1
00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:08,410
Meet the gang cause the boys are here,
the boys to entertain you.

2
00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:14,050
With music and laughter to help you on
your way to raising the rafters with a

3
00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:15,050
hey, hey, hey.

4
00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:20,750
With thong and fetches and jokes old and
new, with us about you and Phil Blue.

5
00:00:20,870 --> 00:00:26,010
So meet the gang cause the boys are
here, the boys to entertain you.

6
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:31,890
B -O -B -O -Y -S, boys to entertain you.

7
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:51,380
Gangi, what for are you doing this
lowly, dirty cleaning job?

8
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,240
Eh? What are you talking about?

9
00:00:54,580 --> 00:00:55,600
You ignorant coolie?

10
00:00:56,580 --> 00:01:00,220
This is number one important job in
whole of Dilali camp.

11
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,460
This is bags of British bull.

12
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,019
The main table's all hygienic.

13
00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:12,840
Let me tell you, my friend.

14
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,980
We have to clean the tables with the
spit and polish.

15
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,180
Because the British soldiers are very
high caste people.

16
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,880
Who live in beautiful cantonments.

17
00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:25,080
In lovely cities. Such as Crystal
Palace.

18
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,100
And Sutton Cold Field.

19
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,720
But if they eat their food from dirty
places.

20
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:36,320
They may get nasty Indian diseases.

21
00:01:36,820 --> 00:01:38,740
And then they will go running around
camp.

22
00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:43,180
Holding tummies. And shouting. Oh
blimey. Oh blimey. Oh blimey.

23
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:47,230
Oh blimey. Oh, blimey. I have seen this.
Oh,

24
00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:49,490
blimey.

25
00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:51,630
What are you doing here? Shut up!

26
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:54,050
High detail, Gunner Graham, for this
fatigue.

27
00:01:54,310 --> 00:01:55,310
Shut up!

28
00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:59,690
What's the meaning of it, then? Sir, Mr.
Saab, Gunner Charlie Saab told Gunner

29
00:01:59,690 --> 00:02:04,810
Graham Saab to play piano for his
concert party rehearsing, Saab, and he

30
00:02:04,810 --> 00:02:06,690
to do dirty cleaning for him, Saab.

31
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,889
Who is running this camp, Bombardier
Solomons, or me?

32
00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:11,110
Shut up!

33
00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:14,900
You are now going to tell a colonel just
what you told me.

34
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,180
I'll whip them stripes off Solomon so
fast he'll think he's been hit by a

35
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,180
tornado!

36
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:21,780
Right, watch it, Vera.

37
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,000
Hey, Bounce, chow!

38
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:24,840
Phew!

39
00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:27,700
Quick, Bounce! I can't, I can't, I
can't!

40
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:34,320
Don't you worry about serving on a court
martial, Ashwood. But as an officer and

41
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,580
one of the judges, as it were, shouldn't
I know something about military law?

42
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,640
Good heavens, are you just there to
decide whether the chaps are guilty or

43
00:02:40,940 --> 00:02:44,320
That's not law, it's just common sense.
Inside, inside, inside, inside, inside,

44
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,900
help! Excuse me, sir.

45
00:02:49,060 --> 00:02:52,040
The bearer to the concert party is here,
sir, and I would like you to hear a

46
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,160
statement, what he has got to say.

47
00:02:53,580 --> 00:02:55,060
All right, wheel him in. Sir.

48
00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:56,460
Bearer, quick, out!

49
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,680
Inside, inside, inside, inside, that
time!

50
00:02:59,820 --> 00:03:00,820
Halt!

51
00:03:02,460 --> 00:03:03,460
Salaam, Colonel, sir.

52
00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,440
And respectful greetings to you, sir.

53
00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:06,940
Shut up.

54
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,160
Now tell the colonel, in your own words,
just what he told me.

55
00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:14,540
As -salamu alaykum, sir.

56
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:22,460
I am in B .O .R.'s mess basher's hub,
and I have one chatty pani, and I have

57
00:03:22,460 --> 00:03:26,060
one brush, and I am doing the sacro to
the table, sir.

58
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,500
And I am singing one small song like
this.

59
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:32,400
Shut up.

60
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,400
The colonel do not want to hear all that
twaddle.

61
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,760
He wants to hear how Bombardier Solomons
countermanded my orders.

