1 00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:08,410 Meet the Gang Con, the boys are here, the boys to entertain you. 2 00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:14,050 With music and laughter to help you on your way to raving the rafters with a 3 00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:20,370 hey, hey, hey. With songs and sketches and jokes all anew with us about you and 4 00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:26,010 Bill Blues. So meet the Gang Con, the boys are here, the boys to entertain 5 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:31,870 B -O -B -O -Y -S, boys to entertain you. 6 00:00:48,829 --> 00:00:50,730 Shut up straight with your punkery. 7 00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:54,150 And you, stop your damn wailing. 8 00:00:54,910 --> 00:00:57,050 And make room for me to park my backside. 9 00:00:58,510 --> 00:01:02,730 Because I have to wait here to carry these most important bags for Colonel 10 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,730 South. 11 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:06,640 What you're doing, huh? 12 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,820 I'm making chapati for my dearest. 13 00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:13,080 My friend, you don't mind my telling you, but you're heating your chapati 14 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:13,899 too hard. 15 00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,800 It will be tough, like the rubber tire of Colonel's jeep. 16 00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:20,640 Randy, go and tell your grandmother how to suck the eggs. 17 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:22,220 Here, try. 18 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:27,280 Isn't that beautiful? 19 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,680 Well, it is certainly different. 20 00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:34,200 Now I am understanding why you have such fine teeth. 21 00:01:34,750 --> 00:01:36,630 What are you doing with Colonel's bag? 22 00:01:37,170 --> 00:01:38,750 I am putting them in hippie. 23 00:01:39,210 --> 00:01:43,950 Because Colonel Saab and Captain Saab are going to Bombay, where they are 24 00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:46,370 to stay in beautiful Taj Mahal Hotel. 25 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,750 And when they get there, they are going to be drinking the cocktail. 26 00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:52,070 They drink the cocktail? 27 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:53,570 Oh, yes. 28 00:01:53,590 --> 00:01:57,170 This is very holy ceremony among British officer Saab. 29 00:01:57,790 --> 00:01:59,710 And they are slapping each other on back. 30 00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:02,770 And they are chanting, Iskin of your nose. 31 00:02:05,670 --> 00:02:07,250 Your bottoms up. 32 00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:11,110 Then they drink the cocktails. 33 00:02:11,830 --> 00:02:13,410 Then they drink the cocktail. 34 00:02:13,790 --> 00:02:17,670 Then one very important shouting man is hitting table with hammer. 35 00:02:18,230 --> 00:02:23,010 And he is saying, my lord, lady, gentleman, be upstanding. 36 00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:26,070 And they are all upstanding together. 37 00:02:30,990 --> 00:02:32,570 Oh, dearie me. 38 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,060 Here come the trouble. 39 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,420 Oh, that is not trouble, you ignorant coolie. 40 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:37,860 That is sadhu. 41 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,520 He is holy man. He has come to do prayers and to make blessings. 42 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:44,800 Oh, 43 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:51,800 dearie me, he is wanting the lolly. 44 00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:56,720 Do you think we should be giving him any? Oh, yes, my friend, we must. We 45 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,760 in case he curses. 46 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,620 This is what we British call the insurance policy. 47 00:03:02,540 --> 00:03:04,720 You know, I was bearer to Saab once who was cursed. 48 00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:06,720 And he was very sticky. 49 00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:09,800 And he could not attend the cocktail drinking party. 50 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:13,440 And what is worse, for two months he could not be upstanding. 51 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,600 What do you do now, Ranji? Now? He is making holy plates. 52 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,840 Shut up! 53 00:03:29,740 --> 00:03:35,060 He's going now, Randy. Ah, yes, he's going now. But he will come back because 54 00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:36,060 has made holy play. 55 00:03:37,140 --> 00:03:39,480 Have you any idea who's coming to this party, sir? 56 00:03:39,740 --> 00:03:40,740 Well, the usual crowd. 57 00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:42,780 One or two fillies from Government House. 58 00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:44,920 Oh, and Emily Crichton Dunhoward. 59 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,520 Emily Crichton Dunhoward? Yes, do you know her? Yes. 60 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,000 She came out at the same time as my wife. Really? Yes. 61 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,020 I met her at Lavinia Scott Montefiore's dance. 