1 00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,355 - [CLANGS] - NANDOR: Huh? 2 00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,185 Guillermo? 3 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,710 Guillermo! 4 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,408 - Boo! [CHUCKLES] - [SCREAMS] - NADJA: The child 5 00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:18,931 who clawed his way out of the abdomen 6 00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,368 of our dead friend Colin Robinson 7 00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:22,587 has reached that wild age. 8 00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:24,154 - [COLIN LAUGHS] - NANDOR: That's mine. You'll take it off 9 00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:26,852 - this second. - Catch me, catch me! [GRUNTS] 10 00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:29,072 - He's a very active lad. - [COLIN LAUGHS] - It feels like weeks 11 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,595 since I had had a good day's slumber. 12 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:33,511 Fucking little guy. [GRUNTS] 13 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,339 - This ruckus never seems to end. - [COLIN LAUGHING] 14 00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:36,775 He's very loud, and unlike us, 15 00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:38,038 he does not sleep during the day. 16 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:39,778 Nor does he sleep during the night. 17 00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,954 - When does he sleep? - I don't think he does. - [GLASS BREAKS] 18 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:44,087 Never a dull moment with that scalawag. 19 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,872 - NADJA: I'm pretty sure he must be part demon. - LASZLO: Nonsense. 20 00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,570 He's all boy. 21 00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:51,268 ♪ A-well a-everybody's heard about the bird ♪ 22 00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:54,358 - ♪ B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word... ♪ - [PLAYING DISCORDANT NOTES] 23 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:57,361 - NANDOR: We tried to distract him by buying him toys. - [NADJA HISSES] 24 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,711 But he just breaks the toy and plays with the box. 25 00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:02,192 Which he then sets on fire. 26 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,541 LASZLO: Ah, well, at least 27 00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:04,977 he's not showing signs of being a bore 28 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,544 or an energy vampire. 29 00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:07,850 He has a very curious 30 00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,112 - and inquisitive mind. - GUILLERMO: Colin, no! 31 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,896 LASZLO: Gizmo, shut the fuck up! 32 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:13,377 We're doing a piece to camera. As I was saying, 33 00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,379 he has a very inquisitive and curious mind. 34 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:18,078 That is just a very nice, bullshitty way of saying that 35 00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:20,123 - if we leave him unsupervised for even one moment... - GUILLERMO: Colin, no! No! 36 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,907 ...he runs down to the bloody flooded basement 37 00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:23,300 and wreaks havoc. 38 00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,475 For no good reason at all. 39 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,955 - [COLIN GRUNTS] - GUILLERMO: Colin, no! 40 00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,436 - [COLIN LAUGHS] - Colin! - LASZO: No, 41 00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:29,785 I think there's method in his madness. 42 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:30,916 - [THUDDING] - What we're seeing 43 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,396 are the early, tentative explorations 44 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,224 of maybe a sculptor 45 00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,226 - or an architect. - Or a psychopath. 46 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,401 - [GLASS BREAKS] - GUILLERMO: He's got a weapon! - Maybe it's... 47 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:38,576 - [COLIN SHOUTS] - He's got a weapon! 48 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,100 - Whoa! - [NANDOR GRUNTS] 49 00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:42,319 I'm gonna get you! [GRUNTS] 50 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,757 ["YOU'RE DEAD" BY NORMA TANEGA PLAYING] 51 00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:48,238 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 52 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:50,762 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 53 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,417 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 54 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:56,464 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 55 00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:00,990 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 56 00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:03,775 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 57 00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:06,126 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 58 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,780 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 59 00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:10,478 ♪ 60 00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:19,835 GUILLERMO: But he needs to go to school 61 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,619 so he can burn off some of this energy 62 00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:24,622 and learn structure and be around normal kids his own age. 63 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,276 - But he's not a normal kid. - NADJA: Mm. 64 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,496 He's a singer, he's a dancer, he's an entertainer. 65 00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:29,845 - He's got the magic. - [FOOTSTEPS RUNNING OVERHEAD] 66 00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:31,542 - [GLASS BREAKS] - [COLIN LAUGHS] 67 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,327 - You've got to do something! - LASZLO: What about you? 68 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:35,024 - Have you been to a school? - I have. 69 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,809 Actually, I happened to go to public school 70 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,159 when I was little, and look at me. 71 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,291 - I turned out fine. - [NADJA AND LASZLO LAUGH] 72 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,510 LASZLO: Great plan. 73 00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,164 Send Baby Colin Robinson to a school, 74 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:45,382 and he ends up like you. 75 00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:47,210 NANDOR: I have been thinking. 