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25 YEARS OF CINEMA TRACKING
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QUICK STOP GROCERIES
WE ARE OPEN
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Serve!
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QUICK STOP GROCERIES
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COCK SMOKER
CHICKEN SANDWICHES
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Hell!
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What is it about?
Does it have anything to do with Randal?
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Randall Graves? I can show
where he is. I'm serious.
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I wouldn't even have gone here today.
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-One of twelve.
-Weapons!
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The suspects sell marijuana
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in a fake chicken sandwich shop.
13
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Finally, I will get the pigs!
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COMING SOON
15
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I know you're in there,
you bastards!
16
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Get out immediately!
17
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This is the police.
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I'm arresting you for drug possession.
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Put the plants down!
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Put the damn plants down, I said!
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I'm the boss and he did as I said.
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What the hell... I didn't say anything about the bralls.
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-There's nothing there.
- He's white.
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-What are you waiting for?
-There's nothing there!
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Vad fan pågår?
The pile of shit has no mustache.
26
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He certainly has a moustache.
He just stuffed it in.
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All right, Buffalo Bill. Where is your pole?
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Mr. "When the lambs fall silent"?
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Identify yourselves, you bastards!
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My name is Jay. This is
my heteropolar Silent Bob.
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Home, dear home, huh?
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Everyone says:
"Yeah, it's Jay and Silent Bob."
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Just look at you.
34
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Who the hell are you?
35
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Your lawyer.
36
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Don't you know how a court works?
37
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In the legal system
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is represented by two different,
but equally important, groups.
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-We have seen all Law andamp; Order.
- Me too. Dick Wolf is a genius.
40
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I love his comics.
My Grindr name is Dick Wolfer.
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Remember that.
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Before I represent you
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you have to sign some papers.
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Shall we read it first?
45
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Put off. Who cares what it says?
Just sign.
46
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Yes.
47
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Unbelievable that it worked.
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Perfect.
Hope you are ready to go home today
49
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because I am the best lawyer
in the entertainment industry.
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I'm like Dick Wolf
that makes guys come with their mouths.
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But it was fine
why did you hire me?
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- Am I wrong?
- We haven't hired you.
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-A formality.
-Get up!
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JUDGE JERRY N. EXECUTIONER
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Thank you. Sit down.
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Goal 37:
The State vs. Jay and Silent Bob.
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Are Jay and Silent Bob back?
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They are charged with drug possession
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from a chicken sandwich shop,
called...
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...Cock Smoker.
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Wait, guys.
If you are here, it must be a weekday
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but he is not a public servant.
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You must pay him.
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How are your clients, the agent?
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They refuse, Mr. Chairman.
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I guess the braja grew itself.
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How does the prosecutor approach bail?
68
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Hi, Jerry.
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The location?
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The prosecutor hopes that your highness
let them stay in custody.
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Cool?
72
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I guess the agent
have a different view on it.
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Cock Smoker was neither a diner
or drug center.
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Just a pop-up shop.
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This honest certificate
comes from a film company
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and prove that my clients
has been paid for
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to do PR for an upcoming film.
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Have we?
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-Yes.
- We have that.
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I request that the charges be dropped
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because my clients are innocent.
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Slow down on the slopes.
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I wouldn't call them innocent.
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But today
In any case, they are not guilty.
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Jay and Silent Bob, you can go.
The target is written off.
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Holy shit! What happened?
87
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I set you free, butterflies.
As promised.
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Remember "Dick Wolfer" on Grindr.
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Goal 38: Filmbolaget
in Hollywood vs. Jay and Silent Bob.
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Who represents Hollywood?
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- Me, chairman.
-What are you doing?
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It's only the second goal of the day
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but I need a sup.
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-Oh my God!
- Speed up, agent.
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As you can see, I have loads of goals
to graze today.
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Sure, Chairman.
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My client Saban Films
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claims for a court order
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against the defendants
for copyright infringement
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against the protected
brand Jay and Silent Bob.
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He's lying!
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Me and Silent Bob
have not wrestled with anything
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and has never been right about anything!
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Be quiet!
105
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Saban Films? Not produced
the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers?
106
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Have you seen that Red Ranger
transform into the Gold Ranger?
107
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- It was cool.
- It was years ago.
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Now it is a multimedia company.
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Can the company transform itself?
into a huge Megazord?
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-Damn!
- Run, Power Rangers.
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Film Music, Chairman.
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Last year it acquired Saban Films
the global rights
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to the movie
"Bluntman and Chronic" for...
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-...$3,700 on Craigslist.
- It was expensive.
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Now everyone belongs
underlying rights my client.
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Not just the characters
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but also their secret identities.
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Jay and Silent Bob
registered trademark.
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That's right, Chairman.
Saban Films owns their name.
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Huh?
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Saban Films owns your names.
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Does the agent have any evidence
for that claim?
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Yes, Chairman.
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Here is a signed contract
which gives Saban Films
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exclusive rights to the names
Jay and Silent Bob.
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Was that the paper we just signed?
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Can the accused take the stand?
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Are we the defendants?
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The paper confirms that Saban Films
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owns the rights to the film
Bluntman and Chronic.
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Huh? The star-studded shit-roll?
132
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It sucked horse balls!
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It sucked ass too.
134
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Chairman, I object.
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The film sucked both horse's balls and ass.
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Jay and Silent Bob,
You are hereby prohibited
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to call you Jay and Silent Bob again.
138
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You disturb the order!
139
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You disturb the order!
The whole dish disturbs the order!
140
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He wants an Oscar.
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EXCUSE THE DUST
142
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DO NOT OPEN, LIKE ON THE INSIDE
143
00:09:40,297 --> 00:09:42,132
Why did you move the store?
to the mall?
144
00:09:42,257 --> 00:09:46,012
I obviously wanted to be alone.
145
00:09:46,554 --> 00:09:50,308
The rent is lower here
because the mall is dying the death of soot.
146
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She is dying.
147
00:09:53,561 --> 00:09:56,731
You have to watch out for the rats.
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I don't see any kids at all.
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No, real rats run around
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in this abandoned shithole.
Duck!
151
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,743
Have I understood the matter correctly?
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00:10:08,327 --> 00:10:11,247
They arrested you for selling braja
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in a fake sandwich shop
154
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and the lawyer you didn't hire
got you acquitted
155
00:10:16,669 --> 00:10:18,380
but then twisted your names?
156
00:10:18,505 --> 00:10:21,633
Then the cop screwed up
we had been farming for years.
157
00:10:21,758 --> 00:10:23,969
All we have left
158
00:10:24,095 --> 00:10:26,764
are these three tags
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00:10:26,931 --> 00:10:30,601
which are made on the flower
to one of the three golden species.
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I knew you wanted,
but not that you cultivated.
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We learned to grow from our favorite movie.
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How High with Method and Redman.
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They are like black Jay and Silent Bob.
164
00:10:42,531 --> 00:10:45,075
Holy shit!
Do you still rent DVD movies?
165
00:10:45,951 --> 00:10:47,619
Have you never heard
about "Netflix and chill"?
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00:10:48,579 --> 00:10:50,331
Once we watched porn and fucked,
167
00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:52,625
but mostly we see
on Redbox and jerking off.
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00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,836
How did it feel to get caught?
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Lol.
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00:11:10,185 --> 00:11:12,021
Furthermore, the judge said
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that we must not call ourselves
Jay and Silent Bob anymore
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because our names had
bought up by Sbarro Films.
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Sbarro?
174
00:11:21,573 --> 00:11:23,533
Yes, the pizza company.
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00:11:23,658 --> 00:11:27,121
Because of a box roll
we did 20 years ago.
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Come again. Go ahead.
"The plates are already washed."
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00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:33,335
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead?
178
00:11:33,461 --> 00:11:37,590
-A Keith Coogan classic.
-You know what, guys?
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00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,510
Your problems probably have less
to do with
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the film you made 20 years ago
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and more to do with the movie
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00:11:45,932 --> 00:11:49,019
which will soon have a cinema premiere.
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UNTIL THE SUMMER
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Hang up!
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00:11:54,817 --> 00:11:58,154
Don't you know it's coming
en ny serietidningsfilm
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which is based on the old movie,
based on you?
187
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Huh? Again?
188
00:12:03,284 --> 00:12:05,871
They removed my mustache
and made me a girl.
189
00:12:06,038 --> 00:12:09,958
How can they do a remake
on the Bluntman shit?
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00:12:10,084 --> 00:12:12,127
No remake, a reboot.
191
00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:16,048
What the hell is areboot?
192
00:12:16,173 --> 00:12:17,592
SABAN FILMS REBOOT
BY BLUNTMAN & CHRONIC
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00:12:17,717 --> 00:12:20,595
Hollywood makes reboots
when they want to make big money
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00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,597
but avoid creating a new movie.
195
00:12:22,722 --> 00:12:25,058
They take an old film, change it a little
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and lets one pay
for the same crap again.
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00:12:27,852 --> 00:12:31,107
-What greedy vomit.
-Det är lömskt.
198
00:12:31,232 --> 00:12:34,527
They take a movie you liked as a child
and makes it youthful.
199
00:12:34,652 --> 00:12:37,738
Name a movie
where a robot has secret plans
200
00:12:37,863 --> 00:12:40,074
who can help the good to beat the bad
201
00:12:40,199 --> 00:12:43,954
and their leader in a black mask, through
to blast a ray gun into space.
202
00:12:44,079 --> 00:12:46,998
-Star Wars.
-No. The Force Awakens.
203
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:50,252
That's what you call a reboot.
204
00:12:51,294 --> 00:12:52,504
Jag trodde det var en uppföljare.
205
00:12:52,629 --> 00:12:55,007
Hollywood doesn't make sequels anymore.
206
00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:57,301
They don't even make "squeakquels".
207
00:12:58,428 --> 00:13:00,638
Film companies ignore new ideas
208
00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:03,349
to create franchises
with many movies
209
00:13:03,474 --> 00:13:05,977
which gets brand loyal customers
to stay for life.
210
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:09,898
Do you like Harry Potter?
will you get ten more.
211
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,984
Do you like the Fast and Furious reels?
212
00:13:12,109 --> 00:13:14,987
"We're going to run out of the franchise."
213
00:13:15,112 --> 00:13:17,906
"Want another Marvel movie? Here."
214
00:13:18,032 --> 00:13:21,119
The Marvel movies
is a cinematic triumph!
215
00:13:21,494 --> 00:13:24,831
I live on and for the Marvel movies.
216
00:13:24,956 --> 00:13:27,125
I watch more Marvel than Pornhub…
217
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:30,628
-...and comes twice as hard.
- The plates are already washed.
218
00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:34,050
Unless Hollywood
will start making original reels soon
219
00:13:34,175 --> 00:13:36,635
there is none
to do reboots in ten years.
220
00:13:36,761 --> 00:13:38,763
Then they can do reboots
on old reboots.
221
00:13:38,888 --> 00:13:41,390
We have reached the tipping point
for popular culture
222
00:13:41,515 --> 00:13:44,519
and it is not
Point Break with Swayze and Keanu.
223
00:13:44,644 --> 00:13:45,979
It will be the remake.
224
00:13:46,146 --> 00:13:48,899
What was the difference now again?
225
00:13:49,024 --> 00:13:52,569
Glad you asked.
A remake is like a reboot
226
00:13:52,694 --> 00:13:56,156
but the film company ignores
what the audience thought of the original.
227
00:13:56,239 --> 00:13:58,743
It retains the title,
but spoils everything else
228
00:13:58,868 --> 00:14:01,371
thus destroying both films.
229
00:14:02,163 --> 00:14:04,999
It probably will
hit Bluntman v Chronic
230
00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:08,086
because the director of
this upcoming sun roll
231
00:14:08,211 --> 00:14:11,173
is Kevin Smith himself.
232
00:14:12,091 --> 00:14:13,550
Who then?
233
00:14:13,675 --> 00:14:16,303
He who directed
The Bruce Willis reel Cop Out.
234
00:14:16,428 --> 00:14:20,224
Do they let him continue
make movies after that shit?
235
00:14:20,349 --> 00:14:23,186
In Hollywood you fall upwards.
236
00:14:23,269 --> 00:14:25,230
I hate goddamn Kevin Smith.
237
00:14:25,355 --> 00:14:28,525
He took our names, then my mustache.
238
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:32,112
We have to stop him from
to make a new shitty movie
239
00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:34,824
about Jay and Silent Bob.
240
00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:37,993
You better head to Chronic-Con, then
241
00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:42,081
-What is it?
-Chronic-Con.
242
00:14:42,206 --> 00:14:44,583
It started as "fan party"
243
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:47,629
for people who liked
the old Bluntman and Chronic
244
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,631
with Jason Biggs
and James Van Der Beek.
245
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,218
I saw them get beaten by a monkey.
246
00:14:53,343 --> 00:14:56,638
Now Chronic-Con has become
a popular culture convention.
247
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:59,767
The tickets are already sold out.
248
00:14:59,892 --> 00:15:02,937
Sold out? What poor satas
249
00:15:03,062 --> 00:15:06,607
still want to see
The Jay and Silent Bob shit?
250
00:15:11,905 --> 00:15:15,701
They will auction off
a guest appearance in the reboot.
251
00:15:17,077 --> 00:15:20,497
Hello! That's me. Kevin Smith!
252
00:15:20,622 --> 00:15:24,711
Investigate the asset.
He probably has a small cock too.
253
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,796
I have big news.
254
00:15:26,921 --> 00:15:30,884
We're going to shoot a key scene
in Bluntman v Chronic
255
00:15:31,009 --> 00:15:33,845
at this year's Chronic-Con.
256
00:15:33,970 --> 00:15:36,473
The scene is so important
257
00:15:36,598 --> 00:15:38,851
that we can't finish the movie
without it.
258
00:15:38,976 --> 00:15:45,149
Apply, and maybe we'll meet
on Friday in Hollywood!
259
00:15:46,525 --> 00:15:49,446
-Stop, dammit!
-Your vomit.
260
00:15:49,571 --> 00:15:52,908
Hollywood... We're going to fight back.
261
00:15:53,033 --> 00:15:56,578
It's a nest full
of scum and evil.
262
00:15:56,703 --> 00:15:58,914
He said they couldn't
finish the movie
263
00:15:59,039 --> 00:16:01,083
without the scene from Chronic-Con.
264
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,419
We have to go to Hollywood
265
00:16:03,544 --> 00:16:05,505
and prevent
that he records the scene.
266
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:09,300
Then Kevin James can't
finish the movie.
267
00:16:09,425 --> 00:16:12,178
We need to get to Chronic-Con,
take back our names
268
00:16:12,303 --> 00:16:14,389
save my cock from kevin james
269
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:16,683
and stop the reboot.
270
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:20,187
Come on, Silent Bob.
We get to go back to Hollywood.
271
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,898
That means it's time for music.
272
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,954
Have a nice flight.
273
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,376
Hello! Welcome to Southbest Airlines.
274
00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:41,627
How can I service?
275
00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:44,338
What is your Jersey dialect?
276
00:16:44,422 --> 00:16:48,175
I'm from South Jersey.
How can I be of service?
277
00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:49,593
Two tickets to Hollywood.
278
00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:53,473
In economy class, I guess.
279
00:16:55,142 --> 00:16:57,936
That's $337 per shaft, guys.
280
00:17:00,522 --> 00:17:01,523
FUCK YOU MONEY
281
00:17:06,738 --> 00:17:09,281
What is your name?
282
00:17:11,534 --> 00:17:14,912
My name is Don Juan Dela Nooch.
283
00:17:16,247 --> 00:17:21,252
His name is Señor Roberto Silencio.
284
00:17:21,377 --> 00:17:23,088
The names sound made up.
285
00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:26,258
Actually, our names are Jay and Silent Bob
286
00:17:26,383 --> 00:17:27,760
but this morning
287
00:17:27,885 --> 00:17:31,806
Kevin James stole our names.
288
00:17:31,931 --> 00:17:33,725
I can't book you in
under false names
289
00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:38,063
so I try Jay and Silent Bob
290
00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:41,107
which also sounds like fake names.
