1 00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:21,729 (POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE MARCHES PLAYING) 2 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,400 YOUNG WOMAN: They wonder why those of us in our twenties 3 00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,152 refuse to work an 80-hour week 4 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,947 just so we can afford to buy their BMWs, 5 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,993 why we aren't interested in the counterculture that they invented, 6 00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:39,122 as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution 7 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,915 for a pair of running shoes. 8 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,835 MALE STUDENT: Whoo! Yeah! YOUNG WOMAN: But the question remains, 9 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,546 what are we going to do now? 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,633 How can we repair all the damage we inherited? 11 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,345 Fellow graduates, the answer is simple. 12 00:00:55,222 --> 00:01:08,151 The answer is... 13 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,153 I don't know. 14 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,905 (STUDENTS CHEERING, WHISTLING) 15 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:14,907 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 16 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,039 Good save, Lelaina. 17 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:26,043 I'm not a valedictorian, but I play one on TV. 18 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:29,005 We all know you slept your way to the podium. 19 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:38,264 My favorite part about graduating now will be 20 00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:41,225 dodging my student loan officer for the rest of my life. 21 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,896 He will be in cahoots with the Columbia Record and Tape Company guy. 22 00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,106 Been after my ass for years. 23 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,527 Troy Dyer. Brought you back a souvenir. 24 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:54,989 You could still go back next year and graduate, 25 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,283 still get your BFA. Oh, can I? 26 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:01,287 And then I can hang this on my rearview mirror 27 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,540 to brag to all my good buddies back home that I graduated. 28 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,543 Well, I'm through with the whole wank-a-rama. 29 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:13,257 Well, I know this sounds cornball, but, um, 30 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:17,804 I'd like to somehow make a difference in people's lives. 31 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,601 And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke. 32 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:27,688 And you wonder why we never got involved. 33 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:29,774 Three words, November 16, 199... 34 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,110 Oh, totally drunk. It would have been a poetic experience, 35 00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,196 if I weren't such a gentleman. 36 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,241 Just let it go, Dyer. Surrender the fantasy. 37 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:42,161 LELAINA: Hey, Sammy, what's your goal? 38 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,622 My goal is to... 39 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,792 I'd like a career or something. 40 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,928 I think the moment has been appropriately captured. 41 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,056 Could you please take your face out of the camera? 42 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,100 Come on. It's for my documentary. 43 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:08,813 Her documentary. 44 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,317 Think fast. 45 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,616 Here's the deal. 46 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,327 I'm gonna take Sam against his will 47 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:24,829 and straighten him out, 48 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:28,124 because I believe if we can get two women on the Supreme Court, 49 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,960 we can get at least one on you, Sam. 50 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:36,841 I'm Superman. I can fly. 51 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,426 She's toasted. 52 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,220 Quick, Vickie, what's your Social Security? 53 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:44,849 Uh, 851-25-9357. 54 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,976 Very impressive. 55 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:50,605 It's the only thing I really learned in college. 56 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,525 Sometimes I get 57 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:56,652 that not-so-fresh feeling. 58 00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:01,282 ALL: (SINGING) Conjunction junction What's your function? 59 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,952 Hookin' up words and phrases and clauses 60 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:09,123 Conjunction junction How's that function? 61 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,083 I got three favorite cars 62 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,336 They get most of my job done 63 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,978 Honey, honey. Let me do it for you. No, no. 64 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,783 Is yours good? I don't think it's very fresh. 65 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,201 I'm sorry. 66 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:55,294 Well, I guess it's about time for me to give you your graduation present. 67 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,883 Your gas card. I'll pay that bill for one year. 68 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:04,553 And since Helen Anne's got herself a brand-new Infiniti, 69 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,014 we're gonna give you her old BMW. 70 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,641 You pick it up at our house. 71 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,936 BMW? BMW! 72 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:15,940 Yeah. Tom, didn't you listen to her speech today? 73 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,775 She doesn't want a BMW. 74 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,486 Mom, I'll handle this. I'm not gonna sit here 75 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,906 and listen to some strange ethical argument about a damn car. 76 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,242 It's got four wheels. It runs well. 77 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,121 After you've been in the real world, you're gonna appreciate that car. 78 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:34,375 Just think of all those starving children in Africa that don't even have cars. 79 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,753 Troy, does your father give you gifts like that? Mom! 80 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:42,758 My father's dying of prostate cancer, so I don't trouble him much for gifts. 81 00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,015 See, Tom? TOM: Hmm? 82 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,183 You don't want a BMW. Tell him, Lelaina! 83 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:54,395 Charlane, she can make up her own mind. 84 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:58,733 Dad, don't talk to her that way. She's not a child. 85 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,985 Well, she married one. 86 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:03,863 What? 87 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,159 All right. Excuse me. Come on. 88 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:13,456 Mom, Dad, I'll take the BMW, until I can afford to buy a regular car, okay? 89 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:16,125 Okay, Mom? Please? 90 00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,336 Mom, please? Come on. 91 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,764 Get a Ford. 92 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,477 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 93 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,171 Just afloat on the sea 94 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:07,885 Find myself on a page of history 95 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,515 You know as I ride along 96 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,643 I can always hear the song 97 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,311 About you 98 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,856 And where you're meant to be 99 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:25,694 Well, you're gonna tell me the answers 100 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:29,490 I'll know when you come back to me 101 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,295 If we should fall 102 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,715 Love will catch us every time 103 00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,678 I hear you call I will run 104 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:58,352 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 105 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,479 We won't cry 106 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,399 Because it could be fun 107 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,654 Well, I'm gonna tell you the answers 108 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:13,075 You'll know when you come back to me 109 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:33,929 Gonna be all right 110 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,266 When you come back to me 111 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,466 (TELEVISION THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 112 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,226 Good morning. 113 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,144 Good morning! 114 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,521 (CHUCKLING) 115 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:27,608 Yes, good morning, ladies and gentleman! 116 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:31,153 I see a gentleman right over there! Good morning! 117 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,656 Good morning! Boy, I tell ya, 118 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,492 it is a good morning with this audience. 119 00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:41,830 Today for all you dieters, guiltless goodies from Chef Skinny Ninny! 120 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,250 (APPLAUSE) Ho-ho. Mmm. 121 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,796 And we'll also be visiting with a man right here from Houston 122 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,924 who is battling Alzheimer's. AUDIENCE: Aww. 123 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:57,304 A beautiful and touching story of the triumph of the human spirit. 124 00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,641 He's so cheesy I can't watch him without crackers. 125 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:05,980 Now let's take a peek inside our Video View and see what we have in store today. 126 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:13,028 It's a special report on children's birthday party themes. 127 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:16,991 Taped on location at eight-year-old Davey Robbins' party 128 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:20,286 exclusively for our Video View collection. 129 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,162 (APPLAUSE) 130 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,958 So come sit with me. 131 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,920 Relax. Have a cup of joe. 132 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,632 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 133 00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:39,179 Well, anyway, it's gonna be a good day, good morning. 134 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:42,474 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) You're beautiful! 135 00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,732 ASSISTANT AD: Clear! 136 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:57,489 Am I here to amuse you, Ms. Pierce? Is that the reason I'm on this show? 137 00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:00,576 I put on your note card to get your own expresso. 138 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,661 Didn't you get my "espress yourself" memo? 139 00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:06,874 I don't have time for your games. We're laying people off around here. 140 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:10,669 I can find an intern who'll do your job for free, like that. 141 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,714 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 142 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,180 I been locked out 143 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,349 I been locked in 144 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,769 But I always seem to come back again 145 00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:30,522 And the view when I look through my window... 146 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,733 That's a much better size. That looks great. 