1 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,859 ...day after day you want. 2 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,944 A store that one might... 3 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:34,575 I hate television. It gives me headaches. 4 00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:37,828 You know, there's so many magnetic waves traveling in the airspace 5 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:39,705 because of TV and television, 6 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,374 we're losing ten times as many brain cells as we're supposed to. 7 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,293 Please! 8 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:49,173 "The cow says blank." Three letters. 9 00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,258 Dude! 10 00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,303 "Dude." I don't know. 11 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,555 Magnetic waves, brain cells. 12 00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,640 I don't understand the connection between all that stuff. 13 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,768 You know what else I heard? 14 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:03,187 Magnetic waves shrink silicone molecules. 15 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,151 Oh, my God! Turn it off! 16 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,028 -It's not working! -It's backwards! 17 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,279 -What do we do? -I don't know! 18 00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:13,655 Oh, God! 19 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:20,537 Thank God. I can't afford to get any smaller. 20 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,415 Come on. You're beautiful. 21 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,584 I wish I had your legs. 22 00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:27,002 I wish I had your butt. 23 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,630 -I wish I had your... -Shaved pussy? 24 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,508 Nobody's getting Snowball. 25 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:37,763 Okay. That thing's kind of scary, anyway. 26 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:40,182 -I know something even scarier. -What? 27 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:41,809 Have you heard about this videotape? 28 00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,102 The one where they do it on the boat? 29 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,104 And then in the car? And then in the bathtub? 30 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:48,357 And he's, like, "Hey, baby, I love you." And she's, like, "Where are we?" 31 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,818 -And did you see the... -No. Not that tape. 32 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,445 The one with all the scary images. 33 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,989 You know, after you watch the tape, the phone rings, 34 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:59,368 and this really scary voice comes on and says you're gonna die in, like... 35 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,829 Seven days. Yeah, I saw that one with Josh last weekend. 36 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:05,666 You were with Josh last weekend? Oh, my God! 37 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,209 My God! 38 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,461 Oh, yes, I was. 39 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,256 You ho! 40 00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,010 You know it! 41 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,819 -This is really weird. -Yeah. 42 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:36,363 Big house, only one phone. 43 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:50,127 Hello? 44 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:54,464 I'm coming for you, my precious. 45 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:58,302 -Hi, Mom. -Hi, precious. Having fun? 46 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:02,181 Ask her which bathroom has a detachable showerhead. 47 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:05,976 Anyway, we're just about to go to bed. 48 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:09,188 No. Not like that. 49 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,774 Well, I guess a woman would know how to touch a... 50 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:19,114 Hello? 51 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:20,300 Katie? 52 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:35,774 Are you okay? 53 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:11,893 God! 54 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,761 Tom, did you hear... 55 00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:47,971 The dogs are acting strange. 56 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,286 Sue! 57 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,832 What are you doing out here? We were worried sick. 58 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,042 What's wrong? 59 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,304 I wonder what they're trying to tell us. 60 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:42,067 And now, Washington, D.C.'s leading morning news program, 61 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,360 the Morning News. 62 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:45,237 Good morning. I'm Ross Giggins. 63 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:48,073 For our top story, we turn now to Cindy Campbell. 64 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,157 Thank you, Ross. 65 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:52,244 There's a developing story in Middleburg at this hour. 66 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:57,082 A mysterious crop circle appeared in local farmer, Tom Logan's cornfield. 67 00:06:57,166 --> 00:07:00,752 Elaborate prank or extraterrestrial phenomenon? 68 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:03,964 We'll update you as soon as we have any further information, 69 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:09,219 but, either way, it's clear something strange is happening in that small town. Ross? 70 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,264 I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. 71 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,516 Coming up, more news after this. 72 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,270 -Cindy, you got a second? -Sure. 73 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,440 I want you to take a look at this for that big strip-club exposé. 74 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,442 But I'd rather stick with the crop circle story. 75 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,861 Come on. You know those things are just a hoax. 76 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,864 No, I'm telling you, I sense something about that cornfield. 77 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:33,994 Call it women's intuition or ESPN or both, but I can tell when danger's near. I just... 78 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,624 -My eyes! -Cindy, it's sweeps month. 79 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,126 Ratings mean everything. 80 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:45,464 People want human-interest stories, like the one you did yesterday. 81 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,299 The report on breast augmentation? 82 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,718 It was just ten minutes of topless women. 83 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:51,720 I mean, come on. 84 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,307 -Wow! -Why are these so interesting? 85 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,683 For God's sake! 86 00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:58,894 People don't care about this. 87 00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:02,689 They want hard-hitting stories and in-depth coverage and... And... 88 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:03,982 And twins! 89 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:27,839 You think it was the Kreisel boys who cut that stuff into your corn? 90 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,342 All I know is my crops are gone. 91 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:33,720 The bank's gonna foreclose if I can't pay the rent. 92 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:37,349 I got 60 days to come up with $1.50. 93 00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:41,811 I'm sorry. The last thing you needed was more... 94 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,314 ...hardship in your life. 95 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,816 Especially after what happened to your... 96 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,319 Sheriff, I don't need your sympathy. 97 00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,821 I didn't mean to upset you, Father. 98 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,908 Please. I'm not a minister anymore. 99 00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:57,619 I lost my faith that terrible night. 100 00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:03,250 Your faith will return, just as sure as the sun will rise. 101 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:04,668 Sounds like a long shot. 102 00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:09,256 Look, there's always an explanation for all this so-called phenomenon. 103 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,423 Maybe you're right. 104 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,634 It was probably just the Kreisels. 105 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,761 And when I get through with them, 106 00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:18,431 I doubt you'll be seeing anything strange on this farm for a long time. 107 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,433 You'll see. 108 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:24,980 You all right, Tom? Get some rest. 109 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:38,034 George! 110 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:43,081 I need you back here tomorrow night after you pick up Sue. 111 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:44,416 That tractor needs fixing. 112 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,502 Sorry, dawg. I can't help you. I have to get ready for my show. 113 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,714 Not that stupid hip-hop stuff again. 114 00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:53,133 Damn it, George, when are you gonna do something with your life? 115 00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,593 -I got a dream! -What is your dream? 116 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,760 To have a dream. 117 00:09:56,429 --> 00:10:00,140 George, all you've done is chase adolescent fantasies. 118 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:04,102 "I wanna be an astronaut, a cowboy, gynecologist to the stars." 119 00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,937 And now, this stupid hip-hop thing. 120 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:09,566 For your information, this hip-hop thing is gonna get me paid. 121 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,276 I'm gonna win that rap battle tomorrow night. 