1 00:00:01,788 --> 00:00:03,959 Lily. I heard this great joke at work today. 2 00:00:04,084 --> 00:00:05,879 Dude, come on. She's not gonna like it. 3 00:00:06,004 --> 00:00:07,841 It's boy-funny. It's not girl-funny. 4 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,622 That is sexist! 5 00:00:09,859 --> 00:00:11,551 Funny is funny, Ted. 6 00:00:11,936 --> 00:00:13,638 Lily's cool. She'll appreciate this. 7 00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:16,906 - You're on your own, man. - Just tell me the joke. 8 00:00:17,370 --> 00:00:18,470 Okay. Ready? 9 00:00:18,774 --> 00:00:19,574 Lily, 10 00:00:20,168 --> 00:00:21,686 what's the difference 11 00:00:21,811 --> 00:00:23,811 between peanut butter and jam? 12 00:00:24,609 --> 00:00:25,869 See?! It's funny. 13 00:00:25,994 --> 00:00:27,869 - It's boy-funny. - She's not gonna like it. 14 00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:29,654 Why don't you let me decide? 15 00:00:29,905 --> 00:00:32,687 What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? 16 00:00:34,626 --> 00:00:36,656 And then Barney said the punch line. 17 00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:40,457 To this day, it's still the dirtiest joke I've ever heard in my life. 18 00:00:40,626 --> 00:00:42,576 And no, I'm not gonna say it. 19 00:00:43,528 --> 00:00:46,078 Yeah, I can't hang out with you anymore. 20 00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:47,944 Oh, come on. 21 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,816 That's a funny joke. 22 00:00:51,247 --> 00:00:52,847 - That... - Told you. 23 00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:54,937 She'll be back. 24 00:00:55,382 --> 00:00:57,865 And we didn't see Lily for four weeks. 25 00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:01,125 Traduction: MiniBen314, Eomyn et Lino72 26 00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,645 Synchro: Mickeyte 27 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,395 Relecture: MiniBen314 Transcript: yetts.net 28 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,194 How I Met Your Mother 4x20 - Mosbius Designs 29 00:01:09,362 --> 00:01:11,905 par la "Have You Met Team" pour www.forom.com 30 00:01:12,368 --> 00:01:13,913 Kids, after getting laid off, 31 00:01:14,038 --> 00:01:16,329 I was finally pursuing my lifelong dream. 32 00:01:16,454 --> 00:01:18,411 Starting my own architecture firm. 33 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,229 All I needed was some clients. 34 00:01:20,354 --> 00:01:23,014 I think it's so great that you're striking out on your own, Ted. 35 00:01:23,139 --> 00:01:24,984 - I admire that. - Thanks. 36 00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:27,754 And... thanks for being so cool with me using the apartment. 37 00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,923 Yeah, of course. Anything you need. 38 00:01:30,763 --> 00:01:33,755 Small thing... do you mind not watching television during business hours? 39 00:01:33,928 --> 00:01:36,070 - This isn't working! - I'm sorry. It's just, I.... 40 00:01:36,195 --> 00:01:38,513 I can't concentrate while Wheel of Fortune is... 41 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,850 A penny saved is a Penny Marshall! Yes! 42 00:01:41,578 --> 00:01:44,942 Ted, I know you're nervous, but you've got to stop procrastinating. 43 00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:49,317 You've spent the last two days choosing the official pen of Mosbius Designs. 44 00:01:49,636 --> 00:01:51,750 Hey, I've made some progress, huh? 45 00:01:51,875 --> 00:01:53,625 I've eliminated felt-tip. 46 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:57,737 Oh, who am I kidding? Felt's back in the ballgame. 47 00:02:00,539 --> 00:02:02,203 You hear there's gonna be more layoffs? 48 00:02:02,328 --> 00:02:04,083 I know. I'm freaking out. 49 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,430 - Are you worried? - Are you kidding? 50 00:02:06,555 --> 00:02:09,638 The things I know about this company. I won't ever be fired. 51 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,728 I mean, there's a pretty good chance one day I'll 52 00:02:11,853 --> 00:02:13,912 wash up on shore with no fingerprints or teeth, 53 00:02:14,037 --> 00:02:15,325 but I won't be fired. 54 00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:17,591 Well, I wish I had your confidence. 