1
00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:06,640
Red Letter Day for New York. Monty
Potter is playing five nights at the

2
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,440
Center. Who's Monty Potter?

3
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:10,280
You've never heard of the Potty Man?

4
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:15,900
He's the crown prince of comedy filth.
Yeah, he's one of those comics that

5
00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:16,960
to shock his audience.

6
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,080
He's a cesspool with lips.

7
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,920
He's not dumping on minorities and
women. He's grabbing his crotch and

8
00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:26,000
to his Mr. Friendly.

9
00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:33,120
lowlife would actually pay money to see
someone like that.

10
00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:34,960
Two tickets!

11
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:48,980
Third row center for the potty man. Read
them and weep.

12
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,060
Don't you just love a coincidence? Oh,
yeah.

13
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,460
What? You don't like Monty Potter?

14
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:58,340
Not as much as I like sandpaper
pantyhose.

15
00:01:00,650 --> 00:01:03,610
You know, a lot of women find risque
humor a turn -on.

16
00:01:04,209 --> 00:01:06,490
Most of the women I date would love to
go to this concert.

17
00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:09,990
Most of the women you date would love to
be able to spell concert.

18
00:01:12,390 --> 00:01:16,230
Forgive me if I just don't collapse in
hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.

19
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:17,970
Saving my laughter for tonight.

20
00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:19,690
Well,

21
00:01:20,870 --> 00:01:23,330
now you know what kind of fans the party
man has.

22
00:01:23,770 --> 00:01:26,750
Sure, women who hate themselves and
their dates.

23
00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:29,150
Riddle time.

24
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:34,040
What does Ed McMahon have three of,
Shelley Winters two of, and Bull Shannon

25
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,040
of?

26
00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:36,380
Chins?

27
00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:39,020
No.

28
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:40,700
Autobiographies!

29
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,540
Bull on Bull.

30
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:51,080
Real deep, real hip, real Bull.

31
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,960
Bull, how'd you get that book published?

32
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,020
Well, after 426 rejections, Random
snapped it up.

33
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:00,560
Random house?

34
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,820
No, random author.

35
00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,660
Random author? They're one of those
vanity publishing houses. Bull, how much

36
00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:09,660
this cost you?

37
00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:11,280
Only $11 a copy.

38
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:15,900
They said they usually charge Kurt
Vonnegut $20.

39
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,560
Bull, big authors don't pay to get their
books published.

40
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:20,960
Publishers pay them.

41
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,020
Gee, I'm glad I didn't take their movie
deal.

42
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,860
Sounds like I've been hoodwinked.

43
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,680
Depends. How many books did you buy?

44
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,780
Just enough to make the bestseller list.

45
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:26,480
Listen to this.

46
00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:31,660
After my first rainy night on
Manhattan's mean streets, two things

47
00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:32,700
brilliantly clear.

48
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:37,700
Jane Pauley doesn't return phone calls,
and cantaloupe hats leak.

49
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,920
The man's a wordsmith.

50
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:45,620
I hope.

51
00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:49,600
So, Dan, how was your evening with that
toilet fellow?

52
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,080
That potty man?

53
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:54,280
For your information, it was sick.

54
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,800
It was crass. It was fantastic.

55
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:04,140
Could have saved yourself a few bucks if
you had just stayed here and read the

56
00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,140
men's room wall.

57
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,340
I've already committed that to memory.

58
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:10,060
Anyway, potty man's jokes were much
better.

59
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,380
Listen to this one.

60
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:14,220
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come
on. Listen, listen.

61
00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:17,060
Why did God give women legs?

62
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,240
So that when you're through with them,
they can leave.

63
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:27,510
They can leave.

64
00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:32,010
Degrading women doesn't make me laugh.

65
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:34,010
You people lighten up.

66
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:35,430
It's a joke.

67
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:41,570
How can an educated man like him laugh
at such garbage?

68
00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:46,670
An educated man like him wanted to make
synchronized stripping an event at the

69
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:47,670
Pan Am Games.

70
00:04:49,470 --> 00:04:50,490
What's next, Mac?

71
00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:52,110
Files on its way, sir.

72
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:58,180
As I followed the dusty road, my
father's haunting voice crept in my

73
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:03,240
Ring, ring, ring, went the phone.

74
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,400
No, no, nobody's home.

75
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:07,820
Well, what do you think?

76
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,160
It was so spiritual.

77
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:15,140
The ringing was a metaphor for your
halcyon days before you were swept away

78
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,140
the winds of time.

79
00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,420
Wow, and I thought it just had to do
with a phone.

80
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,000
Well, here's something we don't see
every day. Citizens arrest.

