1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,005 AYANA TSUCHIDA TALK SHOW AND BOOK SIGNING EVENT 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:08,049 Who else would like to ask a question? 3 00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:12,470 You, sir, in the middle with a brown jacket. 4 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:17,392 I read in an article somewhere that your previous work, Ukandeiru, 5 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:21,813 was based on your own romantic experiences 6 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:24,774 during your time in university. 7 00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,903 But I'd like to ask if this new novel is based on your experience, 8 00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,990 or if it's fiction, 9 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:35,160 or perhaps what you envision as an ideal. 10 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:38,329 I'd appreciate it if you could tell us about that. 11 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,373 Thank you for that question. 12 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:42,792 Let's see… 13 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,714 If that's my ideal, things would be pretty crazy, huh? 14 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:49,883 But… 15 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:57,140 while sex is certainly important in its own way, 16 00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:01,728 I feel that too much gets sacrificed for it. 17 00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:04,105 I think there are more important things. 18 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,023 Yes. 19 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,650 Also, in Ukandeiru, 20 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:11,946 I wrote quite a bit about the person who inspired me to start writing novels, 21 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:16,242 and about my time in university. 22 00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:18,119 But it ended up being a bit boring. 23 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:22,874 I kept thinking that since novels are fiction, 24 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,585 I should be able to create stories more freely, 25 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:29,422 but why am I bound by reality? 26 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:33,051 My boyfriend at the time was pretty lame too. 27 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,471 Well, yeah, so with this latest work, 28 00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:40,517 I incorporated various lies and imaginative elements. 29 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,187 Thank you. 30 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,105 Thank you. 31 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:53,154 AYANA TSUCHIDA 32 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,625 Hello. 33 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:08,878 Ms. Tsuchida. 34 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,296 Yes? 35 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,423 Someone came to see you today. 36 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,051 He was in the back listening to the talk show event. 37 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,761 Who is it? 38 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,183 -Long time no see. -What? 39 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,893 Are you serious? 40 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,770 -You were at the talk show? -Yeah. 41 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,022 What? This is insane. 42 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,024 Hello. I'm Lame Guy. 43 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,527 Wait, it's not like that! I'm sorry! 44 00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,695 Are you serious? 45 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:38,867 I received a message from Mr. Kobayashi asking if he could stop by the event. 46 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,369 You're doing very well these days. 47 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:44,205 No, no, I'm nothing compared to you. 48 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,582 You're the hot-seller. 49 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,625 Hot-seller? Are you making fun of me? 50 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:48,710 No, I'm not. 51 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:52,297 Oh, but I guess there are better ways to say it. Sorry. 52 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,634 Well, the truth is, all I can do is sell books. 53 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,055 Oh man, I wish I had the luxury of being able to say something like that. 54 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,225 Do you have other plans today? 55 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,227 Why? 56 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:09,439 I was wondering if you wanted to go eat or something. 57 00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,152 Can you come too? 58 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,862 Oh no, 59 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,823 I have to go back to the office to finish some work. 60 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:21,576 I see. 61 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:25,663 Wait, are you wary of me? 62 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,957 No, it's not like that. 63 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,337 Okay, then let's go. 64 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:34,380 Let's go. 65 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,674 -Okay. -Okay. 66 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:41,512 Niko Kobayashi is a bestselling novelist, 67 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:45,099 the person who inspired me to start writing novels… 68 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,102 and also my ex-boyfriend. 69 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,030 This is a fancy place. 70 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,658 Do you come here often? 71 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,619 {\an8}I guess so. 72 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,120 {\an8}I see. 73 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:08,665 {\an8}Why, is it weird? 74 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,417 No. 75 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:16,464 I guess it's weird. 76 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,179 -Are you hungry? -Yeah. 77 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,390 -Let's order something to eat. -Okay. 78 00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,100 -Excuse me. -Yes. 79 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,529 -Do you have someone right now? -Hm? 80 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:44,200 A partner, or a boyfriend? 81 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,119 Yes. 82 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,121 Has it been long? 83 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,205 Yeah. 84 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,916 About a year. 85 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:54,877 Things are going well between you two? 86 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,296 Yeah, we get along well. 87 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,716 What is it? Are you jealous? 