1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:02,352 --> 00:00:06,792 -Hey! There he is! High five! -Down low. Too slow. 2 00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:10,147 Come here, clown. Upside down. 3 00:00:13,166 --> 00:00:15,501 -Hello, Charlie. -Judith, how's it going? 4 00:00:15,502 --> 00:00:19,340 Hey, Uncle Charlie, show Mom how I mop the floor with my hair. 5 00:00:19,341 --> 00:00:22,282 Well, it's not really mopping. It's more like dusting. 6 00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:26,666 -What if you drop him on his head? -Then I guess I will have to mop. 7 00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:30,825 -Wonderful. Where's Alan? -He's in the kitchen. 8 00:00:30,826 --> 00:00:33,223 Walk this way. 9 00:00:37,192 --> 00:00:39,589 Master, 10 00:00:40,584 --> 00:00:44,112 your sexually ambivalent ex-wife is here. 11 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:49,180 -I'm not ambivalent, I'm exploring. -Yes, mistress. 12 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:54,308 -Thanks for bringing Jake over. -Well, I wanted to give you this anyway. 13 00:00:54,309 --> 00:00:57,251 -What is it? -It's the bill from my divorce lawyer. 14 00:00:57,252 --> 00:01:00,738 -You haven't been paying them. -Told you they'd notice. 15 00:01:00,739 --> 00:01:03,490 I also need you to look this over and sign it. 16 00:01:03,491 --> 00:01:05,250 And what is this? 17 00:01:05,251 --> 00:01:08,833 My lawyer recommended I take out a bigger life-insurance policy on you 18 00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:13,344 in case you should die and can't pay the alimony and legal fees. 19 00:01:13,345 --> 00:01:14,783 Why don't you have him frozen? 20 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:17,983 Then you can use him to keep your drinks cold, too. 21 00:01:17,984 --> 00:01:19,967 And who's supposed to pay for this policy? 22 00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:23,486 You are. And please, try to be on time with the premiums. 23 00:01:23,487 --> 00:01:27,869 Boy, my shallow, empty lifestyle is looking pretty good right about now. 24 00:01:27,869 --> 00:01:32,028 Okay, as long as we're on the subject of lawyers and death, 25 00:01:32,029 --> 00:01:35,547 my lawyer recommended that I redraft my will. And you know what? 26 00:01:35,548 --> 00:01:39,066 If I die after you die, guess who gets custody of Jake? 27 00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:42,263 -Charlie. -Charlie? 28 00:01:42,331 --> 00:01:44,441 -Me? -What about my sister? 29 00:01:44,442 --> 00:01:48,409 -I never liked your sister. -ls this the sister I slept with? 30 00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:50,680 Shut up, Charlie. 31 00:01:50,681 --> 00:01:54,422 Alan, you can't be serious. He's immature, he drinks too much, 32 00:01:54,423 --> 00:01:56,662 he sleeps around, he is completely irresponsible. 33 00:01:56,663 --> 00:02:00,406 Yeah, you should've thought of that before you threw me out. 34 00:02:00,406 --> 00:02:01,846 Yeah. 35 00:02:01,847 --> 00:02:04,917 All right. You're obviously angry and trying to get even with me, 36 00:02:04,918 --> 00:02:08,340 but I am not gonna take the bait. I will see you on Sunday. 37 00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:10,738 Bye-bye. 38 00:02:13,012 --> 00:02:15,250 -Hey, man. Thanks. -For what? 39 00:02:15,251 --> 00:02:19,892 For trusting me to take care of Jake when you croak. 40 00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:23,409 I'm sorry. You didn't think I was serious, did you? 41 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,352 I just said that to piss her off. 42 00:02:26,352 --> 00:02:30,792 Right. Good one. Hey! 43 00:02:40,878 --> 00:02:42,253 That's not fair! 44 00:02:42,254 --> 00:02:46,732 Why don't I get to keep the kid when you're dead? 45 00:02:46,732 --> 00:02:50,891 If I'm dead. And Judith would have to die before me for it to even be an issue. 46 00:02:50,892 --> 00:02:54,506 It's a contingency plan for a hypothetical worst-case scenario. 47 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:57,514 I know it's a long shot, but I had the Marlins in the World Series. 48 00:02:57,515 --> 00:02:59,433 Don't tell me they don't come in. 49 00:02:59,434 --> 00:03:02,313 It never occurred to me that you'd want to be a full-time parent. 