1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,484 --> 00:00:02,250 - Synced and corrected by L0tech - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 2 00:00:03,262 --> 00:00:04,986 Once we clear Keasbey, 3 00:00:04,997 --> 00:00:08,196 it's a straight shot down the Garden State Parkway 4 00:00:08,207 --> 00:00:10,028 until we hit the Pine Barrens. 5 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,220 And let me tell you, the Pine Barrens 6 00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:14,536 is some forest primeval shit. 7 00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:16,610 Sean has invited us to his family's cabin 8 00:00:16,644 --> 00:00:18,346 in the New Jersey woodlands. 9 00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:19,944 The Pine Barrens. 10 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,344 Which is the same thing. 11 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,242 For a weekend hunting trip. 12 00:00:23,252 --> 00:00:25,160 We vampires do not hunt. 13 00:00:25,194 --> 00:00:27,242 Of course we fucking do. We hunt humans. 14 00:00:27,253 --> 00:00:28,757 Does that count, though? 15 00:00:28,768 --> 00:00:30,114 Nothing wrong 16 00:00:30,125 --> 00:00:32,609 with a long weekend away from the ladies. 17 00:00:32,642 --> 00:00:34,916 "We dem boys," am I right? 18 00:00:34,927 --> 00:00:37,488 - Yes. - Indeed, but remember, 19 00:00:37,499 --> 00:00:39,418 Nandor and I need to be back 20 00:00:39,429 --> 00:00:41,392 no later than 5:00 a. m. on Sunday. 21 00:00:41,426 --> 00:00:43,993 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have jobs at the railroad. 22 00:00:44,004 --> 00:00:45,580 You're like a broken record, Laz. 23 00:00:45,591 --> 00:00:48,682 Yes, we them boys who work at the railroad. 24 00:00:48,693 --> 00:00:49,740 You know, 25 00:00:49,767 --> 00:00:52,118 that kid looks like the spitting image of Colin Robinson. 26 00:00:52,129 --> 00:00:53,693 It's like Little Baby Dilbert over here. 27 00:00:53,704 --> 00:00:56,073 Well, as we mentioned before, 28 00:00:56,084 --> 00:00:58,547 Colin Robinson is the child's uncle, 29 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,622 so according to genetics, that story makes perfect sense. 30 00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:02,900 Yeah, whatever. 31 00:01:02,911 --> 00:01:04,619 Hey, cornbread, what you playing back there? 32 00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:05,814 Oh, no. What the fuck... 33 00:01:05,824 --> 00:01:07,968 Oh, it's a game called "Welcome to Bloxburg," 34 00:01:07,978 --> 00:01:09,633 and it's a game on Roblox 35 00:01:09,644 --> 00:01:11,867 and you can build your own house 36 00:01:11,878 --> 00:01:14,811 or get a job like a pizza maker or woodcutter 37 00:01:14,822 --> 00:01:16,661 or insurance adjust... 38 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:55,186 You look very nice in the bath. Look at you. 39 00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:57,158 - Thank you, honey. - With the boys being away 40 00:01:57,169 --> 00:01:59,047 on this hunting trip with Sean, 41 00:01:59,058 --> 00:02:01,659 it is just so... ...nice 42 00:02:01,670 --> 00:02:03,872 to have the house to myself for a change. 43 00:02:03,883 --> 00:02:06,162 To ourselves. There's two of us. 44 00:02:06,195 --> 00:02:07,431 Oh, yes. Of course. 45 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:11,046 It's really nice to have the whole house to myself, 46 00:02:11,057 --> 00:02:12,647 for once. 47 00:02:12,658 --> 00:02:15,477 Since Nandor, Laszlo, Nadja and Baby Colin are all gone, 48 00:02:15,488 --> 00:02:18,353 I get to choose what I want to do for a change. 49 00:02:18,386 --> 00:02:21,371 We really needed a break from Laszlo, Nandor, Gizmo, 50 00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:22,914 and the small weird creature 51 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:25,009 that clawed its way out of the abdominal cavity 52 00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,937 of our deceased former friend Colin Robinson. 53 00:02:26,970 --> 00:02:29,812 It's rare that anyone leaves me alone, 54 00:02:29,823 --> 00:02:32,468 so I'm gonna have my family over tomorrow night. 55 00:02:32,479 --> 00:02:34,452 I've been putting it off for, like... 56 00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:36,261 12 years? 57 00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:40,350 This house, it can be a lot of male energy. 58 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,963 Oh. I mean, duh. 59 00:02:44,271 --> 00:02:46,257 So while they're off in the forest, 60 00:02:46,268 --> 00:02:48,257 we will be having a good, old-fashioned 61 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:49,537 sloppy girls' night at home. 62 00:02:49,548 --> 00:02:51,252 - Yes. - And you know, 63 00:02:51,285 --> 00:02:53,657 I think the weekend will be very good for the boys, too. 64 00:02:53,691 --> 00:02:55,742 Did you want to help with the bags? 65 00:02:55,753 --> 00:02:57,335 I wasn't planning to, no. 66 00:02:57,346 --> 00:02:58,801 - Okay, thank you. - Thank you. 67 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,474 Laszlo and Nandor have been bickering a lot recently. 68 00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,861 You know, for the past one or two or... 69 00:03:03,872 --> 00:03:05,391 actually, about 80 years. 70 00:03:06,884 --> 00:03:08,788 You want to help with the door? 71 00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:10,672 I wasn't planning to, no. 72 00:03:10,683 --> 00:03:12,838 - Okay, thank you. - Thank you. 73 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:16,306 It's good that they're going to have a chance to reconnect. 74 00:03:16,619 --> 00:03:18,541 Put all the bags in there, all right? 75 00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:19,997 Eesh. 76 00:03:20,008 --> 00:03:21,419 Now, that up there, 77 00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:23,291 I got that when I was 14. 