1 00:01:02,197 --> 00:01:03,030 - Jubel! 2 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,272 - What should we do now, Malachi? 3 00:01:49,272 --> 00:01:53,438 - This paint is quick drying, as well as non-drip. 4 00:01:53,438 --> 00:01:56,438 We'll praise the lord while we wait. 5 00:01:58,417 --> 00:02:02,584 Our safe stronghold, our God 6 00:02:17,022 --> 00:02:19,572 - Now, look at that sausage. 7 00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:20,926 Want some? 8 00:02:20,926 --> 00:02:23,066 - Whoa, ho, ho, the waistline, man. 9 00:02:23,066 --> 00:02:23,899 - Aw, come on, Barney, 10 00:02:23,899 --> 00:02:25,661 sure I can't tempt you with something else? 11 00:02:25,661 --> 00:02:27,261 - Maybe just a smidgen of chutney, 12 00:02:27,261 --> 00:02:28,328 if there's any going here, Hamish. 13 00:02:28,328 --> 00:02:29,713 - No going, coming. 14 00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:32,266 Lachland's bringing a batch of his homemade. 15 00:02:32,266 --> 00:02:33,964 - For Lachland's homemade chutney, Hamish, 16 00:02:33,964 --> 00:02:35,046 I'd wait forever. 17 00:02:35,046 --> 00:02:36,641 Whoa-ho, Alex, is that the red? 18 00:02:36,641 --> 00:02:38,638 - No, just mineral water, Alex. 19 00:02:38,638 --> 00:02:40,061 - What? 20 00:02:40,061 --> 00:02:43,304 - You know wine makes you lethargic, dearest. 21 00:02:43,304 --> 00:02:44,932 Tired. 22 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,932 Lie about, to fall asleep, later on. 23 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,814 - I'll get mineral water. 24 00:02:54,071 --> 00:02:55,040 - What have I told ya? 25 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,000 - Check the oil. 26 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,497 - Check the oil, and now look at us. 27 00:02:58,497 --> 00:03:00,470 That's supposed to be served slightly chilled, you know. 28 00:03:00,470 --> 00:03:01,727 - It's only chutney. 29 00:03:01,727 --> 00:03:03,027 - Only chutney! 30 00:03:03,027 --> 00:03:04,711 That is my chutney. 31 00:03:04,711 --> 00:03:07,347 That's your entry to every barbie in Lochdubh. 32 00:03:07,347 --> 00:03:10,118 - Well, I'd like to think I was invited for my personality, 33 00:03:10,118 --> 00:03:12,363 not your chutney. 34 00:03:12,363 --> 00:03:13,853 - Bethsheba. 35 00:03:13,853 --> 00:03:15,769 Fine evening for a prayer meeting. 36 00:03:15,769 --> 00:03:18,493 - Mr. McCrae, you're welcome to join in if you'd like. 37 00:03:19,578 --> 00:03:21,741 - Oh, I don't think so, Bethsheba. 38 00:03:21,741 --> 00:03:25,087 For soon where we-- 39 00:03:25,087 --> 00:03:28,738 - So, what's he making you wear all this stuff for? 40 00:03:28,738 --> 00:03:30,988 - To deter vanity, he says. 41 00:03:32,161 --> 00:03:35,281 This only thing this deters is the babes. 42 00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,985 Lachie, man. I'm at the height of my sexual powers, 43 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,497 just like you. 44 00:03:39,497 --> 00:03:41,348 - Sounds awful, right enough. 45 00:03:41,348 --> 00:03:42,889 No babes, I mean. 46 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,152 I don't think I could handle that, Jubal. 47 00:03:45,152 --> 00:03:46,735 - Tell me about it. 48 00:03:47,784 --> 00:03:50,537 So, you're seeing someone at the moment, then? 49 00:03:50,537 --> 00:03:54,498 - Oh, one or two irons in the fire, yeah. 50 00:03:57,556 --> 00:04:01,622 - Shouldn't that say Lochdubh there, Mr. McBean? 51 00:04:01,622 --> 00:04:06,351 - My husband is going the lord's work, Mr. McCrae. 52 00:04:06,351 --> 00:04:07,502 - The lord's work? 53 00:04:07,502 --> 00:04:09,204 I thought road signs was the council's business. 54 00:04:09,204 --> 00:04:11,557 I'll be reportin' this you know. 55 00:04:11,557 --> 00:04:13,474 Come on, Lachie Jr. 56 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:19,006 - We're just off to Hamish's barbie. 57 00:04:19,006 --> 00:04:20,506 - Ooooooooh, what! 58 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:26,257 You would take your son into that house, McCrae? 59 00:04:26,257 --> 00:04:29,196 You would let your boy sup with Satan? 60 00:04:29,196 --> 00:04:32,739 - Satan? I didn't see any Satan on the guest list. 61 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,266 Did you, Lachie Jr? 62 00:04:34,266 --> 00:04:35,516 - No, no Satan. 63 00:04:36,654 --> 00:04:38,404 - Get a life, McBean. 64 00:04:39,564 --> 00:04:41,363 Come on, son. 65 00:04:59,273 --> 00:05:01,162 - It's going well, don't you think? 66 00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:03,925 - Yeah, well, good wine, good company, 67 00:05:03,925 --> 00:05:04,788 brilliant cooking. 68 00:05:04,788 --> 00:05:05,621 - Ooh! 69 00:05:08,425 --> 00:05:09,521 - You know what? 70 00:05:09,521 --> 00:05:11,024 I've been a complete idiot, haven't I? 71 00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:12,320 - Mmmhmm. 72 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,487 - I could have had all this, long ago. 73 00:05:18,273 --> 00:05:20,112 Has Lachie told you about McBean? 74 00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:20,945 No. 75 00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,181 - He painted out the road sign. 76 00:05:22,181 --> 00:05:25,568 The man has clearly lost it a lot. 77 00:05:25,568 --> 00:05:26,463 - You see a lot more of 78 00:05:26,463 --> 00:05:29,817 Alex and Hamish than I do, Mr. McIver. 79 00:05:29,817 --> 00:05:31,490 - Do they seem happy? 80 00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:33,912 - Well, they seem to be, Major. 81 00:05:33,912 --> 00:05:36,803 - Then why don't they just get married, hm? 82 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:37,729 Don't understand it, 83 00:05:37,729 --> 00:05:40,441 it'd get that McBean off their backs at the very least. 84 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,269 - Well, marriage is a great responsibility, Major. 85 00:05:42,269 --> 00:05:44,909 - All I'm saying, is it's a damn disgrace. 86 00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:48,288 I mean, who does that McBean think he is? 87 00:05:48,288 --> 00:05:51,335 Lots of couples live together, for heaven's sake. 88 00:05:51,335 --> 00:05:53,978 - Agnes, dear, the reverend might not see things 89 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,590 in quite that light. 90 00:05:55,590 --> 00:05:58,682 - Oh, I'm not that far apart from Agnes. 91 00:05:58,682 --> 00:06:01,688 If God is love, and where there's love, there's God. 92 00:06:01,688 --> 00:06:03,187 We must believe that, mustn't we? 93 00:06:03,187 --> 00:06:04,853 - See. 94 00:06:04,853 --> 00:06:06,294 Another glass of wine, Alan? 95 00:06:06,294 --> 00:06:08,454 - No, no, I won't if you don't mind it. 96 00:06:08,454 --> 00:06:10,464 Makes me feel lethargic. 97 00:06:10,464 --> 00:06:12,383 - Do you hear that, Barney. 98 00:06:12,383 --> 00:06:15,733 I think Alan and I see things in entirely the same light. 99 00:06:16,566 --> 00:06:18,505 - There it was, in big red letters: 100 00:06:18,505 --> 00:06:20,059 Gomorrah. 