76 00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:50,213 Perhaps the answer is to send Baby Colin Robinson 77 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,824 to a performing arts school 78 00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:55,479 where they just pretend to learn reading and writing 79 00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:56,872 and math, but at least they're out of the house 80 00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:58,961 for, like, eight hours of the day. 81 00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:02,486 What's going on here, then? 82 00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:04,880 - Where? - NADJA: Have you had a haircut? 83 00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,577 Why? Have you had a haircut? 84 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:09,363 LASZLO: Have you been watching Star Trek? 85 00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:14,324 Let's not, uh, focus on looking at me, 86 00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:15,673 okay, and focus on the big issue, 87 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,936 which is the Baby Colin, correct? 88 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,503 NADJA: Okay. What if we send him 89 00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:21,897 to a very selective private school so he doesn't 90 00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,203 have to worry about rubbing shoulders 91 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,856 with street tramps and dullards? 92 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,597 No. We have plenty of good public schools here, 93 00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,860 - and they're free. - I thought you were doing the accounting. 94 00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:30,688 Isn't the nightclub swimming in the trillions? 95 00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:33,517 No, we need that money to fix the house. 96 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,867 And I wouldn't say "trillions." No, definitely not. 97 00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,565 How much money have we made this month? 98 00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,697 [INHALES] Have to, like, crunch the numbers. 99 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,700 - Top of my head, I don't... - Hold on a second. Nandor, 100 00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:44,876 - why don't you rub your genie? - NANDOR: He is a djinn. 101 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,791 LASZLO: Well, whether he's a djinn or not, give him a rub, 102 00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,706 make a wish and we can clean this bullshit up. 103 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:49,968 NANDOR: Well, I cannot do that. 104 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,231 - LASZLO: Why? - Because I only have 105 00:03:51,274 --> 00:03:52,710 a very limited number of wishes, 106 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,886 - and I cannot be wasting them. - NADJA: Selfish. 107 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:56,453 And anyway, I already asked him. 108 00:03:56,497 --> 00:04:01,066 - [NADJA GASPS] - And he said that he is legally prohibited 109 00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,895 from doing any kind of house stuff. 110 00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,375 Bummer. 111 00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:07,421 Of course I could ask the djinn 112 00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:09,597 to make all of our troubles with the house disappear. 113 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:12,600 But it's a very slippery slope. 114 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,384 Are you sure you haven't had a haircut? 115 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:15,733 NANDOR: First we fix the house. 116 00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,561 Then it's like, "Oh, Nandor, 117 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,998 can you wish for a new rug?" or some shit. 118 00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:22,392 And before you know it, all of my wishes will be used up, 119 00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:25,743 and I will have no more wishes left to make a global impact. 120 00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:28,572 Which is what I plan on focusing on next: 121 00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,574 philanthropy. 122 00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:32,272 - [DJINN GRUNTS] - Hey. 123 00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:33,751 You rang? 124 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,666 I did? Oh. 125 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,581 It was an accident. 126 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,931 So, uh, you are satisfied 127 00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:41,759 with the results of your last wish? 128 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:44,109 Would you excuse us for just a moment? 129 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,633 Philanthropy stuff. 130 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,852 [WHISPERS]: So, about my last wish. 131 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:51,116 I think the removing of the wrinkles around the eyes 132 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,944 was a success, yes? 133 00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,511 I live to serve. 134 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:57,340 Uh, however, I feel like the smoothness of the skin 135 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,603 is now drawing some attention 136 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,953 to some bagginess under the eyes. 137 00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:04,695 - Hmm. Come. Come, let me see? - See here? 138 00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,306 - ["MEET ME TONIGHT IN DREAMLAND" PLAYING ON PIANO] - [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 139 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:11,006 ♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland ♪ 140 00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:15,489 ♪ Under the silvery moon ♪ 141 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:20,145 - ♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland. ♪ - [FEEDBACK SCREECHES] 142 00:05:20,189 --> 00:05:22,800 - [INDISTINCT CHATTER] - Shit. Not again. 143 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,628 - COLIN: Hey, guess what? Do you guys have YouTube? - What? 144 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,630 And have you seen the new MrBeast video 145 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:29,067 where he makes the world's largest elephant's toothpaste? 146 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,983 - GIRL: No. - GIRL 2: What the fuck are you talking about? 147 00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,550 We may look as children, 148 00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:36,684 but we're 143 years old. 149 00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:39,382 Oh, okay. S-Sorry. 150 00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:42,254 It's all right, boy, they don't know what they're missing. 151 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,735 Come on. Let's get on with the job in hand. 152 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:47,042 Now I come to think of it, 153 00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:49,000 I suppose schooling isn't such a bad idea 154 00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:50,350 as long as he can have some japes 155 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,177 and tomfoolery with his young cohorts. 