1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,757 Found that in my pocket at the bowls club last night. 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:05,437 Some frigger has found out about William 3 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:07,077 and sent me a blackmail letter. 4 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,037 -You have to give the money back. -No. 5 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:10,997 Then you leave me with no other option. 6 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,997 Deborah Fendon, I'm arresting you on suspicion 7 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,517 of committing fraud by deception. 8 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,437 Five grand, what's that on? 9 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,557 A GoFundMe for the drop-in centre. 10 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,157 They've been totally shafted by the cuts. 11 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,277 Shall we go t'station, then? 12 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,797 So after you've taken me down, 13 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,357 promise me that you'll find this bastard 14 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,837 and nail his bollocks to his backside. 15 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,117 Oh? What's going on? 16 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,357 Get back in the house, you! You're meant to be dead! 17 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,757 -DISGUISED VOICE: - Mrs Fendon. -Yeah? 18 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,117 I want my money. 19 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,440 Colberton petrol station, midnight tomorrow. 20 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,520 FOXES SCREECH 21 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,157 Incredible stamina, to be fair. 22 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,877 Like Phil Collins. 23 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,157 Sting. 24 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,317 It will in the morning, yeah, 25 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,557 because they've got barbs on their wotsits. 26 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,477 No, it's Sting who's famous for the long boffs. 27 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,077 Oh. Yeah. 28 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,557 Well... 29 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,237 ...as long as it's not in my veg patch. 30 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,157 So you're saying you don't want fox ejaculate 31 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,957 in your cauliflower cheese? 32 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,360 And that's another Sunday lunch ruined. 33 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,400 BABY CRIES 34 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,880 Shh. It's OK. I know, shh. 35 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,880 Daddy, I need a poo. 36 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,277 SNORING 37 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,077 KNOCK ON DOOR 38 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,160 DOORBELL RINGS 39 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,477 -Let me in! -It's 7am. 40 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,157 I know, I've barely slept. 41 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,797 I have to talk to Neha! 42 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,800 -Can't you come back later? -No, I need a poo! 43 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,840 BABY CRIES 44 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,517 Sorry we're late, too many bums to wipe. 45 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,117 Didn't you get my message? I've got Covid. 46 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,117 Oh, dear, I'm sorry to hear that. Go on, in you go, George. 47 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,517 Sorry, what you doing? Mr Fendon? 48 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,637 I said I can't have the boys today. 49 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,117 I have Covid. 50 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,437 Honestly, they'll be fine. 51 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,477 George licked a manhole cover last week, didn't you? 52 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,117 His immunity is basically like the X-Men. 53 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,077 You don't seem to be listening to me. 54 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,997 -You're saying you want them to wear masks? -No. 55 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,197 How about a perspex screen? 56 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,037 Have you got one of those, you could sit behind it? 57 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,197 -Why would I have a perspex screen? -In your shower? 58 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,597 Mr Fendon, I am not going to sit in the shower all day 59 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,917 watching your children. I'm going back to bed. 60 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,840 No, no, wait, wait, wait, no, no. 61 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,477 What am I going to do? 62 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,877 Have you considered looking after your own children yourself? 63 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,197 I'm going to need to see that lateral flow! 64 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,197 -Mr Fendon! What are you doing?! -How thick are the lines? 65 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,237 How thick are the lines? How thick are the lines? The antigens, Liz! 66 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,600 -I'm calling the police! -Don't make me look after my own children! 67 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,277 No offence, mate. 68 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,280 Don't repeat any of that to Mummy, OK? 69 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,797 I brought you the blackmail note, 70 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:39,037 and I did as you said, I've cut off communication. 71 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,077 Might need to wrap that in tinfoil, do we? 72 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,160 Er, yeah, maybe later. 73 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:46,837 Right. 74 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,277 Oh! That photo is awful. 75 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:50,877 I look like Ann Widdecombe. 76 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,037 Right. Question one - who could know about William? 77 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,957 Exactly. Good thinking. 