101 00:06:20,059 --> 00:06:20,892 I tell ya, if it hadn't been for 102 00:06:20,892 --> 00:06:22,706 the presence of Lachie Jr, here, 103 00:06:22,706 --> 00:06:24,608 I'd have banjo'd that McBean right there and then. 104 00:06:24,608 --> 00:06:26,806 I kid you not, Rory. 105 00:06:26,806 --> 00:06:29,487 - Gomorrrah, aye, well, well, well. 106 00:06:29,487 --> 00:06:31,493 That was a biblical city, Lachlan, 107 00:06:31,493 --> 00:06:34,126 that God destroyed on account of the goings on there. 108 00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:35,325 - I know that, Rory Campbell. 109 00:06:35,325 --> 00:06:37,113 What ya take me for, an ignoramus, or what? 110 00:06:37,113 --> 00:06:38,161 - I was just pointing out. 111 00:06:38,161 --> 00:06:40,640 - Of course, contemporary geologists, 112 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,341 they think that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed 113 00:06:42,341 --> 00:06:45,378 by natural disasters, such as earthquakes. 114 00:06:46,261 --> 00:06:48,047 - No, I just thought I'd throw that in. 115 00:06:48,047 --> 00:06:49,446 - Anyway, anyway. 116 00:06:49,446 --> 00:06:52,999 Next thing is, McBean starts speaking in tongues. 117 00:06:52,999 --> 00:06:54,583 - Speaking in tongues, eh? 118 00:06:54,583 --> 00:06:56,812 You'd know a lot about that sort of thing, Lachie Jr. 119 00:06:56,812 --> 00:06:57,869 I've seen it before. 120 00:06:57,869 --> 00:06:59,157 - And were was that? 121 00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:00,617 - Cape Fear. 122 00:07:00,617 --> 00:07:01,516 - There you go, you see. 123 00:07:01,516 --> 00:07:04,453 Saw it himself, up in Cape Fear. 124 00:07:04,453 --> 00:07:06,258 - I think he means the film, Lachlan. 125 00:07:06,258 --> 00:07:07,206 Cape Fear. 126 00:07:07,206 --> 00:07:09,706 - That's right, it's at the end. 127 00:07:09,706 --> 00:07:12,785 And Robert DeNiro, he's this religious maniac. 128 00:07:12,785 --> 00:07:14,686 He's chained to this sinking boat, 129 00:07:14,686 --> 00:07:16,672 and just as the boat's going under, 130 00:07:16,672 --> 00:07:18,760 he starts speaking in tongues. 131 00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:26,861 It was really brilliant the way that he did it. 132 00:07:34,134 --> 00:07:34,967 - Oh no. 133 00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:37,587 - Lachlan! 134 00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:38,420 My man! 135 00:07:40,144 --> 00:07:42,146 Lookin' good, Lachlan, lookin' good. 136 00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:44,208 - Feelin' good, Zoot, feelin' good. 137 00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:45,147 - Hambo! 138 00:07:45,147 --> 00:07:46,826 - Zoots, how are we? 139 00:07:46,826 --> 00:07:49,075 - Only wonderful, Hambo. 140 00:07:49,075 --> 00:07:50,370 Only wonderful. 141 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:53,050 - How is it, you know you're always welcome here. 142 00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:56,413 But, there's some pretty solid citizens in the company, 143 00:07:56,413 --> 00:07:58,080 so nothing aromatic. 144 00:08:01,182 --> 00:08:02,405 - Nothing? 145 00:08:02,405 --> 00:08:03,238 - Nothing. 146 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,402 - What have I stumbled in on here, Hambo? 147 00:08:07,402 --> 00:08:09,245 A Victorian-theme evening? 148 00:08:09,245 --> 00:08:10,093 No, no, no. 149 00:08:10,093 --> 00:08:12,247 Just try lookin' on it as a new experience. 150 00:08:12,247 --> 00:08:14,568 A new experience. 151 00:08:14,568 --> 00:08:16,418 I like that. - Aye. 152 00:08:16,418 --> 00:08:18,506 - Well, I'll tell my fellow rustic-goers. 153 00:08:18,506 --> 00:08:19,339 - Mine. 154 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,543 Hello. 155 00:08:23,543 --> 00:08:24,687 - Ooowa. 156 00:08:24,687 --> 00:08:26,058 Well, Zoot's been spending a lot of time 157 00:08:26,058 --> 00:08:28,113 'round Lochdubh these days. 158 00:08:28,113 --> 00:08:30,780 What's the attraction, I wonder. 159 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,517 - Open your hearts, dear friends. 160 00:08:35,517 --> 00:08:37,409 Open your minds and hearts, 161 00:08:37,409 --> 00:08:39,659 and together, we shall know 162 00:08:40,874 --> 00:08:41,957 the infinite. 163 00:09:33,519 --> 00:09:34,602 - Aaaahhhhhh. 164 00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,784 - Lord, cleanse this house of sin, 165 00:09:48,986 --> 00:09:52,166 with a form of thy most sacred blood. 166 00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:54,362 - Cleanse it, cleanse it. 167 00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:58,771 Turn thy back on Satan now. 168 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,599 - Alarm call, madam? 169 00:10:03,165 --> 00:10:04,282 - I heard them. 170 00:10:04,282 --> 00:10:07,571 - Lay waste, this vile den, oh Lord. 171 00:10:07,571 --> 00:10:11,738 Visit thy vengeance on this stinking cesspool of sin. 172 00:10:13,036 --> 00:10:14,605 - Cesspool of sin. 173 00:10:14,605 --> 00:10:16,161 - Bethsheba, another fine day. 174 00:10:16,161 --> 00:10:17,853 - It is, indeed, Mr. McIver. 175 00:10:17,853 --> 00:10:19,059 - Be warned! 176 00:10:19,059 --> 00:10:22,819 And stay back from this wicked abode, John McIver. 177 00:10:22,819 --> 00:10:24,358 - Wicked abode? 178 00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:26,191 That's the police house, man. 179 00:10:26,191 --> 00:10:29,935 Now get out of my way, before I lose my temper. 180 00:10:29,935 --> 00:10:31,018 Wicked abode. 181 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,733 - He that succors sin, himself sins. 182 00:10:37,322 --> 00:10:38,572 - Himself sins. 183 00:10:40,544 --> 00:10:43,541 - I don't understand it, you know. 184 00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:45,153 - What? 185 00:10:45,153 --> 00:10:47,177 - The Church of the Stony Path sets out 186 00:10:47,177 --> 00:10:48,550 strict codes for the brethren, 187 00:10:48,550 --> 00:10:51,532 but they've never behaved like this before. 188 00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:53,718 And those clothes, they look ridiculous. 189 00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:55,210 - Yes, well. 190 00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:57,721 Maybe it took us to bring out the worst in them. 191 00:10:57,721 --> 00:10:59,991 - No, no, they've been like this since before 192 00:10:59,991 --> 00:11:02,444 you moved in with Hamish. 193 00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:05,694 But you do seem to have given them a focus. 194 00:11:07,431 --> 00:11:09,173 - That's me off, then. 195 00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:10,842 - You take care. 196 00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:12,433 - Take care? 197 00:11:12,433 --> 00:11:14,350 This is Lochdubh, Alex. 198 00:11:19,895 --> 00:11:22,385 - God, sinner, slash man. 199 00:11:22,385 --> 00:11:23,844 - Curse him, curse him. 200 00:11:23,844 --> 00:11:24,693 - I think he means me, love. 201 00:11:24,693 --> 00:11:26,315 - Fornicator. 202 00:11:26,315 --> 00:11:28,245 - Definitely means me. 203 00:11:28,245 --> 00:11:30,743 - Do you think you can scoff at us, Macbeth? 204 00:11:30,743 --> 00:11:32,985 His ministers, his elect. 