1 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,506 Season 13 Episode 2 "The Coon" 2 00:00:36,458 --> 00:00:38,758 The city isn't what it used to be... 3 00:00:40,194 --> 00:00:42,957 It all happened so fast. Everything went to crap. 4 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:46,590 It's like everyone's sense of morals just disappeared. 5 00:00:48,668 --> 00:00:50,880 The bad economy made things worse. 6 00:00:51,005 --> 00:00:54,660 The jobs started drying up. Then the stores had to shut down. 7 00:00:56,604 --> 00:00:58,841 Then a black man was elected president. 8 00:00:58,966 --> 00:01:01,686 He was supposed to change things. He didn't. 9 00:01:03,110 --> 00:01:05,400 As more and more people turn to crime and violence, 10 00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:07,641 the town becomes gripped in fear. 11 00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:10,194 Dark times. This city needs protection. 12 00:01:12,209 --> 00:01:14,036 There is an animal that lives by night. 13 00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:17,284 Searches through trash cans and cleans out the garbage. 14 00:01:17,534 --> 00:01:20,930 To clean the trash can of society, I've chosen to become more than a man. 15 00:01:21,055 --> 00:01:23,055 I am the hero this town needs. 16 00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:24,917 I am... 17 00:01:25,947 --> 00:01:27,002 the Coon. 18 00:01:32,851 --> 00:01:34,591 As the world plummets into despair, 19 00:01:34,716 --> 00:01:37,116 the Coon fights to keep order intact. 20 00:01:38,624 --> 00:01:40,961 Lisa, I had a really great time tonight. 21 00:01:41,086 --> 00:01:42,398 I did too, Josh. 22 00:01:42,523 --> 00:01:45,123 Would you mind very much if I kissed you? 23 00:01:45,248 --> 00:01:46,298 Not at all. 24 00:01:49,456 --> 00:01:50,652 A woman being raped. 25 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,897 This is what our city has been reduced to. 26 00:01:53,022 --> 00:01:54,899 When the money goes the raping starts. 27 00:01:55,024 --> 00:01:57,158 Women are helpless without the Coon. 28 00:01:57,836 --> 00:02:00,212 Oh, yes, Josh! Yes! 29 00:02:01,838 --> 00:02:02,892 Let her go! 30 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,293 - Excuse me? - You aren't raping anyone tonight! 31 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,810 Oh, it's a talking squirrel. 32 00:02:12,959 --> 00:02:15,010 Get out of here! Get to safety! 33 00:02:16,332 --> 00:02:17,848 Lisa! Call me! 34 00:02:20,058 --> 00:02:21,708 Another woman saved from rape. 35 00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:23,674 But how many more rapists are out there? 36 00:02:23,941 --> 00:02:25,436 That really stings. 37 00:02:28,769 --> 00:02:30,835 Here's the file on that Rodriguez case, detective. 38 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,019 All right. Things are pretty quiet out there, boys. 39 00:02:33,144 --> 00:02:34,957 Let's try to get caught up on our paperwork. 40 00:02:35,082 --> 00:02:36,864 Murphy, I want you to... 41 00:02:38,898 --> 00:02:41,144 Don't let the city's peacefulness fool you, commissioner. 42 00:02:41,269 --> 00:02:42,519 It's too quiet. 43 00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:45,831 - Oh, not this kid again. - Hey, you get outta here. Out! 44 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,396 There was another rapist in the park tonight. 45 00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:49,770 It's no coincidence. 46 00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:52,379 It must be a rapist plot and it stinks to the top. 47 00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:55,772 - What? - I think the mayor might be involved. 48 00:02:55,897 --> 00:02:58,256 It's my theory she has a lesbian lover who's holding her leash. 49 00:02:58,381 --> 00:03:00,519 Jesus Christ. Can't we get a lock on that window? 50 00:03:00,644 --> 00:03:02,445 Look, kid, you need to stop... 51 00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:07,394 - He's gone. - No, I'm just over here now. 52 00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,919 What do we know about the mayor's sexual preferences? 