1 00:00:00,696 --> 00:00:02,132 - [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] - NADJA: What can I say? 2 00:00:02,176 --> 00:00:04,265 The nightclub has really taken off recently. 3 00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:06,484 Nadja's has become the hot spot 4 00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:09,183 for the tri-state area vampire community. 5 00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,402 And I, its queen. 6 00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,839 Most of the vampires lining up won't get in 7 00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,537 due to general ugliness. Move! 8 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,756 Okay, you two in the denim capes, it ain't happening. 9 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,150 Fly back to New Jersey. 10 00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:23,327 NADJA: This place has even started attracting human celebrities, 11 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,068 which is really great for business. 12 00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:26,635 There's three of them now. 13 00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:28,028 Sofia, you stupid bitch, 14 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,768 when are you gonna put me in one of your movies? 15 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:32,467 I want to show the camera my bling ring. [LAUGHS] 16 00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:33,772 JIM: Hey, Colin really is 17 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:35,078 performing tonight, right? 18 00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:36,471 We are very excited, man. 19 00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:38,299 We've been hearing about him for weeks. 20 00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:40,475 Colin is going to be on stage in three minutes. 21 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,564 Great, that kid is incredible. 22 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:43,956 More than a star, he's a phenomenon. 23 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,350 He does have a certain je ne sais quoi. [LAUGHS] 24 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:47,786 [SPEAKING FRENCH] 25 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,705 He must have brain scrambles. That was utter gibberish. 26 00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:55,272 - [LAUGHS] - SOFIA: Can I just ask you, 27 00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:58,884 what's the "Celebrity Special," and is it really $5,000? 28 00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:01,670 Oh, the Celebrity Special! 29 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:02,975 Something you're interested in? 30 00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:04,281 - Yes, very much. - Yes, please. - Jim? 31 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,283 Oh, not for me. We're shooting in the morning. 32 00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:07,980 And, really, I don't make that kind of money. 33 00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:12,115 Oh. Celebrity Special for two, anyone? 34 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,682 - [SHOUTING, CHEERING] - NADJA: Okay, uh... 35 00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:14,683 You two, over here. 36 00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:17,512 May I present for you 37 00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,731 the Celebrity Special? 38 00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:21,081 It's to die for. 39 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,823 [CHEERING] 40 00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,042 Oh, shit, that looks so real. 41 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,088 NADJA: It's so much more fun 42 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:30,133 when the celebrities actually ask for it themselves. 43 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,308 He's empty. 44 00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,484 Come on, you guys. You are really good. 45 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,138 That is amazing. 46 00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:37,271 - [CHANTING]: Do the head. - That's right. 47 00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,795 - Do the head... - [CHEERING] 48 00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,320 [CHUCKLING]: I could never afford a gag like this. 49 00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,192 That's amazing. 50 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:47,890 We're so glad you're enjoying the show, Jim. [LAUGHS] 51 00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:50,022 ["YOU'RE DEAD" BY NORMA TANEGA PLAYING] 52 00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:52,416 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 53 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:55,027 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 54 00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:57,682 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 55 00:01:57,726 --> 00:02:00,381 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 56 00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:05,299 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 57 00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:08,040 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 58 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,434 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 59 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,784 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 60 00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,438 ♪ 61 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,187 - Over here! - [CHEERING] 62 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,841 - Sofia? - NADJA: You think that the celebrities 63 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:27,886 would have caught on by now, but I have got Chloeë Sevigny 64 00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,540 and Tiki Barber booked for tomorrow night, 65 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,890 and the great Fran Lebowitz on Thursday. 66 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:34,066 She says what we're all thinking. 67 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:37,809 Okay, time for my little moneymaker, Baby Colin. 68 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,376 Let's get on with the show. 69 00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:40,856 Now, where is he? 70 00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:43,075 - [GRUNTS] - [WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY] 71 00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:46,122 Are you fucking kidding me? 72 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,342 What do you mean that Baby Colin is not performing? 73 00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:50,431 He goes on every night at 3:00 a.m.! 74 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:53,042 I know, my darling, but things have changed. 