1
00:00:02,220 --> 00:00:03,220
Good morning, everybody.

2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:04,439
Good morning, sir.

3
00:00:05,940 --> 00:00:06,940
Do I know you?

4
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,360
Probably not.

5
00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:12,220
Oh, Mom, this is James Montgomery. You
know the little boy I babysit for on the

6
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,340
weekends? Oh, yes.

7
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,220
It's very nice to meet you, James.

8
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:17,440
The pleasure's all mine, ma 'am.

9
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,520
A well -mannered child in this kitchen?

10
00:00:20,780 --> 00:00:22,220
I must call Ripley's.

11
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:26,460
James' mom was called out of town, so I
told her he could stay with us for the

12
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,139
next week.

13
00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:28,460
Oh, that's nice, dear.

14
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:30,680
What?

15
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,400
I'll feed him and everything.

16
00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:36,720
Heather, a young man requires a little
more care than a stray puppy.

17
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:39,240
Or in Wesley's case, a rabid jackal.

18
00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:44,000
You really should have discussed this
with Dad and me first.

19
00:00:44,380 --> 00:00:45,500
Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Owens.

20
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,360
I'm sure James is a polite young man.

21
00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:51,980
If not, we can always tie him under the
porch and feed him table scraps.

22
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,920
Hammond, this is my associate, Carl
Putnam. We represent the happy guys of

23
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,840
Pittsburgh. Helping others happily.
That's our motto.

24
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,660
Well, you can help yourself right out of
here.

25
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,400
The last time I saw you guys, you tried
to drag me into some devil worship

26
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,400
thing.

27
00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:28,140
Our little Halloween party may have
gotten a wee bit out of hand, but we've

28
00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:28,919
cleaned house.

29
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,340
Yeah, now you won't find so much as a
devil day.

30
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,060
George, who's here?

31
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,420
Marsha, you remember the happy guys,
Bert and Carl?

32
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:38,880
Oh, yes.

33
00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:40,900
Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

34
00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:47,340
This guy slays me. Doesn't he slay you,
girl? Well, it's easy for you to say,

35
00:01:47,420 --> 00:01:48,900
Bert. You're not Tweedledum.

36
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,220
Won't you come in and sit down?

37
00:01:52,420 --> 00:01:56,880
Oh, thank you. I don't want to alarm you
folks, but there's a mad criminal on

38
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,720
the loose. And he's attacking the women
of Beaver Falls.

39
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,180
What does he do?

40
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:03,280
He steals their high -heeled shoes.

41
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:10,289
It's no laughing matter. Well, last
night he stole my wife's best open toed

42
00:02:10,289 --> 00:02:13,010
pumps. She's currently under sedation.

43
00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:16,090
Have you called the police?

44
00:02:16,390 --> 00:02:19,510
Unfortunately, this is what they
consider a low priority item.

45
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:20,668
Oh, that's terrible.

46
00:02:20,670 --> 00:02:22,430
It's scandalous. I mean, it's
scandalous.

47
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,930
That's why we're here. You've got to
help us. Hey, I'm a sportscaster.

48
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,970
I don't know anything about catching
criminals.

49
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,130
Unless they've stolen home.

50
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,560
George, old pal, we need your house for
our meetings.

51
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:41,800
What meetings?

52
00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:46,660
Tell him, Bert. We formed our own
neighborhood protection group, the

53
00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:50,900
Happy Guys. We're going to make the
streets safe for decent human beings.

54
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,500
I think I better warn Wesley.

55
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:09,540
So in the China, never mattered before.

56
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,320
Who cared when you dropped your jacket?

57
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:17,500
As you came through the door, no one
glared.

58
00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:23,560
According to our new rival, life is more
than mere survival.

59
00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:27,440
And we just might live the good life
yet.

60
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,660
At this rate, you're telling me you've
never had detention?

61
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,040
That's correct.

62
00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:37,780
Although I... I once had to stay after
school to accept a good conduct medal.

63
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,840
Where'd you find this, Deacon?