53 00:03:10,044 --> 00:03:11,988 All right, listen. You have five seconds to leave 54 00:03:12,113 --> 00:03:14,279 or I'm gonna put you in jail and call your parents. 55 00:03:14,404 --> 00:03:17,026 - Jail's full, sir. - Whatever. Then we'll put you in... 56 00:03:21,137 --> 00:03:22,827 Now I'm back over here. 57 00:03:23,149 --> 00:03:25,204 Just get out of here before we... 58 00:03:26,634 --> 00:03:28,084 I'm right here now. 59 00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:31,957 - All right. Stop it! - Yes, I have to go now. 60 00:03:32,082 --> 00:03:35,381 But in the meantime, I have something that might interest you. 61 00:03:36,243 --> 00:03:38,551 Make sure all your men get a look at these, detective. 62 00:03:39,270 --> 00:03:40,386 What's in here? 63 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,215 Hey, guys. Good morning. 64 00:03:55,915 --> 00:03:59,777 You guys hear that another rape victim got saved by a superhero last night? 65 00:03:59,902 --> 00:04:01,652 They say it was the Coon. 66 00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:04,469 - Who's the Coon? - I know, right? 67 00:04:04,594 --> 00:04:06,151 Who is the Coon? 68 00:04:06,276 --> 00:04:08,225 It's what everyone must be asking themselves. 69 00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:11,478 Somebody is dressing up at night and taking the law into their own hands. 70 00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:15,212 As for me, I certainly don't agree with the Coon's reckless ways. 71 00:04:15,537 --> 00:04:18,225 If you ask me, there's no room in this world for vigilantes. 72 00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:20,397 I believe the Coon is a menace. 73 00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:24,601 Yeah, and dressing up and running around at night is faggy anyway. 74 00:04:24,726 --> 00:04:26,864 You're a fag, Kyle! Fuck you! 75 00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,075 - Dude, what? - He's not a fag! 76 00:04:30,539 --> 00:04:31,838 Why do you care? 77 00:04:35,336 --> 00:04:39,104 Well, I'm just mad 'cause you shouldn't ever use the term "fag". 78 00:04:39,229 --> 00:04:42,290 That's a hate word and it's insensitive to butt pirates. 79 00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,662 Anyway, what the you think about the Coon, Stan and Kenny? 80 00:04:44,787 --> 00:04:46,606 Do you think he's the savior this town needs, 81 00:04:46,731 --> 00:04:49,225 or do you think he's a dangerous vigilante? 82 00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:50,414 Kenny? 83 00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:53,760 And of course the most common question asked is... 84 00:04:53,885 --> 00:04:56,768 Just who is he? Is he a hero or a menace? 85 00:04:57,163 --> 00:05:00,817 While we can all admit that the Coon is obviously really cool, 86 00:05:01,063 --> 00:05:02,727 we should also be asking each other. 87 00:05:02,852 --> 00:05:04,970 Why does he care so much for the people of this town? 88 00:05:05,362 --> 00:05:08,412 Why does he sacrifice himself every night to rid our streets of crime? 89 00:05:08,537 --> 00:05:10,737 And does he really have the right? 90 00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:12,966 What we all need to know... Clyde. 91 00:05:13,091 --> 00:05:14,975 Could you wake up, please. This is important. 92 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:18,276 What we all need now is proof that the Coon exists. 93 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,058 I believe that tonight, from approximately 5:00 to 5:45, 94 00:05:21,183 --> 00:05:23,280 the Coon is going to be on the roof of Walgreens. 95 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:27,211 I know I'll be there with my camera. I'm sure many of you will, too. 96 00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:34,625 Sometimes it seems the more criminals I try to stop, 97 00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:38,258 the more just come out of the back alleys and dilapidated bars. 98 00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:40,183 The city is a dying whore. 