55 00:02:18,049 --> 00:02:21,094 Look, you just need a way to make yourself absolutely essential. 56 00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:24,119 Well, I work harder than anyone in my division. 57 00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:26,965 Keeping your job has nothing to do with hard work. 58 00:02:27,090 --> 00:02:29,230 - You need a thing. - What do you mean, a thing? 59 00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:33,027 You know, something that makes you fun and well-liked, like Marcus Denisco. 60 00:02:33,658 --> 00:02:35,998 Marcus Denisco worked in account services 61 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,791 and was perhaps the most expendable employee at the company. 62 00:02:38,916 --> 00:02:40,332 I brought some donuts. 63 00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:41,786 They're probably stupid. 64 00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,986 But eventually, he came to be known as... 65 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:45,389 Food Guy! 66 00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:49,127 Who wants some pulled pork?! Of course you do! Come on! 67 00:02:49,684 --> 00:02:51,087 I love Food Guy. 68 00:02:51,381 --> 00:02:54,610 They could never lay him off. You know what I love about Food Guy? 69 00:02:54,735 --> 00:02:56,926 - He always has food. - He always has food. 70 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,899 See? That's what you need. You need that thing 71 00:03:00,024 --> 00:03:01,476 that makes you a guy. 72 00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:04,209 Oh, I have that thing that makes me a guy. 73 00:03:04,431 --> 00:03:06,331 Maybe even a guy and a half. 74 00:03:06,689 --> 00:03:07,939 Not that thing. 75 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,250 You know, a thing. Like Toy Guy. 76 00:03:11,011 --> 00:03:12,191 Guys, bad news. 77 00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:16,946 As your HR rep, I got to review the new overtime scheduling policy with you. 78 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:21,623 The good news is we're gonna do it while wearing Wolverine claws! 79 00:03:24,559 --> 00:03:25,700 Section 5A, 80 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,516 overtime will no longer be paid at time and a half. 81 00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,741 - This is awesome! - Claw five! 82 00:03:32,622 --> 00:03:35,472 - Oh, I love Toy Guy. - See? You need a thing. 83 00:03:35,597 --> 00:03:37,258 Like YouTube Clip Guy. 84 00:03:44,935 --> 00:03:45,932 You're right. 85 00:03:46,247 --> 00:03:49,102 - I do need a thing. - But choose wisely. 86 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,646 You don't want to be Creepy Back Rub Guy. 87 00:03:52,236 --> 00:03:55,610 Hey, don't fill up. Food Guy's got panna cotta in his office. 88 00:03:57,594 --> 00:03:58,644 Hey, buddy. 89 00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:01,438 Hey, Douglas. 90 00:04:04,315 --> 00:04:05,827 You're so tight. 91 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,616 I was... relaxed about two seconds ago. 92 00:04:11,933 --> 00:04:13,144 You're next. 93 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,947 Hi. Welcome to Mosbius Designs. 94 00:04:19,406 --> 00:04:21,122 - Who the hell are you? - I'm PJ, 95 00:04:21,247 --> 00:04:22,677 Mr. Mosby's assistant. 96 00:04:23,467 --> 00:04:25,664 - Ted, what the hell is going on? - I'm sorry. We do not 97 00:04:25,789 --> 00:04:28,422 interrupt Mr. Mosby during his brainstorming hour. 98 00:04:28,547 --> 00:04:31,297 It's okay, PJ. That's Robin. She lives here. 99 00:04:32,232 --> 00:04:34,273 Oh, I'm sorry for the disturbance, sir. 100 00:04:34,589 --> 00:04:36,384 Do you need anything else? 101 00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:37,902 Well, I wouldn't say no to 102 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,215 - a cup of coffee. - You're right there! 103 00:04:40,623 --> 00:04:43,908 So now Ted has an assistant to help him not do anything. 104 00:04:44,136 --> 00:04:46,436 Hey, PJ's been a huge help to me, 105 00:04:46,561 --> 00:04:48,920 setting up the office, designing the Web site. 106 00:04:49,045 --> 00:04:52,040 And in return, I'm mentoring a bright young mind. 107 00:04:52,165 --> 00:04:53,583 Yes, the mentoring. 