1 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:16,766 ♪ Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight ♪ 2 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,853 ♪ Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right ♪ 3 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:24,315 ♪ I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair ♪ 4 00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,403 ♪ And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs ♪ 5 00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:32,282 ♪ And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right ♪ 6 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,036 ♪ Here I am Stuck in the middle with you ♪ 7 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,998 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪ 8 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:43,543 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 9 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:17,535 Nick? 10 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:20,622 Nick. 11 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,417 -Hey! -Yeah. Oh, shit. 12 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,794 Did I fall asleep? 13 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,630 Yeah, we both must have dozed off. 14 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,299 That was amazing. 15 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,885 -You are... -Yeah, you too. 16 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,762 -Time to go. -...amazing. 17 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,472 Come on, time to go. 18 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,432 Come on, up and at 'em. 19 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,105 -You're gonna really make me get up? -Yes, come on. Come on. 20 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:50,318 And go all the way downstairs and have my chauffeur take me home? 21 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:53,738 Your struggle is an inspiration to all of us. 22 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:55,615 Here are your Gucci loafers. 23 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:57,784 God... 24 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,204 how do you always manage to look so great? 25 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,248 Oh, please. 26 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,125 I just woke up. 27 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,043 I must look like hell. 28 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,839 We can still call it "casual" and have the occasional sleepover. 29 00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:13,341 They call that "college." Keep it moving. 30 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,594 Usually I'm the one kicking the girl out at the end of the night. 31 00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,221 I don't care for this. 32 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,183 Oh, is it wrong that I enjoy making you feel cheap? 33 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,228 Come on, you gotta give me something. 34 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,273 Maybe next time a two-hour nap, post-sex? 35 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:31,025 Half-hour catnap and I'm setting an alarm. 36 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:34,696 Fine, but it's going to cut into your cuddling time. 37 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:35,738 I'll live. 38 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:43,580 Oh, God. 39 00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:48,960 I thought you were gonna bail on me after your big date. 40 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,588 Nope. I need recovery time. 41 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:55,884 I found these old Apple Loops in the cabinet from before I left. 42 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,552 You think they're still good? 43 00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:00,930 Sure. Better with age, like us. 44 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,642 I have to admit, I miss a good preservative. 45 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,395 Santa Fe was so "all-natural," 46 00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:10,607 but nothing beats fruity chemicals for TV night. 47 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:15,820 Oh, God, I'd just love to be able to, you know, just drop it all. 48 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:19,407 Right. And just relax. 49 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:20,825 And pass gas. 50 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,493 Oh, please, don't pass gas. 51 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:25,371 Okay, starting now. 52 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,165 Starting now. 53 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:32,795 Ah. 54 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:34,672 Oh. 55 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:38,927 If you would just use this cane the doctor gave you, 56 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,012 your knee wouldn't swell up so much. 57 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:44,515 Well, if Nick saw me with that cane, he wouldn't swell up so much. 58 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:50,230 You know, I have to say, you put in a lot of work for this guy. 59 00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:53,775 Is this where you're gonna start to get on me for dating a younger man? 60 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:56,027 No, I'm cool with that. 61 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,530 I used to sit Bud and Coyote down and explain to them 62 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:03,743 that it was perfectly natural if their friends were attracted to me. 63 00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:06,829 Well, that must have been very comforting for them to hear. 64 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,083 Well, it is a fair amount of work with Nick. 65 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,252 A few hours of prep, a few hours of recovery. 