1
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:57,789
<i>I don't know
what the fuck is going on</i>

2
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,557
<i>in this country, man!</i>

3
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,893
<i>Every day I turn on the TV,</i>

4
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,764
<i>and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!</i>

5
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,467
What about our rights?

6
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,638
This is our time
to show the world

7
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,674
that we are not
just an online movement!

8
00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:18,743
<i>We're growing physically!</i>

9
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,446
This is our time
to assert ourselves

10
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,481
as the true voice of America!

11
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:25,650
Yeah!

12
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:26,918
Yes, let's do that!

13
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,587
Now, you may have noticed

14
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,790
that our friend Aryan Grande

15
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,525
has brought in a new recruit.

16
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,294
FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!

17
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,198
Yeah!

18
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,332
Hi. <i>Heil. Heil,</i> everybody.

19
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:43,268
White power. Obviously.

20
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,304
Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.

21
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:47,472
Since World War II, really.

22
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:51,576
That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.

23
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:54,915
And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...

24
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,316
- Fuck the Jews!
- Yeah!

25
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,353
Welcome!

26
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:03,521
Let's fucking party!

27
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,867
So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?

28
00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:17,002
Yeah.

29
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,038
How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?

30
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,639
- Hey, FTJ!
- Yo!

31
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,976
You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.

32
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,312
Now's your chance.

33
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,881
Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.

34
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:31,551
Come on, man.
We all got 'em!

35
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,458
You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?

36
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:41,861
Yeah!

37
00:02:41,863 --> 00:02:43,663
I will get a swastika tattoo.

38
00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:45,764
Um...

39
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:46,934
Yeah.

40
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,705
Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.

41
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,340
Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.

42
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,510
This is really exciting.

43
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,879
All right, here we go!

44
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,515
Ooh, right! Yeah!

45
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,984
That hurt?

46
00:03:04,986 --> 00:03:06,988
On many levels. Yes.

47
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,824
Fuck!

48
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,827
Hey! This you?

49
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,663
You're a journalist?

50
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:17,930
Yeah!

51
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:20,565
We all got to be fucking
journalists in this day and age,

52
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:23,501
mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!

53
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,537
His name is Fred Flarsky.

54
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,106
He writes for
the <i>Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

55
00:03:27,108 --> 00:03:29,775
- He's a fucking Jew!
- What?

56
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,412
Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!

57
00:03:34,749 --> 00:03:35,614
What are you doing here?

58
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,082
You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?

59
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,051
- Who sent you?
- No one sent me!

60
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,820
It's okay. I'm... I'm...

61
00:03:40,822 --> 00:03:43,556
He's been recording us
the whole time!

62
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:46,058
Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!

63
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,960
You're gonna fucking die!

64
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:48,861
How do you
turn this thing off?

65
00:03:48,863 --> 00:03:50,698
The fucking red button,
right there, man!

66
00:03:57,772 --> 00:03:59,473
Holy shit!

67
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:09,415
Yeah!

68
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,752
Not only did I escape...

69
00:04:13,154 --> 00:04:15,187
I held onto my phone!

70
00:04:15,189 --> 00:04:17,458
Yes! Ow!

71
00:04:19,861 --> 00:04:21,627
I trusted you, man!

72
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,195
Yeah, well...

73
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,867
Jews win this round,
motherfucker!

74
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,901
Peace! Ow.

75
00:04:28,903 --> 00:04:30,502
<i>Tonight on</i> Wembley News,

76
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,738
<i>we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,</i>

77
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,541
<i>a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,</i>

78
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,211
<i>and protege
of President Chambers,</i>

79
00:04:38,213 --> 00:04:40,112
<i>who tapped Field two years ago</i>

80
00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,581
<i>to be the youngest
secretary of state</i>

81
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,983
<i>in the history of this nation.</i>

82
00:04:43,985 --> 00:04:46,452
<i>And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.</i>

83
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,221
<i>Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,</i>

84
00:04:48,223 --> 00:04:50,223
<i>but, she's just hot!</i>

85
00:04:50,225 --> 00:04:51,724
<i>You know,
when we talk about women in this way,</i>

86
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,459
<i>it is because
we respect them so much,</i>

87
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,894
<i>and we start with their body.</i>

88
00:04:54,896 --> 00:04:56,597
<i>You two are terrible.</i>

89
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,574
- Good night, Steven.
- Good night, Madam Secretary.

90
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,674
Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.

91
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:09,775
Long day.

92
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,244
Three bilaterals.

93
00:05:11,246 --> 00:05:14,013
Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.

94
00:05:14,015 --> 00:05:16,249
There's just not enough
traction around this thing.

95
00:05:16,251 --> 00:05:19,252
I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.

96
00:05:19,254 --> 00:05:20,953
I don't have
the American people's support.

97
00:05:20,955 --> 00:05:23,023
I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,

98
00:05:23,025 --> 00:05:24,757
but you know who likes it?

99
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,994
88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.

100
00:05:27,996 --> 00:05:29,561
Likely voters.

101
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,832
That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.

102
00:06:07,002 --> 00:06:10,236
Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.

103
00:06:10,238 --> 00:06:11,805
I mean,
he did play a president

104
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:15,641
on a very popular television
show for over a decade.

105
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,877
You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations

106
00:06:17,879 --> 00:06:19,980
without being
pretty convincing.

107
00:06:19,982 --> 00:06:22,548
Um, I do think I'm funny.

108
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,317
I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about

109
00:06:24,319 --> 00:06:26,786
promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.

110
00:06:26,788 --> 00:06:28,587
All right, next one's BBC.

111
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,956
<i>Would you be asking
a male cabinet member</i>

112
00:06:29,958 --> 00:06:31,625
<i>what products they use
in their hair?</i>

113
00:06:32,227 --> 00:06:33,893
I'm just kidding.

114
00:06:33,895 --> 00:06:36,296
No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.

115
00:06:36,298 --> 00:06:38,765
I know. So cheap.
So much shine.

116
00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:43,703
Good morning, Mr. President.

117
00:06:43,705 --> 00:06:45,207
Good morning,
Mr. President.

118
00:06:46,775 --> 00:06:49,142
Good morning, Mr. President.

119
00:06:49,144 --> 00:06:51,077
Good morning, Mr. President.

120
00:06:51,079 --> 00:06:52,679
Oh, hey, Charlotte.

121
00:06:52,681 --> 00:06:55,749
You caught me
watching my show.

122
00:06:55,751 --> 00:06:58,685
<i>Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.</i>

123
00:06:58,687 --> 00:07:01,688
<i>I am not nuking a tsunami!</i>

124
00:07:01,690 --> 00:07:03,823
Oh, here it is.

125
00:07:03,825 --> 00:07:05,325
Not now...

126
00:07:05,327 --> 00:07:07,027
Not today.

127
00:07:07,029 --> 00:07:08,661
Not in my house.

128
00:07:08,663 --> 00:07:10,897
Yes! I love that!

129
00:07:10,899 --> 00:07:12,766
Oh, me too.

130
00:07:12,768 --> 00:07:14,834
Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.

131
00:07:16,972 --> 00:07:18,206
Charlotte.

132
00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:19,806
Yes, sir?

133
00:07:19,808 --> 00:07:22,809
I will not be
seeking reelection.

134
00:07:22,811 --> 00:07:24,110
Really?

135
00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:25,879
Look, I know it's crazy,

136
00:07:25,881 --> 00:07:27,914
because I'm only halfway
through my first term.

137
00:07:27,916 --> 00:07:30,984
And you're incredibly
popular, sir.

138
00:07:30,986 --> 00:07:33,086
And I want to use
that popularity

139
00:07:33,088 --> 00:07:36,623
to transition into something

140
00:07:36,625 --> 00:07:38,960
more prestigious
than the presidency.

141
00:07:40,195 --> 00:07:42,929
I wanna make it in the movies.

142
00:07:42,931 --> 00:07:46,099
You're going to leave

143
00:07:46,101 --> 00:07:48,835
the Presidency
to go be in movies?

144
00:07:48,837 --> 00:07:51,071
- I know. It's gonna be tough.
- Ah...

145
00:07:51,073 --> 00:07:53,740
Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump

146
00:07:53,742 --> 00:07:55,675
from TV to film.

147
00:07:55,677 --> 00:07:58,178
Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...

148
00:07:58,180 --> 00:07:59,879
Might be... Might be just two.

149
00:07:59,881 --> 00:08:03,250
I... Mr. President, have you

150
00:08:03,252 --> 00:08:07,120
given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?

151
00:08:07,122 --> 00:08:09,190
I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol

152
00:08:09,192 --> 00:08:12,792
or Crowly. Strong choices.

153
00:08:12,794 --> 00:08:16,631
So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.

154
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,934
And I've been vetted.

155
00:08:19,668 --> 00:08:21,402
So that's all done.

156
00:08:21,404 --> 00:08:24,840
And I can't stop thinking
about what...

157
00:08:26,074 --> 00:08:28,077
What it would do
for your legacy

158
00:08:29,212 --> 00:08:31,247
to endorse the first
female president.

159
00:08:33,149 --> 00:08:34,816
I mean... Wow.

160
00:08:35,251 --> 00:08:36,252
That's a legacy.

161
00:08:39,788 --> 00:08:41,021
- Charlotte?
- Hmm?

162
00:08:41,023 --> 00:08:43,290
I would like to endorse you

163
00:08:43,292 --> 00:08:45,894
to be the next president
of the United States.

164
00:08:47,929 --> 00:08:51,698
I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.

165
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,368
I'd... I'd be honored.

166
00:08:54,370 --> 00:08:58,305
I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?

167
00:08:58,307 --> 00:09:00,243
Because you've been
a great secretary.

168
00:09:00,943 --> 00:09:02,143
...of state.

169
00:09:02,145 --> 00:09:04,445
Whatever. It's a cool job.

170
00:09:04,447 --> 00:09:06,813
And, um, you've done it well.

171
00:09:06,815 --> 00:09:09,316
- Thank you, sir.
- So stay focused.

172
00:09:09,318 --> 00:09:10,851
Don't make
any major screw-ups.

173
00:09:10,853 --> 00:09:12,119
Don't kill any hookers.

174
00:09:12,121 --> 00:09:13,420
Probably not a problem for you.

175
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:15,022
I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.

176
00:09:15,024 --> 00:09:16,891
And before you know it...

177
00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:21,061
I like the sound of that.

178
00:09:21,063 --> 00:09:23,264
<i>♪ Hey, here she comes</i>

179
00:09:23,266 --> 00:09:25,199
<i>♪ It's the first lady president</i>

180
00:09:25,201 --> 00:09:27,935
<i>♪ Who can believe
that she's actually a woman</i>

181
00:09:27,937 --> 00:09:29,470
Thank you, sir.

182
00:09:29,472 --> 00:09:34,210
<i>♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪</i>

183
00:09:36,913 --> 00:09:37,978
Oh, and here we see

184
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:39,780
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.

185
00:09:39,782 --> 00:09:41,015
Good morning.

186
00:09:42,318 --> 00:09:43,685
Yes!

187
00:09:47,757 --> 00:09:50,457
So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."

188
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:53,127
- Ninety-two, that's good.
- Really good.

189
00:09:53,129 --> 00:09:54,828
- Yeah.
- And now, keep in mind

190
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:57,364
that these are numbers
for a female candidate.

191
00:09:57,366 --> 00:10:00,768
If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.

192
00:10:00,770 --> 00:10:02,937
- Well, that seems about right.
- Yeah.

193
00:10:02,939 --> 00:10:05,039
'Cause the man... Okay.

194
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:08,075
Um, your sense of humor is 82,

195
00:10:08,077 --> 00:10:10,344
which is solid. It's solid.

196
00:10:10,346 --> 00:10:12,446
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers

197
00:10:12,448 --> 00:10:14,815
go up a few points, or more.

198
00:10:14,817 --> 00:10:17,017
So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from

199
00:10:17,019 --> 00:10:18,553
- some funny speech writers.
- Great.

200
00:10:18,555 --> 00:10:21,889
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel

201
00:10:21,891 --> 00:10:23,824
- about my accomplishments.
- Yeah.

202
00:10:23,826 --> 00:10:25,459
Right. You know, so we don't

203
00:10:25,461 --> 00:10:29,464
drill down
on specific policies.

204
00:10:29,466 --> 00:10:32,567
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.

205
00:10:32,569 --> 00:10:33,968
That's interesting.

206
00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:37,338
With that said, if you could
broker some deal

207
00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:38,872
that gets you
out there talking

208
00:10:38,874 --> 00:10:40,241
about a thing that you feel

209
00:10:40,243 --> 00:10:42,376
really strongly about,
that would be great.

210
00:10:42,378 --> 00:10:43,310
Well, that's perfect.

211
00:10:43,312 --> 00:10:45,413
I mean, we've been
looking for an opening

212
00:10:45,415 --> 00:10:47,350
to start a conversation
about the environment.

213
00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:50,818
All right.

214
00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:53,588
Romantically, if I may...

215
00:10:53,590 --> 00:10:56,591
Remember the stir online

216
00:10:56,593 --> 00:10:59,193
when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you

217
00:10:59,195 --> 00:11:01,095
were seated next to each other

218
00:11:01,097 --> 00:11:02,597
at The Global Business Forum?

219
00:11:02,599 --> 00:11:03,998
Mmm-hmm.

220
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,133
A relationship like that

221
00:11:06,135 --> 00:11:08,904
would push you
into the high 90s.

222
00:11:09,339 --> 00:11:11,972
High 90s? Wow.

223
00:11:11,974 --> 00:11:13,310
That brings us to...

224
00:11:17,046 --> 00:11:18,979
What's wrong
with my wave?

225
00:11:18,981 --> 00:11:20,981
Um, I think people feel that

226
00:11:20,983 --> 00:11:24,018
that level of elbow movement
is, um...

227
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:25,520
It stresses people out.

228
00:11:25,522 --> 00:11:28,523
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.

229
00:11:28,525 --> 00:11:30,292
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.

230
00:11:34,531 --> 00:11:36,164
- Hey.
- Hey, Fred.

231
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:38,868
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.

232
00:11:39,303 --> 00:11:40,901
You got a second?

233
00:11:40,903 --> 00:11:43,571
- Yeah.
- Come on.

234
00:11:43,573 --> 00:11:46,073
I actually have
some really great news.

235
00:11:46,075 --> 00:11:48,243
- Really? Cool.
- Yes.

236
00:11:48,245 --> 00:11:50,578
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.

237
00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:52,547
- What?
- Yeah.

238
00:11:52,549 --> 00:11:53,448
Are you fucking kidding me?

239
00:11:53,450 --> 00:11:54,915
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...

240
00:11:54,917 --> 00:11:56,084
A harsh reaction?

241
00:11:56,086 --> 00:11:57,519
- Fred, this is a good thing.
- How?

242
00:11:57,521 --> 00:11:59,120
The fucker
represents everything

243
00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:00,588
that we've been fighting
against since day one!

244
00:12:00,590 --> 00:12:03,491
The whole point of this paper is
to fight giant media conglomerates.

245
00:12:03,493 --> 00:12:05,293
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.

246
00:12:05,295 --> 00:12:07,562
- I do see the irony.
- Irony?

247
00:12:07,564 --> 00:12:10,231
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.

248
00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:12,100
Not the good kind,
that's right!

249
00:12:12,102 --> 00:12:13,901
The bad kind, that's wrong!

250
00:12:13,903 --> 00:12:15,270
Well, we're out of options.

251
00:12:15,272 --> 00:12:17,005
We've been running
as long as we can

252
00:12:17,007 --> 00:12:19,407
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.

253
00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:21,509
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.

254
00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:22,977
No one likes their dick.

255
00:12:22,979 --> 00:12:24,946
- Come on, Fred.
- This Wembley guy,

256
00:12:24,948 --> 00:12:27,482
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.

257
00:12:27,484 --> 00:12:28,450
No, they couldn't prove that.

258
00:12:28,452 --> 00:12:30,652
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!

259
00:12:30,654 --> 00:12:32,554
- You published them!
- I did.

260
00:12:32,556 --> 00:12:35,256
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...

261
00:12:35,258 --> 00:12:37,959
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.

262
00:12:37,961 --> 00:12:39,561
I don't even get
how that fucking works.

263
00:12:39,563 --> 00:12:41,162
I don't even get
the math on that one.

264
00:12:41,164 --> 00:12:43,231
- Fred, it's done, all right?
- It's done?

265
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:46,701
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now.

266
00:12:46,703 --> 00:12:49,471
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.

267
00:12:49,473 --> 00:12:51,506
- Two-thirds?
- Yeah.

268
00:12:51,508 --> 00:12:53,942
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.

269
00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:55,343
It's just...

270
00:12:55,345 --> 00:12:57,245
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.

271
00:12:57,247 --> 00:12:58,714
I don't know how I can
tone things down

272
00:12:58,716 --> 00:13:00,382
any more than
I'm toning them down.

273
00:13:00,384 --> 00:13:02,384
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.

274
00:13:02,386 --> 00:13:03,551
- Thank you.
- All right, you're funny,

275
00:13:03,553 --> 00:13:05,253
you take risks,
you connect with people.

276
00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:06,521
I'm sensing a twist in this.

277
00:13:06,523 --> 00:13:08,525
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...

278
00:13:09,659 --> 00:13:11,526
Sometimes you're
a little too much.

279
00:13:11,528 --> 00:13:12,560
I don't think I am too much!

280
00:13:12,562 --> 00:13:15,063
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.

281
00:13:15,065 --> 00:13:16,564
Look, you have your job.

282
00:13:16,566 --> 00:13:19,401
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.

283
00:13:19,403 --> 00:13:21,002
You know what? I quit.

284
00:13:21,004 --> 00:13:22,137
Oh, come on, Fred.

285
00:13:22,139 --> 00:13:24,139
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.

286
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:26,074
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.

287
00:13:26,076 --> 00:13:28,176
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!

288
00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:29,578
But I can't work for that guy.

289
00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:31,980
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.

290
00:13:31,982 --> 00:13:34,048
No fucking way!

291
00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:36,184
I want him to know
that I quit.

292
00:13:36,186 --> 00:13:38,521
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.

293
00:13:38,523 --> 00:13:41,089
You're gonna destroy your life to
spite a guy who's never heard of you?

294
00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:42,658
Yes! You said it best!

295
00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:43,826
That's exactly
what I'm doing.

296
00:13:43,828 --> 00:13:46,629
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.

297
00:13:46,631 --> 00:13:48,096
Well, that makes
two of us.

298
00:13:48,098 --> 00:13:51,667
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.

299
00:13:51,669 --> 00:13:54,637
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.

300
00:13:54,639 --> 00:13:56,572
Um... I, uh,

301
00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,139
was just calling to say
that I was forced

302
00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,407
<i>to quit my job recently,</i>

303
00:13:59,409 --> 00:14:01,109
<i>making me
something of a free agent.</i>

304
00:14:01,111 --> 00:14:02,678
<i>And I know in the past, uh,</i>

305
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,381
<i>you said I'm not exactly what</i>
The Times <i>was looking for,</i>

306
00:14:05,383 --> 00:14:08,049
<i>but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.</i>

307
00:14:08,051 --> 00:14:10,185
<i>Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.</i>

308
00:14:10,187 --> 00:14:12,390
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...

309
00:14:14,124 --> 00:14:15,424
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.

310
00:14:15,426 --> 00:14:17,025
Can I come by?

311
00:14:22,366 --> 00:14:23,632
We need to
schedule a meeting

312
00:14:23,634 --> 00:14:25,634
and see what they have to say.

313
00:14:25,636 --> 00:14:27,170
Excuse me.

314
00:14:28,339 --> 00:14:31,139
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.

315
00:14:31,141 --> 00:14:32,775
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.

316
00:14:32,777 --> 00:14:34,710
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.

317
00:14:34,712 --> 00:14:36,412
You can leave work right now?

318
00:14:36,414 --> 00:14:38,481
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?

319
00:14:38,483 --> 00:14:39,748
That's a
"I can leave this bitch

320
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,717
"whenever I want"
corner office.

321
00:14:41,719 --> 00:14:43,254
Come on, man. Everybody!

322
00:14:44,422 --> 00:14:46,154
This is my best friend,

323
00:14:46,156 --> 00:14:47,690
and he just
lost his job today.

324
00:14:47,692 --> 00:14:49,558
All right?
He's at rock bottom.

325
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,760
- It's not that bad.
- He feels like shit.

326
00:14:51,762 --> 00:14:53,429
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.

327
00:14:53,431 --> 00:14:55,129
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,

328
00:14:55,131 --> 00:14:56,499
when one of us feels sad,

329
00:14:56,501 --> 00:14:58,234
the other one
has to get him fucked up.

330
00:14:58,236 --> 00:15:02,404
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,

331
00:15:02,406 --> 00:15:04,673
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.

332
00:15:04,675 --> 00:15:06,775
No judgement. No judgement.

333
00:15:06,777 --> 00:15:09,144
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.

334
00:15:09,146 --> 00:15:10,246
I don't want to do shit.

335
00:15:10,248 --> 00:15:12,481
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.

336
00:15:12,483 --> 00:15:13,551
Matter of fact...

337
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:16,585
Everybody's got the day off.

338
00:15:16,587 --> 00:15:19,088
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.

339
00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:20,189
Everybody, go home.

340
00:15:20,191 --> 00:15:22,858
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.

341
00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:24,593
I love
every single one of you.

342
00:15:24,595 --> 00:15:25,661
Except you, Ted!

343
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:28,764
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!

344
00:15:28,766 --> 00:15:30,866
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?

345
00:15:30,868 --> 00:15:32,234
Yeah, Ted, not cool.

346
00:15:32,236 --> 00:15:33,168
- Zander.
- Yeah?

347
00:15:33,170 --> 00:15:35,404
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.

348
00:15:35,406 --> 00:15:36,639
Uh-huh.
- I need that filled

349
00:15:36,641 --> 00:15:39,174
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.

350
00:15:39,176 --> 00:15:40,344
Do you want one?

351
00:15:41,712 --> 00:15:43,379
I got fucked, man.

352
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:46,115
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.

353
00:15:46,117 --> 00:15:47,283
Well, it happens to everybody.

354
00:15:47,285 --> 00:15:49,218
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.

355
00:15:49,220 --> 00:15:50,486
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.

356
00:15:50,488 --> 00:15:53,289
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.

357
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:54,723
Where are we going right now?

358
00:15:54,725 --> 00:15:56,525
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.

359
00:15:56,527 --> 00:15:58,694
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.

360
00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:00,496
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.

361
00:16:00,498 --> 00:16:01,463
Play at the park.

362
00:16:01,465 --> 00:16:03,499
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,

363
00:16:03,501 --> 00:16:04,667
get you a nice fat steak,

364
00:16:04,669 --> 00:16:07,369
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.

365
00:16:07,371 --> 00:16:08,737
I don't know if I
want to go to some

366
00:16:08,739 --> 00:16:10,306
fancy rich person party.

367
00:16:10,308 --> 00:16:11,640
What... Oh, come on, man,

368
00:16:11,642 --> 00:16:13,242
don't be so judgmental,
all right?

369
00:16:13,244 --> 00:16:15,644
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.

370
00:16:15,646 --> 00:16:18,180
- People love pandas and shit.
- I don't know.