147 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,194 That would go with the Easy Fits. 148 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,781 So... Oh, buttoning it up. That's even better. Okay. 149 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,954 Yeah! Roll 'em right up. It's liberating, isn't it? 150 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,956 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 151 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,295 BOTH: (SINGING) I bought a toothbrush Some toothpaste 152 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,714 A flannel for my face 153 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,092 Pajamas, a hair brush 154 00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,552 New shoes and a case 155 00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,721 I said to my reflection 156 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:06,558 Let's get out of this place 157 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,479 Passed the church and the steeple 158 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,856 The laundry on the hill 159 00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:16,276 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) Murders, there's one committed each seven seconds 160 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,444 How do you know... (PHONE RINGING) 161 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:21,365 Hello? I got cut off. I'm sorry. MAN: What the hell happened? 162 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:24,743 Tempted by the fruit of another 163 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,203 (QUACKING) 164 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,957 (RAP MUSIC BLARING) Hello? What? 165 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:33,919 Tempted but the truth is discovered 166 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:38,298 What's been goin' on Now that you have gone 167 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,968 No, no, listen. He needs us. 168 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:44,721 He makes videos. We show them, okay? It's symbiotic. 169 00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:48,016 It's like the chicken or the egg, both of them working together... 170 00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:51,770 (MAN ON PHONE ANSWERS INDISTINCTLY) Well, I'm not scared of him. 171 00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,356 No, no, I'm not scared of... 172 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,276 Jesus! (LELAINA SCREAMING) 173 00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,278 Michael, don't laugh at me. 174 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,405 What? No! (AIR BAG POPPING) 175 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,782 I'm in an accident. I got in an accident. 176 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,034 MAN: You okay? (AIR BAG POPPING) 177 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,537 Yeah. No. I'll call you back. 178 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:13,250 When you say "sue..." It's not really my idea. 179 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:16,170 I got my lawyer telling me something about my rates... 180 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:20,632 Right. You mean like sue in a courtroom for money? 181 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,635 I don't know. I've never done anything like this before. 182 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:27,347 Do you have a lawyer? No, I don't have a lawyer. I don't have a dentist. 183 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:30,392 I'm... You know, I make $400 a week. 184 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:32,561 What do you do? 185 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:34,855 At the moment, I'm working... (PHONE RINGS) 186 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,191 I'm sorry. I just... I gotta... 187 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:41,778 Hello? 188 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:47,951 Yeah, what is it? I don't care if she does 12 books of herself naked. 189 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,913 It doesn't... That's Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes. 190 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,249 Oh! I'm sorry. Someone else is in here. 191 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,711 Yeah? Well, let her say that to me. 192 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,922 No, don't do that. Oh, I'm sorry. 193 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:03,592 No, no, you can... I was... Go ahead. You want to touch it? 194 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,470 Me? Yeah, go ahead. No, I was talking to... 195 00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:10,432 Can I talk to you later? Can we... What? Okay. 196 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,769 Um... Okay. 197 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,103 Um, uh... 198 00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:19,358 You know what? Just forget it. 199 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,276 Really. Just forget the whole thing. 200 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:25,739 It was probably my fault anyway, and I'll get in trouble, and I don't... 201 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,618 You seem very sweet, and you seem to like Dr. Zaius. 202 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,120 Oh. (GLASS SHATTERING) 203 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,624 That's... 204 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:40,379 Oh, I... That's... He was just a collector's... No big... 205 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:44,633 Um, well, here's... Here's his head. It's really... 206 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,177 You know, I think he's gone. 207 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,722 Yeah. I'm, like, ruining your whole life here. 208 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,891 No, you're not, really. 209 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:56,979 Just don't touch anything else, and I think we'll be fine. 210 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:01,650 Michael Grates, Vice President Regional Programming, 211 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,193 In Your Face TV. 212 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:05,779 We've seen it. It's like MTV, but with an edge. 213 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,073 So is it a date? Yeah. Yep. 214 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,825 Dinner? Coffee. 215 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,953 Coffee or cappuccino? Oh, he ended up saying "decaf." 216 00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,872 Oh, no. Early night. Is there any pre-coffee activity? 217 00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:19,835 I don't think so. Did he ask you to go out or to hang out? 218 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,005 Go out. He definitely said go out. Hey. How ya doin'? 219 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,632 Oh, shit. What? 220 00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,509 I forgot to tell you something. 221 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:32,431 Are you out of your mind? He just got fired from the newsstand. 222 00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,726 He needs a place to stay until he can find a new job. 223 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:39,229 Vickie, that's the American dream of the '90s. That could take years. 224 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:43,609 Look at it like a built-in security system. We'll have a man around. 225 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:48,280 We'll have a hall monitor. I don't even know if this is allowed in the building. 226 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:52,576 It's not like Mr. Roper's gonna burst in. I'll just stay on the couch. 227 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:57,873 Vickie, he will turn this place into a den of slack. 228 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,710 What the hell is your problem? 229 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:05,464 I have to work, and unfortunately, Troy, 230 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,133 you are a master at the art of time suckage. 231 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,761 Well, Miss Poster Girl for The Workers Party, 232 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:14,681 until I get that toehold in the burger industry, I got time to suck. 233 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:17,184 I'd rather check into a shelter. 234 00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:21,146 I know how much you'd love to mainline misery here, 235 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:24,524 but I can get you an interview at my dad's plant. 236 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:29,321 Is that part of my lease agreement? That or a credit check. 237 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,907 It's cool, Troy. You can stay. 238 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:35,619 Welcome to the maxi-pad. Yeah, with the new Dri-Weave. 239 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,955 It actually pulls moisture away from you. It's good. 240 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,834 You won't even know I'm here. 241 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,505 Well, should I get married Should I be good 242 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:50,092 Should I astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and Faustus hood 243 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:55,097 Take her to cemeteries and tell her of werewolf tongues and forked clarinets 244 00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:00,352 What Hey, That's My Bike would like to do eventually as a band 245 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,729 is travel the countryside like Woody Guthrie. 246 00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,648 Or, uh, Richard Simmons. 247 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,900 You know how he... Commercials, 248 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,902 he travels around, surprises people jogging. 249 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,822 As you can see, I have, uh, 250 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:15,534 the occasional run-in with an anti-Hey-That's-My-Biker, 251 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,995 and to those people, I say nobody... 252 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,791 Nobody can eat 50 eggs. 253 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,169 Laney? What-y? 254 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:29,005 The next time you make microwave brownies, 255 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,842 I'd really consider using a microwave. 256 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,386 It's just a thought. (LAUGHING) 257 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:38,098 You know, I finally figured out what your problem is, Dyer. 258 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:39,850 What's that? I'm not a Pepper? 259 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:43,061 You suffer from the philosopher-groupie syndrome. 260 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:46,064 You're this guy with, like, a 180 IQ, 261 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,608 10 units away from a degree in philosophy. Yeah? 262 00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,570 And you always fall for these dumb groupie types. 263 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,363 Now, they are not all dumb. 264 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:56,825 Most of them are just very, very depressed. (LAUGHING) 265 00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,661 You find me attractive, sitting here, eating brownies? 266 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,540 You do. You're strangely attracted to me right now. You're oddly attracted to me. 267 00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:07,335 It turns you on. You like to watch, don't you? Come on! 268 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,337 (LELAINA SCREAMING) 269 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,090 Don't! Come on. It's not funny. Here we are. 270 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,134 Give it back. Give what back? 271 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,970 Give it back! Give the brownies back? Oh, brownies, brownies! 272 00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:20,932 Oh! Oh! I love brownies! My name's... 273 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,058 Hey, don't. Hey, watch the camera. 274 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:24,811 Don't do anything. That's not nice. 275 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,527 (DOOR OPENING) 276 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,573 Mr. Gubler, um, do you have time 277 00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,701 to take a look at what I've done here? I need my questions. 278 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:43,580 Oh. Well, here's the research that I did. You might want to read it, 279 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:48,502 'cause this guest has quite a history in politics. Just give me my questions. 280 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,470 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 281 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,681 Excusez-moi. (CANNED LAUGHTER) 282 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,226 Are you all alone? Not anymore. 283 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:09,856 If I could bottle the sexual tension between Bonnie Franklin and Schneider, 284 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,609 I could solve the energy crisis. 285 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:17,989 Excuse me. Don't Bogart that can, man. 286 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,743 Are you retarded? No, I'm rhyming. 287 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:26,456 It's not easy. I'm sure I make it look easy. 288 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,211 You guys better not be inhaling. Hi. 289 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:36,424 Lelaina, Vickie was just promoted to manager of The Gap. 290 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,761 Shut up. VICKIE: It's not even a big deal. 291 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:43,932 The old manager tried to kill herself by eating a whole pot of poinsettias. 292 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:48,937 Still, I'm so proud of you! I'll be making $400 a week. 293 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,898 We're never gonna have rent problems again. 294 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,442 Troy, aren't you excited? 295 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,611 I'm bursting with fruit flavor. 296 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,738 VICKIE: Guys, I just thought of something. 