122 00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:13,528 Rap battle? For God's sakes. 123 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,614 You just hate me 'cause I'm black. 124 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,408 You don't have any faith in me. 125 00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,327 You don't have any faith in anything anymore. 126 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:24,164 So why don't you just worry about you, and I'll worry about... 127 00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:43,350 Cody. 128 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,853 You're late again, Aunt Cindy. 129 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:49,064 I'm sorry. I was stuck in traffic. 130 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:52,734 -Cindy! -Brenda, hi! 131 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,569 It's great to see you! 132 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,156 -It's been so long. -Too long. 133 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,616 I've been working so hard. 134 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,826 You know, I've had to spend more and more time at the station. 135 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,913 The news just keeps coming in. 136 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,581 What was the assignment? 137 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,416 Draw your family and friends. 138 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,419 So, anyone new in your life, Cindy? 139 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,006 Well, you know, I just haven't found the right guy. 140 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,759 I'm looking for something more than just good sex. 141 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,427 I know, you want commitment. 142 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,930 No, I want great sex. And when I meet that guy... 143 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,432 That's what I'm talking about! 144 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,352 You want a guy that's gonna hit that thing hard, like... 145 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,898 And then flip you over and come at you from the other side. 146 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,942 D-O-double-G. 147 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:37,028 Did I say stop drawing? 148 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:41,616 And then he'll look at you, like he gonna cut you. 149 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:46,371 Brenda, you're so romantic. 150 00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:48,331 I guess. 151 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,459 Look, when I meet Mr. Right, I'll know. 152 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,337 Uncle George! 153 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,673 Hey, sweetie, come here! 154 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,341 How are you? 155 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,721 Go get your stuff, okay? 156 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,390 I know you. You're Tom Logan's brother. 157 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,351 -And you're that reporter, Cindy Campbell. -Yeah. 158 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,145 You did the story on our cop cycles. 159 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,063 Crop circles. 160 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:13,481 Right. 161 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,443 So, you're here to pick up your... 162 00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,027 Nephew. Cody. 163 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:19,946 You don't dress like a farmer. 164 00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:21,573 My brother's the farmer. 165 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:24,409 I'm the rapper. 166 00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:27,036 For real. And here's the 6-1-1 on that. 167 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,831 That's phone repair. You mean 4-1-1. 168 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,083 Right. 169 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:35,044 So, I'll be doing the rap battle at the 23 Club tomorrow night. 170 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,005 I don't believe this shit. 171 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,215 Word. You two should come down! 172 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,594 I be rappin', I be cappin', I be tappin', I be flappin', 173 00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:47,265 I be happening. Ding, bing, wing. Yo! 174 00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:50,226 -Sounds good. -Would, could, should, 'hood. 175 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,604 Gug, mug, dug, bug. 176 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:55,648 If we say we'll come, will you shut your ass up? 177 00:12:56,358 --> 00:13:00,111 Okay, then. Fresh. I'll see you guys tomorrow night. 178 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,864 -Okay. Bye. -Peace out. 179 00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,038 Now, who the fuck did that? 180 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,630 Honey, what is it? Are you having one of your visions? 181 00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,090 There's a girl with black hair. 182 00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,343 She wants to kill you. 183 00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:28,890 Your period starts in three, two, one. 184 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,518 What else? Cody, what else do you see? 185 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:35,146 I see a little boy and a grown woman, but no father. 186 00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:38,399 -Cody. -I see you kneeling in dog shit. 187 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,692 What? 188 00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:43,238 Oh, for God's sake. 189 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:44,989 Cody, don't you understand? 190 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:48,076 As long as we have each other, that's all we need. 191 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,912 Cody, I know things have been tough for you since your mom died. 192 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:55,333 God, I've been so selfish. Always putting my career first. 193 00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:58,503 From now on, I'm gonna be thinking about you 24... 194 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,129 Damn! 195 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:02,966 Wait, Cindy! 196 00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:22,861 Honey, I'm gonna be leaving soon, so... 197 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,667 Do you know who she is? 198 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,128 No, 199 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,463 but sometimes she talks to me. 200 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,257 She's coming tonight. 201 00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,315 -Father Muldoon! -Cindy. 202 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:04,277 I'm so grateful you could come. I've called all over for babysitters. 203 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,696 I don't mind filling in now and then. 204 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,574 Where is little Cody? 205 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,913 I don't know. He must be back in his room, playing. 206 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:17,999 Anyway, make sure Cody washes everywhere. 207 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,960 Also, he has a little rash on his behind. 208 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,213 Could you rub this lotion on his little bottom? 209 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,591 Just apply it liberally. 210 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:28,843 Thank you, Father. Good night. 211 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:34,766 Cody. 212 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,988 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's getting thick up in here. 213 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,699 Hey, look, before we get on with the battles tonight, 214 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,534 I got a couple announcements to make. 215 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,038 I know y'all are gonna wanna bust a cap in the air for your favorite rapper, 216 00:15:57,122 --> 00:16:02,126 but if you could please hold on to your gunfire until the end of the show. 217 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,129 Now, look, let's just put the safeties on. 218 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:08,216 It's on the left side of the gun above the trigger guard. 219 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,763 Will somebody get his ass out of here? Get his ass up out of here! 220 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,058 All right. DJ, spin that shit! 221 00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,790 -My bad. -Mother... 222 00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:47,505 Brenda, is something wrong? You look scared. 223 00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:50,425 I don't know. All that stuff you was saying on TV, 224 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:53,511 I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way, 225 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,723 like when you see an Asian person behind the wheel of a car. 226 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:58,766 Cindy, after the show, 227 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,936 if I don't end up on all fours with some anonymous guy, 228 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,312 or drink an ass load of Cristal 229 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,190 and have to sleep it off in a dumpster behind the Sizzler, 230 00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,193 you think maybe you could come back to my crib and hang out with me? 231 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,528 I don't wanna be alone. 232 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,363 Of course I will, Brenda. 233 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,532 I love you! 234 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,118 Pay my way, okay? 235 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,830 Yo, yo, yo, George! What's up with the man with the tightest rapping... 236 00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,540 -What's up, B? What's good? -...on the streets, baby! 237 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,042 -What's good with you, boy? -Dude! 238 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,044 -What's good, baby? -Dude! 239 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,756 Finally, the white man is gonna school the black man on how to rap. 240 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:30,923 -Yeah! -Yeah, I guess. 241 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,051 -Word. -How many people are here, you think? 