50 00:03:02,314 --> 00:03:04,903 This isn't about what I want. This is about what you want, 51 00:03:04,904 --> 00:03:07,143 -and you don't want me to have Jake. -What? 52 00:03:07,144 --> 00:03:08,263 Nothing. 53 00:03:08,264 --> 00:03:09,798 Why'd you say my name? 54 00:03:09,799 --> 00:03:12,870 Get over yourself, no one said your name. 55 00:03:12,871 --> 00:03:14,182 So what's wrong with me? 56 00:03:14,183 --> 00:03:17,220 Charlie, you're a great uncle. You're there for all the fun stuff. 57 00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:20,740 I don't think you're up to the hard work of being a full-time parent to Jake. 58 00:03:20,741 --> 00:03:21,860 -What? -Nothing. 59 00:03:21,861 --> 00:03:24,258 Nothing. 60 00:03:29,284 --> 00:03:31,617 So if not me, then who are you giving him to? 61 00:03:31,618 --> 00:03:35,873 I'm not giving him to anybody. He's not a 5-pound ham. 62 00:03:35,874 --> 00:03:39,072 You know what I mean. Who gets him in that scenario thing? 63 00:03:39,073 --> 00:03:43,263 -Cousin Jerry and his wife Faye. -Jerry and Faye? Why Jerry and Faye? 64 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:47,326 They've got a good marriage, three kids, lots of dogs, a big backyard, 65 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,245 and they live in a great school district. 66 00:03:49,246 --> 00:03:51,653 Yeah, but I'm your brother! 67 00:03:52,063 --> 00:03:54,013 -Charlie, it's not... -And I live right here. 68 00:03:54,014 --> 00:03:58,748 You wouldn't have to ship him off to Corn Hole, Kansas. 69 00:03:58,748 --> 00:04:01,146 Coventry, Rhode lsland. 70 00:04:01,660 --> 00:04:04,027 Who am I thinking of that lives in Kansas? 71 00:04:04,028 --> 00:04:06,789 I don't know, Dorothy and Toto? 72 00:04:08,346 --> 00:04:11,129 All right, Alan, let me ask you something. 73 00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:13,785 If I'm here, and Jake's in Rhode lsland, 74 00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:16,216 who's gonna teach him all the things he needs to know? 75 00:04:16,217 --> 00:04:18,871 Jerry and Faye are both college professors. 76 00:04:18,872 --> 00:04:21,270 I'm talking about the important stuff. About life. 77 00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:22,742 Face it. When the time comes, 78 00:04:22,743 --> 00:04:27,969 are those two eggheads gonna step up and get your kid laid? 79 00:04:28,214 --> 00:04:33,493 -You're not helping your case, Charlie. -Fine, you've made your decision. 80 00:04:33,494 --> 00:04:35,860 Despite all I've been through with your son, 81 00:04:35,861 --> 00:04:38,835 my nephew, obviously I have no say in the matter. 82 00:04:38,836 --> 00:04:39,987 Where are you going? 83 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,930 Alan, quite frankly, I'm a little hurt and a little disappointed, 84 00:04:42,931 --> 00:04:45,106 so I'm gonna go make myself a big glass of vodka 85 00:04:45,107 --> 00:04:47,409 and sit and think about things. 86 00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:51,304 Charlie, wait. Okay, how about this? 87 00:04:51,889 --> 00:04:55,248 If Judith dies and then I die, and then Jerry and Faye die, 88 00:04:55,249 --> 00:04:57,647 Jake will come and live with you. 89 00:04:57,648 --> 00:05:02,998 Yeah, like I'm gonna outlive Jerry and Faye the way I drink. 90 00:05:04,591 --> 00:05:07,885 -What do you say to Grandma? -Can I at least open it first? 91 00:05:07,886 --> 00:05:09,901 -Jake. -No, he's right. 92 00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:12,433 Wait and see if he likes it. 93 00:05:15,628 --> 00:05:20,034 -Now you can thank me. -Thank you. 94 00:05:20,971 --> 00:05:22,761 I'm kidding. 95 00:05:22,762 --> 00:05:26,377 No little boy wants a framed picture of his grandmommy. 96 00:05:26,378 --> 00:05:28,775 This is for your daddy. 97 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:33,639 -What do you say, Dad? -Don't push me, Jake. 98 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,975 That's my new photo for the Sunday real estate section. 99 00:05:35,976 --> 00:05:38,598 I thought maybe you'd like a color print of it for your office. 100 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:42,501 Gee, Mom, we've already got the one of you swimming with dolphins. 101 00:05:42,502 --> 00:05:45,157 So you didn't bring me anything? 102 00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:49,604 Is that all grandmommy is good for, to bring you gifts? 103 00:05:49,605 --> 00:05:53,760 Of course I brought you something. There. 