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<b>Improved By: Fidel33
Sub Upload Date: December 7, 2015</b>

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(ANNIE READING)

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Do you remember the first time
your husband saw you naked?

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Do you remember
what it felt like?

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Do you remember
what he felt like?

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- Holy motherfuckin' fuck!
- Oh, my God!

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- Holy fuck!
- Oh, my God!

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(BOTH YELLING)

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(PANTING)
Wow!

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- Again?
- Fuck, yeah.

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<font color="
be a little harder.

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Do you remember the second time
your husband saw you naked?

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(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

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BETH: Annie, you coming?

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- We're gonna be late.
- WOMAN

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- WOMAN
- Shit.

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Hey, guys.
I, uh, totally overslept.

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- Um, okay. Well, you can meet us.
- <font color="

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(SCREAMS)

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(GRUNTS)

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I saw your butt.
Just standin' there.

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Did you?

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I never seen
your butt before.

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I had no choice.

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ANNIE: We accidentally
left the door open.

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I mean, can you even
imagine a world

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where you accidentally
leave the door open?

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I love fucking you.

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I fucking love you.

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ANNIE: For Jay and I,

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the next few months
were a blur

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of constant naked,
sweaty, ugly, amazing sex.

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(ANNIE AND JAY GRUNTING)

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Okay. I got it.

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(GRUNTS)
Oh, God!

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I'll probably be pretty
hungry after this.

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It's been a while
since I've eaten.

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I can make you
a sandwich.

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We could probably make a burrito
out of shit we have here.

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Okay.

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- (SQUEALING)
- Oh, no!

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Holy Mary, mother of...

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<font color="
(SIGHS)

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The erections.

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Oh, God. Do you remember
the erections?

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Erections everywhere.

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If the Wind blew.

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If he ate certain foods.

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If he watched any movie.

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If he got sleepy.

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If he woke up.

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Good morning.

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Sometimes,
I swear his erection

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knew I was in the area
before Jay did.

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Annie?

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Everywhere we went,
everything we did,

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was another opportunity
to have sex.

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Do you think we should be
doing this right here?

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Baby, honestly,
I don't think anyone

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can tell what's happening.

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ANNIE: It's not that
it was just sex.

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But we knew that
there was always

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more sex just around
the corner.

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(ANNIE SQUEALS)

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Then, it happened.

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Dad.

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Mom.

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Jay and I
have some big news.

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We're in love. We're pregnant
and we're getting married.

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- Come again?
- Honey, wait. What?

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(STAMMERS)
Are you sure?

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Yeah. I took the test
three times.

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No, honey. No, I mean,

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are you sure that now
is the right time?

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You're both very,
very young

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and who knows what
the future holds?

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(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, Greg?

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Oh. Jay.

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Yeah. Where are you
from again?

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Mr. and Mrs. Grovner, uh,

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I know that we just met.

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But when I first met Annie,

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I knew that she was the one.

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And so I think,
once you get to know me,

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you're gonna feel

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a lot better about this
moment than you do right now

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because I really love
your daughter.

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(MOUTHING)
I love you.

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Oh, boy.
(CHUCKLES)

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Well, goodbye, sex.
(CHUCKLES)

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- Dad!
- Walt.

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- What?
- What?

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They're not right,
are they?

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No, of course not.

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I don't think.

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We're not too young?

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JAY: Oh, we're young.
You know?

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But we definitely
know each other.

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Greg, right?

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Yes, I'm Greg.

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Look, here's what I think.

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They're right.

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We don't know
what the future holds.

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But I also think that whatever
the world throws at us,

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let's deal with it, right?

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- Yeah.
- You know?

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But what about
the sex part?

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Are you still gonna
wanna have sex with me

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even when I am big
and fat and pregnant,

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and then later when
I'm somebody's mother?

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Yeah!

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- Yeah.
- Really?

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Babe, my dick
can see the future.

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That's why we call it
Nostracockus.

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(LAUGHS)

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What about you? Are you gonna
wanna have sex with me?

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Yes, I'm gonna wanna
have sex with you.

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- Yeah?
- Yes!

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Do you know why I'm gonna
wanna have sex with you?

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- My butt?
- Because of your butt, babe.

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(BOTH LAUGHING)

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ANNIE: We promised ourselves
nothing would change.

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That we wouldn't let it.

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And even though
it was awkward sometimes,

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we made it work.

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If you could just turn
a little bit more.

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- Yep.
- To the right.

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I think we're good.

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That's... I'm maxed out.
My stomach's in the way.

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You know what?
I'm gonna grab boob.

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Yeah, just be careful.
They're really sensitive.

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And not in a good way.

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Got it. Very gently
grabbin' boob.

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Okay, gently.

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- And here comes the penis.
- (CHUCKLES)

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That's gonna be
the name of my album.

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ANNIE: We were determined.
And often, successful.

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Then came the event.

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(SCREAMING)
Motherfucker!

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You're doing an amazing job, babe.
You're doing great!

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Tell her
she's doing great!

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He's crowning,
if you'd like to see.

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Yeah.

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Wow!

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That is one
incredibly versatile hole.

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You're tellin' me.

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ANNIE: From that moment on,
everything was completely different.

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No two ways about it.

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(BABY CRYING OVER MONITOR)

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Oh, I'll be back.

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ANNIE: Not that
we didn't try.

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<font color="

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Got it.

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And if one
made it difficult,

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two made it
almost impossible.

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- Honey...
- (JAY SNORING)

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let's try to have
sex next weekend

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when my mom comes
over for lunch, okay?

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I'm gonna do you
like a fucking...

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(SNORING RESUMES)

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ANNIE: Now, do you
remember the last time

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your husband saw you naked?

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- Jay.
- JAY: Yeah.

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I need a little help here.

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I may be late for my thing
if I don't get in here

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and take a shower right away.
Can we switch places?

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(SNEEZES)

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ANNIE: You know,
don't even think about it.

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The big question is, how the
hell do you get it back?

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JAY: All right, guys!
Let's get goin'!

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Clive, if you wanna wear your
uniform, you gotta get changed, bud.

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Uh, one minute.
This is really important.

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What are you workin' on?

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It's my video
yearbook presentation

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for graduation on Monday.

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JAY: That is super
impressive, man.

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- Where'd you learn how to do that?
- It's really easy, Dad.

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Hey, save it as something

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other than "Video 1"
for me, will ya?

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It's fine. It's Video 1.

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Hey, Clive. I asked you
to do something, right?

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Don't condescend to me.

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It's time to go to school.
I'll meet you in the car.

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Nell, are you ready?

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Later.

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<font color="
Let's go!

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Wait, honey. Hold on!

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I'm going!

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I'm going, too!

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Mommy packed me two kinds of sandwiches.
Jelly and peanut butter.

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- Oh, yes, honey.
- Wow.

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Bye, honey. Good
luck with your game.

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- NELL: Good luck at work!
- Thanks, baby.

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JAY: Clive, buckle up
your sister, will ya?

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- Honey, did you pack all of her stuff?
- Yeah, yeah, of course.

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Don't forget to
stop by and grab...

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Light bulbs.
I am on top of it. Hey.

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It's gonna go great.

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God, is this actually
happening?

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Am I gonna sell the blog for money?
Like, real money?

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Is that possible?

202
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It would be amazing.
For everything.

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CLIVE: Dad,
I can't be late again!

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- Yes! I'll be right there, guys!
- CLIVE: Let's go!

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Yes, Clive! I heard...

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00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,451
Is it just me or is the big
one becoming kind of a dick?

207
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,171
Don't say that.
Seriously, babe.

208
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,368
No, I'm just sayin'
he's acting like a dick.

209
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,566
Don't say that.

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00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,564
Hey, we should have
sex sometime soon.

211
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,569
- Oh, I would love that.
- Yeah, me, too.

212
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:08,800
Maybe Thursday.

213
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,842
Fantastic. 'Cause it feels
like it's been a long time.

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00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,126
- It has, right?
- JAY: Yeah.

215
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,961
The last time was when we got those
towels from Bed Bath and Beyond.

216
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,809
- Oh, that's right. That was a while ago.
- Yeah, the linen sale.

217
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,481
Look, we can't talk
about this right now,

218
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,726
because we both
have someplace to be.

219
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Not the right time.
Gotta get goin'.

220
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It's just been so hard to find
the moment with the kids.

221
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,769
At the end of the day, we're
just both so exhausted.

222
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,240
- You know?
- Oh, just tell me about it.

223
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,770
Maybe one of these nights,
we'll have sex

224
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,365
instead of watching
Project Runway.

225
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,005
We'll TiVo Project Runway.

226
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,605
That's probably why
they invented TiVo.

227
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,011
So people could have sex.

228
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,120
NELL: Daddy?
I still don't get it.

229
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,931
Why do we keep having
all of these days?

230
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,321
And then,
going to bed at night?

231
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,085
And then, having
all of these days?

232
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,322
And then, going to bed
at night?

233
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,844
Well, uh, that's
sort of what life is.

234
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When will it end?

235
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,281
It won't.

236
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,606
Well, it'll end
when we die.

237
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,806
Don't do that, buddy.
Okay?

238
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,368
Won't I get bored
of doing this stuff

239
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,920
again and again and again?

240
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,121
No.

241
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,690
But you and Mommy
are bored.

242
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,202
Well, that's what
happens with marriage.

243
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,281
Who are you?

244
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,601
(CHUCKLES)

245
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,291
Dad, <font color="
Nell's doing it again.

246
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,728
Hey. Nell, get your finger
out of your butt.

247
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,203
Is anyone gonna
clean her finger?

248
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,290
Hey! Stop! No!

249
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,600
- Nell!
- CLIVE: No. Stop.

250
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:28,847
Do you mind if I join you?

251
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:29,921
I don't mind!

252
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,729
- CLIVE: No! Stop. Stop!
- (LAUGHTER)

253
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,567
As you know, Piper Brothers
is the world's number one

254
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,404
toy and child
product brand

255
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,970
in the zero-to-four
age range

256
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,644
for over 50 years.

257
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,961
We're looking to bring Piper
Brothers into the future.

258
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,769
And a big part of
that is developing

259
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,604
the Piper Brothers
online community

260
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,081
in a way that's befitting
of the Piper Brothers name.

261
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,571
But also in a way that says,

262
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,520
"This is not your grandfather's
Piper Brothers."

263
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,082
But in order for us
to do that, we need content.

264
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,242
Hey, everybody! Annie!

265
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:57,646
- Hi.
- Hank Rosenbaum.

266
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,762
Such a pleasure.
Thank you so much.

267
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,683
I've heard so much
about you.

268
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,171
- Please, sit down.
- Thank you.

269
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,004
Can I get you anything?
Coffee? Finger sandwich?

270
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,804
Sliced pineapple?

271
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,282
No, no. I'm fine with just water.
Thanks.

272
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,491
Oh, well, I just wanna stick
my head in and say hi

273
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,562
and to tell you that I'm a
big fan of what you do.

274
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,688
Thanks. That's really
nice to hear.

275
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,091
We think you have
brand potential.

276
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,565
The model
Piper Brothers mother.

277
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,840
HANK: We really
believe in you.

278
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,365
And I always say
that belief

279
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,680
is the only metric
that matters.

280
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,205
We didn't bring you here to wow
you with incredible numbers

281
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,044
because numbers
are really just

282
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,600
an algorithm for
passion and values.

283
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,648
It's like I was
telling my wife, Schlomit,

284
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:37,247
I think I found the voice
of Piper Brothers' values.

285
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,408
(CHUCKLES)
Yeesh!

286
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,881
Thanks!

287
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,166
Are you sure
we can't get you

288
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,890
a finger sandwich
or a slice of pineapple?

289
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,800
I'm okay.

290
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,804
There are certain content
guidelines we'd like to discuss.

291
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,804
- Oh, how do you mean?
- Little things.

292
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,484
"Do you remember
the first time"

293
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,085
"your husband
saw you naked?"

294
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,207
Right, um...

295
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,005
"The erections? Do you
remember the erections?"

296
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,571
(CHUCKLES)
No, I remember that part.

297
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:03,801
"Erections everywhere."

298
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,570
That's an unusual
post for me.

299
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,563
It's a great post.
I enjoyed it.

300
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,608
But what we're looking
for from you

301
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,803
is your authentic,
wholesome voice.

302
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,211
It's the kind of content
that Piper Brothers

303
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,486
mothers are so hungry for.

304
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,722
Look, I love
being a mother.

305
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,524
And I love writing
about it.

306
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,368
Well, we will make you
a meaningful proposal.

307
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,771
And we're very excited.

308
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,326
Should we have
some pineapple?

309
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,641
(LAUGHING)

310
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,687
We can have someone
get you some pineapple.

311
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,207
MAN: Band's coming to the
Los Angeles area tomorrow.

312
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,965
Meantime, here's the new single.
It's called Spank Me.

313
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,128
I swear to you, man.

314
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,964
I think I am in love
with this girl.

315
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,605
- Max, that's big news.
- Yeah.

316
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,091
It's, like, we...

317
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,889
I don't know.
We just connect.

318
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,530
Like, we have these
really long, like,

319
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,444
super intense
conversations. You know?

320
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,683
About religion,
and snowboarding.

321
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,247
And then, like,
out of nowhere,

322
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,721
she'll just text me
her boobs.

323
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,360
She just texted you a picture
of her boobs out of the blue?

324
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,324
- Oh, buddy. Good for you.
- (CHUCKLES)

325
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,608
- Enjoy this time.
- Thank you, dude.

326
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:06,846
- That's amazing.
- Yeah.

327
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,763
I once sent Annie
a picture of my dick.

328
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,411
She was at a PTA meeting.
It was horrible.

329
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,000
Did you go full dick?

330
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,166
Yeah. I...

331
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,361
Oh.

332
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,000
For a man, I feel like
it's dick or...

333
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,485
That's kind of
your only option.

334
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,641
Yeah, I avoid my dick.

335
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,449
I usually just do, like,

336
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,885
you know, the sexier
parts of me.

337
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,843
Um, like, part bag,
part leg.

338
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:26,967
You know?

339
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,849
I'll go undercarriage. So...

340
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,166
I'll have my friend,
Doug, come over

341
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,571
and we'll just
knock it out real fast.

342
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,484
Your friend comes over and
takes a picture of your balls?

343
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,085
Yeah. Yeah.
You know Doug, right?

344
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,690
- Your neighbor?
- Yeah.

345
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,489
He's actually a really
good photographer.

346
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:40,607
He works from home.

347
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:41,681
- And, so...
- <font color="

348
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,250
- Hey, Rosie.
- Hello, Rosie.

349
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,407
New iPads are here.

350
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,767
Ah, thank you. I have
been waiting for these.

351
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:47,921
How many of those
things do you have?

352
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,001
Two at a time.

353
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,003
One for new music.
One for back catalogue.

354
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,731
I have this complicated syncing
system, but it works out.

355
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,002
Well, what do you do with the old ones?
I just give 'em as gifts.

356
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:57,081
(PHONE BUZZES)

357
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,048
- Hey, babe. How'd it go?
- They wanna buy it!

358
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,566
That's amazing! What did they say?
Did they make an offer?

359
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:04,687
They're going to.

360
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,001
They said it would be "meaningful."
Whatever that means.

361
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,208
I think that means
a lot of money.

362
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,725
- Right?
- (SQUEALS) I know!

363
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,086
Well, we have to celebrate.

364
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,840
Slow down. They haven't
made the offer yet.

365
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,048
They're going to. And
that's reason to celebrate.

366
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,849
I can get Sam to cover me tonight.
What do you wanna do?

367
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,042
I don't know. Should we take
the kids somewhere fun?

368
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,800
Like pizza and roller
skating or something?

369
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,811
Totally! I can't wait.

370
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,450
I'll see you
in a couple hours.

371
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,762
Okay, hon. Love you.

372
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,126
(PHONE BEEPS)

373
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:37,841
(PHONE RINGS)

374
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,122
- Hello?
- ANNIE: Hey, Mom.

375
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,486
What's wrong, honey?

376
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,404
Nothing's wrong.

377
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,324
What are you
doing tonight?

378
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,040
All right,

379
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,481
who's ready for some
roller skating?