66 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,046 And this guy is worth all this? 67 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:20,176 There are 30 magic minutes in there when I feel as young as I have ever felt. 68 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:24,639 Although, I think he did hear a few "ouches" tonight when I bent my knee. 69 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,683 I don't have that problem with Jacob. 70 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,353 During sex, we both know that half the moans we're making 71 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:33,147 have absolutely nothing to do with pleasure. 72 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:35,608 That must be nice. 73 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:36,526 Mm. 74 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,821 But, you know, we know this has a clear expiration date. 75 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,907 I mean, it's new and exciting for him now to be dating an older woman, 76 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,952 but he'll move on soon enough. 77 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:49,706 So... whose night is it? 78 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:54,544 Well, Tuesday we re-watched Goonies for the 40th time, so it's my night. 79 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,379 Great! 80 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,089 So... Goonies? 81 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,926 Hey, I forgot my wallet. 82 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,512 Oh, my God! Oh, he can't see me like this. 83 00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:05,722 -No, no. Okay. -Help me cover up. 84 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:08,808 -Okay, okay. Here. -Make sure my feet are covered. 85 00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,768 -Okay. -Get the lights! 86 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,397 And you gotta give him his wallet. 87 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,191 Okay. Oh, God. 88 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,526 Everything okay in there? 89 00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:21,446 Uh, hold your horses, fat cat! 90 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,656 Well, where the hell is it? 91 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,993 It's on the pony wall in the dining room! He paid for takeout! 92 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,287 I got it! 93 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,039 Oh. 94 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,958 Of course it's leather, probably Italian. 95 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,378 Oh, Jesus, it feels so buttery. 96 00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:43,968 Interesting technique, turning off the lights to look for something. 97 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,679 -Hiya, Kooky. Welcome back. -Thanks. 98 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:50,433 I missed that inventive nickname so much, I couldn't stay away. 99 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,560 -Is Grace still up? -Nope. 100 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,648 What's that lump under the afghan? 101 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:02,570 Four additional afghans. It gets cold here at night. 102 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,323 Here. Oh, wait. 103 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,410 Finder's fee. 104 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,578 Toodles. 105 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,540 At most, I'm three afghans. 106 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:21,672 I just had a lovely driveway-chat with our new neighbor. 107 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,050 Is he that handsome guy we waved to the other day? 108 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:26,260 The one who looks like a JCPenney Model? 109 00:06:26,385 --> 00:06:28,471 Yep, Oliver. 110 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:32,058 He and his boyfriend, Joe, are planning their backyard wedding. 111 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,477 -Oh, it's a couple. -Yep. 112 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,854 And I invited them over for drinks later! 113 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,606 Oh, here we go. 114 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:39,690 What? 115 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,319 Wouldn't it be nice for us to have "our" gay friends, 116 00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:45,530 instead of "yours" and "mine," separately? 117 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:46,614 But they're younger, Sol. 118 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,575 And if they like throwing events in their backyard, 119 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,285 they may be party gays. 120 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,537 Huh. 121 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:58,084 Is this some of that hip lingo you picked up from your new Lear crowd? 122 00:06:58,167 --> 00:06:59,794 You mean my theater gays? 123 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,547 -Oh. Are you a theater gay? -I am. 124 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,799 I am also an elder gay. 125 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,052 And me? Am I a lawyer gay? 126 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:11,305 No, that's not a thing. But you may be an activist gay. 127 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,850 -Oh, I like that. -I thought you might. 128 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,269 And what about our new neighbors? 129 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:19,730 They have a custom furniture store in Hillcrest. 130 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:23,151 Oliver does interiors and Joe is a carpenter. 131 00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,571 A style gay and a butch gay. 132 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:31,200 Let's not play this with the new guys. They might hate us. 133 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,035 Agreed. 134 00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:39,542 Wow. 135 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:43,671 You made quick work putting this place back together. 