78 00:03:23,302 --> 00:03:25,637 Took me nine shots, but I got it. 79 00:03:25,648 --> 00:03:28,341 First time I ever saw something die. 80 00:03:29,353 --> 00:03:31,091 But it wouldn't be the last. 81 00:03:33,433 --> 00:03:35,448 Well, marksmanship clearly runs in the family. 82 00:03:35,459 --> 00:03:37,863 That's a very impressive collection of firearms. 83 00:03:37,874 --> 00:03:39,783 Oh, yeah. Well, it's mostly my granddad's. 84 00:03:39,816 --> 00:03:42,717 He started collecting them when he bought the cabin 85 00:03:42,728 --> 00:03:44,820 from this Polish guy he used to bowl with, 86 00:03:44,831 --> 00:03:46,350 you know, before the cataracts. 87 00:03:46,361 --> 00:03:48,634 It's always sad when a Polish fellow gets cataracts. 88 00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:51,013 No, I think what Sean is saying 89 00:03:51,024 --> 00:03:52,947 is that his grandfather got the cataracts, 90 00:03:52,958 --> 00:03:54,654 which is why he could no longer do bowling 91 00:03:54,665 --> 00:03:56,035 - with the Polish fellow. - Actually, 92 00:03:56,045 --> 00:03:59,022 - the problem was... - No, no, hold on, Sean. No. 93 00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:01,468 The Polish fellow got the cataracts, 94 00:04:01,479 --> 00:04:03,686 ending his bowling career, 95 00:04:03,697 --> 00:04:05,145 cutting his income, 96 00:04:05,156 --> 00:04:07,505 forcing him to sell this cabin, clearly. 97 00:04:07,516 --> 00:04:09,265 The problem with Laszlo 98 00:04:09,276 --> 00:04:11,366 is that he cannot admit that there's something 99 00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:13,156 that even he does not know. 100 00:04:13,167 --> 00:04:15,196 He thinks that he knows all things. 101 00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:17,702 And if there's one thing I cannot abide, 102 00:04:17,713 --> 00:04:20,430 it is someone who's a know-it-all-things. 103 00:04:20,968 --> 00:04:23,695 - Actually... - If I could just take a moment, Sean, 104 00:04:23,706 --> 00:04:26,257 I know a thing or two about fellows, 105 00:04:26,268 --> 00:04:27,411 and I would say it is more than likely 106 00:04:28,388 --> 00:04:31,887 that the Polish fellow went bowling with other fellows for fun 107 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,291 and not for his livelihood. 108 00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:36,362 Nandor's problem is 109 00:04:36,395 --> 00:04:38,378 he has a bird-sized brain 110 00:04:38,388 --> 00:04:39,958 in a mammoth-sized body. 111 00:04:39,969 --> 00:04:41,425 Wouldn't you say? 112 00:04:41,436 --> 00:04:44,533 Well, you see, that theory betrays an ignorance... 113 00:04:44,674 --> 00:04:46,361 - Oh... - for the many Polish fellows 114 00:04:46,371 --> 00:04:48,594 that have done very well vis-à-vis 115 00:04:48,604 --> 00:04:49,914 bowling competition money. 116 00:04:49,925 --> 00:04:51,234 Agree to disagree. 117 00:04:51,245 --> 00:04:52,871 Boy, do your thing. 118 00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:57,565 Hey, Siri, search "Polish bowlers top cash prize earners." 119 00:04:57,576 --> 00:04:59,748 Okay, I found this on the web 120 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,049 for "bowling Polish top cash prize earners." 121 00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:03,162 - Check it out. - Yes? 122 00:05:03,173 --> 00:05:07,621 It's a Wikipedia page for someone called Daria Pajak. 123 00:05:07,632 --> 00:05:08,761 Read the page. 124 00:05:08,794 --> 00:05:11,533 "Daria Pajak is a professional bowling player 125 00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:13,292 - from Poland..." - From Poland. 126 00:05:13,303 --> 00:05:15,378 "who competes on the professional women's bowling..." 127 00:05:15,389 --> 00:05:17,174 - That's right, my boy. - Shut up! 128 00:05:17,185 --> 00:05:18,257 - Hey! - Very mature. 129 00:05:24,197 --> 00:05:26,141 - Right. - So, what are we doing? 130 00:05:26,152 --> 00:05:27,932 Time for a little hunting of our own. 131 00:05:27,966 --> 00:05:29,703 The most dangerous game... 132 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,784 - Hunting humans... - The hunters become the hunted. 133 00:05:31,795 --> 00:05:34,139 Fucking hell. Stop interrupting me. 134 00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,781 Eesh. 135 00:05:36,517 --> 00:05:38,353 I have recently been experimenting 136 00:05:38,386 --> 00:05:40,311 with echolocation. 137 00:05:45,501 --> 00:05:48,042 - Hey, Lazzo, guess what? - What? 138 00:05:48,053 --> 00:05:51,239 I need more Robux to buy gamer wings for my avatar 139 00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:53,116 - because guess what? - What? 140 00:05:53,149 --> 00:05:54,753 - I already have the Gamer Cloak. - Enough. 141 00:05:54,786 --> 00:05:56,982 You're going to scare away the humans. 142 00:05:56,993 --> 00:06:00,096 Silence is the hunter's greatest weapon. 143 00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:02,316 And you're shitting all over it. 144 00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:05,473 Uh, can we go? I'm on eight percent. 145 00:06:09,366 --> 00:06:11,385 You know, you're lucky to have a guy like Lasz 146 00:06:11,419 --> 00:06:13,456 - taking care of you. - I guess. 147 00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:17,018 Sometimes I think that Lazzo doesn't like me so much. 148 00:06:17,029 --> 00:06:19,184 Are you kidding me? He loves you. 149 00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:21,489 He's always saying, "I'm not gonna have you grow up 150 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,044 to be a bald-headed, energy-sucking bore." 151 00:06:24,078 --> 00:06:27,362 Huh, that's why my old man wouldn't let me watch PBS. 152 00:06:27,373 --> 00:06:28,784 Do you think I'm boring? 153 00:06:28,795 --> 00:06:30,858 What? You got your little computer pad, 154 00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:32,829 and a... stick. 155 00:06:32,862 --> 00:06:35,611 And a whole bunch of other neat stuff, right? 156 00:06:35,622 --> 00:06:36,934 What else do you like doing? 