1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,303 (Jeff Ross) I don't know, man. 2 00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:05,637 I want to try something crazy up here right now. 3 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,539 If you think you have thick skin 4 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,508 and you think you can take a joke... 5 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,276 Yeah? Come up here, bud. 6 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,479 All right. Wanna come up here, buddy? 7 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,080 Wanna come up here? Come on up. 8 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:18,117 This is the ugliest police lineup I've ever seen. 9 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:20,853 (laughter and applause) 10 00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,988 You are adorable. What's your name? 11 00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,656 (laughter) 12 00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,258 Michael. Michael? 13 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,693 Where you from, Michael? 14 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,461 College Station. College Station? 15 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,030 Oh, are you a college student? 16 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:32,264 No. No? 17 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,466 (laughter) 18 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,801 I got locked up before-- 19 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,236 I got locked up before I could go to college. 20 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,038 You got locked up before you could go to college? 21 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,407 Oh, yeah, that's what happened, sure. 22 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:45,477 Like you were going to fucking Harvard and all of the sudden... 23 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,513 You look like-- You're one of those rare people 24 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:49,214 who looks like a child 25 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,116 and a child molester at the same time. 26 00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:54,987 (laughter) 27 00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:57,623 You look like a sweet guy, like you wouldn't hurt anybody. 28 00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,491 You're not a violent guy. 29 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:00,759 I don't know about that. 30 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:01,960 Oh, shit, next. 31 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:04,897 (laughter) 32 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:06,165 Come here, come here, come here. 33 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,299 How you doing, man? What's your name? 34 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,467 I'm good. 35 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,635 Forty. 36 00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:10,869 Forty? Yeah. 37 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,337 Come here. Why they call you Forty? 38 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,505 Hmm? 39 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,606 Why they call you-- 40 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,608 (laughter) 41 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:20,446 You're not under oath, you realize that, right? 42 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,214 Just a nickname, that's all. 43 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,116 A nickname. Yeah. 44 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,751 What's your job when you get outside? 45 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,720 You have a regular job? 46 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:29,888 Uh... 47 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,791 (laughter and applause) 48 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,160 Let's talk to Curious George over here. 49 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:38,230 (laughter) 50 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,334 My name's E.T. 51 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,203 Your name's E.T.? 52 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,705 Oh, I thought you looked familiar. 53 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,441 (laughter) 54 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:50,742 How old are you? 55 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:51,877 19. 56 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,745 Oh, my goodness, man. 57 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,849 Your breath is giving me the breath penalty right now. 58 00:01:57,885 --> 00:01:59,485 (man) Hey, do the walk. 59 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:00,752 What's that? 60 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,121 (man) Do the walk. Do the walk? 61 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,388 What's that mean, do the walk? 62 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:07,259 (men) Do the walk! Do the walk! 63 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,594 What's the walk? Wait... 64 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,599 (cheering) 65 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,544 (cheers and applause) 66 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,749 I'm confused. 67 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,651 Is this a jail or a zoo? 68 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,553 (laughter) 69 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,655 ¶ 70 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,924 (train whistle blowing) 71 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,093 Hello, I'm Jeff Ross. 72 00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:43,428 They call me the Roastmaster General. 73 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:47,132 Like most of us, I'm fascinated by the American criminal. 74 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:50,068 I always wonder, what are they really like? 75 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,204 Why are there so many of them? 76 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:55,040 And do they have a sense of humor about their situation? 77 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,609 So I decided to roast 'em. 78 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,978 They're outlaws, they deserve it, right? 79 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,780 And if you can laugh at yourself, 80 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,316 you're one step closer to freedom. 81 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:07,352 But prisons and jails are closed-off places, 82 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:11,256 and they don't like outsiders looking in, for a reason. 83 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,925 I've seen people get killed. 84 00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:14,393 I've been stabbed. 85 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,129 Lots of fights. Lots of riots. 86 00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:18,964 I've got hit in the face a couple of times. 87 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,966 I've seen people get stomped to death. 88 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,935 They got knifes this long. Yeah. 89 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,636 And stabbing each other. 90 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:28,507 (Jeff) Not a single lockup in America had the guts to let me in, 91 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:33,845 except one, where they have 600 guys, 150 ladies, 92 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:38,050 and about 60 officers who could all use a little break. 93 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,418 So, screw it. 94 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,486 Armed with nothing but some insults, 95 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:44,590 I'm heading into a Texas County jail for a few days, 96 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,526 to kill or be killed. 97 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:51,597 ¶ 98 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:08,680 A lot of jails would never let me come in here and do a show, 99 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:09,948 so thank you. Oh, you're welcome. 100 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,284 Why? Why did you say yes? 101 00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,653 Well, we are proud of the facility here 102 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,054 and we're proud of the staff here. 103 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,756 We convey expectations 104 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,025 and if people do what we ask 'em to do, 105 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:22,728 there ought to be a positive incentive for doing that. 106 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,864 More than 90% of the people who are here 107 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,332 are gonna go home someday, 108 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,034 so you have to ask yourself, 109 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,202 when somebody gets out of jail, 110 00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,437 do you want them to have been in an environment 111 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,640 where they were mistreated and they come out angry 112 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,775 or where they saw an environment 113 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,877 where people were taught personal accountability 114 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,245 and how to behave 115 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,847 and that that can lead to good things? Right. 116 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,315 Who do you want to live next door to? 117 00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,684 ¶ 118 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,322 When's the last time someone did a show here? 119 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,623 Never. 120 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:52,824 You look a little scared. 121 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,192 It's a little scary in here. 122 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,228 You don't have to worry about that. 123 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,663 I'll protect you. You have a gun? 124 00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,064 No, I do not. 125 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,300 We're not allowed to carry guns in the facility. 126 00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,502 So, what, do you just ask people politely 127 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:06,571 to stop beating me? 128 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:10,142 No, we'll actually assist in trying to get them off of you, 129 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,678 but we don't escalate. 130 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,846 We try to de-escalate the situation. 131 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,014 Where are we headed? 132 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,416 We're headed to 3A. 133 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:18,583 What's in 3A? 134 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,353 3A is maximum security inmates. 135 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:24,323 They are in here for aggravated assaults 136 00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,224 with deadly weapons, murder. 137 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,360 Is it dangerous? It's dangerous. 138 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,595 Everywhere is dangerous in here. Right. 