78 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,557 No, I'm asking you. 79 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,397 Oh... Oh, um, well, no-one. 80 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,357 We've been unbelievably careful. 81 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,237 What about the petrol station? 82 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,837 Well, that was just a one-off. 83 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,637 I mean, William may be feckless 84 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,437 and reckless 85 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:14,237 and cocking annoying, but he's not stupid. 86 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,957 Are you with your mother? 87 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,837 No. Why are you calling on an unknown number? 88 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,757 Because she's taken the bloody landline! 89 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,277 -What? Why? -I don't know. 90 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,477 There's more chance of the re-animated corpse of Mahatma Gandhi 91 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,677 winning Strictly than either of us understanding 92 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,357 why your mother does the things she does. 93 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,477 Why are you so obsessed with Gandhi being on Strictly? 94 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:32,677 Also, stop leaving the house! 95 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,037 Look, could you please tell her that we're out of loo roll! 96 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,837 I'm not with her! Although that does explain this morning. 97 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,397 Well, if I don't get some soon, I'm going to have to start 98 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,677 using the tea towels. And not just any tea towels, 99 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,237 her special Brambly Hedge ones. 100 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,557 Look, I have no time for your dirty protest, OK? 101 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,797 The childminder's sick and I've got work. I'm stressed! 102 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,117 Ah. Right, so you're going to need some help with the boys? 103 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,277 Yes, I do desperately. No, George, no, no, no! Not in the mouth! 104 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,997 Why don't you bring them over to ours? 105 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,597 Oh, because it might be quite traumatising for George 106 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,037 to have his grandpa come back to life two months after 107 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,077 he saw you burnt in a box, and we've been telling him you're in heaven! 108 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,397 Oh, made it in, did I? That's good. 109 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,637 Anyway, it'd be great to see the little rascals again. 110 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,357 Dad, they think you're dead. 111 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,797 Ah, yes, they might think I'm dead, 112 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:19,077 but have you forgotten your father is a master of disguise? 113 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:23,237 A man of a thousand faces, a shape-shifting ghost in the wind. 114 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,160 Morning, William. 115 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,837 Who was that? 116 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,077 Pigeon. 117 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,437 Look, just come over and all will be revealed. 118 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,880 And please don't forget the loo roll. 119 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:42,437 Oh, that's much better. 120 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,557 So, motive is obviously money. 121 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,557 And jealousy. 122 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,877 Being a public figure, I'm up there to be shot down. 123 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,197 Right. What makes you a public figure? 124 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:58,557 I cut the ribbon when Billie had her downstairs toilet installed. 125 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:02,197 I don't think you get asked to do that without having a profile. 126 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,437 -She asked you? -Well, she asked, I offered, what's the difference? 127 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,397 Let's just focus back on this, shall we? 128 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:11,680 The real pain in the arse is that we can't see that CCTV. 129 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,797 There's cameras at the bowls club? 130 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,517 Just a bit. 131 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:20,797 Clive's got that place rigged up like Jeffrey Epstein's island. 132 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,837 Not that anything like that goes on there. 133 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,477 Sorry, why didn't you mention this before? 134 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,277 Although I do have my suspicions that Billie and Geoff 135 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,357 had a bonk in the changing room. 136 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,277 We need to see that video. 137 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,637 No, thank you! I'm not against pornography, 138 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,517 but preferably not starring Geoff, please and thank you. 139 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,517 No, the other one. 140 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,557 Oh, no, no, I tried that, but I didn't have Clive's password. 141 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,477 Debbie... 142 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,240 ...I don't need passwords. 143 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,517 Oh, well, now you're being a bit useful. 144 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,157 Right, come on. 145 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,280 I'll be Cagney, you can be Hutch. 146 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,560 KNOCK ON DOOR 147 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,317 - COD GERMAN ACCENT: - Ah, Vilkom! Hello! 148 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,560 Ah... 149 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:20,117 Ah, you must be der young George I have heard so much about. 150 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,717 I am your great-uncle Otto from Bavaria in Germany. 