291
00:17:43,652 --> 00:17:49,075
Sorry. A problem has occurred.
292
00:17:51,077 --> 00:17:52,453
A weight problem?
293
00:17:53,329 --> 00:17:55,707
Is he still too fat for
to fly?
294
00:17:55,832 --> 00:17:58,210
Are you as blind as Anne Frank?
295
00:17:58,335 --> 00:18:01,088
Silent Bob has gone down a lot.
296
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:05,050
He has become vegan and eats v-gina.
297
00:18:05,425 --> 00:18:06,426
That doesn't sound right.
298
00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:09,931
Nowadays I get to call him Snack Pack.
299
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,433
I used to say, "Fly, fat man."
300
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:15,561
Now I get to say: "Fly, smalis!"
301
00:18:15,686 --> 00:18:19,857
Let me explain. I just said
that a problem has occurred
302
00:18:19,983 --> 00:18:21,610
and the problem is…
303
00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:23,737
WAIT: PROBLEM
304
00:18:23,862 --> 00:18:28,951
...that you are not allowed to fly because you
is on the no-fly list.
305
00:18:29,076 --> 00:18:30,369
NO FLY LIST
306
00:18:30,494 --> 00:18:34,666
It says something about
the terrorist organization Klittan.
307
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:36,501
The sand does not exist.
308
00:18:36,626 --> 00:18:38,753
All my guys have said that.
309
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,966
Sorry. You are not allowed to fly
because you are on the list.
310
00:18:43,091 --> 00:18:46,303
You might be able to test
Ride Me Now instead.
311
00:18:48,264 --> 00:18:49,348
Ride You Now?
312
00:18:49,473 --> 00:18:51,892
Ride Me Now is a ride-sharing app.
313
00:18:52,226 --> 00:18:55,604
You just click and...
314
00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:57,899
Now Ride Me Now is sending a car
315
00:18:58,024 --> 00:19:00,152
that drives you where you want to go.
316
00:19:00,402 --> 00:19:01,778
Is it true?
317
00:19:01,903 --> 00:19:04,364
Then the planes can go to hell.
318
00:19:04,489 --> 00:19:05,949
Bye then.
319
00:19:07,117 --> 00:19:08,493
Fuck off.
320
00:19:15,418 --> 00:19:18,963
Does the app want a credit card?
What should we do?
321
00:19:19,088 --> 00:19:23,093
You can go to hell!
322
00:19:23,218 --> 00:19:26,305
No, listen carefully now.
323
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,516
The idiot at the counter
could not find my reservation.
324
00:19:29,641 --> 00:19:31,643
Find the right one on my booking
325
00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:33,687
otherwise I'll see to it
that you get fired.
326
00:19:33,812 --> 00:19:36,107
Someone should teach that bastard a lesson.
327
00:19:36,232 --> 00:19:38,610
Okay, I'll give you the credit card number.
Again!
328
00:19:38,735 --> 00:19:40,987
I will read it slowly
329
00:19:41,112 --> 00:19:44,783
and cheers for you to join in!
330
00:19:44,908 --> 00:19:47,703
My name is Ted Underhill.
331
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,582
Not Ed. Ted! With T!
332
00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:56,170
The number is 9.
333
00:19:57,338 --> 00:19:59,673
5.8.
334
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:02,010
4.
335
00:20:07,599 --> 00:20:08,600
Ted Underhill?
336
00:20:08,683 --> 00:20:13,439
Yo! That's me
who is the goddamn Ted Underhill.
337
00:20:18,861 --> 00:20:21,280
Do you want to smoke now?
338
00:20:21,406 --> 00:20:23,199
We only have three left.
339
00:20:23,324 --> 00:20:25,661
If we smoke them, they are gone forever.
340
00:20:25,786 --> 00:20:28,205
We save them for a festive moment.
341
00:20:28,330 --> 00:20:33,127
I think we'll smoke this one instead.
342
00:20:35,170 --> 00:20:39,843
Put off. I roll a perfect one
Silent Bob, but you get mad.
343
00:20:39,968 --> 00:20:42,846
It belongs in a museum.
344
00:20:43,513 --> 00:20:44,848
Turn it on.
345
00:20:54,608 --> 00:20:57,278
I'm almost glad you smoke.
346
00:20:57,403 --> 00:20:59,697
I ran into a guy a week ago
347
00:20:59,822 --> 00:21:03,201
and he shit in the back seat.
348
00:21:03,326 --> 00:21:06,830
I didn't know that
förrän passageraren efter hittade den.
349
00:21:06,955 --> 00:21:08,206
It was everywhere.
350
00:21:08,915 --> 00:21:12,210
It is difficult
to remove the smell from artificial leather.
351
00:21:12,711 --> 00:21:16,507
It remains. Like a ghost.
352
00:21:16,632 --> 00:21:19,719
You are the first passengers
since the poo incident.
353
00:21:20,136 --> 00:21:23,473
My name is Todd Merkinsky.
Nice to meet you.
354
00:21:23,639 --> 00:21:27,560
Merkinsky... I call you Merkin!
355
00:21:29,271 --> 00:21:30,397
Todd would be better.
356
00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:33,067
Why does your car smell?
French fries, Merkin?
357
00:21:33,192 --> 00:21:35,903
Guess what I have
instead of chewing gum.
358
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:40,115
I have Tater Tots. It's hot.
359
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,286
Do you have Tater Tots?
Where did you get them from?
360
00:21:43,411 --> 00:21:46,164
I am a businessman
361
00:21:46,289 --> 00:21:48,666
and got a business idea.
362
00:21:48,792 --> 00:21:51,086
Teenage girls love Tater Tots.
363
00:21:51,211 --> 00:21:52,962
So I created…
364
00:21:53,672 --> 00:21:54,882
Hates Totz.
365
00:21:55,007 --> 00:21:59,178
It's a quiz.
"Is your bestie really the best?"
366
00:21:59,303 --> 00:22:03,891
It is a combination of
Tiger Beat and Tater Totz.
367
00:22:04,016 --> 00:22:07,771
Teenage girls love Tiger Beat.
Not true?
368
00:22:07,896 --> 00:22:10,232
No, I was wrong.
369
00:22:10,357 --> 00:22:11,483
Huge mistake.
370
00:22:11,608 --> 00:22:14,694
Hater Totz means different things
for different people.
371
00:22:14,778 --> 00:22:16,780
What do I mean?
372
00:22:16,905 --> 00:22:20,326
Hater Totz began to attract
to himself a clientele
373
00:22:20,451 --> 00:22:23,913
which I didn't want.
374
00:22:24,330 --> 00:22:25,915
White nationalists.
375
00:22:26,207 --> 00:22:28,459
How did they even find out?
376
00:22:28,584 --> 00:22:30,169
I had to stop.
377
00:22:30,294 --> 00:22:33,132
I filed for personal bankruptcy and now…
378
00:22:33,257 --> 00:22:37,970
I serve leftover Tater Tots
to my passengers. Free.
379
00:22:38,095 --> 00:22:42,266
Take as many as you want
and eat as many as you want.
380
00:22:42,724 --> 00:22:45,061
Is the app really right?
381
00:22:45,186 --> 00:22:48,314
It says you want to go
to Hollywood.
382
00:22:48,606 --> 00:22:51,443
It is very far.
I have an offer.
383
00:22:51,568 --> 00:22:54,112
I drive you
to Hollywood in California
384
00:22:54,237 --> 00:22:57,158
if you give me a big tip
and good reviews.
385
00:22:57,283 --> 00:23:01,454
Taken. Now drive, Miss Daisy.
386
00:23:01,829 --> 00:23:03,873
Then we go to Hollywood.
387
00:23:08,879 --> 00:23:11,131
Hello. Do you remember me?
388
00:23:11,256 --> 00:23:15,051
I am Loki, the angel of death in Dogma.
389
00:23:15,177 --> 00:23:18,263
If the kids say:
"He's not Tom Hiddleston."
390
00:23:18,388 --> 00:23:21,559
Say I played Loki
before it was cool.
391
00:23:21,684 --> 00:23:24,145
Without English dialect.
392
00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:27,064
For 20 years people have asked me:
393
00:23:27,190 --> 00:23:31,527
“What happened to Loki at the end of
Dogma? Did he end up in hell?"
394
00:23:31,652 --> 00:23:34,448
No, for God's sake!
The joke was intentional.
395
00:23:34,573 --> 00:23:37,034
But things were going wrong.
Like punishment
396
00:23:37,159 --> 00:23:39,578
sent by God, which looks just right
like Alanis Morissette
397
00:23:39,703 --> 00:23:42,456
me to earth.
398
00:23:42,581 --> 00:23:45,209
But not to Wisconsin
this time.
399
00:23:45,334 --> 00:23:47,712
God dropped me into the Mediterranean
400
00:23:47,837 --> 00:23:50,340
where I was rescued by fishermen.
401
00:23:50,465 --> 00:23:53,343
I didn't know who I was.
I had lost my memory.
402
00:23:53,468 --> 00:23:58,098
After Dogma I was reborn
403
00:23:58,223 --> 00:24:00,810
and what you see now is…
404
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,187
Wait.
405
00:24:03,312 --> 00:24:05,397
...my reborn identity Re-Bourne.
406
00:24:05,523 --> 00:24:10,402
Damn! In the middle of nowhere!
You were just touched by an angel.
407
00:24:12,948 --> 00:24:15,867
After driving for half a day
408
00:24:15,992 --> 00:24:20,705
they stayed in Chicago,
where their lives would change completely.
409
00:24:20,831 --> 00:24:23,041
WELCOME. DRIVE AND ORDER
410
00:24:36,682 --> 00:24:38,684
Well done, Merkin.
411
00:24:38,851 --> 00:24:40,352
Thank you, Mr. Underhill.
412
00:24:40,477 --> 00:24:42,563
Glad you wanted to stay.
413
00:24:42,688 --> 00:24:45,399
Your cigarettes are quite strong.
414
00:24:45,524 --> 00:24:48,778
It's not cigarettes but braya!
415
00:24:49,696 --> 00:24:51,072
Do you smoke marijuana?
416
00:24:55,577 --> 00:24:56,911
You are so brave!
417
00:24:58,079 --> 00:24:59,706
I'm afraid of getting caught
418
00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:02,793
so I've never tried braja.
419
00:25:08,966 --> 00:25:11,135
Wait... Are you going to give him one of those?
420
00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:13,679
He has never smoked before
421
00:25:13,805 --> 00:25:15,640
but you want to take his virginity
422
00:25:15,766 --> 00:25:18,059
with one of our last super tags?
423
00:25:18,185 --> 00:25:19,603
How do you think?
424
00:25:19,728 --> 00:25:21,897
THE JERSEY LINEN SOCIETY
MEMBERSHIP CARD
425
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:23,523
Association 404.
426
00:25:23,648 --> 00:25:28,446
Jersey parties, we bray.
We provide everyone with grass.
427
00:25:29,113 --> 00:25:31,908
This will change your life.
428
00:25:32,575 --> 00:25:33,785
Change it!
429
00:25:37,789 --> 00:25:39,291
Go ahead, boss.
430
00:25:46,256 --> 00:25:47,466
That's how it should sound.
431
00:25:51,846 --> 00:25:55,642
Now I suck at vegan food.
Now it's beef.
432
00:26:12,326 --> 00:26:13,327
Mr. Underhill!
433
00:26:14,203 --> 00:26:16,456
Mr. Underhill!
434
00:26:20,377 --> 00:26:25,340
Welcome to Moo-by's.
What is it allowed to be today?
435
00:26:26,883 --> 00:26:30,513
I take such a muu...ilk shake.
436
00:26:30,638 --> 00:26:32,265
as well as a cow roll with fries.
437
00:26:32,390 --> 00:26:35,893
As well as a Brazilian fur burger
438
00:26:36,018 --> 00:26:37,854
for our driver.
439
00:26:38,396 --> 00:26:39,397
Cool.
440
00:26:42,985 --> 00:26:44,903
Shall I order for you?
441
00:26:45,028 --> 00:26:48,407
I don't want your vegetables
touch my burgers.
442
00:26:48,532 --> 00:26:52,619
That's why you can't lie down.
Women want meat in their mouths
443
00:26:52,744 --> 00:26:54,747
and you are a broccoli bitch.
444
00:26:54,873 --> 00:26:59,169
If you want to order vegetables,
you can do it yourself.
445
00:26:59,294 --> 00:27:00,462
I'm laying a cable.
446
00:27:08,012 --> 00:27:11,015
Do you want something more?
447
00:27:21,693 --> 00:27:24,863
Did you just offer me your old man's dick?
448
00:27:25,322 --> 00:27:28,033
Okay, throw it out there.
449
00:27:28,116 --> 00:27:29,701
Throw it forward.
450
00:27:29,826 --> 00:27:31,161
Miss McKenzie!
451
00:27:31,286 --> 00:27:35,166
-What the hell is going on?
- The old man showed me an eggplant.
452
00:27:36,626 --> 00:27:38,795
I am 47
and don't know what that means.
453
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:43,132
The pile of shit wants to show its shit-string,
Miss McKenzie,
454
00:27:43,257 --> 00:27:45,052
Slap him in the face.
455
00:27:48,138 --> 00:27:51,558
You can come with me. Hang in there.
456
00:28:09,662 --> 00:28:12,289
Congratulations, Flappy. You deserve it.
457
00:28:12,414 --> 00:28:16,335
Here comes Justice Faulken
with the weather forecast.
458
00:28:16,460 --> 00:28:17,878
How will the weather be?
459
00:28:18,003 --> 00:28:22,134
We get lots of rain.
I'm getting wet just thinking about it.
460
00:28:23,593 --> 00:28:25,303
Justice?
461
00:29:35,670 --> 00:29:36,880
Holy shit!
462
00:29:37,005 --> 00:29:40,343
Check. My old girlfriend
Boo Boo Kitty Fuck.
463
00:29:40,468 --> 00:29:42,887
Damn! Has he had a stroke?
464
00:29:43,012 --> 00:29:45,723
I turned on the weather girl before.
465
00:29:45,848 --> 00:29:48,351
I'll give her a hot front
466
00:29:48,476 --> 00:29:52,773
with great chances for a 69th. Oops.
467
00:29:55,943 --> 00:29:57,736
Would you like a hamburger for lunch?
468
00:29:58,821 --> 00:30:01,115
No, thanks. I just smashed a cone.
469
00:30:09,666 --> 00:30:13,878
Holy shit! The tag is gone!
What an entrepreneurial pig!
470
00:30:14,003 --> 00:30:18,634
You gave him one of ours
three last tags, you pucko.
471
00:30:18,759 --> 00:30:20,761
We give him a bad review.
472
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:26,517
Write: “You're going to have to pay, you bastard.
473
00:30:26,642 --> 00:30:29,146
You're the hater, Todd.
474
00:30:29,271 --> 00:30:32,315
Your frozen food dreams
can go to hell.
475
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:36,236
Do you even know what a "merkin" is?
It's a genital toupee.
476
00:30:36,319 --> 00:30:42,118
Live up to your name
and sit on a bald cock."
477
00:30:56,049 --> 00:31:01,054
The girl, Jay and Silent Bob have arrived!
478
00:31:01,472 --> 00:31:03,599
Holy shit!
479
00:31:05,477 --> 00:31:08,396
She was so happy to see me
that she fainted.
480
00:31:08,521 --> 00:31:09,939
Check!
481
00:31:10,064 --> 00:31:15,653
When she wakes up it will be:
"Son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod."
482
00:31:20,993 --> 00:31:22,745
Sleep, kid.
483
00:31:32,464 --> 00:31:33,715
Holy shit!
484
00:31:36,885 --> 00:31:39,930
-What the hell is this?
-What the hell is this?
485
00:31:40,305 --> 00:31:42,432
What are you doing here, Jay?
486
00:31:42,767 --> 00:31:44,602
I missed you, Boo Boo Kitty Fuck.