297 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:04,327 I'm manager of The Gap. I'm responsible for all those T-shirts: 298 00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:08,039 French cut, V-necked, ribbed, what-have-you. 299 00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:11,877 Dude, I'm in trouble. No, you're not, Vick. I know you can do it. 300 00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:16,131 I just do not understand why this moment has to be Memorexed. 301 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:21,636 Sammy, don't you realize? This is your one opportunity to play a small part 302 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,556 in what is destined to be greatness. 303 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:27,017 Laney here is gonna revolutionize 304 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:31,771 Good Morning, Grant. Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! I had no idea! 305 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,482 Oh, yeah, look who's mocking. All you do around here, Troy, 306 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:38,528 is eat and couch and fondle the remote control. 307 00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:41,740 I'm not under any orders to make the world a better place. 308 00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:44,534 Then what good are you? You're a pathological optimist. 309 00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:46,369 LELAINA: You're pathological. 310 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:50,790 Oh, would you two just do it and get it over with? I'm starving. 311 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,337 (PHONE RINGS) Oh! 312 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:59,049 Hello. You've reached the winter of our discontent. 313 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,511 Uh, hold on. It's some Michael character? 314 00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,059 (WHISPERING) Who's Michael? VICKIE: Let's order a pizza. 315 00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:14,022 Lelaina! If we promise to pay you back, will you spot us a pizza? 316 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,025 (WHISPERING) I don't have any cash. Domino's takes checks. 317 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,110 Okay, great. (MOUTHING) 318 00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:23,031 Okay, bye. The owner of Domino's supports Operation Rescue. 319 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,701 Oh, please, no one gives a shit right now. We're starving. 320 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,703 Oh, wait. (ALL GASP) 321 00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:34,876 Ta-da! We're going to eat gas. 322 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:42,842 Ah! Who's this Michael guy? 323 00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,219 Um... Hey. 324 00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,846 Vickie just figured something out. What? 325 00:21:46,931 --> 00:21:49,224 Something wonderful. (GIGGLING) 326 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:52,310 "Evian" is "naive" spelled backwards. 327 00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,188 (GASPS) Can you turn this up, please? 328 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,400 Please? You won't be sorry. 329 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,444 Thank you. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 330 00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:05,365 When you gonna give me some time, Sharona 331 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,201 Ooh, you make my motor run My motor run 332 00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:11,162 Gun it Comin' it off of the line, Sharona 333 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,916 Never gonna stop, give it up Such a dirty mind 334 00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:16,501 I always get it up Come on! 335 00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,128 For the touch of the younger kind 336 00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:21,131 My, my, my-y-y 337 00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:22,632 Whoa! Hey! 338 00:22:22,717 --> 00:22:24,676 M-M-M-My Sharona 339 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:30,932 Come a little closer, hon I'll be your hunk 340 00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:34,519 Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona 341 00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:37,689 Keepin' it a mystery You get to me 342 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:41,151 Runnin' down the length of my thigh, Sharona 343 00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:44,279 Good times Anytime you need it, baby 344 00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:47,782 Good times Anytime you need a friend 345 00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:51,619 Thelma's husband Keith's got vodka hidden in the toilet. 346 00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:55,707 That's a good one. Doom-doom. (SINGING) James dies 347 00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:57,625 That's a two-parter. VICKIE: I'll allow it. 348 00:22:57,752 --> 00:23:00,336 J.J. works in the chicken shop. We did that. 349 00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:04,632 We did that in the same one where he has a cape on. Drink up, man. 350 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,469 I hate to see that happen to the rookie. Um... 351 00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:11,931 Alderman Davis judges a... Oh, my God. (DOOR OPENING) 352 00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:15,769 Hi. Are you a collection agent? 353 00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:17,854 Lelaina! 354 00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:22,317 Oh! Yeah! I'll be right there! 355 00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:29,574 Oh. If you ain't the most hardheaded woman 356 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,576 I have ever seen. Great. 357 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:34,329 Hurry up, hurry up. Oh! It's me! Willona dates a deaf guy. 358 00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:37,791 Good, good, good. How about the one where Gary Coleman comes on. 359 00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:40,376 He's, like, the little... That guy? 360 00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,589 We did that one. Go. It was cute. 361 00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:48,384 J.J.'s prom date. Gotta go, gotta go. BOTH: Hi. 362 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:51,471 Um, every... This is Michael. 363 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,556 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 364 00:23:53,933 --> 00:23:56,351 You got a prom date and a prom date... 365 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:59,020 VICKIE: Too late. Wait up. I'm gonna go. 366 00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:01,397 Bye. Michael throws a party. Sammy, let's go. 367 00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:05,151 Lelaina. You know the punishment for premature evacuation. 368 00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,196 MAN: Frank's party. Sammy Joe? 369 00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:11,950 Penny! Willona adopts Penny! Shit! 370 00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:14,119 (MUSIC PLAYING) 371 00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:17,080 I'm, uh, making this documentary about my friends, 372 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:20,875 but it's really about people who are trying to find their own identity 373 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,170 without having any real role models or heroes or anything. 374 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,800 Wow. That sounds great. I mean, it seems like 375 00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:32,303 your friends would be perfect for that, like that guy Troy? 376 00:24:32,388 --> 00:24:34,139 Troy, yeah. All done here, sir? 377 00:24:34,265 --> 00:24:36,599 Uh, yeah. You don't want to finish that? 378 00:24:36,684 --> 00:24:39,352 No, I'm fine. I had a late... 379 00:24:39,687 --> 00:24:42,981 So, uh, so Troy is... You guys just... It's like you guys living there, 380 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,275 just the two of you? No, no, no, no. It's... 381 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:49,946 It's me and Vickie, but he, uh, got fired from his job, 382 00:24:50,030 --> 00:24:52,574 so he needed a place to crash for a couple of weeks, so... 383 00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:58,454 They, um, caught him stealing a Snickers. He stole a Snickers bar? 384 00:24:58,831 --> 00:25:01,207 (LAUGHING) Yeah. (LAUGHING) 385 00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:04,210 Somehow, he can rationalize it, 386 00:25:04,378 --> 00:25:07,922 like the, uh, establishment owes him a Snickers. 387 00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:12,260 Right, right. Well, I mean, I guess, you know... 388 00:25:19,643 --> 00:25:21,811 You know, you're very beautiful. 389 00:25:23,814 --> 00:25:27,066 I mean... I mean, uh, seriously, you're... 390 00:25:29,278 --> 00:25:32,322 I'm, uh... I'm, uh, 391 00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:35,742 not really good with compliments. 392 00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:42,248 Um, but, uh, um... Are you religious? 393 00:25:45,002 --> 00:25:47,337 Um... (LAUGHING) 394 00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:49,964 I'm sorry. Uh... (LAUGHING) 395 00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:54,344 I guess, um... I guess I'm, uh, 396 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,512 a non-practicing Jew. 397 00:25:56,764 --> 00:25:59,057 Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin. 398 00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:05,730 (RADIO PLAYING) LELAINA: Who's this again? 399 00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:08,650 MICHAEL: Frampton. Peter Frampton? Frampton. 400 00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:11,527 I can't believe you don't remember Frampton Comes Alive. 401 00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:14,364 That album, like, totally changed my life. 402 00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:20,828 The most profound, important invention of my lifetime. 403 00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:24,415 The Big Gulp. Because, see, now listen. 404 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:29,379 You get one in the morning. I'm talking 44-ouncer, not this 32... 405 00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:32,298 Wait a minute. Forty-four? Yeah, 44 ounces. 406 00:26:32,383 --> 00:26:35,218 How can you ingest 44 ounces of anything? 407 00:26:35,344 --> 00:26:37,887 How can you ingest 44 ounces of anything? You get one, 408 00:26:37,972 --> 00:26:42,433 you have your essential vitamins and nutrients for the entire day. 409 00:26:42,851 --> 00:26:47,021 Oh, yeah, definitely. Sure, you're totally covered. You do. 410 00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:51,317 Well, I guess it doesn't really take much to make me happy. 411 00:26:51,694 --> 00:26:54,570 Hey, I'm not... I'm not materialistic either. 412 00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:58,324 I mean, I think I'd be working even if I wasn't getting paid. 413 00:26:58,409 --> 00:27:01,619 And I don't, like, want to get a big house and... 414 00:27:01,704 --> 00:27:04,622 I just want, like, a nice house. 415 00:27:04,832 --> 00:27:07,709 I'm not into cars and stuff. 416 00:27:08,085 --> 00:27:09,877 I mean, I like my car. 417 00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:12,588 You're probably not... Really not into, like, 418 00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:16,426 expensive, snazzy, Italian suits. 419 00:27:16,510 --> 00:27:18,386 Oh, come on. I'm just kidding. 420 00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:21,889 No, no, no. I'm not like that. I'm just kidding. 421 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:25,852 I mean, I mean... I'm... I mean... 422 00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:30,565 I know why the caged bird sings and everything. Oh, yeah? Why? 423 00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:34,902 Because he was in a cage, and he was... 424 00:27:35,237 --> 00:27:37,322 I don't know. He had high hopes or some... 425 00:27:37,406 --> 00:27:40,450 Okay, I dropped out of school before we got to that, all right? 426 00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:43,786 I should have stayed in college and gotten a degree in astronomy. 427 00:27:43,871 --> 00:27:46,080 God, I love astronomy. Really? 428 00:27:46,165 --> 00:27:48,458 Yeah, I just... The math, though. It was the math. 429 00:27:48,542 --> 00:27:52,170 Yeah, exactly. I loved astronomy, too, and I got in the class, 430 00:27:52,254 --> 00:27:54,297 and it was like everything was 431 00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:58,176 three squared times pi equals the root of... Pi! 432 00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:01,679 Pi. Yeah. And I just, like, wanted to look at the stars. 433 00:28:02,181 --> 00:28:04,599 Oh, same here. Exactly. It was so... 434 00:28:05,726 --> 00:28:10,605 I remember being so happy on the roof of our old house, just staring up at the stars. 435 00:28:10,731 --> 00:28:14,609 Mmm. I want to do that again. I want to just 436 00:28:14,943 --> 00:28:18,529 look up at the stars and take the time to 437 00:28:19,656 --> 00:28:22,909 smell the... Everything. 438 00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:29,332 'Cause it's like... Do you ever have those moments in life 439 00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:31,751 where everything is okay? 440 00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:35,713 Do you know what I mean? Like, just for one moment, everything is great? 441 00:28:35,798 --> 00:28:39,759 Not since I graduated. No. But yeah, yeah. 442 00:28:40,094 --> 00:28:43,262 When you, like, catch yourself in a moment, 443 00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:46,849 and you're saying, "Wait, wait, I'm happy here." Right, right. 444 00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:50,144 And then it just goes away, really quickly. Gone. 445 00:28:51,271 --> 00:28:52,897 I know I've had a couple of those. 