1
00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:08,390
Meet the gang cause the boys are here.
The boys to entertain you.

2
00:00:08,990 --> 00:00:14,030
With music and laughter to help you on
your way. To raving the rafters with a

3
00:00:14,030 --> 00:00:15,030
hey, hey, hey.

4
00:00:15,110 --> 00:00:21,290
With thong and teddy and jokes on anew.
With us about you and Bill Blues. So

5
00:00:21,290 --> 00:00:25,990
meet the gang cause the boys are here.
The boys to entertain you.

6
00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:29,990
B -O -B -O -Y -S.

7
00:00:30,210 --> 00:00:31,890
Boys to entertain you.

8
00:00:38,990 --> 00:00:42,790
The gang cause the boys are here.

9
00:00:43,670 --> 00:00:46,790
Boys to entertain you.

10
00:00:49,330 --> 00:00:53,330
I'm telling you, Mohammed, I will never
leave down this disgrace.

11
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:58,530
In all my years as bearer, I have never
been late before this morning.

12
00:00:58,830 --> 00:01:01,550
And now I am one whole half hour behind
myself.

13
00:01:03,970 --> 00:01:06,550
What conceived this unheard of
occurrence?

14
00:01:07,370 --> 00:01:08,710
Do you mean why was I late?

15
00:01:08,910 --> 00:01:09,910
Uh -huh.

16
00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:14,450
Well, it was all the fault of that dumb
fool, Siraji Rao, to whom I was selling

17
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:15,450
a cow.

18
00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:19,150
Very bad rhyme.

19
00:01:19,970 --> 00:01:21,230
Shut your cakey hole.

20
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:27,370
What happened when he finally arrived?

21
00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:29,410
Oh, all hell was let loose.

22
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:33,730
When Sergeant Major Saab came into
Concert Party Basha and found them all

23
00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:38,790
asleep, He was so beside himself with
furiousness that he set them on five

24
00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:39,790
route march.

25
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,070
Five -mile distance?

26
00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:42,268
Ah!

27
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:46,070
It will kill them, and it will not do
their feet any good either.

28
00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:50,850
Consul, the party's very quiet this
morning, Ashford. I can't hear a thing.

29
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:52,810
They've usually started rehearsal by
now.

30
00:01:53,090 --> 00:01:56,330
You cannot hear them, sir, because I
have sent them on a route march.

31
00:01:56,630 --> 00:01:58,010
Route march? What are their thoughts?

32
00:01:58,690 --> 00:02:03,010
Sir, I went into their quarters this
morning, half an hour after Revali, and

33
00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:04,010
there they all was.

34
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,080
Bashing their charboys.

35
00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:06,460
Doing what?

36
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,060
It was all fast asleep, sir.

37
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:12,020
I awoke Gunner Graham, who said, I am
not getting up today, I am going white

38
00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:13,200
cargo. White cargo?

39
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,320
It's a term, sir, used by British other
ranks. It means going native.

40
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,880
Don't you remember, sir, there was a
play called White Cargo? Yes, that's

41
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:23,760
and there was a beautiful native girl
called Toodaloo or something.

42
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:26,680
Hondaleo, sir. Hondaleo, that's right.

43
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:28,540
And she drove all the chaps mad.

44
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:33,020
Oh, but it's the heat, you see, sir. It
sort of arouses the, well, arouses

45
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,380
the... Yes, all right, I know what the
heat does.

46
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,380
I shall never forget the scene, sir.

47
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:40,140
There they were, all these chaps lying
around in the heat.

48
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:45,360
Suddenly, the door opens, and this
beautiful dusky creature slides in and

49
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,340
says... Excuse me, Sergeant Major Tharp.
Shut up!

50
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:54,020
What do you want, Bearer? Sergeant Major
Tharp, there is a loud cloud of dust

51
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:56,980
coming through Gateway, and I think it
is concert party returning.