81
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,200
Woo -hoo, some hardened criminal cross
against the light.

82
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,100
The story of the year.

83
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,180
Well, if that's all it is, it must be a
slow news day.

84
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,940
What the hell day to rest? The mayor?

85
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:38,600
Nope, somebody bigger.

86
00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:40,600
Monty Potter.

87
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,520
The potty man? In the flesh, your
worship.

88
00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:48,240
Hey, how you doing? Monty, Monty, care
to make a statement? Monty, Monty, how

89
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,080
you feel? You mean, who do I feel?

90
00:05:54,350 --> 00:05:55,370
I'll tell you what's going on.

91
00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:58,250
Cassabas are in season. That's what's
going on.

92
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:01,730
That's enough of that.

93
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:06,750
Mr. Prosecutor, to what do we owe the
pleasure of this special appearance by

94
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:07,850
Potter this evening?

95
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,450
Okay, wait.

96
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:16,410
Apparently, during Mr. Potter's
performance this evening, a crazed

97
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:20,070
member jumped up on stage and made a
citizen's arrest. He's claiming that Mr.

98
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,950
Potter's act... was obscene.

99
00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:23,170
Yeah, right.

100
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:29,710
Your Honor, as much as I am no fan of
Mr. Potter's brand of humor, this case

101
00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:31,350
unfounded. It should never have come
before the court.

102
00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:34,630
Hey, honey, if I want your help, I'll
drop my drawers.

103
00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:39,110
You gotta give me a trial.

104
00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:43,610
This is about my right to free speech.
The clown sat on me for a half hour

105
00:06:43,610 --> 00:06:46,070
screaming the holy roller crap in my
ear.

106
00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:48,070
Is the complainant in court?

107
00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:50,250
That would be me, sir.

108
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,580
The Reverend Lester Sinclair.

109
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,020
Oh, no, not this guy.

110
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,640
I've seen him on TV.

111
00:06:57,940 --> 00:07:01,320
He wanted to retouch the Mona Lisa
because she looked like she was thinking

112
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,320
dirty thoughts.

113
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:08,640
In all my years of fighting obscenity, I
have never encountered a more

114
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:13,480
lecherous, immoral character than this
sinner who stands before you.

115
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,340
Is he talking about Monty or Dan?

116
00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:24,050
Potter is a threat to all that is good
and pure. He infects his audiences with

117
00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,290
his atrocious behavior.

118
00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:29,590
Uh, Reverend, Reverend, rather than
playing to the six o 'clock report,

119
00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:33,070
you mind directing your comments to the
bench? I'm sorry, Your Honor, but I

120
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:37,410
truly believe that the world should know
about this. Yeah, well, know about

121
00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:41,970
this, huh, Gabriel? Go blow your
trumpet. He's a... Huh, butt -face? All

122
00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:42,970
all right.

123
00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:48,250
Much as I hate to interrupt this witty
repartee, I don't want to hear another

124
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,590
word out of either one of you.

125
00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:55,410
If the prosecution has nothing to add
but the occasional guffaw... I'm sorry.

126
00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,790
It cracks me up.

127
00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:04,070
The people see no reason to pursue this
case, sir.

128
00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:08,830
All right, if there is nothing on which
to base the decision... Aha, but there

129
00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:11,090
is. The smoking gun.

130
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:13,820
A transcript of tonight's performance.

131
00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:15,540
Potter at his filthiest.

132
00:08:17,940 --> 00:08:20,120
You don't expect me to read this into
the record.

133
00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:21,339
Oh, what's the matter, Judge?

134
00:08:21,340 --> 00:08:22,340
No guts?

135
00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:25,400
Your Honor, there's really no reason to
hear this.

136
00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:27,140
Poop.

137
00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:30,920
Why don't you just dismiss the charges
and everybody can go on home?

138
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,320
Ooh, the crack of the whip.

139
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,440
I'm sorry, Reverend. There's no way I'm
going to read this.

140
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:40,220
Just go ahead and read it. I got nothing
to be ashamed of.

141
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:41,720
Your mama does.

142
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:48,520
Well, if it will settle this matter and
avoid wasting the court's time, I'll

143
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,379
read it.

144
00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:52,540
Ah, goody, I finally get to use my dirty
keys.

145
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,800
So I met this broad in a bar.

146
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:03,040
She's got a great set of blankety
blanks.

147
00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:07,240
She buys me a drink and tells me she's a
dental hygienist.

148
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,400
So I rinse and spit on her.

149
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,520
Oh, this is sick.

150
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,120
I know. I just hope I can remember it.