446 00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:56,818 I always forget them, but I know I've had them. Oh, me, too. 447 00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:03,199 Like right now, this one. 448 00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:08,788 Yeah, like now. It's... 449 00:29:08,997 --> 00:29:11,124 Who decides 450 00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:16,212 Clouds are stalking islands in the sun 451 00:29:18,215 --> 00:29:20,675 Wish I could buy one 452 00:29:22,511 --> 00:29:24,512 Out of season 453 00:29:25,806 --> 00:29:27,181 But don't 454 00:29:28,809 --> 00:29:30,351 Hesitate 455 00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,813 'Cause your love 456 00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:39,444 Won't wait Hey 457 00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:43,281 Ooh, baby I love your way 458 00:29:43,365 --> 00:29:45,032 Every day 459 00:29:47,327 --> 00:29:51,706 Wanna tell you I love your way, ooh 460 00:29:55,002 --> 00:29:58,004 (GASPS) (SINGING) Ooh, baby, I love your way 461 00:29:58,297 --> 00:30:01,466 Every day I wanna be with you night and day 462 00:30:01,758 --> 00:30:04,343 Shh! So you been up all night? 463 00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:10,391 I am picking up some very strange vibes in here. 464 00:30:11,393 --> 00:30:15,062 They're of the "I just got laid" variety. 465 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:19,358 Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? 466 00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:22,695 Or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, 467 00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:25,239 Marky Mark that finally reeled you in? 468 00:30:26,116 --> 00:30:27,658 I would like to have been there 469 00:30:28,410 --> 00:30:33,206 to watch how you rationalized sleeping with a yuppie-head cheeseball on the first date. 470 00:30:33,415 --> 00:30:37,502 He's not a yuppie. He's the reason why CliffsNotes were invented. 471 00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:40,671 Well, that pales in comparison 472 00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:42,590 to the tweaked-out little skanks you date. 473 00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:46,886 To hell with it. What do I care? What do you care? 474 00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:50,473 Why are you acting like a jealous boyfriend all of a sudden? 475 00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:53,267 I am not acting like anything. 476 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,311 I am calmly reading. 477 00:30:57,731 --> 00:31:00,149 God. If something's bothering you, 478 00:31:00,234 --> 00:31:02,777 I wish you could be man enough to talk to me about it. 479 00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:06,280 All right, Lelaina. 480 00:31:19,503 --> 00:31:21,629 I am really in love with you. 481 00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:29,345 Is that what you want to hear? Is it? 482 00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:32,890 Well, don't flatter yourself. 483 00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:38,479 Go to hell. 484 00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:51,617 (MUSIC PLAYING) 485 00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:54,203 Since I've been manager here, 486 00:31:54,288 --> 00:31:58,499 our gross has increased over 20%, uh... 487 00:31:58,584 --> 00:32:00,459 LELAINA: So? What? 488 00:32:01,461 --> 00:32:05,298 Okay, okay. Um, I guess I'm proud of that. 489 00:32:05,382 --> 00:32:08,509 Ho, please. Look at this sweater. 490 00:32:08,844 --> 00:32:10,970 People don't know what it takes. 491 00:32:11,054 --> 00:32:14,807 I've never been a good example before, and, um, 492 00:32:15,559 --> 00:32:18,894 I've never been good with responsibility, so, uh... 493 00:32:18,979 --> 00:32:22,857 I blame my parents, though. I think I was conceived on an acid trip. 494 00:32:24,026 --> 00:32:26,569 My parents got divorced when I was, uh, 495 00:32:26,862 --> 00:32:28,404 five years old. 496 00:32:29,156 --> 00:32:32,617 And I saw my father about three times a year after that. 497 00:32:34,244 --> 00:32:38,623 And when he found out that he had cancer, he decided to bring me here, 498 00:32:38,707 --> 00:32:40,916 and he gives me this big, pink sea shell, 499 00:32:41,001 --> 00:32:45,171 and he says to me, "Son, the answers are all inside of this." 500 00:32:45,589 --> 00:32:49,550 And I'm all, like, "What?" But then I realize that the shell's empty. 501 00:32:49,926 --> 00:32:53,095 There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... 502 00:32:53,805 --> 00:32:58,017 A random lottery of meaningless tragedy in a series of near-escapes. 503 00:33:00,646 --> 00:33:03,773 So I take pleasure in the details. You know, uh, 504 00:33:04,775 --> 00:33:06,984 a Quarter Pounder with Cheese. 505 00:33:07,486 --> 00:33:08,944 Those are good. 506 00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:13,949 The sky about 10 minutes before it starts to rain. 507 00:33:15,661 --> 00:33:18,746 The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle. 508 00:33:20,290 --> 00:33:22,249 And I sit back, and I... 509 00:33:22,959 --> 00:33:25,086 I smoke my Camel straights. 510 00:33:27,881 --> 00:33:29,757 And I ride my own melt. 511 00:33:30,258 --> 00:33:32,301 Come on, come on. No laggin'. 512 00:33:32,386 --> 00:33:34,428 The free clinic AIDS test. 513 00:33:34,763 --> 00:33:37,181 The rite of passage for our generation. 514 00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:38,933 We're so lucky. Come on. 515 00:33:39,601 --> 00:33:43,145 LELAINA: So, Vick, why are you getting tested? 516 00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:46,649 One of my friends tested positive. 517 00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:50,903 Be on the safe side. You know. 518 00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:57,702 WOMAN: Vickie Miner. 519 00:34:02,332 --> 00:34:03,791 Vickie Miner? 520 00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:12,550 You can forget it. Come on, Grant. That is incredible. 521 00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:14,885 It's junk. Depressing junk. 522 00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:17,805 You know my rules for Video View, light and perky. 523 00:34:18,098 --> 00:34:22,351 Look, Lelaina, maybe I should talk with Grant alone about this. 524 00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:28,733 Look, she's got real talent, and I want to put her on staff. 525 00:34:28,817 --> 00:34:31,277 GRANT: I will not have Ms. Pierce on staff. 526 00:34:31,445 --> 00:34:34,321 I will walk out of here when that happens. You watch. 527 00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:39,785 Okay, calm down. I mean, it's no big deal. We don't have to have her. 528 00:34:39,953 --> 00:34:44,415 Having to look at that girl's pointy face all day would make me ill. 529 00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:48,002 Just get rid of her like I asked you in the first place. 530 00:34:48,837 --> 00:34:51,088 (INDISTINCT TAPE RECORDING) 531 00:34:51,590 --> 00:34:56,594 (WHISPERING) If I don't know where to go, I'll get there. 532 00:34:57,345 --> 00:34:59,889 If I don't know where to go, I'll get there. 533 00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:01,640 If I don't know... 534 00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:10,858 Ten seconds. Nine, eight, seven, 535 00:35:10,942 --> 00:35:14,361 six, five, four... ...saves you money! 536 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:16,822 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 537 00:35:17,574 --> 00:35:18,908 (APPLAUSE) 538 00:35:24,414 --> 00:35:26,373 Is this a good morning or what? 539 00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:28,626 GRANT: (LAUGHING) Well, 540 00:35:28,877 --> 00:35:32,421 with us today is Libby Cumba, author of this book. 541 00:35:32,547 --> 00:35:34,048 (GRANT READING) 542 00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:36,717 Self-esteem for Parent and Child. 543 00:35:37,177 --> 00:35:39,512 Good morning, Libby. Good morning, Grant. 544 00:35:39,596 --> 00:35:42,181 Good morning. Now, Libby, 545 00:35:42,599 --> 00:35:44,725 I'm concerned with self-esteem. 546 00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:49,563 Personally, I've always had an odd preference for very, very young girls. 547 00:35:52,818 --> 00:35:54,485 (STAMMERING) 548 00:35:54,903 --> 00:35:58,364 Uh, uh, being a total prick... 549 00:36:01,576 --> 00:36:04,537 ...ly pear, I, uh... 550 00:36:05,956 --> 00:36:08,499 Why don't we welcome this audience again, huh? 551 00:36:08,583 --> 00:36:10,084 Good morning! 552 00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:14,672 I make more of a mess than Ruby does. 553 00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:17,675 You guys, we have to have a family meeting. 554 00:36:17,801 --> 00:36:20,344 Something's happened. Oh, no! They've discovered NutraSweet 555 00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:22,221 causes you to grow a third eye. Oh, Jesus! 556 00:36:22,347 --> 00:36:25,599 Everything's gonna be fine. Just wear a patch. 557 00:36:25,725 --> 00:36:29,895 Working out a plan. There's a surgeon in Paris who'll just remove it... 558 00:36:30,063 --> 00:36:32,731 Just don't panic. It's not contagious. 559 00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:36,151 Would you shut up? I just got fired. (GASPS) 560 00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:39,446 Yeah. Oh, my god. What happened? 561 00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:41,490 SAMMY: You got fired? 562 00:36:42,075 --> 00:36:45,536 That just screws up my whole idea of good and evil and... 563 00:36:45,620 --> 00:36:48,414 It's not like I had a hysterectomy. You know, I got fired. 564 00:36:48,498 --> 00:36:50,708 I'll find something else, you know? 565 00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:54,545 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You're hired! 566 00:36:55,505 --> 00:36:57,423 I need a part-timer. You need a job. 567 00:36:57,507 --> 00:37:00,509 That will be so cool! It's only like $5 an hour, 568 00:37:00,594 --> 00:37:02,052 but it's a pretty good opportunity. 569 00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:04,430 Yeah, it's a dream come true. It is! 570 00:37:04,514 --> 00:37:07,391 You know, Vick, I'm working out a plan. 571 00:37:07,517 --> 00:37:11,562 Yeah? So what's the plan? I'm not gonna work at The Gap, for Christ's sake. 572 00:37:11,646 --> 00:37:12,771 Okay? 573 00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:18,819 No. I mean... Oh, no. I'm so sorry. 574 00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:22,489 Oh, how stupid of me to try to drag you down to my level. 575 00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:25,826 Vickie, you... Don't do this, okay? Shut up. 576 00:37:26,161 --> 00:37:29,496 Come on. This is just... You know I didn't mean it. 577 00:37:29,831 --> 00:37:30,998 Vickie! 578 00:37:35,128 --> 00:37:36,128 (MUSIC PLAYING) 579 00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:42,259 Burn, baby, burn 580 00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:46,889 Burn, baby, burn Disco inferno 581 00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:52,686 Burn, baby, burn Burn that mother down, y'all Burn, baby, burn 582 00:37:54,356 --> 00:37:57,775 You see, this is where Troy was fired from his 11 th job. 583 00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,735 He was an illustrious office cleaner. 584 00:37:59,861 --> 00:38:02,696 (LAUGHING) Now if you'll come this way, please, 585 00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:07,368 we will continue our short but happy walking tour of the career of Troy Dyer. 586 00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:10,871 And here we have the newsstand, 587 00:38:11,164 --> 00:38:13,707 where Troy dared to ask the question, 588 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,210 "Are employee snacks subsidized?" 589 00:38:17,337 --> 00:38:19,213 The answer, tragically, "No." 590 00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:22,299 In total, he has been fired 591 00:38:22,384 --> 00:38:25,177 from, yes, count them, 12 jobs. Twelve? 592 00:38:26,096 --> 00:38:28,180 Ouch. So you shouldn't feel so bad. 593 00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:31,016 One of these mornings I'm gonna wake up before noon... 594 00:38:31,267 --> 00:38:35,229 (LAUGHING) Yeah, right. ...I'm gonna turn on the TV, 595 00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:38,273 and there Bryant Gumbel will be, and he'll say, 596 00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:40,234 "Today we have with us 597 00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:44,154 "the Pulitzer Prize-winning documentarian Lelaina Pierce. 598 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:48,325 "Lelaina, after your first film, Why Barbie is Bad, 599 00:38:48,451 --> 00:38:51,245 (LAUGHING) "you seemed to have forgotten 600 00:38:51,329 --> 00:38:53,747 "all about your best friend, Troy Dyer." 601 00:38:54,416 --> 00:38:57,042 Troy who? What was that name again? 602 00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:59,753 Oh! Right through the heart. 603 00:39:00,422 --> 00:39:02,756 I'll probably be working at the Whole Foods, 604 00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:05,342 you know, playing warehouses, hanging around places like the Radio Shack, 605 00:39:05,427 --> 00:39:08,554 screaming that I used to know you, and you'll be there 606 00:39:08,722 --> 00:39:10,931 in the lights, and you'll be all beautiful and shit. 607 00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:14,268 Oh, Troy, no, no. That'll never happen. 608 00:39:14,728 --> 00:39:18,188 They would never hire you at Whole Foods. (LAUGHING) 609 00:39:19,441 --> 00:39:22,067 You see, Laney, this is all we need, 610 00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:25,529 a couple of smokes, a cup of coffee 611 00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:29,700 and a little bit of conversation. 612 00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:33,287 You and me and five bucks. You got it. 613 00:39:34,664 --> 00:39:36,749 You know what? Hmm? 614 00:39:43,798 --> 00:39:45,883 No, no. No. What? 615 00:39:46,176 --> 00:39:49,178 Troy, I can't. I can't. Why not? You never thought about it? 616 00:39:49,512 --> 00:39:52,639 Well, yes, of course I have, but I... But what? 617 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:54,892 I can't not be friends with you, okay? 618 00:39:54,976 --> 00:39:58,270 I don't want that. That's not what I'm talkin' about. I'm talkin' about a... 619 00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:02,357 You know, evolving. I just can't handle this right now. 620 00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:05,944 I can't evolve right now. Why not? 621 00:40:06,488 --> 00:40:08,363 Because of Michael? No! 622 00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:12,743 Yeah. Yes, yes. 623 00:40:25,340 --> 00:40:27,341 My parents got divorced when I was 14. 624 00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:29,843 My dad, my dad, 625 00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:33,680 he remarried six months after the divorce. 626 00:40:34,015 --> 00:40:37,684 VICKIE: That's quick. How did everybody react? Um... 627 00:40:38,394 --> 00:40:40,938 My mom threatened to kill herself in front of me. 628 00:40:41,022 --> 00:40:45,025 Patty got drunk in her closet every morning before junior high school. 