139 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,931 We never-- We never relax while we're here. 140 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,466 Ever. Okay. 141 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,501 So. If I die, it's on you. 142 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,836 No, we'll die together. 143 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,937 All right. All right. 144 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,105 Blood brothers. Yes. 145 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,473 Blood brothers and sisters. Yes. 146 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,376 Brown, can you open your slider again? 147 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,584 You ready? Yeah. 148 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,819 You go first. Don't be scared. 149 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,420 You first. Don't be scared, come on. 150 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,623 (Jeff) What's up? 151 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,259 What's up? 152 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,161 How you guys doing? 153 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,631 What's up?! 154 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,835 Jeff Ross. 155 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,236 Randy Gray. Nice to meet you guys. 156 00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,138 (man) Wave to the camera. 157 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,707 Saturday night, who's coming to the show? 158 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,009 (all exclaiming) 159 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,646 I thought I'd come take a look around, get ready for the show. 160 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,048 This a barbershop over here? 161 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,182 Yeah, it's the barbershop. 162 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,119 How you doing? Jeff Ross. 163 00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:28,153 Nice to meet you, man. 164 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,421 What are you in for? Come here. 165 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,022 Assaulted a police officer. 166 00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,657 You assaulted a police officer? 167 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,160 Yeah. Oh, my goodness, that's serious, dude. 168 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,528 What was happening? 169 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,797 They tried to take me to jail for something I didn't do. 170 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,031 And you didn't want to go? 171 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,233 I didn't want to go. 172 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,334 And who won that argument? 173 00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:43,635 The police. 174 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,337 Obviously, they did, you know what I'm saying? 175 00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:47,005 For real. They did. 176 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,274 What's that tattoo over here? 177 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,642 42-32. 178 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:51,843 What's that mean? 179 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:54,045 Dirty White Boy. 180 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,313 Dirty White Boy? 181 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,515 Yes, sir. 182 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,683 Who's the fucking baddest motherfucker 183 00:06:58,685 --> 00:06:59,885 in this dorm? 184 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,420 There's a bunch of them. There are murderers in here. 185 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,188 Well, alleged murderers. 186 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,090 This is high-security dorm right here. 187 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,591 You coming to my show tomorrow? 188 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,793 I'm gonna try to. (man) Hell, yeah. 189 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:08,960 Yeah? Sure. 190 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,595 You gotta be on your best behavior. 191 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,898 Yeah. I don't want to get shanked onstage or nothing. 192 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:13,965 Oh, no. 193 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,835 You bust that shank, doggie. 194 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,770 No, we ain't gonna shank him. 195 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:19,838 You ain't gonna shank him? 196 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,006 No, we ain't gonna shank him, man. 197 00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,174 Shank you very much. 198 00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:23,575 (laughing) 199 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,977 This is where the white dudes hang out? 200 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,179 Sometimes. 201 00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:29,381 Does anybody ever get offended by your tattoos? 202 00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,916 Sometimes. 203 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,553 Anyway, good luck with the rest of your stay in jail. 204 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,821 How many years? 99. 205 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,589 Dude, you should get fucking six million years 206 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,391 for every Jew that died in the Holocaust. 207 00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,460 (laughter) 208 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,128 Fuck this, man. 209 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,198 (Dicky) You know, we believe that 210 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,033 personal responsibility is important 211 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:51,736 and we have an inmate behavior management philosophy that we use. 212 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:55,574 And so for the folks that are gonna get to go to your show, 213 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:58,109 we told 'em that they had to behave for a month 214 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,846 with no disciplinary action or anything like that. 215 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:04,216 And so we had almost half of our population do that. 216 00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:05,283 Wow. Yeah. 217 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,085 So I'll be performing for everything 218 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:10,322 from DUIs to murderers. 219 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,423 Right. 220 00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:12,858 They'll all be in the room with you. 221 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,826 Can you sit the murderers in the back? 222 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,027 No, they're gonna be up front. 223 00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,262 Why is that? 224 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,330 So that if we need to move 'em, you know, 225 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,499 if somebody misbehaves, we can move 'em out. 226 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,935 (inmates chanting) Jeff Ross, Jeff Ross! 227 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:26,671 Jeff Ross, Jeff Ross! 228 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,975 (man) Everybody give it up for the Roastmaster General, 229 00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:34,980 Mr. Jeff motherfuckin' Ross! 230 00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,883 (cheers and applause) 231 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,985 What's up? 232 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:43,054 What the fuck is up? What the fuck is up? 233 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,161 What's up? 234 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,464 What's up, what's up? 235 00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,598 What's up, buddy? 236 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,100 What's up? 237 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:58,770 What's up, motherfuckers? Are you ready for a show? 238 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,605 (cheers and applause) 239 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,107 (man) Hell yeah! 240 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,643 (Jeff) You ugly motherfuckers ready to party? 241 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:05,977 (all) Yeah! 242 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,747 All right. 243 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,982 Hell yeah, where my murderers at? 244 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,919 (chuckles) 245 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,121 Sit them in the back, shit. 246 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,689 (laughter) 247 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,291 Waller, you okay over there? 248 00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:21,293 Come here a second, one quick second. 249 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,899 I need you to give everybody permission to laugh tonight. 250 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,134 Will you, please? 251 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,169 Yes, we all need to laugh. 252 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,437 Thank you, darling. 253 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,538 We're going to have a good time. 254 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,706 Thank you. 255 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:37,542 All right, I'll see you back at the hotel. 256 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,945 (laughter and applause) 257 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,513 (whooping) 258 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,150 (Jeff) Wow. 259 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,352 This is all right. 260 00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:50,922 Shh! 261 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,724 How fucking fat are you, dude? 262 00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,261 Extra, baby! 263 00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,565 Who gains weight in jail? 264 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,434 This guy, right here! 265 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,903 Damn. What'd you do, rob a bakery? 266 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,072 Pretty much. 267 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,641 Fuck it. 268 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,776 What was your first phone call in jail? 269 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,245 Hello, Domino's? 270 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,115 Hell yeah. 271 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,485 This is a trip right here. 272 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,987 This is some gig, man. 273 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,221 (man shouting) 274 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,789 No one wants to talk to you. 275 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,992 (laughter and applause) 276 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,760 Frank. 277 00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,897 I played basketball with him yesterday 278 00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:35,233 and nobody would play with us. 279 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,068 Whoa. 280 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,937 I go, "Why don't you want to play with Frank?" 