371
00:16:18,182 --> 00:16:19,415
All right, fine, Fred.

372
00:16:19,417 --> 00:16:20,817
Then just do nothing.
All right?

373
00:16:20,819 --> 00:16:22,752
Go home, do nothing.

374
00:16:22,754 --> 00:16:25,323
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.

375
00:16:26,457 --> 00:16:27,691
Say what?

376
00:16:27,693 --> 00:16:29,425
Oh, yeah.

377
00:16:29,427 --> 00:16:30,894
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend

378
00:16:30,896 --> 00:16:34,163
of RandB, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.

379
00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:36,165
I thought you would
like to be there.

380
00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:37,867
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?

381
00:16:37,869 --> 00:16:40,937
<i>♪ Motownphilly's back again</i>

382
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:42,939
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.

383
00:16:42,941 --> 00:16:44,908
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.

384
00:16:46,878 --> 00:16:50,512
I am so hungry,
it's insane.

385
00:16:50,514 --> 00:16:51,748
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?

386
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:53,248
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.

387
00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:54,416
Oh.

388
00:16:54,418 --> 00:16:57,419
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.

389
00:16:57,421 --> 00:16:58,822
I look like
a fucking caveman.

390
00:16:58,824 --> 00:17:00,590
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.

391
00:17:00,592 --> 00:17:02,424
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.

392
00:17:02,426 --> 00:17:03,495
That's my best score.

393
00:17:07,899 --> 00:17:09,833
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.

394
00:17:09,835 --> 00:17:11,501
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.

395
00:17:11,503 --> 00:17:13,435
- Take it off...
- Quickly. Quickly.

396
00:17:13,437 --> 00:17:15,404
Why do they make this
so difficult...

397
00:17:15,406 --> 00:17:17,741
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.

398
00:17:17,743 --> 00:17:20,309
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Can't do things...

399
00:17:20,311 --> 00:17:22,277
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.

400
00:17:22,279 --> 00:17:24,148
- Yup. Yes.
- Do you have it?

401
00:17:27,318 --> 00:17:28,918
Good. Good, good,
good, good.

402
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,760
Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.

403
00:17:32,357 --> 00:17:33,923
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.

404
00:17:33,925 --> 00:17:34,991
What?

405
00:17:34,993 --> 00:17:36,760
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.

406
00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:38,795
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.

407
00:17:38,797 --> 00:17:40,563
- Maggie!
- Six feet away.

408
00:17:40,565 --> 00:17:42,434
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.

409
00:17:43,802 --> 00:17:45,835
- James!
- <i>Bonsoir.</i>

410
00:17:45,837 --> 00:17:47,671
- Hi.
- Good evening.

411
00:17:47,673 --> 00:17:49,339
I am so sorry I missed you

412
00:17:49,341 --> 00:17:51,007
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.

413
00:17:51,009 --> 00:17:53,943
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?

414
00:17:53,945 --> 00:17:55,478
You're never gonna

415
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:56,813
stop making that joke,
are you?

416
00:17:56,815 --> 00:17:58,948
No. I'm not.

417
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,417
Well, I... Oh, hello.

418
00:18:00,419 --> 00:18:01,718
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.

419
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,840
Thank you.

420
00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:06,925
- One more. One more.
- One more.

421
00:18:08,026 --> 00:18:10,393
<i>Merci.</i> Thank you.

422
00:18:10,395 --> 00:18:11,755
What do you say
we get out of here?

423
00:18:12,931 --> 00:18:15,699
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.

424
00:18:17,836 --> 00:18:19,035
- Yes...
- Yeah?

425
00:18:19,037 --> 00:18:21,304
Oh, my God!

426
00:18:21,306 --> 00:18:23,039
<i>Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!</i>

427
00:18:23,041 --> 00:18:25,341
<i>Yeah! Check it out, y'all!</i>

428
00:18:25,343 --> 00:18:27,477
<i>One question,
what's the name of the group?</i>

429
00:18:27,479 --> 00:18:28,745
Boyz II Men!

430
00:18:28,747 --> 00:18:29,612
<i>What's the name
of the group, y'all?</i>

431
00:18:29,614 --> 00:18:30,947
Boyz II Men!

432
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:53,903
Yeah...

433
00:18:53,905 --> 00:18:54,939
I told you this
would be dope.

434
00:18:54,941 --> 00:18:58,008
Yeah, uh...
This is really cheering me up.

435
00:18:58,010 --> 00:18:59,442
Wow.

436
00:19:09,055 --> 00:19:10,487
I'm super underdressed.

437
00:19:10,489 --> 00:19:11,788
Stop complaining,
all right?

438
00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:13,723
You think
you feel outta place?

439
00:19:13,725 --> 00:19:14,892
This is one of
the brightest rooms

440
00:19:14,894 --> 00:19:16,927
I've ever been in,
in my life.

441
00:19:16,929 --> 00:19:18,730
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?

442
00:19:19,331 --> 00:19:20,563
Like white.

443
00:19:20,565 --> 00:19:22,632
- Oh, "bright" is white?
- Yeah, man.

444
00:19:22,634 --> 00:19:24,701
It's only me,
the waiters and Boyz II Men.

445
00:19:24,703 --> 00:19:26,943
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.

446
00:19:32,511 --> 00:19:33,744
Duty calls.

447
00:19:33,746 --> 00:19:36,113
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.

448
00:19:36,115 --> 00:19:38,715
- Canadian for "rain check."
- Okay.

449
00:19:38,717 --> 00:19:40,753
Okay.

450
00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:49,860
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?

451
00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:51,929
I got fired today, man.

452
00:19:51,931 --> 00:19:53,298
You told me you quit.

453
00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:56,801
I was forced to quit
because of...

454
00:19:56,803 --> 00:19:57,935
Yeah, okay, man.

455
00:19:57,937 --> 00:19:59,304
Lie to me some more.

456
00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:02,407
You good?

457
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,849
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?

458
00:20:11,784 --> 00:20:12,985
Oh, she's looking at you?

459
00:20:14,987 --> 00:20:16,354
Fred.

460
00:20:19,491 --> 00:20:21,627
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?

461
00:20:22,662 --> 00:20:24,530
Damn. Hey, what was that?

462
00:20:25,798 --> 00:20:27,397
I...

463
00:20:27,399 --> 00:20:28,799
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?

464
00:20:28,801 --> 00:20:30,734
- You kinda know her?
- Yeah.

465
00:20:30,736 --> 00:20:32,469
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?

466
00:20:32,471 --> 00:20:33,871
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.

467
00:20:33,873 --> 00:20:35,005
You tell people that shit.

468
00:20:35,007 --> 00:20:36,674
- That's exceptional.
- Okay.

469
00:20:36,676 --> 00:20:37,975
I'll tell you a story.

470
00:20:37,977 --> 00:20:41,712
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.

471
00:20:41,714 --> 00:20:43,049
She's my babysitter.

472
00:20:48,621 --> 00:20:51,155
<i>She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,</i>

473
00:20:51,157 --> 00:20:52,690
<i>which goes a long way with me.</i>

474
00:20:52,692 --> 00:20:54,124
So, we're at her house...

475
00:20:54,126 --> 00:20:56,060
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.

476
00:20:56,062 --> 00:20:58,028
<i>She's running for
Student Council president.</i>

477
00:20:58,030 --> 00:20:59,331
Did you know
that every year,

478
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:02,166
the school throws away over
500 tons of recyclable garbage?

479
00:21:02,168 --> 00:21:05,002
- And no one cares.
- I know, it's total bullshit.

480
00:21:05,004 --> 00:21:06,604
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit

481
00:21:06,606 --> 00:21:09,707
- they don't care about?
- They'll just care

482
00:21:09,709 --> 00:21:11,742
because it's the right thing
to care about.

483
00:21:11,744 --> 00:21:14,745
You're more inspiring than George
Bush and Dan Quayle combined.

484
00:21:14,747 --> 00:21:16,513
Well, that's not too hard.

485
00:21:17,950 --> 00:21:19,683
<i>Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,</i>

486
00:21:19,685 --> 00:21:21,018
<i>and she seemed to
kinda like me,</i>

487
00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:22,786
<i>and I felt like
we were having a moment.</i>

488
00:21:22,788 --> 00:21:24,955
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.

489
00:21:24,957 --> 00:21:26,023
Oh, shit.

490
00:21:26,025 --> 00:21:27,625
<i>So I did something,</i>

491
00:21:27,627 --> 00:21:29,727
<i>that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.</i>

492
00:21:29,729 --> 00:21:31,030
<i>I kissed her.</i>

493
00:21:31,697 --> 00:21:33,030
I looked down...

494
00:21:33,032 --> 00:21:35,200
<i>I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!</i>

495
00:21:35,202 --> 00:21:38,035
- Oh!
- Hard... But not big.

496
00:21:38,037 --> 00:21:40,838
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."

497
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:41,839
Sorry.

498
00:21:41,841 --> 00:21:43,809
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...

499
00:21:44,577 --> 00:21:45,643
It's okay.

500
00:21:45,645 --> 00:21:47,145
And then,

501
00:21:47,147 --> 00:21:49,013
her boyfriend comes
into the room,

502
00:21:49,015 --> 00:21:50,714
who was in the other room
watching <i>Blossom!</i>

503
00:21:50,716 --> 00:21:51,782
Hey, babe.

504
00:21:51,784 --> 00:21:53,651
Points out my fucking
little boner.

505
00:21:53,653 --> 00:21:56,054
- <i>He makes a joke!</i>
- Whoa!

506
00:21:56,056 --> 00:21:57,590
<i>And they left.</i>

507
00:21:58,225 --> 00:21:59,759
I'm sorry.

508
00:22:01,794 --> 00:22:04,864
And I'm left
standing there alone...

509
00:22:05,698 --> 00:22:06,664
...in the kitchen,

510
00:22:06,666 --> 00:22:09,667
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.

511
00:22:09,669 --> 00:22:11,835
- Hard as a rock.
- And on top of that,

512
00:22:11,837 --> 00:22:13,504
she didn't win
the fucking election.

513
00:22:13,506 --> 00:22:16,207
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.

514
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,244
- Two-prom!
- Two-proms! Back-to-back!

515
00:22:19,246 --> 00:22:21,612
She didn't stand
a fucking chance.

516
00:22:21,614 --> 00:22:22,746
No, man.

517
00:22:22,748 --> 00:22:24,782
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.

518
00:22:24,784 --> 00:22:26,517
What's the best part
of that story?

519
00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:28,286
She says your boner was okay.

520
00:22:28,288 --> 00:22:30,088
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying

521
00:22:30,090 --> 00:22:31,923
to not make me
fucking feel bad.

522
00:22:31,925 --> 00:22:33,925
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,

523
00:22:33,927 --> 00:22:37,661
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,

524
00:22:37,663 --> 00:22:40,798
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.

525
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,867
You need
to talk to her tonight.

526
00:22:42,869 --> 00:22:44,135
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,

527
00:22:44,137 --> 00:22:45,837
and if she does remember
who I am,

528
00:22:45,839 --> 00:22:47,005
the last thing she wants is

529
00:22:47,007 --> 00:22:49,107
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.

530
00:22:49,109 --> 00:22:50,175
- Look...
- Excuse me.

531
00:22:50,177 --> 00:22:51,209
Whoa.

532
00:22:51,211 --> 00:22:52,877
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.

533
00:22:52,879 --> 00:22:54,112
With me?

534
00:22:54,114 --> 00:22:55,546
With him, right?

535
00:22:55,548 --> 00:22:57,315
- Yeah.
- Right now?

536
00:22:57,317 --> 00:22:58,917
Uh, do you know why?

537
00:22:58,919 --> 00:23:00,020
This way.

538
00:23:01,121 --> 00:23:02,287
This is good.

539
00:23:02,289 --> 00:23:03,722
What are you
nervous about?

540
00:23:03,724 --> 00:23:05,991
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!

541
00:23:15,634 --> 00:23:17,601
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.

542
00:23:26,146 --> 00:23:27,979
What are you gonna
say to her?

543
00:23:27,981 --> 00:23:29,581
I don't know.

544
00:23:29,583 --> 00:23:30,949
Should open with a neg.

545
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:32,250
Tell her she's too tall.

546
00:23:32,252 --> 00:23:34,152
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.

547
00:23:34,154 --> 00:23:36,114
- It was so nice to see you.
- You as well.

548
00:23:38,225 --> 00:23:41,026
Give me the signal
when you need me.

549
00:23:41,028 --> 00:23:43,161
- Hi.
- Hi.

550
00:23:43,163 --> 00:23:44,596
A man brought me here.

551
00:23:44,598 --> 00:23:46,131
Yes, sorry about that.

552
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,165
- Um...
- No, not at all.

553
00:23:47,167 --> 00:23:50,035
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.

554
00:23:50,037 --> 00:23:51,669
- We do. Yeah.
- We do?

555
00:23:51,671 --> 00:23:53,071
- We do know each other.
- Okay, so I'm not crazy.

556
00:23:53,073 --> 00:23:55,373
- Uh, I'm Fred.
- Fred...

557
00:23:55,375 --> 00:23:56,674
I was shorter,

558
00:23:56,676 --> 00:23:58,109
- but other than that...
- Flarsky?

559
00:23:58,111 --> 00:23:59,177
Yeah! Holy fuck!

560
00:23:59,179 --> 00:24:00,879
I can't believe it.
You remember.

561
00:24:00,881 --> 00:24:03,148
Oh, my God,
look at you!

562
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:04,349
Look at me, yes.

563
00:24:04,351 --> 00:24:05,617
What are you doing here?

564
00:24:05,619 --> 00:24:08,119
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.

565
00:24:08,121 --> 00:24:09,154
Hey, how you doing?

566
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:11,823
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.

567
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:12,957
I just met them.

568
00:24:12,959 --> 00:24:14,793
- You met the Men?
- Yeah.

569
00:24:14,795 --> 00:24:16,395
- What was it like?
- Don't tell anybody,

570
00:24:16,397 --> 00:24:17,896
but it was
the highlight of my life.

571
00:24:17,898 --> 00:24:19,030
Oh, I totally get that.

572
00:24:19,032 --> 00:24:20,031
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.

573
00:24:20,033 --> 00:24:22,700
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.

574
00:24:22,702 --> 00:24:24,636
Don't actually fuck him.

575
00:24:24,638 --> 00:24:25,770
- He's a wonderful man.
- Yeah.

576
00:24:25,772 --> 00:24:27,205
What are you doing
these days?

577
00:24:27,207 --> 00:24:29,076
I bet it's
something amazing.

578
00:24:30,811 --> 00:24:32,077
- It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah.

579
00:24:32,079 --> 00:24:33,144
Uh, yeah,

580
00:24:33,146 --> 00:24:35,747
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.

581
00:24:35,749 --> 00:24:36,915
I don't need to get into it.

582
00:24:36,917 --> 00:24:38,517
What about you,
what have you been up to?

583
00:24:38,985 --> 00:24:40,151
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.

584
00:24:40,153 --> 00:24:41,287
I know what
you've been up to.

585
00:24:41,289 --> 00:24:42,488
- Yeah.
- You're very, um...

586
00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:44,856
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing

587
00:24:44,858 --> 00:24:45,924
to see what you've done
with your life.

588
00:24:45,926 --> 00:24:47,058
A lot of people say
they're gonna do

589
00:24:47,060 --> 00:24:49,160
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,

590
00:24:49,162 --> 00:24:51,798
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.

591
00:24:53,167 --> 00:24:55,133
Well, I'm trying.

592
00:24:55,135 --> 00:24:56,670
I think you've done it.

593
00:24:58,339 --> 00:24:59,639
Oh!

594
00:25:00,807 --> 00:25:02,108
Parker Wembley.

595
00:25:02,110 --> 00:25:03,375
I hate this guy.

596
00:25:03,377 --> 00:25:06,010
Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers

597
00:25:06,012 --> 00:25:08,114
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?

598
00:25:08,116 --> 00:25:09,181
You know him?

599
00:25:09,183 --> 00:25:10,382
He's coming over here.

600
00:25:10,384 --> 00:25:12,151
- Is he behind me?
- Yeah.

601
00:25:12,153 --> 00:25:15,753
- Finally. Secretary Field.
- Parker, how are you?

602
00:25:15,755 --> 00:25:17,922
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.

603
00:25:17,924 --> 00:25:19,225
Thank you.

604
00:25:19,227 --> 00:25:21,393
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you

605
00:25:21,395 --> 00:25:23,996
for some months now,
and, uh...

606
00:25:23,998 --> 00:25:25,763
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?

607
00:25:25,765 --> 00:25:28,766
No! No.

608
00:25:28,768 --> 00:25:30,904
Not successfully.

609
00:25:32,373 --> 00:25:34,939
Who's your friend?

610
00:25:34,941 --> 00:25:36,808
- Fred.
- Hey, Fred!

611
00:25:36,810 --> 00:25:37,876
- Yes, hi.
- How are you?

612
00:25:37,878 --> 00:25:39,844
And, uh, what is it
that you do?

613
00:25:39,846 --> 00:25:41,880
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.

614
00:25:41,882 --> 00:25:43,715
- Ooh, a journalist.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

615
00:25:43,717 --> 00:25:46,118
Will I have read
anything that you've written?

616
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,921
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.

617
00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:50,822
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.

618
00:25:50,824 --> 00:25:52,091
Not your fault.

619
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:54,026
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.

620
00:25:54,028 --> 00:25:56,095
- Oh, okay.
- So we will have that meeting.

621
00:25:56,097 --> 00:25:57,163
- Right?
- Yes.

622
00:25:57,165 --> 00:25:58,898
Okay, good. Fred.

623
00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:00,065
- Yes?
- Best of luck.

624
00:26:00,067 --> 00:26:01,133
Oh, why, thanks.

625
00:26:01,135 --> 00:26:02,201
Things will turn around
for you.

626
00:26:02,203 --> 00:26:03,102
So nice of you.

627
00:26:03,104 --> 00:26:04,906
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.

628
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,908
- I actually... I do have to...
- Yeah.

629
00:26:08,910 --> 00:26:10,276
You probably have a lot
of things to do.

630
00:26:10,278 --> 00:26:11,343
Better than this.

631
00:26:11,345 --> 00:26:12,478
It's really nice
to see you again.

632
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,015
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.

633
00:26:16,017 --> 00:26:19,051
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.

634
00:26:19,053 --> 00:26:20,920
- Have fun at the party.
- You too.

635
00:26:20,922 --> 00:26:22,056
Great to see you.

636
00:26:25,126 --> 00:26:28,093
I see you. I see you. Yeah.

637
00:26:30,531 --> 00:26:32,967
So I said,
"You want..."

638
00:26:34,468 --> 00:26:35,868
Hey. Hey.
What's that look in your eye?

639
00:26:35,870 --> 00:26:36,936
What are you
about to go do?

640
00:26:36,938 --> 00:26:38,771
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.

641
00:26:38,773 --> 00:26:40,773
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.

642
00:26:40,775 --> 00:26:42,474
Too late
for the fucking animals.

643
00:26:44,312 --> 00:26:45,978
Hey!

644
00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:47,479
- Oh, Fred?
- Yeah, look.

645
00:26:47,481 --> 00:26:49,815
- What's the problem?
- I'll tell you the problem.

646
00:26:49,817 --> 00:26:51,350
- What?
- You're the problem, man!

647
00:26:51,352 --> 00:26:53,919
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.

648
00:26:53,921 --> 00:26:57,156
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit

649
00:26:57,158 --> 00:26:59,892
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!

650
00:26:59,894 --> 00:27:01,827
- Enough.
- I'm done anyway.

651
00:27:01,829 --> 00:27:03,495
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,

652
00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:05,130
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.

653
00:27:05,132 --> 00:27:06,799
Whoa, shit!

654
00:27:09,237 --> 00:27:10,470
God!

655
00:27:12,006 --> 00:27:13,172
<i>Cracker down!</i>

656
00:27:13,174 --> 00:27:14,574
Oh, my God.

657
00:27:14,576 --> 00:27:15,910
Looks like it hurt.

658
00:27:16,545 --> 00:27:18,410
Boyz II Men, back up.

659
00:27:18,412 --> 00:27:19,878
You all right? You good?

660
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,046
- You all right?
- I'm okay!

661
00:27:21,048 --> 00:27:22,114
He's okay!

662
00:27:22,116 --> 00:27:23,251
How is he standing?

663
00:27:29,857 --> 00:27:31,959
- Oh!
- Ouch!

664
00:27:33,995 --> 00:27:37,830
<i>♪ Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder...</i>

665
00:27:37,832 --> 00:27:38,897
This is so creative.

666
00:27:41,235 --> 00:27:42,469
Ha-ha!

667
00:27:42,471 --> 00:27:44,231
- What was that?
- Thank you, Tom.

668
00:27:44,539 --> 00:27:46,872
God, that was crazy.

669
00:27:46,874 --> 00:27:48,240
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,

670
00:27:48,242 --> 00:27:50,909
it was all so hilarious.

671
00:27:50,911 --> 00:27:53,513
And so what is
the relationship exactly?

672
00:27:53,515 --> 00:27:55,147
- Was he your super?
- No,

673
00:27:55,149 --> 00:27:57,082
we grew up
next door to each other.

674
00:27:57,084 --> 00:27:58,351
Yeah.

675
00:27:58,353 --> 00:28:01,221
Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.

676
00:28:01,223 --> 00:28:03,456
- You babysat for him?
- I did.

677
00:28:03,458 --> 00:28:06,125
Wow. Time has not been kind.

678
00:28:06,127 --> 00:28:07,126
He was
such a strange little kid.

679
00:28:07,128 --> 00:28:10,330
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.

680
00:28:10,332 --> 00:28:12,399
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.

681
00:28:12,401 --> 00:28:14,434
He's actually
not a bad writer.

682
00:28:14,436 --> 00:28:15,868
Wait, you've read
his stuff?

683
00:28:15,870 --> 00:28:17,069
Yeah, <i>Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

684
00:28:17,071 --> 00:28:19,372
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.

685
00:28:19,374 --> 00:28:21,141
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?

686
00:28:21,143 --> 00:28:22,509
Wembley Media
just bought them.

687
00:28:22,511 --> 00:28:25,077
Oh, that makes total sense.

688
00:28:25,079 --> 00:28:27,280
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.

689
00:28:27,282 --> 00:28:31,286
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.

690
00:28:41,596 --> 00:28:42,928
- Hi.
- Hey.

691
00:28:42,930 --> 00:28:45,632
Did you like
any of those writing samples?

692
00:28:45,634 --> 00:28:48,501
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.

693
00:28:48,503 --> 00:28:53,039
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.

694
00:28:53,041 --> 00:28:55,008
Wait, not the...

695
00:28:55,010 --> 00:28:57,477
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?

696
00:28:57,479 --> 00:29:00,080
Yeah. He has a real voice.

697
00:29:00,082 --> 00:29:02,682
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.

698
00:29:02,684 --> 00:29:04,351
And that's probably
a good thing

699
00:29:04,353 --> 00:29:07,253
if he's going to be
writing for me.

700
00:29:07,255 --> 00:29:09,289
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,

701
00:29:09,291 --> 00:29:11,991
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.

702
00:29:11,993 --> 00:29:15,462
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.

