1 00:00:01,986 --> 00:00:05,487 You will not believe what happened at laser tag last night. 2 00:00:05,612 --> 00:00:07,368 People freaked out because a creepy man 3 00:00:07,493 --> 00:00:09,425 in a suit wouldn't leave their kids alone? 4 00:00:11,252 --> 00:00:12,720 Well, yeah, pretty much. 5 00:00:17,730 --> 00:00:19,380 Come on! You want it?! 6 00:00:21,786 --> 00:00:22,886 My shoulder! 7 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:24,690 Come on. 8 00:00:25,921 --> 00:00:26,821 Stinson, 9 00:00:27,079 --> 00:00:28,329 my office! Now! 10 00:00:28,674 --> 00:00:29,487 Crap. 11 00:00:30,901 --> 00:00:32,451 Disorderly game play, 12 00:00:32,576 --> 00:00:34,784 three counts of shoving, and now this! 13 00:00:35,157 --> 00:00:37,057 Stinson, you're a liability! 14 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:40,573 I know I don't play by your precious rules, McCracken, 15 00:00:40,698 --> 00:00:43,000 but, damn it, I get results! 16 00:00:43,281 --> 00:00:44,081 Look, 17 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:46,323 you're a good laser tag player. 18 00:00:46,448 --> 00:00:48,848 Maybe the best I've ever seen. But... 19 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,203 one of these days, you're gonna get someone hurt. 20 00:00:51,328 --> 00:00:52,828 Maybe even yourself. 21 00:00:53,406 --> 00:00:55,306 You just forgot what it's like out there. 22 00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:58,435 You've had your fat ass stuck behind that desk for too long. 23 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,310 That's it! You're out of here, Stinson! 24 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,300 Hand in your gun and your ID badge! 25 00:01:02,425 --> 00:01:03,625 With pleasure. 26 00:01:07,611 --> 00:01:09,156 Please don't do this. 27 00:01:09,281 --> 00:01:10,931 This game is all I got. 28 00:01:11,325 --> 00:01:15,032 And I've almost got enough tickets for the remote control helicopter. 29 00:01:15,594 --> 00:01:16,444 Please. 30 00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,921 I can't believe I'm doing this. 31 00:01:21,993 --> 00:01:24,343 But I'm gonna give you one last shot. 32 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,210 But so help me, 33 00:01:26,380 --> 00:01:29,021 if you so much as step one toe out of line, 34 00:01:29,146 --> 00:01:31,419 you're gonna be playing Duck Hunt in your mama's basement 35 00:01:31,544 --> 00:01:33,527 so fast it's gonna make your head spin. 36 00:01:33,652 --> 00:01:35,202 Now, get out of here! 37 00:01:38,908 --> 00:01:40,508 You won't regret this. 38 00:01:47,583 --> 00:01:49,028 That's it, Stinson. 39 00:01:49,153 --> 00:01:50,803 You're banned for life! 40 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,913 Traduction : MiniBen314, Kabaka et Lino72 41 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,873 Synchro : Mickeyte 42 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,093 Relecture : MiniBen314 Transcript : yetts.net 43 00:02:07,218 --> 00:02:09,628 How I Met Your Mother 4x19 - Murtaugh 44 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,381 par la "Have You Met Team" pour www.forom.com 45 00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:14,967 I can't believe you got kicked out of laser tag. 46 00:02:15,137 --> 00:02:17,220 - What are you gonna do? - What am I gonna do? 47 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,650 What am I gonna do? 48 00:02:18,775 --> 00:02:21,241 I'll tell you what Ted and I are gonna do. 49 00:02:21,366 --> 00:02:23,701 We're gonna break in after hours 50 00:02:23,826 --> 00:02:25,450 and TP the place. 51 00:02:27,416 --> 00:02:30,048 We are too old to cover a place in toilet paper 52 00:02:30,173 --> 00:02:32,902 just because they won't let you play laser tag. And for that matter, 53 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,641 I'm too old for laser tag. 54 00:02:34,766 --> 00:02:37,506 Ted, laser tag knows no age restrictions. 55 00:02:37,830 --> 00:02:40,060 Kind of like stripping in the Midwest. 56 00:02:40,185 --> 00:02:41,255 Whatever. 