52
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,780
Get out, Jolly Jolly. You're too kind.

53
00:03:02,820 --> 00:03:05,940
How far did you send them, Sergeant
Major? Oh, just down to town and back,

54
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:06,739
five miles.

55
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,240
How can you be sure they did the full
distance?

56
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,880
I told Bombardier Solomons to get me two
tickets for the Kinnamar, sir.

57
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,180
That's pretty smart, Sergeant Major.

58
00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:16,660
Yes, indeed, sir.

59
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,640
Bombardier Solomons and his bunch of
layabouts will have to get up pretty

60
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:20,640
in the morning to catch me out.

61
00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,400
Left, left,

62
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,160
left,

63
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,180
left, right, left. Mark time.

64
00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,060
Score!

65
00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:55,670
thirsty, sir. Thirsty?

66
00:03:56,890 --> 00:03:58,710
A little walk in the sun and you were
thirsty?

67
00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:01,190
You've got no control as to your
trouble.

68
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,030
I wish I had a pound for every time I've
been thirsty.

69
00:04:06,510 --> 00:04:08,210
But then, I am a soldier.

70
00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:12,750
Not a Nancy boy.

71
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:17,570
Who paints his face and prances about on
the stage.

72
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,270
Can I park his uni, Madam? I'm still.

73
00:04:24,110 --> 00:04:25,110
Shoulders back, boy.

74
00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:27,330
Find better shoulders. Show them off.

75
00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:29,410
Right.

76
00:04:33,410 --> 00:04:37,650
You will stand out here in the sun,
properly fell in, till I tell you you

77
00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:38,650
dismiss.

78
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:42,050
I will make men out of you. It's the
last thing I do!

79
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:44,890
Have you got my tickets?

80
00:04:45,190 --> 00:04:47,350
Yes, sir. Three rupees. It's not a very
good film.

81
00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:49,610
Shut up.

82
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,450
It's worth three rupees to get you lot
on a route march.

83
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:55,760
Charwalla.

84
00:04:56,220 --> 00:05:01,580
Yes, Sergeant Major Sub. If I catch you
just once more on my veranda again with

85
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:04,380
that filthy char -earn, I'll take you
back away and have you off the camp!

86
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,720
Shut up!

87
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:09,420
At 1 ,200 hours, I will inspect all tea
-hearns.

88
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:11,380
And they'd better be clean.

89
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:14,000
Plenty of saffcarol, Mullen, plenty of
saffcarol.

90
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,940
I want to see my face in the bottom of
every urn.

91
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:24,720
Terrible thought.

92
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:27,380
Get out, Johnny, Johnny.

93
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,040
Who is that? Who is that?

94
00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:31,940
Shut up!

95
00:05:32,340 --> 00:05:33,340
Oh!

96
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,460
It's disgraceful, that's what it is,
disgraceful.

97
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:43,620
Fancy making an artist like me stand out
here in the sun.

98
00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:46,840
My arms will go all red.

99
00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,840
How can I wear my Ginger Rogers dress in
the show tonight with red arms?

100
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,520
What would you tell? I have one idea.

101
00:05:55,860 --> 00:05:58,780
I will loudly shout out, someone is
fainting.

102
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,880
Then one of the salves can faint.

103
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:04,040
Then Sun Major Salve will come out and
he will dismiss you.

104
00:06:04,340 --> 00:06:05,340
Yeah, might work.

105
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,180
We don't want to get into trouble,
Solly.

106
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,560
Crawler. Here, Paderewski. Yes? You
faint.

107
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:15,940
Well, actually, Solly, I don't think I
ought to. I might damage my hands when I

108
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,040
fail. All right, Atlas, you do it.

109
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:21,600
I don't think so, Solly. I'm not very
good at the action.

110
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,300
Play that game.

111
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,040
If we were only on parade, you'd have
your teeth to play with. Shut up, both

112
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,040
you.

113
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,780
Lofty, you fight, and that's an order.