151
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:23,320
So I'm in this sushi bar, and I tell the
little blankety -blank waiter that I

152
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,320
like my fish cooked.

153
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:29,040
He gives me this stupid stare like he
don't know English or something, so I

154
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,920
my cigarette out on his tongue.

155
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:35,380
Well, I think we get the gist of your
humor, Mr. Potter.

156
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:40,250
I rest my case, Your Honor. Potter's Act
is one obscenity after another.

157
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,990
No, it's one blankety -blank after
another.

158
00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:47,770
It's also inane, insipid, and witless,
but that is not a judgment. That's a

159
00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:49,750
to get you people out of my court.

160
00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:51,350
Stupidity dismissed.

161
00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:52,930
Okay.

162
00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:05,000
Dismissed? Your Honor, this disciple of
evil must be made accountable for his

163
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,380
obscenity. What about my rights? I want
justice and this clown off my back. I

164
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:10,219
want a ruling.

165
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,440
Sorry, fellas, the complaint department
opens in the morning. Next case, Mac.

166
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,800
What a waste of time.

167
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,300
This is a travesty of justice.

168
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,940
The devil has been released. Well, you
can't do this to me. If you don't rule,

169
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,020
this cretin will never leave me alone.

170
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:27,800
Mr. Potter, there is nothing to rule on
and there is nothing more to discuss.

171
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,680
Oh, what's wrong, Judge? Afraid to have
your name connected with a First

172
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,680
Amendment case?

173
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,520
That's enough, Mr. Potter.

174
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,920
You're a spineless. Is every other jerk
in this judicial system. What do they

175
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,160
call you, Judge Jello?

176
00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:46,920
That is more than enough, Mr. Potter.
Now either you clear out or I will have

177
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,760
you held over on contempt charges.

178
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:49,980
Hey, Judge.

179
00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:52,520
Kiss my blank.

180
00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:57,580
Oh, I know what that one was.

181
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,240
So do I.

182
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,960
Say the magic word, go to jail.

183
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,460
Bull, lock him up.

184
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,880
Justice is truly ours.

185
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,510
Since you're going to holding, want a
good book to read?

186
00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:23,370
Well, what do you think?

187
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,050
Amazing.

188
00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:27,890
How'd you ever get Ronald Reagan to read
your book on tape?

189
00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:31,250
Heck, he'll do anything for $200.

190
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:36,210
So, how many books have you sold so far,
Paul?

191
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:39,090
Well, let's see. Not carrying the ones I
gave away for free.

192
00:11:41,810 --> 00:11:42,810
None.

193
00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:44,190
Yes?

194
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:46,490
Well, you sold one out, big guy.

195
00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:50,850
Great! Want me to autograph it for you?
Ah, no, that won't be necessary.

196
00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:54,430
Excuse me, Your Honor.

197
00:11:59,570 --> 00:12:01,290
Damn! It's like a glove.

198
00:12:06,170 --> 00:12:09,850
Say, you look like a woman who'd
appreciate Monty Potter.

199
00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:11,830
Why is a chick like a guitar?

200
00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:16,110
Oh, because you can string her along,
play her all night, and then lock her in

201
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,590
the closet until you want to use her
again.

202
00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:20,410
Funny stuff, huh?

203
00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:23,590
No

204
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:30,970
sense

205
00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:31,970
of humor.

206
00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:37,230
But a great sense of taste. Oh, then
what, pray tell, do you find funny,

207
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,290
Pollyanna?

208
00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:42,080
Well... I did get a giggle when I read
Family Circus this morning.

209
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,960
It had the little boy running into the
house saying, Mommy, it's raining cats

210
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,440
and dogs, and I just stepped in a
poodle.

211
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,240
Got some messages here for you, sir.

212
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:58,280
Oh, more of the same? Yeah, three bomb
threats, offer to speak at two revival

213
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,880
meetings, and an invitation to a Klan
sock -off.

214
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:06,100
Ever since I locked up the potty man,
he's been nothing but trouble.

215
00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:08,780
Oh, maybe you should let him out, sir. I
think you've made your point.

216
00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:10,230
I can't yet.

217
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:13,570
It's almost like he wanted to be put in
jail.

218
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:16,350
I don't know. There's something strange
about this whole thing.

219
00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:20,210
Muncie potters behind bars where he
belongs.

220
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:23,710
The hound of hell has been muzzled.

221
00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:27,950
I think I just figured out what it is.

222
00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,210
The smoking gun.

223
00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:37,290
Reverend.

