 00:01:21,934 --> 00:01:23,184 What? 29 00:01:23,185 --> 00:01:25,751 We know when his birthday is, Charlie. We were there. 30 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,895 But only one of us got a needle shoved in their spine. 31 00:01:28,896 --> 00:01:31,299 You begged for that. 32 00:01:31,846 --> 00:01:35,279 Anyway, you, me, and Mom are taking Jake to a show at the Magic Castle. 33 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,369 You invited Mom? 34 00:01:36,370 --> 00:01:39,481 You want to tell her she can't come to her grandchild's birthday? 35 00:01:39,482 --> 00:01:41,822 'Cause believe me, I tried. 36 00:01:41,823 --> 00:01:43,170 Oh, man. 37 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:44,582 Look at the bright side. 38 00:01:44,583 --> 00:01:47,757 Maybe we can bribe one of the magicians to get her sawed in half. 39 00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:51,415 Or better still, thrown in a wood chipper. 40 00:01:51,416 --> 00:01:55,521 Judith and her sister are going to join us as well. 41 00:01:55,522 --> 00:01:57,606 Which sister, the brunette or the blonde? 42 00:01:57,607 --> 00:01:59,499 The brunette. Why? 43 00:01:59,499 --> 00:02:02,740 Just curious. I never slept with the blonde. 44 00:02:02,741 --> 00:02:05,562 And you're not gonna sleep with the brunette again, either. 45 00:02:05,563 --> 00:02:07,454 Relax, that was 12 years ago. 46 00:02:07,455 --> 00:02:08,674 Well, thank you. 47 00:02:08,675 --> 00:02:12,915 Let's just wait till we get a look at her now. 48 00:02:22,501 --> 00:02:24,040 Happy birthday! 49 00:02:24,041 --> 00:02:26,254 A magic set? Awesome. 50 00:02:26,255 --> 00:02:30,600 How lovely. Perhaps he'll grow up to be a carny. 51 00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:36,424 It includes 14 different illusions that will amaze and astound your friends. 52 00:02:36,425 --> 00:02:39,727 But, of course, your friends may be smarter than mine. 53 00:02:39,728 --> 00:02:42,358 -Cool! -Have fun at the Magic Castle. 54 00:02:42,359 --> 00:02:43,930 Aren't you coming with us? 55 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:47,074 I wish I could, but I gotta go to some clown's wedding. 56 00:02:47,075 --> 00:02:48,871 I'll try and come back for cake, okay? 57 00:02:48,872 --> 00:02:51,309 -Thanks a lot, Rose. -You're welcome. Bye, Evelyn. 58 00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:53,723 Bye-bye. Thank you so much. 59 00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,800 Poor soul. 60 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,205 I'm sure she meant well. 61 00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,842 Now. 62 00:02:59,843 --> 00:03:02,247 Open Grandmommy's present. 63 00:03:04,431 --> 00:03:06,708 -Clothes? -Happy birthday. 64 00:03:06,709 --> 00:03:09,112 Thanks a lot, but clothes? 65 00:03:09,403 --> 00:03:11,712 Not clothes, darling. 66 00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:14,117 It's Calvin Klein. 67 00:03:15,177 --> 00:03:17,422 No, it's clothes. 68 00:03:17,423 --> 00:03:20,758 Believe me, sweetheart, the girls are gonna love you in this. 69 00:03:20,759 --> 00:03:22,459 What girls? 70 00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:25,603 All right, the other boys will be envious. 71 00:03:25,604 --> 00:03:28,373 The other boys will beat me up. 72 00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:32,799 Well, there's just no pleasing you, is there? 73 00:03:34,554 --> 00:03:36,735 Almost ready? Judith and Liz will be here soon. 74 00:03:36,736 --> 00:03:39,139 Liz. Thank you. 75 00:03:41,162 --> 00:03:43,439 Boy, that would have been embarrassing. 76 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,942 Charlie, please don't make a bad situation worse. 77 00:03:45,942 --> 00:03:48,572 Judith and Liz have been at each other's throats for years. 78 00:03:48,573 --> 00:03:49,727 -Why's that? -I don't know. 79 00:03:49,728 --> 00:03:52,518 Maybe it's because Liz was always more popular. 