88 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,301 Why would I be? 89 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,392 Do you have someone too, Mr. Kobayashi? 90 00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:10,852 Mr. Kobayashi? 91 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:14,439 Well, I don't have anyone I'm committed to. 92 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:16,858 I see. 93 00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:17,942 Yeah. 94 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:20,945 So you're playing around? 95 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:25,366 Playing around? That's packed with a lot of meaning. 96 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,453 But I'm not having as much fun 97 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,164 as that phrase implies. 98 00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:36,836 By the way, how many people are you playing around with? 99 00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:40,631 Three… No, four. 100 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,845 You sleep with them too? 101 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,388 Yeah. 102 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:53,019 They don't ask you to make it official or anything? 103 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,481 No, I don't stay with people who say things like that. 104 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,274 So they have boyfriends too? 105 00:05:58,357 --> 00:05:59,901 Yeah, or husbands. 106 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,028 I don't play around with singles. 107 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,572 Oh I just said, "play around." 108 00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,407 Yeah you used that phrase yourself. 109 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:16,250 You don't commit to one person because it's easier that way? 110 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:18,711 You could say that. 111 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:25,802 Enough about me. 112 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:27,512 After all, I'm lame. 113 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,680 You're still stuck on that? 114 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,767 You're so petty, as usual. 115 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:33,893 Shut up. 116 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,952 -Here. -Thanks. 117 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,127 -Ayana. -Yeah? 118 00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:02,004 Have you read my recent novels? 119 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,551 Not really. 120 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,804 -Sorry. -I see. 121 00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,351 Niko, 122 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:19,647 what do you think about the novels you're writing? 123 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,066 What do you mean by that? 124 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,735 Are you referring 125 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,781 to whether it's interesting as a novel or as a work of literature? 126 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,908 Or regarding its place in society? 127 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,994 Whether it's interesting as a work of literature. 128 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,955 I wonder… 129 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,418 But I think I love it more now than I did back then. 130 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,548 Why is that? What caused that change? 131 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,051 The cause, huh? 132 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,763 Well, I experienced many setbacks 133 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,558 and learned my limitations. 134 00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,228 Yeah. 135 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:04,358 Your novel played a role in that too. 136 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,114 In the beginning, 137 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:13,326 I was constantly comparing myself to others. 138 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,954 I was being stubborn because I wasn't getting recognized or selling copies. 139 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,539 Basically, 140 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,710 I only wrote based on what would benefit me or not. 141 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,880 I kept thinking, "My novels are works of art!" 142 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,175 But now it's different. 143 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:35,348 Now, for better or for worse, I can write about things that won't benefit me at all. 144 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,226 There's nothing bad about that. 145 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:39,769 What? 146 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,772 I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 147 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,650 -Is that so? -Yeah. 148 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,695 I'm surprised to hear that from you. 149 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,866 This is kind of harsh, but… 150 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,952 Don't say it if it's harsh. 151 00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,706 The novels that you write 152 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,000 might not be something 153 00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,920 that benefits you or me. But… 154 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:11,634 if that novel can provide solace to someone, 155 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,388 then I think it's incredibly valuable. 156 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,858 Although it does make me want to die. 157 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,113 You're working hard. 158 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:34,740 Yeah. 159 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,708 I wish I could've been like you. 160 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:44,709 What? 161 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,502 Well, 162 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,464 to be able to write truly interesting novels, 163 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:55,261 and to write something that I myself find interesting. 164 00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:01,851 And even with romance, being able to love just one person. 165 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,150 We made the right decision by breaking up. 166 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:17,700 Because you and I are cut from different cloths. 