1
00:00:37,901 --> 00:00:39,634
Hello!

2
00:00:39,701 --> 00:00:41,334
-You all right? -Yeah, good, thanks.

3
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,734
Oh. See that film last night?

4
00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:46,300
-Denzel Washington? -No.

5
00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:49,100
Aw, he's brilliant. He's a brilliant actor.

6
00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:51,434
I know, he's very good. Very good.

7
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,167
-Aw, dear. -I like him.

8
00:00:53,234 --> 00:00:54,634
He's got it.

9
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,734
(SIGHS) See you later.

10
00:00:57,801 --> 00:00:59,334
Yeah. See you later.

11
00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:06,133
Listen, he's not my favourite actor of all time, by the way.

12
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,634
-Oh, no? -No.

13
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:11,033
My favourite actor of all time is Mr Sidney Poitier.

14
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:15,667
-Oh. -So, that's all right?

15
00:01:15,734 --> 00:01:17,901
Yes. That's amazing.

16
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,367
Gareth, what... Are you building up your wrists?

17
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:29,601
Yes.

18
00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:31,000
Oh.

19
00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,567
When is the charity wank-athon?

20
00:01:35,234 --> 00:01:36,767
I don't know, but you'd win it.

21
00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:38,400
(CHUCKLES) That's good.

22
00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:40,300
-Good. -No, seriously, what are you doing?

23
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,367
Orienteering, aren't I, with the TAs.

24
00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:45,234
All right.

25
00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:51,000
Uh, yeah. Just come to, um... Come to apologise.

26
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:53,033
Oh, mate, don't worry about it.

27
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,634
Look, I was out of order. I'd had a bad time, was really wound up, so...

28
00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:57,067
-No, I understand, mate. -I shouldn't have done it.

29
00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:58,367
Well, I'm...

30
00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:01,133
So we're cool, yeah?

31
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,267
Yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Totally cool.

32
00:02:03,334 --> 00:02:06,000
What's that? Is that for me?

33
00:02:06,067 --> 00:02:08,400
-Yeah. -Ah, cheers. Thanks.

34
00:02:08,467 --> 00:02:11,901
Just to put your mind at rest. There's nothing going on between 'em.

35
00:02:11,968 --> 00:02:14,400
'Cause I would know, I've been watching him like a hawk.

36
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,567
And I imagine you've been watching her at your end.

37
00:02:16,634 --> 00:02:19,033
So between us we've got it covered.

38
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:25,934
All right, yeah. See you later, mate, yeah?

39
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,100
Yeah. All right. Thanks for that, mate. Cheers.

40
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,567
Probably a bottle of something.

41
00:02:35,634 --> 00:02:37,334
You reckon?

42
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,667
Look at the shape.

43
00:02:43,267 --> 00:02:47,300
Today I'm doing our staff appraisals.

44
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,767
And some people can get a little bit nervous about that,

45
00:02:49,834 --> 00:02:52,000
'cause they think they're walking the long mile

46
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:54,100
to put their head on the block, which is wrong.

47
00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:57,133
They fill out a form in advance

48
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,100
and they don't only sort of list their strengths and weaknesses,

49
00:03:01,167 --> 00:03:03,267
um, but also mine as a boss.

50
00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:08,234
So it's a chance for them to tell me where we're going wrong.

51
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:11,000
And we can, you know... It's very much an opportunity...

52
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:12,801
To separate the wheat from the chaff.

53
00:03:12,868 --> 00:03:16,200
No. That sounds bad. It's not a witch-hunt.

54
00:03:16,267 --> 00:03:18,300
We're not trying to find out who the worst people are.

55
00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:19,734
Mmm. Well, we know who they are already.

56
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:21,968
-Well, no... -I've written them on my form.

57
00:03:22,033 --> 00:03:23,968
You shouldn't have written it on your form, um...

58
00:03:24,033 --> 00:03:25,100
I've underlined the worst ones.

59
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:27,267
You're missing the point. Yeah.

60
00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:33,968
-Hello, David. -Here he is.

61
00:03:34,033 --> 00:03:37,167
Tim Canterbury. A good man. The Canterbury Tales.

62
00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:40,601
-Of Chaucer. -Yup.

63
00:03:40,667 --> 00:03:42,234
And Shakespeare.

64
00:03:45,868 --> 00:03:47,701
-Pleased with you. Very proud. -Thank you.

65
00:03:47,767 --> 00:03:49,434
New leaf, etcetera.

66
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:53,834
Trust, encouragement, reward, loyalty, satisfaction.

67
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,667
That's what I'm, you know...

68
00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:58,767
Probably wondering why I am so generous with encouragement?

69
00:04:00,601 --> 00:04:03,234
Trust people and they'll be true to you.