57 00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:43,329 I'm adding laser tag to the Murtaugh List. 58 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,862 - Jeez, not the Murtaugh List. - What's the Murtaugh List? 59 00:02:46,987 --> 00:02:49,200 The Murtaugh List is something that came into being 60 00:02:49,325 --> 00:02:50,797 around the time I turned 30. 61 00:02:50,922 --> 00:02:53,542 It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong. 62 00:02:55,448 --> 00:02:57,965 When we were in our early 20s, every time we had a party, 63 00:02:58,090 --> 00:02:59,683 that beer bong came out. 64 00:02:59,808 --> 00:03:01,601 And around the time we turned 30, 65 00:03:01,726 --> 00:03:02,720 same thing. 66 00:03:02,845 --> 00:03:05,643 Of course, in our early 20s, the next day would go like this. 67 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,189 But by the time we were 30, the next day would go like this. 68 00:03:12,821 --> 00:03:16,097 Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, 69 00:03:16,222 --> 00:03:19,490 I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to, 70 00:03:20,094 --> 00:03:23,044 Detective Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover 71 00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:25,785 in the '80s noir masterpiece Lethal Weapon, 72 00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:27,933 known for his oft-quoted catchphrase, 73 00:03:28,058 --> 00:03:29,922 - I'm too old for this... - Stuff. 74 00:03:30,047 --> 00:03:32,301 He said, "I'm too old for this stuff." 75 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,871 It's sad to admit, but as you get older, 76 00:03:34,996 --> 00:03:36,977 there's just certain things you can't do anymore. 77 00:03:37,102 --> 00:03:39,343 That's why I have this list, so I never make the mistake 78 00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:42,012 of thinking that I can still pull an all-nighter. 79 00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:44,885 I'm too old for that stuff. 80 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:48,134 Or eat an entire pizza in one sitting. 81 00:03:48,486 --> 00:03:50,336 I'm too old for that stuff. 82 00:03:51,204 --> 00:03:53,983 Or hang posters on your wall without frames. 83 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,006 Riggs. 84 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,759 Riggs! 85 00:03:57,345 --> 00:03:59,195 I'm too old for that stuff. 86 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,032 By the way, how good is Lethal Weapon? 87 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,893 I don't know. It's kind of a rip-off. 88 00:04:04,018 --> 00:04:07,371 Old guy paired up with a young, renegade cop. Sound familiar? 89 00:04:09,072 --> 00:04:10,672 Mackleroy and LeFleur. 90 00:04:12,014 --> 00:04:14,825 Don't tell me you guys have never seen Mackleroy and LeFleur. 91 00:04:15,126 --> 00:04:18,048 It's the greatest Canadian action movie of all time. 92 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,396 Mackleroy is a young, renegade Mountie 93 00:04:21,521 --> 00:04:23,721 whose horse was just killed by evil Americans, 94 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:27,308 while LeFleur, he's grouchy, old, African-Canadian partner, 95 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:30,269 just bought a cozy ice fishing shack in northern Alberta... 96 00:04:33,419 --> 00:04:34,373 I got to go. 97 00:04:34,498 --> 00:04:36,437 Bye, baby. Have fun at practice. 98 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,505 Practice? 99 00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:41,315 Is he doing that one-man band thing again? 'Cause that was a bummer. 100 00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:44,758 Actually, Marshall had just taken over as coach 101 00:04:44,883 --> 00:04:46,907 for Lily's kindergarten basketball team. 102 00:04:47,032 --> 00:04:49,946 He thought it'd be fun, but Lily saw it as something more... 103 00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:51,221 dad practice. 104 00:04:53,253 --> 00:04:56,045 Oh, my gosh! Orange slices. That is so sweet. 