108 00:04:54,189 --> 00:04:56,934 I want you to go outside today and simply... 109 00:04:57,059 --> 00:04:59,168 put your hands on buildings. 110 00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:00,293 All right? 111 00:05:00,498 --> 00:05:02,596 Feel the concrete pulse. 112 00:05:03,412 --> 00:05:04,362 Listen... 113 00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:07,557 Listen to the stories the stones are telling you. 114 00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,355 And pick up my dry cleaning. 115 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,330 I will. 116 00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:15,943 - Thank you so much, Mr. Mosby. - All right. 117 00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:18,561 Hey, Ted? 118 00:05:19,548 --> 00:05:21,988 This table just told me you're a douche. 119 00:05:23,943 --> 00:05:26,615 This whole mentoring thing is just another way to procrastinate 120 00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:29,731 - from actually calling clients. - I'm not procrastinating. 121 00:05:29,856 --> 00:05:30,806 I just... 122 00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:34,078 I want everything to be perfect, okay? I only get one shot at this. 123 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,151 Fine, but PJ is not helping. 124 00:05:37,274 --> 00:05:40,230 If Ted says that PJ is important to the company, 125 00:05:40,355 --> 00:05:42,507 then PJ is not going anywhere. 126 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,427 See? He's very valuable. 127 00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:47,305 PJ's a guy? 128 00:05:47,784 --> 00:05:49,891 PJ's not some hot chick you're banging? 129 00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,904 No, I'm... mentoring him. 130 00:05:53,365 --> 00:05:54,513 Mentoring. 131 00:05:55,591 --> 00:05:59,150 I mentored a young fellow once. Even made him my wingman. 132 00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:01,906 Then, one day, he hired an assistant 133 00:06:02,031 --> 00:06:05,250 to work ten feet from his bedroom who... 134 00:06:05,375 --> 00:06:07,911 get this, isn't a hot chick, 135 00:06:08,273 --> 00:06:10,326 proving he never listened to a word I said. 136 00:06:10,451 --> 00:06:12,370 And do you know that young man's name? 137 00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:14,040 Ted Mosby? 138 00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:15,490 Maybe. 139 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,265 I don't remember. 140 00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:19,306 Because he is dead to me! 141 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,651 PJ's gonna be getting a very confusing card in the mail, 142 00:06:28,115 --> 00:06:30,168 along with a garment that he 143 00:06:30,293 --> 00:06:34,093 should by no means wear for three days and then mail back to me. 144 00:06:37,386 --> 00:06:38,486 Hey, Barney. 145 00:06:38,983 --> 00:06:41,813 I thought of a thing to make me more essential here. 146 00:06:41,987 --> 00:06:45,154 I'm Eco Guy, 'cause everybody loves a guy who recycles, right? 147 00:06:45,518 --> 00:06:47,156 Fired. What else you got? 148 00:06:47,594 --> 00:06:49,824 I thought of a few others, Wacky Tie Guy. 149 00:06:50,072 --> 00:06:52,285 - Fired. - Daily Fun Fact Guy? 150 00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,723 Did you know that you're fired? 151 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:56,891 I Know a Good Stretch for That Guy? 152 00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:58,501 Downward-facing fired. 153 00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,265 Monty Python Guy? 154 00:07:00,390 --> 00:07:02,837 We are the knights who say... You're fired. 155 00:07:03,878 --> 00:07:04,966 Wait! Wait! 156 00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:08,134 I did used to run a fantasy baseball league back in law school. 157 00:07:08,574 --> 00:07:10,847 That's not bad. You might be on to something. 158 00:07:11,176 --> 00:07:12,076 Awesome. 159 00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:14,225 Awesome! I'll be Fantasy Guy! 160 00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,042 We'll have to make you Sports Guy. We already have a Fantasy Guy. 161 00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,317 - What's up, bros? - Hey, Frank. 