1
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,717
TED:
So, kids, there are many
buildings in New York City.

2
00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,653
Thousands of apartments,

3
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,190
millions of stories.

4
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,525
And, even though
it's been decades,

5
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,128
and someone else
lives there now,

6
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,396
there's one apartment
in particular

7
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,798
that will always be
our apartment.

8
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,200
I have so many great memories

9
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,934
of that place.

10
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:36,437
Marshall playing
video games.

11
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,572
Lily painting
on the fire escape.

12
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,208
MAN:
Hey!

13
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:43,611
Sorry, Mr. Matson.

14
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,346
And me making the coffee.

15
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,680
I had this coffee pot...

16
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,049
it was probably 50 years old
at the time...

17
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:52,019
and it made truly
terrible coffee.

18
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,787
We called it Shocky.

19
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:54,688
Plugging in.

20
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,857
Saving game.

21
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:59,960
(groans)

22
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:01,829
I loved every last detail

23
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,531
of that place,

24
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,032
right down to the incredibly
tacky swords

25
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,734
we hung on the wall.

26
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,203
I never wanted
any of it to change.

27
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,939
But that's not how
life works.

28
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,641
You guys will never believe

29
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,776
what just happened to us.

30
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:16,877
I don't even believe
it myself.

31
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:18,179
LILY:
We were in Queens,

32
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:20,414
and we decided to stop by
my apartment.

33
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,815
Wait. Her apartment?

34
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,385
I thought Aunt Lily
lived with you and
Uncle Marshall.

35
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,420
I could see how
you would think that,

36
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,756
but I have to have
my own place.

37
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,358
It's an independence thing.

38
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,260
When was the last time
you were there?

39
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:33,994
Three months ago.

40
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,129
What?

41
00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:36,530
It's like fat pants.

42
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,432
You hope you never
have to use them,

43
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,100
but you're glad
to know they're there.

44
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,637
What the hell?

45
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,005
What?

46
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,074
This is my apartment.

47
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,776
Where?

48
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,511
Right here.

49
00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:54,382
What the hell?

50
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,584
Lily, this is
a Chinese restaurant.

51
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,253
No, no. This was
my apartment.

52
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,054
My dresser was right...

53
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,022
(gasps)

54
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,891
That's my dresser!

55
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,728
And this is my closet.

56
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,629
And I spilled

57
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,965
nail polish there.
There's the stain.

58
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,667
Hi. How many?

59
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,902
Lily.

60
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,504
Yes. You know me?

61
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,939
Yeah. From your
homecoming picture.

62
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:19,907
You're much prettier

63
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,575
in person.

64
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,712
Yeah, I know.
The bangs were a mistake.

65
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,814
Where's my stuff?!

66
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,749
Oh, it's all in the back.

67
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,083
We could wrap it up for you.

68
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,185
You want it to go?

69
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,887
This is my apartment.

70
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,656
Not anymore.

71
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:37,958
No way.

72
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,126
You're making this up.

73
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,160
Yeah, the building would have

74
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:41,395
had to give you
some kind of notice.

75
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,531
They sent you a notice
about this.

76
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,233
When?
Three months ago.

77
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,166
And here's your mail...

78
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,336
minus magazines.

79
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,172
Well, still, legally, they can't
just toss you out on the street.

80
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,441
You have a lease.

81
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,677
Okay, so I didn't have
a written lease as such,

82
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:57,745
but go ask

83
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,747
my landlady, Mrs. Conroy.

84
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,850
She may be 98 years old,
but she's still...

85
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,419
She's dead, isn't she?

86
00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,255
Never even saw the bus.

87
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:12,760
My apartment is
a Chinese restaurant.

88
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,528
What am I going to do?

89
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,897
Come live with us.
Really?

90
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:17,865
Of course.

91
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,733
You sure about
this, Ted?

92
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,735
Yeah. I mean, you basically
live here anyway.