105 00:04:56,654 --> 00:04:58,653 - What are you doing here? - I couldn't resist. 106 00:04:58,778 --> 00:05:01,175 I wanted to see Coach Marshmallow do his thing. 107 00:05:03,531 --> 00:05:04,594 Hey, kids, 108 00:05:04,719 --> 00:05:08,599 who wants to knock off early and have some of these here orange slices? 109 00:05:10,847 --> 00:05:14,133 Well, you can't! Because oranges are for winners, 110 00:05:14,258 --> 00:05:17,587 and you little turds haven't even made a single shot yet! 111 00:05:17,712 --> 00:05:19,392 You're embarrassing yourselves, 112 00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:22,413 you're embarrassing Miss Aldrin, and worst of all, 113 00:05:22,538 --> 00:05:25,074 you're embarrassing me! That's it! 114 00:05:25,394 --> 00:05:27,094 Suicides! Baseline! Now! 115 00:05:28,463 --> 00:05:29,263 Run. 116 00:05:32,886 --> 00:05:36,457 There is not a single thing on here that you are too old to do. 117 00:05:36,582 --> 00:05:39,175 In fact, if you did everything on the Murtaugh List, 118 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:41,288 I'd call that a pretty fun weekend. 119 00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:44,501 You are not 18 anymore. If you did everything on that list, 120 00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:45,636 you would die. 121 00:05:47,127 --> 00:05:49,879 - That wasn't a challenge. - Challenge accepted. 122 00:05:50,004 --> 00:05:51,554 In the next 24 hours, 123 00:05:51,755 --> 00:05:54,405 I'm going to do every single thing on this list. 124 00:05:54,530 --> 00:05:55,775 And after I do, 125 00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:58,983 you will TP the laser tag place with me. 126 00:05:59,373 --> 00:06:01,023 And if you can't do it? 127 00:06:01,148 --> 00:06:05,072 I will spend three hours listening to you talk about architecture. 128 00:06:05,388 --> 00:06:08,938 You have got yourself a deal. Robin, will you do the honors? 129 00:06:09,563 --> 00:06:11,263 A gentleman's agreement! 130 00:06:12,029 --> 00:06:14,105 All right, chumps, let's do this. 131 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,000 You really want to make this bet with him? You know how he is. 132 00:06:21,125 --> 00:06:23,698 Robin, there is some pretty tough stuff on that list. 133 00:06:23,823 --> 00:06:26,969 I mean, do you really think Barney's gonna get his ear pierced? 134 00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:29,388 "Get ear pierced." Check. 135 00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:32,766 All right, I'm off to go do laundry at Mom's house. 136 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,618 You guys mind if I crash on your futon tonight? 137 00:06:40,743 --> 00:06:43,603 - We don't have a futon. - Put it over there, boys. 138 00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:46,003 - What's going on? - It's on the Murtaugh List. 139 00:06:46,128 --> 00:06:49,571 "Crash on a friend's futon instead of getting a hotel room." 140 00:06:49,799 --> 00:06:51,699 I am too old for that stuff. 141 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,657 What's going on with your ear? 142 00:06:53,832 --> 00:06:56,663 Looks like the inside of a jack-o'-lantern on November 3rd. 143 00:06:57,124 --> 00:06:58,169 What, this? 144 00:06:58,294 --> 00:06:59,889 Just a little infecsh. 145 00:07:00,014 --> 00:07:01,977 Nothing a young guy like me can't shake off. 146 00:07:02,102 --> 00:07:04,590 Plus, "Put off going to the doctor," on the list. 147 00:07:06,007 --> 00:07:06,907 Hold on. 148 00:07:08,713 --> 00:07:09,863 Go for Bar... 149 00:07:13,423 --> 00:07:14,573 Keep running! 150 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,574 You know what's funny, is I was supposed to come here to teach them... 151 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:19,529 Do not 152 00:07:19,654 --> 00:07:20,773 stop running! 153 00:07:21,376 --> 00:07:22,637 This whole time, 154 00:07:22,762 --> 00:07:25,412 they've been the ones who are teaching me. 155 00:07:28,125 --> 00:07:30,199 That's not running! That's falling! 