62
00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:43,550
and put Gunner Graham off fatigues. Sir,
that was so he could play piano with

63
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:48,230
his beautiful artistic hands instead of
scraping hard rice pudding off table,

64
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:49,410
isn't it?

65
00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:53,350
You are, sir. He countermanded my
orders, and I would now like to put

66
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,590
Solomon on a charge and place him under
close arrest.

67
00:03:55,830 --> 00:03:58,450
Oh, wait a minute, Sergeant Major.
Gunner Graham's a member of the concert

68
00:03:58,450 --> 00:04:01,570
party, isn't he? I have put all the
concert party on fatigue, sir, as a

69
00:04:01,570 --> 00:04:04,130
punishment for gross insubordination and
impertinence.

70
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:05,330
Why, what have they been up to?

71
00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:08,810
Last night in the show, sir, they
performed a skit called Bull in the

72
00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:11,470
Office. Oh, I saw that. It was awfully
good.

73
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:13,930
What didn't you like about it, Sergeant
Merrill?

74
00:04:14,410 --> 00:04:18,810
There was a battery sergeant major in
it, sir, who was portrayed as a rude,

75
00:04:18,930 --> 00:04:19,930
higgurant person.

76
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:27,690
He kept shouting and bawling and saying
things like, get hell in and shut up.

77
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:28,850
Shut up!

78
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,130
That is liable for a start, sir.

79
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,480
Because I do not never use bad grammar,
that description.

80
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:38,080
Then how do you know it was meant to be
you?

81
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,560
Because, sir, he was wearing my hat, my
moustache and my stick.

82
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:46,020
Oh, Colonel, sir, it was so funny,
everybody was laughing off their heads.

83
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,020
up.

84
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,280
What was worse, sir, when the supposed
Sergeant Major walked off the stage, his

85
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:52,280
trousers fell down.

86
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,100
Revealing a pair of free drawers.

87
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,220
Thus incinerating that the said Sergeant
Major was a poof.

88
00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:07,350
Finally, sir, the pianist played... And
we all know the words to that, sir.

89
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:12,010
Colonel South, I was laughing so much
that tears were coming from my eyes.

90
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,150
Right, Barry, you can go.

91
00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:15,750
I shall pardon me, sir.

92
00:05:15,870 --> 00:05:19,530
With your permission, sir, I will now go
and arrest Bomadier Solomon. Come,

93
00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:21,830
Sergeant, you must have a sense of
humour about these things.

94
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,680
Concert parties are always taking the
mickey out of sergeant majors.

95
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,260
They even take the mickey out of the
officers.

96
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,660
The captain chappy of that skit was a
complete silly arse.

97
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:32,760
But I don't think for a second it was
supposed to be me.

98
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,460
Well, sir, for the sake of discipline...

99
00:05:39,710 --> 00:05:42,950
I have put the old concert party on
fatigue for one week. No, I'm afraid you

100
00:05:42,950 --> 00:05:43,950
can't do that, Sergeant Major.

101
00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:47,190
The area commander's arriving next week,
and I've asked them to do a special

102
00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:50,750
show. We don't want the whole thing to
be a shamble, do we? By Jove, no, we

103
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,310
jolly well don't. I'm afraid you'll have
to cancel that order, Sergeant Major.

104
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:57,000
That'll make me a laughing stock, sir. I
can't help it. I can't discuss it

105
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,840
anymore. Captain Ashford and I are off
to this court -martial thing.

106
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,500
Court -martial, sir? Yes, a couple of
infantry chaps got caught out of bounds

107
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,740
a place called the Karma Sutra Club, or
something.

108
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,680
Stupid fools.

109
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,520
Military police went in and caught them
red -handed.

110
00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:13,980
Looking at the cabaret, they were
probably going after girls and silly

111
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:14,980
like that.

112
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,840
You can't be sure of that, Ashford.

113
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,820
You don't want to prejudge the issue,
you know? I'm awfully sorry, sir. It's

114
00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:20,820
right.

115
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,200
Court -martial?

116
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,760
I'd like to get that concert party mob
on a court martial.

117
00:06:28,060 --> 00:06:30,660
They won't go after girls, of course,
they're a lot of puffs.

118
00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:32,740
Cabaret.

119
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,060
They give their soul to be a cabaret.