62 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:55,859 Did you? 63 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:56,860 Yes. 64 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,640 She's a real goer. 65 00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:00,350 Who, Lavinia Scott Montefiore? 66 00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:02,550 No, Ebony Crichton Dunhoward. 67 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,330 We, uh, we had a bit of a thing. 68 00:04:05,650 --> 00:04:06,650 You didn't. 69 00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:10,010 We both took our meringues into the conservatory. 70 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,370 You may sound really sad, but Bombardier Solomon... Sir! 71 00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:16,370 Get out. 72 00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:19,729 Excuse me, sir. 73 00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:21,709 I did not wish to interrupt anything important. 74 00:04:22,670 --> 00:04:25,450 But it has come to my attention, sir, that Bombardier Solomon's and Gunner 75 00:04:25,450 --> 00:04:28,130 Bowman is actually in a scheme which I think you should nip in a bud. 76 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,220 Before you go, sir, and with your permission, I'd like to wheel him in. 77 00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:34,640 right, Sergeant Maynard, but remember, we haven't got a lot of time. Stop. 78 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:38,820 Right, Gert and Daisy. 79 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:40,140 Chow! 80 00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:41,660 Left hand! 81 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,060 Quick, not! 82 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,200 Left hand, left hand, left hand, left hand, right wheel! 83 00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:46,540 Out! 84 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,600 Right, 85 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:52,920 chaps, stand at ease. 86 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:54,880 Now, what's it all about? 87 00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:59,610 Well, sir, it's like this. They are going to give a show, sir, charge for 88 00:04:59,610 --> 00:05:01,230 admission and put the money in their own pockets. 89 00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:03,690 And now, sir, you have heard it out of their own mouth. 90 00:05:06,090 --> 00:05:09,290 Well, sir, it's not quite like that. We was going to use the money to buy things 91 00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:10,290 to improve the show. 92 00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:12,590 I need a Carmen Miranda hat. 93 00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:14,350 The fruit's gone bad. 94 00:05:15,830 --> 00:05:18,490 This irregular, sir, and entirely against debt, will stand in orders. 95 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,650 There's no checking they won't spend it on egg banjos. 96 00:05:21,110 --> 00:05:22,110 All right, well... 97 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,620 Look into this one and let you have my decision later. Thank you very much, 98 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:27,340 Show! Rightly and quick, Mark! 99 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,280 Sorry, 100 00:05:33,660 --> 00:05:36,360 Major. I think we can make an exception in this case, you know. 101 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,180 That's a discipline, sir. There's no telling where it will end. 102 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,980 You let one of them do it, they'll all want to do it. 103 00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:43,340 I've made my decision. 104 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:47,520 They can give a show, and whatever money they make can go toward improving the 105 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:48,520 costumes and things. 106 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,840 Begging your pardon, sir, I think you're making a big mistake. 107 00:05:51,550 --> 00:05:52,550 Well, it's an order. 108 00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:55,550 Excuse me, Colonel Tharpe. Get out. 109 00:05:56,310 --> 00:05:57,310 What do you want, Mayor? 110 00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,430 Sir, Mrs. Tharpe, Colonel Tharpe's jeep and lorry is waiting. 111 00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:01,629 Get out. 112 00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:02,630 Actually, we must get out. 113 00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:06,510 You know, I think you've rather got your knife into the concert party, sir. Not 114 00:06:06,510 --> 00:06:07,770 at all, sir. 115 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,970 I just don't like pandering to a lot of poofs. 116 00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:14,410 Be that as it may, I don't want to hear that you've prevented them from 117 00:06:14,410 --> 00:06:15,570 performing their show, all right? 118 00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:18,490 Sir. I understand, sir. 119 00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:20,610 And I shall make no... 120 00:06:23,790 --> 00:06:25,150 Son of a great when you were punkering. 121 00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:27,410 Over here, Solomon! 122 00:06:27,950 --> 00:06:33,170 Get your dirty shower open! Excuse me, Sergeant Major. 123 00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:36,630 Do you really need me? I've just put my hair in curlers. 