156 00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,005 - NANDOR: Oops. - NADJA: My love, it will be very good 157 00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:56,181 for him and very good for us. 158 00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,053 Yeah, but none of this public school shit. 159 00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:00,664 - NADJA: Mm. - He's gonna be amongst the elites like I was. 160 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,187 Well, I got some brochures here 161 00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:05,190 on some very impressive private schools 162 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,192 in the area. Here you go. 163 00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:09,673 - NANDOR: Hmm? - I'm just gonna put it down here. 164 00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:11,196 Well, you can forget this one. Doesn't have a cricket field. 165 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,677 - Or even a whipping post. - Good point. 166 00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,505 NADJA: And what do you pose as a better solution? 167 00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,682 Well, I would say, um... 168 00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:22,033 Uh... this one looks good. 169 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:23,861 - That's, uh, that's a receipt. - Oh. 170 00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,863 - [SEAN GRUNTING] - COLIN: Put me down, you idiot! 171 00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,691 - SEAN: Stop struggling, you little rascal. - [COLIN GRUNTING] 172 00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:28,736 - Oh, no. - Ugh. - COLIN: You hurt my stomach, 173 00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:29,780 - you dummy. - Good little guy. 174 00:06:29,824 --> 00:06:30,781 - NADJA: Baby Colin! - Whoa. 175 00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:31,739 COLIN: Nice try, asshole. 176 00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,393 My back. 177 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,395 Little nephew found his way over to my house again. 178 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:36,700 I caught him in the garage, 179 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,702 knocking, uh, holes in the drywall 180 00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:41,052 - with a ball peen hammer. - A thousand apologies to you, Sean. 181 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,054 What's this? You sending the little guy to private school? 182 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:44,404 GUILLERMO: Yeah, we're thinking about it. 183 00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:45,535 Oh. Well, you better add 184 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,885 Helen Country Day School to the list 185 00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:50,540 'cause you're talking to an HCD grad right here. 186 00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:54,239 Really? Well, there you go. That's where the boy shall go. 187 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:55,545 Yeah, I can help you with that. I happen to be 188 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:56,938 very tight with the headmaster. 189 00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:58,722 Don't you think that's a rather hasty decision? 190 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,420 Sean went there, and look how he's turned out. 191 00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,552 - Right. - LASZLO: Tuck his trousers in and everything. 192 00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:06,338 I've never been more cocksure of any decision in my life. 193 00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,473 GUILLERMO: Is everybody ready? 194 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:13,563 The headmaster's gonna be here in ten minutes. 195 00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,565 And remember, you're just a regular human being 196 00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,437 who likes to do regular human things. 197 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,177 You are not a vampire, 198 00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,744 and if... Oh, no. 199 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,573 Ta-da! 200 00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:25,270 Well... 201 00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:29,753 "A" for effort on the whole looking human aspect, but no. 202 00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:31,929 - [NADJA SIGHS] - Go upstairs and change into whatever your least vampirey 203 00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:33,670 vampire attire is. 204 00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,759 - But that is this. - LASZLO: Yes. - GUILLERMO: That is this? 205 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:38,501 - This is that. - NADJA: Okay, try this. 206 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:41,025 [AMERICAN ACCENT]: Oh, I love pizza so much. 207 00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,158 That's pretty good. 208 00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:45,465 - [NADJA CHUCKLES] - We have some water for... 209 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:46,944 Wait, what happened? I thought you were gonna change. 210 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:48,380 [NORMAL VOICE]: I couldn't find anything else to wear, 211 00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:49,686 - Guillermo. Just leave it. - GUILLERMO: Okay, okay. 212 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,123 It's fine. You look great. Okay, let's do this. 213 00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,516 - [DOORBELL RINGS] - Oh! Here they are. 214 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,823 Now, don't you worry, big man. You just do exactly 215 00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:56,954 - what we rehearsed, all right? - COLIN: Mm-hmm. 216 00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,695 SEAN: Guys, here he is. 217 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,958 The man of the hour, Headmaster Warren. 218 00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:02,612 - NANDOR: Hi. - [NADJA CHUCKLES] - SEAN [CHUCKLES]: Yeah. 219 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,135 Now, back when I was in school, 220 00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:06,486 he was nothing but a loser guidance counselor, 221 00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,313 but he really helped me 222 00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:11,316 set some more realistic goals for college. 223 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,622 A four-year program isn't for everyone. 224 00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:16,321 But you turned out to be a fine young man, Sean. 225 00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,802 - Talking of fine young men, uh... - WARREN: Oh! 226 00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,978 - And this must be Colin. - LASZLO: Go on. 227 00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:22,632 Hello, young man. 228 00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:25,156 It's my pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. 