1
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,920
I gave all my best years to that woman.

2
00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:14,200
All she gave me was mouthfeel.

3
00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:19,600
A miracle straight from the launch of
Jesus.

4
00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:24,860
Since Charlie blew off both my tiptees.

5
00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:29,140
1969, Cameron Bay. I'm done.

6
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:30,500
I'm done.

7
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:31,880
Come on.

8
00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:32,980
Touch the tram.

9
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,040
Hey, y 'all hear that?

10
00:00:45,820 --> 00:00:46,820
No.

11
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,280
Wasn't it a ghost?

12
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,400
No, it wasn't a ghost.

13
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,579
Was it you?

14
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:54,880
No, no, no. Shh, shh. I can't tell who's
talking right now.

15
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,100
Was it me? No, no, no, Granny. It wasn't
you.

16
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:02,910
Well, I just did say something. Shut up,
Granny. You shut up. I think it's a

17
00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:07,570
plump little cockroach. Just a run in
his fat little tender meaty belly across

18
00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:08,570
the concrete.

19
00:01:09,130 --> 00:01:10,490
He's gonna hear us.

20
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:12,570
I can't say nothing.

21
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:18,110
No, you gotta lay down. Open up your
mouth, and then you hope and you pray

22
00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,050
he'll crawl his sweet little ass up in
there.

23
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:24,630
Gentlemen, hot sauce smothers the head
and legs.

24
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:30,560
She got a nice little snack there. Ain't
got no hot sauce. Don't you ruin my

25
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,560
fantasia.

26
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:39,540
What now?

27
00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:44,400
I said, it's been hard for all of us,
son.

28
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:47,420
Living down here without hot sauce.

29
00:01:47,660 --> 00:01:48,800
What that sound is?

30
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,040
You find something up?

31
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:51,840
Down straight. That's me, isn't it?

32
00:01:58,070 --> 00:01:59,070
Hello?

33
00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:07,790
Anybody in there? Not on my watch.

34
00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:10,310
Who the hell are you, machine?

35
00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:13,190
It's just me, the sheriff.

36
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:16,870
He's right.

37
00:02:16,910 --> 00:02:17,910
It's just him.

38
00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:20,230
Sheriff. Please, please.

39
00:02:20,790 --> 00:02:23,430
Secure. Maybe too secure.

40
00:02:25,269 --> 00:02:28,470
Early? Stop it. Oh, it's just spraying
emotions.

41
00:02:29,610 --> 00:02:32,950
Replicant. No, no. Fine, bark, hook my
ass now, you filthy -ass robot. Hey,

42
00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,630
Daddy, I think it really is a sheriff.

43
00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:36,070
It's me, the sheriff.

44
00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:41,750
No, tell us what year it is, robot, and
don't you lie to me.

45
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,490
Two, two, two thousand, thousand, three.

46
00:02:49,650 --> 00:02:51,470
Hell, we survived the Y2K.

47
00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:00,660
Where Uncle Shannon at?

48
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,460
Shannon, you've gone and deep -fried
yourself.

49
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,620
Why, Shannon? Why?

50
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,160
Right, y 'all?

51
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:13,700
Why?

52
00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,340
Give, learn, and bring.

53
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:21,640
And that there is why I don't abide with
no damn computers. No, sir.

54
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,160
I don't remember that happening, Early.
Because it ain't yet, dumbass. It's

55
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,800
about to. Read your damn scriptures.

56
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,880
So I'm assuming y 'all don't want my old
PDA, huh?

57
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,220
No, but I'll take that fine -ass belt
holster.

58
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,820
Well, I got a mask to make it do. Well,
just press this button here.

59
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,000
Whoa! Sorry about that, Rusty.

60
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,640
That's my private collection of erotica.
Is that what that is?

61
00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,220
Forgot that was on there. Call it to the
landfill.

62
00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:51,040
It ain't welcome amongst us. Early
today's world runs on computers.

63
00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:55,400
If Rusty has a mind for this, he might
even be counting in a few years.

64
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,340
Numbers? Numbers?

65
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:01,540
Numbers was created by the prehistoric
Hispanics so they could save all the

66
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:02,540
from the Romans.

67
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,920
Dinosaurs, too.

68
00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:04,980
Hell, yeah.

69
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:08,020
Uh, dinosaurs what?

70
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:10,140
Computers, yeah.

71
00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,180
Romans.

72
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,959
Look, all's I'm saying is it might help
the boy get a job one day. He don't need

73
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:17,739
no job.

74
00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:18,779
He got him a trade.

75
00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:20,779
Hey, Clare.

76
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,800
That's all.

77
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,520
Go ahead and breathe it in.

78
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,220
Well, the coal dust brazier ain't good
enough for his granny.

79
00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:07,730
You can see he's already taken to it.
Look at him over there. Look, Daddy. I

80
00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:08,750
all my contacts in here.

81
00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:12,990
You think you can compute so good? Then
how about you computing some damn food

82
00:05:12,990 --> 00:05:13,990
on our table?

83
00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:17,750
See these dots here? And those are fish.

84
00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:20,490
And that big one right there, that big
dot, that's us.

85
00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:22,630
I don't like fish.

86
00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:23,850
It's too shiny.

87
00:05:23,870 --> 00:05:27,590
I like me some whitetails. Well, this is
just sonar. I mean, you can't do all

88
00:05:27,590 --> 00:05:28,590
this. I eat whitetails!