156 00:07:32,401 --> 00:07:36,201 The next morning, Barney woke up on the futon in our living room. 157 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,428 Check. 158 00:07:44,054 --> 00:07:46,154 "Drinking shots with strangers." 159 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,183 Check. 160 00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:50,511 You okay, Barney? It looks like you hurt your back. 161 00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:53,569 Just rocking a party hunch. 162 00:07:53,694 --> 00:07:54,694 I like it. 163 00:07:54,999 --> 00:07:56,449 Closer to my booze. 164 00:07:57,039 --> 00:07:57,989 To youth. 165 00:08:07,838 --> 00:08:09,238 Can I get a straw? 166 00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:11,530 I must say, there's something admirable 167 00:08:11,655 --> 00:08:13,763 about the way Barney wants to stay young at heart. 168 00:08:13,888 --> 00:08:15,511 I mean, who wants to get old? 169 00:08:15,636 --> 00:08:16,495 This guy. 170 00:08:18,876 --> 00:08:21,917 Life is a meal and old age is the dessert. 171 00:08:22,380 --> 00:08:24,708 I spend so much of my time worrying about the future. 172 00:08:24,833 --> 00:08:27,003 Where's my career going? Who am I gonna marry? 173 00:08:27,128 --> 00:08:29,215 But when you're old, you don't worry, 174 00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:31,705 'cause all that stuff's already happened. 175 00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:33,989 Plus, you get to wear comfy shoes and a chair takes you 176 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,733 up and down the stairs, it's perfect. 177 00:08:35,858 --> 00:08:37,724 That's not perfect. That's pathetic. 178 00:08:37,894 --> 00:08:41,186 You can't just jump to the end. The journey is the best part. 179 00:08:42,530 --> 00:08:44,306 I used to feel that way, too, but, 180 00:08:44,431 --> 00:08:46,834 you'll understand when you're a little bit older. 181 00:08:48,552 --> 00:08:51,209 Marshall, can you try not to pick on the kids today. 182 00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:53,320 I'm not picking on the kids, Lily. 183 00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,917 I'm picking on the culture of losing around here. 184 00:08:56,042 --> 00:08:59,097 I got to get them in shape if they're gonna win that game tomorrow. 185 00:08:59,222 --> 00:09:00,022 Win? 186 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:02,166 We don't keep score. 187 00:09:03,904 --> 00:09:05,954 - What? - We don't keep score. 188 00:09:06,736 --> 00:09:08,186 You don't keep s... 189 00:09:09,294 --> 00:09:12,837 What's the point of playing if you don't keep score? How do you know... 190 00:09:12,962 --> 00:09:15,951 Lily, what were you doing with this team before I got here? 191 00:09:16,076 --> 00:09:17,181 I was coaching them. 192 00:09:18,549 --> 00:09:20,449 That's it, my little angels. 193 00:09:20,756 --> 00:09:23,606 You're all luminous wonderful beings of light. 194 00:09:23,883 --> 00:09:25,022 What's the score? 195 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,107 It's all tied up at fun to fun! 196 00:09:30,024 --> 00:09:32,487 Because that's the point of playing... to have fun. 197 00:09:32,735 --> 00:09:34,106 The point of playing 198 00:09:34,231 --> 00:09:36,948 is to win the trophy. And if you don't know who's winning, 199 00:09:37,073 --> 00:09:38,410 who gets the trophy? 200 00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:39,578 Everyone. 201 00:09:40,176 --> 00:09:43,457 It's a participation trophy; everyone gets one. 202 00:09:44,407 --> 00:09:47,044 It's like you're speaking Chinese to me right now. 203 00:09:49,107 --> 00:09:50,738 - Hi, this is Barney. - And Robin. 204 00:09:50,863 --> 00:09:52,777 We can't answer the phone right now because... 205 00:09:52,902 --> 00:09:55,371 - He's watching sports and I'm... - Probably out shopping. 206 00:09:56,617 --> 00:09:58,980 Leave a message and we'll call you back just as soon... 207 00:09:59,105 --> 00:10:00,807 as... we... can! 208 00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:04,773 "Leave an annoying two-person message on your answering machine." 209 00:10:04,898 --> 00:10:05,797 Check. 