1
00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:34,000
This is the worst part of my job, you know.

2
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:36,234
I do not want to lose a good man.

3
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:41,100
But it's out of my hands,

4
00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:43,467
and even if it were in my hands, my hands are tied.

5
00:00:43,534 --> 00:00:45,334
It's nothing personal. It's just based on...

6
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,300
Yeah, yeah. Well, why am I getting fired?

7
00:00:47,367 --> 00:00:48,367
You're not getting fired. It's redundancy.

8
00:00:48,434 --> 00:00:49,968
As I say, it's nothing personal.

9
00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:51,968
It's cutbacks being what they are,

10
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:54,500
you know, you are one of the unlucky ones.

11
00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:56,801
Or one of the lucky ones, in my opinion.

12
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,901
Now I'm going to ask you, David, why,

13
00:01:00,968 --> 00:01:03,200
when there are three other forklift operators,

14
00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:05,701
do you decide to fire me and not Anton?

15
00:01:05,767 --> 00:01:08,367
You know, is this positive discrimination?

16
00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:10,500
Do you have disability quotas you have to fill?

17
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:12,067
I don't know what you mean. I mean...

18
00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:15,267
Or are you keeping Anton on because he's disabled?

19
00:01:15,334 --> 00:01:17,734
-Anton's not disabled. -He's a midget, David.

20
00:01:17,801 --> 00:01:20,033
Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget, are you?

21
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,434
That's not a disability.

22
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:22,934
-That's just small. -Yeah, I know, but...

23
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,234
Ronnie Corbett doesn't get special treatment, does he?

24
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:27,868
Ronnie Corbett's 5'. Anton's 3'4".

25
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:30,000
So are some children.

26
00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:32,267
Children don't get special favours. Children aren't disabled, are they?

27
00:01:32,334 --> 00:01:33,901
Children don't work in warehouses.

28
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:38,100
Look, whether or not Anton is indeed a midget or a dwarf...

29
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:42,267
-No, he's a midget. -What's the difference?

30
00:01:42,334 --> 00:01:46,300
Well, a dwarf is someone who has disproportionately short arms and legs.

31
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,334
Oh, I know the ones. Those...

32
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,934
Yeah. It's caused by a hormone deficiency.

33
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,534
Yeah. Bloody hormones.

34
00:01:51,601 --> 00:01:53,500
-Yeah. -Hmm.

35
00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:55,968
A midget is still a dwarf, but their arms and legs are in proportion.

36
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,334
Sure.

37
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,601
So, what's an elf?

38
00:02:00,601 --> 00:02:01,601
Do you want to answer that?

39
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:11,767
An elf is a supernatural being.

40
00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:15,300
Sometimes they're invisible, they're like fairies.

41
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:18,500
They don't actually exist, do they? In real life?

42
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,167
What do you want me to...

43
00:02:45,234 --> 00:02:46,801
Do you think I enjoy doing this? This has been imposed upon me!

44
00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:48,434
(MOCKINGLY) "This has been imposed upon me!

45
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,033
-"This has been imposed upon me!" -Yeah, it has.

46
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,367
Yeah. What do you want me to say? "Oh, I'm sorry."

47
00:02:51,434 --> 00:02:52,500
That'll give you your job back.

48
00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:54,033
Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry.

49
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,234
I want you to apologise and stop passing the buck!

50
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,334
I'm not passing the buck. This is someone else's decision.

51
00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,834
I didn't want to do this.

52
00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:01,367
You know. Go above my head if you don't believe me.

53
00:03:01,434 --> 00:03:02,567
Oh, I will go above your head.

54
00:03:02,634 --> 00:03:04,334
Fine. Good luck. It's your prerogative.

55
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,934
Yeah, it is. It's my prerogative. Yeah.

56
00:03:11,167 --> 00:03:13,167
So, is a pixie the same thing as an elf?

57
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,968
-DAVID: Hold on, Gareth. -What?

58
00:03:15,033 --> 00:03:17,801
I just want to know how come he knows so much about midgets?

59
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:23,300
It's called an education.

60
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:28,467
-So, what's a goblin? -How long you going to be, mate?

61
00:03:31,968 --> 00:03:34,767
I know, I probably seem like quite an imposing figure now

62
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:37,467
with my, you know, the slick boss,

63
00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:40,400
but get to know me, you'll see I'm mad.

64
00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:42,234
(CHUCKLING)

65
00:03:44,734 --> 00:03:46,334
I brought that in.

66
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,400
So...

67
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,968
Oh, here we go.

68
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,500
Malcolm.

69
00:03:52,567 --> 00:03:56,100
This is Malcolm. This is Karen Roper, my new secretary.