167 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,912 You're still saying that? 168 00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:31,213 I don't know how I appear through your eyes right now… 169 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,594 But I'm not that different from you. 170 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,975 I'm not the kind of person you think I am anymore. 171 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,606 There's an Ayana that I don't know about? 172 00:10:49,523 --> 00:10:51,984 Yeah, of course there is. 173 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:52,943 I see. 174 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,289 -Sorry, I'm going to take this. -Sure. 175 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:08,417 Hello? What's up? 176 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,546 I'm at the counter. 177 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,007 Towards the back. 178 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,429 One of the four. 179 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,306 Hello. 180 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,432 Hello. 181 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,935 -Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. 182 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,061 This is Yoko. 183 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:28,145 I'm Yoko. 184 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,522 This is Ms. Ayana. 185 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:30,815 I'm Ayana Tsuchida. 186 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,775 -Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. 187 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,276 Want to sit here? 188 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,033 How do you two know each other? 189 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,993 Are you guys colleagues? 190 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:46,163 What do we look like to you? 191 00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:47,832 What? 192 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,669 Is it your new girlfriend? 193 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,629 Close. It's the opposite. 194 00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:55,673 -Stop that. -Opposite? 195 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,550 We're colleagues. 196 00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,427 I also write novels. 197 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,429 We just happened to meet today. 198 00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:02,847 -I see. -Yes. 199 00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,525 What is this? You're being so weird. 200 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,862 You two are definitely doing it, right? 201 00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,029 You're an idiot. 202 00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:23,284 -You guys are, right? -I'll be going now. 203 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:24,368 -Sorry. -Not at all. 204 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,703 Let's do this again another time. 205 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:26,829 Hey hold on… 206 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,081 What was her name again? 207 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,791 -Ms. Ayana. -Ms. Ayana, 208 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,835 can you please just tell me if you guys 209 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:33,961 are doing it or not? 210 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:34,962 That's enough. 211 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,423 Ms. Yoko, 212 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,091 do you like Mr. Kobayashi? 213 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,302 Hey, have some tact. 214 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:44,513 -And what if I do like him? -Hey. 215 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,475 -Nothing. -Yoko, just calm down. Let's drink. 216 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:50,311 Then, I'll be off now. 217 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,021 -Sorry. -By the way, 218 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,898 I like your current self too, Niko. 219 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,066 Bye. 220 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:58,611 Wow. 221 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,284 Who was that woman? 222 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:32,603 BOOKSTORE 223 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,987 NIKO KOBAYASHI 224 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,781 On that day too, 225 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:48,077 I was visiting a bookstore to look for novels written by Niko Kobayashi. 226 00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:50,913 {\an8}NEW NOVEL BY NIKO KOBAYASHI 227 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,207 {\an8}I met Niko when… 228 00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:03,050 OCTOBER 2019 229 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,056 It was seven years ago. 230 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:13,519 I was still hung up on my previous relationship, 231 00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:18,691 but I went to a club with my classmate En, since she invited me. 232 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:28,868 I don't particularly love or hate places like this. 233 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,828 In fact, 234 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:34,832 I never really came to places like this very often to begin with. 235 00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,976 -Gin and tonic, please. -Okay. 236 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,160 -Gin and tonic. -Thanks. 237 00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,181 That person is a novelist. 238 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,936 But even if he's a novelist, why read books in a club? 239 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:37,895 Yeah. 240 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,192 Have you read his novels? What's his name? 241 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,611 Niko Kobayashi. 242 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,953 Niko Kobayashi. 243 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:35,911 NIKO KOBAYASHI 244 00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:43,627 Humans sometimes take fragments 245 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:45,879 of dreams that don't make sense 246 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:50,050 and try to force them into a story. 247 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,387 {\an8}As a result, dreams become increasingly vague 248 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:56,348 {\an8}and inconsistent. 249 00:16:56,932 --> 00:17:00,144 Freud, therefore, found meaning in dreams. 250 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:04,314 He believed that dreams were not meaningless chaos, 251 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:05,983 but rather 252 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:09,236 that the fulfillment of desires was hidden beneath this disguise. 253 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:11,405 By dissecting dreams… 254 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,749 How was it? 255 00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:23,876 How was what? 256 00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,045 You were reading Niko Kobayashi's novel. 