1 00:00:04,739 --> 00:00:08,840 I gave all my best years to that woman. 2 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:14,080 All she gave me was mouths to feed. 3 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,480 A miracle straight from the loins of Jesus. 4 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,860 Since Charlie blew off both my terrapins. 5 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,780 1969, Cameron Bay. 6 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,520 I might not be proud of that, but come on. Touch the tram. 7 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:39,160 Oh. 8 00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:43,620 Oh. Oh, Lord. 9 00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:48,220 Tiggers! Yeah, family style. 10 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,340 Give me one, too. 11 00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:53,420 Rusty, fetch the preserve jar. 12 00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:55,280 Look, Daddy, up in the sky. 13 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,780 Judgment Day is coming. 14 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,040 Oh, yes it is. Bomb them all, the kingdom come. 15 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,300 Woo! Bag them and tag them, stack them and rack them. Heed the words that I 16 00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:13,240 Let God sort them out. 17 00:01:13,780 --> 00:01:17,180 America is number one. All right, all right. Please, please, shut up. 18 00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:21,020 I am not the Air Force. 19 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,560 Oh, I get it. Our horse, Black Ops, come found the primitive age of mine. 20 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:26,699 Daddy, look. 21 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:30,720 Sunspots coming out of the spigot. Either this is spring break at P .C. 22 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,980 we're in some damn Jamie Kennedy experiment. That is blood. 23 00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,760 A sea of blood. 24 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,360 Don't get no better than this. 25 00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:45,060 Okay, they're drinking the blood. 26 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:52,680 What the hell? What the hell with it? You know, you just, you're disgusting me 27 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,680 here. 28 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:02,120 I am one of the poor horsemen of the apocalypse. 29 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:10,199 Witcher. What is that? My grasshopper? These are locusts 30 00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:15,200 with human faces and the tails of scorpions. 31 00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:20,040 He's overcompensating. 32 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:21,760 Hey, one word. 33 00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:26,480 Apocalyptic horseman. Boom. Warm. 34 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:32,540 Famine, death, and grasshoppers. Well, now, one don't quite belong, does it? 35 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,740 Prepare for the end of days. 36 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,560 Consider yourself one. 37 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,220 Let's get that... 38 00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:03,710 Never gonna look up my boy's butt. 39 00:03:04,030 --> 00:03:08,490 What's the real issue? That's when all the good people fly out of their clothes 40 00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:10,410 straight up into heaven. 41 00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:11,710 Like Superman? 42 00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:14,870 Yes. But completely new. 43 00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:19,010 Gonna be one hot tangle of bodies up there. I know you don't need to eat or 44 00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:22,090 drink. Cause I'm gonna be banging all day. 45 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:23,770 Ready? 46 00:03:52,590 --> 00:03:55,370 to agnostic areas and put your faith in him. 47 00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:00,710 Praise Jesus. 48 00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,170 Praise him! 49 00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:06,950 Are you gonna meet the Lord with that tiny dick? 50 00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:09,870 It'll look a whole lot bigger when we get to heaven. 51 00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:13,750 I have to say what's all worth it! Screw every last one of you! 52 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,730 Am I looking at the right thing? 53 00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:20,910 Judgment day. 54 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,640 I guess there was a reason for the seats. 55 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:31,280 Okay, this is Big Crimson Daddy. Stop production on all sex toys immediately. 56 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,020 Where? Everything? 57 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:39,580 Uh, I could maybe fold the anal beads team into yo -yos, but no vibrators. 58 00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,420 Can't we just call them back massagers? 59 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,700 No. 60 00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:48,820 Yes. Yes, we can make that work. I'll call Sharper Image. 61 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,120 What about this, Santa? 62 00:04:51,999 --> 00:04:56,800 The Kalashnikovs with the drum -type rear sight and the fixed stock. Oh, God, 63 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,740 that's a nice weapon. Uh, let me hold off on that. 64 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:01,899 Roger, look. 65 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,700 It's happening. What? Get back down here. It's happening. Wait. 66 00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:06,800 You told us we have no soul. 67 00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:08,120 You're still my flame. 68 00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:14,560 Merry Christmas, Afghanistan. 69 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,800 Goodbye, you dumbasses that told me to study algebra. 70 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,460 Goodbye, Patrick Swayze poster. 71 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,520 Goodbye, truck boat truck. Don't you worry, Russell. The truck boat truck 72 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,580 meet us at the pearly gates. 73 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:25,860 It's got the GPS. 74 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,720 You can't even bog in heaven. 75 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,659 Do what? 76 00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:29,660 Ain't no mud. 77 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:31,100 Uh -uh. 78 00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:58,160 There's people flying around. You might want to step aside as I fly forth into 79 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,160 the heavens, hmm? 80 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,600 Jesus will want me quickly. 81 00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:03,300 Might take your arm clean off, boy. 82 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,480 Oh, excuse me. You do what you got to do. 83 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,480 Any minute now. 84 00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,460 I'm praying for you, Reverend. 85 00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:16,000 Yeah. A little further back, boy. Oh, sorry, sorry. 86 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:17,700 Oh, 87 00:06:18,340 --> 00:06:21,900 how do you do that? Just like you said, Reverend. 88 00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,960 Yep. It's our time, boy. 89 00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:25,460 We're coming home. 90 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,240 Well, 91 00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:31,220 this is awkward. 