70
00:03:56,167 --> 00:04:00,167
Although, you can all use her, oh, as an actress said to a bishop.

71
00:04:00,234 --> 00:04:01,901
-MALCOLM: Nice to meet you. -Hello.

72
00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:05,801
David, can I just ask why you've hired yourself a new secretary

73
00:04:05,868 --> 00:04:08,868
when you're having to fire people like Alex this morning?

74
00:04:08,934 --> 00:04:11,167
Different people, different jobs. Isn't it?

75
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:16,567
To wit, the answer to the question, is it people or task

76
00:04:16,634 --> 00:04:18,734
is, well, you know, people.

77
00:04:20,567 --> 00:04:22,234
Like this person. Kojak.

78
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:23,701
-(IMITATES SQUEAKING) -David.

79
00:04:23,767 --> 00:04:25,334
That's what we call him. Not to his face.

80
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,934
-What I... -Who loves you, baby?

81
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:31,500
Am I going to be fired? When will we know what's happening?

82
00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:36,534
Good question. Jennifer is coming in midday today, Greenwich Mean Time.

83
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:38,267
She will have the verdict then. Okay?

84
00:04:38,334 --> 00:04:40,267
I was just trying to keep the troops happy.

85
00:04:40,334 --> 00:04:43,067
Well, they'd be a lot happier if they knew they'd got jobs.

86
00:04:43,133 --> 00:04:44,167
Yeah.

87
00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:50,200
I'm thinking of other weird-looking bald people we could do.

88
00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:52,801
That one off Benny Hill?

89
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:54,100
Oh, yeah.

90
00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:06,968
I don't know if you met Tim. He's thinking of leaving.

91
00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:09,300
Yeah, he's feeling bad about himself.

92
00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:11,133
I'm going to have a chat to him,

93
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,701
make him feel good about himself, turn it round.

94
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:16,868
You know? Look and learn. So...

95
00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:18,634
Timothy!

96
00:05:18,701 --> 00:05:20,300
-Hello. -All right? Can I have a quick word?

97
00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:22,901
In the old office? Walk this way.

98
00:05:22,968 --> 00:05:24,567
(QUACKING)

99
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,434
Always start with a joke.

100
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,868
You might want to make notes, just for...

101
00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:38,601
-Hiya. Come in. -Ta.

102
00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,500
-How are you doing? -All right, thanks.

103
00:05:40,567 --> 00:05:43,434
Good. Um, you don't mind if Karen sits in, just to learn the ropes?

104
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,400
No, not at all. What are we doing?

105
00:05:46,467 --> 00:05:50,067
I just want to know why you're thinking of leaving, mate.

106
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:52,667
I've got to tell you, I'm not thinking of leaving, I am leaving.

107
00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:54,200
Sure. Sure.

108
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:56,367
I don't mean to stitch anyone up,

109
00:05:56,434 --> 00:05:58,200
but it's nothing I've said or done, is it?

110
00:05:58,267 --> 00:06:01,968
-Not at all, David. No. -Definitely not. Put that down. No way.

111
00:06:02,033 --> 00:06:04,601
No, I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth,

112
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:07,334
but what sort of a boss would you say I am?

113
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,367
-I'm a... -Good boss, yeah.

114
00:06:09,434 --> 00:06:10,968
Put down "good". He said "good".

115
00:06:11,033 --> 00:06:12,667
-No, mate, you're a great boss. -He said "great".

116
00:06:12,734 --> 00:06:14,534
It's just that I don't think that I am in a position...

117
00:06:14,601 --> 00:06:16,467
It's not because you asked Dawn out

118
00:06:16,534 --> 00:06:18,300
in front of everyone and she said no, is it?

119
00:06:18,367 --> 00:06:20,400
I didn't ask her out. It was as a friend.

120
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,234
Why does everyone think... It was as a friend.

121
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,567
Put "friend". Put "friend" down.

122
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:26,100
So, why the move?

123
00:06:28,367 --> 00:06:31,100
-It's not one thing, David. -Go on.

124
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:33,300
-Can I? -Sure.

125
00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:39,300
Okay. I don't really enjoy the work I do here. I'm sorry, but...

126
00:06:39,367 --> 00:06:41,834
I feel a little bit like I'm wasting my time.

127
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:45,367
-Like life's too short? -Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Um...

128
00:06:45,434 --> 00:06:47,601
You know, let's be honest, I'm 30, right?

129
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:50,667
I want to retire with some stories to tell, you know?

130
00:06:50,734 --> 00:06:52,467
That aren't about paper?

131
00:06:52,534 --> 00:06:54,033
Yeah, I can give you paper stories that'll crack you up so...

132
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,100
That's true. They are hilarious.

133
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,868
Hilarious. Put down "hilarious".

