1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,334 [Paul] Do we have any cantaloupe? 2 00:00:06,334 --> 00:00:07,734 [Jamie] It's out of season. 3 00:00:07,734 --> 00:00:08,968 Cantaloupe doesn't go out of season. 4 00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,234 It's a year-round fruit. 5 00:00:10,234 --> 00:00:12,334 There's no such thing as a year-round fruit. 6 00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:13,667 Bananas are a year-round fruit. 7 00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:14,968 Then have a banana. 8 00:00:14,968 --> 00:00:16,868 I don't want a banana. I want a cantaloupe. 9 00:00:16,868 --> 00:00:19,868 It's out of season. Cantaloupe doesn't go out of season. 10 00:00:19,868 --> 00:00:21,133 [whimpers] 11 00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,067 ** [theme] 12 00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:36,367 * Tell me why I love you like I do * 13 00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:40,367 * Tell me who can stop my heart as much as you * 14 00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:42,367 * Let's take each other's hand * 15 00:00:42,367 --> 00:00:43,701 * As we jump into * 16 00:00:43,701 --> 00:00:46,367 * The final frontier * 17 00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:49,033 * Mad about you, baby * 18 00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:50,968 * Yeah * 19 00:00:56,734 --> 00:01:00,067 Come on, honey. The bus is coming. 20 00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:01,534 Oh, never mind. 21 00:01:03,334 --> 00:01:05,667 If I made these, would you eat them? 22 00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:08,000 Would you make those? If you'd eat them. 23 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,667 Yeah. Sure, whatever. 24 00:01:09,667 --> 00:01:10,968 Oh, God, it's two pages. 25 00:01:10,968 --> 00:01:12,200 Forget it. I'm not making them. 26 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,000 Ooh, I had my heart set on them, too. 27 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:14,934 Here we go. Come on. 28 00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:24,300 All right, very good. 29 00:01:29,701 --> 00:01:33,367 I wonder if ES and BL are still together. 30 00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:35,167 I think so. I think they are, 31 00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:36,367 because they were on the right track. 32 00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:38,701 These are good people. They took the bus. 33 00:01:38,701 --> 00:01:41,033 They saved their money. With the money they saved, 34 00:01:41,033 --> 00:01:43,701 they bought a nice little house upstate. 35 00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:46,701 Tree-lined street. Good school district. 36 00:01:46,701 --> 00:01:49,033 Unfortunately, the neighbor's kids are hooligans, 37 00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:51,701 and every Sunday, they pelt the house with eggs. 38 00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:54,033 The police have to come, but there's nothing you can do, sadly, 39 00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,033 because there's no proof. There's no proof. 40 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,734 Got a pen? For what? 41 00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:01,167 "Bliss or blunder? Perfect mate or big mistake?" 42 00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:04,334 Oh, no, no, no. Come on, it's a quiz. 43 00:02:04,334 --> 00:02:06,000 What kind of quiz? Can you win a boat? 44 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,334 No. Then what good comes of this? 45 00:02:08,334 --> 00:02:10,167 All right, fine. I'll take it for both of us. 46 00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,834 No, you can't. You can't do that. Why not? 47 00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:13,167 Because then it's skewed. 48 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,334 In or out? All right, go. 49 00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:19,767 "Question one-- Do you believe in love at first sight?" 50 00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:24,133 Do you still have the Sunday Times? 51 00:02:24,133 --> 00:02:25,667 Last one right here. 52 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:26,767 Thanks. 53 00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,067 Hey, what are you doing? 54 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:29,801 My parents' obituary is in here. 55 00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,767 Oh, gee, go ahead. Both of them? 56 00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:35,234 It was an earthquake. 57 00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:36,834 Really? 58 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,334 Beams hit them. 59 00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:41,634 Beams? 60 00:02:41,634 --> 00:02:42,868 It was very fast. 61 00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:44,467 The ground just swallowed up their house. 62 00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:48,133 What? 63 00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:49,267 What, nothing? 64 00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,200 Thanks. 65 00:02:57,434 --> 00:03:00,434 "J. Stemple." 66 00:03:00,434 --> 00:03:03,167 Stemple. 67 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,834 Can you believe that girl? 68 00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:07,200 Hi. 69 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,801 What are you doing with my dry cleaning? 