75 00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:55,262 The nightclub is extraordinarily successful, 76 00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:58,874 and we both know why, so his contract must reflect that. 77 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,137 - He doesn't have a contract. - Au contraire. 78 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,921 - I drew one up this morning. - [NADJA GROANS] 79 00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,970 GUILLERMO: So, full disclosure, 80 00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:10,494 [WHISPERS]: I met someone. 81 00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,801 Well, a while back, when I was in England with Nadja, 82 00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:15,238 there was this guy, Freddie, 83 00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:17,762 and yeah, we just had this whirlwind romance. 84 00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:19,764 Ever since I've been back here we've been FaceTiming, 85 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,418 like, all the time. [LAUGHS] 86 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:24,116 And now, he's coming to New York for the weekend. 87 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,727 - FREDDIE: See you soon. - [WHISPERS]: Okay, besos. 88 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:28,251 Which is super exciting and super terrifying, 89 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,862 [CHUCKLES]: because he's the first person 90 00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:34,953 that I've ever really dated dated, you know? 91 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:36,390 I'm gonna pick him up at the airport, 92 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:39,044 and we're gonna spend the whole weekend in the city, 93 00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:41,308 - just Freddie and I and... - [DOORBELL RINGS] 94 00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,788 Oh, sorry. Sorry, guys. I'll be back. 95 00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,315 - Surprise. [LAUGHS] - Oh. Freddie. 96 00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:49,577 My flight got in early. 97 00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,753 Oh, my God, look at your face. 98 00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:54,146 - "Look at my face." Oh, wow. - Aww. 99 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:55,670 Who-who are these guys? 100 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:56,975 It's a, uh, a documentary crew. 101 00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,281 How did you find my place? 102 00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,283 Oh, return address of the post you sent me. 103 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:03,112 Sorry, the "mail" you sent me. Oh, my God, you Americans. 104 00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:04,592 - [LAUGHS] - NANDOR: Guillermo? 105 00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:06,985 Oh. That is very kind of you, 106 00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,639 but I'm not hungry right now. 107 00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,862 GUIDE: [CLEARS THROAT] Number one, 108 00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:16,908 "Nightclub staff will not make direct eye contact 109 00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:18,432 with Colin unless they are giving him a gift." 110 00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:20,303 - [NADJA GROANS] - COLIN: Hey, Nadja, guess what? 111 00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,131 - NADJA: What? - Chicken butt. 112 00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,568 - Ugh. - Okay, number two, uh, 113 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,701 "We also require a merch table, 114 00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:29,356 "where we will sell Colin's new compact disc..." 115 00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:31,793 LASZLO: Call Me Colin: An Hour of Singsongs 116 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:34,665 and Laugh-'Em-Ups for the Whole Famn Damily. 117 00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:37,102 - Are you gonna sign it? - Of course not! 118 00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,408 My darling, if it wasn't for this boy, 119 00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,670 your club would be as dead as disco. 120 00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,324 - COLIN: And guess what? - BOTH: What? 121 00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:44,501 All I want is to sing and dance and make people smile. 122 00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,721 I don't even really care about all this contract baloney. 123 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,679 No, no, no, no. He doesn't know what he's saying. 124 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,290 So, do have we a deal? 125 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,901 Um, let me just have a little think, uh, mull it over. 126 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,992 - All right. - What is this made of? 127 00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:59,560 Fuck no! Do you think that my club 128 00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:02,650 needs this little weird ventriloquist tap-dancing freak? 129 00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,826 - Hey. - But he is our main attraction. 130 00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:07,002 I could replace him in a second. 131 00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,395 Well, good luck with that. 132 00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,222 I've had the owner of the hottest vampire nightclub 133 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,354 on the phone to me day and night, 134 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:12,616 and he's not the only one. 135 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,792 So you're actually going to leave? 136 00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,881 Looks that way, doesn't it? Come on, boy. 137 00:05:16,925 --> 00:05:19,449 Let's take your talents upstate. 138 00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,495 Albany and Binghamton, to be more precise, but... 139 00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,105 - got to start somewhere. - [NADJA GROANS] 140 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,370 FREDDIE: Wow, this place is like a museum. 141 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,067 I-I can't believe this is your house, Guillermo. 142 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,634 Well, it's actually not my house. 143 00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:32,288 I just help take care of Nandor. 144 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,507 How'd you never mention that? 145 00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:35,204 I-I thought you worked at the U.N. 146 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,771 Don't be silly. 