99 00:05:40,308 --> 00:05:43,832 She calls out to me to save her, and I don't know if I can. 100 00:05:43,957 --> 00:05:47,137 But she is still my city. And I cannot just sit and watch 101 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,055 as innocent people are... 102 00:05:49,657 --> 00:05:51,207 Who the hell is that? 103 00:05:56,541 --> 00:05:58,103 Who the hell are you? 104 00:05:58,228 --> 00:06:00,603 I am an angel keeping watch over the city at night. 105 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,797 As violence and darkness take over the streets, 106 00:06:02,922 --> 00:06:04,915 I work to rid the streets of crime. 107 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,140 I am the symbol this town needs. 108 00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:10,431 No, no, no. I'm the symbol this town needs. 109 00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:15,255 Dude, seriously, you can't do that. Go home. I was doing this first. 110 00:06:16,124 --> 00:06:17,905 Yeah-huh! You heard of the Coon 111 00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:20,968 and now you're being a copycat. Is that your hero name? Copycat? 112 00:06:21,093 --> 00:06:22,343 I am Mysterion. 113 00:06:22,468 --> 00:06:26,146 Mysterion? That's fucking retarded. You just gave yourself away, Craig. 114 00:06:26,271 --> 00:06:28,135 Only you would think of a name that dumb. 115 00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:30,636 I might be Craig, an then again I might not be. 116 00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:33,632 My identity must remain a secret. You cannot know. 117 00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,198 Yeah, well you cannot know my true identity either. 118 00:06:36,323 --> 00:06:38,910 I assume, you must be Cartman. Because you're fat. 119 00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:44,007 Well you wrong! I'm not Eric Cartman and he's not fat! 120 00:06:44,132 --> 00:06:47,594 - Care to guess again? - I really don't care who you are. 121 00:06:47,719 --> 00:06:50,960 Oh, all right Kyle! Took me real long to figure it out! 122 00:06:51,085 --> 00:06:54,186 Only you Kyle, would be a buzzkill and try try to steal my thunder. 123 00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:56,832 You don't care about stopping crime, you just hate me, Kyle! 124 00:06:57,093 --> 00:06:59,793 Kyle hates, Eric Cartman. Are you saying, you Eric Cartman? 125 00:07:00,137 --> 00:07:02,165 No, I... I'm saying that... 126 00:07:02,795 --> 00:07:06,499 Goddamn it! Stan, is that you? It is you, isn't it? 127 00:07:07,659 --> 00:07:09,628 Clyde, you're not a superhero, I am! 128 00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:12,932 I cannot stand here and make idle conversation any longer. 129 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,808 The city needs my help. There are innocents to protect. 130 00:07:16,363 --> 00:07:19,913 No! Dude, I'm serious. You're being a copycat! I'll sue you! 131 00:07:21,634 --> 00:07:22,834 Motherfucker! 132 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,560 Which one of them is it? 133 00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:36,535 Somebody is pretending to be a superhero, but who? 134 00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,213 Has to be one of the guys in my class, 135 00:07:39,338 --> 00:07:42,498 only they know the Coon would be on the rooftop of the Walgreens. 136 00:07:42,623 --> 00:07:45,873 No. Stop. Can't think about that now. I have to focus. 137 00:07:46,809 --> 00:07:49,247 Tomorrow is the most important day in the Coon's life. 138 00:07:49,372 --> 00:07:53,089 Everything the Coon has lived and fought for comes down to tomorrow. 139 00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:54,181 Concentrate. 140 00:08:03,337 --> 00:08:06,208 How is it that nobody came to Coonicon '09? 141 00:08:07,344 --> 00:08:09,488 This is just... this is ridiculous! 142 00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:13,951 Got everything you need here, sir? OK on beverages, buffet items? 143 00:08:14,249 --> 00:08:15,499 Yes, it's fine. 144 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:18,592 Great. Hey, just want to say that the airport Hilton really 145 00:08:18,717 --> 00:08:20,999 appreciates your continued business. 