151 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,477 Come on, George, it's OK, it's OK. 152 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,357 Uncle Otto isn't as scary as he looks, are you? 153 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:32,277 Nein, nein! Kommen ze in for zum varm tea 154 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:36,117 and zum honey Kuchen... to eat... 155 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,960 ...with the tea. 156 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,357 Next time ze triple ply, bitte. 157 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,477 That is like wiping with printer paper. 158 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,077 Drinks and games and are in the bag. Just keep them occupied, OK? 159 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,600 Don't worry, we Germans know how to do that. 160 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,597 Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Hey, I lead. 161 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,357 Well, no, this is my bowls club. 162 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,757 Yeah, and this is literally my job. 163 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,717 Oh, but Clive is so annoying. 164 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,237 I want to do him. 165 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,437 I appreciate you're excited but we need to keep this professional, OK? 166 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,080 Yeah, fine. 167 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,957 -Hands out, you naughty wanker! -Debbie, what are you doing? 168 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,520 Flipping 'eck! 169 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,117 -BOSS: - Yeah, we've had some feedback. -TYPING 170 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,000 They're not happy with the copy. 171 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,237 Bit of a... 172 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,277 I have a herniated disc... 173 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,240 ...in the neck. Do you know what a herniated disc is? 174 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,720 So, do you follow the snooker? 175 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:12,480 -What's that? -That, that is ze Rolls-Royce water-blaster. 176 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,077 I use it to keep ze foxes out of ze garden. 177 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,917 Foxes raus! 178 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,880 -How? -I fill it up with wee-wee. 179 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,317 There you go. 180 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,477 What's this? Prawns? 181 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,477 Oh, we got... 182 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:36,797 We got targeted last year by that roving band of Geordie fishmongers. 183 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,717 Jean spent £400 of club funds 184 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,917 and now we're stuck with 18 kilos of the buggers. 185 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,597 Incidentally, we're hosting a seafood spectacular on Friday, 186 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,797 if you'd like to come. 187 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,837 Yeah, I'll have to check my diary on that one. 188 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,640 -It could be good, yeah. -Could you hold that there? 189 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,280 Debbie, is there something you'd like to say to Clive? 190 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,480 Sorry for barging you. 191 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:06,997 And? 192 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:12,277 And sorry for calling you a naughty wanker. 193 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,557 And a dullard. 194 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,037 And a fart hole. 195 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,997 You didn't call me a dullard and a fart hole. 196 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,077 Oh, sorry, I meant to. 197 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,317 Clive, will you accept Debbie's apology? 198 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,397 Well, no, I'd rather press charges. 199 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,197 Sure, but given I've already explained that's not going 200 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,157 to happen, please can we just make peace? 201 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,357 Fine, but she is not watching my CCTV. 202 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,040 Neha, tell him! 203 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,597 Look, I get it. 204 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:43,837 As a constable of the law, no-one respects GDPR more than I do. 205 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:48,280 A robust data policy is the keystone of a civilised society. 206 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:51,957 Are you crying? 207 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,397 Just keep... Carry on. 208 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:58,077 But if I get a warrant, you'll have coppers swarming over this place 209 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,277 like Love Islanders at a film premiere. 210 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,557 And you don't want that. 211 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,717 Not with all those Panda Pops and Double Deckers you've got on the bar 212 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,557 that say "not to be sold separately" on them. 213 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,237 Plus, that warrant'll cover your computer. 214 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,080 And your search history. 215 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,680 What day do you need to see? 216 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,237 Look, there. 217 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,037 DEBBIE GASPS 218 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,760 I don't believe it. 219 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,957 It's Pamela Anderson. 220 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,597 It's not funny, Neha! That is my friend. 221 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,997 I just always find it a tiny bit funny that's her name. 222 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,957 I can't believe it. 223 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:56,517 Pamela. 