1
00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:08,410
Meet the gang cause the boys are here,
the boys to entertain you.

2
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:14,050
With music and laughter to help you on
your way to raising the rafters with a

3
00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:20,070
hey, hey, hey. With song and sketches
and jokes on and you. With us about you

4
00:00:20,070 --> 00:00:25,510
and Phil Blue. So meet the gang cause
the boys are here, the boys to entertain

5
00:00:25,510 --> 00:00:26,510
you.

6
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:31,890
B -O -R -E -O -Y -S, boys to entertain
you.

7
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:43,520
Any time your Lambeth waits, any
evening,

8
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:50,480
any day, we find us all doing

9
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,480
the Lambeth walk.

10
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,880
Now, don't forget, Mr. Ali, I have told
Sergeant Major Saab that you are best

11
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,540
jersey in whole of the Alali.

12
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,420
That is good, Ranji.

13
00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:22,340
I will make him a uniform of such
enchantment that he will be bowled over

14
00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:26,080
ecstasy. That is good. And I want him to
be pleased with it as well.

15
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:33,600
Ranji, can you tell me why the Sergeant
Major Saab didn't have a suit made by

16
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:34,820
the camp jersey?

17
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:36,600
Because...

18
00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:41,390
Ranji told Sergeant Major Tharp that the
Camp Derzy was a thieving fellow.

19
00:01:42,130 --> 00:01:46,450
Mind you, Mr. Ali, I am knowing that you
are also a thieving fellow, but you are

20
00:01:46,450 --> 00:01:48,550
not so much a thieving fellow as Camp
Derzy.

21
00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:51,930
Thank you, Ranji. You are my friend.

22
00:01:52,190 --> 00:01:55,750
Now, come along. Show me the dasuti and
what you are going to make the uniform

23
00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:56,750
from.

24
00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:00,450
Here.

25
00:02:00,730 --> 00:02:01,730
Sir?

26
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:07,220
Are you quite sure this is Jolly Good
quality?

27
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:11,940
Of course. The fellow I get it from
steals from only the very best places.

28
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,300
Shut up! Get off! Get off!

29
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,040
Jolly!

30
00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:18,720
Jolly! Jolly!

31
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:21,220
Jolly! Jolly!

32
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:29,720
About time, too, leading me through all
these dirty back alleys. You like, sir?

33
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:31,860
Very delicious?

34
00:02:32,340 --> 00:02:33,640
Shut up! Disgusting!

35
00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:47,890
At your service, sir.

36
00:02:48,170 --> 00:02:49,210
Show me the material.

37
00:02:49,530 --> 00:02:50,530
Yes, sir.

38
00:02:52,410 --> 00:02:53,410
Yes, sir.

39
00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:55,530
Very good quality, sir.

40
00:02:55,830 --> 00:02:56,830
Get the price.

41
00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:58,170
For you, sir.

42
00:02:59,190 --> 00:03:00,750
Very special price.

43
00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:02,750
65 rupees.

44
00:03:03,230 --> 00:03:05,350
Have you gone off your flaming rocker?

45
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:07,970
64. Shut up.

46
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,550
63. Shut up.

47
00:03:09,970 --> 00:03:11,290
Shut up.

48
00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:13,570
50. Take it or leave it. 50.

49
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:19,790
I will be ruined. I am a poor man. I
have a wife. Shut up! Shut up!

50
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,370
Shut up!

51
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:28,650
Sir, would you please remove your shirt
so that you can be measured?

52
00:03:29,190 --> 00:03:30,450
Ramzan will take your measurement.

53
00:03:57,910 --> 00:04:04,430
Have you got a tape measure?

54
00:04:05,270 --> 00:04:06,270
Yes, sir.

55
00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:09,710
But it's used for essential purposes,
sir.

56
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:14,930
Some achieving fellow has stolen my
belt, sir.

57
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,700
Don't mess it up. He will measure your
beautiful chest first.

58
00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,420
Vitalis! Vitalis!

59
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:40,060
Now, sir, we'll expand your lovely
chest.

60
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,170
I will take inside leg.

61
00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:13,870
But,

62
00:05:13,870 --> 00:05:21,250
Major

63
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,810
Saab, there is one problem.