146 00:08:21,124 --> 00:08:23,451 What do you mean "continued"? You don't know who I am. 147 00:08:23,576 --> 00:08:25,758 Aren't you the little boy who had his ginger pride rally 148 00:08:25,883 --> 00:08:27,748 and his aids benefit here before? 149 00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:31,187 - No! I'm not that kid! - Oh, really? My bad. 150 00:08:31,747 --> 00:08:34,685 I'm actually relieved. That kid was kind of a douche bag. 151 00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:37,683 You're a fucking douche bag! Get out of here! 152 00:08:46,963 --> 00:08:49,433 Oh, hello, sweetie. What did you do today? 153 00:08:49,558 --> 00:08:51,433 I got boned. That's what I did, mom! 154 00:08:51,558 --> 00:08:54,185 I try to do good stuff and nobody ever notices. 155 00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,809 Oh, what happened, hon? 156 00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:59,507 I can't tell you what happened, it's about my super secret double life! 157 00:08:59,632 --> 00:09:03,458 Tonight, an incredible story of an unknown child in South Park 158 00:09:03,839 --> 00:09:07,004 who has taken to the streets in an effort to fight crime. 159 00:09:07,597 --> 00:09:08,505 What? 160 00:09:09,124 --> 00:09:12,009 But who exactly is Mysterion? 161 00:09:12,998 --> 00:09:13,912 What? 162 00:09:14,037 --> 00:09:17,055 Curious crowds in the town of South Park, Colorado. 163 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,391 They've brought binoculars, and cameras to try and get 164 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,727 a shot of the mysterious superhero. 165 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,022 He was dressed mostly in black with a kind of cloak. 166 00:09:25,478 --> 00:09:28,415 He jumped down from the fire escape stairs and then he just ran off. 167 00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:29,914 We barely got a look at him. 168 00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:31,914 To me it looked like Mysterion to me. 169 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,163 Everyone who seen Mysterion say yeah! 170 00:09:34,288 --> 00:09:35,288 Yeah! 171 00:09:36,163 --> 00:09:39,523 Well, I think he's kind of a symbol for the town, you know? 172 00:09:39,648 --> 00:09:42,748 A symbol that everyone who's sick of crime can rally behind. 173 00:09:43,477 --> 00:09:44,750 Fucking butthole. 174 00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:47,039 Well, if you ask me, he's a menace. 175 00:09:47,164 --> 00:09:49,630 There's no room for vigilantism in today's world. 176 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:54,044 The artist rendition of Mysterion has already generated thousands of copies. 177 00:09:54,652 --> 00:09:56,163 You've got to be kidding me! 178 00:09:56,288 --> 00:09:58,446 As hundreds of people gather to try and get a glimpse 179 00:09:58,571 --> 00:10:00,778 of the superhero, one question remains... 180 00:10:00,903 --> 00:10:02,253 Who is Mysterion? 181 00:10:02,792 --> 00:10:05,312 Who is Mysterion? Who is he? Who could he be? 182 00:10:05,629 --> 00:10:08,625 If you have any idea about the true identity of Mysterion, 183 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,442 please, call the 9 News hotline. 184 00:10:19,698 --> 00:10:23,699 I could no longer sit by as my city became a cesspool of crime. 185 00:10:26,116 --> 00:10:28,418 I have lived in South Park all my life. 186 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,595 I decided it was up to me to keep town safe. 187 00:10:33,095 --> 00:10:35,545 Nobody at school knows my double life. 188 00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,970 To them, I'm just another fourth grader. 189 00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:41,113 But tonight, I am Mysterion. 190 00:10:42,658 --> 00:10:44,719 Ah, Mysterion, thank god you've come. 191 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,283 What news do you have? 192 00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:48,220 There's some graffiti on the bridge again. 193 00:10:48,345 --> 00:10:50,193 I think those sixth grade kids are doing it. 194 00:10:50,318 --> 00:10:52,609 And the guy at the movie theater is harassing Mexicans again. 195 00:10:52,966 --> 00:10:54,659 We'll get right on it, Mysterion. 