210 00:10:06,579 --> 00:10:09,441 Probably gonna cost me some dates but it's okay. 211 00:10:10,106 --> 00:10:12,451 Barney, your ear's starting to smell. 212 00:10:12,576 --> 00:10:13,576 It's good. 213 00:10:14,608 --> 00:10:16,193 I hate to send it back, but 214 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,416 you did describe the Turkey as extremely lean, and 215 00:10:19,876 --> 00:10:21,328 well, you tell me. 216 00:10:22,817 --> 00:10:24,265 All right. That's it. 217 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:26,140 - We have our own list. - What? 218 00:10:26,265 --> 00:10:28,472 This is a list of things you're too young to do. 219 00:10:28,597 --> 00:10:30,934 Go out and do each one of these things and then tell me 220 00:10:31,059 --> 00:10:32,972 you still want to be an old man. 221 00:10:33,913 --> 00:10:36,161 Remove "colonoscopy" and "Have sex with an old lady," 222 00:10:36,286 --> 00:10:37,803 and this is a cakewalk. 223 00:10:39,728 --> 00:10:41,078 New stakes, then. 224 00:10:41,203 --> 00:10:43,622 If I can finish your list before you finish mine, 225 00:10:43,747 --> 00:10:46,150 you have to come with me to TP laser tag and 226 00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:47,965 you have to buy the toilet paper. 227 00:10:48,090 --> 00:10:49,690 And none of that biodegradable crap. 228 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,233 I want it up there forever. 229 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:53,744 Fine, but if I finish your list first, 230 00:10:53,869 --> 00:10:57,858 it's a six hour survey of early 20th century American architecture and 231 00:10:57,983 --> 00:11:00,392 you can never do anything on the Murtaugh List ever again. 232 00:11:00,517 --> 00:11:03,906 - It's for your own good. - You, sir, have got yourself a deal. 233 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,730 A gentleman's agreement! 234 00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:13,748 Marshall, they're in kindergarten. This isn't how you teach basketball. 235 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,857 Sure it is. It's the way I learned. 236 00:11:15,982 --> 00:11:17,381 Are you kidding me? 237 00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:20,206 What kind of sociopath taught you this way? 238 00:11:23,406 --> 00:11:25,106 Come on, Dad. I'm tired. 239 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,534 Sleep is for winners. 240 00:11:26,659 --> 00:11:28,558 You can go to bed when you score a basket. 241 00:11:28,683 --> 00:11:29,766 I'm trying. 242 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,947 Let's give you two points for trying. 243 00:11:32,072 --> 00:11:35,027 But negative two points for having a great big head. 244 00:11:36,857 --> 00:11:39,114 My father gave me no quarter 245 00:11:39,693 --> 00:11:41,742 and I asked for no quarter. 246 00:11:43,653 --> 00:11:45,703 I totally got to call that guy. 247 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:47,965 Keep stretching! 248 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,880 "Put on reading glasses." Check. 249 00:11:55,539 --> 00:11:57,439 "Yell at neighborhood kids." 250 00:11:58,061 --> 00:11:59,161 My pleasure. 251 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,678 What the hell happened to you? 252 00:12:04,803 --> 00:12:07,301 I just had a very minor "blew out my knee and 253 00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:08,869 it hurts like hell" incident. 254 00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,858 - How did you blow out your knee? - We... 255 00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:12,997 "Helped someone move out of a sixth floor walk-up 256 00:12:13,122 --> 00:12:14,686 in exchange for pizza and beer." 257 00:12:14,861 --> 00:12:17,254 Or we... helped someone rob a sixth floor walk-up. 258 00:12:17,379 --> 00:12:20,322 They were in a big hurry and left all the pictures behind. 259 00:12:20,998 --> 00:12:22,366 Whatevs, it counts. 