70 00:03:09,801 --> 00:03:14,000 Well, you dropped the slip last night as you hijacked my newspaper. 71 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,100 How did you find her? 72 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,200 I went to the dry cleaners. 73 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,467 And they told you where I worked? 74 00:03:18,467 --> 00:03:22,267 Well, I told them I was your house boy, Coco. 75 00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:24,334 He thinks I have a sexy voice. 76 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:27,901 He's a nice guy, and he's cute. He is, isn't he? 77 00:03:27,901 --> 00:03:30,701 And he gets that little twinkle in his eye. I know. He's so cute. 78 00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:32,901 Tell me something about her. 79 00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:35,667 Jamie? Well, I could tell you this. 80 00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:37,534 I think she likes you. 81 00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:39,167 No. You think? 82 00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:40,534 Yeah, I think. 83 00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:43,033 Yeah, because-- Well, you can sense these things, 84 00:03:43,033 --> 00:03:45,701 because when you know somebody that long, 85 00:03:45,701 --> 00:03:47,400 you can sort of read the signs. 86 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,434 What signs? 87 00:03:49,534 --> 00:03:50,534 Fran told me. 88 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,200 I thought about you too last night. 89 00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:58,701 And then, when you found me here today, 90 00:03:58,701 --> 00:04:00,701 it's like it was too good to be true. 91 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,501 And though you seem to be this nice guy... 92 00:04:07,634 --> 00:04:09,601 I can see why you're troubled. 93 00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:14,334 You realize if this doesn't work out, 94 00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:16,334 I'm going to have to blow my brains out. 95 00:04:16,334 --> 00:04:18,167 That's good. So long as there's no pressure. 96 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:19,100 Yeah. 97 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,534 I just don't want to be disappointed again. 98 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,567 I'll do my best. 99 00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:35,667 Okay, come on. Next question. 100 00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:38,934 "On a scale from 1 to 10, rate your sex life." 101 00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:41,634 It only goes up to 10? 102 00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:45,367 It doesn't bother you that we haven't had sex in five days? 103 00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:48,367 Hello. 104 00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:50,367 I just don't understand why it doesn't bother you. 105 00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:53,100 It's been almost a week. It's not a week. 106 00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:55,734 Sunday will be a week. What's going on with us? 107 00:04:55,734 --> 00:04:57,701 What's going on is that we're married five months, 108 00:04:57,701 --> 00:04:59,934 and the sexual part is over. 109 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,968 See, I thought you understood that. I'm sorry. 110 00:05:04,968 --> 00:05:06,234 That's what happens now. 111 00:05:14,634 --> 00:05:17,667 Well, I'm stumped. It beats me. 112 00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:20,667 We know how to do this. 113 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:23,334 What is it-- Let's just go back to basics. 114 00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:25,667 Arousal. Arousal. 115 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:26,601 Yes. 116 00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:29,767 Arouse me. 117 00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:58,634 How you doing? Nice to see you. 118 00:05:58,634 --> 00:06:00,701 How are you? Nice to see you. Good. 119 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,234 Hmm. 120 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,767 What-- What is this? 121 00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:10,300 I thought we could have sex now. 122 00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,000 Then we wouldn't have to do it later. 123 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,334 Are you eating? 124 00:06:13,334 --> 00:06:15,701 I'm nibbling your ear. 125 00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:18,734 I like that. 126 00:06:18,734 --> 00:06:20,067 And I'm going down your body. 127 00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:21,968 I love that. 128 00:06:21,968 --> 00:06:27,000 And I am kissing your knees. 129 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,834 What niece? I don't have a niece. 130 00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:32,000 Your knees. 131 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,367 Oh, my knees. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 132 00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:36,467 Come on, get with the program here, babe. 133 00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:39,000 All right. Okay. 134 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,000 I'm, um... What? 135 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,167 I'm kissing your chest. 