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♪ Gaillardia ♪
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MAN IN A COCKED HAT
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♪ Gaillardia ♪
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Ga-
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- Gaillardia?
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Gaillardia.
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- Well?
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- Yes?
- I found Gaillardia, sir.
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It comes under the Department
of Miscellaneous Territories,
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Mr. Carlton-Browne.
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Cadogan.
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Your tea.
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- Arthur, drink yours before it gets cold.
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Is the news any brighter this morning?
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- They've buried Hartington.
- Hartington?
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- They had Istanbul when we had Belgrade.
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How many paragraphs?
- Two.
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Only two.
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Poor Mildred. She will be disappointed.
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- What did they say?
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- I paid for your copy of "The Times,"
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but I'm damned if I'm
gonna read it for you.
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Oh, now look what you've done.
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- All right, I'll answer it.
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- Oh, leave it, leave it.
- I didn't do it on purpose.
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Accidents will happen.
- Yes, indeed.
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- Cadogan, Cadogan, you're
wanted at the Ministry.
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They say it's urgent.
- Urgent? Surely not.
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- Overworked and understaffed
as you've claimed to be,
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it is conceivable that
even in your department
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something might arise.
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I should therefore advise you to go!
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Yes sir.
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- Get out! Get out!
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While the furniture's still intact.
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- You haven't forgotten the Tissingtons
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are in town today with Angela.
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She'll want to see you.
- When?
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I'm lunching at the club
between 12:00 and 3:00,
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and I'm playing squash, I think, at 5:00.
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I suppose I could give a
tea at Fortons around 4:00.
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- Tell her to bring a raincoat.
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- Why, it's quite a nice day.
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- Oh, get out!
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- Sometimes I wonder
exactly what I've said.
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- He needs someone like Angela.
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She'll take him in hand,
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but he shows absolutely no interest.
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- It's that mustache of hers.
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- Something can be done about that.
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- The fact is he
completely lacks ambition.
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I've done what I can for him.
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- But they must think something of him
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to give him that department.
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- Miscellaneous territories in my day
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was known as the dust bin.
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- Uh-huh, hello there.
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- Carlton-Browne?
- Yes.
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- The Minister's been waiting to see you.
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- Me?
- Since 10:00.
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- There's an urgent
dispatch from Gaillardia.
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- What's that?
- It was a colony.
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- Oh, in that case, it's
not my pigeon, is it?
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- Apparently, it is now.
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- Oh, then who's our fellow out there?
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- That's just it. There
shouldn't be anyone there.
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The dispatcher assigned Davidson,
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but he ought to have return in 1916.
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- I see. I wonder if
there's anything wrong.
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I mean, he's simply
not on the ball, is he?
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Rogers, what's the last
thing we have on the file?
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- A message of loyalty on the
accession of the Queen, C.B.
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- I say, that's frightfully
slack. Nearly six years?
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- Oh, not this queen, Victoria.
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Come in.
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Ah, the decode.
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- What's happened to the tea?
- I'll find out, C.B.
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Listen to this.
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Three members of Cossack Dance Troupe,
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now touring here on official visit
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observed to be constantly
outta step. Stop.
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Am informed one is eminent scientist,
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other two, mining engineers.
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- Engineers dancing?
Isn't that a bit fishy?
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- I should have thought so.
- There's a second item, C.B.
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Would appreciate instructions
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and something on account of salary.
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- Oh, not more trouble.
Haven't we paid him?
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- Not for the last 40 years.
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- Oh, that's frightfully slack.
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Remind me to send a council rocket.
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And do find out what's
happened to the tea.
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- Yes, C.B.
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- Now am I to tell the Minister
you're on your way or what?
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- I suppose so. Oh, just a minute.
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Where does this Gaillardia?
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- Yes, I should find
that out if I were you.
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It's the sort of thing he's likely to ask.
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00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:56,999
- And where exactly is Gaillardia?
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- Why, the 33rd parallels are?
- Hmm.
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00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:04,582
- We have a most favored
nation's clause, sir,
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00:09:04,582 --> 00:09:06,041
in the Self-Determination Treaty.
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- What about the king? Is he dependable?
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- All the evidence points to it.
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He has his clothes made here.
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- Heartless efficient, is he?
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- Well, his younger son is at Oxford.
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In fact, he's lived
here since he was a boy.
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- Hmm, these Cossack fellas
are obviously up to something.
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Is there anything there?
Have we ever had a survey?
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- Have we?
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- Was there ever a survey?
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- There's a reference to
one made in 1870, sir,
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but it's gone.
- Gone? Who had it?
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- The rats, sir.
- Scandalous!
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- Not ours, colonial office rats, sir.
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- There'll be questions in the house.
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If there's anything they're worth having,
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we should have it, not the Russians.
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We'll have to get our own
experts in right away. But how?
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Well, come along Carlton-Browne,
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it's your baby, your
miscellaneous territories.
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- Well then, they can hardly
get in as classic dancers,
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can they, sir?
- I appreciate that.
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What I should like from you
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would be a constructive suggestion.
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But I was thinking, sir...
- Good.
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- Couldn't the British Council help us?
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- How?
- How?
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- Oh, a cultural mission.
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Maybe they could put
on some sort of a show,
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and our experts could travel with them.
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- Yes, that might be a way,
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but on no account let the British Council
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know what we are up to.
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Right, see to it and
tell the British Council
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to put on a show that's really impressive.
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- Try keeping time, Sir John, if you can.
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- I see no women.
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- There are no women in the parlor.
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- Yeah, these British.
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I don't know how you
feel, but I'm ready to go.
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Flash, Pravda
today puts finger on West.
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Claims British agents pulled
tabs on Loris and Junior.
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"The Times" leader today asks
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whether the death of the late King Loris
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might be attributable to the furtherance
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of Eastern imperialist designs.
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00:12:58,624 --> 00:13:00,499
- Just about the worst half hour
150
00:13:00,499 --> 00:13:02,582
in the house I'd ever experienced.
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00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:05,582
And the opposition of table for
more questions for tomorrow.
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Now Beaver Brooks demanding
153
00:13:07,957 --> 00:13:09,624
that we close down the British Council,
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and as if that's not enough,
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00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:13,332
he has a cable from you now
calling for a full report.
156
00:13:14,791 --> 00:13:17,166
Idiotic idea sending those
people out there anyway.
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00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:18,082
Who suggested it?
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00:13:19,207 --> 00:13:21,082
- Wasn't it the Colonial Office, Minister?
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00:13:21,082 --> 00:13:23,957
- It was not Carlton-Browne. It was you.
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- Me, sir?
- Yes, you, sir.
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Now, what about those experts
of yours? What do they say?
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- Nothing.
- Why not?
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00:13:31,291 --> 00:13:32,791
- Well, they seem to have disappeared.
164
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- What's Davidson doing?
- Davidson?
165
00:13:35,416 --> 00:13:38,499
- The fellow who should
have come back in 1916.
166
00:13:38,499 --> 00:13:41,457
- Oh, nothing. Apparently,
he's in bed with gout.
167
00:13:41,499 --> 00:13:45,541
- In bed with gout. Then
who are we dealing with?
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00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:48,749
- Well, it's a bit complicated, Minister.
169
00:13:48,749 --> 00:13:51,749
You see there's the new king
who's lived here since a child.
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00:13:51,749 --> 00:13:54,124
Now, on the other hand in
the South, there's his uncle,
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the Grand Duke Alexis, who
also claims the throne.
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They've been fighting for years.
You know how families are.
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00:14:00,624 --> 00:14:02,666
- Is there any form of government?
174
00:14:02,666 --> 00:14:04,582
- Oh rather, they're modeled on ours.
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00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:08,249
The prime minister is
a man named Amphibulos.
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Rather tricky, apparently.
- In what sense?
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00:14:10,832 --> 00:14:12,832
- Well, he's a bit of a politician.
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00:14:12,832 --> 00:14:16,416
- So am I.
- What I meant was that
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he's flexible.
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00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:21,957
- Hmm, we better see this young king.
181
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- That's what I thought, sir.
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00:14:23,332 --> 00:14:25,249
So I phoned him at Oxford last night.
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- Oh, you did?
- Yes.
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I arranged a meeting this morning.
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He'll be here in 20 minutes.
186
00:14:31,082 --> 00:14:33,541
- Well, let me tell you, he won't.
187
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- He will, sir.
188
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:36,916
- Not unless he changes planes in midair.
189
00:14:37,957 --> 00:14:40,166
He left London Airport
at 8:30 this morning.
190
00:14:47,832 --> 00:14:50,874
- He's incognito. You'll
call him Mr. Jones.
191
00:14:55,916 --> 00:15:00,582
- Mr. Jones, will you take
something to drink, Mr. Jones?
192
00:15:02,541 --> 00:15:04,874
- Thank you, yes.
- A dry martini?
193
00:15:04,874 --> 00:15:07,041
- Just a beer, thank you.
194
00:15:07,916 --> 00:15:08,957
Who's she?
195
00:15:08,957 --> 00:15:11,916
- That's Miss Adrianus.
- Where's she booked on?
196
00:15:11,916 --> 00:15:13,291
I'll
look at the passenger list,
197
00:15:13,291 --> 00:15:15,791
but I don't think she's getting
off before.
198
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,666
- Hmm, we'll see.
199
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:25,666
- A beer for his Majesty.
- One of the boys, eh?
200
00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:26,582
- Not half.
201
00:15:34,874 --> 00:15:38,457
Your beer, sir.
202
00:15:38,457 --> 00:15:39,291
- Oh, thank you.
203
00:15:41,499 --> 00:15:43,499
Of course, you're from South
Gaillardia, aren't you?
204
00:15:43,499 --> 00:15:44,332
- How do you know?
205
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:46,499
- All the really pretty
girls come from the south.
206
00:15:47,624 --> 00:15:48,957
What were you doing in England?
207
00:15:48,957 --> 00:15:51,666
- Oh, trying to speak
English. I will never learn.
208
00:15:51,666 --> 00:15:53,416
- Oh, you mustn't. It's perfect.
209
00:15:53,416 --> 00:15:57,166
- I must, but really, you
speak English very good.
210
00:15:57,166 --> 00:16:00,041
- Yeah, sure, I was brought
up there. Tell me about it.
211
00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:02,249
- About what?
- Everything.
212
00:16:02,249 --> 00:16:05,166
Tell me everything you've
ever done since you were 12.
213
00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:06,582
- It would be very boring.
214
00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:10,207
Anyway, I don't even know your name.
215
00:16:11,249 --> 00:16:12,707
- Well, it's a little difficult
216
00:16:12,707 --> 00:16:14,957
for someone of our nationality.
217
00:16:14,957 --> 00:16:18,291
It's Jones.
218
00:16:20,041 --> 00:16:21,957
What did you
actually tell the King?
219
00:16:21,957 --> 00:16:23,291
- Well, hardly anything.
220
00:16:23,291 --> 00:16:26,124
I just warned that the rations were there.
221
00:16:26,124 --> 00:16:27,874
- Well now we know why he left.
222
00:16:27,874 --> 00:16:29,541
Yes.
223
00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,457
Oh, come in, Commander. I'll
be with you in a moment.
224
00:16:37,207 --> 00:16:39,541
Who exactly is this
fellow, Carlton-Browne?
225
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,541
How did he come to be in
charge of a department?
226
00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:44,374
You remember, Sir Arthur
Carlton-Browne, sir?
227
00:16:44,374 --> 00:16:46,374
This is the son.
- Oh.
228
00:16:46,374 --> 00:16:48,832
I thought there was something.
229
00:16:48,832 --> 00:16:51,374
Well, all right, we better leave it.
230
00:16:51,374 --> 00:16:53,416
Now, Commander, what
does security have to say
231
00:16:53,416 --> 00:16:55,457
about the young King of Gaillardia?
232
00:16:55,457 --> 00:16:57,499
- There's a confidential report,
Minister, from his college.
233
00:16:57,499 --> 00:17:00,249
He seems quite an ordinary
young man, too gating
234
00:17:00,249 --> 00:17:02,624
some minor offenses.
- Oh?
235
00:17:02,624 --> 00:17:04,291
- Having young women in college, sir?
236
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:05,916
- Ah, games?
237
00:17:06,749 --> 00:17:08,457
- Doesn't say so, just having young women.
238
00:17:08,499 --> 00:17:11,582
- No, no, field sports, cricket, rowing.
239
00:17:11,582 --> 00:17:13,707
- Oh no, no organized game, sir.
240
00:17:13,707 --> 00:17:15,374
He's a member of the
University Labor Party.
241
00:17:15,374 --> 00:17:18,957
- What, a reigning monarch
member of the Labor Party?
242
00:17:18,957 --> 00:17:20,582
- He wasn't fully paid up, sir.
243
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,374
- Maybe not, but what material
244
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,541
if the Russians get hold of it.
245
00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:30,582
We must be there. We must show the flag.
246
00:17:31,957 --> 00:17:34,082
This young, inexperienced monarch,
247
00:17:34,082 --> 00:17:37,832
one of our oldest allies bound
to us by inter-soluble ties.
248
00:17:37,832 --> 00:17:39,291
Never let it be said that we failed them
249
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:40,582
in their hour of need.
250
00:17:42,124 --> 00:17:46,082
We shall be there beside
them, behind them.
251
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,666
No, beside them for all the world to see,
252
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:52,332
especially you now.
253
00:17:53,791 --> 00:17:56,832
Yes, someone must go at once to LaGuardia
254
00:17:56,832 --> 00:17:58,082
- Gaillardia, sir.
- What's that?
255
00:17:58,082 --> 00:18:02,124
- Gaillardia, LaGuardia is
an airport, New York City.
256
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:03,916
- Who said anything about airports?
257
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:04,749
- You did, sir. You said LaGuardia.
