1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,340
But, Dad, if Paul Crap was a real
player, why would anyone sign him?

2
00:00:04,340 --> 00:00:05,720
He was signed by Awful FC,

3
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,920
but that's when they were managed
by Barry Rubbish.

4
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,280
How rubbish is Barry Rubbish?
Plays a 2-4-3 system.

5
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:15,840
But that doesn't add up to ten.
That's how rubbish he is.

6
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,080
They were 2-0 down once, after
no minutes.

7
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,280
Do you think they'd have been better
off if they hadn't signed

8
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:25,400
Geoff Always Stuck In The Toilet?
Absolutely. One, two, three, woo!

9
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:30,240
Right, let's go swimming.

10
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,280
This programme contains
some strong language.

11
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:37,840
You ready to get wet? Are you ready
to get wet? You ready to get wet?
Come on, darling.

12
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,080
We're going to go swimming.
Swimming!

13
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,320
Come on, Rosie.
ROSIE WHINES

14
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,840
Mummy and Daddy are wet.

15
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,360
Come on, we're all wet now.

16
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,840
ROSIE WHINES

17
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,240
Rosie, you love swimming, come on.

18
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,200
Come on. Time to have fun, come on.

19
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,400
Let's just get our feet wet, look.

20
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:02,240
One foot, one foot, one foot.
Come on, just one foot. That's it.

21
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,120
OK. Wahey!

22
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,880
That's it. Come on, darling.
Let's have some splashy fun.

23
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,040
There's a good girl.
You love that, don't you?

24
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,760
It's great, isn't it?
You love swimming, don't you?

25
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:19,040
Maybe we should sing
the Dingle Dangle Scarecrow Song.

26
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,680
Ow, ow. Rosie, don't bite Mummy.

27
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,200
Don't bite Mummy.

28
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,400
ROSIE GROANS
No, no snargling. Come on.

29
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,800
Ah! Shall we just go?

30
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,200
No, she loves swimming.

31
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,720
We're going to stay here
until she has some swimming fun.

32
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,520
No! Rosie. Rosie.

33
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,840
Start enjoying yourself,
do you understand?

34
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,040
ROSIE GROANS

35
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,160
Excuse me,
but Max was playing with that.

36
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,640
We shouldn't really be snatching.

37
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:51,000
What's wrong with some people?
What's wrong? How long have you got?

38
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,320
ROSIE GROANS

39
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,640
AIR HISSES

40
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:54,680
Oh. Er...

41
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,480
I'm really sorry. It's OK, darling.

42
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,400
The little girl just didn't
realise that Sharky was yours.

43
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,400
ROSIE SQUEALS

44
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,800
I think we should go.
Ben, we're going to go.

45
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,960
Well done, Rosie.
You had to ruin it again.

46
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,160
I don't know
what you're pointing at, Rosie.

47
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,880
No, Rosie, come on, come on.

48
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,920
ROSIE WHINES

49
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,720
Is everything OK?
Yeah, it's fine, yeah.

50
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,440
We brought her here for a treat.

51
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:36,480
ROSIE WHINES

52
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,240
If you just hold her up. I am.

53
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,400
You know the mistake we made?

54
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,960
We thought that the swimming pool
was Rosie's favourite place.

55
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,880
It turns out, it's the place she
absolutely hates most in the world.

56
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,440
All right. Just keep your arms down,
darling. I don't understand.

57
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,920
Do you think her brain is going
through the terrible twos...

58
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,600
..only with a body
of an eighth-level barbarian?

59
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,080
Strength, constitution, dexterity,
all 18.

60
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,400
And intelligence, three.

61
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,480
Yeah, but charisma, 18, and
definitely alignment, chaotic good.

62
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,840
You've actually thought about this,
haven't you?

63
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,320
You've probably worked out
what Dungeons and Dragons characters

64
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,640
we'd all be. Yeah, of course. Am I
an elf warlock? Well, yeah.

65
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:15,520
And is Dad something stupid
like a druid? Yeah, orc druid.

66
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,400
Oh, you're such a sad little dork.

67
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,680
So lucky that I found you
and took you in.

68
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,320
Cast a druid spell, you mean,

69
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:25,040
so Mum wouldn't be put off by your
ugliness. A charm of unvomiting.

