1 00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:08,080 Waffle, can't we have oatmeal? 2 00:00:08,420 --> 00:00:10,900 I don't want oatmeal. Mom, can we have pancakes? 3 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,440 I'll have an omelet, egg whites only. 4 00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:17,600 Mom, I thought you stole this button back on. It's still dangling. 5 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:19,240 You heard me say omelet, right? 6 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:21,580 Hope, you didn't iron my blue shirt. 7 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,720 For heaven's sakes, woman, what do you do around here all day? Yeah. 8 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,940 What do I do around here all day? 9 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:29,680 Absolutely everything. 10 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,900 You people have no idea how lost you'd be without me. 11 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:34,680 You're right, Hope. 12 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,240 If only there were some way to get us all to appreciate you more. 13 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:43,540 And, at the same time, get me some exposure on national television. 14 00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:45,200 What are you talking about? 15 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,160 Faith. 16 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:48,600 What did you do? 17 00:00:49,660 --> 00:00:50,660 Faith. 18 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:57,820 Each week, from across America, two families are chosen. 19 00:01:01,870 --> 00:01:06,710 This week, the Melvilles, rich, spoiled New Yorkers who live in a Park Avenue 20 00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:11,610 penthouse. Wife Cynthia is a pampered princess, and 16 -year -old daughter 21 00:01:11,610 --> 00:01:13,890 Madison is an unbelievable brat. 22 00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:18,390 Husband Aaron is a workaholic who never spends time with his kids. 23 00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:21,130 Living with them is Cynthia's sister Kathy. 24 00:01:21,370 --> 00:01:25,730 In exchange for rent and board, Cynthia forces Kathy to do all the cooking, 25 00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:27,150 cleaning, and childcare. 26 00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,190 And the Shanowskis. 27 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,920 A middle -class family from Glen Falls, Ohio. 28 00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:38,520 Uptight stay -at -home mom Hope and her orthodontist husband Charlie were 29 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,980 raising three kids in an orderly home. 30 00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:46,200 Until Hope's sister, a washed -up soap opera diva, moved in and demanded 31 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,300 everyone's lives revolve around her. 32 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:51,860 But now, each wife is about to get a new husband. 33 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:53,080 No! You idiot! 34 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,420 New children. 35 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:55,680 I hate you! 36 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:56,940 A new sister. 37 00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:01,050 And a new life. 38 00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:10,130 Hope Shanowski, an anal 39 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:14,550 retentive homemaker, is leading her husband, kids, and slightly unbalanced 40 00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:20,130 sister to trade lives with Cynthia Melville, a rich, lazy New Yorker who 41 00:02:20,130 --> 00:02:22,070 her sister like a slave. 42 00:02:22,650 --> 00:02:25,150 What do the women hope to gain from the swap? 43 00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:27,470 My family doesn't appreciate anything I do for them. 44 00:02:28,150 --> 00:02:29,150 For instance. 45 00:02:31,190 --> 00:02:32,550 Well, I can't think of anything I do. 46 00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:34,610 But I haven't run off with my trainer yet. 47 00:02:35,350 --> 00:02:37,510 And believe me, I have been tempted. 48 00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:41,990 I definitely like my family to appreciate me more. 49 00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:44,050 Not that they do not appreciate me. 50 00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:47,110 I mean, do. Not do. They do do. 51 00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:49,410 Not do do. 52 00:02:50,030 --> 00:02:52,030 Although they do do do. 53 00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:53,850 Why did I want to do this? 54 00:02:54,150 --> 00:02:55,610 I didn't. 55 00:02:55,930 --> 00:02:58,870 Cynthia said I had to or else I could just go live on the street. 56 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,660 Why am I excited about doing Life Swap? Well, I think it will give me an 57 00:03:04,660 --> 00:03:09,820 opportunity to laugh and cry and 58 00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:12,480 be surprised. 59 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:18,180 You know, really just express my whole broad range of emotion as an actress. 60 00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:20,880 Play somebody real, which is a stretch for me. 61 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,380 After a thousand -mile trip, the wives get to see where they'll be living for 62 00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:28,400 the next two weeks. 63 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:31,900 Wow. 64 00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:33,340 Fancy. 65 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:39,700 Cynthia arrived in suburban Ohio, where there's no one to carry her bag. 66 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:48,140 Hope is thrilled with her New York penthouse. Look at the ceiling. 67 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,200 What, 50 feet high? 68 00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:52,860 Oh, the view. 69 00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:55,200 Cynthia, however, is not as thrilled. 70 00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:56,660 What a dump. 71 00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:00,650 Ah, this is funny. 72 00:04:00,870 --> 00:04:02,130 Where's the real house? 73 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:10,130 And now it's the moment of truth. The two wives come face to face with their 74 00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:13,330 families. Cynthia likes what she sees. 75 00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:14,970 I'm Charlie. 76 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:18,089 Yeah. I'm going to give your new wife a hug. 77 00:04:18,430 --> 00:04:19,470 Oh, okay. 78 00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:21,709 Oh, wow. 79 00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:23,110 These are my kids. 80 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,410 Oh, yeah. Hi. 81 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:26,830 Hi. I'm Sydney. 82 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,520 Hi, Sidney. Hi, I'm Hayley. Hi, Hayley. And we... I'm Justin. 83 00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:32,820 Hi, Justin. 