258
00:18:04,749 --> 00:18:09,124
- I know what I said. I
said... Well what did I say?
259
00:18:09,124 --> 00:18:11,291
You've completely destroyed
my train of thought.
260
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,291
- Weren't you saying, Minister,
261
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:13,957
that someone must go out there.
262
00:18:13,999 --> 00:18:15,207
- Yes, I was.
263
00:18:15,249 --> 00:18:18,082
If there's anything there
worth having, we are having it.
264
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:21,832
- Had you anyone in mind, Minister?
265
00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:24,832
- As head of the department, I
suppose it'll have to be you.
266
00:18:25,916 --> 00:18:27,999
- Oh.
- Now look, Carlton-Browne,
267
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:30,041
we all remember your late father.
268
00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:32,457
Oh, he's not late yet, sir.
269
00:18:32,457 --> 00:18:35,332
- Oh, I'm very glad to hear
it, a great ambassador anyway.
270
00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:40,332
But this could be of
the utmost importance.
271
00:18:40,332 --> 00:18:43,707
If you have any doubt, any doubt at all
272
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:48,291
as to your capacity-
273
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:49,457
- Good heavens, no sir.
274
00:18:51,332 --> 00:18:54,041
- Oh. Well, I hope you're right.
275
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:57,416
We shall give you temporary
status as special ambassador,
276
00:18:57,416 --> 00:19:00,207
and you'll leave at once.
- Now, sir?
277
00:19:00,249 --> 00:19:01,791
- Is there anything against it?
278
00:19:03,374 --> 00:19:05,207
- Well, it'll mean that I
shall miss Ascot.
279
00:19:06,624 --> 00:19:08,374
- There are some sacrifices,
280
00:19:08,374 --> 00:19:10,499
Mr. Carlton-Browne, which serve-
281
00:19:10,499 --> 00:19:13,332
- Of course, sir, please
don't worry about me.
282
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:30,082
- You'll travel by passenger
plane until you transfer.
283
00:19:30,082 --> 00:19:30,916
- What then?
284
00:19:30,916 --> 00:19:32,416
- Well, that'll be up
to the boys on the spot.
285
00:19:32,416 --> 00:19:33,249
We don't even know yet
286
00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:34,957
that they've got an
airfield on the island.
287
00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:36,874
I shan't keep you long, sir.
288
00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:40,249
- Evening.
- Evening.
289
00:19:40,249 --> 00:19:42,166
Bellingham.
290
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:43,749
- Oh yes, you're from Warhouse.
291
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:46,166
Carlton-Browne of the F.O.
- How do you do? Scotch?
292
00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:48,582
- Oh, thanks.
- Sounds like a sticky widget.
293
00:19:48,582 --> 00:19:50,166
- Yes, it is blowing out a bit.
294
00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:51,666
- I meant this Gaillardia jaunt.
295
00:19:51,666 --> 00:19:52,957
- Oh, that.
296
00:19:52,957 --> 00:19:54,124
- I'm afraid you had to
put me in the picture.
297
00:19:54,124 --> 00:19:57,124
Sascha Stevens only said
I was military advisor.
298
00:19:57,124 --> 00:19:58,666
Do you know Sasha?
- No, I don't think I do.
299
00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:00,874
- He's a good bloke, Sasha.
300
00:20:00,874 --> 00:20:02,291
Tigerline Gore was
talking about Gaillardia
301
00:20:02,291 --> 00:20:03,624
in the club last night.
302
00:20:03,624 --> 00:20:05,124
- Didn't he marry one
of the Tottington girls?
303
00:20:05,124 --> 00:20:06,541
No, that was Buster.
304
00:20:06,541 --> 00:20:08,582
Tiger married Cynthia Stoke-Furnace.
305
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,124
- Artillery on the mother's side.
306
00:20:10,124 --> 00:20:11,666
- Well, the whole lot are gunners.
307
00:20:13,166 --> 00:20:16,791
- What did he say?
- I beg your pardon?
308
00:20:16,791 --> 00:20:18,749
- I wonder what he said about Gaillardia.
309
00:20:18,749 --> 00:20:20,624
- Who?
- Tigerline Gore.
310
00:20:21,874 --> 00:20:25,374
- Did he say something?
- I thought you said he did.
311
00:20:26,957 --> 00:20:28,874
I don't think Tiger would
have ever said anything.
312
00:20:28,874 --> 00:20:30,499
He never does, you know
- I see.
313
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:35,374
- You mentioned Tiger's brother, Buster.
314
00:20:35,374 --> 00:20:38,791
You didn't mean Thruster.
- Which Thruster?
315
00:20:38,791 --> 00:20:41,624
- Thruster Stoke-Furnace, Tiger's brother-in-law.
316
00:20:42,499 --> 00:20:44,791
- Oh, you mean the one
who's ADC to the DADNI.
317
00:20:44,791 --> 00:20:45,749
- That's the fella.
318
00:20:47,707 --> 00:20:48,541
- No.
319
00:20:57,457 --> 00:21:01,957
Ah, good.
320
00:21:29,249 --> 00:21:31,541
- Breakfast gentlemen?
- Ah, breakfast.
321
00:21:31,541 --> 00:21:33,707
Yes, I'll have some porridge,
fried eggs and bacon,
322
00:21:33,707 --> 00:21:35,457
toast, butter, marmalade
and coffee, please.
323
00:21:35,499 --> 00:21:36,666
- Yes, sir.
- You C.B.?
324
00:21:37,582 --> 00:21:40,166
- Will you be needing your paper bag?
325
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:42,541
- Good Lord, no. we'll
be down in half an hour.
326
00:21:42,541 --> 00:21:45,582
- Thank goodness for that.
- Better get it over with.
327
00:21:45,582 --> 00:21:47,707
I hear the next leg's
likely to be a bit rough.
328
00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:48,541
- Huh?
329
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:50,124
- Could you manage a piece
of fried bread as well?
330
00:21:50,124 --> 00:21:52,082
Yes, sir.
331
00:21:52,082 --> 00:21:54,916
Perhaps two pieces?
332
00:21:54,916 --> 00:22:03,124
♪ Gaillardia, Gaillardia ♪
333
00:23:26,624 --> 00:23:28,457
- Wait for it. Not so.
334
00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:52,124
Ah!
335
00:23:52,124 --> 00:23:54,874
I am Prime Minister Amphibulos.
336
00:23:54,874 --> 00:23:57,749
- Excellency, I speak
his Majesty King Loris
337
00:23:57,749 --> 00:24:00,582
that you have very loud
welcome to Gaillardia.
338
00:24:00,582 --> 00:24:01,916
- Yes, indeed.
339
00:24:01,916 --> 00:24:03,791
Her Majesty Government assure you
340
00:24:03,791 --> 00:24:06,207
that Gaillardia is very
much in their thoughts.
341
00:24:06,207 --> 00:24:08,249
- Good, very, very good.
342
00:24:08,249 --> 00:24:10,749
And you, General, welcome.
- Colonel Bellingham.
343
00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:11,666
Congratulations.
344
00:24:13,457 --> 00:24:15,791
And now, you must meet my brother-in-law,
345
00:24:15,791 --> 00:24:19,082
Mr. Narcos, Minister of
Agriculture, Public Works,
346
00:24:19,082 --> 00:24:21,499
Highways and the Transport.
- Hello, boys.
347
00:24:21,499 --> 00:24:24,291
- My cousin, Mr.
Archipolagos, Chief of Police,
348
00:24:24,291 --> 00:24:26,957
of admiralty
and distilleries.
349
00:24:26,957 --> 00:24:28,624
- Hello, boys.
- The others do not matter,
350
00:24:28,624 --> 00:24:30,541
very nice men, but you'll meet them later.
351
00:24:30,541 --> 00:24:33,499
And now please, you
inspect the Guards of Honor.
352
00:24:45,957 --> 00:24:48,207
We are very proud here
that our modern army
353
00:24:48,207 --> 00:24:50,541
is founded on your brigade of guards.
354
00:25:06,541 --> 00:25:08,416
Get up! Get up! Why you lie down?
355
00:25:15,291 --> 00:25:16,457
Your carriage.
356
00:25:18,124 --> 00:25:20,582
Well, we meet again soon, eh?
357
00:25:20,582 --> 00:25:23,082
- Yes, of course.
- And you, General, right?
358
00:25:23,082 --> 00:25:27,874
Bye-bye. Have
a good time.
359
00:26:03,874 --> 00:26:06,041
- His Excellency the Ambassador.
360
00:26:08,374 --> 00:26:11,791
- Oh, oh, you must excuse me
not getting up as you see.
361
00:26:11,791 --> 00:26:13,582
- Of course, of course.
362
00:26:13,582 --> 00:26:15,624
May I present Colonel
Bellingham.
363
00:26:15,624 --> 00:26:17,416
- Honor, sir.
- Sir.
364
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:20,124
- This is a moment of some
emotion for me, gentlemen,
365
00:26:20,124 --> 00:26:23,041
the first official visitors
from the mother country
366
00:26:23,041 --> 00:26:27,124
for, let me see, 57, no, 59 years.
367
00:26:27,124 --> 00:26:30,332
Yes, you'll take a glass of Madeira?
368
00:26:30,332 --> 00:26:31,791
- Oh, thank you, splendid idea.
369
00:26:31,791 --> 00:26:34,499
- Thank you very much.
- Oh, welcome to the island.
370
00:26:34,499 --> 00:26:36,082
- Thank you.
- Thank you, sir.
371
00:26:38,916 --> 00:26:41,416
- Would you be good
enough to secure the door?
372
00:26:42,457 --> 00:26:46,416
- Door?
- We mustn't be overheard.
373
00:26:48,291 --> 00:26:50,874
- Oh, I see. Bellingham, would you mind?
374
00:26:50,874 --> 00:26:52,207
- Oh, of course.
375
00:26:54,416 --> 00:26:57,791
- Well, they're digging. Oh!
- I'm so sorry.
376
00:27:01,082 --> 00:27:03,124
Digging, where?
- Well, everywhere.
377
00:27:03,124 --> 00:27:05,791
They've made little holes
all over the island.
378
00:27:06,666 --> 00:27:10,791
- What shape are the holes?
- Oh dear, they didn't say.
379
00:27:10,791 --> 00:27:11,957
- Did you hear that, Bellingham?
380
00:27:11,957 --> 00:27:12,791
- What?
- Little holes
381
00:27:12,791 --> 00:27:14,624
all over the island.
- Good lord.
382
00:27:15,749 --> 00:27:16,957
Well the first thing is a map.
383
00:27:16,957 --> 00:27:18,916
- Map?
- To plot the holes, sir.
384
00:27:18,916 --> 00:27:21,624
- Oh?
- Then we can decide exactly,
385
00:27:22,457 --> 00:27:24,124
What was in your mind?
386
00:27:24,124 --> 00:27:26,624
- Well, nothing, but one
always starts with a map.
387
00:27:26,624 --> 00:27:27,999
They give us a line.
388
00:27:27,999 --> 00:27:31,416
- Well, personally, gentlemen,
I think they're imposters.
389
00:27:31,416 --> 00:27:32,874
- Of course we know they're not Cossocks.
390
00:27:32,874 --> 00:27:35,999
- Cossocks? But I was speaking
of the British Council.
391
00:27:35,999 --> 00:27:37,791
- You don't mean the
holes were there by them?
392
00:27:37,791 --> 00:27:40,832
- Well, they never stopped.
They're like moles.
393
00:27:40,832 --> 00:27:41,999
But the
Russians, aren't they digging?
394
00:27:41,999 --> 00:27:45,416
- Well, they seem to have stopped,
395
00:27:45,416 --> 00:27:46,874
but I can tell you one thing.
396
00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:51,249
They sent a message to St. Petersburg.
397
00:27:51,249 --> 00:27:54,582
St. Peter...
398
00:28:31,416 --> 00:28:32,957
- No, no, please don't get up.
399
00:28:32,957 --> 00:28:36,207
- Thank you sir. May I
present Mr. Carlton-Browne,
400
00:28:36,207 --> 00:28:38,707
the Special Ambassador.
- How do you do?
401
00:28:38,707 --> 00:28:40,249
Also the military attache,
402
00:28:40,249 --> 00:28:41,957
Colonel Bellingham.
- Morning.
403
00:28:42,791 --> 00:28:45,457
- Your majesty, my government desire me
404
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:48,582
to convey their respectful congratulations
405
00:28:48,582 --> 00:28:51,874
and wish me to assure you
that Gaillardia still retains
406
00:28:51,874 --> 00:28:53,707
in the hearts of the British people
407
00:28:53,707 --> 00:28:56,666
the warm affection she
has so long enjoyed.
408
00:28:57,791 --> 00:28:58,624
- Well,
409
00:29:00,374 --> 00:29:01,332
that's very nice.
410
00:29:02,374 --> 00:29:03,457
Shall we sit down?
411
00:29:05,166 --> 00:29:05,957
I always think it's harder
412
00:29:05,957 --> 00:29:07,957
to make speeches sitting down, don't you?
413
00:29:09,874 --> 00:29:11,791
How about a nice cup of tea,
414
00:29:11,791 --> 00:29:13,874
an English habit I've grown very fond of.
415
00:29:13,874 --> 00:29:16,041
- Oh!
- You all right, sir?
416
00:29:16,041 --> 00:29:19,499
- I'm so sorry. Yes,
quite, thank you, quite.
417
00:29:19,499 --> 00:29:21,041
- Well now, Mr. Carlton-Browne.
418
00:29:22,207 --> 00:29:24,791
- Your Majesty, I, my government
419
00:29:24,791 --> 00:29:26,249
and the people of Great Britain
420
00:29:26,249 --> 00:29:28,832
feel a very deep concern for this island.
