1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,339 ♪♪ 2 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,174 Wake up! 3 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:10,043 Why can't I have a normal alarm clock? 4 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:12,746 You have one. And these batteries never die. 5 00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,718 ♪ Like you loved me before ♪ mm! 6 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,453 ♪ This time I want you ♪ you should probably get ready, 7 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:20,587 or you're gonna be late for school. ♪ to love me much more ♪ 8 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:22,623 But I want to finish watching the boyz ii men video. 9 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:25,158 ♪ This time instead just come to my bed ♪ 10 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,461 You know, your dad's the first white guy I ever dated. 11 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,296 ♪ And, baby, just don't... ♪ 12 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,998 School's giving you a choice of activities 13 00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:33,433 for your fifth-period elective. 14 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:34,668 I chose piccolo. 15 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,004 Piccolo?! But I wanted leatherwork! 16 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,038 I was gonna craft myself 17 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,008 a pair of timbos or maybe a saddle. 18 00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,175 No, you're learning piccolo. 19 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:45,078 Why?! All: Because I said so! 20 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,180 Can I borrow some money? 21 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:49,016 There's a cd sale at Sam goody's. 22 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,350 Oh... 23 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,185 don't you get your allowance on Friday? 24 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,022 Please, daddy? 25 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,225 Anything for my little Princess. 26 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,660 Okay. 27 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:03,664 Well, I at least need you to take out the garbage. 28 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,567 ♪♪ 29 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,703 Have a good day, boys. 30 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:12,105 You're going to work, dad, not jail. 31 00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:15,242 I agree with Eddie. It's a little much. 32 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:18,045 Uh, Evan? Where's Evan? 33 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,379 He started power-walking to school 34 00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:20,280 with the neighborhood ladies. 35 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:24,451 I'm thinking we go up high street this morning. 36 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,056 Pain is weakness leaving the body, girls! 37 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,593 ♪ Fresh off the boat ♪ 38 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,428 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 39 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,229 ♪ if you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 40 00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,731 ♪ fresh off the boat ♪ 41 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,233 ♪ homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 42 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,368 ♪ but I know where I'm goin' ♪ 43 00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:42,402 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪ 44 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:44,471 ♪♪ 45 00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:47,240 Barefoot Dave: "They're just like 46 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,076 little purple tennis balls." 47 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,378 Anyway, that's how my mom tried to sell me on plums. 48 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,246 Man, you had a weekend! 49 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:55,682 Oh, no. Here come the 8th graders. 