257 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:28,839 I'm not finished yet. 258 00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:30,883 But… 259 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,261 I like it. 260 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,057 Did I tell you that he's our senior? 261 00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:39,892 What? 262 00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:41,560 He's from our university. 263 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,020 He's an alum? 264 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,272 No, he's still a student. 265 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,149 He's a grad student? 266 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,401 No, he was held back for a long time. 267 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,445 He's a fourth year student just like us. 268 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:52,905 I think he's 25 right now. 269 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,490 Are you serious? 270 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,492 You're joking, right? 271 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,118 You're thinking, 272 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:01,580 "I searched his name, but none of that came up." 273 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:02,539 Am I right? 274 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,043 You really searched him up? 275 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,378 Wow. 276 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:12,800 Then he might be wandering around here on campus today? 277 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,637 Knowing how he is, I doubt he comes to school that often. 278 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,473 I see. 279 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,854 Hey, wanna drink? 280 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:28,857 Drink? 281 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:30,734 Yeah, drink. 282 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,695 What? We can drink with him? 283 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,365 What's your relationship with him? 284 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,658 I'll tell you next time. 285 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,954 Tell me right now. 286 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:44,832 What is it? 287 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,168 How did you meet him? 288 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,718 Is that Niko? 289 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,390 He's not looking. 290 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:03,517 He didn't see you. 291 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,022 -Welcome. -Hello. 292 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:13,652 Hey. 293 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,363 -How've you been? -Doing good. 294 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,489 This is Ayana. 295 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,992 -I'm Ayana Tsuchida. -I'm Niko Kobayashi. 296 00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,535 -Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. 297 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:28,000 Ayana read your novel. 298 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,668 -Hey. Stop that. -What? 299 00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,337 This is embarrassing. Was it the one from the literary magazine? 300 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,840 -Did you actually buy it? -Yes. 301 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:37,634 Wow, really? 302 00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:39,511 What can I get you? 303 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,804 Can I have another highball? 304 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,055 Okay. 305 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,851 How was it? Was it okay? 306 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,271 Can I give honest feedback? 307 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:50,939 I'm scared now. 308 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,107 Why preface it like that? 309 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,734 Of course, please be honest. 310 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,863 So… 311 00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:00,866 it wasn't that interesting, but I liked it. 312 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:04,912 It wasn't interesting? 313 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,372 I'm sorry, but yes, it wasn't interesting… 314 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,376 Which part in particular? 315 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:16,089 Well, up until halfway through, it was earnest, 316 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,841 and I figured you were writing 317 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:21,637 about yourself and your own personal worries… 318 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:22,804 But? 319 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:27,726 As the story progressed from the middle to the end, 320 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,521 the story became convenient… 321 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,399 Or I guess "convenient" isn't quite the right word. 322 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,195 But the way things spiral into desperation towards the end is… 323 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,113 Too cliché? 324 00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:42,032 Exactly. 325 00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:45,827 Well, 326 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,288 you're exactly right. 327 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,625 -Did you read it? -Nope. 328 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,712 What you're saying is exactly right. 329 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:56,838 Yeah. 330 00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,049 But I'm sorry. 331 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:00,801 That was just my personal opinion. 332 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,302 The thing is, 333 00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:06,181 I didn't originally intend to have such a dramatic ending. 334 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,432 Oh, really? 335 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:10,477 It wasn't supposed to be like that at first. 336 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,188 But I changed it because my editor suggested it. 337 00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,150 How was it supposed to end? 338 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:20,487 Have you ever read anything by Toshiyuki Horie? 339 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,115 Yes, a few. The author of Oparaban, right? 