487
00:31:45,353 --> 00:31:47,396
You remembered it.
488
00:31:48,397 --> 00:31:51,317
-I've missed you too...
-Have you?
489
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,821
-...old friend.
-"Old friend"?
490
00:31:54,946 --> 00:31:56,448
I am a super friend
491
00:31:56,573 --> 00:32:01,954
who wants to enter the Hall of Justice.
492
00:32:02,079 --> 00:32:03,330
Sit down.
493
00:32:09,671 --> 00:32:10,755
Okay.
494
00:32:12,674 --> 00:32:13,967
I'm married, Jay.
495
00:32:15,135 --> 00:32:16,636
Are you married?
496
00:32:17,554 --> 00:32:20,056
-Yes.
-Us, then?
497
00:32:20,182 --> 00:32:23,602
"We"? You haven't heard
of you in 18 years.
498
00:32:23,727 --> 00:32:26,188
You didn't even say hello
on me in prison.
499
00:32:26,730 --> 00:32:29,024
They still hadn't let us fuck.
500
00:32:29,859 --> 00:32:32,153
Is that why you didn't visit?
501
00:32:33,905 --> 00:32:37,909
My God!
Me who thought you were mad at me.
502
00:32:38,368 --> 00:32:40,996
Why would I be?
503
00:32:41,371 --> 00:32:44,499
Because I never said
that I had a baby.
504
00:32:46,127 --> 00:32:48,296
Are you someone's mom now?
505
00:32:48,421 --> 00:32:50,214
Yes, stupid!
506
00:32:50,381 --> 00:32:55,887
I thought you would be angry
if you found out who the father was.
507
00:32:56,012 --> 00:32:59,183
Why, then? Who is the father?
Is it Silent Bob?
508
00:33:00,726 --> 00:33:02,144
No, Jay.
509
00:33:05,314 --> 00:33:06,565
That's you.
510
00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:21,664
Do I have a child?
511
00:33:22,123 --> 00:33:24,210
We have a daughter.
512
00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:28,255
Do I have a daughter?
Why didn't you tell me?
513
00:33:28,422 --> 00:33:30,299
We could have been a family.
514
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:32,468
A family?
515
00:33:33,677 --> 00:33:39,184
Jay, you are a great guy
and has a heart of gold.
516
00:33:39,309 --> 00:33:43,438
You have a screw loose,
but a heart of gold.
517
00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:47,526
The only thing you needed in life
was Silent Bob and…
518
00:33:48,361 --> 00:33:50,071
...a bag of goodies.
519
00:33:51,113 --> 00:33:55,076
But a child needs a home
and stability.
520
00:33:55,618 --> 00:33:57,745
I am stable.
521
00:33:57,870 --> 00:34:01,917
Sure... What are you doing here in Chicago?
522
00:34:02,042 --> 00:34:03,919
We're going to Hollywood
523
00:34:04,044 --> 00:34:07,464
to stop the pigs from
to make a film about us.
524
00:34:07,548 --> 00:34:08,799
That sounds familiar.
525
00:34:09,633 --> 00:34:10,884
Jay.
526
00:34:11,009 --> 00:34:14,972
You're a nice guy
and a fun point...
527
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,476
...but to be honest...
528
00:34:19,769 --> 00:34:22,689
...you wouldn't make a good father.
529
00:34:29,404 --> 00:34:31,490
But now you are here.
530
00:34:31,574 --> 00:34:34,076
You might want to meet the girl
531
00:34:34,201 --> 00:34:36,537
who floored you?
532
00:34:39,291 --> 00:34:41,668
I have said that her father
drugs before she was born
533
00:34:41,793 --> 00:34:43,712
so she doesn't know you're related.
534
00:34:43,837 --> 00:34:45,172
Let it remain so.
535
00:34:45,297 --> 00:34:47,674
You are not allowed to tell who you are.
536
00:34:47,799 --> 00:34:51,137
Promise me not to say anything.
537
00:34:51,262 --> 00:34:54,140
You don't have to tell me.
538
00:34:55,183 --> 00:34:58,895
Hold on now.
Now you will get to meet your love child.
539
00:35:06,153 --> 00:35:08,906
I think I want to see a dna sample.
540
00:35:09,031 --> 00:35:10,240
Hello?
541
00:35:10,991 --> 00:35:11,992
Mother!
542
00:35:12,075 --> 00:35:15,204
You would leave the pounds tied up
until the cop came.
543
00:35:15,788 --> 00:35:16,789
Okay.
544
00:35:17,624 --> 00:35:20,376
I didn't call the cop
and they are no pounders.
545
00:35:20,543 --> 00:35:24,047
They just look like that
because they are from New Jersey.
546
00:35:25,423 --> 00:35:30,137
This is my daughter
Millennium Faulken.
547
00:35:31,055 --> 00:35:33,140
Like inStar Wars.
548
00:35:33,265 --> 00:35:36,018
Milly, these are my old friends.
549
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:40,356
From a long time ago
in a galaxy far, far away.
550
00:35:40,481 --> 00:35:42,192
I was about to kill the old man.
551
00:35:42,901 --> 00:35:44,736
"The old man"?
552
00:35:46,571 --> 00:35:49,991
Do you have any names, right?
553
00:35:50,116 --> 00:35:52,494
My name is Jay and...
554
00:35:52,619 --> 00:35:57,208
My name is Ted Underhill.
This is my straight friend Mr. Taint.
555
00:35:57,333 --> 00:36:00,169
Straight friend? I have one like that too.
556
00:36:00,294 --> 00:36:03,297
This is my bestie Sopapilla.
557
00:36:04,340 --> 00:36:07,052
¿Cómo estás, Soapy Penis?
558
00:36:07,177 --> 00:36:09,304
Her name is Sopapilla.
559
00:36:11,390 --> 00:36:13,517
Say hello to mom's…
560
00:36:14,351 --> 00:36:19,315
...culturally insensitive
and nasty friends.
561
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,192
Millennium!
562
00:36:21,651 --> 00:36:24,279
They look like pounders.
563
00:36:25,613 --> 00:36:29,325
It's like seeing
your favorite movie Quiet Place.
564
00:36:33,330 --> 00:36:37,084
Excuse me. Like seeing the one you like
second most. Shape of Water.
565
00:36:37,418 --> 00:36:38,711
My mistake.
566
00:36:39,336 --> 00:36:43,215
How could you let in
so blown people in the house?
567
00:36:43,925 --> 00:36:44,968
Can they go now?
568
00:36:45,093 --> 00:36:48,180
Ted and Mr. Taint
just wanted to see you, Milly.
569
00:36:48,305 --> 00:36:51,433
They are on their way to California.
570
00:36:52,142 --> 00:36:54,102
California?
571
00:36:54,811 --> 00:36:55,812
Pounder?
572
00:36:57,690 --> 00:37:02,236
-Where are you going in California?
-A convention in Hollywood.
573
00:37:02,361 --> 00:37:04,947
Holy shit! Chronic-Con?
574
00:37:05,281 --> 00:37:06,407
Take care of your language!
575
00:37:07,074 --> 00:37:09,661
- Reggie is here.
-What the hell is Reggie?
576
00:37:09,786 --> 00:37:11,705
My better half.
577
00:37:12,206 --> 00:37:13,540
love you
578
00:37:13,665 --> 00:37:16,293
We call
when we have landed in Machu Picchu.
579
00:37:16,418 --> 00:37:18,212
There's $200 in the fridge.
580
00:37:19,421 --> 00:37:22,050
Then say hello to Mr. Underhill.
581
00:37:24,844 --> 00:37:27,180
Goodbye forever, the pounder.
582
00:37:27,722 --> 00:37:30,266
They were cool to meet you.
583
00:37:31,810 --> 00:37:33,561
Okay... I have to go.
584
00:37:33,687 --> 00:37:35,689
Now we go.
585
00:37:36,065 --> 00:37:38,025
-Love you.
-Love you.
586
00:37:39,193 --> 00:37:43,072
Now I have met my kid.
Shall I meet your husband now?
587
00:37:43,197 --> 00:37:45,699
No, not my husband.
588
00:37:46,827 --> 00:37:49,162
Jessie! Now we go.
589
00:37:49,287 --> 00:37:53,583
-You know I hate O'Hare.
-But first...
590
00:37:53,708 --> 00:37:55,168
Who are they?
591
00:37:55,502 --> 00:37:59,549
This is Reggie Faulken. My wife.
592
00:38:00,883 --> 00:38:03,177
Holy shit!
Have you married a lady?
593
00:38:04,011 --> 00:38:06,556
A lady. I like him.
594
00:38:06,722 --> 00:38:12,396
Reggie, this is Jay and Silent Bob.
595
00:38:14,064 --> 00:38:16,483
-Oh my God! Is that him?
-Yes.
596
00:38:18,235 --> 00:38:20,946
Is it Mr Komsnabbt Pyttepenis?
597
00:38:24,325 --> 00:38:26,619
I never believed
that I could meet you.
598
00:38:26,744 --> 00:38:28,580
You are a living legend.
599
00:38:29,330 --> 00:38:32,167
-Why then?
-For all the wrong reasons.
600
00:38:37,298 --> 00:38:39,133
Look in on the way home.
601
00:38:40,176 --> 00:38:43,554
You might be able to hang out with Millie
before you go home to Jersey.
602
00:38:52,856 --> 00:38:57,194
Last time we were in Chicago
we didn't find Sherman in Illinois.
603
00:38:57,319 --> 00:39:01,031
Now I didn't get to fuck
because my ex has a wife.
604
00:39:01,156 --> 00:39:04,785
I'm tired of Chicago. Now we leave.
605
00:39:06,496 --> 00:39:08,206
Hello.
606
00:39:09,457 --> 00:39:14,171
We have just met,
but it feels like i know you.
607
00:39:15,839 --> 00:39:18,091
Enough for
to ask you for a favor.
608
00:39:18,425 --> 00:39:20,010
A service?
609
00:39:22,804 --> 00:39:23,931
Wait a little.
610
00:39:24,473 --> 00:39:28,061
Now I get the chance
to be a real father.
611
00:39:29,812 --> 00:39:30,939
Okay, what about it?
612
00:39:31,898 --> 00:39:37,153
Can we come with you to Hollywood?
613
00:39:37,654 --> 00:39:38,655
Hell, either!
614
00:39:38,822 --> 00:39:41,700
I cannot bring private school girls
to Hollyweird.
615
00:39:41,826 --> 00:39:43,869
It's a tough neighborhood.
616
00:39:45,955 --> 00:39:47,498
He said no.
617
00:39:53,296 --> 00:39:55,590
Then I get to use the hard gloves.
618
00:39:55,715 --> 00:39:57,175
Take us to Hollywood
619
00:39:57,300 --> 00:40:00,512
otherwise I'll stab you
on my goddamn lawn!
620
00:40:00,637 --> 00:40:03,348
I tell the cop
that it was self-defense
621
00:40:03,473 --> 00:40:05,434
because you tried to break into
622
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:08,521
Chicago's Beloved,
lesbian weather girl's house.
623
00:40:09,230 --> 00:40:12,608
I will get away, you will die.
624
00:40:12,733 --> 00:40:16,989
Take out your cell phone,
open your little damn app
625
00:40:17,114 --> 00:40:19,908
and order a car to Hollywood
on live!
626
00:40:25,539 --> 00:40:27,666
You can't threaten people like that.
627
00:40:28,083 --> 00:40:31,546
You shouldn't tell me.
You are not my father.
628
00:40:43,475 --> 00:40:46,937
Why does the deaf get to be a DJ,
but not me?
629
00:40:47,062 --> 00:40:50,900
Soapy has good taste in music.
You're a fucking dick.
630
00:40:51,025 --> 00:40:54,028
Huh? She doesn't even know what a dildo is.
631
00:40:55,113 --> 00:40:58,408
I have two dildos and a strapon.
Yes, I know that.
632
00:40:58,533 --> 00:41:02,454
You can't say "strapon" in public!
You are just the child.
633
00:41:02,579 --> 00:41:04,831
Are you going to be as disruptive all the way?
634
00:41:04,956 --> 00:41:09,003
In that case
I'm going to smoke some of this.
635
00:41:09,128 --> 00:41:10,755
That's great!
636
00:41:11,047 --> 00:41:12,757
- That's right.
-Where did you get it from?
637
00:41:12,924 --> 00:41:14,967
-From her.
-Where did she get it from?
638
00:41:15,092 --> 00:41:16,636
Soapy lives in a collective in Oregon
639
00:41:16,761 --> 00:41:19,055
where deaf people grow quality braja.
640
00:41:19,598 --> 00:41:21,517
Do deaf people know how to grow braja?
641
00:41:21,850 --> 00:41:23,727
How old are you, really?
642
00:41:23,852 --> 00:41:25,187
How old are you yourself?
643
00:41:25,312 --> 00:41:26,355
18.
644
00:41:26,438 --> 00:41:28,732
You can't smoke weed when you're 18.
645
00:41:28,857 --> 00:41:30,734
Yeah, check.
646
00:41:32,779 --> 00:41:35,240
-You will break it!
-Don't touch my tag!
647
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:41,079
This is my taxi
and I pay for it.
648
00:41:41,371 --> 00:41:42,997
Put away the braai
649
00:41:43,122 --> 00:41:46,126
otherwise I'll throw you away.
650
00:41:47,962 --> 00:41:49,964
-Okay.
- It was better.
651
00:41:50,089 --> 00:41:52,883
You are a child. Eat sweets instead.
652
00:41:53,300 --> 00:41:54,301
Okay.
653
00:41:55,803 --> 00:41:59,099
-Satisfied?
-Chocolate. Much better.
654
00:41:59,224 --> 00:42:01,309
Much better than good
for a little girl.
655
00:42:01,434 --> 00:42:05,355
-So? Do you want?
-Yes, I love sugar.
656
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:14,615
Aren't you going to eat some chocolate?
657
00:42:14,740 --> 00:42:18,411
No, I'm smoking my shit.
I don't eat it.
658
00:42:20,454 --> 00:42:21,747
A Punch Bar?
659
00:42:22,833 --> 00:42:24,334
Is the chocolate okay?
660
00:42:25,294 --> 00:42:27,087
She has poisoned us!
661
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:32,259
It is not poison, but strong. You ate...
662
00:42:33,343 --> 00:42:35,680
...50 times the recommended dose.
663
00:42:36,556 --> 00:42:39,267
The vomit will die.
664
00:42:41,227 --> 00:42:43,521
No, no, no... Calm down now.
665
00:42:43,646 --> 00:42:45,899
Don't you think we're eating edible braja?
666
00:42:46,024 --> 00:42:48,861
Don't you think we're eating chocolate chip cookies?
667
00:42:49,028 --> 00:42:50,070
You are wrong.
668
00:42:50,446 --> 00:42:54,950
Surely they are incredible?
Edible is nothing.
669
00:43:01,333 --> 00:43:02,959
Do you have grass?
670
00:43:03,084 --> 00:43:04,878
Are you doing well?
671
00:43:05,670 --> 00:43:06,922
You can give a fuck about that!
672
00:43:07,047 --> 00:43:10,383
Holy shit! It's Method and Red.
673
00:43:10,717 --> 00:43:12,220
We have visitors.
674
00:43:12,345 --> 00:43:16,349
My name is Jay. This is
my heteropolar Silent Bob.
675
00:43:16,474 --> 00:43:18,434
Silent Bob?
676
00:43:18,559 --> 00:43:21,270
Is that your rap name?
677
00:43:21,395 --> 00:43:23,898
We came here for advice.
678
00:43:24,273 --> 00:43:28,362
Me and Red have a lot of experience.
679
00:43:28,487 --> 00:43:31,823
You can ask me anything.
680
00:43:31,949 --> 00:43:35,118
All right, master of brajan.
681
00:43:35,244 --> 00:43:40,500
I found out I have a kid,
who then gave us hash chocolate.
682
00:43:40,625 --> 00:43:45,088
My advice is…
Do you have a kid who turned you on...