224 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,637 After everything I've done for her. 225 00:11:58,720 --> 00:11:59,957 What have you done for her? 226 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,117 Well, nothing specific, but you know, nice me, what I haven't done 227 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:07,037 is punch her in the gob for being the yawning bore that she is. 228 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,437 Sorry, Debbie, this must be really hard. 229 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,397 Not as hard as it's going to be on her when you slap the cuffs on her. 230 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,637 And can you bonk her head on the side of the car as you shove her in? 231 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,837 No, cos it's not the 1970s, and I'm not your pet police officer. 232 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,077 Can't just go round arresting people cos you say so. 233 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,677 Oh, come on! 234 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:26,197 I know you love all this woke-y, softly-softly stuff these days, 235 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,477 but little bit of old-fashioned justice 236 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,877 is what a cow like Pamela Anderson needs. 237 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,797 It's just a name. 238 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,597 -I'm sorry. -Unbelievable. 239 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,077 You're being so unprofessional. 240 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,877 I know, sorry, sorry, it's just... 241 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,357 ...if I do go and arrest Pamela Anderson... 242 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:41,880 Stop it. 243 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:47,477 ...the first question will be, who is she blackmailing and what about? 244 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,557 Well I... 245 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,317 I'll just deny it. 246 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,917 I've got the death certificate. 247 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,680 Yeah, and she's got the... 248 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,637 Actually, what has she got? 249 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,117 She's got a bloody nerve, that's what. 250 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,757 I mean, if she wanted money, why didn't she just ask me? 251 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,357 Instead of taking advantage of a grieving widow 252 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,157 like a waiter on a Greek holiday. 253 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,397 No, no, I am being serious. 254 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:09,997 How do you know she knows about William? 255 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,837 Because she put it in the note. 256 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,797 But like you just said, you have his death certificate. 257 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,157 And? 258 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,037 She must have proof he's alive! 259 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,517 A kidnapper would usually send a bit of ear or a finger, 260 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,117 and a blackmailer would send a photo, usually nude, 261 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,597 so you know they're serious. 262 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,037 Sorry, how would Pamela have a nude photo of William? 263 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,960 No, I'm not saying he'd be nude. I'm saying... 264 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,517 We need to go to your house. 265 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:35,917 Why? 266 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,197 I'll tell you on the way. 267 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,720 -No, one last thing. -Oh. What? 268 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,757 Oh. 269 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,757 Urgh! 270 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,400 That's why Clive doesn't want people on his computer. 271 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,717 RAPID TYPING 272 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,117 -BOSS: - Harry, I'm going to need you to get on with that today. -Mm-hm. 273 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,117 CHILDREN GIGGLE 274 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:06,757 If you could send the first draft to me by, at the latest, two, 275 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,117 two o'clock... 276 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,237 What I'm saying is that Pam must have sent you 277 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,037 -another blackmail note. -No, I don't want another one. 278 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,997 No, this is one you already had but it somehow got missed. 279 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,197 How could I have missed a blackmail note? 280 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,637 Don't take this the wrong way, 281 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,757 but I can kind of see how something might get lost in your house. 282 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,600 Tidy houses are for boring people. 283 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,397 Oh, my God, George! George! 284 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:32,077 What are you doing here? By yourself? 285 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,597 This is a surprise. 286 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,120 What is he...? 287 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,480 WILLIAM! 288 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,240 Ah. 289 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,560 There's supposed to be some children there. 290 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,997 The Pontipines, now there's a chaotic family. 291 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,637 You couldn't manage one hour with them?! 292 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,917 Well, I haven't been sleeping well, have I, 293 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,557 because of the tantric foxes. 294 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,437 Plus, children at that age... 295 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,397 ...they are quite boring company. 296 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,717 -William! -No, Debbie, it's not his fault. 297 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,997 Harry should never have put him in that position. 298 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,757 I mean, what were you doing bringing them here anyway? 299 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,477 - WHISPERS: - George thinks he's dead! 300 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:17,757 George doesn't actually know it's me. 301 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,237 I'm in character. 