340 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:25,450 Yeah. Toshiyuki Horie 341 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,036 wrote a short story called Stance Dots. 342 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,579 Hmm… 343 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:30,789 I wonder if I've read that? 344 00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:34,835 The story is set in a bowling alley on the verge of going out of business, 345 00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:37,129 and I really loved the way it ended. 346 00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:41,591 It was simple yet grand, 347 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:44,428 and it made me feel lightheaded. 348 00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:47,055 That's actually how I wanted to end my own story. 349 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,390 So not the ending 350 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:51,518 where the protagonist's written stories are ripped up and thrown away? 351 00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:53,437 Well, it still gets thrown away. 352 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:59,234 But inside the garbage bag, is also compost and such, 353 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,444 so a crow comes 354 00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:01,945 and tears the bag open. 355 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:04,865 It snatches a piece of the protagonist's novel, 356 00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:06,325 and flies away with it. 357 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:09,411 Then, the story shifts to the perspective 358 00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,121 of the torn piece of paper 359 00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:14,458 held in the crow's beak, as it looks down at the city, 360 00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:17,502 and it becomes a little mystical. 361 00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:21,673 In the corner of this broadened view, 362 00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:24,217 the protagonist is seen walking home from a convenience store, 363 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:26,928 rubbing his hands together 364 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,388 in the cold. 365 00:22:29,222 --> 00:22:32,184 And that's the end. It's kind of hard to explain. 366 00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,102 It's so interesting. 367 00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:36,563 -Right? -Yes. 368 00:22:36,646 --> 00:22:39,608 Wow, finally, someone understands. 369 00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:42,778 Sorry. 370 00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,072 Not at all. 371 00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,033 Thank you for waiting. Your highball. 372 00:22:48,116 --> 00:22:49,117 Thanks. 373 00:22:56,333 --> 00:22:59,628 Ms. Ayana, have you ever thought about writing something? 374 00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:01,963 -A novel? -Yeah. 375 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,591 I've never considered it. 376 00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:07,260 Why? 377 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,429 Why? 378 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:12,891 Maybe because I like it? If you like it, you'd never want to write one, right? 379 00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:14,893 -Is that how it is? -Yeah. 380 00:23:14,976 --> 00:23:17,187 And I don't think novels 381 00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:19,898 are something I'm capable of writing. 382 00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:21,775 Also, because I have respect for it. 383 00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:24,236 I see. 384 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:30,158 So if you like novels and respect them, you'd never think of writing one? 385 00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:31,076 Yeah. 386 00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,078 I see. 387 00:23:33,161 --> 00:23:34,371 Did you hear that? 388 00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:38,792 Wait, that's not what I meant! Sorry. 389 00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:41,378 But you're right. I agree. 390 00:23:41,461 --> 00:23:44,089 No, hold on. En, you're putting words in my mouth. 391 00:23:44,172 --> 00:23:45,507 -Me? -Yeah. 392 00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:46,925 It's definitely you. 393 00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:48,885 Did I say anything wrong? 394 00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:51,972 I'm sorry. 395 00:23:52,055 --> 00:23:53,181 No worries. 396 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:55,725 But yeah, 397 00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,603 going back to what we were just talking about, 398 00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:01,398 whether it's novels, music, 399 00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:04,860 movies, 400 00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:08,155 comics, or theater, 401 00:24:08,238 --> 00:24:11,783 there are people who love it and try to create their own works, 402 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:15,162 and there are people who love it but don't want to create it themselves. 403 00:24:16,746 --> 00:24:20,000 I've wondered what the difference is between those two types of people. 404 00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:22,460 I think 405 00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:25,380 that people who are satisfied with what's available 406 00:24:25,463 --> 00:24:28,133 don't necessarily need to create anything new. 407 00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:29,718 I see. 408 00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:31,136 So you're not satisfied? 409 00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,722 I guess not. 410 00:24:36,349 --> 00:24:38,310 What about you, Ayana? Are you satisfied? 411 00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,313 I've never thought about that before. 412 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,440 I'm probably 413 00:24:44,274 --> 00:24:47,569 -satisfied… Or so I think? -Really? 414 00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:49,029 I really don't know. 415 00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:56,578 But I want to read your novel. 416 00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:58,830 What? 417 00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:01,416 Why is that? 418 00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:06,838 I think I'd like to know how your mind works, 419 00:25:07,797 --> 00:25:10,008 and what you're interested in. 420 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:11,676 Yeah. 421 00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:15,347 I see. 422 00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:19,184 He wants to know how your mind works. 423 00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:21,519 You really need to stop the teasing. 424 00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:22,896 Sorry. 425 00:25:22,979 --> 00:25:24,272 I don't mind. 426 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:29,778 You should try writing a novel. 427 00:25:32,906 --> 00:25:34,532 No, no. 428 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:46,628 Ever since Niko, En, and I drank together, 429 00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:50,173 he recommended interesting novels to me, 430 00:25:50,257 --> 00:25:53,009 told me about the variety of literary awards, 431 00:25:53,593 --> 00:25:55,804 and we talked about all sorts of things. 