205 00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:35,482 - Oh, his elect, is it? 206 00:11:35,482 --> 00:11:37,795 Well, tell me this, Mr. McBean, 207 00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:39,210 if the lord thinks so much of you, 208 00:11:39,210 --> 00:11:43,377 how come he just let my dog piss up your trouser leg? 209 00:11:44,231 --> 00:11:45,064 Jock. 210 00:11:46,549 --> 00:11:47,565 - Dog. 211 00:11:47,565 --> 00:11:48,565 Of Dionysus. 212 00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:51,350 Hound from Hades. 213 00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:56,325 Infest that beast with fleas, Lord. 214 00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,064 - Come on, Jock. 215 00:11:59,064 --> 00:12:03,553 - Send down a plague upon his foul master's house. 216 00:12:03,553 --> 00:12:06,081 And let thy wrath be felt by 217 00:12:06,081 --> 00:12:08,810 the Jezebel that lives in sin 218 00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:11,009 within its unholy walls. 219 00:12:13,837 --> 00:12:17,754 A temptress, who leads man into sin. 220 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:19,658 Alan. 221 00:12:19,658 --> 00:12:21,393 - Isn't that just such a stooshie? 222 00:12:21,393 --> 00:12:24,094 I suppose I should apologize for him, since he is a 223 00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:24,973 member of the cloth. 224 00:12:24,973 --> 00:12:26,260 - No, nonsense. 225 00:12:27,093 --> 00:12:28,916 - You're very kind, Hamish, but tell me. 226 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,282 Do you think that man's insane? 227 00:12:31,282 --> 00:12:33,893 - Well, I think he's just daft. 228 00:12:33,893 --> 00:12:35,828 - What, not dangerous, then? 229 00:12:35,828 --> 00:12:37,230 - No, just daft. 230 00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:40,485 - I see. I'll say good day to you, Hamish. 231 00:12:40,485 --> 00:12:42,402 Thank you so very much. 232 00:12:44,070 --> 00:12:44,987 - For what? 233 00:12:48,963 --> 00:12:51,232 - He preaches with a lot of passion, don't you think? 234 00:12:51,232 --> 00:12:53,076 - Well, it sounds like a lot of abuse to me. 235 00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,409 - Sure, but remember, Hambo. 236 00:12:57,168 --> 00:13:00,270 They say the Lord works in wondrous ways. 237 00:13:00,270 --> 00:13:01,603 - Is that right? 238 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:06,022 - Flora, it occurred to me that it might be worthwhile 239 00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:08,439 having a look at the McBeans. 240 00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:13,353 You know, at the Church of the Stony Path, as a whole. 241 00:13:13,353 --> 00:13:14,186 - Oh yes? 242 00:13:15,152 --> 00:13:16,421 - Yes. 243 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,731 - Well, one never knows what a good journo might find there, 244 00:13:19,731 --> 00:13:22,898 if he, or she, was to dig deep enough. 245 00:13:25,053 --> 00:13:27,121 - Well, you surprise me, Flora. 246 00:13:27,121 --> 00:13:30,224 - I half thought you might have agreed with the McBeans. 247 00:13:30,224 --> 00:13:33,454 Hamish and Alex aren't married, after all. 248 00:13:33,454 --> 00:13:35,371 - Neither am I, Isobel. 249 00:13:36,618 --> 00:13:39,296 And who can blame Alexandra? 250 00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,578 I mean, that Macbeth. 251 00:13:41,578 --> 00:13:45,161 Wouldn't you just know he'd be a dirty boy. 252 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:55,493 - Ooh! 253 00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:57,507 - Ah! 254 00:13:57,507 --> 00:13:58,340 Oh, ah! 255 00:14:03,684 --> 00:14:04,851 - Oh, Malachi. 256 00:14:05,875 --> 00:14:08,292 - Put the pebbles back, wife. 257 00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:14,884 - But you'll cripple yourself. 258 00:14:14,884 --> 00:14:16,164 Why are you doing these things? 259 00:14:16,164 --> 00:14:19,331 - The struggle with Lucifer is arduous. 260 00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:22,094 - But this. 261 00:14:23,298 --> 00:14:25,131 - Oh, sweet Bethsheba. 262 00:14:27,108 --> 00:14:30,147 Your concern does you credit. 263 00:14:30,147 --> 00:14:32,970 Yet more proof that you are the Lord's greatest gift 264 00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:35,457 of this humble servant. 265 00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:36,957 - Please, Malachi. 266 00:14:38,262 --> 00:14:39,314 I don't deserve. 267 00:14:39,314 --> 00:14:42,436 - Mmm. I think it's deserved. 268 00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:46,603 And that is why, in my own way, I have always loved you. 269 00:14:48,502 --> 00:14:50,419 And why, in my own way, 270 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,691 I always will. 271 00:14:58,918 --> 00:15:00,846 But I've begun to chart 272 00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:04,077 a difficult course for the church, Bethsheba. 273 00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:07,261 And if you came to feel that the burden of leadership 274 00:15:07,261 --> 00:15:10,511 was too great for you to share with me, 275 00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:15,371 then I assure you, I'd understand. 276 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:25,156 I want you to know that. 277 00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:33,100 Bethsheba. 278 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,711 - Shall I make you a sleeping draft? 279 00:15:57,525 --> 00:16:01,442 - To shut out the hiss of the serpent's tongue. 280 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,539 That Reverend Snow. 281 00:16:39,539 --> 00:16:41,039 - He's a nice man. 282 00:16:42,276 --> 00:16:46,026 - He asked me if I thought McBean was insane. 283 00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,018 You know, dangerous. 284 00:16:49,018 --> 00:16:52,187 I've been wondering the very same thing. 285 00:16:52,187 --> 00:16:56,036 - No, no, I mean, it's the way he asked. 286 00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:56,869 Alan Snow. 287 00:16:59,403 --> 00:17:00,403 Kind of odd. 288 00:17:01,665 --> 00:17:03,438 - We could get short of McBean. 289 00:17:03,438 --> 00:17:05,339 We'd just get married. 290 00:17:05,339 --> 00:17:07,351 - I'm not giving into that loony, you joking? 291 00:17:07,351 --> 00:17:11,148 - I was thinking we might do it for our own sakes, Hamish. 292 00:17:11,148 --> 00:17:14,255 - Alex, I want to get married. 293 00:17:14,255 --> 00:17:16,422 But I want to do it right. 294 00:17:17,358 --> 00:17:21,525 And that costs a lot more than we've got, basically. 295 00:17:22,860 --> 00:17:25,729 Just wait 'til we get some cash put by. 296 00:17:25,729 --> 00:17:28,036 - Well, who'd have thought of that? 297 00:17:28,036 --> 00:17:30,372 You, wanting a proper wedding. 298 00:17:30,372 --> 00:17:32,895 - No, no, I mean, I just. 299 00:17:32,895 --> 00:17:36,478 I just want to do things right, that's all. 300 00:18:06,195 --> 00:18:07,656 - What are they doing? 301 00:18:07,656 --> 00:18:09,985 - That patch has been set aside for hand-tilling. 302 00:18:09,985 --> 00:18:10,818 - Oh. 303 00:18:10,818 --> 00:18:12,018 - The theory being that after a day in there, 304 00:18:12,018 --> 00:18:13,749 you're too knackered to sin. 305 00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:15,170 It doesn't work, though. 