302 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:23,037 You told me you'd thrown those lederhosen away. 303 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,797 Yeah, that was a lie. 304 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,717 Look, the most important thing is, is that the boys are safe. 305 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,037 Yeah, no thanks to Von Shitzenpants here. 306 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,637 What are you doing here anyway? 307 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,357 We need to find something. 308 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,197 Yeah, well, if it's something useless 309 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,077 like a collection of porcelain hippos 310 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,117 or a VHS recording of Coronation Street, 311 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,117 you've come to the right place. 312 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,277 But if it's something useful, you know, 313 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,397 like a Biro with some actual ink in it or a key to the back door, 314 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,760 then thou shalt not find it here. 315 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,920 Have you thrown away any post? 316 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,117 No. Why? 317 00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,680 Nothing. 318 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,517 What? 319 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,637 You can't have a go at him for lying and then lie right back! 320 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,877 I'm not lying, I'm keeping a secret. 321 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:08,317 That's very different. 322 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,797 What are you talking about? 323 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,157 Fine. 324 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:16,157 I'll forgive you for the lederhosen if you forgive me for this. 325 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,040 Forgive you for what? 326 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,797 You haven't been watching Traitors without me, have you? 327 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,477 Of course not! That is sacred. 328 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:25,640 Yeah, OK. 329 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,360 Look, we're being blackmailed. 330 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,477 About the insurance money. 331 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,760 By Pamela Anderson. 332 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,677 NEHA SNIGGERS 333 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,677 Don't start. 334 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,437 Bloody hell, that's annoying. 335 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,680 I was rather hoping that would just sort of go away. 336 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,077 It came a couple of days ago. 337 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:54,637 We're screwed. 338 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,757 This doesn't mean anything. This could have been taken any time. 339 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,877 No, no, no, it's digital, it will have metadata. 340 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,197 What's metturdettur? 341 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,197 It means we can see when it was taken, which was... 342 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:04,437 ...two weeks ago. 343 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:05,637 Oh, bollocks. 344 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,077 Well, then we are screwed. I can't believe it. 345 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,677 So this is what Pamela has. 346 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,517 The smoking gun. 347 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,637 We made a decent fist of it. 348 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,840 I know, we did so much, didn't we? 349 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,197 What about if we pay up? 350 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:21,477 You can't. 351 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,797 It might be 20k this time, but once Pam knows you're good for it, 352 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,317 she'll just keep milking and milking and milking 353 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,197 until you're milked dry. 354 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:31,677 Like breast-feeding him. 355 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,917 If it's any consolation, 356 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,677 coming clean will mean that we can fully pursue Pam for the blackmail. 357 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:36,757 What about us, though? 358 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,637 Won't you get into trouble for not reporting it? 359 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,077 No, I'll just say I had no idea and that your parents were lying 360 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,037 to us as much as they were lying to everyone else. No offence. 361 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,360 Right. Just one small problem. 362 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,480 You're in this photo. 363 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,597 It's going to be hard to deny you knew 364 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,717 when there's a photo of you stood six feet from him. 365 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,720 Would you excuse me for a moment? 366 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,797 MUFFLED SCREAM 367 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,197 -Oh, dear. -What? 368 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,277 Well, that's my farting cushion. 369 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:13,840 Oh, William. 370 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,237 How did we not see you? 371 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,120 I did tell you that I'm a master of disguise. 372 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,517 Right, then, change of plan. 373 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,837 You need to get that off my keys. 374 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,797 -What is that? -A tracker. 375 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,717 Oh, dear. Harold hasn't made you have that, has he? 376 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,317 That's coercive control. 377 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,277 Actually, maybe I should get one of those for William? 