683
00:43:45,755 --> 00:43:48,466
Get another one just like it.
684
00:43:48,591 --> 00:43:49,759
A similar one.
685
00:43:49,885 --> 00:43:51,720
I don't know what a father should be like.
686
00:43:51,846 --> 00:43:53,097
I never got to know my own
687
00:43:53,180 --> 00:43:55,182
and don't know how fathers should be.
688
00:43:55,307 --> 00:43:57,726
Purely philosophical...
689
00:43:58,811 --> 00:44:02,983
You don't become a father just because
that you become a father. Or how?
690
00:44:03,108 --> 00:44:09,239
Guys, anyone
that has sperm...
691
00:44:10,949 --> 00:44:12,325
...can become a father.
692
00:44:12,701 --> 00:44:15,454
But to become a father
love is required. Are you a shark?
693
00:44:15,580 --> 00:44:17,164
You can't talk love
694
00:44:17,290 --> 00:44:18,833
when you spread sperm around you.
695
00:44:18,958 --> 00:44:21,294
- It's inappropriate.
-Damn it...
696
00:44:21,419 --> 00:44:23,421
Do you want to be a good father?
697
00:44:23,754 --> 00:44:27,926
Then think of all the twisted shit
698
00:44:28,051 --> 00:44:30,971
that your father had for himself.
699
00:44:31,138 --> 00:44:34,057
Then you do the opposite. Are you a shark?
700
00:44:34,183 --> 00:44:37,019
- I never met my father.
-But you have met your kid.
701
00:44:39,229 --> 00:44:40,607
There you see.
702
00:44:40,732 --> 00:44:43,943
You are already a better father
than your own father was.
703
00:44:44,444 --> 00:44:48,031
Go to hell now. Get going.
704
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:49,240
Get going.
705
00:44:49,407 --> 00:44:50,491
Away.
706
00:44:50,575 --> 00:44:51,576
Away.
707
00:44:51,701 --> 00:44:52,703
Away.
708
00:44:52,828 --> 00:44:55,164
Away.
709
00:45:09,221 --> 00:45:10,931
Jeez...
710
00:45:11,723 --> 00:45:14,643
Imagine if someone had seen us.
711
00:45:14,768 --> 00:45:16,019
I saw you.
712
00:45:17,020 --> 00:45:18,606
I post it on Instagram.
713
00:45:19,607 --> 00:45:22,360
714
00:45:22,485 --> 00:45:25,112
-A terrorist!
-Where then?
715
00:45:25,446 --> 00:45:27,949
She is not a terrorist.
716
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:32,329
But her name is Jihad. Believe what you want.
717
00:45:34,289 --> 00:45:35,707
It sounded like baby talk.
718
00:45:35,999 --> 00:45:38,210
I was just talking, baby.
719
00:45:38,293 --> 00:45:40,379
He is enough
the oldest I've ever met.
720
00:45:40,504 --> 00:45:41,672
How old are the pigs?
721
00:45:41,797 --> 00:45:44,133
I think they lived in the 90s.
722
00:45:44,259 --> 00:45:47,470
Put off. Back then there wasn't even the internet.
723
00:45:47,595 --> 00:45:49,556
Jihad, that was before
they built the pyramids.
724
00:45:50,098 --> 00:45:51,933
Jihad? The name sounds familiar.
725
00:45:52,058 --> 00:45:53,268
If you mess with us
726
00:45:53,393 --> 00:45:56,355
shall I bury you, Underhill.
727
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,566
Do all girls have knives these days?
728
00:45:58,691 --> 00:46:02,319
In a world full of vomit, that helps
one to get his message across.
729
00:46:02,444 --> 00:46:04,655
If you didn't want to
that your daughter carried a knife?
730
00:46:04,780 --> 00:46:05,823
Hell yes!
731
00:46:05,948 --> 00:46:09,953
No. I have a daughter
and she scared me when she pulled a knife.
732
00:46:15,917 --> 00:46:17,752
What is this scary Ring shit?
733
00:46:18,795 --> 00:46:22,258
Shan Yu is not scary at all.
She comes from China.
734
00:46:22,383 --> 00:46:24,260
We picked her up in Missouri.
735
00:46:24,385 --> 00:46:25,970
Where the hell are we now?
736
00:46:26,095 --> 00:46:27,638
Outside of New Orleans.
737
00:46:27,763 --> 00:46:31,058
-Are we in Connecticut?
-It's Louisiana! My God!
738
00:46:31,392 --> 00:46:33,270
Louisia... How long did I sleep?
739
00:46:33,353 --> 00:46:35,522
18 hours.
740
00:46:35,647 --> 00:46:37,274
I told you the edible was strong.
741
00:46:37,566 --> 00:46:40,736
Why didn't you wake me up?
Now we never make it to Hollywood.
742
00:46:46,618 --> 00:46:47,827
What the hell...
743
00:46:47,952 --> 00:46:51,080
Shan Yu records all conversations
to his podcast
744
00:46:51,206 --> 00:46:54,959
which she uses to portray
life in the US for listeners in China.
745
00:46:55,084 --> 00:46:58,505
The podcast is called America's luxury problem.
746
00:46:58,631 --> 00:47:02,384
Shan Yu understands English,
but cannot speak it.
747
00:47:03,093 --> 00:47:05,304
Like you, sort of.
748
00:47:09,225 --> 00:47:11,144
Where the hell is the car?
749
00:47:11,311 --> 00:47:15,106
Now we are six
and need a bigger cart.
750
00:47:15,232 --> 00:47:16,358
We can get a van.
751
00:47:16,483 --> 00:47:19,819
A van in the middle of nowhere?
752
00:47:20,111 --> 00:47:22,489
Thanks to Operation Predator.
753
00:47:25,451 --> 00:47:27,537
Take your seats.
754
00:47:42,636 --> 00:47:46,348
What the hell is Operation Predator?
755
00:47:48,977 --> 00:47:51,187
This.
756
00:47:51,354 --> 00:47:54,065
Phase one: Millennium took nude selfies.
757
00:47:54,190 --> 00:47:56,985
-No!
-Yes. Phase two:
758
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,863
Millennium posted them on pedophile sites.
759
00:47:59,988 --> 00:48:02,449
-Why then?
-For phase three.
760
00:48:02,575 --> 00:48:04,869
Millennium asked an interested pedophile
by van
761
00:48:04,994 --> 00:48:07,496
to meet her here
for a free ride.
762
00:48:07,621 --> 00:48:08,747
Free ride?
763
00:48:11,667 --> 00:48:13,753
What a costume!
764
00:48:13,879 --> 00:48:16,673
Thanks! Do you like it?
Have you seen "In the middle of the plate"?
765
00:48:16,798 --> 00:48:18,717
-No.
-The great Dom DeLuise?
766
00:48:18,842 --> 00:48:22,137
-No.
-It exploded immediately.
767
00:48:22,262 --> 00:48:24,764
You are quite silly
for being a pedophile.
768
00:48:28,978 --> 00:48:31,147
You pedophile pig!
769
00:48:36,569 --> 00:48:39,781
How the hell can you get into a car
with a guy like that?
770
00:48:39,907 --> 00:48:41,408
I thought: Phase four.
771
00:48:43,493 --> 00:48:46,914
Ted Underhill fucks the pedophile
and we snort the van.
772
00:48:54,255 --> 00:48:56,299
What if I don't
had arrived in time.
773
00:48:56,424 --> 00:48:59,510
You know what I can do
with a hockey stick.
774
00:48:59,636 --> 00:49:01,304
You grew up in a big house
775
00:49:01,429 --> 00:49:03,515
in a nice neighborhood
and went to private school.
776
00:49:03,641 --> 00:49:06,435
You have no idea how
dangerous people can be.
777
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,813
No. In Syria touched
a boy my nipple
778
00:49:09,939 --> 00:49:12,066
and told everyone.
779
00:49:12,191 --> 00:49:13,609
I said "dangerous".
780
00:49:13,734 --> 00:49:16,696
I didn't mean guys who paw.
781
00:49:16,821 --> 00:49:18,448
When my brother found out
782
00:49:18,573 --> 00:49:21,952
he tried to choke me for
that I had embarrassed the family.
783
00:49:23,537 --> 00:49:25,330
Mom sent me to the US.
784
00:49:31,379 --> 00:49:33,798
Your brother can go to hell!
785
00:49:33,923 --> 00:49:35,508
If someone tried to choke me
786
00:49:35,633 --> 00:49:38,261
I had sent him
to Asgard where Thor lives.
787
00:49:39,136 --> 00:49:43,058
-No. Tor lives in my dreams.
-In mine too.
788
00:49:43,183 --> 00:49:46,311
I dream about fucking
Chris Hemsworth every night.
789
00:49:46,478 --> 00:49:49,940
Holy shit!
Don't put such words in your mouth!
790
00:49:50,065 --> 00:49:52,901
I would like to use my mouth
at Hemsworth.
791
00:49:53,235 --> 00:49:57,907
Yes... "Let me taste the hammer,
Son of Odin."
792
00:49:58,032 --> 00:50:00,577
“Put it in my hands for
to see if I am worthy."
793
00:50:00,994 --> 00:50:04,080
-Stop!
-I never stop.
794
00:50:04,205 --> 00:50:07,001
I would fuck Hemsworth
until I became Thor.
795
00:50:07,126 --> 00:50:08,335
Huh?
796
00:50:09,295 --> 00:50:11,422
Hi. Welcome to Mooby's.
797
00:50:11,547 --> 00:50:15,050
-Six cow rollers, please.
- We are vegans.
798
00:50:15,175 --> 00:50:18,053
One cow roller, five milk.
799
00:50:18,512 --> 00:50:20,265
We are vegans!
800
00:50:20,599 --> 00:50:23,810
Give me something without meat,
are you kind Hell!
801
00:50:36,908 --> 00:50:38,993
Stop being so fucking creepy.
802
00:50:39,744 --> 00:50:42,872
Underhill, show our guests of honor
little respect.
803
00:50:42,997 --> 00:50:46,168
We do this
for Shan Yu's sake, Mr. Underhill.
804
00:50:46,293 --> 00:50:49,171
Operation Predator?
805
00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:51,757
No, you idiot. That mission is over.
806
00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:54,885
-Now we have started with the next one.
- Let me see.
807
00:50:58,097 --> 00:50:59,098
No.
808
00:50:59,224 --> 00:51:01,976
You are ungrateful considering
that you need my help.
809
00:51:03,895 --> 00:51:05,605
Your help?
810
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:07,273
Do you really believe
811
00:51:07,398 --> 00:51:11,403
we hoped that two pensioners
would take us to Hollywood?
812
00:51:11,779 --> 00:51:14,198
We had planned to steal mom's car.
813
00:51:14,323 --> 00:51:16,700
We have been planning the mission for months.
814
00:51:16,825 --> 00:51:21,163
Holy shit! You are international
diamond thieves, huh?
815
00:51:23,333 --> 00:51:27,128
Sorry? Diamond thieves?
816
00:51:27,254 --> 00:51:29,005
Yes, when I met your mother
817
00:51:29,130 --> 00:51:32,676
was her and her friends
animal rights activists.
818
00:51:32,801 --> 00:51:35,263
Then they became diamond thieves
819
00:51:35,388 --> 00:51:37,974
with tight overalls under the clothes.
820
00:51:38,182 --> 00:51:40,851
Do any of you have tight overalls?
under clothes?
821
00:51:43,020 --> 00:51:46,065
Okay... I don't know anything about that
822
00:51:46,190 --> 00:51:49,194
but i know
that I am not at all like my mother.
823
00:51:49,319 --> 00:51:53,699
You sure are.
You are like a rebooted Justice.
824
00:51:53,824 --> 00:51:55,867
You probably mean "newly recorded".
825
00:51:56,451 --> 00:51:59,163
No, a rebooted one.
826
00:51:59,289 --> 00:52:02,166
Someone took all that me
like at your mother's
827
00:52:02,292 --> 00:52:05,420
changed it a bit,
so I pay for it once more
828
00:52:05,545 --> 00:52:08,006
and then added youth and diversity.
829
00:52:08,131 --> 00:52:13,220
We won't leave until you tell us
what you're going to do in Hollywood.
830
00:52:13,721 --> 00:52:14,763
Okay.
831
00:52:16,098 --> 00:52:18,517
Shan Yu only has one week left
on their visa.
832
00:52:18,642 --> 00:52:21,353
Then her mother takes
with her to China again.
833
00:52:21,478 --> 00:52:24,232
-So what?
-You scrotum!
834
00:52:24,941 --> 00:52:28,987
She loves the old one
The Bluntman and Chronic movie.
835
00:52:29,279 --> 00:52:30,447
Bluntman.
836
00:52:31,531 --> 00:52:34,200
She wanted to go
at Chronic-Con for years.
837
00:52:34,326 --> 00:52:37,121
This is why the assignment is so important.
838
00:52:37,246 --> 00:52:39,749
So important that a top student
839
00:52:39,874 --> 00:52:42,251
risking their future?
840
00:52:43,794 --> 00:52:45,338
You sound like mom.
841
00:52:45,463 --> 00:52:46,881
Maybe it's because I'm…
842
00:52:47,173 --> 00:52:49,468
That I think your mother is right.
843
00:52:49,593 --> 00:52:53,138
I did stupid things when I was young,
but I did them with Si…
844
00:52:53,263 --> 00:52:54,389
...Mr Taint here.
845
00:52:54,514 --> 00:52:56,600
Not with a bunch I don't know.
846
00:52:56,725 --> 00:52:58,936
I know the girls.
847
00:52:59,061 --> 00:53:02,982
How did you meet a deaf, a Muslim
whose brother tried to kill her
848
00:53:03,107 --> 00:53:05,610
and a Chinese I do not
even know where she comes from
849
00:53:05,735 --> 00:53:06,986
but she is scum.
850
00:53:07,862 --> 00:53:09,948
You're the only normal one here.
851
00:53:10,073 --> 00:53:12,700
Stick and burn! You don't know me.
852
00:53:12,784 --> 00:53:14,453
I have seen your life.
853
00:53:14,578 --> 00:53:17,081
You have two mothers
and lives in a nice house.
854
00:53:17,206 --> 00:53:18,958
You are not twisted like them.
855
00:53:19,083 --> 00:53:21,961
I know them
because I'm just as twisted.
856
00:53:22,086 --> 00:53:24,713
In what way then?
857
00:53:29,344 --> 00:53:31,721
We met in an online support group.
858
00:53:32,556 --> 00:53:33,890
For what then?
859
00:53:37,227 --> 00:53:39,480
For girls
who have never met their fathers.
860
00:53:42,233 --> 00:53:44,151
We don't know who our fathers are.
861
00:53:44,277 --> 00:53:47,113
They left before we were born.
862
00:53:50,116 --> 00:53:52,744
You don't need fathers!
863
00:53:52,869 --> 00:53:55,497
I had none and I turned out just fine.
864
00:53:55,622 --> 00:53:56,999
No, you weren't.
865
00:53:58,500 --> 00:54:00,210
If you never had a father
866
00:54:00,335 --> 00:54:05,341
should you know it's never okay.
Never ever.
867
00:54:06,509 --> 00:54:10,597
You are always haunted by
a question that cannot be answered.
868
00:54:12,015 --> 00:54:15,143
Why didn't you love me enough for
to stay?
869
00:54:21,901 --> 00:54:25,863
I knew your father a little.
You're better off without him.
870
00:54:27,907 --> 00:54:29,367
The guy is a pig.
871
00:54:32,579 --> 00:54:34,247
There's someone on the roof!
872
00:54:40,128 --> 00:54:45,176
-Merkin! What the hell are you doing?
-Hate Totz filled with hate!
873
00:54:45,301 --> 00:54:48,304
With hate!
874
00:54:48,429 --> 00:54:51,182
They got me with your braja!
875
00:54:51,307 --> 00:54:54,185
You didn't tip me,
terrible reviews...
876
00:54:54,561 --> 00:54:57,814
What is this? “Your dreams
if frozen food can go to hell."