84 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:38,840 Back at the Melvilles, Hope's reception isn't nearly as warm. Hey, I'm here. I'm 85 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:39,840 Hope. 86 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:40,819 What's that? 87 00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:42,440 I said, I'm Hope. Not you. 88 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:43,760 I'm on the phone. 89 00:04:43,780 --> 00:04:44,659 Uh -huh. 90 00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,120 Uh -huh. Where are you from? 91 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:50,160 Hello? Oh, I'm from... No! You idiot! 92 00:04:50,380 --> 00:04:51,379 I said, tell! 93 00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:52,380 Tell! 94 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,800 Adieu, adieu, adieu! 95 00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,210 I'm Faith Fairfield. 96 00:04:59,410 --> 00:05:01,490 And this is for you. 97 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:05,850 And yes, this is my Emmy. And yes, it's real. 98 00:05:06,070 --> 00:05:08,290 And no, you can't hold it. 99 00:05:09,210 --> 00:05:13,350 But I want to hear all about you. Now, how big a fan are you of mine? So far, 100 00:05:13,370 --> 00:05:14,370 not very big. 101 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,450 You're not intimidated by me. 102 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:17,850 I like that. 103 00:05:18,570 --> 00:05:21,970 And America will like the fact that this Emmy award -winning actress is now 104 00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:24,190 available for TV, film, and commercials. 105 00:05:24,730 --> 00:05:26,410 But no feminine hygiene product. 106 00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:27,810 Unless it's overseas. 107 00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,250 Mi tampano es muy absorbiento. 108 00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:32,410 I'm Kathy. 109 00:05:32,870 --> 00:05:34,010 I'll unpack your bag. 110 00:05:34,310 --> 00:05:36,670 Oh, no, no, that's not necessary. No, no, no, no, I insist. No, I have it. No, 111 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:38,270 I've got it. No, I can do it. I've got it. Oh, 112 00:05:39,070 --> 00:05:41,310 what a time. I'm stupid. I'm the idiot. 113 00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:42,850 Oh, my gosh. 114 00:05:43,090 --> 00:05:45,050 Oh, nice nightie. 115 00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:46,870 Oh, thank you. 116 00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:48,470 I was kidding. 117 00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:50,810 Kathy. 118 00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:53,050 This is lovely. 119 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:54,770 You're not an idiot. 120 00:05:54,910 --> 00:05:56,250 Yes, I am. Trust me. 121 00:05:57,450 --> 00:06:01,470 Back at the Chinowskis, it looks like Faith went to design school and got a 122 00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:02,710 degree in tacky. 123 00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:06,910 This is my room, which I decorated myself. 124 00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:13,190 Now, my daily routine is I like to wake up around noon and then hope, well, now 125 00:06:13,190 --> 00:06:17,330 you, gets to make my breakfast and clean my room and do all my laundry. 126 00:06:18,110 --> 00:06:19,790 Then I like to go for a power walk. 127 00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:23,730 And you get to ride next to me in the car with the windows rolled down and the 128 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:28,130 radio on because headphones really mess up my hair. You know, normal stuff. 129 00:06:28,790 --> 00:06:29,990 Let me ask you a question. 130 00:06:30,230 --> 00:06:31,770 Do you rent this room out by the hour? 131 00:06:32,270 --> 00:06:33,270 No. 132 00:06:33,830 --> 00:06:35,190 How much do you think I can get? 133 00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:42,070 Back at the Melville, Hope is a little surprised to see how Kathy lives. This 134 00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:43,029 my room. 135 00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:44,810 It's also the laundry slash pantry. 136 00:06:45,550 --> 00:06:48,170 Well, that's good then, in case you ever want to get a midnight snack. 137 00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:49,730 Oh, that's not allowed. 138 00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:53,730 So how long have you been living with your sister? 139 00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:55,230 Ten years. 140 00:06:55,410 --> 00:06:58,950 But I earn my keep by doing all that housework and the child care. 141 00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:03,010 Does Cynthia ever get to spend much time with kids? Oh, sure. 142 00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:05,070 At least an hour a week. 143 00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:08,610 Usually during her colonic. She likes to multitask. 144 00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:12,490 I'd like to meet this Hope. 145 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,160 I mean, what kind of woman would cook and clean and take her kids to school? 146 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:17,860 Mommy, I'm hungry. 147 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:24,120 Oh. So, Brianna's your daughter? No, no, no. She's Cynthia. I just gave birth to 148 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,640 her because Cynthia promised me a car. 149 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:28,300 But since it was a girl, she just got me a bike. 150 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:30,640 Oh. 151 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,960 Hello there. Aren't you adorable? 152 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,480 So, which one are you? 153 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:37,720 Bradley or Brent? 154 00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:39,380 Oh. 155 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:40,500 Oh. Oh. 156 00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:42,350 They all seem very nice. 157 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:47,510 I'm sure Bradley or Brent only hit me because he misses his mommy. 158 00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:54,310 Even though she only sees her kids one hour a week when she's getting her 159 00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:55,310 flushed. 160 00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:57,130 I'm not going to have to do that, am I? 161 00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:03,830 I did find it a little odd that Cynthia makes her sister live in the pantry. 162 00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:06,630 Slash laundry room. 163 00:08:07,610 --> 00:08:08,790 I like my room. 164 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:14,180 It's warm and cozy, especially when the dryer's on. 165 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,360 Excuse me, I have to fold the towels. 166 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:25,400 And the sister? 167 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,920 I guess every village needs an idiot. 168 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,100 Cindy and I had this instant connection. 169 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:37,020 I'm sure when this is all over, we're going to be best friends forever and 170 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:38,020 and ever. 171 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:39,570 And ever. 172 00:08:41,530 --> 00:08:45,890 Coming up next, the wives live each other's lives by each other's rules. 