703
00:29:15,464 --> 00:29:17,497
I think he can get that
number up by a few points.

704
00:29:17,499 --> 00:29:19,201
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.

705
00:29:20,068 --> 00:29:21,134
Okay.

706
00:29:21,136 --> 00:29:22,137
Okay.

707
00:29:22,671 --> 00:29:24,139
Fred Flarsky it is.

708
00:29:24,573 --> 00:29:25,941
Thanks.

709
00:29:31,113 --> 00:29:32,114
All right, bye.

710
00:29:38,553 --> 00:29:40,186
Unknown!

711
00:29:40,188 --> 00:29:41,988
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.

712
00:29:41,990 --> 00:29:43,356
- What?
- Answer it!

713
00:29:43,358 --> 00:29:44,991
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?

714
00:29:44,993 --> 00:29:46,694
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.

715
00:29:46,696 --> 00:29:47,961
Really?

716
00:29:47,963 --> 00:29:49,429
- Gang.
- Gang.

717
00:29:49,431 --> 00:29:51,197
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.

718
00:29:51,199 --> 00:29:52,733
All right. Hello. Gang.

719
00:29:52,735 --> 00:29:54,567
- Mr. Flarsky?
- <i>What?</i>

720
00:29:54,569 --> 00:29:56,102
Wait, slow down. What?

721
00:29:56,104 --> 00:29:58,004
- <i>You're unknown. Pardon?</i>
- Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.

722
00:29:58,006 --> 00:30:00,106
- <i>Hello?</i>
- Go on.

723
00:30:00,108 --> 00:30:03,711
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.

724
00:30:03,713 --> 00:30:06,012
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.

725
00:30:06,014 --> 00:30:07,681
- Whoo!
- <i>Hello?</i>

726
00:30:07,683 --> 00:30:08,982
That's good!
Talk to her.

727
00:30:08,984 --> 00:30:11,652
- <i>Hello?</i>
- How can I help you?

728
00:30:11,654 --> 00:30:13,621
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.

729
00:30:13,623 --> 00:30:14,988
We will send a car over.

730
00:30:14,990 --> 00:30:16,690
Can you give me
the most convenient address?

731
00:30:16,692 --> 00:30:18,526
- What is she saying?
- Secretary would like

732
00:30:18,528 --> 00:30:19,627
to meet with me immediately

733
00:30:19,629 --> 00:30:20,869
and they're going
to send a car?

734
00:30:23,064 --> 00:30:25,733
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.

735
00:30:25,735 --> 00:30:28,168
- I'm sure you can find it.
- <i>I will google it.</i>

736
00:30:28,170 --> 00:30:30,203
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.

737
00:30:30,205 --> 00:30:31,271
<i>Okay.</i>

738
00:30:31,273 --> 00:30:33,440
Uh, I'll see you soon.

739
00:30:33,442 --> 00:30:35,711
Oh,
I feel so scared.

740
00:30:36,512 --> 00:30:37,645
Do I look okay?

741
00:30:37,647 --> 00:30:39,112
Do I look funny?

742
00:30:39,114 --> 00:30:40,346
- Why are these pockets here?
- It's okay.

743
00:30:40,348 --> 00:30:41,615
God fucking damn it!

744
00:30:41,617 --> 00:30:43,484
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?

745
00:30:43,486 --> 00:30:44,718
They're too tapered!

746
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:47,153
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants

747
00:30:47,155 --> 00:30:49,289
and see the fucking
secretary of state?

748
00:30:49,291 --> 00:30:50,791
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.

749
00:30:50,793 --> 00:30:52,292
- Mr. Flarsky?
- Oh, shit.

750
00:30:52,294 --> 00:30:53,429
Mr. Flarsky.

751
00:30:56,031 --> 00:30:57,130
Wish me luck, man.

752
00:30:57,132 --> 00:30:58,666
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.

753
00:30:58,668 --> 00:30:59,733
Luck is for losers.

754
00:30:59,735 --> 00:31:01,735
You've got destiny
on your side.

755
00:31:01,737 --> 00:31:04,538
You're good. Fred.

756
00:31:04,540 --> 00:31:06,074
You buy the body.

757
00:31:06,709 --> 00:31:07,976
That doesn't mean anything.

758
00:31:10,413 --> 00:31:12,078
Fred, put your
seat belt on.

759
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,550
Take care of my friend.
All right?

760
00:31:15,618 --> 00:31:17,818
- I look normal?
- You look cool.

761
00:31:17,820 --> 00:31:19,221
I love you, Fred!

762
00:31:19,789 --> 00:31:21,657
Nut boys for life!

763
00:31:37,740 --> 00:31:40,708
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.

764
00:31:40,710 --> 00:31:42,077
Empty my pockets?

765
00:31:44,213 --> 00:31:45,615
All right. That's...

766
00:31:46,716 --> 00:31:48,150
Let's see how this goes.

767
00:31:51,254 --> 00:31:53,287
Not a regular cop, I assume.

768
00:31:53,289 --> 00:31:56,657
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?

769
00:31:56,659 --> 00:31:58,694
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.

770
00:32:00,463 --> 00:32:04,198
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...

771
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:07,768
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.

772
00:32:07,770 --> 00:32:10,437
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.

773
00:32:10,439 --> 00:32:11,705
That's energy powder.

774
00:32:11,707 --> 00:32:15,311
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in

775
00:32:16,178 --> 00:32:19,246
when inhaling it medicinally.

776
00:32:19,248 --> 00:32:21,715
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,

777
00:32:21,717 --> 00:32:23,386
which I have
a prescription for.

778
00:32:24,387 --> 00:32:25,721
And that's a blunt.

779
00:32:31,761 --> 00:32:33,095
Ooh.

780
00:32:34,764 --> 00:32:35,765
Hi.

781
00:32:41,504 --> 00:32:42,572
Wow.

782
00:32:44,740 --> 00:32:46,206
Will you sign this, please?

783
00:32:46,208 --> 00:32:48,409
- What is it?
- It's an NDA.

784
00:32:48,411 --> 00:32:49,476
A non-disclosure agreement?

785
00:32:49,478 --> 00:32:51,780
- That's right.
- Okay.

786
00:32:51,782 --> 00:32:53,447
- Oh, my God.
- Fred.

787
00:32:53,449 --> 00:32:55,249
- Yeah.
- Hey, nice to see you again.

788
00:32:55,251 --> 00:32:56,584
- Hi, you too.
- Come on in.

789
00:32:56,586 --> 00:32:57,585
Take a seat.

790
00:32:57,587 --> 00:32:59,788
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.

791
00:32:59,790 --> 00:33:01,622
Oh, yeah, you know what?

792
00:33:01,624 --> 00:33:03,223
I actually think
the brim of my hat

793
00:33:03,225 --> 00:33:04,793
kind of protected
my face ultimately.

794
00:33:04,795 --> 00:33:07,194
So, thank God I was
underdressed in the end, right?

795
00:33:07,196 --> 00:33:09,163
Well, as long as you're good.

796
00:33:09,165 --> 00:33:10,564
- I'm okay.
- Yeah. Great.

797
00:33:10,566 --> 00:33:11,634
Uh...

798
00:33:13,436 --> 00:33:14,869
Why am I here?

799
00:33:14,871 --> 00:33:16,470
What I'm about to
share with you

800
00:33:16,472 --> 00:33:18,606
is, obviously,
highly confidential.

801
00:33:18,608 --> 00:33:19,708
Oh, yeah.

802
00:33:19,710 --> 00:33:21,143
Keep it
on the down low.

803
00:33:22,646 --> 00:33:25,314
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.

804
00:33:25,616 --> 00:33:26,681
Really?

805
00:33:26,683 --> 00:33:28,349
Yes.

806
00:33:28,351 --> 00:33:32,353
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.

807
00:33:32,355 --> 00:33:35,456
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?

808
00:33:35,458 --> 00:33:36,523
I mean, but seriously.

809
00:33:36,525 --> 00:33:37,692
Did he just realize
he sucks at it

810
00:33:37,694 --> 00:33:39,426
and decide
not to do it anymore?

811
00:33:39,428 --> 00:33:43,364
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.

812
00:33:43,366 --> 00:33:44,833
- Really?
- Yeah.

813
00:33:44,835 --> 00:33:46,735
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.

814
00:33:46,737 --> 00:33:49,571
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.

815
00:33:49,573 --> 00:33:51,305
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...

816
00:33:51,307 --> 00:33:52,373
Jennifer Aniston.

817
00:33:52,375 --> 00:33:53,975
Mmm, did she though?

818
00:33:53,977 --> 00:33:55,677
You don't think Jennifer
Aniston's a movie star?

819
00:33:55,679 --> 00:33:56,745
Just 'cause
you star in movies

820
00:33:56,747 --> 00:33:57,812
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.

821
00:33:57,814 --> 00:33:59,948
The point is...

822
00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:02,753
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.

823
00:34:03,252 --> 00:34:04,318
Wow.

824
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:05,654
- I know.
- <i>Mazel tov.</i>

825
00:34:05,656 --> 00:34:06,788
So.

826
00:34:06,790 --> 00:34:08,857
We're headed to
an environmental summit

827
00:34:08,859 --> 00:34:10,290
hosted by King Gustav

828
00:34:10,292 --> 00:34:11,926
and the Swedish Royal Family.

829
00:34:11,928 --> 00:34:14,228
At the summit,
I'll be announcing

830
00:34:14,230 --> 00:34:16,330
that the world's
three largest polluters

831
00:34:16,332 --> 00:34:17,699
have signed on
to the most comprehensive

832
00:34:17,701 --> 00:34:19,701
and exciting
environmental deal ever.

833
00:34:19,703 --> 00:34:20,969
You know,
after I have some dairy,

834
00:34:20,971 --> 00:34:22,837
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.

835
00:34:22,839 --> 00:34:24,005
Excuse me?

836
00:34:24,007 --> 00:34:26,408
We'll address
rising sea levels,

837
00:34:26,410 --> 00:34:28,009
combat deforestation

838
00:34:28,011 --> 00:34:30,345
and protect
the world's pollinators.

839
00:34:30,347 --> 00:34:33,448
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.

840
00:34:33,450 --> 00:34:34,716
Internally,
we're referring to it

841
00:34:34,718 --> 00:34:36,017
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."

842
00:34:36,019 --> 00:34:37,552
Soon after that,

843
00:34:37,554 --> 00:34:39,888
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.

844
00:34:39,890 --> 00:34:42,390
- Wow.
- At which point...

845
00:34:42,392 --> 00:34:44,759
I will resign
as secretary of state.

846
00:34:44,761 --> 00:34:47,762
Using this initiative
as a springboard,

847
00:34:47,764 --> 00:34:49,964
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.

848
00:34:49,966 --> 00:34:51,568
- Cool.
- So...

849
00:34:53,470 --> 00:34:56,037
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.

850
00:34:56,039 --> 00:34:58,373
I read your work
and I really like it.

851
00:34:58,375 --> 00:34:59,574
That's... Wow.

852
00:34:59,576 --> 00:35:01,276
You mentioned
you were between jobs.

853
00:35:01,278 --> 00:35:02,243
So it's a really good fit.

854
00:35:02,245 --> 00:35:04,813
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,

855
00:35:04,815 --> 00:35:07,315
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.

856
00:35:07,317 --> 00:35:08,616
I look forward
to working with you.

857
00:35:08,618 --> 00:35:09,619
Thank you.

858
00:35:11,755 --> 00:35:14,624
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?

859
00:35:15,892 --> 00:35:18,026
What?
I don't understand.

860
00:35:18,028 --> 00:35:20,062
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,

861
00:35:20,064 --> 00:35:21,631
your punch-up job?

862
00:35:23,034 --> 00:35:24,499
Right now.

863
00:35:24,501 --> 00:35:27,069
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,

864
00:35:27,071 --> 00:35:29,771
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?

865
00:35:29,773 --> 00:35:32,041
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!

866
00:35:32,043 --> 00:35:33,142
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

867
00:35:33,144 --> 00:35:35,077
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.

868
00:35:35,079 --> 00:35:37,848
So I can give you
some writing samples...

869
00:35:42,853 --> 00:35:44,853
What don't you know?

870
00:35:44,855 --> 00:35:47,388
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.

871
00:35:47,390 --> 00:35:49,024
Is it actually
going to do something?

872
00:35:49,026 --> 00:35:50,692
Or is it going to be
one of those things

873
00:35:50,694 --> 00:35:52,727
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,

874
00:35:52,729 --> 00:35:54,462
but doesn't
actually do something?

875
00:35:54,464 --> 00:35:56,999
I only wanna come work for you

876
00:35:57,001 --> 00:35:58,566
if it's actually
gonna do something.

877
00:35:58,568 --> 00:35:59,869
It will do something.

878
00:35:59,871 --> 00:36:01,736
This is a perfect document.

879
00:36:01,738 --> 00:36:04,039
They all start out that way
and then they get watered down.

880
00:36:04,041 --> 00:36:04,974
Fred.

881
00:36:04,976 --> 00:36:07,442
Not only does this
initiative sound good,

882
00:36:07,444 --> 00:36:08,309
it's going to do good.

883
00:36:08,311 --> 00:36:10,678
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.

884
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,848
Not to mention,
pay your rent.

885
00:36:12,850 --> 00:36:14,116
So, are you in?

886
00:36:14,118 --> 00:36:16,754
Or do you have something
more important to do?

887
00:36:17,755 --> 00:36:19,422
Than save the planet with you?

888
00:36:21,125 --> 00:36:23,759
No, I don't.
I'm in.

889
00:36:23,761 --> 00:36:25,593
Phew!

890
00:36:25,595 --> 00:36:26,864
Let's save the planet.

891
00:36:27,531 --> 00:36:28,496
That was...

892
00:36:28,498 --> 00:36:30,600
What just happened?
She's good.

893
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:57,160
Uh, hey.

894
00:36:59,063 --> 00:37:01,063
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,

895
00:37:01,065 --> 00:37:02,499
maybe, if you have a second.

896
00:37:05,803 --> 00:37:08,405
What are you...
What are you looking at?

897
00:37:12,810 --> 00:37:13,876
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God!

898
00:37:13,878 --> 00:37:16,111
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?

899
00:37:16,113 --> 00:37:17,646
- You were sleeping?
- Yes!

900
00:37:17,648 --> 00:37:19,414
I was micro napping.

901
00:37:19,416 --> 00:37:21,183
- That's what you call that?
- Yes.

902
00:37:21,185 --> 00:37:22,852
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.

903
00:37:22,854 --> 00:37:24,420
You were standing
and your eyes were open.

904
00:37:24,422 --> 00:37:25,487
Do you need something?

905
00:37:25,489 --> 00:37:26,589
I have some jokes
that I wrote

906
00:37:26,591 --> 00:37:28,591
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.

907
00:37:28,593 --> 00:37:30,059
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.

908
00:37:30,061 --> 00:37:32,094
Great. Seemed very restful.

909
00:37:32,096 --> 00:37:33,097
Okay.

910
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:36,932
Whoa.

911
00:37:36,934 --> 00:37:40,536
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.

912
00:37:40,538 --> 00:37:42,838
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?

913
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,740
"With every
fracking drill thrust,

914
00:37:44,742 --> 00:37:47,576
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?

915
00:37:47,578 --> 00:37:48,744
It can be normal fucking.

916
00:37:48,746 --> 00:37:50,112
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.

917
00:37:50,114 --> 00:37:51,180
I can take that part out.

918
00:37:51,182 --> 00:37:52,748
Yeah, listen, Fred.

919
00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:54,149
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.

920
00:37:54,151 --> 00:37:55,751
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.

921
00:37:55,753 --> 00:37:57,486
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.

922
00:37:57,488 --> 00:37:58,754
My job's hard.

923
00:37:58,756 --> 00:38:00,723
Not as hard as mine.

924
00:38:00,725 --> 00:38:02,524
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem

925
00:38:02,526 --> 00:38:04,793
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,

926
00:38:04,795 --> 00:38:06,929
like, personal experiences.

927
00:38:06,931 --> 00:38:07,830
I was thinking, you know,

928
00:38:07,832 --> 00:38:09,798
you cared a lot
about the environment

929
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:10,966
- since high school.
- Mmm-hmm.

930
00:38:10,968 --> 00:38:14,703
So maybe include
some stories about that.

931
00:38:14,705 --> 00:38:16,073
- High school?
- Yeah.

932
00:38:17,642 --> 00:38:18,908
You think that's funny?

933
00:38:18,910 --> 00:38:20,009
I think it's a good area.

934
00:38:20,011 --> 00:38:22,077
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.

935
00:38:22,079 --> 00:38:23,179
People love that.

936
00:38:23,181 --> 00:38:25,014
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.

937
00:38:25,016 --> 00:38:27,183
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.

938
00:38:27,185 --> 00:38:28,784
No, you did
so much more than that.

939
00:38:28,786 --> 00:38:31,487
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point

940
00:38:31,489 --> 00:38:32,821
when you were running
for Student Council.

941
00:38:32,823 --> 00:38:35,658
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school

942
00:38:35,660 --> 00:38:37,860
"pretends to care
about the underdog,

943
00:38:37,862 --> 00:38:39,029
"but the planet Earth is

944
00:38:39,031 --> 00:38:40,230
"the biggest underdog
of them all."

945
00:38:40,232 --> 00:38:41,530
Something like that.

946
00:38:41,532 --> 00:38:42,631
I said that?

947
00:38:42,633 --> 00:38:44,034
Yeah, you did say that.

948
00:38:44,036 --> 00:38:45,935
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.

949
00:38:45,937 --> 00:38:48,737
We were making signs
for your election.

950
00:38:48,739 --> 00:38:50,974
And you were
wearing that shirt.

951
00:38:50,976 --> 00:38:52,942
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,

952
00:38:52,944 --> 00:38:54,179
it always confused me.

953
00:38:54,712 --> 00:38:55,778
It was both.

954
00:38:55,780 --> 00:38:57,713
Oh, there you go.

955
00:38:57,715 --> 00:38:59,548
That's all I remember
about that night, though.

956
00:38:59,550 --> 00:39:01,084
Uh, that's where my memories

957
00:39:01,086 --> 00:39:04,586
concerning that evening
expire.

958
00:39:04,588 --> 00:39:07,057
I learned a lot
from that election.

959
00:39:07,059 --> 00:39:08,624
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely

960
00:39:08,626 --> 00:39:10,026
to vote for two proms

961
00:39:10,028 --> 00:39:12,528
than a very elaborate
recycling program.

962
00:39:12,530 --> 00:39:14,130
Not only kids.

963
00:39:14,132 --> 00:39:17,067
Yeah, that's true.

964
00:39:17,069 --> 00:39:20,904
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?

965
00:39:20,906 --> 00:39:22,072
- Bill Sterling?
- Yeah.

966
00:39:22,074 --> 00:39:23,239
After he beat you?

967
00:39:23,241 --> 00:39:25,576
- Yup.
- Prom one or prom two?

968
00:39:26,912 --> 00:39:27,911
Oh!

969
00:39:27,913 --> 00:39:30,746
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.

970
00:39:31,850 --> 00:39:34,550
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.

971
00:39:34,552 --> 00:39:36,652
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.

972
00:39:36,654 --> 00:39:38,755
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.

973
00:39:38,757 --> 00:39:41,994
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...

974
00:39:44,129 --> 00:39:47,063
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.

975
00:39:47,065 --> 00:39:48,066
Great.

976
00:39:48,599 --> 00:39:49,665
Hey, Fred.

977
00:39:49,667 --> 00:39:51,633
Yeah.

978
00:39:51,635 --> 00:39:53,937
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,

979
00:39:53,939 --> 00:39:54,871
just go ahead.

980
00:39:54,873 --> 00:39:57,874
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?

981
00:39:57,876 --> 00:39:59,911
Yeah. Just write.

982
00:40:01,113 --> 00:40:02,781
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.

983
00:40:03,348 --> 00:40:04,513
If you take another nap,

984
00:40:04,515 --> 00:40:06,916
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.

985
00:40:06,918 --> 00:40:08,818
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.

986
00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:10,587
That's actually
a really good idea.

987
00:40:10,589 --> 00:40:11,721
It is. I want you
to be careful.

988
00:40:11,723 --> 00:40:12,856
- Yeah.
- We need you.

989
00:40:29,207 --> 00:40:30,774
- Ambassador.
- Welcome to Sweden.

990
00:40:30,776 --> 00:40:32,075
Nice to see you again.

991
00:40:32,077 --> 00:40:33,078
Yeah, you too.

992
00:40:35,213 --> 00:40:36,780
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.

993
00:40:36,782 --> 00:40:37,881
Yes.

994
00:40:37,883 --> 00:40:39,249
Uh, Madam Secretary,

995
00:40:39,251 --> 00:40:40,617
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.

996
00:40:40,619 --> 00:40:41,818
Yeah, soon, Fred.

997
00:40:41,820 --> 00:40:43,053
Tom, do you have the schedule?

998
00:40:43,055 --> 00:40:45,015
- Yes, of course, ma'am.
- All right.

999
00:40:47,826 --> 00:40:49,027
In the back, Flarsky!

1000
00:40:50,695 --> 00:40:52,095
Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.

1001
00:40:52,097 --> 00:40:55,031
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,

1002
00:40:55,033 --> 00:40:57,100
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer

1003
00:40:57,102 --> 00:40:58,268
about deforestation issues.

1004
00:40:58,270 --> 00:41:01,671
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green

1005
00:41:01,673 --> 00:41:03,873
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.

1006
00:41:03,875 --> 00:41:06,042
2:25, then you have
a call with <i>New York Times</i>

1007
00:41:06,044 --> 00:41:08,278
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack

1008
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,647
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.

1009
00:41:10,649 --> 00:41:11,714
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head

1010
00:41:11,716 --> 00:41:12,782
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,

1011
00:41:12,784 --> 00:41:15,718
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.

1012
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:17,020
Okay. And then after that?

1013
00:41:17,022 --> 00:41:18,322
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get

1014
00:41:18,324 --> 00:41:19,823
- some face time with you.
- Oh, God.

1015
00:41:19,825 --> 00:41:22,058
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.

1016
00:41:22,060 --> 00:41:23,362
Yeah, sure. Um...

1017
00:41:24,029 --> 00:41:26,162
So, uh, you know,

1018
00:41:26,164 --> 00:41:27,997
based on what we were
talking about last night,

1019
00:41:27,999 --> 00:41:30,867
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.

1020
00:41:30,869 --> 00:41:32,802
That's good.

1021
00:41:32,804 --> 00:41:35,372
- Thank you.
- This part isn't.

1022
00:41:35,374 --> 00:41:37,941
Okay, well, you said you
didn't want to sound too angry.

1023
00:41:37,943 --> 00:41:40,377
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.

1024
00:41:40,379 --> 00:41:42,078
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.

1025
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:43,447
Great. Thanks.

1026
00:41:43,449 --> 00:41:45,682
Okay, here we go.

1027
00:41:45,684 --> 00:41:47,083
So...

1028
00:41:47,085 --> 00:41:48,687
All right.

1029
00:41:49,754 --> 00:41:50,854
Fred.

1030
00:41:50,856 --> 00:41:52,289
Yeah?

1031
00:41:52,291 --> 00:41:54,826
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?