50 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:58,318 ♪♪ 51 00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,520 Man! 52 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,989 Ugh! 53 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:05,258 My cheese tool! 54 00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,498 Hey, is it cool if I sit with you guys? 55 00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:14,701 Yeah, sure! We got plenty of room. 56 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,003 Unh! 57 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,374 Repeating 8th grade sucks. 58 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,209 All my friends are in high school, 59 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:24,077 and the new 8th graders hate me 60 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,278 because I picked on them last year 61 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,280 when they were all dumb 7th graders. 62 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,315 No offense. 63 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,416 All: None taken. 64 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,717 I'm sitting on the floor. 65 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:32,586 And now i have to get tutored 66 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,287 during my 5th-period elective. 67 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:35,455 I feel you, girl. 68 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:38,058 For my elective, i have to take piccolo. 69 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,060 Oh, like that puppet that becomes a real boy. 70 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,429 Yep. 71 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,066 Sorry, Nicole. Won't happen again. 72 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,538 Are they... Afraid of you? 73 00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:52,539 Those ding-wads? 74 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:55,542 They better be. 75 00:02:55,542 --> 00:02:58,679 You clown jockeys looking at something?! 76 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,381 ♪♪ 77 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,020 Hey, Jessica! What's going on? 78 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,989 Stephen king book club, remember? 79 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,323 "Pet sematary"? 80 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:13,326 I brought hush puppies we can bury in our mouths. 81 00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:18,231 I haven't even started it. 82 00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:19,533 I've been going through these parenting guides, 83 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,734 looking for some help with Nicole. 84 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,271 "Daughter, we're in this together." 85 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,739 But you're not even her real mother. 86 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,441 You're her stepmother. 87 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,242 All you have to do is day-drink and criticize her weight. 88 00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:31,545 Marvin only sees her as daddy's little girl, 89 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:35,048 so I have to be the strict parent... Mm. 90 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,183 ...which I hate. 91 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,318 Because we have made so much progress as friends. 92 00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:40,487 Why are Americans so obsessed 93 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,155 with being friends with their children? 94 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:44,157 I have no children friends. 95 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:47,127 Okay, sure, but don't -- look, your job isn't to be buddy-buddy. 96 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,296 It's to do what's best for Nicole, 97 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,597 even if she doesn't like it. 98 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:52,999 Do you play chess? 99 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,134 No. 100 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,136 Oh, but Marvin and i did meet playing twister. 101 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,707 Okay, so, in chess, 102 00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:03,610 you have to think several moves ahead. 