173 00:08:48,030 --> 00:08:51,350 Would you like me to massage your breasts as well? What? Oh, oh no. 174 00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,650 99, 100. 175 00:08:54,550 --> 00:08:55,870 Just get up, get up, get up! 176 00:08:58,150 --> 00:08:59,150 She hit me. 177 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,770 Prim and proper housewife, Hope Chanowski. 178 00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:07,430 Fabulous. 179 00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:11,870 has traded lives with rich, obnoxious New Yorker Cynthia Melville. 180 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:13,390 What a dump! 181 00:09:14,310 --> 00:09:18,850 It's the first day of the swap, and Cynthia Melville has to get up at 6, 182 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:21,970 breakfast, and get the kids off to school. Where's our breakfast? 183 00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:23,230 Right here. 184 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,590 And I don't know how you kept, like, your coffee, so I left it black. 185 00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:29,610 That's how I take mine. 186 00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,730 Whoa, whoa, uh... 187 00:09:32,010 --> 00:09:35,770 This isn't really how we do things around here. Well, the rule said to feed 188 00:09:35,770 --> 00:09:37,370 kids and get them off to school. 189 00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:40,670 Well, what are we supposed to have for lunch? 190 00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:42,130 Oh. 191 00:09:45,610 --> 00:09:46,610 Nope. 192 00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:50,870 Oh. 193 00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:52,770 Here's your cab money. 194 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,070 Oh. 195 00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:55,870 Best mom ever. 196 00:09:57,370 --> 00:09:58,370 Charlie, 197 00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:00,790 honey, let's go back to bed. 198 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,420 What? No, no, I'm up. 199 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,140 Did she take back to bed? 200 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,380 Because I wasn't in bed with her. 201 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:16,780 And in New York, Hope, an early riser, struggles to stay in bed until noon. 202 00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:18,900 10 .49. 203 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,340 This is ridiculous. 204 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,080 I'm getting up. 205 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,560 But she just can't bring herself to break the rules. 206 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,460 71 minutes, Hope. 207 00:10:31,470 --> 00:10:32,470 You can do it. 208 00:10:36,610 --> 00:10:41,010 Meanwhile, at the Shanowski household, the domestically challenged Cynthia must 209 00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:44,010 deal with the former soap diva's demands. 210 00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:48,050 Okay. Hand wash cold water. 211 00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:50,890 Hand wash warm water. 212 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:56,830 And hand wash hot water. Oh, and this isn't dirty, but it smells kind of 213 00:10:56,930 --> 00:10:58,590 So I thought maybe you could... 214 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:02,420 Spray it with some perfume and then throw it around outside for a while. 215 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:03,980 You've got to be kidding me. 216 00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:05,260 I wish I was. 217 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,400 Here, smell it. 218 00:11:07,060 --> 00:11:08,480 Whoa! Whoa! 219 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:13,440 It's a very different world back at the Melvilles, where Hope gets pampered by 220 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,440 Cynthia's sister. 221 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,280 Would you like me to massage your breasts as well? What? Oh, oh no, no. 222 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,700 loose. Way loose. 223 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,280 Well, not loose, loose. 224 00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:26,080 Although I do have three kids and I breastfed every one of them. 225 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,100 I breastfed all of Cynthia's kids, too. 226 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:38,500 In the afternoon, Cynthia must suffer through Faith's acting exercise. Well, I 227 00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:41,560 do declare what a beautiful day it is outside. 228 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,060 Okay, give me another one. 229 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:49,420 Irish. Well, top of the morning to you. What a beautiful day it is outside. 230 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,920 That sounds southern to me. 231 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,960 Up to the untrained ear. 232 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,380 Give me another one. 233 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:57,440 Uh, Indian. 234 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,800 Well, tandoori morning. 235 00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:02,980 What a beautiful day it is outside. 236 00:12:05,060 --> 00:12:06,560 Are you guys getting this? 237 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,580 And Hope tries to stay awake during a late dinner with Aaron. 238 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:15,040 What's wrong? 239 00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:16,920 Oh, I'm just tired. Not you. 240 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,300 Fine. 241 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:20,660 What were you saying? 242 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:25,520 Hello? Oh, me? I was just saying that I'm tired. 243 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,280 See, at my house, 10 p .m. means jammies on. Speak up. 244 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,520 At my house, 10 p .m. means jammies on. Not you. 245 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,600 Is it good? 246 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:40,340 Hello? Oh, yes, it's good. It's very good. 247 00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:45,420 Almonds are good. 248 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,360 It's good. 249 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:54,640 As the week progresses, tempers flare when Hope, desperate for something to 250 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,640 do... A board? 251 00:12:56,010 --> 00:12:59,830 tries to pitch in with the housework, which is clearly Kathy's domain. 252 00:13:00,130 --> 00:13:01,130 All done? 253 00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:02,089 No, I'll go. 254 00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:04,950 No, no. No, I got it. I have it. I have it. No, I have it. I have it. Okay. 255 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:10,150 Just get up! Get up! Get up! 256 00:13:11,570 --> 00:13:12,570 Go! 257 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,690 Every single thing about this family is wrong. 258 00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,870 They don't spend time together. They don't communicate. 259 00:13:21,610 --> 00:13:23,970 And they treat Kathy like a slave. 