93
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,704
It's not like it'll
change anything.

94
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,206
No, it's like it will
change everything.

95
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,140
Oh, Ted,

96
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,009
you are so screwed.

97
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,043
What are you talking about?

98
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,379
And why is that girl

99
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,013
checking you out?

100
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,182
Because I look good.

101
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,550
Now, focus.

102
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,252
You and Marshall
are roommates.

103
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,720
You have an
amazing apartment.

104
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,555
Marshall and Lily
just got engaged.

105
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,623
Yeah, so?

106
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,458
So, you're not still
going to be his roommate

107
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:45,626
when he gets
married, are you?

108
00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:46,860
Someone's going
to move out.

109
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,161
So who's it going to be?

110
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,963
Come on, Barney,
I'm sure they've talked

111
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,064
about who
gets the apartment.

112
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,633
You've talked
about who gets
the apartment, right?

113
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,302
Yeah, we've talked
about it.

114
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:58,138
So, when Lily
and I get married,

115
00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,941
who's going to get
the apartment?

116
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,176
Oh, that's
a tough one.

117
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,778
You know who I think
could handle

118
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,046
a problem like that?

119
00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,048
Who?

120
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:11,218
Future Ted
and Future Marshall.

121
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:13,287
Totally.

122
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,888
Let's let those guys
handle it.

123
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,790
Damn it, Past Ted.

124
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,627
You blew it, dude.

125
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,495
Now that Lily's there,
it's a whole new dynamic.

126
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:22,863
They're edging you out.

127
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,132
That's crazy.
They're not edging me out.

128
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,300
Marshall's my best friend.

129
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,401
(gasps)

130
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,002
One of my best friends.

131
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,472
He wouldn't do that to me.

132
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:34,174
Just keep your eyes open.
That's all I'm saying, Teddy.

133
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,409
Little things

134
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,411
are going to be changing
around that apartment.

135
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,846
Come on, Barney, you're
just being paranoid.

136
00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,915
Okay, seriously,
what is this girl's deal?

137
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,585
I'm sort of on
a date with her.

138
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:45,285
What?

139
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,454
Yeah, yeah.

140
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,622
I found her online.

141
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,091
I'm tired of
the whole bar scene,

142
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,593
the one-night hookups.

143
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,628
I'm looking for
a soul mate.

144
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:55,496
Someone who

145
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,264
I can love and cuddle.

146
00:04:57,331 --> 00:05:00,067
Or so it says
in my profile.

147
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,803
(evil laughter)

148
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,605
But this girl...

149
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,374
she wants the same stuff.

150
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,709
And it's...
it's bumming me out.

151
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,678
All right, Ted,
call me from the hospital.

152
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:11,412
All right.

153
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,346
You're going
to the hospital?

154
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,581
No. See, he's going

155
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,948
to go back over there,
and I'm going to call him.

156
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,384
He's going to pretend it's
an emergency call

157
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,418
from a family member
at the hospital.

158
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,520
Oh, Lord.
Fake emergency?

159
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,989
That is the lamest,
most pathetic cop-out

160
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,391
in the book.

161
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:24,958
I expect more
from you, Barney.

162
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,193
Well, stay tuned.

163
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:27,728
I'm working on
some stuff.

164
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,563
But, in the meantime,
wish me luck.

165
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,201
So, are you going
to talk to Marshall?

166
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:35,769
He's going to want
the apartment,

167
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,270
I'm going to want
the apartment.

168
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,172
It's going to lead
to an argument. So, no.

169
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,774
Hmm, that's real healthy.

170
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,776
So, when a serious
issue comes up,

171
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,446
your response is just
to avoid it?

172
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:48,115
I should really make this call.

173
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,451
Ooh, can I do it?

174
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,355
(phone ringing)

175
00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:57,324
Excuse me.

176
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,526
Hello.

177
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,628
Hi, there... sexy.