120
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:37,420
That's how I'll trap them.

121
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,620
They won't be able to resist the allure
of the greaseball.

122
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:47,020
In some secluded rendezvous That
overlooks the avenue

123
00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:01,460
He needs to go away.

124
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,380
He needs to go away.

125
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,480
Johnny, don't keep me standing outside
here.

126
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:10,860
I want to see the owner.

127
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,180
He needs to wait.

128
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,260
He needs to come in.

129
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,460
Well, come on in, Johnny, Johnny,
Johnny. I want to see the owner.

130
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:29,420
I am honored.

131
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:32,860
Nice little place you've got here.

132
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,320
Do you, by any chance, have a cabaret?

133
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:38,960
Cabaret? Yes, we have cabaret.

134
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:42,220
Oh, in that case, I've got a little
composition to put to you.

135
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,280
Oh, please, come to the pint, Jildi,
Jildi, and talkie -talkie.

136
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,400
Don't serve that, Charter, I tell you.

137
00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,960
Not sure what you're doing here. The
sergeant major took it off batiks two

138
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,410
ago. I was enjoying myself.

139
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:06,650
You didn't see it if I asked first,
because we've got a rant through. Come

140
00:08:06,650 --> 00:08:07,650
let's be eminent.

141
00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:10,590
None of you lip -gunner. I haven't
finished cooking it yet.

142
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,110
Really? What is it? Cold salmon salad.

143
00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:16,170
I saw your show last night.

144
00:08:16,690 --> 00:08:18,030
Oh, yeah? Did you like it?

145
00:08:18,570 --> 00:08:19,570
Bloody awful.

146
00:08:21,110 --> 00:08:22,310
Call yourself comics.

147
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,690
I've seen funnier funerals.

148
00:08:25,450 --> 00:08:27,530
I didn't think much of your Irish stew
yesterday.

149
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:28,770
It was all fatty.

150
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,860
And eat about as much like a girl as
King Kong.

151
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,580
If I may say so, I think your menu shows
very little imagination.

152
00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,679
Fancy serving Irish stew in 110 in the
shade.

153
00:08:40,179 --> 00:08:41,860
And chicken pudding for afters.

154
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,340
Look, I'm a qualified cook.

155
00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:48,740
And when I get back to Civvy Street, I'm
authorised to work at the Savoy and

156
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:49,980
such -like places.

157
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,120
Yeah, cleaning out the cars, eh?

158
00:08:58,030 --> 00:08:59,009
about time, too.

159
00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:02,470
I've been up since six o 'clock this
morning preparing this meal, so come and

160
00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:03,089
get it.

161
00:09:03,090 --> 00:09:07,210
Corned beef, half an onion, a mango,
bread and mud.

162
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,130
You think it was in the glasshouse?

163
00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:17,350
Ah! Oh, come on, Tom.

164
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:21,110
I have part of you what's very
important, you see, Tom. Not here,

165
00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:23,810
to the basher. Tell him something about
these flies, will you?

166
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,030
That's it, Tom.

167
00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:27,910
What?

168
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:37,700
They give me colic.

169
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:51,640
A kind hawk has just pinched my

170
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,640
corned beef.

171
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:55,300
Well, what do you expect me to do about
it, then?

172
00:09:56,780 --> 00:09:57,780
Er, nothing.

173
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:00,880
Look at that.

174
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,400
I think they've managed a tablecloth.

175
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,080
I'm not that cheeky then, Randy. Watch
out.

176
00:10:06,860 --> 00:10:09,300
Charlie. What? You're not eating that
onion.

177
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:10,980
What is it on my plate for?

178
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,280
We're doing the cheek -to -cheek number.

179
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:14,840
Well, you have one as well.

180
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,280
This is a terrible place.

181
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,780
A bird swooped and pinched my corned
beef.

182
00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:25,840
In Glasgow on a Saturday night, the
birds will pinch more than your corned

183
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,920
It's the Errol Flynn of fucky old
street.

184
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:38,780
Shut it up. This is great excitement.

185
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,059
What is that?

186
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:42,760
I will read for you every damn word.

187
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:50,640
Honest Bomber, dear Solomon, I am
hearing, please, that you are very fine

188
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,860
concert and laughing and singing people.

189
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:58,680
Please will you be exposing your show on
the floor at my club tonight.