134
00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:59,067
-Do you want me to go on? -How many have you got?

135
00:06:59,133 --> 00:07:03,267
It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just got to get away.

136
00:07:03,334 --> 00:07:06,500
I think it was John Lennon who said,

137
00:07:06,567 --> 00:07:08,567
"Life is what happens when you're making other plans."

138
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,968
And that's how I feel, you know.

139
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,868
Although he also said, "I am the walrus, I am the eggman",

140
00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:19,801
so I don't know what to believe.

141
00:07:19,868 --> 00:07:23,434
-Okay, David, listen to me... -No, no, you listen to me, "Tim".

142
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:28,033
When you first came here, you didn't know about the paper industry.

143
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,834
I showed you the ropes, I nurtured you, I gave you a good job.

144
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:33,100
-That he doesn't want! -I didn't ask you.

145
00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:34,868
Okay, you did ask me how I felt and I'm telling you.

146
00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:36,767
-I don't want to know now. -What do you mean?

147
00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:38,834
-This has been a waste of time. -It's not a waste of time.

148
00:07:38,901 --> 00:07:40,968
Well, I'll tell you what,

149
00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:43,133
why don't you both go and do some work instead of whinging, please?

150
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,968
-TIM: This is silly. -No, go on.

151
00:07:45,033 --> 00:07:47,634
And don't say out there what you've said in here,

152
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,467
apart from the thing about a good boss, if you want to.

153
00:07:49,534 --> 00:07:53,300
I don't want you spreading your bad vibes around my office, all right?

154
00:07:53,367 --> 00:07:55,500
You be like that at the party, that'll be fun.

155
00:07:58,067 --> 00:08:00,100
You try and do a good deed

156
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:02,400
and that...

157
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,234
You all right?

158
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,801
Yeah, hello. All right?

159
00:08:15,868 --> 00:08:19,200
(CLEARS THROAT) Are you going to the party?

160
00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:20,901
-Yeah, yeah. Of course. -Brilliant.

161
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,367
-I wouldn't miss it. -Cool.

162
00:08:22,434 --> 00:08:24,467
-And you? -Uh, yes.

163
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,367
Good.

164
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:28,834
Hooray!

165
00:08:28,901 --> 00:08:30,400
-See you later. -Yeah.

166
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,500
DAWN: I hope they get rid of me.

167
00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:43,267
Because then I might actually get off my arse and do something.

168
00:08:43,334 --> 00:08:48,367
I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist.

169
00:08:48,434 --> 00:08:49,834
I don't know what I'll do,

170
00:08:49,901 --> 00:08:52,133
but whatever it is, it's got to be a career move

171
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,534
and not just another arbitrary job.

172
00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:58,868
Tim's advice is that it's better to be

173
00:08:58,934 --> 00:09:00,868
at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb

174
00:09:00,934 --> 00:09:02,667
than halfway up one you don't.

175
00:09:03,734 --> 00:09:05,868
But, um, I just...

176
00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:08,267
I don't want to be treading water, you know,

177
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:12,200
and then wake up in another five years' time and say, "Shit! Done it again."

178
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,868
(SHREDDER WHIRRING)

179
00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:27,434
Do you think you could...

180
00:09:29,634 --> 00:09:31,100
-Could you not do that here, mate? -Mmm?

181
00:09:31,167 --> 00:09:32,767
Sorry, I just wondered if you couldn't do that here?

182
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:34,300
-I've got to do it, mate. -Really?

183
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:38,400
No chance you could throw it in the bin?

184
00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:40,634
Yeah, and maybe I should just

185
00:09:40,701 --> 00:09:42,667
take them around to rival companies and just hand them out.

186
00:09:42,734 --> 00:09:46,834
Good point, but could you just throw it in the bin?

187
00:09:46,901 --> 00:09:49,901
Gareth, can you keep it down a bit?

188
00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:51,801
-Hmm? -Can you stop it?

189
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:56,400
Yeah. I'll just do it like this.

190
00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:58,100
(RIPPING)

191
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:03,934
(EXHALES)

192
00:10:07,334 --> 00:10:09,467
-Hiya. -Hi, David. Are you ready?

193
00:10:09,534 --> 00:10:10,601
Yeah.

194
00:10:11,868 --> 00:10:13,667
-Who's she? -Don't know.

195
00:10:22,033 --> 00:10:24,667
Now, I know I promised you some kind of answer today.

196
00:10:24,734 --> 00:10:26,834
I don't think it's the one that you were expecting.

197
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:29,334
Firstly, I'm moving on.

198
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,400
Have you been fired?

199
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:31,968
-(LAUGHS) No. -No?

200
00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:34,868
No, I've been made into a partner.

201
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,601
They've made you into a partner?