421
00:29:28,832 --> 00:29:30,957
- Well, that's very decent of them.
422
00:29:30,957 --> 00:29:32,624
I must say I never met anybody in Britain
423
00:29:32,624 --> 00:29:34,374
who had ever heard of us.
424
00:29:34,374 --> 00:29:35,207
Do you smoke?
425
00:29:36,957 --> 00:29:40,457
Given them up?
- Yes, sir.
426
00:29:40,457 --> 00:29:41,749
I mean, no thank you, sir.
427
00:29:44,582 --> 00:29:47,666
Your Majesty, I must
respectfully remind you
428
00:29:47,666 --> 00:29:49,374
that there is in existence a treaty.
429
00:29:49,374 --> 00:29:51,332
- Oh yes, I know about the treaty, yes.
430
00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:52,916
- Then sir, I'm sure will appreciate
431
00:29:52,916 --> 00:29:55,082
the presence here of another great power.
432
00:29:55,082 --> 00:29:58,249
- Meaning the Russians, eh?
- Yes, sir.
433
00:29:58,249 --> 00:30:00,166
- Don't be afraid to say so.
434
00:30:00,166 --> 00:30:02,374
If we go on chasing each other
around the mulberry bush,
435
00:30:02,374 --> 00:30:03,374
we shan't get anywhere, shall we?
436
00:30:03,374 --> 00:30:06,457
- Oh, sorry sir.
- That's all right.
437
00:30:06,457 --> 00:30:08,666
Before you go on, may I say something?
438
00:30:08,666 --> 00:30:10,166
You see, I'm a new boy here.
439
00:30:10,166 --> 00:30:11,249
Less than a fortnight ago,
440
00:30:11,249 --> 00:30:12,624
I was having half a can in the mitre
441
00:30:12,624 --> 00:30:13,832
and looking forward to several years
442
00:30:13,832 --> 00:30:15,749
in London as a medical student.
443
00:30:15,749 --> 00:30:16,707
Suddenly, the phone rings,
444
00:30:16,707 --> 00:30:17,957
and Amphibulos here tells me I'm a king.
445
00:30:17,957 --> 00:30:20,291
And it's a bit of a shock for anyone.
446
00:30:20,291 --> 00:30:22,124
- Your Majesty-
- Just a moment.
447
00:30:22,124 --> 00:30:23,291
I'm over the shock now.
448
00:30:23,291 --> 00:30:25,749
I've had chance to look
around and what do I find?
449
00:30:25,749 --> 00:30:27,666
An awful lot of poverty,
Mr. Carlton-Browne.
450
00:30:27,666 --> 00:30:30,124
No education, no hospitals, no roads,
451
00:30:30,124 --> 00:30:31,707
no lavatories, nothing.
452
00:30:31,707 --> 00:30:34,541
- Your majesty, the Office of Works has-
453
00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:36,957
- Just let me finish here.
- Yes.
454
00:30:36,957 --> 00:30:37,874
- On top of all this,
455
00:30:37,874 --> 00:30:39,874
I also discovered that two great powers
456
00:30:39,874 --> 00:30:41,457
have suddenly become
very interested in this,
457
00:30:41,499 --> 00:30:44,791
and I wonder why.
- Your Majesty,
458
00:30:44,791 --> 00:30:46,457
my government is solely concerned-
459
00:30:46,457 --> 00:30:49,124
- Yes, I'm sure, but you
see, I'm no politician.
460
00:30:49,124 --> 00:30:51,332
And what I'd like you to
tell me in ordinary English
461
00:30:51,332 --> 00:30:52,957
is exactly what you're after.
462
00:30:53,957 --> 00:30:57,332
- Your Majesty, we're not after anything.
463
00:30:57,332 --> 00:31:01,291
That is to say, if I could
convey Your Majesty's agreement,
464
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:04,791
at least in principle, to the renewal,
465
00:31:04,791 --> 00:31:07,291
to the strengthening of those ties,
466
00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:10,416
those bonds, which had they
remained unbroken, sir.
467
00:31:11,749 --> 00:31:13,374
- You can tell them that I'm most grateful
468
00:31:13,374 --> 00:31:16,749
for their good wishes.
- Thank you, sir, and?
469
00:31:20,916 --> 00:31:21,916
Is that all, sir?
470
00:31:21,916 --> 00:31:23,916
- Until I know why this
outta-the-way little place
471
00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:26,666
has suddenly become so
important to everybody,
472
00:31:26,666 --> 00:31:29,332
wouldn't be very sensible for
me to commit myself, would it?
473
00:31:29,332 --> 00:31:31,624
- No, sir, but-
- Good.
474
00:31:31,624 --> 00:31:34,207
And have a good time while you're here.
475
00:31:34,207 --> 00:31:35,124
Colonel Bellingham.
476
00:31:37,082 --> 00:31:39,666
I'm sending you a sun ray lamp
I brought back from England.
477
00:31:39,666 --> 00:31:40,499
It might help.
478
00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:42,707
- Oh, Your Majesty is most gracious.
479
00:31:42,707 --> 00:31:44,582
- Amphibulos, see our guests
out and then come back.
480
00:31:44,582 --> 00:31:47,541
I'd like a word with you.
- Your Majesty.
481
00:32:13,416 --> 00:32:15,957
- Well, I must say, in all
my years in the service, I-
482
00:32:15,957 --> 00:32:17,791
- Look Mr. Carlton-Browne,
please, you are not to worry.
483
00:32:17,791 --> 00:32:20,832
Everything will be all
right, you will see.
484
00:32:20,832 --> 00:32:23,582
Now, tonight, you and the General here
485
00:32:23,582 --> 00:32:25,666
will have a little private dinner with me,
486
00:32:25,666 --> 00:32:28,832
everything very friendly with
all our cards under the table.
487
00:32:30,124 --> 00:32:31,582
- Thank you very much.
- Good, good.
488
00:32:31,582 --> 00:32:33,791
Then, I will see you tonight. Tonight.
489
00:32:38,832 --> 00:32:40,457
My tweed jacket.
490
00:32:42,124 --> 00:32:43,791
Well, that was a waste of time.
491
00:32:43,791 --> 00:32:47,916
if only we could
all waste time like that,
492
00:32:47,916 --> 00:32:49,166
it would be very good.
493
00:32:50,416 --> 00:32:53,207
You know,
494
00:32:53,207 --> 00:32:56,124
I thought I knew
something about diplomacy,
495
00:32:56,124 --> 00:32:58,957
but you, marvelous.
496
00:32:58,999 --> 00:33:02,082
Congratulations.
- Congratulations, what for?
497
00:33:03,124 --> 00:33:05,541
- Well, already you have sent them out
498
00:33:05,541 --> 00:33:06,916
thinking the Russians are in.
499
00:33:06,916 --> 00:33:09,416
So now, when they come
back, they make a big offer.
500
00:33:09,416 --> 00:33:11,666
Then back come the Russians
with a bigger offer.
501
00:33:11,666 --> 00:33:13,707
You and me, we are sitting in the middle.
502
00:33:13,749 --> 00:33:15,749
You have the Rolls-Royce,
I have the Cadillac,
503
00:33:15,749 --> 00:33:17,957
everybody's happy.
504
00:33:17,957 --> 00:33:19,707
- And the people, what do they get?
505
00:33:21,374 --> 00:33:24,249
- The people, they get the lavatories,
506
00:33:25,207 --> 00:33:27,624
or all the things you said
to Mr. Carlton-Browne.
507
00:33:29,166 --> 00:33:31,916
They would be very happy
with the lavatories.
508
00:33:31,916 --> 00:33:32,874
- Mm, I see.
509
00:33:34,582 --> 00:33:35,916
Well now, what are we going to do
510
00:33:35,916 --> 00:33:38,249
to entertain our British guests.
511
00:33:38,249 --> 00:33:39,457
- Tonight I give a special dinner
512
00:33:39,457 --> 00:33:40,666
for them to meet the cabinet.
513
00:33:40,666 --> 00:33:42,041
- All right, but remember
now, no promises.
514
00:33:42,041 --> 00:33:44,957
Be very discreet.
- Your Majesty, do not worry.
515
00:33:44,957 --> 00:33:48,666
Everything will be very
discreet, very dignified.
516
00:34:04,291 --> 00:34:06,999
- Oh, what a party. Come on,
C.B., now it's your turn.
517
00:34:06,999 --> 00:34:09,874
Bravo. What do you do?
518
00:34:09,874 --> 00:34:11,957
- Now he's got a party,
because he is not tight enough,
519
00:34:11,957 --> 00:34:13,082
that's the trouble.
520
00:34:13,082 --> 00:34:15,832
- Then we will help by drinking a toast.
521
00:34:16,749 --> 00:34:21,207
To the greatness of Britain
and all she will do for us.
522
00:34:21,207 --> 00:34:22,332
- Oh, thank you very much.
523
00:34:27,832 --> 00:34:30,124
- No, no, you must drink in one,
524
00:34:30,124 --> 00:34:32,166
otherwise you will get a bit, you know.
525
00:34:43,374 --> 00:34:48,166
- Delicious.
- Yes. Yes.
526
00:34:48,166 --> 00:34:49,499
It's called.
527
00:34:49,499 --> 00:34:52,957
Not a drop is drunk until
it's three-weeks-old.
528
00:34:52,999 --> 00:34:55,957
And now we will have the music.
529
00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:04,957
Now we're talking.
530
00:35:04,957 --> 00:35:08,249
- It's the best party since our
Pass out at Sanders.
531
00:35:08,249 --> 00:35:11,624
- Good, I'm very happy.
- I want you to know.
532
00:35:11,624 --> 00:35:15,374
- So now, you tell me what you want.
533
00:35:15,374 --> 00:35:19,291
- Well, our treaty rights-
- No, no, no, for you, eh?
534
00:35:22,041 --> 00:35:23,707
- Me?
- Yes.
535
00:35:23,707 --> 00:35:27,249
- The British Foreign Service,
oh, nothing like that.
536
00:35:27,249 --> 00:35:32,082
Wonderful. Congratulations.
537
00:35:32,082 --> 00:35:36,707
If only there was more
people like you and me.
538
00:35:36,707 --> 00:35:40,082
Eh, I have not to ask you
539
00:35:40,082 --> 00:35:43,291
how much you think your
government will give?
540
00:35:43,291 --> 00:35:44,332
- Give, give?
- Yes.
541
00:35:46,041 --> 00:35:48,499
- Well, that would rather
depend on the king's attitude.
542
00:35:48,499 --> 00:35:51,124
- The King is a very young
boy, has got no experience,
543
00:35:51,124 --> 00:35:54,166
and he does not understand my method.
544
00:35:54,166 --> 00:35:57,874
But you, you,
being a brilliant man,
545
00:35:57,874 --> 00:36:00,457
you understand perfectly.
546
00:36:00,457 --> 00:36:02,791
So now, I have to ask you...
547
00:36:39,874 --> 00:36:43,707
Mr. Carlton-Browne?
548
00:36:43,707 --> 00:36:46,541
- Hm, oh, I'm so sorry. You were saying?
549
00:36:46,541 --> 00:36:48,666
- That you have understood.
550
00:36:48,666 --> 00:36:49,541
- Oh, rather.
551
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:52,082
- Good, and the King is no matter.
552
00:36:52,082 --> 00:36:54,666
The real danger is his
uncle, the Grand Duke.
553
00:36:54,666 --> 00:36:58,416
You know, this man is like, how you say,
554
00:36:58,416 --> 00:37:00,249
the bull in the Chinese ship.
555
00:37:00,249 --> 00:37:01,832
I can tell you that already
556
00:37:01,832 --> 00:37:05,291
he's talking with the Russians, you know?
557
00:37:05,291 --> 00:37:06,832
- Russians?
- Eh.
558
00:37:06,832 --> 00:37:09,749
- We must do something immediately.
559
00:37:12,374 --> 00:37:15,791
C.B.
560
00:37:18,124 --> 00:37:20,624
C.B., are you all right?
561
00:37:23,082 --> 00:37:24,499
- Did you hear that?
562
00:37:24,499 --> 00:37:27,041
The Russians, they're
speaking to the Grand Duke.
563
00:37:27,041 --> 00:37:30,207
- Are they, by gum.
- We've gotta do something.
564
00:37:30,207 --> 00:37:33,082
- We've gotta show our teeth.
- Show our teeth?
565
00:37:33,082 --> 00:37:34,541
- Put on a show of strength, old boy.
566
00:37:34,541 --> 00:37:36,332
That's what Slasher would advise.
567
00:37:37,749 --> 00:37:39,916
- That's it, show our strength.
568
00:37:41,624 --> 00:37:42,457
- Yeah.
569
00:37:44,624 --> 00:37:47,124
- And so you see why it is necessary
570
00:37:47,124 --> 00:37:49,707
for us to have a big show of our strength?
571
00:37:49,707 --> 00:37:51,957
- Look, I just don't
get the point of this.
572
00:37:51,957 --> 00:37:53,374
Who are we trying to impress anyway,
573
00:37:53,374 --> 00:37:55,749
the British, the Russians?
574
00:37:55,749 --> 00:37:57,916
Are they likely to be
frightened by our army?
575
00:37:59,416 --> 00:38:01,416
- There is the Grand Duke.
- Oh, I know, I know,
576
00:38:01,416 --> 00:38:03,916
but isn't it about time
we tried something new?
577
00:38:03,916 --> 00:38:05,749
Couldn't we make a peaceful approach?
578
00:38:05,749 --> 00:38:07,041
- Look, Your Majesty,
579
00:38:07,041 --> 00:38:09,291
here I have reports
from all over the South.
580
00:38:09,291 --> 00:38:12,874
Already, he has seized machine
guns, rifles, hand grenades.