260 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:25,920 Did you mop the kitchen floor? 261 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,660 No, just a little damp mop. 262 00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,040 But I didn't use soap. 263 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,500 That doesn't count. 264 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,400 Why do you hate me so much? 265 00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:38,700 Tensions are just as high at the Shanowskis, where Faith is driving 266 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,060 crazy. Cynthia! 267 00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:43,540 Cynthia! 268 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,220 Give me the phone. No. 269 00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:46,860 Cynthia! No! 270 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,160 Yes! You've been on it for almost a half an hour. 271 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,540 I just painted my toes and they're still wet. Can I get a refill? 272 00:13:59,030 --> 00:14:00,290 Oh, sorry. 273 00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:03,930 I'm sensing some hostility from Cynthia, and I really don't know where it's 274 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:04,930 coming from. 275 00:14:05,790 --> 00:14:06,790 Wait a minute. 276 00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:08,730 Of course. 277 00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:10,690 She's jealous. 278 00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:14,570 I'm a beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, sizzling hot celebrity. 279 00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:16,850 And she's a big nobody. 280 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,190 A nothing. 281 00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,350 A no one. 282 00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:20,850 You know. 283 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,220 I'm going to go share this insight with her. I really think it'll help clear the 284 00:14:24,220 --> 00:14:25,620 air. Be right back. 285 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,300 She hit me. 286 00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:35,260 Coming up next, the rules are about to change, and everyone is at their 287 00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:36,580 point. That is it. 288 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:38,420 No! 289 00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,540 I don't know how you put up with her. 290 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,660 That was really bad. 291 00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:53,470 She's a selfish dingbat. I'm out of here. 292 00:14:57,610 --> 00:15:02,070 The rules are about to change, and after a week living each other's lives, the 293 00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:03,490 wives are ready to snap. 294 00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:05,470 Cynthia! 295 00:15:06,790 --> 00:15:09,730 Hope can't take it anymore and confronts Kathy. 296 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:13,210 Kathy, can I ask you a question? 297 00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:17,270 Do you ever feel like your sister takes advantage of you? 298 00:15:18,530 --> 00:15:19,590 What do you mean? 299 00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:27,560 Well, for example, you gave birth to her baby and all you 300 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,560 got was a bike. 301 00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:30,400 It is a 10 speed. 302 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,020 Please don't do this. 303 00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:34,420 Camera's right there. 304 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,740 Things go no better when she tries to connect with Cynthia's naughty daughter, 305 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,480 Madison. I like you better. 306 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,320 You do? 307 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:45,840 I do. 308 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,640 Really nice, sparkly. 309 00:15:51,069 --> 00:15:54,210 So if there's anything I can do, just let me know. 310 00:15:54,490 --> 00:15:59,050 Oh, actually, I lost my diaphragm, and I need you to take me to the gyno to get 311 00:15:59,050 --> 00:15:59,589 a new one. 312 00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:00,590 Your what? 313 00:16:00,930 --> 00:16:02,010 My diaphragm. 314 00:16:02,210 --> 00:16:04,410 It's a birth control device. I know what it is. 315 00:16:05,430 --> 00:16:09,830 Does your mother approve of you having a diaphragm? Oh, God, no. She wanted me 316 00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:12,070 to go on the pill, but I didn't want to get bloated. 317 00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:14,950 I see. 318 00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,090 You're 16, right? 319 00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:19,890 Right. 320 00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:29,220 Back in Glen Falls, Cynthia has had all she can take from fame. That truck 321 00:16:29,220 --> 00:16:31,620 didn't hit you. It clipped you. 322 00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:33,340 I've had it with her. 323 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,680 I don't know how you put up with her. 324 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:37,300 She's a selfish dingbat. 325 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:39,180 And you know what? 326 00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:41,180 You can't do an accident to save your life. 327 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:42,920 What the hell I can't, Governor. 328 00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,160 Put that on the barbie. 329 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,540 I hope you're getting this. 330 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,640 Okay, Charlie, let's get you out of those wet clothes. 331 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,320 What? 332 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:57,960 Those wet clothes. 333 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:05,280 The rules change tomorrow, and as far as Hope is concerned, it's not a moment 334 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,280 too soon. 335 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:11,480 I have followed all the rules, except I did do a little mopping, but without 336 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:12,480 soap. 337 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:17,099 I even bit my tongue while I watched all of you. You treat Kathy like a slave. 338 00:17:17,940 --> 00:17:20,119 By the way, I saw that bike. 339 00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:23,160 And I'm no math whiz, but I only count at five speeds. 340 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:31,140 However, it will be a cold day in H -E -double -L before I ever take a 16 -year 341 00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:33,740 -old girl to get a diaphragm. 342 00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:35,380 That's a good point. 343 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:38,499 Thank you. 344 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,500 Not you. 345 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,580 See where the Nikkei opens and then take care of it. 346 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:42,800 Are you on the phone? 