1
00:00:05,229 --> 00:00:08,910
You run off and took our only chicken.

2
00:00:10,530 --> 00:00:14,170
When I broke jail, the house was burnt
and spared.

3
00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:20,110
The Japs moved the plant back to the old
sackings.

4
00:00:21,550 --> 00:00:24,870
Some days I just don't sing that prayer.

5
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:30,670
I don't even care. I'm telling you, I
just don't give a damn. Hey, man, let me

6
00:00:30,670 --> 00:00:32,630
drive that thing. Come on. Touch the
tram.

7
00:00:35,990 --> 00:00:40,430
He ain't on the news. Got the man with
the rag on his head.

8
00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:45,930
He's hiding in the desert. Good Lord,
won't he dare.

9
00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:06,910
Oh, my God.

10
00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:09,270
Enhance 17 through 23.

11
00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:11,270
Head clap.

12
00:01:11,490 --> 00:01:13,270
Twirl. Toe tap.

13
00:01:13,550 --> 00:01:14,790
Double boot clap.

14
00:01:15,390 --> 00:01:19,510
He's executing every move exactly like
everyone else, like no one I've ever

15
00:01:19,510 --> 00:01:21,190
seen. He's on fire!

16
00:01:21,650 --> 00:01:25,390
He'll be returning with the picture for
the U .S. of A.

17
00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:30,130
Well, that was a lot right there.

18
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:31,670
Hey,

19
00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:36,210
Hulk, you see that fine -ass little gal
holding hands with that dandy man over

20
00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:40,450
there? I want you to send her five Long
Island iced teas, and you say they's

21
00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:41,128
from me.

22
00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:42,250
You got any money?

23
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,170
Since five minutes ago?

24
00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:46,670
I tell you what, Cochise.

25
00:01:46,950 --> 00:01:51,110
You go ahead and send her five tap
waters and, uh, use those days for me.

26
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:54,770
limiting water to one glass per customer
on account of the drought. Five

27
00:01:54,770 --> 00:01:55,770
glasses.

28
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,450
Do as the man says.

29
00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,050
But we got water restrictions. Did I
tell you?

30
00:02:00,550 --> 00:02:02,030
Did I tell you?

31
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,330
Hang on.

32
00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:06,890
Crack this bad boy open and, uh, swirl
it around with a swizzle.

33
00:02:07,130 --> 00:02:08,530
You know, party favors.

34
00:02:09,889 --> 00:02:11,290
And don't you judge me.

35
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,390
I've been following your moves, Ernie.

36
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:19,780
You follow a predetermined set of
routines in slow motion with listless

37
00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:25,060
and joyless precision. You don't play by
their rules because your heart is a

38
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:26,060
stallion.

39
00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:30,020
Yeah, my behind's closed for business if
that's what this is about.

40
00:02:30,260 --> 00:02:31,260
Danny.

41
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,300
I need your money if that's what this is
about.

42
00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:40,320
Patience, Ernie. An opportunity will
present itself in due time. Oh, sorry.

43
00:02:40,540 --> 00:02:44,240
gentlemen the wet t -shirt contest has
been canceled due to statewide water

44
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:50,280
restrictions god damn it we had us a
ring i've gained all week for this folks

45
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:54,880
can only do so much with a humidifier
sorry about to see why i'm a three -time

46
00:02:54,880 --> 00:03:00,600
champion hey vegan quit honking all that
mess back off bitch oh

47
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,160
still undefeated

48
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:12,280
Come on now, let's go.

49
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,200
Whee!

50
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:28,560
Whee!

51
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:29,820
I'm a fun.

52
00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:31,580
All right, little boy, let's go.

53
00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:34,500
Can't you just see the joy on the
children's face?

54
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:40,140
No, not, don't look at that child's
face. Yeah, as much as it pains me to do

55
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,950
this. I'm going to have to ask you to
shut her down.

56
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:45,770
Is this about the E. coli thing?

57
00:03:46,070 --> 00:03:50,370
Look, filling the wave pool with animal
urine is a worthwhile experiment.