70
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,334
Treat them greatly and they will show themselves to be great.

71
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,334
That's...

72
00:04:09,634 --> 00:04:11,901
So happier now? No looking back?

73
00:04:11,968 --> 00:04:14,133
Well, I am still eventually going to go back to uni

74
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,601
and do a psychology degree, but, yeah...

75
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:18,067
No point. No point. No point. No point.

76
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:21,601
Sure, 18-19, go to university, get it out of your system.

77
00:04:21,667 --> 00:04:24,968
Waste time mucking around, getting drunk, getting up at midday.

78
00:04:25,033 --> 00:04:27,133
-Having casual sex. -Having casual sex, you know.

79
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,667
But we're in our 30s now.

80
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:31,467
Well, I'm only just 30. Are you... You must be 39?

81
00:04:31,534 --> 00:04:35,167
No. Both in our 30s is the fact. Yeah?

82
00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:40,934
And who's to say, you know, you keep your head down,

83
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,100
in a few years time you could be in the hot seat,

84
00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:46,968
like me, so...

85
00:04:47,033 --> 00:04:50,367
-When I'm nearly 40. -Well, we're both in our 30s at the moment is what I'm...

86
00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:52,434
Just chewing the fat. You know, but...

87
00:04:53,534 --> 00:04:55,534
Good. You're on the right lines.

88
00:04:55,601 --> 00:04:57,634
Can I just...

89
00:04:57,701 --> 00:05:01,367
-If we're facing in the right direction... -Mmm?

90
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:04,033
...all we have to do is keep on walking.

91
00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:09,133
Yeah. Very nice. You're quite a philosopher.

92
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:13,701
Well, it's just that I think our greatest glory

93
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:17,300
is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

94
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:18,701
-Are you reading these? -Am I what?

95
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:19,801
Reading the quotes.

96
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,467
Confucius. Oh, Bernard Shaw...

97
00:05:24,534 --> 00:05:28,133
It doesn't matter who said them first. I'm passing on my wisdom.

98
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,634
-Don't tell those I've just been reading these. -I'm not gonna.

99
00:05:31,701 --> 00:05:34,267
It's an insult. I'll put it down there if it's obvious.

100
00:05:38,067 --> 00:05:40,801
I always wanted to be a children's illustrator.

101
00:05:40,868 --> 00:05:43,467
And when people said to me, "What do you do?" I would say,

102
00:05:43,534 --> 00:05:47,300
"Well, I'm an illustrator, but I do some reception work for a bit of extra cash."

103
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:51,534
And for years I was an illustrator who did some reception work.

104
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:56,133
And then Lee thought it would be a good idea for us to both get full-time jobs.

105
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,601
And, you know, then you're knackered after work

106
00:05:58,667 --> 00:06:02,901
and it's hard to fit in time with the illustrating. You know, so...

107
00:06:02,968 --> 00:06:06,567
Now, when people say, "What do you do?" I say, "I'm a receptionist."

108
00:06:10,234 --> 00:06:12,167
And a bloody good one, you know.

109
00:06:12,234 --> 00:06:13,801
And you'll always have the art.

110
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:17,067
Keep up... Keep up the doodling always.

111
00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:19,534
Pipe dreams are good in a way.

112
00:06:19,601 --> 00:06:21,834
Well, I still hope it will happen, to be honest.

113
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:26,467
Keep the dream alive because otherwise one day you'll go, "Oh! Could I have made it?"

114
00:06:26,534 --> 00:06:28,734
Yeah.

115
00:06:28,801 --> 00:06:31,133
And if you keep trying, at least then, when it, when it doesn't happen,

116
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,133
you can go, "At least I gave it a go."

117
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,200
You know?

118
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:43,267
Are you settling in all right? Yeah. I think it's...

119
00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:44,834
Having fun?

120
00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:46,868
Uh, yeah.

121
00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:49,868
Not much fun. Not as much fun as you can have at Wernham Hogg.

122
00:06:50,968 --> 00:06:52,133
How long were you at Swindon?

123
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,868
Uh, two years.

124
00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:56,567
-Right. -Two years.

125
00:06:56,634 --> 00:07:00,500
Okay, if you had to name a role model,

126
00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:02,567
someone who's influenced you, who would it be?

127
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:04,400
What, like a historical person?

128
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,400
No, someone in sort of general life.

129
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:09,334
Just someone who's been an influence on you.

130
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,500
I suppose my mum. She's just... She's strong,

131
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:15,834
calm in the face of adversity.

132
00:07:15,901 --> 00:07:19,167
(SIGHS) God, I remember when she had a hysterectomy...

133
00:07:19,234 --> 00:07:21,701
If it wasn't your mother, though...

134
00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:24,534
It doesn't even have to be a woman. It could be a...