103 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,612 Like how Eddie doesn't want to learn piccolo 104 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:09,449 but I'm making him because 2,000 marching-band scholarships 105 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:12,352 go unclaimed every year at colleges! 106 00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:16,189 That may work with Eddie, but Nicole's a teenager now, 107 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,458 so I can't just force her to do what I want. 108 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,594 Horse dumplings! Of course you can! 109 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,130 Children are never too old to be controlled! 110 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,431 It's just like chess. 111 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,200 Children are the pawns, and you are the queen. 112 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,401 And as the queen, 113 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,704 you control all the other pieces on the board. 114 00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:33,473 Then the king just stands around 115 00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:35,108 and takes credit for your work. 116 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,411 Standing, shorts. 117 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,281 I could do this all day. 118 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,216 Ah, would you look at that, huh? 119 00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:47,587 That's what I see every time I look at Nicole. 120 00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:49,356 No matter how old she gets, 121 00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:50,724 she'll always be daddy's little girl. 122 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,459 Must be nice. 123 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,294 She probably still hugs you. 124 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,129 Every day. 125 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,297 I'll tell you, 126 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,432 there's something magical about having a girl. 127 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:03,136 I have always wondered what it would be like. 128 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,305 ♪♪ 129 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,010 ♪ forever and ever ♪ 130 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,279 ♪ I love you so ♪ 131 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:16,283 ♪ forever and ever ♪ 132 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,752 ♪ want to let you know ♪ 133 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:22,722 ♪ just what you mean to me ♪ 134 00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:26,426 ♪ and all your charms ♪ 135 00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,562 ♪ you've got that magic touch ♪ 136 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,564 ♪ a magic smile ♪ 137 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,731 Just because she's married 138 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,067 doesn't mean she can get fat. 139 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,339 So magical. 140 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,107 ♪♪ 141 00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,243 I can't believe I've got to go to tutoring. 142 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:45,245 At least you don't have to go to piccolo. 143 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,247 Why do I have to learn instruments? 144 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,415 I am an instrument. 145 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,451 That's all I have so far. 146 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:52,752 Afternoon, Nicole. 147 00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:55,188 Ooh, this must be your tutor. 148 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,524 Normally, the older students tutor the younger ones, 149 00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,993 but you're obviously the exception. 150 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,329 My wife's Asian, so I get it. 151 00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,497 Tutor?! No, I -- yes! 152 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,499 Uh, Eddie's my tutor. Just one second. 153 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,704 Tutor?! I can't teach! 