432 00:25:56,429 --> 00:25:58,848 -I've read books by this author. -Really? 433 00:25:58,932 --> 00:25:59,808 Was it Shiki? 434 00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:02,352 No, not Shiki. It was Ao ga Yabureru. 435 00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:04,145 Yeah, that one is good too. 436 00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:06,773 -Try reading it. -Okay. 437 00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:10,235 -Thanks for waiting. Here's your highball. -Thank you. 438 00:26:10,318 --> 00:26:12,570 Can we also have potato salad too? 439 00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:14,281 -Okay. -Thanks. 440 00:26:16,116 --> 00:26:19,619 -Okay, then. Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 441 00:26:20,787 --> 00:26:23,790 As we discussed novels over drinks, 442 00:26:23,873 --> 00:26:26,418 we were drawn to each other, 443 00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:29,129 and at Christmas in our fourth year at university, 444 00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:31,131 we decided 445 00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:33,800 to meet at a pub and exchange books as gifts. 446 00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:35,468 But with the condition 447 00:26:36,094 --> 00:26:37,971 that it had to be a book 448 00:26:38,054 --> 00:26:40,223 that neither of us had read yet. 449 00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:41,975 -Here. -Thanks. 450 00:26:44,644 --> 00:26:45,687 What a cute bag. 451 00:27:02,245 --> 00:27:03,163 Seriously? 452 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:05,790 What are the odds? 453 00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:08,460 CONFESSION KO MACHIDA 454 00:27:08,543 --> 00:27:09,961 I can't believe this. 455 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,015 You know… 456 00:27:22,515 --> 00:27:23,641 What is it? 457 00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:25,518 {\an8}CONFESSION 458 00:27:25,602 --> 00:27:26,770 {\an8}It's about this. 459 00:27:28,438 --> 00:27:29,481 What about it? 460 00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:35,070 {\an8}Will you go out with me? 461 00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:41,451 Oh, is that why you chose this? 462 00:27:41,534 --> 00:27:43,078 Yes. 463 00:27:45,955 --> 00:27:47,248 You too? 464 00:27:48,208 --> 00:27:49,417 No, not at all. 465 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:52,420 It's the novel I wanted to read the most right now. 466 00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:53,880 Oh. 467 00:27:53,963 --> 00:27:54,964 How embarrassing. 468 00:27:57,342 --> 00:27:58,510 I see. 469 00:27:58,593 --> 00:28:00,428 Is this a story about that type of confession? 470 00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:03,264 No, it has nothing to do with confessions of love. 471 00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:07,102 Yeah. 472 00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,066 Here. 473 00:28:13,817 --> 00:28:14,651 Huh? 474 00:28:15,276 --> 00:28:16,653 My confession to you. 475 00:28:23,076 --> 00:28:24,077 Then… 476 00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:28,581 -I accept. -I accept as well. 477 00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:31,668 I still can't believe this. 478 00:28:35,922 --> 00:28:37,757 -What a surprise. -Yeah. 479 00:28:47,809 --> 00:28:50,186 About two months after I started dating Niko… 480 00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:51,146 {\an8}AOYUKI LITERARY AWARD APPLICATION MANUSCRIPT 481 00:28:51,229 --> 00:28:54,065 {\an8}…I finished writing my first novel, 482 00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:57,110 submitted it to a literary contest for new writers, 483 00:28:57,193 --> 00:28:59,529 and won the grand prix. 484 00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:03,783 {\an8}NIKO KOBAYASHI 485 00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:06,077 {\an8}Six years have passed since then, 486 00:29:06,786 --> 00:29:09,289 and I'm working part-time at a second-hand clothing store 487 00:29:09,372 --> 00:29:12,000 while writing novels. 488 00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:04,344 -Hey. -Hey. 489 00:30:05,762 --> 00:30:07,263 Let's go. 490 00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:08,306 Yeah. 491 00:30:10,391 --> 00:30:14,229 Then, one winter day after dating for a little over a year, 492 00:30:15,688 --> 00:30:20,026 we went on our final date before breaking up. 493 00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:30,995 -Hey. -You came. 494 00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:34,165 -Girlfriend? -Kind of. 495 00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,339 Good evening. 496 00:33:03,940 --> 00:33:06,901 That was so good. 497 00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:08,861 Yeah. 498 00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:20,957 Hey. 499 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:22,041 Hey, Sawa. 500 00:33:22,125 --> 00:33:23,710 -You decided to come. -Yeah. 501 00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:25,461 -Yup, I came. -Nice. 502 00:33:30,341 --> 00:33:32,552 -You guys came together? -What? 503 00:33:32,635 --> 00:33:33,803 You came with Niko? 504 00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:36,973 -Yeah. -I see. 505 00:33:38,307 --> 00:33:39,642 Nothing has changed? 506 00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:41,978 Nothing has changed. 507 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:43,521 Nothing has improved? 508 00:33:44,313 --> 00:33:46,983 Yeah. Nothing has improved. 509 00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:48,526 I see. 510 00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:57,326 Sorry. 511 00:33:57,410 --> 00:33:59,037 -Hey. -Hello. 512 00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:05,710 Want to finish that and go? 513 00:34:07,587 --> 00:34:09,714 You don't smoke anymore? 514 00:34:09,797 --> 00:34:12,341 Anymore? I never smoked to begin with. 515 00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:13,509 Oh really? 516 00:34:13,593 --> 00:34:14,719 You just assumed? 517 00:34:14,802 --> 00:34:17,764 I have this image of you in a cafe billowing with cigarette smoke. 518 00:34:17,847 --> 00:34:20,767 I see. But I've never smoked. 519 00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:24,771 But I'm used to places where people are smoking. 520 00:34:24,854 --> 00:34:26,731 My dad was a heavy smoker. 521 00:34:28,608 --> 00:34:30,109 You don't mind if your girlfriend smokes? 522 00:34:30,693 --> 00:34:31,819 No, I don't mind. 523 00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:33,696 You don't mind the smell when you kiss? 524 00:34:34,405 --> 00:34:35,823 I don't mind that either. 525 00:34:35,907 --> 00:34:37,241 -I see. -Yeah. 526 00:34:40,203 --> 00:34:43,122 You used to smoke, right? Did you quit? 527 00:34:45,374 --> 00:34:48,252 Yeah, I used to smoke. 528 00:34:48,336 --> 00:34:49,962 I quit when I got pregnant, 529 00:34:50,046 --> 00:34:53,007 but then I had a miscarriage. 530 00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:56,469 Oh right. I think I heard about that. 531 00:34:56,552 --> 00:34:58,179 I haven't smoked since. 