581
00:38:12,874 --> 00:38:15,207
I tell you, this man is going
to make a lot of trouble
582
00:38:15,207 --> 00:38:16,457
for you.
- Maybe. Maybe.
583
00:38:16,457 --> 00:38:18,457
But I still think we should have a try.
584
00:38:18,457 --> 00:38:20,541
Anyway, I've asked him to meet me.
585
00:38:20,541 --> 00:38:21,374
- When?
- This morning.
586
00:38:21,374 --> 00:38:22,416
- Where?
- Here.
587
00:38:22,416 --> 00:38:23,374
- Here?
- Yeah.
588
00:38:26,249 --> 00:38:27,749
- I'm sorry, Your Majesty.
589
00:38:27,749 --> 00:38:29,416
The Cabinet will never agree to this.
590
00:38:29,416 --> 00:38:32,041
- Oh, I'm sorry too. He's coming.
591
00:38:32,041 --> 00:38:35,624
He's coming?
592
00:38:36,832 --> 00:38:39,207
You know, that would be marvelous.
593
00:38:39,207 --> 00:38:40,957
Then we could arrest him.
594
00:38:40,957 --> 00:38:42,916
I promised
him safe conduct.
595
00:38:42,916 --> 00:38:45,749
That's better
still, the same with the conduct,
596
00:38:45,749 --> 00:38:46,916
easier to bump him, eh?
597
00:38:46,916 --> 00:38:48,791
We'll
do nothing of the kind.
598
00:38:50,916 --> 00:38:54,541
- He would smell a trap.
- He won't come.
599
00:38:57,624 --> 00:38:58,832
Uncle Alex, glad you came.
600
00:38:58,832 --> 00:39:00,874
- This is not a courtesy visit.
601
00:39:00,874 --> 00:39:01,749
Now sit down there, Amphibulos,
602
00:39:01,749 --> 00:39:04,166
and don't try any tricks if
you know what's good for you.
603
00:39:04,166 --> 00:39:06,291
- Uncle, I promised you safe
conduct. You needn't worry.
604
00:39:06,291 --> 00:39:11,207
- I don't need your safe
conduct. I have my own out there.
605
00:39:11,207 --> 00:39:12,541
Now listen to me, boy.
606
00:39:12,541 --> 00:39:13,624
Now that your father is gone,
607
00:39:13,624 --> 00:39:15,332
and I'm not going to pretend I'm sorry,
608
00:39:15,332 --> 00:39:17,166
I don't intend to go
on bickering with you.
609
00:39:17,166 --> 00:39:17,999
Well that's wonderful.
610
00:39:17,999 --> 00:39:19,207
As a matter of fact, I intend-
611
00:39:19,207 --> 00:39:20,582
- Nevermind your intentions.
612
00:39:21,666 --> 00:39:23,041
There is only one thing to do.
613
00:39:23,041 --> 00:39:25,457
You must abdicate.
- Huh?
614
00:39:25,457 --> 00:39:27,874
In whose favor, yours?
- No.
615
00:39:27,874 --> 00:39:29,416
There's the rightful heir to the throne,
616
00:39:29,416 --> 00:39:30,457
the Princess Ilyena.
617
00:39:34,207 --> 00:39:36,249
- Hmm, well, it's nice to know
618
00:39:36,249 --> 00:39:37,207
the arrangements you're making.
619
00:39:37,207 --> 00:39:38,457
- You may not know it, but this island
620
00:39:38,457 --> 00:39:40,541
is ready to fall into my
hands like a ripe apple,
621
00:39:40,541 --> 00:39:41,916
not because the people love me,
622
00:39:41,916 --> 00:39:44,166
but because they're sick to death of this.
623
00:39:44,166 --> 00:39:46,291
- The people elected me, Your Excellency.
624
00:39:46,291 --> 00:39:48,166
- Which shows that the
people are half witted.
625
00:39:48,166 --> 00:39:50,832
- Your Excellency, of course,
does not favor elections.
626
00:39:50,832 --> 00:39:53,957
- You are the best argument
against them, Amphibulos.
627
00:39:53,957 --> 00:39:55,624
- You must-
- Shut up!
628
00:39:57,249 --> 00:39:59,957
You've got more on your plate,
young man, than you realize.
629
00:39:59,957 --> 00:40:02,041
Take my advice, abdicate.
630
00:40:02,041 --> 00:40:04,124
Have a seat that you are provided for.
631
00:40:04,124 --> 00:40:06,832
- That's nice of you.
What happens if I say no?
632
00:40:06,832 --> 00:40:09,249
- Well, that would be very stupid.
633
00:40:09,249 --> 00:40:11,291
Now what will it be?
634
00:40:11,291 --> 00:40:14,166
- I shall have to think
about it, shan't I?
635
00:40:14,166 --> 00:40:17,124
Till the end of the month.
636
00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:22,082
- Uncle Alex, I haven't
seen Ilyena for 14 years.
637
00:40:22,082 --> 00:40:23,291
Aren't I going to see her now?
638
00:40:23,291 --> 00:40:25,707
- She's in mourning. Women do not unveil.
639
00:40:25,707 --> 00:40:27,707
- Sorry, I was forgetting.
640
00:40:27,707 --> 00:40:29,791
- Oh, see you don't forget
what I've just told you.
641
00:40:29,791 --> 00:40:31,957
That's if you don't wanna
finish up with the rest of them
642
00:40:31,999 --> 00:40:33,457
in a hotel in Portugal.
643
00:40:34,332 --> 00:40:36,124
Come along.
644
00:40:44,832 --> 00:40:47,457
- Oh, he did say it
wasn't a courtesy visit.
645
00:40:47,457 --> 00:40:51,416
- Now you have seen.
- Yes.
646
00:40:53,457 --> 00:40:55,624
Yes, perhaps we do need
a show of strength.
647
00:41:28,332 --> 00:41:29,624
- Amphibulos.
- Your Majesty.
648
00:41:29,624 --> 00:41:31,457
- Who built these stands?
- The Works Minister,
649
00:41:31,457 --> 00:41:33,457
Your Majesty.
- Ah, your cousin.
650
00:41:33,457 --> 00:41:34,832
- Yes, he's a sort of cousin,
651
00:41:34,832 --> 00:41:37,666
but he's given no time-
- Or nails.
652
00:41:37,666 --> 00:41:40,957
- I will see to it he never
forgets this, Your Majesty.
653
00:41:48,249 --> 00:41:50,957
- Do you see who's here?
- Hmm?
654
00:41:53,749 --> 00:41:56,166
, see who
just dropped anchor?
655
00:42:00,207 --> 00:42:02,499
- We just got here in time, Joe.
656
00:42:02,499 --> 00:42:05,582
Uncle Alex,
657
00:42:05,582 --> 00:42:06,541
glad you were able to come.
658
00:42:06,541 --> 00:42:08,332
- Thought I might as well
see what is your strength.
659
00:42:08,332 --> 00:42:10,332
So did I.
660
00:42:10,332 --> 00:42:13,041
Ilyena, come and sit here. Chairs.
661
00:42:17,416 --> 00:42:19,082
- I want you to sit in the front,
662
00:42:19,082 --> 00:42:21,749
so that everyone sees you are behind us.
663
00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:25,832
Sit closer to the King, the King.
664
00:42:33,499 --> 00:42:37,957
Hello there. Goodbye.
665
00:42:37,957 --> 00:42:40,207
You are about to see a grand display
666
00:42:40,207 --> 00:42:42,749
of our gallant Gaillardia forces,
667
00:42:42,749 --> 00:42:45,416
each one with meticulous precision
668
00:42:45,416 --> 00:42:48,124
in front of you at an arranged moment.
669
00:42:48,124 --> 00:42:49,541
And while they are passing,
670
00:42:49,541 --> 00:42:52,957
I will decide for you
what it is who happen.
671
00:42:59,957 --> 00:43:02,332
First come the brave pioneers,
672
00:43:02,332 --> 00:43:05,791
the men who build the roads
on which the army marches.
673
00:43:05,791 --> 00:43:10,249
Also the holes, in wars,
the army uses many holes
674
00:43:10,249 --> 00:43:12,957
for trenches and other things.
675
00:43:21,124 --> 00:43:23,832
- You better make a
note. They'll need boots.
676
00:43:23,832 --> 00:43:27,874
And the Sergeant Major.
677
00:43:28,791 --> 00:43:32,707
- These gallant ladies
are members of the MWS,
678
00:43:32,707 --> 00:43:34,957
the Mobile Women's ,
679
00:43:34,957 --> 00:43:36,666
otherwise known as the King's own.
680
00:43:58,332 --> 00:44:01,082
Oh, stop 'em!
681
00:44:01,082 --> 00:44:05,374
- I dunno what the Sergeant
Major would do with that lot.
682
00:44:05,374 --> 00:44:09,707
- Or what that lot would
do with the Sergeant Major.
683
00:44:11,249 --> 00:44:16,249
Ah, bravo, the air forces.
684
00:44:16,499 --> 00:44:20,166
These heroic pilots
with their gallant birds
685
00:44:20,166 --> 00:44:24,624
are what we call with
pride, a few of the first!
686
00:44:28,957 --> 00:44:29,874
- Holy cow!
687
00:44:30,957 --> 00:44:33,666
- Amphibulos.
- Your Majesty.
688
00:44:33,666 --> 00:44:34,874
Your majesty.
- Where on earth
689
00:44:34,874 --> 00:44:35,957
did you dig these up?
690
00:44:35,957 --> 00:44:38,166
- They were a present from Great Britain
691
00:44:38,166 --> 00:44:41,082
for a glorious part in the first war.
692
00:44:41,082 --> 00:44:42,541
It's good to show, eh?
693
00:44:42,541 --> 00:44:44,707
- Well, you might have shown them flying.
694
00:44:44,707 --> 00:44:46,957
- They have no engines.
- What?
695
00:44:47,832 --> 00:44:49,207
- They are disappeared.
696
00:44:52,791 --> 00:44:54,957
- Hello, what come now?
697
00:44:54,957 --> 00:44:58,957
Behind the fighting front
comes the fighting behind.
698
00:44:58,999 --> 00:45:02,374
Salute to the brave
citizens who guard the hope.
699
00:45:12,999 --> 00:45:17,291
Today, fighting men do not
walk to battle, they arrive.
700
00:45:17,291 --> 00:45:20,374
The man and machines of
our motorized infantry
701
00:45:20,374 --> 00:45:22,582
are the finest in the world.
702
00:45:28,041 --> 00:45:28,957
- Did you make it clear
703
00:45:28,957 --> 00:45:30,916
that this was to be a show of strength?
704
00:46:00,416 --> 00:46:03,166
- Well, give us a hand, somebody.
705
00:46:22,957 --> 00:46:24,082
- Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry,
706
00:46:24,082 --> 00:46:26,166
but there seems to be a
slight technical detail.
707
00:46:29,541 --> 00:46:31,207
- As minister for war, supplies,
708
00:46:31,207 --> 00:46:32,791
and apparently almost everything else,
709
00:46:32,791 --> 00:46:34,166
I hold you entirely responsible
710
00:46:34,166 --> 00:46:36,124
for making us look complete idiots.
711
00:46:36,124 --> 00:46:37,582
- Whose idea was it, anyway?
712
00:46:38,499 --> 00:46:40,541
- You made me look an absolute idiot.
713
00:46:40,541 --> 00:46:43,707
- The King is an idiot.
The British are idiots.
714
00:46:43,749 --> 00:46:45,541
- The timber was very cheap.
715
00:46:45,541 --> 00:46:47,082
I was promised by the contractor,
716
00:46:47,082 --> 00:46:48,957
they would use it only for the public.
717
00:46:49,916 --> 00:46:53,332
They are very dishonest men.
- They're not the only ones.
718
00:46:53,332 --> 00:46:55,332
Your cousin must have
known the wood was rotten.
719
00:46:55,332 --> 00:46:56,499
- How the devil was I to know
720
00:46:56,499 --> 00:46:58,499
the show would be so utterly rotten?
721
00:46:58,499 --> 00:47:00,666
- And of all the rotten
things in Gaillardia,
722
00:47:00,666 --> 00:47:02,999
the rottenest is Mr. Amphibulos.
723
00:47:02,999 --> 00:47:05,999
- Now you have seen why
we have to have money.
724
00:47:05,999 --> 00:47:08,457
And so if the British offer
enough, you must take it.
725
00:47:08,499 --> 00:47:11,791
Otherwise, the rations will
make your uncle so strong,
726
00:47:11,791 --> 00:47:13,499
he will come and throw you out.
727
00:47:13,499 --> 00:47:15,541
- Just get this into
your head, Amphibulos.
728
00:47:15,541 --> 00:47:16,957
There's not going to be any sellout.
729
00:47:16,957 --> 00:47:19,041
We're not gonna be occupied by anyone.
730
00:47:19,041 --> 00:47:21,332
- He shouldn't meddle with
things he doesn't understand.
731
00:47:21,332 --> 00:47:22,957
- He didn't ask to be a king.
732
00:47:22,999 --> 00:47:25,707
- He may not have to worry
about that much longer.
733
00:47:25,749 --> 00:47:29,249
- Poor boy. What will he do now?
734
00:47:29,249 --> 00:47:32,374
- Well, what do we do now?
735
00:47:32,374 --> 00:47:33,457
Of course our American allies
736
00:47:33,457 --> 00:47:34,874
must be laughing their heads off.
737
00:47:34,874 --> 00:47:37,957
- Oh, I don't think so. The
Admiral broke a leg, you know.
738
00:47:48,291 --> 00:47:49,499
- Excellency?
- Yeah?
739
00:47:49,499 --> 00:47:52,749
- Mr. Archipolagos would
like to see Your Excellency.
740
00:47:52,749 --> 00:47:53,582
- Who?