70
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,320
Well, she's definitely
not intelligence, three.

71
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,320
I mean, yeah, she's never
going to win The Chase,

72
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,040
but her cognition is way beyond
her communication. Really?

73
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,880
Yeah, you saw when she was pointing.
It's not that she hated swimming,

74
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,880
it's that she just wanted to go
somewhere else. So we're all idiots.

75
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,680
Yeah, I just think we need to find
better ways of problem solving

76
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,560
to find out what Rosie wants.
What Rosie wants.

77
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:48,000
I think most psychologists
would go for Mini Cheddars.

78
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,600
No, don't kick it.

79
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,360
Come on, come on. Head through.

80
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,520
And the noise he makes
when he's eating at his desk.

81
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,720
How do you slurp a dry biscuit?

82
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,640
It sounds like he's going down
on a Hobnob.

83
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,040
Oh! And that scent he wears.
Honestly, it's like Lynx Estonia.

84
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,000
I'm worried the plants
in the office might die. Mm.

85
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,960
Genuinely, he uses so much, I think
he might have buried a body

86
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,000
and needs to mask the smell.

87
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,880
I need you to come back soon, mate.

88
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,640
Any ideas how much more maternity
leave you're taking? Ohh.

89
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,200
I don't know, I don't know.

90
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,080
I don't know if I CAN come back.

91
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,440
SHE SIGHS HEAVILY

92
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,400
What a clever boy.

93
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,720
RINGING TONE

94
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,800
I'll come and play with you
in a minute.

95
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,520
Hi, hon.

96
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,040
Why haven't you been answering?

97
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,160
Rubbish reception, sorry.
What was it?

98
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,200
The health visitor wants
to come on Thursday.

99
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,360
It's print day Friday,
we're really up against it.

100
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:26,840
What if it's first thing?

101
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,440
I'm not good at those sort
of meetings, some po-faced

102
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,200
do-gooder going through
the recycling bin, counting bottles.

103
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,120
She wants to come check on Rosie.

104
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,720
I don't think I'm free.

105
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,720
Well, can you come to the hospital
appointment on the 22nd?

106
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,080
What was that one?

107
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,800
It's the geneticist.

108
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,320
You have to be there because they
need a DNA sample from all of us.

109
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,560
Well, in that case, I'll just need
a cubicle and a Wi-Fi password.

110
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,200
It's a blood sample.
It was a joke.

111
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,400
I could see if I can move
some stuff around.

112
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,040
It's for Rosie. Just do it.

113
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,520
OK. Bye. Bye-bye.

114
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,680
HE SIGHS

115
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,680
You know those solicitors
that phone you up asking

116
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,760
if you've had an accident
that wasn't your fault?

117
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,840
Do you think Rosie counts?

118
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,840
I could get some money.

119
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:23,480
They could put a health and safety
warning sign up by Emily's vagina.

120
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:24,840
All fun back at the ranch?

121
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,840
Och, you know.

122
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,760
It's like two co-workers
who don't get on

123
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,480
running a nursery
Ofsted rate as poor.

124
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,880
Co-workers? And you do...what?

125
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,760
Well, yeah,
she does most of the work,

126
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,320
but I'm more a mood merchant.
You're head of vibes.

127
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:45,360
No. It's just all so
fucking serious all the time!

128
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,400
I think parenting is supposed to be.

129
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,480
What about...going away?

130
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,200
Like a country-hotel dirty weekend?

131
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,680
I'm flattered, Hels, but I don't
think it would feel right

132
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,360
between us. You're Ben's godmother.

133
00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,520
Hilarious misunderstanding, Si!

134
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,880
Hang on.

135
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,880
Why aren't I Rosie's godmother?

136
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,560
God had nothing to do with that.

137
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,040
Seriously,
take Emily away somewhere.

138
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,520
If you're going to sit
in tetchy silence,

139
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:16,680
you might as well do it
somewhere with a nice bar.

140
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,080
Speaking of which, I had
an insane date on Tuesday.

141
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,520
Guess where he suggested we meet.

142
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:22,960
A million guesses.

143
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,320
HMS Belfast!

144
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,600
Genuinely.

145
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,160
So we met at 6.30...