380
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,560
Annie?

381
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,482
Clive? Nelly?

382
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,925
Annie, you here?

383
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,084
All right.

384
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,165
Hello.

385
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:17,961
Hey.

386
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,167
- Hey, babe.
- Hi.

387
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,480
Where are the kids?

388
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,851
They're at my mom's.
(CLEARS THROAT)

389
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,763
Oh, they are? I thought that we
were gonna go down to the...

390
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,161
Whoa, holy shit! Wow!

391
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,682
(CHUCKLES)
Hi.

392
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,241
Wow. Look at you.

393
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,443
- Too much?
- No, it's great.

394
00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:33,686
I was thinking...

395
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,002
- Yeah! Yes!
- (CHUCKLES)

396
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:37,970
The kids, um,
how long are they...

397
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,127
They're sleepin' over.

398
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,201
Yes!

399
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,604
- 'Cause I was thinking that...
- Whoa.

400
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,209
Maybe we could celebrate,
just the two of us.

401
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,681
I get it.

402
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,484
That's a great idea.

403
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,961
This is, like, the best
idea you've ever had.

404
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,724
- (CHUCKLES)
- You look amazing.

405
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,803
- Do you own these underwear?
- Mm-hmm.

406
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,450
'Cause I've never
seen those before.

407
00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,560
Come on.

408
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,002
This is so exciting.
I'm so excited right now.

409
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,725
(LAUGHS)

410
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:06,567
(SQUEALS)

411
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,481
And now you're
on the bed.

412
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,722
This is great.
I love where this is headed.

413
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,849
Your narrating,
it's so hot.

414
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,570
She said, encouragingly.

415
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,730
Get over here and take these
roller skates off of me.

416
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,161
I love it when you talk that
way about your roller skates.

417
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,881
Double knot.

418
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,920
Okay.

419
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,240
Here, maybe...

420
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,645
- No, no, no, I got it.
- Okay.

421
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,442
ANNIE: (GIGGLING) Ooh.

422
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,848
Okay, that should do it.

423
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,528
- And a-one...
- Uh-huh.

424
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:55,761
- (GROANS)
- (GASPS)

425
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,964
- Ow!
- (GRUNTS)

426
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,246
- Fuck! Ow.
- Ow!

427
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,971
That got a lot less hot
real quick, didn't it?

428
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,081
(SIGHS)

429
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:09,685
(LAUGHING)

430
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,281
Mmm.

431
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,811
- Mm-hmm?
- Mm-hmm.

432
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,088
- Mm-hmm.
- Should we continue?

433
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,400
- Yes.
- Mm.

434
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,321
(JAY GRUNTING)

435
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,041
Mm! Oop...

436
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,724
- Babe. That was like...
- Toothy.

437
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,848
- Okay, just relax.
- Do I not seem relaxed?

438
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,445
No, I mean both of us.
What I'm talking about.

439
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,721
Oh. We'll both relax.
We'll just relax.

440
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:34,926
If we both relaxed,
it'd be good.

441
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,331
Just...

442
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,330
Sorry. I'm sorry.

443
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,408
- What is happening with us right now?
- I don't know.

444
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,891
I just got
in my head a little bit.

445
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,729
- It was just weird for a second. I'm sorry.
- Okay, it's fine.

446
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,325
Here's what we're gonna do.

447
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,765
- All right.
- Here we go.

448
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,490
- Let's do this thing.
- It's on.

449
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,841
(BOTH GRUNTS)

450
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:07,841
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

451
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:09,921
Oh.

452
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,843
- What?
- We have hit boob.

453
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,162
- (ANNIE LAUGHS)
- We've got a man on second base.

454
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,523
It's a baseball term but it
also means touching your boob.

455
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,762
I know what it means.
Why don't we go to third.

456
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,521
Whoa.

457
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,207
(ANNIE GIGGLES)

458
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,207
- What?
- Hmm?

459
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:30,681
What?

460
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,690
Too much in my own head.

461
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,880
I think I've been
dreaming

462
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,086
- about this moment for so long
- Mm-hmm.

463
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,362
- When we could, like, drop everything
- Yeah.

464
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,006
- And just properly schtup.
- Right, right.

465
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,162
Instead of when
you're like, half conscious

466
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,685
and can't resist,
you know?

467
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,125
You think I wanna resist?

468
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,123
Of course I know
that you wanna have sex.

469
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,283
Sometimes I just wonder if you
wanna have sex that much.

470
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,045
I do. I do wanna
have sex that much.

471
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,884
But sometimes
I just feel like

472
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,962
you know, you're tired
or you're stressed out.

473
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,041
- And maybe...
- Me?

474
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,121
I don't know,
I wonder sometimes

475
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,810
if you're still, you know,
attracted to me.

476
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,167
Are you kidding?
You're a fuckin' sexpot.

477
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,486
You think I'm a sexpot?

478
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,721
Instant boner.

479
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,165
That's what I always
say about you.

480
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,166
My wife, instant
boner-giver.

481
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,571
<font color="

482
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,329
Tell me more about
this boner of yours.

483
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,562
(GRUNTS)
He's a good guy.

484
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,642
- Proud. Strong.
- Ooh.

485
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:19,807
Great sense
of humor.

486
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,170
Let's go fuck on
the kitchen floor.

487
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,600
There he is.

488
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,761
You comin'?

489
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,083
(THUDDING, GRUNTING)

490
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,090
(GRUNTING)

491
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,009
ANNIE: I'm so glad
that I mopped yesterday.

492
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,206
JAY: Yeah, totally.

493
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,762
<font color="
Babe, babe, honey.

494
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,640
Do you wanna go
somewhere else?

495
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,967
Oh, my God, thank God
you said something.

496
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,570
My knees hurt, like, really bad.
Oh, God.

497
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:55,721
They really hurt.

498
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,365
I know. My tailbone
is killing me

499
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,726
and I can see
my to-do list.

500
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,286
(PANTING)

501
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,290
- Should we try the couch?
- Yeah.

502
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,163
- Sex on the couch, of course, yeah.
- (CLAPS) Let's go.

503
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,241
Let's go.

504
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,361
(SNIFFLES)

505
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,089
- It'll just be a minute.
- Okay.

506
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,124
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh .

507
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,165
- No.
- No?

508
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,007
(SIGHS)

509
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:28,760
(SNIFFING)

510
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,926
(CLEARS THROAT)

511
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,127
Do you have allergies?

512
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,248
Yeah, all week. I've had
allergies all week.

513
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,840
- It's 'cause of the pressure change.
- Oh, is that what it is?

514
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,401
Mmm.

515
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,688
- This used to totally work, remember?
- Totally work.

516
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:53,881
This was like my move.

517
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,530
You loved this.

518
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,770
Shit, man!

519
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,330
- What is happening?
- It's okay.

520
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,765
Is it possible that
we have somehow

521
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:06,966
forgotten how to have sex?

522
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,241
- Do not say that.
- Because we used to be great at this.

523
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,611
Yeah, we were. We were.

524
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,330
I was like Shaquille O'Neal
in the sack.

525
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,526
I had that kind of game.

526
00:21:14,075 --> 00:21:15,075
What?

527
00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:16,672
Shaquille O'Neal's a
weird comparison.

528
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,843
- I'm just trying to say that I was a dominant player.
- Yeah, I know.

529
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,962
- I would've gone with Derek Fisher for you.
- Derek Fisher?

530
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,969
- What? He's a great player.
- Okay.

531
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,889
- I feel like we're tryin' to say the same thing.
- Okay.

532
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,042
- You were like LeBron James.
- Oh, thanks, honey.

533
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,408
We were like Derek Fisher
and LeBron James having sex.

534
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:33,846
I'm saying we were
world-class.

535
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,684
And now,
what is happening?

536
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:36,881
(SIGHS)

537
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,050
I don't know.
I mean, we're older.

538
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,241
(SIGHS)

539
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,481
We're parents.

540
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,925
Yeah, but we're not dead!

541
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,288
I still think about
sex all the time.

542
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,880
I know.
I use your computer.

543
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,083
- Oh, the porn.
- Yeah.

544
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,562
You and I used to watch
porn together all the time.

545
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,404
I still watch porn
every once in a while.

546
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,806
- You do?
- Yeah.

547
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,480
But the quality of writing
has really gone downhill.

548
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,246
I like it best when it feels
like they're really in love.

549
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,448
Yeah, I feel like we're getting
different things out of porn.

550
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,520
Maybe.

551
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,961
I just watch it for the
naked women having sex.

552
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,121
And the porn guys

553
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,645
don't get in the way
or anything?

554
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,685
Don't even see 'em.

555
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,728
They're completely
invisible to me.

556
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,090
Should we watch
some porn?

557
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,766
Eh.

558
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,484
Just feels
kind of depressing.

559
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,607
Yeah.

560
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,684
Do we have any
of that tequila left?

561
00:22:25,985 --> 00:22:27,015
That's a good idea.

562
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,010
- That's a really good idea.
- JAY: Right.

563
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,366
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.

564
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,647
We are gonna drink some tequila.
Whoo!

565
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:33,767
We're gonna
pull ourselves

566
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,171
out of this
sad little moment

567
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,685
that we're having
and after that...

568
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,446
We're gonna be Derek Fisher
and LeBron fucking James.

569
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,885
That's exactly
what we're gonna do.

570
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,325
I'm gonna call my mom
and make sure

571
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,970
the kids went to sleep okay.

572
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,562
♪ Karma-karma-karma-karma ♪
♪ karma chameleon ♪

573
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,201
♪ She come and goes ♪

574
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,243
♪ She come and go-o-o-oes ♪

575
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,370
♪ Karma Chameleon gonna... ♪

576
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,601
Hey.

577
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:58,801
Hey.

578
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,964
Oh, yeah.
I just got that today.

579
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,405
I'm super excited about it.

580
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,562
It's got a higher-resolution
display,

581
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:05,721
which means more pixels,

582
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,764
and they upgraded the camera.

583
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,963
- What?
- I just had this idea.

584
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,969
Oh, all right.
Let's hear it.

585
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,325
Let's make a porn.

586
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,321
Excuse me?

587
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,008
Let's video ourselves
having sex.

588
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,161
<font color="

589
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,401
- Absolutely. Yeah, totally.
- Really?

590
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,564
Yeah. The more I think about
it, yes, that's a great idea.

591
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,284
I think it's kind
of hot, right?

592
00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,681
Babe, I think that
is a great idea.

593
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,841
Here, cheers.

594
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,251
Look at us.
Annie and Jay.

595
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:41,446
Send the kids off
to Grandma's house,

596
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,204
make a little porn.

597
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,770
- Mazel tov.
- To porn.

598
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,921
Chug it.

599
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:48,841
(GROANS)

600
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:49,921
(CLEARS THROAT)

601
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,001
I mean, drink to that.

602
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,006
Oh, yeah.

603
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,407
We don't even have to watch
it if we don't want to.

604
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,130
Or we could.
Either way.

605
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,045
Okay, honey,

606
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:03,406
what's our storyline?

607
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:04,527
- Story?
- Yeah.

608
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:05,666
I'm not sure the story's
that important.

609
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:06,961
Yeah. Oh, come on.

610
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,365
I have another idea.

611
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,764
Well, I would like
to hear that idea.

612
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:12,966
Because you're clearly
in the zone.

613
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,087
This is it.

614
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,889
This is what
we're gonna do.

615
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,291
The Joy of Sex.

616
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,361
We still have that.

617
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,090
Every position, right now.

618
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,242
Oh, I like that.
I like that a lot.

619
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,321
Every single one?

620
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,726
Yep. We're not
gonna skip one.

621
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,130
- Even, uh...
- Yeah. Even that.

622
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,929
- Yes!
- But also...

623
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,244
Totally. It's in the book.

624
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,402
Yay! And we'll video
the whole thing.

625
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,562
You're a genius.
No, I married a genius.

626
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,565
(SIGHS) I need
another drink.

627
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,880
I need to be drunker.

628
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,565
Okay.

629
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,085
- Here I go.
- ANNIE: Get here. Okay.

630
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:44,920
- (BEEPS)
- Action.

631
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,481
- Hello.
- Hi.

632
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,042
And welcome to
Annie and Jay's,

633
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,844
A Night With
Annie and Jay.

634
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,161
I'm Jay and this is
my lovely wife, Annie.

635
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,240
And tonight,

636
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,931
we intend to demonstrate
every position

637
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:05,840
in The Joy of Sex.

638
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,923
Are you speaking
to our students, honey?

639
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,088
Why, yes, I am, Annie.

640
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,210
And this is our dojo.

641
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,600
Our sex dojo.

642
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,170
Our sex dojo.
That's right.

643
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,924
Annie, the book, please.

644
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,770
Here you go, Professor.

645
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,126
Thank you, Annie.

646
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,167
Well.

647
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,529
Wow. Wow. Okay.

648
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,125
Look at that bush.

649
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,201
Well, look at his bush.

650
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,566
I'm talking about his bush.

651
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,244
Is that still his bush?

652
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,009
I can't tell where her
bush ends and his begins.

653
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,242
People were furrier
in the '70s.

654
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,121
Oh.

655
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,127
- "Matrimonial." Mm-hmm.
- That's right. Wow. Hmm.

656
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,645
Matrimonial.

657
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,201
Can we start with something
other than missionary?

658
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,648
Absolutely. We can loop
back around to missionary.

659
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,524
Right. It's not goin' anywhere.

660
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,001
Okay, close your eyes,
my dear.

661
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,482
- (CLEARS THROAT) Say "stop" when I...
- Stop!

662
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:01,641
"Flanquette."

663
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,484
- Flanquette!
- Oh.

664
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,609
That is what
I'm talkin' about.

665
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:06,801
- I feel good about this one.
- Me, too.

666
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:07,927
Okay. So you see
what's happening?

667
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,240
- That's my leg.
- Yeah, okay.

668
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,209
- But that's your leg.
- Okay.

669
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,281
So, it's like...

670
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:13,360
Yep. All right.

671
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,160
- Let's do this. Let's do it.
- Let's do it.

672
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,681
(ANNIE CHUCKLES)

673
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:21,801
JAY: What?

674
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,607
- Come here. Come here.
- JAY: Okay, here we go.

675
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:26,925
- Hi.
- Hi.

676
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,002
(ANNIE GIGGLING)

677
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,605
- Okay, ready? Okay.
- Yeah.

678
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:32,681
- Go.
- Go.

679
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,764
You're amazing at that.

680
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:42,841
Really?

681
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,445
- Oh, my gosh.
- Still?

682
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:45,726
Are you kidding me?

683
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,848
You were like a machine.

684
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,202
Like a battering ram.

685
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,681
Thank you.

686
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,204
- Honey?
- Yeah?

687
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,647
Erase that video, okay?

688
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:58,480
Yeah.

689
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,807
I don't want the kids to ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever...

690
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,450
No, I'll erase it.
No worries.

691
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,045
You don't forget, okay?

692
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:05,565
I won't forget.

693
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:07,881
(ANNIE SIGHS)

694
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,162
I love fucking you.

695
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,889
I fucking love you.

696
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,402
(KIDS LAUGHING)

697
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,564
No! No,
not my own son!

698
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:31,841
Whoops!

699
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,004
So as long as we
get them both down

700
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,844
for thew second naps
by 2:00 - ish,

701
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,843
then the nighttime
is a little better.

702
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,969
Yeah, if we don't get them down
by 2:00-ish we're totally fucked.

703
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,242
Wow. "Totally fucked."
That's nice.

704
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,731
PUNIT: This is just
an expression.

705
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,006
How else would
you describe this?

706
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,206
I would describe
this as...

707
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:58,810
- Super fucked?...
- A gift of life. You're welcome.

708
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,484
You guys are bouncing the
shit out of those babies.

709
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,005
You're bouncing 'em hard.

710
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,286
Oh, you guys
are doing great.

711
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:04,850
It's getting
a lot easier, though.

712
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,843
Oh, we're seeing the light
at the end of the tunnel.

713
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,611
KIA: Yeah. You guys should
have seen us a month ago.

714
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,205
I don't even know
who I was then.

715
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,203
Oh, my God.
These are the salad days.