242 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,177 Shit. 243 00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:38,056 I don't know, man. 100, 200 whitey-hating, chrome-packing, 244 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,808 ready to bust a cap in any white boy's ass who ain't bringing that shit. 245 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,269 -Yeah. At least. Yeah. -Word. 246 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,605 What's wrong, George? 247 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:48,066 You ever wonder when it's time to stop living up here 248 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,610 and start living down here? 249 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:53,571 But what if we stop living over here and move over there? 250 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,907 Shit, my Aunt ShaNeequa used to live over there, man, 251 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,492 -but that bitch got evicted, though. -Word? 252 00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:58,701 -Yeah, I'm dead serious. -What for? 253 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,953 -Mice. -Mice? I thought she had rats. 254 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,914 No, man. Rats are outside, mice are inside. 255 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,041 Yo, but what if a mouse goes outside? Does it become a rat? 256 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,834 And if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse? 257 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,087 I ain't never seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm saying. 258 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,505 That's because it's a rat, fool! 259 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,841 Damn. Yeah, you might've just made a fact just now. That's some real shit! 260 00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,010 -Fellas, what are you guys talking about? -That's hot! 261 00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:19,180 Yo, George, you need something? 'Cause I will do anything for you. 262 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:21,849 Anything. 263 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,896 Well, about those chrome-packing, whitey-hating gangsters, perhaps... 264 00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:29,148 -What he need is a hype man. -Word! 265 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,900 Yeah, yeah, a-come on. 266 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,318 You can be his Spliff Star. 267 00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:33,444 That's me, that's what I do. 268 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,739 That's my job, baby. That's what I do! You know... 269 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,160 That's what I do. When you a hype man, you take them hits. 270 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:42,620 Now, let's get out there, man! 271 00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,872 Heads or tail, playboy, what's it gonna be? 272 00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,208 You cannot escape your fate in the streets 273 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,919 Okay, I count cash, you count sheep 274 00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,296 You better not sleep on the beats, capisce 275 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,758 All right, all right, all right! That was hot! 276 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:58,970 That's what I'm talking about. That was hot, right? Right? 277 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,429 Yo, what do we think? 278 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,560 I thought you were both absolutely dreadful. 279 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,396 -Ghastly. -What? 280 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,731 I don't know what I'm doing here. 281 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,442 This club is totally pathetic. 282 00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:23,995 Everybody put your hands up. 283 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,998 This is it. You ready, George? It's show time, baby. 284 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:28,791 -Okay. -I just want to let you know, man, 285 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:32,086 that no matter what goes on on that stage tonight, 286 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,255 you'll always be in my heart. 287 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,257 That's love. That's love right there. 288 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,843 -I love you. -That's what I'm talking about. 289 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,347 -I love you, man. Can you feel it? -That's what I'm talking about. 290 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:46,517 -Hey, come here, y'all. Come here. -Can you feel my love on your hip? 291 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,102 -Can you feel it? -I can't get around! 292 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,353 -Okay. -Come on, dawg! 293 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:51,898 -That's what I'm talking about. -You go out there and you rip it tonight. 294 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:54,609 All right, man? Do your thing tonight, all right? 295 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,694 -Okay, cool. All right. -We shouldn't have to do that. 296 00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,696 -We love each other. -I'm gonna go bring you on. 297 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,156 Let's do it, baby. We hyped! 298 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:05,161 Yeah, all right, all right. Y'all ready for the next throw down? 299 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:08,372 To my left, we have the reigning champion, 300 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,583 hailing from Fort Apache, the Bronx. 301 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:11,876 BS 1-1-1. 302 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,712 Some of y'all call him "Jealous Ones Still Envy." 303 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:17,548 Some of y'all call him the Don Cartagena! 304 00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,800 Some of y'all call him Joey Crack. 305 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:24,805 -Stick 'em up! -But tonight, let's give it up for Fat Joe! 306 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,226 I gotta go against him? 307 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,977 Give it up! Give it up! 308 00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,021 What, you think they're here to see Fat Joe? 309 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:34,106 -Joe! Joe! Joe! -Joe! Joe! Joe! 310 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:36,317 No, man, they're saying, "Go! Go! Go!" 311 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:38,986 Now our challenger. 312 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:45,159 He's a farmer rapper, so you know he been kicking the shit all day! 313 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,411 Let's give it up for my man, George! 314 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,915 That's what I'm talking about! Yeah, yeah! Come on, everybody! 315 00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,292 -That's right. -Put your hands... 316 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,503 That's right. Okay, Joey Crack. 317 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,881 You the reigning champion, so you get to spit first. 318 00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,716 Yo, DJ, spin that shit! 319 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,887 These guys can't be serious right here. 320 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,891 Standing Mini-Me, AKA "I hope he ain't the one you fight with." 321 00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:12,103 Hey, yo, this nigga's mad corny And he got no skills 322 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,605 'Cause he's all right But he's not real 323 00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:17,149 I don't mean to hurt your feelings But you'll never get a deal 324 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,694 'Cause he's all right But he's not real 325 00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:22,863 You're a needle in the haystack I'm the don, the city slicker 326 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:26,617 Forget cows and milk your mom's Her titties give ya that elixir 327 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:27,743 Thought he wasn't? 328 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:30,204 Bet this nigga end up Having kids with his cousin 329 00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:33,124 Half-retarded My number-one fan be like 330 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:35,751 That means Fat Joe's the man! 331 00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:37,878 You're a liar in denial 332 00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:40,673 Kill your ass quicker than I died in Empire 333 00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:42,883 How dare you want to joust with me? 334 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,678 Looking like you dying of SARS Or mad cow disease 335 00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:48,055 You fake D-rabbit out to battle me 336 00:21:48,515 --> 00:21:51,392 Eight miles down the road The farm's that-a-way 337 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:54,228 Okay. No, no, wait a minute! 338 00:21:57,065 --> 00:22:00,526 All right! All right! That was hot! That was tight, Fat Joe. 339 00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:05,573 Yo! Now, everybody, give it up for my man, George! 340 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,700 DJ, spin that shit! 341 00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:16,083 Bitch. 342 00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:20,212 Ho. 343 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,016 Now everybody in the 2-0-2 344 00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:34,769 Throw your hands in the air 'Cause Fat Joe is through 345 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,105 Now everybody in the 2-0-2 Throw 'em up 346 00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:40,441 Check it out 347 00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:43,027 I'm a white boy But my neck is red 348 00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:45,988 I put Miracle Whip On my Wonder Bread 349 00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:48,699 My face is pale I've never been in jail 350 00:22:48,784 --> 00:22:50,785 Me and Buffy spend Every winter in Vail 351 00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:53,954 How many bitches have I slapped? Zero 352 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,457 And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero 353 00:22:56,666 --> 00:22:59,168 I grew up on a farm And I was born with no rhythm 354 00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:02,046 Dr. Phil's my uncle And I like to hang with him 355 00:23:02,130 --> 00:23:04,465 I can't dance I wear khaki pants 356 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,426 My middle name's Lance My grandma's from France 357 00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:09,970 So maybe I'm wack 'Cause my skin ain't black 358 00:23:10,138 --> 00:23:12,390 But you can't talk smack 'Cause whitey just struck back 359 00:23:19,314 --> 00:23:20,398 That's what I'm talking about, baby! 360 00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:22,024 -2-0-2, Fat Joe is through! -2-0-2, Fat Joe is through! 