532 00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:01,432 -You're doing okay now? -What? 533 00:35:01,516 --> 00:35:02,975 -Your health. -Yeah. 534 00:35:03,684 --> 00:35:04,811 Was it some time ago? 535 00:35:04,894 --> 00:35:06,938 It was about six months ago. 536 00:35:07,021 --> 00:35:08,356 I see. 537 00:35:09,148 --> 00:35:11,234 Have you been able to process everything? 538 00:35:11,317 --> 00:35:12,443 Yeah, 539 00:35:12,527 --> 00:35:15,113 I'd say that I'm doing a lot better now. 540 00:35:15,196 --> 00:35:17,198 I'm glad to hear that. 541 00:35:17,281 --> 00:35:18,241 Yeah. 542 00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:24,205 -Wanna go? -Yeah. 543 00:35:26,332 --> 00:35:28,584 -Bye. -Bye. 544 00:35:43,474 --> 00:35:44,725 What should we do? 545 00:35:46,894 --> 00:35:47,979 We're gonna talk, right? 546 00:35:48,980 --> 00:35:49,856 Yeah. 547 00:35:51,107 --> 00:35:53,734 You want to go somewhere instead of talking at home? 548 00:35:54,402 --> 00:35:56,320 Yeah, definitely not at home. 549 00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,405 Okay. 550 00:36:01,075 --> 00:36:03,202 Where should we go…? 551 00:36:20,970 --> 00:36:22,763 Here's kinpira and rolled omelet. 552 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:24,307 -Thank you. -Thanks. 553 00:36:35,067 --> 00:36:37,403 Shall we talk about it now? 554 00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:39,113 Yeah. 555 00:36:39,822 --> 00:36:40,990 Can I start? 556 00:36:41,073 --> 00:36:41,991 Yeah. 557 00:36:47,079 --> 00:36:48,581 Stop sighing. 558 00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:51,083 I can't help it. 559 00:36:52,752 --> 00:36:54,629 Yeah, I guess you can't help sighing. 560 00:37:01,427 --> 00:37:02,428 Yeah… 561 00:37:03,554 --> 00:37:05,473 So I already told you on the phone, 562 00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:07,683 and I also mentioned it 563 00:37:07,767 --> 00:37:09,560 when we met the other day, 564 00:37:11,312 --> 00:37:13,231 but yeah… 565 00:37:15,900 --> 00:37:18,444 I want to break up. 566 00:37:20,821 --> 00:37:21,781 Okay. 567 00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:24,033 I understand. 568 00:37:25,326 --> 00:37:26,452 Let's break up. 569 00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:27,954 Okay. 570 00:37:33,459 --> 00:37:34,627 Sorry about earlier. 571 00:37:34,710 --> 00:37:35,711 What? 572 00:37:35,795 --> 00:37:37,838 For crying during the live performance. 573 00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:39,423 I didn't mind. 574 00:37:42,718 --> 00:37:46,806 I've been thinking about this ever since you mentioned breaking up the other day. 575 00:37:46,889 --> 00:37:47,890 Yeah? 576 00:37:50,726 --> 00:37:53,229 I've been wondering why things turned out like this. 577 00:37:54,730 --> 00:37:55,773 Why? 578 00:37:58,067 --> 00:37:59,485 Well, 579 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:02,780 because we used to like each other. 580 00:38:07,368 --> 00:38:08,786 You liked me, right? 581 00:38:08,869 --> 00:38:10,621 Don't tell me you never liked me. 582 00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:11,622 I'd never. 583 00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:12,999 Yeah, I liked you. 584 00:38:15,876 --> 00:38:19,297 So I wonder why we've come to an end like this. 585 00:38:26,429 --> 00:38:27,888 What's the main reason? 586 00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:31,100 -The main reason? -Yeah. 587 00:38:31,183 --> 00:38:32,768 Of why I want to break up? 588 00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:33,769 Yeah. 589 00:38:36,856 --> 00:38:37,940 I don't know. 590 00:38:40,401 --> 00:38:43,487 We're breaking up, not knowing the reason why, huh? 591 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:47,116 Then why did you agree to the breakup? 592 00:38:52,496 --> 00:38:53,789 Because I'm tired. 593 00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:57,376 You're tired? 594 00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:00,671 Yeah, I'm tired. 595 00:39:02,715 --> 00:39:06,093 I ended up tiring out the person I liked, and then broke up with her, huh? 596 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:11,098 Yeah. You tired out the person you liked and then broke up with her. 597 00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:12,850 No need to repeat it. 598 00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:19,982 We're on the same wavelength, so we can banter like this. 599 00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:21,108 Yeah. 600 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:26,155 And we both gifted Confession to each other. 601 00:39:26,238 --> 00:39:27,239 The one by Ko Machida? 602 00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:29,950 That was hilarious. 603 00:39:34,163 --> 00:39:36,415 All of that will come to an end. 604 00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:57,395 A reason, huh? 605 00:39:58,396 --> 00:39:59,814 The reason is… 606 00:40:01,899 --> 00:40:05,027 I just want to be alone right now. 607 00:40:07,363 --> 00:40:08,447 I see. 608 00:40:12,493 --> 00:40:15,538 Being in a relationship with someone 609 00:40:15,621 --> 00:40:18,082 is probably something I can't handle. 610 00:40:21,043 --> 00:40:22,169 You've said that before. 611 00:40:23,879 --> 00:40:27,800 Being in a relationship makes me unstable. 612 00:40:27,883 --> 00:40:29,718 I'm not suited to it. 613 00:40:33,681 --> 00:40:35,724 Is that impossible for you to understand? 614 00:40:36,725 --> 00:40:38,727 I guess I can understand, 615 00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,275 but I'm realizing I couldn't place myself outside that reality. 616 00:40:45,568 --> 00:40:46,735 Outside? 617 00:40:48,821 --> 00:40:49,905 To be an exception. 618 00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:51,782 I see. 619 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:54,869 -I guess so. -Yeah. 620 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,587 And to be honest, 621 00:41:05,838 --> 00:41:09,216 I also want to work hard on my novels. 622 00:41:10,301 --> 00:41:11,177 I see. 623 00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:14,013 For example, 624 00:41:14,096 --> 00:41:15,723 I think you can be in a relationship 625 00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:19,518 with someone and still continue to write. 626 00:41:19,602 --> 00:41:21,562 -Yeah. -Someone 627 00:41:22,104 --> 00:41:24,482 who can inspire and challenge you, you know? 628 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,235 But for me, 629 00:41:29,403 --> 00:41:31,864 you're not that type of a person. 630 00:41:34,575 --> 00:41:36,160 What do you mean? 631 00:41:38,746 --> 00:41:41,665 Well, I think you were too good. 632 00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:45,753 I was too good? 633 00:41:46,295 --> 00:41:48,255 Yeah. You were too good. 634 00:41:49,256 --> 00:41:50,299 I guess 635 00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:55,596 it would have been better if we could just leave each other alone. 636 00:41:59,266 --> 00:42:01,143 You couldn't leave me alone, huh? 637 00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:04,522 Yeah. 638 00:42:05,314 --> 00:42:07,316 I knew it wasn't me. 639 00:42:09,235 --> 00:42:11,820 I knew that I wasn't 640 00:42:12,655 --> 00:42:13,864 the right person for you. 641 00:42:17,159 --> 00:42:18,244 What the heck? 642 00:42:20,037 --> 00:42:21,080 Ayana, 643 00:42:22,164 --> 00:42:24,166 you and I are cut from different cloths. 644 00:42:37,012 --> 00:42:39,056 And what I'm about to say is really pathetic… 645 00:42:40,599 --> 00:42:42,726 But I'm jealous of your talent. 646 00:42:44,019 --> 00:42:45,563 -My talent? -Yeah. 647 00:42:51,610 --> 00:42:54,405 You're saying I'm more talented than you? 648 00:42:54,488 --> 00:42:57,950 Yeah. You must be aware of that, right? 