157 00:06:36,945 --> 00:06:40,122 Well, I like to go into the basement in the house 158 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:43,517 and smash holes into the wall with a hammer. 159 00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:45,487 Like, really hard. 160 00:06:45,521 --> 00:06:47,525 Just over and over again. 161 00:06:47,536 --> 00:06:50,299 Just smashing and smashing 162 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,635 and smashing, and I can't help it. 163 00:06:52,669 --> 00:06:54,071 It makes me feel good. 164 00:06:54,104 --> 00:06:56,777 But like, only walls, right? 165 00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,804 You don't like, uh... 166 00:06:58,814 --> 00:07:00,518 smashinga person or something? 167 00:07:06,065 --> 00:07:08,653 So our evening is off to a wonderful start. 168 00:07:08,664 --> 00:07:12,268 ♪ There's a girl in the village With one very small foot. ♪ 169 00:07:12,279 --> 00:07:14,495 Mrs. Nandor the Relentless has joined us, 170 00:07:14,506 --> 00:07:15,837 and she fits right in. 171 00:07:15,848 --> 00:07:16,921 Everybody! 172 00:07:16,932 --> 00:07:20,246 She looks very like a girl from my village called Celina, 173 00:07:20,257 --> 00:07:22,331 but she's just wearing much less pig skin. 174 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:23,564 You can do it. 175 00:07:23,597 --> 00:07:25,709 Go me. Go me. 176 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,607 Sometimes you just gotta cool out with your ladies, 177 00:07:28,641 --> 00:07:30,711 have a proper female fuck-about. 178 00:07:30,745 --> 00:07:32,882 Nearly ready. Voila. 179 00:07:32,915 --> 00:07:34,719 Dang it. 180 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:41,032 Welcome. Come in. Thank you. 181 00:07:41,065 --> 00:07:42,568 Forward. 182 00:07:42,602 --> 00:07:44,539 Thank you for inv... 183 00:07:44,572 --> 00:07:45,941 Oh, don't worry about the cameras, 184 00:07:45,975 --> 00:07:47,845 um, I hired them so they could record the... 185 00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:49,582 Grandma's birthday. 186 00:07:49,616 --> 00:07:51,753 - Happy Birthday. - Boy, oh. 187 00:07:51,787 --> 00:07:53,924 Oh, my son. Siempre tan considerado. 188 00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:56,128 Las chamarras, quítensela. Quítensela. Aquí es su casa. 189 00:07:56,162 --> 00:07:58,232 - Look, he's like the butler. - I am not the butler. 190 00:07:58,266 --> 00:08:00,203 I told them that you guys are here making a video montage 191 00:08:00,236 --> 00:08:02,809 for her birthday, so I guess that's what we're doing now. 192 00:08:02,842 --> 00:08:04,579 It looks like Tarzan lives here. 193 00:08:04,612 --> 00:08:05,815 Oh, it's just eco-friendly. 194 00:08:05,848 --> 00:08:07,117 Is your Versace blouse eco-friendly? 195 00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:08,854 - It's real Versace. - You know, they make that 196 00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:10,524 - in menswear too, right? - Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. 197 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:11,900 Okay, why don't we go upstairs? 198 00:08:12,002 --> 00:08:13,378 Come in, come in, come in. 199 00:08:13,389 --> 00:08:14,666 Oh, careful, there. I... It's messy. 200 00:08:14,699 --> 00:08:16,102 There's thorns here, so be careful. 201 00:08:16,135 --> 00:08:17,304 Hi. 202 00:08:17,337 --> 00:08:19,272 - More garbage. - Here we are. 203 00:08:19,451 --> 00:08:20,711 Ta-da. 204 00:08:20,745 --> 00:08:22,749 It's cute, mom, right? 205 00:08:22,782 --> 00:08:24,753 Well, welcome. 206 00:08:24,786 --> 00:08:27,725 Look at these dishes, how luxurious. 207 00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:29,787 She's really impressed. 208 00:08:29,798 --> 00:08:32,200 Did they give you a promotion at Panera or what? 209 00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:34,606 No, no, no, mom. Works on the railway, 210 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:35,875 do you remember? 211 00:08:35,908 --> 00:08:36,943 Oh, you're still at the railroad. 212 00:08:36,977 --> 00:08:38,146 You're working at the railroad? 213 00:08:38,179 --> 00:08:39,616 Yeah, I work at the railroad. 214 00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,252 What happened to the Panera Bread? 215 00:08:41,285 --> 00:08:42,722 Speaking of bread, do you want some? 216 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,693 - Oh, I got a promotion. - That's right. 217 00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:46,318 You got a promotion? 218 00:08:46,329 --> 00:08:47,395 Yeah. 219 00:08:47,406 --> 00:08:49,390 How does a fool get a promotion 220 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,971 from a Panera Bread to a railroad? 221 00:08:51,005 --> 00:08:52,709 - How does that happen? - It was a... 222 00:08:52,742 --> 00:08:54,713 - It was at a train station. - A train station? 223 00:08:54,746 --> 00:08:56,015 The Panera Bread was at the train station. 224 00:08:56,048 --> 00:08:57,618 - What train station? - Penn Station. 225 00:08:57,652 --> 00:08:59,153 Nah, nah, nah. Sabes que, homie. 226 00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,758 There ain't no Panera Bread at Penn Station. 227 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:02,160 It was a pop-up. 228 00:09:02,194 --> 00:09:03,597 Pop-up shop. 229 00:09:04,192 --> 00:09:05,314 Wow. 230 00:09:05,325 --> 00:09:06,792 Slower, don't pull! 231 00:09:06,803 --> 00:09:09,315 Ooh, ooh! I have an idea. 232 00:09:09,326 --> 00:09:11,366 - What? - Let's watch Mamma Mia! 233 00:09:11,377 --> 00:09:12,646 Uh, yes. 234 00:09:12,657 --> 00:09:15,103 Mamma Mia is my favorite, favorite 235 00:09:15,114 --> 00:09:17,430 film to watch when I am missing my homeland, 236 00:09:17,441 --> 00:09:20,063 but Laszlo never lets me watch it. He says... 237 00:09:20,096 --> 00:09:21,900 "My darling, I can't watch that. 238 00:09:21,933 --> 00:09:23,604 "It reminds me of all the bastard children 239 00:09:23,637 --> 00:09:26,108 I fathered when I was a human." 240 00:09:27,452 --> 00:09:29,022 Then the other two guys, 241 00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:31,187 they hear this screech in the woods. 