147 00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:39,426 Guillermo does not work at the U and N. 148 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:40,949 [WHISPERING]: He forgets a lot of things. 149 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,430 His mind doesn't work the way it used to, so... 150 00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:46,607 - I volunteer on my days off. - Aw, you're so sweet. 151 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,652 - NANDOR: Guillermo. - Hmm. 152 00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:51,699 Why did you not tell me you had a friend coming to visit? 153 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:52,874 - Friends... - Oh, we're, uh, we're a little bit 154 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,223 more than friends, actually. 155 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,965 Oh, I see. 156 00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,967 - Best friends. - GUILLERMO: No, uh... 157 00:06:00,229 --> 00:06:02,492 He's my boyfriend. 158 00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,581 Oh. 159 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:08,106 - Oh, wow. - [FREDDIE CHUCKLES] 160 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:10,935 And I'm sorry I didn't mention that earlier. 161 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:11,936 This is fantastic news. 162 00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,155 - FREDDIE: Right? - GUILLERMO: Good. 163 00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:14,852 And a long time coming. 164 00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:16,941 - Oh. - He has been very lonely. 165 00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,552 - Oh. - Extremely lonely. 166 00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:19,988 - GUILLERMO: Not that lonely. - Pretty lonely. 167 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,250 Not that lonely. 168 00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,121 NANDOR: Very pathetic. Really lonely. 169 00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:26,211 Thank you, Nandor, that is very interesting. 170 00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:28,997 And can I just reiterate that your home is beautiful? 171 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,739 I-I mean, this tapestry, is this Turkish in origin? 172 00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,393 - Y-Yes. Yes... - Around the 15th century, this one here? 173 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,611 GUILLERMO: Freddie's actually a junior associate 174 00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:36,047 at an auction house in London. 175 00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,136 He's kind of an art buff. 176 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,269 - [LAUGHS]: No. - Very good eye. 177 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,620 I disemboweled many villagers to get this tapestry. 178 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:44,926 [WHISPERS]: We're thinking of upping his medicine dose 179 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,449 - 'cause... - [FREDDIE LAUGHS] 180 00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:49,365 I would love to hear more of your stories, Nandor. 181 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,888 I'm just so glad to have a new buddy. 182 00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:53,804 Oh, that's me. 183 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,284 I am the buddy. 184 00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,591 This, uh, this place is pretty dusty, though. 185 00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,636 I'd tell you to get a Roomba in here, but, uh, 186 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,508 - I think it might kill itself. - [BOTH LAUGH] 187 00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,554 - [LAUGHS] - I couldn't resist. 188 00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:07,296 I don't know what any of that means, but I love it. 189 00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,472 Okay. Such long teeth. 190 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:12,344 It's a genetic disorder in the family. 191 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:14,259 And, uh, if you ever need anyone to help you look after 192 00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:16,174 any of these treasures, 193 00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:18,350 - promise you'll give me a call, eh? - Oh. 194 00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,831 So nice to meet you. What a, what a pleasure. 195 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,050 - I'll see you very soon. - Yes. 196 00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:23,312 - All right. - Hopefully. 197 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:24,618 - Bye-bye. - GUILLERMO: Sorry about that... 198 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,794 - FREDDIE: That's okay. - [DOOR CLOSES] 199 00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:33,104 ♪ 200 00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:34,889 NANDOR: I cannot sleep. 201 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,368 My mind has been seized by thoughts 202 00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:38,762 of a very special person. 203 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,070 A person by the name of... 204 00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:43,506 Freddie. 205 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:45,290 Ever since he and Guillermo 206 00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:48,424 left for the hotel, Freddie's charm 207 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:52,297 and sweet, supportive nature have echoed in my mind. 208 00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:54,561 He touched my arm. 209 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,780 Also, things have grown a little stale 210 00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:58,565 with my beloved Marwa. 211 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,132 Are you, um... 212 00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:04,222 enjoying sitting in that chair? 213 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:07,051 Yes. Hmm. 214 00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,620 And yours is good? 215 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:13,667 Yes, uh... 216 00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:17,497 It was a little bit hard, so I put a cushion on it. 217 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,716 - Wonderful. - Yes. 218 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,023 NANDOR [SIGHS]: Fuck, she's boring. 219 00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:24,504 But marriage is sacred to me. 220 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,202 I never once cheated on any of my 37 wives, 221 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,291 and I'm not about to start now. 222 00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:32,512 Could I steal Freddie from Guillermo? 223 00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,774 Of course. 224 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,253 But that would be cruel. 