89
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:31,850
All right. So this is us.

90
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,080
And all these dogs surrounded the
whitetail deer.

91
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,360
So all we had to do was blow up the dam?
Uh -huh.

92
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:42,760
Hey, who blow up the dam?

93
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:43,799
We did, Granny.

94
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:44,800
With computers.

95
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,280
Oh.

96
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:51,040
You're so smart. I ain't even a wet
whitetail. You gonna make this thing fix

97
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,660
four -wheeler. Make it fix my four
-wheeler.

98
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,280
So I done hooked the computer up this
chapter here.

99
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,800
But then I noticed you just ain't got no
tire.

100
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,480
I know I got cars.

101
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:03,030
So bash it again.

102
00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:07,290
Nope, no tire. You've got to hook it to
the tire, boy.

103
00:06:07,610 --> 00:06:08,610
That's your issue.

104
00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:13,510
Okay, well, I... Still no tire. Bash.
New.

105
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:18,310
Refresh. New tire. There are limits to
what it can do, Daddy. It's only got 4K

106
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:20,810
of memory. So it ain't gonna give me
back my tire? Is that what you're

107
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:23,350
Well, Daddy, not everything can be fixed
by computers.

108
00:06:23,910 --> 00:06:27,810
Yes, you're wrong, but as good as...
But, Daddy, this is my passion. Passion

109
00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:28,709
for smashing.

110
00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:29,710
No, Daddy, no!

111
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:30,790
Don't you defy me!

112
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,340
Let's just see if he can out -compute a
bullet. Oh, you're going to have to

113
00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:35,340
shoot me first.

114
00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,580
You did shoot me first.

115
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,040
That I did.

116
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,540
But I must never be crossed.

117
00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:47,320
Now, may Satan sodomize you in deepest
hell!

118
00:06:49,420 --> 00:06:50,680
What the... Oh, my God!

119
00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:52,160
My program worked!

120
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,480
Rusty's program had not worked. It was
merely a list of Judas Priest songs that

121
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:58,480
he felt...

122
00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:03,570
Kicked ass. What had happened, in fact,
was that the PDA had become self -aware.

123
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,430
By 9 .15, it had built a series of
companions.

124
00:07:06,790 --> 00:07:10,090
And by noon, a robotic army was sweeping
countryside.

125
00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:16,490
Damn it! What did I tell y 'all? Repeat
what I told you! I know, I know.

126
00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:20,430
Hey, have you seen my foot?

127
00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:22,030
Don't think so.

128
00:07:22,090 --> 00:07:24,510
I have got the sharpest pain in my
ankle.

129
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,470
It's been bugging me all afternoon.

130
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:31,390
Come on up here. It ain't so bad.

131
00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:37,830
In fact, not bad at all. In a short
period of time, the computers

132
00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:40,450
improved the quality of life in Dougal
County.

133
00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:45,150
And before long, every man, woman, and
child enjoyed the benefits of being

134
00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:46,150
roped.

135
00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:48,870
Damn it. Let me just do one more on
that.

136
00:07:49,190 --> 00:07:50,190
All right.

137
00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:55,130
And before long, every man, woman, and
child enjoyed the benefits of being

138
00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:58,310
lorded over by an evil robotic army.

139
00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:03,010
I tell you, Early, these computers have
really made things easier.

140
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,270
Why, just this morning, they updated my
whole criminal database.

141
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:08,330
Public security.

142
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:12,510
No, no, no, no, no. That is in the
forbidden zone. Hell, I don't even know

143
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,130
that is. I'm coming to speak.

144
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:16,030
I'm in front of it.

145
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:20,310
Well, I am, too, after 11 beers, but not
on the side of the church.

146
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,670
Busted.

147
00:08:25,790 --> 00:08:27,770
So, heat and pressure.

148
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,800
And not indiscriminate smashing.

149
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,679
Okay, I'll try it.

150
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,480
Diamond?

151
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,940
Yeah, it's a diamond.

152
00:08:42,299 --> 00:08:43,299
Yes!

153
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,020
At last!

154
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,560
Street cred is mine!

155
00:08:48,940 --> 00:08:54,540
Quickly, summon forth some bitches from
the country for a pansexual adventure!

156
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:04,000
How's that spreadsheet coming? I told
you, you're not my supervisor, so... Oh,

157
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,620
no, too much.

158
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,020
You get the hang of it. Grab the job.

159
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,240
Anybody for coffee?

160
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,300
What's that for?

161
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:08,620
You're glad they didn't convert us.

162
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:11,960
I'm happy just the way I am.

163
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,920
They might just beat me, but what
difference does it make what they do

164
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,840
closed doors? Oh, what's next?

165
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:22,780
You gonna provide a stable and loving
yet unorthodox home to some adopted

166
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:27,560
'uns? Rusty, we played basketball with
that robot. Same damn blockeroo. You got

167
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,180
the half -cocked on the basketball team.

168
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,400
The fire raged on for three years.

169
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,680
filling the air with toxic lead.

170
00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:42,720
But finally, Dougal County was free of
the computers and their gay marriages.

171
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:45,180
Life was made simple once again.

172
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,720
Come on, boy.

173
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:52,440
Don't forget the standard deduction,
Daddy. Standard deduction?

174
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:53,379
What the?

175
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:56,280
You just do the pulling. I'll do the
damn taxes in this family.

176
00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:24,470
We're clear.