629 00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,070 And you? Well, I, um... 630 00:40:49,322 --> 00:40:52,908 Somebody had to remember to take out the trash, 631 00:40:53,326 --> 00:40:55,244 sign the report cards, buy the milk, 632 00:40:55,328 --> 00:40:59,289 so, um, that kind of ended up being me. 633 00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:03,335 I don't want to get married, 'cause I see how my parents are, 634 00:41:03,419 --> 00:41:06,672 and they've been together like, um, 26 years, 635 00:41:07,173 --> 00:41:09,299 and they're like brother and sister at this point. 636 00:41:09,384 --> 00:41:12,553 My mother goes to the bathroom with the door open. 637 00:41:12,929 --> 00:41:16,181 That's "A." And "B," it's disgusting. 638 00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:18,976 I don't want any part of that. I want first kisses. 639 00:41:19,060 --> 00:41:21,395 I want passion the whole way through. 640 00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:25,774 It's better than havin' to kiss your husband's ass all the time. 641 00:41:26,276 --> 00:41:27,401 Yeah. 642 00:41:28,236 --> 00:41:32,239 I think that your documentary would be perfect for In Your Face. 643 00:41:33,533 --> 00:41:35,325 Forget it. You're probably thinking... No! 644 00:41:35,410 --> 00:41:39,496 ...more like, you know, PBS or something. No! No. 645 00:41:39,581 --> 00:41:43,250 I... You know what it is, though? It's that I... 646 00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:48,255 Boy, okay. When I made this thing, I kind of made this promise to myself 647 00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:50,549 that I wasn't gonna think about where it was gonna 648 00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:52,676 end up, 'cause I didn't wanna 649 00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:55,304 unintentionally commercialize it. 650 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,849 I think that's great. I think you should definitely not 651 00:41:58,933 --> 00:42:01,935 unintentionally do anything that you're not comfortable with. 652 00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:05,856 I mean, not that I would intentionally... Well, plus, it's not done yet. 653 00:42:05,940 --> 00:42:08,525 Right. I know. It was just a stupid... 654 00:42:08,610 --> 00:42:11,236 You know, I gotta go to New York on Wednesday 655 00:42:11,321 --> 00:42:14,198 for this huge network meeting thing, 656 00:42:14,282 --> 00:42:16,950 which is totally... God, you would hate it. 657 00:42:17,452 --> 00:42:21,371 I hate it. I just thought that they would freak out over your tapes, 658 00:42:21,456 --> 00:42:23,749 'cause they never see anything that's really smart 659 00:42:23,833 --> 00:42:26,752 and has real, you know, quality 660 00:42:26,836 --> 00:42:30,422 and is good, like you and your work, 661 00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:33,675 and I know I'm being selfish. 662 00:42:34,636 --> 00:42:36,637 Michael? Um, 663 00:42:37,639 --> 00:42:41,350 that is literally, literally, 664 00:42:41,434 --> 00:42:44,811 the nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me. 665 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,233 The sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me. 666 00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:59,868 So what are you doing for the rest of your morning? 667 00:42:59,953 --> 00:43:02,996 Well, um... What am I doing? What am I doing? 668 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,375 Oh, well, I have a job interview. 669 00:43:06,584 --> 00:43:09,920 Lelaina, this thing is from 1988. I know. 670 00:43:10,171 --> 00:43:13,340 So you're, like, six years late. 671 00:43:21,266 --> 00:43:25,394 I thought the ad said that this was a job for a production assistant. 672 00:43:25,853 --> 00:43:29,147 Yes, you will be assisting me 673 00:43:29,899 --> 00:43:33,360 in the production of videotapes, all right? 674 00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:36,697 You're gonna make copies for me. Many copies. 675 00:43:38,241 --> 00:43:42,911 Oh, is this like a... Like a pirate operation? 676 00:43:44,372 --> 00:43:46,581 Do I look like a pirate to you? 677 00:43:48,918 --> 00:43:51,169 Radio is all instinct, Lelaina. 678 00:43:51,546 --> 00:43:53,755 Do you know where all radio comes from? 679 00:43:54,007 --> 00:43:56,216 The gut. It's all in the gut. 680 00:43:57,010 --> 00:43:59,386 'Cause when you think on your feet, gotta go from your gut, 681 00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:02,556 and my gut is telling me that, uh, 682 00:44:02,932 --> 00:44:06,810 this isn't gonna work out. Maybe your gut's just saying you're hungry or... 683 00:44:06,894 --> 00:44:09,813 Oh, no, no, no. It's telling me that, uh, 684 00:44:10,565 --> 00:44:13,191 you're overqualified for this job. 685 00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:15,694 I'm really not that smart. 686 00:44:18,156 --> 00:44:21,116 No offense, sweetie, but you don't have any experience on a newspaper. 687 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:22,326 You're TV. 688 00:44:22,410 --> 00:44:25,829 I'm trying to make my transition to print journalism. 689 00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:31,043 Ah. Why? Well, newspapers are the last watchdogs of our government. 690 00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:34,379 They enforce the checks and balances, and a half hour of TV only adds up to one... 691 00:44:34,464 --> 00:44:38,175 Okay. All right. Define "irony." 692 00:44:39,594 --> 00:44:41,762 Irony, uh... Irony. 693 00:44:42,847 --> 00:44:47,184 It's a noun. It's, uh, when something is ironic. 694 00:44:48,311 --> 00:44:52,272 Well, I can't, uh, really define irony, but I know when I see it. 695 00:45:15,588 --> 00:45:17,172 Hey. Hey. 696 00:45:18,049 --> 00:45:22,010 Oh, my God. I've never been so glad to see anyone in my entire life. 697 00:45:22,261 --> 00:45:25,806 This day has been the biggest nightmare. These job interviews, Troy? 698 00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:29,184 The word "vivisection," a staggering understatement. 699 00:45:29,602 --> 00:45:31,728 I mean, can you define "irony"? 700 00:45:31,813 --> 00:45:35,399 It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning. 701 00:45:37,860 --> 00:45:39,236 Oh, my God. 702 00:45:40,071 --> 00:45:44,825 Where were you when I needed you today? Uh, I should go. 703 00:45:45,118 --> 00:45:50,622 Oh, come on. Isn't there some statute of limitations for embarrassing incidents? 704 00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:55,669 Your bravado is embarrassing. 705 00:45:59,132 --> 00:46:01,007 Hey, Troy. 706 00:46:02,009 --> 00:46:04,052 Come on. You can stay with me for one cigarette. 707 00:46:04,470 --> 00:46:06,805 I know you can stay with me for one cigarette. 708 00:46:07,140 --> 00:46:09,850 You and me? Five bucks? Good conversation? 709 00:46:10,852 --> 00:46:12,018 Right? 710 00:46:14,188 --> 00:46:15,355 Laney. 711 00:46:17,692 --> 00:46:20,402 Troy, you haven't been home in four days. 712 00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:22,904 Where have you been sleepin'? 713 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:27,576 I gotta go. 714 00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,917 (CLOCK TICKING) Mom, I need to 715 00:46:36,002 --> 00:46:37,961 talk to you about a loan. 716 00:46:43,801 --> 00:46:45,385 Is it for drugs? 717 00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:52,184 No. No, it's not for drugs. I was... I lost my job. 718 00:46:54,020 --> 00:46:57,147 But you shouldn't have any trouble findin' another job, sugar booger. 719 00:46:57,231 --> 00:47:01,818 No, see, I tried. I applied for every single opening in my field, but there's... 720 00:47:01,903 --> 00:47:04,571 There's nothing right now. 721 00:47:05,698 --> 00:47:09,075 Mmm, well. I hate to say it, 722 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,369 but times are hard. 723 00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:14,748 You're just gonna have to swallow your pride. 724 00:47:15,583 --> 00:47:18,376 Why don't you get a job at Burgerama? They'll hire you. 725 00:47:18,586 --> 00:47:20,378 My Lord, I saw on TV 726 00:47:20,463 --> 00:47:24,174 they had this little retarded boy workin' the cash register. 727 00:47:24,759 --> 00:47:27,052 Because I'm not retarded, Mom. 728 00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:30,639 I was valedictorian of my university. 729 00:47:31,766 --> 00:47:35,101 Well, you don't have to put that down on your application. 730 00:47:35,394 --> 00:47:37,145 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 731 00:47:42,610 --> 00:47:47,322 Ms. Pierce, do you have any idea what it means to be a cashier at Wienerschnitzel? 732 00:47:47,782 --> 00:47:51,576 Yeah, it's taking orders and making change and, uh, 733 00:47:51,911 --> 00:47:54,621 taking... No. It's a juggling act. 734 00:47:55,498 --> 00:47:58,542 A juggling act. You mean, like, metaphorically? 735 00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:02,254 No. I mean you got people comin' at you from the front, 736 00:48:02,421 --> 00:48:06,758 comin' at you from the back, from the sides, people at the condiment exchange, 737 00:48:06,926 --> 00:48:09,761 people at the drive-thru, kids on bikes, 738 00:48:09,929 --> 00:48:12,889 and they're all depending on who? Me? 739 00:48:13,057 --> 00:48:16,601 Yeah. You got time to lean, you got time to clean, buddy. 740 00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:20,855 You gotta be 150% on your toes, 150% of the time. 741 00:48:21,190 --> 00:48:25,777 There you go, sir, and have a 'tude, Wienerdude. All righty. 742 00:48:26,404 --> 00:48:28,947 Okay, I'm gonna throw a few numbers out at you. 743 00:48:29,031 --> 00:48:31,575 You put 'em together in your head as quick as you can. 744 00:48:31,951 --> 00:48:34,744 Okay. 85 and 45. Go. 745 00:48:35,538 --> 00:48:37,414 140. Nope. 746 00:48:37,582 --> 00:48:39,708 150. Nope. 747 00:48:39,875 --> 00:48:42,210 160. It's not an auction. 748 00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:46,548 Ms. Pierce, there's a reason I've been here six months. 749 00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:07,944 ...for the entire summertime occurring in one day. 750 00:49:08,112 --> 00:49:10,447 Then last night we had snow reports in Utah. 751 00:49:10,615 --> 00:49:12,824 Today reports of I-70 shut due to the snowfall. 752 00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:14,701 Now that very strong jet stream... 753 00:49:15,661 --> 00:49:18,455 Royalton Hotel. Is this the Royalton Hotel? 754 00:49:18,539 --> 00:49:20,999 That's what I said. Sorry. I didn't hear you. 755 00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:24,294 I'm looking for a guest there. His name's Michael Grates? 756 00:49:24,378 --> 00:49:25,712 Hold one moment, please. 757 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,882 (AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) 758 00:49:29,050 --> 00:49:31,885 OPERATOR: That guest is out. Would you like to leave a message? 759 00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:35,388 Oh, no, that's okay. I'll just try again later. Thanks. 760 00:49:38,476 --> 00:49:40,310 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 761 00:49:41,354 --> 00:49:45,398 Hi, I'm Cheryl Goode, and welcome to Wedgie, The World of Hip Couture. 762 00:49:45,775 --> 00:49:47,942 This week we're in South Central Los Angeles 763 00:49:48,027 --> 00:49:52,238 at the intersection of Florence and Normandie, the flash point of fashion. 764 00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:55,033 The faddest gangsta trend will increase your piece. 765 00:49:55,201 --> 00:50:00,580 This bandana by Donna Karan is blue for Crips, red for Bloods and only costs $75. 766 00:50:00,748 --> 00:50:02,999 Ooh, hit me hoppin' in a lifelike limbo 767 00:50:03,167 --> 00:50:05,335 Lookin' out of a smudged-up window 768 00:50:05,461 --> 00:50:07,504 We're not sure where our lives are goin' 769 00:50:07,588 --> 00:50:09,589 Crazy sucker outside begins a slow leak 770 00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:11,675 Don't know where our next dollar's comin' from 771 00:50:11,842 --> 00:50:13,760 Livin' the life of a poor musician 772 00:50:14,095 --> 00:50:17,806 Hairline's gone so he keeps his nine-to-five Grubby, grubby... 773 00:50:17,890 --> 00:50:19,974 (HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING) 774 00:50:30,695 --> 00:50:32,904 Laney, have you seen a pack of guitar strings? 775 00:50:32,988 --> 00:50:36,032 I have to bring them to the club. I hope he knows 776 00:50:36,117 --> 00:50:39,160 that he still has to pay some rent around here. 777 00:50:41,539 --> 00:50:45,291 I don't know where he thinks he's spending his nights, but... 778 00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:47,419 Do you know? 779 00:50:49,839 --> 00:50:53,091 I'm late for a jean-folding seminar. Let's locomote. 780 00:50:59,682 --> 00:51:03,852 Now you can call your own personal psychic anytime, 24 hours a day. 781 00:51:04,019 --> 00:51:06,980 Thanks to the nationwide Psychic Discovery network, 782 00:51:07,231 --> 00:51:10,817 you can pick up the phone and talk directly with a professional psychic 783 00:51:10,901 --> 00:51:12,569 in the privacy of your own home. 784 00:51:12,653 --> 00:51:17,031 I was unhappy in my career, and I needed a change, but I didn't know what to do. 785 00:51:17,658 --> 00:51:20,034 I called the Psychic Discovery Network... Nothing is going down 786 00:51:20,119 --> 00:51:22,662 according to plan. WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Mm-hmm. 787 00:51:22,747 --> 00:51:24,664 I mean, my best friend? 788 00:51:25,166 --> 00:51:27,834 I feel like I've lost him forever, 789 00:51:28,461 --> 00:51:31,337 and he was, like, my touchstone, you know? 790 00:51:32,047 --> 00:51:35,258 WOMAN: This man, does his name start with the letter "N"? 791 00:51:35,342 --> 00:51:39,262 Because I'm getting a very strong "N" vibration. 792 00:51:40,306 --> 00:51:44,017 Newsstand! "N," newsstand. He used to work at a newsstand. 793 00:51:44,101 --> 00:51:47,771 Uh-huh. Oh, God, this is unbelievable. 794 00:51:47,855 --> 00:51:50,356 Honey, that's not all I'm getting. 795 00:51:50,691 --> 00:51:53,359 I mean, there are people I know from high school, 796 00:51:53,444 --> 00:51:56,446 who are already married and having babies. 797 00:51:57,156 --> 00:52:00,158 (LAUGHING) I mean, babies, okay? 798 00:52:00,409 --> 00:52:02,702 I can't even take care of a Chia Pet. 799 00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:06,080 Honey, I didn't have kids until I was on my third husband. 800 00:52:06,248 --> 00:52:08,792 Oh, really? All Geminis. 801 00:52:11,003 --> 00:52:13,338 You know what I think, Denell? 802 00:52:14,632 --> 00:52:17,008 I think you still really love Monte. 803 00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:20,220 Yeah, you're probably right, but it don't matter now. 804 00:52:20,304 --> 00:52:22,263 Oh, yes, it does, Denell. 