306 00:18:15,170 --> 00:18:16,294 Not when you're at the 307 00:18:16,294 --> 00:18:18,558 height of your sexual powers. 308 00:18:18,558 --> 00:18:19,783 Like me, Isobel. 309 00:18:19,783 --> 00:18:22,423 - Jubal, I'm here to do a story. 310 00:18:22,423 --> 00:18:23,256 - Jubal! 311 00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,222 - See you. - Yeah. 312 00:18:29,455 --> 00:18:31,912 - What can we do for you, Miss Sutherland? 313 00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:33,761 - Well, I was, um, 314 00:18:33,761 --> 00:18:35,712 I was thinking of doing a piece, 315 00:18:35,712 --> 00:18:37,931 for the religious affairs column. 316 00:18:37,931 --> 00:18:39,933 - We've been here a long time, Miss Sutherland, 317 00:18:39,933 --> 00:18:41,318 why the sudden interest? 318 00:18:41,318 --> 00:18:44,947 - Well, this persecution of Hamish. 319 00:18:44,947 --> 00:18:47,712 - Your choice of words betrays you, Miss. 320 00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:50,296 I'll not talk with an ally of sinners. 321 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,390 - Now, out of my way! 322 00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:53,249 - Oh, if you'll just listen, Mr. McBean. 323 00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:55,325 - Out of my way, now! 324 00:18:55,325 --> 00:18:57,300 Out! - Mr. McBean! 325 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,291 No! 326 00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:00,638 Oh! 327 00:19:00,638 --> 00:19:02,534 Lie still, you'll be fine. 328 00:19:02,534 --> 00:19:03,439 Just lie still. 329 00:19:03,439 --> 00:19:04,392 - What happened, Malachi? 330 00:19:04,392 --> 00:19:05,225 - It was an accident. 331 00:19:05,225 --> 00:19:06,619 - Get your car, she'll need to see the doctor. 332 00:19:06,619 --> 00:19:07,667 - She stepped under the wheel. 333 00:19:07,667 --> 00:19:08,675 Where did it happen? 334 00:19:08,675 --> 00:19:09,508 - Oh my god. 335 00:19:09,508 --> 00:19:11,233 - It was an accident. 336 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,816 It was an accident. 337 00:19:14,539 --> 00:19:16,122 It was an accident. 338 00:19:16,994 --> 00:19:18,643 - He did apologize, Hamish. 339 00:19:18,643 --> 00:19:19,476 - No, no, no, no. 340 00:19:19,476 --> 00:19:20,309 The damage is already done. 341 00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:21,955 Will you calm down, Hamish. 342 00:19:21,955 --> 00:19:23,099 - Look what he did to her. 343 00:19:23,099 --> 00:19:24,106 - It's only bruising. 344 00:19:24,106 --> 00:19:25,939 - The ground was soft. 345 00:19:29,942 --> 00:19:32,885 - You go home, and you tell that 346 00:19:32,885 --> 00:19:35,329 badly put-together man kit, 347 00:19:35,329 --> 00:19:36,774 that I've seen this. 348 00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:39,309 I have seen what he did to her. 349 00:19:39,309 --> 00:19:42,143 And you tell him, his time's comin'. 350 00:19:42,143 --> 00:19:44,397 - But, it was an accident, Mr. Macbeth. 351 00:19:44,397 --> 00:19:46,649 Malachi wouldn't tell a lie. 352 00:19:46,649 --> 00:19:47,482 - Hamish. 353 00:20:16,523 --> 00:20:19,187 - Excuse me, do I get to know what's going on here? 354 00:20:19,187 --> 00:20:20,280 - You saw what he did to her. 355 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,316 - Yes, and I saw what that did to you, Hamish. 356 00:20:23,316 --> 00:20:26,051 And that man has been standing out here for weeks. 357 00:20:26,051 --> 00:20:27,866 Every day, he's called me names. 358 00:20:27,866 --> 00:20:28,699 And I've been so hard-- 359 00:20:28,699 --> 00:20:29,967 - Oh look, Alex, he never touched you. 360 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:30,800 - You did nothing! 361 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,156 - If he touched you, it would be a different story, okay? 362 00:20:34,156 --> 00:20:35,739 - Would it, Hamish? 363 00:20:37,024 --> 00:20:37,857 - Yeah. 364 00:20:40,037 --> 00:20:43,537 I'm surprised you'd even have to ask that. 365 00:20:50,195 --> 00:20:52,112 - Dinner for one, then? 366 00:21:13,278 --> 00:21:14,111 - Malachi? 367 00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:17,574 Malachi? 368 00:21:19,094 --> 00:21:20,711 - Malachi! 369 00:21:22,462 --> 00:21:25,422 - No, don't look upon him. 370 00:21:25,422 --> 00:21:28,940 He is the beast, look away from his face, Bethsheba. 371 00:21:29,773 --> 00:21:32,104 - Look away from his face. 372 00:21:32,104 --> 00:21:33,480 - Malach-- - One look 373 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,369 and he'll wither your soul. 374 00:21:36,369 --> 00:21:38,369 Bethsheba, oh Bethsheba. 375 00:21:39,275 --> 00:21:40,108 I saw him, 376 00:21:42,404 --> 00:21:43,737 he is the beast! 377 00:21:45,894 --> 00:21:47,773 Get away from the barn! 378 00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:49,106 It is the beast! 379 00:21:51,431 --> 00:21:53,848 - I'll call the fire brigade. 380 00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:05,762 - Well, he could be mad. 381 00:22:05,762 --> 00:22:08,020 Or then again, he might just be embarked on some kind of 382 00:22:08,020 --> 00:22:09,568 back to basics campaign. 383 00:22:09,568 --> 00:22:14,273 Which would make him mad in my book, anyway. 384 00:22:14,273 --> 00:22:16,804 Did I not say keep the weight off that foot, Isobel? 385 00:22:16,804 --> 00:22:19,165 - I'll be all right. 386 00:22:19,165 --> 00:22:19,998 How is he? 387 00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:22,686 - He'll live, unfortunately. 388 00:22:22,686 --> 00:22:24,577 Minor burns to his lower legs. 389 00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:26,412 - He's in there talking to John at the moment. 390 00:22:26,412 --> 00:22:28,662 And refuses to speak to me. 391 00:22:34,276 --> 00:22:36,308 - So, this noise. 392 00:22:36,308 --> 00:22:41,056 You say you went to investigate, and then what? 393 00:22:41,056 --> 00:22:42,556 - It was horrible. 394 00:22:44,248 --> 00:22:45,998 I went into the barn, 395 00:22:47,335 --> 00:22:50,918 and there was this sudden stench of sulfur. 396 00:22:52,057 --> 00:22:55,307 And then I heard a low, infernal laugh. 397 00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:03,813 When I raised my lantern, 398 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,273 I saw, 399 00:23:10,059 --> 00:23:11,476 it was the beast. 400 00:23:13,738 --> 00:23:14,738 And his name 401 00:23:16,564 --> 00:23:17,564 was Macbeth. 402 00:23:22,606 --> 00:23:25,612 - I mean, he actually said it was me in the barn, 403 00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:27,711 and you should have seen that TV John, 404 00:23:27,711 --> 00:23:30,378 did he enjoy telling me or what. 405 00:23:31,273 --> 00:23:33,131 I mean, apparently he had these, ah, 406 00:23:33,131 --> 00:23:35,321 rather piercing green eyes. 407 00:23:35,321 --> 00:23:37,453 Cat's, I think they were. 408 00:23:37,453 --> 00:23:42,398 And then were was mention of this low kind of chuckle. 409 00:23:42,398 --> 00:23:45,236 Why I, and there was definitely hooves, you know. 410 00:23:45,236 --> 00:23:47,444 And a tail, but no horns. 