114
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:31,819
Why me?

115
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:32,820
Because you're nearest the ground.

116
00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:39,460
All right, go on, then.

117
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,200
Watch this out.

118
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:44,960
Look!

119
00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:58,690
Oh, blimey. We'd better do it again.
Louder this time, Lofty. All right,

120
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:01,750
I just... Good heavens!

121
00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:04,210
Somebody is painting!

122
00:07:06,130 --> 00:07:06,969
It's coming up.

123
00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:07,970
Go on, get on with it, Lofty.

124
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:29,440
If he stares in the sun, he'll go blind,
Sergeant Major.

125
00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:31,820
He'll go blind, Sergeant Major.

126
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,500
By the look of him, I know what'll turn
him blind, and it won't be the sun.

127
00:08:13,539 --> 00:08:14,539
Shall we?

128
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,620
What?

129
00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:17,260
I think I'm going to faint.

130
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:25,800
Oh, blimey, we can't go on like this.

131
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,300
Gloria, do your stuff.

132
00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:28,920
You mean the full performance?

133
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,260
Yeah, give it everything you've got.

134
00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:32,700
It's not much of an audience.

135
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,280
It's not much of a performance.

136
00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:37,280
Shut up. Now, get on with it. You'll get
an audience.

137
00:08:37,659 --> 00:08:38,659
Would you mind padding?

138
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,720
Yes, yes, of course. Hurry up. All
right.

139
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:36,190
I cannot sleep at night. I am so worried
about you.

140
00:09:36,770 --> 00:09:37,770
You are not fit.

141
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:40,930
Do you know why?

142
00:09:40,990 --> 00:09:41,949
No, Sergeant Major.

143
00:09:41,950 --> 00:09:43,110
You are forgotten now to be soldiers.

144
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,510
He never does guard duties, parades,
pickets, drills, nothing!

145
00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:53,470
All you do is paint your faces and ponce
about on the stage like a bunch of

146
00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:54,470
tarts!

147
00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:03,150
It's gone on long enough. You know what?

148
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:07,440
I am going to go into the office and I'm
going to whisper into Colonel's ear.

149
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,760
I am going to tell tales.

150
00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:16,600
I am going to tell him what a weak
-kneed, namby -pamby bunch of Nazi boys

151
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,600
are!

152
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:21,580
That's all.

153
00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:44,330
the result, sir. I propose to put the
concert party on guard duties and fire

154
00:10:44,330 --> 00:10:48,570
pickets, sir, just like any other
soldiers in the depot. But what about

155
00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:51,790
show? Quite right, Ashford. You took the
words out of my mouth. I'm terribly

156
00:10:51,790 --> 00:10:52,790
sorry, sir.

157
00:10:57,870 --> 00:11:01,290
They only does the show three times a
week, sir. The rest of the time they

158
00:11:01,290 --> 00:11:04,550
skiving out of things. Yes, but you
can't have the concert party doing guard

159
00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,730
duties, Sergeant Major. They've all got
different hats.

160
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:13,250
authority to draw uniforms, sir. You
know as well as I do that this is the

161
00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:17,310
holding unit. I'm not authorized to
issue new uniforms until they're posted

162
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:17,989
the jungle.

163
00:11:17,990 --> 00:11:19,510
Is that your only objection, sir?

164
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:23,190
Uniforms? Of course. I think it's a
very, very good thing for soldiers to do

165
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:24,270
guard duties, don't you, Ashwick?

166
00:11:24,510 --> 00:11:26,870
Oh, absolutely. First task, sir. It's
good for their morale.

167
00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:30,930
Yes, I mean, they enjoy brassing
themselves up and polishing things and

168
00:11:30,930 --> 00:11:33,270
smart, don't they, Ashwick? Oh, they're
absolutely revel in it, sir.

169
00:11:34,450 --> 00:11:37,230
All these different hats. I mean, it's
just not on. Not on at all.