805 00:52:22,431 --> 00:52:24,265 I know you're afraid, 806 00:52:25,309 --> 00:52:29,312 but you gotta find him, and you've gotta tell him how you really feel. 807 00:52:29,396 --> 00:52:31,940 Find him? I've got five... 808 00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:36,069 Lelaina, we need to talk to you. 809 00:52:39,406 --> 00:52:41,741 Hold on, Denell. Mmm. Hold on. 810 00:52:41,909 --> 00:52:43,743 I'm on the phone. Yeah. 811 00:52:44,078 --> 00:52:47,872 I can see that. And we have a $406 phone bill, 812 00:52:48,457 --> 00:52:51,501 mainly due to some calls to a 1-900 number. 813 00:52:51,585 --> 00:52:54,420 Lelaina, I'm sensing you're in some trouble. 814 00:52:54,505 --> 00:52:56,297 We'd help you out, but we're broke, too, 815 00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:59,759 and we can't afford a new deposit if the phone gets shut off. 816 00:53:00,636 --> 00:53:02,053 (WHISPERING) 817 00:53:03,264 --> 00:53:05,974 Maybe you could, uh, borrow the money from Michael. 818 00:53:06,267 --> 00:53:08,977 Ohh, no, Sammy. Jesus. 819 00:53:09,186 --> 00:53:13,273 Laney, what are you doing? You lay on that couch all day. 820 00:53:13,399 --> 00:53:17,318 Those pajamas are like a uniform. You run up a $400 phone bill. 821 00:53:17,611 --> 00:53:21,114 You watch TV. You chain smoke. You don't go outside. 822 00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:23,700 Man, you are in the bell jar. 823 00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:27,996 Look, this is my apartment. 824 00:53:28,289 --> 00:53:32,625 I signed the lease. I let you move in here when you had no job, 825 00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:36,504 no money, and you sponged off me for two months. Yeah. Sponged? 826 00:53:36,630 --> 00:53:39,340 And now Miss Big Power Monger goes, "I'm manager of The Gap." 827 00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:43,636 You think you can just come in here and push me around? She's not bein' pushy. 828 00:53:43,804 --> 00:53:46,973 Sammy, what are you even doing here? You don't live here. 829 00:53:47,057 --> 00:53:52,478 Hey, my little unemployed waif, you're the one who's lookin' for work now, okay? 830 00:53:53,314 --> 00:53:55,607 You're really enjoying this, aren't you? 831 00:53:55,691 --> 00:53:59,944 You're high. Why don't you go take a walk outside and get some fresh air? 832 00:54:01,030 --> 00:54:03,531 You've been waiting for this since the day we met. 833 00:54:03,616 --> 00:54:06,034 Who told you that? Your psychic partner? 834 00:54:10,331 --> 00:54:13,791 I'll tell you the problem with your generation. You don't have any work ethic. 835 00:54:14,126 --> 00:54:16,210 Take your friend, Troy, for example. 836 00:54:16,295 --> 00:54:21,049 I went out of my way to set up an interview for him and he didn't even show up. 837 00:54:21,759 --> 00:54:25,720 That wasn't his fault. He asked me to call and cancel. 838 00:54:25,971 --> 00:54:29,098 Everything was going on and it slipped my mind. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 839 00:54:29,224 --> 00:54:33,269 I'm sorry. But I have a work ethic, Dad. Good. Good. 840 00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:38,441 Ask anyone. All you got to do is show some ingenuity, hmm? 841 00:54:38,984 --> 00:54:40,944 Darlin', I love you and I hate to break your plate, 842 00:54:41,028 --> 00:54:42,862 but you gotta grow up sometime. 843 00:54:42,947 --> 00:54:46,574 Now, I want you to go out there and show me some ingenuity. 844 00:54:53,457 --> 00:54:55,208 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 845 00:54:57,586 --> 00:54:59,212 Ow-w-w 846 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,510 Let me talk with you, my baby 847 00:55:05,636 --> 00:55:07,637 It is fair to say that maybe 848 00:55:07,721 --> 00:55:13,768 It is time for you to say we need to share a point of view 849 00:55:13,936 --> 00:55:17,647 Livin' in the never never Droppin' out of it together 850 00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:22,193 I could spend some time forever with a girl like you 851 00:55:22,361 --> 00:55:25,405 Let me hear you say yeah Let's go 852 00:55:25,572 --> 00:55:27,824 Ooo-Ooo-Ooo-Ooo 853 00:55:27,992 --> 00:55:33,246 You want to turn it in Turn it into heaven, yeah 854 00:55:33,414 --> 00:55:37,917 Let's go Ooo-Ooo-Ooo-Ooo 855 00:55:38,085 --> 00:55:42,088 You want to turn it in Turn it into heaven 856 00:55:42,256 --> 00:55:45,925 Right here on earth (HORN HONKING, TIRES SCREECHING) 857 00:55:46,093 --> 00:55:48,803 Lookin' for tomorrow 858 00:55:50,973 --> 00:55:53,433 Can you see us one day 859 00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:58,730 Beg or steal or borrow 860 00:56:00,983 --> 00:56:03,276 We could live forever 861 00:56:06,447 --> 00:56:08,448 Never to say never 862 00:56:09,158 --> 00:56:13,786 You will be for me I will fight for you, yeah 863 00:56:13,954 --> 00:56:17,749 Let's go Ooo-Ooo-Ooo-Ooo 864 00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:23,629 You want to turn it in Turn it into heaven, yeah 865 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:29,969 Well, that solves our first problem. Rent's due this week. 866 00:56:30,471 --> 00:56:32,013 (SIGHING) 867 00:56:34,141 --> 00:56:38,644 Well, well. Look who finally decided to grace us with his... 868 00:56:40,773 --> 00:56:41,814 Presence. 869 00:56:41,899 --> 00:56:45,193 This is, uh... This is, uh, Jean. Janine. 870 00:56:46,570 --> 00:56:48,571 Uh, Janine, Janine. It was... 871 00:56:48,655 --> 00:56:50,448 (CHUCKLES) It was a little loud in the club. 872 00:56:50,532 --> 00:56:51,908 Excuse me. 873 00:56:53,494 --> 00:56:56,996 Can't stay here, Troy. I'm just gonna pick something up. 874 00:56:57,372 --> 00:57:01,834 Well, mission accomplished. Now leave. 875 00:57:02,169 --> 00:57:03,419 I think maybe I'm gonna wait... 876 00:57:03,504 --> 00:57:06,672 Always the mistress of etiquette, you know, Laney? 877 00:57:07,508 --> 00:57:10,718 Why are you suddenly acting like a jealous girlfriend? 878 00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:14,847 We're just trying to pay bills here. So, Troy, if you got any money... 879 00:57:14,932 --> 00:57:18,601 Money? Oh, but what's money to an artist? 880 00:57:18,936 --> 00:57:20,895 To a philosopher? It's just, uh, 881 00:57:21,146 --> 00:57:24,774 green-colored paper that floats in and out of his life like snow. 882 00:57:24,858 --> 00:57:27,902 It's nothing you actually have to, I don't know, work for, is it, Troy? 883 00:57:28,070 --> 00:57:31,531 Not if you have Daddy's little gas card. You shut up! 884 00:57:31,698 --> 00:57:36,702 You shut up! I busted my ass to find a job. You don't even show up for interviews. 885 00:57:36,912 --> 00:57:39,872 What is it that you want from me? You want me to get a job on the line, 886 00:57:39,998 --> 00:57:44,293 until I'm granted leave with my gold-plated watch and my balls full of tumors, 887 00:57:44,378 --> 00:57:46,796 'cause I surrendered the one thing that means shit to me? 888 00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:50,716 You can exhale, 'cause it's not gonna happen in this lifetime. 889 00:57:51,885 --> 00:57:56,180 All right, fine. You don't want to work? Fine. Laney, goddamn it! 890 00:57:56,265 --> 00:58:00,810 Be in a goddamn band! Rehearse every day! Play three times a night! 891 00:58:00,978 --> 00:58:05,064 Don't just dick around the same coffeehouse for five years. 892 00:58:05,232 --> 00:58:08,025 Don't dick around with her. Or with me. 893 00:58:08,443 --> 00:58:12,029 Try at something for once in your life. Do something about it. But you know what? 894 00:58:12,114 --> 00:58:14,824 You better do it now and better do it fast, 895 00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:16,909 because the world doesn't owe you any favors. 896 00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,161 And whether you know it or not, 897 00:58:18,245 --> 00:58:20,705 you're on the inside track to Loserville, USA, 898 00:58:21,373 --> 00:58:22,915 just like him. 899 00:58:33,302 --> 00:58:36,179 Okay, it's just too psychotic in here now. 900 00:58:36,305 --> 00:58:39,557 Lelaina, let's go for a walk. Fine. 901 00:58:41,435 --> 00:58:43,686 SAMMY: Come on, man, let 'em go. 902 00:58:47,149 --> 00:58:49,901 With pleasure, my friends, with pleasure. 903 00:58:50,652 --> 00:58:53,613 "With pleasure." I really feel sorry for that poor girl. 904 00:58:53,739 --> 00:58:56,782 How about when he sneaks his laundry in with ours? (STOMPS) 905 00:58:56,909 --> 00:59:01,287 I'm pullin' stuff out of the dryer and there's five pairs of his boxers I've washed. 906 00:59:01,622 --> 00:59:05,041 I'll just throw it back in his face. I'm gonna do his laundry. Yeah! 907 00:59:05,292 --> 00:59:09,879 He's weird, he's strange, he's sloppy, he's a total nightmare for women. 908 00:59:09,963 --> 00:59:12,965 I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet. 909 00:59:14,301 --> 00:59:16,385 Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? (CHUCKLES) 910 00:59:16,637 --> 00:59:19,305 Don't you think it would be so much easier? 911 00:59:21,141 --> 00:59:25,436 Sometimes. But, aah, I couldn't go through with it. 912 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,855 I'd start laughing or something. 913 00:59:29,274 --> 00:59:32,652 It's such a shame. I am so through with men. 914 00:59:33,278 --> 00:59:36,822 If one more guy walks out on me, I don't even know what. I swear. 915 00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:40,952 What are you talking about? Walk out on you? You walk out on them. 916 00:59:41,161 --> 00:59:44,330 I've seen you. You're out the door before the condom comes off. 917 00:59:44,998 --> 00:59:47,750 Listen to me, I'm just beating them to the punch. 918 00:59:48,168 --> 00:59:49,252 Okay. 919 00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:54,632 You don't even know. I'm sitting here 920 00:59:55,342 --> 00:59:59,762 maybe... Probably dying of AIDS. 921 01:00:06,895 --> 01:00:08,896 And I am totally alone. 922 01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:15,569 Vickie. 923 01:00:19,574 --> 01:00:21,242 You're not alone. 924 01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:26,706 Hey. Look, I'm sorry for everything I said. 925 01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:29,709 And I'm sorry for being such a bitch, 926 01:00:30,419 --> 01:00:33,212 but I have to tell you you're not alone. 927 01:00:33,505 --> 01:00:36,173 You're not. And you're not dying of AIDS. 928 01:00:36,550 --> 01:00:41,470 You don't understand. Every day, all day, it's all that I think about, okay? 929 01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:46,058 Every time I sneeze, it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice. 930 01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:51,397 It's not even happening to me. It's like I'm watching it on Melrose Place. 931 01:00:51,523 --> 01:00:55,276 And I'm the new character. The HIV-AIDS character and I live in the building. 932 01:00:55,402 --> 01:00:58,738 I teach everybody it's okay to be near me, it's okay to talk to me. 933 01:00:59,072 --> 01:01:00,656 And then I die. 934 01:01:01,033 --> 01:01:03,993 There's everybody at my funeral wearing halter tops and chokers 935 01:01:04,077 --> 01:01:06,078 or some shit like that. 936 01:01:06,330 --> 01:01:09,040 (LAUGHING) Vickie, stop, okay? Just stop. 937 01:01:09,374 --> 01:01:13,294 You're freaking out. And you know what? You're gonna have to deal with the results. 938 01:01:13,378 --> 01:01:16,964 We're gonna have to deal with them just like we've dealt with everything else. 939 01:01:17,049 --> 01:01:19,175 This isn't like everything else. I know that. 940 01:01:20,177 --> 01:01:22,762 All right? But it's gonna be okay. 941 01:01:23,263 --> 01:01:25,765 You know? I know it's gonna be okay. 942 01:01:30,437 --> 01:01:32,938 Melrose Place is a really good show. 943 01:01:37,110 --> 01:01:38,569 (LAUGHING) 944 01:01:41,782 --> 01:01:43,949 WOMAN OVER PA: Lelaina Pierce. 945 01:01:45,452 --> 01:01:48,162 Is there a Lelaina Pierce here? 946 01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:54,794 Yeah. (LAUGHING) 947 01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:00,966 Hello. MICHAEL: Lelaina? 948 01:02:01,009 --> 01:02:03,969 (CHUCKLING) Hi! I had to call you right away. 949 01:02:04,096 --> 01:02:06,263 Listen, don't kill me, okay? What? What? 950 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,308 I took the tape and I showed it. No! 951 01:02:10,018 --> 01:02:14,021 Wait, wait. Listen. They freaked out. They want to buy them. 952 01:02:14,272 --> 01:02:15,815 No. Yes! 953 01:02:16,817 --> 01:02:20,319 They liked it? No, they like psychotically loved it. 954 01:02:20,404 --> 01:02:22,863 They wanna pay you for it. (LAUGHS) 955 01:02:22,948 --> 01:02:25,449 I know this isn't PBS, but is this okay? Yes! 956 01:02:25,534 --> 01:02:29,412 I was this close to selling fruit at intersections! Well, don't, all right? 957 01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:33,624 Just hang on. I'm gonna get you some money. I'm gonna be down there in a few days. 958 01:02:33,792 --> 01:02:37,586 I'm thinkin' about you every second. Hello? (INDISTINCT MALE VOICE) 959 01:02:37,754 --> 01:02:40,714 Hello! Hello, hello! Hello? Can you hear me now? 960 01:02:41,508 --> 01:02:44,009 Where are you? I'm in a phone booth. 961 01:02:44,428 --> 01:02:46,512 Why are you on a cellular phone? 962 01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:48,848 I don't know. I have no idea. 963 01:02:48,932 --> 01:02:52,268 Michael, Michael, Michael! I really miss you! 964 01:02:52,436 --> 01:02:54,687 I really miss you, too. I love you. I... Oh, whoa! 965 01:02:55,188 --> 01:02:57,773 I mean, I mean, you amaze me! 966 01:02:57,858 --> 01:03:01,277 No, you amaze me! (INDISTINCT VOICE RETURNS) 967 01:03:01,445 --> 01:03:04,738 Hello, can you hear me? No, Michael, I'm losing you. 968 01:03:05,532 --> 01:03:07,783 I'm gonna call you back. Wait. What? 969 01:03:07,868 --> 01:03:09,743 (CLICKING, DIAL TONE) 970 01:03:12,456 --> 01:03:15,332 Pay phone outside always amazes me. 971 01:03:17,002 --> 01:03:18,043 Hey. 972 01:03:19,588 --> 01:03:21,255 Try me. I'm free. 973 01:03:22,549 --> 01:03:25,509 (CHUCKLING) Good mag, good mag. 974 01:03:28,221 --> 01:03:29,847 Negatory. Yeah! 975 01:03:29,973 --> 01:03:31,765 (LELAINA SCREAMING) 976 01:03:32,058 --> 01:03:35,436 Do ya hear that? Negative! Here, let me see that. 977 01:03:37,439 --> 01:03:41,400 SAMMY: Hey, hey! All righty. Whoo! Thanks for coming. 978 01:03:41,568 --> 01:03:46,405 A celebration zoom. Let's get some ice cream. Okay, enough. 979 01:03:46,573 --> 01:03:48,574 Ma! I'm right here, son. 980 01:03:48,867 --> 01:03:50,242 Ma. Yeah? 981 01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:54,455 I have to tell you something. 982 01:03:55,540 --> 01:03:59,251 (STAMMERING) I am a homosexual. 983 01:04:01,129 --> 01:04:02,671 Oh, Christ. 984 01:04:04,007 --> 01:04:09,345 Is there a support group I can join to come to terms with my own homophobia? 985 01:04:09,513 --> 01:04:14,058 Yes, there is. A group which is named P-FLAG, 986 01:04:14,226 --> 01:04:18,354 Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. 987 01:04:19,814 --> 01:04:21,524 Oh. Oh. 988 01:04:22,150 --> 01:04:25,819 P'flag. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. 989 01:04:28,823 --> 01:04:31,825 What you've just witnessed here is a pre-enactment of events 990 01:04:31,910 --> 01:04:34,119 that are about to take place. 