64
00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:25,290
This stick is too long for inside leg.

65
00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:26,850
Hey, Rangi. Huh?

66
00:05:27,290 --> 00:05:29,250
Perhaps you could cut a bit off the
stick.

67
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:30,989
Oh, no.

68
00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:35,870
I cannot ruin a good yardstick for one,
Sergeant Major Saab. No. I have one top

69
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:39,310
hole idea. Why not stick stick down top
hole in plaza?

70
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,210
dirty stick down my trouser.

71
00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:45,410
Don't worry, Sergeant Major South. Yours
is first pair.

72
00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:47,050
This dirty stick has gone down.

73
00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,550
Get on with it. Watch your mouth.

74
00:05:56,430 --> 00:06:00,310
Now we have another problem.

75
00:06:01,530 --> 00:06:05,110
Because the stick is inside the trouser,
I cannot read the measurement.

76
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:09,930
That is no problem. All you have to do
is to stick pin in there.

77
00:06:13,390 --> 00:06:16,430
Mrs. Sharp, only one thing for it. You
will have to remove trouser.

78
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:49,740
I mean, I destroy it. I mean, buildings
can't believe in me.

79
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,320
I'm going to be believable.

80
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,260
So can they believe in me when I do
this?

81
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:55,920
So what's the problem?

82
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:57,640
The problem?

83
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,500
They can see I'm a man.

84
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,180
That's a matter of opinion.

85
00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:03,880
You can't be funny when you bang your
lids together.

86
00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:09,080
I'm the leading lady in this company,
and for your information, I'm not

87
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,080
to be funny.

88
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,480
How would you know? You're just an
amateur.

89
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,630
Sorry. Well, we've stopped. I don't like
doing this number either.

90
00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:18,150
Oh, do tell me more, Lofty.

91
00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:22,950
I mean, I like singing romantic songs. I
like to be dressed in smart debonair

92
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:24,830
clothes. Not wearing funny hats.

93
00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:27,650
I don't like wearing funny hats.

94
00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:29,510
Really?

95
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:31,710
Besides, I don't know what gestures to
do.

96
00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:33,030
I could give you one.

97
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:35,070
Oh, fellas.

98
00:07:35,130 --> 00:07:39,110
Trust Ollie. Have I ever let you down?
They are here.

99
00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:41,190
Oh, good. Take ten, fellas. I'm going to
hold an audition.

100
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,120
Audition? What for?

101
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:46,280
I'm going to give this number some
class. I'm going to have a real snake

102
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,640
charmer. Wheel him in, Randy.

103
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:50,520
More flipping attitude.

104
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:55,080
Sub, they're all here, sub. All
excellent snake charmers. Right, line

105
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,840
fellas. Give your music to the pianist.
What's up, dub?

106
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,840
Music not wanting, sub. It is all done
by the ear hole.

107
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:05,300
Uh, Paderewski? Yeah? What have you got
for snake charmers? Snake charmers? Uh,

108
00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:06,420
in a Persian market.

109
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,500
Good, I like it. Right, first one.

110
00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:10,630
Salim. Salim.

111
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,230
Salim. Salim. Salim.

112
00:08:33,470 --> 00:08:34,470
Salim. Well,

113
00:08:34,950 --> 00:08:36,530
come on, come on. Where's the snake?

114
00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:39,860
Sir, please to be patient. Snake coming
very soon, sir.

115
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:43,220
That's all we need.

116
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,780
A temperamental snake.

117
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,660
All right. Thank you very much. We'll
let you know.

118
00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:52,420
Sir, I'm a poor man. I'm not feeling
well.

119
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:57,680
Sir, please to give him one more chance,
sir. Because snake not feeling very

120
00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:58,680
well today.

121
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:00,659
Sorry, sunshine.

122
00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:02,460
You know, show business is tough. Next
time.

123
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:03,720
Thank you. Next one.

124
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:04,860
I won't forget you.

125
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:09,630
Is that

126
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:29,290
the

127
00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:30,330
biggest snag he's got?

128
00:09:35,099 --> 00:09:36,620
He says it will grow.

129
00:09:38,420 --> 00:09:40,240
We ain't got time to wait for it to
grow.

130
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:42,840
What do you think, fellas?