877
00:54:57,940 --> 00:55:00,734
It was shitty!
878
00:55:00,859 --> 00:55:03,528
"Do you even know what a 'merkin' is?"
Yes, I do.
879
00:55:03,654 --> 00:55:05,197
It's a genital toupee.
880
00:55:05,489 --> 00:55:07,951
"Sit on a bald cock."
Who wrote it?
881
00:55:08,076 --> 00:55:10,828
Did you think it was funny?
882
00:55:10,912 --> 00:55:16,251
I'm tired of losing!
You can go to hell!
883
00:55:16,376 --> 00:55:21,674
No one should get Todd Merkinsky
to look like an idiot again.
884
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:24,385
Sleep...
885
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,771
They stick without paying!
886
00:55:42,946 --> 00:55:46,492
Phase Four: "Dump the old fags."
What the hell...
887
00:55:46,617 --> 00:55:49,078
We snoop Merkin's car!
888
00:55:51,372 --> 00:55:54,959
We've been driving for hours.
Where the hell did they go?
889
00:55:55,626 --> 00:55:56,877
BAJAMAS
890
00:56:04,469 --> 00:56:07,889
You can't screw up now.
We have to find the girls.
891
00:56:22,489 --> 00:56:24,199
We need light.
892
00:56:30,623 --> 00:56:34,794
It's the damn clan!
They screw up everything.
893
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:38,924
If you distract the racist pig,
should I immobilize the car.
894
00:56:47,350 --> 00:56:48,684
Peekaboo!
895
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:50,937
Guys.
896
00:56:51,020 --> 00:56:53,022
It's always just as fun.
897
00:56:53,147 --> 00:56:54,815
Speaking of fun...
898
00:56:54,941 --> 00:56:59,111
If you stay to the end,
we offer Hater Totz!
899
00:56:59,237 --> 00:57:00,822
Yes!
900
00:57:00,948 --> 00:57:04,534
Hates Totz! Everyone likes Hater Totz.
901
00:57:04,660 --> 00:57:08,664
Check out the intruders we found.
902
00:57:09,081 --> 00:57:11,792
You know what we do with intruders, right?
903
00:57:11,959 --> 00:57:14,128
- Do you like it?
-Yes.
904
00:57:14,254 --> 00:57:16,965
- Do you like it?
-Yes.
905
00:57:17,298 --> 00:57:21,219
- Do you like it?
-Yes!
906
00:57:21,594 --> 00:57:22,971
I like it.
907
00:57:26,809 --> 00:57:28,644
Shut up, everyone.
908
00:57:30,562 --> 00:57:32,982
What are you talking about?
909
00:57:33,065 --> 00:57:35,985
What are you whining about? Are these all?
910
00:57:36,819 --> 00:57:38,238
Who the hell are you?
911
00:57:38,363 --> 00:57:42,576
I drive anyway.
Can we talk about something important?
912
00:57:44,995 --> 00:57:48,290
Put down the pitchfork!
913
00:57:55,631 --> 00:57:59,343
High forks are exclusive
for clan members.
914
00:57:59,468 --> 00:58:01,304
Where are you from?
915
00:58:01,554 --> 00:58:05,642
From the center.
I'm here for Mitch and Murray.
916
00:58:05,767 --> 00:58:08,395
I am here
on a mission of mercy!
917
00:58:10,022 --> 00:58:12,566
- Is your name Legree?
-Yes.
918
00:58:12,691 --> 00:58:14,860
You call yourself a clan member, you bastard?
919
00:58:15,027 --> 00:58:16,529
We don't have to listen
on such nonsense!
920
00:58:16,654 --> 00:58:20,158
No. The good news is
that you get fired.
921
00:58:20,283 --> 00:58:22,368
The bad news is
922
00:58:22,493 --> 00:58:25,872
that you only have one week
to get your jobs back.
923
00:58:26,039 --> 00:58:30,127
Starting with tonight's session.
924
00:58:30,419 --> 00:58:34,924
-What's your name?
- Go to hell, my name is.
925
00:58:39,887 --> 00:58:42,140
T, A, S
926
00:58:42,265 --> 00:58:45,310
T - take, A - always, S - protection.
927
00:58:45,435 --> 00:58:50,523
Always take cover.
928
00:58:50,649 --> 00:58:54,487
Okay, I'll cut. Take cover for what then?
929
00:58:58,866 --> 00:59:00,326
Come on!
930
00:59:00,493 --> 00:59:03,412
-Kill the racist pig!
-Hold on!
931
00:59:11,213 --> 00:59:14,549
Who's crazy now, you mutts?
932
00:59:17,845 --> 00:59:20,306
Who are Mitch and Murray?
933
00:59:52,048 --> 00:59:55,176
Holy crap... We made it.
934
00:59:55,302 --> 00:59:57,388
No, we made it.
935
01:00:00,308 --> 01:00:01,517
You slept.
936
01:00:04,729 --> 01:00:07,148
Thank you, Mr. Underhill.
937
01:00:07,273 --> 01:00:13,030
Not because you saved us
but because you helped us here.
938
01:00:13,155 --> 01:00:15,198
Technically, you forced me.
939
01:00:15,532 --> 01:00:17,242
For a good cause.
940
01:00:17,367 --> 01:00:19,620
If your dreams come true,
was it worth it.
941
01:00:20,872 --> 01:00:23,708
Chronic-Con is Shan Yu's dream.
942
01:00:24,208 --> 01:00:26,836
My dream is more difficult to realize.
943
01:00:28,379 --> 01:00:32,508
It's stupid, especially considering
that you said the guy is a puke...
944
01:00:34,011 --> 01:00:36,597
...but I've always dreamed of
to meet my father.
945
01:00:37,431 --> 01:00:40,059
Just hanging out.
946
01:00:40,935 --> 01:00:43,187
Nothing grand.
947
01:00:44,355 --> 01:00:47,484
Just have a coffee or something.
948
01:00:47,859 --> 01:00:53,198
He can talk to me like a father,
learn dad stuff.
949
01:00:58,663 --> 01:01:00,247
This is embarrassing.
950
01:01:00,373 --> 01:01:04,502
It sounds enough
like the dumbest thing you've ever heard.
951
01:01:11,551 --> 01:01:14,221
I know something that no one else knows.
952
01:01:14,346 --> 01:01:18,225
God looks just right
like Alanis Morissette.
953
01:01:19,768 --> 01:01:21,061
I must have been wrong.
954
01:01:34,951 --> 01:01:37,246
WELCOME TO CHRONIC-CON
955
01:02:03,858 --> 01:02:06,527
Why are you dressed like everyone else?
956
01:02:06,652 --> 01:02:09,697
They are dressed like us.
957
01:02:25,631 --> 01:02:27,383
Happy Chronic-Con!
958
01:02:30,136 --> 01:02:35,016
I like your outfits! Yes!
Silent Jay, I like it.
959
01:02:35,141 --> 01:02:37,602
Hello. My name is Kuish.
960
01:02:38,186 --> 01:02:41,690
Are you girls looking for
961
01:02:41,815 --> 01:02:46,445
some delicious
Bluntman and Chronic stuff?
962
01:02:46,570 --> 01:02:49,740
We have
Bluntman and Chronic - Funko Pops.
963
01:02:49,865 --> 01:02:53,328
Bluntman and Chronic action figures.
964
01:02:53,453 --> 01:02:55,538
Has your mother or father just died?
965
01:02:56,873 --> 01:03:00,335
We have a Bluntman and Chronic urn.
Cream and add them.
966
01:03:01,211 --> 01:03:02,754
Check it out here.
967
01:03:02,879 --> 01:03:07,468
Show your pride
with our exclusive and inclusive
968
01:03:07,593 --> 01:03:12,932
B and C LGBTQ t-shirt. Check it out.
969
01:03:13,057 --> 01:03:14,850
SNOOCHIE BOOCHIES
andamp; EQUALITY
970
01:03:19,856 --> 01:03:22,109
CELEBRITY HOLOGRAMS
971
01:03:23,735 --> 01:03:25,862
PRESS HERE
972
01:03:35,039 --> 01:03:37,375
Earn. My name is Chris Hemsworth.
973
01:03:37,458 --> 01:03:41,964
I have been paid to welcome
er to the tenth Chronic-Con.
974
01:03:42,089 --> 01:03:45,175
Welcome. I am not
the real Chris Hemsworth.
975
01:03:45,301 --> 01:03:47,011
I'm just a hologram.
976
01:03:47,136 --> 01:03:50,389
Please take selfies with my hologram
977
01:03:50,472 --> 01:03:53,267
but leave it...
Unbelievable that I have to say this.
978
01:03:53,392 --> 01:03:56,396
...to lean against the hologram.
You're burning your dick off
979
01:03:56,479 --> 01:04:00,567
or whatever it is you're yucking with,
then don't do it.
980
01:04:00,692 --> 01:04:04,112
Don't suck the hologram either.
You can burn yourselves.
981
01:04:04,237 --> 01:04:06,198
Don't record yourself talking
982
01:04:06,324 --> 01:04:08,784
with the hologram,
as if you were talking to me.
983
01:04:08,909 --> 01:04:12,079
"I'll bend you until you become Thor."
984
01:04:12,204 --> 01:04:14,582
Only my wife can objectify me like that.
985
01:04:14,707 --> 01:04:17,335
Then I have no choice,
but I have now, so let it be.
986
01:04:17,460 --> 01:04:20,922
If you are looking for the celebrity guests,
take left.
987
01:04:21,506 --> 01:04:24,259
If you want to be an extra
in the new movie, take a right.
988
01:04:24,426 --> 01:04:27,763
Hope you have fun
at this year's Chronic-Con...
989
01:04:27,888 --> 01:04:31,351
...because you are worth it.
990
01:04:34,771 --> 01:04:38,149
We have come a long way. Now we drive.
991
01:04:44,531 --> 01:04:45,532
Yo!
992
01:04:47,201 --> 01:04:49,036
Where the hell are you going?
993
01:04:49,161 --> 01:04:51,956
We came here so Shan Yu
could become an extra
994
01:04:52,081 --> 01:04:55,334
in the new reboot and that's it.
995
01:04:55,459 --> 01:04:59,464
We came here to stop the reboot.
996
01:04:59,589 --> 01:05:02,050
All the celebrities are here.
997
01:05:02,175 --> 01:05:03,969
Stop the reboot? Why?
998
01:05:04,260 --> 01:05:08,348
It's a long story,
but we're going to kick the crap out of Kevin James.
999
01:05:08,891 --> 01:05:11,018
Kevin can wait.
1000
01:05:11,477 --> 01:05:14,021
What we do here is very important.
1001
01:05:14,146 --> 01:05:18,276
Stopping this movie is
most important thing we will ever do.
1002
01:05:18,401 --> 01:05:19,819
Again.
1003
01:05:25,075 --> 01:05:28,120
I have risked everything
to come here
1004
01:05:28,537 --> 01:05:31,999
but it's all worth it
if Shan Yu gets to be in the reboot.
1005
01:05:32,124 --> 01:05:36,337
I guess we can say goodbye here.
1006
01:05:37,088 --> 01:05:39,507
No, wait a minute.
1007
01:05:43,636 --> 01:05:44,971
This...
1008
01:05:45,722 --> 01:05:47,641
This is my legacy.
1009
01:05:47,766 --> 01:05:52,563
It's the last one we have left
and I want you to have it.
1010
01:05:52,688 --> 01:05:54,440
In memory of me.
1011
01:05:55,566 --> 01:05:57,901
When you smoke it
you won't remember a shit
1012
01:05:58,027 --> 01:06:01,531
so save it for a festive moment.
1013
01:06:23,554 --> 01:06:27,017
I don't know much...
1014
01:06:27,809 --> 01:06:29,645
...but I know this.
1015
01:06:30,270 --> 01:06:32,147
You're a damn pretty girl
1016
01:06:32,272 --> 01:06:36,944
and some pig has missed out on a lot
when he didn't get to be your dad.
1017
01:06:40,657 --> 01:06:41,991
Thanks.
1018
01:07:13,733 --> 01:07:14,986
Where do you have the trays?
1019
01:07:15,361 --> 01:07:18,364
No one comes in,
as the French say: Sans badge.
1020
01:07:18,489 --> 01:07:21,450
Come on, you guardian customer.
What does it matter?
1021
01:07:21,617 --> 01:07:22,827
Guardian customer?
1022
01:07:22,952 --> 01:07:27,874
America's Top Talents
waiting behind these doors.
1023
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:32,004
Actors, directors, podcasters...
1024
01:07:32,129 --> 01:07:35,841
They make us laugh, cry...
They show who we are.
1025
01:07:36,133 --> 01:07:38,760
It's my job to protect them
1026
01:07:38,885 --> 01:07:42,473
from the crazy fans
with the hammer of justice
1027
01:07:42,640 --> 01:07:47,103
and to satisfy
their most childlike needs.
1028
01:07:48,271 --> 01:07:49,814
You, the guardian customer?
1029
01:07:51,774 --> 01:07:54,194
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
Keith Coogan.
1030
01:07:54,653 --> 01:07:56,905
- Just Keith.
- Thank you, it was hard to say.
1031
01:07:57,031 --> 01:07:59,158
The candy buffet has run out
on Swedish fish.
1032
01:08:00,200 --> 01:08:03,037
I guess... Wait.
1033
01:08:03,704 --> 01:08:06,166
They've got their fish hot.
1034
01:08:09,419 --> 01:08:11,588
Are you a shark?
1035
01:08:12,964 --> 01:08:14,132
Hysterically fun.
1036
01:08:22,808 --> 01:08:25,728
I have a question
ate the real Jay and Silent Bob.
1037
01:08:25,853 --> 01:08:27,980
This reboot is just crap!
1038
01:08:28,105 --> 01:08:30,984
Crap! What do you think of the reboot?
1039
01:08:31,318 --> 01:08:32,778
I'll take it.
1040
01:08:32,903 --> 01:08:35,905
Yes, it sucks. Now I said it.
1041
01:08:36,030 --> 01:08:38,992
- Are you happy now, TMZ?
-TMZ isn't even here.
1042
01:08:39,117 --> 01:08:43,330
Who directs the shit?
Damn Kevin Smith?
1043
01:08:43,623 --> 01:08:47,210
Are you kidding me? The movie is doomed!
1044
01:08:47,335 --> 01:08:49,253
I was inJersey Girl.
1045
01:08:49,379 --> 01:08:51,214
- It ruined my career.
-Yes.
1046
01:08:51,339 --> 01:08:55,427
Bluntman and Chronic was a classic.
We don't need a remake.
1047
01:08:55,552 --> 01:08:58,472
- Reboot.
-Aren't you pissed off?
1048
01:08:58,597 --> 01:09:03,644
Kevin Smith literally poops
in the mouth of the old film.
1049
01:09:04,186 --> 01:09:07,106
- I think it will be great.
-Why are you sucking the reboot's cock?
1050
01:09:07,232 --> 01:09:11,569
You will never come
to get a role in it, Diplo.
1051
01:09:11,736 --> 01:09:13,571
Now listen carefully, pie-fucker.
1052
01:09:13,738 --> 01:09:17,200
-Van Der Bitch.
-He called him Van Der Bitch.
1053
01:09:19,202 --> 01:09:20,663
Intruder!
1054
01:09:21,372 --> 01:09:22,789
Satan!
1055
01:09:30,548 --> 01:09:33,468
Of all the sad words spoken
1056
01:09:33,843 --> 01:09:37,806
were the saddest:
"They shut down Comic Book Men."
1057
01:09:45,023 --> 01:09:46,482
CLERKS 25TH ANNIVERSARY
1058
01:10:04,335 --> 01:10:07,254
Check out the grumpy bastards.
1059
01:10:08,589 --> 01:10:11,134
It smells
like someone has crapped in their cereal.
1060
01:10:14,971 --> 01:10:18,725
Are you also jammed?
in this reboot shit?
1061
01:10:18,850 --> 01:10:20,060
You sound like my agent.