716
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,124
Yeah, it sounds really
intense, but you got it!

717
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,611
So, are you guys
thinking of having more?

718
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:18,806
ALL: No.

719
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,010
Isn't it crazy
that the boys

720
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:24,209
are graduating fourth grade?
Isn't that crazy?

721
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,124
And Howard is graduating fifth grade.
When did that happen?

722
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,726
Since when did kids graduate
from fourth and fifth grade?

723
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,007
It used to be
school just ended.

724
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,730
There wasn't a ceremony
for everything.

725
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,040
- Just...
- Ignore him.

726
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,565
- I will.
- TESS: Yeah.

727
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,165
I love your blog, by the way.

728
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:39,730
Oh, thank you.

729
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,723
Hey, do you think Piper
Brothers is gonna go for it?

730
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,802
- Fingers crossed.
- (CHUCKLES) Yes.

731
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,564
Hey. Good people.

732
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:46,640
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

733
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:47,727
- Hello, you.
- Hi.

734
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,125
You're really wet.
Look at you.

735
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:53,840
Yeah. I should go put
on some dry clothes.

736
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,168
Oh, um, I'm gonna,
uh, come with you

737
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,322
'cause we gotta talk
about that... About, uh...

738
00:28:58,560 --> 00:28:59,721
- The thing.
- Yes, the thing.

739
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,842
Totally. We have to
talk about a thing.

740
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,007
Thank you.

741
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,208
Jesus. Kill me.

742
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,682
- Hey.
- Hello, pal.

743
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,411
- Gentlemen.
- Hey, Howie.

744
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:11,681
It's Howard.

745
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,250
Just Howard.

746
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,001
Sorry.

747
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:17,920
You know what? I just
gave up a Super Soaker.

748
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,411
Why don't you
get in there, bud?

749
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:20,681
- Oh!
- Hmm.

750
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,091
- Maybe I will.
- Yeah.

751
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:23,486
I do enjoy Super Soakers.

752
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:24,846
Yeah!

753
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,921
You can see the difference
in personalities already.

754
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,002
This one loves watermelon.

755
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:31,969
This one's kind
of an asshole.

756
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,288
I think everyone
had fun, right?

757
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,010
Oh, totally.
It was great.

758
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,206
What about Punit and Kia?

759
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,401
Whoa!

760
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,011
Kinda hate
each other, right?

761
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,122
- Sure seemed like it, yeah.
- (PHONE CHIMES)

762
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,006
"Enjoyed your video"?

763
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,248
ANNIE:
Where's the pizza cutter?

764
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,291
Babe, do you see the pizza
cutter out there anywhere?

765
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,401
Um...

766
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:23,041
Yes?

767
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:25,081
<font color="

768
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,243
Jay, the pizza cutter?

769
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,765
JAY: It's yours.

770
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,325
I have so many
of them. Enjoy.

771
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:40,881
(CHUCKLES)
Wow.

772
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,164
Fuck me.

773
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,641
Honey, are there any
more plates outside?

774
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,727
Just a second.

775
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,280
JAY: Hello!

776
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:02,566
ANNIE: Hi!

777
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,091
Hello!

778
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:10,521
Hello!

779
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:11,965
- Honey...
- Fuck!

780
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,881
That sweater nice, girl.

781
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:18,726
Thanks.

782
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,081
I...

783
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,725
Was it... Did I...

784
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,326
Could...

785
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,363
What the hell is going on?

786
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:37,286
One...

787
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,161
It's, uh...

788
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,241
When...

789
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:51,161
(SNIFFS)

790
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,004
You know the cloud?

791
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:54,840
So what you're saying

792
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,042
is that instead of erasing the video
like you said that you would,

793
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,770
you actually ended up
sending it

794
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,842
to everyone that
you ever given

795
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,763
one of those
fucking iPads to?

796
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,002
- That is not at all what happened.
- No?

797
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,606
Well, technically, yes!
It's exactly what happened.

798
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,763
But it was so accidental,
it doesn't even qualify as...

799
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:11,841
(GASPS)

800
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,281
Thank you.

801
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:15,361
Hank Rosenbaum!

802
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,204
- What?
- The Piper Brothers guy!

803
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,766
- You gave him one?
- Yes! I told you I needed one for work.

804
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,444
I put my entire
presentation on it.

805
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:22,601
You did?

806
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,162
I'm supposed to be the model
Piper Brothers mother!

807
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,004
Maybe he hasn't
seen it yet.

808
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,527
As a matter of fact, Annie, I'm willing
to bet that none of these people

809
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,728
have even noticed that the
video is on there yet.

810
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:33,921
Except for this text, but...

811
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:37,446
What text?

812
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,449
I received a text.

813
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:40,561
From who?

814
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:41,721
It's unclear.

815
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:44,320
(SIGHS)

816
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,047
I'm not sure how to hurt
you right now, Jay.

817
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,201
I know.

818
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:52,840
- But let's take a deep breath.
- Shit!

819
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,041
Come sit down next to me.

820
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,804
Come sit down. Come here.

821
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:56,961
Let's look at

822
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,327
- what's actually happened.
- Okay.

823
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,720
We made a video

824
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,360
of ourselves having sex

825
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:04,806
for about three hours,

826
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,331
and it was amazing, right?

827
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:07,811
- Yeah, no, it was great.
- Okay.

828
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,491
And then you asked me
to erase it and I forgot.

829
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,848
- You forgot?
- I forgot.

830
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,490
And now our video

831
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,723
has been synced
to several devices.

832
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,051
All of which, though, are basically
in the possession of friends.

833
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:22,844
- Oh, God.
- And acquaintances.

834
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,081
And the mailman.

835
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:25,767
Oh, God!

836
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,285
Who sent you
that text, Jay?

837
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:28,481
I don't know.
I don't know, Annie.

838
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:29,846
Did you call the number?

839
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,890
That is actually
a really good idea.

840
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,769
Oh, my God.

841
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,049
OPERATOR: Your call
has been forwarded...

842
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:41,765
- Voice mail!
- Okay, oh.

843
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,763
Hi, this is Jay Hargrove.

844
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,486
Could you give me
a call back

845
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,528
at your earliest
convenience, please?

846
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,366
I believe you have
the number. Bye.

847
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:54,847
That's it?

848
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,410
What the hell else was I
supposed to say to the guy?

849
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,209
"Who the fuck is this?"

850
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,521
I wouldn't call back if someone
left that on my machine.

851
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,644
Okay, we have to get
these iPads back right now.

852
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,121
(PHONE RINGS)

853
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:06,761
Hello?

854
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,569
- Hi, Mom!
- Hi, honey.

855
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,122
Is there any chance
that you might be able

856
00:34:10,123 --> 00:34:13,388
to come and, um, watch the kids
for us, uh, like, right away?

857
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:14,721
Right now?

858
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,484
We really need you to,
like, right away

859
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:17,971
if you could come over.

860
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,530
Why, I suppose.

861
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,688
- Thanks, Mom. That's so great. Thanks.
- (MOUTHING) Annie.

862
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:22,841
Hold on a second. What?

863
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,524
It might be worth
asking your mom,

864
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:26,805
um, to bring her iPad.

865
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,484
Are you kidding me?

866
00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:31,004
And could you
bring your iPad, too?

867
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,129
- My iPad?
- Yeah.

868
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,611
- Okay.
- Great, okay.

869
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,520
- What are you not gonna forget?
- The iPad.

870
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,961
So say goodbye, hang up
and then come right away.

871
00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:40,401
Okay. All right.

872
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,608
- Can you hang up?
- Okay, honey.

873
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:44,606
Okay, hang up now, Mom.

874
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,091
Okay, say goodbye.

875
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:47,241
Okay, hang up.

876
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,322
- Bye.
- Okay, bye!

877
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,081
Who else
has these things?

878
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,161
Let's think about it.

879
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,840
Robby, the mailman...

880
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,762
Every time you say
"mailman," Jay,

881
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,241
I'm just gonna hit you.

882
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,446
You see, it was Christmas...

883
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,567
I don't give a shit.

884
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:05,486
Mailman, Robby, Hank,
my mother, and who else?

885
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:08,687
(GASPS)
Oh, my God!

886
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:09,761
Clive?

887
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,683
ANNIE: May I see that for
a second, honey? Why?

888
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,762
Just for a second.
I was using that!

889
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:14,961
What the hell?

890
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:16,121
I can't take any chances.

891
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,645
Okay, kid!
Come on, Jay!

892
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,126
Grandma's here for
some mysterious reason!

893
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:22,804
Oh, my gosh!
Is that the iPad

894
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,530
I gave you?
I love that iPad.

895
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,563
- Can I borrow it?
- Why is Grandma here?

896
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:28,961
Yay! Grandma!

897
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,485
Okay. Grandma's gonna
watch you guys

898
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:31,925
while Mommy
and Daddy go out.

899
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,411
You guys can order
Chinese food.

900
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,130
- CLIVE: I hate Chinese food.
- Okay. Then order a pizza.

901
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:36,770
Once again,
enjoy this iPad.

902
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,330
I had to make sure it
was working. Enjoy that.

903
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,846
- Let's go! Thank you.
- What about my iPad?

904
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,046
Thank you.

905
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:50,448
Man. The construction on these
things is just unbelievable.

906
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,124
Jay! Come on,
Jay, let's go!

907
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,565
Let's go to Robby and Tess' house first!
Let's go!

908
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,085
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Sorry! Got it!

909
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,164
ANNIE: So I'm just
trying to understand

910
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:02,004
why it is that you
don't erase these things

911
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:03,809
before you give
them to people.

912
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,041
I have amazing playlists

913
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,610
and people want them.
That's the gift.

914
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,200
The gift is the playlist,
not the iPad.

915
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:11,687
When I update my music library,
it syncs to their iPads.

916
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,491
I use an app called Frankensync
to sync the playlists.

917
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,403
I upgraded
to this new app,

918
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,005
Bride of Frankensync,

919
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,289
and now, apparently,
it syncs all of my shit

920
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,166
to everywhere 'cause it's
a very powerful app!

921
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:27,449
How do you forget to
erase your sex tape?

922
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,204
It kept slipping my mind

923
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,362
and then, the next thing
I knew, it went up!

924
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,010
It went up to the cloud!

925
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,525
And you can't get it
down from the cloud?

926
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:35,761
Nobody understands
the cloud!

927
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:37,731
It's a fucking mystery!

928
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,201
Look, all that's happened
here is there's been a very

929
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:42,884
minor syncing mishap.

930
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,200
This is not minor!

931
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,726
And I wish that you would
just admit that you fucked up

932
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,451
instead of trying to convince
me that this isn't a big deal

933
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,164
'cause it is a big deal.

934
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:52,571
You know what, Annie?

935
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,005
I'm on there, too.

936
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,082
Oh, who gives a shit?
Nobody cares about you.

937
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:57,889
Nobody wants to watch
you having sex.

938
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,201
You said it yourself.
Nobody cares about the guy!

939
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,001
- It's the woman that has to live with it forever.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)

940
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,201
- Who is it?
- "Guess who?" Smiley face.

941
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,560
- Who the fuck is this?
- Fuck!

942
00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:11,371
It's gotta be Tess.
It's gotta be Tess.

943
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:12,891
- You think?
- Yeah!

944
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,288
With the whole "XOXO smiley face" thing?
Yeah. It's Tess.

945
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,084
Right, is that really
a Tess thing,

946
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,164
or is that more of like a,
uh, very, very common thing?

947
00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:22,890
No, it's a Tess thing.

948
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,849
She must just be
joking around.

949
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,049
Except her number is in my
phone so it would say, "Tess."

950
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,487
Well, maybe
she got a new phone.

951
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:31,931
She probably saw
what it was

952
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,923
and stopped watching it
immediately

953
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,162
because she has so much
respect for our privacy.

954
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:37,845
This makes perfect sense.

955
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,770
Right. Okay.

956
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,763
Okay, great. It's Tess.

957
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,285
- I'd buy it.
- Yeah.

958
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,442
She picks up the iPad, sees
there's a sex tape on there,

959
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,330
pushes play, it's us,
immediately stopped it,

960
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,129
- 'cause she respects us.
- Yes.

961
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:51,964
Then she went out and got a new
phone and a new phone number.

962
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,081
Yeah.

963
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:54,525
So do you think that means
Robby has seen it, too?

964
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,762
Well, if he's seen it, you're gonna
have to get a new best friend.

965
00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,047
We're just gonna cut Robby
and Tess out of our lives?

966
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,647
Yeah, that's right. And if the
mailman has seen it, we're movin'.

967
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,206
(GASPS) Wait.
What if it's not Tess?

968
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:13,964
Okay, look. We're just
gonna feel this out,

969
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:15,201
and if it doesn't
seem like it's her,

970
00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:17,163
- we just don't say anything at all.
- Okay? Of course.

971
00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:19,561
No, no. They do not need
to know about this. Okay?

972
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,125
Babe, it's gonna be
pretty easy

973
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,168
to tell if they've
seen it or not.

974
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:25,001
(DOORBELL RINGING)

975
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,648
- (MUFFLED TALKING)
- (RINGING CONTINUES)

976
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:31,881
Hey!

977
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,246
- Hey.
- Hey!

978
00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:34,721
What's going on?

979
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,446
What's going on
with you?

980
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,731
Nothing. Nothing.
Just hanging out.

981
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,005
It's our anniversary,
actually,

982
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,242
so Marta took Howard
to a movie

983
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,526
and we're just, uh,

984
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,410
hanging out,
watching some...

985
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,642
Hey! What are you
guys doing here?

986
00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,085
- Hey.
- Hey.

987
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:56,811
We're so sorry to
drop by like this

988
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,325
on your anniversary
and all.

989
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,091
Yeah, why didn't you guys mention
it was your anniversary?

990
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,489
- Uh, cause it's our 12th anniversary?
- Yeah.

991
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,121
Like, who cares, right?
So... (CHUCKLING)

992
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:09,401
You guys wanna come in?

993
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:15,881
Or not.

994
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:18,686
What were you guys
watching?

995
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:23,690
- (SIGHS)
- Um... (CHUCKLES)

996
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,361
- This is really embarrassing.
- Yeah.

997
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,124
Just tell us what
you guys were watching.

998
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,320
- Yeah. It's not a big deal.
- What were you watching?

999
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:34,805
Okay, all right,
all right.

1000
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,644
We're watching the first
season of Breaking Bad.

1001
00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:38,370
TESS: It's really
embarrassing

1002
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:39,561
how far behind we are.

1003
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,080
- ANNIE: That's a great show.
- Yeah.

1004
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:42,531
You guys really
are far behind.

1005
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,801
- That's all right.
- Don't tell us what happens!

1006
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:45,007
Hey, while we're here,

1007
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,764
remember that iPad
I gave you?

1008
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,047
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1009
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,131
I need that back.

1010
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:51,886
Oh, uh...

1011
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,044
Okay. Oh, was that why you...

1012
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,400
Is that why you
came here

1013
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:57,482
to our house,
to get your iPad back?

1014
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,400
- Well...
- Um...

1015
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,084
I have some stuff on it
that I need.

1016
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:05,844
What? Dirty pictures
or something?

1017
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,244
(CHUCKLES) You guys
make a sex tape?

1018
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,485
Did you guys watch it?

1019
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,125
I was kidding.

1020
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,323
(QUIETLY)
What the fuck?

1021
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,367
And then Jay received
this text that said,

1022
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,848
"Loved your video. Thanks
for sharing. XOXO."

1023
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:26,888
And you thought
that was from me?

1024
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:28,200
Well, it sounded like you.

1025
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,920
I don't think if I'd seen your sex
tape, I would have done "XOXO."

1026
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,004
I was hoping
it was you...

1027
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:34,491
Because if it wasn't me,
then who is it?

1028
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:35,846
No, I get it. I get it.

1029
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,844
Um... Could we back up
for just a second?

1030
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:41,890
So you taped yourself
having sex for three hours?

1031
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,161
Yes.

1032
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,645
Why did you do that?

1033
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:47,565
Never mind.

1034
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,127
- Who has sex for three hours?
- We did.

1035
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,044
That's the length of the movie Lincoln.
You did the full Lincoln.