154 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:14,307 I can educate sucka mcs, but that's not the same! 155 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,309 No, listen, i-it'll be awesome. 156 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,311 This way, you and me can just hang out all period 157 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,213 and, like, listen to music and stuff. 158 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,249 Yeah. 159 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,316 That could be dope. 160 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,019 And this way, i can get out of piccolo! 161 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,021 My mom will love that I'm tutoring. 162 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,724 How can you not love tutoring?! 163 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,093 Because it's one step away from teacher, 164 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,728 which is one missed paycheck away 165 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,564 from homeless man with dirty dog and socks for gloves. 166 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,466 That doesn't even make any sense. 167 00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,167 It doesn't have to make sense. You know why? 168 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,136 Because you said so! 169 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,674 You better not be going into the kitchen to eat ravioli! 170 00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,410 ♪♪ 171 00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:58,164 Hey, sweetie! No! 172 00:06:58,164 --> 00:07:00,333 But you don't even know what I'm asking. 173 00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:01,701 You called me "sweetie," 174 00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:03,169 so you probably want something extravagant 175 00:07:03,169 --> 00:07:05,071 like a boat or a new party shirt. 176 00:07:05,071 --> 00:07:07,907 Let's have another baby -- a girl one! 177 00:07:07,907 --> 00:07:09,742 Are you crazy?! Shop is closed! 178 00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:16,148 Emery: A daughter? 179 00:07:16,148 --> 00:07:18,584 I have horrible news. 180 00:07:18,584 --> 00:07:20,253 Grandma finally caught that bird? 181 00:07:20,253 --> 00:07:22,722 Worse. Dad wants a daughter. 182 00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:25,057 That is worse. 183 00:07:25,057 --> 00:07:27,326 If we get a sister, she'll take over our room. 184 00:07:27,326 --> 00:07:30,329 We'd have to move in with Eddie. 185 00:07:30,329 --> 00:07:32,231 But only until he goes to college. 186 00:07:38,871 --> 00:07:40,673 Eddie in college?! It just came out! 187 00:07:40,673 --> 00:07:41,707 It just came out! 188 00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:46,879 Jessica, I did it! 189 00:07:46,879 --> 00:07:48,214 Aah! Whoo! You did what? 190 00:07:48,214 --> 00:07:51,050 Oh, Nicole asked me for money. 191 00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,718 And I didn't give her any! 192 00:07:52,718 --> 00:07:55,054 Good, because you are the queen. 193 00:07:55,054 --> 00:07:56,122 You tell her "no." 194 00:07:56,122 --> 00:07:57,723 Uh, well... 195 00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:00,626 Nicole: Honey! Where's your purse?! 196 00:08:00,626 --> 00:08:02,895 Can't hear you! I'm in the shower! 197 00:08:02,895 --> 00:08:04,864 I'm working up to "no." 198 00:08:04,864 --> 00:08:06,299 But I didn't give her any money. 199 00:08:06,299 --> 00:08:07,633 Okay, well, it's a start. 200 00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:09,135 I give you a c-minus. 201 00:08:09,135 --> 00:08:11,804 Learning to be a good parent takes time. 202 00:08:11,804 --> 00:08:13,639 Speaking of learning, 203 00:08:13,639 --> 00:08:16,242 Nicole says Eddie is a fantastic tutor. 204 00:08:16,242 --> 00:08:18,144 Eddie who? 205 00:08:19,812 --> 00:08:22,715 Jessica! You joke machine! 206 00:08:22,715 --> 00:08:25,718 Your son has been tutoring her every day this week. 207 00:08:25,718 --> 00:08:28,187 Another master chess move by you. 208 00:08:28,187 --> 00:08:29,922 Getting Eddie to study more... 209 00:08:29,922 --> 00:08:32,124 You really are the queen. 210 00:08:32,124 --> 00:08:34,894 ♪♪ 211 00:08:34,894 --> 00:08:37,663 You're still tutoring?! I told you to stop! 212 00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:38,772 Wait, how did you know?! 213 00:08:38,772 --> 00:08:40,474 I know everything! 214 00:08:40,474 --> 00:08:42,776 You're taking piccolo! 