146
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,720
If we went away,
she'd insist on bringing the kids.

147
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,080
Sorry, Si.

148
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,200
Forgot we're only allowed
to talk about you.

149
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,400
ROSIE MOANING

150
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,400
All right, OK. We've stopped
swimming now, Rosie.

151
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,200
We've stopped going swimming.

152
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,440
What did you WANT to do?
What did you want to do, darling?

153
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,000
Did you want to go swimming
or to the park?

154
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,080
Did you want to go swimming
or to the park?

155
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,160
Good girl! Good girl.

156
00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,880
Rosie, would you rather go to
the park or eat a bucket of sick?

157
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:11,400
Rosie, who do you love more -
Daddy or the Poo-Poo Monster?

158
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,080
She may have actually understood
that one.

159
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,600
There must be a way of finding out
what Rosie wants to do.

160
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,760
At school, they've got a board
with pictures,

161
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,600
like the playground and the gym,
sensory room.

162
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,440
Maybe we could do that.
Maybe we could, you know,

163
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,240
find pictures of the swimming pool,

164
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:33,200
the library, the snakes'
playground, the paddling pool,

165
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,000
Forest of Tees.

166
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,880
Why don't I go and take those
pictures now?

167
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,440
I can use my new phone.

168
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,560
Yeah, then I can take the kids back
and give them lunch!

169
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,720
Well, you know I can't drive,
I'm being helpful.

170
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,840
Yeah, no. I can see that.
Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

171
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,600
See you later, kids.

172
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,320
Si, I think we can just print them
out and staple them in a booklet.

173
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,920
I don't think we're going to exhibit
them anywhere.

174
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,200
SHUTTER CLICKS

175
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,400
Didn't realise there was homework.

176
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,560
What?

177
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,160
Whatever the doctor is about
to tell me

178
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,840
will only make me love you
even more.

179
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,240
Hello. I'm Dr Pritchard, one
of the genetics doctors here.

180
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,160
Hello. Emily.
So you're like Professor Xavier?

181
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,000
From The X-Men.

182
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,800
Please take a seat.

183
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,600
And...

184
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:50,640
..let's have a look at...Rosie,
is it?

185
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:56,880
Rosie, if we went out again later,
where would you want to go?

186
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,600
What does Rosie want?

187
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,120
COMPUTER VOICE: I want...

188
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,080
One.

189
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,400
Two.

190
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,800
Man.

191
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,480
One, two, man.

192
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,680
One, two, man.

193
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,960
One, two, man?
What does that mean, Rosie?

194
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,880
One, two, man.

195
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,720
Come on. Eat your fish finger, hon.

196
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,760
It's full of Omega juice,
it's good for the brain.

197
00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:40,800
ROSIE WHINES

198
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,000
One, two, man. Is that songs?

199
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,280


200
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,400


201
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,560
Oh, you can't just eat chips, Rosie.

202
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,080
Is "one, two, man" a different song?

203
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,200
Is it the rollover song?

204
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,320

and the little one said

205
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,640


206
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,600

and one fell out...

207
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,120
ROSIE WHINES

208
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,840

and the...

209
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,240
Mum, I really don't think

210
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,320
it's the one about people
falling out the bed.

211
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,840
Yeah, but YOU love that song, right?

212
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,200
I mean, I'm partially singing it
for you.

213
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,240
PHONE ALERT

214
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,560
Hi. All OK?

215
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:42,640
Yeah, she keeps writing,
"One, two, man" on the AAC.

216
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,080
Has she done that with you?
Er... No, what does that mean?

217
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,200
I don't know. I thought
it was maybe songs -

218
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,080
One, Two, Buckle My Shoe - but
she doesn't seem terribly bothered.

219
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,560
"One, two, man." Maybe it IS songs.

220
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,200
Maybe she wants that guy that runs
the group at the library.

221
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,920
The one that will sell his soul
to be on kids' telly. Yes!

222
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,680
That makes sense.

223
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,280
Ah! Not just a pretty face.

224
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,960
I'm not saying I can read minds,
but I think I can read hearts.

225
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:09,280
All right, Deanna - as in Troi,
not Princess of Hearts.

226
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,760
Where are you?
Just in the Forest of Tees.