1036
00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,371
Well, guys, I'm sorry,
you know,

1037
00:40:56,380 --> 00:40:58,023
but I'm not the one
who sent that text.

1038
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,327
- God, this isn't happening.
- Oh...

1039
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,641
Oh, okay, uh, (SIGHS)
who else has these things?

1040
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,007
You guys, the mailman...

1041
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:07,486
Hank Rosenbaum.

1042
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,483
- Piper Brothers guy?
- Yes!

1043
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:10,925
Oh, the guy that wants
to buy your blog?

1044
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,843
And who's very concerned
about my image.

1045
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:13,921
Okay, I'm an idiot!

1046
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:15,525
- No! Come on!
- You messed up.

1047
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:16,601
No.

1048
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,000
He is. Let him have that.

1049
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,361
I would have killed you.

1050
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,329
Oh, I mean, if you had thought
about it for a second,

1051
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,846
you'd know to just
password-protect your shit.

1052
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,007
I would have killed
you in your sleep.

1053
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,366
Or just fucking delete it.

1054
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,010
Oh, my God. Wait!

1055
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:29,161
- Wait a minute!
- What?

1056
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:30,969
My sister is his florist!

1057
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,247
Oh, my God, do you think
she knows where he lives?

1058
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,368
Yeah, I think she's been to his house.
She's his florist!

1059
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,441
Hold on.
What's the plan here?

1060
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,806
We're just gonna show up
at this guy's house?

1061
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,689
Yeah! And we're coming with you!

1062
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,250
Oh, my God. It'll be a fun night!
We have a sitter!

1063
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,010
- I'll call Rochelle.
- Yeah!

1064
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,402
Hey, my sister thought the every
position thing was a great idea!

1065
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,369
You told your sister?
What is up?

1066
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,880
TESS: Big supporter of you. Well,
I thought she'd be thrilled.

1067
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:53,921
Hey,

1068
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:55,521
iPad.

1069
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,284
Yeah, yeah.
Boy, what a mess.

1070
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:58,930
No. Can I have it?

1071
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:00,721
Huh?

1072
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,523
- The iPad.
- Yeah.

1073
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:05,526
You came over here
to get it.

1074
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,364
I need the iPad, please.

1075
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:08,720
What if I can't
get it right now?

1076
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,000
Just give me the iPad.

1077
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,208
- What if I just erase the video myself?
- Dude.

1078
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,481
Okay. You're gonna have to
give me all that music again.

1079
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,927
- Dude!
- Oh, fine! Jeez!

1080
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,124
Did you just pull
this out of your pants?

1081
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:25,881
Yeah.

1082
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:27,371
I feel like a second ago,

1083
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,687
you said you couldn't
remember where it was.

1084
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,486
I forgot.

1085
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:34,160
Fair enough.

1086
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,604
It's an easy mistake to make.
Okay.

1087
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,291
TESS: So, what are we
gonna do?

1088
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:44,885
ROBBY: Yeah.
What's the plan, gang?

1089
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,883
Should we pretend
we have a flat,

1090
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,764
and none of us
had our cell phones?

1091
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,286
We knock. You're like, "Hank!
What a surprise!"

1092
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,328
TESS: Yes. And then I
jump in and I say,

1093
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,289
"Hi. I'm your
florist's sister, Tess."

1094
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:56,850
Feel like this is just

1095
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:58,888
a super weird way
to spend your anniversary.

1096
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,669
For a 12th anniversary,
I think it's pretty solid.

1097
00:43:00,694 --> 00:43:01,430
ANNIE: You know what?

1098
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,528
You guys stay in the car.
It's our mess.

1099
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:05,210
We can go clean it up.
Right, babe?

1100
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,169
I think we'd really like
to be part of the plan.

1101
00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:08,571
Let us participate.

1102
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:09,926
Guys, we're gonna be
in and out up there.

1103
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:11,286
We're gonna knock
on the door.

1104
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,289
Yes, it'll be a little
awkward at first.

1105
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,164
But I really think
it'll be fine.

1106
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,890
Okay, so this is what
we're gonna do.

1107
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,406
I'll distract him, you say you
have to go to the bathroom,

1108
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,165
and then you search the house for the iPad.
Good? Okay, let's go.

1109
00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:27,368
Annie. Annie, can you
hold on one second?

1110
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:28,601
Get up here.
That house is huge.

1111
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,364
We'll tell him
you have diarrhea.

1112
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:32,165
First of all,
that's embarrassing.

1113
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:34,641
And second of all, who tells
someone that they have diarrhea?

1114
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:35,960
Food poisoning.

1115
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,327
Okay. How about I distract him
and you have the food poisoning?

1116
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:39,447
Uh, no. I am not gonna
have food poisoning.

1117
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:40,965
You're gonna have
food poisoning.

1118
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:42,644
The person who
forgets to erase

1119
00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,131
the sex tape
has food poisoning.

1120
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:45,565
It's in the book.

1121
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,608
- Annie!
- Oh...

1122
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,166
Well, I'll be!

1123
00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:53,651
Hank? Hey!

1124
00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,563
- What a surprise.
- This is so crazy.

1125
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:56,766
You live here?

1126
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,605
I'm sorry. I'm lost.
You two know each other?

1127
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,728
This is Hank, honey. Remember
I was telling you about Hank?

1128
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,006
Hank Rosenbaum?

1129
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:04,206
Hank Rosenbaum!

1130
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:05,406
This is my husband, Jay.

1131
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,642
Jay. The famous Jay.

1132
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,802
In the flesh. It's a
pleasure to meet you.

1133
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:11,086
- Likewise.
- ANNIE: Wow!

1134
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,686
What a crazy coincidence,
honey. Right? Wow.

1135
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,569
We were just randomly
in the neighborhood.

1136
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,325
We've been knocking
on doors trying to, uh,

1137
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,164
collect money
for a charity.

1138
00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,321
What charity?

1139
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,244
- Uh, it's for, um... Charity for...
- For kids.

1140
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,005
Yeah, for kids
that have, um,

1141
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:28,320
oversized...

1142
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:29,527
- Kidneys.
- Kidneys.

1143
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:30,887
JAY: They got these

1144
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,050
enormous kidneys.

1145
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:34,207
It's so sad.

1146
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:34,762
You have to see it.

1147
00:44:34,787 --> 00:44:36,187
ANNIE: So we're just
trying to help them out.

1148
00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:38,049
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT)
"Hey, Dad. Da."

1149
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,088
"What is this bulge
in me back, Da?"

1150
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,721
"That's your kidney, son.
Get on with it."

1151
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,564
They're, uh,
British orphans.

1152
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,484
Yeah, so we're just out to try
to raise some money for it.

1153
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,241
Anyhow, would you possibly
want to contribute?

1154
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,045
Yes. Please. Come in.
I will get my checkbook.

1155
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,600
Thanks. That's just
so generous of you.

1156
00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:01,485
Hey, do you think that Jay
could use your bathroom?

1157
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,967
- Because he has diarrhea.
- Oh.

1158
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,567
Food poisoning. He has
the shits, as they say.

1159
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,966
Oh, sure, it's right
down the hall. Go crazy.

1160
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:11,121
Thank you.

1161
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,401
Mmm.

1162
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:14,921
Oh, well, come on in and
make yourself comfortable.

1163
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,081
Oh, thank you.

1164
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,207
Wow! It's a really
lovely house.

1165
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,850
Oh, thank you.
Put on some music.

1166
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,888
Sure. Wow!

1167
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,128
- <font color="
- Shit! Fuck!

1168
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,640
What the fuck?

1169
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,963
Would you like
something to drink?

1170
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:40,321
What?

1171
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:44,201
I'm sorry. Let me turn
this down so we can talk.

1172
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:45,731
(MUSIC VOLUME DECREASES)

1173
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,803
Can I get you
something to drink?

1174
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:49,920
Sure.

1175
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,445
Schlomit and the kids
are away,

1176
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,847
so I'm just spreading
my wings.

1177
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,923
Drinking some scotch.

1178
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,001
Ah.

1179
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,844
- HANK: Fifty years old.
- Yeah.

1180
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,690
The good stuff.

1181
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:06,922
Here's to our
bright future together.

1182
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,011
Whatever it may hold.

1183
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:21,166
Wow. That's a really,
uh, interesting painting.

1184
00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:22,446
Do you like it?

1185
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:23,646
Yeah.

1186
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:25,650
I had it commissioned.

1187
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,921
It's a moment from
the movie The Lion King.

1188
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,004
Except it's me
in place of Rafiki.

1189
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,128
So, that's me

1190
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,361
presenting Simba
to all of the creatures

1191
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,086
from the Pride Lands
to behold.

1192
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:44,003
It's beautiful.

1193
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:45,491
Thank you.

1194
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,246
You know what?

1195
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,240
I'm gonna put on something
a little more festive.

1196
00:46:51,720 --> 00:46:54,405
(HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING)

1197
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:02,641
(PANTS)

1198
00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:04,484
<font color="

1199
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:07,451
(DOG SNARLING)

1200
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:09,247
Hi.

1201
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,809
- (GROWLING)
- Hey, hey, little guy.

1202
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:16,281
(BARKS)

1203
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:17,487
Stay.

1204
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:19,201
Stay!

1205
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:25,646
- Sit!
- (SNARLING)

1206
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:27,521
HANK: You seem,

1207
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:30,126
I don't know,
nervous.

1208
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,488
It's just a little awkward
showing up at your house

1209
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,528
and asking you
for a donation, is all.

1210
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,324
I'm glad you're here.

1211
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:38,642
I could use the company.

1212
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,000
Wow!

1213
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,086
I know.

1214
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:45,720
<font color="

1215
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,488
No, no, no!
Please! No! No!

1216
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,085
No! Stay!

1217
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:03,161
Heel!

1218
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:06,365
I was hoping that
we would get a chance

1219
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:07,566
to get to know
each other.

1220
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,564
Mmm. Me, too. What a
wonderful coincidence.

1221
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,210
There's no such
thing as coincidence.

1222
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:13,645
That's what Schlomit
always says.

1223
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,285
Oh, is this your family?

1224
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,488
Yeah. That's all of us
at Aspen.

1225
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:20,406
There's Schlo and, uh,

1226
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,369
my son, Benjamin,
and Sarah.

1227
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:23,487
They're very sweet.

1228
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,240
- (GROWLING)
- <font color="

1229
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:29,291
No! No!

1230
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,441
Help!

1231
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:31,921
Hank!

1232
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,082
No! Not my face!
Not my face!

1233
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:35,161
Help!

1234
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:47,487
(GASPS)

1235
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,485
I didn't wanna do that.

1236
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:53,560
Fuck with me, you're
gonna get hit by a book.

1237
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,682
That's what's gonna happen.

1238
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:00,280
(DOG GROWLING)

1239
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,608
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.

1240
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:05,886
- (GROWLING)
- (DOOR RATTLING)

1241
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,640
(GROWLING)

1242
00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:09,404
You know, it's funny.

1243
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,962
When the family's away you find
yourself thinking about things

1244
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,691
that you don't think
about all the time.

1245
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:16,966
I bet.

1246
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:19,088
You think about
who you were,

1247
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:20,207
and who you've become.

1248
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:21,606
Mmm.

1249
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:23,925
Would you like to
do some cocaine?

1250
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:26,121
I'm sorry?

1251
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,528
I'm just doin' some blow
while the family's away.

1252
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:29,647
Would you like a bump?

1253
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,609
No, I don't think
that's really, um...

1254
00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,201
I see.

1255
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,803
I mean, not that
I have a problem with...

1256
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,530
I mean, I do have a...

1257
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,325
Is this some sort...
It's a test?

1258
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:45,761
(LAUGHS)

1259
00:49:46,240 --> 00:49:48,163
Oh, okay, I see
what's happening here.

1260
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:51,403
You're thinking about all that
talk about Piper Brothers values.

1261
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,164
But if you think
situationally,

1262
00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:55,481
friendship is
a Piper Brothers value.

1263
00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:56,721
One of the big ones.

1264
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:58,724
And that's all
that's happening here.

1265
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,451
We're just hanging around,
getting to know one other,

1266
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:02,925
and doin' some rails.

1267
00:50:03,720 --> 00:50:04,767
Uh-huh.

1268
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,526
But if that's
not your thing...

1269
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:10,811
Well, uh...

1270
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,288
Okay. Right.

1271
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,960
Better make sure
that Jay's not lost.

1272
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,446
No, no, no! He's fine.
Let's do cocaine!

1273
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:19,127
Super!

1274
00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:24,241
<font color="

1275
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,281
Oh, shit!

1276
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:41,526
Are you okay?

1277
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:44,246
(SNORTS)

1278
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:47,207
Wow!

1279
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:49,130
(LAUGHING)
Wow!

1280
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,762
See? That's what I'm saying.
We get older and we forget.

1281
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,730
People, they stop doing the
things that they love.

1282
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,962
And for some people,
it could be surfing.

1283
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,042
For some people,
it could be traveling.

1284
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,924
For me,
it's gettin' high

1285
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,650
and listen' to
freakin' Slayer.

1286
00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:06,929
That just, like,
blows my mind

1287
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:08,610
that that's what
it is for you.

1288
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:10,523
- But that's your point.
- That's my point.

1289
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,523
'Cause it's so
small-minded of me

1290
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:14,204
- to assume anything.
- Right?

1291
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:15,805
Because I don't know you.
You don't know me.

1292
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:17,769
I don't know you. Yeah.
You know the idea of me.

1293
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,683
The CEO that controls
your future.

1294
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:21,000
- But that's not me.
- No.

1295
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,651
And it's like you, I'm sure there are
things about you that nobody knows.

1296
00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:25,165
Fuck yeah, there are.

1297
00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:26,924
- Can I show you something?
- Yeah!

1298
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:28,961
Whoa.

1299
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,247
Piper Brothers, 75 years.

1300
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:32,765
But very few people
know about that.

1301
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:33,841
Whoa!

1302
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,240
And there's more.

1303
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:39,047
Eazy-E!

1304
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,365
I miss him every day.

1305
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,124
That's so touching.
Did you know him?

1306
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,727
Annie, it's like... It's just...
Lotta parts up in me.

1307
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:49,081
(SNORTS)

1308
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:52,686
Wake up!

1309
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,001
Wake up, you fuckin'
cocksucker!

1310
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:07,881
(PHONE BEEPS)

1311
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:13,081
Siri, how do you perform
CPR on a dog?

1312
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:16,647
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- SIRI: I found four places named "Starbucks."

1313
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,131
- (GROWLING)
- <font color="

1314
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:20,529
(DOG BARKING FEROCIOUSLY)

1315
00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:26,402
What the fuck
is happening?

1316
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,560
(GASPING)

1317
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,600
And then you
become a mother, right?

1318
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:42,721
And it becomes
about the kids.

1319
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,689
Which is great, because you
want it to be about the kids.

1320
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,160
But then you need
time for yourself.

1321
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:47,326
That's why
I started writing.

1322
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,449
But it's, like, writing
about Jay and the kids,

1323
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:51,607
and then it becomes a job.

1324
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,284
But I love my job.
I love my job.

1325
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,761
But I need to work out.
I need to work out.

1326
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:56,841
It's not even for me.

1327
00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,365
It's, like, for
everybody else.

1328
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,125
Because I'll go bat-shit crazy.
Like, crazy, crazy, crazy.

1329
00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:03,720
I ran track.
I ran track in college.

1330
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,564
But, you know,
it's just so hard

1331
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:06,971
- to find the time.
- I know.

1332
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:08,451
- To do anything, right?
- It is.

1333
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,522
If you don't do that, then you
just sort of lose yourself.

1334
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:11,886
Do you want another line?

1335
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,128
No, I'm still enjoying the first
line quite a bit, thanks.

1336
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:15,531
You are so easy to talk to.

1337
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:16,761
<font color="

1338
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,484
I feel like you get me.

1339
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,245
Oh, God, I feel like
we get each other. Yeah.

1340
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:23,120
Where's your husband?

1341
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:25,441
(HANK SNICKERS)

1342
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:28,330
I don't know!
Where is that fucker?

1343
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:30,283
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1344
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:34,283
- (DOORBELL CHIMES)
- (GASPS)

1345
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,330
What was that?
Was that the doorbell?