242 00:09:31,198 --> 00:09:32,855 And they hightail it out of there, 243 00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:37,415 but they never found the third guy... 244 00:09:37,698 --> 00:09:39,546 because you know who got him? 245 00:09:39,557 --> 00:09:40,604 The Jersey Devil. 246 00:09:40,638 --> 00:09:41,706 - The Jersey Devil. - Uh-huh. 247 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:42,975 Hey, Mr. Rinaldi, 248 00:09:43,009 --> 00:09:44,712 - guess what? - What? 249 00:09:44,746 --> 00:09:46,750 I don't believe the Jersey Devil is even real. 250 00:09:46,783 --> 00:09:48,119 All righty, then. 251 00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:51,025 I guess is not my fault if he comes and eats you. 252 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:54,476 Okay, well, if he's so real, then what does he look like? 253 00:09:54,487 --> 00:09:56,636 He's got dragon wings, 254 00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:58,941 and a half-goat horse face 255 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:01,888 with a chinstrap beard like an Amish. 256 00:10:01,899 --> 00:10:04,402 And he's got hooves and horns, 257 00:10:04,413 --> 00:10:06,623 and two low-hanging balls 258 00:10:06,656 --> 00:10:09,266 with a button cock on top. 259 00:10:09,337 --> 00:10:10,631 Fantastic. 260 00:10:10,664 --> 00:10:13,269 And he creeps through the Pine Barrens, 261 00:10:13,302 --> 00:10:16,454 looking for little kids 262 00:10:16,464 --> 00:10:17,845 who don't believe in him. 263 00:10:17,879 --> 00:10:20,946 And he goes, "clomp, 264 00:10:20,957 --> 00:10:22,110 clomp, clomp!" 265 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,021 Uh... Everyone all right? 266 00:10:26,032 --> 00:10:28,734 I got to fix the safety on that one, huh? 267 00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:30,530 No, the Jersey Devil is not real. 268 00:10:30,541 --> 00:10:33,333 It is just a myth that vampires made up 269 00:10:33,344 --> 00:10:36,183 to explain all the dead bodies that we leave in the woods. 270 00:10:36,199 --> 00:10:38,787 Sean may be my best friend, but like all humans, 271 00:10:38,821 --> 00:10:41,125 he doesn't realize when he's been fucking had. 272 00:10:41,158 --> 00:10:43,616 Sean is your best friend? 273 00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:45,064 Yes. Why? 274 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,457 No reason. 275 00:10:47,468 --> 00:10:49,742 Here's to spending the weekend with you, Sean. 276 00:10:50,163 --> 00:10:52,314 - I'll drink to that. - Yes, cheers. 277 00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:55,162 There's just something special about "guy time," you know? 278 00:10:55,173 --> 00:10:57,177 - Hear, hear. - Yes. 279 00:11:01,432 --> 00:11:03,770 Sean, time to go beddy bye. 280 00:11:03,781 --> 00:11:05,559 - Whatever. - Here we go. 281 00:11:05,570 --> 00:11:07,622 - I got a deer. - Mind your head. 282 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:08,981 - Ooh, that hurt. - What are you doing? 283 00:11:09,014 --> 00:11:10,885 This is seriously 284 00:11:10,918 --> 00:11:13,183 the funnest level I've ever done on Roblox. 285 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:15,574 - Is it as cool as this? - Careful, Laszlo. 286 00:11:15,585 --> 00:11:16,793 Take it from a soldier: 287 00:11:16,804 --> 00:11:18,344 That thing is a weapon, not a toy. 288 00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:19,946 The last time you saw battle 289 00:11:19,957 --> 00:11:22,369 it was just swords and wooden clubs. 290 00:11:22,424 --> 00:11:24,187 I'd hardly call you an authority. 291 00:11:27,852 --> 00:11:30,791 ♪ Oh, when you're near me, darling ♪ 292 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,427 ♪ Can you hear me ♪ 293 00:11:34,298 --> 00:11:36,468 ♪ And the love you gave me... ♪ 294 00:11:36,741 --> 00:11:39,634 Ah. This dynamo needs a top-up. 295 00:11:39,645 --> 00:11:41,545 So, uh, I'm gonna go and get one. Anyone else? 296 00:11:41,556 --> 00:11:42,715 - No, I'm good. - Nah. 297 00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:43,963 Do you want me to pause it or...? 298 00:11:43,974 --> 00:11:45,514 Oh, no, don't worry. I'll only be a moment. 299 00:11:45,525 --> 00:11:47,090 ♪ The love you gave me ♪ 300 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,927 ♪ Nothing else can save me ♪ 301 00:11:58,446 --> 00:11:59,954 Oh. 302 00:11:59,965 --> 00:12:01,395 Hello. 303 00:12:04,352 --> 00:12:07,163 - Whose this, Guillermo? - The maid. 304 00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:08,266 I'm Nadja of Antipaxos. 305 00:12:08,299 --> 00:12:09,869 I'm rich now, so I have... 306 00:12:10,389 --> 00:12:13,042 - I have a maid. - ¿Es tu novia, no? 307 00:12:13,075 --> 00:12:14,846 Sí, sí, es que... 308 00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:16,569 Girlfriend? Since when? 309 00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:19,049 Yeah. I did say Nadja was my girlfriend. 310 00:12:19,065 --> 00:12:21,670 The lies just pile up on top of each other, you know? 311 00:12:21,681 --> 00:12:23,429 Over the years, you just can't keep track. 312 00:12:23,462 --> 00:12:25,149 Isn't that right, Nadja? 313 00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:28,424 You're both my girlfriend and... 314 00:12:28,907 --> 00:12:31,127 - my maid. - Wow. 315 00:12:31,138 --> 00:12:32,815 It all started, actually, when my mom was trying 316 00:12:32,826 --> 00:12:34,788 to set me up with her church friend's niece 317 00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:36,340 and just to get her off my back, 318 00:12:36,351 --> 00:12:38,689 I said I was dating Nadja. 319 00:12:39,654 --> 00:12:40,722 Please don't tell Laszlo. 320 00:12:40,733 --> 00:12:42,457 Es como Daphne y Niles. 321 00:12:42,468 --> 00:12:43,804 Daphne wasn't the maid. 322 00:12:43,837 --> 00:12:46,041 She was Frasier's dad's physical therapist. 323 00:12:46,075 --> 00:12:47,945 Right? 