131
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,880
Well, the snake is a bit minuscule,
Sully.

132
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:47,940
It's like a little worm.

133
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,580
I think the whole act is too intimate.
Yeah, you're right.

134
00:09:52,820 --> 00:09:53,860
It's far too intimate.

135
00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:56,660
Mind you, it's a classy act. Nice
basket.

136
00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,780
All right, we'll let you know. Next one,
please.

137
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,460
What an act. It'll kill you.

138
00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:16,080
Now, thank you. Next one, please.

139
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:17,940
Kareem Khan.

140
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:52,700
He used to be snake charmer. He had act
with one snake and two duck. But the

141
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,260
snake ate one of the duck, sir.

142
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:58,120
So he had to kill the snake to stop it
eating the other duck.

143
00:10:58,580 --> 00:11:01,380
Now that other duck, sir, does
impersonation of a snake.

144
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,300
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want
impersonations. I want the real thing.

145
00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:08,700
But, sir, sir, duck, sir, is much safer.

146
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,820
And also lay egg. What?

147
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,880
What are you supposed to be, Gallop
Beaumont?

148
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,220
I'm a harem dancer.

149
00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:08,790
You lovely boys.

150
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,130
Horrible.

151
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:12,830
Horrible.

152
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:19,770
Stand up straight, boy.

153
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:22,870
Find a pair of shoulders you've got
there.

154
00:12:25,110 --> 00:12:26,290
Show them off. Show them off.

155
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,560
Is it a teapot?

156
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:45,620
No.

157
00:12:46,540 --> 00:12:47,540
Is it a soldier?

158
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,240
No.

159
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:51,940
Is Gunner Sugden?

160
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,080
I can't say.

161
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,720
Oh, dear. How sad. Never mind.

162
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,300
Right, lovely boys.

163
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:06,660
I want this busher laid out for kit
inspection in half an hour, and I want

164
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,660
neat, neat, neat.

165
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:08,920
Yes!

166
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,550
Are you all right, Atwood?

167
00:13:22,950 --> 00:13:23,950
No, not really, sir.

168
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,730
As a matter of fact, I've got a bit of a
problem.

169
00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:26,869
Oh, what is it?

170
00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:30,270
Well, I went down to the bazaar
yesterday, and this chap was selling

171
00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:33,550
er... Selling girls, er... Selling
girls, yes. Did you buy one?

172
00:13:34,950 --> 00:13:36,790
Not actual girls, sir. Only the top.

173
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,730
Well, that's no damn good to anybody.

174
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,770
I mean, the things that go over girls.

175
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:44,110
What, lids?

176
00:13:45,470 --> 00:13:47,010
Oh, let me see. How could I put this?

177
00:13:47,330 --> 00:13:48,750
Do you know any native girls?

178
00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:50,530
Why do you ask?

179
00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:52,250
Well, I want to know how they do it.

180
00:13:53,530 --> 00:13:55,610
I can't go into all that now, actually.
I'm far too busy.

181
00:13:57,850 --> 00:13:59,010
Put one of these on.

182
00:14:00,150 --> 00:14:01,350
Oh, you mean a sari?

183
00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:03,590
Yes. I bought it for my wife.

184
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,350
Well, she's going to look a bit odd
doing the shopping in Richmond High

185
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:07,350
wearing that.

186
00:14:08,510 --> 00:14:09,790
It's for special occasions.

187
00:14:09,990 --> 00:14:13,670
I thought, one evening when we were
alone together, I'd cook a little curry

188
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:15,470
dinner and she could slip into this.

189
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:19,670
And I could put up one of those bead
curtains and she could sort of...

190
00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:25,230
slide through it, and then we could...
and then we could... Steady on, Ashwood.

191
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,029
I'm sorry, sir.

192
00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:29,030
It's this heat.

193
00:14:29,490 --> 00:14:31,450
I've tried cold showers, but they're no
good.

194
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:33,930
The water's always tepid.

195
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:35,470
You do come to the point.

196
00:14:35,910 --> 00:14:38,370
But I don't know how to wind it up.
What, the what?

197
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,250
No, the sari.

198
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,190
It's fairly simple, I'll show you.

199
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:46,450
Take the end here.

200
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,180
It goes something like this.