58
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:55,570
Let's not throw the baby out with the
imported Chinese wolf piss. That urine

59
00:03:55,570 --> 00:04:00,370
screened visually for bacteria before we
allow any child to splash about in it.

60
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:02,830
And what is that stuff over there?

61
00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:06,610
They're entirely legitimate scientific
fluids.

62
00:04:06,850 --> 00:04:10,500
May I? I remind you, Sheriff, Moist and
Wacky is the largest employer of

63
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:14,820
uneducated trailer filth in this entire
God -forgotten region. Well, until we

64
00:04:14,820 --> 00:04:20,640
get some more rain, I suggest that I
probably just look the other way on this

65
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,780
whole deal. That's why you're the man,
Sheriff.

66
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,100
Punch it in, bro.

67
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,760
But don't, don't actually touch me.

68
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,800
Now, this says we can install a flow
restrictor on our shower heads and save

69
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:39,860
between 500 and 800 gallons a month. Or
just dab you some Rebel Bandit behind

70
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,400
your ears. You smell twice as fine for
half the price.

71
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,220
Jug line ain't moving, Daddy.

72
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,680
All right. Get out and push us over that
way.

73
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,060
That's our cove's a hot spot for the
largemouth flapjack.

74
00:05:02,860 --> 00:05:07,440
Remember, Granny, if it's yellow, let it
mellow. But if it's brown, flush it

75
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:13,420
down. It was green, and there's a whole
city of tiny orange bugs in it.

76
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:18,000
Oh. It don't say nothing about that,
Granny. Well, they chased me.

77
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,900
Didn't you hear me screaming?

78
00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:21,280
Get back, Walter.

79
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:26,060
I told you to get some penicillin down
at the soda shop.

80
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:29,220
Them orange butt mites get in the damn
well water. Let's go.

81
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:40,680
It says we should use condensation from
our central air conditioning unit to

82
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:44,080
source them luxury items. Wait a minute.
I know I just didn't hear you call

83
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:48,980
Charlie Daniels a luxury. Now, what in
the hell is that central air

84
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:52,220
you're talking about? It's a bunch of
bull mess made up by them liberals to

85
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:53,220
us buy more magnets.

86
00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:54,840
Conspiracy, I tell you.

87
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,560
Now, you go on in the house and hose off
the big screen.

88
00:05:57,780 --> 00:05:58,940
The race is about to come on.

89
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,420
Wake up. Get up. You go on in the town.

90
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:10,569
Come on, son.

91
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,570
The glitter only, I said.

92
00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:13,650
I'll get the water. The damn water is
mine.

93
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:15,570
You don't like it? Complain to God.

94
00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:16,749
But guess what?

95
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:19,870
He got a deaf ear turned to you, boy.
You know why? Because there ain't no

96
00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:23,270
God. With your permission, Early, I'd
like to begin.

97
00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:25,270
Bring it on, ding -dong.

98
00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:28,810
Lord,

99
00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:35,330
we thank you for this scorching and
seemingly endless...

100
00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:40,530
I can't bend this. I can't even wash the
bugs off a windshield. And I have to

101
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:45,070
say a rosary out of guilt every time I
take a shower. Is it because Jane Fonda

102
00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:48,030
lives down here? She has five vacation
homes, Lord.

103
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,330
They're not all in Atlanta.

104
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:53,690
Oh, you'll make a statue, Weeper River
appears in Brazil.

105
00:06:53,950 --> 00:06:55,530
And we get nothing?

106
00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:59,170
Hell, they were drinking monkey blood
before we got down there.

107
00:06:59,430 --> 00:07:03,950
It's go time, Lord. You put up or you
shut up.

108
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,430
That's right, I said it. Well, hell
yeah.

109
00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:11,050
If you step up, you handle your
business.

110
00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:13,670
Thank you. A little tough love there.

111
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:16,870
Okay, we have a guest today.

112
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:24,130
Mr. Dan Halen is here to speak to us
from his heart about commitment to

113
00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:29,770
Jesus. Your God is clearly punishing you
for not listening to me. Listen to me.

114
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:34,230
Get word at the precipitation
celebration this Saturday at the Lester

115
00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:35,850
Boiled Peanut Dome.