324 00:12:47,979 --> 00:12:50,534 Nadja, acompáñanos, ¿sí? 325 00:12:50,545 --> 00:12:51,820 - Join us. - Uh... 326 00:12:51,853 --> 00:12:53,189 Por favor. 327 00:12:53,222 --> 00:12:55,226 Okay. Lovely. 328 00:12:57,304 --> 00:12:59,718 Guillermo, your girlfriend was here this whole time, 329 00:12:59,729 --> 00:13:02,168 and you didn't invite her to eat with your family? 330 00:13:02,199 --> 00:13:05,467 Yes, Guillermo can be a little bit of a big rotten shit bag. 331 00:13:05,478 --> 00:13:07,390 - ¿Te llamó shit bag? - Yeah. 332 00:13:07,401 --> 00:13:11,571 One of my many sweet little cheeky pet names for him. 333 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,385 My boyfriend and... 334 00:13:13,396 --> 00:13:16,078 - boss. - Guillermo, 335 00:13:16,089 --> 00:13:18,149 ¿me puedes enseñar dónde está el baño? 336 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,174 Sí, claro, abuelita. 337 00:13:19,207 --> 00:13:21,473 Nadja, hola. 338 00:13:21,484 --> 00:13:22,808 I am his mom. 339 00:13:22,819 --> 00:13:24,622 - Bienvenidos. - Sí. 340 00:13:24,668 --> 00:13:25,825 _ 341 00:13:25,854 --> 00:13:27,324 Oh, sí, claro. 342 00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:32,476 _ 343 00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:34,638 _ 344 00:13:34,649 --> 00:13:37,647 _ 345 00:13:38,045 --> 00:13:40,795 _ 346 00:13:42,491 --> 00:13:44,115 I mean, I guess I never thought of it before, 347 00:13:44,126 --> 00:13:45,280 but, yeah, it makes sense. 348 00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,795 If I have Van Helsing DNA, 349 00:13:46,806 --> 00:13:49,565 then so would my grandma and the rest of my family. 350 00:13:49,576 --> 00:13:51,069 Which makes it 351 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,151 not-a-so good. 352 00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:56,324 _ 353 00:13:56,572 --> 00:13:59,963 _ 354 00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:02,746 _ 355 00:14:02,757 --> 00:14:03,996 _ 356 00:14:04,061 --> 00:14:05,830 Los goosebumps. 357 00:14:13,984 --> 00:14:17,323 I haven't a clue who this Gena Lee Nolin is, but... 358 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,801 I wouldn't mind that in my lunch box. 359 00:14:19,812 --> 00:14:22,033 I have a question, Laszlo. 360 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:24,648 What did you mean by what you said before? 361 00:14:24,659 --> 00:14:26,867 - What did I say before? - About the pistol. 362 00:14:26,878 --> 00:14:29,121 You said I was hardly an authority. 363 00:14:29,132 --> 00:14:30,514 Well, exactly that. 364 00:14:30,525 --> 00:14:33,143 You haven't seen any action in nigh on a millennium. 365 00:14:33,154 --> 00:14:35,393 Probably more accurate to call you a former soldier 366 00:14:35,426 --> 00:14:37,130 than a real soldier, wouldn't you say? 367 00:14:37,163 --> 00:14:41,238 I am and always will be Nandor the Relentless. 368 00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:43,142 I suppose I should not expect you to understand 369 00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:44,946 what it means to be a soldier. 370 00:14:44,979 --> 00:14:48,587 Were you not kicked out of your Rifle Corps, your fancy-pants 371 00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,657 college for wealthy lads? 372 00:14:52,216 --> 00:14:54,689 I think you're referring to Eton, 373 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:55,934 and I told you that in confidence. 374 00:14:55,968 --> 00:14:58,038 Surprise, surprise. 375 00:14:58,072 --> 00:14:59,976 The talk suddenly turns to Laszlo 376 00:15:00,009 --> 00:15:01,679 and he's put his sticky mag down. 377 00:15:01,713 --> 00:15:03,449 I was listening to everything. 378 00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:06,220 It's just the same old, shrill tune. 379 00:15:06,231 --> 00:15:07,246 Sounds like someone's 380 00:15:07,257 --> 00:15:09,991 a little jealous he's not the number one guy in the house. 381 00:15:10,002 --> 00:15:12,492 Says the guy who left the house to "find himself" 382 00:15:12,503 --> 00:15:14,271 and come back with his tail between his legs. 383 00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:17,004 That was an important step in my personal journey. 384 00:15:17,015 --> 00:15:18,704 And a good thing I did come back 385 00:15:18,749 --> 00:15:20,517 since the house went to piss-filled shit on your watch. 386 00:15:20,985 --> 00:15:23,422 You remember to watch your language in front of my boy. 387 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,527 Piss-filled shit house! 388 00:15:25,561 --> 00:15:26,930 Did you get that? 389 00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:28,365 - Yep. - I shouldn't be surprised. 390 00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:31,506 All you ever do is lay about or tinkle on your piano 391 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,109 or have sex with Nadja 392 00:15:33,142 --> 00:15:34,579 wherever and whenever you please! 393 00:15:34,612 --> 00:15:36,248 How is that an insult? 394 00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:39,555 Sounds to me like life goals achieved, me old fruit. 395 00:15:39,589 --> 00:15:41,458 You take and you take and you take. 396 00:15:41,493 --> 00:15:43,362 You took the seat in the Honda Element 397 00:15:43,395 --> 00:15:46,001 that wasn't behind Sean's seat in the Honda Element, 398 00:15:46,034 --> 00:15:47,303 even though you know 399 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,107 that Sean likes his seat in the Honda Element 400 00:15:49,141 --> 00:15:50,276 pushed right far back, 401 00:15:50,309 --> 00:15:52,480 and I have the longer legs! 402 00:15:55,052 --> 00:15:56,317 Did you just 403 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,259 cock your weapon at me? 404 00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:00,127 I took that seat 405 00:16:00,137 --> 00:16:02,581 so I would have a diagonal vantage point 406 00:16:02,592 --> 00:16:05,707 to talk to my friend Sean fluidly. 407 00:16:05,718 --> 00:16:06,828 I should've known. 