225 00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:38,561 And also, you know, sloppy seconds. 226 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:40,041 If only... 227 00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:41,695 Excuse me for a moment. 228 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,307 [QUIETLY]: I'm not sure if this is possible, 229 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,701 but I wish for Marwa to be transformed 230 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:51,966 into an exact copy OF THIS PERSON: Freddie. 231 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:55,099 Appearance, personality, everything. 232 00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:56,971 - Why are you whispering? - Because Marwa is someone 233 00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,712 that I love very much, 234 00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:00,235 and I don't want her to hear that I'm about to change her 235 00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:01,976 into a completely different person. 236 00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:04,805 As you wish. 237 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,550 Marwa? 238 00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:14,205 [DOOR CREAKS] 239 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,033 Hello. 240 00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:18,601 Hi, there. I'm Freddie. 241 00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:19,907 - Nice to meet you. - Hi. 242 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,604 Boy, this place is pretty dusty. 243 00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,084 I'd tell you to get a Roomba in here, 244 00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:24,607 but I think it might kill itself. 245 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,566 - [BOTH LAUGH] - Sorry, I couldn't resist. 246 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,047 Freddie. 247 00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,574 Our star performer's departure 248 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:37,054 could not come at a worse time for Mistress Nadja. 249 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,361 I'm actually a little worried about her. 250 00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,406 There's so much pressure running a nightclub, 251 00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:43,800 and she's been consuming a massive amount 252 00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,497 of liquor blood. 253 00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:47,195 Are you talking shit about me? 254 00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,110 - No. - Hey, I love you like a sister, baby, 255 00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:51,939 you know it, but even... if you even think 256 00:09:51,982 --> 00:09:54,768 about damaging my brand, I will cut you in two! 257 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,334 [GLASS SHATTERING] 258 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:57,684 Okay! 259 00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,209 - COLIN: Lazzo, guess what? - LASZLO: What? 260 00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:04,212 I can't believe I'm on the road, on my own tour bus. 261 00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:06,736 Now, this one maybe isn't as nice as the one 262 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,696 in Cameron Crowe's turn-of-the-century masterpiece 263 00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,481 - Almost Famous, but it... - We've got to work our way to the top, boy. 264 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,309 We got to strike out on tour. 265 00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,833 It's how all the best vampire acts started. 266 00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:19,183 Gloria Estefang. Bloody Holly. 267 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,359 Bat Stevens. Batboy Slim. 268 00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,884 Hall and Throats. Tame Impaler. 269 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,494 The Undead Kennedys. 270 00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:29,106 - [MICROPHONE WHINES FAINTLY] - [CLEARS THROAT] 271 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,455 NADJA: Freshly drained blood 272 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:32,544 of a drunk human celebrity. 273 00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:35,330 Just a little something to keep Mama sharp. 274 00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:38,899 Rest in peace, Sofia Copp-Coppola. 275 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:42,380 Let us get on with it. Bring on the first little freak! 276 00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:44,513 GUIDE: Well, first we have Jack Metcalf. 277 00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,950 He is repped by Christie Marx Management. 278 00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:49,431 He is four feet and two inches high. 279 00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:51,302 [WHOOPS] 280 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,914 ♪ Let me call you sweetheart... ♪ 281 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:56,786 Flat! Flat! 282 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,919 You don't have the range, babe. 283 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:01,356 Get off my stage. Next! 284 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,576 GUIDE: Peter Doskin, repped by Grandpa and Grandma. 285 00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,100 Chrysanthemum. 286 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,928 C-H-R-Y-S-A... 287 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,582 Why are you not stuffed in a locker somewhere? 288 00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:13,716 Your bullies are not doing a good enough job. 289 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,239 Next! 290 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:18,155 ♪ Meet me in dream land ♪ 291 00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,418 ♪ Sweet dreamy dream land ♪ 292 00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:23,987 ♪ There let my dreams come true. ♪ 293 00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:25,772 [LIGHT APPLAUSE] 294 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:28,383 Right, well, that's enough, you freeloading deadbeats. 295 00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,037 If you want to watch, then you've got to pay. Come on. 296 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,127 [PIANO PLAYING] 297 00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:35,390 Ugh. 298 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,741 No, no, no. 299 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:41,744 No. 300 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,006 [GRUNTS] Okay. 301 00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:45,095 I'm coming. Stop it. 302 00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:47,184 Okay, stop tapping. Watch and learn, bitch. 