162 00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:24,902 Hello? 163 00:07:25,122 --> 00:07:26,337 Ah, hey, PJ. 164 00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:28,662 Where are you? You're never late. 165 00:07:29,775 --> 00:07:32,770 You're on top of the Empire State Building? 166 00:07:33,948 --> 00:07:37,198 Listen to the old gal. She's got some stories to tell. 167 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,433 Take all the time you need. 168 00:07:43,006 --> 00:07:45,217 Wait a second. "Ted Mosby Home." 169 00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:50,939 Oh, my God, the call's coming from inside the house. 170 00:08:00,198 --> 00:08:02,605 That's not the Empire State Building. 171 00:08:07,939 --> 00:08:11,193 Robin, you cannot sleep with my assistant. 172 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,146 I'm trying to run a business here. 173 00:08:13,271 --> 00:08:14,773 How did this even happen? 174 00:08:14,898 --> 00:08:18,141 Well, at lunch, when you go on your wisdom walks, 175 00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:20,498 it gives me and PJ some time alone together. 176 00:08:21,078 --> 00:08:22,278 Inspiration... 177 00:08:23,042 --> 00:08:25,253 - do your thing. - It always does, sir. 178 00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:26,964 It always does. 179 00:08:29,973 --> 00:08:33,473 Hey, PJ, I actually have an architectural question for you. 180 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,306 How does Ted's ass taste? 181 00:08:35,703 --> 00:08:37,003 I wouldn't know, 182 00:08:37,326 --> 00:08:39,576 but I assume it tastes like genius. 183 00:08:44,885 --> 00:08:46,659 Why is the bathroom locked? 184 00:08:46,784 --> 00:08:49,382 Visitors need to sign in for the bathroom key. 185 00:08:49,641 --> 00:08:50,737 Listen, Peej, 186 00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:52,965 and I want you to think this over real 187 00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:55,520 good before you answer. Are you telling me 188 00:08:55,645 --> 00:08:58,412 that I can't go to the bathroom in my apartment? 189 00:08:59,832 --> 00:09:02,874 I am telling you that you need to ask permission 190 00:09:02,999 --> 00:09:05,544 to use the bathroom in my office. 191 00:09:06,477 --> 00:09:07,796 Why is that so hot? 192 00:09:09,903 --> 00:09:12,265 Robin, there are billions of guys in the world. 193 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:14,436 Why do you have to sleep with my assistant? 194 00:09:14,561 --> 00:09:16,810 When I get off work, it's 5:30 in the morning. 195 00:09:16,935 --> 00:09:19,121 Do you have any idea what kind of guys I'm meeting? 196 00:09:19,648 --> 00:09:21,069 I deliver newspapers. 197 00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,995 It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. 198 00:09:25,296 --> 00:09:28,234 Don't worry. I'll wash them before I handle your business. 199 00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:33,407 I live with my mom. At night, we watch TV in her bed. 200 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,282 We call it "Cuddle Club." 201 00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:40,949 So, you... get up really early to trade on the European stock exchanges? 202 00:09:41,316 --> 00:09:44,083 - What's that like? - Look, is this going to happen or not? 203 00:09:45,607 --> 00:09:48,346 Okay, first of all, I've hung out with Fantasy Guy. 204 00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:50,506 You could do a lot worse. Secondly, 205 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,069 this has to stop. 206 00:09:52,194 --> 00:09:54,421 Distracting PJ is going to kill our productivity. 207 00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:57,930 What productivity? You haven't even called a single client. 208 00:09:58,734 --> 00:10:01,431 Once I get the Web site up, the brochures printed, 209 00:10:01,556 --> 00:10:04,602 and figure out what trusts games we're going to play at the corporate retreat, 210 00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:06,127 I am making those calls. 211 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,023 Corporate retreat? 212 00:10:08,345 --> 00:10:11,195 Mr. Mosby and I are going camping on the roof. 213 00:10:13,252 --> 00:10:14,446 Hey, Sports Guy. 214 00:10:14,616 --> 00:10:16,504 I hear people are raving about your league. 