411 00:23:47,444 --> 00:23:49,273 He was quite clear on that point. 412 00:23:49,273 --> 00:23:51,358 - You were out last night. 413 00:23:51,358 --> 00:23:52,775 Where did you go? 414 00:23:53,985 --> 00:23:55,235 - Well, I was-- 415 00:23:56,690 --> 00:23:58,273 Hey, wait a minute. 416 00:24:01,123 --> 00:24:04,706 You don't think it was me in there, do you? 417 00:24:05,752 --> 00:24:06,585 Alex. 418 00:24:08,102 --> 00:24:10,221 Look, there's a perfectly simple explanation for all this, 419 00:24:10,221 --> 00:24:12,221 I mean, there has to be. 420 00:24:14,594 --> 00:24:16,861 Right, I'll prove it to you. 421 00:24:16,861 --> 00:24:17,920 A perfectly simple explanation. 422 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,136 - Okay, prove it. 423 00:24:19,136 --> 00:24:20,020 - I mean, I cannot believe you, 424 00:24:20,020 --> 00:24:24,187 I can't even believe we're having this conversation. 425 00:24:50,299 --> 00:24:52,388 - Well there, Hamish. 426 00:24:52,388 --> 00:24:54,638 - Peter, please. Any ideas? 427 00:24:55,969 --> 00:24:59,586 - A man dropped a lamp, Hamish, that's about it. 428 00:24:59,586 --> 00:25:01,100 We were on our way back from another call 429 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:04,457 when this one came through, so we got here a bit sharpish. 430 00:25:04,457 --> 00:25:06,131 Could have saved more of the place, 431 00:25:06,131 --> 00:25:08,087 if it hadn't been for that damned hold up. 432 00:25:08,087 --> 00:25:09,434 - Who was that? 433 00:25:09,434 --> 00:25:12,181 - Some heffie in a hurry. 434 00:25:12,181 --> 00:25:14,116 First of all, he nearly rammed us. 435 00:25:14,116 --> 00:25:15,564 Then we had to wait for him to back up 436 00:25:15,564 --> 00:25:17,156 'til we could get by him. 437 00:25:17,156 --> 00:25:19,658 - Tattoo on his forehead, blue BMW? 438 00:25:19,658 --> 00:25:21,023 - Aye, that's him. 439 00:25:21,023 --> 00:25:21,938 - Zoot McPherrin. 440 00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:24,699 Ah, well I'll be able to tell him to check his speed. 441 00:25:24,699 --> 00:25:26,752 Surprising, though, Zoot generally does, 442 00:25:26,752 --> 00:25:30,752 on account of, a kind of sedate model, you know. 443 00:25:31,587 --> 00:25:34,585 Hamish. 444 00:25:34,585 --> 00:25:35,418 Hamish. 445 00:25:42,211 --> 00:25:44,530 Okay lads, let's finish this off, right? 446 00:25:44,530 --> 00:25:47,434 - Hamish, what's happening here? 447 00:25:47,434 --> 00:25:51,010 I knew nothing but happiness here 'til all this started. 448 00:25:51,010 --> 00:25:52,343 What's going on? 449 00:25:53,876 --> 00:25:55,709 - I don't know, Jubal. 450 00:25:58,031 --> 00:25:59,114 I don't know. 451 00:26:04,046 --> 00:26:06,635 - So, what do you reckon then, minister? 452 00:26:06,635 --> 00:26:09,037 Did McBean see Ol' Nick, or what? 453 00:26:09,037 --> 00:26:11,037 - What? - The devil, man. 454 00:26:14,020 --> 00:26:16,077 - There's no such thing, it's a myth. 455 00:26:16,077 --> 00:26:19,034 - So you're saying McBean's going bananas. 456 00:26:19,034 --> 00:26:23,034 Well, it has to be one or the other, doesn't it? 457 00:26:25,027 --> 00:26:27,444 - Would you please excuse me? 458 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,193 - That is a worried man. 459 00:26:33,193 --> 00:26:35,271 - I'm with you, Lachie Jr. 460 00:26:35,271 --> 00:26:37,488 That man knows a thing about this devil business, 461 00:26:37,488 --> 00:26:38,556 you mark my words. 462 00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:41,749 - Well, my brave husband's taking no chances, 463 00:26:41,749 --> 00:26:42,582 are you, Barney? 464 00:26:42,582 --> 00:26:44,867 - Don't start, Agnes, just don't start. 465 00:26:44,867 --> 00:26:46,020 - What do you mean, Agnes? 466 00:26:46,020 --> 00:26:47,478 - Use your nose, Lachlan. 467 00:26:47,478 --> 00:26:49,645 Or if not that, your eyes. 468 00:26:50,857 --> 00:26:52,380 Look. 469 00:26:52,380 --> 00:26:54,878 Garlic, to ward off evil spirits. 470 00:26:54,878 --> 00:26:56,758 I just thought I'd give the bar a more-- 471 00:26:56,758 --> 00:26:58,525 A kind of a Continental feel. 472 00:26:58,525 --> 00:26:59,936 Exactly, Lachlan. 473 00:26:59,936 --> 00:27:01,502 - And how does this lend itself to 474 00:27:01,502 --> 00:27:04,516 the general ambience of the place? 475 00:27:04,516 --> 00:27:08,099 Sometimes I wish I'd listened to my mother. 476 00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:17,705 - Wouldn't have any more of these, would you, Barney? 477 00:27:17,705 --> 00:27:18,942 - You winding me up, Lachlan? 478 00:27:18,942 --> 00:27:19,839 - Nope! 479 00:27:19,839 --> 00:27:20,992 If there's any protecting to be done, 480 00:27:20,992 --> 00:27:23,565 I want some for me and the boy, here. 481 00:27:23,565 --> 00:27:27,024 - Well, actually, against forces of this magnitude, 482 00:27:27,024 --> 00:27:29,552 the ol' garlic is pretty puny stuff. 483 00:27:29,552 --> 00:27:33,052 What we need is something far more potent. 484 00:27:35,325 --> 00:27:37,158 - What about chillies? 485 00:27:39,182 --> 00:27:40,015 Heads up. 486 00:27:40,015 --> 00:27:41,081 - John. 487 00:27:41,081 --> 00:27:41,914 - Hamish. 488 00:27:46,895 --> 00:27:48,529 - Did you see that? 489 00:27:48,529 --> 00:27:50,491 - I saw it, all right. 490 00:27:50,491 --> 00:27:51,885 Aye, Hamish lad. 491 00:27:51,885 --> 00:27:53,940 Aye. 492 00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:55,945 - Woo, that's it for me, boys. 493 00:27:55,945 --> 00:27:58,378 If TV John McIver's worried, 494 00:27:58,378 --> 00:27:59,795 that's it for me. 495 00:28:04,369 --> 00:28:06,036 - Nice shot, Isobel. 496 00:28:07,005 --> 00:28:08,303 How's the foot? 497 00:28:08,303 --> 00:28:11,136 - It's fine. Bit sore, that's all. 498 00:28:12,799 --> 00:28:13,632 - Good. 499 00:28:26,255 --> 00:28:28,755 - So, how are things with you? 500 00:28:29,894 --> 00:28:30,811 - Not good. 501 00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:36,874 Alex thinks I was in the barn. 502 00:28:36,874 --> 00:28:38,102 Not with the horns and the tail, of course, 503 00:28:38,102 --> 00:28:40,352 but she thinks I was there. 504 00:28:44,642 --> 00:28:46,085 She thinks I went for McBean because of 505 00:28:46,085 --> 00:28:48,502 what he did to you, actually. 506 00:28:50,113 --> 00:28:52,920 Because of what I feel for, 507 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,198 because of what Alex thinks I might feel for-- 508 00:28:55,198 --> 00:28:56,948 - I see. - You, yeah. 509 00:28:59,959 --> 00:29:01,851 Anyway, if I can just prove I wasn't in the barn, 510 00:29:01,851 --> 00:29:06,018 find out what happened, then everything'll be okay. 511 00:29:08,787 --> 00:29:11,399 She has to be able to trust me, Isobel, you know. 512 00:29:11,399 --> 00:29:13,732 It's the least she deserves. 513 00:29:17,822 --> 00:29:19,631 After all, I did ask her to come back to Lochdubh. 514 00:29:19,631 --> 00:29:23,680 - Hamish, why are you telling me all this? 515 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:24,513 - Why? 516 00:29:28,189 --> 00:29:32,313 Well, because we've never talked about us, that's why. 517 00:29:32,313 --> 00:29:35,305 And I just wanted you to know why I did what I did. 518 00:29:35,305 --> 00:29:36,305 - Us? - Yeah. 519 00:29:37,657 --> 00:29:38,990 - There's no us. 520 00:29:40,788 --> 00:29:42,371 You live with Alex. 521 00:29:43,875 --> 00:29:46,958 That's that, as far as I'm concerned. 