215 00:08:42,776 --> 00:08:44,644 You're going to ride that metal mouth tube 216 00:08:44,644 --> 00:08:46,112 all the way to money town! 217 00:08:46,112 --> 00:08:47,948 No! 218 00:08:51,852 --> 00:08:53,186 What did you just say? 219 00:08:54,921 --> 00:08:56,456 I said "no." 220 00:08:56,456 --> 00:08:57,757 Tutoring is the one chance i get 221 00:08:57,757 --> 00:08:59,092 to hang out with Nicole alone. 222 00:08:59,092 --> 00:09:00,160 I'm not switching. 223 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,028 Yes, you are. 224 00:09:02,028 --> 00:09:04,564 I will call the school and have them switch you. 225 00:09:04,564 --> 00:09:05,866 Even if you switch me, 226 00:09:05,866 --> 00:09:07,734 you can't physically force me to play it. 227 00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,169 I will tape it to your mouth. 228 00:09:09,169 --> 00:09:11,037 I will breathe through my nose. 229 00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:13,473 Your move, mom. 230 00:09:16,843 --> 00:09:18,845 I can't believe Eddie defied me like that! Hmm. 231 00:09:18,845 --> 00:09:20,981 You know who wouldn't have disrespected you like that? 232 00:09:20,981 --> 00:09:22,582 A girl. 233 00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:24,951 The closest I ever came to defying my mother 234 00:09:24,951 --> 00:09:27,053 was when I wanted to pick out my own shoes! 235 00:09:27,053 --> 00:09:28,655 ♪♪ 236 00:09:32,893 --> 00:09:35,862 You know whose shoes you could pick out? 237 00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:37,030 A baby girl's. 238 00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:39,466 Cowboy boots or... 239 00:09:39,466 --> 00:09:41,067 Maybe I was too aggressive in my opening gambit. ...One with a buckle and a strap. 240 00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:42,702 Oh, uh, Mary janes. Going at him made him defensive. 241 00:09:42,702 --> 00:09:44,004 That's what they're called. 242 00:09:44,004 --> 00:09:45,038 So cute. I need to fall back. 243 00:09:45,038 --> 00:09:47,073 On a girl... I need to outmaneuver him. 244 00:09:47,073 --> 00:09:49,543 ...which we could create... Make Eddie think he chose the piccolo. 245 00:09:49,543 --> 00:09:50,944 ...in under one minute. Huh? 246 00:09:50,944 --> 00:09:52,846 What? 247 00:09:52,846 --> 00:09:55,549 Deidre: Your father does not want another baby, Evan. 248 00:09:55,549 --> 00:09:57,183 He seems pretty serious about it. 249 00:09:57,183 --> 00:09:59,185 Trust me, he just thinks he does. 250 00:09:59,185 --> 00:10:00,954 Mm. I'm sure it's hormones. 251 00:10:00,954 --> 00:10:02,923 It's probably just his time of the month... Mm. 252 00:10:02,923 --> 00:10:05,458 ...you know, when the mortgage is due. Mm-hmm. 253 00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:06,316 Just get him a puppy -- 254 00:10:06,316 --> 00:10:08,485 something small and cute he can take care of. 255 00:10:08,485 --> 00:10:09,786 That's all he really wants. Mm-hmm. 256 00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:11,588 Yeah, Richard brought up the baby talk last spring. 257 00:10:11,588 --> 00:10:12,856 I just bought him a drill. 258 00:10:15,459 --> 00:10:19,763 So, you must be Eddie's mother, or "mu-chin," yes? 259 00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:22,966 My wife's from Asia, so, I, uh... 260 00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:25,602 I would like you to give Eddie more tutoring students, please. 261 00:10:25,602 --> 00:10:29,806 Ah, you see, one-on-one instruction 262 00:10:29,806 --> 00:10:33,643 is, uh, very much at the core of the tutoring process, 263 00:10:33,643 --> 00:10:37,280 so while I'm sure Eddie excels in all subjects 264 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,882 a-a-and likely a stringed instrument -- 265 00:10:38,882 --> 00:10:41,318 my wife plays viola -- 266 00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:44,521 uh, I just can't assign him more than one student. 267 00:10:46,423 --> 00:10:49,259 Oh, of course. I understand your rule... 268 00:10:49,259 --> 00:10:50,260 Yes. 269 00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:51,795 ...for white students. 270 00:10:51,795 --> 00:10:54,498 I'm listening. 271 00:10:54,498 --> 00:10:56,700 As the husband of an Asian wife, 272 00:10:56,700 --> 00:11:00,604 I'm sure you're familiar with the tale of zong dingbo. 273 00:11:01,938 --> 00:11:04,941 Oh, yeah. Zong din-- yes. 274 00:11:04,941 --> 00:11:07,277 Asking Eddie to tutor only one student 275 00:11:07,277 --> 00:11:09,446 is wasting his potential. 