741
00:47:53,582 --> 00:47:55,166
- The chief of the police, sir.
742
00:47:55,166 --> 00:47:57,832
- Really? Well then show him in.
743
00:47:57,832 --> 00:47:59,999
- Excellency.
- Bellingham?
744
00:48:13,624 --> 00:48:17,416
How do you do? What can I do for you?
745
00:48:17,416 --> 00:48:19,416
Excellence,
746
00:48:19,416 --> 00:48:20,791
In regard to the.
747
00:48:23,416 --> 00:48:27,124
- Right, I think this is
more up your street, old boy.
748
00:48:27,124 --> 00:48:27,957
- No, it isn't.
749
00:48:36,166 --> 00:48:37,999
- With The British Council.
750
00:48:37,999 --> 00:48:41,332
No, I'm afraid you can't
see him. He's in bed.
751
00:48:41,332 --> 00:48:42,249
Oli.
- Hola?
752
00:48:44,041 --> 00:48:46,082
- No, no, no, oli.
753
00:48:46,082 --> 00:48:47,832
You see, he's in bed with Lambago.
754
00:48:48,666 --> 00:48:52,416
I'm so sorry, I mean, Lumbago, no.
755
00:48:52,416 --> 00:48:53,999
- Obviously, he doesn't
mean the British Council,
756
00:48:53,999 --> 00:48:55,332
does he?
- Hmm.
757
00:48:55,332 --> 00:48:56,707
- Remember Amphibulos promised the police
758
00:48:56,707 --> 00:48:59,457
would find them for us.
- So he did, yes.
759
00:48:59,457 --> 00:49:01,749
Do you mean the British Council?
760
00:49:01,749 --> 00:49:05,249
You remember, the dancers.
761
00:49:05,249 --> 00:49:08,749
- Si, si, si, si, si. British are counsel.
762
00:49:10,041 --> 00:49:11,499
- Oh Lord, they're still digging.
763
00:49:11,499 --> 00:49:13,957
- Just a minute. We better have a map.
764
00:49:13,999 --> 00:49:18,124
- Good idea. You'll show us on the map.
765
00:49:26,332 --> 00:49:28,166
- Ou, the digging, ou?
766
00:49:30,374 --> 00:49:35,041
Si, si.
767
00:49:51,541 --> 00:49:53,666
- No surface deposit, the last lot.
768
00:49:53,666 --> 00:49:56,041
Have we analyzed them yet, Griffiths?
769
00:49:56,041 --> 00:49:59,874
- Oh yes, Sir John,
yes. Most extraordinary.
770
00:49:59,874 --> 00:50:00,874
- Well, what was it?
771
00:50:03,749 --> 00:50:04,582
- Epsom salt.
772
00:50:07,082 --> 00:50:09,957
I think there must be a hole
in the bottom of my rucksack.
773
00:50:12,166 --> 00:50:14,041
- Well, we've riddled
the island with holes
774
00:50:14,041 --> 00:50:15,207
and found nothing.
775
00:50:15,207 --> 00:50:16,707
If we don't find it down here,
776
00:50:16,749 --> 00:50:18,707
that's been a wild goose chase.
777
00:50:18,707 --> 00:50:20,791
- Well, what do we do then, Sir John?
778
00:50:20,791 --> 00:50:25,749
- We danced our way in. We'll
have to dance our way out.
779
00:50:34,499 --> 00:50:36,499
- Sh, did you hear that?
780
00:50:38,166 --> 00:50:40,041
It came from over there.
781
00:50:40,041 --> 00:50:43,332
You hang on. I'll do a quick recky.
782
00:51:36,916 --> 00:51:39,291
- C.B., C.B., the Ruskies are here.
783
00:51:39,291 --> 00:51:40,124
- What, digging?
784
00:51:40,124 --> 00:51:41,916
- No, but we must be getting warmer.
785
00:51:41,916 --> 00:51:43,707
There you are.
786
00:51:56,707 --> 00:51:57,707
- This must be them.
787
00:52:01,499 --> 00:52:02,332
- Hello?
788
00:52:05,457 --> 00:52:06,832
- What is it, nitroglycerin?
789
00:52:08,457 --> 00:52:11,291
- No, Chanel No 5.
790
00:52:12,499 --> 00:52:14,374
- Could that be the British Council?
791
00:52:14,374 --> 00:52:17,332
- One has heard things. I
must say I'm not surprised.
792
00:52:17,332 --> 00:52:20,749
But look at that.
793
00:52:22,624 --> 00:52:24,874
The French, they're at it as well.
794
00:52:24,874 --> 00:52:27,457
- Everybody apparently, except our chaps.
795
00:52:27,457 --> 00:52:30,624
I say, things are getting
a bit dicey, aren't they?
796
00:52:30,624 --> 00:52:32,291
- My dear fellow, at
least we are very careful.
797
00:52:32,291 --> 00:52:34,999
The balloon's likely to go
up at any minute. Come on!
798
00:52:46,916 --> 00:52:51,916
- "Exhaustive search reveals
all major powers now digging.
799
00:52:53,291 --> 00:52:56,624
"Stop.
800
00:52:56,624 --> 00:52:59,666
"Informed Grand Duke's forces
801
00:52:59,666 --> 00:53:02,166
"advancing through mountains.
802
00:53:02,166 --> 00:53:05,207
"Request guidance."
803
00:53:05,207 --> 00:53:06,874
- "Request guidance."
804
00:53:08,082 --> 00:53:08,916
Guidance!
805
00:53:10,707 --> 00:53:11,541
Take a cable.
806
00:53:13,207 --> 00:53:15,707
Congratulations on
transforming minor headache
807
00:53:15,707 --> 00:53:17,832
into major crisis, stop.
808
00:53:17,832 --> 00:53:21,207
Man on spot expected to give
advice, not ask it. Stop.
809
00:53:21,207 --> 00:53:26,207
What, repeat, what am I
to tell UNO next week?
810
00:53:26,207 --> 00:53:28,249
- I've got to tell my minister something.
811
00:53:28,249 --> 00:53:30,916
He's making a big speech next week.
812
00:53:34,749 --> 00:53:37,916
- You know, I can remember the time
813
00:53:38,791 --> 00:53:41,874
when one word from Great Britain,
814
00:53:41,874 --> 00:53:43,957
and there would've been a wall
815
00:53:43,957 --> 00:53:46,082
between the two peoples
to keep them apart.
816
00:53:47,832 --> 00:53:51,082
- I say, I think I've got it.
817
00:53:51,082 --> 00:53:53,499
Partition.
- Partition?
818
00:53:53,499 --> 00:53:57,416
But it's brilliant! Why, I would
never have thought of that.
819
00:53:57,416 --> 00:54:02,249
Oh, congratulations!
820
00:54:02,249 --> 00:54:03,207
Over here, darling.
821
00:54:09,166 --> 00:54:11,541
- Gentlemen, it has been well said
822
00:54:11,541 --> 00:54:14,624
that east is east and west is west,
823
00:54:14,624 --> 00:54:17,957
but so, I venture to
suggest, is north and south.
824
00:54:19,374 --> 00:54:21,999
The wolf is already at the door
825
00:54:21,999 --> 00:54:25,416
with his shoulder to the wheel.
826
00:54:25,416 --> 00:54:28,707
On the other hand, the
lion is not yet prepared
827
00:54:28,749 --> 00:54:32,332
to lie down with the, the...
828
00:54:32,332 --> 00:54:34,041
What did I...
829
00:54:34,041 --> 00:54:35,332
- The lamb.
- No, you fool,
830
00:54:35,332 --> 00:54:36,624
the notes, where are they?
831
00:54:38,957 --> 00:54:40,791
All history shows
832
00:54:40,791 --> 00:54:43,666
that a house divided
against itself cannot stand
833
00:54:44,624 --> 00:54:47,874
if the people of this unhappy
island will not stay apart,
834
00:54:47,874 --> 00:54:49,624
they must be kept apart.
835
00:54:50,749 --> 00:54:53,874
Gentlemen, for the peace of Gaillardia,
836
00:54:53,874 --> 00:54:55,916
nay, for the peace of the whole world...
837
00:54:59,791 --> 00:55:02,707
We ask that this line
of petition be drawn.
838
00:55:12,666 --> 00:55:15,416
- On the motion of Great Britain,
839
00:55:16,499 --> 00:55:20,166
that between north and
south, a line be drawn.
840
00:55:21,666 --> 00:55:23,207
United States.
841
00:55:23,207 --> 00:55:25,499
Pakistan.
842
00:55:26,541 --> 00:55:27,499
Argentine.
843
00:55:27,499 --> 00:55:28,582
- Si.
- Japan.
844
00:55:29,541 --> 00:55:30,624
- Hai.
- USSR.
845
00:55:34,999 --> 00:55:38,457
Da.
846
00:55:38,457 --> 00:55:41,457
What's gone wrong?
847
00:55:41,457 --> 00:55:43,832
Gentlemen,
848
00:55:43,832 --> 00:55:47,666
along the 33rd parallel,
a line will be drawn.
849
00:56:26,499 --> 00:56:33,207
♪ Gaillardia ♪
850
00:56:33,249 --> 00:56:35,957
♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪
851
00:57:16,666 --> 00:57:18,791
This is the BBC home service.
852
00:57:18,791 --> 00:57:20,374
Here is the 8:00 news.
853
00:57:21,499 --> 00:57:24,999
The King of Gaillardia
arrives in London today.
854
00:57:24,999 --> 00:57:26,791
He is coming here at the invitation
855
00:57:26,791 --> 00:57:29,791
of the British Government
to discuss future relations
856
00:57:29,791 --> 00:57:32,624
between this country and the
northern half of the island.
857
00:57:33,499 --> 00:57:34,624
The Foreign Secretary,
858
00:57:34,624 --> 00:57:37,041
together with Mr. De Vere Carlton-Browne,
859
00:57:37,041 --> 00:57:39,499
our Special Ambassador, who has, himself,
860
00:57:39,499 --> 00:57:41,249
just returned from Gaillardia,
861
00:57:41,249 --> 00:57:43,499
will be at London Airport to meet him.
862
00:57:46,624 --> 00:57:48,291
- I understand he's angry
863
00:57:48,291 --> 00:57:50,082
his country divided in half.
864
00:57:50,082 --> 00:57:52,457
We shall have to butter him up a bit.
865
00:57:52,457 --> 00:57:53,916
It might be a good idea
if we got him married
866
00:57:53,916 --> 00:57:55,874
to some English girl.
867
00:57:55,874 --> 00:57:59,582
- I'd thought of that, sir.
- Anyone in mind?
868
00:57:59,582 --> 00:58:01,291
- Well, I had thought of a cousin of mine,
869
00:58:01,291 --> 00:58:02,874
Lady Angela Gore Chessington,
870
00:58:02,874 --> 00:58:05,374
who is, of course, related
to the Duke of Suffolk.
871
00:58:05,374 --> 00:58:08,041
I have a photograph of her here.
872
00:58:09,207 --> 00:58:11,041
I'm afraid it's rather blurred.
873
00:58:11,041 --> 00:58:12,749
She's joint Master of the.
874
00:58:13,832 --> 00:58:17,374
- What, this one?
- It's a bad snap, isn't it?
875
00:58:17,374 --> 00:58:20,374
That's one of her hunters.
She's the one on the left.
876
00:58:20,374 --> 00:58:21,291
Extremely wealthy.
877
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:24,041
- She'd need to be.
- Yeah.
878
00:58:33,291 --> 00:58:36,041
- See that he gets the full VIP treatment.
879
00:58:51,416 --> 00:58:52,957
- We hope, sir, that you'll be comfortable
880
00:58:52,957 --> 00:58:53,916
if you should want anything.
881
00:58:53,916 --> 00:58:54,874
- There's only one thing I want.
882
00:58:54,874 --> 00:58:56,499
That's the other half of my country back.
883
00:58:56,499 --> 00:58:58,624
- There will be a meeting, sir,
in fact, a serious meeting.
884
00:58:58,624 --> 00:58:59,957
- But are you going to give it back?
885
00:58:59,957 --> 00:59:02,166
- We're anxious to give every assistance-
886
00:59:02,166 --> 00:59:05,666
- I shall still want it back.
887
00:59:10,416 --> 00:59:12,499
- That young man's going to be difficult.
888
00:59:13,416 --> 00:59:15,457
Ah, Minister.
889
00:59:15,457 --> 00:59:18,082
Sir John Farthing and his
team have just arrived, sir.
890
00:59:18,082 --> 00:59:20,916
- That's the Canadian ice hockey team?
891
00:59:20,916 --> 00:59:23,499
- No, our expert from Gaillardia, sir.
892
00:59:23,499 --> 00:59:25,082
- Good heavens, I'll see him at once.
893
00:59:25,082 --> 00:59:26,957
- Yes, sir.
- Ah, Tufton-Slade?
894
00:59:26,957 --> 00:59:29,707
- Yes? Sir John?
- Aye.
895
00:59:29,707 --> 00:59:34,082
- My dear fellow. Come and
sit down. Bring a chair.
896
00:59:34,082 --> 00:59:36,082
We've been quire worried about you.
897
00:59:36,082 --> 00:59:38,791
Now, do sit down. Cigarette?
898
00:59:38,791 --> 00:59:41,332
- I'll have my pipe.
- Now, tell me.
899
00:59:42,541 --> 00:59:44,832
- Well, we found it.
- No.
900
00:59:44,832 --> 00:59:46,916
- I say we did.
- Splendid.
901
00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:49,541
- There are very large deposits.
902
00:59:49,541 --> 00:59:51,749
- There are?
- Tremendous deposits.
903
00:59:51,749 --> 00:59:55,166
Comparatively speaking.
- Well that's wonderful.