190
00:10:58,940 --> 00:11:01,140
I will be paying you, please.

191
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:08,600
50 rupees for try -on, and also seven
portions of kofta curry with mango

192
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,720
and poppadom.

193
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:14,520
M. Singh, owner of Kama Sutra Club,
Deolali.

194
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,240
Kama Sutra Club, that rings a bell.

195
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:18,900
Very well -known place, that.

196
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:20,720
I suppose they want some sort of a
cabaret.

197
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:25,460
Of course, Kama Sutra Club. Oh, glory,
it's the big time. Everybody in Deolali

198
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:26,460
goes there.

199
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,600
Must be a very big place.

200
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,090
They don't all go at the same time.

201
00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:36,030
Sorry, is it sophisticated?

202
00:11:36,690 --> 00:11:40,030
Oh, it's the heart of the elite. I mean,
you get a cross -section of the entire

203
00:11:40,030 --> 00:11:41,370
Asiatic hoi polloi.

204
00:11:43,150 --> 00:11:44,850
Maharajas and Chinese mandarins.

205
00:11:45,230 --> 00:11:49,270
Elegant dames on the arms of high
-ranking diplomats. Oh, I can see it

206
00:11:49,270 --> 00:11:51,090
shall step on the floor in me white
tuxedo.

207
00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:52,790
Grey tuxedo, sir.

208
00:11:53,010 --> 00:11:54,870
No, I've got a grey tuxedo. Yes, you
have, sir.

209
00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:57,890
I've got one tuxedo and it's white. Not
now, sir.

210
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,480
While doobie, while I was washing it,
water buffalo walked into river.

211
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,940
I'll be off, sir!

212
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:06,780
Fellas, not a word.

213
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:07,659
Any complaints?

214
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:08,660
No, sir. No, sir.

215
00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:09,780
Ooh,

216
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,760
getting local ladders now, are we?

217
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,860
Not from a baby, I hope. No, no, sir,
something private. Oh, I'm not trying,

218
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,020
lovely boy, just having a little joke,
you know.

219
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:19,199
Any complaints?

220
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,540
If I may say so, sir, the diet is
extremely monotonous.

221
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:24,660
Monotonous? Extremely monotonous?

222
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,980
Monday you had corned beef hash, Tuesday
you had corned beef fritters.

223
00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:29,590
Today you've got cold corned beef.

224
00:12:30,170 --> 00:12:31,250
What's monotonous about that?

225
00:12:33,730 --> 00:12:36,830
Wasn't so much imagination, Sergeant
Major. Not much imagination, Sergeant

226
00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:37,830
Major.

227
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:41,310
Well, Mr. Lardy Dog, Gunner Graham, if
you've got so much imagination, perhaps

228
00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:43,530
you can tell the bombardier cook what
else he can do with his corned beef.

229
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:44,750
Everything all right, sir?

230
00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:48,670
Not bad, sir. The only trouble is that
they get more or less the same thing

231
00:12:48,670 --> 00:12:50,490
every day. Well, it's just as bad for
the officers.

232
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:52,550
I'm fed up to the back teeth with
chickens.

233
00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:55,630
It's just the same for us from now.

234
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,900
When I was in the rags, the food was
absolutely uneatable.

235
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:00,900
It was the worst two weeks of my life.

236
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:07,460
Carry on, Bombardier. Oh, and eat well,
lovely boys, cos you need lots of energy

237
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,100
to put on them wonderful shows of yours.

238
00:13:12,620 --> 00:13:15,100
Quite the update, though. Oh, never mind
about him.

239
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,380
Randy, now, go and tell that geezer the
calmest, suitless club we expect.

240
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:19,740
Now, listen,

241
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,240
fellas, we've got planning to do.

242
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,980
We'll go straight to the theatre and
work out what material we're going to

243
00:13:25,140 --> 00:13:25,899
Teak eye?

244
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:26,900
Teak eye.

245
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,160
Hello.

246
00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:29,640
Is that Sergeant Major Stevens?

247
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:31,020
Speaking.

248
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:32,840
Taffy Williams, your Royal Artillery.

249
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,120
Oh, yes.

250
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,160
How are things in the military police,
Cyril?

251
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,460
Oh, can't complain, really, Taff. Can't
complain.

252
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,220
You, er, fancy nicking a few tonight?