92 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,960 If you wouldn't mind, would you lock up the store? 93 00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,060 Oh, 94 00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:38,460 come on! 95 00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:42,180 $4 ,398. 96 00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:43,920 $4 ,399. 97 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:50,160 $4 ,400. And that's it. Peter, we're all full. Wait a minute. What about me? I'm 98 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,100 sorry. $4 ,400 is the cut. 99 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,700 Why don't you hang outside here? 100 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,780 You know, with the babies who can't get in because they weren't baptized. 101 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,120 But wait. Why don't you just wait until Monday? Things might open up a little 102 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,180 bit. People might reject heavenly paradise. 103 00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:08,420 You never know. But you brought me up here. I mean, you know, not like I 104 00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:11,160 a ride. I'm sorry. It is our policy to overbook. 105 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,700 My high school body. 106 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,420 Thank you, Jesus. 107 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:17,840 Mondays, right? 108 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,160 Lift with your wings. 109 00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:31,039 How's it look, boy? 110 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:31,879 Are we clear? 111 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,880 Yeah, we clear. 112 00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,480 I think that son of a bitch is gone. 113 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:35,700 All right, then, let's roll. 114 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:36,800 Wait, wait, wait. 115 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,120 Two, four, eight. 116 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,680 Oh, you left the damn subwoofer behind. 117 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,620 What's the point of stealing fine -ass speakers if you ain't got that fine -ass 118 00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:46,620 rich face? 119 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,980 Why did he reject me? 120 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:56,200 He even took the Mexicans, for goodness sake. They can't even pray anymore. 121 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,460 Hey, look at this shirt. Four dollars in Old Navy, but it's free on the street. 122 00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:05,580 Woo! Russell, mute your woos, boy. 123 00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:07,500 There's a seven -headed beast afoot. 124 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,279 Woo -hoo. 125 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,139 There you go. 126 00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:13,240 Why have you forsaken me, Lord? 127 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,080 Reverend, the beast. Don't you shush me. I'll say whatever I want. Oh, 128 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:20,640 come on. 129 00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,960 I thought I was going to be young again. 130 00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:25,180 I don't know where people are getting this. 131 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,980 Believe me. Look, I would love to be back in my prime. 132 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,380 It's not happening. So where's my virgins? 133 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,580 That's actually a Muslim thing. 134 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,539 Well, how about you just take me, Lord? 135 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,840 Take me? What's that big, booming horse here? 136 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,360 What? No. 137 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,340 Smells like olives. 138 00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:48,360 Excuse me? Come on. No. Make me look like Dolly Parton. Make me look however 139 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,660 want. I don't care. Dogs, anything, and old tires. No, no, no. What turns you 140 00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:53,660 on? No. 141 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,740 This is heaven. 142 00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:56,440 I ain't supposed to get rejected. 143 00:08:57,550 --> 00:09:01,350 But, Granny, if I have sex with you, it's not heaven for me. 144 00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:04,750 Who turned on the rapture? 145 00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:11,050 You told me to. That was a parable, son. We've been over this. How is yes, 146 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:16,230 Thursday, whatever, a parable? I don't know. It was probably one of Satan's 147 00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:19,050 tricks. The guy is always messing with us. 148 00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:21,610 After all, we're decimated by injuries. 149 00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:25,070 You say that whenever you don't listen to me. You never listen! 150 00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,090 Anything you like. 151 00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:41,970 What's the safe word? 152 00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:45,370 Man, 153 00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,190 them Jews was funny. 154 00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:49,390 Hey, man, what's this speaker for? 155 00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:52,910 That there's a back left tweeter. You know, supporting character dialogue. 156 00:09:53,770 --> 00:09:57,290 How come I don't hear nothing? Well, Q's a main character, Amy, and that comes 157 00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:59,190 out of the front main. You ain't the main character. 158 00:09:59,410 --> 00:10:03,010 James Bond is the one. Well, obviously James Bond is a main character, dammit. 159 00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:04,510 Guys, guys, guys. 160 00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:08,890 You're killing the vibe in here. That speaker's only for dialogue coming from 161 00:10:08,890 --> 00:10:12,870 behind, and you guys have it routed through the subwoofer somehow, which is, 162 00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,790 course, rolling off all the highs, which I'm not even going to get into that 163 00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:16,709 with you right now. 164 00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:19,610 Just give me 15 minutes. I'll work on it later on. Who even cares? 165 00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:23,450 Life is merely a fantasy drape. 166 00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:24,670 in confusion. 167 00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:29,390 The curtain is yanked back from the charade. 168 00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:32,030 Could you grab my skull bong from the reverend, please? 169 00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:34,770 Yeah. 170 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:40,010 Rapture got called off early. 171 00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:43,550 You think we might be able to borrow some clothes here? 172 00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:45,929 Here you go. 173 00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:46,930 Outdated laptop. 174 00:10:47,350 --> 00:10:49,110 Cover them fangs with that. Wait, early. 175 00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:53,670 What are you watching in there? Is that Shrek? Two.