1032
00:41:58,930 --> 00:41:59,929
I was gonna...
I was thinking

1033
00:41:59,931 --> 00:42:02,199
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.

1034
00:42:02,201 --> 00:42:03,134
That's kind of
a little more...

1035
00:42:03,136 --> 00:42:04,767
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.

1036
00:42:04,769 --> 00:42:05,802
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

1037
00:42:05,804 --> 00:42:09,839
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.

1038
00:42:09,841 --> 00:42:11,108
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled

1039
00:42:11,110 --> 00:42:13,344
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.

1040
00:42:13,346 --> 00:42:14,445
What a fun adventure.

1041
00:42:14,447 --> 00:42:16,779
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.

1042
00:42:16,781 --> 00:42:17,982
Thank you, Fred.

1043
00:42:17,984 --> 00:42:18,882
Why, thank you.

1044
00:42:18,884 --> 00:42:20,184
...and then
it's saying hello,

1045
00:42:20,186 --> 00:42:21,318
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,

1046
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:22,719
- I'll pull you up...
- Where's Flarsky?

1047
00:42:22,721 --> 00:42:23,820
Why are we waiting?

1048
00:42:23,822 --> 00:42:25,422
What, is he doing his hair?

1049
00:42:25,424 --> 00:42:27,026
Um...

1050
00:42:27,426 --> 00:42:29,193
Oh.

1051
00:42:29,195 --> 00:42:31,830
What the...

1052
00:42:36,002 --> 00:42:37,301
What the fuck
are you wearing?

1053
00:42:37,303 --> 00:42:39,336
She bought me
this shit. Okay?

1054
00:42:39,338 --> 00:42:41,138
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.

1055
00:42:41,140 --> 00:42:43,941
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here

1056
00:42:43,943 --> 00:42:45,242
dressed like this.

1057
00:42:45,244 --> 00:42:47,444
It's all I could do
on such short notice.

1058
00:42:47,446 --> 00:42:50,114
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.

1059
00:42:50,116 --> 00:42:53,685
It's just... Make it look...
Oh, my God.

1060
00:42:56,289 --> 00:42:58,122
Better with
the jacket on? Great.

1061
00:42:58,124 --> 00:43:00,124
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.

1062
00:43:00,126 --> 00:43:01,258
Calm the Smurf down.

1063
00:43:01,260 --> 00:43:02,460
Bring a fucking suit
next time.

1064
00:43:08,334 --> 00:43:09,400
Do you like the speech?

1065
00:43:09,402 --> 00:43:10,568
Yes, the speech is good.

1066
00:43:10,570 --> 00:43:13,070
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.

1067
00:43:13,072 --> 00:43:14,838
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.

1068
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:15,906
On what?

1069
00:43:15,908 --> 00:43:17,107
Getting India and China
to agree

1070
00:43:17,109 --> 00:43:18,175
to be a part
of this initiative.

1071
00:43:18,177 --> 00:43:20,511
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?

1072
00:43:20,513 --> 00:43:22,947
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.

1073
00:43:22,949 --> 00:43:24,048
We just wrote
a whole speech

1074
00:43:24,050 --> 00:43:25,216
about how
they're on-board already.

1075
00:43:25,218 --> 00:43:26,419
Don't worry, Fred.

1076
00:43:27,420 --> 00:43:29,186
You just stay here
and make sure

1077
00:43:29,188 --> 00:43:32,389
nobody from <i>Candy Land</i>
needs their car parked, okay?

1078
00:43:32,391 --> 00:43:33,791
I don't know
why you needed a writer.

1079
00:43:33,793 --> 00:43:34,959
Those are sick burns.

1080
00:43:36,362 --> 00:43:38,862
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field

1081
00:43:38,864 --> 00:43:40,900
of the United States
of America.

1082
00:43:43,269 --> 00:43:45,135
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.

1083
00:43:45,137 --> 00:43:46,472
- Your Highness.
- Pleasure.

1084
00:43:52,445 --> 00:43:53,913
Oh.

1085
00:43:56,148 --> 00:43:58,516
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.

1086
00:43:58,518 --> 00:44:00,152
And you know you are, too.

1087
00:44:01,555 --> 00:44:02,687
I do know that.

1088
00:44:02,689 --> 00:44:05,089
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,

1089
00:44:05,091 --> 00:44:07,392
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.

1090
00:44:07,394 --> 00:44:10,096
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.

1091
00:44:12,999 --> 00:44:14,432
Oh no, fuck me.

1092
00:44:16,936 --> 00:44:18,570
Yes.

1093
00:44:18,572 --> 00:44:22,172
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.

1094
00:44:22,174 --> 00:44:24,576
Yes, you look great.

1095
00:44:24,578 --> 00:44:25,943
- Congratulations.
- <i>Skal.</i>

1096
00:44:25,945 --> 00:44:27,512
<i>Skal. Skal</i> to you, too.

1097
00:44:27,514 --> 00:44:30,417
Yes.

1098
00:44:32,519 --> 00:44:33,520
Jesus.

1099
00:44:36,122 --> 00:44:39,123
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.

1100
00:44:39,125 --> 00:44:40,124
What?

1101
00:44:40,126 --> 00:44:42,294
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,

1102
00:44:42,296 --> 00:44:44,262
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines

1103
00:44:44,264 --> 00:44:45,363
for the "Trees" section, okay?

1104
00:44:45,365 --> 00:44:46,598
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1105
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,267
Losing the Seas part, why?

1106
00:44:49,269 --> 00:44:50,669
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.

1107
00:44:50,671 --> 00:44:53,438
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of the whole fucking shit.

1108
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:55,906
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?

1109
00:44:55,908 --> 00:44:57,007
Yeah, it's gone.

1110
00:44:57,009 --> 00:44:57,975
And there's nothing
we can do?

1111
00:44:57,977 --> 00:44:59,076
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.

1112
00:44:59,078 --> 00:45:03,114
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.

1113
00:45:03,116 --> 00:45:04,117
Well, no.

1114
00:45:05,118 --> 00:45:06,618
I'm not gonna do that.

1115
00:45:06,620 --> 00:45:08,520
So you quit,
resignation accepted.

1116
00:45:08,522 --> 00:45:10,088
I will rewrite the speech.

1117
00:45:10,090 --> 00:45:11,189
Oh, the fuck you will!

1118
00:45:11,191 --> 00:45:12,292
What the fuck?

1119
00:45:22,102 --> 00:45:23,582
- You don't...
- Let go!

1120
00:45:31,611 --> 00:45:32,711
Look out. Excuse me!

1121
00:45:32,713 --> 00:45:34,412
Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!

1122
00:45:34,414 --> 00:45:35,513
Fred, stop running!

1123
00:45:38,185 --> 00:45:39,186
Fred...

1124
00:45:44,257 --> 00:45:45,323
Why did you do that?

1125
00:45:45,325 --> 00:45:47,258
Because I will not
have you damage

1126
00:45:47,260 --> 00:45:48,593
the integrity of my writing!

1127
00:45:48,595 --> 00:45:50,595
The integrity of your writing?

1128
00:45:50,597 --> 00:45:53,131
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!

1129
00:45:53,133 --> 00:45:54,632
What is going on?

1130
00:45:54,634 --> 00:45:56,334
What's going on
with you, bruh?

1131
00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:57,369
Did you just
call me "bruh"?

1132
00:45:57,371 --> 00:46:00,138
- She's the secretary of state.
- Is he high?

1133
00:46:00,140 --> 00:46:02,340
He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.

1134
00:46:02,342 --> 00:46:04,262
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.

1135
00:46:06,713 --> 00:46:08,246
What's the deal, Fred?

1136
00:46:08,248 --> 00:46:11,049
What's the deal?
What's the deal? What are...

1137
00:46:11,051 --> 00:46:13,017
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me

1138
00:46:13,019 --> 00:46:14,319
you cared about this shit,

1139
00:46:14,321 --> 00:46:16,588
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,

1140
00:46:16,590 --> 00:46:19,424
you fucking got rid of a massive
element of the whole thing.

1141
00:46:19,426 --> 00:46:22,728
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.

1142
00:46:22,730 --> 00:46:25,964
That one was the seas.

1143
00:46:25,966 --> 00:46:28,400
It covers 75% of the planet!

1144
00:46:28,402 --> 00:46:30,335
- It's a pretty big one!
- Bring down your voice.

1145
00:46:30,337 --> 00:46:31,436
You know why I'm upset?

1146
00:46:31,438 --> 00:46:33,538
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.

1147
00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:35,674
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.

1148
00:46:35,676 --> 00:46:38,443
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.

1149
00:46:38,445 --> 00:46:39,712
I wanted to write for you.

1150
00:46:39,714 --> 00:46:41,446
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.

1151
00:46:41,448 --> 00:46:44,249
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.

1152
00:46:44,251 --> 00:46:46,184
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,

1153
00:46:46,186 --> 00:46:49,320
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,

1154
00:46:49,322 --> 00:46:51,189
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs

1155
00:46:51,191 --> 00:46:52,658
in whose fucking end zones!

1156
00:46:52,660 --> 00:46:54,225
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know sports.

1157
00:46:54,227 --> 00:46:55,460
Let me try it with food.

1158
00:46:55,462 --> 00:46:57,730
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.

1159
00:46:57,732 --> 00:47:00,432
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?

1160
00:47:00,434 --> 00:47:03,134
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.

1161
00:47:03,136 --> 00:47:05,003
- I don't give a shit.
- Yeah, you don't give a shit.

1162
00:47:05,005 --> 00:47:06,037
- No, I don't.
- You used to fucking give a shit,

1163
00:47:06,039 --> 00:47:08,273
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.

1164
00:47:08,275 --> 00:47:10,008
You cared more about
recycling in high school

1165
00:47:10,010 --> 00:47:12,210
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.

1166
00:47:13,313 --> 00:47:15,614
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.

1167
00:47:15,616 --> 00:47:16,782
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,

1168
00:47:16,784 --> 00:47:18,116
it's on my computer
in the snow.

1169
00:47:18,118 --> 00:47:19,618
I have copies, you idiot.

1170
00:47:19,620 --> 00:47:21,988
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.

1171
00:47:23,089 --> 00:47:25,358
Oh, no! Shit!

1172
00:47:26,527 --> 00:47:28,594
Oh, God damn it!

1173
00:47:28,596 --> 00:47:31,329
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!

1174
00:47:31,331 --> 00:47:33,066
I need a big bowl of rice!

1175
00:47:34,402 --> 00:47:37,636
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?

1176
00:47:37,638 --> 00:47:39,206
All my shit's on here.

1177
00:47:49,550 --> 00:47:51,051
Fred. Look.

1178
00:47:54,755 --> 00:47:55,957
Wow.

1179
00:47:59,827 --> 00:48:01,995
I've never seen
anything like that.

1180
00:48:04,365 --> 00:48:05,366
No, I...

1181
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:08,336
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...

1182
00:48:09,537 --> 00:48:10,538
...actually...

1183
00:48:12,473 --> 00:48:14,575
I never saw it.

1184
00:48:15,543 --> 00:48:17,178
Are you crying right now?

1185
00:48:18,111 --> 00:48:19,112
It's pretty.

1186
00:48:23,618 --> 00:48:24,619
Yeah.

1187
00:48:27,188 --> 00:48:28,189
Fred?

1188
00:48:28,623 --> 00:48:29,624
Yeah?

1189
00:48:31,125 --> 00:48:33,359
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,

1190
00:48:33,361 --> 00:48:34,695
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.

1191
00:48:37,198 --> 00:48:39,066
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.

1192
00:48:40,801 --> 00:48:43,304
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.

1193
00:48:46,107 --> 00:48:50,309
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.

1194
00:48:50,311 --> 00:48:54,747
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.

1195
00:48:54,749 --> 00:48:57,618
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.

1196
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:02,154
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,

1197
00:49:02,156 --> 00:49:05,560
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.

1198
00:49:08,629 --> 00:49:11,196
Which makes you
extremely popular,

1199
00:49:11,198 --> 00:49:13,699
especially when everybody
would rather be watching

1200
00:49:13,701 --> 00:49:15,768
<i>Beverly Hills, 90210.</i>

1201
00:49:19,807 --> 00:49:22,474
But that is why I am happy
to announce

1202
00:49:22,476 --> 00:49:25,744
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.

1203
00:49:25,746 --> 00:49:28,247
<i>In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"</i>

1204
00:49:28,249 --> 00:49:30,516
<i>the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood</i>

1205
00:49:30,518 --> 00:49:31,818
<i>and passion
for the environment</i>

1206
00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:34,420
<i>by announcing
a bold new initiative...</i>

1207
00:49:34,422 --> 00:49:37,523
<i>...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman</i>

1208
00:49:37,525 --> 00:49:39,694
<i>in the body of a Kelly Taylor.</i>

1209
00:49:41,562 --> 00:49:43,364
- Hey.
- Hi.

1210
00:49:44,532 --> 00:49:46,231
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.

1211
00:49:46,233 --> 00:49:47,499
I did. I cleaned it up.

1212
00:49:47,501 --> 00:49:49,703
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.

1213
00:49:49,705 --> 00:49:50,870
Looks good.

1214
00:49:50,872 --> 00:49:52,706
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...

1215
00:49:52,708 --> 00:49:54,774
I, uh...

1216
00:49:54,776 --> 00:49:58,277
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,

1217
00:49:58,279 --> 00:50:01,614
for acting a little crazy,
you know.

1218
00:50:01,616 --> 00:50:03,282
I'm gonna...

1219
00:50:03,284 --> 00:50:04,516
I'm going to really try
to tone it down

1220
00:50:04,518 --> 00:50:08,189
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.

1221
00:50:08,556 --> 00:50:09,658
Good. Great.

1222
00:50:10,291 --> 00:50:11,423
Also.

1223
00:50:11,425 --> 00:50:12,959
I googled speech writing

1224
00:50:12,961 --> 00:50:14,761
and it was
actually very informative.

1225
00:50:14,763 --> 00:50:15,729
What I learned

1226
00:50:15,731 --> 00:50:17,030
was that in order to write
better for you,

1227
00:50:17,032 --> 00:50:20,466
I should kinda get to know you
better and get in your head,

1228
00:50:20,468 --> 00:50:21,601
and everything
I already know about you,

1229
00:50:21,603 --> 00:50:22,802
I kinda used
on the first speech.

1230
00:50:22,804 --> 00:50:24,269
So, what I did

1231
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:25,672
was I wrote a ton of questions

1232
00:50:25,674 --> 00:50:27,439
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,

1233
00:50:27,441 --> 00:50:28,742
if you have a minute.

1234
00:50:28,744 --> 00:50:30,610
I actually have seven.

1235
00:50:30,612 --> 00:50:32,779
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.

1236
00:50:32,781 --> 00:50:34,279
- All right.
- Seven minutes in heaven.

1237
00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:35,615
Um...

1238
00:50:35,617 --> 00:50:37,584
- Okay.
- So. Ah... I guess...

1239
00:50:37,586 --> 00:50:38,752
Just like...
What are you into?

1240
00:50:38,754 --> 00:50:39,953
What kind of shit you into?

1241
00:50:39,955 --> 00:50:41,821
Well, this is
pretty much it.

1242
00:50:41,823 --> 00:50:43,623
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.

1243
00:50:43,625 --> 00:50:45,925
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?

1244
00:50:45,927 --> 00:50:47,560
Do you watch <i>Game of Thrones</i>
or anything like that?

1245
00:50:47,562 --> 00:50:49,261
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened

1246
00:50:49,263 --> 00:50:50,764
in every season
of <i>Game of Thrones.</i>

1247
00:50:50,766 --> 00:50:52,599
Because you watch it?

1248
00:50:52,601 --> 00:50:54,734
Because I read synopses
on every episode.

1249
00:50:54,736 --> 00:50:56,403
That can't actually work.

1250
00:50:56,405 --> 00:50:58,303
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon

1251
00:50:58,305 --> 00:50:59,825
came back as a White Walker.

1252
00:51:00,342 --> 00:51:01,641
Whoa!

1253
00:51:01,643 --> 00:51:02,742
- See?
- What about movies?

1254
00:51:02,744 --> 00:51:04,010
Do you watch movies?

1255
00:51:04,012 --> 00:51:06,278
Synopses of all
the award contenders.

1256
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:07,614
You used to love movies!

1257
00:51:07,616 --> 00:51:09,716
You made me watch
<i>Encino Man</i> 30 times.

1258
00:51:09,718 --> 00:51:12,352
"Wheeze a little juice!"

1259
00:51:12,354 --> 00:51:14,421
You still do the
worst Pauly Shore impression

1260
00:51:14,423 --> 00:51:16,256
in the history of mankind.

1261
00:51:16,258 --> 00:51:18,692
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"

1262
00:51:18,694 --> 00:51:20,326
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.

1263
00:51:20,328 --> 00:51:23,265
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.

1264
00:51:23,865 --> 00:51:25,532
I am Encino Man.

1265
00:51:26,535 --> 00:51:29,369
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?

1266
00:51:29,371 --> 00:51:31,404
<i>The Velveteen Rabbit.</i> You?

1267
00:51:31,406 --> 00:51:32,739
<i>Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.</i>

1268
00:51:32,741 --> 00:51:34,908
- Oh, that explains a lot.
- Yeah.

1269
00:51:36,812 --> 00:51:39,312
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.

1270
00:51:39,314 --> 00:51:40,880
Best drug experience?

1271
00:51:40,882 --> 00:51:42,816
I could get summoned
at any moment

1272
00:51:42,818 --> 00:51:44,317
to deal with
an international crisis,

1273
00:51:44,319 --> 00:51:45,652
I can't do that on acid.

1274
00:51:45,654 --> 00:51:46,920
What about Molly?

1275
00:51:46,922 --> 00:51:48,054
Who's Molly?

1276
00:51:49,658 --> 00:51:51,357
<i>Secretary of State
Charlotte Field</i>

1277
00:51:51,359 --> 00:51:54,461
<i>continues on her impressive
20-country world tour</i>

1278
00:51:54,463 --> 00:51:55,862
<i>to garner more support</i>

1279
00:51:55,864 --> 00:51:57,597
<i>for her ambitious
environmental initiative.</i>

1280
00:51:57,599 --> 00:51:59,432
<i>And all in a private jet,
no less.</i>

1281
00:51:59,434 --> 00:52:00,934
<i>You know what would
save the environment?</i>

1282
00:52:00,936 --> 00:52:02,736
<i>Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.</i>

1283
00:52:02,738 --> 00:52:04,337
<i>I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.</i>

1284
00:52:04,339 --> 00:52:06,673
<i>Oh, I walked
right into that one.</i>

1285
00:52:06,675 --> 00:52:08,875
<i>Must Have Been Love</i>
by Roxette.

1286
00:52:08,877 --> 00:52:11,411
- Oh! That's just fucking hot.
- Right?

1287
00:52:11,413 --> 00:52:12,879
- I got a new one.
- What?

1288
00:52:12,881 --> 00:52:14,314
I got to change
my favorite song.

1289
00:52:14,316 --> 00:52:15,949
- You have too many.
- I've done it a few times.

1290
00:52:15,951 --> 00:52:18,986
<i>Broccoli</i> by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.

1291
00:52:18,988 --> 00:52:20,553
All those words

1292
00:52:20,555 --> 00:52:22,455
- are the name of a song?
- Yeah.

1293
00:52:22,457 --> 00:52:23,456
I don't
really think I have one.

1294
00:52:23,458 --> 00:52:25,725
You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.

1295
00:52:25,727 --> 00:52:27,694
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.

1296
00:52:27,696 --> 00:52:29,596
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.

1297
00:52:29,598 --> 00:52:31,698
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't!

1298
00:52:31,700 --> 00:52:34,634
Oh, my God. Okay.

1299
00:52:34,636 --> 00:52:36,873
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1300
00:52:38,540 --> 00:52:40,707
I mean, you know, front.

1301
00:52:40,709 --> 00:52:42,408
- Normal. Front facing normal.
- Oh, my God.

1302
00:52:42,410 --> 00:52:43,978
- What kinda question is that?
- That's all it took.

1303
00:52:43,980 --> 00:52:44,945
Look at you.

1304
00:52:44,947 --> 00:52:47,047
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?

1305
00:52:47,049 --> 00:52:49,083
- Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
- Yeah, see?

1306
00:52:49,085 --> 00:52:51,286
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1307
00:52:51,988 --> 00:52:53,790
It's too complicated
to explain.

1308
00:52:54,957 --> 00:52:56,725
- Really?
- I told you mine.

1309
00:52:57,425 --> 00:52:59,425
Oh, God, okay.

1310
00:52:59,427 --> 00:53:01,896
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.

1311
00:53:01,898 --> 00:53:03,864
- Yeah?
- I got called into a meeting

1312
00:53:03,866 --> 00:53:06,466
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.

1313
00:53:06,468 --> 00:53:08,601
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1314
00:53:08,603 --> 00:53:12,639
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.

1315
00:53:12,641 --> 00:53:13,709
Oh, no.

1316
00:53:14,409 --> 00:53:15,409
Delhi belly.

1317
00:53:17,647 --> 00:53:21,614
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.

1318
00:53:21,616 --> 00:53:22,952
- Oh, no.
- Mmm-hmm.

1319
00:53:23,753 --> 00:53:25,019
God...

1320
00:53:25,021 --> 00:53:29,023
I ruined a really nice
Dolce and Gabbana bag.

1321
00:53:29,025 --> 00:53:31,457
- You puked in it?
- Nope.

1322
00:53:31,459 --> 00:53:34,662
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?

1323
00:53:37,499 --> 00:53:39,733
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?

1324
00:53:39,735 --> 00:53:42,136
Yes, I speak Russian.

1325
00:53:42,138 --> 00:53:44,605
The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.

1326
00:53:44,607 --> 00:53:46,976
<i>Do svidanya,</i>
motherfuckers!

1327
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,814
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!

1328
00:53:53,816 --> 00:53:55,049
But he's keeping
the team together.

1329
00:53:55,051 --> 00:53:56,116
I know.

1330
00:53:56,118 --> 00:53:57,518
I don't think
I can handle that.

1331
00:53:57,520 --> 00:53:58,586
- Oh, it's okay.
- No,

1332
00:53:58,588 --> 00:54:00,721
I really liked him
in the movie.

1333
00:54:00,723 --> 00:54:01,989
Don't worry,
just keep watching.

1334
00:54:01,991 --> 00:54:04,725
You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.

1335
00:54:04,727 --> 00:54:06,560
Because it's pretty nice here.

1336
00:54:06,562 --> 00:54:08,963
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.

1337
00:54:08,965 --> 00:54:10,431
This is good.

1338
00:54:10,433 --> 00:54:11,599
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

1339
00:54:11,601 --> 00:54:16,637
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?

1340
00:54:16,639 --> 00:54:17,905
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech

1341
00:54:17,907 --> 00:54:19,506
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss

1342
00:54:19,508 --> 00:54:21,976
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.

1343
00:54:21,978 --> 00:54:23,177
"I quit."

1344
00:54:23,179 --> 00:54:25,613
- That's not bad.
- I love that.

1345
00:54:25,615 --> 00:54:27,581
This is really fucking good.

1346
00:54:27,583 --> 00:54:29,750
Look at you, you get me, Fred.

