1
00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:26,380
The boys to entertain you. B

2
00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:31,900
-O -Y -S, boys to entertain you.

3
00:00:35,630 --> 00:00:38,070
Come and meet those dancing feet.

4
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,530
On the avenue on St.

5
00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:43,870
Paul's 42nd Street.

6
00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:47,790
Hear the beat of dancing feet.

7
00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:53,350
This song I love, the melody of 42nd
Street.

8
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:57,430
The show seems to be going well there.
We're absolutely first class.

9
00:00:58,230 --> 00:00:59,550
The audience is...

10
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:06,260
It would be awfully good for these chaps
stuck out here in the middle of nowhere

11
00:01:06,260 --> 00:01:07,260
to get a live show.

12
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:09,060
Bucks up their Murano in.

13
00:01:09,580 --> 00:01:10,580
Yes, sir.

14
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,320
They're very uplifted.

15
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,480
Here,

16
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,280
Randy. It's the white Mr. Dover number
next. Stand by with a click.

17
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,240
Get up there.

18
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,399
Ring, click.

19
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,400
Tell me.

20
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:32,100
40 seconds.

21
00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:33,720
He's got it upside down.

22
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,140
The clock should go on top.

23
00:01:35,820 --> 00:01:39,020
But God, he has never seen white clip of
Doha.

24
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,440
That is your business.

25
00:01:47,380 --> 00:01:48,380
40.

26
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:52,020
40. 40.

27
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,140
40 seconds.

28
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:13,510
Here, fellas, what about that Ruby
Keeler? What a girl, eh? What a girl!

29
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:14,850
What a puff!

30
00:02:17,950 --> 00:02:24,650
And now we say goodbye to the glamour,
sophistication and magic of Broadway and

31
00:02:24,650 --> 00:02:29,810
hello to the white cliffs of Dover as we
sing for you a melody of your favourite

32
00:02:29,810 --> 00:02:30,769
bird songs.

33
00:02:30,770 --> 00:02:31,930
Take it away, Professor!

34
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:45,300
of Dover.

35
00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:46,980
Oh, I am so proud.

36
00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:51,400
It's the least tear to eye of every true
blue British.

37
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,020
God bless Berlin.

38
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,400
Great true English gentleman.

39
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:01,560
Oh,

40
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:08,840
now. What beautiful

41
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,280
bows you both make.

42
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,060
These feathers are killing me.

43
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,680
Don't forget your egg, sir. Do you want
me to put it in position for you?

44
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:30,720
Over the quiet hills, slowly the shadows

45
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:37,660
fall. Far down the edging vale, birds
softly call.

46
00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:43,160
Slowly the golden sun sings.

47
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:12,600
With respect, sir, I do not like to see
two men making up to each other.

48
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:14,460
It's not natural.

49
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:16,899
They're supposed to be birds.

50
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,740
They're also supposed to be soldiers,
sir.

51
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,140
Don't seem to make no difference.

52
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,600
Don't mind, Sergeant Rachel. I'm trying
to listen to the show.

53
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,240
threatening to?

54
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:51,700
Nothing to worry about, Sergeant Major.

55
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,800
Monsoon's not due to start till the end
of tomorrow.

56
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:01,860
I'm not singing, I'll keep going.

57
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:07,980
I think I could have a hand of work with
the audience.

58
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:13,860
Oliver, why not change number for
singing in for the end of it?

59
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,420
Look here, Cap.

60
00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:22,390
Bye -bye.

61
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,040
Yes, Sergeant Major?

62
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,360
You was in the Boy Scouts, weren't you?

63
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,740
How on earth did you guess, Sergeant
Major?

64
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:18,840
How on earth did you guess, Sergeant
Major?

65
00:07:19,860 --> 00:07:24,340
I guess, Gunner Graham, because you look
so flippin' soppy, so pure and stupid.

66
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,900
Get a big fire going down there at the
double move yourself.

67
00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:30,740
Yes, Sergeant Major. The rest of you,
strip down to your drawer, sell your

68
00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:34,880
Sergeant Major, may I have a word with
you in private, please? What do you

69
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:39,800
Well, when I was doing my Ruby Keeler
number and I had the drip on...

70
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,360
I didn't have my drawer's pellet on
underneath.