229 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,636 - And guess what? - What's that? 230 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,161 I'm a remarkable smart lad who can sing and dance, 231 00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,642 and I never watch YouTube, 232 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,644 - and I never pound holes in the wall using a hammer. - LASZLO: Ah! 233 00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:36,341 - Okay! [LAUGHS] - LASZLO: Off you go, Colin. 234 00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:37,734 I think we've had enough of that. 235 00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:39,519 - It's your bedtime, I think. - GUILLERMO: Please. 236 00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,695 - Please, take a seat. - Oh, out of the mouths of babes. 237 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:45,350 - NADJA: Oh, so human of him. [CHUCKLES] - NANDOR: Yes. 238 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,570 WARREN: So, uh, my apologies 239 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:48,832 for not being fully up to speed, 240 00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:52,183 but, uh, who exactly are the parents? 241 00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:54,664 Uh... 242 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:55,970 - LASZLO: Yeah. - NADJA: Uh... 243 00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:59,190 When I click my fingers, 244 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:01,410 you will enter a trancelike state 245 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:04,065 where you will hear nothing or see nothing. 246 00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:06,197 I will then click my fingers once more, 247 00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:08,286 and you will regain consciousness, 248 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,854 remembering nothing of this pause. 249 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:13,857 - [SNAPS FINGERS] - We really should have figured this out before they came. 250 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,467 Who are we gonna say the parents are? 251 00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,469 Let's just say that I'm the mother and you are the father. 252 00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,949 - Good idea. - LASZLO: That won't work, my darling. 253 00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,256 - I've already told him I'm the boy's uncle. - Shit. 254 00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,214 Fine, I will be the father. 255 00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:24,476 - Looking like that? - Yes. 256 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:25,826 - Better than nothing. - Well, look at him. 257 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:27,262 - NADJA: Laszlo, get over it! - LASZLO: Come on. 258 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,960 - NADJA: Ouch! Nandor. [CLEARS THROAT] - Sorry. 259 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,092 - [SNAPS FINGERS] - [LAUGHS] 260 00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:33,050 Yes, hello. 261 00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,052 We are Colin's parents. I am Nadja. 262 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,880 I carried him to full term. 263 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:39,883 Yes, and I am Matthew. 264 00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:42,625 Well, I'd love to ask you a few questions 265 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,714 - about yourselves and Colin. - NANDOR: Mm. 266 00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:46,324 Yes, and we can answer those questions 267 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,500 because we are very much Colin's parents. 268 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:49,719 - [CHUCKLES] - NANDOR: Yes. 269 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,416 And I am Matthew. 270 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:52,766 Okay. 271 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:55,072 - So, uh, let's get into it. - [ZIPPER RASPS] 272 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,901 How old is Colin? 273 00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,729 - Twelve. - Forty-two. 274 00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,513 - Sixteen. - One. 275 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,080 - [WHISPERS]: He's nine years old. - Nine! 276 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,821 - ♪ He's nine. ♪ - Nine. 277 00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,518 Okay, great. [CHUCKLES] 278 00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:09,521 Is everybody going to be staying for this next part, as well? 279 00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:11,132 I mean, usually, 280 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:12,742 - it's only the... - [SNAPS FINGERS] - NADJA: I think 281 00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,614 he thinks it's weird that it's not just me and Nandor. 282 00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:15,919 - Matthew. - LASZLO: I think it's weird 283 00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,486 he wants you two alone in a room. 284 00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,270 Well, if everyone's staying, then I should stay, too. 285 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,445 - You know, for human guidance. - [NADJA GROANS] 286 00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:21,838 Fine. I will fix this. 287 00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,666 - [CLEARS THROAT] - [SNAPS FINGERS] 288 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,016 - [NADJA CHUCKLES] - ...uh, parents 289 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,540 - who do the interview. - NADJA: Good point, yes. 290 00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,804 But I would like to say that we're all going to stay 291 00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,762 because we very much think of everyone 292 00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,677 - in this room as members of the family. - NANDOR: Mm-hmm. 293 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,636 So, please, meet our butler 294 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:40,204 - and our groundskeeper. - I'm the groundskeeper, by the way. Ha! 295 00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:43,555 [CHUCKLES]: Okay, then. One big, happy family. 296 00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:45,470 Everyone helps out here. 297 00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:48,169 - There's a lot of love in this family. - NANDOR: Mm. 298 00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:49,300 In fact, there's so much love, 299 00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,693 apparently, you're with Nandor now 300 00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,390 and Laz doesn't mind? 301 00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:54,479 [CHUCKLES]: I mean, you know, it's no judgment. 302 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,133 What's the word for what you guys are? It's... 303 00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,874 - Polyamorous? - SEAN: Oh, 304 00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,136 I was thinking filthy hippies, 305 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,964 but, uh, like I said, no judgement. 