1
00:00:05,170 --> 00:00:11,950
Somehow I got spinal meningitis
Injecting all

2
00:00:11,950 --> 00:00:18,210
that hashbray in my spine It's a super
cheap way

3
00:00:18,210 --> 00:00:24,810
to party If you ain't killed some brain
cells every time

4
00:00:24,810 --> 00:00:29,030
Good luck getting that child support
check from me now. My turn.

5
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:32,520
Hell no. Hey, man, let me try that
thing. Come on. Touch the trim.

6
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,160
Ow! Damn!

7
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,460
Mm -hmm.

8
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:46,940
He's ripe, all right.

9
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,060
The time be nigh.

10
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:50,539
That's what?

11
00:00:50,540 --> 00:00:54,200
To take you down to the jiggle hut. Have
old Trixie flip you over and give you

12
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,700
your first Tuscaloosa dumpling.

13
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:56,979
Oh, all right.

14
00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:59,020
That's good. I like dumplings. It ain't
food, boy.

15
00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:05,239
Huh? It's a revolting and arousing act
of sexual perversion slash rite of

16
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,240
passage.

17
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:07,580
We think.

18
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,180
You think? Nobody knows for sure.

19
00:01:10,620 --> 00:01:11,199
Except Lil.

20
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:15,740
She invented it. Yeah, it's a twist on
the classic Cherokee chin strap.

21
00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:20,280
You top it off with a Montgomery monkey
tail and then you finish it with a gravy

22
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,640
chaser. Now, wait a minute. I always
thought it was when a man gives a woman

23
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:27,180
little Memphis mouthwash. No. And
simultaneously she administers the

24
00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:28,180
blister. No.

25
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,500
on the bridge of his nose. Biloxi
blister.

26
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,980
Birmingham biloxi, same thing.

27
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,960
Well, I'm from the old school.

28
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,960
Well, it is not the same thing. Hell,
you don't know. It's the same damn

29
00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:42,160
If you don't see a little cartilage, you
ain't in biloxi. Wait, look. And I'm

30
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,740
sorry, but Birmingham ain't no fun for
nobody.

31
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48,620
Daddy, I don't think I want one of them
Tuscaloosa... Come on now, boy. You show

32
00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:51,180
me you're a man, and we'll get you that
tattoo finished.

33
00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:55,460
That's all right. I didn't really want
this tattoo. I told you, boy, it ain't

34
00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:57,640
Brooks and Dunn without Ronnie Dunn.

35
00:01:58,110 --> 00:01:59,110
All right, then.

36
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:02,070
Let's go get me that dumpling. Whoa, big
man.

37
00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:04,490
He's just gonna go get that dumpling
now.

38
00:02:04,930 --> 00:02:07,810
He's got a birthright to it. Look at me,
Granny.

39
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:13,170
I'm gonna have me a job and respect from
my peers. Just cause I say so. Oh,

40
00:02:13,230 --> 00:02:17,510
Russell, you're so stupid and sweet. You
got the iron nest, boy. You understand

41
00:02:17,510 --> 00:02:18,510
me?

42
00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:22,490
I don't think I understand a word you
say. I don't prefer that you do. All my

43
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:25,970
musings and my rambling. Now is the time
for the trials.

44
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:27,350
To the woods.

45
00:02:27,450 --> 00:02:28,450
the inquisitations.

46
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:32,250
Wait a minute now.

47
00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:34,370
I thought you was going to ask me some
inquisitations.

48
00:02:34,630 --> 00:02:38,570
No, I just said inquisitations because I
couldn't think of that word what means

49
00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:39,570
wrestle a bear.

50
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:45,010
Wrestle? Yeah, that's it. Now you put
yourself a diamond hat on and wrestle

51
00:02:45,010 --> 00:02:46,010
hell out of that bear.

52
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:50,770
Hey now, how am I supposed to kill this
bear with no damn weapon? Hmm.

53
00:02:51,510 --> 00:02:54,090
I wonder, what would a man do?

54
00:02:54,810 --> 00:02:56,670
Right there, man. You defeated a bear?

55
00:02:56,930 --> 00:03:00,510
Nope. Bought this here in Gatlinburg.
Right after I seen the three -headed

56
00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:03,310
I tore at Ripley's with the crooked room
with the marble what rolls upwards.