378 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,997 What I need from you is a bag of flour. 379 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,797 -Right. -And parcel tape. 380 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:41,997 Yep. 381 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,917 Is self-raising OK? 382 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,397 So long as it looks like cocaine. 383 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,797 Oh, I don't know. 384 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,397 Yeah, no, it's fine. 385 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,117 Look, I need to go to the bank before it closes. 386 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,397 Oh, I thought you said we weren't going to pay Pamela? 387 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,477 We're not. 388 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,157 We're doing a little thing called the hamburger trick 389 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,917 but we can't set a trap without bait. 390 00:18:59,000 --> 00:18:59,997 Now, I won't be long... 391 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,960 OK, but if it's cash you need... 392 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,037 ...do you want to... 393 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,880 ...use this? 394 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,157 Who are you? 395 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,117 Debbie Fendon. 396 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,717 Sorry, could you do this for me? 397 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,440 My hands are too sweaty. 398 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:28,317 BOSS: - Yeah, I just had a quick read there. 399 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:32,397 -I think my problem is, it just reads a bit woolly. -Mm-hm. 400 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,637 So lose some of the... 401 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,637 You won't do anything silly? 402 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,197 I've already done the silly thing. 403 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,237 Now I need to tidy up. 404 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,517 Please let me help. 405 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:46,197 Do you know the best thing you could do? Babysit your grandchildren. 406 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,997 Oh, I'd love that. 407 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:49,277 And so would William. 408 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,597 Good. Where is he, by the way? 409 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,000 Oh, he's pissing in the super-squirters. 410 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,317 Male urine keeps the foxes away. 411 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,557 I always knew that Pamela was a wrong 'un. 412 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,360 Got the nose of a criminal. Snouty. 413 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,720 Full tank for you, Debs. 414 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,560 I'll do it myself. 415 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,237 Right, we've got one hour till the drop, 416 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,197 -and you know to leave it by the bins? -Yes, guv. 417 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,637 Don't do that. 418 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:27,917 Sorry, miss. 419 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,197 -Or that. -Yeah, sorry, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm nervous. 420 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,317 OK, just don't screw it up, OK? 421 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,760 That hasn't made me less nervous, but OK. 422 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:40,997 Love you. 423 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,800 Love you more. 424 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,357 Perfect. 425 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,357 Along there, that's it, good boy. 426 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,797 Right to the edges. 427 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,757 Yes, that's it, that's it. 428 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,237 What are you doing? 429 00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,277 No, no! No, George! No! You don't know what's in there! 430 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,920 George! 431 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,197 OVER RADIO: - Just drop the bag and get out of there. 432 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,517 Yes, Sarge. 433 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,797 Please stop doing that. 434 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,040 Yeah. Sorry. 435 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,837 The eagle has landed. 436 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,797 The toad is in the hole. 437 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,837 Repeat, the toad is in the hole. 438 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,237 Where are you going? 439 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,637 Going to get myself a hot choccy. 440 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,437 Not now, you berk! 441 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,837 What...? 442 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,717 Wait, can you see me? Where are you? 443 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,357 Oh, there you are. 444 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:43,677 Hi! 445 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,317 Don't wave at me, you doofus! We're breaking the law! 446 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,557 Oh, shit, sorry! OK, yeah. 447 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,437 I'll get back to the toddlers. 448 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,120 Yeah, all four of them. 449 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,677 The sleepy mice could dance no more. 450 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:08,277 They wandered home through the snow tunnels, climbed the stairs 451 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:12,080 and crept into their warm beds. 452 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:20,477 Outside the windows, the snow had started to fall again, 453 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:27,280 but every mouse in Brambly Hedge was fast asleep. 454 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,357 Love you, Granny. 455 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,240 Love you, Grandpa. 456 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,200 Gotcha. 457 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,000 SIREN WAILS 458 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:18,197 Hello, Pamela. 