71
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,640
Then when I did the quick change into my
canary costume, I still didn't have

72
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:48,419
them on.

73
00:07:48,420 --> 00:07:53,040
Then it started to rain and what I'm
trying to say is I still don't have my

74
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,040
drawer's pellet on.

75
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,560
Oh dear, how sad. Never mind.

76
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,400
You'd just have to flutter your feathers
dry then, would you?

77
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,160
Come on, I shouldn't strip off.

78
00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:09,160
But if we stand around naked, the men
might forget we're officers, sir. Yes,

79
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,029
that's a point.

80
00:08:10,030 --> 00:08:11,030
We can't have that.

81
00:08:11,110 --> 00:08:13,450
I tell you what, we'll keep our
officer's hats on. That'll do the trick.

82
00:08:14,630 --> 00:08:17,490
Hey, Solly, look at this. The colours
have all run.

83
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:20,750
Never mind, sunshine.

84
00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:22,870
Now they can see you're British through
and through.

85
00:08:24,030 --> 00:08:28,130
Hey, Solly, this place gives me the
creeps. What is it? I don't know.

86
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:30,150
It's not a synagogue, I can tell you
that.

87
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:32,069
Here, Randy.

88
00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:34,350
What is this place? Oh, stop.

89
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:36,549
This is very badly stopped.

90
00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:38,130
Board cut up.

91
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:40,669
Oh, yes, sir.

92
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:44,250
This is very old, thuggy temple, sir.

93
00:08:44,550 --> 00:08:47,010
Oh, thuggy. Thuggy. Oh, oh, oh.

94
00:08:49,430 --> 00:08:52,550
What's a thuggy? Well, actually, they
were an ancient cult.

95
00:08:53,350 --> 00:08:59,270
The thugs, or thugs, the pronunciation
is immaterial, used to waylay travelers

96
00:08:59,270 --> 00:09:01,710
and strangle them. This is totally
correct, sir.

97
00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:06,630
These thugs were terrible men, sir. They
used to worship the goddesses Kali and

98
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,070
Devi. Kali and Devi?

99
00:09:08,570 --> 00:09:10,370
I was on the bill with them at the
Estony Padrome.

100
00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:13,130
Please not to joke, sir.

101
00:09:13,650 --> 00:09:18,970
Look, sir, that is the goddess V, and
see her eyes are blood -red.

102
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,430
They certainly do flash.

103
00:09:21,070 --> 00:09:22,730
I wonder what sort of stones they are.

104
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:27,270
Rubies, I shouldn't wonder, sir. Rubies?
They must be worth a fortune.

105
00:09:27,590 --> 00:09:31,290
Why has nobody tried to steal them? Oh,
Colonel, sir, they would not dare,

106
00:09:31,410 --> 00:09:34,190
because they would be afraid of the
curse of the thugs.

107
00:09:34,430 --> 00:09:35,730
How frightfully interesting.

108
00:09:36,330 --> 00:09:37,430
Tell me, how did they operate?

109
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:44,350
Well, Captain Saab... A gang of thugs
would lie in wait, Saab,

110
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:50,410
on the Grand Trunk Road until a party of
rich merchants came by, Saab. They

111
00:09:50,410 --> 00:09:54,210
would then pile in with them and pretend
to be fellow travelers, isn't it, Saab?

112
00:09:54,730 --> 00:09:57,630
They would then stay with them until
they camped for the night.

113
00:09:57,850 --> 00:10:01,690
Then one of the thugs would look upwards
to the sky.

114
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:05,310
And also, all the merchants would look
upwards.

115
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:12,000
And then, Tob, in a flash, the thugs
would whip out one length of

116
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,560
yellow silk, Tob.

117
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:22,460
They would throw around the necks of the
merchants and they would strangle them.

118
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,660
Then they would bury the bodies and
steal all the loot.

119
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,080
I've got an agent who does that.

120
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,560
What happened to the thugs, Tob?

121
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,700
The British did away with them over a
hundred years ago, sir, and they have

122
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:38,840
never been heard of since.

123
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,160
Oh, it's a relief.

124
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,680
Until this year, sir, when again
travellers have started to disappear.

125
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:46,580
Rubbish.