196 00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,863 Thank you. Thank you for all your help. 197 00:10:59,914 --> 00:11:01,482 Godspeed, Mysterion! 198 00:11:01,946 --> 00:11:05,696 You are a beacon of hope in an otherwise bleak and dreary world! 199 00:11:09,909 --> 00:11:13,213 Dude, seriously. I'm gonna kick the shit out of you if you don't stop. 200 00:11:13,982 --> 00:11:15,292 The city needs my help. 201 00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:18,010 - It cries for protection and I will... - answer the call to save her! 202 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,670 That's what I'm supposed to say! 203 00:11:19,795 --> 00:11:22,806 - I know it's you, Kyle. So just stop. - I don't have time for this. 204 00:11:27,802 --> 00:11:30,164 Fireworks are illegal in Colorado, you asshole! 205 00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,989 Hey, he's got fireworks! 206 00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:42,393 So guys, any of you do anything interesting last night? 207 00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:44,017 - Not really. - Really? 208 00:11:44,142 --> 00:11:46,592 Nobody was playing with any fireworks? 209 00:11:47,781 --> 00:11:49,432 Dude, what the hell? 210 00:11:49,945 --> 00:11:51,918 Kenny! I should have known! 211 00:11:52,531 --> 00:11:55,404 Why do you have a picture of Mysterion in your locker, Kenny? 212 00:11:55,529 --> 00:11:57,364 Unless you are Mysterion! 213 00:11:57,489 --> 00:11:59,567 Dude, I have a picture of Mysterion in my locker, too. 214 00:11:59,692 --> 00:12:01,345 - Yeah, so do I. - What? Why? 215 00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:03,359 I don't know. It's just a cool costume. 216 00:12:03,484 --> 00:12:04,924 It's not a cool costume! 217 00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:07,749 He just wears his underwear over his pants! 218 00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,954 Now come on! Which one of you guys is it? 219 00:12:10,079 --> 00:12:12,579 How are you so sure Mysterion is a boy? 220 00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:15,597 Fucking bitch. 221 00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:26,036 I had no choice. I was at the end of my rope. 222 00:12:28,637 --> 00:12:30,698 Sometimes when a superhero needs answers, 223 00:12:30,823 --> 00:12:32,959 he has to turn to on the wretched underbelly of society. 224 00:12:35,917 --> 00:12:37,923 Look what the cat dragged in. 225 00:12:38,570 --> 00:12:40,239 Come out where I can see you. 226 00:12:40,364 --> 00:12:42,864 What's the matter, Coon? Nervous? 227 00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:46,782 I didn't want to resort to this, but he could have the answers I need. 228 00:12:46,907 --> 00:12:48,225 How utterly delightful. 229 00:12:48,673 --> 00:12:50,394 The heroic and mighty Coon. 230 00:12:52,403 --> 00:12:54,564 Come to put a stop to me again. 231 00:12:55,371 --> 00:12:57,275 Chaos. I need to keep on my toes. 232 00:12:57,865 --> 00:12:59,981 I'm not here to stop you this time, Chaos. 233 00:13:00,106 --> 00:13:01,556 I need information. 234 00:13:02,231 --> 00:13:03,490 Oh, I'm sure you do. 235 00:13:04,296 --> 00:13:05,896 But you see I... 236 00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:08,870 But you see I also know you like to beat me up. 237 00:13:09,341 --> 00:13:11,231 I didn't call you to fight, Chaos. 238 00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:13,314 I came to see if you know Mysterion's identity. 239 00:13:13,439 --> 00:13:14,501 Oh, I'm close! 240 00:13:14,758 --> 00:13:18,548 And I'll put an end to him and all of you goodie two shoe heroes. 241 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,547 - I'm not on his side. - Do you think I'm a fool? 242 00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:23,802 All those times you've stopped me from my acts of evil. 243 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,956 All those times you tricked me into meeting you 244 00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:27,848 and then gave me titty-twisters! 245 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,684 Not this time, Coon. 246 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,824 I finally learned my lesson. 