135
00:07:24,601 --> 00:07:26,701
Man? Um, okay.

136
00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:29,968
Well, I suppose if it was a man it'd be my father.

137
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,901
Not your father. Let's take your parents as read.

138
00:07:32,968 --> 00:07:36,200
I'm looking for someone in the work-related arena

139
00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:37,400
-who's influenced... -Right. Okay.

140
00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:40,267
Well, I suppose Tim, then. He's always...

141
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,567
Well, he's a friend, isn't he? Not a friend.

142
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:45,167
Someone in authority. Maybe I didn't... You know...

143
00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:46,801
Well, then, I suppose Jennifer.

144
00:07:46,868 --> 00:07:50,601
I thought we said not a woman. Didn't we? Or am I...

145
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:54,500
Er, okay, well, I suppose you're the only one who...

146
00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:57,000
Oh.

147
00:07:57,067 --> 00:08:02,033
Embarrassing. It's backfired, isn't it? Oh, dear. Very flattering.

148
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:04,567
-Can we put me as a... -Okay. Tim, then.

149
00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:06,734
We said not Tim. So, do you want to put me or not?

150
00:08:06,801 --> 00:08:08,167
-Okay. -Right.

151
00:08:08,234 --> 00:08:09,534
So shall I put strong role model?

152
00:08:09,601 --> 00:08:10,567
-Okay. -Yeah.

153
00:08:16,634 --> 00:08:18,167
(ALARM RINGS)

154
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:27,100
Just a drill. Just a... Do not panic. Okay?

155
00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:28,801
GARETH: Come on, people, let's get moving.

156
00:08:28,868 --> 00:08:31,868
-They're trained. Good man. -Just as if it was real.

157
00:08:31,934 --> 00:08:34,934
-I'd be the last one out in these situations. -Do not run and do not panic.

158
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,167
Not that this is in my job description. That's just what I do.

159
00:08:37,234 --> 00:08:38,234
Leave your personal possessions. Come on.

160
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,901
I do this every couple of months.

161
00:08:39,968 --> 00:08:43,000
Not that we have to by law. But that's not what I do.

162
00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:47,000
It's because even though I'm always cool in a situation like this,

163
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:48,634
some people are not.

164
00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:51,601
And so, I try to make sure... I'll do that. It's all right.

165
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:54,367
-No, no, no, no. I've got it. Go! -We were...

166
00:08:57,534 --> 00:08:59,734
I'm going to get you out of here, all right?

167
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,367
(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)

168
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:14,701
Obviously the lifts are out of bounds in a fire situation,

169
00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:18,167
so the important thing is... Put her down.

170
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,334
(SIGHING)

171
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,567
This isn't worth it. It's stupid.

172
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:25,634
Obviously, in a real situation we'd take her all the way down,

173
00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:27,834
but this is just a drill, so we can leave her here.

174
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,400
-Can't I just use the lift? -No, not even in a drill. Never use the lift.

175
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:33,734
We'll be out, maybe one minute. We'll be back.

176
00:09:46,901 --> 00:09:48,133
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

177
00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:57,834
I've got no problem at all with him visiting every single child in the world

178
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,601
on a single night.

179
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,234
What I can't believe is that he's gonna stand up there

180
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,801
in Barnardo's arguing with old women.

181
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:05,400
(LAUGHING)

182
00:10:05,467 --> 00:10:09,801
I don't know if you're aware of the situation that's arising here.

183
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:11,834
I usually steer clear of ladies at work,

184
00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:14,834
but there is someone I've got my eye on.

185
00:10:14,901 --> 00:10:19,100
I won't say who. I don't know what Tim's playing at, moving in.

186
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:21,767
He's already embarrassed himself once before asking Dawn out,

187
00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:24,400
so this is only going to end in tears.

188
00:10:24,467 --> 00:10:28,434
Whereas I, you probably notice, play it cool.

189
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:32,500
He's not a man of the world like me.

190
00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:36,234
I can read women. And you've got to know their wants and their needs.

191
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,934
And that can be anything from

192
00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:41,500
making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries each week,

193
00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:45,767
to making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse.

194
00:10:47,334 --> 00:10:49,434
(ALARM CONTINUES RINGING)

195
00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,534
(ALL CHATTING)

196
00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:08,834
Noticed you were using all your best lines on Rachel.

197
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:11,300
-(LAUGHING) Best lines? I was just being friendly. -Yeah.

198
00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:15,601
Hmm. It was friendly, sort of, more than.

199
00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:17,467
-More than? -Friendly.

200
00:11:22,534 --> 00:11:27,467
Under "Strengths," you've just put "Accounts".

201
00:11:27,534 --> 00:11:28,634
Yeah.

202
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:35,234
-That's your job, though. That's just... that's just... -Mmm.