303 00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:49,317 ♪ There's a large bird ♪ 304 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,188 ♪ Stealing all my brothers... ♪ 305 00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,756 - [GASPS] - GUIDE: Auditions are over. 306 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,541 NADJA: No, it's going well. That was the finale. 307 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:57,891 Ta-da! 308 00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:02,765 BOTH: Things are going really, really well with Freddie. 309 00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:04,419 - Thank you. Thank you so much. - [SPANISH SONG PLAYING] 310 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:07,552 GUILLERMO: Aw. 311 00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:10,251 I even let him make a list of all the things 312 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,253 he's always wanted to do in New York City. 313 00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,778 NANDOR: I'm having the best time with my Freddie. 314 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:18,041 ♪ 315 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,000 NANDOR: He has written a list of things 316 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,871 he would like to do in New York City, 317 00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:24,613 and now we are doing those things. 318 00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:26,746 - Is-is it your turn next? I-I think... - No. 319 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,660 - [CHEERING] - Oh, my God! 320 00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:30,575 [LAUGHING]: Wow. 321 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:33,187 NANDOR: [GRUNTS] Hey! Hey! 322 00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:34,928 [LAUGHS]: Oh, wow! 323 00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:36,930 - Wait, wait. - Oh, okay. All right. 324 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,932 - Come around. - [LAUGHS] 325 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:41,108 [LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER] 326 00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:43,110 ♪ 327 00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,676 [LAUGHS] 328 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,200 GUILLERMO: So, this weekend has 329 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:47,854 made me realize that I really need 330 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,594 - a life outside of work. - [LAUGHS]: Yeah. 331 00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:52,032 I felt like I literally kept seeing Nandor everywhere... 332 00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,121 which is ridiculous... 333 00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:56,732 because that's how much space he occupies in my mind. 334 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,081 - Anyways, we're not talking about Nandor. - No. 335 00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,604 - Let's go get some cheesecake. - Okay. 336 00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:01,563 - [LAUGHTER] - Hello. 337 00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,565 NADJA: Well, last night's auditions were a mess. 338 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,175 And then I realized, 339 00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:07,830 why am I even trying to find another child performer? 340 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,353 Fuck them kids. 341 00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:13,705 This is a scary, sexy nightclub for adults. 342 00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:18,188 So I decided to call Le Cirque EÉrotique. 343 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:23,150 GUIDE: Le Cirque EÉrotique is a legendary consortium 344 00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:26,022 of sophisticated and deeply carnal 345 00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:28,851 vampire circus performers. 346 00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:30,548 Some of the most thrilling, obscene spectacles 347 00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,681 known to vampires. 348 00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,596 NADJA: They're famously tough to book. 349 00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:35,989 GUIDE: But they are coming here 350 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:39,122 to perform tonight! [LAUGHS] 351 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,342 LASZLO: Lamar? 352 00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,387 Yeah, I'm just checking in. This place is amazing. 353 00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:46,608 It has ice on demand, 24 hours a day. 354 00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,870 And it's gratis. 355 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,959 I've got to go, 'cause it's showtime. 356 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,743 Why isn't that boy doing his scales? 357 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:53,833 Why aren't you doing your scales, boy... 358 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,270 - [VOICE CRACKING]: Hey. Time to hit the road. - Shit. 359 00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:59,055 This little star's ready to shake his moneymaker. 360 00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,537 Is something wrong? 361 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,974 Do you feel there's something wrong? 362 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:06,671 [VOICE CRACKING]: No. How far is it to the venue? 363 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,630 To the what? 364 00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:10,371 - COLIN: Venue. - Um... 365 00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,590 Not far. 366 00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,201 [WHISPERS]: The fuck? 367 00:14:14,244 --> 00:14:16,333 Right, now, that was a bit of a shock. 368 00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:19,423 He appears to have hit puberty overnight. 369 00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:22,296 The worst thing is, I don't think he realizes it. 370 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,472 - [MICROPHONE WHINES QUIETLY] - HOST: All right. 371 00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:26,735 All the way up from Staten Island, 372 00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:28,737 let's give a warm, Binghamton welcome 373 00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:31,653 to the most talented little boy in the world, 374 00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,394 - Baby Colin. - [APPLAUSE] 375 00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:35,439 Hi, Binghamton. 376 00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:41,532 [VOICE CRACKING]: ♪ If you want to ring the bell not once, but twice... ♪ 377 00:14:41,576 --> 00:14:43,621 MAN: He's just a kid. 378 00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:46,929 ♪ If you want to roll and roll those lucky dice... ♪ 379 00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,931 Come on, let's get a big clap going. 