178
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,431
Hello, Aunt Cathy.
What's up?

179
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,798
Oh, nothing.

180
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,167
Just sitting here
thinking about you,

181
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,368
hot stuff.

182
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,671
An accident?

183
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:13,574
Well, is Uncle Rudy
going to be okay?

184
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,776
Aunt Cathy's got an itch

185
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,146
that only you can scratch,
big boy.

186
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,049
Oh, God!

187
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,385
Why did he think he could build
his own helicopter?

188
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:29,723
Oh, come on, Daddy, break me off
a piece of that white chocolate.

189
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,493
Well, if he needs
a transplant,

190
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,595
he can have mine.

191
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,329
(voice breaking):
I'll be right there.

192
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,932
You know... I...

193
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,135
(sobbing)

194
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:43,871
See you guys later.

195
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:47,608
Put it on my check.

196
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,478
Ah! This will be nice.

197
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,080
The three of us
living together.

198
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,748
I think it's a good setup.

199
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,586
Man, this coffee's great.

200
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,689
It's really great.

201
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,958
Too great.

202
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,363
What happened to Shocky?

203
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,932
(gasps)

204
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,709
What's this?

205
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,811
My coffeemaker
from my apartment.

206
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,378
It makes great coffee, right?

207
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,580
TED:
Yeah, definitely.

208
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,282
I mean, so does Shocky.

209
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,183
MARSHALL:
Really?

210
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,585
I always thought

211
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,987
Shocky's coffee
tasted kind of rusty.

212
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,556
Yeah, no, it did.

213
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:38,458
I mean, I kind of liked
the rusty taste.

214
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,761
I'm used to it.
I don't know.

215
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:44,131
Also, Lily's coffeemaker
doesn't, you know,

216
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,933
shock people.

217
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,335
No, it's just...

218
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,703
You got to admit
that shock, that...

219
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,071
wakes you up in the morning.

220
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,207
You know what else
wakes you up in the morning?

221
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,108
Coffee.

222
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,078
That's great.

223
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,212
You're right.

224
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,348
Roomies.

225
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,550
Ha! I love it.

226
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,252
They're edging me out.

227
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,987
They're totally
edging me out.

228
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,522
I didn't believe it,
but you're right.

229
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,657
Told you.

230
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,924
That Lily...
she's a shrewd one.

231
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,460
Yeah, she got you a nice new
coffeemaker.

232
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,228
How dare she.

233
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,965
It's not just
the coffeemaker.

234
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,299
Done.

235
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:21,134
The painting's done.

236
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,303
That is great.

237
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,772
Nice.

238
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,273
Where do you want
to hang it?

239
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,307
I don't know.

240
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,909
Uh...

241
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,711
Over the piano?

242
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,547
Yeah, that would be
a good place for it.

243
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,583
Too bad the swords are there.

244
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,284
We kind of love those swords.

245
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,955
Well, those swords have been
up there a long time.

246
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:42,823
I know, right?

247
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:43,991
I'd really miss them, too.

248
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,427
So, maybe Marshall's room.

249
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,162
Okay.

250
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,432
He was going to take
the swords down.

251
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,300
Can you believe that?

252
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,201
Ted, why don't you

253
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,368
just talk to him.

254
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:56,369
He's your best friend.

255
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,738
(sputtering)

256
00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:00,407
One of your best friends.

257
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,576
The point is,

258
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,612
maybe it's time for some
healthy communication.

259
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,346
Healthy communication?

260
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:09,016
That's the worst idea ever.

261
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,619
Look, you held off their first
advance. That's good.

262
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,120
Now it's time to counterstrike.

263
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,688
Yeah, well,
what am I supposed to do?

264
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,657
You got to mark
your territory.

265
00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,491
And I don't mean
missing the toilet.

266
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,394
You've got to do something big.

267
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:22,930
What, like buy a new sofa?

268
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,432
Bigger.