124 00:06:53,070 --> 00:06:56,730 As you know, the Colonel, for some reason, what is beyond my imagination, 125 00:06:56,730 --> 00:06:57,730 very highly of you. 126 00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:03,150 So, we have decided that I will not stop you putting on your concert tomorrow 127 00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:05,470 night. Oh, thank you very much, Sergeant Major. 128 00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:06,970 You're a real brick. 129 00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:12,430 However, at the precise hour when you intend giving your concert, I intend 130 00:07:12,430 --> 00:07:14,810 giving a moonlight parade for the old camp. 131 00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:21,770 So, lovely boys, you can have your show, but the one thing you cannot have is a 132 00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:22,770 audience. 133 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,980 That's hardly fair, Sergeant Major. 134 00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:32,620 That's hardly fair, Sergeant Major. 135 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:39,900 Now, doubtless you are all disappointed at not being on this Moonlight Parade. 136 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,800 Especially Lady Beaumont. 137 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:45,860 Are you disappointed? 138 00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:49,460 Heartbroken. I thought as much. 139 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,840 So, you can all have... 140 00:07:53,420 --> 00:07:54,420 you in the sunlight. 141 00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:59,360 Them stones what says Royal Artillery Depot is too big so you can break them 142 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,480 into more artistic pieces. 143 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:05,900 And then you can put them... What is this dirty mess on my peregrine? 144 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,520 Sorry, Major, sir. This is not dirty mess. This is holy mess. 145 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,680 I will not have dirty holy men make a mess on my peregrine. 146 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:14,920 Get him off! 147 00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:17,700 Sorry, Major, sir. Do not say that because he will hear you. 148 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,480 He might also feel my book. Jow, jow, jow, jow! 149 00:08:21,770 --> 00:08:24,310 Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you shouldn't interfere with their religion. 150 00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:26,010 That's how the Indian mutiny started. 151 00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:28,570 That's how the Indian mutiny started. 152 00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:32,289 All right, Mr. Lauderdale, Gunner Graham. 153 00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:35,130 My pig and boot will not touch his religious backside. 154 00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:38,750 You and get a Macintosh can carry him. 155 00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:40,308 Relevantly away. 156 00:08:40,309 --> 00:08:41,309 Move yourself, move yourself! 157 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,130 Pick him up, pick him up, pick him up! 158 00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:05,390 There is nothing more holy to this man's army than the pergrade ground on which 159 00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:06,470 we are standing right now. 160 00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:11,890 It is sacred, and as long as this crown is on my wrist, it will remain unsilaged 161 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:13,150 by dirty foreign feet. 162 00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:20,150 I therefore 163 00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:27,090 removed the aforementioned offensive 164 00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:30,430 holy man and caused him to be placed outside. 165 00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:32,210 W .D. Property. 166 00:09:37,470 --> 00:09:44,150 You better tell the Sergeant Major. 167 00:09:44,470 --> 00:09:45,950 I tell him pretty damn quick. 168 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,850 Excuse me, Sergeant Major. Shut up. 169 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,290 What do you want, brother? 170 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,750 Dirty mess is back on parade. 171 00:09:56,170 --> 00:09:59,830 What? I think he has come to stay. 172 00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:02,570 He has brought his bed. 173 00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:05,430 What? 174 00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:09,450 You dirty heathen, get off my parade car! 175 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:10,710 Get out of it! 176 00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:14,990 He can't hear you, Sergeant Major. He's in a trance. Yes, you see, Sergeant 177 00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,430 Major, he's saying his prayer. 178 00:10:16,970 --> 00:10:18,210 Then he will go to bed. 179 00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:21,230 Going to bed, is he? 180 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:23,970 I'll soon settle his ass. 181 00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:34,430 I'm just making him more comfortable. 182 00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:41,730 Oh, Sergeant Major, I think you've upset him. 183 00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:50,790 Oh, Sergeant Major, he's cursing you. He says your own child boy will be like 184 00:10:50,790 --> 00:10:51,790 bread of nails. 