203
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:39,601
No, Keith. I'm sort of looking for your skills within your job.

204
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:42,100
So, is there anything else you could've put there?

205
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:47,667
-No. -Okay. Um...

206
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,601
Under "Weaknesses" you've put "Eczema".

207
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:59,033
You had a fantastically welcoming buffet.

208
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,167
(LAUGHING)

209
00:12:00,234 --> 00:12:02,267
-The wine was something else. -Hmm.

210
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:05,067
-Everyone's sort of quite friendly. -Yeah, everyone's...

211
00:12:05,133 --> 00:12:06,801
And Tim... Tim seems nice.

212
00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:10,200
Yeah. He's a good laugh.

213
00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:14,534
I've just got to, um... Has he got a girlfriend, or...?

214
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,868
-Tim? No. -Why? What's up with the...

215
00:12:17,934 --> 00:12:19,868
Oh, nothing. Why, why?

216
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:23,334
Would you? Hmm?

217
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,534
Um, out of the equation.

218
00:12:25,601 --> 00:12:28,500
Yeah. I know, but if you weren't, would he be...

219
00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:31,500
If I weren't? (SNORTS) Madness.

220
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,868
Keith.

221
00:12:35,934 --> 00:12:38,567
You've left this section completely blank, Keith.

222
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:40,500
You haven't done the Q and A.

223
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:42,334
I thought that you filled that in.

224
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,200
No, no, no, no. This is aimed at you.

225
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:49,100
"To what extent do you believe that you have the skills and knowledge

226
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:50,767
"to perform your job effectively?"

227
00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:52,667
And then, you just tick one of the boxes.

228
00:12:52,734 --> 00:12:56,267
"Not at all. To some extent. Very much so. Don't know."

229
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:57,734
What would you tick?

230
00:12:59,734 --> 00:13:00,601
Don't know.

231
00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:02,534
Okay.

232
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:06,033
Um, question two.

233
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:10,834
"Do you feel you have received adequate training to use your computer effectively?"

234
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,601
What are the options?

235
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:20,000
Same as... They're always the same. Always the same.

236
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:23,634
"Not at all. To some extent. Very much so. Don't know."

237
00:13:23,701 --> 00:13:26,167
-Don't know. -Don't know again. Okay.

238
00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:31,334
"Do you feel you are given the flexibility to decide

239
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,868
"how best to accomplish your goals?"

240
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:39,968
-Do you want the options again? -Yeah.

241
00:13:40,033 --> 00:13:43,801
"Not at all. To some extent..." Always the same.

242
00:13:43,868 --> 00:13:45,767
-"Very much so. Don't know." -Don't know.

243
00:13:45,834 --> 00:13:49,000
If "Don't know" wasn't there, what would you put?

244
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,767
-What are the options? -"Not at all. To some extent.

245
00:13:57,834 --> 00:14:00,467
-"Very much so. Don't know." -Very much so.

246
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:02,000
-Do you remember what the question was? -No.

247
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:04,400
Okay. "Do you..." Let's...

248
00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:06,200
We're going to leave that there.

249
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,734
Just going to give the new Swindon lot a bit of a...

250
00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:17,834
I mean, it's not an appraisal as such, but, you know...

251
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:21,300
(ALL LAUGHING)

252
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:23,434
Sorry. Just showing them...

253
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:27,367
Keep them occupied for the main event.

254
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,767
I hope you warmed 'em up better than last time!

255
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:31,267
Doesn't look like it.

256
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:35,734
-Okay. See you later. -EMPLOYEES: See you. Bye.

257
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:40,100
Anyway, good. Um, hello.

258
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,434
Uh, obviously, I can't give you an appraisal as such.

259
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,334
You've only been here a week.

260
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,467
But I did want to try and get a flavour of how you're settling in.

261
00:14:49,534 --> 00:14:52,500
Um, I know it's probably not the same vibe you're used to.

262
00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:55,934
Neil ruled with a bit more of an iron fist than me.

263
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,067
But, uh, settling in? Having a good time?

264
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:03,868
How is it different?

265
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:07,300
More laid back, presumably.

266
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,334
Think it's more laid back?

267
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,467
-Yeah? Yes? -Yeah...

268
00:15:13,534 --> 00:15:17,667
Say yes, then, if you think it's more laid back. More laid back, more fun.

269
00:15:17,734 --> 00:15:19,067
-Well... -Huh?

270
00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,200
-Nothing. -Go on.

271
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,500
We're actually used to doing stuff,

272
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:28,234
like working hard, being motivated.

273
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,000
There's not much dynamism out there, is there?

274
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:32,767
No, I mean, people look like they're getting away with murder.

275
00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:34,367
Having a laugh, yes.

276
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,234
Well, I think quite a few of us are bored.