170
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,130
Sir.

171
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:44,480
That's it, then.

172
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:45,920
Arts.

173
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:47,080
I got to get them arts.

174
00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:48,980
And uniforms.

175
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,500
Thing is, how do I go about it?

176
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:54,540
I could blackmail the quartermaster.

177
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,980
After all, I did catch him drying the
old tea leaves in the sun and flogging

178
00:11:58,980 --> 00:11:59,980
them back to the charwalla.

179
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,340
And the colonel would want to know where
the uniforms come from.

180
00:12:07,380 --> 00:12:08,380
Solomon's.

181
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,160
He could scrounge hats and uniforms.

182
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,780
I'll talk him into doing a military sort
of song.

183
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,960
And once they're all in the same
uniform, I got them.

184
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,700
Armory guard.

185
00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:24,420
Camp guard.

186
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:27,140
Pulling a flag up in the morning.

187
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,400
Taking it down at night.

188
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,480
The list is endless.

189
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,500
Look at them.

190
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,800
All red raw from those rough boots.

191
00:12:40,270 --> 00:12:43,070
How can I do my Ginger Rogers with great
big cones in my toes?

192
00:12:43,970 --> 00:12:47,930
Don't worry, sir. I know one very old
Indian scientific remedy.

193
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:53,630
I will wrap them in poultice made from
very old mango skins and certain parts

194
00:12:53,630 --> 00:12:54,509
the water buffalo.

195
00:12:54,510 --> 00:12:58,450
They will make the feet all soft and
white like Ginger Rogers, but with

196
00:12:58,450 --> 00:12:59,450
different smell.

197
00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:05,230
See you all, everybody. Don't get up.

198
00:13:16,319 --> 00:13:17,900
You know me, lovely boys.

199
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,980
On parade is on parade.

200
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,400
Off parade is off parade.

201
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:24,880
Which are we now?

202
00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:25,940
Off parade.

203
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:34,620
Now, pay attention to me, lovely boys,
because I am going to talk to you like I

204
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:35,620
was a Dutch uncle.

205
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:39,280
Sergeant Major Saab, while you are being
uncle, would you like to partake of one

206
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,280
nice cup of tea?

207
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:42,199
Shut up.

208
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,200
Yes, uncle.

209
00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:49,160
Now, I wouldn't like you boys in a
concert party to get the idea that I

210
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:50,160
like you.

211
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:52,180
I do like you.

212
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:54,280
You are very necessary.

213
00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:01,620
The men who come through this depot must
be kept amused to take their minds off

214
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:02,620
where they is going.

215
00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:03,920
Up the jungle, Sergeant Major.

216
00:14:04,650 --> 00:14:06,390
Correct, Gunner Graham, clever boy.

217
00:14:09,610 --> 00:14:12,970
University education lofty. You can't
beat it. You can't beat it.

218
00:14:14,950 --> 00:14:19,470
Yes, them brave boys got to be
entertained, but why, I ask myself, do

219
00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:20,530
to dress up as girls?

220
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:28,110
You know, you might not believe this,
but I used to do a bit of a turn once.

221
00:14:28,850 --> 00:14:31,270
You... You didn't, Sergeant Major.

222
00:14:31,650 --> 00:14:32,650
Jack Ferry did.

223
00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:33,970
Shut up.

224
00:14:34,010 --> 00:14:35,010
What did you do?

225
00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:36,210
I shouted, I think.

226
00:14:37,950 --> 00:14:44,110
Well, I'd just joined the army and I
stood on this platform as a soldier

227
00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:47,610
singing a song for soldiers.

228
00:14:49,030 --> 00:14:55,010
On the road to Manor Bay Where the
flying fishes play

229
00:14:55,010 --> 00:14:59,990
And the dawn come up like thunder Out of
joy

230
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,490
song in it.

231
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,050
And it's a real soldier song.

232
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:15,270
I thought it was a song about flying
fish.