380 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,759 - [RISING CHATTER] - [SCATTERED CLAPPING] 381 00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:53,588 ♪ If you want to spend your journey's end ♪ 382 00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:55,155 ♪ With sweet music and love... ♪ 383 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,766 WOMAN: That's not Baby Colin. 384 00:14:57,809 --> 00:14:59,724 - It is... Yeah, it is. - WOMAN: Fuck... fuck off. 385 00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:01,030 I don't think it's him. 386 00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:02,989 - MAN: Get off the stage! - Everyone hates me! 387 00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:05,208 - [AUDIENCE HISSING] - MAN: He sucks! 388 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,081 - Go eat shit. - Be back soon. 389 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,909 GUIDE: Oh, that's fun. 390 00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:12,476 NADJA: Come on, the circus troupe is loading in soon. 391 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:13,869 - GUSTAVE: Hello? - Ah. 392 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,610 Gustave Leroy of Le Cirque EÉrotique. 393 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,873 Hello, I am Nadja. Welcome. 394 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,353 And the rest of your troupe are, um... 395 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,137 Oh, I thought they told you. 396 00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:22,878 It's just gonna be me tonight. 397 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,706 Yeah, nobody else was available, but lucky for you, 398 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:27,230 I'm very free. Oh. 399 00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:28,797 I'd like to have you put those up around the club, please. 400 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,581 NADJA: Just you? 401 00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:33,193 "The clown who can suck himself off." 402 00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,021 I put a little comedy into it as well. 403 00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,240 Now, where is a good place for me to, uh, 404 00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:38,589 start my stretches? 405 00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,026 GUILLERMO: Hello? 406 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,810 I just need to get some insoles for my feet. 407 00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,638 - They're killing me. - [DISTANT LAUGHTER] 408 00:15:47,424 --> 00:15:48,382 - NANDOR: ...the left nipple. - [FREDDIE CLONE LAUGHS] 409 00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:50,427 Hey, look who it is. 410 00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:53,039 Freddie, what are you... How? 411 00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:55,737 - Welcome. - You were just in the car with me. 412 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:58,000 Don't be silly. This is not your Freddie. 413 00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:01,308 - This is my own Freddie. - All right, bruv. 414 00:16:01,351 --> 00:16:03,745 What the hell? 415 00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,573 I asked the djinn to turn Marwa into a carbon copy 416 00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,836 of your Freddie. 417 00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:10,056 - What is wrong with you? - Don't be upset about it. 418 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,666 - You should be flattered. - Put him back... 419 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:14,016 - Gigi, what's taking you so long? We need to go. - No, um... 420 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,365 Freddie, you should probably wait in the car, because... 421 00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,410 Um... 422 00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:22,416 [BOTH SCREAMING] 423 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:33,601 Please give a warm welcome to your entertainment 424 00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:36,604 for the evening, Mr. Gustave Leroy, huh? 425 00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:39,172 [CHEERING, APPLAUSE] 426 00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,001 [WHOOPING] 427 00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,567 GUIDE: Ah, yeah! 428 00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:45,395 [WHISTLING, GASPING] 429 00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,310 Yeah! 430 00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,010 [LAUGHTER] 431 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,359 WOMAN: Yeah, let's see it. 432 00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:54,796 [CHEERING] 433 00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:58,191 Yes! 434 00:16:58,234 --> 00:16:59,844 MAN: He's really going for it. 435 00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:01,107 He's going for a full suck! 436 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:02,760 Hey, Sofia, so it turns out 437 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:05,372 it's just some guy sucking his own dick. 438 00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,852 Anyway, very funny the way you guys disappeared 439 00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:11,073 the other night after the bloody magic trick, 440 00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,423 which I'm still trying to figure out. 441 00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,817 But enough is enough. Come on, call me back. 442 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,906 [WHOOPING] 443 00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,212 - Really? - WOMAN: That's it? 444 00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,040 - MAN: That's it? - That was, like, 20 seconds. 445 00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,606 Ladies and gentlemen, 446 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:25,044 it was a pleasure for me 447 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,915 - to suck myself off for you. - [AUDIENCE BOOING] 448 00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,962 - What the fuck was that? - Wasn't it amazing? 449 00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:32,529 I've never lasted that long. 450 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,140 This was supposed to be a whole evening of sucking. 451 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,445 You're useless. 452 00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:37,143 [WHOOPS] Okay, to, um, 453 00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:39,493 keep the fun going and liven you guys up, 454 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,887 we're gonna release the blood sprinklers. 455 00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:44,846 [CHEERING, APPLAUSE] 456 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:48,154 Get ready for loads of blood. 