126
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:49,000
Harry Dosh. Yes, Sergeant Major.

127
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,760
See if that truck's arrived yet.

128
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:51,980
Sir.

129
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,220
The sooner we get out of this place, the
better. It still gives me the creeps.

130
00:10:55,340 --> 00:10:57,240
It's not exactly the Bombay Yacht Club,
is it?

131
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,720
There's no sign of the truck, Sergeant
Major.

132
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:01,620
There ain't stopped, though.

133
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,540
But it's starting to get awfully dark.

134
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:07,060
I knew it.

135
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,240
We're going to get stranded in this
horrible place.

136
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:16,580
And for all we know, there may be
hundreds of thugs creeping around,

137
00:11:16,580 --> 00:11:17,680
jump out and strangle us.

138
00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:20,200
Pull yourself together, Gunner. Don't
get historical.

139
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:26,680
I can't help it. I just feel all these
eyes on us.

140
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,880
Rubbish. Look, you're letting your
imagination run away with you. India's

141
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:32,940
of all these old legends.

142
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,239
Oh, of course, sir.

143
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,040
When you've been in India as long as I
have, boy, you don't take no notice of

144
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,060
these daft fairy tales.

145
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:41,080
Things creeping out in the night and
trying to strangle you, my words, for

146
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,080
whatever name.

147
00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:43,540
Frankly amusing, eh?

148
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:51,200
What the hell are you doing here?

149
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,260
This is a holy place.

150
00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:55,400
We are sheltering from the rain.

151
00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:59,650
I am the curator of the historic
monuments in this area.

152
00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:02,090
And I am telling you, you cannot stay
here.

153
00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:05,790
I don't care if he was the creator of
the historic carty.

154
00:12:06,270 --> 00:12:09,190
I am telling you, we are staying here.

155
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,210
We shall belong. We're just waiting for
our truck to pick us up.

156
00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:14,390
Nothing will get through tonight.

157
00:12:14,790 --> 00:12:17,130
The river is swollen and the bridge is
down.

158
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:20,310
I tell you, you cannot stay here. She
will not like it. Who?

159
00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:22,930
Her?

160
00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:24,530
The goddess Devi.

161
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,440
Everywhere you go, her eyes will be
watching you.

162
00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:30,920
You cannot get away from those eyes.

163
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,680
I tell you, this is a holy place.

164
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,900
And you are defiling it.

165
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:37,100
You don't smell so good yourself,
Johnny.

166
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:39,980
I think perhaps I'd better deal with
this.

167
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,200
Now, look here, my good fellow. Don't
you patronize me, huh?

168
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,100
You are not talking to some damn native,
you know.

169
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,000
We offer to give them something to the
church fund, sir.

170
00:12:52,020 --> 00:12:53,140
You be quiet, Ashwood.

171
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:57,160
Look, we're going to stay here. We've
nowhere else to go. You fools.

172
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,620
You damn fools!

173
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:10,960
I would not stay here the night if you
were to give me one lakh of rupees.

174
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:12,880
Oh, look at that.

175
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,640
Get them in on parade, Sergeant. Right.

176
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,160
Now, look here, chaps.

177
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,980
We've got to spend the night here, and
it won't be very comfortable.

178
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:32,700
But at least you know there is no
privilege.

179
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,840
We are all exactly in the same boat.

180
00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:40,480
Excuse me, Colonel South. I've set up
your camp bed and mosquito net and laid

181
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,860
out dry, clean uniforms.

182
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:45,900
Here, you carry on, Maria.

183
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,620
Right, chaps. Make yourselves as
comfortable as you can, and if you've

184
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,260
troubles, just come to me.

185
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,250
Right, fall out.

186
00:13:55,590 --> 00:13:58,150
Get your clothes back on, boys. They
should be dry by now.

187
00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:03,010
And before you settle in for the night,
I think, plus I should warn you, that

188
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:06,130
Temple's Ruins and such like is the
natural habitat of scorpions.

189
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,810
What do we do if we see one?

190
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:11,150
Nothing, lovely boy, until they brings
their backsides over their heads and

191
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:12,150
you can watch out.

192
00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:17,430
Especially gonna Beaumont, because
scorpions do not like canaries.

193
00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:21,410
I'm gonna sag down you as first on
guard.