80 00:03:52,519 --> 00:03:54,443 Maybe because Judith was smarter. 81 00:03:54,444 --> 00:03:57,202 Maybe, and this is just a theory on my part, 82 00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,287 it had something to do with the fact that 83 00:03:59,288 --> 00:04:03,939 Liz did my brother in the coatroom at our wedding reception. 84 00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:07,093 Well, no secret why she was popular. 85 00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:13,242 At our wedding reception, Charlie. 86 00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:14,718 In the coatroom. 87 00:04:14,719 --> 00:04:17,363 You were louder than the band. 88 00:04:18,953 --> 00:04:21,776 Hey, you make it sound so sleazy. 89 00:04:21,777 --> 00:04:24,517 I'm sorry. Class it up for me. 90 00:04:25,562 --> 00:04:28,031 Okay, to begin with, we were on a mink coat. 91 00:04:28,032 --> 00:04:30,435 Goodbye. 92 00:04:32,042 --> 00:04:34,455 And I was wearing a tuxedo. 93 00:04:35,090 --> 00:04:37,270 It's an 1 1-year-old's birthday party. 94 00:04:37,271 --> 00:04:40,444 You could've at least put on a bra. 95 00:04:40,543 --> 00:04:43,004 Some of us don't need bras. 96 00:04:43,879 --> 00:04:46,285 Some of us have had husbands and children. 97 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,690 I've had husbands. 98 00:04:50,937 --> 00:04:53,439 And please, would you behave yourself with Charlie? 99 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:54,722 -What do you mean? -I mean, 100 00:04:54,723 --> 00:04:59,598 I don't want a repeat of what happened in the coatroom at my wedding reception. 101 00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:02,003 That was Charlie? 102 00:05:03,417 --> 00:05:06,047 Hey, soul sisters. Come on in. 103 00:05:06,048 --> 00:05:07,233 Hello, Alan. 104 00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:09,350 Alan, you look fantastic. 105 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,821 I guess single life really agrees with you. 106 00:05:11,822 --> 00:05:13,425 You know, 107 00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:14,644 doing okay. 108 00:05:14,645 --> 00:05:17,018 Starting over, landed on my feet. 109 00:05:17,019 --> 00:05:19,327 Like a cat. 110 00:05:19,328 --> 00:05:20,579 Hey, Mom. 111 00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:22,792 Hey, sweetie. Hi. 112 00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:25,295 -Hey, Aunt Liz. -There's my favorite nephew. 113 00:05:25,296 --> 00:05:27,283 Happy birthday, sweetie. 114 00:05:27,284 --> 00:05:29,688 It isn't clothes, is it? 115 00:05:30,332 --> 00:05:32,191 This is a surprise. 116 00:05:32,192 --> 00:05:33,410 Hello, Evelyn. 117 00:05:33,411 --> 00:05:36,305 It's not a surprise. I told her. 118 00:05:36,524 --> 00:05:40,648 You're looking very well. Slimming down nicely. 119 00:05:41,271 --> 00:05:44,531 Thanks. I recently dropped 160 pounds. 120 00:05:47,591 --> 00:05:49,994 152. 121 00:05:51,344 --> 00:05:53,748 I take Pilates. 122 00:05:57,504 --> 00:05:58,690 Hey, everybody. 123 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,967 Uncle Charlie, look what Aunt Liz got me. 124 00:06:00,968 --> 00:06:02,604 Awesome. 125 00:06:02,605 --> 00:06:05,170 I don't suppose you thought to buy him a safety helmet. 126 00:06:05,171 --> 00:06:10,286 You ride with Aunt Liz, you take your chances. Right, Liz? 127 00:06:12,999 --> 00:06:15,403 This guy? Are you sure? 128 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,948 -Alan? -Yeah, Mom. 129 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:25,157 Now that we've seen the dove disappear up the greasy man's sleeve, 130 00:06:25,158 --> 00:06:28,076 how about we stop for a little drinkie-poo? 131 00:06:28,076 --> 00:06:31,668 Mom, it's still Jake's birthday. We're going home for cake. 132 00:06:31,669 --> 00:06:33,113 Okay. 133 00:06:33,114 --> 00:06:35,517 But first a drinkie-poo. 134 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,695 Don't you think you had enough to drink at the magic show? 135 00:06:38,696 --> 00:06:41,774 Excuse me, but some of us deal with our boredom and depression 136 00:06:41,775 --> 00:06:45,188 the old-fashioned, non-prescription way. 137 00:06:46,491 --> 00:06:49,249 -That's telling her, Evelyn. -Now, see. 138 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:53,580 This one gets me. Alan, you married the wrong sister. 