1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,351 --> 00:00:03,429 I have my own room at Mom's house, too. 2 00:00:03,430 --> 00:00:06,404 My dad doesn't. His stuff's in the garage. 3 00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:08,899 Do you know how to play Vampire Hunter? 'Cause I just got it. 4 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:10,338 No, sorry. 5 00:00:10,338 --> 00:00:14,048 You got to chop off their heads. Otherwise they'll keep coming at you. 6 00:00:14,049 --> 00:00:16,542 Do you know where your uncle keeps the paper towels? 7 00:00:16,543 --> 00:00:19,227 I think there's some up there. 8 00:00:27,706 --> 00:00:30,738 Hi. You must be Alan. I'm Cindy. 9 00:00:31,256 --> 00:00:33,174 Hi. 10 00:00:33,175 --> 00:00:37,891 -Hey, Jake, it's time to get dressed. -Wait a minute. 11 00:00:38,165 --> 00:00:40,083 Can you get me a bowl from that top shelf? 12 00:00:40,084 --> 00:00:42,480 Come on, let's go. 13 00:00:42,802 --> 00:00:46,064 What happened to "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day"? 14 00:00:46,065 --> 00:00:48,046 Just go get dressed. 15 00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:51,021 Charlie, there is a half-naked woman in our kitchen. 16 00:00:51,022 --> 00:00:53,418 Which half? 17 00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:56,875 -Hey, Cindy. -Hey, Charlie. 18 00:00:56,876 --> 00:00:59,081 -How you doing? -Not bad. How about yourself? 19 00:00:59,082 --> 00:01:01,601 Pretty good. Thanks again. 20 00:01:01,737 --> 00:01:03,719 -I'll see you soon. -Anytime. 21 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,116 Bye. 22 00:01:08,357 --> 00:01:10,883 "How you doing"? "Thanks again"? 23 00:01:10,884 --> 00:01:14,434 Charlie, casual sex is one thing, but this is just lazy. 24 00:01:14,435 --> 00:01:17,088 What are you talking about? I didn't have sex with her. 25 00:01:17,089 --> 00:01:20,222 She just surfs out on the Point, uses my shower and goes to work. 26 00:01:20,223 --> 00:01:21,981 So you're not sleeping with her? 27 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:26,427 Jeez, Alan, I don't sleep with every buff surfer chick that uses my shower. 28 00:01:26,428 --> 00:01:28,283 What kind of guy do you think I am? 29 00:01:28,284 --> 00:01:31,993 I think you're the luckiest bastard to walk the face of the earth, but, 30 00:01:31,994 --> 00:01:35,895 that's not my point. I don't want women flashing their butt tattoos at my son. 31 00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,901 -Cindy has a tattoo? -Yes, a butterfly. 32 00:01:38,902 --> 00:01:41,109 Right cheek or left? No, wait, don't tell me. 33 00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:43,219 I want to be surprised. 34 00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:46,577 So you're not sleeping with her, but you want to. 35 00:01:46,578 --> 00:01:48,625 Yeah. 36 00:01:48,626 --> 00:01:51,695 What kind of guy do you think I am? 37 00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:54,446 When I moved in here, I said it was vital that we create 38 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,228 a wholesome atmosphere for Jake. And you said, "I understand." 39 00:01:57,229 --> 00:01:59,691 Alan, there's something you should know about me. 40 00:01:59,692 --> 00:02:02,570 When I say I understand, it doesn't mean I agree. 41 00:02:02,571 --> 00:02:06,856 It doesn't mean I understand. It doesn't even mean I'm listening. 42 00:02:06,856 --> 00:02:08,198 Then why do you say it? 43 00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:11,653 It seems to make people happy, and that's what I'm all about. 44 00:02:11,654 --> 00:02:15,204 That's very altruistic, but I would prefer if you'd just be straight with me. 45 00:02:15,205 --> 00:02:17,282 -Fine. -All I'm asking is that you keep in mind 46 00:02:17,283 --> 00:02:19,841 that we have an impressionable 10-year-old boy living here. 47 00:02:19,842 --> 00:02:22,239 -I understand. -Thank you. 48 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,676 -That sounds nice. -Thanks. 