347 00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:44,440 That is it! 348 00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:46,420 No! 349 00:17:53,710 --> 00:17:55,210 I can't wait for our rules change. 350 00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:59,330 This family needs help, especially Kathy. 351 00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:02,650 Sisters just shouldn't take advantage of each other. 352 00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:07,750 I suppose some people might think Faith takes advantage of me, but that's only 353 00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:08,750 because I let her. 354 00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:15,130 So really, I'm taking advantage of myself, which is really kind of 355 00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:17,570 a demeaning sort of way. 356 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,320 I'm just really scared that she's going to take over and do all the chores. 357 00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:26,920 And then Aaron is going to tell Cynthia and Cynthia is going to get really mad. 358 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,520 This could be worse than the time I opened a new jelly when there was still 359 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:33,820 old jelly left in the jar. 360 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,360 That was really bad. 361 00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,220 Look, I'm not saying that it's my goal to make Faith cry. 362 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:45,440 Well, maybe it is. 363 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:53,050 I have treated Cynthia exactly the way I treat Hope. And for some reason, she is 364 00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:53,809 taking offense. 365 00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:57,470 But I'll tell you one thing. That woman has an ass to grind, and I'm nobody's 366 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,470 ass. 367 00:18:58,550 --> 00:19:00,230 I'm not letting her tell me what to do. 368 00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:05,490 I'm out of here. 369 00:19:07,490 --> 00:19:11,310 Coming up next, the rules change and all hell breaks loose. 370 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,610 Give me that. You're breaking the rules. 371 00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:16,250 You give me that right now. Aaron! 372 00:19:17,110 --> 00:19:19,500 Aaron! What are you doing for birth control? 373 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,740 Tomorrow I'll take you to get a diaphragm. 374 00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:24,440 Why don't you leave me the f*** alone? 375 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,260 I want my mom now. 376 00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:29,660 I will fight you. 377 00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:40,480 Okay. Cynthia Melville and Hope Shanowski swapped lives and spent a week 378 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,760 by each other's rules. 379 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:48,690 But now... Everything is about to change as the new wives take control. 380 00:19:49,990 --> 00:19:54,410 It's the first day of the rules change, and after some serious contemplation... 381 00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,370 Okay, now the blood is starting to rush to my head. 382 00:19:56,890 --> 00:19:58,830 Faith has decided to stay. 383 00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:03,110 I'm just going to think of this as the greatest role I've ever played. 384 00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:07,750 So, Sid, what are you doing for birth control? 385 00:20:09,170 --> 00:20:11,370 Uh, nothing. 386 00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:13,410 Well, that's totally irresponsible. 387 00:20:14,730 --> 00:20:16,310 Tomorrow I'll take you to get a diaphragm. 388 00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:22,310 See, actually, I'm not sexually active. I'm a virgin. 389 00:20:23,130 --> 00:20:24,130 What are you, chicken? 390 00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:31,290 Cynthia, I really don't think that's very appropriate. She's only 16. 391 00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:32,890 New rule for you. 392 00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:42,350 But I really... At the 393 00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:46,300 Melville... Madison has already violated her new curfew. 394 00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,920 It's two in the morning, young lady. 395 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,020 What do you have to say for yourself? 396 00:20:54,940 --> 00:20:57,940 Off. Why don't you leave this? I love you. 397 00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,320 Hope appeals to Aaron to enforce the rules. 398 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,280 She was two hours past her curfew. You're kidding. And she cursed at me. 399 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:09,520 What a bitch. 400 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,080 Now, now, Aaron. 401 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,600 Two wrongs don't make a right. She can dump the 10 ,000 shares for all I care. 402 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:16,480 Are you on the phone? 403 00:21:17,060 --> 00:21:19,200 I told you, no cell phones in the house. 404 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,860 Give me that. Give me that. You're breaking the rules. You give me that 405 00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:23,860 now. Aaron! 406 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,020 Aaron! Get back here! 407 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,860 Open this door right now! No! 408 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,199 All right! 409 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,600 I don't want to have to do this, but you left me no choice. 410 00:21:32,940 --> 00:21:35,320 Tomorrow, you're both getting brownie faces on the fridge. 411 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:36,720 What? 412 00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:38,220 Brownie faces. Not you! 413 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:39,920 Tell her to dump the shares. 414 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:47,660 Faith isn't over her head when she takes on the role of a lifetime, that of a 415 00:21:47,660 --> 00:21:51,160 homemaker. Aunt May, have you seen my math book? It's in your backpack. 416 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:52,800 No. 417 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:54,800 Just someone's garbage. 418 00:21:55,260 --> 00:22:00,040 Is something burning? It's probably me. I haven't showered in nine days. 419 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,400 Yeah, we know. 420 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,520 Oh, just maybe the math book. 421 00:22:05,780 --> 00:22:09,680 All right, everybody freeze. If the garbage is in your backpack and the math 422 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:10,680 book is in the oven, 423 00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:12,530 I know where the chicken is. 424 00:22:20,530 --> 00:22:21,530 Dinner's ready. 425 00:22:23,430 --> 00:22:24,269 Oh, wait. 426 00:22:24,270 --> 00:22:25,270 The vegetable. 427 00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:36,130 You are an idiot. You cooked my math book, you threw the chicken in the 428 00:22:36,310 --> 00:22:37,730 and now you're serving frozen... 429 00:22:42,550 --> 00:22:44,750 Faith, you have got to do my laundry. 430 00:22:44,950 --> 00:22:47,030 I have no clean underwear. 