991 01:04:36,122 --> 01:04:37,331 Well... 992 01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:40,668 I came out to her. 993 01:04:43,004 --> 01:04:46,465 She's still a little bit upset. 994 01:04:48,009 --> 01:04:49,468 But you know, 995 01:04:50,887 --> 01:04:54,974 you know, the real reason that I've been celibate for so long 996 01:04:55,141 --> 01:04:58,727 isn't really because I'm that terrified of the big "A." 997 01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:01,480 But because I can't really start my life 998 01:05:01,565 --> 01:05:03,983 without being honest about who I am. 999 01:05:04,109 --> 01:05:07,069 And... (CLICKING, TAPE FAST-FORWARDING) 1000 01:05:07,153 --> 01:05:10,489 I wanna be in there, too. I wanna feel miserable 1001 01:05:10,657 --> 01:05:13,659 and happy and all of that. 1002 01:05:13,827 --> 01:05:16,161 I mean, I... I wanna... 1003 01:05:19,833 --> 01:05:22,167 I wanna be let back in the house. 1004 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:32,428 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 1005 01:05:32,637 --> 01:05:33,762 Hello? 1006 01:05:34,973 --> 01:05:36,098 Oh, hi. 1007 01:05:36,725 --> 01:05:39,602 Um, sorry. Just... 1008 01:05:40,020 --> 01:05:42,855 Door was... So I just, uh... 1009 01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:46,650 Yeah. She's getting dressed. 1010 01:05:59,831 --> 01:06:01,206 I'll just... 1011 01:06:10,050 --> 01:06:15,012 I don't know if she told you, I just came back from New York with the tapes that she made. 1012 01:06:15,096 --> 01:06:18,599 And the stuff with you, that's really great stuff. 1013 01:06:19,059 --> 01:06:23,479 That whole thing about, uh, nobody can eat all the eggs? 1014 01:06:23,647 --> 01:06:26,398 That was... That was really... 1015 01:06:26,983 --> 01:06:29,151 I was quoting Cool Hand Luke. 1016 01:06:30,779 --> 01:06:36,241 Yeah, that's okay. I mean, that's... I know. I mean, still, it's... 1017 01:06:37,619 --> 01:06:38,661 Hi. 1018 01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:41,747 Hi. Hi. 1019 01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:45,209 What happened to your normal clothes? 1020 01:06:45,335 --> 01:06:48,253 Wow. Where'd you get that dress? 1021 01:06:49,089 --> 01:06:52,049 Oh, um, I don't know. I just bought it. 1022 01:06:52,717 --> 01:06:54,259 But I think I'm gonna change... 1023 01:06:54,386 --> 01:06:56,387 No, don't. You look beautiful. 1024 01:06:56,513 --> 01:06:59,973 You look like... You look like... A doily. 1025 01:07:04,104 --> 01:07:06,355 I'm gonna change. No, don't change. 1026 01:07:06,439 --> 01:07:08,357 And don't go thinkin' for yourself either, Laney. 1027 01:07:09,484 --> 01:07:12,444 What is your glitch, huh? My glitch? 1028 01:07:13,780 --> 01:07:15,864 You know what? We're already late. 1029 01:07:15,949 --> 01:07:18,492 No, no. Hang on a second here. Ohh! 1030 01:07:18,576 --> 01:07:22,162 Do you have a problem with me or something? 'Cause if you do, let's get this out. 1031 01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:24,498 Seriously. Is there like... I mean, have I like, uh, 1032 01:07:24,666 --> 01:07:27,710 stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? 1033 01:07:27,877 --> 01:07:31,630 Excuse me, if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake. Come on, this is... 1034 01:07:31,798 --> 01:07:37,386 There's no secret handshake. There's an IQ prerequisite, but no secret handshake. 1035 01:07:39,305 --> 01:07:41,515 I... This is... You, no... Come on. 1036 01:07:41,641 --> 01:07:45,018 You've got this whole thing with the world. This is really... 1037 01:07:45,186 --> 01:07:47,521 That's really wonderful. This is really stupid. 1038 01:07:47,689 --> 01:07:50,190 But guess what? I'm a human being. We're human beings, people. 1039 01:07:50,275 --> 01:07:52,276 You know? We're not like, uh, 1040 01:07:52,485 --> 01:07:55,738 intelligence, uh, quotations, or whatever. Just ignore him. 1041 01:07:56,072 --> 01:07:57,322 No! Done. 1042 01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:03,412 Come on, let's go. You don't need this. 1043 01:08:03,496 --> 01:08:04,913 You don't know what she needs. 1044 01:08:07,292 --> 01:08:09,835 I think I know what she needs in a way that you never will. 1045 01:08:15,341 --> 01:08:16,675 Let's go. 1046 01:08:21,014 --> 01:08:22,848 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1047 01:08:23,349 --> 01:08:25,684 Baby, tell me that my love ain't good 1048 01:08:25,810 --> 01:08:27,811 I don't treat you right 1049 01:08:27,979 --> 01:08:32,900 I don't do you like I should Listen, this guy back here, okay? 1050 01:08:33,151 --> 01:08:35,444 Hi. Hi. Hi. 1051 01:08:36,321 --> 01:08:39,031 So, ya ready? Um, what's it like? 1052 01:08:39,324 --> 01:08:41,116 It's great. It's great. 1053 01:08:41,284 --> 01:08:45,454 I haven't actually seen it yet, but we had our best guys workin' on it. 1054 01:08:46,289 --> 01:08:49,124 We just put some titles on, shaped it a little bit. (CHUCKLES) 1055 01:08:49,209 --> 01:08:51,293 It's gonna be great. Okay. 1056 01:08:51,544 --> 01:08:53,712 Okay? Okay. Bye. 1057 01:08:53,797 --> 01:08:55,047 (MUSIC ENDS) 1058 01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:58,926 Okay, everybody. It's a special night. 1059 01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:03,305 'Cause, as you know, we're entering a new phase here at the channel: real programming. 1060 01:09:03,389 --> 01:09:08,018 (APPLAUSE) And our first step is this remarkable piece by Lelaina. 1061 01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:11,396 (APPLAUSE) 1062 01:09:12,649 --> 01:09:15,943 So hang on, 'cause this is gonna change the face of In Your Face. 1063 01:09:16,027 --> 01:09:17,945 (LAUGHTER) (CLICKING) 1064 01:09:19,989 --> 01:09:21,740 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1065 01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:46,598 What's this? 1066 01:09:46,766 --> 01:09:49,101 Uh, it's transitional stuff. Ahh. 1067 01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:54,314 La la la La la la 1068 01:09:55,275 --> 01:10:01,280 The story of my life 1069 01:10:01,531 --> 01:10:04,199 We're finished! School's out 1070 01:10:04,617 --> 01:10:06,410 Forever 1071 01:10:06,786 --> 01:10:09,872 I am not under any orders to make the world a better place. 1072 01:10:09,998 --> 01:10:12,583 School's been blown And you wonder why we never got involved. 1073 01:10:12,792 --> 01:10:14,835 To pieces (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1074 01:10:15,461 --> 01:10:17,629 Love can make you weep 1075 01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:20,132 I don't want to get married, because I see how my parents are. 1076 01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:22,301 My parents got divorced... My parents got divorced... 1077 01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:24,261 ...when I was 14. ...when I was 5. 1078 01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:27,014 My mother actually goes to the bathroom with the door open. 1079 01:10:29,809 --> 01:10:31,518 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1080 01:10:33,354 --> 01:10:36,815 I swore I'd never get married. I want passion. 1081 01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:39,401 Let's talk about sex, baby 1082 01:10:40,153 --> 01:10:42,613 It turns ya on. (SCREAMING) 1083 01:10:43,156 --> 01:10:48,201 Would you two just do it and get it over with? Oh, my God. 1084 01:10:48,828 --> 01:10:51,288 LELAINA: But the question remains, 1085 01:10:52,415 --> 01:10:55,334 how can we repair all the damage we inherited? 1086 01:10:55,460 --> 01:10:59,087 I was told there'd be no math on this exam. Can I change my answer? 1087 01:10:59,172 --> 01:11:03,175 The answer is simple. We're on the road to nowhere 1088 01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:04,593 Jesus. 1089 01:11:04,677 --> 01:11:06,845 The answer is... (DIGITAL SKIPPING) The-The-The-The answer is... 1090 01:11:06,930 --> 01:11:09,056 Pizza! Pizza. 1091 01:11:09,223 --> 01:11:10,432 Pizza. 1092 01:11:10,767 --> 01:11:15,646 We're on the ride to nowhere Come take that ride 1093 01:11:17,732 --> 01:11:21,485 Feeling okay this morning (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 1094 01:11:21,653 --> 01:11:25,864 I... It's, uh... It's, yeah, right. 1095 01:11:26,532 --> 01:11:32,329 We're on the road to paradise Here we go 1096 01:11:32,497 --> 01:11:34,206 Lelaina. Here we go 1097 01:11:34,374 --> 01:11:41,838 (BELL RINGING) 1098 01:11:42,799 --> 01:11:45,592 Lelaina, look, I'm sorry, all right? I didn't know. 1099 01:11:45,677 --> 01:11:49,554 That is not my work. That's not what I did. I know! 1100 01:11:49,681 --> 01:11:53,558 I trusted you! I had no idea! I didn't see it! 1101 01:11:54,060 --> 01:11:56,895 I guess it was a little slow and they cut it up a little... 1102 01:11:57,063 --> 01:12:00,691 They cut up everything that meant anything to me! 1103 01:12:00,984 --> 01:12:04,528 I don't even think you realize what you've done. You don't get it. 1104 01:12:04,612 --> 01:12:06,363 What? I do get it! 1105 01:12:06,948 --> 01:12:10,659 You have this great piece of work, and we have this audience, these kids. 1106 01:12:10,743 --> 01:12:13,912 It's like trying to feed them meat loaf and they don't want to eat it. 1107 01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:16,748 So you gotta give them, "Here comes the plane!" Meat loaf? 1108 01:12:16,916 --> 01:12:20,752 "Open up the hangar!" But it's still meat loaf. It was never meat loaf! 1109 01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:24,715 That's a bad... I'm sorry. They were just trying to market it. 1110 01:12:24,799 --> 01:12:27,634 I wish I could be perfect, okay? I wish I could be like Troy, 1111 01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:31,680 riding on his melted cheese sandwich and everything... Don't bring Troy into this. 1112 01:12:31,931 --> 01:12:36,268 I wish I could live off of creeds and mottos and all that shit. 1113 01:12:36,477 --> 01:12:40,230 But I'm in the real world and I have ideals also. 1114 01:12:41,024 --> 01:12:43,108 (STAMMERING) They're that I... 1115 01:12:43,192 --> 01:12:47,112 (SIGHS) I care about you and I want to make you happy... 1116 01:12:50,491 --> 01:12:52,075 I just... Look. 1117 01:12:55,079 --> 01:12:58,373 I... I'll make them take the pizza thing out, okay? 1118 01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:05,505 (SINGING) I'm just a bill 1119 01:13:05,590 --> 01:13:08,300 Yes, I'm only a bill 1120 01:13:09,427 --> 01:13:13,972 And I'm sittin' here on Capitol Hill 1121 01:13:15,224 --> 01:13:19,519 Well, it's a long, long journey to... 1122 01:13:19,771 --> 01:13:22,689 (DOOR OPENING, CLOSING) 1123 01:13:26,986 --> 01:13:29,321 How'd the big premiere turn out? 1124 01:13:31,824 --> 01:13:32,949 Fine. 1125 01:13:38,372 --> 01:13:40,165 (SIGHS) 1126 01:13:40,708 --> 01:13:43,001 They're just videotapes, right? 1127 01:13:45,171 --> 01:13:46,505 Who cares? 1128 01:13:50,134 --> 01:13:54,513 It's... I worked so hard on them, you know? 1129 01:13:57,183 --> 01:13:59,267 It's just, I worked so hard. 1130 01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:04,606 Ah, forget it. I just sound pathetic. No, you don't. 1131 01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:07,484 You don't sound pathetic. (SIGHS) 1132 01:14:08,277 --> 01:14:12,280 I know it sounds stupid, but it really meant something to me. 1133 01:14:14,367 --> 01:14:20,497 I know it wasn't gonna end world hunger or save the planet, 1134 01:14:20,581 --> 01:14:23,667 but it just meant something to me. 1135 01:14:23,751 --> 01:14:25,127 (SIGHING) 1136 01:14:27,380 --> 01:14:28,839 I just don't 1137 01:14:31,634 --> 01:14:34,845 understand why things just can't go back to normal 1138 01:14:34,929 --> 01:14:39,599 at the end of the half hour, like on The Brady Bunch, or something. 1139 01:14:42,186 --> 01:14:44,688 Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. 1140 01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:51,153 Things don't work out like that. 1141 01:14:53,614 --> 01:14:57,284 I was really gonna be something by the age of 23. 1142 01:14:59,871 --> 01:15:04,916 Honey, all you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself. 1143 01:15:09,547 --> 01:15:11,923 I don't know who that is anymore. 1144 01:15:13,384 --> 01:15:14,759 Well, I do. 1145 01:15:16,596 --> 01:15:19,723 (STAMMERING) And we all love her. I love her. 1146 01:15:21,184 --> 01:15:22,309 Uh... 1147 01:15:24,770 --> 01:15:27,689 She breaks my heart again and again, but, uh, 1148 01:15:29,984 --> 01:15:31,359 I love her. 1149 01:16:19,992 --> 01:16:22,285 (SIGHING, PANTING) 1150 01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:35,423 I've wanted you like this for all these years. 1151 01:16:37,176 --> 01:16:38,593 So have I. 1152 01:17:18,634 --> 01:17:20,552 Hey. Hi. 1153 01:17:21,262 --> 01:17:24,597 (CHUCKLES) Where are you going? I have rehearsal. 1154 01:17:26,809 --> 01:17:29,936 At 8:24 in the morning? 1155 01:17:30,104 --> 01:17:31,771 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 1156 01:17:37,069 --> 01:17:38,862 So that's it? No. 1157 01:17:39,905 --> 01:17:42,407 No, that's not it. I just... I, uh... 1158 01:17:42,491 --> 01:17:43,992 I have to go. 1159 01:17:55,004 --> 01:17:57,005 (ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING) 1160 01:18:00,634 --> 01:18:05,096 Got a pothead mama Got a cokehead dad 1161 01:18:08,768 --> 01:18:13,605 I'm the ultramodern version The American man 1162 01:18:17,151 --> 01:18:21,613 I don't feel good But I don't feel bad 1163 01:18:23,074 --> 01:18:26,034 'Cause me, you see I'm nothin' 1164 01:18:32,416 --> 01:18:36,252 I ain't left, I ain't right People say I'm wrong 1165 01:18:36,420 --> 01:18:39,881 Before I was born Oh, I was all gone 1166 01:18:40,466 --> 01:18:45,804 Don't even make sense that I wrote this song 1167 01:18:45,888 --> 01:18:47,597 Tell me it's not true. 1168 01:18:47,973 --> 01:18:50,892 'Cause me, you see I'm nothin' 1169 01:18:53,145 --> 01:18:54,646 I'm nothin' 1170 01:18:57,149 --> 01:18:59,067 Nothin' 1171 01:19:00,236 --> 01:19:01,653 That's me 1172 01:19:04,490 --> 01:19:05,907 I'm nothin' 1173 01:19:12,665 --> 01:19:14,416 Laney, (AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) 1174 01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:17,836 sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship. 1175 01:19:23,426 --> 01:19:27,846 Thank you. We'll be right back with a new American cheese snack idea. 1176 01:19:29,014 --> 01:19:31,307 Hey, Troy. You got a phone call. 1177 01:19:35,146 --> 01:19:37,021 Lelaina! Hi. 1178 01:19:37,189 --> 01:19:41,317 Hi. Don't say anything. I screwed up, I know. (GULPS) 1179 01:19:41,485 --> 01:19:46,322 I should've protected you and your work and I didn't. I'm so sorry that I didn't. 1180 01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:48,616 I wanna make this up to you. 1181 01:19:49,201 --> 01:19:52,328 You mean so much to me, Lelaina, and I just... 1182 01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:54,456 Look, two tickets, all right? New York. 1183 01:19:54,540 --> 01:19:57,917 We go and we give them a presentation of the show the way you want it done. 1184 01:19:58,043 --> 01:20:01,296 Michael, I don't... I know, I know. But this time's different. 