49 00:02:42,806 --> 00:02:44,916 So where are Jake and Alan today? 50 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:48,147 Jake's at school and Alan's at work. 51 00:02:48,148 --> 00:02:49,426 It's just you and me. 52 00:02:49,427 --> 00:02:52,145 Tell them I said hi. Thanks again for the shower. 53 00:02:52,146 --> 00:02:53,872 You bet. You look really nice. 54 00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:56,269 Thank you. Bye. 55 00:02:57,072 --> 00:02:59,468 Yeah, I got work to do. 56 00:03:00,910 --> 00:03:06,949 Charlie, seeing you strike out like that just makes me love you more. 57 00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:09,576 Rose, you've got to get a hobby. 58 00:03:09,577 --> 00:03:11,974 I've got a hobby. 59 00:03:13,063 --> 00:03:15,781 -I thought we agreed we were just friends. -We are. 60 00:03:15,782 --> 00:03:17,732 We're friends who slept together once 61 00:03:17,733 --> 00:03:20,323 and then one friend never called the other friend, 62 00:03:20,324 --> 00:03:23,928 but luckily, the other friend forgave him. 63 00:03:24,258 --> 00:03:25,696 Where are you going? 64 00:03:25,697 --> 00:03:27,839 To make my friend a grilled cheese sandwich. 65 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,973 Rose, I don't want a grilled cheese sandwich. 66 00:03:30,974 --> 00:03:32,796 Would you prefer a quesadilla? 67 00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:35,194 That sounds nice. 68 00:03:35,772 --> 00:03:38,178 But then you have to leave. 69 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,927 Hey, Judith. Alan's at work. 70 00:03:43,928 --> 00:03:46,038 I know where Alan is. I came to talk to you. 71 00:03:46,039 --> 00:03:49,480 -Me? But you don't like me. -I don't. 72 00:03:51,956 --> 00:03:54,226 I like you. 73 00:03:54,227 --> 00:03:56,880 Jake's fourth grade class was given a simple assignment. 74 00:03:56,881 --> 00:03:59,631 Draw something interesting you see around the house. 75 00:03:59,632 --> 00:04:02,925 One child drew a record player, another drew a parrot. 76 00:04:02,926 --> 00:04:05,322 My son drew this. 77 00:04:07,916 --> 00:04:11,273 A woman's behind with a butterfly tattoo. 78 00:04:11,274 --> 00:04:13,670 On the right cheek. 79 00:04:14,985 --> 00:04:17,822 I'll have to just act surprised. 80 00:04:18,023 --> 00:04:22,340 I asked him where he saw this. He said, "In Uncle Charlie's kitchen." 81 00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:25,378 You gotta admit, it beats the hell out of a parrot. 82 00:04:25,379 --> 00:04:27,585 Charlie, I am not in the mood. 83 00:04:27,586 --> 00:04:30,299 -Hold that thought. -I got it. 84 00:04:30,529 --> 00:04:32,191 Hello. 85 00:04:32,192 --> 00:04:34,598 Are you in for your mother? 86 00:04:38,844 --> 00:04:41,626 Charlie's in a meeting right now. But you can talk to me. 87 00:04:41,627 --> 00:04:45,432 Heck, I feel like we're practically related. 88 00:04:45,561 --> 00:04:48,215 -ls that the girl in the picture? -Rose? 89 00:04:48,216 --> 00:04:51,606 No. She doesn't have a tattoo on her butt. 90 00:04:51,606 --> 00:04:54,003 I'm guessing. 91 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,691 Look, I don't care what you do in your private time, 92 00:04:56,692 --> 00:04:59,441 but when my son is here, I expect you to clean up your act. 93 00:04:59,442 --> 00:05:01,776 -I understand. -I don't like coming over here 94 00:05:01,777 --> 00:05:04,846 and being the bad guy, but I have to protect my son. 95 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,925 I understand. 96 00:05:06,926 --> 00:05:10,284 It's hard enough going through this transition all by myself. 97 00:05:10,285 --> 00:05:12,842 Alan at least has you, I have no one. 98 00:05:12,843 --> 00:05:15,594 Except my parents, and they're completely toxic. 99 00:05:15,594 --> 00:05:17,672 I understand. 