202
00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,968
So that'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor-Clark.

203
00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:41,033
That's mental. They'll have to change the stationery.

204
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,667
Yeah, I think we might get a discount, though, as we're in the business.

205
00:10:43,734 --> 00:10:45,000
40% sometimes.

206
00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:46,901
The point is, David, my job is now available

207
00:10:46,968 --> 00:10:49,767
and the board thought that either you or Neil

208
00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:52,234
should take over the role.

209
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:57,167
I can tell you now, the board have voted 5-2 in favour of you taking the job.

210
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:02,834
Voted for me 5-2? There's only seven on the board, isn't there?

211
00:11:02,901 --> 00:11:05,534
-So it's five out of seven. A landslide. -Now I did...

212
00:11:05,601 --> 00:11:07,601
-David. -Go on.

213
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,367
You've always made it very clear that you're 100% committed to your branch.

214
00:11:10,434 --> 00:11:12,400
Probably why I got the...

215
00:11:12,467 --> 00:11:15,400
You do understand that if you take on my job, Neil will stay in Swindon

216
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:18,801
and your branch will be downsized and incorporated into his?

217
00:11:18,868 --> 00:11:20,500
Yep.

218
00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:22,901
Well, I know that you're very loyal to your family here...

219
00:11:22,968 --> 00:11:26,267
I'll be loyal to the whole family. It's one big family.

220
00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,067
Yeah, I'm just sensitive to the fact

221
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:31,000
that you have strong, let's say, emotional ties to your team.

222
00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:36,200
Well, yeah, but there is the emotion as "good in business" syndrome, sure,

223
00:11:36,267 --> 00:11:39,601
notwithstanding the "cruel to be kind" scenario.

224
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:40,834
I'm sorry, David, you've lost me.

225
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,300
Well, you're not looking at the whole pie, Jenny.

226
00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:45,367
Wernham Hogg is one big pie,

227
00:11:45,434 --> 00:11:47,901
and if I've left me in charge of that one big pie,

228
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:51,400
I'll be in charge of the pie and the people are the fruit.

229
00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:53,467
I don't have time for the pie thing, David.

230
00:11:53,534 --> 00:11:56,968
You don't want it, no. I'm saying, yeah, okay, I'll take the job, please.

231
00:11:57,033 --> 00:12:00,968
Good. Okay, well, the first step is to meet with Alan and the board.

232
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:03,934
Yep. What's five out of seven as a percentage?

233
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,067
-Uh, 70%. -Mmm.

234
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,500
71.4. So...

235
00:12:08,567 --> 00:12:13,234
Call Susan and arrange to meet the board and finalise all the details.

236
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,400
Congratulations and good luck.

237
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:18,334
Yeah, you don't need luck when you've got 71.4% of the population behind you.

238
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,601
(WHISPERING) She's still here.

239
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:27,601
Bye, Jennifer.

240
00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:38,667
-EMMA: What do you think? -He looked all right. Not unhappy.

241
00:12:38,734 --> 00:12:41,534
-EMMA: How did it go? -What did she say?

242
00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:42,934
Fine.

243
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,901
What's the damage?

244
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:47,133
It's complicated.

245
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,534
-Are you going to tell us? -Yeah.

246
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:52,534
MALCOLM: David?

247
00:12:54,701 --> 00:12:55,968
(DOOR CLOSES)

248
00:12:57,934 --> 00:12:59,000
(KNOCKING)

249
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:04,968
We'd like to know now.

250
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:06,801
Okay. All right.

251
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:09,901
Okay, gather.

252
00:13:11,033 --> 00:13:13,801
Um, well,

253
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:16,634
there's good news and bad news.

254
00:13:16,701 --> 00:13:20,634
The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches

255
00:13:20,701 --> 00:13:22,500
and some of you will lose your jobs.

256
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:24,300
(ALL GASP)

257
00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:27,300
Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon

258
00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:30,067
if you want to stay.

259
00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:33,701
I know. I know. Gutting. Gutting.

260
00:13:33,767 --> 00:13:35,133
You didn't see me, ohh.

261
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:41,601
On a more positive note, the good news is I've been promoted.

262
00:13:43,467 --> 00:13:46,267
So, every cloud...

263
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,901
You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you?

264
00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:58,467
There's no good news, David. It's only bad news and irrelevant news.

265
00:13:58,534 --> 00:13:59,968
Yeah, that's not a phrase though, is it?

266
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:01,434
I couldn't come out and go,

267
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,500
"I've got some bad news and some irrelevant news."

268
00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:07,334
You could have just told us about Neil and kept your promotion to yourself.

269
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,033
Should have told you the good news first...

270
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,234
There is no good news, David.

271
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:15,000
Hmm. I think promotion is generally considered good news.