185 00:10:52,370 --> 00:10:53,370 Tell him to get stuffed. 186 00:10:57,470 --> 00:10:59,350 Very difficult to translate, sir. 187 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:11,520 He says that never again you have good sleep and all night you'll be pricked by 188 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,520 nails. 189 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:14,580 Tell him to get an audit. 190 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,460 That is even more difficult to translate. 191 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,720 He says he's going. 192 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:30,820 He says that he is going, but he is going to leave his 193 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:31,920 spirit in that place. 194 00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:35,850 And it will be plague to you, Sergeant Major Thub, and also dirty big damn 195 00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:36,850 nuisance. 196 00:11:42,230 --> 00:11:44,650 Well, you've all had a nice rest, haven't you? Get on with your work! 197 00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:51,730 Ma, he's making eyes at me. Look at my hands. 198 00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:54,390 Calloused they are. 199 00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:58,370 Calloused. Who ever heard of Ginger Rogers with calloused hands? 200 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,820 I'd like to get my hands on a present made of shut -up throat. 201 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,940 Yeah. Fancy him holding a special parade so we can't get an audience. 202 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,220 Yeah. I wish that curse would come true. 203 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:11,960 Oh, glory, that would die. 204 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,240 But, Bob, the curse of the Tadu is very strong. 205 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:19,040 Yes, perhaps we could exploit it in some way. 206 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,320 What do you mean? Well, so he thinks it's coming true. 207 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:26,220 Somebody could get under his bed and stick pins in him. 208 00:12:28,170 --> 00:12:32,450 But I know one very naughty man in the bazaar who make the itching powder. 209 00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:34,090 Itching powder? 210 00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:39,090 Yes, sir. He make it from chilies, the whiskers of the mouse, and some very 211 00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,590 short hairs from certain part of water buffalo. 212 00:12:45,150 --> 00:12:46,470 Randy, you're a genius. 213 00:12:46,790 --> 00:12:49,470 Oh, sir, you are most kind and quite right. 214 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:54,590 Big head. 215 00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:57,450 Go back and pull your... 216 00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:03,390 Get down the bazaar and get some egg down, Malum. 217 00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:07,670 We've got to get that powder in the sergeant major's charpois before he gets 218 00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:08,670 head down this afternoon. 219 00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:33,970 Sir, I'm just making your char -poi all smooth and silky so you can have dirty 220 00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:34,970 big kip, isn't it? 221 00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:38,390 If he wants a job, get them boots polished. Yes, sir. 222 00:13:44,010 --> 00:13:45,270 No nails in there, bearer? 223 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:46,950 No nails, sir. 224 00:13:47,930 --> 00:13:54,910 What are you looking at? 225 00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:57,830 Not looking, sir. I'm just cleaning booties. 226 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,420 Because I am going to have 40 winks. Yes, sir. 227 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,500 Anything wrong, sir? 228 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,200 No. 229 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:25,720 Nothing's wrong. 230 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,320 It's all in the mind. 231 00:14:28,260 --> 00:14:29,960 Not a minute, sir. You are so brave. 232 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:34,120 Most people who have been cast just go away and die. 233 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,420 That's the trouble of the whole, you Indians. 234 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:41,800 No control. 235 00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,560 There's one thing you learn in a British army. 236 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:46,480 It's control. 237 00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:53,020 Control not working, sir? Shut up! 238 00:15:11,150 --> 00:15:12,590 It was a good try. He just didn't come off. 239 00:15:13,190 --> 00:15:16,290 Maybe Randy didn't put enough powder in the bed. Come on, he put it in the old 240 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:19,050 packet. He's so thick -skinned, he probably didn't even notice. 241 00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:23,090 Well, Randy said he was squirming like he was in the frying pan. He just 242 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:23,989 wouldn't give way. 243 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,850 You've got to hand it to the sergeant, Major. He's a man of iron. 244 00:15:27,550 --> 00:15:29,210 Maybe we'll think of something else tomorrow. 