100 00:05:17,673 --> 00:05:19,591 Do you? 101 00:05:19,592 --> 00:05:21,988 I think I do. 102 00:05:22,023 --> 00:05:24,677 Thank you. That means a lot to me. 103 00:05:24,678 --> 00:05:27,907 I mean, I've always been the good daughter or the good wife. 104 00:05:27,908 --> 00:05:29,027 And you know what? 105 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,937 Outside of those relationships, I don't know who I am. 106 00:05:31,938 --> 00:05:35,136 Am I gay, am I straight? Who the hell knows? 107 00:05:35,137 --> 00:05:39,929 I'm scared about this, Charlie, and I'm totally alone. 108 00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:43,930 You know what? 109 00:05:43,996 --> 00:05:46,392 I understand. 110 00:05:52,024 --> 00:05:54,420 Thank you for listening. 111 00:05:54,423 --> 00:05:56,819 Hey. 112 00:05:56,917 --> 00:05:59,667 I'm so sorry to take up your time with all of this. 113 00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:02,065 Hey. 114 00:06:02,099 --> 00:06:04,496 I understand. 115 00:06:07,856 --> 00:06:11,106 -Thank you, Charlie. -You're welcome. 116 00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:17,898 There's five minutes of my life I'll never get back. 117 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:22,433 Don't fill up. Your mom's taking us out for lunch. 118 00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:31,044 Hey. Where have you been? 119 00:06:31,045 --> 00:06:35,253 I just had lunch with my mother and my stalker. 120 00:06:36,002 --> 00:06:39,295 They spent the afternoon eating off each other's plates 121 00:06:39,296 --> 00:06:42,316 and discussing my fear of intimacy. 122 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,741 You do have that, you know. 123 00:06:44,957 --> 00:06:48,187 Anyway, look, can we talk about this picture Jake drew? 124 00:06:48,188 --> 00:06:54,390 What's to talk about? He's a boy. He saw a woman's ass. He liked it. 125 00:06:54,744 --> 00:07:00,084 Thank your lucky stars it wasn't the cable guy's ass, and move on. 126 00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:02,482 Hey, Dad. Where's Cankun? 127 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,473 Cancún? 128 00:07:07,474 --> 00:07:09,870 No, it's spelled Cankun. 129 00:07:10,673 --> 00:07:12,271 It's in Mexico. Why? 130 00:07:12,272 --> 00:07:15,278 We should go there for Christmas instead of Aunt Betty's. 131 00:07:15,279 --> 00:07:17,580 -What are you reading? -Sports Illustrated. 132 00:07:17,581 --> 00:07:20,299 But it's mostly ladies in bathing suits. 133 00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,505 Jake. Come back here. 134 00:07:22,506 --> 00:07:23,657 Are you happy? 135 00:07:23,658 --> 00:07:28,403 I have my moments, but they're becoming further apart. 136 00:07:28,552 --> 00:07:30,693 -Jake, sit down. -Am I in trouble? 137 00:07:30,694 --> 00:07:34,787 No. It's perfectly natural for you to be interested in women's bodies. 138 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,762 -Great. I'll be in my room. -Wait. 139 00:07:37,763 --> 00:07:39,745 Let's talk a minute here. 140 00:07:39,746 --> 00:07:41,856 I don't mind you looking at these pictures, 141 00:07:41,857 --> 00:07:46,141 but it's important that you know what they mean. 142 00:07:47,326 --> 00:07:50,288 I'd like to know that, too, Alan. 143 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,530 Okay. First of all, real women don't look like this. 144 00:07:53,531 --> 00:07:55,929 These pictures have been retouched and airbrushed 145 00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:59,095 so that the women look like they're perfect. But they're really not. 146 00:07:59,096 --> 00:08:03,350 Excuse me, but I met that one, and she was perfect. 147 00:08:03,351 --> 00:08:05,077 What I'm trying to explain to Jake 148 00:08:05,078 --> 00:08:07,667 is that this is not what regular women look like. 149 00:08:07,668 --> 00:08:10,034 Then why don't they use regular women? 150 00:08:10,035 --> 00:08:16,150 Because the only way regular women can sell magazines is door-to-door. 151 00:08:19,342 --> 00:08:23,339 My point is that these women are three-dimensional human beings. 152 00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:24,747 They're not just sex objects. 