260 00:12:23,324 --> 00:12:26,486 Now, I am off to "Dye my hair a funny color," 261 00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,955 and then we are going to, "Go to a rave." 262 00:12:30,907 --> 00:12:32,357 4:00! Supper time. 263 00:12:34,147 --> 00:12:35,837 So, your dad was tough on you. 264 00:12:35,962 --> 00:12:38,551 That stinks, but you don't have to be like him. 265 00:12:38,676 --> 00:12:40,712 You can learn from his mistakes. 266 00:12:40,887 --> 00:12:41,835 Mistakes? 267 00:12:42,693 --> 00:12:44,902 Scoreboard. The guy nailed it, okay? 268 00:12:45,027 --> 00:12:47,931 He taught me how to be a winner. That's what I'm teaching these kids. 269 00:12:48,056 --> 00:12:51,478 And, for that matter, that's what I'm gonna teach our kids someday. 270 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,854 Okay, that's it. 271 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,271 This is not how we're gonna raise our kids! 272 00:12:55,396 --> 00:12:58,154 And this is not how you're gonna coach this team! 273 00:12:58,279 --> 00:13:01,024 At tomorrow's game, if you are anything less 274 00:13:01,149 --> 00:13:04,736 than a teddy bear stuffed with cotton candy and rainbows, 275 00:13:04,861 --> 00:13:07,847 I will silent treatment your ass into the ground! 276 00:13:07,972 --> 00:13:10,775 You'll think the time I found your Internet search history 277 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:12,376 was a freakin' picnic! 278 00:13:12,906 --> 00:13:14,042 Are we clear?! 279 00:13:16,269 --> 00:13:18,375 - There are many different philo... - Are we clear?! 280 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,598 Yes, ma'am. 281 00:13:23,809 --> 00:13:26,259 You know, what's ironic is that now... 282 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,061 Just call Ted. I want to go home. 283 00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:37,333 I'm calling him. 284 00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:40,111 But it's 4:30 in the morning. He's not going to be awake. 285 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,386 Up at 4:00... 286 00:13:41,815 --> 00:13:42,615 Check. 287 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,991 - Is he answering? - I haven't dialed yet. 288 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,659 Please hurry, Robin. 289 00:13:50,166 --> 00:13:51,066 Perfect. 290 00:13:51,444 --> 00:13:53,694 "Take forever to answer the phone." 291 00:13:57,380 --> 00:13:58,503 Come on, Ted. 292 00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:02,153 Someone gave me some aspirin and I don't think it was aspirin. 293 00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:09,146 Check. 294 00:14:10,619 --> 00:14:13,673 So, I know that I have been a little tough on you 295 00:14:13,798 --> 00:14:15,243 for the past couple days. 296 00:14:15,368 --> 00:14:16,168 And... 297 00:14:16,347 --> 00:14:17,897 I apologize for that. 298 00:14:19,618 --> 00:14:22,468 So today, we're not gonna worry about winning. 299 00:14:22,947 --> 00:14:24,820 We're gonna go out there and... 300 00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:25,895 have fun. 301 00:14:27,849 --> 00:14:30,142 Kids, over the years, your Uncle Marshall has told 302 00:14:30,267 --> 00:14:32,812 and retold the story of this game hundreds of times. 303 00:14:32,937 --> 00:14:34,861 And in reality, the kids on that other team 304 00:14:34,986 --> 00:14:36,654 were probably only a grade older. 305 00:14:36,779 --> 00:14:38,752 But, in telling and retelling the story, 306 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,777 they came to look like this. 307 00:14:52,621 --> 00:14:54,816 Way to let them score that easily. 308 00:14:54,941 --> 00:14:57,141 Now you're sitting down. Awesome. 309 00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:05,695 Addison, it's not soccer. You don't kick the ball! 310 00:15:07,578 --> 00:15:10,433 Unless that's something that you think is fun, in which case, 311 00:15:10,558 --> 00:15:12,304 great job having fun. 312 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,736 That was a foul, wasn't it, Ref? 313 00:15:18,861 --> 00:15:21,546 My name's not Ref. It's Kenny. And watch your tone. 314 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,979 No tone, Kenny. Great job, Kenny. 