116
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:40,970
Scripture tells us that David Allen Coe
will perform for nine American dollars.

117
00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:42,890
David Allen Coe? Hell yeah!

118
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,450
Hell yeah! And all your water problems
will be solved.

119
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:52,370
Amen. Well, I don't remember anything in
the good book about David Allen Coe.

120
00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:53,970
Bring a poncho, you brainly sheep.

121
00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:03,330
Over there, in the loge, next to the
Capital One luxury box.

122
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:08,510
What does he look like? He's a squid
coat. Look for something with lots of

123
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:12,650
What do I look like, an ichthyologist?
I'm just saying, man, I see a few of

124
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:16,470
up there. He's the one with his mouth
open in an expression of constant

125
00:08:16,470 --> 00:08:18,090
confusion and ignorance.

126
00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:22,790
Maybe you could give me a little better
clue. Look for the one in the hat. It

127
00:08:22,790 --> 00:08:26,530
probably says something like, guns don't
kill people, I do. Oh, yeah, okay.

128
00:08:26,770 --> 00:08:28,830
Focus your ballot at the squid coat.

129
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:30,250
Lights of nature!

130
00:08:30,890 --> 00:08:34,669
All right, Google County, are you ready
to party with a long -haired redneck?

131
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:41,630
I will make your anus. What, am I
talking too loud for you, whore? What

132
00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:42,589
are you looking at?

133
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:47,310
We're going to blow the roof off this
damn ball, peanut dong.

134
00:08:48,350 --> 00:08:49,350
This is a dog?

135
00:08:49,450 --> 00:08:52,830
We're trackable. We're going to kick
things off with a song from my new

136
00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:56,130
No, no, not the new album. I mean, let's
kick it off with a song I was just

137
00:08:56,130 --> 00:08:58,930
handed on this page. It's called the...

138
00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:00,450
Oklahoma.

139
00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:05,530
Damn, damn.

140
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:07,330
Whatever.

141
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:13,750
I come home Friday night with a paycheck
in my hand.

142
00:09:14,090 --> 00:09:17,490
I've been sweating overtime hours for
the man.

143
00:09:17,770 --> 00:09:22,890
I comb and braid my hair back, spray on
a little tan, and then we're going to

144
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:24,930
party down the Ovaloo Dam.

145
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:39,330
I'm sick and tired of this water usage
ban.

146
00:09:39,630 --> 00:09:44,790
I'm going to stop it now. I got a damn
good plan. I packed a half a ton of

147
00:09:44,790 --> 00:09:46,970
fertilizer in a rental van.

148
00:09:47,190 --> 00:09:50,010
I'm going to blow the hell out of the
Oklahoma.

149
00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:54,610
Hey, Dad, are you listening to these
lyrics? I am not. Drive the van, son.

150
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,380
Bring the detonators.

151
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:08,700
Now, some of this

152
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:13,720
water would have gone to Alabama, but
me, I'm making sure it all ends up on

153
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:18,170
Georgia land. And if I get caught...
They're going to put my ass in the gym.

154
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:23,390
But if I survive this overwhelming
blast, I'll hear us stand on the edge of

155
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,910
span of the oak to lead you down.

156
00:10:27,110 --> 00:10:28,170
You step on back, son.

157
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:30,090
These detonators ain't child's play.

158
00:10:30,370 --> 00:10:31,790
Daddy, you don't have to do this now.

159
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:34,590
Do what? Go, go, go. Get the hell out of
here.

160
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:53,360
Water. We made it. We're going to live.
We got water.

161
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,120
Wait. No. I can't breathe.

162
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:04,980
Look at these hordes and

163
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,980
Philistines. That's right.

164
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:12,020
Lap it up. Are you sure that dam was
built by Al -Qaeda? I'm not. Because

165
00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:14,360
don't usually come here. Look, you're a
great American, David Allen.

166
00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:17,180
Now play for my amusement, country bard.

167
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,240
Snap to it, bumpkin. I have you till
sick.

168
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:36,240
Rig

169
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:44,200
that

170
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,200
son of a bitch.