281 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,740 And they all went, "Hoo-hoo-hoo." 282 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:46,945 This is all right. 283 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,782 We got the fucking whites-only section up there. 284 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,051 What's up? 285 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,220 Wow, happy Hanukkah, fellas. 286 00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,257 (Jeff laughing) 287 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,792 (man) Welcome to Bryan, Texas. 288 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:01,860 What's that? 289 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,028 (man) Welcome to Bryan, Texas. 290 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,329 Welcome to Bryan, Texas. Thank you. 291 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,597 What are you, the mayor? Shut up. 292 00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,899 (laughter) 293 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,367 Now look at this guy. How you doing, man? 294 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,069 What do you got? How you doing? 295 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:14,873 Damn, we got Crips and cripples in here. 296 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,408 Damn! 297 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,143 What's up?! 298 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,248 How you doing, man? 299 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,382 This is awesome. 300 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,583 What's your name, sir? 301 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,919 I'm Robert. Robert? 302 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,688 Nice to meet you, man. 303 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:30,922 They all love you. They know you, man. 304 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,290 Look at it. 305 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,292 I see you're in a wheelchair, I hope you're okay, man. 306 00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:36,728 What'd you do, bust a handicap in somebody? 307 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,332 Look at that smile right there, man. 308 00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,367 You look great. 309 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,835 You look like Flava Flav's grandpa. 310 00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,004 Yeah. 311 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,441 Man, look how covered up you are. 312 00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:50,842 Holy shit, dude. 313 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:53,745 Can I actually show everybody? Come here for one second. 314 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,346 Oh, my God. 315 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,381 Dude. 316 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,650 Dude, look at this shit. 317 00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,652 What's your name, man? What's your name? 318 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,620 What up, Nigger, I go by Ghost. 319 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,122 Ghost. 320 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,191 Why, you're about to disappear? 321 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:09,828 Look at you, man, 322 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:12,697 three more tattoos, you'll be a black dude. 323 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,033 Thank you, Ghost. 324 00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:18,403 He's a scary-looking motherfucker right there, dude. 325 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:23,541 He got two teardrops melted together and shit. 326 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,711 Where my innocent people at? 327 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:29,247 (all cheering) 328 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,516 Where are my guilty people at? 329 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,518 (man) Right here! 330 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,220 How many people have lied so much, 331 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,489 they don't even know the truth anymore? 332 00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:39,390 (scattered cheers) 333 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,025 Oh, man. 334 00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:44,028 I came here today because I'm a big believer in second chances 335 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:47,098 and I know most of you, almost all of you will come out of here 336 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,033 and be back in the world before long, 337 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,902 so on a personal note, I wanted to see 338 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,404 if I could roast you guys a little bit 339 00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,040 and see if you had a sense of humor about your situation. 340 00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,408 And also, while I was here, 341 00:12:57,410 --> 00:13:00,044 I was kind of hoping I might meet some NFL players. 342 00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,613 Are there any here? 343 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,548 From the Patriots? I don't know. 344 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,984 Aaron Hernandez, that guy-- (man) Yeah! 345 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,119 All right. 346 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,622 You're a big fan, huh? Yeah, big fan. 347 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:14,125 That guy had just signed a $40 million guarantee. 348 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,661 All he had to do was not kill three people. 349 00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,298 (man) That's hard. 350 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,833 What's that? 351 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,067 It's hard. 352 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:24,969 It's hard to not kill three people? 353 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,304 I guess you would know, man. 354 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:31,509 It all started with O.J. 355 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:34,946 O.J. was my hero, that broke my heart when he got-- 356 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,448 Man, he deserves to be in jail, that guy. 357 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,951 I'm not saying he's guilty, but his last birthday, 358 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,120 he cut the cake 47 times. 359 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:44,022 (laughter) 360 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,191 It was a vanilla cake, so... 361 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,727 Man. and of course he got away with murder, 362 00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:53,331 'cause he had the most expensive legal team in history, man. 363 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:58,136 His lawyer, did you notice, was Kim Kardashian's father, 364 00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,371 so you know that family is really talented 365 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:01,973 in getting black guys off. 366 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,079 Fuck, yeah. 367 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,951 You almost laughed, you fucking drug addict, look at you. 368 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,487 Dude. 369 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,691 Yeah, I'm here because, you know, 370 00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,925 this could have been me, too. 371 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,894 I've been on my own since I'm a teenager. 372 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,896 I lost my parents when I was young 373 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,065 and I understand that not everybody in here 374 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,733 is a terrible person. 375 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:31,135 Some of y'all just did something when you were desperate 376 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,770 or didn't get enough of an education 377 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,340 or didn't get enough love and none of us are above the law. 378 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,876 We all slip up on the outside. 379 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,144 I've drank and driven a car. 380 00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:43,147 I've lied on my taxes. 381 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,916 I shot Suge Knight. 382 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,053 But if I ever got in real trouble, 383 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,421 if I had to come into jail, 384 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,056 I already know it's all about survival. 385 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,392 I've been here a few days watching you guys, 386 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,094 paying attention to what's happening. 387 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,930 First day in jail, I'd walk in here, 388 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:02,533 I'd find the biggest-looking, meanest motherfucker in here 389 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,102 and suck his dick. 390 00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:16,014 Let 'em know who's boss. 391 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,924 Come on. 392 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,792 (inmates chattering) 393 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:28,927 All right, to your health. 394 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,194 Radioactive right there. 395 00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:31,696 (laughter) 396 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,998 Young man, he's too young to be in prison. 397 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,334 We got fucking Bill Cosby's rape baby over here. 398 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,170 Oh! (laughter) 399 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,973 Wow, I wouldn't feed this to my dog. 400 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,308 (laughter) 401 00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,343 Then again, my dog never shot nobody, so... 402 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,313 (all) Ohh! 403 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,682 Jail is serious, man. 404 00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,817 Jail is serious, dude. 405 00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,352 I had lunch here today. 406 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,555 Whoever is the cook should be arrested for attempted murder. 407 00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:01,125 (cheers and applause) 408 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,295 (Jeff) Man. 409 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,300 You guys made me feel so much better already. 410 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,002 I had a rough date the other night. 411 00:16:11,004 --> 00:16:12,537 I went out with this chick, 412 00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:15,273 she was not into my Bill Cosby impression. 413 00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:21,646 (imitating Bill Cosby) Now why is the coffee making you sleepy? 414 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,483 I put the Roofie in the puddin'. 415 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,754 (normal voice) That guy's in a lot of trouble, man. 416 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:33,157 27 women have accused him of terrible, terrible things. 