904
00:59:55,166 --> 00:59:59,332
Now tell me what, what are
you going to do with it?
905
01:00:01,332 --> 01:00:05,291
- Do with it?
- This, this stuff.
906
01:00:06,457 --> 01:00:11,457
- The cobalt?
- Cobalt. Ah, yes, I see.
907
01:00:11,749 --> 01:00:13,124
Yes, of course, that's
908
01:00:16,499 --> 01:00:19,624
stuff you'll find in
children's paint boxes?
909
01:00:19,624 --> 01:00:21,707
- It's what you paint on a hydrogen bomb
910
01:00:21,707 --> 01:00:25,457
to get an explosion of 93 GXZ.
911
01:00:25,457 --> 01:00:27,541
I'm very happy to tell you
that you're now in a position
912
01:00:27,541 --> 01:00:30,124
to blow the entire world to smithereens.
913
01:00:31,791 --> 01:00:34,374
- But that's tremendous.
914
01:00:35,374 --> 01:00:38,749
My dear fellow, how can
we ever thank you enough?
915
01:00:40,957 --> 01:00:42,249
- The Minister's called for a map.
916
01:00:42,249 --> 01:00:43,624
- Yes, of course, help yourself.
917
01:00:44,666 --> 01:00:46,457
- We pulled it off.
- We have?
918
01:00:47,582 --> 01:00:48,666
- Farthing says we found enough
919
01:00:48,666 --> 01:00:50,749
to blow out the entire world.
920
01:00:50,749 --> 01:00:51,582
- Well, that's terrific!
921
01:00:51,582 --> 01:00:54,207
What a triumph for you. Congratulations.
922
01:00:54,207 --> 01:00:56,707
- Well, as far as one can.
923
01:00:56,707 --> 01:00:57,916
But heavens, we don't
need to go any further.
924
01:00:57,916 --> 01:00:59,124
- No, of course not.
925
01:01:03,832 --> 01:01:06,124
- I've got tremendous news.
- Yes.
926
01:01:06,124 --> 01:01:07,582
- C.B.'s brought it off.
- He has?
927
01:01:07,582 --> 01:01:10,457
- We can blow up the entire
universe anytime we wished.
928
01:01:10,457 --> 01:01:13,582
- What? But that's appalling.
929
01:01:13,582 --> 01:01:16,499
- Do you always have to see
the gloomy side of everything?
930
01:01:19,957 --> 01:01:21,999
- Ah, here we are, Sir John.
931
01:01:21,999 --> 01:01:24,374
Now, if you'll just
pinpoint the exact position
932
01:01:24,374 --> 01:01:25,457
of the deposits.
933
01:01:29,499 --> 01:01:33,166
- It's all in this area around here.
934
01:01:33,166 --> 01:01:35,249
But that's in the south.
935
01:01:35,249 --> 01:01:36,749
- Of course it's in the south.
936
01:01:38,374 --> 01:01:40,957
- You're quite sure?
- Naturally I'm sure.
937
01:01:43,124 --> 01:01:46,957
- Do you hear that?
We've got the wrong half.
938
01:01:50,666 --> 01:01:55,041
Yes, oh yes, yes, yes.
939
01:01:55,041 --> 01:01:56,957
Yes, I appreciate what you say.
940
01:01:57,957 --> 01:02:02,124
Hmm, but already his Majesty
is waiting for two weeks.
941
01:02:02,124 --> 01:02:04,166
You ask him here for urgent talks
942
01:02:04,166 --> 01:02:05,791
and leave him to talk to himself.
943
01:02:06,957 --> 01:02:07,791
No thank you.
944
01:02:07,791 --> 01:02:11,207
His Majesty does not wish
to see the Tower of London.
945
01:02:11,207 --> 01:02:14,249
Already, he was at Battersea
Power Station yesterday,
946
01:02:14,249 --> 01:02:16,291
and he hates that Albert Memorial.
947
01:02:17,582 --> 01:02:22,582
Now please, please, he wants
only to see the Foreign Office.
948
01:02:24,874 --> 01:02:29,707
That's right. Thank you. Okay, goodbye.
949
01:02:30,874 --> 01:02:32,916
- Well, what's the excuse this time?
950
01:02:33,957 --> 01:02:36,041
- The Minister's got a cold in the head.
951
01:02:36,041 --> 01:02:37,624
Yesterday,
his car broke down.
952
01:02:37,624 --> 01:02:40,207
The day before their advisors
went to the wrong ministry.
953
01:02:40,207 --> 01:02:42,499
- They say now they try to
arrange something quickly.
954
01:02:42,499 --> 01:02:43,874
- Then they'll want to try a bit harder.
955
01:02:43,874 --> 01:02:45,624
There's something very peculiar going on,
956
01:02:45,624 --> 01:02:47,041
and I'd like to know what it is.
957
01:03:03,457 --> 01:03:04,832
- Now, go now to the foreign secretary.
958
01:03:04,832 --> 01:03:07,499
I'll see you when I return.
- Yes, Uncle.
959
01:03:09,499 --> 01:03:11,041
- Your Majesty's gracious permission,
960
01:03:11,041 --> 01:03:12,749
we will attend to the flowers.
961
01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:16,791
- They've just been done.
962
01:03:16,791 --> 01:03:18,874
- We regret the inconvenience
to Your Majesty,
963
01:03:18,874 --> 01:03:22,874
but there appears to have been
some slight misunderstanding.
964
01:04:00,499 --> 01:04:03,291
- Is it true that you have the
King of Gaillardia staying?
965
01:04:03,291 --> 01:04:05,374
- Yes, ma'am, but I understand
966
01:04:05,374 --> 01:04:07,832
that he may be leaving quite shortly.
967
01:04:07,832 --> 01:04:11,416
- We do hope you'll be very
happy here. Well, here we are.
968
01:04:18,207 --> 01:04:19,791
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
969
01:04:22,207 --> 01:04:25,291
- It is possible, and I
use the word advisedly,
970
01:04:25,291 --> 01:04:27,666
possible that we might pay something.
971
01:04:28,791 --> 01:04:30,291
- May I suggest $17 million.
972
01:04:31,666 --> 01:04:33,499
- I was going to suggest $2.5.
973
01:04:38,249 --> 01:04:40,416
- You must have a word
with the Minister at once.
974
01:04:40,416 --> 01:04:41,249
- Why?
975
01:04:41,249 --> 01:04:43,082
- The King of Gaillardia has just arrived.
976
01:04:43,082 --> 01:04:44,416
- But the Minister's with a Grand Duke.
977
01:04:44,416 --> 01:04:46,416
- Well, he insists on seeing him.
978
01:04:46,416 --> 01:04:47,374
- We can't!
979
01:04:47,374 --> 01:04:49,082
- I don't know what
you're gonna do about it.
980
01:04:49,082 --> 01:04:52,291
He's in the ante room.
981
01:05:02,374 --> 01:05:03,749
Where
do I find the minister?
982
01:05:03,749 --> 01:05:04,874
- Oh, not here, sir.
983
01:05:04,874 --> 01:05:07,166
Out of that door, turn right,
straight down the corridor.
984
01:05:07,166 --> 01:05:08,624
You'll find somebody to direct you.
985
01:05:08,624 --> 01:05:10,457
Thank you. Thank you.
986
01:05:15,832 --> 01:05:18,332
- Where is he?
- Oh, well he was here.
987
01:05:20,041 --> 01:05:21,666
- Where's the King?
- The what?
988
01:05:21,666 --> 01:05:23,416
- The King of Gaillardia!
989
01:05:25,041 --> 01:05:26,291
- Well, he came in just now
990
01:05:26,291 --> 01:05:28,166
asking for the Minister, just left.
991
01:05:30,916 --> 01:05:35,916
There he is!
992
01:05:37,416 --> 01:05:38,332
- Sir, sir!
993
01:05:41,082 --> 01:05:43,666
I'm so sorry. It was your coat.
994
01:05:48,624 --> 01:05:50,791
- Minister's conference,
the center door sir.
995
01:05:50,791 --> 01:05:54,082
Thank you.
996
01:06:00,791 --> 01:06:02,416
Come in.
997
01:06:02,416 --> 01:06:04,957
- Your Majesty, might
I have a word with you?
998
01:06:04,957 --> 01:06:06,957
- Not now, Mr. Carlton-Browne.
999
01:06:06,957 --> 01:06:08,332
- It's a matter of certain urgency.
1000
01:06:08,332 --> 01:06:09,666
- I'm here to see the Minister.
1001
01:06:09,666 --> 01:06:11,332
- I do understand, but I'm
happy that there has no-
1002
01:06:11,332 --> 01:06:13,166
- Mr. Carlton-Browne, will
you kindly get outta my way?
1003
01:06:13,166 --> 01:06:14,957
- Your Majesty, I very much regret-
1004
01:06:14,957 --> 01:06:15,832
- So do I!
1005
01:06:15,832 --> 01:06:18,124
Oh!
1006
01:06:20,707 --> 01:06:23,166
- Your Majesty, I really
must ask that you-
1007
01:06:23,166 --> 01:06:24,791
- That's all I wanted to know.
1008
01:06:27,666 --> 01:06:29,916
- Why on earth did you bring him in here?
1009
01:06:30,957 --> 01:06:35,957
Bring?
1010
01:06:57,082 --> 01:06:58,999
You will please tell
1011
01:06:58,999 --> 01:07:02,166
his most gracious
excellency, the Grand Duke,
1012
01:07:02,166 --> 01:07:05,166
that there is much I can
now do to assist him.
1013
01:07:05,166 --> 01:07:07,624
And he is not to worry about the King,
1014
01:07:07,624 --> 01:07:10,957
because the British have
dropped him like a baked potato.
1015
01:07:10,957 --> 01:07:13,541
So now I think it's very
simple for all of us.
1016
01:07:13,541 --> 01:07:15,457
You will please explain to your uncle,
1017
01:07:16,624 --> 01:07:20,457
that with me behind the
throne and him in front of it,
1018
01:07:20,457 --> 01:07:25,457
you will be, how they say,
standing pretty.
1019
01:07:27,749 --> 01:07:31,332
Then, of course, you will be
queen, and this young man,
1020
01:07:31,332 --> 01:07:35,541
who in any case is very
stupid, will be thrown out.
1021
01:07:35,541 --> 01:07:38,666
- Is that all?
- Yes, tell him, please.
1022
01:07:38,666 --> 01:07:40,832
Very well.
1023
01:07:40,832 --> 01:07:41,666
- Ilyena!
1024
01:07:45,291 --> 01:07:48,124
Ah Ilyena, you must get
yourself ready at once.
1025
01:07:48,124 --> 01:07:49,957
- What for?
- Mr. Carlton-Browne.
1026
01:07:49,957 --> 01:07:51,541
He's bringing his cousin to meet you,
1027
01:07:51,541 --> 01:07:53,541
the heir to the Duke of Suffolk.
1028
01:07:56,041 --> 01:07:57,541
- Come in, Amphibulos.
1029
01:08:00,416 --> 01:08:01,916
Had a profitable afternoon?
1030
01:08:01,916 --> 01:08:06,916
Your Majesty, I,
have been asleep.
1031
01:08:09,332 --> 01:08:12,249
- He says that the King has
been dropped by the British.
1032
01:08:12,249 --> 01:08:13,166
- I know that.
1033
01:08:13,166 --> 01:08:15,749
- And he feels that now you
could work very well together.
1034
01:08:15,749 --> 01:08:17,374
Oh, he does, does he?
1035
01:08:17,374 --> 01:08:19,374
- And I'm beginning to think he's right.
1036
01:08:20,291 --> 01:08:21,291
- What'd you say?
1037
01:08:21,332 --> 01:08:23,791
- I think what both of
you are doing is horrible,
1038
01:08:23,791 --> 01:08:27,082
just horrible!
1039
01:08:36,749 --> 01:08:37,582
Please!
1040
01:08:41,249 --> 01:08:45,541
- No, Miss Adrianus, you remember me?
1041
01:08:45,541 --> 01:08:47,624
- Yes, of course, Mr. Jones.
1042
01:08:49,291 --> 01:08:50,541
- Well, here we go again.
1043
01:09:03,541 --> 01:09:05,832
This is about the first
nice thing that's happened.
1044
01:09:05,832 --> 01:09:09,791
Oh, where, where, where are you off to?
1045
01:09:09,791 --> 01:09:11,832
- Nowhere.
- May I come too?
1046
01:09:22,999 --> 01:09:25,082
So you know that old bear, dear?
1047
01:09:25,082 --> 01:09:26,499
- Yes, I do.
- And Ilyena?
1048
01:09:26,499 --> 01:09:28,374
- Even better.
- I haven't seen her
1049
01:09:28,374 --> 01:09:31,624
since she was a spotty face,
little horror of about 10.
1050
01:09:33,624 --> 01:09:36,082
- Can we go in here?
- Anywhere you like.
1051
01:09:38,291 --> 01:09:40,291
The Minister's given me exactly three days
1052
01:09:40,291 --> 01:09:42,166
to settle the whole matter.
1053
01:09:42,166 --> 01:09:43,291
Of course, if you do marry her,
1054
01:09:43,291 --> 01:09:44,999
it'll mean living there
for part of the year.
1055
01:09:44,999 --> 01:09:48,416
- Hm, anything to shoot?
- Only the natives.
1056
01:09:48,416 --> 01:09:50,707
What fun.
1057
01:09:52,499 --> 01:09:53,832
As polling day draws near
1058
01:09:53,832 --> 01:09:55,791
in the Gosford-Green by-election,
1059
01:09:55,791 --> 01:09:58,541
excitement mounts rapidly to fever pitch.
1060
01:09:58,541 --> 01:10:01,332
- Thank you. That was
someone I didn't want to see.