306 00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,792 - Right, Mr. Warren? - [SNAPS FINGERS] 307 00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,968 - NADJA: Fuck's sake. - Of course this is a disaster. 308 00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:07,144 - He knows we're married, my darling. - NADJA: Let's just say 309 00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,146 that I am the mother and Laszlo is the father. 310 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:11,496 - Who am I going to be? - You're the groundskeeper now. 311 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:12,715 - Keep up. - [NANDOR GROANS] - GUILLERMO: Come on. 312 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,978 - Go, go, go, go, go. Careful. - I can see. 313 00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:16,980 Careful, the camera. Stop. No. 314 00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:19,504 - Stop. Ready. - Okay? 315 00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:21,811 - [SNAPS FINGERS] - [NADJA LAUGHS] 316 00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:24,422 WARREN: So, uh... 317 00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,511 I'm sorry. Uh... [CHUCKLES] 318 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,992 - Where was I? - NANDOR: I don't know. 319 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:32,039 I am just Matthew, the groundskeeper. 320 00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:37,000 [NADJA CRYING] 321 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,610 And there Colin was, 322 00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,830 just perched on the top of the tree 323 00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,093 like a little snake. 324 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,182 But not a snake. [SNIFFLES] 325 00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:46,575 A real human baby. 326 00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:49,534 Very normal human baby. 327 00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:51,058 And we had no choice 328 00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:54,365 but to, um, take him in, crying. 329 00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:55,932 That is very odd. 330 00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,761 - But really quite beautiful. - NADJA: Yeah. 331 00:11:58,805 --> 00:11:59,849 WARREN: We consider it a positive 332 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:01,721 to support family structures 333 00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:04,201 that at one time might have seemed unorthodox. 334 00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:06,856 In fact, I'd venture to say 335 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:11,295 we have families far less traditional than yours. 336 00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,863 - [SNAPS FINGERS] - Shit. We aren't different enough. 337 00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,735 We need a weirder family structure. 338 00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,040 The more unorthodox we are, 339 00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:18,520 the more chance we have of getting him in. 340 00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,609 No, I think we're doing fine with the adoption angle. 341 00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,393 - We need to be gay. - [NADJA GASPS] 342 00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,874 No, there's plenty of gay parents out there. 343 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,789 Trust me. Gay is in. 344 00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,052 Gay is hot. I want some gay. 345 00:12:29,096 --> 00:12:31,054 Gay it's gonna be. Nandor? 346 00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:33,622 - [SNAPS FINGERS] - As you can see, we're Colin's two dads. 347 00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:37,234 Wonderful. You know, our school is quite proud 348 00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:39,236 of our acceptance of family structures 349 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,412 - that at one time might... - Yeah, can I stop you there? 350 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:44,067 You need to know that we're very gay for each other. 351 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:45,416 NANDOR: Completely gay. 352 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,592 We are like two French trombones. 353 00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:50,117 And this guy? I ream him nightly. 354 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,683 NANDOR: And I'm always sucking him off. 355 00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:53,337 They are like, "Come, it's dinner! 356 00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:55,426 Stop sucking off your gay husband!" 357 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,994 [CHUCKLES] Which is amusing, 'cause I am dinner. 358 00:12:58,038 --> 00:13:00,344 - And I just carry on reaming him. - [WHISPERING]: Nadja. Nadja. 359 00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,607 Sexually. You must understand that. 360 00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:05,610 Hey! You got a problem with these guys being gay? 361 00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:07,264 - I will ream you. - [NORMAL VOICE]: No. 362 00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:09,266 - No, I don't have a problem. - SEAN: You better not. 363 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:10,833 'Cause I don't mess with homophobes. 364 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,095 - It's the 20th century now. - Thank you for that, Sean. 365 00:13:12,139 --> 00:13:13,662 - Well said. - Please just freeze them. Okay? 366 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,185 - Oh, for fuck's sake. [SNAPS FINGERS] - Appreciated. 367 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,840 What'd you do that for? That was going great. 368 00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,799 If you're gonna do this, just hold hands and act normal. 369 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:22,671 Stop talking about your explicit sexual activities. 370 00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:24,281 - LASZLO: Why? - Jealous. 371 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,805 [SNAPS FINGERS] 372 00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,284 Y-Your relationship aside, 373 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:29,460 could you tell me a little bit about Colin? 374 00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,549 Oh, yes. Yes, they can. 375 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,290 Yes. 376 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:34,944 We can. 377 00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,338 LASZLO: Yeah. Um, Colin is a... 378 00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:39,209 - NANDOR: Um... - LASZLO: Yes. 379 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,645 - Give us a minute. - WARREN: Okay. 380 00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,386 Colin... 381 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,693 - He... - LASZLO: Colin... 382 00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:48,828 - Uh... - Colin is a bright and energetic boy 383 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,307 who's eager to make friends. 384 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,135 His favorite number is 31. 385 00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:53,658 His favorite color is brown, 386 00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:56,966 and he loves both classic stage and movie musicals. 