136 00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,089 Back in, baby! 137 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,800 I did keep a few hints of Sheree pink, though, 138 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:52,054 to symbolize the "new" of my "new old life." 139 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:55,224 Oof. That's a big concept for first thing in the morning. 140 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,477 Would this be an easier concept? 141 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,730 I need a ride to the credit union later. 142 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:05,067 Your new life still inconveniences me like your old life. 143 00:08:05,776 --> 00:08:08,946 I can't. I have to meet Nick at 4:00. Listen to this. 144 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,324 "Been thinking about last night. 145 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,659 We need to talk." 146 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,704 Oh, God. He wants a three-way. 147 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,666 No. Uh... 148 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,585 I know what it is. 149 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:26,088 We've reached our expiration date. He's gonna break up with me. 150 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,465 I'm sorry. 151 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,133 It was fun while it lasted. 152 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:32,553 Not to be indelicate, but if you're not meeting Nick till 4:00, 153 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,931 maybe you can take me to the credit union. 154 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,183 You can drive your new old self. 155 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:39,477 I have to start getting ready now. 156 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:44,232 I want to look better than ever so he'll regret it. 157 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:48,694 Grace... when he breaks up with you, you know what to tell him. 158 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:49,946 He has herpes? 159 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,781 He has herpes. 160 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,745 Thank you so much. Have a good one. 161 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:00,414 Next! 162 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,250 Oh, for fuck's... 163 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,294 Mindy! Look who's back! 164 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:06,963 Yep. 165 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,675 I hadn't seen you in a couple of months. I was hoping that you'd changed banks. 166 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:13,261 Said with a smile. Always a smile. 167 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:16,931 Look, I'm not looking for trouble here today, just a new bank card. 168 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,351 -What'd you do, try to eat it? -Really? 169 00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:22,937 Was it a goat? Did a goat chew on it? 170 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,106 See, this is where we get into trouble. 171 00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:29,902 I am a valued and loyal customer, and you are a black fly in my chardonnay. 172 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,779 We are required to ask. 173 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,657 And are you required to have that face? 174 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,202 -You're dead. -Oh, man. 175 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,955 If this is the way you really want this to go, 176 00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:43,291 let's do this, stone-cold style. 177 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,750 -No! No, no, no! -Come on! Come on! 178 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,919 No, you're really dead. 179 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,714 Deceased. It says so right here. 180 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,008 What? That's impossible. 181 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:55,928 Not according to the Social Security Administration death master file. 182 00:09:56,012 --> 00:10:00,016 Very funny, Mindy. Would you take me off that, please? 183 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:04,729 It may surprise you, but that is about 17,000 steps above my pay grade. 184 00:10:04,812 --> 00:10:06,981 But I'm right here! How can I be dead? 185 00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,066 I am not saying that you're dead. 186 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:12,278 I'm saying that Frankie Bergstein is dead. 187 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:15,031 Well, okay, I'm Frankie Bergstein. 188 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,490 She's dead. 189 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,242 You're enjoying this, aren't you? 190 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,702 I am. 191 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,705 And I'm afraid I can't issue a new card to a dead lady. 192 00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,165 Next! 193 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,584 I am standing right here! 194 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,170 Next. 195 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,423 Carolyn! 196 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,009 How's the grandbaby? 197 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,513 Boy, you are dead all over the place. It's not just the bank. 198 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:44,143 Social Security, your Visa, your Red Roof Inn rewards card. 199 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,688 God, Grace, I'm never going to meet my first grandchild! 200 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,483 That's actually not the way this works. You're only legally dead. 201 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,736 -Well, I want to be undead. -Well, that is a whole different thing. 202 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,030 How could this have happened? 203 00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,157 Really? 