361 00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,485 -Give it up for George! -Yeah! 362 00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:27,405 That's my boy right there! That's what I'm... 363 00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,739 Oh, shit. 364 00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:35,704 -George. George. The hood. -Hell, no! 365 00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:38,833 -Lose the hood. -I know. We're in the 'hood now. 366 00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:41,335 -No, man. -He's a dead man. 367 00:23:41,503 --> 00:23:43,963 You guys feeling me? In the 'hood? 368 00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:53,597 That's it. I'm done. 369 00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:56,016 Man, you can't give up rap just like that. 370 00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:57,768 Rap-schmap! 371 00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:59,937 Look, you still got it! See? 372 00:24:01,731 --> 00:24:03,816 Thanks for coming over tonight, Cindy. 373 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,277 I guess I'm just going through a rough time. 374 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:09,822 Brenda, you want to tell me what's really bothering you? 375 00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:16,662 Well, there's something I need to... I saw a tape. 376 00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:19,540 I think you should know about it. 377 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:22,501 It had these really shocking images, Cindy. 378 00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:24,962 Brenda, it was Mardi Gras. 379 00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:28,174 I never drank vodka before, and I was out of beads! 380 00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:30,217 No, not that tape, Cindy. 381 00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:32,553 Well, I guess it's just an urban legend. 382 00:24:33,054 --> 00:24:35,055 You watch it, 383 00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:38,893 and as soon as it's over, your phone rings and a creepy voice says, 384 00:24:39,019 --> 00:24:40,895 "You're gonna die in seven days." 385 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,397 And seven days later... 386 00:24:45,108 --> 00:24:46,108 When did you watch it? 387 00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:48,402 A week ago. 388 00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,572 -A week ago tonight. -Brenda... 389 00:24:56,411 --> 00:24:58,078 Oh, my God! 390 00:24:59,289 --> 00:25:00,289 Brenda! 391 00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:04,293 Brenda! Oh, my God! 392 00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:10,549 Oh, my God, you bitch! 393 00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:11,967 Ketchup! 394 00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:14,220 You should have seen the look on your face! 395 00:25:16,431 --> 00:25:17,556 You got me! 396 00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:21,769 Brenda? Brenda? 397 00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:24,605 Oh, my God! Brenda! 398 00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:28,943 Brenda! 399 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,953 -I can't believe you fell for that fake seizure! -But it seemed so real! 400 00:25:39,162 --> 00:25:41,288 -It did, didn't it? -And you peed! 401 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:43,832 Yeah! I really sold that shit, didn't I? 402 00:25:45,335 --> 00:25:48,254 I just love the look on your face when you are scared. 403 00:25:48,338 --> 00:25:50,464 Girl, you are too easy. 404 00:25:57,806 --> 00:26:00,558 I got you with the old fake hand! 405 00:26:03,144 --> 00:26:05,729 -Girl, you were scared! -Well, I know! 406 00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:09,733 -Come on. I was just kidding. -Well, you've taken it too far, Brenda. 407 00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:12,861 I'm gonna go get the rest of the popcorn! 408 00:26:19,536 --> 00:26:20,578 Cindy? 409 00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:23,080 Forget it. I am not falling for it again. 410 00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:42,474 Come on. 411 00:26:42,559 --> 00:26:44,268 Cindy, the news is on! 412 00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:47,438 Another little white girl done fell down a well. 413 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:50,441 Fifty black people get their ass beat by police today, 414 00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:53,360 but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down a hole. 415 00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:00,284 Cindy! 416 00:27:02,704 --> 00:27:04,705 The TV's leaking! 417 00:27:06,374 --> 00:27:07,374 Cindy? 418 00:27:08,376 --> 00:27:09,918 Cindy, something's wrong here. 419 00:27:26,102 --> 00:27:28,562 Cindy, this bitch is messing up my floor! 420 00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:34,902 Cindy, help me! 421 00:27:35,236 --> 00:27:36,403 I'm not listening. 422 00:27:39,407 --> 00:27:40,783 Get up, you little ugly bitch. 423 00:27:40,950 --> 00:27:42,493 Come on. Let me see what you got. 424 00:27:42,786 --> 00:27:44,870 What you gonna do? That's all? 425 00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:51,543 I'm whupping her ass, Cindy! 426 00:27:51,961 --> 00:27:52,961 Yeah! What's up? 427 00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:10,729 Cindy, please help me! Cindy! 428 00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:14,983 Okay, hang on a second. Hello? 429 00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:17,736 Father Muldoon here. We're getting along famously. 430 00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:19,780 Thanks again, Father. Bye-bye. 431 00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:23,867 Brenda? 432 00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:28,122 Brenda! 433 00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:42,428 Oh, my God! 434 00:28:42,637 --> 00:28:45,806 Yes, yes, of course I'll tell her. Thank you. 435 00:28:47,851 --> 00:28:51,478 Sue's teacher, Brenda. She's dead. 436 00:28:53,481 --> 00:28:56,400 -I'd better tell her. -No, no, no. I can do it. 437 00:29:02,657 --> 00:29:04,158 -Sue? -Yes? 438 00:29:05,702 --> 00:29:08,495 -You know your teacher, Miss Brenda? -Yeah? 439 00:29:08,705 --> 00:29:09,830 She's dead! 440 00:29:10,957 --> 00:29:14,418 Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! 441 00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:17,129 Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog! 442 00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:18,464 My dog's dead? 443 00:29:18,715 --> 00:29:22,259 I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! 444 00:29:22,343 --> 00:29:24,678 Everyone you love around you is dying! 445 00:29:34,355 --> 00:29:36,190 Hello, Father. 446 00:29:36,274 --> 00:29:39,860 Don't call me "Father." I haven't been a clergyman since... 447 00:29:43,364 --> 00:29:45,491 I'm sorry about that night. 448 00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:50,496 If I hadn't fallen asleep while driving for that exact 20 minutes, 449 00:29:50,872 --> 00:29:54,124 if I hadn't drank that exact whole bottle of Jägermeister, 450 00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:59,129 if I hadn't raped and mutilated that exact mulatto hitchhiker... 451 00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:00,881 -Sayaman... -...if I hadn't been caught in that 452 00:30:00,965 --> 00:30:03,634 exact motel room with those exact two boys... 453 00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:07,721 Sayaman. I don't see what any of this has to do with Annie. 454 00:30:08,097 --> 00:30:10,766 I'm sorry. Those were other nights. 455 00:30:10,850 --> 00:30:13,352 But if it had been that night, 456 00:30:13,436 --> 00:30:17,147 I might have missed her. That terrible night. 457 00:30:23,279 --> 00:30:24,571 Hey! 458 00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:41,421 -It's your wife, Father. She's hurt. -Annie? 459 00:30:41,756 --> 00:30:44,091 She was hit by a truck and she's pinned against a tree. 460 00:30:44,759 --> 00:30:45,759 I don't understand. 461 00:30:46,219 --> 00:30:49,721 As long as the truck has her pinned, she'll stay alive. 462 00:30:50,265 --> 00:30:51,682 I still don't get it. 463 00:30:56,104 --> 00:30:59,273 This is your wife. 464 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:02,150 She broke her wiener? 465 00:31:05,363 --> 00:31:07,573 Look what happens to the taco. 466 00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:13,620 Look, I don't understand all this fancy medical lingo. I wanna see Annie. 467 00:31:15,748 --> 00:31:17,833 She's split in half. 468 00:31:17,917 --> 00:31:21,795 You mean, like down-the-middle in half? 469 00:31:22,630 --> 00:31:23,630 At the waist. 470 00:31:24,090 --> 00:31:27,217 You mean this is the last time I can talk to the top half? 471 00:31:28,469 --> 00:31:32,723 Yes. The truck is the only thing that is holding her together. 472 00:31:33,474 --> 00:31:36,435 Let's say this is her bottom half. 473 00:31:37,145 --> 00:31:38,812 Can I squeeze in a few minutes with that? 474 00:31:40,148 --> 00:31:42,316 I'm not sure what you mean. 475 00:31:43,318 --> 00:31:45,736 -Let me explain. -Tom. 476 00:31:45,820 --> 00:31:47,821 Go to her. 477 00:31:55,496 --> 00:31:58,582 Tom, I'll need a ride home. 478 00:32:01,711 --> 00:32:04,504 Hey, baby. How's it going? 479 00:32:05,965 --> 00:32:07,341 I'm dying, Tom. 480 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,345 Don't talk like that. The truck barely hit you. 481 00:32:13,681 --> 00:32:16,850 Honey, kiss me one last time. 482 00:32:19,979 --> 00:32:22,314 Promise me you'll never remarry. 483 00:32:23,107 --> 00:32:24,232 I promise. 484 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,818 And no sex, either. 485 00:32:28,404 --> 00:32:30,405 I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. 486 00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:34,159 -No sex. -Honey, you're not speaking clearly. 487 00:32:34,243 --> 00:32:36,370 -Your injuries must be awful. -No sex. 488 00:32:36,454 --> 00:32:38,163 -Cruel fate to shroud my wife's... -No sex. 489 00:32:38,247 --> 00:32:39,748 -...dying words in mystery. -No sex. 490 00:32:39,832 --> 00:32:41,792 -No sex! -Poor Annie. 491 00:32:41,876 --> 00:32:44,920 We hardly knew her. She'll be missed terribly. 492 00:32:45,004 --> 00:32:47,464 -Jesus. -That's right, honey, go into the light. 493 00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:48,799 Look! 494 00:32:48,883 --> 00:32:51,343 Just tell George, "Swing away." 495 00:32:51,886 --> 00:32:53,220 Right. Swing away. 496 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,139 Sure. That you understand. 497 00:32:58,142 --> 00:33:00,435 Annie? Annie! 498 00:33:02,605 --> 00:33:04,523 I'm sorry, dude. 499 00:33:04,607 --> 00:33:08,986 Don't call me dude. I'm not a stoner anymore, not since... 500 00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:12,614 Goodbye, Tom. 501 00:33:28,589 --> 00:33:30,424 I'm so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Meeks. 502 00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:32,384 Brenda was a good friend 503 00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:34,052 when she was alive. 504 00:33:34,137 --> 00:33:38,223 My sweet, sweet Brenda. She looks so peaceful. 505 00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:46,523 If only God had taken us instead of our daughter. 506 00:33:46,941 --> 00:33:50,444 And knowing your Brenda like I did, I'd say she wishes the same thing. 507 00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:54,281 These just came today. 