269
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,534
Katie's here.
Okay, real quick...

270
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:28,936
last night... epiphany...

271
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,104
I realized what the world
of dating needs.

272
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,806
Ready? A lemon law.

273
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,175
A lemon law like for cars?

274
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,509
Exactly.

275
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,911
From the moment
the date begins,

276
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,312
you have five minutes
to decide

277
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,348
whether you're going to commit
to an entire evening.

278
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,282
And, if you don't,

279
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,483
it's no hard feelings.

280
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,118
Just, "Good night.
Thanks for playing.

281
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,620
See you never."

282
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,821
Huh? Huh?

283
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,857
The lemon law...
it's going to be a thing.

284
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,125
Possibly,
starting right now.

285
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:55,729
Hi, Katie.
Barney.

286
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,030
(loud obnoxious voice):
Hi.

287
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,767
It's good to finally
meet you.

288
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,404
Hmm, yeah.

289
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,505
Katie,

290
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:08,208
you are about to be
a part of history.

291
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,082
Tell your friends.

292
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,218
It's going to be a thing.

293
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,989
Man, Ted's been
acting weird.

294
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,324
He started labeling
all his food.

295
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,593
He even carved "Ted"
into that block of cheese.

296
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,295
Yeah.

297
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,697
Well, now it's Ed's.

298
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,565
I think he's not cool

299
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,267
with me moving in.

300
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,469
No, that's not it.

301
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,105
You've basically lived here
all along.

302
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,439
Ted loves you.

303
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:41,574
So what's he PMSing about?

304
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,576
I don't know.

305
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,612
But, when he's ready
to talk to me about it,

306
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,247
he'll come and talk
to me about it.

307
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,148
Are you kidding?

308
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,050
You guys never talk
about anything.

309
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,752
(knocking)
He'll just let it

310
00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,086
fester under the surface

311
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,955
until he doesn't something big
and passive-aggressive.

312
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,924
You clearly don't know Ted.

313
00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,893
Delivery for Ted Mosby.

314
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,735
Your English phone booth
arrived.

315
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,170
Oh, awesome!

316
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,538
It's great, right?

317
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,106
Yeah, I guess.

318
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,675
I'm just not sure if
Lily's going to like it.

319
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,779
Well, I like it,

320
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,614
so I'm just going
to keep it right here,

321
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,116
if that's cool.

322
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,118
Of course.

323
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,154
I mean, we all
live here, so...

324
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,422
we should all be able to have
things the way we want them.

325
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,423
Exactly.

326
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,125
Great.

327
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,193
Terrific.

328
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,695
You like the phone booth,
it stays.

329
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,630
I like this painting...

330
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,766
so I'm just

331
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:41,268
going to hang it...

332
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,336
right here on the wall.

333
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,442
Mmm.

334
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,543
Oh.

335
00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,112
So it's like that, is it?

336
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,848
(imitates phone ringing)

337
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,183
(British accent):
Oh, hello, guvnor.

338
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,450
Oh, it's like that,
isn't it?

339
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,718
Cheerio.

340
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,453
(normal voice):
Yeah, it's like that.

341
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,990
I want this apartment!

342
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,292
Well, I want it, too!

343
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,760
You're a jerk.

344
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,595
No, I'm a visionary.

345
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,330
Lemon law!
It's going to be a thing.

346
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,835
For the record,

347
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,037
your little lemon law
is a symbol of everything

348
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,539
that's wrong with our
no-attention-span society.

349
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,109
No. Wrong.
Lemon law's awesome.

350
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,077
It takes longer than
five minutes

351
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,313
to really get
to know someone.

352
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,981
You keep giving up
on people so quickly.

353
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,516
You could miss out
on something great.

354
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,019
Okay, you're on a blind date.

355
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,888
Sitting across from
the table is... that guy.

356
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:38,391
You really think it'll take
more than five minutes

357
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,128
to realize there will be
no date number two?