57
00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:04,970
Marbles that roll upwards?

58
00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:06,410
But how?

59
00:03:06,590 --> 00:03:07,990
Manhood is confusing, son.

60
00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:09,470
I want to go to Gatlinburg!

61
00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:11,150
Then you must wrestle the bear!

62
00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:13,110
Poke it in, boys.

63
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:15,670
And I ain't doing nothing after this.

64
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,360
It's pretty much dead.

65
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,980
But that is no time to get
overconfident. Here, take some water.

66
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,340
Airwinds by digestion.

67
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,040
Yeah, boy, I told you we could kick that
old squid. Oh, wait a minute.

68
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,440
What's wrong, kid?

69
00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:08,190
I reckon this is my Dippy Dan hairdryer
from China.

70
00:04:08,430 --> 00:04:13,070
Eighty percent lead. That's how I get
that sculpted look. Oh, well, seeing

71
00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:15,490
Ain't now the time I get me my
Tuscaloosa dumpling.

72
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:18,890
This proves nothing. The mere boast of a
child.

73
00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:20,630
More inquisitations!

74
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:26,210
In this hand, I clutch the feather of
the coke.

75
00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:33,330
Granny, shut the hell up. Oh, I just
learned that.

76
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,810
In this hand, I clutch... It's the
feather of a caulk.

77
00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:39,850
And this one, a shiny ingot of gold.

78
00:04:40,450 --> 00:04:43,470
I ask thee, which will fall faster?

79
00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:44,849
The ingot.

80
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:46,790
Well, let's just see about that.

81
00:04:49,610 --> 00:04:50,630
Looks like I was right.

82
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:51,729
About what?

83
00:04:51,730 --> 00:04:52,890
About the ingot fell first.

84
00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:56,110
My gold ingot? My nugget? From
Gatlinburg? Oh, no.

85
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:59,170
Where the hell is it? Down there where
you damn threw it. Oh, no.

86
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:00,830
What could have possessed me?

87
00:05:01,130 --> 00:05:02,130
Go on, get it, boy.

88
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:04,930
Is this part of the inquisitation? It's
part of my look.

89
00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:09,960
with my pink muscle tee. I got it
myrtle. Eye -brushed image of me

90
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,520
dune on a four -wheel ATV.

91
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,780
My head all the way bigger than my body,
which I always thought was funny.

92
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:16,100
How fast will it fall?

93
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,960
We're about to find out. Time it. No,
wait. Damn it. My accessories.

94
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,820
I guess I ain't going out tonight. Wait,
Daddy. Your head where? It don't

95
00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:24,820
matter, Miles.

96
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,560
I was a giant fella.

97
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,480
Everything is temporary.

98
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:32,160
No, no. Wait, Daddy. Hey, we gotta go
get me one of them Tuscaloosa Dublins.

99
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,300
Oh.

100
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:36,500
Oh, yeah.

101
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,240
Sounds good.

102
00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:39,660
Now, you go on, boy.

103
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,000
Bust a nut.

104
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:42,420
What? Here?

105
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:43,740
Right now?

106
00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:08,430
More of a snack, really.

107
00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:13,010
Well, I think they should take this
towel out. The towel stays.

108
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:17,830
All right, son. This here is an ancient
Cherokee sweat lodge where we is about

109
00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:20,070
to commune with the spirits about your
manhood.

110
00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:25,310
Oh, great spirits, rain your wisdom from
the sky. That is the unisex bathroom at

111
00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:26,310
the sipping strut.

112
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,610
Oh, so it is.

113
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:31,010
I am drunker than hell.

114
00:06:32,070 --> 00:06:33,150
Drive me home, son.

115
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:42,840
Here we go.

116
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,260
How you doing there, Sheriff?

117
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:49,560
Get behind the wheel.

118
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:52,480
You don't know me, you ain't seen me.
I'm down here passed out. Oh, hey,

119
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,300
Sheriff. How you doing? It's a nice day
tonight, isn't it?

120
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,700
License and registration, please.

121
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,620
Changing lanes illegal now?

122
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:03,120
Okay. Tell them make the hand signal.
Come on. I got another one for you, too,

123
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,320
you smart -off -it mate. Oh, come on,
guys.