224
00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:44,610
this the filth busters arm and arm no
picture don't be self -conscious judge

225
00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:51,510
everyone's photogenic in god's eyes
reverend i want to speak with you be

226
00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:58,470
back in a minute you know it's really
amazing amazing that

227
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:03,730
you were able to record monty potter's
act and get it typed in so short a time

228
00:14:03,730 --> 00:14:08,250
was blessed with an incredible typist ah
Ah, yeah. She was obviously blessed

229
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:10,750
with the talent to type 8 ,000 words a
minute.

230
00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:13,250
What are you implying?

231
00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:16,950
You stopped the show at 8 .30 and you
were in my court by 9.

232
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:21,350
Potter must have given you this material
before the show.

233
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:26,410
That is preposterous. What could I
possibly gain from that?

234
00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:28,710
A little cash in the collection plate?

235
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,030
Admit it.

236
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:34,290
You and Potter stir up the press.

237
00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:35,870
He sell tickets?

238
00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:37,670
Your donations go up.

239
00:14:38,090 --> 00:14:41,830
That is an outrageous accusation and
untrue.

240
00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:48,970
But... If it were, is it prosecutable?

241
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:51,730
Oh, yeah.

242
00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:53,310
It's collusion.

243
00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:56,170
With a capital C, and that rhymes with
P.

244
00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:58,730
And that stands for prison.

245
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:00,430
You can't threaten me.

246
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,670
I am a minister.

247
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:04,670
By the way, Reverend...

248
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:08,760
Where exactly is your church? I thought
I might like to attend a service.

249
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,820
Well, we don't exactly have services.

250
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,520
It's a post office box, isn't it?

251
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,660
A very big post office box.

252
00:15:20,860 --> 00:15:23,020
You're a fraud, and I want you out of
here.

253
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,620
And if I ever hear you and Potter doing
anything like this again, I'm going to

254
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:28,460
share this conversation with your
friends there.

255
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,860
Get out of Dodge, Reverend.

256
00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:40,070
Bless you, Your Honor.

257
00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:46,050
Here he is, Your Honor.

258
00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:47,289
Thanks, Bull.

259
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:49,590
Go easy on him. You appreciate the good
literature.

260
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:56,650
And they call me a menace to society.

261
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,490
Wow.

262
00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:00,610
So how are the accommodations, Mr.
Potter?

263
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:02,150
Fine.

264
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:06,670
Kind of like the solitude. You know,
this is the first quiet time I've had in

265
00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:08,800
week, but... I'm ready to get sprung.

266
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,120
I'm wondering if I'm sold out tomorrow
night, too.

267
00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:16,000
Well, with all the publicity you
generated tonight, I imagine you are.

268
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,260
Then it was worth it. Yeah.

269
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,120
Pretty slick, the way you and the
Reverend pulled this off.

270
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:24,180
He spilled it?

271
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,160
Jeez.

272
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,780
You can't even trust a minister these
days.

273
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:32,900
You're not steamed?

274
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:34,700
Hell no.

275
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,240
I appreciate a well -thought -out public
relations scam as much as an ex -gun.

276
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,460
You know, you're pretty hip, Judge. How
about you and a date come by tomorrow,

277
00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:45,780
house seats?

278
00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:49,000
Actually, I was hoping you might do your
act for me right now.

279
00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:51,720
I got a packed room waiting for you out
there.

280
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:58,840
No, I don't usually do freebies. You
know, this full house of yours tomorrow

281
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,200
night isn't going to mean much if you're
still locked up in a holding cell.

282
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:10,829
Gotcha. Lead on, your lordship.

283
00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:17,970
Thank you.

284
00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:21,770
Thank you. Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen.

285
00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:24,849
Welcome to Harry's Litigation Lounge.

286
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:28,990
Tonight, held over until I say he can
go.

287
00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:43,950
from attacking you.

288
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,690
Pretend you're a salad.

289
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:51,090
Marty, I forgot something. Yeah, yeah. I
was out the other night with this

290
00:17:51,090 --> 00:17:58,050
Iranian broad, right? And I'm walking
down this... Whoa,

291
00:17:58,090 --> 00:17:59,090
whoa.

292
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,310
What are you doing?

293
00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:03,950
Just turning on the light so you can see
your audience.

294
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,790
Hey, um, I don't need to endure this.

295
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:09,010
Well, hey, yeah. Hit the mitre, honey.

296
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,190
Wait, where...

297
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,120
Off to anywhere. The bars will be open
all night for a working girl like you.

298
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,260
Chrissy, it's just a joke. For your
information, I'm going home to take care

299
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:20,460
my son. I'm sorry, Harry.

300
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,320
We'll be up.

301
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,059
Hey, pal.

302
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:27,260
Now we know why women get cramps, right?