64
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:44,980
Wesley,

65
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,760
you can't speak to James that way.

66
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,520
Most people do.

67
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,780
Wesley, James will be staying with us
for one week.

68
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,120
Surely you can impersonate a human being
for that long.

69
00:03:57,660 --> 00:03:59,080
What's that supposed to mean?

70
00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:01,020
It means quit acting like a jerk.

71
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,000
Actually, Miss Heather, a jerk is a dull
or stupid person.

72
00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:08,720
Wesley seems to be neither of those. I'm
afraid you've misspoken.

73
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:14,320
You know, kid, you may not be a total
zero after all.

74
00:04:15,740 --> 00:04:18,140
Well, you can certainly learn something
from him.

75
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,760
Maybe he can learn something from me.

76
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,800
Do you want to come to order, please?

77
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,820
Fellas, you want to quiet down and we'll
start. Hey!

78
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:33,100
Hey!

79
00:04:34,740 --> 00:04:37,140
Gee, he's kind of high strung, isn't he?

80
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,920
Gentlemen, good evening and welcome to
the first meeting of the Guardian Happy

81
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,180
Guys. Hey, where are the crab puppies?

82
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,740
George had one.

83
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:55,220
Now, the high -heeled bandit, as we have
dubbed him, has eluded the police so

84
00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:59,560
far. But we, the guardian happy guys,
are going to see to it that he's

85
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,560
and brought to justice.

86
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,060
Do we get to wear hats?

87
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:06,260
You mean like golf hats with our own
logo on them? I didn't know we had a

88
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,200
No, we don't have a logo, and we don't
need hats.

89
00:05:08,460 --> 00:05:10,600
Hey, but we did have these new buttons
made up.

90
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:15,860
You bad guys cut it out.

91
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:20,580
up, don't you think?

92
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:25,420
Now, the first order of business is to
divide ourselves into patrol teams. As

93
00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:28,680
long as we're dividing up into teams,
why don't we get up a softball game?

94
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:32,620
Hi,

95
00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:38,300
Mom. Oh, hi, honey.

96
00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:40,980
Come over here. Give your old mom a big
hug.

97
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,740
Where is everybody?

98
00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,680
Um, your sister and brother are up.
upstairs watching TV.

99
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:52,200
Daddy and Mr. Belvedere are in the
living room forming a vigilante group.

100
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,440
And I have been exiled to the kitchen,
so I'm doing my nails.

101
00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:58,420
Dad and Mr. Belvedere are doing what?

102
00:05:58,820 --> 00:06:02,400
Oh, they're having a meeting with that
group of happy guys to track down the

103
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,400
high -heeled bandit.

104
00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:06,099
I'm kidding.

105
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,100
Take a look.

106
00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:13,440
Why are they marching around two by two?

107
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,060
I think they're doing the Virginia reel.

108
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,140
Mr. Belvedere's tipping dad.

109
00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:29,800
And remember now, we're only the eyes
and ears of the police.

110
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:34,300
If you see the high -heeled bandit, do
not try to apprehend him. Do not take

111
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:35,440
aggressive action yourself.

112
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,900
Hell, this is worse than none.

113
00:06:39,220 --> 00:06:41,840
I thought my party was over when the
crab party's disappeared.

114
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,180
Well, let's just get this over with.

115
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:47,880
Oh, I think it's too late to go
patrolling tonight, don't you, Bert? Way

116
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,240
late. We do have time for turkey in the
straw.

117
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:52,400
I still don't get why we're dancing.

118
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,480
It fosters teamwork, George.

119
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,800
They say the stealers do the button
over.

120
00:07:01,660 --> 00:07:04,560
Now pay attention, kid.

121
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,680
Maybe a little of the Owens magic will
rub off on you.

122
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:10,639
What's this?

123
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,060
A hot water bottle.

124
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,200
If you're not even going to try, we'll
stop this lesson right now.

125
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:18,780
Sorry, I probably... I'll try to think
meaner.

126
00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:22,940
Good. Now what you have here is your
basic whoopee cushion. You place it on

127
00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:24,380
principal's chair right before assembly.