417 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,126 That's heartbreaking, 'cause as a comedian, 418 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,495 Bill Cosby was another one of my heroes, 419 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:41,532 and all those years, Bill Cosby was like, "Hey, hey, hey!" 420 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:45,470 All those women were like, "Hey! Hey. Hey." 421 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:53,444 But Bill Cosby will never get in real trouble 'cause he's rich. 422 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:57,348 It's the poor people who go to jail in America. 423 00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,952 There's racism, but there's also classism. 424 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:04,589 Right now, there's men in here locked up 425 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,491 for possession of less marijuana 426 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,060 than I have in my lungs right now. 427 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,130 (cheers and applause) 428 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,301 Am I allowed to ask why you're here? 429 00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,904 I guess you could, man. I got caught with some weed. 430 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,606 Did you hurt someone? No. 431 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:22,874 I got a drug charge. 432 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,475 First felony charge of my life. 433 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,676 Really? Yeah, first-- 434 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,678 First drug charge of my life. 435 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,681 I was in front of my house, I was parked the wrong way. 436 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,216 I was on some drugs, 437 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,452 but that wasn't why I was parked the wrong way. 438 00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,720 Weed helps me adapt, man. 439 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,588 I'm serious. I got glaucoma, man. 440 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,990 I'm serious. 441 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:41,492 We're a free country, but we lock up more people 442 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,995 than any other place in the world. 443 00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:45,496 The system's broken. 444 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:49,400 It's mostly minor, nonviolent drug offenses. 445 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,235 Marijuana is... 446 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,370 (man) Great. 447 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,539 It's medicine. 448 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,340 I live in California. 449 00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,309 I got a prescription, man. 450 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,311 Medical marijuana saved my life. 451 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,146 I was dying of anorexia. 452 00:18:02,148 --> 00:18:03,748 (laughter) 453 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,616 Just this morning. 454 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,318 (laughter) 455 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,955 When I was a kid, I had to risk my life to buy marijuana. 456 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:14,358 I used to have to go to the park at midnight in the rain 457 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,027 and pretend to play chess, 458 00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:19,964 buy some weed off a guy who looks like this right here. 459 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,503 (giggling) 460 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,472 I knew you looked familiar. 461 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,007 (man) Just trying to make a living. 462 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:33,077 Just trying to make a living? 463 00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,413 No, dude, you gotta change your ways, dude. 464 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,081 You can't-- You can't get-- 465 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,684 Plus, you guys are guilty mostly of thinking small. 466 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,019 You gotta think like the big corporations in America. 467 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,555 You can't sell meth to a teenager. 468 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:47,258 Sell Viagra to his grandfather. 469 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,396 I'm lucky I never got in trouble. 470 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:56,267 I sold joints at my prom, I was a messed-up kid, too, man. 471 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,469 Then I think about this country. 472 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,772 America was practically founded by a marijuana dealer. 473 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,541 George Washington, 474 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:07,411 father of our country, grew hemp on his plantation. 475 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,746 That's true. 476 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,115 And the first state to legalize marijuana? 477 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,683 Washington state. 478 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,485 Coincidence? 479 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,686 Who gives a shit? 480 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,988 The point is... 481 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,156 (laughter) 482 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,657 The system is broken. 483 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:24,362 Incarceration in America is a $75 billion industry. 484 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,998 That's what-- They say crime doesn't pay? 485 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,801 It pays, it just doesn't pay you motherfuckers. 486 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:34,772 Right now, in some states, there's guys locked up 487 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:38,509 for stuff that's now become legal in that same state. 488 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,779 How crazy would that make somebody? 489 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:45,183 Right now, there's people in prison in the state of Florida 490 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:47,385 for shooting a black teenager. 491 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:53,157 That's practically a misdemeanor in Florida right now. 492 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:57,128 'Cause it's too easy to get guns in this country. 493 00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:00,131 How many people here have owned guns in their lives? 494 00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:02,200 Damn. (man) It's Texas. 495 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,068 I know it's Texas, man. 496 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,236 (man) Everybody's got a gun. 497 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,206 Walmart sells guns 24 hours a day. 498 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,675 They sell booze till midnight. 499 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,043 (man) Yeah. 500 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,411 So if you really want a drink, 501 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:16,581 you can buy a gun and rob Walmart. 502 00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:20,318 Makes no sense. (man) Yeah. 503 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,153 The political system's broken, too. 504 00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:24,589 We never learn, it's the same thing over and over again. 505 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,990 You guys can't vote, 506 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,893 but our votes don't count on the outside either. 507 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,495 'Cause there might be a bush in the White House 508 00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,097 by the time you get out. 509 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,499 Hillary's. 510 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,477 (Jeff) How many times you been back here? 511 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:47,745 (man) It's like... 512 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,248 This is my third felony. I'm only 23. 513 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:52,049 How many times you been in here? 514 00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:53,618 About ten, 20. 515 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,587 I've got 36 priors. 516 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,390 The recidivism rate is phenomenal. 517 00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,892 Why do you think people come back to jail so much? 518 00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,694 A lot of people are institutionalized. 519 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:06,764 It don't take but a few months to get that way, man. 520 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,566 Get used to people telling you when to go to bed, 521 00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:10,735 when to wake up, when to eat. 522 00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:11,836 Some people come down here 523 00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:13,671 and learn something from their mistakes, 524 00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:15,773 some people just dumb, don't learn nothing, 525 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,209 and go back out there and do the same thing. 526 00:21:18,211 --> 00:21:20,578 (woman) A lot of times, I tell 'em, I say, you can break the mold, 527 00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:23,047 you can be the one who steps away and says, 528 00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,615 you don't have to do this, 529 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,117 and when they're talking to you, 530 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,685 they say, "You're right, you're right. 531 00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:29,086 I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do that." 532 00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,588 And then they bond out 533 00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:33,090 and then it could be just a short while later 534 00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:36,160 or it could be a couple years later and here they come again. 535 00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:37,828 Like me, personally, every time I come down, 536 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,330 I learn something, I better myself, 537 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,332 I try my best to better myself, you know, 538 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:43,367 but this time, hopefully, is my last, 539 00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:44,869 I pray it's my last, you know. 540 00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,137 Who's getting out soon? 541 00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:47,538 I am. 542 00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:48,773 How long you been in here? 543 00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,174 Been in here a month. 544 00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:51,475 A month? 545 00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,312 You look like you've been in here since Shawshank times. 