1061
01:10:01,332 --> 01:10:04,416
- Sh!
- Here at firsthand,
1062
01:10:04,416 --> 01:10:06,457
a typical housewife
gives our roving camera
1063
01:10:06,457 --> 01:10:09,874
her views on the burning
issues of the day.
1064
01:10:09,874 --> 01:10:12,957
- What do you think of
the Cold War, Mrs. Carter?
1065
01:10:12,957 --> 01:10:15,874
- I beg your pardon?
- The international situation.
1066
01:10:15,874 --> 01:10:17,791
Do you think it's getting any easier?
1067
01:10:17,791 --> 01:10:21,832
Well, I don't really know.
1068
01:10:21,832 --> 01:10:22,957
- Of course not.
1069
01:10:22,957 --> 01:10:25,791
They say that this election
will be won on the trade issue.
1070
01:10:25,791 --> 01:10:27,749
Do you think we are winning
the battle of exports?
1071
01:10:27,749 --> 01:10:32,374
- Well, I couldn't say.
- No, quite.
1072
01:10:32,374 --> 01:10:33,207
They're telling me locally
1073
01:10:33,249 --> 01:10:35,082
that you're all very
concerned about the provision
1074
01:10:35,082 --> 01:10:36,957
of new schools.
- Oh yes.
1075
01:10:36,957 --> 01:10:38,457
- You feel strongly about that?
1076
01:10:38,499 --> 01:10:40,957
- Well, I hadn't really thought about it.
1077
01:10:40,957 --> 01:10:42,832
- Well, thank you very
much indeed, Mrs. Carter.
1078
01:10:42,832 --> 01:10:44,416
- Thank you.
- You've been most helpful,
1079
01:10:44,416 --> 01:10:46,416
and I'm sure we all have a clearer idea
1080
01:10:46,416 --> 01:10:49,082
of what is in the mind of
the British housewife today.
1081
01:10:49,082 --> 01:10:51,291
Thank you, Mrs. Carter.
- It's quite alright.
1082
01:10:55,041 --> 01:10:56,457
From the
island of Gaillardia,
1083
01:10:56,499 --> 01:10:58,624
scene of a recent royal assassination,
1084
01:10:58,624 --> 01:11:01,041
important visitors recently
arrived at London Airport.
1085
01:11:01,041 --> 01:11:03,916
- I think we can go now.
- No, let's see this.
1086
01:11:03,916 --> 01:11:05,249
- We didn't pay to listen to two.
1087
01:11:05,249 --> 01:11:06,082
- Oh, sorry.
1088
01:11:06,082 --> 01:11:07,249
Following
closely on the heels
1089
01:11:07,249 --> 01:11:09,374
of the young king, the Grand Duke Alexis
1090
01:11:09,374 --> 01:11:11,957
is here for urgent talks
with the government.
1091
01:11:11,957 --> 01:11:14,874
High foreign officer officials
were there to greet him.
1092
01:11:14,874 --> 01:11:17,291
He's accompanied by his
niece, the Princess Ilyena,
1093
01:11:17,291 --> 01:11:19,707
whose grace and charm
immediately won the affection
1094
01:11:19,707 --> 01:11:21,499
of all those who met her.
1095
01:11:21,499 --> 01:11:24,374
A figure of radiant beauty,
her presence here in England,
1096
01:11:24,374 --> 01:11:26,166
together with her uncle, the Grand Duke,
1097
01:11:26,166 --> 01:11:29,416
will do much to cement relations
between two island peoples.
1098
01:11:32,291 --> 01:11:34,166
- So that's it.
- I'm sorry.
1099
01:11:34,166 --> 01:11:37,041
I feel terrible about it.
- I've had enough of this.
1100
01:11:37,041 --> 01:11:38,124
I'm gonna get the manager.
1101
01:11:38,124 --> 01:11:39,791
- There's no need. We're going.
1102
01:11:48,082 --> 01:11:50,207
- Well, Ms. Adrianus?
1103
01:11:51,374 --> 01:11:52,249
- I'm sorry.
1104
01:11:53,624 --> 01:11:57,457
I never meant to deceive you, Mr. Jones.
1105
01:11:59,499 --> 01:12:01,791
Please, if you let me, I will explain.
1106
01:12:03,207 --> 01:12:05,374
- You'd better. Taxi!
1107
01:12:18,416 --> 01:12:21,332
- Uncle Alex is going to be very angry
1108
01:12:21,332 --> 01:12:23,416
- And that makes it just perfect.
1109
01:12:26,624 --> 01:12:28,416
- Bring another bottle, will you?
1110
01:12:28,416 --> 01:12:29,749
- Oui, monsieur.
1111
01:12:33,707 --> 01:12:34,957
- What's that lounge suit doing here?
1112
01:12:34,999 --> 01:12:36,791
- That's the King of Gaillardia.
1113
01:12:36,791 --> 01:12:37,832
- I don't care if it's Benny Hill.
1114
01:12:37,832 --> 01:12:39,416
We aren't having lounge suits here.
1115
01:12:39,416 --> 01:12:42,166
- Oh, he's ordered another
bottle of the best.
1116
01:12:42,166 --> 01:12:44,249
- Well don't take a check.
1117
01:12:48,166 --> 01:12:50,041
- Is your niece likely
to be much longer, sir?
1118
01:12:50,041 --> 01:12:52,624
- I'm sorry, I can't
understand what's keeping her.
1119
01:12:54,499 --> 01:12:57,499
Ilyena?
1120
01:12:57,499 --> 01:12:58,707
Ilyena?
1121
01:13:01,832 --> 01:13:04,249
- What's she like to look at?
- You'll soon see.
1122
01:13:06,832 --> 01:13:10,957
- I apologize, gentlemen. It
seems my niece has disappeared.
1123
01:13:12,957 --> 01:13:13,791
- Ilyena?
- Yes?
1124
01:13:15,624 --> 01:13:18,457
- Suppose you were running
a small family concern,
1125
01:13:18,457 --> 01:13:19,957
and you learned that a big corporation
1126
01:13:19,999 --> 01:13:22,541
has decided to put you out of business,
1127
01:13:22,541 --> 01:13:24,166
and then you also discover a relative
1128
01:13:24,166 --> 01:13:25,457
is to be put in your place.
1129
01:13:25,457 --> 01:13:27,332
- And that your manager
is trying to do a deal
1130
01:13:27,332 --> 01:13:30,041
with both of them behind your back?
1131
01:13:30,041 --> 01:13:33,707
- Yes, that's it. Well, what would you do?
1132
01:13:35,666 --> 01:13:38,582
I dunno.
1133
01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:44,082
I wondered, suppose you
put it to the shareholders?
1134
01:13:44,957 --> 01:13:46,457
- You mean that...
1135
01:13:49,291 --> 01:13:51,082
It's quite an idea, that.
1136
01:13:54,166 --> 01:13:57,666
You know, you and I ought to get together.
1137
01:14:04,249 --> 01:14:06,499
- Good night, Your Majesty.
1138
01:14:29,374 --> 01:14:31,207
- Good night, darling.
1139
01:15:37,332 --> 01:15:40,916
- Did you see the Grand Duke?
- No, can't make it out.
1140
01:15:40,916 --> 01:15:43,374
He's being most elusive. Is that my tea?
1141
01:15:43,374 --> 01:15:46,707
- Yes. How about the girl?
- Well that's just the point.
1142
01:15:46,749 --> 01:15:49,166
The three days are up, and
you haven't even met her yet.
1143
01:15:49,166 --> 01:15:50,832
I didn't know what the
Minister's going to say.
1144
01:15:50,832 --> 01:15:51,957
- Carlton-Browne?
- Yeah?
1145
01:15:51,957 --> 01:15:54,624
- Come and see me at once.
- Yes, sir.
1146
01:16:05,916 --> 01:16:07,207
- Yes, Minister?
1147
01:16:07,207 --> 01:16:10,249
- What have you been up
to now, Carlton-Browne?
1148
01:16:11,499 --> 01:16:13,957
I gave you three days to
settle this Gaillardia affair,
1149
01:16:13,957 --> 01:16:15,499
and what happens?
1150
01:16:15,499 --> 01:16:17,624
The King slips through our
hands, returns to the island,
1151
01:16:17,624 --> 01:16:20,207
and sends me the rudest
telegram I've ever received.
1152
01:16:20,207 --> 01:16:24,541
The Princess, after one look
presumably at your cousin,
1153
01:16:24,541 --> 01:16:26,332
goes after him.
1154
01:16:26,332 --> 01:16:29,249
So does the Grand Duke,
and to cap everything,
1155
01:16:29,249 --> 01:16:32,374
we've just had word that a
revolution has broken out.
1156
01:16:32,374 --> 01:16:34,457
- Revolution, sir?
- Three security slipups,
1157
01:16:34,457 --> 01:16:37,957
all our negotiations
wrecked, and a revolution.
1158
01:16:37,957 --> 01:16:42,124
- How extraordinary!
- Extraordinary, yes.
1159
01:16:42,124 --> 01:16:45,124
I don't know what it is, but
put you in charge of anything,
1160
01:16:45,124 --> 01:16:48,291
and within 24 hours, this
department is facing a crisis.
1161
01:16:50,582 --> 01:16:52,541
We're committed now. We can't back out.
1162
01:16:54,207 --> 01:16:56,041
We shall have to send troops in fast.
1163
01:16:57,457 --> 01:16:59,582
Who's that military
fellow you had out there?
1164
01:17:00,707 --> 01:17:02,999
- Billingham, sir?
- He'll have to take charge,
1165
01:17:02,999 --> 01:17:04,499
knows the country.
1166
01:17:06,666 --> 01:17:09,291
I want CIGS War Office,
First Lord Admiral,
1167
01:17:09,291 --> 01:17:11,541
Secretary for Air and the
Secretary to the Cabinet
1168
01:17:11,541 --> 01:17:15,457
in that order, and Carlton-Browne,
1169
01:17:15,457 --> 01:17:17,957
although the prospect appalls me.
1170
01:17:17,957 --> 01:17:20,374
With half my staff tied
up at the United Nations
1171
01:17:20,374 --> 01:17:22,207
and the other half in bed with Asian flu,
1172
01:17:22,207 --> 01:17:25,874
I am reluctantly obliged to
place the country's interests
1173
01:17:25,874 --> 01:17:27,916
in the hands of the very last person
1174
01:17:27,916 --> 01:17:30,749
I'd have chosen for a
mission of this kind.
1175
01:17:30,749 --> 01:17:34,207
- Who, who's that, sir?
- You, you...
1176
01:17:34,207 --> 01:17:38,749
you half-witted halibut.
1177
01:17:57,916 --> 01:18:00,582
- All history shows that a house
1178
01:18:00,582 --> 01:18:04,207
artificially divided
against itself cannot stand.
1179
01:18:05,166 --> 01:18:08,332
Gentlemen, for the future
peace of Gaillardia,
1180
01:18:08,332 --> 01:18:10,666
may of the whole world,
1181
01:18:10,666 --> 01:18:14,041
we ask that this line be withdrawn.
1182
01:18:16,791 --> 01:18:18,457
- On the motion of Great Britain,
1183
01:18:19,791 --> 01:18:24,749
that between north and
south the line be withdrawn.
1184
01:18:24,749 --> 01:18:26,707
United States.
1185
01:18:26,749 --> 01:18:28,416
Pakistan.
1186
01:18:29,624 --> 01:18:31,041
Argentine?
1187
01:18:31,041 --> 01:18:32,374
- Si.
- Japan.
1188
01:18:32,374 --> 01:18:33,457
- Hai.
- USSR.
1189
01:18:35,791 --> 01:18:39,707
Net.
1190
01:18:39,707 --> 01:18:42,499
I thought as much.
1191
01:18:47,749 --> 01:18:49,707
What's he saying?
1192
01:18:49,749 --> 01:18:51,624
- The Soviet supports
the spontaneous revolt
1193
01:18:51,624 --> 01:18:54,041
to the people against fascist aggression.
1194
01:18:54,041 --> 01:18:56,166
They're sending 11 aircraft carriers
1195
01:18:56,166 --> 01:18:59,457
and 19 cruisers on a goodwill visit.
1196
01:19:02,624 --> 01:19:04,332
- And we've sent Carlton-Browne.
1197
01:19:05,624 --> 01:19:06,874
- There's no question-
- All right,
1198
01:19:06,874 --> 01:19:07,707
can't go any longer.
1199
01:19:07,707 --> 01:19:09,916
Get on, everybody. Come on.
1200
01:19:09,916 --> 01:19:13,332
Sorry I'm late.
1201
01:19:16,749 --> 01:19:17,541
- Where have do you been?
1202
01:19:17,582 --> 01:19:20,582
- I had to go back for my earplugs.
1203
01:19:20,582 --> 01:19:23,291
- Now, pay attention,
everybody. Now here's a picture.
1204
01:19:24,332 --> 01:19:26,291
The revolution started in the north,
1205
01:19:26,291 --> 01:19:27,582
but practically in our position,
1206
01:19:27,582 --> 01:19:29,916
the narrow of the line driving south.
1207
01:19:29,916 --> 01:19:32,541
Rebel headquarters in this village here,
1208
01:19:32,541 --> 01:19:34,332
but they have no idea
we're in the country,
1209
01:19:34,332 --> 01:19:36,249
so it should be a pretty good party.
1210
01:19:36,249 --> 01:19:37,374
Right, we are here then,
1211
01:19:37,374 --> 01:19:39,916
straight across our line of advance.
1212
01:19:39,916 --> 01:19:42,374
Our attack goes in at 02:00,
1213
01:19:42,374 --> 01:19:44,957
30 minutes to map out advance
posts and consolidate,
1214
01:19:44,957 --> 01:19:49,207
one hour, 45 to rebel 8Q,
which will be taken by 04:40.