136 00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:46,334 I'm enjoying that. 137 00:06:46,334 --> 00:06:49,334 I'm enjoying watching that from here. 138 00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:50,501 Keep watching. 139 00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:52,868 Well, you bet. 140 00:06:52,868 --> 00:06:55,334 I'm kissing down your body. 141 00:06:55,334 --> 00:06:57,501 My tongue is just around your-- [phone beeps] 142 00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,200 Hold on a second. I have another call. 143 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,434 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 144 00:07:00,434 --> 00:07:02,000 You're right. Let's do it. 145 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,400 Just like that? Bing, bang, boom? 146 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,601 At this point, I'd settle for the boom. 147 00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:09,901 You don't want the bing and bang? 148 00:07:09,901 --> 00:07:11,467 I did when we started. And now? 149 00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:13,968 I'm over it. 150 00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:15,601 You're a very complex woman. 151 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,734 You don't want the boom? 152 00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:18,634 Of course I want the boom. 153 00:07:18,634 --> 00:07:20,634 Guys always want the boom. 154 00:07:20,634 --> 00:07:22,367 We only made up the whole bing and the bang 155 00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:23,734 just to get the boom. 156 00:07:26,634 --> 00:07:28,334 I thought you liked the bing and the bang. 157 00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:31,334 I love the bing and the bang. I don't always need it. Neither do I. 158 00:07:31,334 --> 00:07:32,334 So then what are we arguing-- 159 00:07:32,334 --> 00:07:33,767 We're not. All right. 160 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,334 "Would you say you get along all of the time, 161 00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:39,434 some of the time, none of the time?" 162 00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:41,968 All of the time. Yeah, right. 163 00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:45,834 Yeah, I can't. 164 00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,334 Lisa, I got to go. All right. 165 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,334 I will see you when you get here. Hurry up. Good-bye. 166 00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:51,834 Okay, I get it. You're mad. Okay. 167 00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:55,501 How long are you going to go without talking to me? A week? A month? 168 00:07:55,501 --> 00:07:57,667 Eventually, you got to talk to me. 169 00:07:57,667 --> 00:08:00,667 You got to come home and say, "Honey, look how much money we made on your investment." 170 00:08:01,734 --> 00:08:03,267 You want to know the truth? 171 00:08:03,267 --> 00:08:05,634 We would never have had to gone out in the first place 172 00:08:05,634 --> 00:08:09,200 if you didn't let our mothers tag team you on our damn call waiting. 173 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,634 So this whole thing is my fault? 174 00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,133 Yeah, you're the one who wanted call waiting. 175 00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:13,300 I didn't want call waiting. 176 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:15,400 I'm perfectly happy with a busy signal. 177 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,868 That's because you don't have that many friends. 178 00:08:16,868 --> 00:08:18,300 I have plenty of friends, 179 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,968 but I'm not so worried about getting back to them. 180 00:08:19,968 --> 00:08:22,133 I'm not like you. Oh, what if someone's trying to get us? 181 00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,634 What if they want to get us? 182 00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:25,467 Well, they got us, baby. You happy now? 183 00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:29,133 Hey, there's my beautiful bride. 184 00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,834 Yeah, bite me. 185 00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:32,968 All I want you to do is admit you were wrong. 186 00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:36,200 Listen, I may have been a few minutes too impulsive. 187 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,400 No, that's not it. 188 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,000 I was-- I-- 189 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,734 Listen, it's not impossible that my judgment was impaired 190 00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:43,000 by the enthusiasm-- 191 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,133 Can you just say you were wrong? 192 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,234 I'm saying this is not the most right I've ever been. 193 00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:48,634 You are pathetic. 194 00:08:48,634 --> 00:08:50,501 I hate that you're being this way. 195 00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:53,000 Well, good, because I hate that you made plans with your sister 196 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,334 on the first Saturday I'm not working in five weeks. 