227
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,440
May as well get some more of these
pictures. I'm on a roll.

228
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,400
All right, then. See you in a bit.

229
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,720
OK. Bye. Bye-bye.

230
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,960
Ben...

231
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,720
See if you can get the library up
on Street View.

232
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,280
ROSIE LAUGHS

233
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,440
It's Grandad Gandalf.
Is he One, Two Man?

234
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,280
Oh, right. Um...

235
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,480
Find Albert Street Library.

236
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,960
Is it the library?

237
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:45,360
Mm. OK.

238
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,440
Put in Mark Cross -
Sing-along Song Time.

239
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,080
That's him.

240
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,960
ROSIE MOANS

241
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,240
Fair enough.
No, I suppose Daddy was wrong.

242
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,400
Have a look at her search history.

243
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,880
Let's have a look.

244
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:04,880
Oh, my God!

245
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,880
Maybe we shouldn't let her go
on the iPad so much.

246
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:10,000
I get an hour a day!
Well, you've got homework.

247
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,000
I think Rosie could do with it
more than me. I know, sweetie.

248
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,080
I know life is hard.

249
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,600
Gosh! How does she find all this?

250
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,360
What's the most recent stuff
she's been watching?

251
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,360
Alphabet songs. Mm. Anything else?

252
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,680
Hippo doing a poo. Mm.

253
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,160
Videos of sweetcorn.

254
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,040
More letter songs.

255
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,360
People at the gym.

256
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,080
Russian newsreaders.

257
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,240
More videos of sweetcorn.

258
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,200
Peppa Pig blog.
SHE SIGHS

259
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,040
Anything with numbers?
Yeah, number songs.

260
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,480
OK. Is it this?

261
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,960
Is it a number song?

262
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,200
ROSIE MOANS

263
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,040
Hm.

264
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:54,400
So, she's in the ninth percentile
for weight and the second percentile

265
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,200
for height, but all her head
measurements

266
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,200
are below the second percentile.

267
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,240
Yes. I think I can agree
there's pronounced microcephaly.

268
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,480
I think there are potential
indications

269
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,600
of dysmorphia.

270
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,200
Does she have circulatory issues?

271
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,840
Yeah, she gets cold peripheries.

272
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,360
OK. Thank you, Rosie.

273
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,920
So, the next step will be to find
the cause of the microcephaly.

274
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,640
Now, it's standard to get the
parents to complete a questionnaire.

275
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,360
The questions are routine -
were there any infections

276
00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,720
during the pregnancy?
Any alcohol misuse?

277
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,200
Is that me or her?

278
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,760
We'd be more concerned
with your wife, in that case.

279
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,000
We'll also do an MRI scan
of your daughter's brain.

280
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,440
Is that to check to see if there
are any structural abnormalities?

281
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:45,680
Yes. There can be rare causes,
such as prenatal stroke,

282
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,440
that we need to rule out.

283
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,240
However, a genetic cause
is more likely.

284
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,920
Now, there are no genetically
inherited conditions

285
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,440
in your history, so...

286
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,760
..a random event,
such as micro-deletion

287
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,840
or micro-duplication
is more likely.

288
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,680
There may be
a part of a chromosome missing,

289
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,840
or one with an extra bit
of material,

290
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,680
or something out of sequence.

291
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,280
So, SHE might be an X-Man.

292
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,480
I don't think she's got
any superpowers, though.

293
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,880
Unless you count
really massive bowel movements.

294
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,600
Does she have
unusual bowel movements?

295
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,120
No, I was just ki...
I'm joking.

296
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,560
Sorry.

297
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,720
Um...

298
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:29,160
So, what would this genetic testing
involve?

299
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,560
Let me just get some consent forms.

300
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,760
Don't apologise for me.

301
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,000
I'm trying to concentrate
on what he's saying.

302
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:42,640
Now, what I would say is,
there are literally billions

303
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,200
of potential genetic complications.

304
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,160
It's unlikely that these tests
will provide any quick,

305
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,480
easy answers.

306
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,280
Now, our greatest diagnostic tool

307
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,960
when it comes to developmental delay
is time.

308
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:02,160
Your daughter may just be slow
or may have an abnormal condition.

309
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:07,600
If she consistently fails to meet
milestones over a period of time,

310
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,720
then we might start getting excited.