272
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:17,000
We're going to lose our jobs!

273
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,400
You're not all going to lose your jobs.

274
00:14:18,467 --> 00:14:20,534
God! Just... All right.

275
00:14:20,601 --> 00:14:23,400
You're not going to lose your job. You're not going to lose your job.

276
00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:25,601
You know, you're not going to lose your job.

277
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:28,934
So, let's get it in perspective, yeah?

278
00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:30,934
Come on.

279
00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:37,100
You know there's only seven people on the board, yeah?

280
00:14:40,801 --> 00:14:43,300
MAN: When are the rest of us going to find out?

281
00:14:45,434 --> 00:14:49,000
I can't believe it. After all the things he said, it's just...

282
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:51,200
I'm in shock.

283
00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:53,167
Sold us out.

284
00:14:54,634 --> 00:14:55,601
Wanker.

285
00:14:57,601 --> 00:15:00,000
What? David Brent's leaving?

286
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,133
So you're definitely leaving, then?

287
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:14,500
Uh, yeah, it would appear so.

288
00:15:15,701 --> 00:15:17,901
What about us?

289
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,934
-There's nothing going on between us. -Not like that.

290
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,100
You know, but we're a team.

291
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:24,767
I'm Assistant Regional Manager.

292
00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:27,901
-Assistant to the Regional Manager. -Yeah.

293
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,601
So I can still be your assistant?

294
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,901
Can I... If you're going off...

295
00:15:32,968 --> 00:15:37,667
No. I'll be getting a proper assistant, a PA, probably so...

296
00:15:37,734 --> 00:15:39,367
-A lady? -Hopefully, yeah.

297
00:15:39,434 --> 00:15:41,601
Well, not 'cause of that, just...

298
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:43,334
What about Neil?

299
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,634
Is he going to be needing an assistant? I could be his assistant.

300
00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:47,868
Neil's bringing his man with him.

301
00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:49,367
Bloody good guy, actually.

302
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:51,367
Good assistant. Bloke called Terry someone.

303
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,868
You'd like him. He's ex-army.

304
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:54,934
Territorial?

305
00:15:57,868 --> 00:15:59,968
-No. -Regular?

306
00:16:00,901 --> 00:16:02,434
Yeah.

307
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,267
-What rank? -Sergeant, I think.

308
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:08,667
What are you?

309
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:09,834
Lieutenant, sir.

310
00:16:11,767 --> 00:16:13,033
Anyway...

311
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,267
That's it, then, is it? (SNIFFLING)

312
00:16:17,334 --> 00:16:19,000
The old team on the scrapheap.

313
00:16:19,734 --> 00:16:20,901
It's all gone.

314
00:16:21,634 --> 00:16:23,234
Gareth, come on.

315
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:28,968
Dude, you're a soldier. Aren't you? Eh? Yeah?

316
00:16:29,033 --> 00:16:30,901
Stiff upper lip and all that, eh?

317
00:16:30,968 --> 00:16:36,434
Spirit of the Dam Busters. Yeah? The squadron never dies, does it?

318
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,300
-Seen that film? -Yeah. I've got it on video.

319
00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:41,067
Well, then, yeah?

320
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,500
In it, before he goes into battle,

321
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,801
he's playing with his dog and everything.

322
00:16:44,868 --> 00:16:46,701
-Nigger. -Yeah, that's not offensive.

323
00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:48,500
That's the dog's name.

324
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:50,634
It was the '40s as well, before racism was bad, innit? So...

325
00:16:50,701 --> 00:16:53,167
-The dog was called Nigger. -Don't keep saying it but...

326
00:16:54,534 --> 00:16:55,534
Hey?

327
00:17:02,701 --> 00:17:04,968
So, take anything.

328
00:17:05,033 --> 00:17:09,000
Choose one thing. A memento. From me to you.

329
00:17:09,067 --> 00:17:10,968
-Take anything you want. -To keep?

330
00:17:11,033 --> 00:17:13,500
-Yep. -I'll have the guitar.

331
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:17,300
Not the guitar. I meant stationery. Something I can reorder.

332
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,367
Like a hole punch? That's always handy.

333
00:17:23,801 --> 00:17:25,334
-All right? -Yeah?

334
00:17:26,901 --> 00:17:28,133
Bloody good one, that.

335
00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:31,234
(SNIFFS)

336
00:17:34,634 --> 00:17:35,667
Oh.

337
00:17:36,901 --> 00:17:38,467
Like confetti.

338
00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:42,334
Could be used as confetti, yeah.

339
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,801
Check with the vicar first, always.

340
00:17:46,234 --> 00:17:47,400
Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth.

341
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,934
-No. -I'm just...