245 00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:30,730 Yeah, maybe. 246 00:15:31,050 --> 00:15:32,270 Well, good night, fellas. 247 00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:33,749 Sleep well. 248 00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:34,549 Night, darling. 249 00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:35,610 Turn the light out, Lofty. 250 00:15:39,090 --> 00:15:40,090 I'm asleep. 251 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,280 My dear, what's that? 252 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,180 Open this up! Open this up! 253 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,320 Sergeant Major Shut -Up's hub is not shut up any longer, sir. Come on, 254 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,320 Come quickly! 255 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,700 Quickly! 256 00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:03,940 Blimey, he looks rotten. 257 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,160 He's always been rotten. Now he looks it. 258 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,820 He's very sicky. Maybe we should send for the M .O. 259 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,000 Right. Nobby, go get the M .O. Tell him it's urgent. 260 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,380 You should send for the holy man. 261 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:16,920 He's waking up. 262 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:21,880 Where am I? 263 00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:24,480 We was worried about you, Sergeant Major. 264 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:26,960 Worried about me? 265 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:32,440 Whatever... I'll 266 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:39,420 tell you the truth, I 267 00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:42,210 have had a bit of... a bad night, you know, but it's nothing to be concerned 268 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,210 about. 269 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,530 You go back to sleep, lovely boys. 270 00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:48,870 That seems all right. We'll tell the M .O. not to bother. 271 00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:51,890 Right. 272 00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:53,250 Right. 273 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,070 What shall 274 00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:07,530 we 275 00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:08,530 do? 276 00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:09,619 Well, better you marry him, I suppose. 277 00:17:09,819 --> 00:17:10,819 Come on, boys, give it to her. 278 00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:16,859 They're gone. 279 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,400 Sergeant Major, can we go back to bed now, please? 280 00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:22,599 Yes. It's all right now. 281 00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:24,099 You can go. 282 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:25,420 Come on, fellas. 283 00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:30,440 One man stay here in case he comes back. 284 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,000 In the parkings. 285 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,160 Sir? Come here. 286 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:37,280 Yes, sir. 287 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:41,840 Stay with me, son. 288 00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,200 Look after your old sergeant major. 289 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:45,760 Yes, sir. 290 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,760 Climb upon my knee, sonny boy. 291 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,820 I'm talking to you, sonny boy. 292 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,600 There's no way of knowing. 293 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:57,780 Do something, sonny. 294 00:17:58,460 --> 00:17:59,540 Attention, gunner. 295 00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:02,460 There's no way of knowing. 296 00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:05,220 He really has gone bonkers. 297 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,240 He's obviously got a very high temperature and it sent him delirious. 298 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:19,200 Right. And if you seize one of them slant -eyed sons of heaven carrying a 299 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,340 nail, let him have it. 300 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,080 Follow me, boys. 301 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,520 Keep your wits about you, boys. 302 00:18:52,910 --> 00:18:53,910 going to sadden one of you. 303 00:18:54,650 --> 00:18:55,870 I will, Sergeant Major. 304 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,170 Good boy. 305 00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:00,370 Come on. 306 00:19:07,070 --> 00:19:08,290 Don't touch the holy man. 307 00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:10,130 He might get cross. 308 00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:15,530 You'd better step over him, fellas. 309 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,880 This is the orderly. Blimey, what can he do for us? I have a sleeping tablet. 310 00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:38,260 I ain't feeding him sleeping tablets the way he's acting. He'll have me fingers 311 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:42,360 off. Ah, I have a hypodermic syringe. 