201
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,140
Around here.

202
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,960
It's a jolly nice colour, sir.

203
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,340
It'll go beautifully with her eyes and
her hair.

204
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,980
Don't start that all over again.

205
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,960
Not quite sure what to do with this bit
here.

206
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,900
I think it comes up over here.

207
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,400
Quite all right, Sergeant Major. I'm
just trying on this sari.

208
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,740
If you don't mind me saying so, sir, I
think acquired a colour would suit you

209
00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:30,740
better.

210
00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:32,540
You look absurd.

211
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:33,800
It's my wife.

212
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:35,860
Of course, sir.

213
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,780
I never for a moment thought otherwise.

214
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:40,720
I don't quite know where this bit goes.

215
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,720
Do you know how to put a sari on,
Sergeant Major?

216
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:46,240
I beg your pardon, sir, but such doings
as I've had with them is mostly

217
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,640
concerned with taking them off.

218
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,540
Don't you start. We've had quite enough
of that already.

219
00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:56,570
As far as I can remember, sir, this end
goes in your something like this.

220
00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:58,550
Sergeant Major Saab, Council Party
are... Oh, blimey!

221
00:16:00,770 --> 00:16:07,330
Sergeant Major Saab, I

222
00:16:07,330 --> 00:16:09,910
have just seen one very strange thing.

223
00:16:10,910 --> 00:16:13,550
Sergeant Major Saab is dressing up
Captain Saab as a woman.

224
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:19,890
But when Council Party is dressing up as
a woman, Sergeant Major Saab is calling

225
00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,190
them one big bunch of poofies.

226
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,020
Don't be such clever dicky.

227
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,560
Come in.

228
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:37,580
Right.

229
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:42,700
What's this, Sergeant Major?

230
00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:45,980
Concert party getting a bit slacker, so
I ordered a full kit layout.

231
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,400
Oh, well, I'd better come and inspect
them. I'll be down in about ten minutes.

232
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:49,540
Sir.

233
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,380
Take your mind off other things.

234
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,740
All right, Alice, get your bed back a
few inches.

235
00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:04,659
How's that, Tommy?

236
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,220
Lovely. What I can't understand is, why
does the army always make you lay

237
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:09,560
everything out in straight lines?

238
00:17:09,859 --> 00:17:12,579
Because, my dear Lofty, that is the
military mind.

239
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:14,819
Everything must be in straight lines.

240
00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:16,520
There's no room for any individuals.

241
00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:18,180
Nothing ever makes sense.

242
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:22,640
I mean, you polish your boots to make
them look smart, and then you cover them

243
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,040
in grease to keep the water out.

244
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:25,740
And I resent it.

245
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,660
As an intellectual, I resent it.

246
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,800
As an intellectual, I resent it.

247
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,020
Well,

248
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:38,360
Mr. La -di -da Gunner Graham, that is
what makes the British Army what it is

249
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:42,000
today, but then I am talking about
soldiers and not a bunch of pot! Stand

250
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,000
your charcoals!

251
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,700
Now, let's see what wonders are about to
unfold before my very eyes.

252
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:55,880
Beautiful.

253
00:17:57,430 --> 00:17:59,930
That is a beautiful kit layout, gonna
park it.

254
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,810
That's my bed, Sergeant Major.

255
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,050
Is it?

256
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,250
This is my bed, Sergeant Major.

257
00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:10,150
Oh, even better.

258
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:16,690
What's this?

259
00:18:32,469 --> 00:18:35,810
razor, mummy razor, and baby razor.

260
00:18:37,590 --> 00:18:39,230
Why have you got three razors?

261
00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:46,070
Well, that one's for shaving my face,
that one's for under my arms, and that

262
00:18:46,070 --> 00:18:47,170
one's for shaving my legs with.

263
00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:51,630
There is nothing in Dapper Waters about
gunners shaving their legs.

264
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:55,610
I'm the leading lady in the show, I
can't go on with hairy legs. Shut up!

265
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:09,020
I must speak to you on a matter of very
great urgency. What do you want?

266
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,840
Sir, this man, number one snake charmer,
sir.

267
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,260
And he's very upset, sir, because he has
lost his snake.