311
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,520
Sorry...

312
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,440
Did you just say excited?

313
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,600
OK. Well, these are the forms.
I'll need your signatures.

314
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,000
Hello.

315
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,480
Hiya.

316
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,720
Erm...

317
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,840
My daughter's mentally disabled.

318
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,320
Oh, no, she's not here.
She's at home.

319
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,320
So, why are you taking pictures
of these children?

320
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680
I'm not. I mean...

321
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,160
I am, but...

322
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,360
It's because I need a picture
of a paddling pool.

323
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,160
I'm making a book, erm...

324
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,400
I can pixelate their faces.
Which ones are yours?

325
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,720
Do you want me to delete them?

326
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,920
I don't look creepy, do I?

327
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,640
God, I can't believe
I'm married to you.

328
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,960
Come on, this is hardly
the face of a sex monster.

329
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,880
Oh, I think having an iPhone full
of pictures of graves and semi-naked

330
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,120
children doesn't help.

331
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,880
They are tasteful.

332
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,920
Inconceivable,
anyone could think that of me.

333
00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,080
Of any parent.

334
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,320
I mean, once you have them
in bed and asleep,

335
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,560
the last thing anyone wants to do
is wake them up.

336
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,800
Hmm.

337
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,880
Do you want to sign up
for this 100,000 Genome Project?

338
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,280
What is it?

339
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,440
It's the new national programme
for rare genetic conditions.

340
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,040
I mean, all we can hope for
from the doctors,

341
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,920
really, is that they keep testing
and testing and testing and then,

342
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,960
maybe one day, they'll be able
to say for certain

343
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,680
that it's all your fault.

344
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,000
Mmm. Yes.

345
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,920
And it's so...
so not my fault.

346
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,400
Well... I feel bad.
But it really isn't.

347
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,720
It's far more likely
that it's one of your,

348
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,440
you know, little, weedy little...
I know.

349
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,960
..crappy little sperms
that somehow just,

350
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,440
you know, through sheer effort,
somehow managed to win the race.

351
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,440
They were a bit like the underdog,
a bit like the underdog of sperm,

352
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,840
like the Leicester City of sperm.

353
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,680
It would be good to get some
answers, though, wouldn't it?

354
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,600
Sure.

355
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,560
Yeah?
I'll make an appointment?

356
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,200
I mean, all the...

357
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,920
The recent tests, you know,
the Rubinstein-Taybi,

358
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,600
Angelman, are just guesswork.

359
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:13,040
What they need to do is kind of work
out what lack of chromosome means

360
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,760
you're obsessed with videos
of women on treadmills,

361
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,640
Croatian clips
on how pasta is made and...

362
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,000
..songs about X-rays.

363
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,800
Hmm.

364
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,160
One, two, man.

365
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,720
She just, she keeps typing it.

366
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,080
It's not the library.

367
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,520
OK. Are you going to obsess
about this all night?

368
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,280
Yeah, probably. Yeah.

369
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,920
Do you think
it's the snakes' playground?

370
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,920
The snakes have got numbers on them,
look.

371
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,400
Look.

372
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,200
Why "man"? Don't know. Maybe because
there's no button for snake.

373
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,240
Do you think that's it?

374
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,440
Will it mean I can listen
to the match analysis?

375
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,000
Yeah,
could be the snakes' playground.

376
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,640
Yeah, could be, couldn't it?

377
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,560
You're such an adorable dork.

378
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,760
"Excited"?
What does he mean, excited?

379
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,840
What, he's going to sell her
to a Victorian freak show?

380
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,640
Like she's his Elephant Man?

381
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:16,960
No, he's just a geneticist.

382
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,600
He thinks he's going to get
a syndrome named after him.

383
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,200
Well, I think there's probably
already a Prichard's syndrome.

384
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,440
Well, boo-hoo, he's going to have
to have Prichard II syndrome,

385
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,000
like when you're too late
to get an e-mail account.

386
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,200
She's not some specimen
to be probed and prodded.

387
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:34,040
She's our daughter. Seriously, does
it, does it even matter
what she's got? Well, yes.

388
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,920
She's just our Rosie, that's all.