194
00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:27,590
If you get into any trouble, you will
report to the guard commander here, who

195
00:14:27,590 --> 00:14:29,170
Bombardier Donald Duck. Any questions?

196
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:31,790
Yes, Sergeant Major.

197
00:14:32,730 --> 00:14:33,850
Whereabouts is the lavatory?

198
00:14:37,970 --> 00:14:38,970
Outside.

199
00:14:39,450 --> 00:14:40,910
200 yards in any direction.

200
00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:46,910
Come in, Sergeant Major, sir.

201
00:14:47,110 --> 00:14:48,110
How much char you got left?

202
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:52,790
A whole handful and 400 cups. I'm
requisitioning the lot.

203
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:54,560
How many cakes have you got?

204
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:56,880
Eight, sir.

205
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,140
Right. There are? A minute, sir.

206
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,400
Divide these cakes up. Half each for us.

207
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,620
And one old one for the Colonel.

208
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,180
And, sir, as there are cakes, you can
have one half as well.

209
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:14,820
Sir, you say there is one half cake for
each of us and one whole cake for

210
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:16,380
Colonel, sir, isn't it? That is correct.

211
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,120
But, sir, there is nothing for poor
Punkawalla.

212
00:15:21,290 --> 00:15:23,490
If he had anything to eat, would he
share it with us?

213
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:27,210
No.

214
00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:32,070
Well, I tell him.

215
00:15:38,210 --> 00:15:41,330
Moonlight becomes you.

216
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:46,830
It goes with your hair.

217
00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:49,090
Am I shining?

218
00:15:50,570 --> 00:15:52,850
If them's real rubies, they must be
worth a fortune.

219
00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:57,310
Yeah, just think, I've been up there for
hundreds of years and nobody's dare

220
00:15:57,310 --> 00:15:58,049
touch them.

221
00:15:58,050 --> 00:16:01,730
Listen, why don't we wait till
everybody's creeping and go up there and

222
00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:02,730
them?

223
00:16:02,810 --> 00:16:04,390
Come on, Mac, no, don't say we're
missing.

224
00:16:04,690 --> 00:16:08,630
Look, what we do is we go up there, take
both the rubies, right?

225
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:10,790
Cut one in half, right?

226
00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:14,410
Put one half in each socket and keep the
other one.

227
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,560
Wouldn't they notice that it had turned
from a big -eyed idol into a squinty

228
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,560
-eyed idol?

229
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,320
We'll draw lots to see who goes and gets
the rubies. You first, Lofty.

230
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:26,980
It's you.

231
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,100
Aren't the others going to draw?

232
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:35,299
There's no point.

233
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,140
You couldn't get a shorter match stick
than that.

234
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:42,660
Now, Gloria, I went to the Tower of
London once.

235
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:46,490
And the rubies in the crown jewels
weren't half as big as those.

236
00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:49,270
Think how much those must be worth.

237
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,650
Oh, thousands of pounds.

238
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,650
Think what we could do with the money.

239
00:16:57,390 --> 00:17:01,690
We could put out our own shows after the
war. Look, I've had this idea for a

240
00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:05,710
long time now. I thought when we're all
demobbed, when it's all over, I thought

241
00:17:05,710 --> 00:17:07,930
I'd get together a bunch of chaps just
like myself.

242
00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,290
We'd put on this show, you see.

243
00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:16,140
And I've got a smashing title for it.
What? What do you think of this?

244
00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:18,780
Soldiers in dresses.

245
00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:24,220
Soldiers in dresses? What about soldiers
in frocks?

246
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,040
Oh, no.

247
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,760
I prefer soldiers in dresses. You would.

248
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,060
Anyway, don't breathe a word to anybody
else.

249
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,620
Bought you a cup of tea, Sergeant Major
Saab.

250
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:51,800
Oh, Sergeant Major Saab, those terrible
eyes.

251
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:55,040
Whenever I turn, they are looking at me.

252
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,120
Bright, aren't they?

253
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,460
Worth a bob or two, I shouldn't wonder.

254
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,420
Yes, Sergeant Major Saab, many lakhs of
rupees.

255
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:08,360
You could do with some of them rupees, I
bet.