1215
01:19:49,207 --> 01:19:50,166
That should give us plenty of time
1216
01:19:50,166 --> 01:19:51,957
to court martial the leaders, shoot 'em,
1217
01:19:51,957 --> 01:19:54,124
polish equipment before breakfast.
1218
01:19:54,124 --> 01:19:57,624
Any questions?
- Oh, what time is breakfast?
1219
01:19:57,624 --> 01:20:00,416
- Oh, you can have it anytime.
- Where does one get it?
1220
01:20:00,416 --> 01:20:01,249
- Well, haven't you brought any?
1221
01:20:01,249 --> 01:20:04,207
They're not on our strength,
you know? Anything else.
1222
01:20:05,082 --> 01:20:06,624
- All right, synchronized watches.
1223
01:20:07,499 --> 01:20:10,082
I make it 01:35:15 seconds.
1224
01:20:10,082 --> 01:20:12,957
- 01:35:16 seconds it is, sir?
- I said 15.
1225
01:20:12,957 --> 01:20:15,124
- Yes sir, but I was allowing
the time you were speaking.
1226
01:20:15,124 --> 01:20:16,499
- But I spoke for more than a second.
1227
01:20:16,499 --> 01:20:17,374
- Well, sir, I thought-
- All right,
1228
01:20:17,374 --> 01:20:18,624
what do you make it now?
1229
01:20:19,499 --> 01:20:22,082
- 01:35:28, sir.
- 29, sir.
1230
01:20:22,082 --> 01:20:23,374
- 31, sir.
- Nonsense, my-
1231
01:20:23,374 --> 01:20:26,457
- Oh, stop this! C.B.,
what do you make it?
1232
01:20:26,457 --> 01:20:27,291
- Hmm, oh!
1233
01:20:30,916 --> 01:20:32,166
I'm afraid mine stopped.
1234
01:20:33,624 --> 01:20:36,541
- Everyone, announce that
their watch says 01:36.
1235
01:20:36,541 --> 01:20:39,749
DR is at 01:40, and
there's two plus three.
1236
01:20:39,749 --> 01:20:40,791
Got that?
- Yes, sir.
1237
01:20:40,791 --> 01:20:42,291
- All right, fall out. No smoking.
1238
01:20:50,957 --> 01:20:53,957
- Didn't you say, "No smoking?"
1239
01:20:53,957 --> 01:20:57,166
Follow me.
1240
01:21:21,499 --> 01:21:23,916
- Billingham, Billingham, what's that?
1241
01:21:23,916 --> 01:21:25,416
- What?
- Listen.
1242
01:21:26,874 --> 01:21:28,832
- Hello Rolo, Rolo answering.
1243
01:21:28,832 --> 01:21:31,457
Message received and understood, off.
1244
01:21:31,457 --> 01:21:33,207
Attack and advance post
just going in, sir.
1245
01:21:33,249 --> 01:21:36,541
- Get on. It started.
Nothing to worry about.
1246
01:21:36,541 --> 01:21:39,666
We follow up in about half an hour. Good.
1247
01:21:44,582 --> 01:21:48,957
- Hello, Rolo, Bolo
calling. Report my signals.
1248
01:21:48,957 --> 01:21:53,207
Hello, Rolo, Bolo calling.
Are you receiving me?
1249
01:21:53,207 --> 01:21:56,041
Report my signals, over.
1250
01:21:56,041 --> 01:21:57,666
- What progress?
- None, sir.
1251
01:21:57,666 --> 01:21:58,957
We've lost contact.
1252
01:21:58,957 --> 01:22:00,457
They went off the air in
the middle of a message.
1253
01:22:00,457 --> 01:22:04,499
- Oh, blasted WT, always packs
up just when you want it.
1254
01:22:12,416 --> 01:22:15,041
- Extraordinary, but if one didn't know,
1255
01:22:15,041 --> 01:22:17,457
I might think that the
shooting was getting nearer.
1256
01:22:17,457 --> 01:22:20,791
- Nonsense, pure illusion.
It must be the mountains.
1257
01:22:22,207 --> 01:22:25,291
Quite.
1258
01:22:27,666 --> 01:22:28,499
- What is it?
1259
01:22:28,499 --> 01:22:29,332
There's a force coming out
1260
01:22:29,332 --> 01:22:30,791
through the forest, sir.
- From which direction?
1261
01:22:30,791 --> 01:22:32,666
- There, sir.
- We're being attacked, sir.
1262
01:22:32,666 --> 01:22:34,416
- Where?
- From over here, sir.
1263
01:22:34,416 --> 01:22:37,416
Nonsense.
1264
01:22:37,416 --> 01:22:38,582
Where?
- There, sir.
1265
01:22:48,541 --> 01:22:49,416
- Inside, quick!
1266
01:23:21,791 --> 01:23:24,957
Let me in!
1267
01:23:28,207 --> 01:23:29,791
- What the devil were you doing out there?
1268
01:23:29,791 --> 01:23:31,374
- We're being attacked!
- Impossible!
1269
01:23:31,374 --> 01:23:33,082
There's not a rebel on
this side of the mountains.
1270
01:23:35,957 --> 01:23:38,207
- Where did that come from?
1271
01:23:38,207 --> 01:23:40,749
- There must be a rebel
force we haven't heard about.
1272
01:23:40,749 --> 01:23:44,166
- What do we do?
- Only one thing we can do.
1273
01:23:44,166 --> 01:23:46,499
Here, take these. We'll
have to shoot our way out.
1274
01:23:46,499 --> 01:23:47,457
- But I can't, I'm a civilian.
1275
01:23:47,499 --> 01:23:49,082
If I'm caught with these,
I'll be shot on the spot.
1276
01:23:49,082 --> 01:23:50,457
- If you caught on the toilet,
you'll be shot on the spot.
1277
01:23:50,457 --> 01:23:52,541
- They wouldn't dare, would they?
1278
01:23:52,541 --> 01:23:54,707
- Sh, listen.
1279
01:23:56,166 --> 01:23:58,332
They stop firing.
- Contact again, sir.
1280
01:23:58,332 --> 01:24:00,082
Attack progressing.
Advance boats surrounded.
1281
01:24:00,082 --> 01:24:03,291
Oh, shut up!
1282
01:24:11,582 --> 01:24:13,416
- Quick, quick, clear this door!
1283
01:24:24,582 --> 01:24:28,832
- Major Miller!
- What's the meaning of this,
1284
01:24:28,832 --> 01:24:30,707
surrounding your own headquarters?
1285
01:24:30,707 --> 01:24:31,791
Bloody scandal!
1286
01:24:32,707 --> 01:24:34,624
- We must have gone
around in circles, sir.
1287
01:24:34,624 --> 01:24:35,582
- If you didn't, you're going to.
1288
01:24:35,582 --> 01:24:37,874
Put yourself under arrest.
- Sir.
1289
01:24:37,874 --> 01:24:39,041
- Captain Bolt.
- Sir.
1290
01:24:39,957 --> 01:24:41,207
- Take these men back to the start line.
1291
01:24:41,207 --> 01:24:42,374
The operation will continue.
1292
01:24:42,374 --> 01:24:46,499
- Sir. All right, follow
over there. Follow me.
1293
01:24:47,749 --> 01:24:49,791
- On the double!
1294
01:24:49,791 --> 01:24:51,582
Hurry, get these men moving.
1295
01:24:52,957 --> 01:24:54,874
- Lucky they didn't shoot us.
1296
01:24:56,166 --> 01:24:59,624
I don't agree.
1297
01:25:00,957 --> 01:25:03,207
- No sign of A Company on
that flank either, sir.
1298
01:25:04,291 --> 01:25:07,499
- Coming out. Shouldn't we
sit here and wait for them?
1299
01:25:07,499 --> 01:25:10,499
- Certainly not. We're
already behind schedule.
1300
01:25:10,499 --> 01:25:12,291
Anyway, they could be ahead of us.
1301
01:25:12,291 --> 01:25:14,291
All right, fall in behind. Come on.
1302
01:25:24,124 --> 01:25:26,249
Billingham, are
all campaigns like this?
1303
01:25:26,249 --> 01:25:28,791
- Like what?
- Well, a shambles.
1304
01:25:28,791 --> 01:25:29,999
- Nothing of the kind.
1305
01:25:29,999 --> 01:25:32,416
Everything's going
completely according to plan.
1306
01:25:34,541 --> 01:25:36,124
What are you're talking about?
1307
01:25:36,124 --> 01:25:37,416
As a matter of fact, if
we get there by daybreak,
1308
01:25:37,416 --> 01:25:38,582
we can still catch 'em on the hop.
1309
01:25:38,582 --> 01:25:41,666
The important thing is
initiative and surprise,
1310
01:25:41,666 --> 01:25:42,541
complete surprise.
1311
01:25:44,041 --> 01:25:49,041
Oh-oh, Carlton-Browne?
1312
01:26:06,249 --> 01:26:09,166
- Mr. Carlton-Browne, and Duke Alexis.
1313
01:26:09,166 --> 01:26:11,957
I beg your pardon, Brigadier,
I see you've been promoted.
1314
01:26:11,957 --> 01:26:14,082
This is quite unexpected.
Where were you both off to?
1315
01:26:14,082 --> 01:26:15,791
- Well, I, sir, we, sir.
1316
01:26:23,416 --> 01:26:25,916
Now, sit down both of you.
You must be very tired.
1317
01:26:25,916 --> 01:26:27,666
- I'd rather stand, thank you, sir.
1318
01:26:28,791 --> 01:26:30,332
- Well now, Mr. Carlton-Browne.
1319
01:26:31,416 --> 01:26:33,749
- Well, sir, we'd, we'd heard
1320
01:26:33,749 --> 01:26:35,832
that there was a revolution and-
1321
01:26:35,832 --> 01:26:38,207
- You rushed troops out here to rescue me?
1322
01:26:39,541 --> 01:26:40,791
- Yes, sir.
1323
01:26:40,791 --> 01:26:42,541
- Well that was very considerate.
1324
01:26:42,541 --> 01:26:44,832
But weren't you told that I started it?
1325
01:26:44,832 --> 01:26:46,582
- Started what, sir?
- Revolution.
1326
01:26:47,541 --> 01:26:50,374
The Minister made it clear it
was the only thing left to do,
1327
01:26:50,374 --> 01:26:51,874
and it's going very well.
1328
01:26:51,874 --> 01:26:53,749
- I'm very glad, sir.
- Thank you.
1329
01:26:56,916 --> 01:26:58,666
Well, apart from a few
of the Grand Duke's men,
1330
01:26:58,666 --> 01:26:59,874
it seems to be all over.
1331
01:27:00,832 --> 01:27:02,582
- I think I will sit down
if you don't mind, sir.
1332
01:27:02,582 --> 01:27:05,207
- Certainly. Excuse me a though.
1333
01:27:08,457 --> 01:27:11,999
Ah, gentlemen, I think you know my fiance,
1334
01:27:11,999 --> 01:27:13,916
the Princess Ilyena.
1335
01:27:13,916 --> 01:27:15,874
They've gallantly made
the most arduous journey
1336
01:27:15,874 --> 01:27:17,957
to bring us their
government's congratulations.
1337
01:27:17,957 --> 01:27:19,249
- How very brave.
- Yes.
1338
01:27:19,249 --> 01:27:21,999
We shall have to find some
way to express our gratitude
1339
01:27:21,999 --> 01:27:23,749
for all they've done.
- Of course.
1340
01:27:25,249 --> 01:27:26,791
What you have done
1341
01:27:26,791 --> 01:27:29,374
will be long remembered in Gaillardia.
1342
01:27:29,374 --> 01:27:33,166
We therefore do invest you
with the Star of Elysium,
1343
01:27:33,166 --> 01:27:36,332
third class.
1344
01:27:37,832 --> 01:27:39,332
That surprised you, didn't it?
1345
01:27:40,374 --> 01:27:43,374
Only one thing clouds are happiness today.
1346
01:27:43,374 --> 01:27:46,791
For reasons of health,
the Grand Duke Alexis
1347
01:27:46,791 --> 01:27:49,249
has decided to spend his remaining years
1348
01:27:49,249 --> 01:27:53,124
in a hotel in Portugal.
1349
01:27:53,124 --> 01:27:56,666
Mr. Amphibulos, with rare generosity,
1350
01:27:56,666 --> 01:27:58,332
has resolved to accompany him.
1351
01:28:06,416 --> 01:28:10,207
And now, I'm going to
ask Mr. Carlton-Browne
1352
01:28:10,207 --> 01:28:12,624
to kick off for this
goodwill football match,
1353
01:28:12,624 --> 01:28:14,957
which will mark the
departure of our visitors
1354
01:28:14,957 --> 01:28:19,916
from the USA and the USSR.
1355
01:28:21,416 --> 01:28:23,916
Thank you, Mr. Carlton-Browne.
- Your Majesty.
1356
01:28:53,332 --> 01:28:55,124
How
many paragraphs, Arthur?
1357
01:28:55,124 --> 01:28:55,957
- None.
- None?
1358
01:28:55,957 --> 01:28:57,582
There's a short leader.
1359
01:28:58,457 --> 01:29:02,374
"When Cadogan De Vere Carlton-Browne
leaves hospital today,
1360
01:29:02,374 --> 01:29:05,916
"he will go straight to
Buckingham Palace for investiture.
1361
01:29:05,916 --> 01:29:08,374
"His knighthood is a well-merited reward
1362
01:29:08,374 --> 01:29:11,082
"for his services in the
cause of world peace.
1363
01:29:12,207 --> 01:29:15,666
"His handling of a difficult
situation has throughout
1364
01:29:15,666 --> 01:29:18,957
"proved a triumph of British diplomacy."