139 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,371 Why don't you lie down back there, take a little nap? 140 00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,776 Okey-dokey. 141 00:07:02,852 --> 00:07:05,000 How can you not remember the coatroom? 142 00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:06,861 I remember the coatroom. 143 00:07:06,862 --> 00:07:09,042 I just don't remember you. 144 00:07:09,043 --> 00:07:10,967 How can you not remember me? 145 00:07:10,968 --> 00:07:13,662 Do you remember everyone you've had sex with? 146 00:07:13,663 --> 00:07:14,913 Of course not. 147 00:07:14,914 --> 00:07:18,222 But come on, we're practically family. 148 00:07:18,892 --> 00:07:21,233 Okay, Dad, see this ring? 149 00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:23,671 It's made of one unbroken piece of stainless steel. 150 00:07:23,672 --> 00:07:25,147 I can see that. 151 00:07:25,148 --> 00:07:28,355 And this one is just the same. I swear. 152 00:07:28,356 --> 00:07:30,793 -I believe you. -Now watch. 153 00:07:30,794 --> 00:07:33,197 One, two, three. 154 00:07:33,969 --> 00:07:36,087 Hold on. 155 00:07:36,087 --> 00:07:38,491 One, two, three. 156 00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:41,731 Ironic. 157 00:07:42,856 --> 00:07:45,004 Wait, don't look. 158 00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:47,891 Alan, how are those magic fingers of yours? 159 00:07:47,892 --> 00:07:49,079 I'm sorry? 160 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:52,254 I have this kink in my back and I was hoping you could give me 161 00:07:52,255 --> 00:07:56,736 one of your fantastic adjustments when we get home. 162 00:07:57,261 --> 00:07:58,575 Sure, I suppose. 163 00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:01,102 Thank you. I can't wait. 164 00:08:02,425 --> 00:08:05,536 Wait a minute. His magic fingers you remember? 165 00:08:05,537 --> 00:08:07,940 Ta-da! 166 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,203 This is really weird. 167 00:08:13,204 --> 00:08:16,358 Yeah. How could she not remember me? 168 00:08:18,273 --> 00:08:20,967 -What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? 169 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,212 Judith's sister's hitting on me. 170 00:08:23,213 --> 00:08:26,485 She's not hitting on you. She's hitting on her sister's ex-husband. 171 00:08:26,486 --> 00:08:28,506 But that's me. 172 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:30,366 Stop taking it personally. 173 00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:33,414 You said it yourself. They've been going at each other for years. 174 00:08:33,415 --> 00:08:35,884 And let's examine the current situation. 175 00:08:35,885 --> 00:08:39,477 Nothing Liz does with me is gonna make Judith any madder. 176 00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:42,122 I've already flown my mission. 177 00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:46,663 The only play she has left is to sleep with you. 178 00:08:46,664 --> 00:08:48,812 Well, that's not gonna happen. 179 00:08:48,813 --> 00:08:52,150 Well, certainly not with that attitude. 180 00:08:53,304 --> 00:08:56,126 Now, come on, you can't say you've never thought about it. 181 00:08:56,127 --> 00:08:57,859 Liz? No. 182 00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:59,335 Alan. 183 00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:01,612 Look me in the eye. 184 00:09:01,613 --> 00:09:03,954 Okay, I'm looking. 