253
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,480
I can't say I'd mind.

254
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,400
Good.

255
00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:50,170
Because I've got it on very good
authority that there'll be quite a bunch

256
00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:52,250
British out of the ranks in a karma
fruit to grab tonight.

257
00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:55,670
In that case, my lads will have to pay
you to visit, won't they?

258
00:13:56,390 --> 00:13:57,390
I'll see you there, then.

259
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,730
Oh, no, you keep away.

260
00:13:59,410 --> 00:14:01,010
Anyone I see in uniform goes inside.

261
00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:03,210
Except military police, of course.

262
00:14:03,970 --> 00:14:04,970
Oh, pity.

263
00:14:05,630 --> 00:14:07,070
I'd quite like to see them knocked off.

264
00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:09,630
See you later, mate. Bye for now.

265
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,120
Next show they'll do will be in the
glasshouse.

266
00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:21,040
Am I being rotten?

267
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:24,500
You'll be up for them.

268
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,420
It'll turn them into soldiers.

269
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,360
It's for their own good.

270
00:14:29,580 --> 00:14:30,580
Oh, heck.

271
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,200
My boy Parkey.

272
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:33,900
He'll be with them.

273
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:40,020
Simple. I'll find something for him to
do here in the office where I can keep

274
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:41,020
eye on him.

275
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:51,490
the income tax and everybody done.

276
00:14:51,910 --> 00:14:54,230
It lets the side down, chap.

277
00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:56,390
It lets the side down.

278
00:14:57,250 --> 00:15:03,730
And Mr. Hor Balisha has had his eyebrows
plucked. It lets the side down,

279
00:15:03,930 --> 00:15:06,130
chap. It lets the side down.

280
00:15:06,510 --> 00:15:07,810
Hang on, hang on.

281
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:10,010
Something is wrong.

282
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:13,890
Sully, do you think I'm overdoing the
posh voice?

283
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:19,450
Why am I saying so? You really can't
have a Western brother with a Scottish

284
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:21,830
accent. Make it a Northern brother.

285
00:15:22,510 --> 00:15:26,230
No, we're doing the cabaret tonight. You
can't put in new material.

286
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,210
You've got to try the tried and true.

287
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,470
I mean, that's the only way.

288
00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:31,490
I mean, I'm doing my Jesse Matthews.

289
00:15:32,050 --> 00:15:34,910
Over my shoulder goes one care.

290
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:37,790
Over my shoulder goes two care.

291
00:15:39,190 --> 00:15:43,290
This audience is sophisticated, suave
and subtle. I mean, we've got to give

292
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,290
some West End material.

293
00:15:51,930 --> 00:15:55,330
Come on, let's try another voice. No,
chef. Come on. It lets the side down,

294
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:56,470
chaps. It lets the side down.

295
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,470
It lets the side down, chaps. It lets
the side down.

296
00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:01,950
No, but you try.

297
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:05,890
It lets the side down, chaps. It lets
the side down.

298
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:07,730
Possible.

299
00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:09,230
Lofty.

300
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:12,450
It lets the side down, chaps. It lets
the side down. Impossible.

301
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:14,410
I know.

302
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,640
I'll do it myself.

303
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,800
Oh, great. A Jewish Western brother.

304
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:20,700
All right, you try.

305
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:22,040
All right.

306
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,080
It lets the side down, chaps.

307
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,940
It lets the side down.

308
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,000
Great, a Western sister.

309
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:33,400
It lets the side down, chaps. It lets
the side down.

310
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,560
Sorry, Sally.

311
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,780
It's marvellous. You've got the job. Try
the second verse.

312
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,000
Wonderful.

313
00:16:41,610 --> 00:16:45,290
The fast of Mr. Gandhi worried Burma and
Bengal.

314
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:50,530
He sat there in his loincloth. The
viceroy made a call.

315
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:54,750
And he found out it was only night
starvation after all.

316
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:59,630
It's less to die down, chaps. It's less
to die down.

317
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:01,650
Beautiful!

318
00:17:02,830 --> 00:17:05,030
Oh, don't stop now, you boys. Carry on.
Very good.

319
00:17:05,950 --> 00:17:09,010
It's a bit sophisticated for our mob,
isn't it?

320
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:11,240
Well, we thought we'd give it a try, you
know.