153 00:08:24,748 --> 00:08:29,480 Which explains why this one's on all fours in the surf. 154 00:08:29,481 --> 00:08:32,903 -Are you quite done? -No. I think you're being very unfair. 155 00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:36,069 These women worked very hard, ate very little, 156 00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:40,278 and spent a lot of money to become sex objects. 157 00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:43,670 Those breasts alone cost $10,000. 158 00:08:44,514 --> 00:08:46,910 You can buy these? 159 00:08:47,904 --> 00:08:50,078 Thank you, Charlie. 160 00:08:50,078 --> 00:08:52,565 Some women choose 161 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,227 to make their breasts larger 162 00:08:55,228 --> 00:08:58,455 with what's called surgical implants. 163 00:08:58,811 --> 00:09:01,907 -Why? -They think bigger is better. 164 00:09:01,913 --> 00:09:04,309 I can see that. 165 00:09:05,272 --> 00:09:09,045 What really matters, Jake, is what's inside a person. 166 00:09:09,046 --> 00:09:11,699 See, that's the lesson here. Do you get what I'm saying? 167 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,458 -I think so. -You're sure? 168 00:09:13,459 --> 00:09:16,049 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean... 169 00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:18,446 Do you have any questions? 170 00:09:18,512 --> 00:09:20,909 -Just one. -Fire away. 171 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:23,810 Can I have my magazine back? 172 00:09:28,044 --> 00:09:29,770 Congratulations, Alan. 173 00:09:29,771 --> 00:09:33,749 You've managed to take the fun out of boobs. 174 00:09:39,366 --> 00:09:42,147 Hello. Hi, Judith. 175 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:46,428 Yeah, I'm so glad you called. I just... What? 176 00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:49,854 She wants to talk to you. 177 00:09:50,113 --> 00:09:54,654 -Why does my wife want to talk to you? -I don't know. 178 00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:57,051 Hey, Judith. What's up? 179 00:09:59,068 --> 00:10:01,465 I understand. 180 00:10:01,723 --> 00:10:03,705 What do you understand? 181 00:10:03,706 --> 00:10:06,102 Not a thing. 182 00:10:07,864 --> 00:10:10,260 I understand. 183 00:10:10,582 --> 00:10:12,533 What's she saying? 184 00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:15,219 Hang on, Judith. That's my other line. 185 00:10:15,220 --> 00:10:18,322 She's upset because her parents want to take Jake to SeaWorld. 186 00:10:18,323 --> 00:10:20,624 She feels like this is crossing a boundary 187 00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:22,608 since they've been so unsupportive recently. 188 00:10:22,608 --> 00:10:24,847 And she's not sure if her anger is misplaced. 189 00:10:24,848 --> 00:10:26,989 Since when are you her new best friend? 190 00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:31,074 I don't know. Something's gone horribly wrong. 191 00:10:32,524 --> 00:10:34,920 Sorry, you were saying? 192 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,799 I understand. 193 00:10:39,401 --> 00:10:43,108 You're the coolest. Love, Cindy. 194 00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:47,763 Are you sure your nephew's gonna like this? 195 00:10:48,068 --> 00:10:50,598 Who says it's for my nephew? 196 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,285 -You're really cute. -Good. 197 00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,214 I'm sorry there's no waves. 198 00:10:57,215 --> 00:11:02,181 Yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna get my exercise today. 199 00:11:02,652 --> 00:11:05,049 It's a puzzler. 200 00:11:08,442 --> 00:11:10,616 Why don't you open up another bottle of wine 201 00:11:10,617 --> 00:11:14,068 -and we'll figure something out. -Okay. 202 00:11:16,662 --> 00:11:19,348 I'm sorry to just drop by, but I had to talk to somebody. 203 00:11:19,349 --> 00:11:22,706 I just left Jake with my parents so they could take him to San Diego, 204 00:11:22,706 --> 00:11:25,041 and I got in this terrible argument with my father. 