124
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,120
Humor me a little, will you?

125
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:10,480
They put a camera on the car because I
ain't hitting my quotas. Why, Sheriff?

126
00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:14,630
I don't know what to give you. I'm
underage and he's suspended. How about I

127
00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:17,710
suspend my tax dollars from paying your
piss -poor salary?

128
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:21,210
How do you like that? Look, guys, just
hand me something. Here's my idea.

129
00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:23,830
My idea of a good time.

130
00:07:26,730 --> 00:07:31,650
Okay, according to this diet beer can
you've handed me, there's only 70

131
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:32,650
per serving.

132
00:07:33,230 --> 00:07:34,590
Wait right here for a minute.

133
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:39,950
Damn, he's crazy.

134
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:43,669
Oh, great.

135
00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:46,690
This is going to drive our insurance
premiums right through the damn roof.

136
00:07:47,070 --> 00:07:48,190
I ain't got no insurance.

137
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:51,010
Oh, good.

138
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:54,850
Okay, gentlemen.

139
00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:56,650
Everything seems to check out.

140
00:07:56,870 --> 00:08:00,570
All right, y 'all remember to fasten
your seatbelts, and early, I want to

141
00:08:00,570 --> 00:08:04,090
you to stay at least 150 feet away from
that woman.

142
00:08:04,510 --> 00:08:05,469
What woman?

143
00:08:05,470 --> 00:08:06,590
Oh, come on.

144
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:09,550
You know exactly what woman.

145
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:13,970
You're looking fine.

146
00:08:15,630 --> 00:08:16,950
All right, now you do it.

147
00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:22,010
Do it again.

148
00:08:22,090 --> 00:08:24,930
Maybe she's running her hot, sexy bath
and don't hear the bells.

149
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:29,010
She'll come.

150
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:30,190
She wants it.

151
00:08:35,070 --> 00:08:38,010
Sometimes you just got to keep doing it
till somebody loses patience.

152
00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:44,030
You looking fine in there.

153
00:08:44,550 --> 00:08:47,090
You naked under the... Oh.

154
00:08:48,350 --> 00:08:49,350
Get down, bitch.

155
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:53,370
You know I'm the one for you. Your man
ain't nothing but a sleep warmer. I'm

156
00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:55,390
star of your life. Squid from work.

157
00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:57,810
You know him? No. Do you love him?

158
00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:01,910
Answer me. Do you love him? He's
stalking me. Remember the guy that

159
00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:04,390
mailbox with dead squirrels? Oh, is that
him?

160
00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:09,090
He's always asking about you, looking at
the picture on my desk, asking me what

161
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:12,010
color panties you wear and what you
smell like.

162
00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:15,750
And to describe that, I should have
known.

163
00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:19,330
I thought he was fired. No, in order to
get fired, you've got to be written up

164
00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:22,810
three times, and then that's a
reprimand, and then two reprimands.

165
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:27,210
meet with HR and attend a sensitivity
seminar, which is voluntary.

166
00:09:27,570 --> 00:09:27,710
That

167
00:09:27,710 --> 00:09:36,110
ain't

168
00:09:36,110 --> 00:09:37,110
no doorbell, Dan.

169
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:38,390
Make the sound with your mouth.

170
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,920
But Daddy, that can't happen. Make the
sound with your mouth.

171
00:09:41,340 --> 00:09:42,380
Ding dong.

172
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,000
Ding dong.

173
00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:48,620
Go on, do it again.

174
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,820
Ding dong.

175
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,200
Now, shove this dead squirrel in the
mail slot.

176
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,320
It'll fit.

177
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,280
The stalking is complete.

178
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:03,380
You've been stalked by a man on this
day.

179
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:24,580
Call me?

180
00:10:29,140 --> 00:10:33,080
Has it started? Am I a pleaser? I don't
want to be no selfish lover now. You sit

181
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,400
here. I got to negotiate.

182
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:43,500
What'd I do next, Daddy? Go on to the
kitchen, ask for one Pablo, and you

183
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,020
wash up all them buffet dishes.

184
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,279
Then I'm a man.

185
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,780
And then you a big, big man.

186
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:50,740
Come on now, Thunderburn.