408 00:16:06,839 --> 00:16:10,016 All the way back when we first moved into the mansion 409 00:16:10,049 --> 00:16:12,919 and you had first pick of the bedchambers, 410 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:16,123 even though we all agreed that I would have first pick! 411 00:16:16,134 --> 00:16:17,737 Now you're being absurd. 412 00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:21,460 What the fuck's that? 413 00:16:22,008 --> 00:16:25,302 "Whereas we three vampires do agree 414 00:16:25,313 --> 00:16:29,054 "upon the following order for the selection of bedchambers 415 00:16:29,087 --> 00:16:30,323 "on our new home 416 00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:33,580 on the rocky shores of Staten Island." 417 00:16:33,591 --> 00:16:34,842 "First pick, 418 00:16:34,852 --> 00:16:36,301 Nandor the Relentless." 419 00:16:36,335 --> 00:16:39,045 Well, suck on this. "Amendment: 420 00:16:39,055 --> 00:16:40,426 In the absence of all 421 00:16:40,437 --> 00:16:43,009 "household vampires at the appointed time 422 00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:44,251 "of bedchamber selection, 423 00:16:44,284 --> 00:16:47,423 "a quorum of two-thirds present 424 00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:51,064 may... pro... ceed." 425 00:16:51,098 --> 00:16:52,467 Unbelievable. 426 00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:54,940 You can't even stand to lose an argument, can you? 427 00:16:54,951 --> 00:16:56,148 You know what you are? 428 00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:59,300 You are what my best friend Sean 429 00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:02,818 might describe as a proper jabroni. 430 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:04,659 Shit. 431 00:17:04,692 --> 00:17:06,250 I am not a jabroni. 432 00:17:06,261 --> 00:17:07,800 - You are jabroni! - Jabroni. 433 00:17:07,811 --> 00:17:08,959 - Jabroni. - Jabroni. 434 00:17:08,970 --> 00:17:10,369 - Jabroni. - Jabroni. 435 00:17:10,403 --> 00:17:11,405 Jabroni. 436 00:17:11,438 --> 00:17:13,042 Ahh! Shit! 437 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:15,079 Shit, you shot me in the fucking hand. 438 00:17:15,112 --> 00:17:16,348 - Well, you would... - Ow! 439 00:17:16,381 --> 00:17:18,185 What the hell is going on in here? 440 00:17:18,219 --> 00:17:19,378 I heard shots. 441 00:17:19,389 --> 00:17:20,456 No, you didn't. 442 00:17:20,489 --> 00:17:22,360 - Where's the kid? - He was right there. 443 00:17:22,393 --> 00:17:24,311 - Door's open. - It's... Aw, shit. 444 00:17:24,322 --> 00:17:26,125 Oh, shit. 445 00:17:26,136 --> 00:17:28,031 _ 446 00:17:28,042 --> 00:17:30,901 So you actually enjoy to eat a bowl of fungus. 447 00:17:30,912 --> 00:17:32,920 - Voluntarily? - All kinds of fungus. 448 00:17:32,931 --> 00:17:34,451 I'm not a "fun-guy." 449 00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:36,255 At first, I had no interest 450 00:17:36,266 --> 00:17:39,489 in pretending to be whoever this Daphne person is, 451 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,300 but I am loving Gizmo's family. 452 00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:44,920 You're so lovely and nice, compared to... 453 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:47,778 Oh, here he is, my rotten little shit bag. 454 00:17:47,811 --> 00:17:49,447 Come here. 455 00:17:49,481 --> 00:17:52,086 I cannot believe that such a group of fresh, dazzling 456 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:55,221 moonbeams are related to such a gray dud. 457 00:17:55,232 --> 00:17:57,498 Do all of you have a very bad visions like Guillermo? 458 00:17:57,531 --> 00:17:59,635 'Cause I have heard that the broken eyes 459 00:17:59,669 --> 00:18:01,104 can run in the families. 460 00:18:01,138 --> 00:18:02,574 No, no, no. I used to, but then I got 461 00:18:02,608 --> 00:18:04,144 the laser treatment, you know, that... 462 00:18:04,177 --> 00:18:06,281 - The Lasik. - Lay-kips? 463 00:18:06,315 --> 00:18:08,218 - No. Lasik. - Lipschitz. 464 00:18:08,252 --> 00:18:09,354 Lasik! 465 00:18:09,387 --> 00:18:10,724 Ay, Dios Santo. Cálmate. 466 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,327 - That's what I said. - Sorry. I'm sorry. 467 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,130 I didn't mean to yell all like that. 468 00:18:14,164 --> 00:18:16,223 I don't know what came over me. I just... you know. It's Lasik. 469 00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:18,272 - People know about this shit. - Uh... So, anyway, 470 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,476 in my family we don't have the broken eyes, 471 00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:22,280 but all of the men have one arm 472 00:18:22,313 --> 00:18:23,817 quite a bit shorter than the other arm. 473 00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:25,936 Fuck, is it getting hot in here? Or is it just me? 474 00:18:25,947 --> 00:18:29,294 Miguel. Miguel, will you let her tell her fucking story? 475 00:18:29,327 --> 00:18:32,080 - Oh, oh. - Má. 476 00:18:32,091 --> 00:18:34,170 Please, go on. Please, please. 477 00:18:34,204 --> 00:18:35,439 And so where-where was I? 478 00:18:35,473 --> 00:18:37,176 So the neighbors 479 00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:38,312 would shout at all the men, 480 00:18:38,345 --> 00:18:39,582 "Make your arms the same length!" 481 00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:40,917 I'm fucking, like about to catch on fire 482 00:18:40,951 --> 00:18:42,353 or some shit. 483 00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:43,823 Something's fucking wrong, Memo. 484 00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:47,632 Eres un monstruo y debes de morir. 485 00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:48,833 What the fuck?! 486 00:18:48,867 --> 00:18:51,606 Demonio maldito chupa sangre, 487 00:18:51,639 --> 00:18:53,710 aléjate de mi nieto. 488 00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:56,920 Abuelita, abuelita. 489 00:18:56,931 --> 00:18:58,037 Abuelita, abuelita. 490 00:19:02,161 --> 00:19:04,291 Fucking hell! 491 00:19:04,364 --> 00:19:05,600 Abuelita, abuelita. 