1347
00:54:29,752 --> 00:54:31,952
I totally get you.

1348
00:54:31,954 --> 00:54:33,787
<i>♪ All I want for my birthday</i>

1349
00:54:33,789 --> 00:54:35,623
<i>♪ Is a big booty ho</i>

1350
00:54:35,625 --> 00:54:37,091
<i>♪ All I want
for my birthday... ♪</i>

1351
00:54:37,093 --> 00:54:38,826
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit

1352
00:54:38,828 --> 00:54:40,628
I played you
from the last decade,

1353
00:54:40,630 --> 00:54:42,196
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.

1354
00:54:42,198 --> 00:54:44,598
- It's catchy.
- It's awesome.

1355
00:54:49,206 --> 00:54:52,074
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?

1356
00:54:54,577 --> 00:54:56,110
- No. No.
- No.

1357
00:54:56,112 --> 00:54:57,912
I feel like I read...
Did I read that

1358
00:54:57,914 --> 00:54:59,880
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?

1359
00:54:59,882 --> 00:55:02,716
- Maybe it's not true.
- No, I'm sure you did. It's...

1360
00:55:02,718 --> 00:55:05,552
They like to write about it,
but no. I...

1361
00:55:05,554 --> 00:55:08,555
We're not, we... We flirt.

1362
00:55:08,557 --> 00:55:09,957
- Yeah. Okay.
- Kind of.

1363
00:55:09,959 --> 00:55:12,662
It's weird.
We made out once.

1364
00:55:13,529 --> 00:55:14,597
Dope.

1365
00:55:14,931 --> 00:55:16,131
You asked.

1366
00:55:16,133 --> 00:55:18,199
No, hey! I've hooked up with

1367
00:55:18,201 --> 00:55:20,634
my fair share
of world leaders, too.

1368
00:55:20,636 --> 00:55:22,705
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.

1369
00:55:23,639 --> 00:55:24,907
You thought
his beard was big.

1370
00:55:25,641 --> 00:55:26,707
Um...

1371
00:55:26,709 --> 00:55:29,743
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...

1372
00:55:29,745 --> 00:55:31,679
Do you, like, date?

1373
00:55:31,681 --> 00:55:35,484
Uh... Yeah. I date.

1374
00:55:36,186 --> 00:55:38,119
Generally, you know,

1375
00:55:38,121 --> 00:55:40,654
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.

1376
00:55:40,656 --> 00:55:42,159
People who travel a lot.

1377
00:55:44,094 --> 00:55:47,763
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...

1378
00:55:49,099 --> 00:55:51,532
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world

1379
00:55:51,534 --> 00:55:53,870
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?

1380
00:55:54,770 --> 00:55:56,137
- Yeah.
- And honestly,

1381
00:55:56,139 --> 00:55:57,906
guys don't really
want to date women

1382
00:55:57,908 --> 00:55:59,207
who are more powerful
than them.

1383
00:55:59,209 --> 00:56:00,810
They think they do, but...

1384
00:56:02,079 --> 00:56:03,912
It's a dick shriveller.

1385
00:56:03,914 --> 00:56:06,014
- Uff.
- Mmm-hmm.

1386
00:56:06,016 --> 00:56:08,249
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.

1387
00:56:08,251 --> 00:56:09,953
So...

1388
00:56:11,654 --> 00:56:13,587
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?

1389
00:56:13,589 --> 00:56:16,091
No, I get it.

1390
00:56:16,093 --> 00:56:18,195
- It makes sense.
- Yeah. It adds up.

1391
00:56:27,938 --> 00:56:29,298
We're right in front
of the window.

1392
00:56:31,074 --> 00:56:32,674
What the fuck is happening?

1393
00:56:32,676 --> 00:56:34,309
Insurgents are fighting
the army.

1394
00:56:34,311 --> 00:56:36,211
- Are we in danger?
- Yes! Yes!

1395
00:56:36,213 --> 00:56:37,879
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!

1396
00:56:37,881 --> 00:56:39,214
Fuck!

1397
00:56:39,216 --> 00:56:40,583
This way!

1398
00:56:41,952 --> 00:56:43,952
All right, guys, come with me.

1399
00:56:43,954 --> 00:56:45,554
Come on.

1400
00:57:09,913 --> 00:57:11,046
Secretary Field, this way!

1401
00:57:11,048 --> 00:57:13,016
I got her, secure them!

1402
00:57:14,017 --> 00:57:15,085
This way.

1403
00:57:18,622 --> 00:57:19,790
You'll be safe in here.

1404
00:57:21,091 --> 00:57:23,124
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?

1405
00:57:23,126 --> 00:57:24,125
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?

1406
00:57:24,127 --> 00:57:26,127
I'm okay. Yeah.
We're okay. Okay.

1407
00:57:26,129 --> 00:57:30,131
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Holy shit!

1408
00:57:30,133 --> 00:57:33,368
Oh,
we could have just died.

1409
00:57:33,370 --> 00:57:36,171
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.

1410
00:57:36,173 --> 00:57:37,238
I'm having a hard time

1411
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:38,374
catching my breath
a little bit.

1412
00:57:38,376 --> 00:57:39,442
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.

1413
00:57:39,444 --> 00:57:42,777
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,

1414
00:57:42,779 --> 00:57:44,045
for dealing with panicking.

1415
00:57:44,047 --> 00:57:46,281
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.

1416
00:57:46,283 --> 00:57:49,250
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!

1417
00:57:49,252 --> 00:57:50,985
I need 90 fucking years!

1418
00:57:50,987 --> 00:57:53,688
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!

1419
00:57:53,690 --> 00:57:56,425
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!

1420
00:57:56,427 --> 00:57:59,861
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.

1421
00:57:59,863 --> 00:58:02,165
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!

1422
00:58:03,033 --> 00:58:04,099
It was just pointless.

1423
00:58:04,101 --> 00:58:05,867
What the fuck?

1424
00:58:05,869 --> 00:58:07,938
Holy shit! Fuck!

1425
00:58:09,039 --> 00:58:11,240
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?

1426
00:58:11,242 --> 00:58:12,441
- Fred.
- Is there more?

1427
00:58:12,443 --> 00:58:13,842
You're gonna
have to calm down.

1428
00:58:13,844 --> 00:58:15,076
I don't think I can.

1429
00:58:15,078 --> 00:58:16,878
Sit down with me.

1430
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:18,012
And breathe.

1431
00:58:18,014 --> 00:58:20,382
Four seconds in.

1432
00:58:20,384 --> 00:58:21,450
Four seconds out.

1433
00:58:21,452 --> 00:58:23,285
Four seconds in.

1434
00:58:23,287 --> 00:58:24,953
One, two, three, four...

1435
00:58:24,955 --> 00:58:27,822
- Four seconds out.
- One, two...

1436
00:58:27,824 --> 00:58:30,692
- Four seconds in.
- One, two, three, four...

1437
00:58:30,694 --> 00:58:32,194
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.

1438
00:58:32,196 --> 00:58:33,329
...four. It helps me.

1439
00:58:33,331 --> 00:58:37,031
- One, two, three, four...
- There you go.

1440
00:58:37,033 --> 00:58:39,368
One, two, three, four.

1441
00:58:39,370 --> 00:58:41,272
One, two, three, four.

1442
00:58:42,140 --> 00:58:43,940
One, two, three, four.

1443
00:58:45,143 --> 00:58:47,178
- You got it.
- That actually works.

1444
00:58:48,212 --> 00:58:49,746
Those guys are good.

1445
00:58:54,318 --> 00:58:56,018
We did almost just die,
though.

1446
00:58:56,020 --> 00:58:57,086
We actually did almost die.

1447
00:58:57,088 --> 00:58:58,753
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.

1448
00:58:58,755 --> 00:58:59,888
That actually
makes me feel better.

1449
00:58:59,890 --> 00:59:01,023
Means I didn't overreact.

1450
00:59:01,025 --> 00:59:03,760
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted.

1451
00:59:04,828 --> 00:59:05,997
Yeah, maybe.

1452
00:59:08,499 --> 00:59:10,301
I can think of worse ways
to go

1453
00:59:11,369 --> 00:59:13,037
than here with you.

1454
00:59:14,372 --> 00:59:16,272
Honestly, this has been like,

1455
00:59:16,274 --> 00:59:19,076
the best few weeks
of my entire life.

1456
00:59:22,446 --> 00:59:23,778
You don't have to say it
back to me.

1457
00:59:23,780 --> 00:59:25,047
I know it's not true for you.

1458
00:59:25,049 --> 00:59:27,082
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,

1459
00:59:27,084 --> 00:59:28,450
at that benefit concert.
That was probably

1460
00:59:28,452 --> 00:59:29,919
a way better week.

1461
00:59:29,921 --> 00:59:32,754
Just as an example.

1462
00:59:32,756 --> 00:59:35,191
Well, this is
a pretty close second.

1463
00:59:35,193 --> 00:59:37,293
Really? To The Boss?

1464
00:59:37,295 --> 00:59:38,360
Yeah.

1465
00:59:38,362 --> 00:59:40,697
Wow. That's nice.

1466
00:59:47,338 --> 00:59:48,706
Uh...

1467
00:59:54,378 --> 00:59:57,446
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,

1468
00:59:57,448 --> 00:59:59,415
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake

1469
00:59:59,417 --> 01:00:00,849
I made 25 years ago.

1470
01:00:00,851 --> 01:00:02,720
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.

1471
01:00:03,421 --> 01:00:05,022
Wait... Really?

1472
01:00:11,562 --> 01:00:13,162
We've secured the location.

1473
01:00:13,164 --> 01:00:16,033
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.

1474
01:00:17,134 --> 01:00:18,836
Thank you, Agent M.

1475
01:00:23,407 --> 01:00:24,807
Holy shit.

1476
01:00:24,809 --> 01:00:25,874
That helicopter was way louder

1477
01:00:25,876 --> 01:00:27,276
than I thought
it was gonna be.

1478
01:00:27,278 --> 01:00:29,438
- Fred, enough. Enough.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

1479
01:00:30,114 --> 01:00:31,213
We're safe here though?

1480
01:00:31,215 --> 01:00:32,881
- Yes!
- Oh, my God, Fred!

1481
01:00:32,883 --> 01:00:33,949
This way.

1482
01:00:33,951 --> 01:00:35,311
This place
looks really nice.

1483
01:00:39,123 --> 01:00:40,590
Fred, I need you
to come work

1484
01:00:40,592 --> 01:00:42,424
on that speech with me,
right now.

1485
01:00:42,426 --> 01:00:44,496
- Right now?
- Yeah. Right now.

1486
01:00:45,363 --> 01:00:46,465
Okay.

1487
01:00:52,837 --> 01:00:54,003
Hang on, get my pants off.

1488
01:00:54,005 --> 01:00:55,339
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.

1489
01:00:56,841 --> 01:00:58,240
- We're doing it?
- Yeah!

1490
01:00:58,242 --> 01:00:59,308
- Do it faster.
- Let's do it.

1491
01:00:59,310 --> 01:01:00,311
They're coming off!

1492
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:04,282
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!

1493
01:01:05,617 --> 01:01:06,817
Fuck!

1494
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:09,985
Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!

1495
01:01:09,987 --> 01:01:11,454
- Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.

1496
01:01:11,456 --> 01:01:12,522
Should I go in, then?

1497
01:01:12,524 --> 01:01:14,189
Yeah, enter.

1498
01:01:14,191 --> 01:01:17,460
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!

1499
01:01:17,462 --> 01:01:19,596
- I'm gonna come really soon.
- Me too.

1500
01:01:19,598 --> 01:01:21,063
- Really?
- Yeah!

1501
01:01:21,065 --> 01:01:22,131
- Oh, God!
- Oh!

1502
01:01:22,133 --> 01:01:23,533
Oh, boy!

1503
01:01:26,371 --> 01:01:29,306
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh, my God!

1504
01:01:29,308 --> 01:01:31,207
- I'm coming out.
- Okay, come on.

1505
01:01:31,209 --> 01:01:37,012
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!

1506
01:01:37,014 --> 01:01:40,252
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.

1507
01:01:41,153 --> 01:01:42,352
I don't know
what happened.

1508
01:01:42,354 --> 01:01:44,554
I usually last
way longer than that.

1509
01:01:44,556 --> 01:01:45,956
- You know?
- Not me.

1510
01:01:46,991 --> 01:01:47,923
That was weird.

1511
01:01:47,925 --> 01:01:49,125
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...

1512
01:01:49,127 --> 01:01:51,094
- Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- ...at the same time.

1513
01:01:51,096 --> 01:01:52,629
- That's never happened before.
- I've never said that.

1514
01:01:52,631 --> 01:01:55,898
- Yeah.
- Super strange.

1515
01:01:55,900 --> 01:01:57,600
- Oh!
- Should we do that again?

1516
01:01:57,602 --> 01:01:59,322
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.

1517
01:02:03,974 --> 01:02:05,608
Hmm.

1518
01:02:05,610 --> 01:02:08,545
Who's this little guy?

1519
01:02:08,547 --> 01:02:10,447
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis

1520
01:02:10,449 --> 01:02:12,182
and I had to get a bottom half

1521
01:02:12,184 --> 01:02:13,616
of a swastika
tattooed on me...

1522
01:02:13,618 --> 01:02:15,452
- Oh, my God.
- ...so they wouldn't kill me

1523
01:02:15,454 --> 01:02:17,454
and I didn't want that,

1524
01:02:17,456 --> 01:02:20,590
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man

1525
01:02:20,592 --> 01:02:24,060
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.

1526
01:02:24,062 --> 01:02:26,129
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.

1527
01:02:26,131 --> 01:02:27,597
- No.
- He's so happy about it.

1528
01:02:27,599 --> 01:02:28,665
I know, they just
look like pants.

1529
01:02:28,667 --> 01:02:31,301
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.

1530
01:02:34,706 --> 01:02:36,508
Man, I am hungry.

1531
01:02:39,144 --> 01:02:40,643
What time is it?

1532
01:02:40,645 --> 01:02:43,315
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.

1533
01:02:44,449 --> 01:02:47,417
And where...
Where are we right now?

1534
01:02:47,419 --> 01:02:48,718
I don't have a clue.

1535
01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:49,986
You don't know?

1536
01:02:49,988 --> 01:02:51,187
No. They just
dropped us here.

1537
01:02:51,189 --> 01:02:53,458
They just took us here
on the helicopter.

1538
01:03:15,547 --> 01:03:16,613
Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.

1539
01:03:16,615 --> 01:03:17,983
Jesus!

1540
01:03:20,051 --> 01:03:21,386
You scared me, man.

1541
01:03:27,125 --> 01:03:29,727
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?

1542
01:03:29,729 --> 01:03:31,530
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.

1543
01:03:33,165 --> 01:03:34,232
Fair enough.

1544
01:03:35,300 --> 01:03:36,636
Good luck, man.

1545
01:03:38,604 --> 01:03:39,672
Thank you.

1546
01:03:48,681 --> 01:03:51,080
<i>These helicopters are scary.</i>

1547
01:03:51,082 --> 01:03:54,219
<i>It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.</i>

1548
01:03:57,222 --> 01:03:59,690
<i>One, two, three, four.</i>

1549
01:03:59,692 --> 01:04:01,694
<i>One, two, three, four.</i>

1550
01:04:13,806 --> 01:04:15,706
I feel so happy right now!

1551
01:04:15,708 --> 01:04:17,441
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,

1552
01:04:17,443 --> 01:04:19,175
I may have never been happy.

1553
01:04:19,177 --> 01:04:21,679
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.

1554
01:04:21,681 --> 01:04:23,146
And it feels good.

1555
01:04:23,148 --> 01:04:26,149
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.

1556
01:04:26,151 --> 01:04:28,084
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,

1557
01:04:28,086 --> 01:04:29,687
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.

1558
01:04:29,689 --> 01:04:30,754
And it's not like a date,

1559
01:04:30,756 --> 01:04:32,356
but it kinda
feels like a date.

1560
01:04:32,358 --> 01:04:35,058
<i>How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.</i>

1561
01:04:35,060 --> 01:04:37,294
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.

1562
01:04:37,296 --> 01:04:39,095
You need to...

1563
01:04:39,097 --> 01:04:41,166
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.

1564
01:04:42,133 --> 01:04:43,434
I am worthy of love.

1565
01:04:43,436 --> 01:04:45,101
<i>All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000</i>

1566
01:04:45,103 --> 01:04:46,604
more times,
until you believe it.

1567
01:04:46,606 --> 01:04:48,071
<i>Okay, look, I gotta go.</i>

1568
01:04:48,073 --> 01:04:50,407
<i>I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.</i>

1569
01:04:50,409 --> 01:04:52,075
All right, man. Hey!

1570
01:04:52,077 --> 01:04:53,078
<i>Be bold!</i>

1571
01:05:09,495 --> 01:05:10,828
Hi.

1572
01:05:10,830 --> 01:05:13,497
You look really pretty.

1573
01:05:13,499 --> 01:05:14,734
Thank you.

1574
01:05:15,635 --> 01:05:18,702
You look really pretty, too.

1575
01:05:18,704 --> 01:05:19,770
Thank you.

1576
01:05:19,772 --> 01:05:21,205
Thanks for the suit.

1577
01:05:21,207 --> 01:05:22,339
We should probably head in.

1578
01:05:22,341 --> 01:05:23,442
- Shall we?
- Yeah.

1579
01:05:26,879 --> 01:05:29,647
Wow. This is awesome.

1580
01:05:29,649 --> 01:05:31,315
It's cool being
in Argentina.

1581
01:05:31,317 --> 01:05:32,716
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents

1582
01:05:32,718 --> 01:05:34,520
are hiding here somewhere.

1583
01:05:35,254 --> 01:05:36,355
Shit, they got a band.

1584
01:05:38,357 --> 01:05:41,792
Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?

1585
01:05:41,794 --> 01:05:43,327
So there are representatives

1586
01:05:43,329 --> 01:05:45,195
from over 75 countries
here tonight.

1587
01:05:45,197 --> 01:05:46,730
She has three hours
to get out there,

1588
01:05:46,732 --> 01:05:47,765
- shake her money maker...
- Yeah.

1589
01:05:47,767 --> 01:05:49,500
...and get as many
commitments as possible.

1590
01:05:49,502 --> 01:05:51,168
- This is a work event.
- Of course, yeah. I get it.

1591
01:05:51,170 --> 01:05:54,438
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.

1592
01:05:54,440 --> 01:05:56,574
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.

1593
01:05:56,576 --> 01:05:58,642
- We'll see.
- Yeah.

1594
01:05:58,644 --> 01:06:00,446
All right. Okay.

1595
01:06:04,450 --> 01:06:05,785
I know what's going on.

1596
01:06:09,155 --> 01:06:11,589
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

1597
01:06:11,591 --> 01:06:12,656
There's nothing going on.

1598
01:06:12,658 --> 01:06:14,826
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.

1599
01:06:14,828 --> 01:06:17,528
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.

1600
01:06:17,530 --> 01:06:20,598
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics

1601
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:21,565
like you wouldn't believe.

1602
01:06:21,567 --> 01:06:24,501
The two of you are having sex
with each other.

1603
01:06:24,503 --> 01:06:26,337
There's no way you could
discern something like that.

1604
01:06:26,339 --> 01:06:27,573
Charlotte told me.

1605
01:06:28,341 --> 01:06:29,273
Really?

1606
01:06:29,275 --> 01:06:31,342
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.

1607
01:06:31,344 --> 01:06:34,345
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking very clever.

1608
01:06:34,347 --> 01:06:35,512
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.

1609
01:06:35,514 --> 01:06:37,548
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.

1610
01:06:37,550 --> 01:06:38,449
- So?
- Ew.

1611
01:06:38,451 --> 01:06:39,818
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me

1612
01:06:39,820 --> 01:06:40,952
- than it is to you.
- Look,

1613
01:06:40,954 --> 01:06:42,119
I can't believe
I have to say this,

1614
01:06:42,121 --> 01:06:45,358
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.

1615
01:06:46,559 --> 01:06:48,292
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.

1616
01:06:48,294 --> 01:06:50,361
The public will never accept
the two of you together,

1617
01:06:50,363 --> 01:06:51,730
so neither will she.

1618
01:06:51,732 --> 01:06:53,330
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter

1619
01:06:53,332 --> 01:06:54,298
if you get it or you don't,

1620
01:06:54,300 --> 01:06:55,967
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it

1621
01:06:55,969 --> 01:06:57,234
for the both of you,

1622
01:06:57,236 --> 01:06:59,336
then you'll have
your heart broken.

1623
01:06:59,338 --> 01:07:00,672
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.

1624
01:07:00,674 --> 01:07:02,375
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...

1625
01:07:19,526 --> 01:07:20,761
Madam Secretary!

1626
01:07:21,862 --> 01:07:23,394
Excuse me.

1627
01:07:23,396 --> 01:07:24,529
- Ah!
- Parker.

1628
01:07:24,531 --> 01:07:26,598
Nope. Nope. Uh...

1629
01:07:28,468 --> 01:07:31,836
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.

1630
01:07:31,838 --> 01:07:33,004
You know,
it's not gonna happen.

1631
01:07:33,006 --> 01:07:34,639
I'm not gonna find time.

1632
01:07:34,641 --> 01:07:37,241
I will get my way on this.

1633
01:07:37,243 --> 01:07:38,576
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"

1634
01:07:38,578 --> 01:07:41,012
but please have at it.
It's all yours.

1635
01:07:41,014 --> 01:07:42,447
- May I have a word?
- Can you excuse me?

1636
01:07:42,449 --> 01:07:43,682
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.

1637
01:07:43,684 --> 01:07:46,351
- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, my God. You are a...

1638
01:07:46,353 --> 01:07:48,853
You look
absolutely wonderful.

1639
01:07:48,855 --> 01:07:50,755
Oh.

1640
01:07:51,992 --> 01:07:53,491
I have to say,
I have been

1641
01:07:53,493 --> 01:07:55,727
so impressed
by your initiative.

1642
01:07:55,729 --> 01:07:57,495
Does this mean
I can add Canada

1643
01:07:57,497 --> 01:07:59,497
to the list of countries
taking part?

1644
01:07:59,499 --> 01:08:01,666
On one condition.

1645
01:08:01,668 --> 01:08:02,567
Let me guess.

1646
01:08:02,569 --> 01:08:05,303
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.

1647
01:08:05,305 --> 01:08:06,640
I don't care about lumber.

1648
01:08:07,941 --> 01:08:09,476
I just want to dance.

1649
01:08:12,913 --> 01:08:13,978
Sure.

1650
01:08:37,637 --> 01:08:38,705
Whoa!

1651
01:08:39,906 --> 01:08:41,408
Wow.

1652
01:08:42,776 --> 01:08:44,008
You know
when you see something,

1653
01:08:44,010 --> 01:08:47,345
and it just looks right.

1654
01:08:47,347 --> 01:08:49,414
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.

1655
01:08:49,416 --> 01:08:50,417
Mmm-hmm.

1656
01:09:00,061 --> 01:09:01,762
I'm worthy of love.

1657
01:09:03,463 --> 01:09:04,798
I'm worthy of love.

1658
01:09:07,434 --> 01:09:08,735
What the fuck
are you saying?