204 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:02,036 You have absolutely no idea how this could have happened? 205 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:06,957 I lost the damn key to my post office box again. 206 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,460 -The replacement key is-- -Sixty bucks, I know. 207 00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,420 I've paid it 12 times. 208 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,174 But I'm moving to Santa Fe. It's my last batch of mail. 209 00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:18,386 Can't you cut me a little slack just this once? 210 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:21,680 The rule is only people with a key can have access to their mail. 211 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,599 There's no other option? 212 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:24,767 Not unless... 213 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:30,773 Hello, darling. I'm here to collect mail from box 1524. 214 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,817 That belongs to Frankie Bergstein. 215 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,237 Unfortunately, she is no longer with us. 216 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,156 And according to my latest Google search, 217 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:43,911 her death automatically releases her mail to the next of kin, 218 00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,788 which is yours truly. 219 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:47,248 This is terrible news. 220 00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:50,793 Although, she didn't look very good the last time she was here. 221 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,671 She said the same thing about you. 222 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,590 In fact, those were her very last words. 223 00:11:56,674 --> 00:12:00,052 -Oh. -You told a federal agency you were dead? 224 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:03,222 But I never thought that the post office would tell Mindy! 225 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:05,015 They tell everyone! 226 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,183 Oh, God. 227 00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,311 Oh, boy, when you step in it, you go deep. 228 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,940 Hey, last week's adventure with Sheree ended up all good. 229 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,650 They can't all be gems. 230 00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:17,820 Well, this is one you may not come back from, kiddo. 231 00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:20,739 I've got to go meet Nick. 232 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:21,741 Oh! 233 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,784 Oh, God, this is gonna kill me. 234 00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,995 Well, at least you're still alive! 235 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,122 Ah. 236 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,085 If drinks go well, I'm going to suggest dinner. 237 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:37,590 And if that goes well, I think we should talk to them about Miami in April. 238 00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:41,343 Slow down, Sol. Why don't we wait to see if we all like each other first? 239 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,388 Of course! Of course! I'm just excited. 240 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:47,933 We've never had a fun gay couple in the neighborhood before. 241 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:48,851 Oh? 242 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,436 What about Greg and Jeffrey? 243 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:51,645 I said "fun." 244 00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:57,526 I thought watching Greco-Roman wrestling was fun. 245 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,488 - Come in. - Hi. How are you? 246 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:01,697 Hi. 247 00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:05,659 Robert, this is Oliver and Jo. 248 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:09,371 Hi. Wow, your house is... beautiful. 249 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:13,375 Thank you. Nice to meet you, Joanna? 250 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,543 No, no. Just Jo. 251 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,629 I see. 252 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,255 I was expecting a... 253 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:21,592 a... longer name. 254 00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:23,260 Hmm. 255 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,098 Didn't know what to get 256 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,142 because we've never had coffee together, have we? 257 00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,977 It's weird we've never had coffee. 258 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,813 Oh, God, are you a tea person? 259 00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,483 I'm a get-right-to-the-point person. 260 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,861 -So, why don't you... -Okay. Okay, I'm just going to say it. 261 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,281 I want more. 262 00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:48,452 -You want to see more people? -No. 263 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:49,787 I want more you. 264 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,374 -What? No, you don't. -Yes, I do. 265 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:57,836 Grace, do you like me? 266 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,923 Well, I wouldn't be sleeping with you if I didn't like you. 267 00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:03,175 So, when I like something, I want more of it. 268 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,928 I've noticed that about you. You kind of lead with that. 269 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,889 See? It's effortless with you. 270 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,724 I'm not sure I'd call it "effortless." 271 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,894 So, if you like me, why can't I sleep over once in a while? 