342
00:17:50,934 --> 00:17:53,500
-Sorry. -Put it there.

343
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,400
I don't see it as letting people down.

344
00:17:55,467 --> 00:17:57,500
If this is a family, then maybe it's time

345
00:17:57,567 --> 00:18:00,434
to cut the apron strings, let them stand on their own two feet.

346
00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,434
Because you can be sure

347
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,300
if they were in my position, they'd take the job and go, "Yep, thanks.

348
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:07,400
"We're off. Thanks for the opportunity and the great jokes."

349
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:10,467
But, you know, this is a business, all right?

350
00:18:10,534 --> 00:18:13,667
I'm not doing this for an Esther Rantzen Heart of Gold,

351
00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:16,133
or, you know, if Esther's handing out awards,

352
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,133
then do it for my charity work.

353
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,934
Not... Five fun runs in two years.

354
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:25,300
So, why don't you ask Philippa Norris or, you know, Simon Coleman at Mencap

355
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:27,601
what they think of David Brent?

356
00:18:32,567 --> 00:18:33,667
So...

357
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,434
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

358
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:43,801
It's the end of the financial year and spirits are in the sky.

359
00:18:43,868 --> 00:18:46,567
(SPIRIT IN THE SKY BY NORMAN GREENBAUM PLAYING)

360
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:59,367
You're all smug now. You're moving away. But think of me.

361
00:18:59,434 --> 00:19:00,834
The shoe could be on the other foot.

362
00:19:00,901 --> 00:19:02,500
But you're going to be all right, aren't you?

363
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:05,100
Yeah. I work hard. I earn my keep.

364
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:09,467
But unfortunately, the history books are full of just people

365
00:19:09,534 --> 00:19:15,567
who toil and fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others and...

366
00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:17,801
Yeah, that's the most profound thing you've ever said, mate.

367
00:19:17,868 --> 00:19:20,100
Yeah, and you do all that

368
00:19:20,167 --> 00:19:22,334
only for the foreigners or women or the disabled to take advantage of it.

369
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,901
Can I withdraw my last comment?

370
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:28,601
-What do you think of her? -A bit out of your league, mate.

371
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:31,033
-Definitely out of your league. -No. Smug.

372
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:34,067
You think you're so... Just 'cause you got a bit of Donna because

373
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:37,000
I played by the rules 'cause she was out of bounds.

374
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:39,267
You nipped in behind everyone's back.

375
00:19:39,334 --> 00:19:41,467
I'd have got a bit if I'd thought it was up for grabs.

376
00:19:41,534 --> 00:19:45,234
I'd have done her, but that would be shitting on your own doorstep.

377
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,567
And anyway, I don't do sloppy seconds.

378
00:19:47,634 --> 00:19:50,200
Yeah, you see it's phrases like "sloppy seconds"

379
00:19:50,267 --> 00:19:52,067
which make her out of your league.

380
00:19:54,968 --> 00:19:57,567


381
00:19:57,634 --> 00:19:59,200


382
00:19:59,267 --> 00:20:01,801


383
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,567


384
00:20:03,634 --> 00:20:06,434


385
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,000


386
00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:09,901


387
00:20:09,968 --> 00:20:12,701


388
00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:14,267


389
00:20:14,334 --> 00:20:16,200


390
00:20:17,234 --> 00:20:18,300
(MUSIC STOPS)

391
00:20:19,434 --> 00:20:20,868
Hello!

392
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:22,834
Welcome, everybody. Just a few things.

393
00:20:22,901 --> 00:20:26,400
Um, see the raffle over there? That's going to start later.

394
00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:30,567
And, uh, you can win a printer. Something I'd bloody love.

395
00:20:30,634 --> 00:20:32,601
Although if I win it, I'll probably either put the ticket back

396
00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:34,834
or give it to charity or something, but that's, you know...

397
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,234
No pressure, that's...

398
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,601
Uh, good luck to Ricky,

399
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:41,067
who's off pursuing his career starting Monday.

400
00:20:41,133 --> 00:20:44,467
So, have we got him a collection or a gift or summat? Well...

401
00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:48,467
You haven't been here long, have you? So...

402
00:20:48,534 --> 00:20:51,167
Should have seen what we got Pete Gibbons. Ooh!

403
00:20:51,234 --> 00:20:54,234
He'll tell you. We all remember that. So...

404
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,701
Just come from a meeting at Head Office,

405
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:06,534
where I was officially offered the job as UK Manager.

406
00:21:06,601 --> 00:21:08,801
Um, and as you know, taking that job will mean

407
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,567
a lot of you will lose your jobs,

408
00:21:10,634 --> 00:21:12,767
and I'd just like to say...

409
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:15,067
That's why I told them to shove their job up their arses!