256
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,080
Oh, Sergeant Major Saab, what you are
suggesting?

257
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,420
It is not right for one Indian man to
steal from other Indian men.

258
00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:19,320
You know what I want to do when I leave
the army?

259
00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:21,620
Oh, yes, Sergeant Major Saab. Fade away.

260
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,640
Like in the beautiful old song, isn't
it, Saab?

261
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:35,560
All soldiers never die, they only fade
away.

262
00:18:42,190 --> 00:18:44,710
I know this big widow woman in Pont -au
-Prince.

263
00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:50,190
Lovely she is.

264
00:18:52,570 --> 00:18:55,350
I'd like to buy a little pub and settle
down with her.

265
00:18:56,650 --> 00:19:01,970
I can see me behind that bar with her,
doing that every night.

266
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,670
Oh, Sergeant Major, you British are so
ingenious.

267
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,180
Kama Sutra from cover to cover.

268
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,440
But nowhere have I seen this.

269
00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:27,220
All I need is money to do that.

270
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:31,480
Oh, Sergeant Major Sarbin Blighty, you
have to pay to do that?

271
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,020
Money to buy the pub.

272
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:40,460
Now, listen, Bearer, when everybody's
asleep,

273
00:19:41,710 --> 00:19:43,630
I want you to do something in the night.

274
00:19:48,130 --> 00:19:51,730
What do you want me to do in the night,
Sal?

275
00:19:53,050 --> 00:19:54,610
Creep up and get them rubies.

276
00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:59,210
Sergeant Major, these thugs are terrible
men.

277
00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:04,570
If they find those rubies are missing
and that I have taken them, I will never

278
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,010
be doing anything in the night again.

279
00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:13,570
Nothing, sir. Just thinking.

280
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:16,190
Yes, I've been thinking too.

281
00:20:18,190 --> 00:20:20,310
I can't sleep with those two eyes
looking at me.

282
00:20:21,810 --> 00:20:23,290
They must be worth a fortune, you know.

283
00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:32,970
You know, as soon

284
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:37,390
as everybody's asleep, I want you to
creep up there and get those two rubies.

285
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,770
And we'll share them, one each.

286
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,540
I couldn't do that. That's a terrible
suggestion.

287
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:45,200
I mean, they're not ours.

288
00:20:48,860 --> 00:20:49,900
Look here, Ashford.

289
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,100
How long is it since you've seen your
wife?

290
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:54,840
It's over two years now, sir.

291
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,880
And I bet you miss her, don't you?

292
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,100
Yes, that's what I was thinking about
just now.

293
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,360
You live in Servetford, don't you?

294
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,960
No, Richmond, actually. Well, same
place.

295
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:08,020
Now, look, I want you to imagine that
you've just been demobbed.

296
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,420
And you draw up outside your house in a
taxi.

297
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,640
But I only live 50 yards from the
station.

298
00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:19,740
You put the key in the door and go
inside.

299
00:21:20,460 --> 00:21:22,820
And there she is, standing there.

300
00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:25,060
You haven't seen her for two whole
years.

301
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,200
She runs towards you.

302
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,620
And you say, look what I've got in my
hand.

303
00:21:50,220 --> 00:21:51,400
She looks down and there it is.

304
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,860
Something that will set you up for the
rest of your life.

305
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,020
One of those rubies.

306
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,920
That's barefaced stealing, sir. Not if
you take it from the Indians.

307
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:08,620
It's our empire, isn't it?

308
00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:10,360
Not for very much longer, sir.

309
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,760
Precisely. Let's take advantage while
we've still got it.

310
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:11,960
What's that you've got in your hand,
sir?

311
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,080
My wife's supposed to see that.

312
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:18,360
It's me.

313
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,660
This is... This is my knife.

314
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,180
I was... I was just going to sharpen it.

315
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:29,500
So was I.

316
00:23:36,620 --> 00:23:39,740
Oh, sorry. I was just on my way out to
the toilet.

317
00:23:43,530 --> 00:23:44,690
Here they are.

318
00:23:45,170 --> 00:23:47,450
All right, lovely boy, get them boxes
loaded.

319
00:23:47,670 --> 00:23:48,850
Move yourselves, move yourselves.