1659
01:09:09,636 --> 01:09:10,637
Nothing.

1660
01:09:43,838 --> 01:09:44,839
<i>Bonjour,</i> ma'am.

1661
01:10:17,872 --> 01:10:18,873
Excuse me.

1662
01:10:20,942 --> 01:10:22,475
Agent E, look alive.

1663
01:10:38,059 --> 01:10:39,426
- Hi.
- Hey.

1664
01:10:40,194 --> 01:10:41,829
I hear you have
a crush on me.

1665
01:10:43,197 --> 01:10:44,565
I do.

1666
01:10:46,133 --> 01:10:47,935
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.

1667
01:10:49,637 --> 01:10:50,805
Well, that's cool.

1668
01:10:54,075 --> 01:10:56,175
Hey, I know I asked earlier.

1669
01:10:56,177 --> 01:10:57,743
But, uh...

1670
01:11:01,449 --> 01:11:02,783
Do you want to dance with me?

1671
01:11:05,620 --> 01:11:06,621
It's a dope song.

1672
01:11:07,788 --> 01:11:09,021
Really fucking good song.

1673
01:11:09,023 --> 01:11:10,155
Maybe the best song
ever written.

1674
01:11:10,157 --> 01:11:11,158
Yeah.

1675
01:12:59,301 --> 01:13:00,934
I want you to
fuck me from behind

1676
01:13:00,936 --> 01:13:02,104
and slap my ass really hard.

1677
01:13:04,773 --> 01:13:05,972
What?

1678
01:13:05,974 --> 01:13:07,307
What?

1679
01:13:07,309 --> 01:13:09,575
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?

1680
01:13:09,577 --> 01:13:10,877
Am I being too bossy?

1681
01:13:10,879 --> 01:13:13,645
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.

1682
01:13:13,647 --> 01:13:15,181
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,

1683
01:13:15,183 --> 01:13:16,049
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.

1684
01:13:16,051 --> 01:13:17,583
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.

1685
01:13:17,585 --> 01:13:18,785
No. Not at all.

1686
01:13:18,787 --> 01:13:20,653
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...

1687
01:13:20,655 --> 01:13:21,788
Yeah, but you hesitated.

1688
01:13:21,790 --> 01:13:24,824
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.

1689
01:13:24,826 --> 01:13:27,927
You know what? We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.

1690
01:13:27,929 --> 01:13:29,929
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass

1691
01:13:29,931 --> 01:13:31,166
and then choke me
a little bit.

1692
01:13:31,933 --> 01:13:32,934
Oh, my God.

1693
01:13:40,675 --> 01:13:41,743
Whoa.

1694
01:13:51,753 --> 01:13:52,754
Frederick.

1695
01:13:53,355 --> 01:13:54,589
Margaret.

1696
01:13:59,361 --> 01:14:01,161
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!

1697
01:14:01,163 --> 01:14:02,929
- Gross!
- Um...

1698
01:14:02,931 --> 01:14:04,264
I thought you guys
hated each other.

1699
01:14:04,266 --> 01:14:06,366
- We do hate each other.
- We do. Big time.

1700
01:14:06,368 --> 01:14:08,301
- We are also fucking.
- Ugh.

1701
01:14:08,303 --> 01:14:09,403
How long
have you been fucking?

1702
01:14:09,405 --> 01:14:10,737
That was probably 20 minutes.

1703
01:14:10,739 --> 01:14:11,805
Not right now!

1704
01:14:11,807 --> 01:14:14,007
- Oh.
- A lot of questions. Um, I...

1705
01:14:14,009 --> 01:14:15,175
I would say
anywhere between

1706
01:14:15,177 --> 01:14:17,043
two and five...
Three and a half times.

1707
01:14:17,045 --> 01:14:18,878
I would say on my end, five.

1708
01:14:18,880 --> 01:14:20,347
Three and a half sounds right.

1709
01:14:20,349 --> 01:14:22,715
I don't know how you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.

1710
01:14:22,717 --> 01:14:25,151
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.

1711
01:14:25,153 --> 01:14:26,786
There's a woman
in there, too?

1712
01:14:26,788 --> 01:14:28,688
- Excuse me.
- Easy.

1713
01:14:28,690 --> 01:14:29,889
- And I got it.
- Sorry.

1714
01:14:29,891 --> 01:14:31,257
- Again.
- Sorry, I'm...

1715
01:14:31,259 --> 01:14:33,126
A woman is present
and that woman is me.

1716
01:14:33,128 --> 01:14:34,727
- You?
- We're talking about her.

1717
01:14:34,729 --> 01:14:36,663
Trust me, I know, Fred.

1718
01:14:36,665 --> 01:14:37,730
Tom, I got this.

1719
01:14:37,732 --> 01:14:39,165
- Ugh!
- I'm gonna say goodnight.

1720
01:14:39,167 --> 01:14:40,367
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.

1721
01:14:40,369 --> 01:14:41,234
And I will take my leave.

1722
01:14:41,236 --> 01:14:44,271
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.

1723
01:14:44,273 --> 01:14:46,739
- It's not the worst instinct.
- Guys, just...

1724
01:14:46,741 --> 01:14:47,807
Those hands
have been places.

1725
01:14:47,809 --> 01:14:49,310
Goodnight.

1726
01:14:49,312 --> 01:14:51,811
<i>With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State</i>

1727
01:14:51,813 --> 01:14:55,182
<i>Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative</i>

1728
01:14:55,184 --> 01:14:57,218
<i>has secured the support
of 100 countries.</i>

1729
01:14:59,322 --> 01:15:00,588
The president
wants to talk to you.

1730
01:15:00,590 --> 01:15:03,723
We've set up the tent in the next
room, Madam Secretary.

1731
01:15:03,725 --> 01:15:04,993
Tell him hi.

1732
01:15:09,432 --> 01:15:12,065
Mr. President. <i>Bonjour.</i>

1733
01:15:12,067 --> 01:15:13,334
<i>Charlie,</i> bonjour.

1734
01:15:13,336 --> 01:15:16,903
<i>Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?</i>

1735
01:15:16,905 --> 01:15:18,705
Oh, it's the Global

1736
01:15:18,707 --> 01:15:20,807
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.

1737
01:15:20,809 --> 01:15:23,310
It's been on your desk for the
last three weeks.

1738
01:15:23,312 --> 01:15:25,412
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole

1739
01:15:25,414 --> 01:15:27,847
and it's ruffling
some feathers.

1740
01:15:27,849 --> 01:15:29,983
Sir, you are the flagpole.

1741
01:15:29,985 --> 01:15:33,420
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.

1742
01:15:33,422 --> 01:15:35,189
<i>We need you to revise it.</i>

1743
01:15:35,191 --> 01:15:36,192
Sir?

1744
01:15:37,093 --> 01:15:39,195
<i>We need you to kill the trees.</i>

1745
01:15:43,199 --> 01:15:44,431
Why would he do that?

1746
01:15:44,433 --> 01:15:47,468
Because he's funded by a
bunch of fucking rich assholes

1747
01:15:47,470 --> 01:15:49,103
and I probably pissed
one of them off.

1748
01:15:49,105 --> 01:15:50,803
Can I just say
the optics of this

1749
01:15:50,805 --> 01:15:52,506
are actually
not that different?

1750
01:15:52,508 --> 01:15:54,308
The initiative still has
the same name.

1751
01:15:54,310 --> 01:15:56,076
It sounds
very impressive,

1752
01:15:56,078 --> 01:15:58,212
which is ultimately
all that matters.

1753
01:15:58,214 --> 01:16:00,915
I actually cared about this.

1754
01:16:00,917 --> 01:16:02,483
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?

1755
01:16:02,485 --> 01:16:03,816
I don't even like bees.

1756
01:16:03,818 --> 01:16:05,085
Do you have to
listen to him?

1757
01:16:05,087 --> 01:16:08,255
Yes. I have to listen to him.

1758
01:16:08,257 --> 01:16:11,091
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.

1759
01:16:11,093 --> 01:16:14,028
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.

1760
01:16:14,030 --> 01:16:16,096
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.

1761
01:16:16,098 --> 01:16:17,464
You know?
People are digging your shit.

1762
01:16:17,466 --> 01:16:19,133
And your numbers are good.

1763
01:16:19,135 --> 01:16:21,335
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.

1764
01:16:21,337 --> 01:16:22,870
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.

1765
01:16:22,872 --> 01:16:23,938
Time to go, buddy.

1766
01:16:23,940 --> 01:16:25,806
Oh, my God.

1767
01:16:25,808 --> 01:16:29,045
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.

1768
01:16:43,893 --> 01:16:46,293
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.

1769
01:16:46,295 --> 01:16:47,363
I fuckin' hate it.

1770
01:16:48,264 --> 01:16:50,431
I mean, what's the point?

1771
01:16:50,433 --> 01:16:53,736
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.

1772
01:16:54,303 --> 01:16:55,536
I'm sorry.

1773
01:16:55,538 --> 01:16:57,338
I just wanna be
a normal person

1774
01:16:57,340 --> 01:16:59,106
and not give a fuck
about anything

1775
01:16:59,108 --> 01:17:01,141
just like
the rest of the world.

1776
01:17:01,143 --> 01:17:03,210
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.

1777
01:17:03,212 --> 01:17:04,914
I bet it's really nice.

1778
01:17:06,082 --> 01:17:07,915
That's what I want.

1779
01:17:07,917 --> 01:17:10,019
I don't know
how to give that to you.

1780
01:17:13,456 --> 01:17:15,024
Let's get fucked up.

1781
01:17:15,424 --> 01:17:16,491
Fucked up?

1782
01:17:16,493 --> 01:17:18,959
- Yeah.
- Like a few beers fucked up

1783
01:17:18,961 --> 01:17:21,228
or more than that fucked up?

1784
01:17:21,230 --> 01:17:23,199
Like super fucked up.

1785
01:17:29,038 --> 01:17:31,506
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.

1786
01:17:32,942 --> 01:17:34,110
What?

1787
01:17:34,877 --> 01:17:36,611
That's not, um...

1788
01:17:36,613 --> 01:17:38,279
That's not
how you take it, but...

1789
01:17:38,281 --> 01:17:39,179
How do you take it?

1790
01:17:39,181 --> 01:17:41,048
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.

1791
01:17:41,050 --> 01:17:42,584
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.

1792
01:17:42,586 --> 01:17:43,917
Why not?

1793
01:17:43,919 --> 01:17:45,853
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.

1794
01:17:45,855 --> 01:17:49,225
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.

1795
01:17:50,159 --> 01:17:51,328
Oh, man.

1796
01:18:21,358 --> 01:18:22,524
You good?

1797
01:18:22,526 --> 01:18:24,492
I don't feel anything.

1798
01:18:24,494 --> 01:18:26,494
You don't feel it?

1799
01:18:26,496 --> 01:18:28,296
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.

1800
01:18:28,298 --> 01:18:31,101
Ooh! Wow.

1801
01:18:31,568 --> 01:18:34,102
...Was right.

1802
01:18:34,104 --> 01:18:38,005
Holy fuck...

1803
01:18:38,007 --> 01:18:39,341
No!

1804
01:18:39,343 --> 01:18:41,676
My jaw feels
really weird.

1805
01:18:41,678 --> 01:18:43,010
Yeah, that's the drugs.

1806
01:18:43,012 --> 01:18:44,612
Drugs love a jaw.

1807
01:18:44,614 --> 01:18:47,048
- I want more.
- No, no, no, no.

1808
01:18:47,050 --> 01:18:48,450
Maybe in like an hour.

1809
01:18:48,452 --> 01:18:50,153
We should do it now.

1810
01:19:19,015 --> 01:19:21,216
Yes, motherfuckers!

1811
01:19:21,218 --> 01:19:23,151
I could do this forever!

1812
01:19:23,153 --> 01:19:24,552
We're gonna.

1813
01:19:24,554 --> 01:19:27,055
I know I've been like...

1814
01:19:27,057 --> 01:19:29,290
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.

1815
01:19:29,292 --> 01:19:31,292
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,

1816
01:19:31,294 --> 01:19:32,961
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,

1817
01:19:32,963 --> 01:19:34,629
maybe like I don't
care that much.

1818
01:19:34,631 --> 01:19:38,066
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.

1819
01:19:38,068 --> 01:19:40,368
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.

1820
01:19:40,370 --> 01:19:43,037
You just followed me
into the bathroom.

1821
01:19:43,039 --> 01:19:44,272
Yeah, to talk.

1822
01:19:44,274 --> 01:19:46,408
- I really like you, too!
- Really?

1823
01:19:46,410 --> 01:19:48,042
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

1824
01:19:50,013 --> 01:19:52,680
- Madam Secretary!
- Yeah! Whoa!

1825
01:19:52,682 --> 01:19:54,516
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!

1826
01:19:54,518 --> 01:19:56,651
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!

1827
01:19:56,653 --> 01:19:57,753
We have a situation.

1828
01:19:57,755 --> 01:19:59,122
Huh?

1829
01:20:07,464 --> 01:20:09,330
Yo.

1830
01:20:09,332 --> 01:20:12,367
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?

1831
01:20:12,369 --> 01:20:14,135
We just re-upped.

1832
01:20:14,137 --> 01:20:16,337
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.

1833
01:20:16,339 --> 01:20:19,409
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.

1834
01:20:20,578 --> 01:20:22,711
Yeah. Why?

1835
01:20:22,713 --> 01:20:24,547
I'm in so much trouble.

1836
01:20:24,549 --> 01:20:25,614
What's happening?

1837
01:20:25,616 --> 01:20:27,215
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.

1838
01:20:27,217 --> 01:20:29,419
What's happening?
Are they outta water?

1839
01:20:30,287 --> 01:20:31,453
One of our U2s went down

1840
01:20:31,455 --> 01:20:34,355
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.

1841
01:20:34,357 --> 01:20:35,457
The pilot was able to eject,

1842
01:20:35,459 --> 01:20:38,461
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.

1843
01:20:38,463 --> 01:20:40,161
Thank you, General.

1844
01:20:40,163 --> 01:20:41,664
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing

1845
01:20:41,666 --> 01:20:44,165
to return the pilot
to United States custody.

1846
01:20:44,167 --> 01:20:46,134
He's personally hurt
by the many insults

1847
01:20:46,136 --> 01:20:47,636
hurled at him by POTUS.

1848
01:20:47,638 --> 01:20:49,538
Good job. All right.

1849
01:20:52,309 --> 01:20:53,669
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?

1850
01:20:54,579 --> 01:20:56,012
That's up to you, ma'am.

1851
01:20:57,247 --> 01:20:59,650
Oh, God.
You got this.

1852
01:21:16,734 --> 01:21:19,268
I can hold onto your sunglasses for
you, if you'd like.

1853
01:21:19,270 --> 01:21:24,308
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.

1854
01:21:30,681 --> 01:21:32,146
Hello.

1855
01:21:32,148 --> 01:21:33,114
<i>Secretary Field!</i>

1856
01:21:33,116 --> 01:21:34,216
Oh, my God!

1857
01:21:34,218 --> 01:21:37,085
Hello, Bharath? Hey.

1858
01:21:37,087 --> 01:21:40,456
I hear we have
a situation here?

1859
01:21:40,458 --> 01:21:43,561
One that we both
probably want resolved.

1860
01:21:45,396 --> 01:21:47,830
Very quickly...

1861
01:21:47,832 --> 01:21:50,432
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.

1862
01:21:50,434 --> 01:21:52,134
Your man will stay here

1863
01:21:52,136 --> 01:21:55,104
until your president
personally apologizes to me.

1864
01:21:55,106 --> 01:21:56,107
Over Instagram.

1865
01:21:57,308 --> 01:22:00,278
- He won't do that.
- Yeah, no. Yes...

1866
01:22:01,379 --> 01:22:03,579
- Yo.
- Yes?

1867
01:22:03,581 --> 01:22:05,147
Can I level with you?

1868
01:22:05,149 --> 01:22:06,682
Can I fill you in
on something?

1869
01:22:06,684 --> 01:22:07,716
Go ahead.

1870
01:22:07,718 --> 01:22:09,385
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.

1871
01:22:09,387 --> 01:22:10,319
We're on drugs.

1872
01:22:10,321 --> 01:22:11,854
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.

1873
01:22:11,856 --> 01:22:13,556
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.

1874
01:22:13,558 --> 01:22:14,890
Do you know
we're on drugs?

1875
01:22:14,892 --> 01:22:17,428
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.

1876
01:22:18,629 --> 01:22:19,869
What's happening?

1877
01:22:21,265 --> 01:22:22,331
We're on drugs
right now.

1878
01:22:24,402 --> 01:22:26,168
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!

1879
01:22:26,170 --> 01:22:28,137
What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...

1880
01:22:29,373 --> 01:22:30,506
Are we going somewhere?

1881
01:22:32,343 --> 01:22:34,243
What is that?

1882
01:22:34,245 --> 01:22:36,512
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.

1883
01:22:36,514 --> 01:22:39,214
So you're admitting that
the United States government

1884
01:22:39,216 --> 01:22:41,450
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?

1885
01:22:41,452 --> 01:22:42,518
No.

1886
01:22:43,688 --> 01:22:46,789
No! No! Of course not!

1887
01:22:46,791 --> 01:22:48,892
<i>That's what it sounded like.
Face it.</i>

1888
01:22:48,894 --> 01:22:50,125
You have no leverage here.

1889
01:22:50,127 --> 01:22:53,395
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.

1890
01:22:53,397 --> 01:22:55,865
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.

1891
01:22:55,867 --> 01:22:57,366
Get more fucking pissed.

1892
01:22:57,368 --> 01:22:58,770
Let him know
who's really in charge.

1893
01:23:03,674 --> 01:23:05,376
Oh, my God,
that really hurt.

1894
01:23:06,611 --> 01:23:08,377
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...

1895
01:23:08,379 --> 01:23:11,580
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.

1896
01:23:11,582 --> 01:23:15,250
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.

1897
01:23:15,252 --> 01:23:17,889
You know, just feeling...

1898
01:23:18,824 --> 01:23:20,759
God, are those Gauloises?

1899
01:23:21,760 --> 01:23:23,361
Just, I'm so...

1900
01:23:24,663 --> 01:23:27,131
I'm just gonna bum one.

1901
01:23:29,233 --> 01:23:30,532
Just give me one sec.

1902
01:23:30,534 --> 01:23:31,603
Don't worry.

1903
01:23:39,778 --> 01:23:40,844
Bharath.

1904
01:23:40,846 --> 01:23:42,581
- Hello?
- <i>Listen.</i>

1905
01:23:43,849 --> 01:23:45,784
Mmm. Mmm.

1906
01:23:47,485 --> 01:23:52,289
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.

1907
01:23:52,858 --> 01:23:54,524
How is that the case?

1908
01:23:54,526 --> 01:23:55,925
<i>We both have to
deal with my boss</i>

1909
01:23:55,927 --> 01:23:59,328
and we both think
he is an asshole.

1910
01:23:59,330 --> 01:24:01,397
You also think
he's an asshole?

1911
01:24:01,399 --> 01:24:02,899
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.

1912
01:24:02,901 --> 01:24:04,768
His stupid fucking TV show

1913
01:24:04,770 --> 01:24:06,703
was like,
good for three episodes

1914
01:24:06,705 --> 01:24:08,571
<i>and then it just didn't make
any sense.</i>

1915
01:24:08,573 --> 01:24:10,709
Fuck,
it feels good to say that.

1916
01:24:13,745 --> 01:24:14,746
Listen.

1917
01:24:16,915 --> 01:24:20,984
You need to keep this
on the real DL.

1918
01:24:20,986 --> 01:24:24,421
We both know
that the U.S. does not

1919
01:24:24,423 --> 01:24:27,557
negotiate with terrorists.

1920
01:24:27,559 --> 01:24:32,962
But, we do negotiate
with homies.

1921
01:24:32,964 --> 01:24:35,598
So if you give us
our guy back,

1922
01:24:35,600 --> 01:24:39,736
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.

1923
01:24:39,738 --> 01:24:42,772
<i>So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,</i>

1924
01:24:42,774 --> 01:24:46,543
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.

1925
01:24:46,545 --> 01:24:48,344
I mean, I've done it myself.

1926
01:24:48,346 --> 01:24:50,415
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.

1927
01:24:51,416 --> 01:24:53,016
It sucks, I hate it.

1928
01:24:53,018 --> 01:24:58,321
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead

1929
01:24:58,323 --> 01:25:01,991
save a ton of lives?

1930
01:25:01,993 --> 01:25:05,395
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?

1931
01:25:05,397 --> 01:25:06,998
I think this is
a really good idea.

1932
01:25:10,469 --> 01:25:11,636
What do you say?

1933
01:25:14,372 --> 01:25:15,807
Ma'am.

1934
01:25:20,679 --> 01:25:22,879
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!

1935
01:25:22,881 --> 01:25:25,615
Yeah, yeah!

1936
01:25:25,617 --> 01:25:28,585
- She did it! She did it!
- She did it!

1937
01:25:28,587 --> 01:25:31,321
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.

1938
01:25:31,323 --> 01:25:33,757
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation

1939
01:25:33,759 --> 01:25:35,692
with Kashtar,
has secured the release

1940
01:25:35,694 --> 01:25:38,728
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down

1941
01:25:38,730 --> 01:25:40,864
over Kashtari airspace.

1942
01:25:40,866 --> 01:25:42,932
- I know, right.
- Crazy.

1943
01:25:42,934 --> 01:25:44,001
And this is all
in the midst

1944
01:25:44,003 --> 01:25:46,603
of the success of
your environmental initiative,

1945
01:25:46,605 --> 01:25:50,040
which I understand has secured
the support of 100 countries.

1946
01:25:50,042 --> 01:25:51,608
- Yes, um...
- Ooh, sore subject.

1947
01:25:51,610 --> 01:25:53,343
I'm very happy
to announce that

1948
01:25:53,345 --> 01:25:56,080
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,

1949
01:25:56,082 --> 01:25:58,782
but the president himself
called me personally

1950
01:25:58,784 --> 01:26:00,885
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...

1951
01:26:00,887 --> 01:26:03,854
- Did he call? Did he call?
- That didn't happen.

1952
01:26:03,856 --> 01:26:05,089
...don't change a word,

1953
01:26:05,091 --> 01:26:08,025
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.

1954
01:26:08,027 --> 01:26:09,659
- That's a lie.
- So, all in all,

1955
01:26:09,661 --> 01:26:10,760
I'm just... Well,

1956
01:26:10,762 --> 01:26:13,696
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.

1957
01:26:13,698 --> 01:26:16,002
Thank you so much. So...
Thank you.

1958
01:26:16,701 --> 01:26:17,768
Thank you.

1959
01:26:17,770 --> 01:26:20,104
The incredible
Charlotte Field.

1960
01:26:20,106 --> 01:26:22,438
Who clearly still feels
the effects

1961
01:26:22,440 --> 01:26:25,743
of the intense all-night
hostage situation.