303
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,260
They deserve them.

304
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:32,900
Anyway,

305
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:36,800
it's great to be back in New York.

306
00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,640
I like to pick up chicks late at night.

307
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,760
I got a great opening line.

308
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,400
Don't scream or I'll shoot.

309
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,260
Violence isn't funny.

310
00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:49,980
It's sick.

311
00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:54,280
Well, you know what? He doesn't really
mean it. Hey, pal, I'm a single. I work

312
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,780
alone. Shut up.

313
00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,160
Hey, Judge, how about we kill the house
lights?

314
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,140
How about you kill us with some of your
jokes?

315
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,700
All right.

316
00:19:10,030 --> 00:19:12,690
Nice to see some black faces in the
crowd.

317
00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:14,670
You know what it says to me?

318
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:18,210
It says we better get more security
around here.

319
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:24,410
Actually, I am security around here.

320
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:32,990
And I prefer African American to black.

321
00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,210
So go ahead, potty man.

322
00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:38,030
Okay. Fine.

323
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:44,600
What do they call an African -American
in a suit and tie?

324
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,500
The defendant.

325
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:51,880
Roger, no. I know.

326
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:55,280
It's just part of the act. You didn't
like that one?

327
00:19:55,540 --> 00:19:58,640
All right, wait a minute. I got another
one. What do you call an African

328
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,820
-American in uniform?

329
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:02,760
A veteran?

330
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,060
Well, yeah, that too, but...

331
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,120
See?

332
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:33,120
See, it's funny. The blind guy laughs.

333
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:36,820
I was just wondering if you look as
stupid as you sound.

334
00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:49,190
This isn't fair. I mean, my timing's all
off, and this isn't my crowd.

335
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:52,090
Actually, this is your crowd, Monty.

336
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:55,990
We found most of these folks waiting in
line to buy tickets to tomorrow night's

337
00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:56,990
show.

338
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,230
Why are you persecuting me?

339
00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:02,170
I'm an entertainer. I give the audience
what they want.

340
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:06,290
What you give them is a feeling of
superiority over other people.

341
00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:08,610
It's satire. No, Monty.

342
00:21:09,510 --> 00:21:10,870
Don't you see what's happening here?

343
00:21:11,930 --> 00:21:14,430
You're feeding off the dark side of
people, man.

344
00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:16,400
And you know it's wrong.

345
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:18,660
Because it can't take the light.

346
00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:20,520
Oh, come on.

347
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:27,260
You people...

348
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:31,500
It's all men's fun.

349
00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:36,040
Well, I think the party man has learned
to rationalize.

350
00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:38,040
Let's say goodnight to him, huh?

351
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,720
Yeah, well, I guess you think you made
some kind of big...

352
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,010
Ah, Judge.

353
00:21:46,610 --> 00:21:50,190
Monty, if anyone made a point tonight, I
would say it's you.

354
00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:54,870
Oh, yeah, well, I got a big point for
your mother next time I see your work in

355
00:21:54,870 --> 00:21:56,150
the corner. How do you like that?

356
00:21:56,710 --> 00:21:57,710
All right, wait.

357
00:21:58,970 --> 00:22:03,430
You know something? I've been defending
you all week long, saying that, well,

358
00:22:03,510 --> 00:22:05,490
he's just poking fun at cultural
differences.

359
00:22:06,290 --> 00:22:08,810
But you're just a cheap shot artist and
nothing more.

360
00:22:10,110 --> 00:22:12,190
Yeah, you know why you don't like me?

361
00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:14,090
Because you're a homo.

362
00:22:16,650 --> 00:22:18,710
And all homos hate me.

363
00:22:25,590 --> 00:22:26,590
I'm a what?

364
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:34,170
Oh, come on. It's obvious, pal. I mean,
and anyone could see it. I mean, look at

365
00:22:34,170 --> 00:22:35,170
his suit.

366
00:22:36,350 --> 00:22:37,350
Exactly.

367
00:22:37,810 --> 00:22:39,390
The poofy hair.

368
00:22:39,750 --> 00:22:43,270
The only thing missing is a Judy Garland
fan club button.

369
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:46,270
I bet you even like show tunes.

370
00:22:48,710 --> 00:22:49,710
What?

371
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,330
I like show tunes.

372
00:22:53,010 --> 00:22:54,430
And I don't like you.

373
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,570
Well, gotta go. Bye.

374
00:22:59,230 --> 00:23:02,530
Well, I don't know about you folks, but
I've had enough fanaticism for one

375
00:23:02,530 --> 00:23:03,449
night, huh?

376
00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:04,450
You're not gonna...