197 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,801 I didn't know you weren't working, for the 416th time. 198 00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:00,067 I said to you Thursday-- 199 00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,767 You said you thought you might not have to. 200 00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:02,801 You never confirmed. 201 00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:04,934 I never confirmed? 202 00:09:04,934 --> 00:09:06,968 What, are you TWA? 203 00:09:06,968 --> 00:09:08,334 Why don't you just say it? Say what? 204 00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:09,734 That I'm driving you nuts. 205 00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:11,901 Why would I say that? Because it's true, isn't it? 206 00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:13,467 No, it's not. You can't say it? 207 00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,634 I'm driving you nuts. You know what? Yes, you are. 208 00:09:15,634 --> 00:09:17,067 You're driving me nuts. 209 00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:18,467 Okay then. 210 00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:19,868 No, it's not okay, 211 00:09:19,868 --> 00:09:21,267 because you don't realize what a nut-- 212 00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:22,400 You've become nuts. 213 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,968 You're just nuts. You're nutty. 214 00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:26,300 Everything is nutty. You've become quite the nut, my little friend. 215 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:31,434 And I'll be honest-- Yes, you asked me. Yes, you're driving me crazy. 216 00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:33,968 Well, why didn't you just say something? 217 00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:35,701 Because it's all right. 218 00:09:37,634 --> 00:09:40,400 Who would you say really runs your household? 219 00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:49,934 Honey? 220 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,267 This is new. 221 00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,667 How did Murray do with the mouse today? 222 00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,667 There is no mouse. 223 00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,701 Oh, there's no mouse? What's he been chasing all week? 224 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:22,701 He thinks there's a mouse, so he runs after nothing 90 miles an hour, 225 00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:28,367 and slams into the wall with this pathetic, furry thud. 226 00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:29,634 [thud] 227 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,701 Hey, this is really low. 228 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:34,968 How do you do this? 229 00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:47,634 [thud] 230 00:10:57,067 --> 00:10:58,334 [thud] 231 00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:02,000 Murray, go get the mouse. 232 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,501 He doesn't want to. 233 00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:05,000 Murray, look. Go get the mouse. He ain't interested. 234 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,167 Here it comes, here it comes. 235 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,667 Murray, here comes the mouse. 236 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,834 Here comes the mouse. 237 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,267 [thud] 238 00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:14,334 Son of a bitch. 239 00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:15,601 Aw. 240 00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:18,601 Look at you. 241 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,000 Hey, isn't that our bus? 242 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,801 All right, very good. 243 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,667 Okay. Let me see. 244 00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:36,367 Wait. What are you doing? 245 00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:38,734 I just want to see if we're winning. You can't score till the end. 246 00:11:38,734 --> 00:11:41,033 Just give me round numbers. Are we happy? 247 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,701 We're very happy. 248 00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,367 I know we're happy. It's nice to have it confirmed numerically. 249 00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,033 Wouldn't that be horrible? What? 250 00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:48,701 What if we take this whole test 251 00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:50,033 and find out we're miserable? 252 00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:51,367 I'd leave you. 253 00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:54,033 You'd leave me? In a heartbeat, baby. 254 00:11:54,033 --> 00:11:55,367 That's very sweet. 255 00:11:55,367 --> 00:11:57,033 Sure, but if the magazine says-- 256 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,400 Remember I took that nutrition quiz, 257 00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,734 found that I have no potassium. 258 00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:01,667 Got that big jar of Banana Power. 