268
00:19:15,460 --> 00:19:19,300
And he says, sir, that it is all your
fault because you have kicked his

269
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:20,780
Sir,

270
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:26,840
he says he wants 50 rupees for return of
valuable snake.

271
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,700
50 rupees? 50 rupees?

272
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,300
Sir,

273
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,340
you did not let him tell you what he
wanted to tell you. What?

274
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,700
What he wanted to tell you was, sir,
that when you kicked his basket, the

275
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,380
got out into this basher. Oh!

276
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,460
There's a snake loose in the basher!
There's a snake loose!

277
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,720
Stand still! Stand still!

278
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,500
Yes, yes, there's nothing whatever to be
alarmed about.

279
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:54,760
A cobra won't attack you unless you
attack it.

280
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,700
What are we going to do, Sergeant Major?
We can't sleep in here with a cobra

281
00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:01,100
loose. I am going to show you how to
conduct a snake search.

282
00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:03,780
Bear up.

283
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:08,180
Fetch me the long pole. The rest of you,
line up against that wall.

284
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:12,300
Now,

285
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:24,560
on the command noise, I want you to
follow

286
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,760
me, stamping and shouting, and making as
much noise as possible.

287
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,060
I will turn over the charpoys with this
long pole.

288
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,160
That will frighten the snake away
because cobras cannot stand noise.

289
00:20:37,860 --> 00:20:41,200
Excuse me, Sergeant Major. The hammer
dryad can't hear.

290
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,220
Hammer what?

291
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:52,740
The hammer dryad, the king cobra, it
can't hear.

292
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,460
Don't talk daft.

293
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,500
What about snake charmers?

294
00:20:58,970 --> 00:21:03,390
Oh, the snakes aren't attracted by the
music, Star Major. They're hypnotized by

295
00:21:03,390 --> 00:21:04,710
the swaying of the pipe.

296
00:21:04,910 --> 00:21:08,110
Let me tell you, Mr. Lauderdale Gunner
Graham, I have chuckled more cobras than

297
00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:09,110
you've had at dinners.

298
00:21:10,130 --> 00:21:11,390
Right. Nice!

299
00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:38,180
Come back later. Let's get out of the
mess and have a drink.

300
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,080
Beautiful.

301
00:21:53,300 --> 00:21:54,300
Beautiful.

302
00:21:55,700 --> 00:21:56,700
Come in.

303
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,340
Come inside, Mr. Tom.

304
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:04,660
I bought your new uniform from Dirty
Tom.

305
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:17,840
You look so splendid in your beautiful
new uniform.

306
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,220
And your half -chat girlfriend will be
so proud of you.

307
00:22:23,460 --> 00:22:27,800
How dare you call her half -chat? Her
father is the assistant stationmaster.

308
00:22:28,340 --> 00:22:31,180
No offence. She's a jolly good family.

309
00:22:31,620 --> 00:22:35,320
Father half -chat, mother half -chat,
and she most lovely whore -chat.

310
00:22:36,780 --> 00:22:38,080
Shut up. Get out.

311
00:22:38,340 --> 00:22:39,340
Sir,

312
00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:41,100
one thing before I go, sir.

313
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,900
Next time I say, could he have his pipe
back?

314
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,160
No, he cannot.

315
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:46,179
Get out.

316
00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:47,180
You're too kind.

317
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,120
to blade or not.

318
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:15,460
You're playing sneak coming up tune. You
should be playing sneak going down

319
00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:17,780
tune. Go like this, Sergeant Major Saab.

320
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,680
Going down tune.

321
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:29,600
No, no, no, you're both wrong. Sergeant
Major Saab, going down tune.

322
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,840
Oh, shut up!

323
00:25:33,460 --> 00:25:37,700
You're both wrong. We will go and see
the wise one, Bombardier Solomon Saab.

324
00:25:55,050 --> 00:25:57,550
As long as we keep our mosquito nets
tucked in at night.

325
00:25:57,770 --> 00:26:01,490
The cobra can't get at us. Why don't we
buy a mongoose? Keep it in here all

326
00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:03,090
night, and that'll keep the cobra away.

327
00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:05,850
I didn't know snakes were afraid of
geese.

328
00:26:06,890 --> 00:26:10,550
Robbie, do me a favour. Shut up. Park
it, good idea.