215 00:10:16,629 --> 00:10:18,614 It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. 216 00:10:18,739 --> 00:10:22,603 Between entry fees and transaction fees and penalty fees, I'm actually... 217 00:10:22,728 --> 00:10:24,414 I'm holding on to a lot of money. 218 00:10:25,081 --> 00:10:27,579 Great work, Sports Guy. That's for last week. 219 00:10:32,075 --> 00:10:32,875 Sixty, 220 00:10:33,339 --> 00:10:34,189 eighty, 221 00:10:34,535 --> 00:10:35,535 a hundred. 222 00:10:37,335 --> 00:10:39,059 This is $18,000 cash. 223 00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:41,353 It's not a big deal. 224 00:10:41,478 --> 00:10:44,059 I'll just... take it home and put it somewhere safe. 225 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:48,605 Okay, just walking down the street with some money in my pocket. 226 00:10:48,775 --> 00:10:50,013 Don't touch the money. 227 00:10:50,138 --> 00:10:52,151 That's so obvious. Just be cool. 228 00:10:54,390 --> 00:10:56,028 The baby's on to me. 229 00:10:56,153 --> 00:10:58,490 Babies can smell money. Everyone knows that! 230 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,558 I'm carrying a lot of money! 231 00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:05,748 Seriously, dude, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. 232 00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:09,973 Marshall, last week you were trash that no one wanted to look at. 233 00:11:10,098 --> 00:11:11,469 Now, you're Sports Guy. 234 00:11:11,594 --> 00:11:13,422 - I was trash? - Last week! 235 00:11:15,332 --> 00:11:17,892 There's Ted Mosby of Mosbius Designs. 236 00:11:18,017 --> 00:11:19,901 How's the home office coming, buddy? 237 00:11:20,026 --> 00:11:23,766 Well, it was going great till Robin started banging my assistant. 238 00:11:25,828 --> 00:11:27,918 Ted, it's our apartment, okay? 239 00:11:28,043 --> 00:11:30,074 You leave a big chocolate cake on the counter, 240 00:11:30,199 --> 00:11:31,998 Mama's gonna cut her off a slice. 241 00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:33,227 I told you. 242 00:11:33,495 --> 00:11:36,064 Hire a cute assistant that you can sleep with, 243 00:11:36,189 --> 00:11:38,835 but instead you hire a cute assistant that Robin can sleep with. 244 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,242 And of course he's gonna sleep with her, Ted. Look at her! 245 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,952 She's the greatest woman on the planet! I'm getting off topic! 246 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,860 You're an idiot! That's my message! You're an idiot! 247 00:11:50,930 --> 00:11:54,780 One person storming off isn't enough! Marshall, storm off with me! 248 00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:05,052 Dude, why are this upset about Ted not having sex with the people he hires? 249 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,575 Because it hurts! 250 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,427 It hurts you how? 251 00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:11,033 It hurts because I love... 252 00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:12,481 Ted... 253 00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:15,453 Having sex with women. 254 00:12:15,578 --> 00:12:17,406 I'm a very dedicated wingman! 255 00:12:17,531 --> 00:12:20,077 Look, Lily's the only person that I can talk to about this stuff. 256 00:12:20,202 --> 00:12:21,580 Just get her to talk to me. 257 00:12:21,705 --> 00:12:24,760 I'll try, but, look, there's no guarantees. She's still really 258 00:12:24,885 --> 00:12:26,635 outraged about that joke. 259 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,380 That joke. 260 00:12:30,286 --> 00:12:31,968 Torn our little group apart, 261 00:12:32,093 --> 00:12:34,002 pitted people I love against each other. 262 00:12:34,347 --> 00:12:35,757 Seriously, I wish... 263 00:12:35,882 --> 00:12:38,757 I wish that joke had never come into our lives. 264 00:12:41,165 --> 00:12:43,963 - It's kinda of funny though, right? - It's so funny, man. 265 00:12:45,449 --> 00:12:46,899 Hey, good news, PJ. 266 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,055 The brochures you designed just came in. 267 00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:51,021 Really interesting choice for the cover. 