321
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,920
Well, who knows best about these things,
Bombardier?

322
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:16,640
Oh, by the way, you haven't got a show
tonight, have you?

323
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,040
Er, no, Sergeant Major.

324
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:23,260
Well, good, because, as you know, if you
had a show on tonight, I wouldn't spoil

325
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:24,400
it for the world. Oh, no.

326
00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,260
But as you haven't got a show, get a
parking.

327
00:17:27,940 --> 00:17:31,160
There's a lot of filing to be done in
the office, so you report there at 19

328
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,160
under hours. Marlowe?

329
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,120
Yes, Sergeant Major.

330
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,360
Good.

331
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,080
Right, lovely boys, carry on with your
rehearsal.

332
00:17:40,149 --> 00:17:41,210
Would you believe?

333
00:17:41,530 --> 00:17:43,170
Just when I found something I can do.

334
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:45,990
I'll tell you what, Solly, I'll go
Epson.

335
00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:47,610
No, he'll come looking for you.

336
00:17:47,990 --> 00:17:53,470
I have been to Commerce Tutor Club, but
it is not good news. It is out of

337
00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:56,450
bounds. Oh, Kraven, that's all we need.

338
00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,360
But, Sab, if you go there, naughty
military police will lock you up in

339
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,780
Yeah, all right, Randy. I knew it was
out of bounds. Well, if you knew that,

340
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,300
Sally, you should have told us. I was
going to tell you, fellas, honest. I

341
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,840
wanted time to work things out.

342
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:12,080
I don't want to go to clinky. I'd get
foot on.

343
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:14,740
We shouldn't take a chance.

344
00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:19,260
Yeah, but look, we've been playing for
all those swells instead of those sweaty

345
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:20,260
butch soldiers.

346
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,180
Oh, I think it's worth it.

347
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,880
Oh, Sab, you are so brave.

348
00:18:24,639 --> 00:18:28,560
But if the place is crawling with a
police, how are we going to get in?

349
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,280
It won't be crawling with a police. They
raided it last week. They probably

350
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,500
won't go near there for a month.

351
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,920
Hey, Folly, we could go in disguise.

352
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,600
Aye, a Maharaja. I've always fancied
myself as a Maharaja.

353
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:44,980
Folly, we could go as the ladies of the
town.

354
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,580
I'll stick to being a Maharaja.

355
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:50,960
What you need is some sort of
camouflage.

356
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:54,780
Each one of you needs something so you
can merge with the background.

357
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:04,980
Don't be such clever dicky.

358
00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:06,460
Look,

359
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:12,480
fellas, why don't you just leave it to
your Uncle Sonny? I will personally

360
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,100
guarantee that you'll all merge with the
background.

361
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:16,820
Come here.

362
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:22,510
I dream my dreams away.

363
00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:24,350
Oh,

364
00:19:25,490 --> 00:19:27,830
stop palliating, bloody fool.

365
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:32,970
You should have come in disguise. But
you are in disguise, you silly fellow.

366
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,370
You are disguised as dirty chawala.

367
00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:42,610
Oh, baby, here comes trouble.

368
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:54,610
He'd be ready.

369
00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:56,390
Oh, sorry, sir.

370
00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:59,950
I thought you were military police
basket.

371
00:20:02,970 --> 00:20:05,330
You make first -class brothers, isn't
it?

372
00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:09,810
Come on, fellas, hurry it up. I say,
it's not very sophisticated.

373
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,850
Oh, it's all right. Come on, unload the
cases.

374
00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:15,290
That red lamp looks pretty.

375
00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:19,590
Come on, let's get inside, quick.

376
00:20:24,450 --> 00:20:25,570
Please to go away.

377
00:20:28,710 --> 00:20:30,350
Good evening. We are the cabaret.

378
00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:31,650
You are not cabaret.

379
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,890
You are military police basket.

380
00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:35,110
Go away.

381
00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:37,270
Randy, tell him.

382
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,420
I do not believe you are a concert
party. He is doubting Tommy. Oh.

383
00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:58,020
Prove it, that's right.

384
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,840
One, two, three, four.

385
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:05,300
Meet the gang cause the boys are here.
The boys to entertain you. Two, three,

386
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,980
four. The music and laughter to help you
on your way. To raise you up.

387
00:21:12,860 --> 00:21:13,860
Nineteen hundred hours.