329
00:26:10,770 --> 00:26:11,830
Lofty, go buy a mongoose.

330
00:26:12,430 --> 00:26:13,990
I've never bought a mongoose before.

331
00:26:14,730 --> 00:26:15,730
Are they very dear?

332
00:26:16,010 --> 00:26:19,510
Oh, no, Lofty's got a point there. We
don't want an expensive one. Oh, no.

333
00:26:19,910 --> 00:26:21,490
It's only for the one night.

334
00:26:22,450 --> 00:26:23,870
Get a cheap one, Lofty.

335
00:26:26,070 --> 00:26:27,950
Here, maybe you could hire one.

336
00:26:30,870 --> 00:26:33,230
Hey, Solly, where do you buy a mongoose
from?

337
00:26:33,930 --> 00:26:36,590
Where do you think you buy a mongoose?
From the mongoose shop.

338
00:26:36,850 --> 00:26:37,850
Joe!

339
00:26:37,910 --> 00:26:41,190
I have good tidings and bad tidings,
sir.

340
00:26:41,630 --> 00:26:46,550
Good tidings are, Snake is no longer in
this bushel. How do you know? Because of

341
00:26:46,550 --> 00:26:49,270
bad tidings, sir. It is inside a major
sales bushel.

342
00:26:50,090 --> 00:26:51,550
Well, that's not such bad news.

343
00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:53,010
What's it doing?

344
00:26:53,050 --> 00:26:55,370
It is being charmed by Sergeant Major
Saab.

345
00:26:55,650 --> 00:26:59,850
But I don't think Cobra is going to find
Sergeant Major Saab charming for very

346
00:26:59,850 --> 00:27:00,850
much longer.

347
00:27:00,970 --> 00:27:03,450
All right, fellas, we'd better get over
there quick. Come on.

348
00:27:09,230 --> 00:27:11,450
Blimey! Sergeant Major, are you all
right?

349
00:27:11,830 --> 00:27:13,850
Sergeant Major looks in a bad way.

350
00:27:14,230 --> 00:27:17,090
Blimey, he won't be able to keep that up
much longer. He looks all puffed out.

351
00:27:18,110 --> 00:27:19,110
There's no need to panic.

352
00:27:19,790 --> 00:27:21,090
Can you hear me, Sergeant Major?

353
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,820
It's Gunner Graham here.

354
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:29,760
Now, I can assure you that that snake is
perfectly safe. As I pointed out to you

355
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,660
earlier, cobras cannot hear. They are
merely hypnotised by the swaying of the

356
00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:37,820
pipe. So, as long as you keep the end of
your pipe swaying, well, you can stop

357
00:27:37,820 --> 00:27:38,820
blowing.

358
00:27:40,140 --> 00:27:41,140
Oh,

359
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,120
well, bang goes that theory.

360
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,140
Whatever you do, don't stop playing.

361
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,040
At times like these, you know who your
friends are.

362
00:28:08,260 --> 00:28:12,040
We know that you're being exhausted and
we have brought relief.

363
00:28:12,260 --> 00:28:14,040
My friend Ramzan will take over.

364
00:28:16,180 --> 00:28:20,140
The snake is now being...

365
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,000
I thought you told me there was only
one.

366
00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:44,340
You tell me there's only one,
Bombardier. I do wish we'd get your pack

367
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:45,780
You've made it look a big fool.

368
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:47,720
Now listen to me, Sergeant Major.

369
00:29:12,140 --> 00:29:13,140
They move quickly.

370
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:14,480
No, they're gone.

371
00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:16,440
All right, Sergeant Major. All clear.

372
00:29:17,660 --> 00:29:18,840
They're gone, Sergeant Major.

373
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:23,260
You can save your puff.

374
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:27,260
It is all over, Sergeant Major South.
And you can keep your date with your

375
00:29:27,260 --> 00:29:30,580
beautiful lady. And I will get your
splendid new uniform.

376
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,580
Oh, totally rotten blimey.

377
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,520
Sergeant Major South, I'm afraid you'll
have to go and see your tailor again.

378
00:29:51,459 --> 00:29:54,260
Thank you.

379
00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:33,020
B -O -T -O -Y -S, boys, we're ready to
save you!