387 00:13:57,010 --> 00:14:00,013 - He's actually quite a gifted singer and performer himself. - WARREN: Wow. 388 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:02,015 For a non-parental figure, 389 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:04,408 - you sure seem to know a lot about Colin. - [NADJA SNAPS FINGERS] 390 00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:06,541 You bragging about all your Colin Robinson knowledge 391 00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,369 is making all of us look like skata. 392 00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:10,545 But no one was saying anything, so I had to say something. 393 00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,373 Now he's going to think we're those absentee parent types 394 00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:13,765 who know nothing about their children 395 00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,419 and let the nanny do all the work. 396 00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,900 - Yeah, well, you are. - NADJA: Fine. 397 00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:20,033 You want to be king of Baby Colin Robinson? 398 00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,252 - [NADJA SNAPS FINGERS] - GUILLERMO: So, has it been hard 399 00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:25,168 raising Colin alone by myself 400 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:28,258 as a single parent? Yeah. 401 00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:29,607 Perhaps that's why we're so close. 402 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:32,436 We only have each other in this cold, 403 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,917 - scary world. - NANDOR: Could I interest you in some 404 00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,224 refreshments? Uh... 405 00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,616 Potato chips, some eggs, 406 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,401 cigarette, or perhaps a nice, ripe 407 00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,620 banana. 408 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,449 WARREN: Uh... 409 00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:47,625 - Did that upset you? - I'm sorry, what? 410 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:50,106 WARREN: Well, you look a little, uh, surprised, or maybe 411 00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,629 troubled by what 412 00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:53,022 - Guillermo just said. - NANDOR: No. 413 00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,242 That's just... allergies. 414 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:57,722 This is how I look when I get my allergies. 415 00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,376 [STIFLED SNEEZE] 416 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,465 WARREN: You know, one of the parents at our school is a 417 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,772 top-notch allergist. I could put you in touch with him. 418 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:05,208 - Yes. - WARREN: A very nice family. 419 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,472 Uh, his wife is a wonderful actress, 420 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,910 but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to mention her name. 421 00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,563 - Absolutely, no. - SEAN: Oh, go ahead. 422 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:13,913 - Tell us. - No, no. - [OVERLAPPING CHATTER] 423 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:14,957 SEAN: Come on. 424 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,480 Let's just say that you would 425 00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:19,440 recognize her from... 426 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,225 more than a few episodes of Law and Order. 427 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:23,835 Law and Order. I was going to say... 428 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:24,967 NADJA: [SNAPS FINGERS] Okay. 429 00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,142 I know what's going on here. 430 00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,144 It's as clear as day. 431 00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:30,930 This motherfucker is a starfucker. 432 00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,106 What? No, I don't think that's what he meant. 433 00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,585 NADJA: Yes, that is what these schools want. 434 00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:36,587 They want the famous parents, so they can be like, 435 00:15:36,631 --> 00:15:38,763 [MUMBLES] "I couldn't possibly 436 00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:40,156 "say anything, but 437 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,941 "Lionel fucking Barrymore's kids 438 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:44,421 might just go here." [MUMBLES] 439 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:47,772 Nadja's right. He fucks stars. 440 00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:49,296 Where can we find a celebrity, and fast? 441 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:50,993 LASZLO: Well, this is Staten Island, 442 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:54,823 which is a veritable playground for the glitterati. 443 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,086 [NADJA LAUGHS] 444 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,479 This way. 445 00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:00,611 So, yeah, as long as it's SAG minimum, 446 00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,004 I'm down for anything. 447 00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,005 Who's this guy? 448 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:05,007 Shut up. [CLEARS THROAT] 449 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,356 [LAUGHS] 450 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,706 It is actually very interesting you say that 451 00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:11,100 because, uh, Colin's father here, Mr... 452 00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:13,146 Sal Vulcano, 453 00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,800 is a very famous actor also. 454 00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:18,499 I wouldn't consider what I do acting, but... 455 00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,370 LASZLO: This is Colin's father, 456 00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:24,026 you know, the guy from Incomprehensible Jesters. 457 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,376 - Impractical Jokers... - Nobody cares. 458 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,030 Just sit there silent. 459 00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,206 So, Sal here is Colin's father? 460 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:31,338 - NADJA: Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 461 00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:33,296 Or... 462 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,907 [CHUCKLES] I'm sorry, it's been a long day, 463 00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,909 and my memory isn't what it once was. 464 00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,389 [LAUGHTER] 465 00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,913 Whoa. Who the hell is that guy? 466 00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:46,570 - It is me, Nandor. - SEAN: Oh, no, no. 467 00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,007 You're not Nandor. 