233
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:21,370
Yeah, I know. I could do Sister Susie's
throwing shirt for soldiers.

234
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:23,190
Dressed as an APS girl, you know.

235
00:15:24,670 --> 00:15:25,670
Belt up, Gloria.

236
00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:29,550
Thank you, Bombardier.

237
00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:32,250
Hey. What?

238
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:35,770
What do you want to do is sing that song
dressed as soldiers.

239
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:37,490
Have you heard of it?

240
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,220
Proudly standing there wearing jungle
green, say?

241
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,280
Bush hats?

242
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,980
Without the piano so that none of you is
missing.

243
00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:54,760
Sigrid -like men, side by side with
rifles.

244
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,340
All dressed alike.

245
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,960
All dressed alike.

246
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:04,860
That'd be a bit difficult, wouldn't it?

247
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:06,960
I don't know.

248
00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:08,910
I could get the uniforms from the QM.

249
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:10,470
Could you?

250
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,170
Of course.

251
00:16:12,810 --> 00:16:16,250
He owes me a favour for helping him flog
all that dried tea to the charwalla.

252
00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:18,550
Oh, aye. You as well, was it?

253
00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:25,210
Leave all that to you, Bombadier.

254
00:16:25,450 --> 00:16:26,450
Sorry.

255
00:16:29,090 --> 00:16:30,830
Oh, boys, but I tell you this.

256
00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:33,330
If you could do a number like that...

257
00:16:34,050 --> 00:16:36,590
I would be able to treat you all
together different.

258
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,530
And that's a promise.

259
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:43,250
Well, give it a thought, lovely boys.

260
00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:44,790
Give it a thought, will you?

261
00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:48,850
On the road to Manderay.

262
00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:54,250
They sold you mad.

263
00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:56,290
Sold you mad.

264
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:59,190
He's obsessed, that's what he is,
obsessed.

265
00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:01,310
I've never seen him like that before.

266
00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,290
He was quite nice, wasn't he?

267
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,220
I think I preferred him when he was his
normal, beastly, revolting self.

268
00:17:08,859 --> 00:17:12,619
Well, maybe there's another side to him.
You know, a split personality.

269
00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:17,200
Yeah. One side's rotten, and the other
side's rotten as steel.

270
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:20,440
What's he up to, Dolly?

271
00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:22,460
I don't know.

272
00:17:23,020 --> 00:17:27,780
If you ask me, he realises he can't get
rid of us, and he's waving the flag of

273
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,820
truce. The other French like Moses in
the rushes.

274
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,780
I'm shouting at. At least you know where
you are.

275
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,040
Have care, sir.

276
00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:44,400
There is one very old Indian proverb
which say that Krishna did not give

277
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,720
sharp claws just to pick his nose with.

278
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,780
Maybe you're right.

279
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,280
But I vote, fellas, we give it a try.

280
00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:01,480
If he wants a soldier's song, we'll give
him a soldier's song.

281
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,270
What are you doing, Ashwin?

282
00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:17,510
As a matter of fact, I'm writing a
little skit for the concert party.

283
00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:19,170
I didn't know you were an author.

284
00:18:19,650 --> 00:18:21,470
Well, I dabble a bit.

285
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:24,150
What's it about?

286
00:18:24,590 --> 00:18:28,890
Well, the scene takes place in this
swamp on the Barbary coast.

287
00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:32,030
And Bombardier Solomons is seething with
emotion.

288
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:35,030
because he's lost this beautiful Creole
girl.

289
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:39,110
Well, he comes on and he calls for her
like this.

290
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,110
Umpty -tumpty -tumpty -tumpty, Chloe!

291
00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:53,710
That's the name of the beautiful Creole
girl.

292
00:18:54,430 --> 00:18:56,990
There's no answer, of course, because
she isn't there.

293
00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:00,950
Absolutely distraught, he sings again.