185 00:09:03,955 --> 00:09:07,002 Tell me you've never thought about being with Liz. 186 00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:10,464 You know, you have very curly eyelashes. 187 00:09:10,981 --> 00:09:13,578 -Answer the question. -Come on, Charlie. 188 00:09:13,579 --> 00:09:15,664 -It's my ex-wife's sister. -Exactly. 189 00:09:15,665 --> 00:09:20,222 Sisters are like the Holy Grail of recreational sex. 190 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,683 Technically, it'd be twins, but that's such a biological oddity, 191 00:09:23,684 --> 00:09:26,088 it's hardly worth pursuing. 192 00:09:26,219 --> 00:09:28,303 Dad, pick a card. 193 00:09:28,304 --> 00:09:30,708 Okay. 194 00:09:30,774 --> 00:09:32,185 Seven of diamonds? 195 00:09:32,186 --> 00:09:34,590 No. 196 00:09:35,105 --> 00:09:36,644 Eight of spades? 197 00:09:36,645 --> 00:09:38,568 No. 198 00:09:38,569 --> 00:09:40,973 -Ace of clubs? -No. 199 00:09:41,554 --> 00:09:43,957 Is it black or red? 200 00:09:48,836 --> 00:09:51,144 We'll just have the cake, and then we'll go. 201 00:09:51,145 --> 00:09:52,363 You can go if you want. 202 00:09:52,364 --> 00:09:55,443 I'll have Alan drive me home after he adjusts me. 203 00:09:55,444 --> 00:09:56,919 Why are you doing this? 204 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,073 Doing what? 205 00:09:58,074 --> 00:09:59,806 Alan. 206 00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:02,629 -You want him back, don't you? -No, I don't want him back. 207 00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:05,388 Then why do you care what I do with him? 208 00:10:05,389 --> 00:10:07,987 If you're determined to do something stupid today, 209 00:10:07,988 --> 00:10:11,064 I'd actually prefer you do Charlie. 210 00:10:11,356 --> 00:10:15,526 So would Charlie, but we can't always get what we want. 211 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:18,600 Wow! That's a lot of candles. 212 00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:20,017 He's still 1 1, right? 213 00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:22,615 You want to deal with the candles? Is that what you want? 214 00:10:22,616 --> 00:10:24,764 -No, I'm fine. -So, Alan. 215 00:10:24,765 --> 00:10:27,524 When do you think you'll be ready for me? 216 00:10:27,524 --> 00:10:28,999 Maybe after the cake. 217 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,154 -Okay. -Okay. 218 00:10:30,155 --> 00:10:33,684 You just say the word, and we'll do it. 219 00:10:34,326 --> 00:10:37,556 In high school, the word was "hello." 220 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,099 Don't pretend you don't know what she's doing. 221 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,409 Her back hurts, Judith. She wants an adjustment. 222 00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:44,045 She doesn't want an adjustment. 223 00:10:44,046 --> 00:10:46,932 And why do you think her back hurts in the first place? 224 00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:48,504 So, she does need an adjustment. 225 00:10:48,505 --> 00:10:50,943 I forbid you to have anything to do with my sister. 226 00:10:50,943 --> 00:10:52,899 Really? You forbid me? I've got news for you. 227 00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:55,306 We're not married anymore. You don't get to forbid me. 228 00:10:55,307 --> 00:10:57,037 -I'm warning you. -What warning? 229 00:10:57,038 --> 00:10:59,251 -What happened to forbidding? -Just listen to me. 230 00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:01,496 If you lay one magic little finger on Liz, 231 00:11:01,497 --> 00:11:04,897 -you and I will have a big problem. -What are you gonna do? Divorce me? 232 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,533 Marry me again and then divorce me? 233 00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:07,784 You want to see a trick? 