128
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:30,560
Then when he sits down after the Pledge
of Allegiance... That's not very nice.

129
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,800
Exactly. Now check this out.

130
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:38,280
Even I know that that's a rubber snake.

131
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,480
Wrong. It's the real McCoy.

132
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,700
But serpents are not indigenous to the
Beaver Falls area.

133
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,360
They are now.

134
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:52,240
Quick, put him under that magazine on
the chair.

135
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,800
But that's Heather's magazine. Won't she
be startled?

136
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,100
At least.

137
00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:02,380
Hey, Wes, have you seen my 17 magazine?

138
00:08:03,540 --> 00:08:05,440
Um, I believe it's over there.

139
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:06,800
Ah, thanks, James.

140
00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:22,150
why we're sitting out here freezing our
hooters off.

141
00:08:22,890 --> 00:08:26,450
And if we're going to catch the high
-heeled bandit, we must sacrifice a

142
00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:27,450
comfort.

143
00:08:27,510 --> 00:08:29,790
I don't see you sacrificing any of those
donuts.

144
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:35,770
If you're going to be nasty, I shall go
home and you'll be the only happy guy on

145
00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:37,570
the streets without a patrol buddy.

146
00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:41,610
I am not your buddy and I am not a happy
guy.

147
00:08:43,470 --> 00:08:48,600
Since you are obviously unable to be
pleasant, I suggest we keep our mouths

148
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:49,960
and our eyes open.

149
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,360
You got it.

150
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:52,720
Fine.

151
00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:57,440
Hey, Belvedere. Now what?

152
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,200
I think I drank too much coffee. We
better find a gas station.

153
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,960
You know we are not allowed to leave the
stakeout for any reason.

154
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,820
Fine. I'll just use that bush over
there.

155
00:09:12,060 --> 00:09:15,260
That's your decision, but we're here to
uphold the law, not to break it.

156
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:18,840
Huh? Well, for one thing, there's
indecent exposure.

157
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:24,240
Vandalism. Defacing public property.
Okay, okay, you made your point.

158
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:25,980
I'll tough it out.

159
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:27,360
That's the spirit.

160
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,320
Belvedere? Mm -hmm? Could you tell me a
story?

161
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:34,880
You know,

162
00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:38,020
to take my mind off things.

163
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,900
Oh, very well.

164
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,720
Once upon a time...

165
00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:48,430
There was a man who lived under Niagara
Falls.

166
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:55,910
All day long, he did nothing but listen
to the rush of the raging water.

167
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,290
Stop that story!

168
00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:06,990
Stay tuned for Shock, Fear, Theater.

169
00:10:07,550 --> 00:10:11,730
Tonight's presentation, The Killer Brawl
Strap.

170
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,280
Evening shot to hell.

171
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,240
Hey, Wes, why aren't you in bed?

172
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,420
Somebody had to wait up for Mom.

173
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:31,520
Huh? When it got late and you guys
didn't come home, she got worried and

174
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:32,520
out looking for you.

175
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,880
Hey, Marshal, what happened?

176
00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,440
Oh, George, he got me.

177
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,800
Who? The high -heeled bandit.

178
00:10:56,680 --> 00:11:01,160
of a sudden, I feel something in my back
and a voice in my ear says, give me

179
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,920
those pumps or I'll pump you full of
lead.

180
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:05,760
What happened then?

181
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,260
This is the worst part.

182
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:11,740
I gave him my brand new snakeskin pumps.

183
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,800
I paid $350 for them.

184
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,080
Well, so have I.

185
00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:31,580
Folks, I'm trying to make a report here.
I'm sorry.

186
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,060
I'm just sick about this.

187
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,520
Hi,

188
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:42,500
I'm Bert Hammond. This is my associate,
Carl Putnam. We represent... Just get in

189
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,500
here.

190
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:47,160
Came right over as soon as we heard
about the missus. Yeah, we picked up the

191
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:48,660
police call on the scanner in my car.