358
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,695
Yes, I do.

359
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,632
For all I know,
that guy's my soul mate.

360
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,400
Oh...

361
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,169
bad move, Scherbotsky.

362
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,971
Hi.

363
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:54,007
Have you met Robin?

364
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,642
Hi.

365
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:56,944
Hi.

366
00:12:58,578 --> 00:12:59,779
All right, Marshall,

367
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,115
we're deciding right now
who gets this apartment.

368
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,818
May lead to an argument,

369
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,386
but we're settling this.

370
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,055
Or we could flip a coin.

371
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,156
Yeah, let's flip a coin.

372
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:12,893
Flip it.
Okay.

373
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,027
I'm flipping it.
Here I go.

374
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,728
Flip it.
Okay, here I go.

375
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:16,796
Flip it.
I'm flipping.

376
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,899
Go ahead.
Flip it.
I'm flipping.

377
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,401
But, before I do, I just
want to say something.

378
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,303
You didn't even want to move
in here in the first place.

379
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,372
You said a prewar building
was bad for your allergies.

380
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,340
That was five years ago.
Now you can get

381
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,909
prescription-level
antihistamines over the counter.

382
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,878
Oh, snap.
What else you got?

383
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:33,513
Okay, I'm flipping.
Heads or tails?

384
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,615
You don't need two rooms.

385
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:36,884
Heads or tails, Marshall.

386
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,718
Like you need two rooms.

387
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,253
We might be starting
a family soon.

388
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,621
Oh, no, you're not.
There's no way you're
having a baby

389
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:42,789
while you're still
in law school.

390
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,357
It's going to be
at least three years.

391
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,492
It could be sooner.

392
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,826
We're not that careful
with our birth control.

393
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,061
Two-zip.

394
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,930
Oh, come on!
You know damn well,

395
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,398
I move out,
that room's going unused.

396
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,300
Oh, and I suppose
you'll get a new roommate.

397
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,701
Who's it going to be?
Barney?

398
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,369
You know, he cooks naked.

399
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,837
Yeah, well, at least

400
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,806
Barney wouldn't take
the swords down.

401
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,241
We were bros!

402
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,310
These swords represent
our bro-hood. And you took

403
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,211
them down to make

404
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,879
room for your fiancée's
stupid painting?

405
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,047
My fiancée?

406
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,216
Suddenly she's "my" fiancée?

407
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,984
Lily's a part of
who I am.

408
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,252
And, if you're such a bro,

409
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:13,954
she's a part of
who you are, too.

410
00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,722
She's a bro by extension.

411
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,925
I deserve this apartment,
Marshall.

412
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,094
No more than I do.

413
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,898
Great.
So let's flip for it.

414
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,066
Flip it.

415
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,546
So is this how
we're deciding who
gets the apartment?

416
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,948
I guess so.

417
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,715
How we doing this exactly?

418
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,051
Is this, like, to the death?

419
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,585
We should probably
figure that out.

420
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,054
Ooh! Ow. Ow.

421
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,388
He's okay, he's okay.

422
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,258
Can I observe something?

423
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,759
That this is kind of awesome?

424
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,794
Totally.

425
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:55,895
I can't believe
we didn't do this before.

426
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,097
I know.

427
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,134
Thank you.

428
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,637
I can't believe this.

429
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,873
I'm sitting here with
a beautiful woman I just met,

430
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,875
eating at
my favorite restaurant.

431
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:09,977
Sweet.

432
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:11,911
It's a nice place.

433
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:15,248
It's good to know
the future has ribs.

434
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:16,950
In the future,
food will most likely

435
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,418
be served in gel cap form.

436
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,990
Plus, cows will probably
have died out by then.

437
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,591
Or be our leaders.

438
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,926
(cell phone rings)

439
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,030
Hello.

440
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,064
(chuckling):
H-H-H-H-Hey.