388
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,500
If my boy's coming here to do some
filing, I better give him some filing to

389
00:21:27,950 --> 00:21:28,950
Sir, do you see my stick?

390
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:30,510
Good heavens, what's happened?

391
00:21:30,770 --> 00:21:31,770
I've no idea, sir.

392
00:21:35,350 --> 00:21:36,350
What a pity.

393
00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:38,930
Gunner Parkins was here a bit earlier to
do some filing.

394
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:42,170
I told him there wasn't any filing to do
and sent him off for the night.

395
00:21:45,010 --> 00:21:46,810
I say, I'm a fool.

396
00:21:47,250 --> 00:21:48,250
Ah, there it is.

397
00:21:48,630 --> 00:21:49,630
Toodle -oo.

398
00:21:52,570 --> 00:21:53,610
He'll have gone to that club.

399
00:21:54,550 --> 00:21:55,570
I've got to stop the raid.

400
00:21:57,010 --> 00:21:58,330
Where's the number of the military
police?

401
00:21:59,890 --> 00:22:02,310
Raid? They'll be on their way to the
raid.

402
00:22:02,770 --> 00:22:04,250
I've got to get my boy out of there.

403
00:22:08,770 --> 00:22:13,490
Back home, they raised the income tax,
so everybody ducked.

404
00:22:15,130 --> 00:22:19,510
It lets the tide down, chaps. It lets
the tide down.

405
00:22:24,550 --> 00:22:26,190
I've never seen anything like it.

406
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:27,920
You said it was going to be
sophisticated.

407
00:22:28,820 --> 00:22:30,580
It's all cheap cigarettes and curry.

408
00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:33,820
We'll probably get the richest crowd in
later on. Oh, yeah.

409
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,720
After the bazaars close.

410
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,340
Shall we?

411
00:22:47,580 --> 00:22:49,320
What? Men and women keep going upstairs.

412
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:53,700
Can you get into another club?

413
00:23:07,370 --> 00:23:08,750
See, Gloria, it's going swell.

414
00:23:09,090 --> 00:23:11,070
But, love, the flowers are still in the
vases.

415
00:23:12,770 --> 00:23:14,610
Hey. Hey, Buster.

416
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:15,870
Have you got a light?

417
00:23:16,090 --> 00:23:17,270
Yeah, sure. Here, I'm here.

418
00:23:17,750 --> 00:23:20,850
What's he doing here? We're hundreds of
miles from the sea.

419
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:24,350
There's always a drunken American sailor
in these sort of places.

420
00:23:25,410 --> 00:23:27,530
Oh. Hi, sister.

421
00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:28,950
Watch it.

422
00:23:47,750 --> 00:23:49,270
One of those days.

423
00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:53,730
Please, you go away.

424
00:23:53,870 --> 00:23:54,870
Johnny.

425
00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:36,020
Our sergeant -major's a fair cop. Oh,
no, no, lovely boys, you know me. When

426
00:24:36,020 --> 00:24:38,860
off parade, I can turn a blind eye with
the best of them. No, no, you carry on.

427
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,000
Oh, thanks.

428
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:42,660
Listen to that.

429
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,440
Listen to that.

430
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:49,140
How dare you be telling me to take this
rotten cabaret off?

431
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,980
It is the most lousy cabaret I have ever
had.

432
00:24:53,180 --> 00:24:56,140
Listen, Johnny, if I say it's a good
cabaret, it is a good cabaret.

433
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,200
Here, sergeant -major, you mean you
recommended us? Oh, I will, uh...

434
00:25:00,940 --> 00:25:03,620
Go places like sea. I mean, I know it's
hard for you to understand, but

435
00:25:03,620 --> 00:25:05,840
underneath this chest beats a heart of
gold. Come on, Harvey.

436
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,240
What's going on? What's going on?

437
00:25:08,780 --> 00:25:12,240
Naughty military police are coming up
road and they are going to knock on

438
00:25:12,340 --> 00:25:13,340
sir.

439
00:25:14,860 --> 00:25:16,140
Sir, by a fortune teller.

440
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,840
uniforms. Oh, you're a clever boy. I
won't forget you for this.

441
00:25:41,220 --> 00:25:42,220
We ain't got one for you.

442
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:44,600
Why are you looking at me?