205 00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:27,727 He thinks it's my fault that Alan and I are breaking up, 206 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,710 and he knows exactly how to push my buttons. 207 00:11:29,711 --> 00:11:31,885 The question is why do I need his approval? 208 00:11:31,886 --> 00:11:35,078 Why do I need approval from any man? 209 00:11:37,707 --> 00:11:40,103 I understand. 210 00:11:40,138 --> 00:11:42,695 Charlie, how could you possibly understand? 211 00:11:42,696 --> 00:11:44,807 I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had company. 212 00:11:44,808 --> 00:11:47,270 No, we were just hanging out. I'm Cindy. 213 00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,900 -Hi. Judith. -Hi. 214 00:11:48,901 --> 00:11:52,419 I've spent the better part of my life trying to win my father's approval. 215 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,786 -You, too? -Yeah, I almost married a guy 216 00:11:54,787 --> 00:11:58,208 -just 'cause my father liked him. -I married a guy just like my father. 217 00:11:58,209 --> 00:12:01,382 -Disaster, right? -It's his brother. 218 00:12:01,439 --> 00:12:03,581 I met him. He's pretty tightly wound. 219 00:12:03,582 --> 00:12:04,989 -He is. -Yeah. 220 00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:07,099 -Do you want some wine? -I want a lot of wine. 221 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,858 Yeah. 222 00:12:08,859 --> 00:12:11,385 You know it's so funny about relationships and men. 223 00:12:11,386 --> 00:12:14,837 -You just wonder all the time. -Always. 224 00:12:17,016 --> 00:12:19,412 I do not understand. 225 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,575 Morning, neighbor. 226 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:48,998 -Charlie's not up yet, Rose. -Oh, Alan, 227 00:12:48,999 --> 00:12:51,530 don't you think I know that? 228 00:12:51,878 --> 00:12:55,619 I brought a Frisbee for your son. It's a Glow-in-the-Dark Pro model. 229 00:12:55,620 --> 00:12:59,905 -There are teeth marks in it. -They're not mine. 230 00:13:02,465 --> 00:13:05,822 Actually, Jake's in San Diego with his mom's parents. 231 00:13:05,823 --> 00:13:07,645 Boy, that hardly seems fair. 232 00:13:07,646 --> 00:13:10,780 Evelyn never gets any quality time with him. 233 00:13:10,781 --> 00:13:13,177 -Evelyn? -Your mom. 234 00:13:13,819 --> 00:13:16,057 I know her name. 235 00:13:16,058 --> 00:13:17,881 But do you know how much she loves you, 236 00:13:17,882 --> 00:13:21,812 and would appreciate a call once in a while? 237 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,371 Hi, Alan. Shower open? 238 00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:27,320 -Yeah. Help yourself. -Hi, Alan. 239 00:13:29,171 --> 00:13:31,185 Judith? What are you doing here? 240 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:34,064 Cindy's teaching me to surf. She says I'm a natural. 241 00:13:34,065 --> 00:13:36,303 'Cause she's got the upper body strength for it. 242 00:13:36,304 --> 00:13:38,094 Nothing like yours. 243 00:13:38,095 --> 00:13:41,804 You will. You just gotta build up your lats. 244 00:13:41,805 --> 00:13:44,202 Wow! They're so firm. 245 00:13:44,684 --> 00:13:49,481 Come on. I'll show you some exercises before we hit the shower. 246 00:13:49,481 --> 00:13:52,118 So, when's Charlie getting up? 247 00:13:52,743 --> 00:13:55,140 In about nine seconds. 248 00:13:55,462 --> 00:13:57,858 Wake up! 249 00:13:59,364 --> 00:14:01,986 What? I was having a great dream. 250 00:14:01,987 --> 00:14:05,824 Your girlfriend and my wife. Surfing. Showering. Rubber suits. 251 00:14:05,825 --> 00:14:08,221 Okay. This might be better. 252 00:14:10,175 --> 00:14:12,765 Charlie, you've got to do something. 253 00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:15,162 -You're right. -Yeah. 254 00:14:18,746 --> 00:14:20,504 Charlie, what are you gonna do? 255 00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:23,544 What do you think? I just woke up. 256 00:14:23,577 --> 00:14:26,998 Come on. They could be lathering each other up right now! 257 00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:29,940 Alan, you're not helping this go any faster. 