276 00:11:09,446 --> 00:11:11,448 It would be like asking zong dingbo 277 00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:13,817 to carry the ghost only halfway into the town. 278 00:11:15,552 --> 00:11:17,387 Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah. 279 00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,555 Yeah. You'll fix it! 280 00:11:18,555 --> 00:11:20,424 I will. Yes. 281 00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:22,259 You know, you and my wife should grab lunch. No. 282 00:11:22,259 --> 00:11:23,260 No. 283 00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:27,531 When did you start wearing glasses? 284 00:11:27,531 --> 00:11:29,366 3rd grade, but I never felt safe enough 285 00:11:29,366 --> 00:11:30,734 to wear them at school until now. 286 00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:33,603 When the details come into focus, 287 00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:35,639 some of us are less attractive than I thought. 288 00:11:38,275 --> 00:11:40,944 His name is captain fuzz. 289 00:11:40,944 --> 00:11:43,647 He's a pilot for continental airlines. 290 00:11:43,647 --> 00:11:46,650 Eddie, check it out. I got the new boyz ii men cd. 291 00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:47,651 We can play it during tutoring 292 00:11:47,651 --> 00:11:49,386 while I finish drawing on your hand. 293 00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:52,823 Word. 294 00:11:52,823 --> 00:11:54,658 Pizza today, lads. 295 00:11:55,525 --> 00:11:57,494 Are you wearing a skirt? 296 00:11:57,494 --> 00:12:00,464 No. It's a kilt, like in "braveheart." 297 00:12:00,464 --> 00:12:03,600 Dude, that's too far. You're gonna get us all killed. 298 00:12:07,504 --> 00:12:09,940 Hey, Nicole. 299 00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:14,311 I know you didn't just say hi to me and not my friends. 300 00:12:14,311 --> 00:12:15,645 Uh, uh, uh, uh -- 301 00:12:15,645 --> 00:12:16,780 "uh, uh, uh." 302 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:19,583 Bye! 303 00:12:22,652 --> 00:12:23,954 We're invincible. 304 00:12:23,954 --> 00:12:25,889 My boy's in a history dress! 305 00:12:34,898 --> 00:12:36,566 Nicole: You would look good in one of those. 306 00:12:36,566 --> 00:12:38,335 Probably. 307 00:12:38,335 --> 00:12:42,339 Yo, wrong classroom! I'm tutoring up in here! 308 00:12:42,339 --> 00:12:44,007 Oh, these are your new students. 309 00:12:44,007 --> 00:12:45,942 But tutoring's supposed to be one-on-one. 310 00:12:45,942 --> 00:12:47,944 Yes, but we both know 311 00:12:47,944 --> 00:12:50,881 you can handle more than one student. 312 00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:54,317 Zong dingbo. Yeah? 313 00:12:54,317 --> 00:12:58,355 Did he just have a stroke? 314 00:12:58,355 --> 00:13:01,758 Hey, I don't know you. You're new. My dad's in the military. 315 00:13:01,758 --> 00:13:03,226 We just got transferred here, but don't worry. 316 00:13:03,226 --> 00:13:04,561 I'm a lover, not a fighter. 317 00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:07,697 That's so funny. 318 00:13:07,697 --> 00:13:09,633 That wasn't funny. 319 00:13:09,633 --> 00:13:10,867 "It's not a tumor!" 320 00:13:12,369 --> 00:13:13,837 That's -- you're -- you're killing me. 321 00:13:17,374 --> 00:13:19,876 Oh, how was school today? 322 00:13:19,876 --> 00:13:22,345 Terrible. Tutoring sucks. 323 00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:23,880 I'm never doing it again. 324 00:13:26,716 --> 00:13:27,817 Checkmate. 325 00:13:31,212 --> 00:13:34,420 ♪ We belong together ♪ 326 00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:37,289 Eddie, I called you for dinner five times! ♪ and you know that I'm right ♪ 327 00:13:37,289 --> 00:13:38,557 I'm not hungry! 328 00:13:40,259 --> 00:13:43,262 ♪ Why do you play with my heart? ♪ 329 00:13:43,262 --> 00:13:45,598 ♪ End of the road ♪ 330 00:13:45,598 --> 00:13:49,301 ♪ still, I can't let you go ♪ 331 00:13:49,301 --> 00:13:51,036 Here you go, dad. 332 00:13:51,036 --> 00:13:52,371 ♪ It's unnatural ♪ 333 00:13:52,371 --> 00:13:55,407 Why are you handing me my own drill with a bow on it? 334 00:13:55,407 --> 00:13:56,909 For your hormones. 335 00:13:56,909 --> 00:13:58,577 Drill your feelings away! 336 00:13:58,577 --> 00:14:00,179 Aww. 337 00:14:00,179 --> 00:14:02,248 This bow would look so cute on a baby girl. 338 00:14:02,248 --> 00:14:03,515 ♪ Go to the end of the road ♪ 339 00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:09,421 ♪ still, I can't let you go ♪ i found this in the sink. 340 00:14:09,421 --> 00:14:12,291 ♪ It's unnatural ♪ this in the pantry. 341 00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,559 And these... 342 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,395 In between the magazines in the bathroom! 343 00:14:16,395 --> 00:14:19,932 Oh, calendars with cute baby girls dressed as vegetables. 