294
00:19:01,669 --> 00:19:03,750
Umpty -tumpty -tumpty -tumpty, Chloe!

295
00:19:07,050 --> 00:19:10,290
By the way, he does that with an
American accent.

296
00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:11,670
What, the umpty -tumpty bit?

297
00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:14,130
No, the Chloe.

298
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:20,470
I thought Goddard Beaumont could dress
up in a low sort of thing and be the

299
00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:21,470
Creole girl.

300
00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:22,510
I see, yes.

301
00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:24,330
What do you think of that, sir?

302
00:19:26,310 --> 00:19:28,030
I don't know what I...

303
00:19:29,699 --> 00:19:31,040
keyhole girl looks like, sir.

304
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:38,980
I hope for her sake she don't look like
Gunnar Beaumont.

305
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:44,220
Well, I think he makes an absolutely
first -class girl. Don't you agree, sir?

306
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,780
Considering all the handicaps, yes.

307
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,860
You've just got a down on the concert
party, Sergeant Major. That's the

308
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,120
On the contrary, sir.

309
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:56,020
I have just given them a little idea for
a number myself.

310
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:02,120
Well,

311
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:23,040
if that's the case, sir, I'll just go
along and see how they're progressing

312
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,140
my little scene.

313
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,800
Carry on, sir.

314
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:32,980
I think it's a rotten idea.

315
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,240
Ashwood, I do wish you wouldn't keep
putting this in my in -tray.

316
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,900
I didn't, sir. Well, I put it in my out
-tray.

317
00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:44,180
Well, someone must have taken it out of
your out -tray and put it in my in

318
00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:47,700
-tray. Because I saw it in my in -tray
and read it and put it in my pending

319
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:50,420
-tray. And then I signed it and put it
in my out -tray.

320
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:53,890
Someone must have taken it out of my out
tray and put it in your in tray. Yes,

321
00:20:53,890 --> 00:20:55,990
well, you'd better file it, otherwise
it'll start all over again.

322
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:03,130
Actually, it's about the General's
inspection next month.

323
00:21:03,570 --> 00:21:06,790
Shall I file it under G for General or I
for inspection?

324
00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:08,810
I'd put it under N for next month.

325
00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:12,730
Quite a good wheezer.

326
00:21:14,470 --> 00:21:15,730
Right, chaps, this is the note.

327
00:21:20,140 --> 00:21:23,520
OK, on three. One, two, three.

328
00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:30,320
On the road to Mandalay Where the flying
fish is playing

329
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,440
That's my lovely boy.

330
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:40,240
On the road to Mandalay January 1,
February

331
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,620
2, March 3.

332
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:43,900
What are you doing now?

333
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,060
I'm counting, sir.

334
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,400
April 4, May 5.

335
00:21:49,420 --> 00:21:51,000
June 6th. Oh, Christ.

336
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,000
Oh, what a fool I am. What a complete
fool.

337
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,540
The general's coming today, the 25th of
May.

338
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:05,200
You see, I thought 25 oblique 5 was
June, but it's not, is it? It's the 25th

339
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,200
May, and that's today.

340
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:07,380
Oh, right, right.

341
00:22:08,020 --> 00:22:09,280
No harm done.

342
00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:11,720
What time's he coming? 1 ,200 hours.

343
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,600
And what's the time now?

344
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:14,840
12 .10.

345
00:22:14,940 --> 00:22:15,980
That is it.

346
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,000
because they have some shambles.

347
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,920
Well, look, let's think a minute. Look,
you'll be coming in a staff car through

348
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:25,779
the main gate.

349
00:22:25,780 --> 00:22:28,060
I'll get out of the main gate right
away, sir. No, no, don't do that. Look,

350
00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:31,220
you were a general inspecting me, would
you come in through the main gate?

351
00:22:31,540 --> 00:22:32,359
No, sir.

352
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:35,500
I'd sneak in the back way and come in
through that door.