508 00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,659 Photos from a trip she took. 509 00:34:01,456 --> 00:34:03,623 -They're blank. -Turn them around, honey. 510 00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:07,586 Yes, of course. 511 00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:10,589 -Who's this? -That's Ralph. 512 00:34:10,965 --> 00:34:12,591 He's right over there. 513 00:34:18,931 --> 00:34:19,931 Cody? 514 00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:22,893 It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole. 515 00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:26,980 Smoke all you want. You're gonna get hit by a bus. 516 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:29,941 That's not fooling anyone. 517 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:33,653 -Cindy. -George. 518 00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:37,074 Hey. Sue wanted to pay her respects to her teacher. 519 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:40,410 -You? -Brenda was my bitch. 520 00:34:40,495 --> 00:34:41,536 Of course. 521 00:34:44,832 --> 00:34:46,249 Are you okay? 522 00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:48,335 It's just the open coffin. 523 00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:50,545 I can't believe they just leave it out here like this. 524 00:34:51,005 --> 00:34:53,173 -George, it's a wake. -Awake? 525 00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:54,800 -Brenda! It's a miracle! -No! George, stop! 526 00:34:55,009 --> 00:34:56,176 I thought you were dead! 527 00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:58,261 Sue, your teacher's alive! 528 00:34:58,346 --> 00:34:59,721 -Hello? -What did he say? 529 00:34:59,806 --> 00:35:03,100 I got your back, George! I got your back! 530 00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:05,352 I'll tell you what! 531 00:35:09,190 --> 00:35:10,941 Mahalik, she's alive! Brenda! 532 00:35:11,025 --> 00:35:14,277 -George, stop! She's dead! -Brenda! No! We won't lose you again! 533 00:35:14,362 --> 00:35:16,363 Mahalik, help! 534 00:35:16,614 --> 00:35:17,614 Nothing! 535 00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:23,161 -She's not breathing! -No! 536 00:35:23,287 --> 00:35:25,205 Live, damn it! Live! 537 00:35:25,289 --> 00:35:26,456 Don't! 538 00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:28,500 Live, damn it! Live! 539 00:35:30,086 --> 00:35:31,545 Let me open her windpipe! 540 00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:35,882 -Charles! Charles, stop them! -Breathe! 541 00:35:39,595 --> 00:35:41,888 Someone stop them! What are they doing? 542 00:35:42,056 --> 00:35:43,431 Get off! 543 00:35:43,724 --> 00:35:45,725 She's alive! She's alive! 544 00:35:46,185 --> 00:35:48,562 Wake up! Brenda, Brenda, breathe! 545 00:35:59,740 --> 00:36:00,740 Clear! 546 00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:02,492 No! 547 00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:09,082 I got something! I got something! 548 00:36:16,799 --> 00:36:18,175 -That's it! -George! 549 00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:21,011 That's the last time I try to bring anyone back from the dead. 550 00:36:21,095 --> 00:36:25,265 George, don't get down on yourself. I know you were only trying to help. 551 00:36:25,349 --> 00:36:26,892 You're a good, caring person, 552 00:36:28,436 --> 00:36:29,728 which is why I like you. 553 00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:34,232 Thanks, Cindy, but I don't wanna screw your life up, too. 554 00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:36,234 The most caring thing I could do for everyone right now 555 00:36:36,319 --> 00:36:37,736 is to just get out of here. 556 00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:40,155 George! What about Sue? 557 00:36:42,116 --> 00:36:45,827 Yes. Of course. Once I get Sue, then... 558 00:36:45,953 --> 00:36:47,621 Wait! 559 00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:52,751 I could really use a friend right now. 560 00:36:54,795 --> 00:36:58,131 Brenda's gone, Cody resents me. 561 00:36:59,175 --> 00:37:02,385 And I'm caught up in something I can't even... 562 00:37:02,470 --> 00:37:04,721 Oh, God, it's so hard! 563 00:37:04,805 --> 00:37:08,141 Well, you're beautiful and you're pressing up against me. 564 00:37:10,645 --> 00:37:12,979 Look, Cindy, 565 00:37:13,064 --> 00:37:17,651 I know you'd never consider going out with a guy like me, 566 00:37:17,735 --> 00:37:20,695 but if you're not too busy tomorrow night... 567 00:37:22,823 --> 00:37:25,659 -Is that a yes? -Yes. 568 00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:35,252 Cindy, did Brenda ever talk to you about a tape? 569 00:37:35,336 --> 00:37:37,003 She did mention something. 570 00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,297 Do you mind if I go upstairs and look around? 571 00:37:39,507 --> 00:37:41,591 Yes, go. Of course. Go. 572 00:37:42,134 --> 00:37:44,970 Cody, I'll be right back, okay? 573 00:37:45,054 --> 00:37:49,516 You're getting laid tonight. He doesn't know you're a guy. 574 00:38:48,951 --> 00:38:50,577 Oh, shit. 575 00:39:30,534 --> 00:39:32,118 Hello? 576 00:39:33,579 --> 00:39:35,955 What? Willie Mays? 577 00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:39,667 Who's gay? Hello? 578 00:39:39,752 --> 00:39:41,169 ...me now? 579 00:39:41,420 --> 00:39:42,379 What? 580 00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:44,881 -Can you hear me now? -Kind of. 581 00:39:44,965 --> 00:39:46,758 -Can you hear me now? -Yes, perfect. 582 00:39:46,842 --> 00:39:49,886 -Seven days. -Seven days? 583 00:39:49,970 --> 00:39:51,846 Oh, my God. I'm gonna die next Monday? 584 00:39:51,931 --> 00:39:55,475 Yes. No, wait. Monday. That would be seven business days. 585 00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:59,562 -This is seven days starting now. -So seven days to this very hour? 586 00:39:59,647 --> 00:40:01,856 My watch broke. How am I gonna know the exact hour? 587 00:40:01,941 --> 00:40:04,526 Forget hours. This day, seven days from now. 588 00:40:04,652 --> 00:40:07,153 But there's a holiday coming up. Do you count the holiday as a day? 589 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,030 Well, that depends. What holiday? 590 00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:11,241 -Martin Luther King Day. -Then no. 591 00:40:11,325 --> 00:40:13,493 Why not? Everybody at work is taking it off. 592 00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:15,912 Jesus Christ, lady. I'm giving you seven friggin' days. 593 00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:20,500 I can come over there now and kill the shit out of you if you'd rather have that. 594 00:40:23,003 --> 00:40:24,879 George, I don't care what you say, man. 595 00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:26,840 I'm signing you up for another rap battle. 596 00:40:26,924 --> 00:40:29,259 Mahalik, I told you. That part of my life is over. 597 00:40:29,343 --> 00:40:31,719 I said the same thing about getting with CJ's sister. 598 00:40:31,804 --> 00:40:34,305 -But look at me. I'm still hitting that. -He's still hitting it, man! 599 00:40:34,390 --> 00:40:36,683 And she fine as shit! That's my sister! What? 600 00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:37,934 It doesn't matter. I'm done. 601 00:40:38,018 --> 00:40:39,811 So, what are you gonna do with the rest of your life, dawg? 602 00:40:39,895 --> 00:40:41,604 I don't know. 603 00:40:43,023 --> 00:40:45,191 Yeah, yeah! Come on! 604 00:40:45,776 --> 00:40:48,528 Maybe my brother was right. Maybe I should just settle down. 605 00:40:51,073 --> 00:40:52,115 -What's up, then? -Mother... 606 00:40:52,199 --> 00:40:53,199 I got another one, y'all. 607 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:57,537 Well, George, man, you can't focus on that shit, man. Let that go. 608 00:40:59,373 --> 00:41:02,208 Hey, you gotta try this shit, George. 609 00:41:06,130 --> 00:41:08,298 -Yo, man, you got to take the lid off! -What's wrong with you, man? 610 00:41:08,382 --> 00:41:10,008 -Yes, of course. -Sorry! 611 00:41:12,553 --> 00:41:14,512 -Hello? -George, something terrible has happened. 612 00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:15,805 I really need your help. 613 00:41:17,975 --> 00:41:21,769 -Cindy, are you okay? What's going on? -George! George, you have to help me. 614 00:41:21,854 --> 00:41:24,147 I just watched this tape, the same tape that killed Brenda. 615 00:41:24,231 --> 00:41:27,692 And then the phone rang, and this voice said that I was gonna die in seven days. 616 00:41:27,776 --> 00:41:30,361 Cindy, there's no such thing as a killer videotape. 617 00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:31,779 Hell, yeah, there is! 618 00:41:31,864 --> 00:41:33,823 In fact, I know somebody who can definitely help you with that. 619 00:41:33,908 --> 00:41:35,325 -You do? Who? -Wait up, man. 620 00:41:35,409 --> 00:41:38,411 I heard Jamal from 90th Street, he watched that tape last week. 621 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,246 -And this morning he woke up dead. -No! 622 00:41:40,331 --> 00:41:41,664 How in the hell do you wake up dead? 623 00:41:41,749 --> 00:41:43,208 'Cause you're alive when you go to sleep. 624 00:41:43,292 --> 00:41:44,876 -Wait. Just tell me who can help me. -So you telling me 625 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,586 that you can go to bed dead and wake up alive? 626 00:41:46,670 --> 00:41:49,297 You can't go to bed dead! Man, that shit would be redundant. 627 00:41:49,381 --> 00:41:50,548 -Just tell me who. -No, it wouldn't. 628 00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:52,800 'Cause you can go to bed and not be dead, 629 00:41:52,885 --> 00:41:54,552 and you can die but not be in a bed. 630 00:41:54,637 --> 00:41:58,473 But you are in a bed, man. That's how you wake up dead in the first place, fool! 631 00:41:58,557 --> 00:42:00,558 Damn! That's some quantum shit right there, man! 632 00:42:00,643 --> 00:42:02,644 -That's what I'm talking about. -You should be teaching classes! 633 00:42:02,728 --> 00:42:05,313 -You steady dropping knowledge! -Just tell me who can help me! 634 00:42:05,397 --> 00:42:06,814 -Damn! -My Aunt ShaNeequa. 635 00:42:06,899 --> 00:42:08,775 Her and her man are into all this weird shit. 636 00:42:08,859 --> 00:42:10,985 They saw the tape before anybody else knew about it. 637 00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:12,278 Matter of fact, you should go see them tonight. 638 00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:14,531 -Tonight? Yeah. -Yeah. 639 00:42:14,615 --> 00:42:16,908 But who will take care of Cody? 640 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:20,203 George, we're gonna have so much fun. 641 00:42:20,287 --> 00:42:22,372 I have some jigsaw puzzles and board games 642 00:42:22,456 --> 00:42:25,750 and baseball cards in my room, and this really cool model airplane. 643 00:42:25,834 --> 00:42:27,210 -I'm gonna go get it. -Sure. 644 00:42:27,294 --> 00:42:28,711 Okay, so I made him a snack, 645 00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:30,672 and you can give him some warm milk if he can't go to sleep... 646 00:42:30,756 --> 00:42:31,756 Don't worry. 647 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,508 -Everything's gonna be fine. -Here it is. 648 00:42:33,592 --> 00:42:35,802 I'm great with kids. Heads up, Cody. 649 00:42:37,888 --> 00:42:39,639 And in case of emergencies, 650 00:42:39,723 --> 00:42:41,474 -I left some numbers... -I'm okay. 651 00:42:42,226 --> 00:42:45,853 Sorry. You okay, kiddo? That a boy! 652 00:42:49,900 --> 00:42:51,734 And I guess that's it. 653 00:42:51,819 --> 00:42:54,237 -Okay, I'm off. -Right. 654 00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:59,742 You know, it's funny. All a child ever really wants is a family. 