192
00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:50,740
Oh, by the way, your car's being towed.

193
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,000
supposed to be in charge of getting this
dirt bag off the street. Now I want to

194
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,080
know what you're going to do about this.

195
00:11:57,340 --> 00:12:01,360
Oh, he's got spunk, Bert. Yeah, real
spunk. Have you ever considered becoming

196
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,360
junior happy guy?

197
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,420
Look, I'll do whatever I can to catch
this jerk.

198
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,960
Yeah, we do need to take stronger
measures. I'd say this calls for another

199
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,640
meeting. Maybe we should have it here.
Tomorrow night, 8 o 'clock. I'll be

200
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:13,720
I'll bring the accordion.

201
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,300
Hey, Wes?

202
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:23,540
Yeah? Have you seen Gene? James, I went
up to his room to look for him and I

203
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:26,880
found this note on his pillow. It says,
I didn't do it.

204
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:28,460
Didn't do what?

205
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:40,260
Wesley, I hope you have a way of putting
this chicken back together.

206
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,320
I didn't do it.

207
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:44,960
Then who did?

208
00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:47,220
James.

209
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,280
Ridiculous. He's far too innocent to
have masterminded something like this.

210
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:52,820
He must have had help.

211
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,800
Hey, all I did was show the kid a few
basic moves. Can I help him if he's a

212
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,700
natural? Leslie, you're poisoning his
mind. I forbid you to teach him anything

213
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:05,280
else. Okay, but he's tasted success.

214
00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:07,360
You'll probably be hearing from him
again.

215
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,900
Now, if you'll both excuse me, I am
going upstairs to change.

216
00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:15,100
I seem to have fouled myself.

217
00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:30,049
Oh, dear.

218
00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:31,830
You have to help me find James.

219
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:33,950
First, we must find Lady Carol.

220
00:13:34,990 --> 00:13:37,870
That pint -sized Al Capone put blue dye
in my shampoo.

221
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:41,770
No doubt after you put pop rocks in my
souffle. It's his fault.

222
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:45,210
I'm going to pound him right after I
smack James bald -headed.

223
00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:50,350
Good Lord, Wesley, what have you done?

224
00:13:50,650 --> 00:13:51,650
Nothing yet.

225
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:52,890
Then what's that?

226
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:57,030
What's left on my new ten -speed. I told
James he can write it.

227
00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:59,140
Apparently, he rode it through hell.

228
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,160
Lexi, you created this monster. You have
to stop him.

229
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:08,100
Hey, once man, looks like something
happened to your bike.

230
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:11,180
This isn't funny.

231
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,760
Loosen up, dude. Where's your sense of
humor?

232
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,020
He could have gone up in smoke.

233
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:19,100
Hey, Tubbs, your beach ball's lopsided.

234
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,080
They call me Mr.

235
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,340
Tubbs.

236
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:30,440
acting like this. What happened to that
sweet little kid I used to babysit? That

237
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:31,800
geek? He's history.

238
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,980
By the way, I love what you've done with
your hair.

239
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,860
I couldn't find a bag to match my shoes.

240
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,960
My, my, my. Don't we look lovely this
evening? Knock it off.

241
00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:08,900
Let's just get this over with. All
right, sure, cutie.

242
00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:13,080
Gentlemen, or perhaps I should say
ladies.

243
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:14,540
Not to me.

244
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:19,440
This gives new meaning to the word
dragnet.

245
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:25,300
Protection and safety will work in
pairs. By strolling the streets as

246
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,320
we'll catch the high -heeled bandit
right where he lives.

247
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,820
Well, if we know where he lives, Bert,
why don't we just go over to his house?

248
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:34,719
That's it.

249
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:39,180
I'm out of here. Oh, no, you don't. I'm
not going anywhere without my best

250
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:40,180
girlfriend.

251
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,440
Just don't try to borrow my lipstick.

252
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:44,620
Hey, where's Kevin?

253
00:15:57,810 --> 00:15:59,130
Kevin? Yeah.

254
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:03,030
My God, you look stunning.