492 00:19:05,634 --> 00:19:07,337 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 493 00:19:08,907 --> 00:19:11,879 Why is there so much fucking sharp wood in this house?! 494 00:19:14,685 --> 00:19:16,756 Nadja, I really have to tell you something about my family! 495 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,493 Yes, Guillermo, I've put it together, 496 00:19:18,526 --> 00:19:20,109 - you bloody moron. - ¡Mami, no! 497 00:19:21,819 --> 00:19:23,640 Oh, my God, we're here for a wedding... 498 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,284 I think it's Pierce Brosnan. 499 00:19:25,843 --> 00:19:27,186 He has to be the papa, no? 500 00:19:27,197 --> 00:19:29,275 - Obviously. - I hope he is, 501 00:19:29,286 --> 00:19:31,351 but I worry there will be a twist. 502 00:19:31,385 --> 00:19:33,416 How long is this movie? 503 00:19:33,427 --> 00:19:34,257 Nadja! 504 00:19:35,136 --> 00:19:36,640 You come into my house? 505 00:19:36,651 --> 00:19:39,434 Do you have any idea who the fuck you are messing with? 506 00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:42,663 Never mind. 507 00:19:42,674 --> 00:19:44,545 Don't hurt her! 508 00:19:44,578 --> 00:19:45,914 ¡Demonio! 509 00:19:45,947 --> 00:19:48,252 No. No, no. 510 00:19:48,285 --> 00:19:49,722 Stop, stop, stop, stop, don't hurt her! 511 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:51,458 No, Mami. No, no, no! 512 00:19:51,492 --> 00:19:54,101 Guillermo, ella es un monstruo, peligroso, malvado. 513 00:19:54,112 --> 00:19:56,577 Yes, I know, I know, okay? I know she's a vampire. 514 00:19:56,588 --> 00:19:58,827 I've always known. Nadja lives in this house. 515 00:19:58,838 --> 00:20:01,671 Okay? And so do another group of vampires. 516 00:20:01,682 --> 00:20:03,248 And I don't work at the railroad. 517 00:20:03,282 --> 00:20:04,652 I work for them. 518 00:20:04,685 --> 00:20:06,984 I work for the vampires who live here 519 00:20:06,995 --> 00:20:08,602 because I hope to become a vampire myself one day. 520 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:11,431 And Nadja is not my girlfriend... 521 00:20:12,433 --> 00:20:14,705 because I'm gay. 522 00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:19,310 Aw. 523 00:20:19,321 --> 00:20:20,015 - Mijo. - Wait. 524 00:20:20,049 --> 00:20:22,444 You want to be a vampire? 525 00:20:22,866 --> 00:20:24,759 Hey! Being a vampire is very cool. 526 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,418 We don't give a shit about you being gay. 527 00:20:27,429 --> 00:20:28,542 We've known that forever, I mean... 528 00:20:28,553 --> 00:20:29,568 - Yeah, we knew that. - Una madre sabe. 529 00:20:29,602 --> 00:20:31,572 - Una madre sabe. - Really? Everyone knew? 530 00:20:31,583 --> 00:20:33,277 - Come on, Mo. - ¿Todos? 531 00:20:33,288 --> 00:20:34,277 Familia es familia, homie. 532 00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:36,547 I was so worried because I... 533 00:20:36,558 --> 00:20:38,485 - We love you. - Oh, mami, gracias. 534 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:41,826 Oh, gracias. 535 00:20:41,859 --> 00:20:44,334 - No, wait, she's gonna try to kill you. - Ay! 536 00:20:44,345 --> 00:20:47,068 Come out, Baby Colin Robinson. 537 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,098 - Nandor. - Oh, Baby Colin Robinson! 538 00:20:49,109 --> 00:20:52,502 Nandor, look, I-I didn't mean to hurt you. I... 539 00:20:52,513 --> 00:20:54,509 You shot me. 540 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,914 See? 541 00:20:55,925 --> 00:20:57,473 No, I shot at you, it's true. 542 00:20:57,484 --> 00:21:00,296 But you've been a fucking pill this whole trip, 543 00:21:00,329 --> 00:21:01,431 and for no good reason. 544 00:21:02,113 --> 00:21:03,703 Maybe I did have a reason, 545 00:21:04,182 --> 00:21:05,285 which was... 546 00:21:05,296 --> 00:21:06,976 I was a little upset 547 00:21:07,394 --> 00:21:10,272 thinking about "guy time," 548 00:21:10,283 --> 00:21:12,342 how we don't have it so much, you and I. 549 00:21:12,588 --> 00:21:13,661 We used to. 550 00:21:13,671 --> 00:21:16,382 Now you're always clinking beers with Sean or... 551 00:21:16,393 --> 00:21:19,735 rehearsing songs with the Baby Colin Robinson. 552 00:21:19,768 --> 00:21:21,471 We never hang anymore. 553 00:21:21,506 --> 00:21:22,774 Bro, I'm not very comfortable 554 00:21:22,808 --> 00:21:25,012 with emotional flamboyance, as well you know. 555 00:21:25,731 --> 00:21:28,920 I'll be brief. My feelings aren't too dissimilar to your own. 556 00:21:28,953 --> 00:21:30,894 I've missed us. 557 00:21:30,905 --> 00:21:32,594 All right. 558 00:21:32,628 --> 00:21:35,013 - Baby Colin! - Boy! 559 00:21:35,023 --> 00:21:36,127 Baby. 560 00:21:36,368 --> 00:21:37,871 Hey, guys. 561 00:21:37,905 --> 00:21:40,009 What have I told you about running off, you little prick? 562 00:21:40,042 --> 00:21:41,830 I heard something weird outside, 563 00:21:41,841 --> 00:21:43,081 but you were too busy fighting about jabronis and... 564 00:21:43,115 --> 00:21:45,486 - Help! - Sean? 565 00:21:45,674 --> 00:21:46,889 - Shit. - Quickly. 566 00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:48,526 Oh, boy. 567 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,497 - Over there. - Jeepers. 568 00:21:50,530 --> 00:21:52,534 - The fuck is that shit? - Kill me! 569 00:21:52,957 --> 00:21:54,880 The Jersey Devil, fucking hell. 570 00:21:54,942 --> 00:21:57,191 He's real? Look at the size of his balls. 571 00:21:57,202 --> 00:21:58,646 Where's my magic flute? 572 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,051 I hid it in the car 'cause it was annoying me. 573 00:22:01,592 --> 00:22:04,658 Kill me and get it over with! 574 00:22:04,692 --> 00:22:07,096 Shoo. Go away. 575 00:22:12,808 --> 00:22:14,812 Yes, it's working. 576 00:22:16,446 --> 00:22:18,961 He's falling under your spell. 577 00:22:20,405 --> 00:22:21,458 Yes. 578 00:22:21,860 --> 00:22:23,395 Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa. 579 00:22:23,428 --> 00:22:24,598 Oh, shit. 580 00:22:24,632 --> 00:22:25,800 - I'm gonna get my shotty. - Nandor... 