431 00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:49,010 I turned mine inside out. 432 00:22:53,890 --> 00:22:57,030 Madison and Aaron aren't the only ones breaking Hope's rules. 433 00:22:57,470 --> 00:23:01,550 Kathy is supposed to be sleeping in the guest room, but she refuses to leave the 434 00:23:01,550 --> 00:23:03,050 pantry slash laundry room. 435 00:23:04,730 --> 00:23:07,050 Kathy? Kathy, I know you're in there. 436 00:23:08,390 --> 00:23:09,690 I can hear the dryer. 437 00:23:10,830 --> 00:23:11,830 Kathy? 438 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:19,240 Unhappy with the way things are going, Hope thinks a family meeting might draw 439 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,960 the Melvilles closer together. 440 00:23:22,620 --> 00:23:26,440 Now, you're probably wondering why I asked you to draw pictures of your 441 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,980 Just to guess, because you're lame? 442 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,500 No, because I thought it would be a better way to tell how you feel about 443 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:39,680 family. Aaron, tell us about your drawing. Well, this is my attorney, this 444 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,300 accountant, and this is the guy from my cellular phone company. 445 00:23:42,940 --> 00:23:43,940 It's my calling circle. 446 00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:46,180 So this is your family? 447 00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:48,920 The people you care most about in your life? 448 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,000 No. 449 00:23:58,800 --> 00:23:59,800 Oh, my gosh. 450 00:24:01,580 --> 00:24:04,940 Aaron, this is what Brianna thinks about her daddy. 451 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,780 Is this what you want, Aaron? 452 00:24:08,580 --> 00:24:09,700 To be a phone head? 453 00:24:10,380 --> 00:24:12,180 To be a stranger to your own kids? 454 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,720 Wouldn't you rather have a thousand anytime minutes with your daughter? 455 00:24:16,780 --> 00:24:17,780 Please, Daddy. 456 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,840 Oh, no, no. 457 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,240 Aaron, it's okay. 458 00:24:35,980 --> 00:24:38,600 Look, we can start with unlimited nights and weekends. 459 00:24:49,300 --> 00:24:53,140 I have to admit, I was a little surprised by Aaron's breakdown. 460 00:24:53,860 --> 00:24:57,600 Madison said he hasn't cried like that since the tech bubble burst. 461 00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:04,960 And the Melvilles aren't the only family unraveling. I need to talk to my mom. 462 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:09,220 Sure you do, so you can tell her about the math book. Well, guess what? I got 463 00:25:09,220 --> 00:25:10,680 stuff on you you don't even know about. 464 00:25:11,130 --> 00:25:12,530 I want my mom now. 465 00:25:17,410 --> 00:25:18,850 She knows I got nothing. 466 00:25:21,030 --> 00:25:23,230 Haley, sweetie, what's wrong? 467 00:25:23,870 --> 00:25:29,070 Nothing. Hey, what's going on? I think Haley's still upset about dinner. 468 00:25:29,490 --> 00:25:32,090 Yeah, well, a lot of us are still upset about dinner. 469 00:25:32,330 --> 00:25:34,730 It's not about dinner. I just need mom. 470 00:25:35,150 --> 00:25:36,470 What is with her? 471 00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:40,330 She's moody and cranky. She's crying for no reason. 472 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,900 Don't be ridiculous. She's nine years old. 473 00:25:46,540 --> 00:25:47,540 She's 12. 474 00:25:47,660 --> 00:25:48,660 What? 475 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,020 Turn that camera off. 476 00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:52,940 Now. I said now. 477 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,340 I will fight you. 478 00:25:56,020 --> 00:26:00,340 Up next, Charlie gets more than he bargained for when Cynthia suggests they 479 00:26:00,340 --> 00:26:02,240 enjoy a nice dinner out on the town. 480 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:06,060 I would love for you to work on my mouth. 481 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,520 And Hope gets a surprise from Aaron. 482 00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:13,930 And a Cynthia -style makeover. 483 00:26:14,190 --> 00:26:16,850 Why we're not once go around spreading rumors. 484 00:26:17,370 --> 00:26:20,970 And Kathy breaks out of the pantry cabaret style. 485 00:26:26,010 --> 00:26:30,890 Hope and Cynthia have taken control of their new household, leaving everyone in 486 00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:31,890 crisis. 487 00:26:33,790 --> 00:26:36,150 Haley, sweetie, what's wrong? 488 00:26:37,770 --> 00:26:39,010 Turn that camera off. 489 00:26:39,570 --> 00:26:40,970 Kathy, I know you're in there. 490 00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:42,500 Kathy! 491 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:49,360 Since Haley's mom is away, Faith steps up and reveals her maternal side. 492 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:56,400 My mother gave me a French manicure when I got my first... upper respiratory 493 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:57,400 infection. 494 00:26:58,540 --> 00:26:59,580 Thanks, Aunt Faith. 495 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:01,240 I love you. 496 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,240 I love you too, sweetie. 497 00:27:04,580 --> 00:27:07,140 And don't worry about anything. 498 00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:11,600 That cough should clear up in five to seven days. 499 00:27:15,380 --> 00:27:19,840 And Hope inspires breakthroughs of her own. 500 00:27:20,060 --> 00:27:21,060 Come on, Kathy. 501 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:25,400 There's got to be something you've always wanted to do. Oh, there is. 502 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:32,680 Sometimes I fantasize about leaving wet clothes in the washer overnight and 503 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,340 maybe drying them in the morning. 504 00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:37,100 Okay. 505 00:27:38,250 --> 00:27:39,250 Bigger than that. 506 00:27:39,790 --> 00:27:44,810 Well, Mrs. Hildebrand, my second grade teacher, once told me I had a pretty 507 00:27:44,810 --> 00:27:45,810 voice. 508 00:27:46,170 --> 00:27:47,530 So why don't you start singing? 509 00:27:47,890 --> 00:27:48,930 No, I couldn't. 510 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:53,930 No, I do not believe there's anything you can't do if you just put your mind 511 00:27:53,930 --> 00:27:56,610 it. You have to follow your dreams. 512 00:27:59,550 --> 00:28:00,550 I've made a decision. 513 00:28:01,610 --> 00:28:04,070 I'm quitting my job and selling the apartment. 514 00:28:04,690 --> 00:28:06,790 I never wanted all of this. 515 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,340 How are we going to live? 516 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:11,920 Off the land. I'm good with my hand. 517 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,320 I can sell redwood sculptures at sawdust festivals, and in the winter, I'll work 518 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:17,380 the renaissance fairs. 