312 00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:44,660 I don't fancy sticking that thing in him either. 313 00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:47,060 He'll think it's another nail. 314 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,140 Look, come on, scrape up on him. 315 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,040 Oh, dearie me, Sergeant Major Sarge is going to get the neat. 316 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:00,960 But keep the safety control. 317 00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:31,060 Oh, dear. 318 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,760 Come on, boy. 319 00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:34,860 No, 320 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:38,600 now we're going to get him down. 321 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,440 So, they like very much the banana. 322 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,160 Yes, sir, Major. 323 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:47,640 Nice bananas. 324 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,180 Lovely, fresh bananas. 325 00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:51,220 Get your nice bananas. 326 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,820 Atlas, you want him to eat it, not buy it. 327 00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,020 Come on, son. 328 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:07,480 Get him lower. 329 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:09,220 Nice bananas. 330 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:15,340 A little more to the left. 331 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,300 Bombardier, what the hell are you doing? 332 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:29,280 Dapper Waters clearly said that bombardiers were not stick needles into 333 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,280 sergeant majors. 334 00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:32,280 Into the sergeant majors. 335 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,940 It's not going to heebie -jeebie. I think we've gone too far. 336 00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:48,700 It's perfectly simple. 337 00:21:49,380 --> 00:21:53,220 The itching powder gave a physical manifestation to an autosuggestive 338 00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:57,500 precondition created by the holy man. The result is a suspension of the normal 339 00:21:57,500 --> 00:21:58,760 non -emotive mental criteria. 340 00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:01,580 You mean it's gone bonkers? 341 00:22:03,940 --> 00:22:04,940 Precisely. 342 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:06,960 Randy. 343 00:22:07,260 --> 00:22:08,260 Did you find the holy man? 344 00:22:08,380 --> 00:22:13,080 Yes, sir. I find him. And he say he will not able to take away curse from 345 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,480 Sergeant Major Saab unless he get 200 rupee. 346 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,120 200 rupee? 347 00:22:17,620 --> 00:22:19,240 Yes, sir. For organ fund. 348 00:22:19,660 --> 00:22:23,500 Blimey, it would cost that a Westminster Abbey. This is different organ fund, 349 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,539 sir. 350 00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:26,300 Well, he ain't getting 200 and that's final. 351 00:22:27,860 --> 00:22:32,740 Then I find two other holy men, sir. And they say they will not take away curse 352 00:22:32,740 --> 00:22:35,380 because this holy man not holy man at all. 353 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:40,660 but very naughty, double -crossing phony who could not make proper curse to save 354 00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:41,740 his own bacon, isn't it? 355 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:43,640 You mean he wasn't kosher? 356 00:22:44,020 --> 00:22:45,280 He wasn't cursed at all? 357 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,020 That is correct, sir. We've got to tell the sergeant -major. 358 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,440 No, no, no, no, no. It won't make any difference. It's all in the mind, you 359 00:22:51,580 --> 00:22:53,940 He thinks he's being cursed by a holy man. 360 00:22:54,180 --> 00:22:55,640 Well, he's got to be decursed by one. 361 00:22:56,220 --> 00:22:59,220 Well, can't any of the elderly men pretend to take off the curse? 362 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,120 Oh, yes, sir, for 300 rupees. 363 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:03,840 Well, that's it, fellas. 364 00:23:04,270 --> 00:23:05,610 We've got to find ourselves a howdy man. 365 00:23:06,130 --> 00:23:10,610 So I'm telling them, to make their skin brown, they should be using walnut 366 00:23:10,610 --> 00:23:16,150 juice. Because that is what doing according to Mr. Rudyard Kipling, who is 367 00:23:16,150 --> 00:23:17,330 very clever writing man. 368 00:23:17,990 --> 00:23:20,690 But no, they want all my old tea leaves. 369 00:23:21,050 --> 00:23:22,870 It is not right, I'm telling you. 370 00:23:31,570 --> 00:23:32,970 Don't be dicky clever. 371 00:23:37,290 --> 00:23:38,490 Handsome, real handsome. 372 00:23:38,730 --> 00:23:42,470 And South, all he want now is just a little sprinkling of the cow dung. 373 00:23:42,690 --> 00:23:43,690 No! 374 00:23:43,910 --> 00:23:47,070 No! I draw the line. I draw the line, Sally. 