277
00:15:38,133 --> 00:15:41,434
Oh. What, you preferred Swindon?

278
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,934
-More of a laugh. -You're having a laugh saying that.

279
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:48,567
What's so good about Swindon? Neil?

280
00:15:48,634 --> 00:15:50,901
-Yeah, for one. -What, you preferred Neil to me?

281
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,167
Who thinks Neil's more of a laugh than me? Hands up.

282
00:15:57,234 --> 00:15:59,801
So... That's mental!

283
00:15:59,868 --> 00:16:02,901
Come off it. You...

284
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:06,300
We're gonna have a drink. Come out for a drink with me and see who's more of a laugh.

285
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:07,834
Put your money where your mouth is...

286
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:09,767
We'll go for... We'll go for a drink at lunchtime.

287
00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:11,100
We'll go... Right.

288
00:16:13,968 --> 00:16:15,534
Right. Here we are.

289
00:16:15,601 --> 00:16:18,000
Mike, there's an outing, okay? Lunchtime.

290
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:20,500
Show that lot what Slough lot are like, yeah?

291
00:16:20,567 --> 00:16:22,367
Keith, what are you doing lunchtime?

292
00:16:29,634 --> 00:16:31,767
Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous!

293
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:33,801
No. Purely social.

294
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,968
I know someone who is an alcoholic and it's no laughing matter.

295
00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:38,968
Particularly for his wife, so...

296
00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:42,500
And she's got alopecia, so not a happy home life.

297
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,934
And their eldest is like that Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.

298
00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:50,667
So, that's probably what turned him to it in the first place.

299
00:16:50,734 --> 00:16:52,367
So, looking forward to the weekend?

300
00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:55,701
-Yeah. -Cheers.

301
00:16:55,767 --> 00:16:57,467
Cheers.

302
00:16:57,534 --> 00:17:00,801
Mmm. That's a lovely drop of ale. That's Courage.

303
00:17:00,868 --> 00:17:02,567
See, you get a lot of that round here

304
00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:06,400
'cause the main brewery's in Reading, so... They do it

305
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:10,100
all over. They do it in London and everything, so...

306
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:14,100
What's the, um, brewery in Swindon? Is there a big...

307
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,934
It might be Courage actually.

308
00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:18,367
Don't know.

309
00:17:18,434 --> 00:17:21,300
No. This is all right, though, innit?

310
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:25,067
Nice pub... Ah?

311
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:28,100
No. Just a private joke.

312
00:17:28,167 --> 00:17:32,434
I was saying, this is nice. There's a lovely pub near me, the Gardener's Arms.

313
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,868
-(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) -What? What are you doing?

314
00:17:34,934 --> 00:17:38,167
Oh. It's just a bloke over there looks like someone we know.

315
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:40,968
Okay. One at a time. Focus, yeah?

316
00:17:41,033 --> 00:17:43,901
You'll get more out of it in the long run, I promise you that.

317
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,300
Um...

318
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:51,267
I forgot what I was saying, then.

319
00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:53,534
That's what happens when you...

320
00:17:54,801 --> 00:17:56,133
Courage.

321
00:17:57,801 --> 00:18:00,734
-Three points. -What? Don't do that on my head.

322
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:03,901
-Yeah. Unless you've changed into a dart... -From past experience,

323
00:18:03,968 --> 00:18:06,334
-the dartboard being there makes no difference to you. -Listen!

324
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,701
I could be here and I'll still get 180.

325
00:18:09,767 --> 00:18:11,567
-Ooh! -Hiya.

326
00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:13,968
-Phew. Phew. Straight. -You all right?

327
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:17,801
Um, a couple of mates of mine are going down to Yates', um...

328
00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:20,734
-The wine lodge? Classy. Joking. -(RACHEL CHUCKLES)

329
00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:24,601
Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come down with us or not.

330
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:27,067
And you, Dawn. You could bring Lee if you like.

331
00:18:27,133 --> 00:18:28,500
Oh. I don't think we'll be able...

332
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,767
Okay, but, um, you can come?

333
00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:34,133
Yeah, yeah, I'll be coming. Thanks.

334
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,934
Great. Okay, um...

335
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,033
-You meant tonight? Yeah. Brilliant. -Yeah. Just after work.

336
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,067
TIM: Yeah, all right. We'll have a couple of drinks, yeah.

337
00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:43,267
-RACHEL: Cool. Okay. -Excellent.

338
00:18:43,334 --> 00:18:46,601
-Good luck. See you in a bit, all right. -Um, later.

339
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:49,834
-That'll be fun. -Yeah.

340
00:18:49,901 --> 00:18:52,100
Yes. Yeah.

341
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,801
It'll be cool. Cool as a cucumber.

342
00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:06,133
(GAME MUSIC CHIMING)

343
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:12,567
(DAVID CLEARS THROAT)

344
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,234
Good?