247 00:13:31,949 --> 00:13:33,549 Now! General Disarray! 248 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,182 Yeah! 249 00:13:39,564 --> 00:13:41,614 Oho, careful, general Disarray. 250 00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:44,850 Stop! You little butthole, knock it off! 251 00:13:44,975 --> 00:13:47,035 Yeah! We beat him, general Disarray! 252 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,662 Listen to me! I want to help you get rid of Mysterion! 253 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,873 Let him go, general Disarray. 254 00:13:54,974 --> 00:13:56,376 Why would you help us? 255 00:13:56,975 --> 00:13:58,503 Because Mysterion is trying to... 256 00:14:00,787 --> 00:14:02,512 Little fucker! That fucking hurt! 257 00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:05,888 Because Mysterion is trying to say he's the hero this town needs. 258 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,413 But that's my job. 259 00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:10,725 - But you both fight for justice. - Yeah, but he's a dick! 260 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,599 I want him gone just as much as you do. 261 00:14:12,724 --> 00:14:13,610 Very well. 262 00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:16,350 I will show you what we know about Mysterion's identity. 263 00:14:16,475 --> 00:14:19,257 - But if this is some kind of set-up... - Look, I'm the good guy, Chaos. 264 00:14:19,382 --> 00:14:22,096 - I don't betray people. - Oh, yeah. 265 00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,974 I didn't like working with this scumbag, 266 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:29,685 but I knew Mysterion was out there, plotting his next move. 267 00:14:35,399 --> 00:14:36,499 Hello, Kyle. 268 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:37,876 What the... 269 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,712 Do not be afraid. I mean you no harm. 270 00:14:41,099 --> 00:14:43,089 Hey, hey, you're that Mysterion kid! 271 00:14:43,503 --> 00:14:46,301 Yes, but now I believe someone is trying to learn my true identity. 272 00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:48,546 Dude, everyone's trying to figure out who you are! 273 00:14:48,671 --> 00:14:51,729 I cannot be unmasked, for then I would stop being a symbol. 274 00:14:51,854 --> 00:14:52,730 I need help. 275 00:14:52,855 --> 00:14:56,264 Somebody who can do background checks for me, do some investigating. 276 00:14:56,389 --> 00:14:57,938 Who? Me? Why? 277 00:14:58,241 --> 00:15:00,357 Because I think you are the smartest kid in class. 278 00:15:03,887 --> 00:15:04,905 This way! 279 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,739 We will now show you our secret headquarters of Doom! 280 00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:10,189 You guys have your own storage facility? 281 00:15:10,314 --> 00:15:12,301 Actually, it belongs to general Disarray's grandma, 282 00:15:12,426 --> 00:15:14,076 but she lets us use it. 283 00:15:17,058 --> 00:15:19,543 This is where we come up with all our evil plans! 284 00:15:20,037 --> 00:15:21,887 Here's our computer relays. 285 00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:26,322 And this is like a cube of Chaos that can destroy the world in one second. 286 00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:31,344 And here's some of our evil minions. 287 00:15:31,888 --> 00:15:33,924 We have everything we need here! 288 00:15:34,049 --> 00:15:36,675 Can I offer you a Coke or a Sprite or something? 289 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,853 I'll take a Sprite. 290 00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:40,522 Get the Coon a Sprite, general Disarray. 291 00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:44,609 As you can see, we too have been working hard on Mysterion's identity. 292 00:15:45,169 --> 00:15:47,553 You have an entire wall dedicated to Mysterion? 293 00:15:47,678 --> 00:15:50,817 What about... Do you still have that "who is the Coon" t-shirt I gave you? 294 00:15:51,085 --> 00:15:53,080 Oh, yeah. I think that's around here somewhere. 