259 00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,334 Did you ever take that Banana Power? 260 00:12:03,334 --> 00:12:04,667 Not once. 261 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:07,100 Why did you buy it? Because the magazine said. 262 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,000 There it is. Oh, no, that's not our bus. 263 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,801 All right, give me another question. 264 00:12:10,801 --> 00:12:14,234 "Does your spouse still find the little things you do endearing?" 265 00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:18,901 [slurps] 266 00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:24,534 [slurps] 267 00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:29,501 [slurps] 268 00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:36,434 [gargles] 269 00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:57,300 ** [Paul hums] 270 00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,100 [snores] 271 00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,667 Hey, what are you, nuts? 272 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:19,601 We talked about that. Don't do that. 273 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:21,934 You're nuts. 274 00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,100 You're a big, nutty nut. 275 00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,601 Watch me. 276 00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:35,400 Voilà. 277 00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:43,701 [Woman on TV] Oh, darling, we'll never be apart, ever. 278 00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:46,434 * Matty told Hatty * 279 00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,801 * About the thing she'd done * 280 00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:50,701 ** [vocalizes] 281 00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:54,367 * Wooly bully, wooly bully * 282 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,334 * Wooly bully * 283 00:13:56,334 --> 00:14:00,868 * Wooly bully, wooly bully * 284 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,167 How long are we going to be doing this? 285 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:30,367 "Do you enjoy spending time with your spouse's family?" 286 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,534 I'm going to say yes anyway. 287 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,667 Look, you have a husband and I have a husband. 288 00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:42,434 We're women. We're a family. 289 00:14:42,434 --> 00:14:46,367 And you can talk to me about how you feel. 290 00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,801 I want you to. 291 00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:54,267 Paul, you know who I ran into? Gloria Black. 292 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,868 I just don't want to sit with Betty. 293 00:14:56,868 --> 00:14:59,701 Betty's not coming. It doesn't matter. 294 00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:01,667 You just can't seat people willy-nilly. 295 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,300 This is not willy-nilly here. 296 00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,968 You put Estelle Morris with the depressives. Why? 297 00:15:05,968 --> 00:15:07,968 Why do you think, Mom? 298 00:15:07,968 --> 00:15:08,968 She's better. She's not better. 299 00:15:13,234 --> 00:15:16,300 Listen, I wouldn't put Charlie near the bar. You're asking for trouble. 300 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:19,000 Oh, let's change Charlie with Anna. 301 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,334 Which one is Anna? 302 00:15:20,334 --> 00:15:21,334 The big one. 303 00:15:21,334 --> 00:15:22,501 The Fosters are coming. 304 00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:23,501 Yes. Where? 305 00:15:23,501 --> 00:15:25,334 Right here. [doorbell buzzes] 306 00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:28,000 All right, nobody's changing anything. 307 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,334 [doorbell buzzes] [overlapping chatter] 308 00:15:30,334 --> 00:15:33,000 The Gunderlatts just bit me in the ass. 309 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,334 Pop, I was getting worried about you. 310 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,634 You'll never guess who I saw. Who? 311 00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,968 Regis Philbin. Where? 312 00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:39,734 Downstairs. Come on, let's go down. 313 00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:40,901 I'll introduce us. 314 00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,167 Dad, the second act's about to start. 315 00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,334 We have time. 316 00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:45,133 You know what? It probably wasn't even him. 317 00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:46,901 What? I don't know Regis Philbin? 318 00:15:46,901 --> 00:15:48,334 Yes, of course. 319 00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:51,167 You are the foremost Regis Philbin spotter on the planet. 320 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,234 What are you so upset about? 321 00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,534 He's not upset. I'm not upset. 322 00:15:53,534 --> 00:15:55,033 There he is. 323 00:15:55,033 --> 00:15:56,367 Don't point at him. Where? 