345
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,968
It was all right.

346
00:19:25,634 --> 00:19:28,868
Hmm. No, I've eaten here, so...

347
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:33,167
So, if you want a really good pie, the Gardeners.

348
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,167
It's been a washout, ain't it?

349
00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:48,067
You know, I don't know why I bothered if no one else is going to make the effort.

350
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:50,000
-We have made the effort. -Huh?

351
00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:52,400
We have made the effort.

352
00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:55,200
Yeah. I'm not having a go at you. It's just...

353
00:19:55,267 --> 00:19:57,901
Obviously the best people haven't turned up. Let's just...

354
00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,300
I'm going to shoot off back to the office.

355
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:03,133
(SIGHS) See you.

356
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:13,667
-Neil... -You all right?

357
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:14,834
Go.

358
00:20:15,634 --> 00:20:16,701
Oh, nearly.

359
00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:21,500
ALL: Aw...

360
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,934
-What are you doing? Are ya? -Having a laugh. Yeah.

361
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,200
Pity you could have had a laugh in the pub at lunchtime, selfish.

362
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,000
Bit dangerous, isn't it? In an office?

363
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:33,000
If you want to work, maybe you should work, as it's quarter past 2:00.

364
00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:35,434
-Yeah. All right. We're just finishing off. -We're just finishing off.

365
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,701
Just want to be popular as the new boss.

366
00:20:37,767 --> 00:20:39,567
Oh, love me! Pathetic!

367
00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:46,200
Um...

368
00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:52,434
Well, I think we should call it a day there. (CHUCKLES)

369
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,767
Tim, do you mind putting those away?

370
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,767
Guys, can we go back to work, please.

371
00:20:56,834 --> 00:20:58,000
Sorry.

372
00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:02,133
-David, can I have a word, please? -DAVID: If you want.

373
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,100
Um, I'm confused. I don't know what just happened there.

374
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:06,434
But obviously you've got a problem with something. What is it?

375
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,033
No. Time for work, wasn't it? That's what you say.

376
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,801
"Let's work, instead of mucking around in the office."

377
00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:11,434
-Right. You see, your attitude confuses me. -Oh, does it?

378
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,400
If you don't want to tell me what the problem is, then fine.

379
00:21:13,467 --> 00:21:15,200
But don't speak to me like that in front of staff, okay?

380
00:21:15,267 --> 00:21:18,000
-'Cause you're acting like a petulant kid. -Young at heart.

381
00:21:19,367 --> 00:21:21,067
If you've got a problem, come and speak to me,

382
00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:23,300
but don't stand out there and embarrass me and yourself,

383
00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:24,901
'cause I will not stand for it, okay?

384
00:21:24,968 --> 00:21:26,667
I've been trying to be nice.

385
00:21:26,734 --> 00:21:28,734
I've been trying to deal with this situation delicately

386
00:21:28,801 --> 00:21:31,267
because I was mildly embarrassed that we were equivalents

387
00:21:31,334 --> 00:21:34,133
and I'm now your boss, but that's the deal, live with it.

388
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,133
I don't let anyone talk to me the way you just did.

389
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,334
Not my staff, not my boss, no one and certainly not you. Do you understand?

390
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,601
Yeah.

391
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,200
-Do you understand? Good. -Yeah.

392
00:21:43,267 --> 00:21:44,834
Look, you're a good bloke, Dave,

393
00:21:44,901 --> 00:21:47,334
and if there's a problem I'd rather we discuss it sensibly

394
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,934
and not have to have these little chats, all right?

395
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,567
Shake on it? Great. Thank you.

396
00:21:55,734 --> 00:21:56,801
(CLEARS THROAT)

397
00:22:02,133 --> 00:22:05,667
-I'll see you guys later. Take care. -All right. Yeah.

398
00:22:05,734 --> 00:22:07,267
Cheers, Neil. Have a good night.

399
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,500
(DOOR OPENS)

400
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,934
-DAVID: Did you hear that? -Huh?

401
00:22:17,133 --> 00:22:18,868
-Did you hear any of that conversation in there? -No.

402
00:22:18,934 --> 00:22:22,033
I had it out with Neil. He showed his true colours, didn't he?

403
00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:24,400
What do you mean? He's all right. He seems like a good bloke.

404
00:22:24,467 --> 00:22:26,534
(SCOFFS) Is that what you think? All the best.

405
00:22:26,601 --> 00:22:27,968
I'd better not say anything, then.

406
00:22:28,033 --> 00:22:29,500
Watch your back. Slagging you off.

407
00:22:29,567 --> 00:22:31,234
-What? -Slagging you off, yeah.

408
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:32,868
-What, me personally? -Yeah. Yeah.