655 00:42:59,994 --> 00:43:01,077 Yo. 656 00:43:02,037 --> 00:43:04,581 -Cody really likes you. -He's a good kid. 657 00:43:04,665 --> 00:43:06,124 Yeah. 658 00:43:08,711 --> 00:43:10,587 -Bye. -Bye. 659 00:43:26,395 --> 00:43:29,314 -Hello? -I know. 660 00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:32,191 You're Cindy. Be right with you. 661 00:43:32,693 --> 00:43:33,901 Aunt ShaNeequa? 662 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:40,033 Bingo. But you can call me the Oracle. And don't worry about that vase. 663 00:43:40,326 --> 00:43:42,910 What vase? Sorry, I didn't know. 664 00:43:45,706 --> 00:43:46,831 That vase. 665 00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:49,959 Please, sit. 666 00:43:55,591 --> 00:43:56,758 It was the chair. 667 00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:05,558 Yes, the chair. 668 00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:11,439 I know why you've come. A great mystery lies ahead of you, 669 00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:13,733 but you must not shy away from the challenge. 670 00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:16,611 Only you can be the one who will... 671 00:44:18,447 --> 00:44:19,697 -Orpheus? -What, baby? 672 00:44:19,782 --> 00:44:20,823 Sweetie? 673 00:44:22,117 --> 00:44:24,035 I'm watching the game. 674 00:44:25,454 --> 00:44:26,704 Do you mind? 675 00:44:29,124 --> 00:44:30,500 The Lakers will win by 12. 676 00:44:33,420 --> 00:44:35,588 -So can you tell me about... -The tape? 677 00:44:36,131 --> 00:44:39,050 -Yes. I watched it, and... -The phone rang. 678 00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:43,596 -Right. And then this voice said... -That you would die in seven days. 679 00:44:43,681 --> 00:44:46,099 -Okay, that's getting... -Extremely annoying. 680 00:44:46,183 --> 00:44:48,851 -Yeah. -Try being married to her. 681 00:44:48,936 --> 00:44:51,813 I catch shit about women I ain't slept with yet. 682 00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:55,608 You made a copy of the tape. Let's see it. 683 00:44:56,026 --> 00:44:57,610 Yes, okay. 684 00:45:04,076 --> 00:45:05,326 ShaNeequa, can you tell me if... 685 00:45:05,411 --> 00:45:08,871 The tape is connected to the crop circles and the aliens? Yes. 686 00:45:09,415 --> 00:45:12,750 But it's up to you to discover how for yourself. 687 00:45:13,669 --> 00:45:15,962 -Look, it's a... -Cigarette? 688 00:45:16,755 --> 00:45:18,673 I was going to say "lighthouse." 689 00:45:20,134 --> 00:45:22,427 Find that lighthouse. It's your destiny. 690 00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:27,724 Wait. What is that? 691 00:45:32,563 --> 00:45:34,689 Oh, my God. 692 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:54,959 There we go. 693 00:45:57,045 --> 00:45:58,838 Now, baby... 694 00:45:59,631 --> 00:46:01,632 I knew that was gonna happen. 695 00:46:02,801 --> 00:46:04,302 Come on. 696 00:46:05,888 --> 00:46:08,681 Hell, no. Get your ass out the TV! 697 00:46:08,766 --> 00:46:12,310 What's wrong with you? I'm gonna teach you not to be... 698 00:46:12,436 --> 00:46:14,520 -Get out that TV! -Baby, no! No! 699 00:46:14,605 --> 00:46:16,439 -No! Let her go! Let her go! Let her go! -Yeah! 700 00:46:16,523 --> 00:46:18,524 Come on, we gonna get another lawsuit. Come on! 701 00:46:18,609 --> 00:46:20,234 She spit on me. I'll kill the bitch. 702 00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:24,405 You won. You won. You won. You won. 703 00:46:24,490 --> 00:46:25,823 -Upstairs. Upstairs. -Okay. Okay. 704 00:46:25,908 --> 00:46:27,033 -Down low. -Okay. 705 00:46:27,117 --> 00:46:28,618 -All right. -Baby, no! 706 00:46:28,702 --> 00:46:31,829 -Kill her! Is you crazy? Is you crazy? -Baby! 707 00:46:32,998 --> 00:46:34,248 -What you gonna brush now? -Cool down. 708 00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:35,875 What you gonna brush now, huh? 709 00:46:37,544 --> 00:46:39,170 You picked the wrong TV to come out of. 710 00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:46,928 George? Cody? 711 00:46:50,224 --> 00:46:51,599 George? 712 00:46:52,768 --> 00:46:55,812 -What happened? -I don't know. 713 00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:59,440 Cody and I were playing a fun game, and then I looked down and... 714 00:47:00,359 --> 00:47:01,943 Yahtzee! 715 00:47:08,408 --> 00:47:09,450 No! 716 00:47:11,411 --> 00:47:13,204 Oh, my God! 717 00:47:13,622 --> 00:47:15,706 -How could you let him watch the tape? -I didn't... 718 00:47:24,633 --> 00:47:27,176 -Hello? -It's me. 719 00:47:27,261 --> 00:47:29,303 -How you doing? -Fine. 720 00:47:29,805 --> 00:47:32,515 Enjoying your last week? I can't wait to see you. 721 00:47:32,599 --> 00:47:35,434 -Six days now, right? -Yeah. 722 00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:38,062 Well, it was great catching up, but can I speak to Cody? 723 00:47:38,146 --> 00:47:40,439 Why? He didn't watch the tape. 724 00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:43,401 Yes, he did. Come on, Cindy, I do this for a living. 725 00:47:43,485 --> 00:47:44,569 Leave us alone! 726 00:47:50,492 --> 00:47:51,826 -Hello? -Hello, 727 00:47:51,910 --> 00:47:55,955 I'm calling from Reader's Digest with a fantastic offer for Cody. 728 00:47:56,623 --> 00:47:59,542 No, you're not! You're that evil little girl from the tape! 729 00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:03,379 Okay, you got me. How about I just leave a message for him? 730 00:48:03,463 --> 00:48:05,131 Fine. 731 00:48:07,968 --> 00:48:10,636 Yeah. Okay, how do you spell that? 732 00:48:11,597 --> 00:48:15,141 Right. Okay, got it. Bye-bye. 733 00:48:21,815 --> 00:48:24,734 -I can't believe you let that happen. -I know. I'm sorry, I screwed up... 734 00:48:24,818 --> 00:48:26,819 Listen, we can still save him. 735 00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:30,656 The answer to the tape, to your crop circles, is at a lighthouse. 736 00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:33,451 -You think I'm crazy, don't you? -Of course I do, 737 00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:36,871 but the last thing you need now is a screw-up like me. 738 00:48:36,955 --> 00:48:39,665 -I'm gonna leave for good. -Wait. 739 00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:44,754 Well, what should I tell Cody? 740 00:48:45,589 --> 00:48:48,466 Let him down easy. Tell him I got called away on business. 741 00:48:48,550 --> 00:48:50,509 You'll think of something. 742 00:48:50,594 --> 00:48:52,929 Testicular cancer. He won't ask questions. 743 00:48:53,013 --> 00:48:56,182 -I knew you'd understand. -George! 744 00:48:56,266 --> 00:49:02,271 Just be careful. Something weird is going on at your farm. I know it. 745 00:49:02,356 --> 00:49:03,648 I don't know what you're talking about. 746 00:49:03,732 --> 00:49:05,900 Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence. 747 00:49:05,984 --> 00:49:08,277 -What? -Goodbye, Cindy. 748 00:49:33,136 --> 00:49:34,303 Sue? 749 00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:35,554 I can't sleep. 750 00:49:36,390 --> 00:49:39,558 Well, it's way past your bedtime. 751 00:49:41,561 --> 00:49:45,690 Won't you rock me to sleep in your big, strong arms? 752 00:49:47,484 --> 00:49:49,402 There's plenty of room under the covers. 753 00:49:50,195 --> 00:49:52,071 It's a hot night. 754 00:49:52,572 --> 00:49:54,573 You don't need to wear pajamas. 755 00:49:56,493 --> 00:49:57,576 Where is my daughter? 756 00:49:57,869 --> 00:50:00,121 Are you mad? I am your daughter. 757 00:50:00,205 --> 00:50:01,872 No, you're not! 758 00:50:04,084 --> 00:50:05,835 Come here! 759 00:50:05,919 --> 00:50:08,587 -What did you do with Sue? -I didn't touch her. I swear. 760 00:50:08,714 --> 00:50:12,341 -I don't believe you! -Please! For God's sakes, she's a girl! 761 00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:13,551 You sick... 762 00:50:34,698 --> 00:50:36,198 Daddy! 763 00:50:36,283 --> 00:50:39,618 How do you like it, huh? Having fun? 764 00:50:56,928 --> 00:50:59,388 Tom, are you... 765 00:51:00,390 --> 00:51:02,558 What in the world? 766 00:51:05,145 --> 00:51:06,979 Look. 767 00:51:07,105 --> 00:51:08,689 What is that thing? 768 00:51:09,149 --> 00:51:10,816 I don't know. 769 00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,944 Maybe Cindy was right. 770 00:51:29,503 --> 00:51:31,754 Please, sir. All I need is five minutes. 771 00:51:31,838 --> 00:51:34,924 And I told you, Campbell, no more paranoid on-air rants 772 00:51:35,008 --> 00:51:36,509 about the supernatural. 773 00:51:36,635 --> 00:51:40,179 I know. This station is about sex, violence and the weather. 774 00:51:40,263 --> 00:51:41,931 Yes. That reminds me. 775 00:51:42,015 --> 00:51:44,934 We're gonna need that "Porn Star Shot Dead in a Hurricane" story. 776 00:51:45,018 --> 00:51:46,560 One hour. 777 00:51:46,645 --> 00:51:48,938 Meanwhile, a tornado in Charleston 778 00:51:49,022 --> 00:51:51,607 threatens a clothing-optional beach where, just yesterday, 779 00:51:51,691 --> 00:51:53,943 a naked couple was brutally murdered. 780 00:51:54,027 --> 00:51:55,778 -This just five miles from the spot... -I'm sorry. 781 00:51:55,862 --> 00:51:58,280 ...where the last naked couple was brutally murdered. 782 00:51:58,365 --> 00:52:00,533 Turning now to sports. 783 00:52:00,617 --> 00:52:05,454 And an evil videotape that kills anyone who watches it in seven days. 784 00:52:05,539 --> 00:52:07,957 It's true. We're all in danger. 785 00:52:08,041 --> 00:52:09,625 -There's an alien force out there... -Oh, no. 786 00:52:09,709 --> 00:52:12,044 ...that's trying to prevent you from knowing the truth. 787 00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:14,421 -Campbell, are you insane? -Trust me, it's a horrible fate. 788 00:52:14,506 --> 00:52:15,631 -Carson, I have to do this. -Do you hear me? 789 00:52:15,715 --> 00:52:17,800 Correction, there really is no danger. 790 00:52:17,884 --> 00:52:20,553 Actually, I didn't really mean anything I just said. 791 00:52:21,054 --> 00:52:23,472 Yes, I did. Every word of it. 792 00:52:23,557 --> 00:52:25,724 Everyone watching this could be dead in a week. 793 00:52:32,232 --> 00:52:33,566 1-3-4-19... 794 00:52:36,236 --> 00:52:37,278 4-6-9... 795 00:52:37,362 --> 00:52:41,323 I been cleaning after this dumb-ass cracker, Giggins, for 10 years. 796 00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:43,993 But I been waxing his bitch's ass for 12. 797 00:52:44,077 --> 00:52:45,578 Know what I'm saying, nigger? 798 00:52:45,662 --> 00:52:48,497 I ride that ho like your mama rides the bus. 799 00:52:48,582 --> 00:52:50,332 She likes her some chocolate. 800 00:52:50,417 --> 00:52:52,626 Sharpton for President, y'all. I'm outty. 801 00:52:53,587 --> 00:52:54,753 Peace. 802 00:52:55,714 --> 00:52:58,507 An evil videotape that kills people in seven days? 803 00:52:58,592 --> 00:53:00,634 Alien forces threatening the world? 804 00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:02,469 And who in the hell is this Cindy Campbell? 805 00:53:02,554 --> 00:53:05,264 If what she says is true, we're facing an unprecedented crisis. 806 00:53:05,348 --> 00:53:07,683 -Get me the President. -You are the President. 807 00:53:07,767 --> 00:53:11,353 Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch. 808 00:53:11,438 --> 00:53:13,981 Sir, I think you need to go on TV 809 00:53:14,065 --> 00:53:17,693 and convince the people that there is no such thing as a UFO. 810 00:53:17,777 --> 00:53:19,612 Don't spell in front of me, damn it. 811 00:53:20,447 --> 00:53:23,365 Aliens, sir. There's no such thing as aliens. 812 00:53:23,450 --> 00:53:25,201 -That's not quite true. -Sir? 813 00:53:25,285 --> 00:53:28,329 A year ago, a UFO crash-landed in New Mexico. 814 00:53:28,622 --> 00:53:31,373 -A body may have been recovered. -"May have been"? 815 00:53:31,458 --> 00:53:34,293 Well, there was a terrible mix-up. 816 00:53:34,377 --> 00:53:38,714 It was Thanksgiving. The body was sent down to the kitchen. 817 00:53:38,798 --> 00:53:42,635 They shoved stuffing up its ass, and we ate it at a state dinner. 