272 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,062 Or meet your kids? 273 00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,855 Or go away with you sometime? 274 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:18,440 Because that's not what this is. 275 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,235 Why not? Can't we just give it a try? 276 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,237 How about a week away in Paris? 277 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,656 Just you, me, and the Champs-Élysées. 278 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,034 How about Santa Barbara for an afternoon? 279 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,578 How about Hawaii? 280 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,831 Bright sun, skinny dipping, you in a bikini. 281 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:34,957 Holy shit. 282 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,918 Let's do an overnight in Santa Barbara. 283 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,837 Let's do a long weekend in Santa Barbara. 284 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,589 Okay, forget Santa Barbara. 285 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,758 Now, I'll give you one overnight a week at my house. 286 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,303 Fine. And I get to keep a toothbrush there. 287 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:48,637 Travel-size only. 288 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,849 Deal. Now, more personally... 289 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,309 Oh, my God. There's more? 290 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:56,937 You've met my son and I've met zero on your side. 291 00:14:57,021 --> 00:15:00,024 -I want to have dinner with your kids. -Lunch. One kid. 292 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,775 Lunch. Two kids. Nobu. 293 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,069 My house. One kid. The nice one. 294 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,321 Done. 295 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,700 You show your hand too much. 296 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:11,994 You could've gotten Santa Barbara. 297 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,329 Oh, you're good. 298 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:15,998 We'll be right back. 299 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,877 Oh, my God. 300 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,672 What a lovely pair of homosexuals we have living next door. 301 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,091 I don't know what the hell is happening. 302 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:29,345 Oliver was so clearly gay in the driveway this morning. 303 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:33,724 I'll tell you what's happening, Sol. You were clearly way off-base. 304 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,608 - Yep, yep. - Here we are. 305 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:45,486 - It is so lovely here. - Thank you. 306 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:46,987 So... 307 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,074 -how soon is the wedding? -Next May. 308 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:52,826 I'm pulling for an intimate family gathering in our backyard. 309 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:57,373 But I've always dreamed of a wedding in the Hamptons at Grey Gardens. 310 00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,668 You know that short window of time when the lilies of the valley are in bloom? 311 00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:04,546 I do know that time. 312 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,674 He's the romantic. I'm the Practical Patty. 313 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,133 Opposites attract! 314 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:13,263 You guys have a lot going on. Moving and planning a wedding. 315 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:14,306 And running a business. 316 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:17,059 Yeah, with our luck, this is exactly when we'll get pregnant. 317 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,561 Right? Bring it on! 318 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:23,357 I mean, we're super busy now, but it's worth it for the future we both want. 319 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,276 I know you're worth it, but you're the one who has to put up with me. 320 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:35,202 Okay. Okay, is anybody gonna say what we're all thinking? 321 00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:36,578 Uh... 322 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:38,455 What are we all thinking? 323 00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:42,209 Where did you get those salt and pepper shakers?! 324 00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:46,255 Is it Mary and Lou? Because I love them! 325 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,716 - I love them. - Me too. 326 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,845 No, I am not dead. I don't care what it says. 327 00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:56,265 I am talking to you on the phone right now. 328 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,434 Really? 329 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:02,354 And tell me, do you get a lot of obituary-scanning swindlers 330 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:05,107 at Popcorn Ball of the Month? 331 00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:08,068 Next month is butterscotch balls. 332 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,570 And I want to live! 333 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:13,115 -I mean... -I know! 334 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,908 -It's just... -I know! 335 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,244 That's the guy I met in the driveway! 336 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,121 So what the hell are they doing, those two? 337 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:22,041 Well, clearly he makes Jo happy. 338 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,667 Maybe they have some arrangement. 339 00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:27,880 Sol, we know exactly what they have. We had it ourselves. 