320
00:23:51,050 --> 00:23:53,930
Oh, I never thought I'd live to see the
day when I'd be pleased to put on a

321
00:23:53,930 --> 00:23:57,850
uniform. You know, having those feathers
on all night, I played havoc with my

322
00:23:57,850 --> 00:23:58,850
skin.

323
00:23:59,090 --> 00:24:01,190
You never managed to get the rubies,
but... Shut up!

324
00:24:03,230 --> 00:24:05,190
No, Penny, that's too late now.

325
00:24:06,730 --> 00:24:08,030
I'll make it up. What?

326
00:24:08,350 --> 00:24:11,190
Why did you not steal those rubies last
night?

327
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,040
Several other persons had the same idea.

328
00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:17,100
They was round that Ida like flies round
a jam jar.

329
00:24:17,580 --> 00:24:21,680
Oh, Sergeant Major Staub, bang goes your
chance of doing that with your big

330
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,680
widow.

331
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,440
Our trucks arrived, Major Staub.

332
00:24:27,780 --> 00:24:30,420
And damn good riddance to damn rotten
rubbish.

333
00:24:31,580 --> 00:24:35,360
Sergeant Major Staub, Sergeant Major
Staub, I have got one jolly good idea

334
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:39,760
to get hold of those rubies. What? That
Curieto fellow is ignorant chap.

335
00:24:40,030 --> 00:24:45,050
And he does not know real value, sir. I
can offer to buy them from him on your

336
00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:47,550
behalf. Keep your voice down. I don't
want everybody to hear.

337
00:24:47,790 --> 00:24:50,110
Yes, sir. Offer him 50 rupees.

338
00:24:50,550 --> 00:24:51,509
Yes, sir.

339
00:24:51,510 --> 00:24:53,250
Come on, boys.

340
00:24:53,490 --> 00:24:54,890
Move yourselves now. Move yourselves.

341
00:24:57,490 --> 00:24:58,490
Say what he says.

342
00:24:58,570 --> 00:24:59,089
Yes, sir.

343
00:24:59,090 --> 00:25:03,750
He says he will not take 50 rupees, but
he wants 500.

344
00:25:04,130 --> 00:25:05,130
Five!

345
00:25:06,850 --> 00:25:09,530
500? Yes, sir. That is very cheap.

346
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,040
Think of the real value.

347
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:13,480
Have you got 100?

348
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:14,840
Wait a minute.

349
00:25:18,620 --> 00:25:19,620
Excuse me, sir.

350
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,020
Yes? You know them eyes?

351
00:25:21,300 --> 00:25:22,300
What eyes?

352
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,560
Them rubies, sir. They're very valuable.

353
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:25,819
Oh, are they?

354
00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:27,700
We hadn't really given them much
thought, have we, Ashwood?

355
00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:29,580
No, practically no thought at all.

356
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:36,080
Well, the bearer here, sir, says that he
can buy them from the creator for 500

357
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,640
rupees. That is totally correct, sir.

358
00:25:39,130 --> 00:25:41,930
The thing is, sir, I only got a hundred,
and I thought we perhaps could, like,

359
00:25:41,970 --> 00:25:43,090
ship in.

360
00:25:44,430 --> 00:25:45,430
What do you think, Ashford?

361
00:25:45,770 --> 00:25:47,750
Well, I think it's a much better idea to
buy them, sir.

362
00:25:47,950 --> 00:25:49,730
After all, last night you were... All
right, yes, oh, dear.

363
00:25:51,310 --> 00:25:52,269
Let me see.

364
00:25:52,270 --> 00:25:53,450
I've got 200.

365
00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:55,330
You've got 100, Sergeant Major.

366
00:25:55,850 --> 00:25:56,950
How much have you got, Ashford?

367
00:25:58,450 --> 00:26:00,490
100, sir. Damn, we're 100 short.

368
00:26:01,250 --> 00:26:05,930
Now, what about Bombardier Solomon Saab?
He's also always jolly well trousered.

369
00:26:06,350 --> 00:26:07,350
Good idea.

370
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:08,760
Call him over, Sergeant Major.

371
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:10,440
Bombardier Sergeant Major!

372
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:11,860
Report to the colonel!

373
00:26:12,460 --> 00:26:15,280
Better get the others outside. We don't
want everybody knowing about this.