104 00:05:56,515 --> 00:05:59,329 Crayons? I'm 10. 105 00:06:00,354 --> 00:06:02,689 Well, it's not just crayons, sweetheart. 106 00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:05,758 It's also a dinosaur coloring book. 107 00:06:06,848 --> 00:06:11,288 -But I'm 10. -You want to trade? 108 00:06:12,576 --> 00:06:14,973 No, I'm good. 109 00:06:15,519 --> 00:06:19,728 -So, where's your brother? -Why? What'd he get? 110 00:06:20,606 --> 00:06:24,796 Nothing. I just want to make sure he knows why. 111 00:06:24,797 --> 00:06:27,067 He's in his room. He's been sulking all weekend. 112 00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:30,555 -Sulking? About what? -Well, it's the silliest thing. 113 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,187 I just happened to mention 114 00:06:32,188 --> 00:06:35,482 that in the unlikely event that Judith should die, and I should die, 115 00:06:35,483 --> 00:06:38,551 that custody of Jake would go to... 116 00:06:43,353 --> 00:06:48,962 -Custody of Jake would go to who? -Actually, it would be "whom." 117 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:55,144 -Alan, who gets Jake? -Now, see, that's grammatically correct. 118 00:06:55,510 --> 00:06:57,907 -Alan. -Jerry and Faye. 119 00:06:58,006 --> 00:07:00,403 Jerry and Faye who? 120 00:07:00,469 --> 00:07:05,040 -Your sister's son and his wife. -Them? 121 00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:08,819 You would bypass your own mother 122 00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:12,904 in favor of two potato farmers on Long lsland? 123 00:07:13,042 --> 00:07:16,081 They're agriculture professors in Rhode lsland. 124 00:07:16,082 --> 00:07:17,520 Really? 125 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:20,464 Who am I thinking of who lives on Long lsland? 126 00:07:20,465 --> 00:07:22,512 I have no idea. 127 00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:26,895 -Well, regardless, I am deeply insulted. -Come on, Mom. 128 00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:29,742 This is only if Judith and I both die, and we're not dying. 129 00:07:29,743 --> 00:07:33,997 -At least, not before you. -Now you're wishing me dead. 130 00:07:33,998 --> 00:07:38,207 -No, Mom. No, it's... -Give me back my picture. 131 00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:49,383 No. Better you should look at it and feel shame. 132 00:08:01,256 --> 00:08:04,603 -Hey, want to play one-on-one? -Sure. 133 00:08:04,648 --> 00:08:07,045 Check it out. 134 00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:14,083 One, nothing. 135 00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:18,180 You know that Rhode lsland isn't really an island? 136 00:08:18,181 --> 00:08:20,635 That's just a flat-out lie. 137 00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:27,682 Two, nothing. 138 00:08:27,683 --> 00:08:30,624 Hey, I've got to run some errands, so I'll be back in about an hour. 139 00:08:30,625 --> 00:08:31,840 You guys gonna be okay? 140 00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:34,016 Gee, Alan, you sure I can handle the responsibility? 141 00:08:34,017 --> 00:08:37,823 What if he wants to go to college or something? 142 00:08:37,824 --> 00:08:40,414 Charlie, please don't start. I'll see you later. 143 00:08:40,415 --> 00:08:44,091 -Hey! -Three, nothing. 144 00:08:45,374 --> 00:08:47,933 -That was a time-out. -You didn't call it. 145 00:08:47,934 --> 00:08:51,165 -Fine. Three, nothing. -You want a do-over? 146 00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:55,317 No, I don't want a do-over. Just bring it on. 147 00:08:58,619 --> 00:09:00,474 Not so easy when I'm paying attention, is it? 148 00:09:00,475 --> 00:09:02,872 Not so hard, either. 149 00:09:07,642 --> 00:09:10,039 -My head! -Oh, God. 150 00:09:13,528 --> 00:09:15,863 -You okay? -No. 151 00:09:15,864 --> 00:09:18,678 -All right, don't panic. -I'm not panicking. 152 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,191 Good. You're gonna be fine. 153 00:09:22,678 --> 00:09:27,319 -We've just got to stop the bleeding. -I'm bleeding? 154 00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:32,051 -What? -Nothing. Just a little trickle. 155 00:09:32,052 --> 00:09:35,091 Here, take my shirt. Hold it up here. 156 00:09:35,092 --> 00:09:38,961 I'm sorry. Okay, let's get you up, nice and slow. 157 00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:41,682 Attaboy. I'll grab my car keys and we'll head to the hospital. 