389
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,320
Her condition might be linked
to other problems,

390
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,000
cardiac, renal, neurological.

391
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,600
So we'll deal with it if it happens.

392
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,720
As long as we love her.

393
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,720
Don't need some dork
trying to solve her like a sudoku.

394
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,560
Well, I do!

395
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,080
You know, all the touchy-feely
bullshit, that's brilliant,

396
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,600
but if there's some little Rain Man
somewhere who wants

397
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,600
to spend his time shifting through
Rosie's DNA to get his

398
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,480
eureka moment, then, great.

399
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,080
So you're fine
with him getting excited?

400
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,520
Yes, I am.

401
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,680
I am fine with it
because I want to get excited.

402
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,920
I want him to solve it
because I want to solve it.

403
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,920
Uh-hm.

404
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,600
So is that all this is about,

405
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,000
all these tables and graphs
and lists?

406
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,520
Because it looks like you're
revising for an exam.
It's what I do.

407
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,000
I find answers, and right now,
I don't even know what the fucking

408
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,440
questions are.

409
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,520
So is that all Rosie is to you,
just a problem to solve?

410
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,480
No, I just want to know that
one day, there will be something

411
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,360
that I CAN solve.

412
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,760
Well, I can't deal with this.

413
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,600
I just...

414
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,280
..can't deal with it.

415
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,720
ROSIE WAILS
You all right, Rosie?

416
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,280
Mmm.

417
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,080
TV PLAYS

418
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,880
Do you want to go out?

419
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,920
Uhh. What?

420
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,000
Daddy's just watching this.
Mum and Ben will be home in a bit.

421
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,560
We'll go out then, OK?

422
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,880
Ugh.

423
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,880
No, Rosie!

424
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,080
Naughty Rosie! Ugh!
What's one of the rules?

425
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,160
Never hurt the telly.
Telly's our friend.

426
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,800
The telly is like a parent.

427
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,960
You do not throw shoes at the telly.

428
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,080
SHE GRUNTS

429
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:33,720
Ahh! All right, all right,
all right. All right, we'll go out.

430
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,960
Come on.
Where do you want to go?

431
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,640
Is it one, two, man?

432
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,680
Is it the snakes' playground?

433
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,360
Hm? Shall we try the
snakes' playground?

434
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:48,040
One, two, three. Mmm.

435
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,640
One, two, three. Ugh.

436
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,680
Yeah? Mmm.

437
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,520
I've literally no idea
what you want, Honey Bunny.

438
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,360
No biting, no, no, no, come on.
Ugh!

439
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,720
No.

440
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,600
Hey. Hi, mate.

441
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:03,680
Hey.

442
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,880
All right, you just stay there
till you figure out what you want.

443
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,760
Muggins again,
looking after the munchkins.

444
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:15,840
Yeah, Emily's dragged Ben
out shopping for school shoes.

445
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:20,200
I just packed Claire off
for a spa day. Right.

446
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,920
Yeah. Yeah, just grabbing some fresh
air before the match starts.

447
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,640
Oh, right, yeah.

448
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,480
You know, I hear they're going to
drop Farrell, bring George Ford in.

449
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,600
They've got to sort out
that scrum-half situation

450
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,800
before the Tri-Nations,
it's ridiculous.

451
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,440
Oh, right, no, I was talking
about Liverpool v West Brom,

452
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,800
the 12.30 kick-off, the...

453
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,680
Oh, soccer! Yeah.

454
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,280
It's just, I'm more of
an oval-ball man myself.

455
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:43,680
Right.

456
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,040
Yeah.

457
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,600
Right, I'd...

458
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,600
..better make sure she's not getting
up to even more mischief. Yeah.

459
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,400
See you later. Yeah. Yeah.

460
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,040
Oh, oh, it's all right.

461
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,200
No, it's all right.

462
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,320
I'll take her.
This your daddy, yeah?

463
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,160
Yeah, I'm her dad. She can't talk.

464
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,760
Erm...
Seriously, I'm her, I'm her dad.

465
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,720
I'm not a child snatcher. If I was,

466
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,160
I wouldn't start with her.
She's a nightmare.

467
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,200
Ugh. It's all right,
it's just a stupid joke.

468
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,200
Rosie, hi, are you OK?
Have you hurt yourself?