374
00:26:15,380 --> 00:26:18,100
Right, lovely boys, get on the truck.
Move yourselves now.

375
00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:22,120
Want to see me, sir? Bombardier, we were
thinking of doing a little business

376
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:23,820
deal. Are you interested?

377
00:26:24,140 --> 00:26:25,680
Always interested in a little deal, sir.

378
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:27,980
Mind you, I can't make a move without my
partner.

379
00:26:28,340 --> 00:26:30,240
Partner? You don't have partners in the
army?

380
00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:32,900
Sorry, Sergeant Major, no partner, no
deal.

381
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,000
Call him over, Sergeant Major.

382
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:36,760
Get him over!

383
00:26:39,490 --> 00:26:43,850
Now, look, chaps, these two rubies up
there are worth a lot of money.

384
00:26:44,070 --> 00:26:44,789
Are they?

385
00:26:44,790 --> 00:26:46,310
We didn't give you much thought, sir.

386
00:26:46,990 --> 00:26:48,810
No thought at all, sir. Well,

387
00:26:49,730 --> 00:26:52,310
we can get them for 500, but we need
another 100.

388
00:26:52,570 --> 00:26:53,690
Can you assist?

389
00:26:53,970 --> 00:26:55,010
I think I'll go manage that, Gloria.

390
00:26:57,170 --> 00:26:58,170
Sir.

391
00:27:00,970 --> 00:27:02,270
Here we are.

392
00:27:02,550 --> 00:27:05,790
Check on us out. I will give the curator
for a little money. I'll hunt up.

393
00:27:06,510 --> 00:27:08,850
Get Emperor Ubi Solomon before the old
fool changes his mind.

394
00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:11,450
Thank you, mate. My dreams will come
true.

395
00:27:11,710 --> 00:27:13,970
I shall have my soldiers in skirts.

396
00:27:15,630 --> 00:27:16,630
Shut up.

397
00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:20,450
Come out easy, don't they?

398
00:27:25,330 --> 00:27:27,530
I think I'll take charge of those just
for the moment.

399
00:27:27,810 --> 00:27:28,810
Oh, OK.

400
00:27:28,870 --> 00:27:29,870
Right,

401
00:27:30,050 --> 00:27:30,609
all set.

402
00:27:30,610 --> 00:27:31,610
Off we go.

403
00:27:36,060 --> 00:27:39,680
Excuse me, Colonel, sir, but it is
necessary that I have one word with that

404
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,400
stupid, ignorant creator, Colonel, sir.
You understand?

405
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,340
Smooth them over, you mean. Good idea.

406
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,180
We don't want any trouble with the
natives.

407
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:47,920
We'll wait for you in the truck.

408
00:27:48,140 --> 00:27:49,140
I'll check, Colonel, sir.

409
00:27:52,620 --> 00:27:55,340
It was a pleasure to do business with
you, my friend.

410
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:57,580
Here is your chair.

411
00:27:57,820 --> 00:28:00,760
And it was also a pleasure to do
business with you, my friend.

412
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:02,520
No.

413
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,080
No.

414
00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:09,760
The old thuggies got their loot by
strangling people.

415
00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:13,020
I kept mine by playing on men's greed.

416
00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:18,320
That is very true. And tell me, who is
more greedy than us British?

417
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:25,600
But before you go, my friend, one favor,
please. I have hurt my foot. I cannot

418
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:26,600
climb upstairs.

419
00:28:26,940 --> 00:28:29,220
Please put in two new rubies for me.

420
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,000
They are jolly beautiful.

421
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,420
Oh, yeah. Bad quality glass.

422
00:28:39,940 --> 00:28:41,120
Made in Birmingham.

423
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,560
Very dear.

424
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,120
Two rupees a dozen.

425
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:54,620
You know, there's one very old Hindu
proverb which say, if you see two eyes

426
00:28:54,620 --> 00:28:57,840
looking at you in the dark, this is not
always a tiger.

427
00:28:58,140 --> 00:29:00,400
It could be two one -eyed tiger.

428
00:29:23,259 --> 00:29:26,060
Thank you.

429
00:29:47,229 --> 00:29:52,590
B -O -Y -S boys to entertain you!