818 00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:44,178 That's the last I saw of it. 819 00:53:44,262 --> 00:53:47,848 No, scratch that. There were some sandwiches made the next day. 820 00:53:47,933 --> 00:53:50,559 -Mr. President! Listen to me carefully. -Agent Thompson! 821 00:53:50,644 --> 00:53:51,936 Back away from that window! 822 00:53:52,395 --> 00:53:54,813 What? Did I forget to put my pants on again? 823 00:53:54,898 --> 00:53:58,567 No, sir. It's just a feeling I've been having since the news about the aliens. 824 00:53:58,652 --> 00:54:00,736 -Something's not right. -I know what you mean. 825 00:54:00,820 --> 00:54:03,864 Like that feeling that something's not right. 826 00:54:05,116 --> 00:54:07,243 What is it? 827 00:54:07,327 --> 00:54:09,161 Some old Tupac, sir. 828 00:54:11,498 --> 00:54:15,918 All Eyez on Me. Hey, this shit is banging. 829 00:54:16,002 --> 00:54:18,379 Thank you, sir. I appreciate it. 830 00:55:32,579 --> 00:55:34,038 Hello, Cindy. 831 00:55:37,083 --> 00:55:41,295 I am the Architect. You have many questions. 832 00:55:43,757 --> 00:55:45,883 I've been watching you for a very long time. 833 00:55:48,261 --> 00:55:49,511 So I see. 834 00:55:49,888 --> 00:55:52,598 But what is the connection between the crop circles and the videotape? 835 00:55:52,682 --> 00:55:56,143 The answer is simple. You are the eventuality of an anomaly. 836 00:55:56,227 --> 00:55:58,812 You are inexorably seeking a sedulant probability. 837 00:55:58,897 --> 00:56:01,690 -"Sedulant"? -Grotesquery? No? 838 00:56:01,775 --> 00:56:04,985 What about "contingent affirmation"? That's got to mean something. 839 00:56:05,070 --> 00:56:09,782 Hey! Hey! You put cameras in my bathroom? 840 00:56:11,284 --> 00:56:13,619 I can't... What is this? 841 00:56:13,703 --> 00:56:16,997 Oh, my God. Well, it was a long winter. I... 842 00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:19,750 -This is an invasion of... -Sorry. 843 00:56:19,834 --> 00:56:22,669 I can't help it. It's very lonely in here. 844 00:56:22,754 --> 00:56:25,839 Ergo, I haven't been with anyone in a very long time, 845 00:56:25,924 --> 00:56:29,510 not counting myself, or this chair. 846 00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:33,639 I call her... Linda. 847 00:56:34,099 --> 00:56:36,225 Could you just cut to the chase? I'm kind of in a rush. 848 00:56:36,309 --> 00:56:38,560 Why? You can always sleep over if you want. 849 00:56:38,645 --> 00:56:40,729 Linda's built for two, and she vibrates. 850 00:56:40,814 --> 00:56:44,149 Stop it! Just tell me what I need to know! Who is that little girl? 851 00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:45,651 Okay, okay! 852 00:56:48,154 --> 00:56:51,532 My wife and I wanted a child, but she couldn't get pregnant. 853 00:56:51,616 --> 00:56:54,576 -Neither could I. -So you adopted? 854 00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:57,162 We loved our daughter, but she was evil. 855 00:56:57,288 --> 00:57:01,875 Made the horses crazy, killed our puppies, hid the remote, really sick shit. 856 00:57:02,168 --> 00:57:05,003 My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in the well. 857 00:57:06,005 --> 00:57:08,590 I felt a simple time-out would've been sufficient. 858 00:57:09,300 --> 00:57:12,261 But Tabitha imprinted her evil on a videotape. 859 00:57:13,012 --> 00:57:16,098 -I never meant for it to get out, but... -But what? 860 00:57:16,683 --> 00:57:19,268 I put it in the wrong box and returned it to Blockbuster, 861 00:57:19,352 --> 00:57:21,437 instead of my copy of Pootie Tang. 862 00:57:21,521 --> 00:57:24,273 And it's been circulating and killing ever since. 863 00:57:24,357 --> 00:57:26,150 Just like Pootie Tang. 864 00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:30,112 -But what does this have to do with aliens? -I don't know. 865 00:57:30,196 --> 00:57:33,073 Perhaps Tabitha's summoning them to kill us all. 866 00:57:33,158 --> 00:57:36,952 An alien invasion? I have to warn the world. 867 00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:39,496 It's already begun. You're too late. 868 00:57:40,206 --> 00:57:41,748 Oh, my God. 869 00:57:42,083 --> 00:57:44,334 But not too late to make an old man happy. 870 00:57:46,045 --> 00:57:48,088 What? What? 871 00:57:48,173 --> 00:57:50,966 And now, reports of lights in the sky. 872 00:57:51,050 --> 00:57:53,385 Glimpses of spacecraft. 873 00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:57,431 Possible alien sightings being reported all over the world. 874 00:57:57,515 --> 00:57:58,932 Are they aliens? 875 00:57:59,017 --> 00:58:01,477 The first video images are coming in. 876 00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:05,105 Disturbing home video tonight from a ranch outside Sydney, Australia. 877 00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:08,150 Watch very carefully now. 878 00:58:08,234 --> 00:58:10,569 There. There it is. Let's see that again. 879 00:58:12,197 --> 00:58:13,780 Very, very disturbing. 880 00:58:14,324 --> 00:58:16,575 And this just in from São Paulo, Brazil. 881 00:58:19,746 --> 00:58:20,913 Let's see that again. 882 00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:29,254 Very, very disturbing. 883 00:58:30,048 --> 00:58:32,716 And this just in from south Texas. 884 00:58:37,055 --> 00:58:40,265 Do they pose a threat? Only one thing's for certain. 885 00:58:40,350 --> 00:58:43,310 We are all going to be killed. 886 00:58:43,394 --> 00:58:44,978 We have to board up the house. 887 00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,523 Are you sure this is necessary, Wilson? 888 00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:49,775 Having an awards ceremony at a time like this? 889 00:58:49,859 --> 00:58:52,986 Yes, sir. Everything must appear business as usual. 890 00:58:53,071 --> 00:58:55,864 The nation, while not yet panicked, is deeply disturbed. 891 00:58:55,949 --> 00:58:57,533 Right. Good, let's see if we can steer that course, 892 00:58:57,617 --> 00:59:00,953 keeping everybody deeply disturbed. We don't want a panic. 893 00:59:01,037 --> 00:59:03,539 Very few presidents have faced a crisis like this. 894 00:59:03,623 --> 00:59:06,542 I wonder what President Ford would've done. 895 00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:10,379 Well, if the buck stops here, the buck stops here. 896 00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:15,509 Thank you, all, and welcome to the White House. 897 00:59:15,593 --> 00:59:19,555 The Mother Teresa Awards recognize those 898 00:59:19,639 --> 00:59:22,641 who have overcome the severest handicaps and disadvantages 899 00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:24,977 to help others in their communities. 900 00:59:25,061 --> 00:59:28,230 The young, the old, black and white. 901 00:59:28,314 --> 00:59:31,191 Our Native-American friends. Hey, how are you? 902 00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:34,987 Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? 903 00:59:36,155 --> 00:59:38,490 Well, it is therefore my honor 904 00:59:38,575 --> 00:59:43,287 to present each and every one of you with this symbol of merit. 905 00:59:48,626 --> 00:59:50,752 The room is secure, Mr. President. 906 00:59:50,837 --> 00:59:52,671 -Or is it? -Sir? 907 00:59:52,755 --> 00:59:54,214 I've been thinking, Thompson. 908 00:59:54,674 --> 00:59:56,758 What if the aliens could take over human bodies? 909 00:59:56,843 --> 00:59:59,553 They'd look just like us, or almost. 910 00:59:59,637 --> 01:00:01,263 I never thought of that, sir. 911 01:00:01,347 --> 01:00:03,307 We should be on alert for anything suspicious. 912 01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:07,311 -They could be anywhere, even... -Right here. 913 01:00:07,812 --> 01:00:10,439 My God. We'd never see the attack coming. 914 01:00:10,523 --> 01:00:13,066 -It's frightening, sir! -Don't panic. 915 01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:17,446 We'll just move slowly toward the exit. 916 01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:21,283 At last we meet, Mr. President. 917 01:00:21,367 --> 01:00:24,578 It's happening. I knew it! You'll never take me alive! 918 01:00:26,289 --> 01:00:27,748 She's scrambling my brain! 919 01:00:27,832 --> 01:00:29,124 I'll get her! 920 01:00:32,211 --> 01:00:34,921 No, you don't! Not on my watch! 921 01:00:35,006 --> 01:00:36,798 Good work, sir! 922 01:00:38,384 --> 01:00:40,761 Good God! The small ones have metal teeth! 923 01:00:40,845 --> 01:00:43,305 Jerry's Kids, my ass! 924 01:00:44,891 --> 01:00:48,894 Mr. President! Mr. President, have you gone completely insane? 925 01:00:49,312 --> 01:00:50,479 Like a fox. 926 01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:53,982 We gotta talk to the one person who saw this coming, Cindy Campbell. 927 01:00:54,067 --> 01:00:57,861 She knows how to defeat the aliens, these filthy, rotten scum! 928 01:00:58,571 --> 01:01:01,114 You hideous creature! Get off my planet! 929 01:01:01,199 --> 01:01:02,449 No! 930 01:01:02,533 --> 01:01:05,118 -Mr. President, is everything all right? -The exits are all blocked. 931 01:01:05,203 --> 01:01:06,662 I'll find one, sir. 932 01:01:06,746 --> 01:01:08,872 Everybody, clear! 933 01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:14,002 This way, sir! God, this is exciting! 934 01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:16,838 You're excited? You should feel my nipples. 935 01:01:17,340 --> 01:01:19,758 Cody? Cody? 936 01:01:20,593 --> 01:01:23,178 Cody, where are you? Honey? 937 01:01:23,262 --> 01:01:25,514 After today's incident in the East Room, 938 01:01:25,598 --> 01:01:28,100 the White House is now advising all citizens 939 01:01:28,184 --> 01:01:31,937 to board up their homes and prepare for an alien invasion. 940 01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:33,897 Oh, no. 941 01:01:33,981 --> 01:01:36,525 And now, a News 8 exclusive, 942 01:01:36,609 --> 01:01:38,860 the killer videotape you've been hearing about. 943 01:01:38,945 --> 01:01:40,487 -No... -We're the only station that has it, 944 01:01:40,571 --> 01:01:44,241 and we're showing it all night. Very exciting. Let's roll it again. 945 01:01:48,705 --> 01:01:50,372 There. Nobody's getting through that sucker. 946 01:01:50,456 --> 01:01:54,000 That's great, George, but we have to get down to the cellar. 947 01:01:55,044 --> 01:01:56,878 -George. -Cindy. 948 01:01:56,963 --> 01:01:58,672 There's no time. Get down to the cellar. 949 01:01:58,756 --> 01:02:00,132 -Cody! Thank God! -Aunt Cindy! 950 01:02:00,216 --> 01:02:03,427 -I've been worried sick about you. -He just showed up about an hour ago. 951 01:02:03,511 --> 01:02:05,512 -I tried to call. -No, he didn't. 952 01:02:06,389 --> 01:02:09,599 -Okay, but I was gonna. -No, he wasn't. 953 01:02:10,435 --> 01:02:13,019 Look, Cody, the point is you can't just run away like that. 954 01:02:13,980 --> 01:02:15,564 I wanted to be with George. 955 01:02:15,648 --> 01:02:18,567 Honey, I know you want a dad, but... 956 01:02:18,651 --> 01:02:22,988 Trust me, Cody, I'm not good at anything. Why would I be good at that? 957 01:02:23,072 --> 01:02:24,573 Uncle George! 958 01:02:38,004 --> 01:02:39,629 It's gonna be okay, Cody. 959 01:02:40,339 --> 01:02:41,840 I'm going to die, aren't I? 960 01:02:42,925 --> 01:02:47,053 Cody, did I ever tell you what your mom said about you the day you were born? 961 01:02:47,805 --> 01:02:48,847 No. 962 01:02:49,098 --> 01:02:53,143 I was in the delivery room with her. She was having a hard time. 963 01:02:53,227 --> 01:02:54,811 Then you began to come out of her. 964 01:02:55,980 --> 01:02:58,231 And your mom screamed and screamed in pain. 965 01:02:58,316 --> 01:03:01,735 She yelled, "Just kill me. Bludgeon me with a bedpan. 966 01:03:01,819 --> 01:03:04,613 "Whatever you do, put me out of this pain." 967 01:03:04,697 --> 01:03:06,907 She was gushing torrents of blood. 968 01:03:06,991 --> 01:03:08,867 I have this all on tape if you wanna see it someday. 