441
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,332
Time's running out, Scherbotsky.

442
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,866
Last chance for the lemon law.

443
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,402
Leave me alone.

444
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,536
4:56, 4:57,

445
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,071
4:58...

446
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,073
We're only just getting
to know each other.

447
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,842
Say I'm right
and this could all be over.

448
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,311
This could be your call
from the hospital.

449
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,046
Sorry.

450
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,447
Let me guess.

451
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:50,617
There's been a crazy accident
and you have to go.

452
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,719
No, I would never do that.

453
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,021
I don't want to go anywhere.

454
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,056
I'm all yours.

455
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,058
Look, if you're a hooker,

456
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,493
I don't have a lot
of money...

457
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,164
(yelling)

458
00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,765
Oh, that was awesome.
I know.

459
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:07,334
Do it again.
Okay.

460
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,968
But this time jump up
and I'll swipe your legs.

461
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,706
(yells)

462
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,878
Look...

463
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:20,413
here's why I should
get the place.

464
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,649
You and Lily,
you get to be married.

465
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,117
What do I get, right?

466
00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:26,986
I get to be unmarried, alone,
minus two roommates.

467
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:28,988
And, on top of that,
I have to be homeless.

468
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,090
Does that seem fair?

469
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,624
Oh, boo-freakin'-hoo.

470
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:32,792
What?!

471
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,027
"Woe is me!

472
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,128
"I'm not married yet.

473
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,397
My ovaries are shrinking."

474
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:39,066
Ted, if you wanted to
be married by now,

475
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,200
you would be,
but you're not.

476
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,334
And you know why?

477
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,403
Because
you're irrationally picky,

478
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,905
you're easily distracted
and you're utterly anhedonic.

479
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,307
"Anhedonic"?

480
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,542
Anhedonic. It means
you can't enjoy anything.

481
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,678
The hell I can't.
I'm enjoying this.

482
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,080
I know. This rules!

483
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,484
(yells)

484
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,418
Hey.

485
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,153
I'm sorry I took
those swords down.

486
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:01,721
Dude, that's okay.
It led to this

487
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,491
totally rad swordfight,
didn't it?
Yeah, it did.

488
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:06,025
(grunts)

489
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,230
You remember when we
first got these swords?

490
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,731
It was the day we moved in.

491
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,633
Congratulations, Marshall,

492
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,768
we live in an apartment
with swords on the wall.

493
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:18,405
List of lifelong dreams,
you're now half as long.

494
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,242
Crap, I'm missing one
of the screws for this table.

495
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:23,443
Just use this wood glue.

496
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,011
It'll hold.

497
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:26,746
Yeah.

498
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,149
(grunting, yelling)

499
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,583
(Lily screams)

500
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,691
Oh, God!
I'll be right there.

501
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:39,626
Kevin, I'm

502
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,027
so sorry. I have to go.

503
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,230
My friend's been stabbed
with a sword.

504
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,498
Hab Slosi' Quch!

505
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:48,601
It's a Klingon insult.

506
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,936
You have no honor.

507
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,571
You know,

508
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,240
if you felt this way,
you could've just been up-front.

509
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,675
No, I swear, that was
a real call. I just...

510
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,544
Oh, forget it.

511
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:03,616
I stabbed Lily.

512
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:06,586
I stabbed my fiancée.

513
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,655
Come on, Marshall.

514
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,291
Do you really think
she's still your fiancée?

515
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,626
I'm kidding.

516
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:17,164
Hey, I think you guys
should have the apartment.

517
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:20,233
But you fought
so bravely for it.

518
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,669
I wasn't fighting
for the apartment,

519
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,237
I was fighting for...

520
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,338
I don't know...

521
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,974
for everything
to stay the way it is.

522
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,743
But I'm not going
to get that, so...

523
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:31,944
seriously,

524
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:33,646
take the place.
It's yours.