522 00:29:49,117 --> 00:29:50,450 - Yeah. - Mmmhmm. 523 00:29:54,326 --> 00:29:56,576 It's not a problem, Hamish. 524 00:30:03,110 --> 00:30:05,527 So, what are you going to do? 525 00:30:07,548 --> 00:30:09,965 - Oh, I don't know, not sure. 526 00:30:11,357 --> 00:30:13,041 If I can just get a starting point, 527 00:30:13,041 --> 00:30:15,291 then everything'll be fine. 528 00:30:17,436 --> 00:30:19,436 Come on, Isobel, please. 529 00:30:20,933 --> 00:30:23,036 There might be something going on 530 00:30:23,036 --> 00:30:24,517 at the McBean farm. 531 00:30:24,517 --> 00:30:27,228 It's just gossip Flora says, but, 532 00:30:27,228 --> 00:30:30,395 well, something Esme Murray hinted at. 533 00:30:35,911 --> 00:30:37,034 The only way we know, 534 00:30:37,034 --> 00:30:38,871 is the only way to keep them like out. 535 00:30:38,871 --> 00:30:41,955 Come on, keep up, Lach, keep up now. 536 00:30:41,955 --> 00:30:43,157 - Well, it's not one discussed at-- 537 00:30:43,157 --> 00:30:45,056 - Oh, why not, lad? 538 00:30:45,056 --> 00:30:46,472 - You sure? 539 00:30:46,472 --> 00:30:48,851 - We didn't come here for tea, TV John. 540 00:30:48,851 --> 00:30:50,155 - We want protection. 541 00:30:50,155 --> 00:30:52,255 - Spiritual protection. 542 00:30:52,255 --> 00:30:54,856 Is there anything we can do, TV John? 543 00:30:54,856 --> 00:30:57,779 - Well, there is, as a matter of fact. 544 00:30:57,779 --> 00:30:59,920 There's an old Aztec ceremony. 545 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:01,096 Aztec? 546 00:31:01,096 --> 00:31:05,906 - Oh yes. I learned it down in Veracruz, you see. 547 00:31:05,906 --> 00:31:07,905 Now that's in Mexico, Lachie Jr. 548 00:31:07,905 --> 00:31:09,982 - Veracruz, TV John? 549 00:31:09,982 --> 00:31:14,149 - Oh yes, I had spent all but my last few pesos on bad rum. 550 00:31:15,435 --> 00:31:17,392 And I woke up in an alley where that turned on me 551 00:31:17,392 --> 00:31:19,324 like Gandhi's flipflop. 552 00:31:19,324 --> 00:31:22,074 So, I went for a hair of the dog. 553 00:31:23,437 --> 00:31:27,299 I went into this small, cool cantina, 554 00:31:27,299 --> 00:31:30,594 and as I was sitting there, sipping my cure, 555 00:31:30,594 --> 00:31:33,677 I saw this very beautiful young girl. 556 00:31:35,042 --> 00:31:39,297 We were about the same age, and she was staring at me. 557 00:31:39,297 --> 00:31:43,683 I couldn't think why, for I'd never much to look at. 558 00:31:43,683 --> 00:31:47,850 But it transpired, that it was my aura she could see. 559 00:31:49,901 --> 00:31:52,162 When we eventually spoke, 560 00:31:52,162 --> 00:31:54,892 she told me that she was directly descended 561 00:31:54,892 --> 00:31:56,475 from Aztec royalty. 562 00:31:57,616 --> 00:32:00,033 Maybe even Atahualpa himself. 563 00:32:01,723 --> 00:32:04,306 Anyway, over the next few days, 564 00:32:05,437 --> 00:32:09,679 she taught me a great deal about my psychic gifts, 565 00:32:09,679 --> 00:32:11,262 as well as her own. 566 00:32:13,097 --> 00:32:15,961 She told me how her people had traditionally 567 00:32:15,961 --> 00:32:19,330 protected themselves from the forces of darkness. 568 00:32:21,983 --> 00:32:26,150 Ah, but you boys would never be up for something like that. 569 00:32:27,949 --> 00:32:28,782 - Try us. 570 00:32:30,559 --> 00:32:34,129 Geranium. 571 00:32:34,129 --> 00:32:37,469 That's, ah, four syllables, I believe. 572 00:32:37,469 --> 00:32:39,136 - I can count, Rory. 573 00:32:51,818 --> 00:32:53,046 - I don't have anything to go on. 574 00:32:53,046 --> 00:32:54,316 I mean, I'm desperate, Esme. 575 00:32:54,316 --> 00:32:55,649 - Join the club. 576 00:32:57,010 --> 00:32:59,343 - Well, it's a bit delicate. 577 00:33:01,577 --> 00:33:04,608 But since you're the law, Hamish. 578 00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:06,618 It was a, it was a couple of months back. 579 00:33:06,618 --> 00:33:10,441 I was coming off the bus from Inverness, 580 00:33:10,441 --> 00:33:13,708 having just visited a sick friend, 581 00:33:13,708 --> 00:33:16,622 when I noticed Bethsheba. 582 00:33:16,622 --> 00:33:18,763 She was getting off in front of me. 583 00:33:18,763 --> 00:33:21,173 And she dropped her shoulder bag. 584 00:33:21,173 --> 00:33:25,081 I gave her a hand to gather up her things. 585 00:33:25,081 --> 00:33:25,914 - Go on. 586 00:33:27,612 --> 00:33:29,529 - That's when I saw it. 587 00:33:30,930 --> 00:33:32,263 Black underwear. 588 00:33:34,214 --> 00:33:37,870 Well, then I saw her eyes and I knew for certain. 589 00:33:37,870 --> 00:33:39,703 She'd had a good time. 590 00:33:41,244 --> 00:33:43,336 See, women can't hide that kind of thing 591 00:33:43,336 --> 00:33:45,336 from each other, Hamish. 592 00:33:46,793 --> 00:33:49,070 - Was Malachi there? 593 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:51,380 - Hamish, you're not listening. 594 00:33:51,380 --> 00:33:53,797 I said she'd had a good time. 595 00:33:59,550 --> 00:34:00,550 Right. Okay. 596 00:34:04,027 --> 00:34:04,860 - Hamish. 597 00:34:04,860 --> 00:34:05,693 Hm. 598 00:34:10,485 --> 00:34:13,810 Go. 599 00:34:31,051 --> 00:34:31,884 - Hambo. 600 00:34:41,102 --> 00:34:42,693 You'll forgive my friends if they seem 601 00:34:42,693 --> 00:34:44,776 a wee bit skittish, Hambo. 602 00:34:44,776 --> 00:34:48,117 But, we've had reports of a certain manifestation. 603 00:34:49,716 --> 00:34:52,070 Of a certain VIP from the nether regions 604 00:34:52,070 --> 00:34:53,830 showing up on your perch. 605 00:34:53,830 --> 00:34:55,579 - Bollocks. 606 00:35:04,865 --> 00:35:09,029 - This cat in the car, you haven't got any description. 607 00:35:09,029 --> 00:35:11,757 - No, the firemen were too busy trying to get to the fire. 608 00:35:11,757 --> 00:35:14,217 - Ah, that is unfortunate, Hambo. 609 00:35:14,217 --> 00:35:15,999 But you can rule me out. 610 00:35:15,999 --> 00:35:18,911 Last night, I was a million miles from Lochdubh, 611 00:35:18,911 --> 00:35:20,960 metaphysically speaking. 612 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:24,112 No, I was surfing the astral waves. 613 00:35:24,112 --> 00:35:27,069 A kaleidoscope of the exquisite hues, 614 00:35:27,069 --> 00:35:31,847 indigoes, violets, the most magnificent crimson. 615 00:35:31,847 --> 00:35:32,933 - Yeah, I think I know the spot. 616 00:35:33,859 --> 00:35:34,776 - Oh, geez. 617 00:35:36,810 --> 00:35:40,055 - I hope you can believe me when I say this, Hambo. 618 00:35:40,055 --> 00:35:43,695 I'm really sorry I can't help you. 619 00:35:43,695 --> 00:35:44,655 You've got the birch twigs? 620 00:35:44,655 --> 00:35:46,703 I've got them, one each. 621 00:35:46,703 --> 00:35:47,536 - Have you got them? 622 00:35:47,536 --> 00:35:48,660 I've got it, I've got it. 623 00:35:48,660 --> 00:35:49,503 - Then come on, I don't want to be out here 624 00:35:49,503 --> 00:35:52,920 a minute longer than is necessary, right? 625 00:36:08,692 --> 00:36:10,609 - Flowers by Bethsheba. 626 00:36:14,595 --> 00:36:17,598 Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, ah. 627 00:36:17,598 --> 00:36:19,681 Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, ah. 628 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:23,095 Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, ah. 629 00:36:27,762 --> 00:36:29,044 Heeya, Hiyah, Hooyah, Hiyah. 