1346
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:38,646
There's a lot of
action here tonight.

1347
00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,006
Yeah, there is.

1348
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,405
Hey! Okay.

1349
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:46,721
Can I help you?

1350
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,248
Hi! I'm the mayor,
Robby Thompson.

1351
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,163
- Pleasure to meet you.
- What's happening?

1352
00:53:52,240 --> 00:53:54,083
The mayor?
Oh, not of this area.

1353
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,481
I'm mayor of
a different area.

1354
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,449
Of Thousand Oaks.

1355
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,046
He is the Mayor
of Thousand Oaks

1356
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:05,045
and I am his First Lady
of Thousand Oaks.

1357
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:06,321
- Okay.
- ROBBY: That's right.

1358
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:09,489
And we are out,
just talkin' to people,

1359
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,491
um, spreadin' the word
about Thousand Oaks.

1360
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:14,007
What word?

1361
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,849
- Uh... uh...
- Whew...

1362
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:19,601
Great town.

1363
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,365
<font color="
city to raise a family.

1364
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,488
They have
the winningest, uh,

1365
00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:26,085
Little League baseball
record in the country.

1366
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,931
Nobody gives a shit
about Thousand Oaks.

1367
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,604
I'm sorry, Your Honor.

1368
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:32,967
"Your Honor." Please.
"Your Honor's" my dad's name.

1369
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,560
- (LAUGHING)
- "Mr. Mayor" will be just fine.

1370
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:40,964
(PANTING)

1371
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,121
Hello.

1372
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:47,724
(GROWLS, BARKS)

1373
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,087
No!

1374
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:52,129
Sit!

1375
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:53,321
(BARKS)

1376
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:54,561
Fetch!

1377
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:57,161
- Fetch!
- (GROWLS)

1378
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,320
Anyway, we're out
talkin' to people

1379
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:11,646
about Thousand Oaks

1380
00:55:11,720 --> 00:55:14,326
and we're collecting
donations

1381
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,767
for the Big Brother
charity program.

1382
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,080
Charity program.
Of Thousand Oaks.

1383
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:19,161
Of Thousand Oaks.

1384
00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:20,969
What is it with
this new trend

1385
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:22,565
of late-night
charitable solicitations?

1386
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:23,761
I don't know.
I have no idea.

1387
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:25,365
Uh, we definitely

1388
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:26,601
- accept money.
- Eh...

1389
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,081
But what we really need

1390
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:31,288
are used iPads.

1391
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:33,286
That's a really good idea.

1392
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:34,691
It's a great idea.

1393
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,125
- It is?
- I mean, really inspired.

1394
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:39,329
Yeah. I'm sure they
could really use that.

1395
00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:40,601
Well, I have one.

1396
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:41,681
- Oh!
- No.

1397
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:43,920
- (ROBBY AND TESS CHUCKLE)
- Yeah. I have one right here.

1398
00:55:44,720 --> 00:55:45,926
- (JAY GRUNTS)
- (DOG YELPS)

1399
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:50,971
You actually
gave me this.

1400
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:52,644
I haven't had a chance
to look at it yet.

1401
00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:54,802
Oh, I don't need it.
Just give it to 'em.

1402
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,041
Do you mind
if I just give...

1403
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:57,201
God, no. Give it to 'em.
I don't care.

1404
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:58,320
It seems like a good cause.

1405
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:00,169
Thank you. Thank you.
This worked out great.

1406
00:56:00,240 --> 00:56:01,241
- Nice to meet you!
- Have a good night!

1407
00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:02,924
- Good night!
- Remember Thousand Oaks!

1408
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,843
- Hi, I'm the mayor.
- iPad!

1409
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:06,081
(DOG BARKING)

1410
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,366
There he is!
(BARKING)

1411
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,483
Ariel! Hakuna matata!

1412
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,801
(WHIMPERING)

1413
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:13,167
Go play.

1414
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:17,803
Jay. What the hell
happened to you?

1415
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,488
I had an epileptic fit.

1416
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:28,645
In your bathroom.

1417
00:56:28,720 --> 00:56:29,846
But your dog saved me.

1418
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,849
Because, in addition
to diarrhea,

1419
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:39,810
I'm also an epileptic.

1420
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:43,124
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

1421
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:46,329
We gotta go. It is
time for us to leave.

1422
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,368
This is when we should
get the hell out.

1423
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,966
Now. Just now is when
we should leave.

1424
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:53,168
'Cause, you know,
this is... Yeah.

1425
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:55,601
I did a little cocaine.
What?

1426
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:56,681
What?

1427
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:58,091
- Just one line.
- Just one line.

1428
00:56:58,160 --> 00:56:59,366
- One what?
- A bump.

1429
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,251
- What?
- She did a line. So?

1430
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:02,526
Honey, let's just...
Okay.

1431
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:04,329
Thank you so much
for your hospitality.

1432
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:05,521
You've been so amazing.

1433
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:06,761
This is your cocaine straw.

1434
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:08,251
No, no, no.
Please. Keep it.

1435
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:10,400
Thank you.

1436
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:21,849
(JAY CLEARS THROAT)

1437
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:27,081
Okey-dokey.

1438
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:28,969
Thank you so much
for helping

1439
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:30,121
with our charity,

1440
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:33,727
but Annie and I need to get
movin' on those kidneys.

1441
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:35,484
Oh, I completely forgot.

1442
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:36,891
I need to go get
my checkbook.

1443
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,610
Thank you so much.

1444
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,081
What?

1445
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:43,403
"Just one line"?

1446
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:45,284
- Who are you?
- What was I supposed to do?

1447
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,488
Cocaine? That's the answer
to that question?

1448
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,404
He offered and I didn't
wanna seem judgmental.

1449
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:51,686
It was peer pressure.

1450
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,051
I was distracting him.

1451
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,327
With cocaine? What is this?
Fuckin' Scarface?

1452
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:57,686
Are you giving me shit?

1453
00:57:57,800 --> 00:57:59,848
- Is that what's happening right now?
- Yeah!

1454
00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:02,167
- Mm-mm. No, I don't think so.
- Annie.

1455
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:05,289
Annie. How is it that I get
mauled by an attack dog,

1456
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:06,964
I barely escape
with my life,

1457
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:09,850
you're in the living room
doing blow with your boss,

1458
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:11,843
and somehow,
you're mad at me?

1459
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:13,649
- What did I do?
- Oh, What did you do?

1460
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:16,971
You didn't erase
the fucking video, Jay!

1461
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:18,644
I told you, Annie.
I forgot.

1462
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,451
"I forgot." "I forgot." I've
heard you say that. "I forgot!"

1463
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:22,766
Okay, fine!
I didn't forget!

1464
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,531
I made a conscious decision
to keep the tape.

1465
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:28,489
And I was gonna
keep it forever!

1466
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:30,449
Because I had on video

1467
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,727
what was one of the
greatest nights of my life.

1468
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:34,643
And so I wanted
to keep it.

1469
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:36,245
For myself.

1470
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:39,888
And for my own
personal reference use.

1471
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:41,325
Yeah, you wanted it.

1472
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:43,209
But I specifically didn't
want you to keep it

1473
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:44,850
because I didn't want it
to get out and guess what?

1474
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:46,968
It did! It did immediately.

1475
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:48,724
That part was a mistake.

1476
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:50,290
I wanted to save it
for myself

1477
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:52,010
and then the fuckin' app...

1478
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:53,206
Stop talking
about the app,

1479
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:54,930
'cause this is just
typical of you.

1480
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,731
You do whatever the hell
you wanna do all the time,

1481
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:01,202
and I do everything.
I do everything.

1482
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,250
I hold this shit down,
is what I do.

1483
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:05,606
Clearly, you should not
do cocaine.

1484
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:07,170
Maybe I should do
more cocaine.

1485
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:09,811
Because I've never done it
before and I kinda like it.

1486
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:11,120
I'm fairly certain
the answer

1487
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:12,611
is not for you
to do more cocaine.

1488
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,331
This sex tape.
This night.

1489
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:16,686
This is the kind of thing

1490
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,649
that reveals a lot
about a person.

1491
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:21,921
Oh, really?

1492
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:23,126
Reveals a whole lot
about a person.

1493
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:24,326
You know what?
Just shut up.

1494
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:25,447
I tried not to say it!

1495
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,126
This kind of thing,
a crisis,

1496
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:30,441
reveals who someone
really is deep down.

1497
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,205
And you, you can't think
about anyone else but you.

1498
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,687
Okay, that is... Jay does
what Jay wants to do.

1499
00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:37,609
You have to go
to a concert

1500
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:39,091
three nights in a row.

1501
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:40,161
For work?

1502
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:42,481
But that's my job, Annie.
We're a team.

1503
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:44,642
And part of what I do
on that team is I work.

1504
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,561
That's what makes me
a good teammate, isn't it?

1505
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:48,887
I don't just wanna
be a teammate!

1506
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:53,249
Why did we stop
having sex?

1507
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:54,881
What?

1508
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:57,480
Annie, it's not like
we just stopped.

1509
00:59:57,520 --> 00:59:58,681
No, you know what I mean.

1510
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:00,842
It's just, like,
why did...

1511
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:04,402
When did we stop
needing to be close?

1512
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:06,131
When did I become
so annoying?

1513
01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:07,281
I don't know!

1514
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:11,843
I think the coke
is wearing off.

1515
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:13,682
That's a bummer, man.
I was having a blast.

1516
01:00:13,706 --> 01:00:14,706
Really?

1517
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:17,650
We really gotta find out
who's been sending

1518
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:19,563
these fucking texts.

1519
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:21,245
<font color="

1520
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:24,731
Are they...

1521
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:26,001
(MOANING)

1522
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:27,889
JAY: They're having sex
in our car.

1523
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:30,370
It appears that way.

1524
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:35,001
(ROBBY SIGHS)

1525
01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:37,161
(SNIFFLES)

1526
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:38,407
(CLEARS THROAT)

1527
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:41,610
- Sorry, guys.
- Yeah, sorry.

1528
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:42,727
I'm not even gonna
ask if you guys...

1529
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:43,961
Yes, we watched the video.

1530
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,280
You said you weren't
gonna say anything.

1531
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:47,249
I know we weren't gonna say
anything, but I can't lie to Jay.

1532
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:48,407
And besides, we just

1533
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:50,881
skimmed it because
we didn't have time.

1534
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:52,445
Oh, my God!

1535
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,411
Annie, there is nothing
to be ashamed of.

1536
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:56,766
He's right.
There's not.

1537
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:58,882
At first, yes,
I thought there was.

1538
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:01,008
But now, I've seen it.
And there's not.

1539
01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:02,923
No, it's the most natural
thing in the world.

1540
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:05,249
I think this might be...

1541
01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:07,482
No, it definitely is

1542
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,602
the most embarrassing
moment of my life.

1543
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,001
Oh, no, no, no. You should
not feel embarrassed.

1544
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:14,606
If anything,
you should feel proud.

1545
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:15,886
Yeah, your body's insane.

1546
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:17,001
- Oh, my God.
- Okay.

1547
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:18,366
Truly, I admire you
for it.

1548
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,329
I can't believe that
you let him watch it!

1549
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:21,686
I'm sorry.

1550
01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:24,445
He wanted to watch it. I wanted
to watch it. Just a little peek.

1551
01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:27,890
But then, we got very
involved with it.

1552
01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:28,961
We got really
wrapped up in it.

1553
01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:30,081
Oh, my God!

1554
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:32,089
Oh, great dick,
by the way.

1555
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,006
Yeah. Thank you.

1556
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,168
Honestly, the whole thing
was a big turn-on.

1557
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:39,282
- ANNIE: Oh, my God. (SCOFFS)
- We noticed. Yes.

1558
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,682
Guys, could I have
the iPad back, please?

1559
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:48,361
- Really? I mean we...
- Dude!

1560
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:50,124
Okay, fine!

1561
01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:53,006
There you go. You're
obsessed with that thing.

1562
01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:58,720
- (SIGHS)
- Wait.

1563
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,361
We shall never speak
of this night again.

1564
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:03,567
Absolutely.

1565
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:04,801
Of course.

1566
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:06,921
(ANNIE SIGHS)

1567
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:08,809
I need a bathroom
and an aspirin.

1568
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:10,120
- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, of course.

1569
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:11,241
- Come on in.
- Please.

1570
01:02:12,640 --> 01:02:13,766
(ROBBY YAWNS)

1571
01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:15,001
- Dad. Mom.
- Hey, pal.

1572
01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:16,127
Hey, sweetie.
Hi, Marta.

1573
01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:18,608
- Howard is study.
- I was. In my room.

1574
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:20,170
Annie, Jay.

1575
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:21,605
What a surprise,
you guys.

1576
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:23,284
We were
just out, uh...

1577
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:26,001
gettin' a drink.

1578
01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:28,450
Celebrate the ol'
anniversary.

1579
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:29,931
Here. I'll get you
an aspirin.

1580
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,286
ANNIE: Okay. I'm gonna
use the bathroom.

1581
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:32,925
Want a shirt?

1582
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:35,480
- Yeah. That'd be great. Thanks, bud.
- I'll get you a shirt.

1583
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,364
- Get outta my way!
- (CHUCKLES)

1584
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:40,006
(HOWARD SIGHS)

1585
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:42,521
So, here we are.

1586
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,083
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1587
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,368
Did you receive
my text message?

1588
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:54,886
What?

1589
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,847
Yeah. You know, you really
should be more careful, Jay.

1590
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:02,041
Wait, are you...

1591
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,043
No. 'Cause
you're just too...

1592
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:05,246
Is this a...

1593
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:09,724
Stop babbling already, Jay.

1594
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:11,802
I think we both know that
I already own your ass.

1595
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:14,727
You own my ass?

1596
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:16,086
What, do I have to
spell it out for you?

1597
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:18,003
I have your sex tape.

1598
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:19,800
You're fucked.

1599
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:22,207
(CHUCKLES)

1600
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,485
- I got news for you.
- What?

1601
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:26,561
I got the iPad back.

1602
01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:28,730
- You got the iPad back?
- Yeah.

1603
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:31,565
That's fantastic, man. Good effort.
Look at me.

1604
01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:33,485
Do I look like a kid
who knows how to make

1605
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:35,961
a simple copy of an
MP4 or do I not?

1606
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:40,450
Yeah, you do.
And look at you.

1607
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:42,090
Runnin' around
trying to collect up

1608
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:44,481
all your iPads
before time runs out.

1609
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,403
Why didn't you
just remote wipe them?

1610
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,406
You can do that?

1611
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:52,761
Fuck!

1612
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:54,321
Fuck me!

1613
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:56,810
I almost murdered a dog.

1614
01:03:58,680 --> 01:03:59,681
Yeah.

1615
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:01,689
But I already uploaded
your sorry-ass video

1616
01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:02,966
to a site called YouPorn.

1617
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:04,765
Should be up by
tomorrow morning.

1618
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:06,888
And sadly, the only one that
can take the video down

1619
01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:08,610
is the original poster
and that's me.

1620
01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:10,649
Okay, this is a...

1621
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:13,569
I got it.
This is a joke, right?

1622
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:14,841
You're joking.

1623
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:17,329
You didn't put...
(CHUCKLES)

1624
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:20,486
- What do you want?
- Hmm.

1625
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:22,011
You want an Xbox?

1626
01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:24,282
- You can get me an Xbox?
- Do you want an Xbox?

1627
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,284
- Like, the new Xbox?
- Yeah.

1628
01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:27,686
What do I look
like to you, Jay?

1629
01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:29,211
A fucking idiot? No!

1630
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,891
I want $25,000 in cash.

1631
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:34,645
$25,000?

1632
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:38,765
Howard. First of all, I don't
have $25,000 just sittin' around.

1633
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,241
And besides, what are you
gonna do with $25,000?

1634
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:42,685
I'm gonna buy a horse.

1635
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:44,763
Yeah, I'm gonna buy
a motherfucking horse

1636
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,285
to keep my bitches happy.

1637
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:50,122
I think it's time for me to have
a little talk with your parents.

1638
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:51,321
Try. Go ahead.

1639
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:52,760
I'll lie.