546 00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,582 (laughing) 547 00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:00,251 I'd say, turn your life around, 548 00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:02,586 but you look like you got 30 days to live, shit. 549 00:22:02,588 --> 00:22:06,457 (laughter and applause) 550 00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,861 Anybody getting their GED, 551 00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:12,496 high school diploma while they're here? 552 00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:15,066 Right? That's awesome, dude. 553 00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:16,567 Congratulations. 554 00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,502 I bet the prom sucks. 555 00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:22,740 What's the worst part about being in this place? 556 00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:23,874 The SHU, man. 557 00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:25,443 What's that mean, the SHU? 558 00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:28,079 Locked down 23 hours a day. 559 00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:29,280 In solitary? 560 00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:30,381 In solitary. 561 00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:31,916 It messed me up when I went back there. 562 00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:33,751 It messed me up, too. It messed me up. 563 00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:35,286 What did it feel like? 564 00:22:35,288 --> 00:22:37,121 It feel like you in hell, really. 565 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:38,289 Why did you go in there? 566 00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:41,492 Fights. Uh, starting a riot. 567 00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,394 Talking to the guards and all that, you know. 568 00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,563 What does it do to your brain, being by yourself? 569 00:22:45,565 --> 00:22:46,630 Crazy. 570 00:22:46,632 --> 00:22:49,200 It really run you insane. 571 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:50,601 It's all rubber, huh? 572 00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:53,671 All rubber, so you can beat your head on it 573 00:22:53,673 --> 00:22:56,173 and it will never hurt you. 574 00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:57,274 Wow. 575 00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:59,310 Do they get a bed or a toilet? 576 00:22:59,312 --> 00:23:01,178 Nope, they don't get a bed, but they're-- 577 00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,680 They do have a toilet. It's right here. 578 00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:04,348 This is the toilet? 579 00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:05,449 This is the toilet. 580 00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:08,452 We tell them to use the bathroom in here. 581 00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:11,055 They just squat over this hole? Mm-hmm. 582 00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:13,090 Is that why they call it the hole? 583 00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:15,393 "Send 'em to the hole." Sure. 584 00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:17,395 What's the longest somebody could be in here? 585 00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:21,332 However long it takes to seek treatment. 586 00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:25,302 Do you think it's torture? 587 00:23:25,304 --> 00:23:28,906 Pr-- Possibly, but... 588 00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:32,510 We have to, you know, dot our "I"s, cross our "T"s. 589 00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:33,844 We can't make-- 590 00:23:33,846 --> 00:23:37,882 We can't have anybody kill themselves on our watch and-- 591 00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:40,217 So we do the best we can. 592 00:23:40,219 --> 00:23:42,119 I took a little tour of solitary. 593 00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:45,256 I spent some time in a little solitary cell yesterday. 594 00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:47,258 That really messed up my head a little bit. 595 00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:49,960 How many guys have spent time in the SHU down there? 596 00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:52,296 Really, that many? 597 00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:54,999 Man, did it mess you up? 598 00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:56,367 It would mess me up. 599 00:23:56,369 --> 00:23:57,735 People need companionship. 600 00:23:57,737 --> 00:23:59,236 They need someone to talk to. 601 00:23:59,238 --> 00:24:01,405 You go into solitary for too long, 602 00:24:01,407 --> 00:24:03,340 how do you keep your sex drive alive? 603 00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,242 (laughter) 604 00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:08,212 What do you do? Wait for a bug to crawl by? 605 00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:11,115 Slow down, little lady. 606 00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:15,920 Let me see those legs. 607 00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:20,624 I got solitary, but you're getting the death penalty. 608 00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:24,562 (mimics gunfire) 609 00:24:27,433 --> 00:24:28,699 (Jeff) Is it heartbreaking for you 610 00:24:28,701 --> 00:24:31,502 when you see someone come in or out of here? 611 00:24:31,504 --> 00:24:33,037 (Waller) Sometimes it is, 612 00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:36,640 but most of the people that we put in here 613 00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:39,543 are in some kind of mental crisis. 614 00:24:39,545 --> 00:24:41,445 (Dicky) What some people may not know 615 00:24:41,447 --> 00:24:43,347 is that our nation's jails right now 616 00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:46,317 are the biggest mental health institutions in the country. 617 00:24:46,319 --> 00:24:47,651 Wow. 618 00:24:47,653 --> 00:24:50,387 There's more mental health treatment going on in jails 619 00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:52,189 than in hospitals. Really? 620 00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:55,793 I have to see a counselor every week here 621 00:24:55,795 --> 00:24:58,496 to unload my baggage. 622 00:24:58,498 --> 00:25:00,431 I've been through a lot 623 00:25:00,433 --> 00:25:03,534 and I still possess a lot of things inside of me 624 00:25:03,536 --> 00:25:06,170 that nobody can even imagine, 625 00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:08,539 that I saw as a kid. 626 00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:10,474 Violent things? Yes. 627 00:25:10,476 --> 00:25:12,076 Without going into too much history, you know, 628 00:25:12,078 --> 00:25:14,979 in the '70s, they closed about a half a million 629 00:25:14,981 --> 00:25:17,581 in-patient mental health facility beds 630 00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:20,551 and there was no safety net, 631 00:25:20,553 --> 00:25:23,554 and so today, unfortunately, we see a lot of those people 632 00:25:23,556 --> 00:25:26,557 living under bridges and in jail. 633 00:25:26,559 --> 00:25:29,960 And so it's an issue that our communities have to address. 634 00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:32,897 So you have a personal connection 635 00:25:32,899 --> 00:25:35,533 to keeping these people mentally healthy 636 00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:37,301 and physically okay and so on. 637 00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:39,169 It's my community. Right. 638 00:25:39,171 --> 00:25:42,339 (man) For a person like me, I think this place is awesome. 639 00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:43,440 (Jeff) Yeah? 640 00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:45,543 Saved my life a lot of times. Wow. 641 00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:47,444 Here in Brazos County, I slept under bridges, 642 00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:49,113 park benches, shit like that. 643 00:25:49,115 --> 00:25:52,616 Got real bad off on that dope and come in a place like this, 644 00:25:52,618 --> 00:25:54,585 you get three meals every day, you get-- 645 00:25:54,587 --> 00:25:57,087 (clears throat) You get a bath, shower every day, you know? 646 00:25:57,089 --> 00:25:58,689 So I'm feeling pretty good right now. 647 00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:00,824 In the best shape of my life coming to fucking jail, dude. 648 00:26:00,826 --> 00:26:02,426 Wow. 649 00:26:02,428 --> 00:26:05,529 So you have everything from guys who got arrested 650 00:26:05,531 --> 00:26:07,765 for not having the proper fishing license 651 00:26:07,767 --> 00:26:09,800 to murderers. That's right. 652 00:26:09,802 --> 00:26:11,335 At my show, in your jail. 653 00:26:11,337 --> 00:26:13,837 What if I talk about the death penalty onstage? 654 00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:15,940 I mean, that's a big issue in Texas. 655 00:26:15,942 --> 00:26:19,043 Texas does have the death penalty as everybody knows, 656 00:26:19,045 --> 00:26:20,878 and there are people here 657 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,214 who could be subject to that penalty. 658 00:26:24,216 --> 00:26:27,318 This is a heavy state for the death penalty, man. 659 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:28,886 I have mixed feelings about it. 660 00:26:28,888 --> 00:26:30,287 I kinda understand it. 661 00:26:30,289 --> 00:26:33,524 You kill somebody, you might have to pay the ultimate price. 662 00:26:33,526 --> 00:26:36,527 An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. 663 00:26:36,529 --> 00:26:38,462 Some of you look like you've given more than others. 664 00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:43,834 But it's how we do it that seems inhumane. 665 00:26:43,836 --> 00:26:46,270 You put somebody in an electric chair and fry 'em-- 666 00:26:46,272 --> 00:26:49,173 that's cruel to me. 667 00:26:49,175 --> 00:26:50,808 I think if you're on death row, 668 00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:54,478 you should be able to decide how you die, right? 669 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,014 "Hey, Phil Johnson, you killed three people. 670 00:26:57,016 --> 00:26:58,582 We find you guilty." 671 00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:00,584 "Yes, Your Honor, I'd like to ride a roller coaster 672 00:27:00,586 --> 00:27:02,853 without a seat belt." 673 00:27:02,855 --> 00:27:04,855 "I'll allow it!" 674 00:27:06,092 --> 00:27:08,058 "Your Honor, I'm a really big Lakers fan. 675 00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:10,527 I'd like to eat Magic Johnson's Band-Aid." 676 00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:13,764 Uh... 677 00:27:13,766 --> 00:27:16,100 If I had to figure out how I was gonna die on death row, 678 00:27:16,102 --> 00:27:18,002 I already know how I would want to die. 679 00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:20,638 I'd want to OD on the three "P"s-- 680 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,774 pizza, pot, and prostitutes. 681 00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:26,610 (cheers and applause) 682 00:27:27,913 --> 00:27:31,482 I'd roll 20 fat joints, I'd order 20 large pizzas, 683 00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:34,485 I'd order 20 fat hookers. 684 00:27:36,022 --> 00:27:38,789 Whatever kills me first, I'm okay with. 685 00:27:38,791 --> 00:27:40,724 I figure the hookers will eat the pizzas, 686 00:27:40,726 --> 00:27:42,259 and I'll die of the munchies. 687 00:27:48,934 --> 00:27:52,136 I feel like if you can laugh at yourself, 688 00:27:52,138 --> 00:27:53,804 you can do anything in this world, 689 00:27:53,806 --> 00:27:57,808 and I want to try speed roasting volunteers in the audience. 690 00:27:57,810 --> 00:28:00,511 I'll take as many of you guys as want to come up. 691 00:28:00,513 --> 00:28:02,513 All right. Both of you guys can come up. 692 00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:04,615 All right, three? Huh? 693 00:28:04,617 --> 00:28:06,984 That guy up there, back there, four, huh? 694 00:28:06,986 --> 00:28:09,987 Come on, come on, five, right there. 