630 00:36:29,877 --> 00:36:30,710 - John. 631 00:36:30,710 --> 00:36:35,023 Shhh, keep down, keep down. 632 00:36:35,023 --> 00:36:36,023 - Oh my god. 633 00:36:37,833 --> 00:36:38,935 - Doesn't it make you think, though, Agnes, 634 00:36:38,935 --> 00:36:41,531 that civilization is such a thin veneer. 635 00:36:43,031 --> 00:36:44,882 How could you do it, John? 636 00:36:44,882 --> 00:36:47,322 - You did free beer for a month. 637 00:36:50,646 --> 00:36:51,813 AHHHH! 638 00:37:12,964 --> 00:37:14,864 Ask me who's a clever boy, then. 639 00:37:14,864 --> 00:37:15,781 - Who? - Me. 640 00:37:17,097 --> 00:37:18,324 I know what happened. 641 00:37:18,324 --> 00:37:20,741 Now, I told you there's be a perfectly simple expanation 642 00:37:20,741 --> 00:37:22,324 for this, didn't I? 643 00:37:23,805 --> 00:37:27,972 Bethsheba McBean is having an affair with Zoot McPherrin. 644 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,502 Now, this I know, because she was spotted 645 00:37:31,502 --> 00:37:32,939 coming off a bus from Inverness 646 00:37:32,939 --> 00:37:35,412 with black underwear and a certain look. 647 00:37:35,412 --> 00:37:38,345 This, I know because Zoot was seen later driving 648 00:37:38,345 --> 00:37:41,342 fast away from the McBean house on the night of the fire. 649 00:37:41,342 --> 00:37:43,561 A fact he subsequently denied. 650 00:37:43,561 --> 00:37:44,524 Now, why would he do that? 651 00:37:44,524 --> 00:37:47,191 - I'm sure you're gonna tell me. 652 00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:49,820 - Zoot's in the barn. 653 00:37:49,820 --> 00:37:51,744 He's waiting for Bethsheba, 654 00:37:51,744 --> 00:37:54,166 but it's Malachi who happens along. 655 00:37:54,166 --> 00:37:55,833 Zoot jumps up, yeah? 656 00:37:57,165 --> 00:37:58,707 Gives him a fright. 657 00:37:58,707 --> 00:38:01,567 McBean drops the lamp, the fire starts, 658 00:38:01,567 --> 00:38:03,771 and what, with the smoke, the flames, the confusion, 659 00:38:03,771 --> 00:38:06,185 and that maniac's obsession with the devil, 660 00:38:06,185 --> 00:38:08,295 he sees what he wants to see. 661 00:38:08,295 --> 00:38:10,521 What he's wanted to see all his life, probably. 662 00:38:10,521 --> 00:38:11,616 - It's ridiculous. 663 00:38:11,616 --> 00:38:13,833 Zoot McPherrin, he'd never look at Bethsheba. 664 00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:16,330 - Isn't that just a tad sexist? 665 00:38:16,330 --> 00:38:17,885 - There's no need for that. 666 00:38:17,885 --> 00:38:20,051 There's no need for any of this. 667 00:38:20,051 --> 00:38:21,349 If you say you weren't in the barn, 668 00:38:21,349 --> 00:38:23,024 you weren't in the barn, okay. 669 00:38:23,024 --> 00:38:24,274 - No, not okay. 670 00:38:25,701 --> 00:38:28,833 - Hamish, I'm tired, I want to go to bed. 671 00:38:28,833 --> 00:38:31,081 Are you coming, or do you intend continuing 672 00:38:31,081 --> 00:38:32,658 with your inquiries? 673 00:38:32,658 --> 00:38:33,825 - Not tonight. 674 00:38:36,045 --> 00:38:38,962 At least Isobel was trying to help. 675 00:38:41,637 --> 00:38:44,637 - I'm sure you'll make a great team. 676 00:40:00,596 --> 00:40:04,263 - What happened between them, John? 677 00:40:04,263 --> 00:40:06,263 - Well, whatever it was, 678 00:40:07,187 --> 00:40:11,746 can you not see that he's trying to reassure you about it? 679 00:40:11,746 --> 00:40:13,277 - How long was he there? 680 00:40:13,277 --> 00:40:15,545 - Just a couple of minutes. 681 00:40:15,545 --> 00:40:16,598 - Talking to Malachi? 682 00:40:16,598 --> 00:40:18,939 - Mmhmm. - 683 00:40:18,939 --> 00:40:20,022 Oh, but, why? 684 00:40:22,202 --> 00:40:24,452 It doesn't even make sense. 685 00:40:26,990 --> 00:40:27,951 - Maybe Esme's wrong, 686 00:40:27,951 --> 00:40:32,206 and Bethsheba's not having an affair at all. 687 00:40:39,307 --> 00:40:40,342 - Hey there, Neil. 688 00:40:40,342 --> 00:40:42,414 - Well, Hamish, it's yourself? 689 00:40:42,414 --> 00:40:44,079 It is yourself, I hope. 690 00:40:44,079 --> 00:40:45,854 - Aye, it's me, Neil. 691 00:40:45,854 --> 00:40:48,424 Listen, ah, I'm looking for a bit of information 692 00:40:48,424 --> 00:40:51,626 of a rather sensitive nature here. 693 00:40:51,626 --> 00:40:53,277 Bethsheba McBean. 694 00:40:53,277 --> 00:40:54,110 - Aye. 695 00:40:54,110 --> 00:40:55,291 - Do you think she's ahh-- 696 00:40:55,291 --> 00:40:57,635 Very definitely, Hamish. 697 00:40:57,635 --> 00:40:58,468 - Good, good. 698 00:40:58,468 --> 00:41:01,653 - With the minister, the Reverend Snow. 699 00:41:01,653 --> 00:41:02,663 - What? 700 00:41:02,663 --> 00:41:06,711 - Aye. I noticed it after about the third trip. 701 00:41:06,711 --> 00:41:09,461 He would sit at the back, she at the front, 702 00:41:09,461 --> 00:41:12,044 studiously ignoring each other. 703 00:41:12,972 --> 00:41:14,805 - Hamish, is that you? 704 00:41:17,622 --> 00:41:19,258 - Yeah, it's me. 705 00:41:19,258 --> 00:41:20,588 Reverend Snow around? 706 00:41:20,588 --> 00:41:22,383 - He got a phone call from Malachi. 707 00:41:22,383 --> 00:41:23,216 - Malachi? 708 00:41:24,359 --> 00:41:26,352 What's he said? 709 00:41:29,169 --> 00:41:31,500 - Very good, Jimmy. 710 00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:34,583 - Just that much, you move that much. 711 00:41:36,037 --> 00:41:38,198 I get by without you noticing. 712 00:41:39,334 --> 00:41:40,417 - Pleeeeease. 713 00:41:47,823 --> 00:41:49,382 - And the Lord spake, unto this humble servant, 714 00:41:49,382 --> 00:41:52,886 and he said, "Malachi, does thy really think 715 00:41:52,886 --> 00:41:56,248 that Macbeth could assume the guise of the fallen one, 716 00:41:56,248 --> 00:41:57,636 without help?" 717 00:41:57,636 --> 00:42:00,636 "No, no, no," he said, "Seek he out, 718 00:42:01,543 --> 00:42:04,568 he who claims to walk in my light. 719 00:42:04,568 --> 00:42:07,818 And there shall ye find your tormentor. 720 00:42:09,034 --> 00:42:12,367 The one who claims to walk in my light." 721 00:42:14,300 --> 00:42:17,133 Well, it was obvious who he meant. 722 00:42:20,296 --> 00:42:22,562 - What have you done with Bethsheba? 723 00:42:22,562 --> 00:42:23,895 - Done with her? 724 00:42:25,310 --> 00:42:28,391 Well, she's gone to the shops, it's Thursday, man. 725 00:42:28,391 --> 00:42:32,278 And I've sent the brethren up Mount Ben to meditate, 726 00:42:32,278 --> 00:42:34,974 so it's just you and me. 727 00:42:36,482 --> 00:42:41,346 So I said to the Lord, "Lord, how shall I dispatch 728 00:42:41,346 --> 00:42:43,346 your fallen ones aside?" 729 00:42:44,599 --> 00:42:48,099 The Lord said, "In the usual way, Malachi. 730 00:42:49,714 --> 00:42:51,214 In the usual way." 731 00:42:58,191 --> 00:43:00,024 - You're not yourself! 732 00:43:04,665 --> 00:43:06,274 - That felt so good. 733 00:43:06,274 --> 00:43:08,607 - Hambo, what have you done? 734 00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:14,207 - You, phone Alex, tell to bring Doc Brown up here. 735 00:43:20,133 --> 00:43:21,525 - Are we meant to continue wondering why 736 00:43:21,525 --> 00:43:23,106 you've gathered us all here, Hamish? 