158 00:09:41,683 --> 00:09:44,081 A hospital? I don't want to go to a hospital! 159 00:09:44,082 --> 00:09:47,610 Did I say "hospital"? I meant Disneyland. 160 00:09:48,401 --> 00:09:50,895 How's it going there, pal? You still bleeding? 161 00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:53,782 -I don't know. -No, don't look. 162 00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:56,366 You just hang in there, we'll get you fixed up, 163 00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:58,894 and you'll be back home before you know it. 164 00:09:58,895 --> 00:10:01,965 Just as soon as we find the freaking hospital. 165 00:10:01,966 --> 00:10:08,102 -You don't know where the hospital is? -Of course I know where it is. 166 00:10:08,492 --> 00:10:11,627 I'm kind of hungry. Can we stop for a chili cheeseburger? 167 00:10:11,628 --> 00:10:14,474 You're hungry? How could you even think about food? 168 00:10:14,475 --> 00:10:17,994 What do you think about when you're hungry? 169 00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:20,392 Fair enough. 170 00:10:20,393 --> 00:10:23,080 We'll get you a chili cheeseburger at the hospital. 171 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:26,503 -Will they have fries at the hospital? -They have everything. 172 00:10:26,504 --> 00:10:29,419 Some people go just for the food. 173 00:10:30,312 --> 00:10:33,073 Man, we'd better call your dad. 174 00:10:38,758 --> 00:10:40,708 Hello? 175 00:10:40,709 --> 00:10:45,220 -Why do you have your father's phone? -I don't know. 176 00:10:45,221 --> 00:10:47,618 -That's great. -Bye. 177 00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:55,873 Yes! An ambulance. Fifty-fifty shot he's going to a hospital. 178 00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:58,271 Hang on! 179 00:10:59,905 --> 00:11:01,759 I can't believe we beat the ambulance. 180 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,119 Yeah, well, those things are just ice-cream trucks with blood bags. 181 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,910 Hi, we need to see a doctor. 182 00:11:06,911 --> 00:11:10,270 -All right. Just fill this out and have a seat. -No, you don't understand. 183 00:11:10,271 --> 00:11:12,221 He hit his head, he's bleeding. 184 00:11:12,222 --> 00:11:14,334 -Did he lose consciousness? -No. 185 00:11:14,335 --> 00:11:16,895 I got a little woozy, though. 186 00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:19,418 Follow my finger. 187 00:11:20,669 --> 00:11:23,066 He's gonna be fine. 188 00:11:23,228 --> 00:11:25,960 That's it? He's gonna be fine? 189 00:11:26,748 --> 00:11:30,713 That's not a medical test, that's how you hypnotize a chicken. 190 00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:34,329 I'd like a chili cheeseburger and fries, please. 191 00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:38,392 You see, he's hallucinating. Can you please just get him in to a doctor? 192 00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:40,055 Well, you need to fill this out first. 193 00:11:40,056 --> 00:11:44,854 Come on, this is gonna take forever. Can't we do this later? 194 00:11:44,855 --> 00:11:46,774 Over dinner? 195 00:11:46,775 --> 00:11:49,172 Now you're hallucinating. 196 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,340 Come on, buddy. 197 00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:58,803 All right. Let's see. Last name, Harper. 198 00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:01,201 First name, Jake. Ob? 199 00:12:02,164 --> 00:12:05,327 Jacob. I knew that. Middle name? 200 00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:07,697 -You don't know? -Of course I know. 201 00:12:07,698 --> 00:12:10,256 I want to see if you know. You fell on your head, dude. 202 00:12:10,257 --> 00:12:12,209 David. 203 00:12:12,210 --> 00:12:16,304 Jacob David. They went full Old Testament on you, didn't they? 204 00:12:16,305 --> 00:12:19,882 -Age, 10. Allergies? -I don't know. 205 00:12:20,719 --> 00:12:24,334 Is there anything you eat that makes you sick? 206 00:12:24,335 --> 00:12:26,732 I ate a worm once. 207 00:12:27,406 --> 00:12:30,093 No allergies. Have you had any of the following? 208 00:12:30,094 --> 00:12:31,692 -Measles? -I don't know. 209 00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:33,004 -Mumps? -I don't know. 210 00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:35,340 -Chicken pox? -ls that the one with the spots? 