695 00:28:09,989 --> 00:28:13,724 All right. Come over here. 696 00:28:13,726 --> 00:28:16,827 Let's talk to Mexican Uncle Fester first. 697 00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:17,961 What's your nationality? 698 00:28:17,963 --> 00:28:19,930 What's that? What's your nationality? 699 00:28:19,932 --> 00:28:21,065 I'm Jewish. 700 00:28:21,067 --> 00:28:22,866 You don't have no Mexican in you? 701 00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:25,002 No, I don't want any either. 702 00:28:25,004 --> 00:28:27,337 (laughter) 703 00:28:28,774 --> 00:28:32,242 I'm Jewish, but don't tell those fucking Nazis up there. 704 00:28:35,014 --> 00:28:36,413 Let me see those tats, dude. 705 00:28:36,415 --> 00:28:38,082 Let me see those tats. Come on. 706 00:28:38,084 --> 00:28:40,284 Don't be shy, let me see those tats. 707 00:28:40,286 --> 00:28:42,586 (scattered cheering) 708 00:28:42,588 --> 00:28:43,987 (Jeff) Oh, my God. 709 00:28:43,989 --> 00:28:45,022 Whoo! 710 00:28:45,024 --> 00:28:46,590 Dude, let me just tell you something. 711 00:28:46,592 --> 00:28:49,526 You know, the war is over, but tattoos are permanent. 712 00:28:50,963 --> 00:28:52,563 (Jeff laughing) 713 00:28:52,565 --> 00:28:54,465 Dude, that shit's supposed to be tilted. 714 00:28:54,467 --> 00:28:55,666 You know that, right? 715 00:28:55,668 --> 00:28:57,334 (scattered laughter) 716 00:28:57,336 --> 00:28:58,836 All right, well, fuck it, 717 00:28:58,838 --> 00:29:00,938 you'll fix it in your next lifetime. 718 00:29:02,074 --> 00:29:03,474 Anyway, what's happening, dude? 719 00:29:03,476 --> 00:29:06,076 What's your name? Robert Regalato. 720 00:29:06,078 --> 00:29:09,880 (raspy voice) Robert Regalato. Yeah. 721 00:29:09,882 --> 00:29:11,281 Why is your voice like that? 722 00:29:11,283 --> 00:29:12,382 What'd you fucking blow a horse? 723 00:29:12,384 --> 00:29:13,584 Are you all right? 724 00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:16,653 (laughter and applause) 725 00:29:22,194 --> 00:29:24,261 Dude, don't get too close, all right? 726 00:29:25,397 --> 00:29:26,930 Dude, every time I turn around, 727 00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:28,732 he gets creepier and creepier-looking. 728 00:29:32,404 --> 00:29:33,704 Come over here, man. How you doing? 729 00:29:33,706 --> 00:29:36,206 (inmates shouting) 730 00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:38,075 Oh, shit, how do they know you? 731 00:29:38,077 --> 00:29:39,376 They roast me all the time. 732 00:29:39,378 --> 00:29:41,245 You do? You get roasted all the time? 733 00:29:41,247 --> 00:29:42,479 I don't give a fuck, so... 734 00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:44,314 (laughter) 735 00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:45,649 You don't give a fuck? 736 00:29:45,651 --> 00:29:47,751 You look like you get a fuck every now and then. 737 00:29:50,589 --> 00:29:53,590 This fucking guy. Look at his fucking boots. 738 00:29:53,592 --> 00:29:55,959 Dude, my boots-- My boots are not fancy, dude. 739 00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:59,163 I'm sorry you're so dressed up. 740 00:29:59,165 --> 00:30:02,132 Making fun of my clothes, your shit don't even fit. 741 00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:05,202 (laughter and whooping) 742 00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:07,538 Dude, this is just for fun, okay? 743 00:30:07,540 --> 00:30:09,373 I don't care how many shirts you put under that, 744 00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:11,275 you're not gonna be tough, all right? 745 00:30:14,647 --> 00:30:15,946 How long you been in here, man? 746 00:30:15,948 --> 00:30:17,181 You look so young. 747 00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:18,382 I've been in here nine months. 748 00:30:18,384 --> 00:30:19,483 Nine months? 749 00:30:19,485 --> 00:30:21,218 Oh, just till she has the baby? 750 00:30:23,355 --> 00:30:25,289 I didn't say shit to that bitch. 751 00:30:25,291 --> 00:30:26,990 Shh, be nice, come on, man. 752 00:30:26,992 --> 00:30:28,625 You're on TV right now. 753 00:30:28,627 --> 00:30:30,794 Say hi, you're on "Cops." 754 00:30:30,796 --> 00:30:32,629 Hi! 755 00:30:32,631 --> 00:30:34,531 I sell drugs. 756 00:30:34,533 --> 00:30:35,732 And look at this guy behind you. 757 00:30:35,734 --> 00:30:37,901 He looks like he could use you as a dildo. 758 00:30:42,241 --> 00:30:43,574 Come here, come here, come here. 759 00:30:43,576 --> 00:30:44,675 How you doing, man? How you doing? 760 00:30:44,677 --> 00:30:46,109 What's your name? Paul. 761 00:30:46,111 --> 00:30:47,678 Paul? What's going on, Paul? 762 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,847 Not a whole lot. Not a whole lot? 763 00:30:49,849 --> 00:30:52,249 And what are you, the bouncer here? 764 00:30:53,552 --> 00:30:54,818 Jesus. 765 00:30:54,820 --> 00:30:57,588 You got bigger tits than the women's dorm. 766 00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,458 This was so fun. What's up, dude? 767 00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:03,126 How you doing, man? All right. 768 00:31:03,128 --> 00:31:04,194 What's your name, man? 769 00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:05,529 Jason Crockett. 770 00:31:05,531 --> 00:31:06,897 Jason Crockett? (man) Crash! 771 00:31:06,899 --> 00:31:10,167 They know you? (inmates shouting) Crash, Crash! 772 00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:11,335 How do you know-- 773 00:31:11,337 --> 00:31:13,337 Oh, Crash? Why they call you Crash? 774 00:31:13,339 --> 00:31:15,138 'Cause I crash a lot. 775 00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:18,208 (laughter) 776 00:31:19,912 --> 00:31:22,346 Guess that explains the three missing teeth, huh? 777 00:31:25,084 --> 00:31:27,084 Least you're wearing this helmet. 778 00:31:27,086 --> 00:31:29,186 (giggling) 779 00:31:29,188 --> 00:31:31,889 Am I allowed to ask why you're here, Jason? 780 00:31:31,891 --> 00:31:34,291 Sure, drugs. Oh, yeah? 781 00:31:34,293 --> 00:31:36,093 I'm an alleged dope dealer. 782 00:31:36,095 --> 00:31:37,494 Alleged? 783 00:31:40,299 --> 00:31:44,534 And in reality, you're what, a kindergarten teacher? 784 00:31:44,536 --> 00:31:46,236 (chuckling) 785 00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:48,272 No, I feel you, man. 786 00:31:48,274 --> 00:31:50,240 I hope it works out for you. Yeah, me too. 787 00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:52,409 What do you see in your future, Jason? 788 00:31:52,411 --> 00:31:54,444 Hopefully not 25 to life. 789 00:31:54,446 --> 00:31:55,712 All right. 790 00:31:58,050 --> 00:32:00,384 Tough to argue with that. 791 00:32:01,854 --> 00:32:04,721 You sold drugs in the state of Texas? 792 00:32:04,723 --> 00:32:07,057 You get 25 years to life. 793 00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:10,594 If you did that in Colorado, you'd be driving a Cadillac. 794 00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:20,671 (Jeff) Wow. 795 00:32:20,673 --> 00:32:22,539 Baking a cake. 796 00:32:22,541 --> 00:32:24,841 You're a regular chef, man. 797 00:32:24,843 --> 00:32:26,810 Yeah, that's what I plan to do when I get out. 798 00:32:26,812 --> 00:32:27,844 Be a chef? 799 00:32:27,846 --> 00:32:29,379 Yeah, I'm going into culinary arts. 800 00:32:29,381 --> 00:32:31,048 Wow! I'm gonna use my FAFSA. 801 00:32:31,050 --> 00:32:33,150 Expand my mind and stay out of here. 802 00:32:33,152 --> 00:32:34,918 Yeah. That's good, man. 803 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,119 Positive attitude. 804 00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:37,554 Yeah, it's kind of rehabilitation. 805 00:32:37,556 --> 00:32:39,389 Use the skills that you learn in here, 806 00:32:39,391 --> 00:32:41,224 take it back out and do something different. 807 00:32:41,226 --> 00:32:42,893 When do you put the knife in there? 808 00:32:42,895 --> 00:32:45,395 After it's done. (chuckles) 809 00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:46,897 How you doing, man? All right. 810 00:32:46,899 --> 00:32:48,065 What's going on? 811 00:32:48,067 --> 00:32:51,435 (inmates shouting) 812 00:32:51,437 --> 00:32:52,569 Shh. 813 00:32:52,571 --> 00:32:55,105 Dude, what are you, a UFC fighter? 814 00:32:55,107 --> 00:32:56,340 Part time. 815 00:32:56,342 --> 00:32:58,909 I didn't know UFC stood for "ugly fucking Chicano." 816 00:32:58,911 --> 00:33:00,077 What is this? 817 00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:03,146 (laughter and applause) 818 00:33:03,148 --> 00:33:04,781 Damn! 819 00:33:06,018 --> 00:33:08,118 Dude, you're a truly scary-loo-- (door slamming) 820 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,353 Someone just escaped. 821 00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:12,155 (laughter) 822 00:33:12,157 --> 00:33:13,790 Shit. 823 00:33:13,792 --> 00:33:15,392 Wait, are you guys laughing extra loud 824 00:33:15,394 --> 00:33:18,295 'cause somebody's trying to build a tunnel right now? 825 00:33:19,365 --> 00:33:20,464 Just making sure. 826 00:33:20,466 --> 00:33:22,065 Back there, come up here, you guys. 827 00:33:22,067 --> 00:33:24,801 Come up here, come up here, man. 828 00:33:24,803 --> 00:33:26,269 What's up, dude? 829 00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:27,671 How you doing, man? All right. 830 00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:29,506 I'm Jeff. Insane. 831 00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:31,742 Insane? Yeah. 832 00:33:31,744 --> 00:33:34,845 Okay, uh... 833 00:33:38,050 --> 00:33:39,783 Insane... 834 00:33:39,785 --> 00:33:41,284 I assume they call you that 835 00:33:41,286 --> 00:33:45,088 because you're the most well-adjusted, nicest guy here. 836 00:33:45,090 --> 00:33:46,256 So you're right. 837 00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:47,557 Right? So you're right. 838 00:33:47,559 --> 00:33:48,892 I'm right. 839 00:33:48,894 --> 00:33:51,895 And when did you grow those pubic hairs on your chin? 840 00:33:54,233 --> 00:33:56,166 Couple years ago. 841 00:33:56,168 --> 00:33:57,701 (chuckles) 842 00:33:57,703 --> 00:33:58,935 All right, Insane. 843 00:33:58,937 --> 00:34:00,971 Can I check out some of your tattoos? 844 00:34:00,973 --> 00:34:02,639 Yeah. 845 00:34:05,744 --> 00:34:08,211 Jesus. 846 00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:11,548 Dude, that's like $20,000 worth of tattoos. 847 00:34:11,550 --> 00:34:13,950 You could make bond for all these motherfuckers 848 00:34:13,952 --> 00:34:16,586 if you didn't have those tattoos. 849 00:34:16,588 --> 00:34:17,821 What's this one over here? 850 00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:19,489 That's my-- That's my daughter's name. 851 00:34:19,491 --> 00:34:20,657 It's supposed to have been a rose. 852 00:34:20,659 --> 00:34:24,428 Oh, yeah? Yeah. (laughs) 853 00:34:24,430 --> 00:34:25,762 Supposed to have been a rose, 854 00:34:25,764 --> 00:34:28,098 now it's just a penis with warts on it. 855 00:34:31,837 --> 00:34:34,104 What's the worst part about being locked up? 856 00:34:34,106 --> 00:34:36,506 Missing my family. 857 00:34:36,508 --> 00:34:38,508 I bet. Do they visit you? 858 00:34:38,510 --> 00:34:40,077 They visit me every now and then. 859 00:34:40,079 --> 00:34:42,145 Yeah. What's your daughter's name? 860 00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:43,647 Liaza Serenity. 861 00:34:43,649 --> 00:34:45,849 Oh, that's beautiful. (chuckles) 862 00:34:45,851 --> 00:34:49,186 If she was here right now, what would you say to her, honestly? 863 00:34:49,188 --> 00:34:52,823 I'd tell her I love her and Daddy'll be home soon. 864 00:34:52,825 --> 00:34:54,091 That's good enough. 865 00:34:54,093 --> 00:34:56,059 (cheers and applause) 866 00:34:56,061 --> 00:34:57,561 (Jeff) I hope so. 867 00:34:57,563 --> 00:34:58,962 You have kids waiting for you? 868 00:34:58,964 --> 00:35:00,163 Yeah, I got two kids. 869 00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:01,331 How old are they? 870 00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:02,866 Six and three. 871 00:35:02,868 --> 00:35:03,934 You miss 'em? 872 00:35:03,936 --> 00:35:05,502 Yeah, all day every day. 873 00:35:05,504 --> 00:35:08,572 I got kids, man, so I do want 'em to be positive and get out. 874 00:35:08,574 --> 00:35:09,739 Stay in, stay out. You know what I'm saying? 875 00:35:09,741 --> 00:35:11,341 Who's waiting for you on the outside? 