410
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,701
-MALCOLM: So you're staying here? -Yes. We all are.

411
00:21:19,767 --> 00:21:22,968
We'll incorporate Swindon. So, you know,

412
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:26,868
hip-hip-hooray for David Brent! Hip-hip-hooray.

413
00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:28,267
-(SCATTERED APPLAUSE) -Yeah, no, stop it.

414
00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:31,000
Seriously. Move on. Let's move on.

415
00:21:31,067 --> 00:21:33,734
So have a good... Let's rock!

416
00:21:33,801 --> 00:21:37,200
Smashie and Nicey, kick in there. Put the record on when I do that.

417
00:21:38,968 --> 00:21:40,033
That's...

418
00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:42,601
clumsy.

419
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:45,234
(SEX BOMB BY TOM JONES PLAYING)

420
00:22:02,067 --> 00:22:03,801
-Tim! -Hey! All right, mate?

421
00:22:03,868 --> 00:22:05,334
-You all right? -Yeah.

422
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,901
-Did you ask my girlfriend out? -Eh? No. What?

423
00:22:06,968 --> 00:22:09,200
-You hit on someone's girlfriend... -No, no, no, mate.

424
00:22:09,267 --> 00:22:10,734
What sort of a bloke would I be if I let that go?

425
00:22:10,801 --> 00:22:12,133
No, just... No, listen. Can I just say...

426
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,801
-The problem is... -No, we have no problem here.

427
00:22:13,868 --> 00:22:15,634
-What are we going to do? -Lee, Lee, please.

428
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:17,868
Can I get a word in? 'Cause I asked her out as a friend.

429
00:22:17,934 --> 00:22:20,033
It wasn't as a girlfriend. It was just a soldier to cry on.

430
00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:21,901
-A soldier? -(STAMMERS) Shoulder.

431
00:22:21,968 --> 00:22:23,934
Why do you want a soldier to cry on? Are you bent or something?

432
00:22:25,801 --> 00:22:27,934
-Is this a wind-up? -Yeah. Sorry, mate.

433
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,033
-Don't do that, man! -Having a bit of a laugh. I'm sorry.

434
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,868
Wouldn't blame you, she's a good-looking girl.

435
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:34,200
Yeah, she is.

436
00:22:34,267 --> 00:22:35,934
-Come on. -All right.

437
00:22:37,367 --> 00:22:38,767
(TRAGEDY BY STEPS PLAYING)

438
00:23:18,567 --> 00:23:20,634
(THE ONLY WAY IS UP BY YAZZ PLAYING)

439
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:28,133
That's the thing about leadership. Sometimes you got to sacrifice yourself.

440
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,200
Um, we just wanted to say we thought that was a really good thing you did.

441
00:23:31,267 --> 00:23:32,801
Yeah, man, really impressive.

442
00:23:32,868 --> 00:23:35,467
I'd prefer your respect individually, but cheers.

443
00:23:35,534 --> 00:23:37,767
You've got our respect individually.

444
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:40,300
I'd believe that a little bit more if he hadn't jumped on top of you

445
00:23:40,367 --> 00:23:41,734
the minute my back was turned, so...

446
00:23:41,801 --> 00:23:44,100
-Actually, you know, I was on top. -All right.

447
00:23:44,167 --> 00:23:45,968
We just wanted to say well done.

448
00:23:46,033 --> 00:23:47,434
Yeah, nice one.

449
00:23:49,434 --> 00:23:51,500
And they probably did oral.

450
00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:58,901
Hey. All right? Enjoying the party?

451
00:24:00,334 --> 00:24:02,067
So they offered you the job, did they?

452
00:24:02,133 --> 00:24:03,801
(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah, well.

453
00:24:03,868 --> 00:24:06,734
The thing is, I've been with this nutty lot way too long

454
00:24:06,801 --> 00:24:09,033
to sell them down the river for a couple of extra quid a year.

455
00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:10,567
-So, not interested. -Right.

456
00:24:10,634 --> 00:24:13,267
It's just that I was speaking to Paula and she seems...

457
00:24:13,334 --> 00:24:14,934
-Paula? Oh, yeah. -Alan's assistant.

458
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,334
And she seems to think the reason that you didn't take the job

459
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,300
was not because you didn't want it,

460
00:24:19,367 --> 00:24:22,100
but because you failed the medical because of high blood pressure.

461
00:24:22,167 --> 00:24:24,901
Well.

462
00:24:24,968 --> 00:24:28,167
You got to ask yourself why did I get high blood pressure

463
00:24:28,234 --> 00:24:30,200
on the day of the medical, how come?

464
00:24:30,267 --> 00:24:33,267
Are you saying that you cheated science and faked high blood pressure

465
00:24:33,334 --> 00:24:35,500
so that you could remain in the job?