1640
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:54,444
They're gonna
believe me. Not you.

1641
01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:55,961
Oh...

1642
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,724
And don't you dare
tell Annie about this.

1643
01:04:58,400 --> 01:04:59,731
I'm gonna tell Annie.

1644
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:01,401
Okay.

1645
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:03,323
But before you do,
just think about

1646
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:04,925
these three words
for me, all right?

1647
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:06,684
School. Email. Blast.

1648
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:08,481
<font color="

1649
01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:11,881
Man! I need some
ice cream. Who's in?

1650
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:13,081
(IMITATES A CROWD CHEERING)

1651
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,241
(QUIETLY)
Deal with it, Jay.

1652
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:16,805
You're fucked!

1653
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,048
ANNIE: I got just so much
pressure inside me.

1654
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:20,761
Good talk, pal.
Seriously.

1655
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:22,001
ANNIE: Honey.

1656
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:23,764
Let's go home
and keep calling

1657
01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:25,729
that number until
someone answers.

1658
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:27,689
I just wanna know
who's sending these texts.

1659
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:28,881
<font color="

1660
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:30,885
Uh-oh. Wanna do
the thing?

1661
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:32,405
Wanna do the four-flavor
thing?

1662
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:34,482
- Yeah, let's do that thing.
- Yeah.

1663
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,926
Robby, there's no easy way
for me to say this,

1664
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:41,321
but your kid is trying
to blackmail me

1665
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:42,845
for $25,000!

1666
01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:45,567
Jay, can you hear
yourself right now?

1667
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:48,724
I mean, look. You've had
a stressful day, right?

1668
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,286
Howard's just a kid.
He's not your problem.

1669
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,289
When you wake up,
you'll realize that.

1670
01:05:53,360 --> 01:05:55,010
Would you just go
check his computer, huh?

1671
01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:56,327
Check his phone!

1672
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:57,721
- For me?
- Jay.

1673
01:05:58,440 --> 01:05:59,801
I'm not gonna look
at his computer.

1674
01:05:59,920 --> 01:06:01,365
Because there's nothing
on there.

1675
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:03,404
He told me
and I trust him.

1676
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:04,881
This is Howard
we're talking about.

1677
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:07,326
- I gotta go.
- Okay.

1678
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:09,249
Get some rest, all right? I'll
see you at school tomorrow.

1679
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,522
Oh, shit.
Right, graduation.

1680
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:12,965
- I forgot.
- Oh, and, hey.

1681
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:16,846
I just wanted to say one more time, man.
Great tape.

1682
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:19,520
I mean, I had no idea
that Annie was so flexible.

1683
01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:21,250
- Robby. Robby.
- Yeah?

1684
01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:23,766
Maybe we should just stop
talking about this now.

1685
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:25,281
Yeah, yeah! Fair enough.

1686
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,931
- Another time. Yeah.
- Or, you know, never.

1687
01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:29,926
Another time.

1688
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:32,444
Mom, thank you so much

1689
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:34,409
for coming by
on such short notice.

1690
01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:36,483
Oh, of course,
honey. Of course.

1691
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:37,841
- Oh.
- Thank you.

1692
01:06:37,920 --> 01:06:39,968
Annie. Is everything
all right?

1693
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:43,163
Yeah, yeah. It's fine.

1694
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:45,926
And you and Jay?
You're okay?

1695
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:47,685
Yeah, I think so.

1696
01:06:47,960 --> 01:06:49,880
You sure you don't wanna
tell me what's goin' on?

1697
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:51,081
Yes, I'm sure.

1698
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:52,844
Maybe some other time.

1699
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:54,481
Never.

1700
01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:58,084
There's some things that I
really wanna share with you,

1701
01:06:58,200 --> 01:06:59,247
and then,
there's some things.

1702
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:01,129
That you should die
just never knowing.

1703
01:07:02,280 --> 01:07:03,611
- Okay, sounds good.
- Okay.

1704
01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:09,201
(CLICKS)

1705
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:15,131
- What are you doing?
- Jesus Christ!

1706
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:17,851
Hi. You can't keep
doing that to me.

1707
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:21,841
What are you doing, Jay?

1708
01:07:23,360 --> 01:07:24,964
I have really good news.

1709
01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:26,361
Great news.

1710
01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:29,929
I remote wiped
the mailman's iPad.

1711
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,844
I erased his iPad
from my computer.

1712
01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,490
- You can do that?
- Yes, you can.

1713
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:36,041
We did it.

1714
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:37,884
- (SIGHS)
- So, yeah.

1715
01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:40,480
In a way it would've been nice to
have that information earlier.

1716
01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:43,006
In another, more
important way,

1717
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:46,529
it's great news
that we have

1718
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:48,807
remote wiped
the mailman's iPad.

1719
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:50,041
Yeah, it's good news.

1720
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:53,721
What's the bad news?

1721
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:56,087
What?

1722
01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:58,003
$25,000?

1723
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:00,362
Where we gonna get...
We don't have $25,000!

1724
01:08:00,680 --> 01:08:02,961
- We're not giving it to Howard!
- We're not. It's insane.

1725
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:05,686
(SIGHS) We're gonna let
this little freak show

1726
01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:06,966
just post it up
on the Internet

1727
01:08:07,040 --> 01:08:08,690
for the entire world to see?

1728
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:11,526
People that we know?
People we don't know?

1729
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:12,961
God, my gynecologist
is gonna be so.

1730
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:14,490
- Disappointed in me.
- Okay.

1731
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:16,927
The deli guy's gonna see
what we did with the salami!

1732
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:18,480
Babe, can I say
something that's gonna

1733
01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:20,124
sound kinda crazy,
but just go with me?

1734
01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:21,844
All right? I've been
watching a bunch of

1735
01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:23,001
these videos online,

1736
01:08:23,160 --> 01:08:25,242
and you cannot
really tell

1737
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:27,561
who these people are.
Mostly.

1738
01:08:27,640 --> 01:08:28,880
And I'm sure
that they all have

1739
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,128
somebody that they don't
want seeing their videos,

1740
01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:32,440
but they make them anyway.

1741
01:08:32,520 --> 01:08:34,204
Like this one video I saw,

1742
01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:35,771
"Corn-fed Cowgirl
Gets Milked."

1743
01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:37,723
There is no way that she
wanted her boss seeing that

1744
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:41,640
because what happened there
seemed very personal.

1745
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:43,406
- Your point is?
- My point is,

1746
01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:46,802
if our video went up there,
God forbid,

1747
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:49,087
does anybody even know
that it's us?

1748
01:08:49,160 --> 01:08:50,969
And if they did,

1749
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:53,802
does it really matter
that much?

1750
01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:57,050
I mean, it might.

1751
01:08:57,400 --> 01:08:59,482
The coke-bender Hank
Rosenbaum might not care.

1752
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:01,688
But the CEO of Piper
Brothers Hank Rosenbaum,

1753
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:02,966
he might.

1754
01:09:03,040 --> 01:09:04,087
Honey.

1755
01:09:06,480 --> 01:09:07,561
(SIGHS)

1756
01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:13,004
Hank Rosenbaum
has an 11-inch

1757
01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:15,208
double-sided dildo
in his nightstand.

1758
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:18,730
Is it made by
Piper Brothers?

1759
01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:21,446
Look, my point is,

1760
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:25,650
maybe everybody has an 11-inch
dildo in their nightstand.

1761
01:09:26,960 --> 01:09:29,122
- That's a beautiful metaphor, honey.
- Thank you.

1762
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:30,805
I thought of it just then.

1763
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:34,202
Maybe we don't care
so much

1764
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:36,089
about what
other people think.

1765
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:38,967
I have an idea.

1766
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:41,448
What? We haven't even
seen this video yet.

1767
01:09:41,600 --> 01:09:42,931
There's no chance
I'm watchin' it.

1768
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:44,684
- You don't have to.
- I'll watch it.

1769
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:46,250
And at least,
then, we'll know

1770
01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:48,243
what we're actually
dealing with.

1771
01:09:52,080 --> 01:09:53,206
(SNIFFLES)

1772
01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:02,641
(SIGHS)
Here we go.

1773
01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:04,881
(TAPS KEY ON COMPUTER)

1774
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:06,807
(CHUCKLES)

1775
01:10:27,320 --> 01:10:28,321
(CLICKS)

1776
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:47,764
We gotta get this thing
off the fucking Internet!

1777
01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:48,921
Why? What?

1778
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:50,240
I saw it! That's us.

1779
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:51,845
That's definitely us.
Very clearly.

1780
01:10:51,960 --> 01:10:54,042
- That camera's fuckin' amazing.
- Oh, my God!

1781
01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:55,201
Remember that thing
I told you about porn?

1782
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:56,964
About how you see
right past the guy?

1783
01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:58,565
Well, I saw him
and it's me

1784
01:10:58,640 --> 01:10:59,926
and it's fucking horrible!

1785
01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:02,048
It's like the worst picture
of yourself ever.

1786
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:03,804
Except you're fucking
for hours.

1787
01:11:03,976 --> 01:11:04,976
What about me?

1788
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:06,081
You? You're a fucking
sexpot

1789
01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:08,208
I've told you this.
Total wank material.

1790
01:11:08,280 --> 01:11:09,645
And now you're gonna be
in the fucking cloud!

1791
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:10,846
- Oh, my God.
- We have to do something.

1792
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,604
We need 25 grand
to pay off Howard.

1793
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:14,409
Hell no! Fuck Howard!
I have another idea.

1794
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,250
Okay. You said it
was on YouPorn, right?

1795
01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:17,760
We're gonna be on it.
Jesus Christ.

1796
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:19,080
I know, honey. We're not.
Relax, okay?

1797
01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:20,366
The Internet is not
a free-floating thing.

1798
01:11:20,440 --> 01:11:22,647
It's on a server
somewhere.

1799
01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:24,563
It's not like
it's an actual cloud.

1800
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:27,287
You knew that, right?

1801
01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:29,041
Yeah.

1802
01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:31,729
Look, we find
a business address.

1803
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:33,405
It's probably in
the Valley somewhere.

1804
01:11:33,480 --> 01:11:34,970
Most porn companies are.

1805
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:37,281
We're like 20 minutes from the
porn capital of the world.

1806
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,044
Well, then what do we do?

1807
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:40,645
I don't know. I mean,

1808
01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:43,371
it's probably just
a few guys with computers.

1809
01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:44,721
We'll beg 'em

1810
01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:46,006
or bribe 'em or something.

1811
01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:47,731
That's a great idea.

1812
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:49,446
What do we do
with the kids?

1813
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:51,045
We can't call
my mom again.

1814
01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:58,081
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)

1815
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:13,085
Up here, make a right.

1816
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:18,846
I think this is it.

1817
01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:23,251
Hello? Open up!

1818
01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:25,881
Hello! Is anyone there?

1819
01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:28,611
This is the last time I'm gonna ask.
Is anyone home?

1820
01:12:28,880 --> 01:12:30,609
Hey! Hey, bud!

1821
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:32,967
Hey! How's it goin', man?

1822
01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:34,764
We're just having
a little adventure.

1823
01:12:34,920 --> 01:12:36,001
What's the adventure?

1824
01:12:36,120 --> 01:12:38,327
It's kind of, like, what?
Like, a scavenger hunt.

1825
01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:40,323
You know what it is?
It's a game.

1826
01:12:40,560 --> 01:12:42,289
- Uh-huh.
- And it is called,

1827
01:12:43,440 --> 01:12:44,965
- Breaking and Entering.
- What?

1828
01:12:46,840 --> 01:12:48,808
- (ENGINE ROARING)
- (TYRES SQUEALING)

1829
01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,011
JAY: Okay, great.

1830
01:12:57,640 --> 01:12:58,801
Shh.

1831
01:13:08,760 --> 01:13:09,966
(CREAKS)

1832
01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:16,566
Hello?

1833
01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:17,971
NELL: Hello?

1834
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:19,969
What are we
looking for?

1835
01:13:20,160 --> 01:13:21,400
That's a good question.

1836
01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:23,130
Yeah, we're not
exactly sure.

1837
01:13:23,280 --> 01:13:26,045
CLIVE: "Central Data Core."

1838
01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:28,361
- ANNIE: This is it.
- <font color="

1839
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:37,520
I think I might've
underestimated

1840
01:13:37,640 --> 01:13:39,005
the size of YouPorn.

1841
01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:42,642
Yeah,
it's a bit bigger

1842
01:13:42,720 --> 01:13:43,960
than you would think.

1843
01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:51,526
(ALARM BLARING)

1844
01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:55,366
Jay! My God,
what have we done?

1845
01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:57,841
We're gonna go
to jail, Jay!

1846
01:13:58,000 --> 01:13:59,920
- We should get outta here.
- Yeah. We should go!

1847
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:01,490
(ALARM BLARING)

1848
01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:06,166
May I help you?

1849
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:09,402
(WHISPERING) Okay.
You guys stay here. Okay?

1850
01:14:09,560 --> 01:14:10,561
Okay-

1851
01:14:11,080 --> 01:14:13,560
May I ask what the
fuck is goin' on here?

1852
01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,726
May I ask if you're
the proprietor

1853
01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:19,087
of this institution?

1854
01:14:19,240 --> 01:14:20,685
"Institution?"
(CHUCKLES)

1855
01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:22,764
Yeah. I'm that
motherfucker.

1856
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:25,731
And you've just made
a very serious mistake.

1857
01:14:25,880 --> 01:14:28,201
Where are you from, huh?
You from Hustler?

1858
01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:30,131
- Um...
- Huh?

1859
01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:31,447
No.

1860
01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:33,488
Which crew you runnin' with?
Xtube?

1861
01:14:33,680 --> 01:14:35,170
Is that it? No?
RedTube?

1862
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:37,570
- Bangbros?
- No.

1863
01:14:37,720 --> 01:14:39,245
- BangBus?
- No.

1864
01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:40,401
BigBoobAlert?

1865
01:14:41,840 --> 01:14:43,365
- You with BigBoobAlert?
- Nope.

1866
01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:45,409
Where you from, then?
You tell me right now.

1867
01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:46,686
Wait, no, don't tell me.

1868
01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:48,126
- MassageCreep?
- JAY: No.

1869
01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:49,841
- We're not from MassageCreep.
- No, no.

1870
01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:50,921
KungPaoPussy?

1871
01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:52,127
- No.
- No.

1872
01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:53,725
- You from BeaverBong?
- Tugjobs?

1873
01:14:53,920 --> 01:14:55,410
- TrannySurprise?
- Nutflix?

1874
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:57,403
- No, ma'am.
- LAMONT: RealityKings?

1875
01:14:57,560 --> 01:14:59,562
- NaughtyAmerica?
- Euro-Angels? AsianAngels?

1876
01:14:59,760 --> 01:15:01,728
- SeducedByACougar?
- FuckStarTV?

1877
01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:03,366
- Huh? Those cunts?
- Not us.

1878
01:15:03,560 --> 01:15:05,085
- SubmitYourBitch?
- No, sir.

1879
01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:06,366
- Wankspider?
- No.

1880
01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:07,607
MonkeyCum?

1881
01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:10,200
- Honey, what's that one that Larry runs?
- AThousandCumShots?

1882
01:15:10,240 --> 01:15:11,446
- MonstersOfCock?
- No.

1883
01:15:11,600 --> 01:15:13,090
You with LadyBonersHD?

1884
01:15:13,240 --> 01:15:14,287
ButtholeSandwich.com?

1885
01:15:14,440 --> 01:15:16,602
Sir, we are in no way affiliated
with ButtholeSandwich.

1886
01:15:16,760 --> 01:15:18,000
You one of them
assholes

1887
01:15:18,080 --> 01:15:19,686
from BigTittyCreamPie.com?

1888
01:15:19,840 --> 01:15:20,841
- No.
- ANNIE: No.

1889
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:22,445
Not Playboy.

1890
01:15:22,720 --> 01:15:24,131
Did Hugh send you?

1891
01:15:24,240 --> 01:15:26,049
Listen, sir. If you could just
give me one minute to explain.

1892
01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:27,326
- I know...
- See, this is the thing.