295 00:15:53,205 --> 00:15:56,903 Using our photos, we are trying to pinpoint Mysterion's identity. 296 00:15:58,103 --> 00:16:00,918 Why is cartman crossed out? He could be Mysterion. 297 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,094 No, he's too fat. 298 00:16:02,219 --> 00:16:05,505 Based on his body type, it's gotta be someone like Stan or Kyle. 299 00:16:13,579 --> 00:16:15,550 All right, all right, look, Chaos. 300 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,303 Just set up a video camera. 301 00:16:17,428 --> 00:16:20,928 I know how we can put an end to Mysterion once and for all. 302 00:16:25,623 --> 00:16:29,619 The clock is ticking and the citizens of South Park are gripped in fear. 303 00:16:29,744 --> 00:16:33,748 Two days ago, an evil unknown terrorist threatened major consequences 304 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,494 if Mysterion does not reveal his identity. 305 00:16:37,136 --> 00:16:38,987 Mark my words, South Park! 306 00:16:39,112 --> 00:16:41,925 Your precious hero is now your undoing! 307 00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:46,333 If Mysterion does not unmask himself publicly by Wednesday night, 308 00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:48,498 I am going to blow up... 309 00:16:48,623 --> 00:16:49,727 a hospital... 310 00:16:49,852 --> 00:16:52,770 Blow up a hospital? I'm not gonna blow up any hospital! 311 00:16:52,895 --> 00:16:54,451 Are you nuts? What? 312 00:16:56,190 --> 00:16:58,118 The choice is yours, Mysterion. 313 00:16:58,243 --> 00:17:00,643 Unmask yourself or hundreds will die. 314 00:17:02,249 --> 00:17:03,399 Jesus Christ! 315 00:17:03,673 --> 00:17:07,188 Since the threat was issued there has been no sign of the Mysterion. 316 00:17:07,313 --> 00:17:08,818 Where is Mysterion? 317 00:17:09,578 --> 00:17:11,137 Where is Mysterion? 318 00:17:14,282 --> 00:17:17,669 Hey, Coon. We aren't actually going to blow up anything, are we? 319 00:17:17,794 --> 00:17:21,282 If you don't make good on your threats, then what good are your threats? 320 00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:23,560 But you really won't to blow up a hospital? 321 00:17:23,685 --> 00:17:25,311 I mean, aren't you a good guy? 322 00:17:25,436 --> 00:17:28,810 Sometimes blowing up hospitals is for the greater good, Chaos. 323 00:17:28,935 --> 00:17:30,376 You know I've been thinking. 324 00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:33,143 If we're really evil villains, then we should betray him 325 00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:35,468 and blow him up with the hospital. 326 00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,746 You know, you're a little scrotum licker, dude. 327 00:17:37,871 --> 00:17:40,345 Why don't you shut the up? All right, Chaos. 328 00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,809 I'm gonna get the triggers for these things at Ace Hardware. 329 00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:44,562 Keep an eye on this stuff. 330 00:17:45,113 --> 00:17:49,099 Oh, jeez. General disarray, this is a lot more than I ever really intended. 331 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,236 I mean, I hate the world and all its puny inhabitants and all, 332 00:17:53,361 --> 00:17:55,961 but blowing up a hospital just seems mean! 333 00:18:03,111 --> 00:18:04,361 Oh, hamburgers! 334 00:18:05,806 --> 00:18:08,044 Mysterion, I... 335 00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:11,936 Why are you doing this? This isn't your usual M.O., Chaos. 336 00:18:12,061 --> 00:18:14,765 Well, you... I was just... and then the Coon 337 00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:17,540 showed up and he was... 338 00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:22,461 What is that? 339 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:27,747 Look! 340 00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:30,310 Mysterion and Professor Chaos are fighting. 341 00:18:30,435 --> 00:18:32,135 Give him hell, Mysterion! 