268 00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:53,225 I like how instead of one of my designs, 269 00:12:53,350 --> 00:12:54,600 you chose this. 270 00:12:55,238 --> 00:12:56,438 You know what? 271 00:12:56,739 --> 00:12:59,611 - I must've sent in the wrong photo. - You think? 272 00:13:00,341 --> 00:13:03,240 Look, PJ, the Web site's still not done. 273 00:13:03,572 --> 00:13:05,836 You didn't even show up to the corporate retreat... 274 00:13:05,961 --> 00:13:08,203 by the way, I saw a shooting star... 275 00:13:08,858 --> 00:13:10,463 and you're late every day. 276 00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:13,194 I'm sorry, PJ. I gotta get focused. 277 00:13:13,319 --> 00:13:14,389 You're fired. 278 00:13:14,514 --> 00:13:16,225 - You can't fire... - PJ, 279 00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,312 - you're fired. - Fine! 280 00:13:22,372 --> 00:13:23,372 Hey, baby. 281 00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:25,617 I just got fired. 282 00:13:26,828 --> 00:13:29,828 Yeah, I'll wait for you at your place. Okay, bye. 283 00:13:32,652 --> 00:13:34,002 Wheel of Fortune. 284 00:13:37,604 --> 00:13:40,757 I love having all this free time to spend with you. 285 00:13:40,882 --> 00:13:42,832 I'm going to kiss you here... 286 00:13:43,528 --> 00:13:44,478 and here. 287 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,390 And here and here. 288 00:13:47,165 --> 00:13:48,086 And... 289 00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:49,984 - One more. - Please stop. 290 00:13:51,241 --> 00:13:52,842 I'm going to go to the bathroom. 291 00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,542 - I'll miss you. - I'll miss you, too. 292 00:14:00,943 --> 00:14:02,743 You're already sick of him, aren't you? 293 00:14:02,868 --> 00:14:04,309 He's driving me crazy. 294 00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,707 When PJ had a job, he was sexy. 295 00:14:06,832 --> 00:14:09,127 He was guardian of the bathroom key. 296 00:14:09,252 --> 00:14:12,887 A hot guy telling you when you can and can't pee? 297 00:14:13,736 --> 00:14:15,086 That's the dream. 298 00:14:15,566 --> 00:14:17,016 "That's the dream"? 299 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:18,247 The dream? 300 00:14:18,694 --> 00:14:21,027 Like what Martin Luther King was talking about? 301 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:22,761 I have to end it, don't I? 302 00:14:22,886 --> 00:14:24,440 I'm terrible at breakups. 303 00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:26,220 I still have to go a little bit, 304 00:14:26,345 --> 00:14:28,767 but I couldn't be away from you one second longer. 305 00:14:28,892 --> 00:14:29,842 Listen... 306 00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:33,905 - Dude, I don't know. - What? 307 00:14:34,030 --> 00:14:35,430 Yeah, it's just... 308 00:14:36,302 --> 00:14:37,702 It's not really... 309 00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:39,944 Ix-nay, you know? 310 00:14:40,773 --> 00:14:42,246 Ix-nay on what? 311 00:14:43,685 --> 00:14:44,883 Not feeling it. 312 00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:46,483 Not feeling what? 313 00:14:46,608 --> 00:14:48,183 But... friends and stuff. 314 00:14:48,308 --> 00:14:51,008 Oh, my God, this is the worst breakup ever. 315 00:14:51,296 --> 00:14:53,010 You're breaking up with me? 316 00:14:53,135 --> 00:14:55,985 If that's what you want, I totally understand. 317 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,987 You still haven't activated that shortstop the Mariners just brought up. 318 00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:03,362 Got to have it. 319 00:15:04,835 --> 00:15:07,156 See, Sports Guy! People love you. 320 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:10,319 I can't be Sports Guy anymore, okay? It's killing me! 321 00:15:10,444 --> 00:15:12,852 I keep getting these constant texts and e-mails 322 00:15:12,977 --> 00:15:15,144 and phone calls in the middle of the night. 323 00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:18,169 Sometimes I even think that I'm being followed. 324 00:15:19,709 --> 00:15:20,820 Hey, buddy. 325 00:15:21,185 --> 00:15:25,035 I need you to push that trade through, so I can set my new lineup. 