459 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:22,037 -Hello. -Shitting hell, who are you? -Marcus. 460 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:25,120 I mean, um... licence and registration, please. 461 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,557 Please step out of the vehicle, Mr Marsden. 462 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,357 What's this about? 463 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,560 Just get out and wait there. 464 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,157 Oh, God... 465 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:46,757 Is there a problem? 466 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,437 Er, yeah, it's just my car's such a tip. 467 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,837 I've got a real problem with fruit pastilles 468 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,197 and I just leave the wrappers lying all around like a revolting slob 469 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,037 and it's just horrid and I'd really rather you didn't look inside it. 470 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,157 I've seen worse. 471 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,080 My car, actually The kids treat it like skid row. 472 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,197 That's not mine. 473 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,637 Do you mind telling me what you do for a living, sir? 474 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,197 Is this really necessary? 475 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,640 I'm a funeral director. 476 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,200 Lot of cash in funerals, is there? 477 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,597 I don't know anything about that. 478 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,000 Right. 479 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,077 And what about this? 480 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,917 OK, I really don't know anything about that. 481 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,277 Then let me fill you in. 482 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:38,037 It appears to be a bag full of cash and class A drugs 483 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:40,277 and I just found it on the front seat of your car. 484 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,517 Do you know what that makes you? 485 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,317 A naughty boy? 486 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,277 It makes you someone who's going to prison. 487 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,277 Prison. Prison prison? 488 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:52,637 Oh, please, look, I know I've made a mistake 489 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,677 but I swear to God, I don't know anything about the drugs. 490 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,837 I can't go to prison. I get very bad eczema. 491 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,917 Well, perhaps we could come to some arrangement? 492 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,197 Yeah? Although if it's a sex thing, I must warn you 493 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,877 I'm not super experienced with your side of the coin. 494 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,157 Oh, no, you don't need to worry yourself about that, no. 495 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,957 What I'm going to do for you is make this disappear. 496 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:17,077 And what you're going to do for me is leave my client the hell alone. 497 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:18,637 Your client...? 498 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:19,957 Right, OK. 499 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:23,197 Yeah, and don't you test her, cos she's King Kong in this postcode 500 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,277 and next time she won't be so forgiving. 501 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,600 And you can tell that to Pamela Anderson too. 502 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:30,557 From Baywatch? 503 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,237 No! You know exactly who I mean. 504 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,880 We'll be watching. 505 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,640 Can I go, then, or...? 506 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:58,997 DOOR OPENS 507 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,757 DOOR CLOSES 508 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,517 Well? 509 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,957 You'll never believe this, but Pamela Anderson, she's in cahoots. 510 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,317 What? With who? 511 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,717 With WHOM. Carry on. 512 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,077 -Marcus. -Oh, my God! 513 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,477 Sorry, who the hell's Marcus? 514 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,397 Yeah, actually, I don't know. Who is that? 515 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:15,757 The funeral director. 516 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,557 Oh, my God again! You mean the spindly-windly wafty one? 517 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,837 He seemed like such a sweet lad. 518 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:22,877 That is a shame. 519 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,637 I thought his eulogy was particularly well judged. 520 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,037 Eulogy for who? 521 00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:28,117 For WHOM. 522 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,117 -For me. -You were at the funeral? 523 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,037 Of course I wasn't at the funeral. 524 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:33,597 No, I streamed it. 525 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,157 Which reminds me, your poem. Oh, dear. 526 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:40,677 Rhyming Parkinson's with Parmesan? We raised you better than that. 527 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,077 Hey, I ran a 10k in your memory. 528 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,877 You walked most of it. 529 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,357 FOXES SCREECH 530 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,117 Sorry, is anyone actually interested in how my fake drugs bust went? 531 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,397 Of course. 532 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:53,640 But first, William... 533 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,680 ...they're back. 534 00:26:58,680 --> 00:26:59,960 Foxes. 535 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:03,240 Give 'em hell.