342 00:18:36,003 --> 00:18:38,575 Look out, Mysterion. General Disarray is behind you! 343 00:18:41,156 --> 00:18:43,606 Jesus Christ. We need backup out here! 344 00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:46,876 I think I can get a shot at Chaos, sir! 345 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,302 You think your bullets can hurt him? 346 00:18:54,999 --> 00:18:56,299 Yeah! We did it! 347 00:18:59,624 --> 00:19:02,807 He's dead. Mysterion is dead! 348 00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:04,311 No! 349 00:19:07,965 --> 00:19:09,865 The impossible has happened. 350 00:19:10,311 --> 00:19:13,690 Mysterion, beloved protector of the city, 351 00:19:14,178 --> 00:19:16,613 is dead. Who will save us now? 352 00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,281 Wait! Look! 353 00:19:21,171 --> 00:19:22,498 He's all right! 354 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,460 Oh, my god! Look, everyone! It's the Coon! 355 00:19:31,973 --> 00:19:33,583 Fear not, everyone. 356 00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:36,999 - The Coon is here to save the day! - Isn't that Bruce Vilanch? 357 00:19:37,124 --> 00:19:40,386 Be careful, Bruce Vilanch. There's super humans fighting right over there. 358 00:19:42,437 --> 00:19:45,650 OK, sorry. Sorry. I give up. Please, I give up. 359 00:19:45,775 --> 00:19:48,926 Don't worry, Mysterion. The Coon will now help you. 360 00:19:49,051 --> 00:19:52,267 Whoa, wait! I thought we were working together... 361 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,317 Oh, jeez. I think I broke a tooth. 362 00:19:58,522 --> 00:20:00,311 That was great teamwork, Mysterion. 363 00:20:00,436 --> 00:20:02,736 South Park is safe, until next time. 364 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:04,274 What next time? 365 00:20:04,399 --> 00:20:06,673 People are obviously so desperate to learn your identity 366 00:20:06,798 --> 00:20:08,185 that they'll do anything. 367 00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:10,459 Won't be long before the next villain comes along 368 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,086 and threatens violence unless you take off your mask. 369 00:20:16,576 --> 00:20:19,997 Citizens, tonight has shown me that I have no choice, 370 00:20:20,122 --> 00:20:21,672 but to unmask myself. 371 00:20:21,925 --> 00:20:25,123 Don't do it, Mysterion! If you show your identity, we'll be 372 00:20:25,248 --> 00:20:27,183 forced to arrest you for being a vigilante. 373 00:20:27,511 --> 00:20:28,870 Don't you think he knows that? 374 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,454 But superheroes know that sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself 375 00:20:31,579 --> 00:20:34,524 - for the greater good! - Don't show your face, Mysterion. 376 00:20:34,874 --> 00:20:36,359 You have to be a symbol! 377 00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:40,280 So that the next terrorist can threaten us if he doesn't unmask himself? 378 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,273 No, it's true. 379 00:20:42,398 --> 00:20:46,153 As long as my identity is a mystery, this will just happen again and again. 380 00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:47,601 It has to end. 381 00:20:48,102 --> 00:20:49,788 I will show my face. 382 00:20:59,271 --> 00:21:00,486 Well, I'll be. 383 00:21:01,165 --> 00:21:03,553 I knew it was you! Remember I even said it before! 384 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,575 Wow, a kid from my class was Mysterion. 385 00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:09,656 Well, I'm sorry, but you're under arrest. 386 00:21:09,781 --> 00:21:11,331 Take the kid to jail. 387 00:21:13,379 --> 00:21:15,923 My entire plan worked to perfection. 388 00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,802 My work here is done. 389 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,946 With Mysterion out of the way, the Coon can finally go back 390 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,864 to keeping the city safe. 391 00:21:24,441 --> 00:21:27,160 Once again, I alone am the symbol this town can stand behind. 392 00:21:28,730 --> 00:21:30,455 Every town needs a hero. 393 00:21:31,347 --> 00:21:32,595 Every town needs... 394 00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,074 a Coon. 395 00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:44,664 SouthParkNews.net SouthPark-TV.com