353
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:41,140
Good afternoon, sir. We were just
expecting you.

354
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:47,100
And the dawn comes up like thunder out
of China...

355
00:22:50,919 --> 00:22:52,620
What do you think of that?

356
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:57,380
It is making me feel so proud to be
British.

357
00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:00,460
Beautiful.

358
00:23:01,540 --> 00:23:02,540
Beautiful.

359
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:09,060
Here you are, looking like soldiers,
behaving like soldiers, and all dressed

360
00:23:09,060 --> 00:23:10,060
like soldiers.

361
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:11,560
Got you!

362
00:23:11,580 --> 00:23:12,580
Ice front!

363
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,940
Squad, right now!

364
00:23:18,860 --> 00:23:22,240
Excuse me, are you talking as a producer
or as a BFM? Make your front, make your

365
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:23,460
front! As a BFM.

366
00:23:24,780 --> 00:23:26,660
Right, we are to the parade ground.

367
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,040
Quick, march!

368
00:23:28,420 --> 00:23:31,040
F -I -F -I -F -I -A!

369
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:34,040
Absolutely disgraceful, Reynolds.

370
00:23:34,540 --> 00:23:36,820
Never seen such a shambles in all my
entire life.

371
00:23:37,260 --> 00:23:41,200
Men on guard with every kind of uniform,
four different colours of blanco,

372
00:23:41,340 --> 00:23:43,760
heaven knows how many hats, and you are
responsible.

373
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,380
I shall be putting in an adverse report
about you to Derry.

374
00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:49,000
This is a holding unit, sir. Be quiet.
Yes, be quiet, Ashford.

375
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,200
To tell you the truth, I don't think
I've seen two soldiers dressed alike

376
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,300
I walked in through that gate.

377
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,400
And you are responsible, Colonel. You
are responsible.

378
00:23:58,340 --> 00:23:59,340
Ah, time!

379
00:24:01,220 --> 00:24:02,220
Halt!

380
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:04,960
Who are those men?

381
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,820
They're our concert party. What?

382
00:24:07,540 --> 00:24:08,540
Conscripts, partly.

383
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:13,880
Well, holy, actually.

384
00:24:14,380 --> 00:24:15,500
Well, they look smart enough.

385
00:24:16,090 --> 00:24:17,090
Oh, very smart.

386
00:24:17,130 --> 00:24:18,210
Who's responsible for them?

387
00:24:18,410 --> 00:24:19,410
I am, sir.

388
00:24:19,570 --> 00:24:23,670
Oh. Well, if you're responsible for
them, that puts a slightly different

389
00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:24,750
complexion on things.

390
00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:28,810
Yes, I shall inspect them. Thank you,
sir. Men like that sort of thing, you

391
00:24:28,810 --> 00:24:30,290
know. Anyway, it's good for their
morale.

392
00:24:30,490 --> 00:24:31,490
Definitely, sir.

393
00:24:36,050 --> 00:24:37,050
What's that smell?

394
00:24:37,250 --> 00:24:38,470
Yes, what's that smell, Ashwin?

395
00:24:39,230 --> 00:24:41,290
Flowers, sir. Flowers, sir, and I'm not
responsible.

396
00:24:43,750 --> 00:24:44,970
Sweet peas, actually.

397
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:46,680
Mitch Scott.

398
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,560
Plathyrus odoratus.

399
00:24:50,980 --> 00:24:52,640
I haven't smoked one of them since I
left England.

400
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,400
I grew them myself, sir.

401
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,740
Would you like to inspect the men, sir?
No, no, no. Leave them where they are

402
00:24:57,740 --> 00:24:58,299
for a bit.

403
00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:01,020
Tell me, how did you manage it? Well, my
wife sent me the seeds.

404
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:01,779
Did she?

405
00:25:01,780 --> 00:25:05,620
Yes, but of course, the most important
of all, I have a few handfuls of John

406
00:25:05,620 --> 00:25:07,220
Innes compost in my kit bag.