315 00:15:24,237 --> 00:15:26,887 Thanks a lot, Kenny. See you later, Kenny. 316 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,440 All right, Barney. As your manager, 317 00:15:29,565 --> 00:15:32,194 I'm throwing in the towel. This bet is over. 318 00:15:32,319 --> 00:15:35,892 Your ear looks like a free Danish at a continental breakfast. 319 00:15:38,143 --> 00:15:39,588 No. One thing left. 320 00:15:39,713 --> 00:15:40,813 "Beer bong." 321 00:15:41,717 --> 00:15:43,017 Coming right up. 322 00:15:45,139 --> 00:15:45,939 Oh, I... 323 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,014 found these weird Russian beers in the basement. 324 00:15:49,546 --> 00:15:51,658 Russian beers? I'll take a brewski. 325 00:15:52,711 --> 00:15:53,611 Brewski. 326 00:15:53,894 --> 00:15:54,744 Get it? 327 00:15:55,895 --> 00:15:57,066 Yeah, it's... 328 00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:59,791 It's a little warm. Hope that's not a problem. 329 00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:04,608 Okay. No, don't... 330 00:16:06,853 --> 00:16:09,509 All right, Ted. You win. I hate this. 331 00:16:09,841 --> 00:16:11,191 I hate all of it. 332 00:16:11,639 --> 00:16:13,237 My back is killing me. 333 00:16:13,591 --> 00:16:15,961 Everyone at the rave thought I was a narc. 334 00:16:16,195 --> 00:16:17,843 My ear hurts so bad 335 00:16:17,968 --> 00:16:19,268 I can hear it... 336 00:16:19,781 --> 00:16:22,331 I can hear my own ear. Think about that. 337 00:16:23,436 --> 00:16:27,368 My clothes... What is it... What am I... Get this stuff off of me! 338 00:16:27,493 --> 00:16:29,988 Ted, I'll pay you double for your finest suit. 339 00:16:30,269 --> 00:16:31,219 Here's... 340 00:16:31,488 --> 00:16:32,554 30 bucks. 341 00:16:33,633 --> 00:16:35,283 And throw in the shoes. 342 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,190 You win, Ted. 343 00:16:37,657 --> 00:16:40,493 I'll never do anything on the Murtaugh List again. 344 00:16:40,668 --> 00:16:42,876 I'm too old for this stuff. 345 00:16:43,278 --> 00:16:44,451 You know, Barney, 346 00:16:44,576 --> 00:16:47,955 last night, I went to bed at 8:00 because it was on the list, and 347 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,677 I couldn't sleep because... 348 00:16:49,802 --> 00:16:51,166 Well, it was 8:00. 349 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,137 So I decided to watch Lethal Weapon. 350 00:16:56,417 --> 00:17:00,217 And then, when I still couldn't sleep, I watched Lethal Weapon 2. 351 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,361 And then I watched 3. 352 00:17:03,846 --> 00:17:06,177 And then, halfway through Lethal Weapon 4, 353 00:17:06,302 --> 00:17:07,916 is when it occurred to me... 354 00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:09,513 Murtaugh kept saying, 355 00:17:09,638 --> 00:17:11,364 "I'm too old for this stuff," 356 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,997 but every time he'd say it, 357 00:17:13,122 --> 00:17:15,319 he'd turn around, make another movie, 358 00:17:15,444 --> 00:17:16,660 and do more stuff. 359 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,987 I guess what I'm saying is... 360 00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:22,880 Screw being old. 361 00:17:24,451 --> 00:17:26,301 Let's go TP laser tag, huh? 362 00:17:27,979 --> 00:17:29,547 And then the hospital. 363 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:34,353 Great job, guys. 364 00:17:34,789 --> 00:17:37,513 At least we're not keeping score, right? No idea what the score is. 365 00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:40,538 Could be 53 to zero. Could be some other score. 366 00:17:40,807 --> 00:17:42,107 It's 53 to zero. 367 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,270 What are we doing wrong, Coach? 368 00:17:45,401 --> 00:17:47,282 You know what? You're not doing anything wrong. 369 00:17:47,407 --> 00:17:49,418 It's great that you guys are losing, 370 00:17:49,543 --> 00:17:53,612 because in life, it doesn't matter how much effort you put in, 371 00:17:53,737 --> 00:17:55,110 or how hard you try, 372 00:17:55,235 --> 00:17:57,180 people will just give you things. 