255
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:06,890
I know, I can't help it.

256
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,790
Gee, kid, couldn't you have gone a
little easier on the eye shadow?

257
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:12,910
Not according to Cosmo.

258
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:16,850
Well, you better be careful. You could
get picked up.

259
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:18,590
Hey, Dad, that's not funny.

260
00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:22,930
You are wearing your own underwear,
aren't you? Of course I am.

261
00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:25,570
It explains the visible panty line.

262
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,620
Remember, if you sit down, keep your
knees together.

263
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:43,900
Here you go, Belvedere.

264
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,920
You sit down and I'll wait for the
bandit in the bushes.

265
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,880
Why should I have to be baked?

266
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,660
Let's just say you're easy to spot from
a distance.

267
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:56,900
Very well.

268
00:17:08,750 --> 00:17:11,329
What should I do if the bandit tries to
accost me?

269
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:14,130
Play hard to get.

270
00:17:18,869 --> 00:17:22,869
Good evening, my dear.

271
00:17:24,589 --> 00:17:25,589
Look, honey.

272
00:17:25,849 --> 00:17:30,050
Your kind belongs over by the fish pond.
I'm working this end of the park.

273
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:50,610
Good evening, officer.

274
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,910
It's a little late for a lady to be out
by herself at night.

275
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,170
Oh, I'm not afraid.

276
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:57,890
You should be.

277
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:00,990
There's some nut running around stealing
women's shoes right off their feet.

278
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,410
Oh, sorry.

279
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,510
Nobody would want my shoes.

280
00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:08,410
I guess you're right.

281
00:18:10,470 --> 00:18:11,970
Still, you ought to think about going
home.

282
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:13,730
Thank you, officer.

283
00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:15,930
I will.

284
00:18:26,970 --> 00:18:28,330
Say, what's your sign?

285
00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:31,569
Get in!

286
00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:32,570
Get in!

287
00:18:39,730 --> 00:18:41,690
Well, that was a big bust.

288
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,690
How do women keep from freezing to death
in these things?

289
00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:48,550
Well, at least you weren't hit on.

290
00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:50,790
God, men can be such animals.

291
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,370
Tell me about it.

292
00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:55,770
Good evening, gentlemen.

293
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,360
Well, where have you been, Bert?

294
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,660
I'm afraid I have some bad news.

295
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,640
The high -heeled bandit struck again
while you were out on patrol.

296
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,840
Where? Over by the dairy.

297
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:06,960
The one place we didn't have a team.

298
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,660
I think it's time to try the police. No,
don't do that.

299
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,840
I told you, they're not interested.

300
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,480
Besides, we can handle this by
ourselves.

301
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:15,280
I'm not wearing any more girdles.

302
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,000
You should have tried one with a tummy
tamer.

303
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,880
Hey, if you're so sure we can get this
guy...

304
00:19:22,380 --> 00:19:25,540
How come you didn't dress up and go on
patrol with us? Well, somebody's got to

305
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:26,519
run the operation.

306
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,000
And it should be the one who knows the
most about the crimes.

307
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,260
Yes. You do seem well informed about the
High Heel Bandit. Well, let's just say

308
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:37,220
I understand him. Perhaps you can tell
us how it is that he knows exactly where

309
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:38,460
Owen went patrolling.

310
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,100
Maybe he's psychic.

311
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:43,780
Or maybe he's Bert.

312
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:46,600
You're crazy. You take that back.

313
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,280
Bert never stole anything.

314
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,720
Oh, really?

315
00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:52,070
Who told us first about the high -heeled
bandit?

316
00:19:52,910 --> 00:19:53,910
Bird.

317
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:56,850
And who told us not to go to the police
because they wouldn't be interested?

318
00:19:58,730 --> 00:19:59,730
Bird.

319
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:04,850
And who's the one who's most obsessed
with the shoe collection of the high

320
00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:05,850
-heeled bandit?