375 00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,190 I don't believe in holy men. 376 00:23:53,570 --> 00:23:54,790 There's nothing the matter with me. 377 00:23:55,590 --> 00:23:58,410 It's just a touch of flu and a bit of doobie itch thrown in, that's all. 378 00:23:58,810 --> 00:24:01,050 Well, maybe the holy man could cure that and all. 379 00:24:01,270 --> 00:24:02,850 Aye, it's worth a try. 380 00:24:03,190 --> 00:24:05,670 Right, bring it over here where the holy man lay. Come on. 381 00:24:07,889 --> 00:24:14,770 What are you up to? Look, Gloria, all you have to do is lie 382 00:24:14,770 --> 00:24:15,770 on here. 383 00:24:18,470 --> 00:24:19,770 I'm not lying on that. 384 00:24:20,630 --> 00:24:24,210 It's just a conjuring trick. Yes, you see, the secret is that the nails are 385 00:24:24,210 --> 00:24:28,350 close together. This means that the weight is evenly distributed, so it's 386 00:24:28,350 --> 00:24:29,610 or less the same as the flat surface. 387 00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:40,620 Oh, well, bang goes that theory. 388 00:24:41,460 --> 00:24:44,800 Excuse me, sir. I have one more excellent way. 389 00:24:45,020 --> 00:24:50,300 We could put something very strong down Bowman's top doot, which will prevent 390 00:24:50,300 --> 00:24:54,820 the nails from being pricky. Good idea, Randy. Find something. Hey, Mohammed! 391 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:57,900 I will accept your kind offer of one chapati. 392 00:24:58,120 --> 00:24:59,120 You are most welcome. 393 00:25:02,420 --> 00:25:06,000 Excuse me, Bowman's top, while I put one chapati down your backside. 394 00:25:27,180 --> 00:25:29,800 Sergeant Major, Sergeant Major, come and sit over here. 395 00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:31,060 Come on. 396 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:33,460 You're very good doing this for me. There you go. 397 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,340 I made a wacky typhoon like a song. 398 00:25:37,580 --> 00:25:42,880 Sergeant Major, the curse is now going from you to Holy Man, and you must chant 399 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:43,880 as he does. 400 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:06,160 Who are you? 401 00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:09,100 Who are you? 402 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,800 Who are you? Who are you? 403 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,160 Who are you? 404 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:15,880 Who are you? 405 00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:18,820 Who are you? 406 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,040 Who are you? 407 00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:32,790 One more thing, Sergeant Major. 408 00:26:32,950 --> 00:26:36,830 You must not go out in the moonlight for at least a month. So you have to cancel 409 00:26:36,830 --> 00:26:37,830 that moonlight parade. 410 00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:39,230 It is cancelled. 411 00:26:39,530 --> 00:26:40,530 Right, you're cured. 412 00:26:44,510 --> 00:26:45,510 I'm feeling better. 413 00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:47,750 Oh, congratulations, Sergeant Major. 414 00:26:48,030 --> 00:26:50,170 We were getting quite worried about you, Sergeant Major. 415 00:26:51,390 --> 00:26:53,790 Well, I'm seeing clearly for the first time for hours. 416 00:26:54,950 --> 00:26:55,950 Joe! 417 00:26:56,330 --> 00:26:58,730 Get that dirty mess off my parade road! 418 00:26:59,510 --> 00:27:00,510 I'm moving! 419 00:27:03,939 --> 00:27:05,600 Start all over again. 420 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,160 I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot get it all off. 421 00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:13,040 He spent two hours scrubbing at me and he won't come off. 422 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:17,300 Yes, sir, I've even taken him to Dubavala and he said he would not come 423 00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:18,820 unless he bashed him against rock. 424 00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:23,380 I'm sorry, Gloria. 425 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,200 So I'm sorry. 426 00:27:25,780 --> 00:27:28,480 I suppose I'll get used to being an Indian after a while. 427 00:27:29,500 --> 00:27:30,500 Come on. 428 00:27:30,590 --> 00:27:31,590 You'd better turn in. 429 00:27:31,870 --> 00:27:35,470 Yeah, I was good, though, wasn't I? With all that wailing and all that. 430 00:27:35,770 --> 00:27:40,630 You know, when I go into a role, you know, I really get into it, I give it a 431 00:27:40,630 --> 00:27:41,609 of integrity. 432 00:27:41,610 --> 00:27:43,510 Oh, love, you're a tough old saddu. 433 00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:48,410 Yeah. You know, it's funny how the mind can play funny tricks, isn't it? I mean, 434 00:27:48,430 --> 00:27:50,510 he thought he was cursed, and so he was. 435 00:27:51,150 --> 00:27:52,009 Funny, that. 436 00:27:52,010 --> 00:27:53,230 Well, good night, sunshine. 437 00:27:53,510 --> 00:27:55,190 Yeah, night -night. Good night, Randy. 438 00:27:55,470 --> 00:27:56,449 Night -night, love. 439 00:27:56,450 --> 00:27:57,450 Sleepy tighty. 440 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:06,740 I'm not playing the joke. I'm not playing the joke. 441 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:08,280 Dolly, feel that. 442 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:09,400 What? 443 00:28:11,220 --> 00:28:12,220 There's nothing there. 444 00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:14,100 You sure? Of course I'm sure. 445 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:15,760 Come on, get some sleep. 446 00:28:16,140 --> 00:28:17,140 That way. 447 00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:19,100 Night -night. Good night, sweetheart. 448 00:28:49,020 --> 00:28:50,020 Hey, 449 00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:52,060 hey, hey. 450 00:29:20,460 --> 00:29:25,480 B -O -Y -S, boys, to entertain you!