519 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,840 I feel so free. 520 00:28:23,060 --> 00:28:24,060 Ho! 521 00:28:31,420 --> 00:28:32,420 Meanwhile, 522 00:28:32,780 --> 00:28:36,140 Cynthia thinks Charlie needs to spend more romantic time with Hope. 523 00:28:36,570 --> 00:28:39,790 So she's arranged a night out away from Faith and the kid. 524 00:28:40,010 --> 00:28:41,550 This is nice, isn't it? 525 00:28:42,410 --> 00:28:46,370 It really is. It really is. You know, from now on, once a week, we're going to 526 00:28:46,370 --> 00:28:48,670 go out and have a nice dinner, just me and Hope. 527 00:28:49,110 --> 00:28:51,670 Oh, let's forget about Hope, shall we? 528 00:28:53,310 --> 00:28:55,810 So, you're an orthodontist. Yeah. 529 00:28:56,430 --> 00:29:00,070 I would love for you to work on my mouth. 530 00:29:02,470 --> 00:29:03,590 Yeah, I think... 531 00:29:03,950 --> 00:29:06,270 Maybe you've had enough to drink, huh? Come on. 532 00:29:06,810 --> 00:29:10,130 Oh, I can't help it if you're so cute. 533 00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:14,870 Can we get some coffee over here? 534 00:29:18,030 --> 00:29:19,150 Is that your foot? 535 00:29:21,030 --> 00:29:22,030 Check, please. 536 00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:30,090 Well, I'll tell you one thing. After living with that woman, a very 537 00:29:30,090 --> 00:29:32,930 aggressive woman, I have never been... 538 00:29:33,290 --> 00:29:34,950 More in love with my wife. 539 00:29:36,850 --> 00:29:41,150 Later, when Charlie returns home from his dinner with Cynthia, Faith fills him 540 00:29:41,150 --> 00:29:43,030 in on the crisis with Haley. 541 00:29:43,330 --> 00:29:44,330 How was your night? 542 00:29:44,990 --> 00:29:47,870 Oh, you know, I was yours. 543 00:29:48,150 --> 00:29:48,530 Oh, 544 00:29:48,530 --> 00:29:56,570 my 545 00:29:56,570 --> 00:29:57,570 baby. 546 00:29:58,810 --> 00:30:01,130 Faith really impressed me. 547 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:07,120 Although I will never give up my dream of her moving away to some very remote, 548 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:11,880 possibly hostile country with no phones or visible means of escape. 549 00:30:12,780 --> 00:30:16,000 She really came through. 550 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:18,720 Thanks, Faith. 551 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:23,840 What are you thanking her for? She's nothing but a lazy, ungrateful mooch. 552 00:30:23,940 --> 00:30:28,680 that's enough. I don't know how they do things in your house, but here, Faith is 553 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:29,720 not the maid. Yes. 554 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,120 She may be selfish. 555 00:30:31,380 --> 00:30:35,940 She may be self -absorbed and incredibly self -centered. And I realize that all 556 00:30:35,940 --> 00:30:38,840 those things may be the same thing, but with her, it is worth repeating. 557 00:30:39,180 --> 00:30:42,080 Nevertheless, she is a member of our family. 558 00:30:42,780 --> 00:30:45,300 Oh, Charlie. 559 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:47,280 Hope's family. 560 00:30:47,660 --> 00:30:48,660 Let's not forget that. 561 00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:52,760 The thing that makes me proudest of all is that I got through the night without 562 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,280 telling the whole world that Haley got her period. 563 00:30:56,580 --> 00:30:59,260 And that makes me feel really good about myself. 564 00:31:05,629 --> 00:31:08,490 Look, I just want to get out of here and get back to my life. 565 00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:12,950 And now that it's over and Charlie clearly is in love with his wife, for 566 00:31:12,950 --> 00:31:16,770 whatever reason, I just want to say that the whole coming on to him thing was 567 00:31:16,770 --> 00:31:17,729 just a joke. 568 00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:18,730 You're so pretty. 569 00:31:20,590 --> 00:31:22,130 Such a pretty boy. 570 00:31:24,110 --> 00:31:26,350 The truth is, I left my husband. 571 00:31:26,910 --> 00:31:31,990 And I really miss Madison and the twins and... Brianna. 572 00:31:34,260 --> 00:31:35,260 Brianna, yeah. 573 00:31:36,220 --> 00:31:40,560 Cynthia is a classic narcissist who probably wasn't breastfed, which 574 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,340 why she can't see the world beyond her own needs. 575 00:31:43,180 --> 00:31:44,340 Much like an infant. 576 00:31:44,860 --> 00:31:48,900 Of course, so is Aunt Faith, but I mean, I like her much better. Me too. 577 00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:50,760 And Cynthia's kind of creepy. 578 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:52,580 Very creepy. 579 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,100 Very, very creepy. 580 00:31:57,020 --> 00:32:01,620 Even Madison comes around when Hope agrees to undergo a Melville -style 581 00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:04,380 makeover. I've never had a makeover before. 582 00:32:05,220 --> 00:32:06,220 How do I look? 583 00:32:06,380 --> 00:32:08,760 Not nearly as dorky as when you got here. 584 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,760 Whoa! Do you like? 585 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:13,980 Yeah, I look hot. 586 00:32:15,460 --> 00:32:16,460 Hot. 587 00:32:17,540 --> 00:32:19,320 Smoky. Okay, let's not get carried away. 588 00:32:19,780 --> 00:32:21,480 You know, you remind me of my daughter. 589 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,740 Are you guys close? 590 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:28,140 I try, but she doesn't want to have anything to do with me. 591 00:32:28,420 --> 00:32:29,420 At least you try. 592 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,120 So she knows you love her. 593 00:32:32,110 --> 00:32:33,850 Well, I'm sure your mother loves you, too. 594 00:32:34,170 --> 00:32:35,170 Very much. 595 00:32:35,230 --> 00:32:37,830 She wouldn't love me if she knew I was a virgin. 596 00:32:38,270 --> 00:32:40,530 She'd start going, What? 597 00:32:43,430 --> 00:32:44,810 She thinks I'm chicken. 598 00:32:45,510 --> 00:32:50,170 But I thought you had a diaphragm. I only got it because everyone else has 599 00:32:53,050 --> 00:32:54,250 You listen here. 600 00:32:58,410 --> 00:33:00,010 You're 16 years old. 601 00:33:00,699 --> 00:33:01,800 There's no need to hurry. 602 00:33:02,660 --> 00:33:05,840 The longer you wait, the better it'll be. 603 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,840 You know, you're not as rank as I thought. 604 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:11,720 You're like a real mom. 605 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:14,780 Your kids are lucky to have you. 606 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:19,420 You know, when I first got here, I felt lost. 607 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,460 I didn't know why I was doing this. 608 00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:26,420 But now I can see I've had quite an impact on this family. 609 00:33:26,940 --> 00:33:29,420 You see, one of the things I've always been good at... 610 00:33:29,820 --> 00:33:32,800 is encouraging people to follow the dream. 611 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:36,600 Can I wash this off? 612 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,080 I'm feeling a little trampy. 613 00:33:39,980 --> 00:33:41,520 But I'd like to take a picture first. 614 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,140 My husband will like it. 615 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:46,440 He likes it when I, you know. 616 00:33:47,260 --> 00:33:48,260 Never mind. 617 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:49,400 That's private. 618 00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,720 Before I start, I would just like to thank Hope. 619 00:33:56,430 --> 00:34:00,450 For making me realize there is nothing I can't do. 620 00:34:02,170 --> 00:34:06,690 Feeling, nothing more than feeling. 621 00:34:08,110 --> 00:34:13,690 Trying to forget my feelings of love. 622 00:34:16,409 --> 00:34:21,250 Tear drops rolling down on my face. 623 00:34:22,650 --> 00:34:26,440 Remember when I was talking to you about, you know, Encouraging people. 