344 00:14:19,932 --> 00:14:21,267 How did these get everywhere? 345 00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,068 Do you know what baby girls turn into? 346 00:14:23,068 --> 00:14:25,537 Teenage girls, and, Louis, trust me, 347 00:14:25,537 --> 00:14:27,072 neither of us want that. 348 00:14:27,072 --> 00:14:29,441 Are you sure? I mean, come on. 349 00:14:29,441 --> 00:14:31,377 I don't think that's cute! 350 00:14:31,377 --> 00:14:34,046 I think it's freaky! It's like a curse! 351 00:14:34,046 --> 00:14:37,383 It's like this poor baby angered some witch 352 00:14:37,383 --> 00:14:40,252 who cursed her to be trapped in a cabbage body! 353 00:14:40,252 --> 00:14:42,955 And now she needs an emperor's kiss 354 00:14:42,955 --> 00:14:44,657 to release her from the curse, 355 00:14:44,657 --> 00:14:48,060 but the emperors are gone -- replaced by democracy. 356 00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:52,665 So this poor cabbage baby is left alone in the fields 357 00:14:52,665 --> 00:14:54,933 to be pecked at by crows. 358 00:14:54,933 --> 00:14:56,568 And then a photographer comes along, 359 00:14:56,568 --> 00:14:58,270 and he takes a photograph of her, 360 00:14:58,270 --> 00:15:00,306 and he sells it for lots of money, 361 00:15:00,306 --> 00:15:04,276 but he leaves her alone to a life of misery! 362 00:15:04,276 --> 00:15:07,946 For who could ever love a cabbage-faced baby? 363 00:15:07,946 --> 00:15:11,116 ♪ You just don't understand ♪ 364 00:15:11,116 --> 00:15:12,518 February's a carrot. 365 00:15:12,518 --> 00:15:14,219 Shop is closed! 366 00:15:14,219 --> 00:15:16,889 ♪ When I can't sleep at night ♪ 367 00:15:16,889 --> 00:15:19,558 ♪ without holding you tight ♪ 368 00:15:19,558 --> 00:15:21,560 ♪ girl, each time I try ♪ 369 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,530 ♪ I just break down and cry ♪ 370 00:15:24,530 --> 00:15:26,398 ♪ pain in my head ♪ 371 00:15:26,398 --> 00:15:29,401 ♪ oh, I'd rather be dead ♪ 372 00:15:29,401 --> 00:15:32,638 ♪ spinning around and around ♪ 373 00:15:32,638 --> 00:15:35,607 ♪ although we've come ♪ 374 00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:40,579 ♪ to the end of the road ♪ 375 00:15:40,579 --> 00:15:45,384 ♪ still, I can't let you go ♪ 376 00:15:45,384 --> 00:15:47,553 ♪ it's unnatural ♪ 377 00:15:47,553 --> 00:15:50,255 ♪ you belong to me ♪ 378 00:15:50,255 --> 00:15:53,258 ♪ I belong to you ♪ 379 00:15:53,258 --> 00:15:55,127 ♪ come ♪ 380 00:15:55,127 --> 00:16:00,032 ♪ to the end of the road ♪ 381 00:16:00,032 --> 00:16:04,670 ♪ still, I can't let you go ♪ 382 00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:07,206 ♪ it's unnatural ♪ 383 00:16:07,206 --> 00:16:09,475 ♪ you belong to me ♪ 384 00:16:09,475 --> 00:16:11,510 ♪ I belong to you ♪ 385 00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:12,945 ♪ I don't -- ♪ 386 00:16:14,313 --> 00:16:17,449 Enough little man boyz! You've been in here for days! 387 00:16:17,449 --> 00:16:18,450 Come to dinner now! 388 00:16:36,235 --> 00:16:38,904 ♪ It's unnatural ♪ 389 00:16:38,904 --> 00:16:41,240 ♪ you belong to me ♪ 390 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,910 ♪ I belong to you ♪ 391 00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:47,446 Both: ♪ although we've come ♪ 392 00:16:47,446 --> 00:16:51,650 ♪ to the end of the road ♪ 393 00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:55,521 ♪ still, I can't let go ♪ 394 00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:58,524 ♪ it's unnatural ♪ 395 00:16:58,524 --> 00:17:00,526 ♪ you belong to me ♪ 396 00:17:00,526 --> 00:17:03,061 ♪ I belong to you ♪ 397 00:17:03,061 --> 00:17:04,897 Together: ♪ come ♪ 398 00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:09,401 ♪ to the end of the road ♪ 399 00:17:09,401 --> 00:17:12,538 ♪ still, I can't let it go ♪ 400 00:17:12,538 --> 00:17:14,239 ♪ whoa-whoa-whoa ♪ 401 00:17:14,239 --> 00:17:16,208 ♪ it's unnatural ♪ 402 00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:18,544 ♪ you belong to me ♪ 403 00:17:18,544 --> 00:17:22,281 ♪ I belong to you ♪ 404 00:17:22,281 --> 00:17:24,917 Girl. I'm here for you. 405 00:17:24,917 --> 00:17:28,053 All those times at night when you just hurt me 406 00:17:28,053 --> 00:17:30,355 and just ran off with that other fella... 407 00:17:30,355 --> 00:17:32,057 Baby, I knew about it. 408 00:17:32,057 --> 00:17:33,559 I just didn't care. 409 00:17:36,528 --> 00:17:38,897 Ready for book club? 410 00:17:38,897 --> 00:17:40,532 I finally finished it! 411 00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:41,900 This is why we flush our hamsters. 412 00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,936 I can't right now. 413 00:17:43,936 --> 00:17:45,437 Uh, something's wrong with Eddie. 