324 00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:57,701 Fourth row. 325 00:15:57,701 --> 00:15:59,534 All, right, Pop. Dad, come on. 326 00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:00,868 Hey, that's him. All right. 327 00:16:00,868 --> 00:16:02,634 Didn't I tell you? Honey, that actually is him. 328 00:16:02,634 --> 00:16:04,634 I'm very excited. Okay, Dad, come on. 329 00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:06,133 Dad-- Here, hey-- 330 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,968 Hello, Regis! 331 00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,434 Hey, James, how you doing? 332 00:16:10,434 --> 00:16:11,434 Good. We're just running down-- 333 00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:13,300 One thing, all right? 334 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,667 It's totally up to you, 335 00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,601 but I was talking to this buddy of mine 336 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,300 who does these comic book conventions. 337 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,000 And again, totally up to you. 338 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,634 But if we wanted to make a little extra money, 339 00:16:22,634 --> 00:16:24,601 just taking your picture with the people, 340 00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:25,634 stuff like that-- No. 341 00:16:25,634 --> 00:16:26,667 Totally up to you. I know. 342 00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:27,667 Easy money. I know. 343 00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:28,734 I think you should move. 344 00:16:28,734 --> 00:16:31,601 So okay, you'll think about it. 345 00:16:31,601 --> 00:16:33,634 Your mother was in labor for 26 hours? 346 00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,334 I had a very big head. 347 00:16:37,334 --> 00:16:39,334 Tell her I appreciated the accommodations back then. 348 00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:40,868 I am out now. 349 00:16:40,868 --> 00:16:43,367 And get over the scampi. 350 00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:46,334 Mrs. Buchman, hold on one second. I got another call. 351 00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:47,667 Hello, Buchman residence? 352 00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:49,133 Oh, hi, Mrs. Stemple. 353 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,100 Jamie, it's your mom. No, forget it. 354 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,434 No, she sounds happy. 355 00:16:52,434 --> 00:16:53,667 Of course she sounds happy. 356 00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,033 Tell her to call back when she's not. 357 00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:57,334 Mrs. Stemple, can you hold on a minute? 358 00:16:57,334 --> 00:17:01,133 Mrs. Buchman, can I tell you something? Go ahead, darling. 359 00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,801 Last Labor Day, when Jamie's parents had that big barbeque-- 360 00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:04,968 No, no, no. 361 00:17:04,968 --> 00:17:06,300 ...Jamie's mother spent 20 minutes 362 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:08,834 telling me how wonderful you were. 363 00:17:08,834 --> 00:17:10,801 They had a barbeque and didn't invite us? What? 364 00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:12,000 I'm sure she meant to invite you. 365 00:17:13,701 --> 00:17:16,634 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 366 00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:18,634 Hold on a second. 367 00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:20,334 Mrs. Stemple? 368 00:17:20,334 --> 00:17:21,767 Uh-huh. 369 00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:24,467 I'm going uptown. 370 00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:26,133 Do you think that she would like a lift? 371 00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:27,634 That's all right. You don't have to. 372 00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:29,334 So you don't want me to give you a lift? 373 00:17:29,334 --> 00:17:33,634 No, I would love a lift. Thank you, Mom. 374 00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:36,667 Did you hear that? She called me "Mom." 375 00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:38,467 You don't have to do that. Okay. 376 00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:44,234 "Do you share your fantasies with your spouse?" 377 00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:47,601 Put down "Yes, but I don't advise it." 378 00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:53,400 Brinkley, David. Brinkley, Christie. 379 00:17:57,667 --> 00:17:59,234 You know, if you don't mind, 380 00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:01,601 I'd love for you to rub some of this oil on my back. 381 00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:05,067 I just like this so much. 382 00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,968 You know, it's okay to do it hard. 383 00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:13,467 I'm sorry, am I being too gentle? 384 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,300 No, it's just perfect. 385 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,601 I just want you to know 386 00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:19,634 that you can't do it too hard, or too soft. 387 00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:22,300 Everything you do is just right. 388 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:25,200 That's what I think. Thank you. 389 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,634 You're being like a child. 