373 00:17:57,401 --> 00:18:00,496 Like diplomas and jobs and promotions. 374 00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,356 So, it doesn't matter what you do out there, as long as... 375 00:18:03,481 --> 00:18:05,166 as long as you have fun. 376 00:18:05,744 --> 00:18:08,530 At that point, because they didn't want to fight in front of the kids, 377 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:12,323 your Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily had one of their telepathic conversations. 378 00:18:12,448 --> 00:18:15,725 - Don't you give me that look. - Lily, I can't take it anymore! 379 00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:18,930 - Your way of coaching is crazy! - Stop yelling at me! 380 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:20,332 Sorry. 381 00:18:21,175 --> 00:18:22,475 But can I please 382 00:18:22,956 --> 00:18:24,175 do it my way? 383 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:25,150 Fine... 384 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:28,900 but I'm going to do it my way, too. I'm getting my guitar. 385 00:18:31,248 --> 00:18:33,303 I don't know if it was Marshall's tough attitude, 386 00:18:33,428 --> 00:18:36,948 Lily's gentle encouragement, or some magical combination of the two, 387 00:18:37,073 --> 00:18:38,701 but in the second half of that game, 388 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,526 that ragtag group of little firecrackers... 389 00:18:42,506 --> 00:18:44,256 Got beat down even worse. 390 00:18:47,429 --> 00:18:49,246 In fact, according to your Uncle Marshall, 391 00:18:49,371 --> 00:18:52,159 in the second half, the other team got even taller. 392 00:18:52,284 --> 00:18:54,834 And one of them turned into a Teen Wolf. 393 00:18:55,575 --> 00:18:57,820 There is a Teen Wolf on the court! 394 00:18:57,945 --> 00:18:59,445 That can't be legal. 395 00:18:59,833 --> 00:19:02,742 I know the Teen Wolf looks different, kids, but 396 00:19:02,867 --> 00:19:05,117 try to make sure he feels included. 397 00:19:24,982 --> 00:19:26,943 How is that not traveling, Kenny?! 398 00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:30,004 You are killing me! You are absolutely killing me! 399 00:19:30,129 --> 00:19:32,086 Watch it, Coach, or you'll get a technical. 400 00:19:33,982 --> 00:19:36,532 I am begging you to give me a technical. 401 00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:39,640 When the final horn mercifully blew, 402 00:19:39,765 --> 00:19:41,805 the score was, by Marshall's estimate, 403 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,180 118 to nothing. 404 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,816 And even though they didn't win anything, 405 00:19:45,941 --> 00:19:49,354 everyone, even the coach, got a participation trophy. 406 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,481 I understand if you don't want it. 407 00:19:53,309 --> 00:19:54,309 I love it. 408 00:19:56,460 --> 00:20:00,003 I just... I worked so hard. It feels good to be appreciated for my effort. 409 00:20:00,128 --> 00:20:01,449 I know, baby. 410 00:20:05,727 --> 00:20:08,498 Maybe... your way is not totally stupid. 411 00:20:09,149 --> 00:20:09,999 Thanks. 412 00:20:10,766 --> 00:20:12,616 Your way is totally stupid. 413 00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:30,447 You have been a pain in my ass ever since you joined this club. 414 00:20:32,044 --> 00:20:33,244 But damn it... 415 00:20:33,544 --> 00:20:36,901 If this ain't some of the finest TP work I've ever seen. 416 00:20:38,424 --> 00:20:39,924 You're reinstated... 417 00:20:40,346 --> 00:20:42,646 - Effective immediately. - Really?! 418 00:20:46,321 --> 00:20:47,429 Hell, no! 419 00:20:48,326 --> 00:20:49,976 I'm calling the police! 420 00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,980 Grown-ass man with pink hair throwing toilet paper. 421 00:20:53,105 --> 00:20:55,241 You've got to be kidding me. I'm too old for this... 422 00:20:55,366 --> 00:20:56,166 stuff. 423 00:20:56,550 --> 00:20:57,850 He said "stuff".