1893
01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:29,323
You've put me
in a position

1894
01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:31,767
where my only options
are to beat your ass,

1895
01:15:31,880 --> 01:15:33,166
or call the goddamn cops.

1896
01:15:33,560 --> 01:15:35,847
Okay, sir, I see where
you're coming from...

1897
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:38,207
Actually, I think we should beat
their ass and call the goddamn cops.

1898
01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:40,487
I was thinkin'
the same shit.

1899
01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:47,127
Look, if you want
to kick my ass, fine.

1900
01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:49,965
And if you want to
call the cops, so be it.

1901
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:52,487
But there is a reason that we
did this, and it's because

1902
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:57,130
sometimes people do some really crazy
shit to protect their families.

1903
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:58,651
And that's what happened.

1904
01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:00,370
We did some crazy shit.

1905
01:16:00,640 --> 01:16:01,801
We're really sorry.

1906
01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:03,166
- We're really sorry.
- We're honestly...

1907
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:04,321
ANNIE: It was for our family.

1908
01:16:04,400 --> 01:16:05,561
You motherfuckers.

1909
01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:06,880
You made a sex tape

1910
01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:09,241
- and now you're tryin' to get it off my server.
- (DOG BARKS)

1911
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:14,521
Daddy, can I pet
the doggies?

1912
01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:17,522
No, we can't pet
these doggies.

1913
01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:18,966
What are your
freakin' names?

1914
01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:21,364
- I'm Jay.
- Annie.

1915
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:23,850
- Annie and Jay?
- Yes, ma'am.

1916
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,209
You the Annie
that writes.

1917
01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:28,327
"Who's Yo Mommy?"

1918
01:16:28,440 --> 01:16:29,521
Yeah.

1919
01:16:29,600 --> 01:16:30,601
(LAUGHS)

1920
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:32,285
- I love your blog.
- ANNIE: You do?

1921
01:16:32,400 --> 01:16:34,289
- I read it all the time.
- Oh, that's so great.

1922
01:16:34,400 --> 01:16:36,084
I mean, the way
you write about

1923
01:16:36,160 --> 01:16:37,286
motherhood and parenting.

1924
01:16:37,400 --> 01:16:38,640
Your marriage.

1925
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:41,087
Oh, thank you.
How old are yours?

1926
01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,708
Oh, one's 18 months
and one's 52 months.

1927
01:16:44,360 --> 01:16:45,360
Aw.

1928
01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:46,640
Baby, it's Annie and Jay.

1929
01:16:46,720 --> 01:16:48,324
Yeah, well, I'm afraid
Annie and Jay

1930
01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:50,721
- are in deep motherfuckin' shit.
- Shh.

1931
01:16:51,520 --> 01:16:53,329
Baby.

1932
01:16:58,360 --> 01:16:59,521
(SIGHS)

1933
01:16:59,640 --> 01:17:01,529
All you had to do
was email me

1934
01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:03,329
and I would've taken
it down.

1935
01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:05,090
Do you have any idea
how many people

1936
01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:06,650
are makin' sex tapes
out there?

1937
01:17:06,720 --> 01:17:09,530
We get about 1,000
new ones every day.

1938
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:10,965
I don't need to be
puttin' up sex tapes

1939
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,644
from people who don't want
their sex tapes up there.

1940
01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:14,643
There's no shortage
of sex tapes.

1941
01:17:14,720 --> 01:17:17,087
Okay? You didn't have to
break my fuckin' door!

1942
01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:18,725
We're just incredibly
sorry, sir,

1943
01:17:18,800 --> 01:17:20,211
and we will pay
for all the damages.

1944
01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:21,731
Oh, yes, you will. Today.

1945
01:17:22,680 --> 01:17:24,170
And you will be
incredibly grateful

1946
01:17:24,240 --> 01:17:25,765
that I feel sorry
for your asses

1947
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:27,410
and that my wife
likes your blog.

1948
01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:29,881
No, we are very,
very grateful.

1949
01:17:29,960 --> 01:17:31,291
Super grateful.
Thank you.

1950
01:17:31,440 --> 01:17:32,521
It is great of you.

1951
01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:35,126
Internet porn gets
a bad rap in some circles,

1952
01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:36,531
but it's not deserved.

1953
01:17:36,600 --> 01:17:40,161
I'm always tellin' people this.
YouPorn is a community.

1954
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,607
A safe, supportive place
where people can go

1955
01:17:42,800 --> 01:17:45,883
to display videos of themselves
ass-fucking each other.

1956
01:17:46,240 --> 01:17:48,208
That's really nice.

1957
01:17:48,320 --> 01:17:49,321
It's wonderful.

1958
01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:51,210
I think so.

1959
01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:52,921
But let me
ask you something.

1960
01:17:53,080 --> 01:17:54,969
Why'd you make the video
in the first place

1961
01:17:55,040 --> 01:17:56,804
if you didn't want
anyone to see it?

1962
01:17:57,040 --> 01:17:58,530
I mean, I know
why you did it.

1963
01:17:58,600 --> 01:17:59,726
But what about you?

1964
01:18:00,920 --> 01:18:03,127
It was my idea, actually.

1965
01:18:03,760 --> 01:18:06,206
I just guess it was something
different, you know.

1966
01:18:06,280 --> 01:18:07,441
Something new.

1967
01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:10,126
Yeah, that's what I thought.
"Something new."

1968
01:18:10,480 --> 01:18:13,643
Let me tell you somethin'. I've
see a lot of fuckin' sex tapes.

1969
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,046
It's not something
people do

1970
01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:16,929
when everything's
goin' great.

1971
01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:19,204
It's what you do
when you've lost track

1972
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:21,282
of why you're fuckin'
in the first place.

1973
01:18:25,840 --> 01:18:27,080
It's a quick fix.

1974
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:28,765
But it doesn't solve
anything.

1975
01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:31,321
And a lot of times it just
hides bigger problems.

1976
01:18:31,480 --> 01:18:33,608
Look at Paris Hilton
and Ricky Salomon.

1977
01:18:33,760 --> 01:18:35,330
Pamela Anderson
and Tommy Lee.

1978
01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:37,488
Pamela Anderson
and Bret Michaels.

1979
01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:39,483
Vince Neil
and Janine Lindemulder.

1980
01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:41,642
Janine Lindemulder and me.

1981
01:18:42,080 --> 01:18:45,129
All of these relationships
had bigger problems.

1982
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:47,721
They all forgot
why they were fuckin'

1983
01:18:47,800 --> 01:18:49,370
in the first place.

1984
01:18:56,640 --> 01:18:58,688
Anyway,

1985
01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:02,162
that'll be roughly $15,000.
How would you like to pay?

1986
01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:06,485
JAY: I think that
went pretty well.

1987
01:19:06,640 --> 01:19:08,449
<font color="
He was so nice.

1988
01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:12,490
Oh, my God.
What time is it?

1989
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,921
We have to be at school
for graduation at 9:00.

1990
01:19:15,080 --> 01:19:16,320
We have to get ready,
you guys.

1991
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:17,681
I gotta gel my hair.

1992
01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:19,649
Come on! Come on,
come on, come on!

1993
01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:22,365
(CONCERT PITCH PLAYING)

1994
01:19:22,440 --> 01:19:25,569
♪ I don't wanna be ♪
♪ so complicated ♪

1995
01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:27,642
Go, go, go!
We got this!

1996
01:19:28,320 --> 01:19:29,321
(ANNIE SHOUTS)

1997
01:19:30,680 --> 01:19:33,206
♪ Down in a new river ♪

1998
01:19:33,280 --> 01:19:36,363
Okay, babes.
Eat up, eat up, eat up.

1999
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:40,209
Through the thing
and magically, barn!

2000
01:19:40,280 --> 01:19:41,361
Let's see it.

2001
01:19:42,280 --> 01:19:43,281
Pretty good.

2002
01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:46,366
Hairbrush!

2003
01:19:46,520 --> 01:19:48,124
♪ A simple new life ♪

2004
01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:49,201
Okay, let's go.

2005
01:19:49,720 --> 01:19:51,210
CLIVE: But I gotta
get this on.

2006
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:53,722
(ALL TALKING AT ONCE)

2007
01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:56,328
Put it on in the car.
Go, go!

2008
01:20:00,560 --> 01:20:01,561
Whoa!

2009
01:20:02,040 --> 01:20:03,201
I gotta go backstage.

2010
01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:04,481
Go. Go graduate, pal.

2011
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:06,369
- We love ya.
- CLIVE: Bye.

2012
01:20:06,760 --> 01:20:08,489
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

2013
01:20:14,480 --> 01:20:16,084
Mommy, I'm gonna go
find my class, okay?

2014
01:20:16,160 --> 01:20:17,161
Okay, honey.

2015
01:20:17,262 --> 01:20:18,095
All right. We'll catch ya after.

2016
01:20:18,120 --> 01:20:19,368
- See ya.
- NELL: Bye!

2017
01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:25,286
Hey, there we go.

2018
01:20:25,360 --> 01:20:26,521
Okay. Oh, great.
Perfect.

2019
01:20:29,160 --> 01:20:30,321
JAY: (WHISPERS)
Sorry.

2020
01:20:32,760 --> 01:20:35,161
(BOTH GROANS)

2021
01:20:36,080 --> 01:20:37,525
- We made it.
- Yeah.

2022
01:20:38,080 --> 01:20:39,320
We got 'em all back.

2023
01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:43,321
I mean, we may have to steal
Howard's computer later.

2024
01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:44,885
But how hard
can that be?

2025
01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:50,246
Hi.

2026
01:20:50,840 --> 01:20:52,444
I don't think
I'm ever gonna be able

2027
01:20:52,520 --> 01:20:54,045
to look at Robby
the same way again.

2028
01:20:54,840 --> 01:20:56,569
I'm pretty sure
the feeling is mutual,

2029
01:20:56,640 --> 01:20:57,800
- if that helps at all.
- (LAUGHS)

2030
01:21:05,200 --> 01:21:06,565
I love you.

2031
01:21:08,960 --> 01:21:10,121
I love you, too.

2032
01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:11,520
No. I mean it.

2033
01:21:11,720 --> 01:21:12,721
Like, not in the way

2034
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:14,450
that we say it to
each other all the time.

2035
01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:16,286
I mean, I really love you.

2036
01:21:17,920 --> 01:21:19,570
And I'm also really
sorry about the video,

2037
01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:21,130
if I hadn't said that
already.

2038
01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:22,800
Thank you.

2039
01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:24,486
You hadn't.

2040
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:26,291
In a way, though,
I'm also

2041
01:21:26,400 --> 01:21:27,640
really glad
that it happened.

2042
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:28,881
'Cause I was thinkin' about

2043
01:21:28,960 --> 01:21:29,961
what you said at Hank's.

2044
01:21:30,120 --> 01:21:32,441
You said that
a thing like this,

2045
01:21:33,120 --> 01:21:34,645
like "the video incident,"

2046
01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:36,882
reveals a lot
about a person.

2047
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:38,326
And you're right.

2048
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:41,322
And you know what it
revealed about you?

2049
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:43,609
You are generous.

2050
01:21:43,760 --> 01:21:45,000
You're kind.

2051
01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:46,811
You're imaginative.

2052
01:21:46,920 --> 01:21:48,360
You always remember
what's important.

2053
01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:50,130
You're ready for anything.

2054
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:52,282
You're a bit of a lightweight
when it comes to cocaine.

2055
01:21:52,440 --> 01:21:55,125
But I think that
is a great quality.

2056
01:21:56,760 --> 01:21:59,161
I just think that
you're really amazing.

2057
01:22:01,840 --> 01:22:03,763
That's why I'm fuckin' you
in the first place.

2058
01:22:04,320 --> 01:22:05,446
Oh...

2059
01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:09,809
You know what this
revealed about you?

2060
01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:13,366
It revealed that
you would do anything

2061
01:22:13,920 --> 01:22:15,922
to get those iPads
back for me.

2062
01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:18,800
And there is no one
I would rather be with

2063
01:22:18,960 --> 01:22:20,530
when the shit hits the fan.

2064
01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:24,161
God, I lucked out.

2065
01:22:26,040 --> 01:22:27,326
I lucked out.

2066
01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:30,160
I fucking love you.

2067
01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:37,285
Excuse me. Public place.

2068
01:22:37,720 --> 01:22:39,131
- Oh, hi, Mom.
- Excuse me. Hi.

2069
01:22:39,280 --> 01:22:40,645
MAN: Good morning,
everyone.

2070
01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:43,041
Let's all settle in
and find a seat.

2071
01:22:43,200 --> 01:22:45,806
My name is Principal
Rodriguez and I would like

2072
01:22:45,880 --> 01:22:47,291
to welcome everyone

2073
01:22:47,480 --> 01:22:50,290
to our fourth-grade
graduation ceremony.

2074
01:22:50,480 --> 01:22:52,130
First up,
I'd like to introduce

2075
01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:54,680
our video yearbook maestro,

2076
01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:56,365
- Clive Hargrove.
- Yeah!

2077
01:22:56,680 --> 01:22:57,886
(CHEERING)

2078
01:22:59,480 --> 01:23:00,970
- Whoo!
- (WHISTLES)

2079
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:04,483
This is a video I made

2080
01:23:04,560 --> 01:23:06,722
showing the amazing
year we had.

2081
01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:10,248
Taking pictures and videos
is really important.

2082
01:23:10,640 --> 01:23:12,563
Because it reminds us

2083
01:23:12,640 --> 01:23:14,085
what's really important.

2084
01:23:14,400 --> 01:23:15,890
- WOMAN: Aw...
- (SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

2085
01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:18,767
and all the amazing
times we had.

2086
01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:22,606
So now I present to you our
fourth-grade video yearbook.

2087
01:23:22,960 --> 01:23:24,962
(CROWD CHEERING)

2088
01:23:30,400 --> 01:23:32,721
You erased the video off
of our computer, right?

2089
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:36,331
Right, Jay?

2090
01:23:36,400 --> 01:23:38,209
Is it Video 1
or Movie 1?

2091
01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:39,725
Video 1, I think.

2092
01:23:40,080 --> 01:23:41,889
- I love you. Call 911.
- Okay.

2093
01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:44,847
- JAY: It's Video 1.
- No, wait, it's Movie 1.

2094
01:23:45,040 --> 01:23:46,610
No! It's not Movie 1.

2095
01:23:46,680 --> 01:23:47,966
BOY: Wait, is it
the most recent one?

2096
01:23:48,120 --> 01:23:49,921
- CLIVE: Yeah,
- JAY: No! The most recent one.

2097
01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:52,122
- What's Frankensync?
- Hurry, honey, hurry.

2098
01:23:55,440 --> 01:23:56,566
(TIME OF YOUR LIFE PLAYING)

2099
01:23:56,640 --> 01:23:57,641
(YELLS)

2100
01:23:59,000 --> 01:24:00,001
(GRUNTS)

2101
01:24:00,200 --> 01:24:01,804
- (EXCITED CHATTER, GASPING)
- (ANNIE GASPS)

2102
01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:07,807
It's okay. It was the right thing to do.
He's fine.

2103
01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:09,769
Shit. Are you okay?

2104
01:24:10,640 --> 01:24:12,404
I'm not okay, man.

2105
01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:13,970
Okay. Uh, uh...

2106
01:24:14,040 --> 01:24:15,724
Why doesn't Tess
bring you to the hospital

2107
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:17,564
and I'll just make sure
your computer's okay.

2108
01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:19,925
- Dude!
- That's insane.

2109
01:24:20,560 --> 01:24:22,403
You take him
to the hospital.

2110
01:24:22,480 --> 01:24:23,970
I will make sure
the computer's okay.

2111
01:24:24,480 --> 01:24:26,084
No, wait,
I feel like I'm being...

2112
01:24:26,160 --> 01:24:27,446
Careful, careful,
careful.

2113
01:24:29,480 --> 01:24:30,720
- Hey, guys.
- OTHERS: Hmm?

2114
01:24:30,800 --> 01:24:32,768
Let's just take
a minute and acknowledge

2115
01:24:32,880 --> 01:24:34,769
that we have a lot
to celebrate.