409
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:34,467
-What, just me? -Yeah.

410
00:22:34,534 --> 00:22:36,400
And you. Slagging all you lot off.

411
00:22:36,467 --> 00:22:37,701
What's he saying?

412
00:22:37,767 --> 00:22:40,801
Just going, "Oh, you lot are rubbish."

413
00:22:40,868 --> 00:22:44,968
I was going, "Our lot are rubbish? Your Swindon lot are shit."

414
00:22:45,033 --> 00:22:47,334
And he got aggressive and I went berserk.

415
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,167
Did you hit him?

416
00:22:49,234 --> 00:22:51,434
If I had, don't you think he'd have come through that wall?

417
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,767
I don't know, he's pretty trim, mate.

418
00:22:53,834 --> 00:22:56,467
Yeah? Against karate?

419
00:22:56,534 --> 00:22:58,467
So, David, what did he actually say about us?

420
00:22:58,534 --> 00:23:00,734
Just like slagging you lot off.

421
00:23:00,801 --> 00:23:03,267
I went, "Your Swindon lot are little slugs.

422
00:23:03,334 --> 00:23:05,067
"Little slugs with no personality.

423
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:08,267
"You're just jealous that we're better at everything than you."

424
00:23:08,334 --> 00:23:09,767
I tell you what, on a serious note,

425
00:23:09,834 --> 00:23:11,367
if it did kick off between me and him, get out.

426
00:23:11,434 --> 00:23:12,934
I don't want you lot getting hurt. It's not worth it.

427
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,234
Well, I'd step in if you want.

428
00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:16,567
This is big boy shit, mate. Cheers.

429
00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:18,901
Hit him really hard above the ears

430
00:23:18,968 --> 00:23:21,000
'cause the vacuum in the brain kills him instantly.

431
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,300
I wouldn't want him to die. I'd want to keep the little twat alive

432
00:23:23,367 --> 00:23:25,133
with the shit I was going to pull on him.

433
00:23:37,701 --> 00:23:38,901
All right? Hi.

434
00:23:38,968 --> 00:23:40,534
Hello.

435
00:23:40,601 --> 00:23:43,334
-You don't have a boyfriend, do you? No. -No.

436
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,534
Any kids from previous marriages or anything?

437
00:23:46,367 --> 00:23:48,000
-Uh, no. -No.

438
00:23:48,067 --> 00:23:50,200
Would you like to come out for a drink with me tonight?

439
00:23:50,267 --> 00:23:53,601
Um, I can't I'm afraid. I'm going to go out with Tim. So...

440
00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:54,901
-Tonight? -Yeah.

441
00:23:56,267 --> 00:23:57,601
Can I come?

442
00:23:57,667 --> 00:24:00,067
Uh, not really.

443
00:24:00,133 --> 00:24:02,601
But you're not planning on getting off with him or anything?

444
00:24:02,667 --> 00:24:04,000
Look, I don't think this is any of your business.

445
00:24:04,067 --> 00:24:06,534
-I'm sorry. It's none of my business. -Okay.

446
00:24:06,601 --> 00:24:10,267
-You go and have a drink, by all means. Enjoy yourself. -Thanks.

447
00:24:10,334 --> 00:24:14,467
Just know that if you don't go all the way with Tim, I will still be interested.

448
00:24:14,534 --> 00:24:16,367
-All right? -Thanks.

449
00:24:16,434 --> 00:24:19,267
That's... That's good to know I have something to fall back on.

450
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:22,634
What if I do go all the way with Tim but I want a little bit more with you?

451
00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:27,567
I don't usually do sloppy seconds,

452
00:24:27,634 --> 00:24:29,567
but I judge everything on its individual merit,

453
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:32,567
so we'll cross that river when we come to it.

454
00:24:33,567 --> 00:24:35,534
Thanks. That's good to know.

455
00:24:35,601 --> 00:24:36,934
No problem.

456
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,067
(SIGHS)

457
00:24:41,133 --> 00:24:45,367
-One in the kettle? -Yeah. It's actually just boiled, so...

458
00:24:45,434 --> 00:24:48,133
One moment. If you do go all the way with Tim

459
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:54,000
and you expect me to go in there afterwards, make sure he wears a condom.

460
00:24:54,067 --> 00:24:55,667
All right? It's sort of a rule.

461
00:24:59,567 --> 00:25:01,734
-Is there any milk? -Yeah. It's in the fridge.

462
00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:15,634
-See ya. -See you later, mate.

463
00:25:20,334 --> 00:25:21,634
-You going home? -Yeah.

464
00:25:28,434 --> 00:25:29,567
DAWN: That's for you.

465
00:25:29,634 --> 00:25:31,000
Cheers.