466
00:24:35,567 --> 00:24:37,834
You know, you've got to ask yourself that.

467
00:24:37,901 --> 00:24:39,534
Did you?

468
00:24:39,601 --> 00:24:42,534
What's worse, cheating medical science or cheating friends?

469
00:24:42,601 --> 00:24:45,234
Yeah? The board of directors come to me and they go,

470
00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:47,300
"Oh, David, you're the best man for the job.

471
00:24:47,367 --> 00:24:50,200
"You've got to take the job and we won't take no for an answer."

472
00:24:50,267 --> 00:24:54,734
"Oh, hold on, you failed the medical. Oh, all right, stay with..." You know?

473
00:24:54,801 --> 00:24:57,901
For all your mole knows, they may or may not have said that to me.

474
00:24:57,968 --> 00:25:00,334
-Did they? -They may or may not have.

475
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,767
So, you faked high blood pressure in order to fail a medical test?

476
00:25:05,634 --> 00:25:06,667
Oh, no.

477
00:25:06,734 --> 00:25:08,267
(CHUCKLING)

478
00:25:08,334 --> 00:25:09,400
See you later.

479
00:25:15,033 --> 00:25:17,000
(I'M NOT IN LOVE BY 10CC PLAYING)

480
00:25:33,067 --> 00:25:34,601
(INAUDIBLE)

481
00:26:15,067 --> 00:26:17,267
So, when are you leaving me?

482
00:26:17,334 --> 00:26:20,033
Um, well, it probably won't be for quite a while.

483
00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:23,868
-Autumn? -Um, probably not.

484
00:26:23,934 --> 00:26:27,801
Oh. Um, I thought you wanted to go back to university and everything.

485
00:26:27,868 --> 00:26:31,200
Yeah, I will, but there's a slight bit of a change of plan.

486
00:26:31,267 --> 00:26:32,567
Oh, right.

487
00:26:34,601 --> 00:26:36,834
David's made me Senior Sales Clerk.

488
00:26:40,434 --> 00:26:42,467
Wow!

489
00:26:42,534 --> 00:26:46,434
Um, I thought you wanted to, like, be a psychologist.

490
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:49,634
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Senior Sales Clerk is...

491
00:26:49,701 --> 00:26:53,667
Well, it's 500 quid guaranteed extra a year.

492
00:26:53,734 --> 00:26:57,300
And if I do a bit of networking, then there's every chance

493
00:26:57,367 --> 00:27:00,334
I could be in David's chair in three years. So...

494
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,467
Oh.

495
00:27:02,534 --> 00:27:06,334
(STAMMERING) All that talk about, like, getting on, moving on in the world...

496
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,901
No, I said moving up. Yeah? Moving up.

497
00:27:09,100 --> 00:27:13,167
Moving up can mean within an internal ladder, framework,

498
00:27:13,234 --> 00:27:15,868
or sideways to external, then up.

499
00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:17,701
You know, you've got to look at the whole pie

500
00:27:17,767 --> 00:27:20,100
vis-a-vis my current life situation. You know?

501
00:27:20,167 --> 00:27:22,200
Vis-a... Pie?

502
00:27:23,767 --> 00:27:27,234
Which means, of course, my old job is free.

503
00:27:29,968 --> 00:27:32,033
So, you know, have a word.

504
00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:34,067
-Timothy! -Timothy!

505
00:27:35,334 --> 00:27:37,267
(TRUE BY SPANDAU BALLET PLAYING)

506
00:27:56,567 --> 00:28:00,300
You grow up, you work half a century, you get a golden handshake,

507
00:28:00,367 --> 00:28:03,567
you rest a couple of years and you're dead.

508
00:28:03,634 --> 00:28:06,868
And the only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is,

509
00:28:06,934 --> 00:28:09,767
"Did I enjoy it? What did I learn? What was the point?"

510
00:28:09,834 --> 00:28:11,667
That's where I come in.

511
00:28:11,734 --> 00:28:14,601
You've seen how I react to people, I make them feel good,

512
00:28:14,667 --> 00:28:17,400
make them think that anything's possible, yeah?

513
00:28:17,467 --> 00:28:20,267
If I make them laugh along the way, sue me.

514
00:28:21,734 --> 00:28:23,767
I don't do it so they'll turn around and go,

515
00:28:23,834 --> 00:28:25,467
"Oh, thank you, David, for the opportunity.

516
00:28:25,534 --> 00:28:28,868
"Thank you for the wisdom. Thank you for the laughs."

517
00:28:28,934 --> 00:28:33,500
I do it so one day someone will go, "There goes David Brent.

518
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:36,734
"I must remember to thank him."