340 00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,757 Someone should tell her the truth. 341 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,135 That's up to Oliver, and clearly he's not there yet. 342 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,095 What if it takes him 20 years? 343 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,265 I think you may be over-identifying here. 344 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,476 I'm just saying, maybe we should have 345 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,644 -a heart-to-heart with Jo. -What?! 346 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,814 We're in a very unique position to help her. 347 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,108 No, sir! 348 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,278 First of all, they're terrific. 349 00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,864 Second of all, stop over-identifying! 350 00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:55,616 How can I not? 351 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:59,203 Why are you trying to ruin this for me? Do you not want us to have friends? 352 00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:02,623 Sol, we could save that woman years of regret. 353 00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:05,459 The way we weren't able to do for Frankie and Grace. 354 00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:08,295 Frankie didn't regret a moment of our time together. 355 00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:09,755 Well, Grace feels differently. 356 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:13,383 And I'm not gonna stand by now and watch someone do that to someone else. 357 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:17,429 I cannot believe I'm hearing you say you want to out a man you only just met. 358 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,099 Robert! 359 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:24,520 Whatever you say to her can't ever be unsaid. 360 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:27,648 You'll be responsible for whatever follows. 361 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,859 Are you sure you're ready for that? 362 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,780 No. 363 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,324 So... please... 364 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,451 stay out of this. 365 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,995 You're right. I know you're right. 366 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,956 I know I'm right, too. 367 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:50,546 Oh... Thank you for doing this on such short notice, honey. 368 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:53,549 Are you kidding? A chance to meet Mom's new boyfriend? 369 00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,093 -We're not calling him that. -Oh, what are we calling him? 370 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,471 My man... date. 371 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:00,764 Okay. 372 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:06,562 -What's going on with your leg? -I'm fine. Let's just sit down. 373 00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,313 Hi! 374 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,023 What the hell? 375 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,568 Foolish enough to leave your side door open. 376 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,319 Why are you here? 377 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,572 Well, to punish you for not inviting me. 378 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,574 And because your youngest can't keep secrets. 379 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:21,743 -This wasn't a secret. It was-- -Mom... 380 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,204 you've never introduced us to anyone that you've dated. 381 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,875 The fact you want Mallory to meet him and not me means you're hiding something. 382 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,544 Why are you walking that way? Did he do something to your legs? 383 00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:32,629 I will fucking kill him! 384 00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:34,673 No! I'm fine! 385 00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,634 We're just not gonna bring it up when he's here. 386 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:42,472 I have to fill you in on a few things about him first. 387 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:46,059 What, does he wear a gold chain? Is there a hairpiece issue? 388 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:50,522 -Are we dealing with old man smell here? -No, he's definitely not old. 389 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:54,401 He's here! 390 00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:55,652 Ooh. 391 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,157 -Nick. -Hey. 392 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,867 Hi. Oh... 393 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,620 Mmm. Beautiful. Thank you. 394 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,622 -Nick, this is Mallory. -Hi. 395 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,291 -Pleasure to meet you. -You, too. 396 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,001 -And this is-- -Brianna! 397 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,003 Nick? 398 00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:15,589 Oh, wow. Whoa, it's been a while. 399 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,758 Oh, my God! You've slept with my daughter! 400 00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,218 -What? -Oh, wow! 401 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,802 You really shouldn't have come. 402 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,679 Mom, no! 403 00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:25,682 No, no, no, no, no. No. 404 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,392 He slept with my friend. 405 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,561 He dated my friend, Kelly. 406 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:32,356 Years ago. Lots of years ago. 407 00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:34,650 Your friend, Kelly? 