326 00:15:25,619 --> 00:15:28,280 You really carry it in your shoulders, don't you? 327 00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:29,955 Seriously, it's over. 328 00:15:30,644 --> 00:15:32,055 Do you want me to stop? 329 00:15:36,033 --> 00:15:37,716 With Robin and PJ broken up, 330 00:15:37,841 --> 00:15:41,141 I was free to make some staffing changes in the office. 331 00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,151 Hi, welcome to Mosbius Designs. 332 00:15:44,722 --> 00:15:46,472 You got to be kidding me? 333 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,322 And now that PJ was back at work... 334 00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:52,383 You got to be kidding me? 335 00:15:53,858 --> 00:15:54,658 So... 336 00:15:54,783 --> 00:15:57,173 apparently Robin and PJ are an item again. 337 00:15:57,298 --> 00:15:59,048 You got to be kidding me! 338 00:16:02,691 --> 00:16:04,091 Are you all right? 339 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:06,676 Okay, since Lily's not talking to me, 340 00:16:06,801 --> 00:16:08,692 there's something that I have to tell you. 341 00:16:08,817 --> 00:16:10,608 And this isn't easy to say, all right? 342 00:16:11,708 --> 00:16:13,258 I'm... wait for it... 343 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:16,099 in... wait for it... 344 00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:18,644 love... wait for it... 345 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:21,772 with... wait for it... 346 00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:28,771 a... wait for it... 347 00:16:30,226 --> 00:16:31,050 certain... 348 00:16:31,175 --> 00:16:33,083 I know that you're in love with Robin. 349 00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:34,008 What?! 350 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,283 - Lily told me. - She told you?! 351 00:16:36,802 --> 00:16:37,602 Great. 352 00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:43,133 I bet you guys have been laughing at me behind my back the whole time. 353 00:16:43,555 --> 00:16:44,598 Actually... 354 00:16:44,723 --> 00:16:47,798 in a weird way, we both think you're kind of perfect for each other. 355 00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:49,781 You do? 356 00:16:49,906 --> 00:16:50,960 Matter of fact... 357 00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:53,529 we even try to sit on the same side of the booth so you two 358 00:16:53,654 --> 00:16:56,352 - will have to sit together. - Really? That's so sweet. 359 00:16:56,777 --> 00:16:58,311 But let's be clear. 360 00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:01,349 I don't love her. Okay? 361 00:17:02,012 --> 00:17:02,962 I just... 362 00:17:03,728 --> 00:17:06,216 miss her when she's not around. I think about her all the time, 363 00:17:06,341 --> 00:17:08,964 and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion, 364 00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:10,946 and I'm wearing a brown Suede vest. 365 00:17:11,272 --> 00:17:13,771 Are you ever going to tell her how you feel? 366 00:17:13,896 --> 00:17:16,326 Maybe. Never. I don't know. Look... 367 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,761 I just need to get that PJ idiot away from her. 368 00:17:20,886 --> 00:17:24,001 If Lily were here, she'd know exactly how to get rid of him. 369 00:17:24,308 --> 00:17:25,553 Maybe I can help. 370 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,326 Marshall, you're no Lily. 371 00:17:27,702 --> 00:17:29,950 Lily is a diabolical puppet master, 372 00:17:30,075 --> 00:17:33,681 subtly manipulating every situation to get exactly what she wants. 373 00:17:33,806 --> 00:17:35,607 She's pure evil, Marshall. 374 00:17:36,561 --> 00:17:39,161 You got a good one there. Hang on to her. 375 00:17:39,799 --> 00:17:43,449 Meanwhile, my bizarre tug of war with Robin over PJ continued. 376 00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:44,758 Hey, PJ. 377 00:17:45,286 --> 00:17:47,315 I was about to go on my wisdom walk. 378 00:17:47,804 --> 00:17:49,066 Want to join me? 379 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:53,400 I took the bathroom key without asking. 