466
00:25:31,067 --> 00:25:34,234
Um, oh, can you call Millson's

467
00:25:34,300 --> 00:25:40,400
and get that credit breakdown faxed over or emailed or whatever?

468
00:25:40,467 --> 00:25:42,100
-Sure. -And, uh,

469
00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:46,634
do you mind typing up those appraisal contracts ASAP?

470
00:25:46,701 --> 00:25:47,868
I want to get them back to them.

471
00:25:47,934 --> 00:25:50,734
-Sure. Okay. See you Monday. -See you.

472
00:25:50,801 --> 00:25:52,968
Dawn, I'm fed up.

473
00:25:53,033 --> 00:25:55,734
I'm fed up, to be honest. It's just, I...

474
00:25:55,801 --> 00:25:57,267
-Oh! Why? -This place.

475
00:25:57,334 --> 00:25:59,067
I don't want to say anything, but this...

476
00:25:59,133 --> 00:26:01,601
Sometimes, I think it's a right shithole.

477
00:26:01,667 --> 00:26:02,868
-Do you? -Yeah.

478
00:26:07,267 --> 00:26:09,167
Do you think I'm funny?

479
00:26:10,767 --> 00:26:12,467
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

480
00:26:12,534 --> 00:26:15,267
Do you think Neil's funny? Sit down.

481
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,601
-Do I think Neil's funny? -Yeah.

482
00:26:18,667 --> 00:26:21,434
Um, you know, I don't really know him, David.

483
00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:23,334
But he's not funnier than me?

484
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,367
(SIGHS) No. Definitely not.

485
00:26:25,434 --> 00:26:29,334
Right. I wish you'd tell that to the Swindon lot, miserable bunch of...

486
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,534
-Aren't they? Some of them? Boring. -Mmm.

487
00:26:32,534 --> 00:26:33,567
Mmm.

488
00:26:35,367 --> 00:26:38,434
What's your favourite stuff that I do, comedy-wise?

489
00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:44,000
Um. Oh, there's too much.

490
00:26:44,067 --> 00:26:46,601
-The impressions? -Oh! Yeah.

491
00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:47,601
Which ones?

492
00:26:47,667 --> 00:26:49,634
Uh...

493
00:26:49,701 --> 00:26:52,634
Oh! Which ones are there again?

494
00:26:52,701 --> 00:26:55,434
-Kermit? -Kermit. Brilliant.

495
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:59,367
"Welcome to The Muppet Show." "Hai-ya, Frog!"

496
00:26:59,434 --> 00:27:03,601
Miss Piggy. Do you know Kermit's nephew, Robin?

497
00:27:03,667 --> 00:27:08,133


498
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,334
-Do you do Gonzo? -No.

499
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,400
Do you want a beer?

500
00:27:12,467 --> 00:27:14,434
Um, I can't go to the pub.

501
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:17,767
No, no, no. I've got some here ready.

502
00:27:18,934 --> 00:27:20,234
For emergencies.

503
00:27:27,901 --> 00:27:29,634
Cheers. Oh!

504
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,701
I was looking through

505
00:27:39,467 --> 00:27:41,234
some old poems I used to do.

506
00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:43,334
-Oh? Did you? I didn't know. -Yeah.

507
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,100
-Yeah. What sort of... -Big time.

508
00:27:46,167 --> 00:27:49,767
Quite sort of powerful. Here's one.

509
00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:53,334
Shall I read one to you? This one's called Excalibur.

510
00:27:56,334 --> 00:27:59,234
"I froze your tears and made a dagger

511
00:27:59,300 --> 00:28:02,033
"and stabbed it in my cock forever.

512
00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:04,234
"It stays there like Excalibur.

513
00:28:04,300 --> 00:28:06,334
"Are you my Arthur? Say you are."

514
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:07,500
Good.

515
00:28:07,567 --> 00:28:10,100
"Take this cool, dark, steeled blade.

516
00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:12,701
"Steal it, sheath it in your lake.

517
00:28:13,734 --> 00:28:16,200
"I'd drown with you to be together.

518
00:28:16,267 --> 00:28:18,868
"Must you breathe? 'Cause I need heaven."

519
00:28:24,234 --> 00:28:27,701
-Um. It's powerful. -Very.

520
00:28:27,767 --> 00:28:29,400
And double meanings. Did you get the double meanings?

521
00:28:29,467 --> 00:28:30,567
I did.

522
00:28:32,734 --> 00:28:34,500
(WHISTLING)

523
00:28:51,300 --> 00:28:54,601


524
00:28:56,934 --> 00:29:01,634


525
00:29:01,701 --> 00:29:04,067


526
00:29:04,133 --> 00:29:08,000


527
00:29:09,167 --> 00:29:10,434
(WHISTLES)

528
00:29:12,901 --> 00:29:13,801
(WHISTLES)