408 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,611 Your much older friend, Kelly? 409 00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:41,031 I mean... Let's see, when I was a junior, she was... 410 00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,449 Fifty? 411 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,576 -Right, she was 50? -Grace. 412 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,998 Oh, wait, not little Kelly. 413 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:53,502 Little Kelly who you grew up with? 414 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:54,419 Grace... 415 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,713 Little Kelly who you went trick-or-treating with? 416 00:20:57,714 --> 00:21:00,300 Little Kelly who pooped in our hot tub? 417 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:01,802 Oh, that Kelly. 418 00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:05,180 It was not a serious thing, and it was a while back. 419 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:09,810 -A little help here, please? -Yeah. Mom, this was a long time ago. 420 00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:11,812 -Yeah, like, maybe four years ago. -Ten. 421 00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:13,897 -More like ten. -Right. Probably ten. 422 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,857 I always get four and ten mixed up. Who needs a drink? 423 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,609 I'd like a martini, please. 424 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,404 And then, I'd like a pitcher of martinis. 425 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,489 I can make that happen. Girls? 426 00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:23,699 -Same. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 427 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:25,993 Okay, good, good. 428 00:21:26,076 --> 00:21:28,870 And to think I was nervous about today's lunch. 429 00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:33,959 If it makes you feel any better, Kelly pooped in my hot tub, too. 430 00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:38,630 - Oh, he's funny. - He's funny. Yeah. 431 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:42,301 It's an existential crisis! It's a bureaucratic nightmare! 432 00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:47,055 I feel like I am trapped in a body bag wrapped in a thousand feet of red tape! 433 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,641 It's terrible. Just terrible. 434 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,519 You know she's not actually dead, Sol. 435 00:21:52,602 --> 00:21:55,355 I know. I know. It just got to me. 436 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,150 You know I love you so much, right? 437 00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:01,111 Everybody needs to toughen up and get me resurrected 438 00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:03,363 before I really lose my shit! 439 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,532 I hate to tell you, but it's not going to be easy. 440 00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:08,327 I will do whatever it takes. What are we talking about here? 441 00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:11,371 A little payola for one of your judge friends? 442 00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:15,334 I'm afraid we've hit our quota of favors from our judge friends. 443 00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,877 To help get us out of jail. 444 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:21,757 Oh, damn you feisty queens, using up all my pay for play! 445 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:22,716 I'm sorry. 446 00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:26,136 You need to understand there is no quick fix here. 447 00:22:26,219 --> 00:22:30,140 At this rate, by the time I'm alive, I will be dead. 448 00:22:30,974 --> 00:22:34,936 Let me get you some of my banana bread. It always does the trick. 449 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:43,820 Frankie, can I ask you something just between us? 450 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:46,114 Lord, just tell him you hate his banana bread. 451 00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:47,824 We all know it's too gummy. 452 00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:50,827 It's been that way for years. It's just that I've gotten used to it. 453 00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:53,663 No, it's more serious than his banana bread. 454 00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:58,001 I need to ask you, before you got married, 455 00:22:58,585 --> 00:23:03,757 if someone knew that Sol was gay, would you have wanted them to tell you? 456 00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:07,677 Someone did tell me. 457 00:23:10,597 --> 00:23:12,182 And we never spoke again. 458 00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:26,279 Frankie. 459 00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:31,284 Frankie. 460 00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:43,880 Caw, caw. 461 00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:46,758 Ding, ding. Frankie. 462 00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:50,220 Boy, I was really out to sea there. 463 00:23:51,429 --> 00:23:52,973 What's happening? Are we sitting shiva? 464 00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:54,850 You'd have to bury me first. 465 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:58,770 There is an upside to all of this. No car payments, no more taxes. 466 00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:01,606 I mean, you might even be off the FBI watch list. 467 00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:04,776 You know what? Being dead isn't all it's cracked up to be. 468 00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:09,865 And let's be honest, when you're my age, the real thing is not that far off. 469 00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:10,824 Oh. 470 00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:12,659 I mean, what haven't I done? 471 00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:14,870 What regrets do I have? 472 00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:18,456 And do I have time to change things? 