876 00:35:11,343 --> 00:35:13,210 My family, my wife, my kids. 877 00:35:13,212 --> 00:35:16,146 (man) My son was right there when I got arrested. 878 00:35:16,148 --> 00:35:18,615 So he saw that. Yeah, he was crying. 879 00:35:18,617 --> 00:35:19,850 He knew what was happening? 880 00:35:19,852 --> 00:35:21,218 Yeah, I talked to him the other day. 881 00:35:21,220 --> 00:35:22,552 He asked me where I was. 882 00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:24,754 He said, "Daddy, you in jail?" And I was like, "Yeah." 883 00:35:24,756 --> 00:35:26,223 He already knows about jail. 884 00:35:26,225 --> 00:35:30,427 I told him about it, all of it, jail, the streets, everything. 885 00:35:30,429 --> 00:35:32,362 So that would be the worst-case scenario, 886 00:35:32,364 --> 00:35:34,197 is your son grows up and winds up in here. 887 00:35:34,199 --> 00:35:36,633 Mm-hmm. 888 00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:39,736 Frank, come up here for a second, Frank. 889 00:35:39,738 --> 00:35:41,538 Oh, my God. 890 00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:43,240 Frank, how you doing, man? 891 00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:45,208 I'm chilling, I'm all right. Yeah? 892 00:35:45,210 --> 00:35:47,544 How come I saw you in a cell all by yourself today? 893 00:35:47,546 --> 00:35:49,379 What the hell happened? 894 00:35:49,381 --> 00:35:51,748 I'm not even making that shit up. 895 00:35:53,619 --> 00:35:55,485 I'm getting ready for the show, 896 00:35:55,487 --> 00:35:57,020 I was like getting my shit, getting-- 897 00:35:57,022 --> 00:35:59,156 Walking down the hallway and I see Frank like 898 00:35:59,158 --> 00:36:02,225 in a giant room behind glass by himself going... 899 00:36:06,265 --> 00:36:08,265 Dude, what were you doing? 900 00:36:08,267 --> 00:36:10,100 No, they put me in there so I could calm down. 901 00:36:10,102 --> 00:36:12,536 My wife come to see me today and she had a ticket 902 00:36:12,538 --> 00:36:14,671 and she got arrested 'cause she had a warrant, 903 00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,072 and I went off a little bit. 904 00:36:16,074 --> 00:36:18,175 All right, first of all, she came to see me. 905 00:36:21,813 --> 00:36:24,915 She happened to stop and see you. 906 00:36:24,917 --> 00:36:27,017 I'm just teasing you, Frank, you know that, man. 907 00:36:27,019 --> 00:36:28,251 I don't want to get you all riled up. 908 00:36:28,253 --> 00:36:30,487 I ain't tripping, I bet you pay good, shit. 909 00:36:30,489 --> 00:36:33,256 (laughter and applause) 910 00:36:33,258 --> 00:36:35,959 Fucking awesome. 911 00:36:35,961 --> 00:36:38,261 Why are you so jittery? Are you okay? 912 00:36:38,263 --> 00:36:39,496 Are you nervous? 913 00:36:39,498 --> 00:36:40,697 No, not really. 914 00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:43,466 Are the drugs in your ass starting to kick in? 915 00:36:45,137 --> 00:36:46,937 Frank, you kinda look like what happens 916 00:36:46,939 --> 00:36:49,906 when the morning-after pill kinda works. 917 00:37:02,854 --> 00:37:04,120 (Jeff) What about the women? 918 00:37:04,122 --> 00:37:05,455 Do you think they'll have a sense of humor 919 00:37:05,457 --> 00:37:06,756 about their situation? 920 00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:07,857 Yeah, I think so. 921 00:37:07,859 --> 00:37:09,426 Everybody likes to laugh. 922 00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,627 (women laughing) 923 00:37:10,629 --> 00:37:12,128 (Dicky) If you will, put your hands together 924 00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:17,100 and help us welcome my good friend, Jeff Ross. 925 00:37:17,102 --> 00:37:18,535 (cheers and applause) 926 00:37:18,537 --> 00:37:20,470 Wow. What's up?! 927 00:37:20,472 --> 00:37:22,672 Crazy. 928 00:37:22,674 --> 00:37:24,908 What's happening? 929 00:37:24,910 --> 00:37:26,209 All right, how you doing? 930 00:37:26,211 --> 00:37:27,744 This is awesome. (cheering) 931 00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:29,946 Wow. How you doing? 932 00:37:29,948 --> 00:37:31,481 This is crazy. 933 00:37:31,483 --> 00:37:32,716 This must be hell, 934 00:37:32,718 --> 00:37:35,051 all these women wearing the same outfit. 935 00:37:35,053 --> 00:37:37,821 (laughter) 936 00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:41,725 Orange is the new very black, look at you. 937 00:37:41,727 --> 00:37:44,261 Man! 938 00:37:44,263 --> 00:37:45,929 You're beautiful. 939 00:37:47,266 --> 00:37:49,633 What's going on? 940 00:37:49,635 --> 00:37:52,035 Have you been in here long enough to find me attractive? 941 00:37:52,037 --> 00:37:53,903 Whoo! Huh? 942 00:37:57,976 --> 00:37:59,943 Oh, look at this, this is awesome. 943 00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:02,112 We got Justin Bieber here. 944 00:38:05,417 --> 00:38:07,517 Take a bow, take a bow. 945 00:38:07,519 --> 00:38:09,419 This is a trip for sure, man. 946 00:38:09,421 --> 00:38:13,923 I have never done a show for all women before 947 00:38:13,925 --> 00:38:17,494 and I've never done a show inside a jail before, 948 00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:19,162 so this is huge for me. 949 00:38:19,164 --> 00:38:21,298 Thank you. 950 00:38:23,835 --> 00:38:25,235 Good thing about a jail show is, 951 00:38:25,237 --> 00:38:27,270 nobody gets up and walks out. 952 00:38:27,272 --> 00:38:29,839 (laughter) 953 00:38:29,841 --> 00:38:31,341 I wanted to fit in with the guys, 954 00:38:31,343 --> 00:38:33,410 so I shaved my head like an inmate. 955 00:38:33,412 --> 00:38:36,046 (cheers and applause) 956 00:38:36,048 --> 00:38:37,681 Now I find myself touching-- 957 00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:40,016 Doing this all the time, 958 00:38:40,018 --> 00:38:41,851 which is good, 'cause it keeps me 959 00:38:41,853 --> 00:38:43,853 from touching my balls in public. 960 00:38:45,657 --> 00:38:46,756 Wow. 961 00:38:46,758 --> 00:38:49,259 One guy, 50 female prisoners. 962 00:38:49,261 --> 00:38:52,128 This is like the first scene of every porno I've ever seen. 963 00:38:53,732 --> 00:38:58,001 I feel like I should be delivering a pizza or something. 964 00:38:58,003 --> 00:39:01,304 How many people have been in here more than once? 965 00:39:01,306 --> 00:39:02,472 No kidding. 966 00:39:02,474 --> 00:39:05,575 What is this, summer camp? 967 00:39:05,577 --> 00:39:07,077 How you doing, darling? 968 00:39:07,079 --> 00:39:08,311 I'm good. How you doing? 969 00:39:08,313 --> 00:39:10,380 Hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa. 970 00:39:12,617 --> 00:39:13,950 What's your-- 971 00:39:13,952 --> 00:39:15,151 I'm Big Mama Joe, that's my name. 972 00:39:15,153 --> 00:39:17,087 Big Mama Joe. Wow. 973 00:39:17,089 --> 00:39:18,688 It's raining men, hallelujah. 974 00:39:18,690 --> 00:39:20,256 It's raining men, hallelujah? 975 00:39:20,258 --> 00:39:21,725 Yeah. No shit. 976 00:39:21,727 --> 00:39:25,061 You look so-- Move back, stop it. 977 00:39:25,063 --> 00:39:26,796 You're making people nervous. 978 00:39:26,798 --> 00:39:28,131 Seriously, Kev, come on. 979 00:39:28,133 --> 00:39:29,366 You can't follow me. 980 00:39:29,368 --> 00:39:31,134 Stay over there. We're doing a show over here. 981 00:39:31,136 --> 00:39:35,138 This is between me and Big Mama Joe. 982 00:39:35,140 --> 00:39:36,373 That's right. 983 00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,475 And her three illegitimate daughters behind her. 984 00:39:38,477 --> 00:39:39,576 There you go. 985 00:39:39,578 --> 00:39:41,644 There you go. 986 00:39:41,646 --> 00:39:44,447 I'm making some child support payments... 987 00:39:44,449 --> 00:39:46,516 (muttering) What's that? 988 00:39:46,518 --> 00:39:49,419 Child support for them three illegitimate kids. 989 00:39:49,421 --> 00:39:50,520 Child support? 990 00:39:50,522 --> 00:39:52,088 How about some boob support? 991 00:39:52,090 --> 00:39:53,890 (laughter) 992 00:39:57,696 --> 00:39:59,362 You're all right. 993 00:39:59,364 --> 00:40:01,398 Big Mama Joe, you're not my mama, are you? 994 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,066 I might be. You are adorable. 995 00:40:03,068 --> 00:40:06,035 You are my favorite smurf, by the way. 996 00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:09,406 This is so much fun. 997 00:40:09,408 --> 00:40:10,874 It means so much that you ladies 998 00:40:10,876 --> 00:40:13,710 would have a sense of humor about your situation. 999 00:40:13,712 --> 00:40:16,079 Oh, wait, what is this right here? 1000 00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:17,580 Is that a baby in there? 1001 00:40:17,582 --> 00:40:19,015 Yeah. Really? 1002 00:40:19,017 --> 00:40:21,117 Can you come here for a second? 1003 00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:22,819 Can I see it? Oh, can I-- 1004 00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:23,953 What's your name? 1005 00:40:23,955 --> 00:40:24,954 My name's Autumn. 1006 00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:26,089 Autumn? Autumn. 1007 00:40:26,091 --> 00:40:27,257 Oh, wow. 1008 00:40:27,259 --> 00:40:28,958 Why are you here? Did you rob a sperm bank? 1009 00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,228 No. (laughter) 1010 00:40:32,230 --> 00:40:33,329 You look so cute. No. 1011 00:40:33,331 --> 00:40:35,064 Are you eating for two? Yeah. 1012 00:40:35,066 --> 00:40:38,168 Did you steal for two? 1013 00:40:38,170 --> 00:40:40,637 That's awesome. 1014 00:40:40,639 --> 00:40:41,838 This is good for the baby, 1015 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,407 it's good for the baby to hear you laughing. 1016 00:40:44,409 --> 00:40:46,509 That's good for the baby's development. 1017 00:40:46,511 --> 00:40:49,846 Imagine if I was licking your pussy right now, 1018 00:40:49,848 --> 00:40:50,847 how good it would be for the... 1019 00:40:50,849 --> 00:40:53,583 (cheers and laughter) 1020 00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:56,286 For the baby's development. 1021 00:40:57,556 --> 00:41:01,090 I'm sorry if I go too far. I'll be careful. 1022 00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:08,131 Who's got the balls to come up here? 1023 00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:10,033 All right, come up here. One, two, three. 1024 00:41:10,035 --> 00:41:11,468 All right, we got it. 1025 00:41:11,470 --> 00:41:13,002 Four, over there, over there. 1026 00:41:13,004 --> 00:41:16,606 (cheers and applause) 1027 00:41:19,077 --> 00:41:20,477 All right, come on down, ladies. 1028 00:41:20,479 --> 00:41:21,845 That's it? 1029 00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:23,379 And one more? 1030 00:41:23,381 --> 00:41:25,114 What's going on? How you doing? 1031 00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:26,683 Doing great, how are you? 1032 00:41:26,685 --> 00:41:28,184 What's your name? Country. 1033 00:41:28,186 --> 00:41:30,787 Country? Wow. 1034 00:41:30,789 --> 00:41:33,122 Man. 1035 00:41:33,124 --> 00:41:34,457 Why do they call you Country? 1036 00:41:34,459 --> 00:41:37,093 Because that's how I talk. 1037 00:41:37,095 --> 00:41:38,528 Obviously. 1038 00:41:38,530 --> 00:41:39,696 How long you been here, Country? 1039 00:41:39,698 --> 00:41:41,397 I've been here about seven months. 1040 00:41:41,399 --> 00:41:42,565 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 1041 00:41:42,567 --> 00:41:44,100 Wow. How you holding up? 1042 00:41:44,102 --> 00:41:46,936 I'd be a lot better if I could be outside and free. 1043 00:41:46,938 --> 00:41:48,838 Who's waiting for you out there? 1044 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,006 My two kids. 1045 00:41:50,008 --> 00:41:51,140 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 1046 00:41:51,142 --> 00:41:53,243 That must be so hard, I can't even imagine. 1047 00:41:53,245 --> 00:41:56,346 Mm-hmm, it's hard, but I'm making it. 1048 00:41:56,348 --> 00:41:58,147 So you have to call the baby-sitter and say, 1049 00:41:58,149 --> 00:41:59,449 "I don't know when I'm gonna be home, but..." 1050 00:41:59,451 --> 00:42:02,252 "I'll pay you soon." (laughing) 1051 00:42:02,254 --> 00:42:04,954 "Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge." Yeah. 1052 00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:06,789 This is so fun. Hold on, Country. 1053 00:42:06,791 --> 00:42:07,824 Let's talk to-- 1054 00:42:07,826 --> 00:42:09,259 Unfold your arms. Loosen up. 1055 00:42:09,261 --> 00:42:10,560 It's gonna be okay. 1056 00:42:10,562 --> 00:42:13,196 You look so beautiful in orange. 