468 00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:49,573 Okay, fine, fine, I am not Nandor. 469 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,923 I am... Adolfo, 470 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,490 the butler or some shit. 471 00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:55,231 - Yeah, all right. - Right. 472 00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:58,408 So... who exactly are the parents here? 473 00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,758 - [LAUGHS] Shit. - [SNAPS FINGERS] 474 00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:03,761 Uh... I'm not sure I get the joke of the bit. 475 00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:06,068 - [NECK CRACKS] - [GRUNTS] Laszlo! 476 00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,417 - [MUFFLED SCREAM] - Woops. 477 00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:08,549 LASZLO: Prick was getting on my nerves 478 00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:09,550 with his jibber-jabber. 479 00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:11,117 We'll drain him later. 480 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,901 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If you can hypnotize them 481 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,511 for them to freeze and forget everything, 482 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:16,687 wouldn't it be easier to just hypnotize Headmaster Warren 483 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:18,037 into allowing Colin 484 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,517 into the school without all this play-acting? 485 00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:22,519 Did this bitch 486 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,043 just say what I think he said? 487 00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:25,957 - He did. - Are you off your tits, boy? 488 00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,047 - What? - NANDOR: He is. - NADJA: Exactly. 489 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,874 We are in far too deep now, baby. 490 00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:31,354 The only way forward 491 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,791 is to stick to the plan. 492 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,881 NADJA: Little Colin has so many hobbies, 493 00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,709 it's just very hard to keep track. 494 00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:41,234 Yeah, he definitely loves his big little head, you know? 495 00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,800 It's always bobbling all around. 496 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,802 - Like yours, honey. - [LAUGHS] 497 00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,935 This one and that one, they're all bobbling. 498 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,546 DOLL NADJA: The pain of childbirth is nothing 499 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,548 compared to the pain of child rearing. 500 00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:53,202 That's beautifully said. 501 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:55,639 It's definitely not easy being a single mother, 502 00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:58,120 but I love Baby Colin, my son. 503 00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,167 What the actual fuck is that? Is that a talking doll? 504 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,561 So, um, please to tell me a little bit 505 00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,215 about Colin's hobbies? 506 00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:07,434 Who is Colin? 507 00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:10,306 Colin is our son, my darling. 508 00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:12,569 LASZLO: Just to be clear, old-timer, 509 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,397 I'm not always the sucker, and he's 510 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:15,659 not always the reamer. 511 00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,139 Though, he does ream me nightly. 512 00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,576 Adolfo, you dirty dog. 513 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,101 Wait a second, haven't we already done this one? 514 00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:23,972 Hello. 515 00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,019 - LASZLO: Seany! - OTHERS: Hey! 516 00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,282 Yo, Lasz. 517 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:31,501 [SKUNK CHITTERING] 518 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,938 You know what? I'm not doing this. 519 00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:35,070 - [LASZLO SIGHS] - GUILLERMO: Baby. 520 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,944 I'm sorry to cut this short, but my head is killing me. 521 00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:42,773 Oh, you, too? I got, like, the mother of all migraines. 522 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,166 - [CHUCKLES] - WARREN: Anyway, it's been 523 00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,951 a most informative evening. [CHUCKLES] 524 00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:48,823 So, uh, do you have Colin's transcripts? 525 00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:51,956 What? [STAMMERS] What's that? 526 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,437 His transcripts from his previous school. 527 00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:57,092 - He's never been to school... - I'll have them sent over tomorrow. 528 00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,747 - Here you go. Enjoy. - Thank you. 529 00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:01,270 GUILLERMO: So, yeah, I pulled a few strings to get 530 00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:02,445 the guidance counselor from my old school... 531 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,838 Hello, Mr. Coulson. 532 00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,274 ...to work up a fake transcript for Baby Colin. 533 00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:07,015 You know, not really happy about dipping 534 00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:08,625 into the nightclub fund for it, 535 00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,149 or the whole bribery thing in general, 536 00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,454 but it's what's best for the child. 537 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:14,283 Anyways, uh, I'm gonna go for a little walk, 538 00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:17,156 and I'll catch you guys back at the house, okay? 539 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:26,295 [CAR BEEPS] 540 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:28,341 [MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING] 541 00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,170 [MUSIC STOPS] 542 00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:33,215 [SPEAKING SPANISH] 543 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,005 You take care of that, all right? 