1062
01:10:20,185 --> 01:10:22,980
What are you doing in these corners?
1063
01:10:23,105 --> 01:10:25,858
I'll tell you that.
1064
01:10:25,983 --> 01:10:29,028
We're going to stop the damn reboot
1065
01:10:29,153 --> 01:10:31,364
so bring us to Kevin James.
1066
01:10:31,489 --> 01:10:33,157
Firstly, hello.
1067
01:10:33,991 --> 01:10:35,118
Nice to see.
1068
01:10:36,286 --> 01:10:37,746
It wasn't yesterday.
1069
01:10:37,871 --> 01:10:38,914
You are strong.
1070
01:10:40,499 --> 01:10:44,086
Glad that at least one of you
takes age and health seriously.
1071
01:10:44,211 --> 01:10:47,089
What kind of cords are these?
Are you trying to sabotage the scene?
1072
01:10:47,214 --> 01:10:49,384
I just finished a podcast.
1073
01:10:49,759 --> 01:10:51,844
Do you also have a podcast?
1074
01:10:51,928 --> 01:10:55,890
Do you want to depict life in the United States?
for your listeners in China?
1075
01:10:56,015 --> 01:10:59,143
Huh? No, I interview people
in the comic book industry.
1076
01:10:59,268 --> 01:11:01,730
It's my first Chronic-Con
as guest of honor
1077
01:11:01,855 --> 01:11:04,066
so someone else gets to interview me.
1078
01:11:04,191 --> 01:11:05,943
Banky Edwards?
1079
01:11:06,068 --> 01:11:07,653
No.
1080
01:11:08,988 --> 01:11:10,864
Alyssa Jones.
1081
01:11:10,948 --> 01:11:13,118
Damn Finger Cuffs.
1082
01:11:13,243 --> 01:11:15,704
-Oh my God.
-What's so funny?
1083
01:11:15,870 --> 01:11:16,913
Remember Chasing Amy?
1084
01:11:17,038 --> 01:11:20,250
The book I wrote
who got all the prizes?
1085
01:11:20,375 --> 01:11:23,086
Alyssa is going to make a series of the book
to Netflix.
1086
01:11:23,211 --> 01:11:26,632
The story should be told
from a queer perspective…
1087
01:11:26,757 --> 01:11:28,551
...or a woman's perspective
1088
01:11:28,676 --> 01:11:31,512
or a perspective
who is not a white man.
1089
01:11:31,971 --> 01:11:35,016
Netflix wants a cheekier name
than Chasing Amy
1090
01:11:35,141 --> 01:11:37,268
and one suggestion was Finger Cuffs.
1091
01:11:37,393 --> 01:11:39,646
You should text them…
1092
01:11:39,771 --> 01:11:42,649
-...and say they like the title.
-Who are they?
1093
01:11:42,774 --> 01:11:43,775
No!
1094
01:11:43,900 --> 01:11:45,819
It's the real Jay and Silent Bob.
1095
01:11:45,944 --> 01:11:48,196
Me and Banky bought braja from them.
1096
01:11:48,322 --> 01:11:50,616
They gave me the idea
to Bluntman and Chronic.
1097
01:11:50,742 --> 01:11:53,161
The silent one gave me the name
to Chasing Amy.
1098
01:11:53,578 --> 01:11:56,414
You spit out your stuff
like one-armed bandits.
1099
01:11:56,914 --> 01:11:58,416
Say something I can twist.
1100
01:11:58,750 --> 01:12:02,295
There you are, right.
Hey, Holden. Superb panel.
1101
01:12:02,420 --> 01:12:04,381
She's looking for you. Again.
1102
01:12:04,506 --> 01:12:05,966
Already?
1103
01:12:06,091 --> 01:12:07,843
I will unleash the Kraken.
1104
01:12:08,844 --> 01:12:12,431
What is it? When two married people have sex?
1105
01:12:12,556 --> 01:12:15,602
You have no idea what
Chasing Amy is about?
1106
01:12:15,727 --> 01:12:18,396
You're in it, after all. I know that
there are not many lines.
1107
01:12:18,521 --> 01:12:21,107
No, she's a lesbian.
1108
01:12:21,232 --> 01:12:24,736
Alyssa and I are not married.
Married people don't like each other.
1109
01:12:24,861 --> 01:12:25,862
We have children together.
1110
01:12:26,738 --> 01:12:28,574
-Do you have children?
-Yes.
1111
01:12:28,699 --> 01:12:31,786
Alyssa and her girlfriend
wanted children and we have known
1112
01:12:31,952 --> 01:12:34,163
and liked each other for 20 years
1113
01:12:34,288 --> 01:12:35,623
so they asked me to be the father.
1114
01:12:35,956 --> 01:12:38,459
So you had to push her?
1115
01:12:39,710 --> 01:12:42,089
I see you have matured…
1116
01:12:42,214 --> 01:12:45,342
No, I filled a mug
at a doctor's office.
1117
01:12:45,467 --> 01:12:48,178
It was in vitro fertilization.
1118
01:12:49,554 --> 01:12:54,602
A year later I met a girl
who loves me.
1119
01:12:57,772 --> 01:12:59,524
She wonders who Dad is talking to.
1120
01:12:59,649 --> 01:13:01,192
Hello, sweetie.
1121
01:13:03,319 --> 01:13:04,654
Say hello to dad's friends.
1122
01:13:04,779 --> 01:13:07,658
Dad has known them since he was little.
Guys.
1123
01:13:08,117 --> 01:13:09,576
This is Amy.
1124
01:13:12,246 --> 01:13:14,331
Just like in your story.
1125
01:13:14,456 --> 01:13:16,375
Say hello to Jay and Silent Bob.
1126
01:13:17,334 --> 01:13:19,379
Hello, Jay and Silent Bob.
1127
01:13:20,005 --> 01:13:21,131
Hello.
1128
01:13:25,093 --> 01:13:27,887
Do you take her? We take a flare
and checking out the costumes.
1129
01:13:30,473 --> 01:13:32,935
Have so much fun. Thanks for the interview.
1130
01:13:34,603 --> 01:13:37,648
How about, girl? do you like
these smelly old men?
1131
01:13:38,774 --> 01:13:42,945
How can something so amazing
come from your balls?
1132
01:13:44,823 --> 01:13:47,034
It's a mystery to me too.
1133
01:13:47,701 --> 01:13:49,911
I love the kid.
1134
01:13:50,037 --> 01:13:54,041
Bluntman gets a reboot.
Netflix is going to make an Amy.
1135
01:13:54,124 --> 01:13:57,045
People hate the present
and wants to return to the past.
1136
01:13:57,128 --> 01:13:59,630
Suddenly all is
my old shit back.
1137
01:14:00,214 --> 01:14:04,344
Some of it meant a lot to me
when I was new
1138
01:14:04,469 --> 01:14:07,221
but now that my childhood dreams
begins to materialize
1139
01:14:07,347 --> 01:14:09,516
which is nice
1140
01:14:09,641 --> 01:14:11,810
is the kid much more
interesting to me.
1141
01:14:12,394 --> 01:14:15,189
I used to think
that life was about me.
1142
01:14:15,314 --> 01:14:19,777
A Bruce Wayne in a lifetime
issue of Detective Comics.
1143
01:14:19,902 --> 01:14:25,408
When she came I realized
that I wasn't Bruce Wayne anymore.
1144
01:14:26,159 --> 01:14:29,454
I was Thomas Wayne
or Bruce's mother
1145
01:14:29,579 --> 01:14:31,373
whose name I can never remember.
1146
01:14:33,542 --> 01:14:36,962
I'm just here for
to set history in motion.
1147
01:14:37,713 --> 01:14:40,800
When you become a parent
you are not the star anymore.
1148
01:14:40,925 --> 01:14:42,009
You are the stage.
1149
01:14:43,177 --> 01:14:46,264
I will support my kid
so she gets a good life
1150
01:14:46,390 --> 01:14:49,393
as my parents did for me,
and their parents for them.
1151
01:14:49,518 --> 01:14:51,019
If you are lucky enough to have a child
1152
01:14:51,144 --> 01:14:53,563
you don't get a third act
of his own story
1153
01:14:53,689 --> 01:14:55,148
because it changes.
1154
01:14:55,482 --> 01:14:57,901
Suddenly it doesn't matter
about yourself anymore
1155
01:14:58,026 --> 01:15:02,156
and for the first time in even
self-absorbed life is okay.
1156
01:15:03,449 --> 01:15:05,118
Children are our reboots.
1157
01:15:05,243 --> 01:15:08,621
A new version of the same story.
1158
01:15:08,746 --> 01:15:11,291
The idea is for me to teach Amy stuff
1159
01:15:11,417 --> 01:15:14,503
but I'm learning new ones
things from her every day
1160
01:15:14,628 --> 01:15:17,506
I spend my days with
to chase Amy.
1161
01:15:19,216 --> 01:15:20,509
As it were.
1162
01:15:22,678 --> 01:15:24,973
I dragged us here
1163
01:15:25,140 --> 01:15:27,642
to stop this reboot
1164
01:15:27,767 --> 01:15:30,854
but I haven't been there
for Milly in her life.
1165
01:15:30,979 --> 01:15:32,022
Who is Milly?
1166
01:15:33,231 --> 01:15:35,483
We came to get our names back
1167
01:15:35,608 --> 01:15:37,903
but i have a new goddamn name.
1168
01:15:38,029 --> 01:15:39,864
"Dad."
1169
01:15:39,989 --> 01:15:43,159
That's the only name
I will someday need.
1170
01:15:45,828 --> 01:15:49,291
bluntboy,
can you fix us on the reboot?
1171
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:51,376
I am the guest of honor.
1172
01:15:55,380 --> 01:15:56,673
Thanks.
1173
01:15:58,884 --> 01:16:00,052
Now they have gone.
1174
01:16:00,469 --> 01:16:01,971
Where then?
1175
01:16:02,096 --> 01:16:04,766
Now it's just us.
We are the Just Us League.
1176
01:16:04,891 --> 01:16:06,684
Why are you looking at me like that?
1177
01:16:06,809 --> 01:16:08,811
You think, "Go to hell."
1178
01:16:12,023 --> 01:16:16,653
Shan Yu, now it applies.
Now your dream will come true.
1179
01:16:17,196 --> 01:16:19,656
V.I.P. Move on.
1180
01:16:19,782 --> 01:16:21,450
Beware the beard.
1181
01:16:22,201 --> 01:16:25,454
Okay, lust.
1182
01:16:25,579 --> 01:16:27,540
We don't need any more extras!
1183
01:16:28,249 --> 01:16:29,793
Get going!
1184
01:16:29,918 --> 01:16:31,461
No, it's our turn.
1185
01:16:31,878 --> 01:16:34,214
No. Okay?
1186
01:16:34,339 --> 01:16:37,092
- We are not accepting any more.
-I'm not done, you bastard!
1187
01:16:37,217 --> 01:16:39,095
Didn't you hear? Drag!
1188
01:16:39,428 --> 01:16:42,890
I'm done today. You are done today.
1189
01:16:48,646 --> 01:16:54,236
If we cannot stop the reboot,
At least we can see it.
1190
01:16:54,319 --> 01:16:58,073
Here you have VIP badges.
One, two, three, four...
1191
01:17:09,002 --> 01:17:11,004
I have never seen
a recording before.
1192
01:17:11,129 --> 01:17:15,425
We have that. Movie people are pigs,
directors in particular.
1193
01:17:15,550 --> 01:17:18,804
Here comes the director
Bluntman v Chronic. Kevin Smith.
1194
01:17:18,929 --> 01:17:21,724
Take a joint
for the legendary Kevin Smith!
1195
01:17:27,980 --> 01:17:30,608
Thank you for coming.
1196
01:17:30,734 --> 01:17:34,404
Happy Chronic-Con, everyone.
1197
01:17:36,406 --> 01:17:40,035
You may not know it,
but I had a heart attack last year
1198
01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:42,663
so I cast the film
1199
01:17:42,788 --> 01:17:46,292
with a bunch who were sad about
that I almost died.
1200
01:17:46,417 --> 01:17:49,795
I got them to participate through
to give them a guilty conscience.
1201
01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:54,551
SAG should award us
for the worst conscience.
1202
01:17:54,676 --> 01:17:58,430
I hate the type. He forces
his child to be involved in everything.
1203
01:17:58,555 --> 01:18:01,600
Right now you have an idea in your head.
"How's the movie?"
1204
01:18:01,892 --> 01:18:05,562
Ideas can go to hell!
I'm from Hollywood.
1205
01:18:05,687 --> 01:18:06,731
What I'm going to do is
1206
01:18:06,856 --> 01:18:10,693
to show a clip from
Bluntman v Chronic
1207
01:18:10,818 --> 01:18:12,820
now directly.
1208
01:18:13,738 --> 01:18:15,448
Ladies and gentlemen.
1209
01:18:15,573 --> 01:18:19,495
Bluntman v Chronic. Check it out!
1210
01:18:35,345 --> 01:18:39,391
Bluntman!
1211
01:19:09,047 --> 01:19:10,466
Holy shit!
1212
01:19:10,591 --> 01:19:12,677
Are you mad at me?
1213
01:19:14,637 --> 01:19:17,015
I'll get straight to the point.
1214
01:19:17,432 --> 01:19:19,934
I liked you better
when you were quiet, Bob.
1215
01:19:24,898 --> 01:19:26,275
If you really want V
1216
01:19:26,400 --> 01:19:31,238
can i beat the crap out of you
and kick your Hater Tots.
1217
01:19:31,405 --> 01:19:32,656
Merkin was right.
1218
01:19:32,781 --> 01:19:35,827
"Hater Tots" has different meanings
for different people.
1219
01:19:52,887 --> 01:19:55,181
Indica, you bastard.
1220
01:19:55,306 --> 01:19:58,559
It smells
as if the reboot went up in smoke.
1221
01:19:59,519 --> 01:20:02,314
-Alfred.
- Earn.
1222
01:20:04,775 --> 01:20:09,571
This is the best movie
that has ever been done.
1223
01:20:10,781 --> 01:20:13,826
When you said you wanted V...
Did you mean vaping, then?
1224
01:20:13,951 --> 01:20:16,454
I thought V stood for "versus".
1225
01:20:16,579 --> 01:20:19,665
- Pounders don't mess around.
-No.
1226
01:20:19,791 --> 01:20:23,294
Because when you're fired up
you see the important details.
1227
01:20:23,461 --> 01:20:25,255
Do you know what I see now?
1228
01:20:25,381 --> 01:20:27,549
This place...
1229
01:20:27,674 --> 01:20:29,635
...is absolutely huge!
1230
01:20:30,469 --> 01:20:33,931
Size is relative.
1231
01:20:34,056 --> 01:20:38,186
It's like little dogs.
They don't know they are small.
1232
01:20:38,311 --> 01:20:41,564
That's why they always
mugs with big dogs.
1233
01:20:41,690 --> 01:20:43,900
They don't understand size.
1234
01:20:44,025 --> 01:20:46,945
Not on money either.
1235
01:20:47,779 --> 01:20:50,491
Try explaining money to a dog.
1236
01:20:51,158 --> 01:20:53,786
I have tested. It just looked at me.
1237
01:20:54,995 --> 01:20:59,041
I gave a dog a twenty dollar bill
once. It didn't work.
1238
01:21:04,256 --> 01:21:07,634
Is this one
where comic book movie?
1239
01:21:10,804 --> 01:21:12,597
Am I inBlack Panther?
1240
01:21:16,269 --> 01:21:18,312
Hell!
1241
01:21:19,897 --> 01:21:21,149
You are a genius!
1242
01:21:21,566 --> 01:21:23,735
Crikey!
1243
01:21:24,193 --> 01:21:26,696
Give him an Oscar!
1244
01:21:26,821 --> 01:21:29,783
That was just a taste.
1245
01:21:29,908 --> 01:21:33,537
The scene we are going to shoot here now
1246
01:21:33,662 --> 01:21:36,957
is the invasion of Chronic-Con.