1057 00:42:13,198 --> 00:42:14,330 Thank you. 1058 00:42:14,332 --> 00:42:15,431 What's your name? Kat. 1059 00:42:15,433 --> 00:42:16,699 Kat? Yeah. 1060 00:42:16,701 --> 00:42:18,835 Me-ow. (laughter) 1061 00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:23,673 What's the hardest part about being in jail right now? 1062 00:42:23,675 --> 00:42:24,841 I miss my kids. 1063 00:42:24,843 --> 00:42:27,110 You miss your kids. Yeah. 1064 00:42:27,112 --> 00:42:29,946 Well, and they can't come visit, can they? 1065 00:42:29,948 --> 00:42:31,214 I don't want them to. 1066 00:42:31,216 --> 00:42:32,782 You don't want them to see you up here. 1067 00:42:32,784 --> 00:42:34,250 Especially with that hairstyle. 1068 00:42:34,252 --> 00:42:37,387 No shit. Right? 1069 00:42:37,389 --> 00:42:39,656 I'm sweating like a hooker talking to-- 1070 00:42:39,658 --> 00:42:42,191 What's that? What'd you say? 1071 00:42:42,193 --> 00:42:43,626 I said I was sweating like a hooker 1072 00:42:43,628 --> 00:42:44,727 talking to a beat cop. 1073 00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:46,863 (laughter) 1074 00:42:46,865 --> 00:42:49,933 Well, we got a beat cop, you're the hooker. 1075 00:42:49,935 --> 00:42:52,802 It's all working out. 1076 00:42:52,804 --> 00:42:54,037 This is so fun. 1077 00:42:54,039 --> 00:42:56,039 Let's talk to the librarian for a second. 1078 00:42:56,041 --> 00:42:57,607 (laughter) 1079 00:42:57,609 --> 00:42:59,042 Come right over here. 1080 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:01,244 How you doing? I'm good, how are you? 1081 00:43:01,246 --> 00:43:02,812 What's happening? What's your name? 1082 00:43:02,814 --> 00:43:04,380 I'm Holly. Holly. 1083 00:43:04,382 --> 00:43:06,215 Holy Holly. 1084 00:43:06,217 --> 00:43:08,384 What's your stor-- Shh. 1085 00:43:08,386 --> 00:43:10,119 (woman) Tell him your last name. 1086 00:43:10,121 --> 00:43:11,321 Why, they teasing you? 1087 00:43:11,323 --> 00:43:12,589 You got a funny last name? 1088 00:43:12,591 --> 00:43:14,157 Yeah, it's Hooker. 1089 00:43:14,159 --> 00:43:17,760 (laughter and applause) 1090 00:43:17,762 --> 00:43:19,862 That's why I came up here, Jeff. 1091 00:43:19,864 --> 00:43:21,898 Holly Hooker? 1092 00:43:24,736 --> 00:43:27,036 What? Yeah, yeah. 1093 00:43:27,038 --> 00:43:28,471 Get outta here! 1094 00:43:33,144 --> 00:43:34,978 Do you need reading glasses? 1095 00:43:40,885 --> 00:43:43,386 (laughter) 1096 00:43:43,388 --> 00:43:44,988 Do you accept-- Do you accept collect calls? 1097 00:43:44,990 --> 00:43:46,956 What's that? Do you accept collect calls? 1098 00:43:46,958 --> 00:43:49,559 (laughter) 1099 00:43:49,561 --> 00:43:51,194 Come here, come here, come here. 1100 00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:53,863 How you doing? (chuckles) 1101 00:43:53,865 --> 00:43:55,198 How you doing? I'm good. 1102 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:56,399 What's happening? 1103 00:43:56,401 --> 00:43:58,401 Mmm... nothing. 1104 00:44:00,271 --> 00:44:02,038 Is anybody waiting for you on the outside? 1105 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,573 My babies, my two babies. 1106 00:44:03,575 --> 00:44:06,976 Everybody has two babies, that's a lot of babies. 1107 00:44:06,978 --> 00:44:08,478 That's not bad. 1108 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,314 Big Mama had two since the show started. 1109 00:44:11,316 --> 00:44:14,417 (laughter) 1110 00:44:18,723 --> 00:44:20,256 That's your next woman. What's that? 1111 00:44:20,258 --> 00:44:21,724 Ain't she your next girlfriend? 1112 00:44:21,726 --> 00:44:23,526 She would be, but she has to get back to work 1113 00:44:23,528 --> 00:44:25,795 at the Country Bear jamboree over at Disneyland. 1114 00:44:28,833 --> 00:44:30,700 What's your name? I'm Shaina. 1115 00:44:30,702 --> 00:44:31,768 Shaina. 1116 00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:33,302 Were you arrested for, what? 1117 00:44:33,304 --> 00:44:35,672 Theft. I'm guessing it was-- 1118 00:44:35,674 --> 00:44:38,474 Theft, really? Yep. 1119 00:44:38,476 --> 00:44:40,476 I figured you were here for arson, 1120 00:44:40,478 --> 00:44:42,211 'cause my pants are on fire right now. 1121 00:44:42,213 --> 00:44:47,250 (cheers and applause) 1122 00:44:47,252 --> 00:44:48,451 So, come here, Shaina. 1123 00:44:48,453 --> 00:44:49,585 Theft, that's pretty heavy. 1124 00:44:49,587 --> 00:44:52,221 Are you allowed to tell me what you stole? 1125 00:44:52,223 --> 00:44:54,624 Baby food. 1126 00:44:54,626 --> 00:44:56,359 Cut the bullshit. 1127 00:44:56,361 --> 00:44:58,561 Baby food? Baby formula. 1128 00:44:58,563 --> 00:45:00,496 Baby formula? Mm-hmm. 1129 00:45:00,498 --> 00:45:01,731 From what, another baby? 1130 00:45:01,733 --> 00:45:04,167 (laughter) 1131 00:45:04,169 --> 00:45:05,768 Are you married? Not yet. 1132 00:45:05,770 --> 00:45:07,336 Not yet? 1133 00:45:07,338 --> 00:45:09,439 What do you think's more important? 1134 00:45:09,441 --> 00:45:13,710 Sense of humor or penis size? 1135 00:45:14,779 --> 00:45:16,579 Shh... 1136 00:45:16,581 --> 00:45:19,048 Both. 1137 00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:22,552 (laughter and applause) 1138 00:45:24,189 --> 00:45:25,488 All right, well, 1139 00:45:25,490 --> 00:45:27,957 I have an 11-inch sense of humor, so... 1140 00:45:27,959 --> 00:45:29,092 All right, ladies. 1141 00:45:29,094 --> 00:45:31,360 Group hug, group hug. 1142 00:45:31,362 --> 00:45:32,862 Thank you. 1143 00:45:32,864 --> 00:45:34,330 Thank you, ladies. Thank you. 1144 00:45:39,738 --> 00:45:42,605 (inmates shouting) 1145 00:45:48,012 --> 00:45:49,078 (Jeff) My turn. 1146 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,146 Here you go. 1147 00:45:50,148 --> 00:45:51,380 A lot of air balls here. 1148 00:45:51,382 --> 00:45:53,583 At least something's free around here. 1149 00:45:55,653 --> 00:45:57,987 Look at the white guys just not even participating. 1150 00:45:57,989 --> 00:45:59,355 They don't even want to play. 1151 00:45:59,357 --> 00:46:01,724 This basketball's got more lumps 1152 00:46:01,726 --> 00:46:03,259 than your mama's ass right here. 1153 00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:04,961 (laughing) Man. 1154 00:46:04,963 --> 00:46:07,930 Oh, shit! Oh! 1155 00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:10,433 Is this normal, for the white guys and the black guys to hang 1156 00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:11,534 or is it just 'cause I'm here? 1157 00:46:11,536 --> 00:46:13,136 Ain't no racism in here, man. 1158 00:46:13,138 --> 00:46:14,270 Everybody love everybody. 1159 00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:16,806 I love Africans, Asians. 1160 00:46:16,808 --> 00:46:18,741 We still the same, we all made the same. 1161 00:46:18,743 --> 00:46:20,276 We all gotta do the time, so there ain't no point 1162 00:46:20,278 --> 00:46:21,477 in hating each other doing it. 1163 00:46:21,479 --> 00:46:22,578 That's a good point. 1164 00:46:22,580 --> 00:46:23,780 Right here, right here. 1165 00:46:23,782 --> 00:46:25,581 "Brazos," that's an old Indian word, 1166 00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:26,883 it means "My lawyer sucks." 1167 00:46:26,885 --> 00:46:29,118 (laughter) 1168 00:46:31,656 --> 00:46:35,291 (guitar playing) 1169 00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:40,663 I feel connected to you guys in ways I never thought I would. 1170 00:46:40,665 --> 00:46:42,932 I'm a big believer in second chances. 1171 00:46:42,934 --> 00:46:44,967 (man) Amen, man. 1172 00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:47,136 Bill Gates, when he was a teenager, 1173 00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,639 he got arrested for driving without a license, 1174 00:46:49,641 --> 00:46:52,308 went to jail for a couple days, came out, 1175 00:46:52,310 --> 00:46:54,877 went in his garage, invented the computer. 1176 00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:58,114 Now he's the richest man in the world. 1177 00:46:58,116 --> 00:47:01,484 So my advice to you guys, when you get out of jail... 1178 00:47:01,486 --> 00:47:03,019 rob Bill Gates. 1179 00:47:03,021 --> 00:47:06,222 (laughter and applause) 1180 00:47:06,224 --> 00:47:08,057 Whoo! 1181 00:47:10,094 --> 00:47:12,395 You know who Nelson Mandela is? 1182 00:47:13,998 --> 00:47:16,432 Nazis, you know who Nelson Mandela is? 1183 00:47:23,041 --> 00:47:26,742 He was a great black man, so go fuck yourselves. 1184 00:47:32,250 --> 00:47:36,085 Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years, 1185 00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:38,287 and he used that time not to go crazy. 1186 00:47:38,289 --> 00:47:41,991 He used that time to completely change who he was. 1187 00:47:41,993 --> 00:47:44,961 He became Morgan Freeman, the greatest actor of our time. 1188 00:47:49,467 --> 00:47:51,667 I wrote a song for you guys. 1189 00:47:51,669 --> 00:47:53,202 (guitar continues) 1190 00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:55,204 (whooping and cheering) 1191 00:47:55,206 --> 00:47:58,040 (whistling) 1192 00:47:58,042 --> 00:48:01,010 Come on, black guys, help me keep the beat. 1193 00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:05,548 ¶ The food in here stinks ¶ 1194 00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:08,117 ¶ The two-tone turkey made me ralph ¶ 1195 00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:10,519 (inmates) Yeah! Yeah! 1196 00:48:10,521 --> 00:48:13,022 Yeah! 1197 00:48:13,024 --> 00:48:17,393 ¶ I had to toss a salad just to get that taste out my mouth ¶ 1198 00:48:23,134 --> 00:48:25,701 ¶ Stuck in Brazos County ¶ 1199 00:48:25,703 --> 00:48:28,971 ¶ Where the food just sucks ¶ 1200 00:48:28,973 --> 00:48:30,473 (man) Yeah! 1201 00:48:30,475 --> 00:48:32,208 Hey, but listen, dude. 1202 00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:35,444 ¶ That's what you deserve ¶ 1203 00:48:35,446 --> 00:48:38,314 ¶ When you rob a taco truck ¶ 1204 00:48:38,316 --> 00:48:41,651 (guitar continues) 1205 00:48:41,653 --> 00:48:43,519 Let me see that haircut. 1206 00:48:43,521 --> 00:48:45,454 He's got the little thing on the back there. 1207 00:48:47,425 --> 00:48:50,159 Dude, what is that shit? 1208 00:48:50,161 --> 00:48:53,396 Can I see the back of that for a second? 1209 00:48:53,398 --> 00:48:56,599 No, I thought a squirrel ran by, I was like, "What the fuck?" 1210 00:48:56,601 --> 00:49:00,670 (laughter) 1211 00:49:00,672 --> 00:49:03,306 Dude, you got the beard on backwards. 1212 00:49:10,715 --> 00:49:12,915 ¶ This guy, he don't like me ¶ 1213 00:49:12,917 --> 00:49:15,151 ¶ He's in here for manslaughter ¶ 1214 00:49:15,153 --> 00:49:19,255 ¶ I hope he don't figure out I finger-banged his daughter ¶ 1215 00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:23,392 ¶ Stuck in Brazos County ¶ 1216 00:49:23,394 --> 00:49:27,029 ¶ With you bunch of thugs ¶ 1217 00:49:27,031 --> 00:49:30,132 Yeah! 1218 00:49:30,134 --> 00:49:32,134 ¶ And those guys up in the balcony ¶ 1219 00:49:32,136 --> 00:49:35,638 ¶ With the swastika tattoos ¶ 1220 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,841 ¶ Look like they could use a hug ¶ 1221 00:49:38,843 --> 00:49:43,212 (guitar continues) 1222 00:49:43,214 --> 00:49:45,548 ¶ Thank you, Brazos County ¶ 1223 00:49:45,550 --> 00:49:50,853 ¶ My time here today has been intense ¶ 1224 00:49:50,855 --> 00:49:53,389 Yeah. (man) Yeah! 1225 00:49:53,391 --> 00:49:57,226 ¶ And I'll see y'all again on the outside ¶ 1226 00:49:57,228 --> 00:50:01,097 ¶ Soon as y'all hop that fence ¶ 1227 00:50:01,099 --> 00:50:03,299 (cheers and applause) 1228 00:50:03,301 --> 00:50:05,234 Good night, everybody. 1229 00:50:05,236 --> 00:50:06,402 Thank you. 1230 00:50:06,404 --> 00:50:07,937 (cheering continues) 1231 00:50:07,939 --> 00:50:09,105 Thank you. 1232 00:50:09,107 --> 00:50:11,073 Thank you. 1233 00:50:11,075 --> 00:50:13,242 (cheers and applause) 1234 00:50:20,218 --> 00:50:21,283 Thank you. 1235 00:50:21,285 --> 00:50:23,252 Cheers. 1236 00:50:23,254 --> 00:50:25,121 (man) Cheers. 1237 00:50:25,123 --> 00:50:27,323 Oh, my God. Mmm. 1238 00:50:27,325 --> 00:50:29,291 That tastes better than freedom. 1239 00:50:29,293 --> 00:50:30,526 (laughter) 1240 00:50:30,528 --> 00:50:31,694 You got me. 1241 00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,863 (laughter continues) 1242 00:50:33,865 --> 00:50:36,032 All right! 1243 00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:38,401 (Jeff) Enough with the bread already. 1244 00:50:46,077 --> 00:50:48,878 Forty, you've been around. What's the story? 1245 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,281 Stay in school. Don't be a fool. 1246 00:50:52,283 --> 00:50:54,183 (laughter and applause)