473 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:25,088 Well, I mean, I know I regret popping by to see you. 474 00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:29,467 Sorry. I can't help reckoning with a life unfinished. 475 00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:32,679 Wow, this is good times. 476 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:34,931 What can I do to cheer you up? 477 00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:37,851 Oh... 478 00:24:37,934 --> 00:24:41,688 Do you by chance have a butterscotch popcorn ball? 479 00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:43,481 There she is. 480 00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:49,321 -Hi. -Hi. 481 00:24:49,404 --> 00:24:51,948 Uh, we just wanted to say thank you for the other night. 482 00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:53,158 Oh, you didn't need to. 483 00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:56,244 Of course, I did have to go to three different places to find the right one, 484 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:59,206 but I'm kind of insane about orchids. 485 00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:01,374 Well, who isn't? 486 00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:03,501 -Oh, thanks very much. -You're very welcome. 487 00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:06,213 So, we'll see you soon, I hope. 488 00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:08,340 You know, Jo and I were just saying last night 489 00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:11,927 that we would be lucky to be half as happy as you and Sol seem to be. 490 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:13,887 Oh, that's very sweet. 491 00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:15,430 How long have you been married? 492 00:25:15,972 --> 00:25:19,434 Not long, but we were both married before. 493 00:25:20,101 --> 00:25:21,603 Oh, really? You were? 494 00:25:21,686 --> 00:25:22,604 Yeah. 495 00:25:24,397 --> 00:25:25,941 Actually... 496 00:25:27,150 --> 00:25:29,236 it's a very interesting story. 497 00:25:44,125 --> 00:25:46,878 I can't believe she's never gonna meet her first grandchild. 498 00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:50,882 She never should have gone to the post office that day. 499 00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:53,176 Frankie Bergstein is dead. 500 00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:56,137 She had so much more to do. 501 00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:58,640 If she only had the time. 502 00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:04,145 I didn't think she was all that. 503 00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:05,105 Teddie? 504 00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:29,004 This is my travel-size. 505 00:26:31,798 --> 00:26:35,010 I also brought this... because the big one was a joke. 506 00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:37,846 It's cute... 507 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,181 which just makes this harder. 508 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:42,684 Oh, no. 509 00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:47,564 Little Kelly, right? 510 00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:52,444 I can't compete with younger women, Nick. 511 00:26:52,527 --> 00:26:54,237 And I don't want to anymore. 512 00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:55,530 Grace, you don't have to. 513 00:26:55,613 --> 00:27:00,076 Look, you have been honest with me, and I owe you the same thing. 514 00:27:00,201 --> 00:27:02,579 I just... I can't keep this up. 515 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:05,498 I don't get it. 516 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,088 There's a reality here that you are not seeing. 517 00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:14,632 Where? What the hell reality are you talking about? 518 00:27:14,716 --> 00:27:16,801 Me. The reality of me 519 00:27:16,885 --> 00:27:21,056 and everything that goes along with my... age. 520 00:27:22,098 --> 00:27:23,683 What are you so afraid of? 521 00:27:25,977 --> 00:27:29,022 Once you see the real me, you are gonna run for the hills. 522 00:27:29,105 --> 00:27:30,523 I want to see you. 523 00:27:31,066 --> 00:27:32,400 That's all I keep saying. 524 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:34,069 -Oh, really? -Yes. 525 00:27:36,863 --> 00:27:38,406 You think you can handle this? 526 00:27:40,950 --> 00:27:43,453 You think you can handle this? 527 00:27:45,747 --> 00:27:47,415 And this? 528 00:27:48,124 --> 00:27:52,379 Knee and all the real nitty-gritty underneath all of this? 529 00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:54,923 Huh? 530 00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,385 You want me for real... 531 00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:03,098 Well, here I am, baby. 532 00:28:04,099 --> 00:28:06,351 And there's only one direction I go from here, I'm afraid, 533 00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:08,103 and it's not prettier. 534 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:12,899 Oh, yeah, and here... is my new little friend. 535 00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:16,111 So, you want me? 536 00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:19,155 You want the real me? Well, this is what you get. 537 00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:47,058 I'll take it. 538 00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,823 ♪ Babe ♪ 539 00:29:03,116 --> 00:29:05,660 ♪ There's something tragic about you ♪ 540 00:29:07,245 --> 00:29:10,582 ♪ Something so magic about you ♪ 541 00:29:11,624 --> 00:29:13,710 ♪ Don't you agree? ♪ 542 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:18,173 ♪ Babe ♪ 543 00:29:19,966 --> 00:29:22,635 ♪ There's something lonesome about you ♪ 544 00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:27,223 ♪ Something so wholesome about you ♪ 545 00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:30,226 ♪ Get closer to me ♪ 546 00:29:33,813 --> 00:29:35,190 ♪ No tight side ♪ 547 00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:36,941 ♪ No rollin' eyes ♪ 548 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:38,735 ♪ No irony ♪ 549 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:42,113 ♪ No "Who cares?" ♪ 550 00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:44,199 ♪ No vacant stares ♪ 551 00:29:44,282 --> 00:29:46,493 ♪ No time for me ♪ 552 00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:50,580 Okay, good night.