1185 01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:05,758 Who's the boss? Huh? Tony Danza? I don't think so. It's you. 1186 01:20:05,843 --> 01:20:08,636 It's your show. And I just... (SIGHS) 1187 01:20:10,055 --> 01:20:14,684 I just feel like maybe I deserve another shot here. 1188 01:20:19,773 --> 01:20:21,900 Well, hi, Lelaina. Hi. 1189 01:20:23,068 --> 01:20:25,612 What, is there a frog in your throat, or are you just glad to see me? 1190 01:20:25,696 --> 01:20:29,157 Hi, Mike. Thanks for comin' down. No hard feelings. 1191 01:20:29,325 --> 01:20:33,161 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) (CROWD CHATTER) 1192 01:20:37,082 --> 01:20:39,667 Lelaina, you're looking a little peaked. 1193 01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:42,545 Yeah. Are you okay? VICKIE: She's fine. 1194 01:20:42,630 --> 01:20:44,839 She's just had too many Diet Cokes today. 1195 01:20:44,924 --> 01:20:47,342 Yeah, this girl is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. 1196 01:20:47,426 --> 01:20:48,510 Heh! 1197 01:20:51,096 --> 01:20:53,473 So are you gonna tell him or am I? 1198 01:20:55,643 --> 01:20:57,602 (HUMMING SUSPENSEFUL TUNE) 1199 01:21:04,401 --> 01:21:07,946 Could you excuse me? Could I talk to you? 1200 01:21:14,245 --> 01:21:15,286 Hi. 1201 01:21:19,458 --> 01:21:23,294 You wanna tell me what the hell he's doin' here? I wanted to talk to you. 1202 01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:27,006 What the hell do you care? You totally bailed on me this morning. 1203 01:21:27,091 --> 01:21:31,135 I panicked. It happens. I thought we could, uh, work it out, you know? 1204 01:21:31,387 --> 01:21:34,305 I don't know if now's the right time for us. 1205 01:21:35,683 --> 01:21:39,978 I meant everything that I said to you last night. Don't look at me like that. 1206 01:21:40,396 --> 01:21:42,564 Don't look at me like that. That's not what I'm saying. 1207 01:21:43,816 --> 01:21:46,401 I'm not saying I... Look. 1208 01:21:47,069 --> 01:21:50,572 You are the only woman that I could ever commit myself to. So what? 1209 01:21:51,115 --> 01:21:55,577 Do I get a medal? I win the big commitment cook-off and you just run away? 1210 01:21:55,661 --> 01:21:57,870 I knew this was gonna happen! 1211 01:21:58,038 --> 01:22:00,456 I don't... I don't wanna lose you. 1212 01:22:00,666 --> 01:22:03,876 I've never been in an experience like this before. 1213 01:22:05,546 --> 01:22:08,798 I've never had sex with somebody that I loved before. 1214 01:22:09,008 --> 01:22:13,261 God! Oh, well, congratulations, Troy Dyer. 1215 01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:17,390 Welcome to the world of the emotionally mature. It's a nice place to visit. 1216 01:22:17,808 --> 01:22:21,436 Hey, you may run into Michael. He lives here. Yeah, right, Michael. 1217 01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:24,272 He lets you navigate that entire relationship. 1218 01:22:24,356 --> 01:22:26,441 Sorry, Lelaina, but you can't navigate me. 1219 01:22:26,609 --> 01:22:31,821 I might do mean things, hurt you, run away, and you might hate me forever. 1220 01:22:31,905 --> 01:22:36,826 I know that scares the shit out of you, because I'm the only real thing you have. 1221 01:22:37,703 --> 01:22:40,830 Oh, yeah? Well, that ain't real much. 1222 01:22:42,458 --> 01:22:44,417 One, two, three, four 1223 01:22:45,210 --> 01:22:47,003 Hey, Troy, man, you're on. 1224 01:22:47,171 --> 01:22:56,220 No bed of roses 1225 01:22:56,722 --> 01:23:00,183 Michael, I'm sorry. No, listen, I'm sorry. That's what this is all about. 1226 01:23:01,101 --> 01:23:02,810 This one's for you, Laney. 1227 01:23:02,978 --> 01:23:05,063 (STICKS CLICKING, DRUMROLLS) 1228 01:23:17,076 --> 01:23:21,204 Why can't I get just one kiss 1229 01:23:21,372 --> 01:23:23,247 Believe, some things that I wouldn't miss 1230 01:23:23,332 --> 01:23:25,833 But I look at your pants and I need a kiss 1231 01:23:26,168 --> 01:23:30,421 Why can't I get just one screw 1232 01:23:30,506 --> 01:23:32,548 Believe me I'd know what to do 1233 01:23:32,633 --> 01:23:34,676 But somethin' won't let me make love to you 1234 01:23:34,760 --> 01:23:39,430 Why can't I get just one, huh 1235 01:23:44,395 --> 01:23:46,312 (BAND CONTINUES PLAYING) 1236 01:23:54,071 --> 01:23:55,863 Oh, nice job. Very well done. 1237 01:23:55,948 --> 01:23:58,449 Yeah, I don't want to hear it from you. 1238 01:23:58,826 --> 01:24:01,703 Yeah, well, I forgot. I'm not qualified to talk to you. 1239 01:24:01,787 --> 01:24:04,038 I'm sorry I can't be Mister, uh, "Hey, look at me, 1240 01:24:04,123 --> 01:24:06,457 "I'm Buddha on the mountaintop." 1241 01:24:06,709 --> 01:24:08,543 You know what you remind me of? 1242 01:24:08,627 --> 01:24:12,422 You're like that guy with the hat and the bells 1243 01:24:12,548 --> 01:24:15,049 and the little, you know... The court jester. 1244 01:24:15,134 --> 01:24:16,092 Yeah, right. 1245 01:24:16,176 --> 01:24:18,553 Where everything's so easy to laugh at from a safe distance 1246 01:24:18,637 --> 01:24:20,680 back in Clever-Cleverland. 1247 01:24:21,098 --> 01:24:22,932 You know what happens to him? 1248 01:24:23,100 --> 01:24:28,312 They find his skull in a grave and they go, "Oh, I knew him and he was funny." 1249 01:24:28,981 --> 01:24:32,442 And the guy, the court jester, dies all by himself. 1250 01:24:34,903 --> 01:24:37,822 Where'd you hear that? A Renaissance Festival? 1251 01:24:42,077 --> 01:24:44,662 Besides, everyone dies all by himself. 1252 01:24:53,005 --> 01:24:55,089 If you really believe that, 1253 01:24:56,592 --> 01:24:58,718 who you lookin' for out here? 1254 01:25:08,896 --> 01:25:12,482 (ELECTRIC GUITAR STRUMMING SLOWLY) 1255 01:25:18,947 --> 01:25:22,742 You say you want 1256 01:25:24,787 --> 01:25:27,955 Diamonds and a ring of gold 1257 01:25:29,416 --> 01:25:33,252 You say you want 1258 01:25:35,005 --> 01:25:38,549 Your story to remain untold 1259 01:25:39,510 --> 01:25:43,763 But all the promises we make 1260 01:25:44,640 --> 01:25:48,768 From the cradle to the grave 1261 01:25:50,062 --> 01:25:56,234 When all I want is you 1262 01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:10,081 You say you'll give me 1263 01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:14,919 A highway with no one on it 1264 01:26:16,255 --> 01:26:20,091 Treasure just to look upon it 1265 01:26:20,926 --> 01:26:24,762 All the riches in the night 1266 01:26:26,181 --> 01:26:30,601 You say you'll give me 1267 01:26:31,979 --> 01:26:36,065 Eyes on a moon of blindness 1268 01:26:36,775 --> 01:26:41,112 A river in a time of dryness 1269 01:26:42,114 --> 01:26:45,783 A harbor in the tempest 1270 01:26:46,535 --> 01:26:51,247 But all the promises we make 1271 01:26:51,707 --> 01:26:55,710 From the cradle to the grave 1272 01:26:56,795 --> 01:27:03,217 When all I want is you 1273 01:27:27,034 --> 01:27:28,618 (PHONE RINGING) 1274 01:27:31,163 --> 01:27:32,371 Hello? 1275 01:27:33,999 --> 01:27:37,168 Hello? You-ou 1276 01:27:37,336 --> 01:27:52,642 All I want is you-ou 1277 01:28:16,291 --> 01:28:18,209 Hey, Laney. This is Lance. 1278 01:28:18,377 --> 01:28:22,880 Hi. Hi. Um, I just need to know if he's okay. 1279 01:28:26,343 --> 01:28:31,180 Okay. All I know is he went back to Chicago alone. 1280 01:28:34,726 --> 01:28:37,269 I'm not supposed to know that, am I? 1281 01:29:02,462 --> 01:29:03,587 Shit. 1282 01:29:23,358 --> 01:29:24,775 (PANTING) 1283 01:29:33,618 --> 01:29:34,660 Hi. 1284 01:29:36,204 --> 01:29:39,999 I was wondering if I could talk to you a minute before you go. 1285 01:29:44,755 --> 01:29:48,799 See, the thing is that, uh... 1286 01:29:52,679 --> 01:29:56,307 Well... Uh, my dad died. 1287 01:29:56,516 --> 01:30:00,811 Oh, God, Troy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. No, it's... No, it... 1288 01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:04,482 What happened was that, um, 1289 01:30:05,984 --> 01:30:10,196 I kind of got this arcane glimpse at the universe. 1290 01:30:11,656 --> 01:30:15,743 And the best thing I can say about that is, uh... 1291 01:30:20,874 --> 01:30:23,584 (SIGHS) I don't know. 1292 01:30:28,965 --> 01:30:33,052 I have this planet of regret 1293 01:30:33,845 --> 01:30:35,846 sitting on my shoulders. 1294 01:30:37,432 --> 01:30:40,810 You have no idea how much I wish that I could go back 1295 01:30:41,394 --> 01:30:44,897 to that morning after we made love 1296 01:30:45,857 --> 01:30:47,983 and do everything different. 1297 01:30:49,569 --> 01:30:51,821 But I know that I can't, so... 1298 01:30:54,116 --> 01:30:57,618 I thought that I would come here and tell you somethin'. 1299 01:30:59,204 --> 01:31:01,539 And what I wanted to tell you 1300 01:31:01,915 --> 01:31:03,707 was that I love you. 1301 01:31:04,084 --> 01:31:07,628 And, uh, I just wanted to make sure that that was clear, 1302 01:31:07,712 --> 01:31:10,214 so that there wasn't any confusion. 1303 01:31:16,555 --> 01:31:17,555 Um, 1304 01:31:19,266 --> 01:31:20,850 so, anyway, uh, 1305 01:31:23,603 --> 01:31:25,396 where are you going? 1306 01:31:25,730 --> 01:31:27,690 I was gonna look for you. 1307 01:31:30,152 --> 01:31:31,402 What for? 1308 01:31:35,157 --> 01:31:39,410 Just wanted to see if you were okay. 1309 01:31:46,751 --> 01:31:48,752 Well, I had a shitty week. 1310 01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:31,462 Well, Frog went a-courtin' and he did ride 1311 01:32:31,588 --> 01:32:35,424 With a sword and a pistol by his side 1312 01:32:35,634 --> 01:32:39,637 Uh-huh (HUMMING) 1313 01:32:42,057 --> 01:32:45,059 Well, he rode right up to Miss Mousey's door 1314 01:32:45,143 --> 01:32:47,478 Uh-huh (RINGING) 1315 01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:50,564 TROY: (ON ANSWERING MACHINE) At the beep, please leave your name, number, 1316 01:32:50,649 --> 01:32:55,027 and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of man's existential dilemma. 1317 01:32:55,111 --> 01:32:56,362 We'll get back to you. 1318 01:32:56,446 --> 01:32:59,406 (MACHINE BEEPS) Lelaina, this is your dad. 1319 01:32:59,491 --> 01:33:02,910 Give me a call when you get this. I need you to explain something. 1320 01:33:02,994 --> 01:33:05,287 I just got a $900 bill on my gas card. 1321 01:33:05,372 --> 01:33:07,873 (LELAINA LAUGHING) (DRUMS) 1322 01:33:08,667 --> 01:33:14,129 If we should fall, love will catch us every time 1323 01:33:14,756 --> 01:33:18,092 I hear you call I will run 1324 01:33:20,178 --> 01:33:25,474 And if the magic of the adventure overcomes 1325 01:33:25,642 --> 01:33:29,520 We won't cry, because it could be fun 1326 01:33:29,688 --> 01:33:32,064 What I'm tryin' to do is constantly find those people, 1327 01:33:32,190 --> 01:33:34,483 find out what makes them the best, and bring that... 1328 01:33:34,859 --> 01:33:37,569 I've been getting a razzing for being bald and I'm a young man. 1329 01:33:37,696 --> 01:33:40,447 No more dates without being called old man, but... 1330 01:33:44,828 --> 01:33:47,037 Roy, why are you doing this to me? 1331 01:33:47,247 --> 01:33:48,998 I know we can be happy together. 1332 01:33:49,541 --> 01:33:50,958 You'll chill in time. 1333 01:33:51,042 --> 01:33:54,545 Right now I need someone who understands what my music and the band mean to me. 1334 01:33:54,629 --> 01:33:56,922 But it's just music, Roy. 1335 01:33:57,048 --> 01:34:00,342 I'm a human being with deep feelings 1336 01:34:01,052 --> 01:34:02,803 who feels things deeply. 1337 01:34:02,929 --> 01:34:05,014 Music is feeling, babe. 1338 01:34:05,432 --> 01:34:07,683 The band may be a small dream, but it's the only one I've got. 1339 01:34:07,767 --> 01:34:09,435 I'm Audi 5000. 1340 01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:14,231 Till I'm going, going, gone Please, don't let him get drunk and drive. 1341 01:34:14,566 --> 01:34:17,276 Won't be very long 1342 01:34:17,444 --> 01:34:20,904 Till I'm going, going, gone 1343 01:34:21,406 --> 01:34:23,240 (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) 1344 01:34:34,127 --> 01:34:35,544 You say 1345 01:34:37,422 --> 01:34:40,090 I only hear what I want to 1346 01:34:45,972 --> 01:34:47,765 You say 1347 01:34:49,309 --> 01:34:51,810 I talk so all the time 1348 01:34:52,395 --> 01:34:53,812 So 1349 01:34:57,609 --> 01:35:00,402 And I thought what I felt was simple 1350 01:35:00,653 --> 01:35:03,280 And I thought that I don't belong 1351 01:35:03,740 --> 01:35:06,450 And now that I am leaving 1352 01:35:06,618 --> 01:35:08,744 Now I know that I did something wrong 1353 01:35:08,912 --> 01:35:11,121 'Cause I missed you 1354 01:35:12,707 --> 01:35:14,792 Yeah, yeah 1355 01:35:15,126 --> 01:35:16,794 I missed you 1356 01:35:22,008 --> 01:35:23,467 And you say 1357 01:35:25,303 --> 01:35:28,430 I only hear what I want to I don't listen hard 1358 01:35:28,765 --> 01:35:31,350 Don't pay attention to the distance that you're running 1359 01:35:31,518 --> 01:35:35,979 To anyone, anywhere I don't understand if you really care 1360 01:35:36,147 --> 01:35:40,317 I'm only hearin' negative No, no, no, no 1361 01:35:41,653 --> 01:35:45,322 So I turn the radio on I turn the radio up 1362 01:35:45,657 --> 01:35:48,075 And this woman was singin' my song 1363 01:35:48,159 --> 01:35:50,994 Lovers in love and the others run away 1364 01:35:51,162 --> 01:35:54,164 Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay 1365 01:35:54,249 --> 01:35:56,500 Some of us hover while we weep for the other 1366 01:35:56,584 --> 01:35:58,752 Who was dyin' since the day they were born 1367 01:35:59,003 --> 01:36:02,589 Well, well, this is not that I think that I'm throwin' 1368 01:36:02,674 --> 01:36:04,675 But I'm thrown 1369 01:36:05,844 --> 01:36:08,470 And I thought I'd live forever But now I'm not so sure 1370 01:36:08,555 --> 01:36:10,389 You try to tell me that I'm clever 1371 01:36:10,515 --> 01:36:15,477 That won't take me anyhow or anywhere with you 1372 01:36:18,356 --> 01:36:23,444 You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong 1373 01:36:23,528 --> 01:36:26,447 Oh, I thought Hey, I can leave, I can leave 1374 01:36:26,531 --> 01:36:29,533 Oh, but now I know that I was wrong 1375 01:36:29,701 --> 01:36:31,994 'Cause I missed you 1376 01:36:33,204 --> 01:36:37,708 Yeah-ah, I miss you 1377 01:36:41,296 --> 01:36:44,339 He said you caught me 'cause you want me and one day you'll let me go 1378 01:36:44,424 --> 01:36:47,301 You try to give away a keeper or keep me 'cause you know 1379 01:36:47,385 --> 01:36:51,221 You're just so scared to lose 1380 01:36:52,891 --> 01:36:54,600 And you say 1381 01:36:57,896 --> 01:36:59,688 Stay 1382 01:37:06,362 --> 01:37:08,280 And you say 1383 01:37:09,616 --> 01:37:12,534 I only hear what I want to 1384 01:37:18,583 --> 01:37:20,375 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1385 01:37:38,186 --> 01:37:41,104 Ooh, my little pretty one My pretty one 1386 01:37:41,272 --> 01:37:44,399 When you gonna give me some time, Sharona 1387 01:37:44,609 --> 01:37:47,569 Ooh, you make my motor run My motor run 1388 01:37:47,820 --> 01:37:50,989 Gun it comin' off of the line, Sharona 1389 01:37:51,115 --> 01:37:54,368 Never gonna stop, give it up Such a dirty mind 1390 01:37:54,452 --> 01:37:57,621 I always get it up for the touch of the younger kind 1391 01:37:57,747 --> 01:38:01,250 My, my, my-y-y Whoo 1392 01:38:02,168 --> 01:38:04,378 M-M-M-My Sharona 1393 01:38:07,632 --> 01:38:10,801 Ooo-Ooo-Ooo 1394 01:38:10,885 --> 01:38:13,971 Ohh, my Sharona