544 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:43,225 [SPEAKING SPANISH] 545 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,926 Sí, sí, sí, gracias, I-I... 546 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,018 Hey, guys. 547 00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:56,325 Uh, what's up? [LAUGHS] 548 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:59,110 I thought we wrapped for me, I was wrapped for the day. 549 00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:00,938 This isn't what it looks like. 550 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,027 I mean, sure, yes, I've had, you know, 551 00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,551 access to more cash lately, 552 00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:06,509 ever since I became the bookkeeper for the club, 553 00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,076 but... 554 00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,514 I know I shouldn't be stealing 555 00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:12,950 from the club, and I'm not stealing. 556 00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:14,213 I was just putting some cash aside 557 00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:15,692 to pay myself. 558 00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,041 It's not even about me. 559 00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:18,521 It's about family, okay? 560 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,697 I just happen to have two families 561 00:20:20,741 --> 00:20:22,264 I got to take care of, huh? 562 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:23,874 Just like you have a family. 563 00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:26,094 No? 564 00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:28,401 I'll put it right there. 565 00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,232 No takers? 566 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,885 LASZLO: Pick it up, lad! 567 00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:36,104 That's it. 568 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,888 - Come on. Baby! - NANDOR: Power through. 569 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,108 - Oh! - This is embarrassing. 570 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,110 These kids need to watch some more Dream Team footage 571 00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:43,546 and then play like that. 572 00:20:43,590 --> 00:20:44,721 - Shut up bitching. - [HISSES] 573 00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,114 LASZLO: He's doing a marvelous job. 574 00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,550 NADJA: Well, after all our hard work, 575 00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:49,422 Baby Colin did not get accepted. 576 00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:52,468 Apparently, Headmaster Warren suffered a massive stroke 577 00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:54,296 only hours after meeting up with us. 578 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,255 The reason for that is most human beings 579 00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,300 can only take seven hypnoses per hour. 580 00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:01,260 That man went through 428. 581 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,174 So we didn't have to start all over again, 582 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:05,133 we decided to enroll Baby Colin 583 00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:07,091 in every community sports league 584 00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:08,179 we could think of. 585 00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:09,964 The volleyballs, softballs... 586 00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,966 - LASZLO: And large balls. - NADJA: Baseballs, 587 00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:13,097 sports balls... 588 00:21:13,141 --> 00:21:15,012 Human stuff. 589 00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:16,840 They're obsessed with balls. 590 00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:18,973 Kill them! Kill them dead! 591 00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:22,455 - Don't you think we might be pushing him a little too hard? - No. 592 00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:24,283 This is essential for his college application. 593 00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:25,806 Plus, he's having a great time. 594 00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:28,112 NANDOR: Put it in the basket! 595 00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:29,462 [CHEERING] 596 00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:31,290 That's my boy! 597 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:32,987 - NADJA: Yes, Colin! - LASZLO: Time for hockey. 598 00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:34,075 Okay. 599 00:21:35,816 --> 00:21:37,774 NADJA: And now, finally, the boy's 600 00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:40,473 too tired to be such a little shit. 601 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,478 NANDOR: So, ultimately, I realized 602 00:21:45,521 --> 00:21:48,655 I have been completely ruining my life 603 00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:49,656 and my face. 604 00:21:49,699 --> 00:21:51,788 What is ironical is that 605 00:21:51,832 --> 00:21:53,703 I was only doing this to make myself 606 00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:55,966 look better for my wife Marwa. 607 00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:58,317 This was for her, not for me. 608 00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,970 So, back to one? 609 00:22:00,014 --> 00:22:01,320 NANDOR: Yes, 610 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,234 if you would be so kind. 611 00:22:03,278 --> 00:22:04,453 I live to serve. 612 00:22:04,497 --> 00:22:05,889 NANDOR: Yes, you do. 613 00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:07,500 Oh! 614 00:22:10,198 --> 00:22:11,460 Kind of tickled. 615 00:22:11,504 --> 00:22:13,332 - I say, Nandor... - NANDOR: Yeah? 616 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,812 ...you really need to quit with the plastic surgery. 617 00:22:15,856 --> 00:22:16,813 You look insane. 618 00:22:16,857 --> 00:22:19,338 Ha, ha. Very funny, Laszlo. 619 00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:21,165 - No reaming for you tonight. - Oh. 620 00:22:21,209 --> 00:22:23,820 No reaming, no sucking, no tickling, 621 00:22:23,864 --> 00:22:25,474 - no fingering, no fucking. - [CHUCKLES] 622 00:22:25,518 --> 00:22:27,650 And don't even think about scritchy-scratching 623 00:22:27,694 --> 00:22:30,174 on my door like a little horny squirrel. 624 00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:32,351 You can bury your own nuts! 625 00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:34,353 ["NO RULE" BY ANTON LOUIS JR. PLAYING] 626 00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:41,403 GUILLERMO: Tonight's take. 627 00:22:41,447 --> 00:22:43,927 Oh, and a very good night indeed. 628 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,366 It's all there. 629 00:22:47,409 --> 00:22:50,151 - Thank you, Guillermo. - Okay. Yeah, you're welcome. 630 00:22:58,159 --> 00:22:59,116 [SIGHS] 631 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:02,076 This is not what it looks like. 632 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,687 Eh. It's exactly what it looks like. 633 00:23:04,731 --> 00:23:06,210 - [LAUGHS] - Oh, um, 634 00:23:06,254 --> 00:23:07,429 if you tell anyone this, 635 00:23:07,473 --> 00:23:09,736 I will kill you and your entire family, 636 00:23:09,779 --> 00:23:11,607 and I will invite all your friends to their funeral, 637 00:23:11,651 --> 00:23:14,958 and then I'll kill all of them, too, so... your choice.