457 00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:51,418 - GUIDE: Oh, yeah! - Spill the blood for the vampires. 458 00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:54,943 NADJA: We love blood so much. [WHOOPS] 459 00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:57,728 Blood sprinklers. Can we get the blood sprinklers on? 460 00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,687 Let's get them on. 461 00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:02,777 - [PATRONS GASPING] - WOMAN: Billy! 462 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,257 Uh... 463 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,998 - Um... Okay... - [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 464 00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:09,827 - NADJA: Son of a bitch! - WOMAN: Peace out, I'm done. 465 00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,351 Hang on. No, no, no, don't go, 'cause I'm going to perform. 466 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:13,614 ♪ There's a large bird ♪ 467 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,224 ♪ Stealing my brothers... ♪ 468 00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,357 Come on, guys. Let's get a big clap going. 469 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,881 [WHOOPS] 470 00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:22,144 ♪ And I realized that the egg was me... ♪ 471 00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:24,625 - [SHOUTS] - GUIDE: Oh, no. 472 00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:27,018 NANDOR: In three, two, one, go! 473 00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:30,065 - Okay, um, uh, the Panama Canal. - Got it. 474 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,980 - Uh, oh, uh, pizza chef. - Yep. 475 00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:34,461 - Uh, Barbie doll. Uh, Alaska. - Yep. Yep. 476 00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:36,680 NANDOR: So, I did a little hypnosis 477 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,421 on the two Freddies. 478 00:18:38,465 --> 00:18:39,988 Basically, I told them not to make such a big a deal 479 00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,382 out of the whole cloning thing. 480 00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:44,645 - Uh, Genji monogatari by Murasaki Shikibu. - Hai! 481 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,647 Oh, uh, T-The New Adventures of Old Christine. 482 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:48,431 - Yes. - And that's time. 483 00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:51,521 - BOTH: Yes! Come on, Freddie. - NANDOR: Oh. 484 00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:53,915 - [BOTH FREDDIES LAUGH] - Very impressive, you two. 485 00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:56,439 Very, um, in sync. 486 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:57,875 - [LAUGHTER] - NANDOR: Hmm? 487 00:18:57,919 --> 00:18:58,963 - Hmm? - Very good. 488 00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,965 Now they're getting on great, 489 00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:03,316 so the situation is totally fine. 490 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,795 Fun little evening we're having, wouldn't you say? 491 00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,536 No, I wouldn't say. 492 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,625 - Couldn't just let me have one thing of my own? - I did. 493 00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,323 You have your thing and I have mine. 494 00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,672 Oh, so you took your wife, 495 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:13,195 who you transformed into the perfect woman, 496 00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:15,763 and then turned her into a carbon copy of my boyfriend? 497 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,939 Doesn't that register with you as being messed up? 498 00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:19,723 Stop saying things that I have done. 499 00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,638 This is my last night with Freddie. 500 00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,423 Okay, this might seem like a huge game to you, but it's not 501 00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,599 - to me, I really care about him. - I know, I just... 502 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:28,732 Do you understand that I've never, in my whole life, 503 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,605 ever, had a long-term boyfriend? Not once. 504 00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:35,435 And you find a way to make it about yourself. 505 00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,740 So thanks. 506 00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,351 Uh, wait... I... 507 00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:40,179 - Freddie? We're leaving. - Yes? 508 00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,180 - Oh, uh... - FREDDIE: Oh, uh... 509 00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:42,703 NANDOR: That's, uh... 510 00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:44,226 That's actually... 511 00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:49,318 ...my Freddie. 512 00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:52,016 Freddie, we're leaving. 513 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,235 Oh, uh, awesome to meet you, Freddie. 514 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:54,628 Awesome to meet you, too, Freddie. 515 00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:56,195 GUILLERMO: Freddie, don't talk to Freddie. 516 00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:02,853 GUILLERMO: Well, 517 00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,333 Freddie had to go back to England... 518 00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:05,465 Bye. 519 00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:07,249 I love you. 520 00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,773 ...meaning I'm back to my normal life, 521 00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:12,167 being a familiar for Nandor 522 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:16,780 and his exact clone of my boyfriend. 523 00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:20,219 At least we can stay in touch through the Internet. 524 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,481 - FREDDIE [OVER DEVICE]: How's it going? - Are you having beans 525 00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,352 - for dinner again? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 526 00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:24,788 - You're such a little bean freak, babe. - Guilty as charged. 527 00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:26,050 FREDDIE CLONE: Is that who I think it is? 528 00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:28,227 Oh, how's it going, Fredmeister? 529 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,098 Yeah, not too bad, Fredmeister. 530 00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:31,882 - Ooh, did you get a chance to read the deep dive - Uh... 531 00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,276 on the Palatine Hill in this month's Rosetta Journal? 