380 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:55,895 What are you going to do about it? 381 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,262 Look... 382 00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,403 you guys are both great. But... 383 00:17:59,528 --> 00:18:01,828 the truth is I'm taking another job. 384 00:18:02,179 --> 00:18:03,517 These are for you. 385 00:18:03,642 --> 00:18:06,042 Robin, I hope this letter offers some closure. 386 00:18:07,726 --> 00:18:09,676 I'm really going to miss you. 387 00:18:11,805 --> 00:18:13,991 You can't trade Manny Ramirez for two middle relievers! 388 00:18:14,116 --> 00:18:16,539 If you veto that trade, I am out of the league! 389 00:18:17,069 --> 00:18:18,727 I'll figure it out. 390 00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:23,809 Hire the kid to be a paralegal. 391 00:18:24,323 --> 00:18:27,355 He gets to do all the work, and you still get to be Sports Guy. 392 00:18:27,663 --> 00:18:29,899 Pure evil, Eriksen. Pure evil. 393 00:18:34,691 --> 00:18:35,541 Thanks. 394 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:41,417 You okay? 395 00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:46,660 What if I don't think of the books? 396 00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,009 Excuse me? 397 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,146 There's this famous architecture story 398 00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:52,641 about an architect who designed this library. 399 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:54,425 It was perfect. 400 00:18:54,865 --> 00:18:57,631 But every year, the whole thing would sink 401 00:18:57,756 --> 00:18:59,856 a couple inches into the ground. 402 00:19:00,404 --> 00:19:02,885 Eventually, the building was condemned. 403 00:19:03,357 --> 00:19:06,658 He forgot to account for the weight of the books. 404 00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:09,447 This company... 405 00:19:09,890 --> 00:19:11,040 it's just me. 406 00:19:12,502 --> 00:19:14,486 What if I don't think of the books? 407 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:15,950 Okay... 408 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:18,220 first of all, nobody goes to libraries anymore, 409 00:19:18,345 --> 00:19:20,076 so who cares about that guy? 410 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:23,745 Secondly, you need to get on the phone and start calling clients. 411 00:19:24,473 --> 00:19:26,575 The longer I put off starting my own firm, 412 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,995 the longer it can remain a dream and 413 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,836 not something I screwed up at. 414 00:19:31,977 --> 00:19:34,966 I mean, it's like I'm giving up before I even started. 415 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,939 You want to talk about giving up? 416 00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:39,451 I used to describe my ideal guy as 417 00:19:39,576 --> 00:19:42,717 "funny, smart, passionate, challenging." 418 00:19:42,842 --> 00:19:45,212 And now, apparently, I will settle for 419 00:19:45,337 --> 00:19:46,737 "in my apartment." 420 00:19:48,243 --> 00:19:50,793 Didn't you think you'd have it all more figured out by now? 421 00:19:50,918 --> 00:19:54,215 Are you kidding? By 30, I was going to be annoyingly successful, 422 00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:57,121 married to the perfect woman, maybe a kid on the way. 423 00:19:57,246 --> 00:20:00,391 Instead, I'm just some guy sitting in his apartment, 424 00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:03,066 having a staring contest with his phone. 425 00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:05,159 And losing. 426 00:20:08,512 --> 00:20:10,212 You can take that thing. 427 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,926 Hi, this is Ted Mosby of Mosbius Designs. I'm calling to 428 00:20:30,051 --> 00:20:32,828 to inquire about any design needs you may have now or in the future. 429 00:20:32,996 --> 00:20:35,431 - That sounds great, buddy. - Really? I sound confident? 430 00:20:35,556 --> 00:20:37,956 - Now call an actual client. - Great. 431 00:20:41,421 --> 00:20:42,621 Hey, Food Guy! 432 00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:45,261 Hey, Toy Guy! 433 00:20:51,270 --> 00:20:52,520 Who's that guy? 434 00:20:53,983 --> 00:20:55,533 He doesn't work here. 435 00:20:55,882 --> 00:20:58,402 - I think we should leave the building. - Really? 436 00:20:58,527 --> 00:21:00,277 This has happened before.