390 00:18:26,634 --> 00:18:29,534 You play some video game one time, and you have to have it? 391 00:18:29,534 --> 00:18:32,634 It's not a video game. I keep telling you, it's not a video game. 392 00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:34,300 All right, what is the difference? 393 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:35,801 It's so-- You can't even compare. 394 00:18:35,801 --> 00:18:38,667 It's like on this, you can do anything you want. 395 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,834 You can ski on the Alps. 396 00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,334 You're riding a raft through the Colorado River. 397 00:18:43,334 --> 00:18:45,000 You're in the space shuttle. 398 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,334 You're flying over the Earth. 399 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,000 You can sing on Broadway. 400 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,267 You're on-stage, you're singing. 401 00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:51,334 And everything you do, it's like-- 402 00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:54,100 It's like you're doing it. You're right there. You're doing it. 403 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,801 Could we do these things together? 404 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,334 Of course. Yeah. 405 00:18:58,334 --> 00:19:00,033 What did you do? 406 00:19:00,033 --> 00:19:02,701 I gave Christie Brinkley a massage. 407 00:19:08,267 --> 00:19:09,300 She had an itch. 408 00:19:10,968 --> 00:19:13,634 Listen, it's phenomenal. 409 00:19:13,634 --> 00:19:15,634 You really-- You can't believe what this is. 410 00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:18,300 You-- It's like-- 411 00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:19,968 I'm like-- It's Christie Brinkley, right, 412 00:19:19,968 --> 00:19:21,634 so I'm looking at Christie Brinkley. 413 00:19:21,634 --> 00:19:23,634 I'm talking to Christie Brinkley. 414 00:19:23,634 --> 00:19:25,634 Christie Brinkley is talking to me. We're talking. 415 00:19:25,634 --> 00:19:28,634 Christie Brinkley and I were-- You could see her. 416 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,968 I could feel Christie Brinkley. 417 00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:32,634 It's so funny. 418 00:19:32,634 --> 00:19:34,968 They had lotion and this oil, 419 00:19:34,968 --> 00:19:36,968 so she asked me to put her-- So I'm putting this lotion, 420 00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:39,634 and I'm rubbing oil right on her. 421 00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:43,033 And I'm telling you, you have never felt skin like this. 422 00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:48,767 You're a little, little man. 423 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,334 All right, so how did we do? 424 00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:58,000 What, very happy? Blissful? Ecstatic? 425 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:58,934 What are we looking at? 426 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,667 Carry the one. 427 00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:03,934 Well? 428 00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:06,767 Wait a second. 429 00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:14,334 Wow. 430 00:20:14,334 --> 00:20:15,601 Really? 431 00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:20,534 ** [theme music] 432 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,567 * Tell me why * 433 00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:31,200 * I love you like I do * 434 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,968 * Tell me who * 435 00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:35,434 * Can stop my heart as much as you * 436 00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:37,367 * Tell me all your secrets * 437 00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:39,300 * And I'll tell you most of mine * 438 00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,067 * They say nobody's perfect * 439 00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:43,701 * Well, that's really true this time * 440 00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:45,534 * I don't have the answers * 441 00:20:45,534 --> 00:20:47,367 * I don't have a plan * 442 00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:48,934 * All I have is you * 443 00:20:48,934 --> 00:20:51,033 * So darling, help me understand * 444 00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:52,868 * What we do * 445 00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:55,067 * You can whisper in my ear * 446 00:20:55,067 --> 00:20:56,968 * Where we go * 447 00:20:56,968 --> 00:20:59,167 * Who knows what happens after here? * 448 00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:01,634 * Let's take each other's hand * 449 00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:05,567 * As we jump into the final frontier * 450 00:21:05,567 --> 00:21:07,067 * I'm mad about you, baby * 451 00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,367 * Final frontier * * Yeah * 452 00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:12,634 * Yeah * * I'm mad about you * 453 00:21:14,334 --> 00:21:17,434 * Final frontier * 454 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,968 What do they know? 455 00:21:31,567 --> 00:21:34,501 Closed-Captioned By J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA 456 00:21:38,167 --> 00:21:40,033 ** [theme]