2116
01:24:34,960 --> 01:24:37,327
- Your mom gettin' an offer on her blog.
- (PHONE RINGS)

2117
01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:40,086
I'll get it. So why did
you jump off the balcony?

2118
01:24:40,400 --> 01:24:43,085
<font color="
I tripped.

2119
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:44,480
That's why
it's very important

2120
01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:46,921
to always use the railings,

2121
01:24:47,800 --> 01:24:50,167
and to label
your videos properly.

2122
01:24:50,320 --> 01:24:52,280
Can I go get some ice cream
with Howard and Marta?

2123
01:24:53,000 --> 01:24:54,047
One...

2124
01:24:55,280 --> 01:24:56,930
- No.
- Why not?

2125
01:24:57,840 --> 01:24:59,444
Because it's family night.

2126
01:24:59,640 --> 01:25:02,610
And after this I think we
should all go get some donuts.

2127
01:25:02,920 --> 01:25:04,968
And maybe laser tag.

2128
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:06,525
- Awesome.
- ANNIE: Are you sure?

2129
01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:08,648
You can barely
move over there.

2130
01:25:08,720 --> 01:25:09,801
She's right.

2131
01:25:10,200 --> 01:25:11,440
- I'm sure.
- <font color="

2132
01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:19,404
- Howard.
- Jay.

2133
01:25:19,480 --> 01:25:22,051
We told you,
Clive is busy tonight.

2134
01:25:22,440 --> 01:25:23,805
A moment, please.

2135
01:25:32,160 --> 01:25:34,128
So? I see what
you're up to, asshole.

2136
01:25:34,280 --> 01:25:36,203
I have no idea what you're
talkin' about, Howard.

2137
01:25:36,480 --> 01:25:37,845
With holding Clive.

2138
01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:40,722
Looks like I might have
some moves of my own.

2139
01:25:40,880 --> 01:25:42,166
Might wanna
watch your back.

2140
01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:43,960
Are you threatening me, Jay?

2141
01:25:44,320 --> 01:25:46,482
I ain't payin' you shit,
motherfucker.

2142
01:25:46,640 --> 01:25:47,971
Have you seen what
I'm capable of?

2143
01:25:48,080 --> 01:25:49,969
I jumped off
a fuckin' balcony.

2144
01:25:50,080 --> 01:25:51,320
You do not
want to cross me.

2145
01:25:51,400 --> 01:25:54,483
I don't care anymore. And that
makes me fuckin' dangerous.

2146
01:25:56,080 --> 01:25:57,411
Yeah, boy.

2147
01:25:59,920 --> 01:26:02,446
This is the last copy

2148
01:26:02,520 --> 01:26:04,249
of your stupid tape.
All right?

2149
01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:06,004
I deleted all
of the other copies.

2150
01:26:06,320 --> 01:26:07,401
Why should I believe you?

2151
01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:09,166
Doin' it for Clive.

2152
01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:10,845
To protect him.

2153
01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:12,411
Can't have this
shit out there,

2154
01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:14,170
so I'm makin' a sacrifice.

2155
01:26:15,760 --> 01:26:17,285
Plus, he's kinda
my only friend

2156
01:26:17,400 --> 01:26:18,845
and I really wanna
hang out with him.

2157
01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:23,363
I can respect
that decision.

2158
01:26:23,880 --> 01:26:25,006
Believe me, Jay.

2159
01:26:25,080 --> 01:26:26,411
This is harder to
give back to you

2160
01:26:26,480 --> 01:26:27,845
than you could
ever imagine.

2161
01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:29,365
Yeah. It's a good move,
though.

2162
01:26:30,240 --> 01:26:31,446
(SIGHS)

2163
01:26:32,880 --> 01:26:34,120
Let go of
the fuckin' thing.

2164
01:26:36,440 --> 01:26:37,521
(CLICKS TONGUE)

2165
01:26:39,600 --> 01:26:40,601
I'll be by tomorrow.

2166
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:44,281
I'll see ya then,
you fuckin' weirdo.

2167
01:26:47,080 --> 01:26:48,889
- ANNIE: That's it?
- Yep.

2168
01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:51,125
That's the last copy.

2169
01:26:51,960 --> 01:26:53,007
Okay?

2170
01:26:53,080 --> 01:26:54,206
(SIGHS QUIETLY)

2171
01:26:55,480 --> 01:26:56,481
Hmm?

2172
01:26:58,280 --> 01:26:59,566
Wait!

2173
01:27:01,880 --> 01:27:03,803
- Just this once?
- Just this once.

2174
01:27:03,960 --> 01:27:05,405
And we don't even have to
watch the whole thing.

2175
01:27:05,480 --> 01:27:07,721
- We can just skip around a little bit.
- Okay? Mm-hmm.

2176
01:27:07,800 --> 01:27:09,211
Hello.

2177
01:27:09,280 --> 01:27:10,281
Hi.

2178
01:27:10,360 --> 01:27:11,646
And welcome...

2179
01:27:13,160 --> 01:27:15,288
I'm glad that we didn't go
fucking roller skating.

2180
01:27:17,320 --> 01:27:20,005
(PANTING)

2181
01:27:22,720 --> 01:27:23,721
(GRUNTING)

2182
01:27:26,520 --> 01:27:28,170
(SHAVER BUZZING)

2183
01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:34,322
ANNIE: (ON VIDEO) Put your
leg between my butt cheeks.

2184
01:27:34,480 --> 01:27:36,767
And then you lick
my armpit.

2185
01:27:36,920 --> 01:27:38,922
- Really?
- Mm-hmm. That's what it says.

2186
01:27:39,080 --> 01:27:40,081
All right.

2187
01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:41,685
Armpit it is.

2188
01:27:48,200 --> 01:27:49,361
How is it?

2189
01:27:49,920 --> 01:27:51,001
It's fine.

2190
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:52,565
<font color="
so impressed.

2191
01:27:52,640 --> 01:27:53,687
Okay, here I go.

2192
01:27:57,000 --> 01:27:59,207
One, two, three.

2193
01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,889
ANNIE: Okay. Good?

2194
01:28:03,040 --> 01:28:05,042
- JAY: All right. Get in there.
- Should I come in?

2195
01:28:06,520 --> 01:28:07,646
- ANNIE: Oh, wow.
- Yeah.

2196
01:28:07,840 --> 01:28:09,126
- Okay?
- Yeah.

2197
01:28:14,360 --> 01:28:16,761
- Yeah, totally, come on.
- JAY: Yeah? Okay.

2198
01:28:16,880 --> 01:28:18,120
Yeah. Of course, honey.

2199
01:28:18,200 --> 01:28:19,565
Oh, my God. This is so cute.

2200
01:28:20,520 --> 01:28:21,726
(ANNIE GIGGLES)

2201
01:28:23,000 --> 01:28:24,047
<font color="

2202
01:28:25,120 --> 01:28:27,043
Thank you for doing this.
This is my dream.

2203
01:28:27,200 --> 01:28:28,804
Always wanted to do this.

2204
01:28:30,200 --> 01:28:32,520
- ANNIE: You got such a great outfit, honey.
- JAY: Thanks.

2205
01:28:33,400 --> 01:28:37,803
♪ Take me out ♪
♪ to the ball game ♪

2206
01:28:38,000 --> 01:28:41,561
♪ Take me out to the park ♪

2207
01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:44,163
♪ Buy me some peanuts ♪
♪ and Cracker Jacks ♪

2208
01:28:44,320 --> 01:28:49,645
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ if I ever get back ♪

2209
01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:55,243
♪ One, a-two, ♪
♪ a-three strikes you're out ♪

2210
01:28:55,400 --> 01:29:02,363
♪ At the old ball game ♪

2211
01:29:02,720 --> 01:29:03,767
<font color="
YOUR HAT ON PLAYING)

2212
01:29:03,840 --> 01:29:05,080
You ready?

2213
01:29:06,000 --> 01:29:08,207
Yeah. Totally.

2214
01:29:09,360 --> 01:29:10,521
- ANNIE: Oh!
- (YELLS IN PAIN)

2215
01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:13,570
My balls! My balls!

2216
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:15,320
No, don't touch me,
don't touch me! Please!

2217
01:29:17,280 --> 01:29:19,123
Do it!
(GRUNTS)

2218
01:29:19,600 --> 01:29:21,090
Ow! Fuck!

2219
01:29:21,240 --> 01:29:23,049
Oh, my God! I kneed
you in the vagina!

2220
01:29:25,040 --> 01:29:27,281
Honey, I ran track
in college! I can do this!

2221
01:29:28,600 --> 01:29:30,568
On! Oh...!
Oh...!

2222
01:29:31,800 --> 01:29:33,086
JAY: You stuck the landing!

2223
01:29:39,640 --> 01:29:42,928
♪ Oh, they don't know ♪
♪ what love is... ♪

2224
01:29:43,920 --> 01:29:46,321
JAY: (ON VIDEO)
Yee-haw! Wow!

2225
01:29:49,840 --> 01:29:52,889
♪ They don't know ♪
♪ what love is... ♪

2226
01:29:55,480 --> 01:30:00,202
♪ But I-I-I-I-I-I... ♪

2227
01:30:00,600 --> 01:30:04,047
♪ I know what love is ♪

2228
01:30:07,120 --> 01:30:08,645
♪ Come on, baby ♪

2229
01:30:10,320 --> 01:30:14,291
♪ Let's show, show them ♪
♪ how to do it ♪

2230
01:30:15,920 --> 01:30:17,081
♪ Do it ♪

2231
01:30:17,560 --> 01:30:19,961
♪ Do it, do it, do it, baby ♪

2232
01:30:21,120 --> 01:30:23,600
(UNDONE PLAYING)

2233
01:30:23,880 --> 01:30:26,201
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2234
01:30:26,600 --> 01:30:29,001
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2235
01:30:29,400 --> 01:30:31,687
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2236
01:30:31,840 --> 01:30:34,446
♪ Yesterday just another day ♪

2237
01:30:34,680 --> 01:30:37,160
♪ Just like any other day ♪

2238
01:30:37,320 --> 01:30:39,926
♪ For we going ♪
♪ to change this mind ♪

2239
01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:43,447
♪ Keep around like we've got ♪
♪ mountains of time ♪

2240
01:30:43,520 --> 01:30:45,443
♪ Won't you come and sit down? ♪

2241
01:30:45,520 --> 01:30:48,126
♪ Yes, right here ♪
♪ on the ground ♪

2242
01:30:48,280 --> 01:30:50,965
♪ Tell me the story ♪
♪ of how we met ♪

2243
01:30:51,040 --> 01:30:53,884
♪ Not that I never ♪
♪ let you forget ♪

2244
01:30:54,040 --> 01:30:56,520
♪ I wanna be yours ♪
♪ I wanna be ours ♪

2245
01:30:56,600 --> 01:30:59,570
♪ I wanna do the stuff ♪
♪ in the back of your car ♪

2246
01:30:59,680 --> 01:31:02,047
♪ I wanna be good ♪
♪ I wanna be cruel ♪

2247
01:31:02,120 --> 01:31:05,203
♪ I wanna be the girl that ♪
♪ you wanted in high school ♪

2248
01:31:05,280 --> 01:31:07,806
♪ I wanna be a model ♪
♪ I wanna be clever ♪

2249
01:31:07,880 --> 01:31:10,724
♪ I wanna feel ♪
♪ this way forever ♪

2250
01:31:10,800 --> 01:31:13,371
♪ I wanna be the one ♪
♪ I wanna be the one ♪

2251
01:31:13,440 --> 01:31:17,047
♪ I wanna be the one that ♪
♪ makes you come undone ♪

2252
01:31:17,280 --> 01:31:18,611
♪ Oh... ♪

2253
01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:21,441
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2254
01:31:21,720 --> 01:31:23,961
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2255
01:31:24,560 --> 01:31:26,847
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2256
01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:30,005
♪ You can make me ♪
♪ feel like a girl ♪

2257
01:31:30,080 --> 01:31:32,321
♪ Just shout out ♪
♪ the rest of the world ♪

2258
01:31:32,480 --> 01:31:35,131
♪ Lay your head on my heart ♪

2259
01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:38,289
♪ Or you can just pull ♪
♪ my body apart ♪

2260
01:31:38,360 --> 01:31:40,681
♪ Yesterday, just another day ♪

2261
01:31:40,760 --> 01:31:43,366
♪ Just like any other day ♪

2262
01:31:43,480 --> 01:31:46,245
♪ I think we just ♪
♪ changed this mind ♪

2263
01:31:46,920 --> 01:31:49,161
♪ We've got tiles of times ♪

2264
01:31:49,360 --> 01:31:51,761
♪ I wanna be yours ♪
♪ I wanna be ours ♪

2265
01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:54,810
♪ I wanna do the stuff ♪
♪ in the back of your car ♪

2266
01:31:54,880 --> 01:31:57,451
♪ I wanna be good ♪
♪ I wanna be cruel ♪

2267
01:31:57,520 --> 01:32:00,330
♪ I wanna be the girl that ♪
♪ you wanted in high school ♪

2268
01:32:00,440 --> 01:32:03,011
♪ I wanna be a model ♪
♪ I wanna be clever ♪

2269
01:32:03,120 --> 01:32:05,771
♪ I wanna feel ♪
♪ this way forever ♪

2270
01:32:05,840 --> 01:32:08,286
♪ I wanna be the one ♪
♪ I wanna be the one ♪

2271
01:32:08,360 --> 01:32:12,684
♪ I wanna be the one ♪
♪ that makes you come undone ♪

2272
01:32:12,760 --> 01:32:13,761
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2273
01:32:14,200 --> 01:32:16,441
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2274
01:32:16,920 --> 01:32:19,400
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2275
01:32:19,800 --> 01:32:22,007
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2276
01:32:44,480 --> 01:32:46,926
♪ I wanna be yours ♪
♪ I wanna be ours ♪

2277
01:32:47,040 --> 01:32:49,850
♪ I wanna do the stuff ♪
♪ in the back of your car ♪

2278
01:32:49,960 --> 01:32:52,566
♪ I wanna be good ♪
♪ I wanna be cruel ♪

2279
01:32:52,640 --> 01:32:55,484
♪ I wanna be the girl that ♪
♪ you wanted in high school ♪

2280
01:32:55,560 --> 01:32:58,166
♪ I wanna be a model ♪
♪ I wanna be clever ♪

2281
01:32:58,280 --> 01:33:00,760
♪ I wanna feel ♪
♪ this way forever ♪

2282
01:33:00,920 --> 01:33:03,400
♪ I wanna be the one ♪
♪ I wanna be the one ♪

2283
01:33:03,480 --> 01:33:07,565
♪ I wanna be the one that ♪
♪ makes you come undone ♪

2284
01:33:07,680 --> 01:33:08,886
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2285
01:33:09,360 --> 01:33:11,601
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2286
01:33:12,080 --> 01:33:14,526
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2287
01:33:14,880 --> 01:33:17,326
♪ Oh, oh... ♪

2288
01:33:25,640 --> 01:33:27,404
<font color="

2289
01:33:28,680 --> 01:33:33,242
♪ You look so much better now ♪
♪ that you have found her ♪

2290
01:33:33,520 --> 01:33:37,206
♪ So much better with ♪
♪ your arms around her ♪

2291
01:33:37,360 --> 01:33:41,126
♪ In a world ♪
♪ that's all your own ♪

2292
01:33:41,360 --> 01:33:45,206
♪ Never spend ♪
♪ another night alone ♪

2293
01:33:45,360 --> 01:33:53,051
♪ You look so much better ♪

2294
01:33:53,280 --> 01:33:57,171
♪ You look so much better... ♪

2295
01:34:04,880 --> 01:34:09,568
♪ You look so much better now ♪
♪ that you have found her ♪

2296
01:34:09,760 --> 01:34:13,401
♪ So much better with ♪
♪ your arms around her ♪

2297
01:34:13,560 --> 01:34:17,360
♪ In a world ♪
♪ that's all your own ♪

2298
01:34:17,560 --> 01:34:21,246
♪ Never spend another night... ♪

2299
01:34:23,000 --> 01:34:25,571
♪ Alone... ♪

2300
01:34:26,230 --> 01:34:59,320
<b>Improved By: Fidel33
Sub Upload Date: December 7, 2015</b>