649 00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:12,339 It's true that when 650 00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:15,009 I read your novel, 651 00:43:15,759 --> 00:43:17,636 I didn't agree with everything. 652 00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:21,724 It wasn't interesting. 653 00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:28,314 But I liked your way of thinking and your writing style. 654 00:43:30,774 --> 00:43:32,568 I enjoyed spending time with you, 655 00:43:33,944 --> 00:43:35,362 and you were the one 656 00:43:36,530 --> 00:43:39,908 who suggested I try writing a novel, 657 00:43:40,492 --> 00:43:42,870 the one who said you'd like to read it, 658 00:43:42,953 --> 00:43:46,290 and the one who inspired me to start writing novels. 659 00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:53,380 And 660 00:43:54,423 --> 00:43:57,051 it's not that I'm trying to catch up with you, 661 00:43:57,134 --> 00:43:59,345 but I started writing 662 00:43:59,928 --> 00:44:04,141 because I wanted to write novels that I myself would find interesting. 663 00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:07,269 And recently, I won an award, 664 00:44:07,853 --> 00:44:13,484 and I've just started going back and forth with the editors. 665 00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:20,449 Do you understand what I'm trying to say? 666 00:44:21,408 --> 00:44:23,619 Yeah. I understand. 667 00:44:25,954 --> 00:44:29,708 Earlier, when we were talking about Sawa's baby, 668 00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:31,877 you weren't overly sympathetic, 669 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,338 and I realized again how much I like you. 670 00:44:38,634 --> 00:44:41,136 You treat everyone the same, without any bias. 671 00:44:43,389 --> 00:44:44,640 I really like that about you. 672 00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:52,481 I respect you too. 673 00:44:54,608 --> 00:44:56,318 Both as a person, and a boyfriend. 674 00:45:02,324 --> 00:45:03,742 But it's over now, isn't it? 675 00:45:06,829 --> 00:45:07,788 Yeah. 676 00:45:08,914 --> 00:45:09,832 Sorry. 677 00:45:21,343 --> 00:45:24,596 I want to write, in earnest. 678 00:45:28,100 --> 00:45:29,143 That's why 679 00:45:31,186 --> 00:45:32,771 I need to experience loneliness-- 680 00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:34,106 You're being naive. 681 00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:35,732 What? 682 00:45:36,942 --> 00:45:38,360 You're being naive. 683 00:45:40,696 --> 00:45:42,948 You won't be able to write even if you break up with me. 684 00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:44,908 Why do you think that? 685 00:45:45,742 --> 00:45:47,286 You've got it wrong. 686 00:45:47,995 --> 00:45:49,246 It's not like 687 00:45:49,955 --> 00:45:52,040 you can only write when you're lonely, 688 00:45:52,124 --> 00:45:54,501 or that you can't write when you're happy. 689 00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,295 That's not how it works. 690 00:45:57,921 --> 00:46:00,007 Are you planning on being unhappy forever? 691 00:46:01,216 --> 00:46:02,301 Maybe. 692 00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:04,011 Are you serious? 693 00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:05,012 Yeah. 694 00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:08,098 Because not being able to create something 695 00:46:08,182 --> 00:46:09,892 is more painful for me. 696 00:46:11,518 --> 00:46:12,853 How lame. 697 00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:17,774 That's… 698 00:46:19,401 --> 00:46:20,569 That's just… 699 00:46:22,404 --> 00:46:24,740 What is loneliness anyway? 700 00:46:25,908 --> 00:46:28,410 It's not something you can achieve simply by being physically alone. 701 00:46:28,494 --> 00:46:30,287 I know that. 702 00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:34,958 But it's just that you've become 703 00:46:35,042 --> 00:46:36,335 a hindrance to me. 704 00:46:40,088 --> 00:46:41,215 Hinderance, huh? 705 00:46:41,298 --> 00:46:44,009 No, I didn't mean that, sorry. 706 00:46:46,053 --> 00:46:48,222 I want you to hate me. 707 00:46:50,807 --> 00:46:51,683 The other day, 708 00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:54,144 I slept with someone I don't even like. 709 00:46:55,187 --> 00:46:56,021 What? 710 00:46:58,941 --> 00:47:01,151 Hold on, what? What's the point of all this? 711 00:47:02,027 --> 00:47:03,028 I just… 712 00:47:04,571 --> 00:47:10,369 -I wanted to find balance within myself. -To balance what? 713 00:47:11,828 --> 00:47:12,996 Who was it? 714 00:47:19,044 --> 00:47:20,254 It's not Sawa, is it? 715 00:47:21,129 --> 00:47:23,674 I wouldn't have been hanging out with her earlier if it was. 716 00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:26,301 Then who is it? 717 00:47:31,723 --> 00:47:32,641 Nagisa. 718 00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:35,352 You're the worst. 719 00:47:38,063 --> 00:47:41,858 You're the worst for having casual sex with a girl that actually likes you. 720 00:47:46,071 --> 00:47:48,574 You still don't want to break up with me? 721 00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:50,367 I'm such a jerk, 722 00:47:51,493 --> 00:47:52,578 but you still don't want to? 723 00:48:23,567 --> 00:48:27,112 And after having found loneliness, 724 00:48:27,821 --> 00:48:30,240 Niko went through many setbacks and encounters 725 00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:33,368 and eventually became a best-selling novelist. 726 00:48:37,914 --> 00:48:39,124 I think 727 00:48:39,207 --> 00:48:42,377 he probably knows better than anyone 728 00:48:42,461 --> 00:48:44,963 that his current situation is a result of compromise. 729 00:48:46,423 --> 00:48:50,927 {\an8}But I respect the current stance 730 00:48:51,011 --> 00:48:52,888 {\an8}he has taken in choosing that path. 731 00:48:53,764 --> 00:48:55,682 {\an8}It's not something everyone can do. 732 00:48:56,433 --> 00:48:58,101 {\an8}I don't aspire to do the same, though. 733 00:49:03,815 --> 00:49:07,402 {\an8}And I read Niko's novel for the first time in a long while, 734 00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:11,365 {\an8}but it was indeed something of no benefit to my life right now. 735 00:49:20,874 --> 00:49:22,042 {\an8}You were back? 736 00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:24,294 {\an8}Yeah. 737 00:49:24,378 --> 00:49:25,587 {\an8}You're not sleeping? 738 00:49:25,671 --> 00:49:27,506 {\an8}I'm going to sleep now. 739 00:49:30,258 --> 00:49:31,343 {\an8}NIKO KOBAYASHI 740 00:49:31,426 --> 00:49:33,929 {\an8}Oh, this is really popular right now. 741 00:49:34,012 --> 00:49:34,971 {\an8}Yeah. 742 00:49:35,055 --> 00:49:36,014 {\an8}Is it interesting? 743 00:49:37,724 --> 00:49:39,351 {\an8}Not really? 744 00:49:39,434 --> 00:49:40,394 {\an8}Oh, really? 745 00:49:41,687 --> 00:49:43,397 {\an8}-Can I read it too? -Yeah. 746 00:49:44,189 --> 00:49:45,649 {\an8}In fact, you can have it. 747 00:49:45,732 --> 00:49:48,193 {\an8}Really? Thanks. 748 00:49:51,738 --> 00:49:54,408 {\an8}When was the last time I was able 749 00:49:54,491 --> 00:49:56,243 to genuinely love just one person? 750 00:49:59,913 --> 00:50:01,248 I want to be alone. 751 00:50:02,708 --> 00:50:04,793 What Niko said back then, 752 00:50:05,502 --> 00:50:06,795 and his feelings… 753 00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:10,215 I feel like I understand them better now than I did before. 754 00:50:13,176 --> 00:50:16,096 {\an8}THIS DRAMA IS FICTIONAL 755 00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:17,097 Subtitle translation by: Lili Morita