737 00:43:23,106 --> 00:43:24,003 I, for one, would like to know 738 00:43:24,003 --> 00:43:26,920 what happened to Malachi's head. 739 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,337 - It's perfectly simple, Doc. 740 00:43:31,984 --> 00:43:32,817 - He 741 00:43:33,997 --> 00:43:36,497 was having an affair with her. 742 00:43:37,939 --> 00:43:39,106 But so was he. 743 00:43:41,053 --> 00:43:44,007 And you see, he must have wanted to have a clear field, 744 00:43:44,007 --> 00:43:45,174 so he told him 745 00:43:46,175 --> 00:43:47,508 about these two. 746 00:43:49,074 --> 00:43:50,859 I'm sure as, Doc, 747 00:43:50,859 --> 00:43:54,851 when you fixed him up, I'm lifting him for attempted murder. 748 00:43:54,851 --> 00:43:56,967 I'm sorry, Zoot. 749 00:43:56,967 --> 00:43:58,988 I'm going to have to lift you for conspiracy. 750 00:43:58,988 --> 00:44:02,488 - I'm sorry, Hambo, that's not how it was. 751 00:44:03,913 --> 00:44:05,584 - Okay, Zoot, you tell me how it was. 752 00:44:05,584 --> 00:44:08,580 - Well, I was meant to come in and rescue Alan, 753 00:44:08,580 --> 00:44:10,469 but one of these Highland cows. 754 00:44:10,469 --> 00:44:12,939 - Zoot's telling the truth. 755 00:44:12,939 --> 00:44:14,433 He was out here late one night, 756 00:44:14,433 --> 00:44:17,166 and he saw Bethsheba and the Reverend Snow together. 757 00:44:17,166 --> 00:44:20,661 - Mr. McPherrin, you told Malachi? 758 00:44:20,661 --> 00:44:22,139 - Of course, dearie. 759 00:44:22,139 --> 00:44:24,930 - After all those long talks we'd had. 760 00:44:24,930 --> 00:44:26,081 - What long talks? 761 00:44:26,081 --> 00:44:28,444 - Well, I advised Bethsheba to do her own thing. 762 00:44:28,444 --> 00:44:30,738 To leave Malachi, move off with the Reverend Snow. 763 00:44:30,738 --> 00:44:32,579 - And she would have, Mr. Macbeth, 764 00:44:32,579 --> 00:44:35,323 but Alan here respected me, and he was worried about 765 00:44:35,323 --> 00:44:36,330 what the community might think about 766 00:44:36,330 --> 00:44:38,572 a minister who took another man's wife. 767 00:44:38,572 --> 00:44:40,593 - How do you know these things? 768 00:44:40,593 --> 00:44:41,426 - Zoot told me. 769 00:44:41,426 --> 00:44:42,534 - Bethsheba told me. 770 00:44:42,534 --> 00:44:43,395 - The long talks. 771 00:44:43,395 --> 00:44:44,610 - Right, Doc. 772 00:44:45,443 --> 00:44:48,413 - We decided to force Alan's hand, Mr. Macbeth. 773 00:44:48,413 --> 00:44:50,524 I became such an ogre, 774 00:44:50,524 --> 00:44:52,791 he would be forced to take Bethsheba away. 775 00:44:52,791 --> 00:44:54,260 - Hence the religious mania. 776 00:44:54,260 --> 00:44:55,093 The clothes and things. 777 00:44:55,093 --> 00:44:55,926 - Correct, Doc. 778 00:44:55,926 --> 00:44:59,619 Malachi the Good became Malachi the Mad and the Bad. 779 00:44:59,619 --> 00:45:00,824 - And this also had the effect of 780 00:45:00,824 --> 00:45:02,613 turning the community away from you, 781 00:45:02,613 --> 00:45:04,826 so they'd support Alan, if and when he tried to 782 00:45:04,826 --> 00:45:05,994 take Bethsheba from you. 783 00:45:05,994 --> 00:45:08,497 - Doc, can I ask the questions? 784 00:45:08,497 --> 00:45:09,384 - Sorry, Hamish. 785 00:45:09,384 --> 00:45:13,891 - But despite everything I did, Alan wouldn't budge. 786 00:45:13,891 --> 00:45:15,101 And my feet were killing me. 787 00:45:15,101 --> 00:45:19,268 - Now, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 788 00:45:20,119 --> 00:45:23,869 If you wanted her and him to get it together, 789 00:45:25,603 --> 00:45:28,466 then why didn't you just tell her and him? 790 00:45:28,466 --> 00:45:30,060 - Yes, why didn't you? 791 00:45:30,060 --> 00:45:33,028 - Hamish, Hamish, that would never do. 792 00:45:33,028 --> 00:45:36,168 That would be Malachi the Good, the Ultra-Good, 793 00:45:36,168 --> 00:45:37,099 and sooner or later, 794 00:45:37,099 --> 00:45:39,363 Alan's feelings of guilt for having hurt Malachi 795 00:45:39,363 --> 00:45:41,763 would have destroyed his relationship with Bethsheba. 796 00:45:41,763 --> 00:45:42,680 - That's what Zoot said. 797 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,784 - Basic psychology, Hambo. 798 00:45:44,784 --> 00:45:46,699 Really, very simple. 799 00:45:52,424 --> 00:45:53,424 Right, then. 800 00:45:54,612 --> 00:45:56,779 And this'd better be good. 801 00:45:58,586 --> 00:46:02,086 Why would you want Bethsheba to leave you? 802 00:46:08,543 --> 00:46:12,460 - So that she could enjoy the love she'd found. 803 00:46:15,363 --> 00:46:18,946 And so that I might be free, to enjoy mine. 804 00:46:21,972 --> 00:46:22,805 - Malachi. 805 00:46:28,052 --> 00:46:30,065 - I thought you might had a wee inkling. 806 00:46:30,065 --> 00:46:31,544 Sure Alex did. 807 00:46:31,544 --> 00:46:34,079 A wee while back, some friends and I arranged a weekend 808 00:46:34,079 --> 00:46:37,185 of perception development in Apple Cross. 809 00:46:37,185 --> 00:46:38,798 Malachi came up to remonstrate with us, 810 00:46:38,798 --> 00:46:40,715 but, when our eyes met, 811 00:46:42,830 --> 00:46:45,497 there was to be no remonstrance. 812 00:46:47,408 --> 00:46:49,658 - You two were in the barn. 813 00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:53,811 - I dropped the lamp, 814 00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:57,730 when I heard Bethsheba coming, I had to think of something. 815 00:46:57,730 --> 00:47:01,153 I am still a minister in the Church of the Stony Path. 816 00:47:05,379 --> 00:47:08,174 I am sure that the people in this room 817 00:47:08,174 --> 00:47:11,738 can keep a confidence, if you consider it necessary 818 00:47:11,738 --> 00:47:14,821 for the good of your church, Malachi. 819 00:47:16,474 --> 00:47:19,474 - But, but, what are we doing to do? 820 00:47:20,410 --> 00:47:22,248 - Well, I think you should move in with Alan. 821 00:47:22,248 --> 00:47:23,127 - Now? 822 00:47:23,127 --> 00:47:24,777 - We can say that I'm giving you refuge. 823 00:47:24,777 --> 00:47:27,438 The community has turned against Malachi, Bethsheba. 824 00:47:27,438 --> 00:47:29,066 - Meanwhile, you file for divorce. 825 00:47:29,066 --> 00:47:30,381 - And when young Jubal's old enough, 826 00:47:30,381 --> 00:47:32,763 then he can take over and Malachi can move in with me. 827 00:47:32,763 --> 00:47:33,954 - I'm ready, are you coming? 828 00:47:33,954 --> 00:47:34,793 - Are you kidding? 829 00:47:34,793 --> 00:47:36,549 - What will you and Zoot do in the meantime? 830 00:47:36,549 --> 00:47:38,228 - Now we can continue to meet. 831 00:47:38,228 --> 00:47:40,495 We can time it so that our holidays coincide. 832 00:47:40,495 --> 00:47:43,282 - I have a substantial villa in the Algarve. 833 00:47:43,282 --> 00:47:45,114 - Oh, the Algarve! 834 00:47:45,114 --> 00:47:47,362 Oh, that's wonderful! 835 00:47:51,906 --> 00:47:53,437 - Just like I said, 836 00:47:53,437 --> 00:47:55,145 a perfectly simple explanation. 837 00:47:55,145 --> 00:47:57,415 - Oh, it was just exactly like you said. 838 00:47:57,415 --> 00:47:59,879 - Well, thanks very much, Alex. 839 00:47:59,879 --> 00:48:02,749 I've been hurting to prove that I wasn't in the barn. 840 00:48:02,749 --> 00:48:04,295 And I did that for you. 841 00:48:04,295 --> 00:48:07,370 - Hamish, all you had to do was say 842 00:48:07,370 --> 00:48:10,179 that you had no feelings for Isobel. 843 00:48:14,846 --> 00:48:17,333 Well, are you coming? 844 00:48:17,333 --> 00:48:20,666 - Yeah, later. Doc'll be needing a lift.