211 00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:37,738 -Yeah. -I don't know. 212 00:12:38,732 --> 00:12:41,994 All right. We're just gonna vote the straight "no" ticket. 213 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:44,392 Family history? 214 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:47,657 Your grandmother's always been a pain in the ass. 215 00:12:47,658 --> 00:12:49,576 Gonzales? 216 00:12:49,577 --> 00:12:52,391 -Right here! -I'm Gonzales. 217 00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:57,189 No, you're not. 218 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:01,349 Right. He's Gonzales. 219 00:13:05,158 --> 00:13:09,476 -Okay, you're gonna feel a little sting. -Nobody said I had to get a shot! 220 00:13:09,477 --> 00:13:12,035 It's just to numb your skin so you won't feel the stitches. 221 00:13:12,036 --> 00:13:15,203 What are you gonna give me to not feel the shot? 222 00:13:15,204 --> 00:13:17,826 It's all right, pal. I'm right here with you. 223 00:13:17,827 --> 00:13:22,082 Big deal. I'm still gonna get a shot in my head. 224 00:13:22,083 --> 00:13:25,472 Come on, just hold my hand, look me in the eyes. 225 00:13:25,473 --> 00:13:27,870 Go ahead, Doc. 226 00:13:27,969 --> 00:13:32,964 -Hey, go easy on the kid! -No, you're squishing my hand! 227 00:13:33,824 --> 00:13:36,383 Sorry. But you didn't feel the shot, did you? 228 00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:38,781 -No. -You're welcome. 229 00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:40,989 Maybe you'd prefer to wait outside. 230 00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:43,356 I'd prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, 231 00:13:43,357 --> 00:13:45,754 but the kid needs me. 232 00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:49,595 -How many stitches am I gonna get? -I don't know, three or four. 233 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,419 That's all? Scott Pressman got nine 234 00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:54,554 when his sister hit him with the Etch-A-Sketch. 235 00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:56,185 Help us out here, Doc. 236 00:13:56,186 --> 00:13:58,713 Okay, I'll go five, but one is purely decorative. 237 00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:00,025 Thank you. 238 00:14:00,026 --> 00:14:02,585 -ls this gonna leave a scar? -I'm afraid so. 239 00:14:02,586 --> 00:14:04,856 -No. -Yes! 240 00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:07,254 Okay, let's get started. 241 00:14:07,832 --> 00:14:10,546 Good, maybe that's your father. 242 00:14:10,776 --> 00:14:13,459 Hello. Hey, Judith. 243 00:14:16,183 --> 00:14:18,580 No, it's me, Charlie. 244 00:14:18,902 --> 00:14:25,393 What am I doing with Alan's phone? Why? Do you want custody of that, too? 245 00:14:26,229 --> 00:14:28,626 Come on, that's funny. 246 00:14:29,716 --> 00:14:32,657 I don't know. Maybe Alan and l accidentally switched phones. 247 00:14:32,658 --> 00:14:37,146 Why don't you try calling him on mine? 310-LlCKME. 248 00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:45,551 I didn't pick it, but that's what it spells. 249 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,087 Okay. Goodbye. 250 00:14:47,088 --> 00:14:49,071 Are you doing it? 'Cause I can't feel anything. 251 00:14:49,072 --> 00:14:53,204 -Yeah, that's the idea. -Can you see my brain? 252 00:14:53,646 --> 00:14:57,904 Sure, it's a big brain. You must be very smart. 253 00:14:58,701 --> 00:15:02,213 -Phone's ringing. -No, it's not. 254 00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:07,722 The doctor's just stimulating the phone-ring part of your brain. 255 00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:10,235 -Right, Doc? -Sure, why not? 256 00:15:10,602 --> 00:15:16,921 I ordered a chili cheeseburger out there. Will they know to bring it in? 257 00:15:17,705 --> 00:15:22,695 Come on, Mom. Those are two completely different scenarios. 258 00:15:22,696 --> 00:15:25,093 Hey. 259 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:28,485 Cool hats. 260 00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:31,845 So, you're saying that because I didn't name you as Jake's guardian, 261 00:15:31,846 --> 00:15:35,268 you're switching your medical power of attorney from me to Charlie? 