258 00:14:29,941 --> 00:14:34,322 I can't believe this is going on under my own roof. Well, under your roof. 259 00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:37,870 God knows what's going on under my roof. 260 00:14:38,896 --> 00:14:42,286 -You know, there is good news here. -Really? What's that? 261 00:14:42,287 --> 00:14:46,252 Now we know why I never got anywhere with Cindy. 262 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,650 Hello? Me? 263 00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,826 Okay, listen. 264 00:14:50,827 --> 00:14:52,841 What do we really know here? 265 00:14:52,841 --> 00:14:54,664 Your wife has taken up surfing. 266 00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:57,061 We're good so far, right? 267 00:14:57,319 --> 00:15:00,101 She made a new friend. Still good? 268 00:15:00,102 --> 00:15:01,732 Yeah, I guess. 269 00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:05,890 Do we know for a fact that they're showering together? 270 00:15:05,891 --> 00:15:07,970 -No. -Okay. 271 00:15:07,970 --> 00:15:12,447 So what do we know for sure about Cindy and Judith? 272 00:15:12,448 --> 00:15:17,672 Cindy's not interested in you, and Judith thinks she's gay. 273 00:15:21,563 --> 00:15:23,959 There you go. 274 00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:29,718 And I got to see penguins and a manta ray. 275 00:15:29,719 --> 00:15:32,757 And I got to pet a shark. And the coolest thing was the whales. 276 00:15:32,758 --> 00:15:34,420 They splashed everybody. 277 00:15:34,421 --> 00:15:38,130 You could see right through this one lady's shirt. 278 00:15:38,131 --> 00:15:41,045 And I think maybe she had plants. 279 00:15:43,184 --> 00:15:45,581 Implants. 280 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,196 Yeah. Implants. 281 00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:54,314 I asked Grandma if she had them, and Grandpa said, "I wish." 282 00:15:54,315 --> 00:15:57,704 And then she got mad at him and then they bought me ice cream. 283 00:15:57,705 --> 00:15:59,463 So you had a good trip? 284 00:15:59,464 --> 00:16:05,091 Yeah. When I got home, I went to the movies with Mom and Cindy. 285 00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:09,944 Wait. You, Mom and Cindy? 286 00:16:10,531 --> 00:16:12,927 There you go. 287 00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:16,543 -She's gonna teach me to surf. -Of course she is. 288 00:16:16,544 --> 00:16:20,893 She's not gonna be happy until the whole damn family surfs. 289 00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:22,492 Why don't we give her Aunt Betty's number? 290 00:16:22,493 --> 00:16:25,762 Squeeze that fat ass into a wet suit. 291 00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:30,968 Here, Jake. Take your pizza and go watch TV in your room. 292 00:16:30,969 --> 00:16:32,695 Dad said "fat ass." 293 00:16:32,696 --> 00:16:36,853 You've seen Aunt Betty. It's not swearing if it's true. Now go. 294 00:16:36,854 --> 00:16:39,091 She gets all bent out of shape when Cindy 295 00:16:39,092 --> 00:16:42,098 is prancing around here with her butterfly butt sticking out. 296 00:16:42,099 --> 00:16:45,616 But all of a sudden it's okay, 'cause the butt is on the other foot. 297 00:16:45,617 --> 00:16:47,344 Alan, chill out, buddy. 298 00:16:47,345 --> 00:16:50,574 No! This is the worst kind of hypocrisy and it will not stand. 299 00:16:50,575 --> 00:16:53,676 Forgive me, Alan, but that self-righteous attitude 300 00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:56,843 is a big part of what drove Judith away in the first place. 301 00:16:56,844 --> 00:17:00,617 What? Where did you get... Where? Did she tell you that? 302 00:17:00,618 --> 00:17:04,327 Hey, girlfriends tell each other everything. 