407
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,140
Would you care to have a closer look,
sir? Yes, yes, I would indeed.

408
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,620
I used to judge them in shows back at
home, you know. Did you really?

409
00:25:15,900 --> 00:25:16,940
I'm absolutely fascinated.

410
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:25,560
Squad! Don't do that. The General's
here. He wants to inspect them.

411
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:26,760
The General, sir?

412
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,740
We'll have a little rehearsal, then,
sir.

413
00:25:29,620 --> 00:25:32,620
Right. You used to rehearse in Happy
Boys, didn't you?

414
00:25:33,180 --> 00:25:34,820
Right. Watch it, then, squad.

415
00:25:35,580 --> 00:25:36,580
General salute!

416
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:37,880
Present!

417
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,199
wet shirts.

418
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:48,900
Keep it down. The General's in the
office.

419
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,480
Try again.

420
00:25:52,860 --> 00:25:54,460
General Perute, prepared.

421
00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:56,180
Aye.

422
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,660
As you were, as you were.

423
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,800
You're trying to make a fool of me,
aren't you? A fool.

424
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:02,880
No, no, no, no. We haven't got the
music.

425
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,760
What? Well, we're not singing, aren't
we? If we were singing, we could do it

426
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,480
beautifully, couldn't we? Shut up!

427
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:14,160
You may not have noticed, but British
other ranks do not sing when they're

428
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,160
saluting General.

429
00:26:18,220 --> 00:26:19,240
something. Shut up!

430
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,480
I'll try and put him off.

431
00:26:25,380 --> 00:26:27,740
It's a remarkable achievement, really,
quite remarkable.

432
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,340
Well, I'm ready to inspect the men now,
Reynolds. Oh, do you really want to,

433
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,880
sir? There's no real need. I mean,
they're just the same as all the other

434
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,180
sir. Yes, I must say, I always find them
rather boring. Yes, I mean, once you've

435
00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:38,180
seen one, you've seen the lot, sir.

436
00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:39,780
No, no, no, I'll look them over.

437
00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:42,340
Men lose heart if they're not inspected
now and then, you know.

438
00:26:49,139 --> 00:26:50,139
Give the order.

439
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:32,980
native chap are there, singing the
patriotic song.

440
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:34,920
Come here, fellow.

441
00:27:38,900 --> 00:27:40,380
Who are you, then?

442
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:44,960
General Saab, I have topful job. I have
honor to be bearer to Constance party.

443
00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:47,180
Constance, sir, bearer to the Constance.

444
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:50,660
General Saab, my father was bearer
before he born me.

445
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:56,820
My great -grandfather was bearer in
Indian mutiny. In fact, he was only

446
00:27:56,820 --> 00:27:57,980
who was loyal to British.

447
00:27:58,260 --> 00:28:00,140
And Governor Saab gave him most...

448
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:04,860
Painted metal made of real copper. And
said he was only bearer who was

449
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,200
Why do we worry about the empire,
Reynolds?

450
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:14,700
With men like these and loyal fellows
like this native chappy here, we can...

451
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:18,460
Oh, we can fit all that namby -pamby
talk and those wishy -washy politicians

452
00:28:18,460 --> 00:28:19,460
back home.

453
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:20,980
Quit India, indeed.

454
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:22,520
No, I say.

455
00:28:22,940 --> 00:28:24,800
Not while we've got chaps like you.

456
00:28:25,020 --> 00:28:29,600
Spoken like a truth, General Saab. You
will not quit India, Saab. Neither will

457
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:30,600
I.

458
00:28:36,820 --> 00:28:40,980
What's he saying? He say he will not
quit India either, sir.

459
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,280
Well done.

460
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,120
He say he have no other bleeding place
to go.

461
00:29:33,580 --> 00:29:34,580
Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

462
00:29:35,050 --> 00:29:36,830
It's boys to entertain you!