262 00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:37,092 -What's going on? -Hang on. 263 00:15:37,093 --> 00:15:43,881 If Mom's ever in a coma, you're the one who has to decide to pull the plug. 264 00:15:44,388 --> 00:15:46,785 Pull. 265 00:15:47,011 --> 00:15:50,337 All right, Mom, Charlie's onboard. Yeah, got to go. 266 00:15:50,338 --> 00:15:51,649 Hey, where have you guys been? 267 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,464 You know, we went and got a couple of hamburgers, 268 00:15:54,465 --> 00:15:56,862 bought some hats. 269 00:15:58,177 --> 00:16:01,350 Ate the hamburgers, wearing the hats. 270 00:16:01,696 --> 00:16:03,102 Okay. 271 00:16:03,103 --> 00:16:06,833 -You're right, he bought it. -Bought what? 272 00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:12,319 Dude, you can forget about a life of crime. 273 00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:16,060 Oh, my God. What happened? 274 00:16:16,061 --> 00:16:18,619 We were playing basketball, and it got a little rough. 275 00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:20,122 -He fouled me. -You charged. 276 00:16:20,123 --> 00:16:21,338 -Did not. -Did, too! 277 00:16:21,339 --> 00:16:22,394 Hold on. 278 00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:24,474 -So you took him to the emergency room? -Yes. 279 00:16:24,475 --> 00:16:27,417 Where the cheeseburgers sucked, by the way. 280 00:16:27,418 --> 00:16:29,529 But he's okay? There's no concussion or anything? 281 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:31,512 -No. -We saw my brain. 282 00:16:31,513 --> 00:16:34,455 No, we didn't. We didn't see any brains. 283 00:16:34,456 --> 00:16:36,987 Hey, why didn't you call me? 284 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,598 There it is. Why do you have my cell phone? 285 00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,774 I don't know. 286 00:16:42,775 --> 00:16:45,525 All right. You sure you're okay? 287 00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:47,932 -Can I go watch TV? -Sure. 288 00:16:51,765 --> 00:16:53,971 I am really sorry, Alan. 289 00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:57,810 -Don't worry about it. He's fine. -Yeah, but I'm not. 290 00:16:57,811 --> 00:16:58,994 You were right. 291 00:16:58,995 --> 00:17:02,705 I obviously can't be trusted to take care of Jake. 292 00:17:02,706 --> 00:17:04,593 Believe me, the second you're in the ground, 293 00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:08,144 I'm sticking that kid on a plane to Rhode lsland. 294 00:17:08,145 --> 00:17:09,840 Charlie, let me tell you something. 295 00:17:09,841 --> 00:17:12,080 You can't keep Jake from ever getting hurt. 296 00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:15,438 I mean, he's a boy. That's... Getting hurt is like his job. 297 00:17:15,439 --> 00:17:20,845 Last summer, he actually fractured his ass doing a cannonball into the bathtub. 298 00:17:20,846 --> 00:17:23,309 All I care about is that he has somebody who loves him 299 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:28,364 and who'll step up when it really counts. And that's what you did today. 300 00:17:28,364 --> 00:17:31,179 Yeah, I guess I did, didn't l? 301 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,674 Yeah. And if, God forbid, 302 00:17:33,675 --> 00:17:37,712 something should ever happen to Judith and me, 303 00:17:38,218 --> 00:17:43,145 I would be very comfortable knowing that you were looking after my son. 304 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,543 Dead, but comfortable. 305 00:17:48,872 --> 00:17:52,135 Does this mean you're putting me in the will? 306 00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:55,713 -Yeah. -Wow. Thanks, man. 307 00:17:58,822 --> 00:18:01,219 That means a lot. 308 00:18:01,253 --> 00:18:04,260 -Just do me a favor, all right? -What's that? 309 00:18:04,261 --> 00:18:06,658 Don't die. 310 00:18:12,899 --> 00:18:16,065 -That's a very cute hat. -Thank you. 311 00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:18,463 It makes my hair sweat. 312 00:18:19,329 --> 00:18:21,696 Oh, my God! What happened to your head? 313 00:18:21,697 --> 00:18:25,535 I got five stitches. There was blood everywhere. 314 00:18:25,536 --> 00:18:29,022 -Why didn't anyone tell me? -I just did. 315 00:18:29,023 --> 00:18:32,126 -Can we stop for pizza? -I can't believe this. 316 00:18:32,127 --> 00:18:36,537 I'm going to have a little talk with your father. 317 00:18:40,317 --> 00:18:42,714 Hello?