443
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,160
Well, why not?

444
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,760
Oh, Sully, he did get us the date.

445
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,100
Yeah, all right, then. Now, quick, get
your trousers off. Oh, Sully, what a man

446
00:25:52,100 --> 00:25:53,100
of action you are.

447
00:26:10,350 --> 00:26:13,250
Why some chaps were arrested, sir? I
don't fancy going to a dive like that. I

448
00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:14,250
mean, what's the attraction?

449
00:26:14,430 --> 00:26:15,830
Well, that dam looks rather pretty.

450
00:26:19,630 --> 00:26:21,010
We've got a jolly slack start.

451
00:26:21,470 --> 00:26:25,130
Very bad at answering the door. OK,
fellas, he's ready. Right, Randy, let

452
00:26:25,130 --> 00:26:26,130
in. I'll take that.

453
00:26:26,490 --> 00:26:27,570
Oh, come on, fellas.

454
00:26:27,910 --> 00:26:29,690
Shoulders back. Try and look like real
MP.

455
00:26:30,810 --> 00:26:31,930
Can I stand on the stool?

456
00:26:34,650 --> 00:26:38,330
What are you doing here? Evening, no.
Just a routine call. Nothing much

457
00:26:38,330 --> 00:26:39,189
happening here.

458
00:26:39,190 --> 00:26:40,190
Come on, then.

459
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:41,889
That's funny.

460
00:26:41,890 --> 00:26:43,870
I heard this place was going to be full
of troops.

461
00:26:44,070 --> 00:26:44,829
Oh, yeah, did you?

462
00:26:44,830 --> 00:26:45,830
Yeah. Oh.

463
00:26:46,670 --> 00:26:48,810
I had a tip -off from my pal B .S .M.
Williams.

464
00:26:49,130 --> 00:26:50,130
Oh, yeah?

465
00:26:50,170 --> 00:26:51,750
A tip -off from B .S .M. Williams?

466
00:26:52,190 --> 00:26:55,430
Well, that's funny, cos he... Oh, mamma
mia, he not have been a year old, no?

467
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,860
By the way, there's lots of girls
upstairs, you know.

468
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,220
Oh. Well, I suppose you might have a
look around while we're here. Oh, yeah,

469
00:27:21,220 --> 00:27:22,159
do that.

470
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,160
Come on, fellas, hurry up.

471
00:27:23,380 --> 00:27:24,380
Slowly.

472
00:27:32,700 --> 00:27:34,300
They're taking all sizes these days,
aren't they?

473
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:38,739
That's funny.

474
00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:40,320
Five went in and eight have come out.

475
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:50,800
Good evening, Sergeant Major.

476
00:27:54,860 --> 00:27:58,520
What are you doing here?

477
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:03,860
Well, sir, I... Oh, heck, I can see I'm
going to have to make a clean breast of

478
00:28:03,860 --> 00:28:04,439
all this.

479
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,860
Colonel Saab, it is totally my fault,
because I am telling Colonel Saab that

480
00:28:07,860 --> 00:28:11,880
Chawala told me that Council Party was
going to do dirty things on this floor.

481
00:28:12,260 --> 00:28:13,260
The company, sir.

482
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,940
And knowing what I regard you as for
them as I have myself, I was determined

483
00:28:16,940 --> 00:28:19,500
save them, sir, and that is why I come
here to get them out.

484
00:28:19,790 --> 00:28:23,410
But, Colonel Stubb, they are not in,
because Chawala is lying monkey.

485
00:28:23,850 --> 00:28:27,010
Now, see, just one thing. Why are you
dressed like... Oh, I know what you're

486
00:28:27,010 --> 00:28:29,590
going to ask, sir. Why is I dressed like
a clown? Yes.

487
00:28:30,010 --> 00:28:34,410
Matter of fact, I was, yes. Well, it
took me a long time to decide, sir, what

488
00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:35,410
disguise to adapt.

489
00:28:36,250 --> 00:28:38,870
And after what's happened to me tonight,
I think I made the right choice.

490
00:28:44,310 --> 00:28:48,980
You know, there is one very old Hindu
proverb which says... That house with

491
00:28:48,980 --> 00:28:53,160
lamp over door is not always
headquarters of communist party.

492
00:29:38,069 --> 00:29:43,230
B -O -Y -S boys to entertain you!