234 00:11:07,785 --> 00:11:10,189 -Sure. -Yeah, sure, honey. 235 00:11:10,223 --> 00:11:12,742 "Good evening, sir or madame. 236 00:11:12,983 --> 00:11:15,386 "Have we ever met before?" 237 00:11:17,217 --> 00:11:18,884 So, Liz. 238 00:11:18,885 --> 00:11:21,943 The wedding reception, the coatroom. 239 00:11:22,254 --> 00:11:24,658 Did I ever say thank you? 240 00:11:25,141 --> 00:11:28,016 I don't really remember, Charlie. 241 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:31,331 Well, let me just say, long overdue then, 242 00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:33,736 thank you. 243 00:11:34,797 --> 00:11:37,201 Okay. 244 00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,673 And not just for the one time. 245 00:11:39,674 --> 00:11:43,554 Over the years, I've actually used the mental picture of that night as 246 00:11:43,555 --> 00:11:45,959 Iighter fluid when I'm, 247 00:11:47,244 --> 00:11:49,648 you know, barbecuing alone. 248 00:11:52,505 --> 00:11:55,505 Hey, come on, that's a compliment. 249 00:11:58,632 --> 00:12:01,036 -Hey, Grandma? -What? 250 00:12:02,482 --> 00:12:05,209 Now, madame, keep your eye on the magic ball. 251 00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:06,844 Watch closely. 252 00:12:06,845 --> 00:12:09,090 No, wait. 253 00:12:09,091 --> 00:12:14,447 Okay, now I'll take the magic ball from my left hand and put it into my right. 254 00:12:14,448 --> 00:12:19,227 See? Now I'll throw the magic ball back into the cup. 255 00:12:19,229 --> 00:12:21,666 You think it's under the cup? 256 00:12:21,667 --> 00:12:23,687 Do I think what's under the cup? 257 00:12:23,688 --> 00:12:25,579 The magic ball. 258 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:28,139 Very good, dear. 259 00:12:41,556 --> 00:12:44,699 Good Lord, how long have I been asleep? 260 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,104 Make a wish, buddy. 261 00:12:50,988 --> 00:12:52,783 I've already made my wish. 262 00:12:52,784 --> 00:12:55,350 -Don't you dare. -Now we're daring? 263 00:12:55,351 --> 00:12:57,499 Warning, forbidding, and daring? 264 00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:59,296 I want to talk to you. 265 00:12:59,297 --> 00:13:02,451 -Are you hearing this? -I'm trying. 266 00:13:03,531 --> 00:13:06,000 -What is your problem? -You are my problem. 267 00:13:06,001 --> 00:13:09,144 -Why are they fighting? -They're not fighting. They're discussing. 268 00:13:09,145 --> 00:13:12,417 I'm a child of divorce, Dad. I know the difference. 269 00:13:12,418 --> 00:13:15,785 -You're a selfish, hateful person. -Maybe you should go to your room. 270 00:13:15,786 --> 00:13:18,661 -It's my birthday. -lronic, huh? 271 00:13:19,635 --> 00:13:22,039 Hi, everybody. 272 00:13:22,555 --> 00:13:23,645 Sorry I'm late. 273 00:13:23,646 --> 00:13:26,917 Actually, you're right on time. Here's $50. Take Jake to the arcade, 274 00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:29,002 and don't come back till you're out of quarters. 275 00:13:29,003 --> 00:13:31,056 Okay. Come on, Jake. 276 00:13:31,057 --> 00:13:33,141 Cool. So, how was the wedding? 277 00:13:33,142 --> 00:13:35,129 It was a circus. 278 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:37,279 Bye, honey. Have fun. 279 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,231 You were always a cheap slut and you haven't changed. 280 00:13:40,232 --> 00:13:43,855 I was the slut? Miss Technically-I'm-Still-A-Virgin. 281 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,471 Girls, that's no way to talk. 282 00:13:50,946 --> 00:13:54,667 Ever since we were kids, anytime I loved something, you took it away from me. 283 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,751 But you will not take away my ex-husband. 