581 00:22:25,834 --> 00:22:27,804 I've been double crossed by the devil. 582 00:22:27,838 --> 00:22:31,656 Hey, fuckhead, that's my friend you've got there, you let him go! 583 00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:32,848 Hey! 584 00:22:32,881 --> 00:22:33,983 - Lights out! - Aah! 585 00:22:34,017 --> 00:22:35,554 - Kick him in the dick. - Oh, yes. 586 00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:37,456 - He's on me! - He's not going down. 587 00:22:37,917 --> 00:22:40,198 Oh, shit. 588 00:22:40,209 --> 00:22:41,904 Hey, Siri, 589 00:22:41,914 --> 00:22:43,603 play some New Jersey music. 590 00:22:45,439 --> 00:22:46,676 Get your hands off my ass. 591 00:22:46,709 --> 00:22:48,412 This isn't what I want to be doing. 592 00:22:48,445 --> 00:22:49,748 Grab his balls, man. 593 00:22:49,782 --> 00:22:53,162 - I've got them, I've got them! - No, that's me. 594 00:22:55,993 --> 00:22:57,962 Fucking hell. 595 00:22:57,973 --> 00:23:00,770 ♪ Tommy used to work on the docks ♪ 596 00:23:01,189 --> 00:23:03,292 ♪ Union's been on strike ♪ 597 00:23:03,303 --> 00:23:04,578 Hold on, I'll skip to the good part. 598 00:23:05,245 --> 00:23:07,116 ♪ We're halfway there ♪ 599 00:23:07,149 --> 00:23:08,720 ♪ Whoa-oh ♪ 600 00:23:08,753 --> 00:23:10,590 - ♪ Livin' on a prayer ♪ - Yeah. 601 00:23:11,018 --> 00:23:13,088 - ♪ Take my hand... ♪ - Get him, Lazzo. 602 00:23:13,099 --> 00:23:15,172 - ♪ We'll make it, I swear ♪ - Human form! 603 00:23:15,183 --> 00:23:16,569 ♪ Whoa-oh... ♪ 604 00:23:17,152 --> 00:23:19,107 Kill him, get his button cock. 605 00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:20,610 It's working, I'm draining him. 606 00:23:21,451 --> 00:23:23,115 I'm draining him, too. 607 00:23:23,148 --> 00:23:24,885 Hey, I found the rifle! 608 00:23:26,758 --> 00:23:28,395 Fucking Jersey. 609 00:23:28,406 --> 00:23:29,963 Okay, can we go home now? 610 00:23:29,974 --> 00:23:32,466 Prepare to die, you vile 611 00:23:32,501 --> 00:23:34,080 - vampire... - No, Nadja, no, don't, please. 612 00:23:34,091 --> 00:23:35,540 Okay? I didn't know you were even here, 613 00:23:35,573 --> 00:23:37,143 - and I tried to warn you... - Shut up, Guillermo. 614 00:23:37,741 --> 00:23:40,149 I am about to drink the blood of your entire family 615 00:23:40,182 --> 00:23:41,959 of vampire-killing evil verm... 616 00:23:41,970 --> 00:23:43,577 No, no, stop, okay? Please. 617 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:45,203 I'm begging you. Just hypnotize them, okay? 618 00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:46,624 Hypnotize them so they forget everything. 619 00:23:46,635 --> 00:23:47,983 Like it or not, they're my family. 620 00:23:47,994 --> 00:23:50,636 Just... just like you're my family, Nadja. 621 00:23:50,647 --> 00:23:52,630 I so rarely care what Guillermo thinks 622 00:23:52,641 --> 00:23:54,086 or feels or says or does, 623 00:23:54,097 --> 00:23:55,796 but I know what it is like 624 00:23:55,807 --> 00:23:58,256 to watch your entire family die in front of you. 625 00:23:58,267 --> 00:23:59,744 And it's not great. 626 00:23:59,755 --> 00:24:02,026 I watched my Uncle Andreas get crushed to death by a donkey, 627 00:24:02,059 --> 00:24:03,563 and the donkey was his wife. 628 00:24:03,596 --> 00:24:05,767 And then she, the donkey, died of alcoholism. 629 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,906 And now I have had no real family for hundreds of years. 630 00:24:09,586 --> 00:24:11,208 Also, if Guillermo doesn't have a family, 631 00:24:11,219 --> 00:24:12,914 is he going to start calling me "mami"? 632 00:24:12,948 --> 00:24:14,918 Bad enough his relationship with Nandor, so, no, thank you. 633 00:24:16,473 --> 00:24:17,441 Okay, fine! 634 00:24:17,452 --> 00:24:18,693 - But on one condition. - Anything. 635 00:24:18,726 --> 00:24:21,349 Keep Nandor, Laszlo, and the small Colin creature 636 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:23,520 away from the house at least one night a month 637 00:24:23,531 --> 00:24:25,160 so I can have it to myself. 638 00:24:25,171 --> 00:24:25,996 And... 639 00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:28,946 obtain for me a copy of... 640 00:24:29,243 --> 00:24:32,053 Mamma Mia! 2: Here We Go Again. 641 00:24:32,621 --> 00:24:34,525 I'm just super glad that everything worked out. 642 00:24:34,558 --> 00:24:35,894 And that my family is safe. 643 00:24:35,927 --> 00:24:38,933 And that they were hypnotized and now the house will be safe. 644 00:24:39,471 --> 00:24:40,837 Most importantly, I'm just glad that 645 00:24:40,870 --> 00:24:43,075 they finally know the truth about me. 646 00:24:43,108 --> 00:24:45,212 Well, besides the bit about you working at the railroad. 647 00:24:45,223 --> 00:24:46,614 Okay, yeah. 648 00:24:46,625 --> 00:24:47,824 And the giant bit 649 00:24:47,835 --> 00:24:49,220 about you being desperate to be a vampire. 650 00:24:49,253 --> 00:24:50,824 Okay, yeah, but Nadja made sure 651 00:24:50,857 --> 00:24:53,780 that they remember the part about me... 652 00:24:53,791 --> 00:24:55,953 telling them that I'm gay, so... 653 00:24:55,964 --> 00:24:57,116 I mean, 654 00:24:57,127 --> 00:24:59,229 - who isn't gay? - A lot of people. 655 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:00,275 Oh, okay. 656 00:25:00,309 --> 00:25:02,113 I'll get the trumpets out. Sorry. 657 00:25:02,146 --> 00:25:04,551 Shade. 658 00:25:04,585 --> 00:25:07,691 After we vanquished the Jersey Devil, we drove home 659 00:25:07,724 --> 00:25:09,962 - before sunrise. - No, I drove. 660 00:25:09,995 --> 00:25:11,966 We hypnotized Sean, but I'm worried that we fucked him. 661 00:25:11,999 --> 00:25:13,970 - Oh, you can make a pizza tree? - Uh-huh. 662 00:25:14,003 --> 00:25:16,842 I just made ten Robux. What's the street value to that? 663 00:25:16,876 --> 00:25:19,581 But we did manage to bring home a little 664 00:25:19,615 --> 00:25:21,251 souvenir from our weekend. 665 00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:24,825 What the fuck is that? 666 00:26:11,184 --> 00:26:19,802 - Synced and corrected by L0tech - -- www.MY-SUBS.com --