969 01:03:09,702 --> 01:03:11,369 Well, finally you came out. 970 01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:13,580 Your mom cut your umbilical cord herself. 971 01:03:14,624 --> 01:03:16,583 Well, on the second try. 972 01:03:17,335 --> 01:03:19,336 The first time, she snipped your penis in half. 973 01:03:20,338 --> 01:03:23,423 After all, she was drunk. Actually, drugged. 974 01:03:23,508 --> 01:03:26,134 We'd been out the night before, celebrating Saint Patrick's Day, 975 01:03:26,219 --> 01:03:28,637 and she thought, "Hey, I never tasted crystal meth." 976 01:03:28,721 --> 01:03:29,846 So she did just a little. 977 01:03:30,723 --> 01:03:32,808 -My penis? -Yes. 978 01:03:33,100 --> 01:03:34,476 They sewed it on upside-down. 979 01:03:35,478 --> 01:03:38,814 -So that's why I pee up? -Yes. We'll get it fixed, honey. 980 01:03:38,898 --> 01:03:41,733 It's on my list of things. Right after we get TiVo. 981 01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:43,610 Anyway, there you were. 982 01:03:43,694 --> 01:03:48,490 And your mom turned to me, and she said "Hey, you want him? Take him." 983 01:03:48,574 --> 01:03:52,661 Then she died. And I took you. Do you know why? 984 01:03:53,913 --> 01:03:57,457 I had just lost my cat in a fire, and I needed something to pet and feed. 985 01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,918 And I miss that cat, Cody. 986 01:04:00,586 --> 01:04:04,339 But I love you, and nothing's ever gonna change that, 987 01:04:04,423 --> 01:04:07,008 not even the very painful death we're about to experience. 988 01:04:07,093 --> 01:04:08,593 George! George. 989 01:04:17,061 --> 01:04:19,521 -Are they gone? -I don't hear anything. 990 01:04:27,238 --> 01:04:30,198 -Don't worry, Sue. It'll be all right. -It was Uncle George. 991 01:04:30,283 --> 01:04:32,367 Well, it's scary. 992 01:04:33,786 --> 01:04:36,204 Good work, Sue. 993 01:04:36,289 --> 01:04:39,916 I don't know what stupid, idiotic thing made these lights go off. 994 01:04:40,751 --> 01:04:42,961 All right, there's some spare fuses in the crawlspace. 995 01:04:43,045 --> 01:04:44,629 If I can get to them, I can get these lights back on. 996 01:04:46,090 --> 01:04:48,550 Quick, George, grab that railroad tie. 997 01:04:48,634 --> 01:04:50,260 Jam it against the door. 998 01:04:52,471 --> 01:04:54,306 My balls! 999 01:04:55,224 --> 01:04:58,226 Not those! Jesus! 1000 01:04:58,311 --> 01:05:00,061 No! 1001 01:05:00,605 --> 01:05:02,981 Uncle George! I'm scared! 1002 01:05:03,065 --> 01:05:05,108 Sweetie, come here. It's okay. 1003 01:05:07,612 --> 01:05:09,905 There's something on the other side of the door. 1004 01:05:24,128 --> 01:05:25,337 I can't see anything. 1005 01:05:41,854 --> 01:05:43,021 Oh, my God. 1006 01:05:43,105 --> 01:05:44,439 Can you see them? What are they doing? 1007 01:05:44,523 --> 01:05:48,443 They're horrible. They're grayish with big black eyes. 1008 01:05:48,527 --> 01:05:50,278 Their teeth are grotesque. 1009 01:05:52,531 --> 01:05:54,658 -I think they're giggling. -What? 1010 01:05:56,118 --> 01:05:57,160 Oh, no. 1011 01:05:58,496 --> 01:05:59,537 Oh, no, I think... 1012 01:06:01,457 --> 01:06:03,041 I think they wanna eat me. 1013 01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:09,631 -Help! -Cody! Oh, my God! 1014 01:06:09,715 --> 01:06:12,133 George. Swing away, George. 1015 01:06:12,885 --> 01:06:15,929 -I'm coming, Cody. I'll save you. -Aunt Cindy, help! 1016 01:06:16,013 --> 01:06:17,055 Die! 1017 01:06:20,726 --> 01:06:23,311 Die! You damn aliens, let him go! 1018 01:06:23,396 --> 01:06:25,230 You're not getting in here! 1019 01:06:25,314 --> 01:06:27,065 -What else you got? Bring it! -George... 1020 01:06:27,566 --> 01:06:29,067 There! Had enough? 1021 01:06:30,236 --> 01:06:31,903 Forget it, Cody. Thank me later. 1022 01:06:31,988 --> 01:06:34,990 Cody. Thank God. Come on. 1023 01:06:35,074 --> 01:06:37,242 -Daddy! Daddy! -Sue! 1024 01:06:41,580 --> 01:06:43,832 Mahalik, what are you doing here? 1025 01:06:43,916 --> 01:06:45,792 Hey, man, I told you the 'hood's always got your back. 1026 01:06:45,876 --> 01:06:48,003 Thank God. There's two of them at the door. 1027 01:06:48,087 --> 01:06:50,088 -What? -They're gone. 1028 01:06:51,507 --> 01:06:54,926 Good. They couldn't get in. I hear they can't open doors. 1029 01:06:55,219 --> 01:06:58,680 They mastered space flight, but they can't get through a wooden door? 1030 01:06:58,764 --> 01:07:00,932 Look, the cellar's the safest place. 1031 01:07:01,017 --> 01:07:02,684 I say all the women and children stay here. 1032 01:07:03,602 --> 01:07:06,187 All right, and the men, we go outside and fight. 1033 01:07:06,272 --> 01:07:08,773 Right. And what's the cut-off age for children? 1034 01:07:08,858 --> 01:07:10,608 Come on, come on. 1035 01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:27,584 Follow me. 1036 01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:43,016 I'm sorry. I thought I was hitting the brake. 1037 01:07:43,976 --> 01:07:46,144 Now, we don't have to go through insurance, do we? 1038 01:07:47,063 --> 01:07:49,189 Mr. President, what are you doing here? 1039 01:07:49,273 --> 01:07:50,565 I'm looking for Cindy Campbell. 1040 01:07:50,649 --> 01:07:52,567 She may hold the key to defeating the aliens. 1041 01:07:53,402 --> 01:07:56,654 Good. The Air Force is here with those new round planes. 1042 01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:00,825 We don't have round planes, sir. 1043 01:08:01,410 --> 01:08:04,496 Oh, my God. 1044 01:08:04,622 --> 01:08:06,581 Wait. Do you hear that? 1045 01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:19,552 -Yo, what's up, George? -CJ! 1046 01:08:19,637 --> 01:08:21,596 I told you, the 'hood always got your back. 1047 01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:24,933 And I got the boys with me. Get out the car, man. 1048 01:08:25,017 --> 01:08:27,435 -Yo, who we gonna shoot? -Y'all ready to go step? 1049 01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:29,854 Well, let's go do this, 'cause I'm hyped right now, B! 1050 01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:32,107 -I'm real hyped! -You stepped on my shoe, bitch! 1051 01:08:32,191 --> 01:08:35,110 Call me another bitch again, and I'll park your truck dead in your ass. 1052 01:08:35,194 --> 01:08:37,153 -Calm down, man. -Damn, homey! 1053 01:08:37,238 --> 01:08:38,571 -In the cornfield. -They're coming! 1054 01:08:38,656 --> 01:08:39,697 Hey, look, don't even worry about that. 1055 01:08:39,782 --> 01:08:41,616 Me and my boys here, we gonna go ahead and take care of this. 1056 01:08:41,700 --> 01:08:42,784 Hey, yo, come on, let's start it! 1057 01:08:42,868 --> 01:08:45,370 If I was you, son, I'd bust this shit right now. 1058 01:08:45,454 --> 01:08:47,205 -Your mama! -I got your number, too, homey. 1059 01:08:47,289 --> 01:08:48,289 Hey! We over here, y'all! 1060 01:08:48,374 --> 01:08:50,792 He ain't gonna bust nothing. I got nuts bigger than him, ya heard? 1061 01:08:50,876 --> 01:08:53,753 Percival, you country-ass, maple-syrup nigger. 1062 01:08:53,838 --> 01:08:56,506 Y'all want some biscuits? You want some biscuits? 1063 01:08:58,676 --> 01:09:00,176 Get down! Get down! 1064 01:09:08,644 --> 01:09:10,645 I can't believe what I just saw. 1065 01:09:10,729 --> 01:09:14,899 These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hos. 1066 01:09:20,197 --> 01:09:22,240 I can't break free! 1067 01:09:22,366 --> 01:09:25,410 Think! They must have some kind of weakness. 1068 01:09:30,583 --> 01:09:31,833 I found it! 1069 01:09:31,917 --> 01:09:35,837 -Without their heads, they're powerless! -Please, no. We mean you no harm. 1070 01:09:36,088 --> 01:09:38,840 We traveled to your planet to find an evil little girl. 1071 01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:42,302 We must destroy her before seven days. 1072 01:09:42,386 --> 01:09:44,721 You mean you watched the videotape? 1073 01:09:44,889 --> 01:09:47,307 Our satellite picked up what we thought was Pootie Tang. 1074 01:09:47,391 --> 01:09:49,017 That was a week ago. 1075 01:09:49,101 --> 01:09:53,980 And now our entire race will die unless the girl is destroyed. 1076 01:09:55,482 --> 01:09:58,193 -See? They are peaceful. -Well, if they're so peaceful, man, 1077 01:09:58,277 --> 01:10:00,445 why were they choking us a few minutes ago? 1078 01:10:00,529 --> 01:10:02,488 That's how we say hello. 1079 01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:04,991 Hello! Nice to see you. 1080 01:10:05,075 --> 01:10:06,618 -Hello, hello. -Hello, hello. 1081 01:10:06,702 --> 01:10:08,703 Well, how do you guys say goodbye? 1082 01:10:11,207 --> 01:10:12,540 I had to ask. 1083 01:10:12,625 --> 01:10:16,294 If you think that's strange, you should see how we pee. 1084 01:10:23,886 --> 01:10:26,638 So we're not so different after all. 1085 01:10:29,683 --> 01:10:34,062 There's something about this place. It's like I've seen it before. 1086 01:10:36,273 --> 01:10:37,315 Oh, my God. 1087 01:10:41,654 --> 01:10:45,490 This used to be their farm. She died right here. 1088 01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:02,632 There's something down there. 1089 01:11:26,031 --> 01:11:27,949 -Push back. Follow through. -Hey. 1090 01:11:28,033 --> 01:11:30,368 -Follow through. -Yeah. You got it. 1091 01:11:30,452 --> 01:11:34,622 Just look at this. Human beings and aliens working together. 1092 01:11:34,707 --> 01:11:37,667 We're all just one big galactic family. 1093 01:11:38,460 --> 01:11:42,297 Family. That's just what I've been running away from. 1094 01:11:42,381 --> 01:11:45,216 Well, that's because you're an idiot. 1095 01:11:55,519 --> 01:11:57,812 This is it. 1096 01:11:57,896 --> 01:12:01,149 My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in the well. 1097 01:12:05,362 --> 01:12:09,240 The little girl. She's frightened of the well. 1098 01:12:29,803 --> 01:12:31,137 Cindy! 1099 01:13:08,967 --> 01:13:11,427 Time to go back down the well, bitch. 1100 01:13:14,056 --> 01:13:16,933 -Cindy! -No. Don't hurt him! 1101 01:13:18,602 --> 01:13:21,145 Cindy, you have to come outside. The aliens aren't invading... 1102 01:13:23,482 --> 01:13:25,108 Don't worry, Cody. I'll save you. 1103 01:13:25,859 --> 01:13:28,986 Wait! Wait. Don't do this. 1104 01:13:29,071 --> 01:13:31,280 You don't have to be evil. 1105 01:13:32,574 --> 01:13:35,326 I know what happened to you, Tabitha. 1106 01:13:37,621 --> 01:13:40,164 I know what your mom did. That was wrong. 1107 01:13:40,249 --> 01:13:43,251 You were just a little girl. And you're still that little girl, 1108 01:13:43,335 --> 01:13:47,922 just a lot more corpsy and with really bad teeth. 1109 01:13:48,590 --> 01:13:52,677 But maybe all you need is a mother. 1110 01:13:56,432 --> 01:13:57,473 And a father. 1111 01:14:11,029 --> 01:14:13,614 -We could be... -A family. 1112 01:14:18,871 --> 01:14:20,746 Thank you all. 1113 01:14:20,831 --> 01:14:24,292 Your love has broken the curse and freed my soul. 1114 01:14:24,376 --> 01:14:27,628 -I'll never have to kill again. -Really? 1115 01:14:27,921 --> 01:14:31,382 Nah! I'm just screwing with you! 1116 01:14:34,052 --> 01:14:37,388 I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you. 1117 01:14:46,857 --> 01:14:48,858 Now it's over. 1118 01:14:49,860 --> 01:14:52,778 No, no, it's okay. He's our friend. 1119 01:14:52,863 --> 01:14:56,616 Thank you for saving our species. Now we must return to our home planet. 1120 01:14:56,700 --> 01:14:57,992 Goodbye, then. 1121 01:14:59,077 --> 01:15:00,578 Goodbye. 1122 01:15:19,765 --> 01:15:21,974 Hey, congratulations, George! 1123 01:15:22,059 --> 01:15:24,101 You know the 'hood always got your back. 1124 01:15:24,186 --> 01:15:26,270 Yeah, yeah! Come on! 1125 01:15:31,401 --> 01:15:32,610 -Bye! -Thank you. 1126 01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:53,381 George, I'm so happy. Finally we're a family. 1127 01:15:53,465 --> 01:15:55,967 Yeah. You, me, and... 1128 01:15:56,718 --> 01:15:57,760 -Damn! -Damn! 1129 01:15:59,221 --> 01:16:01,305 Cindy! George! Wait!