1247
01:21:37,082 --> 01:21:41,671
A round of applause for the despicable
Cock Knocker Cockmandos
1248
01:21:41,796 --> 01:21:43,089
ladies and gentlemen!
1249
01:21:43,548 --> 01:21:44,591
Check them out!
1250
01:21:44,716 --> 01:21:48,803
We have decorated a lot for the costumes.
It's absolutely insane.
1251
01:21:48,928 --> 01:21:50,722
The ensemble is huge.
1252
01:21:50,847 --> 01:21:53,684
I'm thinking about
to let pal Jason Mewes along.
1253
01:21:53,809 --> 01:21:56,687
Maybe my daughter too.
She is an actress now.
1254
01:21:56,812 --> 01:21:58,939
I don't like nepotism,
so maybe not.
1255
01:21:59,065 --> 01:22:01,817
She can support herself
in Hollywood.
1256
01:22:03,444 --> 01:22:04,780
What the hell are you doing?
1257
01:22:05,280 --> 01:22:07,449
He looks like the director.
1258
01:22:08,992 --> 01:22:11,661
I forgot to say
that I would reveal the plot.
1259
01:22:11,995 --> 01:22:14,706
Put off. He has jorts.
1260
01:22:14,831 --> 01:22:17,919
- He would never have that.
-What the hell is "jorts"?
1261
01:22:18,044 --> 01:22:19,379
Denim shorts.
1262
01:22:20,088 --> 01:22:22,507
Stay here. Wait for my sign.
1263
01:22:23,091 --> 01:22:24,967
You come with me.
1264
01:22:26,010 --> 01:22:29,138
Before we start, I have to go backstage
1265
01:22:29,263 --> 01:22:32,101
and fix some important directorial stuff
1266
01:22:32,226 --> 01:22:34,061
but as soon as I'm back
1267
01:22:34,186 --> 01:22:37,481
let's create movie magic together!
1268
01:22:37,606 --> 01:22:39,775
You're the boss, Kevin!
1269
01:22:41,360 --> 01:22:43,780
Where's my jacket?
1270
01:22:43,905 --> 01:22:47,701
Did you see the crowd, Mike? We are back.
1271
01:22:47,826 --> 01:22:50,412
Shit in Cop Out. Thanks.
1272
01:22:51,663 --> 01:22:52,747
Life is playing.
1273
01:22:53,081 --> 01:22:57,628
Life is playing. I am alone and can...
1274
01:23:22,697 --> 01:23:24,365
Sleep...
1275
01:23:26,367 --> 01:23:28,119
Where is the sign?
1276
01:23:32,416 --> 01:23:34,084
-He is busy.
-Who are you?
1277
01:23:34,293 --> 01:23:35,669
He told me
1278
01:23:35,753 --> 01:23:37,880
telling you that those girls...
1279
01:23:45,221 --> 01:23:50,560
The director has stopped talking to me.
I am the assistant director.
1280
01:23:50,685 --> 01:23:53,188
This has completely degenerated.
1281
01:23:53,313 --> 01:23:55,482
It's worse than House Party 4.
1282
01:23:55,774 --> 01:23:59,195
He asked an unknown girl to tell me
to tell you
1283
01:23:59,320 --> 01:24:02,406
that he wants
that you interesting young people
1284
01:24:02,531 --> 01:24:04,533
do the scene with him.
1285
01:24:04,700 --> 01:24:06,285
Hello, everyone!
1286
01:24:06,702 --> 01:24:10,624
I stand here because Kevin Smith
has lost his voice.
1287
01:24:13,877 --> 01:24:17,381
He asked me to welcome
1288
01:24:17,506 --> 01:24:22,511
Bluntman superfan
Shan Yu from China on stage!
1289
01:24:38,195 --> 01:24:39,196
Come on.
1290
01:24:47,496 --> 01:24:50,959
Holy shit! She directed
just a gun at Kevin Smith.
1291
01:24:51,084 --> 01:24:53,461
She must have paid for
to see Yoga Hosers.
1292
01:24:53,586 --> 01:24:55,630
It's not Kevin Smith.
1293
01:24:56,256 --> 01:24:57,298
"Fist" him.
1294
01:24:59,300 --> 01:25:00,469
Hell!
1295
01:25:01,095 --> 01:25:03,681
The guy who doesn't
is Kevin Smith just got fisted.
1296
01:25:03,806 --> 01:25:06,016
He didn't even use lube.
1297
01:25:06,142 --> 01:25:08,686
Throw the rubbish in the bin.
1298
01:25:09,854 --> 01:25:11,230
Start the collaboration.
1299
01:25:13,525 --> 01:25:16,153
Cock Knockers are the villains.
1300
01:25:16,278 --> 01:25:18,572
This movie is messed up.
1301
01:25:18,864 --> 01:25:20,782
What are you doing, Shan Yu?
1302
01:25:20,866 --> 01:25:23,160
Isn't it clear like vodka?
1303
01:25:23,994 --> 01:25:26,205
I am not a teenager from China.
1304
01:25:31,377 --> 01:25:34,380
I am a secret agent from Russia!
1305
01:25:34,505 --> 01:25:37,592
One of them had tight overalls.
I knew it!
1306
01:25:41,889 --> 01:25:43,974
He even smells American.
1307
01:25:48,854 --> 01:25:51,733
SCRAP DISPOSAL
1308
01:25:59,491 --> 01:26:02,535
Russia has infiltrated
American banks
1309
01:26:02,827 --> 01:26:06,040
and the American elections.
1310
01:26:06,165 --> 01:26:08,667
Now, thanks to you…
1311
01:26:09,752 --> 01:26:13,714
...can we infiltrate
your popular culture convention.
1312
01:26:14,256 --> 01:26:15,257
Why?
1313
01:26:15,592 --> 01:26:19,346
Take out your mobiles and send out
this historic moment
1314
01:26:19,471 --> 01:26:21,556
to the outside world.
1315
01:26:22,516 --> 01:26:24,267
If you only have a foldable, then?
1316
01:26:24,393 --> 01:26:27,020
The people of America.
1317
01:26:27,729 --> 01:26:29,399
I wish you no harm
1318
01:26:29,524 --> 01:26:33,236
but the director of Jersey Girl...
1319
01:26:34,695 --> 01:26:35,696
Holy shit!
1320
01:26:38,074 --> 01:26:42,996
I will execute him
in live broadcast on the Internet.
1321
01:26:45,040 --> 01:26:47,459
Because I wear jorts?
1322
01:26:47,584 --> 01:26:52,881
Because you are an overhyped,
American pop culture celebrity...
1323
01:26:53,216 --> 01:26:58,138
...which repeats itself artistically.
If you can even call it art.
1324
01:26:58,263 --> 01:27:01,474
You cling to the 90s.
1325
01:27:02,767 --> 01:27:04,436
You have spoken to my wife.
1326
01:27:04,561 --> 01:27:06,230
You must not do this, Shan Yu.
1327
01:27:06,981 --> 01:27:10,359
You helped me, Millennium.
1328
01:27:10,484 --> 01:27:15,823
I like you and your friends
and understand the liberal sympathies
1329
01:27:15,948 --> 01:27:21,913
in girls who had hoped to fill
the emotional void after…
1330
01:27:22,706 --> 01:27:26,001
...a sibling who tried to kill you...
1331
01:27:26,710 --> 01:27:30,213
...or the loneliness of silence...
1332
01:27:30,715 --> 01:27:33,009
...or a wasted one,
privileged life
1333
01:27:33,134 --> 01:27:37,930
where you cry over a father
who left you before you were born.
1334
01:27:39,724 --> 01:27:41,809
Ill downsizing. I will be quiet.
1335
01:27:41,934 --> 01:27:44,730
Her father maybe
did not leave her.
1336
01:27:44,855 --> 01:27:46,690
What did he say?
1337
01:27:47,941 --> 01:27:51,320
Maybe he didn't know
that he had children until recently.
1338
01:27:52,946 --> 01:27:54,156
What do you mean?
1339
01:27:54,281 --> 01:27:57,702
You are quite stupid
to have attended private school.
1340
01:27:57,827 --> 01:27:59,329
I am your father.
1341
01:28:00,580 --> 01:28:01,956
oh god...
1342
01:28:04,000 --> 01:28:06,294
Hang up!
1343
01:28:06,419 --> 01:28:07,629
It is true.
1344
01:28:07,754 --> 01:28:10,424
I was told that
when we got to Chicago.
1345
01:28:10,549 --> 01:28:13,677
I promised your mother
not to tell it
1346
01:28:13,803 --> 01:28:16,305
but now I do it anyway, because sometimes
1347
01:28:16,430 --> 01:28:19,892
is it right to break a promise.
1348
01:28:20,017 --> 01:28:23,772
Had I kept all my promises,
had you not been standing here.
1349
01:28:23,897 --> 01:28:27,109
I promised your mother
not to squirt in her.
1350
01:28:27,609 --> 01:28:29,152
What the...?
1351
01:28:29,277 --> 01:28:31,488
Sorry. I'm just procrastinating
1352
01:28:31,613 --> 01:28:36,160
so I can get closer to the guy
with the big bag!
1353
01:28:36,285 --> 01:28:37,620
Now!
1354
01:28:39,664 --> 01:28:40,665
Yes!
1355
01:28:42,750 --> 01:28:46,296
- It's a pretend weapon.
-Why would it be real?
1356
01:28:46,422 --> 01:28:47,840
No!
1357
01:28:48,006 --> 01:28:51,552
Don't have any of you idiots
a real weapon?
1358
01:28:51,677 --> 01:28:53,011
-What the hell...?
-Let him go!
1359
01:28:54,179 --> 01:28:57,099
-Before we execute Kevin Smith...
-Satan!
1360
01:28:57,224 --> 01:29:00,687
...shall we execute
this degenerate old man.
1361
01:29:00,812 --> 01:29:03,189
-No!
-"The old man"? Fuck off.
1362
01:29:03,314 --> 01:29:06,735
Dad will get to say a few last words
1363
01:29:06,860 --> 01:29:11,407
to his daughter
before we stop his heart.
1364
01:29:11,532 --> 01:29:14,452
Girl, I don't mind dying now.
1365
01:29:14,577 --> 01:29:18,748
I know that a little bit of me
will live on in you.
1366
01:29:18,873 --> 01:29:21,250
Not if they kill me too, you idiot!
1367
01:29:21,375 --> 01:29:26,047
Holy shit!
You are right. Save me, somebody.
1368
01:29:29,050 --> 01:29:30,177
What was that?
1369
01:29:31,052 --> 01:29:33,722
Now you've pissed him off.
1370
01:29:38,186 --> 01:29:40,063
What is it, Ted Underhill?
1371
01:29:40,146 --> 01:29:42,607
My name is not Ted Underhill.
1372
01:29:42,732 --> 01:29:44,859
He has a secret identity.
1373
01:29:45,193 --> 01:29:47,987
Let me introduce myself.
1374
01:29:48,321 --> 01:29:49,406
My name is Jay.
1375
01:29:51,116 --> 01:29:53,077
This is my straight friend…
1376
01:29:55,329 --> 01:29:57,206
...Iron Bob!
1377
01:30:01,294 --> 01:30:02,587
It's Robert Downey Jr!
1378
01:30:02,712 --> 01:30:04,756
Marvel will sue someone.
1379
01:30:13,681 --> 01:30:17,019
Shoot the tin man!
1380
01:30:22,942 --> 01:30:24,485
Yes, Iron Bob!
1381
01:30:24,610 --> 01:30:26,195
For Mother Russia!
1382
01:30:37,624 --> 01:30:38,625
For Russia!
1383
01:30:38,750 --> 01:30:40,253
We know him.
1384
01:30:42,505 --> 01:30:45,758
Just wait until they do
a Funko Pop doll of him.
1385
01:30:46,050 --> 01:30:47,301
Ye Immaculate Ones!
1386
01:30:47,427 --> 01:30:49,137
Kill the champions!
1387
01:30:49,220 --> 01:30:50,930
Kill the soldiers!
1388
01:30:51,264 --> 01:30:54,143
Kill everyone
with oversized fists.
1389
01:30:55,519 --> 01:30:58,021
My God! He spoke Valyrian!
1390
01:30:58,147 --> 01:31:01,150
I will crush everything that moves!
1391
01:31:01,233 --> 01:31:02,234
Stick and burn!
1392
01:31:02,317 --> 01:31:05,155
- This is absolutely crazy!
-Duck!
1393
01:31:07,157 --> 01:31:08,867
It smells like quality stuff.
1394
01:31:08,992 --> 01:31:11,828
The kind that makes people pass out.
1395
01:31:11,953 --> 01:31:12,954
As said.
1396
01:31:18,169 --> 01:31:21,172
Hell! I have been drugged.
1397
01:31:22,798 --> 01:31:24,341
It's strong stuff.
1398
01:31:24,467 --> 01:31:26,594
Can I buy braja from you?
1399
01:31:26,719 --> 01:31:27,720
I'm busy.
1400
01:31:34,227 --> 01:31:36,438
My precious podcast ears!
1401
01:31:36,897 --> 01:31:38,273
-Hell.
-It hurts.
1402
01:31:39,566 --> 01:31:43,488
It's not a recording maniac.
1403
01:31:44,280 --> 01:31:47,241
It is one of the KGB's sound weapons.
1404
01:31:47,533 --> 01:31:48,618
You suck!
1405
01:31:53,623 --> 01:31:55,125
Nice...
1406
01:31:55,709 --> 01:31:58,545
Hearing is damn overhyped.
1407
01:31:58,921 --> 01:32:00,339
Yes, damn it!
1408
01:32:05,469 --> 01:32:07,222
Now we give them, girls!
1409
01:32:16,606 --> 01:32:18,358
That joint came in handy.
1410
01:32:18,483 --> 01:32:21,570
Don't tell your mother
that I gave you braja.
1411
01:32:21,695 --> 01:32:24,740
My God! I love this reboot.
1412
01:32:24,990 --> 01:32:27,243
About now
1413
01:32:27,326 --> 01:32:29,620
the story's three acts are complete
1414
01:32:29,745 --> 01:32:32,624
and the main characters in the right place.
1415
01:32:32,749 --> 01:32:35,335
Now only remains
the emotional dissolution.
1416
01:32:35,460 --> 01:32:39,464
Maybe I should start fading out now.
1417
01:32:39,589 --> 01:32:42,259
COCK SMOKER
LIGHTED CHICKEN SANDWICHES
1418
01:32:58,986 --> 01:33:00,028
What do we do now?
1419
01:33:00,779 --> 01:33:03,282
I want to talk to you about it.
1420
01:33:04,950 --> 01:33:06,452
I've never had children before.
1421
01:33:07,161 --> 01:33:09,539
I never had a father before.
1422
01:33:10,290 --> 01:33:11,624
The thing is
1423
01:33:11,750 --> 01:33:14,377
that I don't know if I'm ready
to become a father.
1424
01:33:17,547 --> 01:33:20,925
It's calm, old man. I'm a shark.
1425
01:33:28,434 --> 01:33:29,685
As said...
1426
01:33:29,810 --> 01:33:32,146
I don't know if I'm ready
to become a father
1427
01:33:32,313 --> 01:33:34,524
so I want to practice.
1428
01:33:34,649 --> 01:33:37,569
Why not start with
a dream I've always had
1429
01:33:37,694 --> 01:33:39,321
where I drink coffee with my kid
1430
01:33:39,863 --> 01:33:43,033
and teach her things she doesn't know.
1431
01:33:43,158 --> 01:33:46,495
Dad stuff. Okay?
1432
01:33:50,083 --> 01:33:53,002
I've been hanging out
this deal for my whole life.
1433
01:33:53,127 --> 01:33:55,546
Don't do it.
1434
01:33:56,464 --> 01:33:58,091
Not for a while.
1435
01:33:58,216 --> 01:34:01,637
Look for a best friend
you can experience adventure with.
1436
01:34:01,970 --> 01:34:05,808
Choose a good listener,
that always covers up for you
1437
01:34:05,933 --> 01:34:08,852
even when standing next to one.