414 00:17:45,437 --> 00:17:47,573 He's depressed. He won't eat. 415 00:17:47,573 --> 00:17:49,208 He won't listen to me. 416 00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:50,542 I don't know what to do. 417 00:17:50,542 --> 00:17:53,378 I even bought this parenting book. 418 00:17:53,378 --> 00:17:56,915 "Advanced chess strategy." 419 00:17:56,915 --> 00:17:59,117 The forward was written by a computer. 420 00:17:59,117 --> 00:18:02,387 Well, Eddie's upset because of Nicole. 421 00:18:02,387 --> 00:18:05,357 Ever since she started hanging out with that new kid, Chris. 422 00:18:05,357 --> 00:18:06,425 How do you know that? 423 00:18:06,425 --> 00:18:09,094 Because I talked to her -- as a friend. 424 00:18:09,094 --> 00:18:11,263 I mean, I know your policy on children friends, 425 00:18:11,263 --> 00:18:14,166 but maybe that's what Eddie needs right now. 426 00:18:14,166 --> 00:18:15,501 He has friends. 427 00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:19,171 He has Dave, uh, the scrawny one... 428 00:18:19,171 --> 00:18:20,606 Big red. 429 00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:23,909 Jessica, you can't fix this. 430 00:18:23,909 --> 00:18:26,545 What Eddie needs from you right now is just to know 431 00:18:26,545 --> 00:18:29,081 that he's not the first person to go through it. 432 00:18:31,116 --> 00:18:32,484 ♪♪ 433 00:18:36,455 --> 00:18:39,291 I thought you might like this alarm clock better. 434 00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:41,360 The lazy dog tells you when to get up. 435 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,229 It doesn't matter. 436 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,436 You know, I once had my heart broken, too. 437 00:18:53,038 --> 00:18:55,974 When Oscar chow dumped me in college... 438 00:18:55,974 --> 00:18:58,644 I was devastated. 439 00:18:58,644 --> 00:19:01,880 I thought I would never feel happy again. 440 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,349 I lost weight. My grades suffered. 441 00:19:04,349 --> 00:19:07,019 I cut my hair. 442 00:19:07,019 --> 00:19:09,087 It was the worst 20 minutes of my life. 443 00:19:11,323 --> 00:19:13,358 How did you get over it? 444 00:19:13,358 --> 00:19:16,361 I realized that... 445 00:19:16,361 --> 00:19:19,364 Life is a lot like chess. 446 00:19:19,364 --> 00:19:21,900 You can't win every game. 447 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:24,036 But you also can't give up when you lose. 448 00:19:24,036 --> 00:19:28,040 You know, if Oscar chow hadn't dumped me, 449 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,242 I never would have met your father. 450 00:19:30,242 --> 00:19:32,978 And I wouldn't be here. 451 00:19:32,978 --> 00:19:35,447 Exactly. 452 00:19:35,447 --> 00:19:37,482 And that would be tragic. 453 00:19:39,251 --> 00:19:43,255 Like the 2,000 marching-band scholarships 454 00:19:43,255 --> 00:19:46,391 that go unclaimed every year! 455 00:19:46,391 --> 00:19:49,127 Non...Stop! 456 00:19:50,596 --> 00:19:53,966 Louis, I found more calendars in the garbage. 457 00:19:53,966 --> 00:19:56,568 Yeah, I threw them out. I changed my mind. 458 00:19:56,568 --> 00:20:00,939 We don't need another baby. 459 00:20:00,939 --> 00:20:02,074 What made you change your mind? 460 00:20:02,074 --> 00:20:04,109 I overheard you talking to Eddie, 461 00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:05,510 and it made me think -- 462 00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:08,513 if I had a daughter and she had her heart broken, 463 00:20:08,513 --> 00:20:10,882 I'd hunt the boy down who did it and murder him. 464 00:20:10,882 --> 00:20:14,119 You were right. I don't want a teenage girl. 465 00:20:15,621 --> 00:20:17,489 Checkmate. 466 00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:24,930 I am cornholio! 467 00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:44,886 ♪ 1, 2, 3 and to the 4 ♪ 468 00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:47,889 ♪ snoop doggy dogg and Dr. dre is at the door ♪ 469 00:20:47,889 --> 00:20:49,057 ♪ ready to make an entrance, so back on up ♪ 470 00:20:52,671 --> 00:20:55,707 And that's why I always play monopoly... 471 00:20:55,707 --> 00:20:56,841 As the boot. 472 00:21:00,779 --> 00:21:02,514 Nicole: Hey. 473 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,992 Why isn't Nicole sitting with us? 474 00:21:05,992 --> 00:21:08,228 I don't think she's gonna be sitting with us anymore, guys. 475 00:21:09,262 --> 00:21:12,232 But I'm wearing a kilt. 476 00:21:12,232 --> 00:21:14,701 Do you understand?! I'm not wearing pants! 477 00:21:16,721 --> 00:21:18,723 Well, gentlemen... 478 00:21:21,792 --> 00:21:24,562 It's been a pleasure seeing you.