1962
01:26:38,057 --> 01:26:40,925
<i>After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...</i>

1963
01:26:40,927 --> 01:26:42,860
<i>Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...</i>

1964
01:26:42,862 --> 01:26:44,594
<i>In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...</i>

1965
01:26:44,596 --> 01:26:47,898
<i>...are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?</i>

1966
01:26:47,900 --> 01:26:49,733
<i>Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,</i>

1967
01:26:49,735 --> 01:26:52,102
<i>Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.</i>

1968
01:26:52,104 --> 01:26:54,905
<i>In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,</i>

1969
01:26:54,907 --> 01:26:57,107
<i>Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.</i>

1970
01:26:57,109 --> 01:26:58,474
<i>I'd like to apologize</i>

1971
01:26:58,476 --> 01:26:59,710
<i>to Charlotte,
and anyone out there</i>

1972
01:26:59,712 --> 01:27:02,949
<i>who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.</i>

1973
01:27:04,750 --> 01:27:05,952
Give me
the president's office.

1974
01:27:06,819 --> 01:27:08,886
Yep?

1975
01:27:08,888 --> 01:27:10,521
Can I talk to you
for a second?

1976
01:27:10,523 --> 01:27:12,022
Of course.

1977
01:27:12,024 --> 01:27:13,991
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.

1978
01:27:13,993 --> 01:27:15,125
All right.

1979
01:27:15,127 --> 01:27:16,694
It feels like
everything

1980
01:27:16,696 --> 01:27:17,928
is kinda falling into place
for us.

1981
01:27:17,930 --> 01:27:19,563
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper

1982
01:27:19,565 --> 01:27:20,965
and make sure
there are no surprises.

1983
01:27:20,967 --> 01:27:22,700
- Why are you acting so weird?
- It's good.

1984
01:27:22,702 --> 01:27:24,604
We got some really
helpful feedback.

1985
01:27:25,838 --> 01:27:27,571
From the public.

1986
01:27:27,573 --> 01:27:30,841
So we asked
a thousand constituents

1987
01:27:30,843 --> 01:27:32,576
how they would feel

1988
01:27:32,578 --> 01:27:35,646
- if, say, Princess Di...
- Hmm.

1989
01:27:35,648 --> 01:27:37,016
...if she were to
start dating

1990
01:27:37,917 --> 01:27:38,918
Guy Fieri.

1991
01:27:40,620 --> 01:27:42,519
I don't even know
who that is.

1992
01:27:42,521 --> 01:27:44,021
They
don't like that.

1993
01:27:44,023 --> 01:27:46,624
- Yeah.
- Or Kate Middleton

1994
01:27:46,626 --> 01:27:48,826
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.

1995
01:27:48,828 --> 01:27:49,927
I see where you're
going with this.

1996
01:27:49,929 --> 01:27:51,228
Pretty negative reaction.

1997
01:27:51,230 --> 01:27:53,898
Or if Jennifer Lawrence

1998
01:27:53,900 --> 01:27:57,069
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.

1999
01:27:58,137 --> 01:28:00,037
They would be very upset.

2000
01:28:00,039 --> 01:28:01,538
You did a lot of work,

2001
01:28:01,540 --> 01:28:03,507
- and I...
- Well, but, can I just finish?

2002
01:28:03,509 --> 01:28:05,743
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.

2003
01:28:05,745 --> 01:28:07,645
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire

2004
01:28:07,647 --> 01:28:09,680
- to limit your romantic life.
- Good.

2005
01:28:09,682 --> 01:28:12,516
But the optics of you and Fred

2006
01:28:12,518 --> 01:28:14,985
will make a presidential run
very challenging.

2007
01:28:14,987 --> 01:28:16,221
Fred is a journalist.

2008
01:28:16,223 --> 01:28:18,555
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.

2009
01:28:18,557 --> 01:28:21,560
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.

2010
01:28:22,695 --> 01:28:24,929
And I just want to know
for myself,

2011
01:28:24,931 --> 01:28:27,932
you're comfortable with putting
everything on the line for a hookup?

2012
01:28:27,934 --> 01:28:29,667
Oh, my God.

2013
01:28:29,669 --> 01:28:30,834
Why are we having
this conversation?

2014
01:28:30,836 --> 01:28:32,170
This is insane.

2015
01:28:32,172 --> 01:28:35,072
I don't have to explain myself
to you.

2016
01:28:35,074 --> 01:28:36,807
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.

2017
01:28:36,809 --> 01:28:38,209
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.

2018
01:28:38,211 --> 01:28:39,210
I want you to be happy.

2019
01:28:39,212 --> 01:28:40,811
But more than that,
I want you to be in charge.

2020
01:28:40,813 --> 01:28:42,746
And I want you
to be president.

2021
01:28:42,748 --> 01:28:44,884
For the sake of the future
of our country.

2022
01:28:48,888 --> 01:28:50,556
Look, there's another option.

2023
01:28:51,924 --> 01:28:53,224
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service

2024
01:28:53,226 --> 01:28:57,295
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...

2025
01:28:57,297 --> 01:28:58,862
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.

2026
01:28:58,864 --> 01:29:01,099
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House

2027
01:29:01,101 --> 01:29:02,702
- that Woodrow Wilson...
- That's enough.

2028
01:29:04,972 --> 01:29:06,704
Fred is not an idea

2029
01:29:06,706 --> 01:29:09,140
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.

2030
01:29:09,142 --> 01:29:11,178
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.

2031
01:29:16,917 --> 01:29:18,216
Okay. Got it.

2032
01:29:18,218 --> 01:29:19,652
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.

2033
01:29:25,591 --> 01:29:27,691
<i>When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.</i>

2034
01:29:27,693 --> 01:29:29,060
<i>Because she's smart and pretty</i>

2035
01:29:29,062 --> 01:29:30,694
<i>and she's going to be
president.</i>

2036
01:29:38,939 --> 01:29:41,773
I will be that
little girl's president.

2037
01:29:41,775 --> 01:29:45,010
Thank you,
and God bless America.

2038
01:29:45,012 --> 01:29:48,179
Massive applause.
Massive cheering.

2039
01:29:48,181 --> 01:29:50,315
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,

2040
01:29:50,317 --> 01:29:54,119
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX

2041
01:29:54,121 --> 01:29:56,587
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...

2042
01:29:56,589 --> 01:29:58,256
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.

2043
01:30:00,160 --> 01:30:01,693
Uh, Madam Secretary,

2044
01:30:01,695 --> 01:30:03,495
the president would like to
see you right now.

2045
01:30:03,797 --> 01:30:04,931
Shit.

2046
01:30:05,966 --> 01:30:07,032
Damn it!

2047
01:30:07,034 --> 01:30:08,301
The nation is at war!

2048
01:30:09,202 --> 01:30:10,402
I find myself torn.

2049
01:30:10,404 --> 01:30:15,006
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...

2050
01:30:15,008 --> 01:30:16,674
Sir, is this a good time?

2051
01:30:16,676 --> 01:30:19,711
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.

2052
01:30:19,713 --> 01:30:20,745
- Oh.
- All right.

2053
01:30:20,747 --> 01:30:22,707
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.

2054
01:30:25,986 --> 01:30:26,987
Thanks.

2055
01:30:30,290 --> 01:30:31,925
Is everything okay, sir?

2056
01:30:32,993 --> 01:30:35,195
Oh, look who it is.

2057
01:30:35,929 --> 01:30:38,730
She's here at last.

2058
01:30:38,732 --> 01:30:41,166
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.

2059
01:30:45,639 --> 01:30:47,138
This feels like an ambush.

2060
01:30:47,140 --> 01:30:49,174
Well, in the
entertainment world,

2061
01:30:49,176 --> 01:30:51,342
we call this a surprise
walk-on.

2062
01:30:51,344 --> 01:30:52,777
You see, Charlotte,

2063
01:30:52,779 --> 01:30:55,346
we have a number of
business interests

2064
01:30:55,348 --> 01:30:58,216
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected

2065
01:30:58,218 --> 01:31:00,185
by this agreement of yours.

2066
01:31:00,187 --> 01:31:02,687
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,

2067
01:31:02,689 --> 01:31:05,323
I'm looking to use
my connections as president

2068
01:31:05,325 --> 01:31:07,359
to expand
my investment portfolio.

2069
01:31:07,361 --> 01:31:10,028
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.

2070
01:31:10,030 --> 01:31:12,964
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...

2071
01:31:12,966 --> 01:31:15,800
I think what the president
is trying to say,

2072
01:31:15,802 --> 01:31:18,703
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska

2073
01:31:18,705 --> 01:31:22,140
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be

2074
01:31:22,142 --> 01:31:24,044
protected by your initiative.

2075
01:31:24,845 --> 01:31:26,111
Move your server farm.

2076
01:31:26,113 --> 01:31:27,979
We want to
build it in Alaska.

2077
01:31:27,981 --> 01:31:29,747
There's plenty of room
for expansion.

2078
01:31:29,749 --> 01:31:32,717
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.

2079
01:31:32,719 --> 01:31:34,420
You're usually so agreeable.

2080
01:31:34,422 --> 01:31:36,855
But I watched you
undermine me

2081
01:31:36,857 --> 01:31:38,890
on TV the other day.

2082
01:31:38,892 --> 01:31:40,959
TV of all places.

2083
01:31:40,961 --> 01:31:42,994
That's my medium. All right?

2084
01:31:42,996 --> 01:31:46,698
You used TV against me!

2085
01:31:46,700 --> 01:31:49,168
That was your first mistake.

2086
01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:52,104
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum

2087
01:31:52,106 --> 01:31:54,175
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.

2088
01:31:55,976 --> 01:31:57,709
Drop the tree thing.

2089
01:31:57,711 --> 01:32:00,146
- Or?
- Or...

2090
01:32:00,148 --> 01:32:06,152
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.

2091
01:32:06,154 --> 01:32:08,887
We found
a lot of interesting stuff

2092
01:32:08,889 --> 01:32:10,489
when we hacked
into his webcam.

2093
01:32:10,491 --> 01:32:12,759
Now here is a little taster.

2094
01:32:15,962 --> 01:32:19,064
<i>Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.</i>

2095
01:32:19,066 --> 01:32:20,899
<i>Uh, you want
to come to my room</i>

2096
01:32:20,901 --> 01:32:23,068
<i>and have sex with me
really fast?</i>

2097
01:32:23,070 --> 01:32:26,172
<i>Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.</i>

2098
01:32:26,174 --> 01:32:27,973
<i>It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.</i>

2099
01:32:27,975 --> 01:32:29,043
<i>Great.</i>

2100
01:32:33,447 --> 01:32:35,214
<i>...important to me.</i>

2101
01:32:35,216 --> 01:32:37,849
<i>That's a good speech.</i>

2102
01:32:37,851 --> 01:32:39,851
<i>The band of misfits
fight back...</i>

2103
01:32:39,853 --> 01:32:41,755
<i>- Nice dress.
- ...against the bullies.</i>

2104
01:32:43,090 --> 01:32:44,290
<i>Never giving up.</i>

2105
01:32:44,292 --> 01:32:45,424
<i>Never laying down.</i>

2106
01:32:48,496 --> 01:32:49,995
<i>In high school,</i>

2107
01:32:49,997 --> 01:32:51,477
<i>I would talk about
the underdog a lot.</i>

2108
01:32:53,534 --> 01:32:56,268
<i>And I would often find myself
on a soapbox</i>

2109
01:32:56,270 --> 01:32:59,004
<i>rambling on and on
about the injustices</i>

2110
01:32:59,006 --> 01:33:00,174
<i>of the world.</i>

2111
01:33:02,343 --> 01:33:04,076
<i>Which makes you
extremely popular...</i>

2112
01:33:05,813 --> 01:33:07,379
<i>...especially when everybody
would rather be watching</i>

2113
01:33:07,381 --> 01:33:09,148
Beverly Hills, 90210.

2114
01:33:16,991 --> 01:33:18,991
Oh, wow.

2115
01:33:23,998 --> 01:33:25,800
<i>Oh, boy!</i>

2116
01:33:28,836 --> 01:33:31,437
<i>Oh, no...</i>

2117
01:33:31,439 --> 01:33:32,905
<i>Yucky.</i>

2118
01:33:35,209 --> 01:33:36,275
<i>Oh, boy!</i>

2119
01:33:36,277 --> 01:33:37,979
What the fuck?

2120
01:33:39,313 --> 01:33:44,283
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.

2121
01:33:44,285 --> 01:33:46,018
- You don't have to be sorry.
- What do we do?

2122
01:33:46,020 --> 01:33:48,020
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,

2123
01:33:48,022 --> 01:33:49,088
because of me.

2124
01:33:49,090 --> 01:33:50,523
And now it's happening
because of me.

2125
01:33:50,525 --> 01:33:51,824
- Do I get a publicist?
- No.

2126
01:33:51,826 --> 01:33:53,058
- Do I do a publicity tour?
- Stop.

2127
01:33:53,060 --> 01:33:54,226
Do we have
a press conference?

2128
01:33:54,228 --> 01:33:57,198
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.

2129
01:33:58,833 --> 01:33:59,898
What?

2130
01:33:59,900 --> 01:34:01,233
We scratched the tree thing

2131
01:34:01,235 --> 01:34:03,836
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.

2132
01:34:03,838 --> 01:34:08,941
And some billionaire
motherfucker

2133
01:34:08,943 --> 01:34:12,878
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?

2134
01:34:12,880 --> 01:34:15,147
Doing something
that everybody does?

2135
01:34:15,149 --> 01:34:17,149
Out of a policy
that you cared about,

2136
01:34:17,151 --> 01:34:18,618
since you were
in middle school.

2137
01:34:18,620 --> 01:34:20,352
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.

2138
01:34:20,354 --> 01:34:21,954
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?

2139
01:34:21,956 --> 01:34:26,158
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.

2140
01:34:26,160 --> 01:34:27,293
Well, I don't think
you should right now.

2141
01:34:27,295 --> 01:34:28,395
Oh, my God!

2142
01:34:28,397 --> 01:34:29,995
Of course
you don't think I should.

2143
01:34:29,997 --> 01:34:31,997
You never compromise
for anything in your life,

2144
01:34:31,999 --> 01:34:33,633
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.

2145
01:34:33,635 --> 01:34:36,536
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards

2146
01:34:36,538 --> 01:34:38,003
for anyone who asked,

2147
01:34:38,005 --> 01:34:39,439
to the point that
you don't even know

2148
01:34:39,441 --> 01:34:41,040
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!

2149
01:34:41,042 --> 01:34:42,642
In my world,
in order to achieve

2150
01:34:42,644 --> 01:34:44,577
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.

2151
01:34:44,579 --> 01:34:45,645
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?

2152
01:34:45,647 --> 01:34:47,046
Yeah, motherfucker.

2153
01:34:47,048 --> 01:34:48,281
Okay, that makes sense.

2154
01:34:48,283 --> 01:34:50,883
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted

2155
01:34:50,885 --> 01:34:53,185
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.

2156
01:34:53,187 --> 01:34:55,455
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.

2157
01:34:55,457 --> 01:34:57,490
- Oh, my God, Fred.
- I'll be okay.

2158
01:34:57,492 --> 01:34:59,361
You don't have to
do this for me.

2159
01:35:01,396 --> 01:35:03,265
You're not doing this for me.

2160
01:35:04,466 --> 01:35:05,998
Obviously.

2161
01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:09,935
Look, you and I both know

2162
01:35:09,937 --> 01:35:11,904
the woman who stands
beside the guy

2163
01:35:11,906 --> 01:35:14,240
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny

2164
01:35:14,242 --> 01:35:17,243
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.

2165
01:35:17,245 --> 01:35:19,011
Don't know if that's
happened enough

2166
01:35:19,013 --> 01:35:20,580
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.

2167
01:35:20,582 --> 01:35:23,283
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.

2168
01:35:23,285 --> 01:35:25,085
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.

2169
01:35:25,087 --> 01:35:26,619
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.

2170
01:35:26,621 --> 01:35:28,254
You don't know how people
are gonna react.

2171
01:35:28,256 --> 01:35:30,258
I'm not taking that risk.

2172
01:35:34,229 --> 01:35:35,297
I can't do it.

2173
01:35:36,698 --> 01:35:38,166
Okay.

2174
01:35:44,239 --> 01:35:48,110
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?

2175
01:35:53,448 --> 01:35:57,617
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows

2176
01:35:57,619 --> 01:36:00,086
this consultant who could
scrub your history.

2177
01:36:00,088 --> 01:36:01,621
We could make sure
nothing else like this

2178
01:36:01,623 --> 01:36:03,992
pops up and surprises us.

2179
01:36:04,526 --> 01:36:05,692
And then we just...

2180
01:36:05,694 --> 01:36:07,127
We work on your image,

2181
01:36:07,129 --> 01:36:09,062
and we figure out
how we want to

2182
01:36:09,064 --> 01:36:11,531
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.

2183
01:36:11,533 --> 01:36:12,667
That's all.

2184
01:36:17,973 --> 01:36:20,106
- Okay.
- Okay.

2185
01:36:20,108 --> 01:36:21,274
How long...
How long will it take,

2186
01:36:21,276 --> 01:36:24,244
do you think, to create

2187
01:36:24,246 --> 01:36:27,147
an image of me that we can
present to the public?

2188
01:36:27,149 --> 01:36:30,718
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.

2189
01:36:30,720 --> 01:36:33,286
You think? But you don't
know that, right?

2190
01:36:33,288 --> 01:36:34,587
It could take longer
than that.

2191
01:36:34,589 --> 01:36:36,990
In a couple of months,
you could find that it's not a good moment

2192
01:36:36,992 --> 01:36:39,526
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?

2193
01:36:39,528 --> 01:36:41,729
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.

2194
01:36:41,731 --> 01:36:44,332
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.

2195
01:36:45,200 --> 01:36:47,467
And then meanwhile,

2196
01:36:47,469 --> 01:36:49,371
you're pretending
not to date me.

2197
01:36:50,539 --> 01:36:53,406
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?

2198
01:36:53,408 --> 01:36:55,175
So my articles are gone.

2199
01:36:55,177 --> 01:36:57,110
And you, like, sneak me around

2200
01:36:57,112 --> 01:36:59,078
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?

2201
01:36:59,080 --> 01:37:00,246
Is that what
we're talking about?

2202
01:37:00,248 --> 01:37:03,383
I just want to be clear,
that's what we're talking about.

2203
01:37:03,385 --> 01:37:05,721
And we have to do that
because I'm...

2204
01:37:07,255 --> 01:37:08,423
...not right.

2205
01:37:10,258 --> 01:37:13,026
And then once we present us
to the world,

2206
01:37:13,028 --> 01:37:17,567
we present a version of me
that isn't... actually me?

2207
01:37:21,269 --> 01:37:22,337
Yeah.

2208
01:37:31,714 --> 01:37:33,148
I can't do it.

2209
01:37:35,283 --> 01:37:37,384
I wish

2210
01:37:37,386 --> 01:37:40,490
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.

2211
01:37:49,665 --> 01:37:51,266
You don't have to do it.

2212
01:38:12,388 --> 01:38:14,388
Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.

2213
01:38:14,390 --> 01:38:18,325
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her

2214
01:38:18,327 --> 01:38:20,159
and someone like me
could work?

2215
01:38:20,161 --> 01:38:23,297
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.

2216
01:38:23,299 --> 01:38:25,866
Like, I don't know who she is.

2217
01:38:25,868 --> 01:38:28,836
She has no moral compass.

2218
01:38:28,838 --> 01:38:31,505
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,

2219
01:38:31,507 --> 01:38:33,140
Republicans the next
fucking day.

2220
01:38:33,142 --> 01:38:34,208
I mean, what's wrong
with working

2221
01:38:34,210 --> 01:38:35,576
with Democrats
and Republicans?

2222
01:38:35,578 --> 01:38:37,311
That's...
That's the whole country.

2223
01:38:37,313 --> 01:38:40,514
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,

2224
01:38:40,516 --> 01:38:42,182
I guess is the problem
with that.

2225
01:38:42,184 --> 01:38:45,586
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?

2226
01:38:45,588 --> 01:38:48,389
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.

2227
01:38:48,391 --> 01:38:50,891
What's the problem here?

2228
01:38:50,893 --> 01:38:52,560
I'm a Republican.

2229
01:38:52,562 --> 01:38:54,328
You're fucking joking
right now.

2230
01:38:54,330 --> 01:38:57,531
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.

2231
01:38:57,533 --> 01:38:58,866
You're a Republican.

2232
01:38:58,868 --> 01:38:59,767
Yeah, I'm a Republican!

2233
01:38:59,769 --> 01:39:02,236
The shit has worked out
so far for me.

2234
01:39:02,238 --> 01:39:03,804
What the fuck, man?

2235
01:39:03,806 --> 01:39:05,339
All that shit
you're always saying to me!

2236
01:39:05,341 --> 01:39:06,540
- Yeah.
- Pull yourself up

2237
01:39:06,542 --> 01:39:09,209
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.

2238
01:39:09,211 --> 01:39:11,445
- Republican shit.
- Oh, and it worked on me.

2239
01:39:11,447 --> 01:39:13,180
And it works
on a lot of people.

2240
01:39:13,182 --> 01:39:14,348
Oh, that's fucking sick.

2241
01:39:14,350 --> 01:39:15,449
That's right.

2242
01:39:15,451 --> 01:39:16,817
Ugh! That's gross!

2243
01:39:16,819 --> 01:39:18,752
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain

2244
01:39:18,754 --> 01:39:20,854
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!

2245
01:39:20,856 --> 01:39:22,323
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,

2246
01:39:22,325 --> 01:39:23,424
your negative way of thinking.

2247
01:39:23,426 --> 01:39:24,692
I don't even know you!

2248
01:39:24,694 --> 01:39:25,559
- What do you mean?
- Ugh!

2249
01:39:25,561 --> 01:39:27,161
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.

2250
01:39:27,163 --> 01:39:28,228
Your best friend.

2251
01:39:28,230 --> 01:39:29,463
Why'd you never tell me this?

2252
01:39:29,465 --> 01:39:31,599
'Cause I knew you'd act exactly
how you're acting right now.

2253
01:39:31,601 --> 01:39:33,267
Wait a minute.

2254
01:39:33,269 --> 01:39:35,769
You're always talking about how, like,
the universe has a plan for all of us...

2255
01:39:35,771 --> 01:39:36,737
Take it easy.

2256
01:39:36,739 --> 01:39:38,672
There's someone watching
over us at all times.

2257
01:39:38,674 --> 01:39:40,641
- Yeah.
- Does that mean...

2258
01:39:40,643 --> 01:39:41,803
I'm a man of Christian faith.

2259
01:39:42,378 --> 01:39:44,411
What the fuck!

2260
01:39:44,413 --> 01:39:45,914
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!

2261
01:39:45,916 --> 01:39:47,414
Don't pray for me! Keep it!

2262
01:39:47,416 --> 01:39:49,483
- Lord.
- Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!

2263
01:39:49,485 --> 01:39:51,452
- He doesn't mean that.
- Don't pray for me!

2264
01:39:51,454 --> 01:39:52,620
You are trippin' right now.

2265
01:39:52,622 --> 01:39:53,687
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?

2266
01:39:53,689 --> 01:39:58,392
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!

2267
01:39:58,394 --> 01:39:59,560
What did you think it was for?

2268
01:39:59,562 --> 01:40:01,963
I thought it was...

2269
01:40:01,965 --> 01:40:03,530
...a cultural thing.

2270
01:40:03,532 --> 01:40:05,267
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?