1438
01:34:30,501 --> 01:34:33,045
Don't worry about failing.
1439
01:34:33,170 --> 01:34:36,549
Silent Bob says:
"Failure is training for success."
1440
01:34:37,467 --> 01:34:39,719
Why are you not successful, then?
1441
01:34:40,053 --> 01:34:41,471
Today I am.
1442
01:34:46,268 --> 01:34:48,812
Okay, that's enough
with sentimentality.
1443
01:34:48,937 --> 01:34:51,190
We have a lot to catch up on.
1444
01:34:51,858 --> 01:34:54,569
-Are you ready?
- Drive, Dad.
1445
01:34:54,694 --> 01:34:55,695
Okay.
1446
01:34:55,820 --> 01:34:58,573
Once, me and Silent Bob went
to a mall.
1447
01:34:58,698 --> 01:34:59,991
Two years later
1448
01:35:00,116 --> 01:35:03,579
we fought fallen angels
and got to meet God.
1449
01:35:04,288 --> 01:35:06,498
Even though we saved the world
1450
01:35:06,623 --> 01:35:09,168
the Catholics got mad at us anyway.
1451
01:35:09,752 --> 01:35:11,462
They can go to hell
unless they have a sense of humor.
1452
01:35:13,338 --> 01:35:14,841
I'm just kidding.
1453
01:35:14,966 --> 01:35:17,552
My God! You learn.
1454
01:35:17,802 --> 01:35:20,555
After the choir of angels
1455
01:35:20,680 --> 01:35:22,807
we went to Hollywood.
1456
01:35:22,932 --> 01:35:24,768
It was the first time we went there
1457
01:35:24,893 --> 01:35:28,105
and we met your mother
and Suzanne the monkey.
1458
01:35:28,230 --> 01:35:31,525
She still sends
Christmas card every year.
1459
01:35:31,650 --> 01:35:33,694
-Mother?
-No, the monkey.
1460
01:35:33,819 --> 01:35:36,071
Then the shop burned down
1461
01:35:36,197 --> 01:35:39,826
which was about then
we entered rehab.
1462
01:35:39,951 --> 01:35:41,995
Why did you do that?
1463
01:35:42,120 --> 01:35:46,458
We got caught driving around
with inflated airbags.
1464
01:36:21,913 --> 01:36:23,498
THE ENSEMBLE OF CLERKS
1465
01:37:07,671 --> 01:37:09,256
SEVERAL STUNT MEN
1466
01:37:23,813 --> 01:37:24,898
AND OF COURSE...
1467
01:37:25,064 --> 01:37:29,068
She uses The Shark as a measure.
Just like we do.
1468
01:37:30,028 --> 01:37:32,865
The stars are right
like Jay and Silent Bob.
1469
01:37:34,617 --> 01:37:36,994
I loved watching the process.
1470
01:37:37,119 --> 01:37:40,581
You: “Damn, I got off my ass.
I can't say 'we'."
1471
01:37:40,664 --> 01:37:43,167
"If I do, he'll kill me."
1472
01:37:45,921 --> 01:37:49,382
It's called Jay and Silent Bob Reboot
and you have an important role...
1473
01:37:49,508 --> 01:37:51,134
- Great!
-...in the movie.
1474
01:37:51,259 --> 01:37:52,260
Can hardly save me.
1475
01:37:52,344 --> 01:37:55,305
Now you have to agree to join.
1476
01:37:55,430 --> 01:37:57,934
Can't we start right away?
1477
01:37:58,059 --> 01:38:00,353
-Focus.
- Then we drive. Taking.
1478
01:38:00,937 --> 01:38:02,271
You, the boy?
1479
01:38:04,148 --> 01:38:06,109
You're already off the hook, Lee.
1480
01:38:06,234 --> 01:38:08,111
What the...? We waste film.
1481
01:38:08,903 --> 01:38:10,071
You, the boy?
1482
01:38:12,032 --> 01:38:13,534
How do I get to...
1483
01:38:14,243 --> 01:38:15,744
...Comic-Con?
1484
01:38:15,869 --> 01:38:17,371
This is the reason why I just
has given you a single film role.
1485
01:38:17,496 --> 01:38:19,456
You always start laughing.
1486
01:38:20,457 --> 01:38:22,543
No, this is serious.
1487
01:38:22,668 --> 01:38:24,963
Then we drive. Take two. Shooting!
1488
01:38:25,380 --> 01:38:27,340
You, the boy?
How do I get to Comic-Con?
1489
01:38:28,883 --> 01:38:31,928
-Respond.
-Silent Bob.
1490
01:38:32,053 --> 01:38:35,349
Can't you talk?
1491
01:38:35,474 --> 01:38:38,018
Stick. Let me talk to Jay.
1492
01:38:41,522 --> 01:38:43,274
How High's is our bible.
1493
01:38:43,399 --> 01:38:46,986
Silas and Jamal are our role models.
1494
01:38:47,111 --> 01:38:53,243
I love pussy and Lean and Mean here
is my botanical bestie.
1495
01:38:53,368 --> 01:38:54,578
It went like clockwork.
1496
01:38:54,703 --> 01:38:56,997
The certificate will arrive
from a film company in Hollywood.
1497
01:38:57,122 --> 01:38:58,290
In Florida?
1498
01:38:58,748 --> 01:39:01,878
-In California.
- Well, that.
1499
01:39:02,003 --> 01:39:04,881
-Two tickets to Hollywood.
-In Florida?
1500
01:39:05,423 --> 01:39:07,049
No, in California.
1501
01:39:08,468 --> 01:39:10,261
You must be going to Hollywood.
1502
01:39:10,386 --> 01:39:11,846
In Florida?
1503
01:39:11,971 --> 01:39:13,891
No, in California.
1504
01:39:15,601 --> 01:39:17,102
Jay and Silent Bob
1505
01:39:17,561 --> 01:39:20,773
are detained so often
that they should be allowed to pay rent.
1506
01:39:22,149 --> 01:39:23,317
I knew I'd get you
to laugh.
1507
01:39:23,442 --> 01:39:25,194
You should be a stand-up comedian.
1508
01:39:25,319 --> 01:39:26,696
I will be performing this weekend.
1509
01:39:26,821 --> 01:39:29,157
-I'm coming.
- I'll text you later.
1510
01:39:29,282 --> 01:39:30,283
May I protest?
1511
01:39:30,909 --> 01:39:33,495
My daughter Banner is fighting with Renee
1512
01:39:33,620 --> 01:39:36,039
and sends me lovely text messages.
1513
01:39:36,164 --> 01:39:38,250
"Dear Sega Boy..."
1514
01:39:38,375 --> 01:39:40,252
"How can I grow as a woman?
1515
01:39:40,377 --> 01:39:43,047
when mom always stands on my cock?"
1516
01:39:43,172 --> 01:39:45,424
-Does your daughter have a cock?
-No.
1517
01:39:45,549 --> 01:39:48,093
But she can be a real pain
for his mother.
1518
01:39:48,219 --> 01:39:50,889
Teenagers are like the Hulk.
1519
01:39:51,014 --> 01:39:54,476
Normal one minute,
furious in the next.
1520
01:39:54,601 --> 01:39:56,853
You will notice that when you have children of your own.
1521
01:39:56,978 --> 01:39:58,063
Probably the quiet one.
1522
01:39:58,438 --> 01:40:01,274
Damn... No chicks
are interested in Groot.
1523
01:40:01,608 --> 01:40:04,445
I was worried about
to make a girl on the thick
1524
01:40:04,570 --> 01:40:08,533
that I pulled out,
ran to the other side of the room
1525
01:40:08,658 --> 01:40:12,328
and squirted in my jacket pocket,
for safety.
1526
01:40:12,453 --> 01:40:15,164
How High is the best movie of all time.
1527
01:40:15,289 --> 01:40:18,752
We have shaped our lives after it.
1528
01:40:18,836 --> 01:40:21,296
Are we talking about the same How High?
1529
01:40:21,547 --> 01:40:22,965
The movie?
1530
01:40:23,132 --> 01:40:24,258
Which we are in?
1531
01:40:24,383 --> 01:40:26,969
Yes, damn it!
1532
01:40:27,094 --> 01:40:32,100
I said that How High
would age like a fine chablis.
1533
01:40:32,225 --> 01:40:33,768
I'm not a pedophile.
1534
01:40:33,893 --> 01:40:36,771
I have come on behalf of a man.
1535
01:40:36,855 --> 01:40:39,566
Mr J-E-S-E-S. Jesus.
1536
01:40:39,691 --> 01:40:44,613
I am a Christian citizen guard.
1537
01:40:44,780 --> 01:40:46,490
Super cool.
1538
01:40:46,615 --> 01:40:50,369
- The guy is an idiot.
- He has helped us the whole trip.
1539
01:40:51,245 --> 01:40:53,540
He saved our lives.
1540
01:40:54,207 --> 01:40:57,627
This conversation wouldn't make it
a Bechdel test.
1541
01:40:57,836 --> 01:41:00,672
Holy shit! They are here.
1542
01:41:00,797 --> 01:41:02,883
Jersey Boys!
1543
01:41:03,008 --> 01:41:04,384
Don't you recognize us?
1544
01:41:04,885 --> 01:41:07,805
You almost beat me as a child
1545
01:41:07,889 --> 01:41:11,642
when I said something crappy about Morris Day.
1546
01:41:12,101 --> 01:41:15,354
Is that you? Do you work here?
1547
01:41:15,480 --> 01:41:17,607
We are the Kush Boys.
1548
01:41:17,982 --> 01:41:20,486
Do you own all of this?
1549
01:41:20,611 --> 01:41:22,362
Yes, we followed your example.
1550
01:41:22,488 --> 01:41:25,657
We stopped buying braja
and started selling the crap instead.
1551
01:41:26,074 --> 01:41:29,536
Thanks to you, we thrive
in the cannabis industry.
1552
01:41:29,661 --> 01:41:31,331
We are millionaires.
1553
01:41:31,456 --> 01:41:33,541
Do we get free braja, then?
1554
01:41:33,666 --> 01:41:34,751
Hell, either.
1555
01:41:34,876 --> 01:41:36,711
It will be 200 dollars.
1556
01:41:37,003 --> 01:41:38,671
I've always wanted to do this.
1557
01:41:38,838 --> 01:41:43,636
-$200, kid.
-Put them in our fists.
1558
01:41:44,136 --> 01:41:45,179
Okay.
1559
01:41:47,348 --> 01:41:51,560
There are more lens flares here
than in a JJ Abrams film.
1560
01:41:51,685 --> 01:41:53,979
I hate the vomit.
1561
01:41:54,522 --> 01:41:55,523
Hello.
1562
01:41:57,234 --> 01:41:58,944
Can we join the queue?
1563
01:41:59,069 --> 01:42:01,738
-To hell too!
- I say the same thing.
1564
01:42:02,614 --> 01:42:04,074
Happy Chronic-Con.
1565
01:42:04,533 --> 01:42:06,409
How does the Walking Dead end?
1566
01:42:07,369 --> 01:42:09,288
Carol eats Daryl.
1567
01:42:09,413 --> 01:42:11,082
Hell!
1568
01:42:11,499 --> 01:42:16,003
- Will Carol become a zombie?
-No, she just eats Daryl.
1569
01:42:16,462 --> 01:42:19,382
Satan! Now I revealed the plot.
Sorry.
1570
01:42:20,633 --> 01:42:22,678
Why did you do that?
1571
01:42:22,803 --> 01:42:24,888
There you got for
that you killed Glenn and Carl!
1572
01:42:24,972 --> 01:42:27,057
Okay.
1573
01:42:27,474 --> 01:42:29,643
The reboot is doomed.
1574
01:42:29,768 --> 01:42:32,271
It might have worked
with Kevin Smith from the 90s…
1575
01:42:32,396 --> 01:42:34,524
...when he could bring Affleck
in his films.
1576
01:42:35,066 --> 01:42:37,610
Didn't he do that one
The Jersey Girl movie?
1577
01:42:37,735 --> 01:42:41,823
Yes, it was rubbish,
but Affleck was awesome as Batman.
1578
01:42:41,948 --> 01:42:45,160
That's right, bitch! He was cruel!
1579
01:42:45,743 --> 01:42:46,787
The location?
1580
01:42:46,912 --> 01:42:48,247
CELEBRITY HOLOGRAMS
1581
01:42:50,708 --> 01:42:53,502
Hello again. It's the same hologram,
so the same rules apply.
1582
01:42:53,627 --> 01:42:54,670
Don't touch me.
1583
01:42:54,795 --> 01:42:57,465
Bluntman v Chronic
is recorded on the left.
1584
01:42:57,590 --> 01:42:58,925
If you are looking for
1585
01:42:59,009 --> 01:43:01,761
some way to complete your inner journey
1586
01:43:01,928 --> 01:43:06,016
so you can be a super dad,
should you go to the right.
1587
01:43:06,141 --> 01:43:09,144
If I was in the movie,
do I know where I had gone.
1588
01:43:09,269 --> 01:43:10,270
Out the door.
1589
01:43:10,395 --> 01:43:13,274
I would never be
in this movie.
1590
01:43:13,399 --> 01:43:16,819
I already have 37 franchises
and don't need another one.
1591
01:43:16,944 --> 01:43:18,821
The plates are washed.
1592
01:43:18,946 --> 01:43:20,781
Hello then. Peace.
1593
01:43:21,532 --> 01:43:23,785
Where are you going?
1594
01:43:24,578 --> 01:43:26,246
Fixed tiles.
1595
01:43:26,371 --> 01:43:29,082
"We have trays."
Stop butchering the English language.
1596
01:43:29,208 --> 01:43:31,960
I don't care. You go out.
1597
01:43:32,085 --> 01:43:34,171
Do you like chocolate?
1598
01:43:34,296 --> 01:43:36,800
Not that it changes anything for you
1599
01:43:36,966 --> 01:43:40,970
but i'm not a nazi robot,
so i like chocolate.
1600
01:43:41,095 --> 01:43:45,266
This is the best chocolate in the world.
1601
01:43:45,391 --> 01:43:47,310
Bullshit!
1602
01:43:48,728 --> 01:43:50,314
Give it to me.
1603
01:43:52,691 --> 01:43:53,984
Edible braja is...
1604
01:43:56,111 --> 01:43:58,489
Holy shit! Where did they come from?
1605
01:43:58,614 --> 01:44:00,533
Hello! What's going on?
1606
01:44:00,658 --> 01:44:03,829
They won the competition.
They will be extras in the film.
1607
01:44:03,995 --> 01:44:05,622
In this movie?
1608
01:44:05,747 --> 01:44:07,999
You should have waited for a better one.
1609
01:44:08,083 --> 01:44:09,668
- I agree.
-Fuck off.
1610
01:44:09,793 --> 01:44:12,462
I'll figure out a way
1611
01:44:12,587 --> 01:44:17,176
to give you guest roles in the film
which cannot be cut away.
1612
01:44:17,301 --> 01:44:19,220
Emily, go to hell!
1613
01:44:19,345 --> 01:44:22,557
Okay, now we're all smiling. Now we drive.
1614
01:44:27,813 --> 01:44:29,815
Excuse me. The girl!
1615
01:44:30,107 --> 01:44:32,317
You have ruined my film career.
1616
01:44:33,110 --> 01:44:36,363
I have seen your rolls.
You did that on your own.
1617
01:44:36,488 --> 01:44:39,325
You little monster!
Who raised you?
1618
01:44:44,789 --> 01:44:46,916
I'm tired of Kevin Smith.
1619
01:44:49,752 --> 01:44:51,337
Hell!
1620
01:44:51,714 --> 01:44:53,466
Do you see the dude?
1621
01:44:53,591 --> 01:44:56,343
We have been coming here for 25 years
1622
01:44:56,469 --> 01:44:57,887
and stuck chewing gum in the locks.
1623
01:45:06,938 --> 01:45:08,940
Subtitles: BTI Studios
Translation: Martin Andersson