469
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,440
Yeah, she's just had a little bump.

470
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,440
Sorry, I just didn't know.

471
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,920
No, no, no, no, it's fine. Best
to check. It's just, she's mentally

472
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,120
disabled, so...
I mean, mentally handicapped.

473
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:30,840
Learning-handicapped.

474
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,400
Which one is it?
Learning-disabled.

475
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,840
Oh, oh.

476
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,800
DOOR OPENS

477
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:45,320
You stink of fags.
How's it going, Buffy?

478
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,560
What?

479
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,760
Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

480
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,360
You know, with the weight
of the world on your shoulders,

481
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:55,240
apparently.
Yeah, well, that's how it seems.

482
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,240
It's a joke, Em.
I just tried a little joke.

483
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,080
Whatever.

484
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,800
Oh, lighten up, just...

485
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,440
..lighten up!

486
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,360
Let's go away.

487
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,680
Country hotel or something.

488
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,440
A couple of days, just us. I can't.
You know I can't.

489
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,440
I have to look after Rosie.
What about your mum?

490
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,960
A couple of days.
A couple of days?

491
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:26,400
You have no idea what it takes
to deal with her.

492
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,600
I deal with her. You don't.

493
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,720
You CAN'T deal with her.
I can deal with Rosie.

494
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,200
I can't fucking deal with you.

495
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,240
Can you not swear in front of my
children?

496
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,280
Your children?
Oh, they're YOUR children now.

497
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,360
Yeah. Yeah, I deal with them.

498
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,000
They're MY children.

499
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,760
What I can't deal with,
I can't deal with all the data

500
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,840
and the lists.

501
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,040
Oh, Jesus Christ, these lists.

502
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,880
You are so fucking boring, Emily.

503
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,080
Yeah, yeah, I'm really boring.
I'm really boring. Yeah.

504
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,560
I hate being boring,
but, you know...

505
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:02,280
I have to do the boring stuff, Si,
because you don't.

506
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,520
Oh, yeah, I'm useless. Fine, fine.

507
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,440
If I'm, if I'm so useless,
why don't you leave?

508
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:07,640
Oh, I will.

509
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,640
No, I WILL, Si,

510
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,280
just not top of my list.

511
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,480
It's ON my list, though.

512
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,280
Seriously, do I look dodgy?

513
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,600
Do I need to start carrying around
a CRB certificate?

514
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,560
Wear it on my arm, like bouncers do?

515
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,400
Oh, darling.

516
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,920
Yeah, if the dark vigilantes
of justice come to the door,

517
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,400
we'll protect you, won't we?
I won't. Help, help!

518
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,600
He's keeping us prisoner!
I want my real dad!

519
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,200
You shut up or I'll send you out
shoe shopping again.

520
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,280
Don't even joke about that.
One, two, man.

521
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,200
Well, one, two, man hasn't got
anything to do with the snakes'

522
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,800
playground, so you got that wrong.

523
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,640
One, two, man.

524
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,400
One, two, man.

525
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,600
I don't think that
it's one, two, man.

526
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,240
I think...

527
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,640
The T goes with the one,
and the woo goes with the man.

528
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:08,000
So it's like,
"want woman, want woman".

529
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,600
Rosie, do you want woman?

530
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,840
ROSIE COOS

531
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,400
So, like, want woman? Woman.

532
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,800
Want woman. Want woman?

533
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,440
So... Oh, Rosie, do you
want woman on the treadmill?

534
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,400
Eeee...

535
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,600
That's like proper
cognitive thinking!

536
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:31,680
How did she get to that? You solved
the problem, you clever, clever boy.

537
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,360
Want woman.
Rosie, you clever girl!

538
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,360
You clever, clever, clever girl!
Aren't you?

539
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,400
She's mentally disabled!

540
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,440
Oh, I mean learning-disabled!

541
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,120
She has a thing about
watching women on treadmills!

542
00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:04,360
She's loads of videos of them
on her iPad.

543
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:09,080
MUSIC: Between The Devil And The
Deep Blue Sea by George Harrison

544
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,160


545
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:16,200


546
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,600


547
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,360


548
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,240


549
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,200


550
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:35,040


551
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,520


552
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,520


553
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,600