532 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,018 Oh, let me have a think. Hmm, how about yes? 533 00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:39,194 That's section on early medieval earthenware they just excavated? 534 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,804 Bombshell, am I right? 535 00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,502 I had to put the journal down and take a walk 536 00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,286 - around the block. - Me, too, I just had to put 537 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,114 the journal down and take a walk around the block. 538 00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,724 - Honestly. - Me, too! I had to put... 539 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:51,032 I'm sorry, can we can cut? 540 00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:52,729 LASZLO: You can't cancel our dates, you bastard. 541 00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,427 We've got a contract. 542 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:56,559 - Don't fuck me. - Why is this happening to me? 543 00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,039 I'm repulsive. 544 00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:00,911 Good grief! Whatever is that foul odor? 545 00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:03,087 It's me. And Laszlo, guess what? 546 00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:04,785 - What? - I hate you. You're ruining my life! 547 00:21:04,828 --> 00:21:06,743 Come on, boy, don't be like that. 548 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:09,703 I can sort this out. Yeah? I'll get you on stage tonight. 549 00:21:09,746 --> 00:21:12,836 No! I'm not singing any more of those baby songs. 550 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,664 - And guess what? - What? 551 00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:16,797 From here on out, I'll only consider performing 552 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,974 if it's the music of Papa Roach or Evanescence! 553 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:21,280 [NU METAL PLAYING] 554 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,064 - Fuck off! - LASZLO: Shut your mouth. 555 00:21:24,544 --> 00:21:26,372 ["LAYLA" BY DEREK AND THE DOMINOS PLAYING] 556 00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:27,982 I am beginning to think that maybe 557 00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:31,290 what I did was wrong. 558 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:35,424 Probably not, but... maybe. 559 00:21:35,468 --> 00:21:39,036 I set out to make things right with Guillermo. 560 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,865 I offered to give him my Freddie, 561 00:21:41,909 --> 00:21:43,911 as a token of apology 562 00:21:43,954 --> 00:21:46,043 and also so that they could have sex with each other. 563 00:21:46,087 --> 00:21:48,394 No. It's not the same. 564 00:21:48,437 --> 00:21:51,179 - It's pretty similar. - But it's not. 565 00:21:52,528 --> 00:21:54,051 NANDOR: That's when I knew I had to let 566 00:21:54,095 --> 00:21:55,226 my Freddie go. 567 00:21:55,270 --> 00:21:56,663 Which also meant 568 00:21:56,706 --> 00:21:59,840 letting my wife Marwa go. 569 00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:02,408 But I did leave her in Freddie form, 570 00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:04,584 'cause she seemed so much happier like that. 571 00:22:04,627 --> 00:22:07,500 Perhaps true love is about more than 572 00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:09,719 wishing for someone who likes all the things you like. 573 00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:11,199 My sweet Freddie. 574 00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,940 My Freddie always told me that his dream 575 00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:14,507 was to travel the world, 576 00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:18,032 explore his passion for art and history. 577 00:22:18,075 --> 00:22:19,512 Don't forget to buy that Roomba. 578 00:22:19,555 --> 00:22:20,991 [CRYING]: I won't. 579 00:22:21,035 --> 00:22:22,689 I suppose I am the one 580 00:22:22,732 --> 00:22:24,343 who is now granting a wish. 581 00:22:25,909 --> 00:22:28,129 Fucking sucks. 582 00:22:28,172 --> 00:22:29,652 [SNIFFLES] 583 00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:31,741 NADJA: It is clear to me now that 584 00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:33,830 without Baby Colin as its main attraction, 585 00:22:33,874 --> 00:22:35,528 this club cannot survive. 586 00:22:35,571 --> 00:22:38,705 This place was the center of the vampire universe. 587 00:22:38,748 --> 00:22:41,795 But now it is just a big, empty piece of shit. 588 00:22:41,838 --> 00:22:43,971 And despite my hopes of a comeback, 589 00:22:44,014 --> 00:22:46,408 it is clear that our best days are behind us. 590 00:22:46,452 --> 00:22:48,323 - My darling? - [GASPS] Laszlo! 591 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:49,629 I've thought of a way of saving the club. 592 00:22:49,672 --> 00:22:51,065 Ah. How? 593 00:22:51,108 --> 00:22:52,762 I've heard about this amazing clown 594 00:22:52,806 --> 00:22:54,590 that can suck himself dry. 595 00:22:56,853 --> 00:22:58,202 [MOANS] Who is this young ruffian? 596 00:22:58,246 --> 00:22:59,987 You remember Baby Colin? 597 00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:01,336 Well, he's had a growth spurt. 598 00:23:02,511 --> 00:23:04,034 - Hey. - [GASPS] 599 00:23:04,078 --> 00:23:05,819 Can we go? 600 00:23:05,862 --> 00:23:07,647 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Bye. 601 00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:10,258 GUILLERMO: Cheers from jolly old England. 602 00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:13,087 I decided to go surprise Freddie, 603 00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:15,437 because why not, right? You only live once. 604 00:23:15,481 --> 00:23:17,657 And I have all that money saved that I... 605 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:19,659 whatever, I stole from the club. 606 00:23:19,702 --> 00:23:21,617 He has no idea that I'm here, so... 607 00:23:21,661 --> 00:23:23,793 - [DISTANT LAUGHTER] - Oh. Is that him? 608 00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:25,882 Over there, right with... 609 00:23:25,926 --> 00:23:28,319 - I love you, Freddie. - I love you, too, Freddie. 610 00:23:28,363 --> 00:23:30,844 - Fancy a pint of bitter? - Why not? 611 00:23:30,887 --> 00:23:32,672 ["LAYLA" CONTINUES PLAYING] 612 00:23:45,902 --> 00:23:47,643 Impaler Swift. 613 00:23:47,687 --> 00:23:50,385 Bruno Scars. Lindsey Suckingham. 614 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,779 And that's not even mentioning the wraith acts. 615 00:23:52,822 --> 00:23:55,869 Bonnie Wraith. Wraith Hill. Wraith Evans. 616 00:23:55,912 --> 00:23:57,261 Billy Wraith Cyrus. 617 00:23:57,305 --> 00:23:59,176 Wraith No More. 618 00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:01,309 Wraith Charles. 619 00:24:01,352 --> 00:24:03,485 I could go on. 620 00:24:03,529 --> 00:24:05,356 ["LAYLA" CONTINUES PLAYING]