321
00:20:06,690 --> 00:20:09,490
When the rest of us wouldn't know the
difference between a hirachi and an

322
00:20:09,490 --> 00:20:13,870
espadrille. Well, any fool knows that a
hirachi is a woven flat -heeled sandal,

323
00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:17,450
while an espadrille is a canvas wedgie
with a rope sole.

324
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:21,680
How could you do it? I didn't. I
couldn't. I have this cane.

325
00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:23,260
You never had a cane before.

326
00:20:23,540 --> 00:20:25,720
Get it! No, I can't. You've got to
understand.

327
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:27,460
You've got to give me a chance to
explain.

328
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:31,020
You see, I was a shoe salesman for 35
years.

329
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:32,360
It's in my blood.

330
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,360
I can't help myself. I'm sick.

331
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:37,440
I promise to get therapy.

332
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,480
Would you guys let me off the hook?

333
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:44,880
No.

334
00:20:57,830 --> 00:20:58,830
What are you doing, James?

335
00:20:58,970 --> 00:21:01,450
Making sure there's one less birdbath in
the world.

336
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:05,610
You can't float the Huffnagle's
birdbath. Somebody might get hurt.

337
00:21:06,010 --> 00:21:08,650
Somebody might get hurt if they don't
get off my case.

338
00:21:09,710 --> 00:21:10,710
Look, kid.

339
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:16,170
Real pranks require planning, timing,
and above all, finesse.

340
00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:21,490
Finesse. Yeah. Without a certain grace
and dignity, a prank is just a mean

341
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:23,330
trick. Or in this case, a crime.

342
00:21:23,670 --> 00:21:24,830
Oh, give me a break.

343
00:21:25,770 --> 00:21:26,770
I will.

344
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,040
I'll promise to keep this a secret.

345
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,920
But you have to promise to stop acting
like me.

346
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:34,600
It's too late, Wes.

347
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,940
I've seen the other side of the
mountain.

348
00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:41,760
If I rat on you, you're going to be
seeing the other side of a set of bars.

349
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:45,920
You'd do that to me?

350
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,360
Try me.

351
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:53,680
Okay.

352
00:21:54,020 --> 00:21:55,020
You win.

353
00:21:56,180 --> 00:21:57,440
Want me to show you how to...

354
00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:01,150
This is the king you're talking to.

355
00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:05,610
Ready to go home, James?

356
00:22:05,830 --> 00:22:06,729
Sure, Heather.

357
00:22:06,730 --> 00:22:07,870
Okay, let's hit the road.

358
00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:10,430
Can I have a moment alone with Wesley,
please?

359
00:22:10,650 --> 00:22:12,730
Okay, I'll just put your bag in the car.
Thank you,

360
00:22:14,470 --> 00:22:16,150
Wesley, for almost an enlightening stay.

361
00:22:16,390 --> 00:22:17,690
The enlightenment was mutual.

362
00:22:18,050 --> 00:22:19,550
Guess I'll see you. See ya.

363
00:22:42,410 --> 00:22:46,770
crime sprees, both civil and domestic,
have finally come to an end.

364
00:22:47,330 --> 00:22:52,470
With only Wesley's demented tricks to
fear, it's almost like being on holiday.

365
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:59,850
But the high -heeled bandit was let off
with a fine and a stern warning to steer

366
00:22:59,850 --> 00:23:03,510
clear of ladies' footwear and the feet
on which it gathers.

367
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:08,610
My part in his capture has left me with
my dignity only slightly askew.

368
00:23:09,370 --> 00:23:11,250
Others were not quite so fortunate.

369
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:14,560
Come in.

370
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:20,820
Mr. Belvedere, can I borrow a pair of
gloves until the crazy glue wears off?

371
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,380
I'm Ted Koppel, later on Nightline,
Carnival Time in Rio.

372
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:55,040
But with inflation at 1 ,000%, there's
not much to celebrate.

373
00:23:55,260 --> 00:23:56,380
That's our story tonight.

374
00:23:56,740 --> 00:24:01,280
Sunday at 7, limber up sports fans for a
Frisbee hoop toss in the smallest

375
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,280
indoor scale.