2271
01:40:06,602 --> 01:40:07,738
That's what
I thought, yeah.

2272
01:40:08,404 --> 01:40:09,470
That might be.

2273
01:40:09,472 --> 01:40:11,706
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.

2274
01:40:11,708 --> 01:40:13,775
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know I'm right!

2275
01:40:13,777 --> 01:40:15,442
- Fuck.
- That's racist as shit!

2276
01:40:15,444 --> 01:40:16,678
All right, dude...

2277
01:40:16,680 --> 01:40:18,545
I love you, man.

2278
01:40:18,547 --> 01:40:21,548
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics

2279
01:40:21,550 --> 01:40:23,685
to get into this,
because you've never really

2280
01:40:23,687 --> 01:40:25,486
been good at looking at shit

2281
01:40:25,488 --> 01:40:27,354
from other people's
perspective, Fred.

2282
01:40:27,356 --> 01:40:28,790
- I know.
- It might explain

2283
01:40:28,792 --> 01:40:31,526
why you haven't been able to look
at this through Charlotte's eyes.

2284
01:40:31,528 --> 01:40:32,594
I'm sorry.

2285
01:40:32,596 --> 01:40:34,529
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,

2286
01:40:34,531 --> 01:40:36,931
and you had to
hide your true self.

2287
01:40:36,933 --> 01:40:38,265
That's really fucked up.

2288
01:40:38,267 --> 01:40:39,333
That's all right, man.

2289
01:40:39,335 --> 01:40:43,270
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D

2290
01:40:43,272 --> 01:40:45,006
has nothing to do with us.

2291
01:40:45,008 --> 01:40:46,941
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.

2292
01:40:46,943 --> 01:40:49,376
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.

2293
01:40:50,747 --> 01:40:52,914
Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,

2294
01:40:52,916 --> 01:40:54,616
which I did and it turns out,

2295
01:40:54,618 --> 01:40:55,917
I don't really like yoga.

2296
01:40:55,919 --> 01:40:59,387
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,

2297
01:40:59,389 --> 01:41:00,588
"Fuck the polls"?

2298
01:41:00,590 --> 01:41:05,894
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.

2299
01:41:05,896 --> 01:41:07,696
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.

2300
01:41:07,698 --> 01:41:08,830
That was a bit of a bummer,

2301
01:41:08,832 --> 01:41:11,332
because I really,
I like to laugh.

2302
01:41:11,334 --> 01:41:12,767
- A lot.
- Hmm.

2303
01:41:12,769 --> 01:41:14,903
Um, but we came up
with another laugh

2304
01:41:14,905 --> 01:41:16,638
that was better.
That's more, uh...

2305
01:41:16,640 --> 01:41:18,473
- Presidential, I guess.
- Hmm.

2306
01:41:20,010 --> 01:41:21,009
That's good.

2307
01:41:21,011 --> 01:41:22,644
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.

2308
01:41:22,646 --> 01:41:25,313
- Yeah.
- Mmm.

2309
01:41:25,315 --> 01:41:27,482
So, um, after dinner,

2310
01:41:27,484 --> 01:41:29,050
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?

2311
01:41:29,052 --> 01:41:30,318
Ooh.

2312
01:41:30,320 --> 01:41:33,488
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.

2313
01:41:33,490 --> 01:41:35,824
It's called Mini Bar.

2314
01:41:35,826 --> 01:41:40,028
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.

2315
01:41:40,030 --> 01:41:44,332
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.

2316
01:41:44,334 --> 01:41:45,934
- Hmm.
- It's actually more of

2317
01:41:45,936 --> 01:41:47,669
a small fridge than a bar.

2318
01:41:47,671 --> 01:41:49,537
- And it's in my room...
- No, I get it.

2319
01:41:49,539 --> 01:41:50,972
I'm inviting you
back to my room.

2320
01:41:50,974 --> 01:41:53,643
I...

2321
01:41:55,645 --> 01:41:57,712
- That was my real laugh.
- Mmm!

2322
01:41:57,714 --> 01:41:58,847
I don't know why

2323
01:41:58,849 --> 01:42:01,251
they told you
not to use that laugh.

2324
01:42:02,652 --> 01:42:03,787
It's...

2325
01:42:10,594 --> 01:42:12,494
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.

2326
01:42:14,865 --> 01:42:16,733
Yeah. Big day.

2327
01:42:36,753 --> 01:42:39,056
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."

2328
01:43:02,479 --> 01:43:03,547
Hello?

2329
01:43:05,149 --> 01:43:06,749
Beep.

2330
01:43:06,751 --> 01:43:09,086
<i>Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.</i>

2331
01:43:09,921 --> 01:43:12,154
It's Fred.

2332
01:43:12,156 --> 01:43:15,623
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.

2333
01:43:15,625 --> 01:43:17,726
You were right
about everything

2334
01:43:17,728 --> 01:43:19,831
and I was wrong
about everything.

2335
01:43:21,531 --> 01:43:25,901
And we should go along
with the plan.

2336
01:43:25,903 --> 01:43:29,539
<i>I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.</i>

2337
01:43:30,507 --> 01:43:32,007
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,

2338
01:43:32,009 --> 01:43:35,613
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.

2339
01:43:37,547 --> 01:43:40,950
But I would do anything
to continue,

2340
01:43:40,952 --> 01:43:42,653
to be able to be with you.

2341
01:43:46,489 --> 01:43:47,658
Okay, bye.

2342
01:44:02,006 --> 01:44:03,739
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?

2343
01:44:03,741 --> 01:44:06,675
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.

2344
01:44:06,677 --> 01:44:08,944
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.

2345
01:44:08,946 --> 01:44:10,813
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.

2346
01:44:10,815 --> 01:44:12,214
We need his endorsement.

2347
01:44:12,216 --> 01:44:14,552
- Yep.
- Yep.

2348
01:44:17,221 --> 01:44:19,657
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.

2349
01:44:22,793 --> 01:44:25,961
You know,
he called last night.

2350
01:44:25,963 --> 01:44:28,097
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.

2351
01:44:28,099 --> 01:44:31,500
Really? Wow.

2352
01:44:31,502 --> 01:44:33,604
That's a shock.

2353
01:44:35,039 --> 01:44:38,774
Um... Okay.

2354
01:44:38,776 --> 01:44:40,175
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.

2355
01:44:40,177 --> 01:44:41,178
No, Maggie.

2356
01:44:42,046 --> 01:44:43,646
There's nothing to do.

2357
01:44:43,648 --> 01:44:45,616
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.

2358
01:44:48,519 --> 01:44:51,687
Well, today is
such a good day,

2359
01:44:51,689 --> 01:44:53,656
and I am so excited.

2360
01:44:53,658 --> 01:44:55,124
We should be psyched.

2361
01:44:55,126 --> 01:44:57,726
So psyched.

2362
01:44:57,728 --> 01:44:59,862
All right,
I will see you out there.

2363
01:44:59,864 --> 01:45:00,932
All right.

2364
01:45:20,118 --> 01:45:21,485
Hey, man.

2365
01:45:22,154 --> 01:45:23,221
Can I get a beer?

2366
01:45:24,822 --> 01:45:27,990
- Thanks for coming.
- No problem, bro.

2367
01:45:27,992 --> 01:45:30,626
How you feelin' though?

2368
01:45:30,628 --> 01:45:32,661
Okay, you know,
you were right.

2369
01:45:32,663 --> 01:45:33,862
I called her.

2370
01:45:33,864 --> 01:45:35,698
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.

2371
01:45:35,700 --> 01:45:37,733
So... Whatever.

2372
01:45:37,735 --> 01:45:39,071
Sure you wanna watch this?

2373
01:45:40,038 --> 01:45:41,472
Yeah, I have to.

2374
01:45:43,741 --> 01:45:46,309
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you

2375
01:45:46,311 --> 01:45:47,243
to Lil Yachty.

2376
01:45:47,245 --> 01:45:49,145
He's going to be
performing after the speech.

2377
01:45:49,147 --> 01:45:50,679
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.

2378
01:45:50,681 --> 01:45:53,016
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.

2379
01:45:53,018 --> 01:45:55,087
- I'm sorry, it's game time.
- Okay.

2380
01:46:13,138 --> 01:46:14,838
<i>Good morning!</i>

2381
01:46:14,840 --> 01:46:17,809
<i>Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.</i>

2382
01:46:19,077 --> 01:46:20,676
<i>Let me start
by saying something</i>

2383
01:46:20,678 --> 01:46:23,046
<i>I haven't said since I was 16</i>

2384
01:46:23,048 --> 01:46:25,115
<i>and worked
at Blockbuster Video.</i>

2385
01:46:27,352 --> 01:46:28,650
<i>I quit...</i>

2386
01:46:28,652 --> 01:46:30,787
I helped write that joke.

2387
01:46:30,789 --> 01:46:31,988
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.

2388
01:46:31,990 --> 01:46:34,090
<i>...as secretary of state,</i>

2389
01:46:34,092 --> 01:46:35,725
<i>in order to run</i>

2390
01:46:35,727 --> 01:46:38,895
<i>for president of
the United States of America.</i>

2391
01:46:42,100 --> 01:46:44,036
God bless.

2392
01:46:46,872 --> 01:46:49,372
<i>And I'm honored</i>

2393
01:46:49,374 --> 01:46:53,109
<i>to have the full support
of President Chambers,</i>

2394
01:46:53,111 --> 01:46:55,812
<i>a man I greatly admire.</i>

2395
01:46:55,814 --> 01:46:59,182
<i>A man who is
an extraordinary leader.</i>

2396
01:46:59,184 --> 01:47:01,053
Man, you know
who you should date?

2397
01:47:02,254 --> 01:47:03,789
Taylor Swift.

2398
01:47:04,956 --> 01:47:06,956
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.

2399
01:47:06,958 --> 01:47:10,894
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?

2400
01:47:10,896 --> 01:47:12,695
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.

2401
01:47:12,697 --> 01:47:14,197
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!

2402
01:47:14,199 --> 01:47:15,732
Oh, I get it.

2403
01:47:15,734 --> 01:47:17,836
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.

2404
01:47:19,071 --> 01:47:23,006
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.

2405
01:47:23,008 --> 01:47:24,240
That's true.

2406
01:47:24,242 --> 01:47:26,211
<i>But this campaign
is not about me.</i>

2407
01:47:26,912 --> 01:47:28,745
<i>It's about you.</i>

2408
01:47:28,747 --> 01:47:29,979
<i>It's about us.</i>

2409
01:47:31,183 --> 01:47:32,782
<i>It's about how together,</i>

2410
01:47:32,784 --> 01:47:36,853
<i>we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.</i>

2411
01:47:39,958 --> 01:47:42,926
<i>I have dreamt
about this moment</i>

2412
01:47:42,928 --> 01:47:45,161
<i>ever since
I was a little girl</i>

2413
01:47:45,163 --> 01:47:47,265
<i>growing up
in the nation's capital.</i>

2414
01:47:49,901 --> 01:47:53,437
<i>And I know
that if that young girl</i>

2415
01:47:53,439 --> 01:47:56,908
<i>could see me
standing up here right now...</i>

2416
01:48:02,214 --> 01:48:04,883
<i>She would be so...</i>

2417
01:48:08,120 --> 01:48:09,821
<i>She would be...</i>

2418
01:48:16,262 --> 01:48:17,396
What's happening?

2419
01:48:18,997 --> 01:48:22,634
<i>She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.</i>

2420
01:48:24,337 --> 01:48:27,871
<i>Yeah, the truth is, that girl</i>

2421
01:48:27,873 --> 01:48:29,072
<i>would want me to be honest</i>

2422
01:48:29,074 --> 01:48:31,741
<i>and have integrity and not be</i>

2423
01:48:31,743 --> 01:48:35,148
<i>blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.</i>

2424
01:48:37,383 --> 01:48:39,216
<i>So instead, I'm just gonna...</i>

2425
01:48:39,218 --> 01:48:42,353
<i>I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.</i>

2426
01:48:42,355 --> 01:48:44,321
<i>So here we go.</i>

2427
01:48:44,323 --> 01:48:47,991
<i>Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...</i>

2428
01:48:47,993 --> 01:48:49,293
Whoo!

2429
01:48:49,295 --> 01:48:50,494
<i>...are doing some
evil shit together.</i>

2430
01:48:50,496 --> 01:48:52,229
<i>And because
I just told you now,</i>

2431
01:48:52,231 --> 01:48:55,832
<i>they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated</i>

2432
01:48:55,834 --> 01:48:58,169
<i>jerking off all over himself.</i>

2433
01:48:58,171 --> 01:48:59,170
Release the video.

2434
01:48:59,172 --> 01:49:01,238
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!

2435
01:49:01,240 --> 01:49:03,742
<i>But don't slut shame me. I...</i>

2436
01:49:05,044 --> 01:49:06,112
<i>I like him.</i>

2437
01:49:06,845 --> 01:49:08,412
<i>I like him a lot.</i>

2438
01:49:08,414 --> 01:49:10,416
Fred, you gotta go to her.

2439
01:49:12,518 --> 01:49:14,784
Go get her ass, man.

2440
01:49:14,786 --> 01:49:16,122
<i>And he jerks off.</i>

2441
01:49:18,457 --> 01:49:20,524
<i>And so do all of you.</i>

2442
01:49:20,526 --> 01:49:21,791
Hell, yeah!

2443
01:49:21,793 --> 01:49:23,994
<i>So deal with it.</i>

2444
01:49:23,996 --> 01:49:25,464
<i>Deal with it, America.</i>

2445
01:49:34,407 --> 01:49:36,440
Hey! I'm Fred!

2446
01:49:36,442 --> 01:49:38,108
Is that an XL?

2447
01:49:38,110 --> 01:49:39,376
I've got five stars in it,

2448
01:49:39,378 --> 01:49:40,878
if you could speed
this shit up, man!

2449
01:49:40,880 --> 01:49:42,213
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.

2450
01:49:42,215 --> 01:49:43,547
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!

2451
01:49:43,549 --> 01:49:45,918
Get back! Get back!

2452
01:49:48,988 --> 01:49:51,090
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.

2453
01:49:55,027 --> 01:49:56,293
She's leaving?
Where is she going?

2454
01:49:56,295 --> 01:49:58,095
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.

2455
01:49:58,097 --> 01:50:00,264
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!

2456
01:50:00,266 --> 01:50:01,198
I can't.

2457
01:50:01,200 --> 01:50:03,033
Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert

2458
01:50:03,035 --> 01:50:05,236
- with your name on it.
- Don't open it!

2459
01:50:05,238 --> 01:50:07,938
<i>Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!</i>

2460
01:50:07,940 --> 01:50:09,340
Oh, Fred!

2461
01:50:09,342 --> 01:50:12,343
Oh, no. Oh, no.

2462
01:50:12,345 --> 01:50:13,544
Hey, it's all right, man.

2463
01:50:13,546 --> 01:50:15,212
You know,
we all got our things.

2464
01:50:15,214 --> 01:50:16,914
I don't bust a nut
on my face.

2465
01:50:16,916 --> 01:50:19,116
- But, like...
- It's not like a thing I do!

2466
01:50:20,286 --> 01:50:22,119
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?

2467
01:50:22,121 --> 01:50:24,957
This is the news!

2468
01:50:25,559 --> 01:50:27,226
Oh, shit.

2469
01:50:35,167 --> 01:50:38,402
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.

2470
01:50:38,404 --> 01:50:40,271
<i>Secretary Field
just drove away,</i>

2471
01:50:40,273 --> 01:50:42,339
<i>no comment
as to her destination.</i>

2472
01:50:42,341 --> 01:50:44,476
<i>We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...</i>

2473
01:50:44,478 --> 01:50:46,310
<i>Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!</i>

2474
01:50:46,312 --> 01:50:48,012
<i>- Yeah, that's him!
- Oh, sir,</i>

2475
01:50:48,014 --> 01:50:49,213
<i>just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.</i>

2476
01:50:49,215 --> 01:50:52,349
<i>No! I'm come-guy?</i>

2477
01:50:52,351 --> 01:50:54,051
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!

2478
01:50:54,053 --> 01:50:55,185
Thank you!

2479
01:50:55,187 --> 01:50:57,290
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!

2480
01:51:12,038 --> 01:51:13,105
Hi.

2481
01:51:14,106 --> 01:51:15,274
Holy shit.

2482
01:51:17,377 --> 01:51:18,911
Did you see my speech?

2483
01:51:20,146 --> 01:51:22,882
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.

2484
01:51:23,350 --> 01:51:24,351
Yeah.

2485
01:51:27,153 --> 01:51:29,088
You know,
your video's out there.

2486
01:51:29,989 --> 01:51:31,491
Yeah, I caught that.

2487
01:51:38,498 --> 01:51:40,467
Here's the deal.
I love you.

2488
01:51:42,235 --> 01:51:44,336
I know I do.

2489
01:51:44,338 --> 01:51:47,307
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.

2490
01:51:50,277 --> 01:51:54,980
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.

2491
01:51:56,316 --> 01:51:58,485
Just me and Saddam.

2492
01:52:01,555 --> 01:52:03,423
And this is way scarier.

2493
01:52:06,360 --> 01:52:07,893
I love you.

2494
01:52:11,031 --> 01:52:13,498
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.

2495
01:52:13,500 --> 01:52:15,102
'Cause I'm freaking out.

2496
01:52:17,970 --> 01:52:20,240
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.

2497
01:52:41,361 --> 01:52:42,362
Oh.

2498
01:52:44,064 --> 01:52:45,130
Hello?

2499
01:52:45,132 --> 01:52:48,199
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here

2500
01:52:48,201 --> 01:52:50,602
and they want to talk to the
candidate and the come-guy.

2501
01:52:50,604 --> 01:52:52,439
So, I figured they'd hit you.

2502
01:53:13,326 --> 01:53:14,661
Fred!

2503
01:53:15,629 --> 01:53:17,164
Fred!

2504
01:53:22,469 --> 01:53:25,403
A crazy day.

2505
01:53:25,405 --> 01:53:27,640
But I'm really glad
you're all here.

2506
01:53:27,642 --> 01:53:29,710
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.

2507
01:53:31,077 --> 01:53:32,145
This is Fred.

2508
01:53:32,780 --> 01:53:34,047
Hi, there.

2509
01:53:35,650 --> 01:53:37,650
My boyfriend.

2510
01:53:37,652 --> 01:53:39,019
Whoo!

2511
01:53:42,322 --> 01:53:44,255
You kind of
know him already,

2512
01:53:44,257 --> 01:53:46,357
but you'll get to
know him a lot more

2513
01:53:46,359 --> 01:53:47,662
in the next few months...

2514
01:53:48,863 --> 01:53:51,496
'Cause he's gonna be right by
my side on my campaign trail.

2515
01:54:02,142 --> 01:54:04,010
Wakanda Forever!

2516
01:54:12,219 --> 01:54:14,487
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2517
01:54:14,489 --> 01:54:17,090
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2518
01:54:18,258 --> 01:54:19,725
I started the chant!

2519
01:54:19,727 --> 01:54:21,662
I started that chant!

2520
01:54:25,399 --> 01:54:27,098
<i>...that I will
faithfully execute</i>

2521
01:54:27,100 --> 01:54:30,336
<i>the office of the president
of the United States.</i>

2522
01:54:30,338 --> 01:54:31,704
<i>What a momentous day,</i>

2523
01:54:31,706 --> 01:54:33,204
<i>our first female president.</i>

2524
01:54:33,206 --> 01:54:35,139
<i>I never thought I'd see it.</i>

2525
01:54:35,141 --> 01:54:36,842
<i>Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say</i>

2526
01:54:36,844 --> 01:54:38,844
<i>this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,</i>

2527
01:54:38,846 --> 01:54:41,112
<i>but do we really want
her finger on the button</i>

2528
01:54:41,114 --> 01:54:42,448
<i>when it's that time
of the month?</i>

2529
01:54:42,450 --> 01:54:44,316
<i>I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision</i>

2530
01:54:44,318 --> 01:54:45,651
<i>during that time
of the month.</i>

2531
01:54:45,653 --> 01:54:47,486
<i>You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.</i>

2532
01:54:47,488 --> 01:54:49,087
<i>Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.</i>

2533
01:54:49,089 --> 01:54:50,623
<i>- Oh!
- Looks like Aunt Flow</i>

2534
01:54:50,625 --> 01:54:52,491
<i>is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!</i>

2535
01:54:52,493 --> 01:54:53,726
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!

2536
01:54:53,728 --> 01:54:58,096
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.

2537
01:54:58,098 --> 01:54:59,565
My name is Fred Field.

2538
01:54:59,567 --> 01:55:00,733
I took my wife's last name.

2539
01:55:00,735 --> 01:55:04,803
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.

2540
01:55:04,805 --> 01:55:07,773
We're starting with the
portraits of the first spouses.

2541
01:55:07,775 --> 01:55:09,642
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.

2542
01:55:09,644 --> 01:55:10,709
Jackie Kennedy.

2543
01:55:10,711 --> 01:55:13,546
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.

2544
01:55:13,548 --> 01:55:16,282
And that leads us
into my portrait.

2545
01:55:16,284 --> 01:55:18,551
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,

2546
01:55:18,553 --> 01:55:21,120
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.

2547
01:55:21,122 --> 01:55:22,922
<i>The first versions
were a little over the top.</i>

2548
01:55:24,525 --> 01:55:26,592
Hi, guys.

2549
01:55:26,594 --> 01:55:28,460
<i>I used to think the best
way for me to change the world,</i>

2550
01:55:28,462 --> 01:55:30,362
to make it a better place
was through journalism.

2551
01:55:30,364 --> 01:55:31,830
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.

2552
01:55:31,832 --> 01:55:35,434
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world

2553
01:55:35,436 --> 01:55:38,437
is just supporting
this amazing person

2554
01:55:38,439 --> 01:55:40,239
and just trying to
learn from her

2555
01:55:40,241 --> 01:55:41,774
and kinda just trying to be

2556
01:55:41,776 --> 01:55:44,310
the best first mister
I can be.

2557
01:55:44,312 --> 01:55:46,879
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.

2558
01:55:46,881 --> 01:55:49,682
- He did.
- There we are.

2559
01:55:49,684 --> 01:55:50,849
You're wearing mittens.

2560
01:55:50,851 --> 01:55:52,251
Got little mittens on.

2561
01:55:52,253 --> 01:55:54,753
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.

2562
01:55:54,755 --> 01:55:56,689
It really has
an amazing arc to it.

2563
01:55:56,691 --> 01:55:59,625
What are some of
the perks of your new roles?

2564
01:55:59,627 --> 01:56:02,929
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.

2565
01:56:02,931 --> 01:56:05,164
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.

2566
01:56:05,166 --> 01:56:06,398
- Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
- I won't say.

2567
01:56:06,400 --> 01:56:07,566
- Don't.
- I won't say.

2568
01:56:07,568 --> 01:56:08,667
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.

2569
01:56:08,669 --> 01:56:09,735
It's not who you think!

2570
01:56:09,737 --> 01:56:11,270
Don't do it.

2571
01:56:11,272 --> 01:56:12,340
It's pretty surprising.

2572
01:56:13,274 --> 01:56:14,773
He's my Mister.

2573
01:56:14,775 --> 01:56:17,411
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.