284 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,516 -You love me? -What? No! 285 00:13:58,517 --> 00:14:00,698 I'm trying to make a point here. 286 00:14:00,699 --> 00:14:03,745 Judith, if I wanted Alan, I could've had him a long time ago. 287 00:14:03,746 --> 00:14:05,285 What the hell does that mean? 288 00:14:05,286 --> 00:14:08,440 -You never told her? -Told me what? 289 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:11,540 Well, I mean, it's no big deal. 290 00:14:11,541 --> 00:14:13,241 Really. 291 00:14:13,242 --> 00:14:14,909 It's just that 292 00:14:14,910 --> 00:14:17,314 before I asked you out, 293 00:14:17,445 --> 00:14:19,848 I asked Liz out. 294 00:14:22,770 --> 00:14:25,174 You lied to me? 295 00:14:26,042 --> 00:14:29,185 If I had said yes, you never would have dated him. 296 00:14:29,186 --> 00:14:31,174 So, I was your second choice? 297 00:14:31,175 --> 00:14:33,579 No. 298 00:14:34,286 --> 00:14:36,627 Chronologically, yes. 299 00:14:36,628 --> 00:14:39,130 But in my heart, you were always first. 300 00:14:39,131 --> 00:14:41,929 But in reality, you were second. 301 00:14:42,499 --> 00:14:44,679 And you never told me this? 302 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:47,373 Well, you can kind of see why. 303 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,717 You know, this 304 00:14:49,717 --> 00:14:53,304 wouldn't have happened if you were twins. 305 00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:55,427 Okay. Fine. 306 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:58,827 You always wanted Liz? Go ahead, here's your chance. 307 00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:00,688 Give her your little adjustment. 308 00:15:00,689 --> 00:15:02,934 While you're having a good time with my sister, 309 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,917 I'll have a good time with your brother. 310 00:15:05,918 --> 00:15:08,163 Beg pardon? 311 00:15:08,164 --> 00:15:11,852 Don't be coy with me. You know we've always had sexual tension between us. 312 00:15:11,853 --> 00:15:15,316 Really? I thought it was just regular tension. 313 00:15:15,317 --> 00:15:17,466 Come on, I've seen you looking at my chest. 314 00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:19,775 You looked at my wife's chest? 315 00:15:19,776 --> 00:15:21,637 Hey, I'm a guy. 316 00:15:21,638 --> 00:15:24,138 I will rock his world, Alan, I swear. 317 00:15:24,139 --> 00:15:26,353 -You're bluffing. -Am l? Watch me. 318 00:15:26,354 --> 00:15:28,052 -Come on, Charlie. -Alan? 319 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:30,105 -She's bluffing, Charlie. -Are you sure? 320 00:15:30,106 --> 00:15:31,741 Trust me, she hates you. 321 00:15:31,742 --> 00:15:34,468 Trust me. That doesn't always stop them. 322 00:15:34,469 --> 00:15:37,645 Come on, Alan, I'll show you where it hurts. 323 00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,184 Clear something up for me. 324 00:15:39,185 --> 00:15:41,494 Chiropractic adjustment, that's just a euphemism? 325 00:15:41,495 --> 00:15:44,670 -Right. -So, we're really gonna do this? 326 00:15:44,671 --> 00:15:47,469 Wow, I thought we were bluffing. 327 00:15:58,337 --> 00:16:01,366 -Okay, we were bluffing. -Us, too. 328 00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:12,132 My God, that clown has no legs! 329 00:17:17,768 --> 00:17:19,853 Okay, you see the coin? 330 00:17:19,854 --> 00:17:24,305 You're supposed to say, "Have we ever met before?" 331 00:17:25,146 --> 00:17:28,803 Just watch the trick, okay? We'll work on the patter later. 332 00:17:28,804 --> 00:17:30,439 You see the coin? 333 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,055 Now, I grab it with this hand 334 00:17:33,071 --> 00:17:35,379 and I blow, 335 00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,304 and it's gone. 336 00:17:37,305 --> 00:17:39,708 Where do you think it is? 337 00:17:39,872 --> 00:17:42,276 It's right here. 338 00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:53,490 How the hell did you do that? 339 00:17:53,699 --> 00:17:56,102 Ironic, huh?