525
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:34,981
Is she okay?

526
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,849
They're just patching her up.
She's going to be fine.

527
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:39,219
So get this: I was on a date
with this girl, Jackie...

528
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,589
What? You said she's fine.

529
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:45,024
So, anyway, I was on a date
with this girl, Jackie...

530
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:48,060
Wow, Jackie, you
make a really great
first impression.

531
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,396
I have a feeling

532
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,064
that tonight you might
end up being Jackie...

533
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,934
oh.

534
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,703
Yeah.

535
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,739
I'm sorry. I'm going to have
to lemon law you.

536
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,509
It's out there.

537
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,376
It's a thing.

538
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,245
The lemon law is a thing!

539
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,913
Damn! I should've called it
Barney's law.

540
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,181
But you totally...

541
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,749
Just let him
have this one.

542
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,919
All set.

543
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,521
She said she'd like to see

544
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,324
the knights of the poorly
constructed roundtable?

545
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:20,760
That's us.

546
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,364
A sword fight?

547
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,367
Sorry, Lily.
Sorry, Lily.

548
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:30,437
On Monday, I'm going to have
to tell my kindergarten class,

549
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,839
who I teach not to run
with scissors,

550
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:36,709
that my fiancé ran me through
with a frickin' broadsword.

551
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,412
Well, just to be fair,

552
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,647
it didn't go
all the way through.

553
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:44,917
I'm sorry. Is this a discussion
of the degree

554
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,519
to which you stabbed me?

555
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,988
You're right.

556
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,390
I'm sorry.

557
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:52,992
We were fighting to see
who gets the apartment,

558
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,394
and I won.

559
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,963
Uh, you didn't win.
I...

560
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,298
Uh...
...gave it to you.

561
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,066
You know what...?
Wait, wait, wait.

562
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,101
I don't want that apartment.

563
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,570
It's a boy apartment.

564
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:07,307
It's... full of swords
and video games and...

565
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,842
kind of smells like dude.

566
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,046
I mean, it's fine for now.

567
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,648
But, when we get married,

568
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,950
I want to start
a new life with you...

569
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,320
in a new place.

570
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,190
Gonna miss
the old place.

571
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,626
I will, too.

572
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,128
But we're not going to get
married for, like, a year.

573
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:31,264
Yeah, that's Future Marshall's
problem.

574
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:32,699
Let that guy deal with it.

575
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,767
Totally.

576
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,803
Maybe it's the massive
blood loss talking,

577
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,938
but I'm starving.

578
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:41,040
Let's go get
some dinner.

579
00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:43,175
I know just the place.

580
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,211
Chinese restaurant.

581
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,779
I still don't believe it.

582
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:47,947
I told you.

583
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:50,483
Hey, a toast.

584
00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:52,619
Life is full of changes.

585
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:54,687
One day you have an apartment,

586
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,790
the next day it's
a house of dumplings.

587
00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,992
But the important stuff
doesn't change.

588
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,328
To the important stuff.

589
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:02,862
Hear, hear.
Cheers.
Cheers.

590
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,998
And to the lemon law.

591
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,402
Self-click.

592
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:12,004
And, by the way,
I bought these glasses.

593
00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:13,239
Bought them at Ikea.

594
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:16,042
These are my glasses!

595
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,176
I love this song.

596
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:18,445
I haven't heard this
in forever.

597
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,680
And I'm pretty sure
this is a mix tape

598
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:22,214
you made me in sophomore year.

599
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,583
Yeah, right.

600
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:27,286
Lily, your apartment makes
the best Shanghai dumplings.

601
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:30,089
(on tape):
I love you, Lily.

602
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:32,492
Happy Valentine's Day 1998.

603
00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:33,860
(laughing)

604
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:35,828
* I get knocked down,
but I get up again *

605
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,664
* You're never
gonna keep me down *

606
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,999
* I get knocked down,
but I get up again *