303 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,678 Don't look at me like that. 304 00:17:08,006 --> 00:17:11,779 Listen, if she really is gay, then there's nothing you can do about it. 305 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:17,056 Except maybe try and figure out why a lesbian married you in the first place. 306 00:17:17,057 --> 00:17:19,925 But if she's just experimenting 307 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,717 and you act all loving and supportive, 308 00:17:22,718 --> 00:17:26,572 then maybe she comes back to the home team. 309 00:17:28,604 --> 00:17:32,697 Or maybe I could find it in my heart to actually be loving and supportive. 310 00:17:32,698 --> 00:17:36,197 Sure, if you want to reinvent the wheel. 311 00:17:39,382 --> 00:17:42,740 Hey. You know, I would've been more than happy to drop Jake to your house. 312 00:17:42,741 --> 00:17:44,530 No problem. This worked out great. 313 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:47,761 I've been surfing all day with Cindy and we just had a bite to eat. 314 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:50,608 Isn't that nice. Listen, are you in a hurry? 315 00:17:50,609 --> 00:17:52,847 Because there's something I wanted to talk to you about. 316 00:17:52,848 --> 00:17:55,302 No, I guess not. What's up? 317 00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:59,713 I just wanted to let you know that 318 00:18:01,579 --> 00:18:05,255 I'm okay with this. More than okay. 319 00:18:05,322 --> 00:18:09,989 I understand, love and respect you for your courage 320 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,133 to explore things. 321 00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:15,911 Thank you. I'm really starting to enjoy it. 322 00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:19,458 And I support that. 323 00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:21,728 Yeah, I've only done it on my knees so far, 324 00:18:21,729 --> 00:18:24,830 but Cindy says I'm almost ready to try it standing up. 325 00:18:24,831 --> 00:18:28,317 You know what? I don't need to hear the details. 326 00:18:28,318 --> 00:18:31,803 The more important thing is that I accept 327 00:18:31,804 --> 00:18:36,673 you and Cindy as lovers. And more power to you, sister. 328 00:18:39,608 --> 00:18:42,149 You pompous, assuming bastard. 329 00:18:46,101 --> 00:18:48,211 You think I'm sleeping with her? 330 00:18:48,212 --> 00:18:50,608 No. 331 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:53,297 I just got out of a 12-year marriage and you think I would jump 332 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,015 into bed with someone I just met? Man or woman? 333 00:18:56,016 --> 00:18:58,894 -No. -You should be ashamed of yourself. 334 00:18:58,895 --> 00:19:01,516 -I am. -Two women become friends, 335 00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:04,555 and you jump to the conclusion they're having sex! 336 00:19:04,556 --> 00:19:08,640 Where do you get that kind of sleazy thinking? 337 00:19:12,872 --> 00:19:15,589 The jogger. The one on the left. 338 00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:17,381 Real? 339 00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:19,651 Good eye. 340 00:19:19,652 --> 00:19:22,242 With the sports bra, that could have gone either way. 341 00:19:22,243 --> 00:19:27,359 Of course, if they do go either way, they're usually fake. 342 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,567 Jake, honey, get your stuff, we're going home. 343 00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:32,829 -Okay. See you, Uncle Charlie. -See you, buddy. Hey, girlfriend. 344 00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:37,143 Don't "girlfriend" me, you shallow piece of crap. 345 00:19:47,799 --> 00:19:50,195 Fake. 346 00:19:53,748 --> 00:19:56,144 Real. 347 00:19:56,722 --> 00:19:57,841 Jake. 348 00:19:57,842 --> 00:20:01,583 Who does she think she's kidding with those things? 349 00:20:01,584 --> 00:20:04,237 Jake, I swear, if you don't stop it, I'm taking you home. 350 00:20:04,238 --> 00:20:06,634 I understand.