624 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:31,980 Trying to forget my feelings of love. 625 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:36,960 Well, seeing Kathy sing tonight. 626 00:34:37,900 --> 00:34:41,280 Feelings. Oh, oh, oh, feelings. 627 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:48,480 Oh, oh, oh, feel you again in my heart. 628 00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:53,820 Maybe I'm a little too encouraging. 629 00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:55,679 Like with Faith. 630 00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:02,100 It could be partially my fault that she's, well, you know, delusional. 631 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,040 I'll tell you one thing. 632 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,840 I really do have a whole new respect for what Hope does around here. 633 00:35:10,340 --> 00:35:15,400 And what amazes me is how she was able to do it all before I moved in to help 634 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,400 out. 635 00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:21,420 Like when she came to me and she said it was her goal to win an Emmy, Oscar, 636 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,080 Anna Tony all this year. 637 00:35:24,140 --> 00:35:26,060 Maybe I shouldn't have said, go for it. 638 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:32,560 Next, 639 00:35:37,260 --> 00:35:40,200 the wives reunite with their husbands and sisters. 640 00:35:40,580 --> 00:35:44,320 Why don't you just zip it? I'll zip it when you shut it. I'll shut it when you 641 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,720 zip it. Shut it. Zip it. 642 00:35:53,070 --> 00:35:55,470 Both families have gained a lot from the swap. 643 00:35:55,750 --> 00:35:59,330 I have never been more in love with my wife. 644 00:35:59,590 --> 00:36:03,410 I feel so free. 645 00:36:04,630 --> 00:36:05,630 I love you. 646 00:36:06,210 --> 00:36:07,570 I love you too, sweetie. 647 00:36:09,050 --> 00:36:10,790 Your kids are lucky to have you. 648 00:36:11,890 --> 00:36:15,610 Before I start, I would just like to thank Hope. 649 00:36:16,910 --> 00:36:18,230 I'm really proud of me. 650 00:36:21,260 --> 00:36:24,160 After two weeks apart, the couples are reunited. 651 00:36:28,780 --> 00:36:29,320 I 652 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:39,020 love 653 00:36:39,020 --> 00:36:45,920 you. I miss you 654 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,880 so much. I learned my lesson from now on. 655 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:00,600 Paul Bunyan? 656 00:37:01,580 --> 00:37:03,320 I missed you so much. 657 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:07,640 Nobody! 658 00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:16,340 And it's judgment time, as the couples finally come face to face. 659 00:37:16,700 --> 00:37:21,840 First, I'd like to say, I think your parenting style is a bit, well, harsh. 660 00:37:22,060 --> 00:37:25,720 And I think you totally take advantage of your sister. 661 00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,070 Well, at least I'm not a doormat like you. 662 00:37:30,210 --> 00:37:32,470 And your sister is a freak. 663 00:37:33,030 --> 00:37:33,968 She is. 664 00:37:33,970 --> 00:37:35,290 Look, right there. Look. 665 00:37:35,690 --> 00:37:36,910 Are you wearing my clothes? 666 00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:38,950 Yours, mine. What's the difference? 667 00:37:39,750 --> 00:37:44,370 Excuse me. Hope made me realize that family are the people you're supposed to 668 00:37:44,370 --> 00:37:45,370 take advantage of. 669 00:37:45,770 --> 00:37:47,250 That's not exactly what I said. 670 00:37:47,490 --> 00:37:48,710 So I'm moving out of the pantry. 671 00:37:49,180 --> 00:37:52,860 Moving into the guest bedroom, and I need $5 ,000 to cut my first album. 672 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:56,520 What? And Hope made me realize that money doesn't matter, family does. 673 00:37:56,860 --> 00:38:00,200 That's why I put our penthouse on the market, and we're going to move to 674 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:01,200 and live in a yurt. 675 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:02,280 A yurt? Yes. 676 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,140 What have you done to my family? 677 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:18,000 It's been six weeks since the swap, and both households have undergone 678 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:19,180 significant changes. 679 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,900 I think we all learned a lot from the swap. 680 00:38:22,380 --> 00:38:27,920 I mean, Faith's been pitching in around the house, which is a good thing, I 681 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:28,920 guess. 682 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:32,820 Actually, it means a lot more work for me. 683 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:40,540 Hope has encouraged me to revise my goals for 05. She was very frank. It 684 00:38:40,540 --> 00:38:41,540 easy to hear. 685 00:38:42,430 --> 00:38:46,930 But I've decided that I'm going to have to be realistic, so no Oscar, Emmy, 686 00:38:47,030 --> 00:38:50,470 Tony. Instead, I'm just going to go for the People's Choice Award. 687 00:38:51,050 --> 00:38:54,490 Because let's face it, anybody can win one of them. 688 00:38:54,930 --> 00:38:58,630 And they tell you in advance if you win, so you don't have to go if you don't. 689 00:39:00,670 --> 00:39:01,670 But I think I will. 690 00:39:02,810 --> 00:39:05,830 But the most dramatic changes have been in the Melville household. 691 00:39:10,700 --> 00:39:12,640 I don't want a diaphragm. 692 00:39:12,940 --> 00:39:15,060 I like being a virgin. 693 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,780 Cynthia, I've decided that I'm too old for a pop career. So, listen, I'm going 694 00:39:20,780 --> 00:39:21,598 to go country. 695 00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:22,840 Check out this song I wrote. 696 00:39:23,540 --> 00:39:25,660 Don't give me no hand to hold. 697 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,540 Don't give me no man to scold. 698 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:32,840 Just give me, give me that pot of gold. 699 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:38,200 You know, Kathy, it might sound a little better if you hit it twice and hold it 700 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:39,200 at the end. 701 00:39:40,270 --> 00:39:42,830 Don't give me no hand to hold. 702 00:39:44,330 --> 00:39:46,810 Don't give me no man to scold. 703 00:39:47,370 --> 00:39:51,790 Just give me, give me that pot of gold. 704 00:39:52,750 --> 00:39:55,830 Give me that pot of gold. 705 00:39:56,950 --> 00:39:57,950 Like that. 706 00:39:58,730 --> 00:39:59,730 Yeah. 707 00:40:00,410 --> 00:40:03,890 Hanging. It's really not your thing. Thank you. 708 00:40:08,270 --> 00:40:12,230 next week for another episode of... No, I need that. I still haven't carved the 709 00:40:12,230 --> 00:40:13,230 feet. 710 00:40:13,370 --> 00:40:14,370 Oh. 711 00:40:22,330 --> 00:40:23,910 What did everyone think? 712 00:40:24,750 --> 00:40:27,350 I think I look as good on TV as I do in person. 713 00:40:28,970 --> 00:40:30,190 She came on to you? 714 00:40:30,910 --> 00:40:34,330 You told the whole world I got my period? 715 00:40:34,630 --> 00:40:36,310 You think I'm delusional? 716 00:40:36,910 --> 00:40:40,970 You think you help out around here? Oh, why don't you shut up? Why don't you zip 717 00:40:40,970 --> 00:40:44,650 it? I'll zip it when you shut it. I'll shut it when you zip it. Shut it! Zip 718 00:40:44,670 --> 00:40:46,530 Shut it! Zip it! Shut it! Zip it!